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"Last Man Standing" is recorded
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in front of a live studio audience.
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Boy, mother nature sure
took a dump on us last night.
4
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Yeah, I love the first snow of the season.
5
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Mike: Right on schedule.
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It's like nature's
giving Al Gore the finger.
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Morning.
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Hey, where are you going in such a hurry?
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To get my snow shovel.
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The sky dropped a ton of white gold,
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and I'm here to scoop it
up at 20 bucks a driveway.
12
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I thought you charged $15?
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Oh, inflation.
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We're living in Obama's America.
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I know we're not supposed to
pick favorites with the kids,
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but it's not even close.
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And here comes number three.
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[Sighs]
19
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All this snow's gonna make my
morning commute a nightmare,
20
00:00:49,230 --> 00:00:51,148
so I think I'm just gonna skip today.
21
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That's a good idea.
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Just give me a check for a $106.
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I'm sorry... what?
24
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I did a cost analysis
of sending you to school.
25
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It costs me $106 a day.
26
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You don't go, send me that
$106 or go get dressed.
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I'm really glad you didn't do
this while I was in high school
28
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'cause that would've cost me a fortune.
29
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Hey, what are you doing back?
30
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He that was quick.
31
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I told you to pee before
you put that snowsuit on.
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No, all the neighbors I usually
hit were already dug out.
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Ah.
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Well, must be another
eager beaver on the block.
35
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Early bird gets the worm, right?
36
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It must be an early eager beaver bird.
37
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Honey, if you don't have anything.
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To add to the conversation,
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don't feel you got to just jump in.
40
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I guess I'm just gonna have
to get up that much earlier.
41
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The next time it snows.
42
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Oh, you know, that is the spirit.
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You be an even earlier-er eager...
44
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beaver...
45
00:01:43,601 --> 00:01:45,368
er bird.
46
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Y... you don't have to
stick around for this.
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- synced & corrected by dreaMaker7
and chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -
48
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Here you go. Happy
eight-month anniversary.
49
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[Chuckles] Oh, my God!
50
00:02:05,439 --> 00:02:07,140
- You're amazing.
- Aww.
51
00:02:07,174 --> 00:02:11,311
Hey, Kyle, um, do you ever
think about the future?
52
00:02:11,345 --> 00:02:14,397
Yeah, sure, all the time.
53
00:02:14,448 --> 00:02:16,933
I think we'll have cars
that hover, not fly.
54
00:02:16,968 --> 00:02:18,985
And we'll make contact with aliens.
55
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And finally discover
which is more accurate,
56
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"Star Wars" or "Star Trek."
57
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Yeah, no, I meant more like
with us, like you and me.
58
00:02:26,727 --> 00:02:27,694
Oh. [Laughs]
59
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Of course. I'm sorry.
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That's okay.
61
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We'll be dead by then.
62
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- Shoot, I'd better get to work.
- Okay.
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Mwah!
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00:02:36,170 --> 00:02:37,470
Where's that hover car now? Am I right?
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Happy eight.
66
00:02:38,506 --> 00:02:39,806
Okay.
67
00:02:41,475 --> 00:02:42,915
Cheers to you, too, sir. [Chuckles]
68
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Table five is not gonna tip you.
69
00:02:46,514 --> 00:02:48,348
Oh, yeah, most of them don't.
70
00:02:48,382 --> 00:02:50,267
This job is kind of a dead end.
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00:02:50,318 --> 00:02:53,603
You want to know why
you don't get more tips?
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00:02:53,638 --> 00:02:55,488
Um, my dad likes to blame Obama.
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I think that could work here.
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00:02:57,241 --> 00:03:00,694
It's that boyfriend of
yours always hanging around.
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When these men come in here,
76
00:03:02,663 --> 00:03:04,998
we need to put on a little show.
77
00:03:05,032 --> 00:03:06,917
Oh. We're not waitresses.
78
00:03:06,951 --> 00:03:08,401
We're a fantasy.
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00:03:10,571 --> 00:03:13,900
Guys want to think we're available to them.
80
00:03:13,943 --> 00:03:17,624
- Well, I mean, I don't think I have a boyfriend.
- I have a boyfriend.
81
00:03:17,745 --> 00:03:20,030
But I keep that on the
DL with my customers...
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00:03:20,081 --> 00:03:23,750
and my husband.
83
00:03:23,784 --> 00:03:25,702
Okay. I'll give it a try.
84
00:03:25,736 --> 00:03:27,587
Okay. [Clears throat]
85
00:03:27,622 --> 00:03:31,208
So, what looks good to you besides me?
86
00:03:34,935 --> 00:03:37,219
Hey, Vanessa, get this.
87
00:03:37,237 --> 00:03:38,354
Huh?
88
00:03:38,388 --> 00:03:40,108
I'm putting on a new
pair of socks just now,
89
00:03:40,157 --> 00:03:41,607
and my toe came right
through the end of the sock.
90
00:03:41,658 --> 00:03:42,858
Can you believe it?
91
00:03:42,893 --> 00:03:45,912
Yeah, I can't believe
we're talking about it.
92
00:03:47,247 --> 00:03:48,230
Ooh!
93
00:03:48,248 --> 00:03:50,533
Eight driveways, 20 bucks apiece.
94
00:03:50,567 --> 00:03:53,035
That other kid snoozed
and lost. Cha-ching!
