All language subtitles for Crazy.Rich.Asians.2018.HDTS.XviD-AVID-HI

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Subtitles by explosiveskull

ELEANOR:
Be careful, your fingers.

(BAG CLATTERS)

(WOMEN CONVERSING
IN CANTONESE)

(ELEANOR SPEAKING
CANTONESE)

(IN ENGLISH) May I help you?

This is the Calthorpe.
Private hotel.

I'm Mrs. Eleanor Young.

I have a reservation
at the Lancaster Suite.

We spoke on the phone
when I confirmed yesterday.

Sorry, don't seem to have
your reservation.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

- (DOOR OPENS)
- MANAGER: Good evening.

I'm Reginald Ormsby,

hotel manager.
Is there a problem?

I'm Mrs. Eleanor Young.

My family and I would like
to be shown to our suite.

We've had a long flight.

We're fully booked, madam.
You must have made a mistake.

I'm sure
you and your lovely family

can find other accommodation.

May I suggest
you explore Chinatown?

(FELICITY SPEAKING
CANTONESE)

(IN ENGLISH) Please, may I use
your phone to call my husband?

It's the least you can do.

Mmm.

(ELEANOR SPEAKING
CANTONESE)

(ELEANOR SIGHS)

(IN ENGLISH) Mrs. Young,
I must ask you to leave

or I'll have to call
the police.

Please, go right ahead.

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

Lord Calthorpe, my apologies
for the disturbance.

Eleanor! I just got off
the phone with your husband.

Get the Lancaster Suite ready.
Now.

Surely you're joking, sir.

I assure you, I'm not.

As of this evening,

my family's long history

as custodians
of the Calthorpe is ended.

I'm selling the hotel
to my dear friends,

the Young family of Singapore.

(MONEY PLAYING IN MANDARIN)

Meet the new lady
of the house,

Eleanor Young.

Join me for a toast.

ELEANOR: We'd be delighted.

Do get a mop. The floor's wet.

Get a mop.

(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

I'm all in.

CURTIS: Fold.

Oh... (SCOFFS)

- (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)
- Nothing?

- (LAUGHS)
- (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

This whole time
you had nothing?

RACHEL: All right, so

how did I beat T.A. Curtis
so very, very badly?

Well, I know for a fact
that Curtis is cheap.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

So he's not playing
using logic or math,

but using his psychology.

Our brains so hate the idea

of losing something
that's valuable to us

that we abandon
all rational thought,

and we make some really
poor decisions.

So, Curtis wasn't playing
to win.

He was playing not to lose.

Here.
Put it towards a haircut.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

All right,
that's it for today.

Don't forget your essays
on conditional probability

are due next week.

(MONEY CONTINUES
PLAYING IN ENGLISH)

Yes! (EXHALES) Mmm-hmm.

You know what?
You can order your own.

Mmm. I'm okay with coffee.
Thanks.

Yeah, well,
you always say that,

and then you end up eating
all my dessert.

I don't know
what you're talking about.

'Cause I have, like,
a tiny bit.

RACHEL: Uh-huh. Okay.
Can we have one more

of these, please? Thank you.

So what about us
taking an adventure east?

You wanna get pork buns
in the East Village.

That's what it is, isn't it?

(BOTH LAUGH)

I was actually thinking
of further east.

- Like Queens?
- (BOTH LAUGH)

Like Singapore.
For spring break.

Colin's wedding.

We've been dating
for over a year now,

and I think it's about time

people met
my beautiful girlfriend.

Come on, I'm Colin's best man.

Don't you wanna see
where I grew up?

Meet my family, my Ah Ma?

And meet up with that strange
college roommate of yours.

Peik Lin.

- Mmm-hmm. Peik Lin.
- She has been begging me

to come visit her, you know.

The universe has spoken.
It wants you over there.

Come to Singapore.

I want the whole island to
meet the brilliant Rachel Chu.

RACHEL: Aww.

