All language subtitles for Road To Avonlea s02e11 Its Just a Stage.eng

(bird chirping)

(gentle brass music)

(gentle music)

(pigs grunting)

(upbeat music)

- And first prize for the best
pig at Avonlea Winter Fair

goes to Mr. Pat Frewen
and his pig Lulabelle.

- Oh, Pat.

Oh, Pat, I knew you'd win.

I knew that Lulabelle would win.

- Congratulations, Mr. Frewen.

It's a fine pig you've got there.

- Thank you.

Thank you, folks!

- Excuse me, excuse me.

You said that you would
come to tea after the fair.

We could celebrate Lulabelle's win.

I made butter tarts in case you won.

- Lulabelle don't like
butter tarts, Theodora,

you know that.

- No, the butter tarts are for you, Pat.

- Poor Theodora, 20 years and she's still

throwing herself at Pat Frewen.

I'll bet my back teeth she'll
never drag him up the aisle.

- Oh, it's a crying shame.

The poor man's got cold
feet, but she won't give up.

- Cold feet?

He's plain stingy, that's what.

- It's her.

It's Pigeon Plumtree, Sara's cousin.

- It's her.

- Whoa.

(slow music)

Whoa, easy, whoa

- She hasn't changed a bit since
the last time she was here.

- Pigeon Plumtree's my favorite actress.

Let's see if we can get
a better look at her.

- Ooh.

(upbeat music)

- [Theodora] But, but, but Pat.

- Somebody kindlyy pick up my valise.

- Coming, Ms. Plumtree.

I'll get it.

Welcome back, Ms. Plumtree.

I remember the first time I saw you

perform in Charlottetown 20 years ago.

- Thank you, my dear man.

- Isn't she just gorgeous?

Sara's just going to
die when she finds out

that we saw her cousin first.

Come on.

- Goodbye.

To the White Sands, driver.

- [Sara] Now, have I forgotten anything?

- It's not the Queen coming
to dinner, you know, Sara.

Ms. Plumtree is just a
plain ordinary woman.

- But, she isn't just a plain
ordinary woman, Aunt Hetty.

She's a world famous stage actress.

- Well, I have no time for actresses.

Vain, useless creatures.

- [Sara] But she's a--

- Hetty, acting is noble profession.

You make the children at school
recite poetry all the time.

That's acting.

- Reciting poetry isn't acting.

It's memory work.

Oh, it's completely different.

Actors, actors are deceivers.

People who pretend to be someone else

for a living aren't right in the head.

- Sara.
- We've seen her.

- Sara, she's here.
- Ms. Plumtree.

We saw her buggy.

Oh, Sara, she's utterly magnificent.

Her hat was gorgeous.

Oh, and her cape.

Her cape was just--

- Don't leave out a word.

I'm all goosebumps.

- She must be filthy rich.

She had suitcases piled to the sky.

Everyone in town was staring.

- [Felicity] I can't believe
she's coming here for dinner.

(upbeat music)

- [Pigeon] To Rose Cottage, please driver.

- [Driver] Yes, Ma'am.

- [Sara] Oh, Aunt Hetty, this
table is never going to do.

- Oh, Sara, for heaven's sake.

Leave that table alone.

- [Felicity] Can you see
the buggy yet, Aunt Olivia?

- [Olivia] No, not yet.

- Felix, Felicity, go home.

- But, Aunt Hetty, I just want
to see what she's wearing.

Can't we wait?

- No, I don't want the two of
you standing around gawking

as if you've never seen a dress before.

Now, run along, both of you.

- I promise I'll take careful note

on every stitch she's wearing.

- I don't care what she's wearing.

Just save me some cake.

- Here comes the buggy!

Quick, light the candles!

(upbeat music)

- Where are the matches?

- There.

All right, shh.

Uh, uh, yes.

Oh gosh, careful, Sara.

Careful, you'll burn the house down.

All this fuss over nothing.

Olivia, Olivia, move the pot.

Move the pot.

Children.

Children, I thought I told you to leave.

Now, go.