95
00:03:53,069 --> 00:03:55,571
Nicely done, Evie.
96
00:03:55,589 --> 00:03:56,872
The free market at work.
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Look at my daughter.
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Dipping her toe into the business world.
99
00:04:00,427 --> 00:04:01,794
So now toes are interesting.
100
00:04:03,046 --> 00:04:04,880
[Door rattles]
101
00:04:04,914 --> 00:04:06,081
Oh, hon, you know,
102
00:04:06,099 --> 00:04:08,017
it's Phil Munroe from down the street.
103
00:04:08,051 --> 00:04:09,135
I wonder what he wants.
104
00:04:09,186 --> 00:04:11,220
Guess we'll never know.
105
00:04:11,254 --> 00:04:12,805
Come on. Be nice!
106
00:04:12,856 --> 00:04:15,424
Why don't you ask him if
he's having a garage sale?
107
00:04:15,442 --> 00:04:17,926
Maybe I can buy back all
the stuff I loaned him.
108
00:04:17,945 --> 00:04:19,261
Hey, Phil.
109
00:04:19,279 --> 00:04:20,813
Hey, Vanessa.
110
00:04:20,864 --> 00:04:22,898
I just came by to return Mike's rake.
111
00:04:22,932 --> 00:04:25,100
You borrowed my leaf blower, Phil!
112
00:04:25,118 --> 00:04:27,436
Whose rake is this?
113
00:04:27,454 --> 00:04:30,105
I got to learn to put
names on these things.
114
00:04:30,123 --> 00:04:31,657
- It is my rake.
- Hmm.
115
00:04:33,126 --> 00:04:34,961
- Come on in.
- Hey. Thanks.
116
00:04:34,995 --> 00:04:36,712
I also came by to talk to your daughter...
117
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The one with the snow shovel.
118
00:04:38,048 --> 00:04:39,248
Oh, Eve. Yeah, Evie.
119
00:04:39,282 --> 00:04:40,833
Oh. Hi, Mr. Munroe.
120
00:04:40,884 --> 00:04:43,085
Hey, Eve. My gosh, you're all grown up.
121
00:04:43,119 --> 00:04:44,220
Seems like yesterday
122
00:04:44,254 --> 00:04:46,455
I was buying your girl scout cookies...
123
00:04:46,473 --> 00:04:47,890
everything but thin mints.
124
00:04:47,924 --> 00:04:49,175
Ah.
125
00:04:49,226 --> 00:04:51,894
Let's not pin that all on Eve.
126
00:04:51,928 --> 00:04:55,097
I wanted to talk to you about
your snow-shovel business.
127
00:04:55,131 --> 00:04:59,802
Oh, so you want to hire Eve's snow no mo'?
128
00:04:59,820 --> 00:05:02,655
Oh, please step into
my office. Take a seat.
129
00:05:02,689 --> 00:05:04,273
I'll beat any competitor.
130
00:05:04,307 --> 00:05:06,359
I hate to hear that because...
131
00:05:06,410 --> 00:05:08,110
I'm your competitor.
132
00:05:08,145 --> 00:05:10,196
Phil, you're shoveling driveways?
133
00:05:10,247 --> 00:05:12,281
Couldn't get a paper route?
134
00:05:12,332 --> 00:05:14,667
I'm always looking to
earn a little extra money,
135
00:05:14,701 --> 00:05:16,452
so after the storm the other day,
136
00:05:16,486 --> 00:05:18,471
I decided to bust out the old snowblower.
137
00:05:18,505 --> 00:05:19,739
And knock on some doors.
138
00:05:19,773 --> 00:05:20,923
Everything okay?
139
00:05:20,957 --> 00:05:22,174
Oh, peachy. Yeah.
140
00:05:22,209 --> 00:05:25,127
It'd just be better if Eve
would let me do the driveways
141
00:05:25,161 --> 00:05:26,328
in our neighborhood.
142
00:05:26,380 --> 00:05:28,497
What, uh, what do you think, Eve?
143
00:05:28,515 --> 00:05:31,434
Well, I can't really say
with him sitting there,
144
00:05:31,468 --> 00:05:33,252
but, uh...
145
00:05:33,286 --> 00:05:35,471
I was kind of counting on
that for Christmas money.
146
00:05:35,505 --> 00:05:36,972
Well, your parents are doing fine.
147
00:05:37,006 --> 00:05:39,025
I'm sure they can give you
a little extra allowance.
148
00:05:39,059 --> 00:05:41,560
To buy your CDs and Pogo sticks.
149
00:05:41,611 --> 00:05:44,897
I don't get an allowance.
I've always had real jobs.
150
00:05:44,948 --> 00:05:46,565
Eve, giving up these jobs for Phil.
151
00:05:46,616 --> 00:05:48,651
Would be a really nice thing to do.
152
00:05:48,685 --> 00:05:50,036
Thanks, Mike.
153
00:05:50,070 --> 00:05:53,355
But is the nice thing to
do the right thing to do?
154
00:05:54,458 --> 00:05:56,792
Yes. Yes, according to most people.
155
00:05:56,827 --> 00:05:59,295
- Mike: Mm-hmm.
- And Jesus.
156
00:05:59,329 --> 00:06:03,132
My point is, why does
anyone have to step aside?
157
00:06:03,166 --> 00:06:04,867
There's plenty of
driveways, plenty of snow.