(CAMERA CLICKS)

ELEANOR: "If then you have
been raised with Christ,

(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

"seek the things
that are above

"where Christ is seated

- "at the right hand of God.
- (CELL PHONES CHIMING)

"Set your minds
on things that are above,

"not on things
that are on Earth."

JACQUELINE: Eleanor,
is Nicki bringing a girl

to Colin's wedding?

My Amanda heard it
from her friend Francesca.

Eddie says
her name is Rachel Chu.

NADINE: Oh, I thought that
Nick was coming alone.

Did you know
he had a girlfriend?

Nick dates many girls.
It's hard to keep track.

Amanda knows everyone

and she has never heard
of her.

NADINE: Rachel Chu.

Maybe she's from the Taiwan
plastics Chu family.

If you want,
I have a private investigator.

(WHISPERS) Very discreet.

I think we should return
to the word of God.

Alix.

ALIX: Ephesians.
Chapter six, verse four.

"Bring up your children
in the discipline

"and instruction of the Lord."

Oh, I do hope
she's a good Christian girl.

JACQUELINE: Well,
if he's bringing her home,

it must be serious.

Exactly.

- (CELL PHONE RINGING)
- Oh.

- It's my mum. Do you mind?
- Mmm. Go ahead.

All right.

- Save me some of that.
- Okay.

NICK: Hey, Mum,
everything okay?

ELEANOR: Does something have
to be wrong for me to call?

(CHUCKLES) Yeah, usually.

(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY) Very funny.

Are you bringing
the girl you're seeing

to Colin's wedding?

Mmm. We were literally
just talking about that.

How could you know?

Everybody knows.

(SIGHS) Radio One Asia.

Move on to Corinthians.
I'll catch up.

Oh, yes.

We're looking forward
to having you home.

And your room
is all ready for you.

Thanks, Mum.

But Rachel and I will be
staying together.

I see.

Well, I'm having
the house re-done.

And it's not ready for guests.

If Rachel comes, I think
she might be more comfortable

staying somewhere else.

All right, sorry about that.

I saved you a piece.

You did, did you?
A very small piece at that.

Thank you very much.

How's your mom?
Everything okay?

(SIGHS) Couldn't be better.

Hey, Mom, this one's kind of
cute. What do you think?

No, no! You can't wear that
to meet Nick's Ah Ma.

Blue and white
is for Chinese funerals.

Now this, this symbolizes
good fortune and fertility.

Great! I was really going for
that "lucky baby maker" vibe.

Hey! You're the one
who asked for my help

picking out a dress
to meet Nick's family.

It's only 'cause I hardly know
anything about them.

Every time I bring them up,
Nick changes the subject.

Maybe he's embarrassed.

Maybe his parents are poor,
and he has to send them money.

That's what
all good Chinese children do.

- (SCOFFS)
- Oh, you're going to have

a wonderful time.

You've always wanted
to go to Asia.

And who knows, if all
goes well in Singapore,

you might just come back
with a souvenir.

Oh, Mom, stop!

Nick and I haven't
even talked about that.

(KERRY CHUCKLES)

I mean, his parents
can't not like me, right?

What was that look?
I saw that.

Nothing. It's just,

Nick bringing a girl
all the way there

to meet them can mean a lot

to these overseas families.
They're different from us.

How are they different?
They're Chinese, I'm Chinese.

I'm so Chinese,
I'm an economics professor

with lactose intolerance.

Yeah, but you grew up here.
(CONTINUES IN MANDARIN)

(IN ENGLISH) You're different.

But wearing a lucky color

will make
a good first impression.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

Okay, game plan.

Check our bags,
get through security,

and then we could eat
one of the three homemade

Tupperware meals
my mom packed for us.

Good afternoon, Mr. Young,
Miss Chu.

We'll take your bags and get
you checked into first class.

- Great.
- Oh. No, there's a mistake.

We're not first class.
We're economy people.

WOMAN: This way, please.

Just go with it. Come on.

But...

Yeah, they'll be fine.
Just leave them there.

Welcome aboard,
Mr. Young, Miss Chu.

Here's the way
to your private suite.

And some champagne.

(INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT
ON PA)

Thank you.

- Thank you very much.
- You're welcome.

After takeoff, would you like
to enjoy the lounge chairs,

or should we convert
your suite into a bedroom?

Uh... We're good. Thank you.

STEWARDESS: Enjoy.

- Nick. We can't afford this.
- Mmm.

These pajamas are fancier
than any of my real clothes.

My family has business
with the airline.

The tickets, they're a perk.

(UNZIPS BAG)

What kind of business?

Real estate, investment,
other things.

Nothing interesting.

"Dim sum."

So your family is, like, rich?

We're comfortable.

That is exactly what
a super-rich person would say.

It's not a big deal,
obviously.

I just think it's kind of
weird that I had no idea.

I mean,
you have a Jamba Juice card.

You use my Netflix password.

You play basketball at that Y
that kind of smells.

I really like that place,
thank you very much.

And yes, my family has money,

but I've always
thought of it as theirs.

Not mine.

I get that.
But I'm going all the way

over there to meet them...

Kind of just wanna know
what I'm getting into.

And, you know,
they're your family.

(SIGHS) Well...

My family is much like
anybody else's.

Mmm-hmm.

There's half of them
that you love and respect,

and then
there's the other half.

Which half am I meeting?

(SCREAMS)

NICK: Well,
there's my cousin Alistair,

based in Taiwan,
works in movies.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

- DIRECTOR: And cut!
- (BELL RINGS)

NICK: He's dating Kitty Pong,
an actress.

- Kitty.
- Alistair.

You like it?
I was feeling very,

very the emotions.
Can you feel it?

Oh, I can feel all of you.
And all of me.

(KITTY MOANS)

(IN MANDARIN)

(IN ENGLISH) Okay, and what
about your cousin Eddie?

You don't ever talk about him.

Well, Eddie's a big
finance guy in Hong Kong.

A real family man.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

RUSSELL: You know,
if you move,

it will look more natural.

No, this way you get
our optimal angles.

(SIGHS) Then we're done.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

Russell, thank you so much.

It's an honor
to be photographed by you.

My pleasure.
People will love it

in the next Hong Kong Vogue.

Thank you, Russell.

Hong Kong Vogue? I knew it.
Your dress is a disaster.

If you wore a Bottega gown,
like I told you to,

we'd be in the American Vogue.

You can wear
that gown to Hell, Eddie.

- (BOY IMITATING CAR)
- Stop! (YELPS)

NICK: Then there's Astrid.

Ah. I remember Astrid.

She's like who I wanna be
when I grow up.

Astrid is awesome.

And she's probably
the only one

I'm actually close with.

And she's really grounded
and down to earth,

once you get to know her.

Not only did she graduate
top of her class at Oxford,

start multiple charities,
and is a fashion icon,

Astrid has the biggest heart
of any of my cousins.

Mummy? See what I made
for bunny?

No, not now.

Hi, I'm Astrid.
What's your name?

GIRL: Vita.

ASTRID: And who's this?

Bun-Bun.

Well, I think Bun-Bun looks
very dashing with his bow.

You have a good eye.

VITA: Thank you.

JEWELER:
Miss Leong, right this way.

It's very nice
to meet you both.

JEWELER: These are all
brand-new from Antwerp.

You're the first person
I've shown them to.

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

What are those?

Those?

Those are very special.

Burmese pearl drop earrings.

Set with emeralds, and rare
pigeon blood-red rubies.

They were worn
by Queen Supayalat

at her self-anointed
coronation in 1878.

How much?

Having you wear
one of my pieces

is better publicity
than I can buy.

I'll let them go at cost.
1.2 million.

So if you have
all this family there,

why are we staying in a hotel?

Aren't good Chinese sons

supposed to stay
with their parents?

Well, because A,
I'm not that good a son.

(CHUCKLES)

And B,

I just want you to myself,
just for a bit.

That okay?

Okay.

God, I can't believe this
airport has a butterfly garden

and a movie theater.

JFK is just salmonella
and despair.

ARAMINTA: Nick! Nick!

