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"Last Man Standing" was recorded
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in front of a live studio audience.
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[ Sighs ] Hello, my beautiful sister.
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Yes, let's lock that in
as your standard greeting.
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Yeah! What are you so happy about?
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[ Sighs ]
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This hot guy, Wyatt Pierce,
he talked to me today.
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[ Gasps ] Oh, my God.
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I remember the first
hot guy who talked to me.
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We were in second grade,
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and he already knew he
wanted to be a doctor.
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So, um, first, he, likechecked up on my...
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Me, Mandy. We're talking about me.
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Wyatt asked me to copy my homework.
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Yeah, no, you don't
want to let him do that.
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I'm pretty sure I do.
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No, sweetie, he's using you.
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I think he might really like me, Mandy
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okay, well, if hot guy likes you now,
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he's gonna want you even
more after you turn him down.
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[ Clicks tongue ]
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So you never say no, but you want me to?
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Hey. What are you guys talking about?
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Oh, this hot guy at school
wants to copy my homework.
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Oh, but you said no, right?
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'Cause he will respect you more.
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Trust me.
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Oh, okay. That's smart. Thanks, Kristin.
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Beep-bop. Sorry. One thing.
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"Thanks, Kristin"?
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I think, um, I just said the same thing.
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I don't think so. What she said made sense.
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No one listens to the beautiful.
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Year after year,
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miss America says we
should end world hunger,
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but I am pretty sure it's still a problem.
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[ Doorbell rings ]
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Oh, hey. Carol, wow.
Hi. Hey. Hi. How are you?
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- How's it going? Good to see you.
- Hi. Come on in.
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Yeah. Is Mike here? Yeah, he just got home.
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Oh, we can't stay then. Ohh. Okay.
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Um [Chuckles] listen, I'm
running for school board,
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and we'd love it if you'd put
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one of my campaign signs on your lawn.
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- Hmm?
- Oh. Oh, of course. Yeah.
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Us sisters, we got to stick together!
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"We sisters."
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Yeah, grammar's a big part of my platform.
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Thanks. All right, Chuck, you
get this side of the street.
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I'll get lunch. Mm-hmm. Right on.
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- Let me see that.
- Oh, here you go.
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- Oh, wow. Look at that smile. Mm.
- Huh.
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Who in their right mind
wouldn't vote for her?
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- Hmm?
- Aw, it's just you, Larabee?
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Honey, call home security.
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Tell them it's just a false alarm.
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You don't need home security, Baxter.
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That hillbilly truck you
drive lets everybody know
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there's nothing in this
place worth stealing.
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Where should I put the sign?
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That's cardboard and metal.
That's the blue bin, right?
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Aw. Here we go.
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It's never easy with you, is it, Baxter?
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Carol is running for school board
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and we are going to support her.
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We can't support her.
She may have bad judgment.
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I mean, look who she married.
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[ Sighs ]
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She stands for better schools.
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You got a problem with better schools?
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No, that's not really his problem.
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Uh, why don't you show your
buddy Chuck where to put this?
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Hey, no. He's not my buddy.
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Why do you say "Buddy"? He's not my buddy.
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Let's figure out where
to put your stupid sign.
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Hey, if anybody knows stupid.
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I'm following stupid
right out into my yard.
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That's what I'm doing.
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sync and corrections
by dreaMaker7 www.addic7ed.com
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Yeah, so, if you've got any
questions, just come to me.
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I've been janitor, then stock clerk,
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then loading-dock clerk, and clerk clerk.
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Jack of all trades, huh?
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I'm Kyle, dude.
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You're not gonna last very long around here
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if you can't remember people's names.
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- Morning, Mr. B.
- Morning.
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I was just showing the new guy around.
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Yeah? Show him where the crossbows are.
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Get him an apple. I'll be right downstairs.
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[ Laughs ] Ah, Mr. B.
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He's just giving you the business.
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We do that a lot around here.
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Shut up, Kyle.
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[ Laughs ] Classic Mr. B.
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Well, I do appreciate
the janitor job, Mike.
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I know you don't like
having me around here.
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[ Chuckles ] Not just here.
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Kyle! Kyle, coffee!
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Morning, Mr. Alzate.
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Why am I staring at an empty pot?
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This Danish feels like
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a big rig jackknifed in my colon.
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Uh, allow me, sir.
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What's with that salte ?
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Oh. Well, you said your
stomach was bothering you.
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The sodium cuts the acid
and makes it a lot smoother.
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Well, how about that, Kyle?
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We have in our midst an expert
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at teasing gentle flavor
from the arabica bean.
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Yeah, but what we really need
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is someone who can make some coffee.
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Yeah, I learned a lot about coffee
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backpacking through Brazil.