158
00:06:04,885 --> 00:06:06,502
Why don't we let the free market decide?
159
00:06:06,536 --> 00:06:08,587
Free market? Ha!
160
00:06:08,638 --> 00:06:10,973
I love her, but she's a real task master.
161
00:06:11,007 --> 00:06:13,342
She's got me working weekends at quiznos.
162
00:06:13,376 --> 00:06:15,878
No shame in that. They
make a heck of a sandwich.
163
00:06:15,896 --> 00:06:16,979
Mike, really?
164
00:06:17,013 --> 00:06:18,931
I mean, is this the time be tetohing Eve.
165
00:06:18,982 --> 00:06:20,649
The finer points of economics?
166
00:06:20,684 --> 00:06:22,184
She's been working these driveways.
167
00:06:22,218 --> 00:06:23,602
In this neighborhood for years.
168
00:06:23,653 --> 00:06:25,604
Yeah, I've built up a real business.
169
00:06:25,655 --> 00:06:28,040
I think it's a lot to ask to
have her walk away from this.
170
00:06:28,075 --> 00:06:30,109
No, it really isn't.
171
00:06:32,079 --> 00:06:34,080
But if that's how you want to play it,
172
00:06:34,114 --> 00:06:36,499
I'm just glad I'm the
one with the snowblower.
173
00:06:36,533 --> 00:06:39,735
Yeah? Who'd you borrow that from, Phil?
174
00:06:39,753 --> 00:06:42,037
- Thanks, dad.
- Yeah.
175
00:06:42,071 --> 00:06:43,572
- Oh, I don't like this.
- Mike: Yeah.
176
00:06:43,590 --> 00:06:45,574
I feel like he's not
telling us the whole story.
177
00:06:45,592 --> 00:06:47,576
Yeah, he's had more than
one box of thin mints.
178
00:06:49,412 --> 00:06:51,430
Oh, I think Eve should step aside.
179
00:06:51,465 --> 00:06:54,300
Phil obviously needs the
money more than she does.
180
00:06:54,351 --> 00:06:56,585
What? Where do you get that idea?
181
00:06:56,603 --> 00:06:58,587
"From each according to his ability.
182
00:06:58,605 --> 00:07:00,439
To each according to his need."
183
00:07:00,474 --> 00:07:01,724
You know who said that?
184
00:07:01,758 --> 00:07:02,925
You know what?
185
00:07:02,943 --> 00:07:05,027
For the third time
today, I'm not Karl Marx.
186
00:07:06,730 --> 00:07:10,316
And I'm sorry I asked
you to share your waffles.
187
00:07:10,350 --> 00:07:12,735
Hey. What are you guys talking about?
188
00:07:12,769 --> 00:07:14,069
Marxism.
189
00:07:14,103 --> 00:07:16,989
Ah, took dad's waffles again, didn't you?
190
00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:19,875
No, Mr. Munroe is
struggling to make ends meet.
191
00:07:19,910 --> 00:07:23,278
I think he wants to compete
with Eve to shovel driveways.
192
00:07:23,296 --> 00:07:24,713
We don't know that he's struggling.
193
00:07:24,748 --> 00:07:26,081
He could be saving up for a boat.
194
00:07:26,115 --> 00:07:27,282
We won't know about that.
195
00:07:27,300 --> 00:07:28,717
Until he borrows my truck to tow it around.
196
00:07:28,785 --> 00:07:30,452
And let me guess.
197
00:07:30,470 --> 00:07:33,339
You want Eve to destroy him.
198
00:07:33,390 --> 00:07:35,424
Eve has worked really hard for all this.
199
00:07:35,458 --> 00:07:37,893
There's no reason why she
should give it all up for him.
200
00:07:37,928 --> 00:07:39,628
I mean, why is he more
entitled than she is?
201
00:07:39,646 --> 00:07:40,679
He's not.
202
00:07:40,730 --> 00:07:43,015
Actually agree with dad on this one.
203
00:07:44,468 --> 00:07:46,569
Okay.
204
00:07:48,805 --> 00:07:51,240
Not much fun in that, though.
205
00:07:51,274 --> 00:07:53,141
No, no, no, the "He needs it more" theory.
206
00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:54,860
Is what's justified pay discrepancies.
207
00:07:54,911 --> 00:07:56,812
Between men and women for centuries, okay?
208
00:07:56,847 --> 00:07:59,331
The assumption that men
are the breadwinners.
209
00:07:59,366 --> 00:08:01,283
And deserve to make more money.
210
00:08:01,351 --> 00:08:03,536
I'm a feminist!
211
00:08:03,587 --> 00:08:06,372
I feel bad for Phil.
212
00:08:06,423 --> 00:08:09,041
I mean, the poor guy's working
weekends in a sandwich shop.
213
00:08:09,092 --> 00:08:10,759
Oh, sweet. Those jobs are hard to get.
214
00:08:10,794 --> 00:08:12,678
They only pick, like, the best of the best.
215
00:08:12,712 --> 00:08:13,863
If they're such geniuses,
216
00:08:13,897 --> 00:08:15,377
why do they always give me pepper Jack.
217
00:08:15,382 --> 00:08:16,715
When I ask for Swiss?
218
00:08:16,766 --> 00:08:19,635
All of those fast-food jobs
that teenagers used to get.
219
00:08:19,669 --> 00:08:22,354
Are getting gobbled up
by these gross old people.
