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1
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Good evening brothers and sisters,
2
00:00:28,351 --> 00:00:32,842
this evening's story is
concerned with higher education,
3
00:00:33,034 --> 00:00:36,840
specifically with members of greek
letter fraternities,
4
00:00:37,033 --> 00:00:41,100
I presume there are fraternities
for other nationalities as well,
5
00:00:41,723 --> 00:00:42,780
this is a,
6
00:00:44,171 --> 00:00:45,912
is a fraternity paddle,
7
00:00:46,105 --> 00:00:48,860
apparently they have
very small canoes,
8
00:00:49,412 --> 00:00:54,698
in keeping with tonight's theme we
shall first see a short educational film,
9
00:00:55,408 --> 00:00:59,126
and then a story, as the story opens,
10
00:00:59,222 --> 00:01:01,671
you will find the
students hard at work,
11
00:01:01,863 --> 00:01:04,563
wrestling with the complex problems,
12
00:01:04,659 --> 00:01:08,897
which face man in his
never-ending quest for truth.
13
00:02:00,227 --> 00:02:03,923
...the thing wherein, I’ll catch the
conscience of the king.
14
00:02:04,115 --> 00:02:08,109
Oh give it up Mark baby,
the play's the thing but not at a party,
15
00:02:08,302 --> 00:02:12,287
Oh Robert this is the last of the beer
at your place I think you should inform,
16
00:02:12,479 --> 00:02:16,361
senior that he's letting down the youth
of America by neglecting his larder.
17
00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:18,475
I don't get my lines
memorized this time,
18
00:02:18,667 --> 00:02:21,198
old Barrington’s gonna laugh off this
empty head I’ve grown fond.
19
00:02:21,871 --> 00:02:26,724
Of oh we can't all be boy genius and
valedictorian like dear help in here.
20
00:02:26,916 --> 00:02:29,116
Tell us honey why
don't you get off my back?
21
00:02:29,212 --> 00:02:32,193
Hmm it's just a pretty back darling.
22
00:02:34,137 --> 00:02:36,533
The last day of this
semester,
23
00:02:36,833 --> 00:02:39,864
what do you say?
a truce, me and you, not waving axes.
24
00:02:40,056 --> 00:02:43,299
Not exactly waving
an axe at the moment.
25
00:02:43,625 --> 00:02:45,825
You know fellas,
the trouble with you is that,
26
00:02:45,921 --> 00:02:47,929
you want to crucify
anything you can't have,
27
00:02:48,025 --> 00:02:51,462
and you were supposed to have left that
behind at the age of six according to Pruitt.
28
00:02:51,558 --> 00:02:54,824
Meaning I wanted you?
-Meaning that you just can't bear the idea,
29
00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:57,971
that I’m not falling on my
face running after you dear.
30
00:03:02,279 --> 00:03:05,154
I think we had the
right idea in the first place,
31
00:03:05,346 --> 00:03:06,375
get drunk,
32
00:03:06,471 --> 00:03:07,679
stay drunk,
33
00:03:07,776 --> 00:03:09,109
forget about finals.
34
00:03:09,353 --> 00:03:11,528
-Here, here.
-Mark,
35
00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:14,674
what about that beer drinking
about between you and I?
36
00:03:14,866 --> 00:03:17,398
I’m still betting
out on topsy you know.
37
00:03:17,591 --> 00:03:19,942
They can't be found that,
Alan, topsy me in anything.
38
00:03:20,804 --> 00:03:23,232
That's quite a rash statement,
isn't it Alan?
39
00:03:23,424 --> 00:03:27,231
Keep trying baby you
may still reach me.
40
00:03:32,496 --> 00:03:37,782
-I’ve come to a conclusion. -Everybody
listen Franklin has a conclusion.
41
00:03:38,796 --> 00:03:42,610
-We tried too hard.
-Here, here our leader speaks.
42
00:03:42,802 --> 00:03:46,375
We're not the lost generation
we're the stupid generation.
43
00:03:46,567 --> 00:03:49,880
-Oh man...
-Rocks in our heads.