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Did you know that old grounds
make excellent fertilizer?
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Yeah?
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And, uh, I'm no expert,
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but that miniature Jayne
Austin Rose in there
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could use a little bit of nitrogen.
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You're the first person to notice my roses
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and know them by name.
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He could spend some time
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learning the name of his co-workers.
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Called me Jack.
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Yeah, between junior and
senior year of college,
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I actually worked in a nursery.
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Yeah, I just needed time away
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from all the books and the schedules and...
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yeah, and the kid you left behind.
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I think you spent time in the wrong nsery.
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Don't worry, son. Mike's a fair guy.
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He's gonna forgive you one day.
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Every young man makes mistakes.
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[ Chuckles ] I married my fair share, so...
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Well, thank you, Mr. Alzate.
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No, Ed. Ed.
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Well, hey, if you like
a guy that makesistakes,
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I mean, I'm right here.
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I might have left my stove on.
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Who knows what I'm coming home to?
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Mike? Mike?!
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I'm here.
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You've got to be kidding me.
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No, I'm still this handsome.
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Look outside, and tell me what you see.
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Go ahead.
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Ugh.
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The sherazis added another fountain?
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No. [ Sighs ]
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What you don't see. Carol's sign.
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Honey, what happened to Carol's sign?
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How the hell would I know?
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Maybe it's moving on up to the east side.
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Come on. That's not funny.
We have to support her.
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We know her. She's been in our home.
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So has the guy that fixes
the garbage disposal,
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and he's probably not
qualified for public office
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'cause he can actually fix something.
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She's our friend, Mike.
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She's only your friend
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because she gives you
some sort street cred.
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Stop.
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You know, Carol's my friend
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just like Chuck is... is your friend.
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Chuck is not my friend.
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Oh, please. You
lo-o-o-ve Chuck.
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You know, I bet you took that sign
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just so your best buddy
would come marching over here
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and you could do your weird mating dance.
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"You're stupid." "No, you're an idiot."
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It's like foreplay.
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Listen, there's only one person
I consider my best friend.
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Honey.
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Rick Wallace.
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Rick Wallace?
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But you haven't seen him in 10 years.
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That's what makes him a perfect friend.
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He never calls. He doesn't
want anything from me.
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He might even be dead.
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Well, I am glad you two are so tight.
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I'm kidding around. He's alive.
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We connect on Facebook all the time.
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He's always telling me
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how his kid got third place in a swim meet.
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Not sure why you'd want to advertise that.
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Mike, you...you really
don't consider us friends?
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How can we be friends? We're married.
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Go on.
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- Honey, honey, honey, honey.
- What?
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We've got something
bigger than a friendship.
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00:07:00,745 --> 00:07:03,880
We have a legally binding contract.
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[ Scoffs ] And that's the
only thing keeping us together?
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No, but it... it's an incentive.
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[ Sighs ]
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00:07:14,125 --> 00:07:16,676
Mandy, honey, uh, I want to
get your opinion on something.
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Finally. Somebody who
values my advice around here.
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Don't bring her into this.
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00:07:19,764 --> 00:07:23,499
Uh, do you consider Kyle
to be your best friend?
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00:07:23,518 --> 00:07:27,003
Oh, that's really
interesting. Um, let me think.
200
00:07:27,021 --> 00:07:30,273
Well, I have my besties,
my BFFS, and my frenemies,
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00:07:30,308 --> 00:07:31,691
and then there's my guy friends.
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00:07:31,726 --> 00:07:33,560
So, like there's my
gays and my ex-boyfriends
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00:07:33,611 --> 00:07:35,061
and then my wannabe-boyfriend friends,
204
00:07:35,112 --> 00:07:36,897
and then there's, like, my work friends
205
00:07:36,948 --> 00:07:38,732
and my school friends
and my Facebook friends,
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00:07:38,783 --> 00:07:41,201
Twitter-ati, and then the girlfriends
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00:07:41,235 --> 00:07:42,736
whose names I don't
know, but I'm just like,
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"Hey, girlfriend! Yeah!"
209
00:07:45,122 --> 00:07:48,191
And then there's my bitches.
210
00:07:48,209 --> 00:07:51,378
Yeah. And... and Kyle?
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00:07:51,412 --> 00:07:52,829
Oh, yeah. He's in there somewhere.
212
00:07:54,215 --> 00:07:56,216
And, honey, I'm sure you're
in there somewhere, too.
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00:07:56,250 --> 00:07:57,717
[ Doorbell rings ]
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00:07:57,752 --> 00:07:58,868
Here, let me get that.
215
00:07:58,886 --> 00:07:59,869
Oh, ha ha ha.
216
00:08:01,138 --> 00:08:02,889
Chuck.