220
00:08:22,389 --> 00:08:24,690
I want fries with that, not sadness, okay?
221
00:08:26,276 --> 00:08:27,943
Bagging groceries, babysitting...
222
00:08:27,978 --> 00:08:30,012
adults are taking all
of the great kid jobs.
223
00:08:30,030 --> 00:08:32,081
How are teenagers
supposed to buy beer, huh?
224
00:08:32,115 --> 00:08:34,617
Or in your case as a teenager,
225
00:08:34,651 --> 00:08:37,102
it was baby wipes and formula.
226
00:08:37,137 --> 00:08:39,855
Why do I ever come over here?
227
00:08:39,873 --> 00:08:41,523
Okay, dad...
228
00:08:41,541 --> 00:08:42,658
I'm having second thoughts.
229
00:08:42,692 --> 00:08:43,959
About this whole
competition with Mr. Munroe.
230
00:08:43,994 --> 00:08:46,528
Ah, I am so glad, Eve. You know what?
231
00:08:46,546 --> 00:08:49,582
There's more to life
than the almighty dollar.
232
00:08:49,633 --> 00:08:52,034
Well, every rap song ever
made disagrees with that.
233
00:08:52,068 --> 00:08:54,553
I don't think I
can go head-to-head.
234
00:08:54,588 --> 00:08:55,871
With Munroe's snowblower, dad.
235
00:08:55,889 --> 00:08:58,007
I think I'm just ready to rent
yours for a buck a driveway.
236
00:08:58,041 --> 00:08:59,374
No, no, no. It's 2 bucks.
237
00:08:59,392 --> 00:09:02,011
W... w... wait, you're charging
her to use the snowblower?
238
00:09:02,045 --> 00:09:04,213
Just want a little taste.
239
00:09:04,247 --> 00:09:05,981
Little taste?
240
00:09:06,016 --> 00:09:08,450
Want to wet my beak.
241
00:09:08,485 --> 00:09:10,302
W... what are you... a mobster?
242
00:09:10,337 --> 00:09:12,905
Don't ask me about my business, Vanessa.
243
00:09:24,446 --> 00:09:26,481
Oh, good morning, Mr. Larabee.
244
00:09:26,532 --> 00:09:27,770
Oh, hey, Eve.
245
00:09:27,870 --> 00:09:30,021
The usual...driveway, walkways, too?
246
00:09:30,056 --> 00:09:31,536
And since you're a preferred customer,
247
00:09:31,557 --> 00:09:33,374
what song would you like
me to sing while I work?
248
00:09:33,392 --> 00:09:34,676
Oh.
249
00:09:34,710 --> 00:09:35,844
Depends.
250
00:09:35,878 --> 00:09:38,179
How deep into the Katy
Perry catalog do you go?
251
00:09:38,213 --> 00:09:39,264
Deep.
252
00:09:39,315 --> 00:09:41,650
Hey, Eve, Chuck.
253
00:09:41,684 --> 00:09:44,719
Listen, before you commit
to something you'll regret,
254
00:09:44,737 --> 00:09:47,322
you'll, uh, want to
hear about my special...
255
00:09:47,356 --> 00:09:49,608
20% off whatever she's charging.
256
00:09:49,659 --> 00:09:52,861
And a free mug of hot
cocoa, leaded or unleaded.
257
00:09:52,895 --> 00:09:54,863
Hey, back off, Munroe.
258
00:09:54,897 --> 00:09:56,448
Mr. Larabee's one of my regulars.
259
00:09:56,499 --> 00:09:57,949
Oh, I... I don't know, Eve.
260
00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:01,419
He is offering a 20% discount,
and I... I do love hot cocoa.
261
00:10:01,454 --> 00:10:04,456
Although it's a little
too early for the leaded.
262
00:10:04,507 --> 00:10:06,257
Not too early for Helen potts,
263
00:10:06,292 --> 00:10:08,242
but you didn't hear that from me.
264
00:10:08,260 --> 00:10:10,545
All right, we're burning daylight, ladies.
265
00:10:10,579 --> 00:10:12,013
Let's just cut to the chase.
266
00:10:12,048 --> 00:10:13,748
I'll do it for half of my original quote.
267
00:10:13,766 --> 00:10:14,749
Mm. I mean, come on.
268
00:10:14,767 --> 00:10:17,852
Oh, well, uh, I... I can't beat that.
269
00:10:17,887 --> 00:10:20,972
I need to earn enough today
to buy my cholesterol meds.
270
00:10:21,023 --> 00:10:23,024
I get them online from Guatemala.
271
00:10:24,393 --> 00:10:26,895
You never really know what you're taking,
272
00:10:26,929 --> 00:10:29,614
but sometimes you just
have to roll the dice.
273
00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:32,600
I'm sorry, Eve.
274
00:10:32,618 --> 00:10:34,769
As a fellow high-cholesterol sufferer,
275
00:10:34,787 --> 00:10:36,771
I'm gonna have to go with Munroe.
276
00:10:36,789 --> 00:10:39,273
Mr. Larabee, he is totally
playing you right now.
277
00:10:39,291 --> 00:10:40,825
Uh, no.
278
00:10:40,876 --> 00:10:43,545
I bet his arteries look
like the I-25 at rush hour.
279
00:10:43,579 --> 00:10:46,047
This isn't over, Munroe.