(ARAMINTA SHOUTING)

(WHOOPING)

Araminta!

(NICK LAUGHING)

- I missed you.
- I missed you, too.

- (GASPS) Rachel.
- RACHEL: Hi.

COLIN: There he is.

It's so nice
to finally meet you.

It's so nice to meet you, too.

- Nicki-Nick!
- It's been too long, brother.

It has been too long.
Welcome back.

You guys didn't have to
pick us up.

Of course we did. We had to.

Of course I had to come
welcome my best man properly.

- Hi, Rachel.
- Hello.

Oh! Lovely to finally
meet you.

Nice to meet you, too.

Shall we?
Let me help you with this.

Yes.

- These are for you.
- I can grab these.

ARAMINTA: I know
they're a bit over-the-top.

COLIN: Let's get
you guys localized.

ARAMINTA: Are you hungry?
RACHEL: I'm always hungry.

So let's eat
everything we can.

(ASIAN BIG BAND MUSIC PLAYING)

ARAMINTA: Welcome to
heaven on earth!

I hope you're hungry.
I am bloody starving.

(IN MANDARIN)

(IN ENGLISH) Guys! Here! Whoo!

(LAUGHS) Come with me.

NICK: Each of these
hawker stalls

sells pretty much one dish,

and they've been perfecting it
for generations.

You know, this is one of
the only places in the world

where street food vendors
actually earn Michelin stars.

- Hey! How are you?
- Uncle.

Long time no see, my friend.

Here you go.
Thank you very much, sir.

- Look at this. Look at this.
- (GASPS) My favorite.

(SPEAKING MALAY)

RACHEL: Hmm.

(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)

(SPEAKING MANDARIN)

(IN ENGLISH)
One of those for you.

Yes, thank you.

(SPEAKING MANDARIN)

- Looks a little vomity.
- (LAUGHS)

(ASIAN BIG BAND MUSIC
CONTINUES PLAYING)

- Oh, my God!
- Yes?

I told you. Best satay
on the island for sure.

ARAMINTA: So yummy, isn't it?

All right, dig in, guys. Oh.

Before I forget,
I need your help tomorrow.

I need to do
some groomsmen stuff,

and I don't wanna do it alone
with Bernard Tai.

I still cannot believe
that you got

that guy to be your groomsman.

Thank you. Thank you.
I rest my case.

Minty...

Well, it wasn't up to me,
was it? It's not my choice.

Bernard is
the human douche nozzle

who used to steal my tuck shop
money when we were kids.

Until Nicki-Nick beat him up.

- NICK: Well...
- You beat somebody up?

I threw a single punch.

I fell on the floor
and the guy sat on me.

So, wasn't really
much of a fight.

A toast, guys.

To my best man, Nick Young,
who can't fight for nuts,

but will always
have your back.

- A toast to married life.
- To...

- Not yet! Too early.
- Oh, God!

Well, this time
next week, guys!

(ALL WHOOPING)

NICK: We gotta get over your
bachelor party first, matey.

COLIN: Is that necessary, man?
Come on!

Listen, Rachel,
I know we've only just met,

but it's my bachelorette party
this weekend,

and I would love
for you to come.

That'll be amazing.

- Thank you so much!
- Good! Good!

- Am I out of the picture?
- Thanks, man.

Am I totally
out of the picture?

Yes, I've replaced you
with Bernard.

- (LAUGHS)
- Screw that man!

Also, I have to say,

I can't remember the last time
I saw Nick like this.

That's funny, though.

He's just happy to be home.

Oh, yeah,
he's just happy to be home.

With you.

NICK: Your dad
will be the death of you.

COLIN: My dad
will be the death of me.

Oh, cheers to that.

Guys, we have to dig in

'cause this crab
is not gonna eat itself.

What should I try first?

- Try some of this. Thank you.
- Do you want some of this?

- It's really spicy.
- It is really spicy.

(ALL LAUGHING)

(INAUDIBLE)

ARAMINTA: Whoo!

- Nick's in Singapore!
- (NICK CHUCKLES)

NICK: It's good to be home.