(door knocking)

- [All] I'll get it!

- I am mistress of the house.

I'll get it.

Ah, Ms. Plumbush, tree.

I'm Aunt Hetty, I'm Sara's aunt.

And this is Felicity and--

- Hello.
- Felix King.

They're Sara's cousins.

- Hello.

- They're just leaving.

- Darlings, darlings, darlings,
must you leave so soon?

The evening has just begun.

So, this is Rose Cottage.

Oh, what a perfectly dear little place.

So cozy.

So teensy-tiny.

However do you all fit in such

an infinitesimal little space?

Now, which of you two adorable
girls is my cousin Sara?

Let me see.

You.

I'd know you anywhere.

You shine like a beacon in the night.

Dear heart.

Come, dear child.

Come, kiss cousin Pidgey-Poo.

- Pidgey-Poo?

- It's so nice to meet you, Ms. Plumtree.

- Sara, darling, stop right there.

Stop right there.

Now, we are family, dearest,
you must call me Pigeon.

- Pigeon.

May I introduce to you my Aunt Olivia.

- How do you do?

- Thank you.

- This is my Aunt Hetty.

- Aunt Hetty, darling,
where have you been hiding?

I'm so delighted to
make your acquaintance.

How quaint.

You've made a little snack.

- Snack?

We've been cooking for two days.

- What a shame.

Oh, what a shame.

I have a very delicate
stomach, diverticulitis.

You know, little bumps
in the stomach lining.

Very tender, I rarely eat.

I have vertigo as well.

Makes me quite bilious if I look at food.

- Ah, Ms. Plumtree,
Pigeon, won't you sit down?

Have some tea perhaps?

- Some tea?

I'm sorry, darling, tea upsets my nerves.

I could manage a small fizz however

with just a nip of gin
and some seltzer water.

- Ah well, I mean, we don't partake

of spirits in this house.

- No, no.

No, I wouldn't imagine you would.

Perhaps you have a little something

a little sweet we could eat?

- How about those imported chocolates

that we were saving, Aunt Hetty?

- Absolutely not.

I purchased those last March.

They're a, they're a King tradition.

They mustn't be open til Christmas.

- We do have some elderberry
wine we could offer you.

- A glass of wine will
settle my dizzy spells.

(upbeat music)

- I know exactly where it is.

- Don't you want to move
closer to me, darling.

Sara, you know, the more I look at you,

the more I see your dear, departed father.

The eyes, the nose, definitely.

Sara looks exactly like
our Great Aunt Eugenie.

- [Sara] I do?

- Right down to the fingernails.

Great Aunt Eugenie was not
only a spectacular beauty,

but an actress of great renown.

Acting is very much a family tradition.

- Along with diverticulitis
and vertigo, I have no doubt.

- A family tradition?

Really?

Ms. Plumtree?

Pigeon.

(laughing)

I've always dreamed of
becoming an actress.

- Since when?

Last week it was a singer.

Before that it was a writer.

Acting, it can hardly be said
that acting develops the mind.

- Au contraire, Ms. King.

Acting is excellent training for the mind.

Why, I can recite all of
Shakespeare's plays by memory.

I've played all the most important
leading ladies, you know,

in the course of my illustrious career.

- I certainly don't intend that Sara

become a leading lady of anything.

- Pigeon, I adore Romeo and Juliet.

Do you think that one
day I could play Juliet?

- It is part of your heritage,

dear heart, it is in your blood.

- [Sara] It is?

- Perhaps you could come visit me tomorrow

at the White Sands Hotel.

We could become better acquainted.

I'd very much like to show you
my album of family portraits.

I always carry it with
me wherever I travel

as kind of a memento mori, you know,

to spur me on to greater heights.

You will see your amazing
resemblance to Great Aunt Eugenie.

Goodness, I've drunk so much
my back teeth are floating.

I do feel a crushing
headache coming on, however.

Sara, darling, I believe you mentioned

something about imported chocolates.

Chocolate is very good for headaches,

if I remember correctly.

- Go on, Sara, give her the chocolates.