44
00:03:50,411 --> 00:03:52,361
Rattling around, agreed?
45
00:03:52,581 --> 00:03:55,370
Um we try too hard to entertain ourselves,
46
00:03:55,562 --> 00:03:57,052
to be different.
47
00:03:57,630 --> 00:04:00,758
-I am different.
-Alan old son? -Yes, Obi.
48
00:04:03,187 --> 00:04:04,244
Come,
49
00:04:04,622 --> 00:04:06,060
prove your manhood.
50
00:04:06,252 --> 00:04:08,919
Ah the battle of the beer come on.
51
00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:14,572
Be my guest, old buddy, be my guest.
52
00:04:15,009 --> 00:04:17,862
Oh no, a challanger goes first,
53
00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:21,830
you said you could
drink a full pitcher without stopping,
54
00:04:22,022 --> 00:04:24,617
I said I follow suit, if you could do it.
55
00:04:24,809 --> 00:04:26,367
Without stopping, now
mind you.
56
00:04:26,627 --> 00:04:29,910
I have been challanged,
hold my glass.
57
00:04:30,862 --> 00:04:33,667
Mind over matters
Franklin will put it,
58
00:04:33,859 --> 00:04:37,608
-down the hatch. -Makes me slightly
ill even to look at that much beer.
59
00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:39,419
Robert you have a patient.
60
00:04:41,022 --> 00:04:42,908
Well, here we go.
61
00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:49,037
And yea the children amused themselves,
poorly through lack of direction.
62
00:04:49,133 --> 00:04:52,255
-Shakespeare? -No it's
little conceit of my own.
63
00:04:55,539 --> 00:04:57,357
Steady boy, steady.
64
00:04:57,572 --> 00:04:59,191
Ah boy with courage, huh?
65
00:04:59,383 --> 00:05:04,132
-You'll never do it. -Oh Ellen will do
anything he sets out to do.
66
00:05:04,324 --> 00:05:05,382
won't you darling?
67
00:05:11,590 --> 00:05:13,603
Speak about a hollow lake...
68
00:05:13,802 --> 00:05:17,076
You could talk about two hollow
legs and not be very far wrong.
69
00:05:17,268 --> 00:05:20,051
Come on Alan it's
almost there, there we go.
70
00:05:25,757 --> 00:05:28,741
Well old buddy, it's your turn.
71
00:05:28,933 --> 00:05:31,153
Now that's all right old chap.
72
00:05:32,729 --> 00:05:34,966
I know when I’m like you don't
slide out of it that easily.
73
00:05:36,648 --> 00:05:38,954
I can see though man, I can see.
74
00:05:40,104 --> 00:05:42,907
What are you trying
to do, make a jackass out of me?
75
00:05:43,099 --> 00:05:45,627
No, you're picking up the marbles champ,
76
00:05:45,819 --> 00:05:46,960
you're wearing the blue ribbon,
77
00:05:47,152 --> 00:05:48,210
you've won.
78
00:05:48,829 --> 00:05:50,874
That's not the point old buddy,
79
00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:54,579
nothing gained by just one of us doing
this you see,
80
00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:57,337
I’ve suffered through it now
you're gonna suffer through it.
81
00:05:57,529 --> 00:05:59,708
Could be you've been taken?
82
00:06:02,357 --> 00:06:04,444
-I’ll leave it up to Beth here. -What?
83
00:06:05,548 --> 00:06:08,855
Beth, should I drink a full pitcher of beer?
84
00:06:09,585 --> 00:06:12,935
if all I can do is
time and not beat him.
85
00:06:13,031 --> 00:06:14,829
I don't like being
made a fool out of.
86
00:06:17,964 --> 00:06:19,085
Hey old buddy,
87
00:06:22,271 --> 00:06:24,056
how many eggs do you see, huh?
88
00:06:25,026 --> 00:06:26,591
whoa,
89
00:06:27,448 --> 00:06:28,773
come on toro,
90
00:06:41,671 --> 00:06:44,746
You know we should all take a
picture of our valedictorian,
91
00:06:44,939 --> 00:06:47,822
and run it in a school
paper on graduation day.