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00:08:02,924 --> 00:08:05,559
Ah. Hi, Mr. Larabee. Vanessa. Mandy.
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00:08:05,593 --> 00:08:07,561
Baxter.
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00:08:07,595 --> 00:08:08,711
Chuck.
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00:08:08,729 --> 00:08:10,814
I noticed your sign was missing.
221
00:08:10,848 --> 00:08:12,315
Uh, yeah, it... it disapared.
222
00:08:12,350 --> 00:08:14,100
We could put another one up right away.
223
00:08:14,151 --> 00:08:15,602
Maybe we should put it in
the backyard this time...
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00:08:15,653 --> 00:08:17,737
keep it nice and safe.
225
00:08:17,772 --> 00:08:20,073
See, pal? I thought you'd come
to support a black candidate.
226
00:08:20,107 --> 00:08:22,776
Don't you ever want to
be on the winning side?
227
00:08:22,827 --> 00:08:25,445
Yeah, my theory is Mike took the sign
228
00:08:25,496 --> 00:08:27,080
just so you would come over here,
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00:08:27,114 --> 00:08:29,449
because you two enjoy each
other's company so much.
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00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:32,168
What the what? Uh, no...yeah.
231
00:08:32,203 --> 00:08:33,503
What? No.
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00:08:33,537 --> 00:08:36,456
I-I go out of my way to avoid him.
233
00:08:36,507 --> 00:08:38,925
Well, you suck at it. I can see you.
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00:08:40,595 --> 00:08:43,246
Geez, you two. Get a room.
235
00:08:50,316 --> 00:08:52,897
Hey, Ed, you remember Rick Wallace, right?
236
00:08:52,951 --> 00:08:53,951
Best man at your wedding.
237
00:08:53,986 --> 00:08:55,119
Yeah, yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah.
238
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One of my best friends.
239
00:08:56,438 --> 00:08:59,156
You wouldn't happen to have
his phone number, would you?
240
00:08:59,207 --> 00:09:00,825
I stopped talking to that guy.
241
00:09:00,876 --> 00:09:03,878
He was always bragging
about his mediocre kid.
242
00:09:03,912 --> 00:09:05,880
Third place in the swim meet.
243
00:09:05,914 --> 00:09:08,833
"Yay, you lost. You lost."
244
00:09:08,884 --> 00:09:10,718
Kind of lost touch with him. He moved away.
245
00:09:10,752 --> 00:09:12,003
I guess that's what happens.
246
00:09:12,037 --> 00:09:13,888
He moved back to Denver two years ago.
247
00:09:13,922 --> 00:09:17,641
He's been in the store.
Surprised he didn't say "Hi".
248
00:09:17,676 --> 00:09:20,311
Probably just, you know, knows I'm busy.
249
00:09:20,345 --> 00:09:22,430
Probably didn't want to bug me.
250
00:09:22,464 --> 00:09:24,515
That's why he's a great friend.
251
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- Hey, Mr. Alzate?
- Yeah.
252
00:09:26,568 --> 00:09:28,019
Uh, I was thinking about that conversation
253
00:09:28,070 --> 00:09:29,186
you had with Ryan yesterday.
254
00:09:29,237 --> 00:09:31,739
Mm-hmm. So, uh, I made you this.
255
00:09:31,773 --> 00:09:33,407
A mix tape?
256
00:09:33,442 --> 00:09:35,409
Yeah, a killer mix tape.
257
00:09:35,444 --> 00:09:37,361
Uh, "Kiss from a rose," by seal,
258
00:09:37,412 --> 00:09:40,031
"Every rose has its Thorn," by miley C.,
259
00:09:40,082 --> 00:09:42,950
and, of course, "The
rose," by the divine miss M.
260
00:09:44,002 --> 00:09:45,086
Guess what the theme is.
261
00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:47,671
"How to make another man
really uncomfortable."
262
00:09:49,791 --> 00:09:52,209
I don't know what to do with this.
263
00:09:52,244 --> 00:09:54,095
Well, I thought we could listen to it,
264
00:09:54,129 --> 00:09:56,163
you know, while we talk about worldly stuff
265
00:09:56,181 --> 00:09:58,165
like salty coffee and roses.
266
00:09:58,183 --> 00:09:59,433
O-or kangaroos.
267
00:09:59,468 --> 00:10:02,219
I did a report on them
in the fourth grade, so...
268
00:10:02,270 --> 00:10:03,504
Some other time, Kyle.
269
00:10:03,522 --> 00:10:05,523
My daughter and I have lunch plans.
270
00:10:05,557 --> 00:10:08,526
Actually, uh, Gabriella
called and had to cancel, sir.
271
00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:11,862
So you're as free as a kookaburra bird,
272
00:10:11,897 --> 00:10:15,950
a species indigenous to
Australia, like the kangaroo.