Certainly wouldn't want to have

your headache on my conscience too.

(slow music)

- Thank you very much, Mrs. Lawson.

- If I were you, Theodora,

I wouldn't stand for
it for another minute.

- But, I love him.

- What is love without
a ring on your finger?

Either he proposes or you get rid of him.

- Get rid of him?

- [Woman] Yes, find someone else.

- Maybe he just needs more time.

- Time?

God created the world in seven days.

Pat Frewen had 20 years

and he's still just thinking about you.

Theodora, the writing is on the wall.

And it's time you packed your
hope chest for somebody else.

- But I love him.

(slow music)

Excuse me, ladies.

- Well.

- Ms. Dixon?

You dropped your embroidery.

- Oh, Sara, what good is embroidery?

I might as well burn my hope chest.

Pat Frewen will never marry me.

- You can't give up.

- Well, that's just it.

I never have given up.

Ever since I first met
that man 20 years ago.

I knew he was the only man for me.

I've been very patient.

The only thing I worry about
is that everybody else is right

and he really is a lost cause.

- No, Theodora.

He's only a lost cause
when you stop trying.

- Trying?

Oh, Sara, I've tried
everything under the sun.

What do you think, Sara?

What would you do?

- Well, it really isn't
any of my business.

- Oh, now.

- I have to get going.

I'm a guest for dinner,
but I'll think about it.

- You will?

- I promise I'll try
and think of something.

- Oh, bless you, Sara.

You are not like the others.

I really would appreciate
any little suggestions,

however silly they may seem.

Well, bye.

- Bye, Ms. Dixon.

- Congratulations, Pat.

- [Pat] Thanks, Orville.

- Mr. Frewen, hello.

What are you doing way out here?

- Oh, I'm just out for a stroll

over to the White Sands Inn,
just kind of looking around.

What are you doing here?

- I'm going to pay a visit to my cousin,

Ms. Plumtree, the famous actress.

- Oh, Pigeon Plumtree's your cousin?

Oh, don't that beat all.

- [Sara] I've been thinking
about you, Mr. Frewen.

- You have?

- I know all about your problem.

- You do?

- I have a feeling you're confused

about a certain lovely lady.

- I got her on the brains something awful.

It's making me real nervous.

- You know what I think,
Mr. Frewen? (slow music)

You're worrying too much.

You should follow your
heart and court the lady.

- Court her?

I couldn't do that.

- [Sara] Why not?

- She'd never have me.

- You're very wrong, Mr. Frewen.

She's in love with you.

- She's in love with me?

How could she be?

- She's deeply in love with you.

She has been for 20 years.

She even remembers the first
time she laid eyes on you.

She confided in me.

It was love at first sight.

- I don't mind telling ya,

I also find her mighty attractive.

- That's all fine and good,

but she just assumes that
you're not interested in her.

- That's all wrong.

I don't know what to do.

I mean, where do I start?

- Perhaps I can help you.

Aunt Hetty has a book of etiquette at home

and there's a chapter on courting.

I'll bring it over as soon as possible.

- You're positive about this?

- Don't worry about a thing, Mr. Frewen.

Well, I mustn't keep Ms. Plumtree waiting.

I'll see you later, Mr. Frewen.

(upbeat music)

- The Stanleys have been involved

in the arts for many generations, darling.

And this, dear child,
is Great Aunt Eugenie.

- It is?

But she doesn't look
the least bit like me.

- Outwardly?

Oh, no, no, no.

Inwardly.

- [Sara] Inwardly?

- The spirit, the fire, the charm.

You have it all, I see it in your eyes.

Did you know that Great Aunt Eugenie

was the world's most
renowned expert on dying?

- Dying?

- Oh, yes.

Actresses would come
from all over the globe

to learn how to die from Aunt Eugenie.

To die, to sleep.

To sleep perchance to dream.

Aye, there's the rub.

- Pigeon, are you all right?

- I'm fine, dear child. (laughs)

That was an Aunt Eugenie
death scene. (laughs)

Now, you try it.