280
00:10:46,082 --> 00:10:47,448
Oh, yeah, Mr. Larabee,
281
00:10:47,466 --> 00:10:49,951
if he has the big one in your driveway,
282
00:10:49,969 --> 00:10:52,637
I'm charging double to shovel his body out!
283
00:10:55,624 --> 00:10:57,509
- Phil?
- Do you remember?
284
00:10:57,560 --> 00:10:59,010
The guy that's competing with Eve.
285
00:10:59,061 --> 00:11:00,461
For the snow-shoveling business.
286
00:11:00,479 --> 00:11:02,430
Of course I remember.
287
00:11:02,464 --> 00:11:03,732
I'm not 100.
288
00:11:03,766 --> 00:11:06,351
He won a sandwich at a quiz show.
289
00:11:06,402 --> 00:11:11,022
He makes sandwiches at quiznos.
290
00:11:11,073 --> 00:11:13,074
Vanessa found out that he lost his job.
291
00:11:13,109 --> 00:11:14,275
At his accounting firm,
292
00:11:14,310 --> 00:11:15,910
and it wasn't because of him.
293
00:11:15,945 --> 00:11:17,779
It was just 'cause they downsized.
294
00:11:17,813 --> 00:11:18,947
All righty, gentlemen,
295
00:11:18,981 --> 00:11:20,281
is there anything else
I can get for you today?
296
00:11:20,315 --> 00:11:21,482
No. You know what?
297
00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:23,151
This is all yours. Thank you.
298
00:11:23,169 --> 00:11:24,318
Aww, thank you.
299
00:11:24,336 --> 00:11:25,920
Bye.
300
00:11:28,090 --> 00:11:30,125
Nicely done.
301
00:11:30,159 --> 00:11:32,210
[Chuckles]
302
00:11:32,261 --> 00:11:34,129
Keep playing your cards like that,
303
00:11:34,163 --> 00:11:35,964
and that guy will buy you a car.
304
00:11:35,998 --> 00:11:38,967
Ah, he already did. [Laughs]
305
00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:45,306
And the student becomes the master.
306
00:11:45,340 --> 00:11:48,843
Here you go, sweetie... a
short stack for the big man,
307
00:11:48,861 --> 00:11:49,944
with extra whipped cream.
308
00:11:49,979 --> 00:11:51,613
Because you're my sweetest customer.
309
00:11:51,647 --> 00:11:53,732
Oh, I bet you say that
to all your customers.
310
00:11:53,783 --> 00:11:54,766
I do.
311
00:11:57,203 --> 00:11:58,352
Hey, Mandy Cakes!
312
00:11:58,370 --> 00:12:00,238
Whoa! Oh, oh, whoa!
313
00:12:00,289 --> 00:12:01,322
Hi, first cousin...
314
00:12:01,356 --> 00:12:03,408
the kind that can't be your boyfriend.
315
00:12:04,627 --> 00:12:06,194
It's so good to see you.
316
00:12:06,212 --> 00:12:07,579
Oh, okay, all right.
317
00:12:07,630 --> 00:12:08,747
Yeah, role-play.
318
00:12:08,798 --> 00:12:10,331
I've heard about this.
319
00:12:10,382 --> 00:12:11,666
So, we're cousins.
320
00:12:11,700 --> 00:12:14,085
The taboo makes it more exciting.
321
00:12:14,136 --> 00:12:16,370
Listen, I got to ask you to
stop coming by the diner, though.
322
00:12:16,388 --> 00:12:18,757
It's a thing with the customers.
323
00:12:18,791 --> 00:12:19,808
I just need them to think
324
00:12:19,842 --> 00:12:21,092
that I'm completely available to them.
325
00:12:21,143 --> 00:12:22,727
Available?
326
00:12:22,762 --> 00:12:24,679
It's just flirting, but, um,
327
00:12:24,713 --> 00:12:27,548
just, I get better tips
when I turn on the charm.
328
00:12:27,566 --> 00:12:29,818
- Excuse me...
- In a minute!
329
00:12:31,854 --> 00:12:32,987
Wait a minute.
330
00:12:33,022 --> 00:12:34,322
So you don't want me around.
331
00:12:34,356 --> 00:12:36,491
So that your customers will
think they can date you?
332
00:12:36,525 --> 00:12:37,826
But don't worry... it's completely phony.
333
00:12:37,860 --> 00:12:39,644
Everybody does it. I don't.
334
00:12:39,678 --> 00:12:40,745
Well, of course you do.
335
00:12:40,780 --> 00:12:42,614
At Outdoor Man, you pretend like you like.
336
00:12:42,665 --> 00:12:44,532
All those boring fishing poles and tents.
337
00:12:44,567 --> 00:12:46,818
I love all those fishing poles and tents.
338
00:12:46,852 --> 00:12:49,788
I could never stack boxes of
things that I found boring.
339
00:12:49,822 --> 00:12:51,256
Right, or like with my dad.
340
00:12:51,290 --> 00:12:53,875
You know, you pretend like
you admire and respect him.
341
00:12:53,909 --> 00:12:55,877
I worship your dad. He's a genius.
342
00:12:55,911 --> 00:12:58,797
Um, Kyle, you work for salary,
343
00:12:58,831 --> 00:13:01,900
and I work for tips, so I have to flirt.
344
00:13:01,934 --> 00:13:03,218
Then maybe I could just pretend.
345
00:13:03,252 --> 00:13:04,636
Not to be your boyfriend, you know?