273
00:10:15,984 --> 00:10:17,868
All right, now who do I have lunch with?
274
00:10:21,406 --> 00:10:23,190
Ryan.
275
00:10:23,208 --> 00:10:24,708
Ryan, you hungry?
276
00:10:24,743 --> 00:10:25,743
Always.
277
00:10:25,794 --> 00:10:27,694
Good. Let's have lunch.
278
00:10:27,712 --> 00:10:29,880
Huh? You're gonna love this place.
279
00:10:29,915 --> 00:10:32,583
It has a candy cane rose
bush growing over the portico.
280
00:10:32,634 --> 00:10:33,918
Yeah, it's an amazing restaurant.
281
00:10:33,969 --> 00:10:36,253
[ Chuckles ] Except for the food.
282
00:10:39,495 --> 00:10:42,209
Hi. Whoa, whoa. What's so funny? What's up?
283
00:10:42,227 --> 00:10:43,544
- What?
- Oh, no. Nothing.
284
00:10:43,562 --> 00:10:45,896
Um, Eve was just telling
me all about Wyatt.
285
00:10:45,931 --> 00:10:48,232
Yep, I told him he
couldn't copy my homework,
286
00:10:48,266 --> 00:10:50,217
and he asked me to hang out tonight.
287
00:10:50,235 --> 00:10:52,236
Yes! Exactly what I said would happen.
288
00:10:52,270 --> 00:10:53,737
Exactly what Kristin said would happen.
289
00:10:53,772 --> 00:10:54,738
But I said it first.
290
00:10:54,773 --> 00:10:56,273
Okay, Mandy, you are sounding
291
00:10:56,324 --> 00:10:57,708
really childish right now.
292
00:10:57,742 --> 00:10:59,276
That's why I didn't take her advice.
293
00:10:59,327 --> 00:11:00,494
But you did take it!
294
00:11:00,529 --> 00:11:01,996
Can't wait to meet this guy.
295
00:11:02,030 --> 00:11:03,564
When's he coming to pick you up?
296
00:11:03,582 --> 00:11:05,116
Oh, no. I'm meeting him and
a bunch of people at the mall.
297
00:11:05,167 --> 00:11:08,669
Oh, yeah. That sounds good.
Low-key, less pressure.
298
00:11:08,736 --> 00:11:11,372
[ Inhales sharply ] Group date. Bag.
299
00:11:12,424 --> 00:11:13,740
Yeah, see you later, Wyatt.
300
00:11:13,758 --> 00:11:16,260
If he really liked you,
he'd ask you out solo.
301
00:11:16,294 --> 00:11:17,761
No, no, no. Maybe he's just nervous
302
00:11:17,796 --> 00:11:19,580
and wants to have his friends around, yeah.
303
00:11:19,598 --> 00:11:21,748
No. Guys go on group dates
to keep their options open.
304
00:11:21,766 --> 00:11:23,551
He's probably gonna go sneak off
305
00:11:23,585 --> 00:11:24,802
and make out with Sarah.
306
00:11:24,853 --> 00:11:25,970
How did you know Sarah was going?
307
00:11:26,021 --> 00:11:28,439
There's always a Sarah.
308
00:11:28,473 --> 00:11:29,807
Hey, I say go for it, okay?
309
00:11:29,858 --> 00:11:31,308
You are just being competitive
310
00:11:31,359 --> 00:11:33,260
because she took my advice and not yours.
311
00:11:33,278 --> 00:11:38,098
It was my advice! We
gave her the same advice!
312
00:11:38,116 --> 00:11:39,283
- Hello, ladies.
- Hey, dad.
313
00:11:39,317 --> 00:11:40,934
What are you doing home from work?
314
00:11:40,952 --> 00:11:42,069
I forgot something.
315
00:11:42,103 --> 00:11:45,289
I forgot your boyfriend works where I work.
316
00:11:45,323 --> 00:11:47,324
What are you doing home?
317
00:11:47,375 --> 00:11:49,943
Well, feeling real welcome.
318
00:11:49,961 --> 00:11:52,163
Where are you going?
319
00:11:52,214 --> 00:11:54,832
Well, contractually bound roommate,
320
00:11:54,883 --> 00:11:55,883
I am going to have lunch
321
00:11:55,917 --> 00:11:57,384
with my good friend Carol Larabee.
322
00:11:57,419 --> 00:11:59,220
It is something that friends do.
323
00:11:59,254 --> 00:12:01,288
Well, if you become best friends,
324
00:12:01,306 --> 00:12:03,123
you'll never have to see her.
325
00:12:05,143 --> 00:12:06,627
Mike.
326
00:12:06,645 --> 00:12:11,148
[ Scoffs ] Somebody
stole Carol's sign again.