Now, dear heart, you must project.

- To be, or not to be,
that is the question.

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

the slings and arrows
of outrageous fortune,

or to take arms against a sea of troubles,

and by opposing end them?

- Excellent, darling.

Go on, go on.

- To die, to sleep.

To sleep perchance to dream.

Aye, there's the rub.

- Now, that was a death scene.

Aunt Eugenie would be terribly proud.

- Pigeon, I'll never be
as talented as you are.

- You have inherited her
magic, her cloak of greatness.

- Me?

- Fate has brought us together.

Perhaps in my humble way I may be able

to pass the legacy onto you.

I am a great believer in fate.

I feel Aunt Eugenie in the room with us.

Her spirit is here, I can sense it.

- Pigeon, you're giving me the chills.

- Poor child.

Your Aunt Hetty has provided you

with such a dry life here in Avonlea.

It is my duty to enrich
it, I see it clearly.

- My life isn't dry.

Aunt Hetty does her best.

- Oh, of course she does,
darling, of course she does.

I only meant that the artistic
soil is rather barren here.

Surely your tender soul
thirsts for some drama.

- I do adore drama.

You're right about that.

- Then it's settled.

I won't rest until impart
the world's oldest art form,

the art of drama to you.

- Pigeon, I'll work so hard.

I'll make you proud of me, I will.

I'm so excited I could just cry.

- Darling child, never cry
unless it's a part in a play.

Crying ruins the eyes and it makes

one's nose a ghastly shade of red.

Remember my motto, Sara.

Shed no tears unless
you are paid to do it.

I've cried far too much in my life.

- You've cried?

(slow music)

You have everything.

What have you got to cry about?

- Plenty.

Parts I didn't get.

Children I didn't have.

Men I didn't marry.

- Were you ever in love?

- Only once that mattered.

I was very young.

He was very dashing.

I turned him down because
I wanted the stage

more than I wanted him.

I lived to regret it.

- She said Great Aunt Eugenie's spirit

was in the room with us.

She's passing her legacy onto me.

She performed great
death scenes, you know?

She just made seem all so real.

I could just hang on every syllable.

- Hogwash.

H-O-G-W-A-S-H, hogwash.

Whatever you're rummaging
for, Sara, stop it.

I don't want a mess in here.

Now, the ladies from
the Improvement Society

are coming over.

- I thought we had a book of etiquette

somewhere around here.

I thought I could remember
seeing it around here someplace.

- Oh, yes, that.

No, Felicity made off with it ages ago.

- I suppose I'll just have to
go and ask her for it then.

- Mm.

- I'll bet that Pigeon never
had to learn etiquette.

She just strikes me as the
type who, who's born perfect.

- Nobody's perfect, child.

Here, calm yourself a bit

and have some nice tea, hm?

- Now, darling, I know that tea

is marvelous for the kidneys,

but I simply must rush
off to see Felicity.

- Sara Stanley, I'll have you know,

young ladies do not
discuss their kidneys--

- [Sara] Goodbye, dear heart.

- In public.

(door banging)

(upbeat music)

- Theodora's going to thank
us for this. (door knocking)

Mr. Frewen.

Mr. Frewen, are you in there?

Mr. Frewen?

Mr. Frewen?

We brought you that book on
etiquette that I told you about.

- Oh, that's awful nice of you, Sara.

Hello there, Felicity.

But maybe we should just
forget the whole thing.

- [Sara] But why, Mr. Frewen?

- I kind of got the jitters.

I feel like I hardly know the woman.

- Mr. Frewen, you must stand firm.

This book has everything

you could ever possibly
want to know about courting.

There's a chapter in here on compliments.

It says that you're supposed to whisper

sweet nothings into
your lady friend's ear.

- What's a sweet nothing?

- There's one right here.

It says, Dearest, your
eyes are like violets.

- Well, what if her
eyes ain't like violets?

- Well, I think you're
supposed to say it anyway.

- Oh, there's another chapter in here

on the art of writing love letters.

- Love letters?

She'd laugh at me.