346
00:13:04,687 --> 00:13:07,939
I... I could come and
just sit in Doris' section.
347
00:13:10,442 --> 00:13:12,644
Although the last time I did,
348
00:13:12,695 --> 00:13:16,047
she put my napkin in my
lap for me, which was nice.
349
00:13:16,081 --> 00:13:18,583
But she lingered.
350
00:13:18,617 --> 00:13:20,935
No, Kyle, it's really just better for me.
351
00:13:20,953 --> 00:13:22,770
Ifou d y't come here at all.
352
00:13:22,805 --> 00:13:24,873
Okay.
353
00:13:24,907 --> 00:13:26,825
Fine. I'll go.
354
00:13:26,876 --> 00:13:30,078
Good luck trying to get that
cousin thing going again later.
355
00:13:32,965 --> 00:13:34,549
I feel bad for Phil.
356
00:13:34,583 --> 00:13:36,718
Maybe we could find a
place in accounting here.
357
00:13:36,752 --> 00:13:39,804
No, we've got too many accountants already.
358
00:13:39,889 --> 00:13:42,724
We've got Dale and Gary and Chesty Mona.
359
00:13:44,143 --> 00:13:48,229
We can't fire Chesty Mona
because that's bad for morale.
360
00:13:48,264 --> 00:13:50,765
You've got to stop
calling her "Chesty Mona."
361
00:13:50,799 --> 00:13:54,068
Otherwise, it's gonna come up
in a wrongful-termination suit.
362
00:13:54,103 --> 00:13:56,187
Come on. That's completely innocent.
363
00:13:56,238 --> 00:13:58,690
I just don't want to
confuse her with Black Mona.
364
00:13:58,741 --> 00:14:00,241
All right, with about Gary?
365
00:14:00,276 --> 00:14:02,644
We were gonna fire him
'cause he drinks too much.
366
00:14:02,678 --> 00:14:04,863
No, no, no, you... you
can't. He's in rehab.
367
00:14:04,914 --> 00:14:08,449
Now he's an official
alcoholic. We can't touch him.
368
00:14:08,483 --> 00:14:10,919
But... but h... he never shows up to work.
369
00:14:10,953 --> 00:14:12,871
Yeah, I... I think he's drinking again.
370
00:14:12,922 --> 00:14:14,289
Well, then let's fire him.
371
00:14:14,323 --> 00:14:15,974
Can't... alcoholism is a disease.
372
00:14:16,008 --> 00:14:18,509
Protected under the Americans
with Disabilities Act.
373
00:14:19,962 --> 00:14:21,996
Maybe if we could prove
Gary's a lousy accountant.
374
00:14:22,014 --> 00:14:23,932
He is a lousy accountant!
375
00:14:23,966 --> 00:14:26,551
That's because of the drinking.
376
00:14:26,602 --> 00:14:28,970
Is there anybody we can fire?
377
00:14:29,004 --> 00:14:30,171
Well, we could fire Dale.
378
00:14:30,206 --> 00:14:31,723
He doesn't have anything on me.
379
00:14:31,774 --> 00:14:33,608
He's also the best accountant we have.
380
00:14:33,642 --> 00:14:36,510
So we fire the good people
to protect the bad people.
381
00:14:36,528 --> 00:14:39,447
Isn't that written on
government buildings somewhere?
382
00:14:39,481 --> 00:14:40,641
I'm sorry about your neighbor.
383
00:14:40,666 --> 00:14:42,367
He's out of luck, which
means Eve's out of luck.
384
00:14:42,401 --> 00:14:44,185
She's just gonna have to
beat him fair and square.
385
00:14:44,203 --> 00:14:45,353
I'm not trying to help Eve.
386
00:14:45,371 --> 00:14:47,071
I'm trying to take care of my neighbor.
387
00:14:47,106 --> 00:14:48,740
You want to take care of your neighbor?
388
00:14:48,791 --> 00:14:50,458
- Yeah.
- Well, get him on the sauce.
389
00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:02,935
Hey.
390
00:15:02,969 --> 00:15:04,970
Mandy, what are you doing here?
391
00:15:04,988 --> 00:15:06,522
Just wanted to see my boyfriend.
392
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:07,990
Well, are you sure that's a good idea?
393
00:15:08,024 --> 00:15:09,307
I'm at work.
394
00:15:09,325 --> 00:15:11,476
I need for my customers to
believe I'm available to them.
395
00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:14,863
That is a great purchase, sir.
396
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,982
You should be wearing the
opposite of camouflage.
397
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,400
Everybody should be able to see you.
398
00:15:20,787 --> 00:15:22,254
Kyle, what are you doing?
399
00:15:22,288 --> 00:15:23,839
Just being a big phony.
400
00:15:23,873 --> 00:15:25,124
Who am I kidding?
401
00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:27,292
That was a very handsome man.
402
00:15:27,327 --> 00:15:28,544
Okay.
403
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:30,295
All right, I get it.
404
00:15:30,329 --> 00:15:32,431
You don't like that I'm
flirting with my customers.
405
00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:33,498
No, I don't.
406
00:15:33,516 --> 00:15:35,150
I don't understand.
407
00:15:35,185 --> 00:15:37,302
You've never been jealous before.
408
00:15:37,336 --> 00:15:39,521
Something feels different now.