327
00:12:11,183 --> 00:12:12,316
Well, we tried.
328
00:12:12,350 --> 00:12:14,485
No, hey. Come here. Come on.
329
00:12:14,519 --> 00:12:15,486
What?
330
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:16,737
[ Scoffs ]
331
00:12:16,771 --> 00:12:18,689
How about I go to Larabee's
and ask for another one?
332
00:12:18,740 --> 00:12:20,140
Yes. Yeah. Yeah, of course.
333
00:12:20,158 --> 00:12:21,141
You don't want your best buddy
334
00:12:21,159 --> 00:12:22,409
to think you're the one who took it.
335
00:12:22,444 --> 00:12:24,361
I couldn't give a rat's
ass what Larabee thinks.
336
00:12:24,412 --> 00:12:25,496
You know, from now on,
337
00:12:25,530 --> 00:12:27,831
let's leave the manger up all year long.
338
00:12:27,866 --> 00:12:29,166
No one's gonna pull this kind of crap
339
00:12:29,201 --> 00:12:31,168
in front of a plastic Jesus.
340
00:12:35,590 --> 00:12:38,209
[ Doorbell rings ]
341
00:12:40,378 --> 00:12:41,712
Larabee.
342
00:12:41,763 --> 00:12:43,847
[ Doorbell rings ]
343
00:12:58,313 --> 00:13:00,147
Need a hand with that, Baxter?
344
00:13:10,349 --> 00:13:12,488
This is fun. [ Chuckles ]
345
00:13:12,566 --> 00:13:13,402
Yeah.
346
00:13:13,416 --> 00:13:14,399
Boy, it's been a long time
347
00:13:14,417 --> 00:13:15,583
since we've had lunch together, huh?
348
00:13:15,618 --> 00:13:16,584
Mm-hmm.
349
00:13:16,619 --> 00:13:19,254
Have we ever had lunch together?
350
00:13:21,340 --> 00:13:22,290
Haven't we?
351
00:13:22,325 --> 00:13:24,092
Never.
352
00:13:24,126 --> 00:13:26,928
Then it really has been a long time.
353
00:13:26,963 --> 00:13:28,746
[ Clears throat ]
354
00:13:28,764 --> 00:13:32,300
Boy, I really... I love your earrings.
355
00:13:32,351 --> 00:13:35,353
Oh, Chuck gave these to
me for our anniversary.
356
00:13:35,388 --> 00:13:36,688
Ah, Mike gave me a lecture
357
00:13:36,722 --> 00:13:38,974
on why anniversaries are fascist.
358
00:13:39,008 --> 00:13:40,942
[ Chuckles ]
359
00:13:40,977 --> 00:13:43,611
You know, uh, uh, let me...
let me ask you something.
360
00:13:43,646 --> 00:13:47,115
Um, do you and Chuck
consider yourselves friends?
361
00:13:47,149 --> 00:13:50,201
Oh, we're best friends.
362
00:13:50,236 --> 00:13:52,704
Great. Oh, that's good. Great.
363
00:13:52,738 --> 00:13:54,789
Yeah, um, you know, Mike...
364
00:13:54,824 --> 00:13:58,143
Mike won't admit that he
and I are best friends.
365
00:13:58,177 --> 00:13:59,210
That's something you want?
366
00:13:59,245 --> 00:14:00,278
[ Chuckles ]
367
00:14:00,296 --> 00:14:02,664
And I keep forgetting that you've met Mike.
368
00:14:02,715 --> 00:14:04,165
I mean, you know,
I-I-I know he loves me.
369
00:14:04,216 --> 00:14:06,001
I just want to know
that he likes me as much
370
00:14:06,052 --> 00:14:08,169
as some guy he hasn't seen in 10 years.
371
00:14:08,220 --> 00:14:10,005
- What do men know about friendship?
- Yeah, I don't know.
372
00:14:10,056 --> 00:14:12,507
I mean, Chuck won't even say
that he and Mike are friends.
373
00:14:12,558 --> 00:14:15,510
Oh, God. Men are so
afraid of their feelings.
374
00:14:15,561 --> 00:14:17,679
- Mm-hmm. - It's like if they
admit they like each other,
375
00:14:17,730 --> 00:14:19,647
they're on the trail
to "Brokeback Mountain."
376
00:14:19,682 --> 00:14:23,485
Oh, if being gay means being
able to express your feelings,
377
00:14:23,519 --> 00:14:26,154
I wish our husbands
were more like those two.
378
00:14:26,188 --> 00:14:27,389
Hmm? Over there.
379
00:14:29,025 --> 00:14:32,143
Mmm. That's amazing.
380
00:14:32,161 --> 00:14:33,912
It tastes amazing.