92
00:06:49,183 --> 00:06:51,565
-He looks dead. -Dead drunk.
93
00:06:53,138 --> 00:06:56,558
Hey I have an idea,
why don't we get Mark's makeup cat?
94
00:06:56,750 --> 00:07:00,274
make Alan up to look like
a ghost when he wakes up.
95
00:07:00,467 --> 00:07:04,007
-That's an interesting thought.
-Oh come on he’d never fall for that.
96
00:07:04,104 --> 00:07:07,384
-Perhaps.
-He might fall, we stayed it just right,
97
00:07:07,653 --> 00:07:12,441
-anyway it'd be good for a laugh.
-I’ll go get your makeup kit.
98
00:07:12,634 --> 00:07:16,941
-Robert, has your father got any
formaldehyde in the house. -Formaldehyde?
99
00:07:17,134 --> 00:07:20,500
It's used in embalming, sprinkle a
little formaldehyde on Allan’s clothes,
100
00:07:20,597 --> 00:07:23,092
he'll think he's dressed
out for awake when he comes too.
101
00:07:23,188 --> 00:07:27,515
I’ll go get my old man's medical bag, that would
be something smelling like a funeral parlor in it.
102
00:07:27,707 --> 00:07:29,318
Robert...
103
00:07:31,088 --> 00:07:33,396
Wait wait wait we're
doing this all wrong,
104
00:07:33,853 --> 00:07:38,054
why don't we really scare Alan? make
Mark to look like a corpse.
105
00:07:38,246 --> 00:07:43,345
-Me a corpse? -Yes, Alan always gets quarrels
when he gets drunk and he knows it,
106
00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:46,681
suppose he woke up,
and found that poker,
107
00:07:46,873 --> 00:07:49,446
in his hand, the end
marvelously blooded,
108
00:07:50,722 --> 00:07:53,389
and you Mark,
you say,
109
00:07:53,986 --> 00:07:55,034
here, dead.
110
00:07:56,470 --> 00:08:00,896
Yeah, probably remember fighting with me, but
he wouldn't remember what point he passed out.
111
00:08:01,104 --> 00:08:04,354
-That's right.
-As Franklin, says it should be interesting.
112
00:08:04,546 --> 00:08:07,737
And when he wakes up we'll accuse
him of having hit Mark over the head.
113
00:08:07,833 --> 00:08:11,463
No, it'll work better if we
just set the scene and leave,
114
00:08:11,655 --> 00:08:15,777
we'll go over to Robert’s house,
and leave him here to wake up with the body.
115
00:08:15,969 --> 00:08:18,958
Alan will age 10 years
when he opens his eyes.
116
00:08:20,785 --> 00:08:23,084
And we'll put the
body in that chest.
117
00:08:24,121 --> 00:08:25,432
This is fantastic.
118
00:08:31,370 --> 00:08:34,843
A little more blood,
bless it around.
119
00:08:36,767 --> 00:08:41,569
-What's going on? -Oh a change of
plans he won't need the formaldehyde,
120
00:08:41,761 --> 00:08:44,999
we're wondering what would happen if Alan
woke up and thought he had killed Mark.
121
00:08:45,095 --> 00:08:48,372
-Hey, good good.
-Yes. -Mark, you don't look dead enough.
122
00:08:48,468 --> 00:08:52,092
Well we can always cut my wrists,
leaving a knife in Alan’s hand.
123
00:08:52,285 --> 00:08:54,931
-Hey, I’ve got it
phenoboride. -Who?
124
00:08:55,027 --> 00:08:57,777
There's nothing to this Mark just
a little jab with a needle and
125
00:08:57,873 --> 00:09:00,753
you're off dreaming for a few hours,
here put some alcohol, will ya?
126
00:09:00,849 --> 00:09:04,392
I’ll tell you what this does it,
slows down the respiratory system,
127
00:09:04,488 --> 00:09:06,830
takes the pulse rate
down to practically nothing,
128
00:09:06,926 --> 00:09:09,317
seen it work on some of my dad's patients,
129
00:09:09,413 --> 00:09:11,360
I swear they weren't
even breathing.