409
00:15:39,556 --> 00:15:42,274
Before when you asked about the future,
410
00:15:42,308 --> 00:15:43,992
I started thinking about our future.
411
00:15:44,027 --> 00:15:45,611
I know that's not what you meant.
412
00:15:47,730 --> 00:15:50,098
That's actually exactly what I meant, yeah.
413
00:15:50,133 --> 00:15:53,068
Wow, we really should've
cleared that up then.
414
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:57,122
The point is, I made an
extra $40 at the diner today.
415
00:15:57,157 --> 00:15:59,741
And I hated every minute of it.
416
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:01,009
Because of me?
417
00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:03,128
Yes.
418
00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:05,363
As long as you're
miserable, I guess I'm happy.
419
00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:11,036
I want to say something,
420
00:16:11,070 --> 00:16:14,039
but I... I don't want
you to feel any pressure.
421
00:16:14,057 --> 00:16:15,373
Oh, I... I can take pressure.
422
00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:18,043
My brothers used to sit
on me, like, all the time.
423
00:16:21,297 --> 00:16:23,115
I love you.
424
00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:26,652
Boy, I'm glad you're not a customer.
425
00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:29,521
Why?
426
00:16:29,555 --> 00:16:32,891
So you know I'm not being
a big phony when I say...
427
00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:34,109
I love you, too.
428
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:41,333
Wait, you say, "I love
you" to your customers?
429
00:16:43,469 --> 00:16:45,454
Some people need to hear it, Mandy.
430
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,506
[Chuckles]
431
00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:51,510
Yeah! Eat it, Munroe!
432
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:54,046
Dad, I got five driveways,
and he only got four.
433
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,131
- Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.
- Huh?
434
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:57,466
Where's mine?
435
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:58,717
[Sighs]
436
00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:00,385
There's your taste.
437
00:17:00,419 --> 00:17:02,587
Nutritious and delicious!
438
00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:04,756
[Doorbell rings]
439
00:17:04,791 --> 00:17:07,259
Hey, Larabee.
440
00:17:07,277 --> 00:17:08,860
- Hey, Baxter.
- Come on in.
441
00:17:08,895 --> 00:17:11,930
No, I've got someplace else I'd like to be.
442
00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:14,933
And I wish you were there.
443
00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:17,653
Listen, I heard you went with Munroe.
444
00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:23,258
What... don't you like
Eve's snow no mo' no mo'?
445
00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:25,127
No.
446
00:17:25,161 --> 00:17:26,795
Uh, check out this flyer.
447
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:30,999
Eve posted those on trees
up and down the street.
448
00:17:31,034 --> 00:17:33,502
"Missing cat, tigger, was last seen
449
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:35,887
in a driveway Phil Munroe was...
450
00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:39,624
clearing with his snowblower."
451
00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:41,243
I thought you might want to know.
452
00:17:41,277 --> 00:17:43,145
The way your daughter is playing this.
453
00:17:43,179 --> 00:17:45,230
- Thanks.
- Dead cats.
454
00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:48,133
Not cool.
455
00:17:51,304 --> 00:17:53,138
Hey, Eve.
456
00:17:53,172 --> 00:17:55,607
All right, fine, fine,
fine. I did six driveways.
457
00:17:55,641 --> 00:17:57,192
Here's your $2, Mr. Scrooge.
458
00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:58,243
What's this about?
459
00:17:58,278 --> 00:17:59,244
Oh, awesome, right?
460
00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:00,645
That'll teach Munroe not to undersell me.
461
00:18:00,663 --> 00:18:01,663
- Take them down.
- Huh?
462
00:18:01,698 --> 00:18:02,814
Take them down.
463
00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:04,199
Well, what happened to the free market,
464
00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:05,917
destroying the competition,
putting Munroe out on the street?
465
00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:06,985
I never said any of that.
466
00:18:07,003 --> 00:18:09,921
I set loftier goals for myself.
467
00:18:09,956 --> 00:18:11,456
The free market is the greatest thing.
468
00:18:11,490 --> 00:18:12,874
That ever happened to this planet,
469
00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:14,960
but it only works if there's
some moral compass to it.
470
00:18:14,994 --> 00:18:16,511
You start lying and cheating about it,
471
00:18:16,546 --> 00:18:17,796
it defeats the whole purpose.
472
00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:19,514
Go take them down right now.
473
00:18:19,549 --> 00:18:20,999
- Great, perfect.
- Yeah.
474
00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:22,267
Just when you get an edge,
475
00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:26,138
the man hits you with regulations!
476
00:18:26,172 --> 00:18:27,556
Boy, I love that kid.
477
00:18:29,508 --> 00:18:30,906
[Doorbell rings]
478
00:18:31,626 --> 00:18:33,020
Larabee.
479
00:18:33,082 --> 00:18:34,783
I was just... oh, hey, Phil.
480
00:18:34,817 --> 00:18:36,511
Oh, listen, I just talked to my daughter.
481
00:18:36,569 --> 00:18:39,335
That was a terrible thing. She's gonna
take them all down, I apologize, okay?
482
00:18:39,530 --> 00:18:42,044
Oh, good. I'm up for a
part-time job at a pet store,
483
00:18:42,068 --> 00:18:44,039
and I... I don't need
this kind of publicity.
484
00:18:44,126 --> 00:18:45,310
Hey, Phil, hold on a second.
485
00:18:45,344 --> 00:18:46,845
Step in here for a minute.