381
00:14:33,946 --> 00:14:35,747
Mm-hmm.
382
00:14:38,534 --> 00:14:40,035
[ Knock on door ]
383
00:14:40,086 --> 00:14:42,704
Hey, uh, so how was lunch with Ryan?
384
00:14:42,755 --> 00:14:45,990
Does he know anything about kangaroos?
385
00:14:46,008 --> 00:14:49,210
Lunch was ordered, eaten,
and is now being digested.
386
00:14:49,261 --> 00:14:51,679
So it's not a good time. [ Chuckles ]
387
00:14:51,714 --> 00:14:56,017
All right. [ Clears throat ]
388
00:14:56,052 --> 00:14:57,685
That was my nice way of asking you
389
00:14:57,720 --> 00:14:59,854
to get the hell out.
390
00:15:01,057 --> 00:15:03,508
Oh, what's bothering you, son?
391
00:15:03,526 --> 00:15:05,009
Oh, I'm just trying to work up the courage
392
00:15:05,027 --> 00:15:06,377
to tell you something, sir.
393
00:15:06,412 --> 00:15:09,013
So spit it out. You've wasted enough time.
394
00:15:09,031 --> 00:15:14,119
Okay, um, Ryan's been
working here for two weeks.
395
00:15:14,153 --> 00:15:17,205
I'm sorry that was so hard for you to say.
396
00:15:17,239 --> 00:15:19,874
Uh, no, no, no. There's...there's more.
397
00:15:19,909 --> 00:15:20,992
Mm-hmm?
398
00:15:21,026 --> 00:15:24,362
Um, I've been working here for four years.
399
00:15:24,396 --> 00:15:27,698
I can see how all that
math can be difficult.
400
00:15:27,716 --> 00:15:29,434
It's just that in all that time,
401
00:15:29,468 --> 00:15:30,919
not once have you asked me,
402
00:15:30,970 --> 00:15:32,554
"hey, do you want to go get lunch?"
403
00:15:32,588 --> 00:15:34,055
I ask you to get lunch all the time.
404
00:15:34,090 --> 00:15:35,373
You ask me to get your lunch.
405
00:15:35,391 --> 00:15:38,376
And a lot of times, I have to pay for it.
406
00:15:38,394 --> 00:15:40,361
You know, by the way, you owe me $7.
407
00:15:41,313 --> 00:15:42,480
$6.88.
408
00:15:42,515 --> 00:15:44,983
I rounded up 'cause I'm
really upset right now.
409
00:15:45,017 --> 00:15:48,103
Kyle, Kyle. Kyle, wait. Oh, oh, oh, okay.
410
00:15:48,154 --> 00:15:50,772
I think I understand.
411
00:15:50,823 --> 00:15:52,107
You want to get lunch?
412
00:15:52,158 --> 00:15:53,741
Fine. What do you want me to get you?
413
00:15:53,776 --> 00:15:56,411
No, Kyle. No, no. [ Chuckles ] No.
414
00:15:56,445 --> 00:15:58,029
Just the two of us... next week.
415
00:15:58,063 --> 00:15:59,914
We'll spend some quality time together.
416
00:15:59,949 --> 00:16:02,750
Thank you, sir. It means a lot to me.
417
00:16:02,785 --> 00:16:04,235
- All right.
- All right.
418
00:16:04,253 --> 00:16:07,088
Has it really been four years?
419
00:16:07,123 --> 00:16:10,108
Well, it's only been 3
years, 9 months, and 2 days.
420
00:16:11,594 --> 00:16:13,578
Wow.
421
00:16:13,596 --> 00:16:15,680
Got to get that rounding-up
thing under control.
422
00:16:18,350 --> 00:16:20,802
All right.
423
00:16:20,853 --> 00:16:22,187
This sign isn't going anywhere,
424
00:16:22,221 --> 00:16:23,521
whether I want it to or not...
425
00:16:23,556 --> 00:16:24,856
much like you in this neighborhood.
426
00:16:26,275 --> 00:16:28,092
So you still think I stole your signs?
427
00:16:28,110 --> 00:16:29,194
Well, I don't know.
428
00:16:29,228 --> 00:16:31,196
How about you give me
the key to those locks?
429
00:16:31,230 --> 00:16:34,782
Okay, Baxter. Sorry I suspected you.
430
00:16:34,817 --> 00:16:36,117
I'm used to being persecuted.
431
00:16:36,152 --> 00:16:37,318
You have no idea
432
00:16:37,369 --> 00:16:38,703
what it's like being
a white man in America.
433
00:16:41,874 --> 00:16:44,826
Ohh!
434
00:16:44,877 --> 00:16:48,112
I sure hope Carol wins.