- No, she wouldn't, Mr. Frewen.

It's a terribly romantic thing to do.

- Listen to this one.

Dearest one.

As I sit here in the moonlight

thinking of your delicate face,

your tender eyes, your
flawless complexion.

There are lots of other
ones in this chapter.

We'll leave the book with you

and you can choose one
that you like. How's that?

- Bah.

- All you have to do is copy
one out and send it to her.

You'll sweep her off her feet, we promise.

- Oh, and uh, Mr. Frewen?

If I were you I'd also read the chapter

on how a gentleman should dress.

- What's wrong with the way that I dress?

- Nothing much.

I just think that your wardrobe

could do with a little
perking up, that's all.

- And, if you don't mind my saying so,

I think that you could
invest in a shaving.

Perhaps even a haircut too.

- I can see this is going
to set me back a bundle.

(upbeat music)

- Mr. Frewen?

Try to remember, a faint
heart never won a fair lady.

- Bye.

Well, Lulabelle, I guess

if she's Pigeon Plumtree's cousin

she must know more than I do.

- And so, ladies, I am proud to say

we have accomplished a great deal

in the last year toward the beautification

of our village and its surrounds.

We've painted the school.

And replaced--

- Don't worry about
your problem, Ms. Dixon.

Things are moving in the right direction.

- Oh, Sara, I hope so.

- Sara, please, sit down
and don't interrupt.

- But, ladies, we still have
an eyesore to deal with.

Perhaps as treasurer,
Theodora, you'd, um, elaborate.

- As you know, ever since
Thomas Bickle's barn

burned to the ground, he
has not lifted a baby finger

to remove the charcoal
remains, let alone rebuild.

I am afraid that we will have to

take matters into our own hands.

Unfortunately, even though
we've already had a bake sale

and a rummage sale, we
are still short of funds.

Does anyone have any fresh ideas

as to how we can raise more money?

Yes, Sara?

- Maybe Ms. Plumtree
could give a recitation.

(Hetty laughing)

Everyone would pay to
hear her, I'm sure of it.

- I wouldn't be too sure of that, Sara.

- What a wonderful idea, Sara.

It's a natural opportunity
for an organization

like ours to take advantage of.

Ladies, let's put it to a vote.

Everyone in favor of
asking Pigeon Plumtree

to recite, raise your hands.

Hetty?

Passed.

(upbeat music)

- But, dearest, I would be thrilled

to recite for your little, what's it?

Improvement Society.

- It's a very good cause, Pigeon.

Mr. Bickle's barn burned down.

It's right at the crossroad to Carmody

and well, the town needs
it restored desperately.

- Really?

I don't believe I've ever performed

for a barn burning before.

- It's a barn raising.

- Well, you tell your
little Avonlea ladies

that I will recite.

Provided, of course, my darling
Sara recites along with me.

- Pigeon.

What shall I say?

I'd be honored to.

- Good.

All the more reasons to begin
your acting lessons at once.

You must come here everyday after school.

- Absolutely not.

I should've put my foot down the minute

that woman breezed into my house.

Ate up all my good chocolates.

Gin fizz, indeed.

Well, Blair Stanley's
side of the family are all

a bunch of misfits, come to think of it,

especially the artsy ones.

- She won't recite unless I do.

You don't want me to tell
the Improvement Society

you're against the fundraiser, do you?

- Oh no, I, yes, charity
is charity I suppose.

But I am warning you, Sara.

If you pursue this acting nonsense,

that Pigeon person will
have you running off

gallivanting halfway around
the world like, like a gypsy.

- I wouldn't do that, Aunt Hetty.

- No, that's what your mother said.

And off she went, every way the wind blew.

- Now, Hetty.

- And before I know it, poof.

You'll be gone too, just like your mother.

And forever no doubt.

Good grief.

What is Pat Frewen doing
lurking about out there?

- [Sara] He's come to see me.

- [Hetty] What on Earth for, Sara?

- The dear heart.

He leads such a small barren life.

I feel it's my duty to enrich
his dry little existence.