I got to ask you a question.
486
00:18:46,896 --> 00:18:49,631
Listen, um...
487
00:18:49,649 --> 00:18:52,017
I understand, uh,
488
00:18:52,133 --> 00:18:53,833
that your company went
through a little downsizing.
489
00:18:53,867 --> 00:18:56,002
Oh, you found out about that, huh?
490
00:18:56,036 --> 00:18:57,870
You're an honorable guy and a hard worker,
491
00:18:57,888 --> 00:18:59,673
and, listen, I think I may have an opening.
492
00:18:59,707 --> 00:19:01,591
In the accounting
department at Outdoor Man.
493
00:19:01,625 --> 00:19:02,976
Wow, really?
494
00:19:03,010 --> 00:19:04,594
Yeah, I have to get rid of a drunk.
495
00:19:04,645 --> 00:19:06,379
Who never shows up and I don't like,
496
00:19:06,397 --> 00:19:08,181
but I'm willing to make that sacrifice.
497
00:19:08,215 --> 00:19:10,684
Oh, man.
498
00:19:10,718 --> 00:19:12,485
Thank you so much, Baxter!
499
00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:15,054
What I need you to do is
come by tomorrow morning,
500
00:19:15,072 --> 00:19:17,107
talk to HR, right, bring your r�sum�,
501
00:19:17,158 --> 00:19:19,242
driver's license, and my orbital sander.
502
00:19:19,276 --> 00:19:20,995
[Chuckles]
503
00:19:21,013 --> 00:19:22,047
You got it.
504
00:19:22,098 --> 00:19:23,098
You know what?
505
00:19:23,132 --> 00:19:24,165
And after that, we can go have a beer.
506
00:19:24,183 --> 00:19:25,500
Oh, I... I don't drink.
507
00:19:25,518 --> 00:19:27,936
Well, start. It's job security.
508
00:19:35,177 --> 00:19:36,478
[Sighs]
509
00:19:36,612 --> 00:19:37,829
Oh, man!
510
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:39,280
- Look at that bankroll.
- Vanessa: Hey.
511
00:19:39,298 --> 00:19:41,633
Yeah, since I knocked off the competition,
512
00:19:41,667 --> 00:19:43,335
I jacked up my prices again.
513
00:19:43,386 --> 00:19:44,719
Where's my taste?
514
00:19:44,754 --> 00:19:45,720
Sorry, old man.
515
00:19:45,755 --> 00:19:47,422
Now that Munroe has a real job,
516
00:19:47,456 --> 00:19:49,474
he offered to lease me his snowblower.
517
00:19:49,508 --> 00:19:50,725
For a buck a driveway.
518
00:19:53,479 --> 00:19:55,230
So you're squeezing me out?
519
00:19:55,264 --> 00:19:58,049
Free market... you got to love it.
520
00:20:01,187 --> 00:20:04,739
So, your daughter cut you out.
521
00:20:04,774 --> 00:20:07,575
How does that make you feel?
522
00:20:07,610 --> 00:20:10,211
I love that girl.
523
00:20:24,491 --> 00:20:26,831
Mike Baxter here for Outdoor Man.
524
00:20:27,319 --> 00:20:29,196
I'm on top of the mountain, folks.
525
00:20:29,472 --> 00:20:31,436
You know who gets to be
on top of the mountain?
526
00:20:31,556 --> 00:20:33,569
People who can actually climb mountains.
527
00:20:33,569 --> 00:20:35,897
It's called meritocracy,
528
00:20:36,017 --> 00:20:39,287
and it should be the basis
for advancement in society.
529
00:20:39,619 --> 00:20:42,560
Meritocracy pushes people to achieve
530
00:20:42,803 --> 00:20:44,136
big things,
531
00:20:44,180 --> 00:20:45,731
like scaling...
532
00:20:45,988 --> 00:20:47,596
Mount Everest.
533
00:20:47,953 --> 00:20:49,623
But our Federal Government �
534
00:20:49,642 --> 00:20:51,700
likes stuff to be more fair.
535
00:20:52,319 --> 00:20:55,566
You know, like that
really exciting soccer game
536
00:20:55,573 --> 00:20:57,793
that they don't allow
your kids to win or lose.
537
00:20:57,831 --> 00:20:59,783
They don't want people feeling like losers,
538
00:20:59,795 --> 00:21:02,311
so, no, everybody just
goes home going [yawns]
539
00:21:02,317 --> 00:21:03,875
"What'd we just do?"
540
00:21:04,526 --> 00:21:06,310
the fact is, whether it's mountain climbing
541
00:21:06,310 --> 00:21:07,680
or climbing the corporate ladder,
542
00:21:07,736 --> 00:21:10,883
the big prize should go to
the person who merits it most.
543
00:21:10,909 --> 00:21:12,085
It's a simple idea.
544
00:21:12,398 --> 00:21:14,425
But it's made American free enterprise
545
00:21:14,443 --> 00:21:16,584
[echoing] the envy of the world!
546
00:21:20,319 --> 00:21:22,759
That would normally be a big problem.
547
00:21:23,310 --> 00:21:26,908
We have satellite phones on
sale at Outdoor Man this week.
548
00:21:28,327 --> 00:21:29,579
[chuckles] Help.
549
00:21:32,644 --> 00:21:42,644
- synced & corrected by dreaMaker7
and chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -
39896
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