435
00:16:48,130 --> 00:16:49,280
It'd be a shame to go through all of this
436
00:16:49,298 --> 00:16:51,049
and not have the house all to myself.
437
00:16:51,083 --> 00:16:54,135
Yeah, I'd love that... having
no one around to talk to.
438
00:16:54,170 --> 00:16:55,286
Yeah.
439
00:16:55,304 --> 00:16:57,105
I kind of wish that
was happening right now.
440
00:16:58,424 --> 00:17:00,892
Yeah, but I understand, you know?
441
00:17:00,926 --> 00:17:04,896
My Carol [Sighs] she loves to chat.
442
00:17:04,930 --> 00:17:06,097
Yeah, you know why?
443
00:17:06,131 --> 00:17:08,099
'Cause wives think we
can be their best friends.
444
00:17:08,133 --> 00:17:09,767
Ah. Now, how can we be friends?
445
00:17:09,801 --> 00:17:11,969
We're married.
446
00:17:13,656 --> 00:17:15,306
That's what I told Vanessa.
447
00:17:15,324 --> 00:17:18,976
Wait. You said that?
448
00:17:18,994 --> 00:17:20,478
To your wife?
449
00:17:20,496 --> 00:17:22,813
Out loud?
450
00:17:22,831 --> 00:17:24,082
No, no, no, no, no, no.
451
00:17:24,116 --> 00:17:28,086
When she asks, you tell
her she's your best friend.
452
00:17:28,120 --> 00:17:30,421
Oh.
453
00:17:30,456 --> 00:17:35,927
Oh. It's so simple. A little white lie.
454
00:17:35,961 --> 00:17:37,762
You've co-opted so much of our culture,
455
00:17:37,829 --> 00:17:40,081
we can borrow from yours.
456
00:17:43,052 --> 00:17:47,021
Fact is, I haven't seen my
real best friend in years.
457
00:17:47,056 --> 00:17:48,139
He might be dead.
458
00:17:50,976 --> 00:17:53,311
Mine, too.
459
00:17:53,345 --> 00:17:55,280
Rick Wallace?
460
00:17:57,983 --> 00:17:59,450
Why don't women understand the value
461
00:17:59,485 --> 00:18:00,952
of that kind of friendship?
462
00:18:00,986 --> 00:18:04,472
Yeah, well, until I can hang
with someone I actually enjoy,
463
00:18:04,506 --> 00:18:09,127
seems like I'm stuck with
the likes of you, Baxter.
464
00:18:09,161 --> 00:18:11,412
that's a bad lot for the both of us.
465
00:18:11,463 --> 00:18:13,081
Hey, honey.
466
00:18:13,132 --> 00:18:15,416
Hey. Wow.
467
00:18:15,467 --> 00:18:18,553
Looks like you guys worked
really hard to put this sign up.
468
00:18:18,587 --> 00:18:19,704
Take it down.
469
00:18:19,722 --> 00:18:21,222
[ Chuckling ] Yeah.
470
00:18:21,257 --> 00:18:23,258
We are not supporting Carol.
471
00:18:23,292 --> 00:18:25,260
Well, th-that...uh, that
sign's not going anywhere.
472
00:18:25,311 --> 00:18:27,595
It'd be easier for us to move.
473
00:18:27,646 --> 00:18:30,131
Now, I'm sorry, Chuck, but
your wife wants to get rid of
474
00:18:30,165 --> 00:18:32,567
the after-school program
for the arts that I started.
475
00:18:32,601 --> 00:18:35,653
It's crazy. She's all
about cutting spending.
476
00:18:35,688 --> 00:18:38,656
What?
477
00:18:38,691 --> 00:18:39,824
Toss some lights on that.
478
00:18:39,858 --> 00:18:43,561
More people can look at that thing.
479
00:18:43,579 --> 00:18:44,829
Yeah, well, believe it or not,
480
00:18:44,863 --> 00:18:46,364
she's more of a conservative than you are
481
00:18:46,398 --> 00:18:47,448
when it comes to taxes.
482
00:18:47,499 --> 00:18:49,667
Well, now, what is it about Carol
483
00:18:49,702 --> 00:18:51,953
that made you assume she's liberal?
484
00:18:52,004 --> 00:18:53,621
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
485
00:18:53,672 --> 00:18:55,423
It's not because she's black.
486
00:18:55,457 --> 00:19:00,094
It's because she's nice and smart.
487
00:19:00,129 --> 00:19:03,931
Just smart enough to realize
the value of arts in school.
488
00:19:03,966 --> 00:19:06,267
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
489
00:19:06,302 --> 00:19:07,719
Carol is black?
490
00:19:10,639 --> 00:19:14,609
Always the last to know.
491
00:19:14,643 --> 00:19:16,277
Must upset you because,
492
00:19:16,312 --> 00:19:18,262
you know, you're such good friends.