- That will be quite enough

of the patronizing affectation, Sara.

It's wrong to meddle with
people's lives, you know.

Oh, don't go bringing that man in here.

I will not have my house

smelling like a barnyard, thank you.

- You needn't worry, darling.

I'm on my way then.

(upbeat music)

- I wrote the little miss my love letter,

but I'm feeling a bit awkward.

You know, about actually mailing it.

- Mr. Frewen, you can't hold
on to that letter forever.

Just mail it.

Mr. Wilkins, we have a letter for you.

Here you are.

Thank you.

Now that we've mailed that letter,

we can't just stop there.

No, Mr. Frewen.

Let's go for that haircut
and shave we talked about.

You can't go courting
without a haircut, come on.

(upbeat music)

- [Woman] Pat Frewen's
getting a shave and a haircut.

- [Woman] Theodora, quickly, come see.

- Ladies like men who are clean
shaven and who smell nice.

- What's smelling got to do with it?

- A lot.

Not many people like
the smell of a barnyard.

- Cologne, Mr. Frewen, have a whiff.

(Pat sniffing)

- What's those things?

They hair pieces?

How much?

- Well, seeing as how
you're going courting

and I'm only through here every
couple of weeks, 50 cents.

My best possible price.

(upbeat music)

- Sold.

This courting rigmarole sure
eats into a pocket book.

I hope I'm doing the right thing.

- Excuse me.

- [Woman] Maybe there's
hope for you yet, Theodora.

- I'll take this one.

- You won't be sorry you spent your money

on your appearance, Mr. Frewen.

You look like quite the gentleman.

Well, I better hurry.

Ms. Plumtree's giving me acting lessons,

I don't want to be late.

- Ooh, you say hello for me.

- I will.

And remember, appearances
don't make the man

but they certainly help.

(upbeat music)

(woman clearing throat)

- More milk, Sara.

Thank you.

Dab some on your face.

Remember, in the theater
your face is your fortune.

- Aunt Hetty says that
beauty is only skin deep.

- Yes, well, Cleopatra bathed in milk

and she went a tad further
in life than your Aunt Hetty.

Bathe in milk once a day, darling,

and you will have skin
like a baby's bottom.

- Here's one, Pigeon.

A thing of beauty is a joy forever,

its loveliness increases,

it will never pass into nothingness.

- Exquisite, darling.

But, I think it is time now
for your elocution lessons.

Repeat after me.

Betty Botter bought some butter,

but, said she, this butter's bitter.

- Betty Botter bought some butter,

but, said she, this butter's bitter.

If I put it in my batter, it
will make my batter bitter.

But if I buy some better butter,

it will make my batter better.

So, Betty Botter bought some better butter

and made her batter better.

- For heaven's sake, Sara.

What is that dreadful gibberish?

- It's a tongue-twister.

Pigeon says that it's
part of my acting lessons.

And practice makes perfect.

- Practice makes perfect, indeed.

You'd be better off doing
your homework, my girl.

Which, I may add, has been sadly neglected

since that ridiculous woman came to town.

- Pigeon says I can do homework anytime.

Right now I have special abilities
that need to be nurtured.

- Oh, and she's the only one

that can nurture them, is that it?

- Sara, would you mind running upstairs

and getting me my darning basket?

Thank you.

Hetty, you've done nothing but criticize

Pigeon Plumtree morning, noon and night.

And where has it gotten you?

Nowhere.

- We have to rehearse
for the recital, Pigeon.

(upbeat music)

- Well, well, well. (laughs)

Sara, it seems I have an
admirer here in Avonlea.

Well, I, well I just can't resist a man

who sounds so charming.

And so cultured.

Oh, merciful God, he wants
to lunch with me today.

Good heavens, I must
get dressed immediately.

One never knows where this
surprise little lunches may lead.

- You said practice makes perfect.

- I did?

Well, darling, I can't
let a little rehearsal

for your silly little, what, what is it?

Improvement Society.

Keep me from meeting a
gentleman of this caliber.

- But you said the show must go on.