130
00:09:11,553 --> 00:09:15,098
-I’m happy with my breathing the way it is.
-Mark, don't be chicken.
131
00:09:15,290 --> 00:09:18,859
Ah come on now Mark as a future
member of the medical profession,
132
00:09:19,051 --> 00:09:22,225
I can assure you there's
almost nothing to worry about.
133
00:09:22,417 --> 00:09:25,720
Almost nothing to worry about?
I hear you loud and clear.
134
00:09:25,912 --> 00:09:29,050
I’m joking Mark really,
it's perfectly harmless stuff,
135
00:09:29,146 --> 00:09:33,449
as a matter of fact you wake up
later feeling like a new man, okay,
136
00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:34,767
all right,
137
00:09:38,035 --> 00:09:41,491
now don't don't move your arm, now we
don't break the needle now.
138
00:09:41,587 --> 00:09:44,134
Look, wait, how much of that stuff
you're putting in me?
139
00:09:46,184 --> 00:09:49,016
All right just lie back now.
140
00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:51,939
Some music to fit
the occasion.
141
00:09:52,132 --> 00:09:53,298
Music to die by.
142
00:09:53,491 --> 00:09:55,275
Funny, funny.
143
00:09:56,073 --> 00:09:57,130
Do you feel anything?
144
00:09:58,179 --> 00:10:01,379
Yeah, like a moron for letting that needle into me.
145
00:10:01,571 --> 00:10:03,986
Come on Mark don't be chicken.
146
00:10:09,098 --> 00:10:10,409
What are you looking
at?
147
00:10:11,982 --> 00:10:16,441
There's all that alcohol that drug
ought to be taking effect right now.
148
00:10:16,634 --> 00:10:19,253
-Getting out of here.
-Come on Mark it's getting late.
149
00:10:19,349 --> 00:10:21,286
Mark sleepy bye,
150
00:10:21,574 --> 00:10:23,899
sleepy sleepy bye...
151
00:10:24,091 --> 00:10:25,861
Go man, go.
152
00:10:28,090 --> 00:10:29,309
He's going...
153
00:10:34,088 --> 00:10:37,820
-He's gone.
-And the question is will he come back.
154
00:10:42,965 --> 00:10:44,022
Robert,
155
00:10:45,237 --> 00:10:46,966
you're sure he's all right?
156
00:10:47,158 --> 00:10:49,792
-I can't even feel
him breathing. -No, he's breathing,
157
00:10:49,984 --> 00:10:52,366
that stuff just lowers the
respiration to the point where,
158
00:10:52,462 --> 00:10:55,501
you need a stethoscope to find
out whether he is or not.
159
00:10:55,693 --> 00:10:58,731
Well hadn't we better
go before Alan wakes up.
160
00:10:58,923 --> 00:11:01,662
All right,
come on everybody out over to my place.
161
00:11:56,173 --> 00:11:58,112
Answer the phone somebody,
162
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:13,390
hello.
163
00:12:14,978 --> 00:12:16,035
It woke him.
164
00:12:16,415 --> 00:12:21,701
We'll fix him a good stiff drink keep
his thinking muddled when he rushes in.
165
00:12:23,059 --> 00:12:25,970
Hello...hello...
166
00:12:50,876 --> 00:12:53,182
looks like we're
two of a kind old buddy,
167
00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:37,551
oh no,
168
00:14:05,151 --> 00:14:06,209
Here he comes.
169
00:14:27,219 --> 00:14:31,563
Oh hi there's a man needing
a drink, if I ever saw him.
170
00:14:31,756 --> 00:14:35,486
You and Mark could finally
kiss and make up over there?
171
00:14:35,678 --> 00:14:37,592
Isn't Mark coming over?
172
00:14:38,951 --> 00:14:43,145
-Um no, no, Mark's asleep.
-A little bourbon will straighten you out sport.
173
00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:54,074
Robert, what about the party why did
everyone come over here?
174
00:14:55,130 --> 00:14:59,272
With the you and Mark shouting at
each other wasn't any longer a party.