493
00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:19,480
Yeah, no, we're still good friends.
494
00:19:19,531 --> 00:19:20,481
Wait, wait, wait.
495
00:19:20,532 --> 00:19:22,150
She may be your friend, Vanessa,
496
00:19:22,201 --> 00:19:23,951
but she's my best friend...
497
00:19:25,287 --> 00:19:28,606
...like husbands and wives should be.
498
00:19:28,624 --> 00:19:29,624
Good luck, Baxter.
499
00:19:35,664 --> 00:19:37,632
So, now you're all for Carol?
500
00:19:37,666 --> 00:19:40,635
I thought you supported my arts program.
501
00:19:40,669 --> 00:19:42,503
I did support your arts program.
502
00:19:42,554 --> 00:19:44,222
Yeah, because it's a good idea.
503
00:19:44,256 --> 00:19:46,674
It's stupidest idea ever.
Total waste of money.
504
00:19:46,725 --> 00:19:49,510
Art is for hanging on walls, right?
505
00:19:49,561 --> 00:19:51,846
And ever since the advent
of the plasma screen,
506
00:19:51,897 --> 00:19:55,132
it's pretty much made art obsolete.
507
00:19:55,150 --> 00:19:56,801
But you helped me the whole time
508
00:19:56,819 --> 00:19:58,569
I was trying to push it through...
509
00:19:58,604 --> 00:20:01,489
all the school-board meetings,
all the work to get the funding.
510
00:20:01,523 --> 00:20:04,659
Yeah, but it was the dumbest idea ever.
511
00:20:04,693 --> 00:20:06,611
Well, then why did you do it?
512
00:20:06,645 --> 00:20:09,364
I mean, you already
said I'm not your friend.
513
00:20:09,415 --> 00:20:11,032
I wouldn't do it for my friend,
514
00:20:11,083 --> 00:20:12,583
but I would do it for my wife.
515
00:20:12,618 --> 00:20:15,837
Oh, honey.
516
00:20:17,956 --> 00:20:19,424
Oh.
517
00:20:19,458 --> 00:20:21,926
Or Rick Wallace if he asked.
518
00:20:24,380 --> 00:20:25,496
But he wouldn't
519
00:20:25,514 --> 00:20:27,164
because that's what kind of friend he is.
520
00:20:37,139 --> 00:20:38,106
Hey.
521
00:20:38,140 --> 00:20:41,910
Oh, hey. So, how did the movie date go?
522
00:20:41,944 --> 00:20:43,578
Uh...Terrible.
523
00:20:43,613 --> 00:20:45,146
Yes, I was right!
524
00:20:46,215 --> 00:20:48,867
Oh, I'm so sorry. What happened?
525
00:20:48,918 --> 00:20:51,870
Wyatt ignored me the whole time
526
00:20:51,921 --> 00:20:53,622
and then went and made
out with Emma haller.
527
00:20:53,656 --> 00:20:54,623
Boom. Just like I called it.
528
00:20:54,657 --> 00:20:56,208
Unh-unh. You said Sarah.
529
00:20:56,242 --> 00:20:58,260
All Emmas are Sarahs.
530
00:20:58,294 --> 00:21:00,629
I never want to see Wyatt again.
531
00:21:00,663 --> 00:21:02,430
Wrong. You're gonna want Wyatt around.
532
00:21:02,465 --> 00:21:03,632
Not so you can see him,
533
00:21:03,666 --> 00:21:05,350
but so he can see you
while you're making out
534
00:21:05,384 --> 00:21:06,301
with his best friend.
535
00:21:06,335 --> 00:21:07,636
Oh, no, no, no. Eve, seriously.
536
00:21:07,670 --> 00:21:09,337
Okay, that is the last
thing you want to do.
537
00:21:09,355 --> 00:21:11,723
- You don't want... - Ah,
bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup.
538
00:21:11,774 --> 00:21:13,892
His best friend is Greg van Dorn,
539
00:21:13,943 --> 00:21:16,177
so I want to hear more about
this making-out business.
540
00:21:16,195 --> 00:21:17,946
Yes. Honestly, don't take any guy advice
541
00:21:17,980 --> 00:21:18,897
from Kristin, all right?
542
00:21:18,948 --> 00:21:20,398
She always played it way too safe
543
00:21:20,449 --> 00:21:21,666
when it came to boys.
544
00:21:21,701 --> 00:21:24,852
Um, I got pregnant when I was 17.
545
00:21:25,771 --> 00:21:29,023
Yeah, and who told you
not to go out with Ryan?
546
00:21:29,057 --> 00:21:31,175
Uh, this guy.
547
00:21:31,442 --> 00:21:35,411
sync and corrections
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