- Of course it must.

But, darling, surprise
little lunches like these

don't often happen to a
lonely thespian like myself.

I have been a highly prolific celebrity

for far too many years to
let an opportunity like this

slip through my fingers when
it comes knocking at my door.

Now, darling, run along.

The show will have to wait.

Now, which hat should I wear?

No.

- [Pat] Good day, Madame.

May I kiss your hand?

Ms. Plumtree, may I kiss your hand?

How'd you do, Madame?

Pleased to meet your acquaintance.

- [Hetty] We'll be
expecting about 50 people.

- Very good, Ms. King.

Though I think you can expect
a greater crowd than 50.

Many of our guests have
expressed an interest

in hearing Ms. Plumtree recite, you know.

- Really, I--

- Sara, there's Pat Frewen.

What on Earth is he doing here?

- [Sara] Maybe we better find out.

- Your menu.

- Uh, (clears throat) Ms. Plumtree?

How'd you do?

- Good day.

- Pleased to make your acquaintance.

Kiss your hand, Madame?

- My good man, would you excuse me?

I'm expecting a guest.

- Oh, that's me.

Pat Frewen's the name.

It was me that wrote that letter.

- You?

You are not at all like what I,

what I would have expected.

What exactly do you do?

- I'm a farmer.

A pig farmer, to be specific.

(slow music)

The best pork in P.E. Island.

Now, I hear via the grapevine

that you've been pining
for me for 20 years.

Well, I just want to take this opportunity

to let you know that
the feeling is mutual.

- Stop right there.

I believe you have dropped something.

I suggest you take it and leave.

(slow music)

Never would a highly acclaimed
professional like myself

be the slightly bit interested
in someone of your ilk.

No matter how remarkable your pork.

- But we have a lot in common.

- Ha ha, you must be dreaming.

- Now, now, Theodora.

- No, no, now Theodora.

Let's just talk this over.

- [Theodora] You're
nothing but a two timer.

Good day.

- Oh!

- Mr. Frewen, I feel awful about this.

It's been all my fault.

- No, it is much my fault as it is yours.

I went and wrote that love letter.

- I never dreamed that you
meant to court Ms. Plumtree.

I thought that you were hoping
to court Theodora Dixon.

- Oh Sara, I made a fool of myself.

I probably lost her forever.

Only got myself to blame.

- Sara.

So, you went back and saw her, did you?

Good.

Oh, I hope you learned
your lesson, young lady.

- I have.

- You told Ms. Plumtree that you were

at the bottom of all this, didn't you?

- Well, I did, but all she
could do was laugh hysterically.

I finally got annoyed and left.

There was no use talking to her.

(door knocking)

- Sara, darling, why did
you leave so quickly?

Where is your sense of humor, child?

- There was nothing funny

in what you said to Mr. Frewen, Pigeon.

Embarrassing him like that,
in front of all those people.

- But, Sara.

Think of what a funny
stage play it would make.

This pathetic little
pig farmer from nowhere

presuming that he can court
someone of my renown? (laughs)

- But that's just it, Pigeon.

It isn't a stage.

(slow music)

The least you could've done
was spoken to him kindly.

He's a real person and
you hurt his feelings.

- Oh, dear heart--

- You're always saying dear heart this

and darling child that,
but you don't mean it.

You don't really care about me.

The only one that you
care about is yourself.

- It grieves me to admit
it, but you are right.

I've spent so many years play acting

that I forget what is
real and what is not.

Oh, please forgive me.

Is there any way that I can prove to you

that I'm not some terrible old dragon?

Is it too late?

- It's never too late, Pigeon.

- Well, bear with me then.

I think I have a plan.

- [Sara] Mr. Frewen.

Mr. Frewen, are you in there?

- Mr. Frewen, if you don't mind,

may I have a word with you?

- I don't want to talk to her, Sara.

- Mr. Frewen, I know how you feel.

But please, for Theodora's
sake, just listen.

- Please, Mr. Frewen, let me apologize.

I was abominably rude
and insensitive to the,

excuse me, miscommunication
we were both under.