175
00:14:59,464 --> 00:15:01,650
-When you left...
-Yes...
176
00:15:03,105 --> 00:15:04,215
Oh no, nothing.
177
00:15:09,124 --> 00:15:13,242
Oh you sure can't hold it
hon, I gotta hand it to you.
178
00:15:15,985 --> 00:15:19,468
Oh Alan, Alan there there is
something you should watch though,
179
00:15:19,660 --> 00:15:22,861
you know at a certain point you seem
to be just, you seem to be just,
180
00:15:23,053 --> 00:15:26,618
looking for an argument, this is
from friend of friend, right sport?
181
00:15:26,810 --> 00:15:31,049
but, it uh takes the
fun out of any party, you know.
182
00:15:31,424 --> 00:15:32,614
-Robert...
-Yeah?
183
00:15:35,038 --> 00:15:37,690
No, no, nothing, I, I just,
184
00:15:39,497 --> 00:15:42,600
I think I’ll go back over to the uh
fraternity house and,
185
00:15:42,803 --> 00:15:44,882
and maybe sleep it off over there.
186
00:15:46,727 --> 00:15:48,525
I’ll see everybody later.
187
00:15:54,337 --> 00:15:57,446
I wonder what's on
his mind this minute?
188
00:16:40,856 --> 00:16:41,913
Mark...
189
00:16:44,547 --> 00:16:45,604
Mark...
190
00:17:30,102 --> 00:17:31,479
He's coming.
191
00:17:39,753 --> 00:17:43,093
Alan, I think you look
like my head feels.
192
00:17:44,858 --> 00:17:47,733
I don't really feel
anything I’m numb.
193
00:17:48,366 --> 00:17:50,304
Can I fix you a drink?
194
00:17:51,166 --> 00:17:52,525
I don't want a
drink,
195
00:17:57,746 --> 00:17:59,163
oh I don't,
196
00:18:01,283 --> 00:18:04,216
all night I’ve been trying to think, I...
197
00:18:04,408 --> 00:18:05,903
About
what champ?
198
00:18:06,826 --> 00:18:09,446
Sheer insanity to try to keep it quieter.
199
00:18:09,638 --> 00:18:11,379
Talking and riddles Alan.
200
00:18:14,912 --> 00:18:17,382
Hey um where's Mark anyway?
201
00:18:17,575 --> 00:18:19,817
Boy, probably skipped along home.
202
00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:25,057
No, Mark didn't go home, Mark,
203
00:18:26,483 --> 00:18:27,667
Mark is dead.
204
00:18:30,117 --> 00:18:31,175
Dead?
205
00:18:37,268 --> 00:18:41,225
How it happened or why I I don't know, but,
206
00:18:42,035 --> 00:18:43,373
yes he's dead.
207
00:18:43,910 --> 00:18:45,594
You're joking Alan.
208
00:18:46,364 --> 00:18:48,803
I wish I were joking that,
209
00:18:49,066 --> 00:18:53,826
all night I’ve been trying to think, I’ve
been trying to think, how did it happen, I’d,
210
00:18:54,018 --> 00:18:56,696
I’ve been trying to look for some way out.
211
00:18:56,889 --> 00:18:59,639
You mean that argument between
you and Mark,
212
00:18:59,832 --> 00:19:02,941
you went at it again after we left
you over there last night?
213
00:19:03,487 --> 00:19:05,201
I suppose, I,
214
00:19:05,743 --> 00:19:07,978
I think I hit him with a
poker.
215
00:19:08,408 --> 00:19:11,954
Well I guess you'd better call the police.
216
00:19:25,402 --> 00:19:27,883
I guess it was all
the liquor that I,
217
00:19:29,944 --> 00:19:33,060
so I thought I could keep it quiet,
218
00:19:34,862 --> 00:19:35,919
oh well...
219
00:19:37,550 --> 00:19:41,812
Cheer up champ, Mark
is as alive as you are,
220
00:19:42,441 --> 00:19:44,751
probably feeling a lot better too,
221
00:19:44,943 --> 00:19:47,727
since he's been sound
asleep all night.