And I feel so dreadfully sorry about it.

- You are?

- Oh, yes.

From the bottom of my
heart I am. (screams)

Dear me.

I'm really so sorry.

I could just die.

I feel so badly about this.

With your permission, I would
like very much to help you

win back the love of your dear Theodora.

- Forget it, it's a lost cause.

She don't want me.

- Please, talk to her.

(slow music)

Just one more time.

- I can't disappoint
the Improvement Society,

but under the circumstances I
don't think that I would want

to set foot in the same
room as that woman.

I would be happy to collect
receipts when it's all over.

- Now, now, Ms. Dixon, you
know how people will talk.

You don't want everyone to think

that you're jealous of
Pigeon Plumtree, do you?

(upbeat music)

(audience applauding)

- The owl and the pussycat went to sea

in a beautiful pea green boat.

- They took some honey and plenty of money

wrapped in a five pound note.

- The owl looked up to the stars above

and sang to a small guitar.

- Oh, lovely Pussy, oh Pussy, my love,

what a beautiful pussy you are.

- [Both] What a beautiful pussy you are.

- Pussy said to the owl, you elegant fowl,

how charmingly sweet you sing.

- Oh let us be married,
too long we have tarried,

but what shall we do for a ring?

- They sailed away for a year and a day

to the land where the bong tree grows

- [Sara] And there in the
wood a piggy-wig stood

with a ring at the end of his nose.

- [Both] His nose, his nose.

With a ring at the end of his nose.

- Dear Pig, are you willing

to sell for one shilling your ring?

- Said the piggy, I will.

So they took it away and
were married next day.

- By the turkey who lives on the hill.

They dined on mince, and slices of quince.

- Which they ate with a runcible spoon.

And hand in hand on the edge of the sand

they danced by the light of the moon.

- [Sara] The moon, the moon,

they danced by the light of the moon.

(audience applauding)

- Thank you, thank you, one and all.

On behalf of my cousin,
Sara Stanley and myself,

I wish to make a personal donation.

Ms. Theodora Dixon, as treasurer

of the Avonlea Village
Improvement Society,

would you kindly step to the front

to accept this small token of my support

for your worthy organization?

- Go on, go on.

- [Woman] Theodora, get up there. (laughs)

- On behalf of the Avonlea
Village Improvement Society

I would like to extend my heartiest thanks

for, for your generous
contribution to our fund.

(audience gasping)

- [Man] Well, well.

(audience applauding)

- Oh, not so fast, dear.

Ladies and gentlemen, just one final word.

While the people in the community thought

that I was coaching Sara
Stanley, my talented protege,

how to act, in truth I was also coaching

someone else in a matter of the heart.

I was helping a very nice
man who wanted to learn

the correct way of
speaking to woman he loves.

(slow music)

- Come on, Mr. Frewen.

Mr. Frewen.

- Theodora, I ain't much.

And I know I made a fool of myself.

But I love you, and I
wish you'd be my wife.

And let's just get this thing over with.

- Oh, for heaven's sake.

Get up off your knees.

Donate $10 to the Improvement
Society and I will say yes.

- Make it five.

- 10, or I will say no.

- You drive a hard bargain.

But you're worth it.

10 it is.

(audience applauding)

- Hetty, dearest, I'm afraid

I must leave Avonlea in the morning

as I am starting a new tour.

- Oh, have a good trip then.

I do hope the um, diverticulitis

doesn't flare up too badly and--

- Adieu, dear heart, I shall miss you.

- We'll never forget you, Pigeon.

Will we, Aunt Hetty?

- How could we forget?

Oh, come along.

Now, I know you're never
very hungry, Ms. Plumtree,

what with one thing or
another, but we do indeed

have some lovely cakes
and perhaps you'd do us

the honor of partaking in the, Felix.

Here, go on, have a smidgen, Pigeon.

Smidgen, Pigeon, rhymes.

- (laughs) Yes, it does.

(audience applauding)

(gentle music)

(bird chirping)

(slow music)

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