222
00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:54,380
You should see the
expression on your face, Alan.
223
00:19:56,619 --> 00:20:00,052
-What do you mean, what...?
-Just a little joke Alan,
224
00:20:00,245 --> 00:20:03,452
although in retrospect in the
clear light of dawn it,
225
00:20:03,644 --> 00:20:05,145
it seems less humorous.
226
00:20:05,730 --> 00:20:10,235
Well a little makeup paint and Mark
volunteered to be injected with a drug,
227
00:20:11,341 --> 00:20:14,650
and we set that scene of violent
murder that you woke up to.
228
00:20:14,746 --> 00:20:16,861
Makeup, that was makeup?
229
00:20:17,053 --> 00:20:22,229
Yes darling take it down a peg or two, you
were just too perfect at too many things.
230
00:20:24,953 --> 00:20:28,790
-Oh, no... -Oh no, don't
take it like that, now no harms uh?
231
00:20:29,427 --> 00:20:30,605
No harm uh?
232
00:20:30,797 --> 00:20:32,622
I told you I thought that I could conceal,
233
00:20:32,814 --> 00:20:34,921
what I did or what I
thought that I did so...
234
00:20:35,017 --> 00:20:37,344
Not a very effective
concealment Allan,
235
00:20:37,612 --> 00:20:39,735
frankly I’d expected more from you.
236
00:20:40,025 --> 00:20:41,085
I buried it.
237
00:20:43,225 --> 00:20:44,334
I buried Mark
238
00:20:46,494 --> 00:20:48,960
Don't you understand I thought
that I could cover up what I did ,
239
00:20:49,056 --> 00:20:52,434
so I thought I could say, that he went
home or something, so I wrapped him,
240
00:20:52,626 --> 00:20:55,095
in a blanket and I
buried him in the sand.
241
00:20:55,287 --> 00:20:57,028
You wrapped him in a blanket?
242
00:20:57,221 --> 00:20:59,647
there's a chance he's still alive let's,
get out!
243
00:20:59,708 --> 00:21:02,227
Where is he? come on let's move.
244
00:21:30,053 --> 00:21:32,174
Where, where?
-It's right here,
245
00:21:34,804 --> 00:21:37,793
-wait a minute maybe it was...
-Where is he?
246
00:21:39,499 --> 00:21:40,926
I don't know,
247
00:21:41,481 --> 00:21:45,515
the spade marks, the waters
washed the spade Marks away,
248
00:21:46,573 --> 00:21:48,808
the tide wasn't up this high before,
249
00:21:50,648 --> 00:21:52,820
the water wasn't
up this high before,
250
00:21:55,569 --> 00:21:57,434
oh I don't know.
251
00:22:15,637 --> 00:22:19,858
Yes poor Alan left more than
footprints in the sands of time,
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00:22:20,050 --> 00:22:23,129
if you think college students don't
learn anything,
253
00:22:23,226 --> 00:22:25,445
you are sadly mistaken,
254
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:29,139
these people certainly learn
something that night,
255
00:22:29,332 --> 00:22:31,398
they've never done
anything like that again,
256
00:22:31,554 --> 00:22:34,621
they were assisted in
their resolve by the police,
257
00:22:34,813 --> 00:22:38,580
for justice was meted
out to the pranks ters,
258
00:22:38,772 --> 00:22:41,568
I have more to say
but it can wait 60 seconds,
259
00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:46,385
while our dear sponsor speaks
to you on his favorite topic.
260
00:22:47,546 --> 00:22:49,569
How he does go on?
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00:22:50,534 --> 00:22:54,772
by the way, we would like it
known that the foregoing story,
262
00:22:54,868 --> 00:23:00,154
does not constitute a condemnation of
fraternities or sororities or greeks,
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00:23:01,218 --> 00:23:06,504
or universities or young people
or the seashore or salt water or sand,
264
00:23:07,427 --> 00:23:12,476
I yield to no man, in my firm
adherence to an uncompromising policy,
265
00:23:13,030 --> 00:23:15,297
of offending no one,
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00:23:15,959 --> 00:23:19,134
so until next time good night.
21896
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