- Is Michael here?
- Not yet, ma'am.

Also, your son woke up.
He wants to see you.

All right.

You know what to do. Quickly.

(QUIET CHATTERING)

(READING IN FRENCH)

(DOOR OPENS)

I'm sorry.
Got stuck in a meeting.

ASTRID: It's okay. I get it.

But don't forget,

wedding festivities
start on Wednesday,

so no emergencies next week.

MICHAEL: I know.

Wouldn't dream
of missing a second

with your family
and their friends.

Come on, it won't be all bad.

Nick and his new girlfriend
will be there.

You'll like her.

MICHAEL: Oh, yeah?

Why? 'Cause she's a commoner
like me?

You know
that's not what I meant.

Ooh.

You know, I thought
I caught the maids

trying to shove a pair
of Jimmy Choos behind a dryer.

Yeah, I don't know
why you bother

trying to hide
your shopping from me.

You can buy whatever you want.

I get it.
Besides, everybody knows

you wear the money pants
in this family.

(WHISPERS)
Pants are overrated.

Oh, I got you something, too.

To celebrate
the launch of your startup.

I know you don't like
expensive gifts,

but you're not a captain
in the army anymore.

You're a CEO.
You should look the part.

I...

I love it. Thank you.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(MOANS) What time is it?

Morning.

I'm afraid it's time for me
to do some groomsman duties.

(GROANING) Stay in bed.

You stay here.
I'll get you a breakfast tray.

(RACHEL SIGHS)

You know what?
I should get up, too.

I told Peik Lin I would
meet up with her today.

Ah, a little college reunion.

But don't forget.
Dinner at Ah Ma's tonight.

The whole family's
gonna be there.

- Yes.
- I can't wait to show you off.

Hubba, hubba. (LAUGHS)

How can I resist?

Ooga-ooga.

You put those glasses on
on purpose.

(RACHEL LAUGHING)

(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

(GATES BUZZING)

New York in the house!

Yeah! Yeah!

Peik Lin!

- What up, bitch? Yeah!
- (DOGS BARKING)

Oh, my God! You look amazing.

I know. Some things
never change, right?

And this is quite a place.

Astor!
Vanderbilt! Rockefeller!

Naughty, naughty boys.
Stop barking.

- Hey, Rachel!
- Hi!

Singapore is so hot. Come in
and enjoy the aircon. Come on.

Whole family waiting to
meet you. Very excited.

Rachel, welcome, welcome.

Wow! Oh, my gosh!

Your house is amazing,
Mrs. Goh.

(NEENAH SPEAKING HOKKIEN)

(IN ENGLISH)
Call me Auntie. Auntie Neenah.

Sorry. Auntie Neenah.

- (TOYS SQUEAKING)
- NEENAH: Oh, yeah. (LAUGHS)

We were inspired by

the Hall of Mirrors
in Versailles.

(SOFTLY)
And Donald Trump's bathroom.

- Really?
- Yeah.

You like it or not?

Oh, yes.
The gold is very brilliant.

WYE: (IN THICK ACCENT)
Rachel Chu, we are so grateful

for all the help
you have given

my Peik Lin
back in her uni days.

I mean, without you,
she would be a hot mess.

RACHEL: Oh, my God, no.
Actually,

if it wasn't for her,
I'd be a big mess.

She was a huge help
to me in college.

It's nice to meet you,
Mr. Goh.

Nice to meet you, too, Chu.

Ku-ku. Ku-Chu. You. Poo-poo.
(LAUGHING)

(IN NORMAL ACCENT)
No, I'm just kidding.

I don't have an accent.

I'm just messing with you.

No, I studied
in the States, too.

Yeah, Cal State Fullerton.

- I majored in Thought.
- Mmm.

Don't stand
on ceremony, Rachel.

This is simple food, lah.

Ah, cha, cha, cha!
Don't be shy.

- RACHEL: Oh. Thank you.
- You're not a model.

RACHEL: I'm definitely not.

WYE: No, you're not.
Not at all. Far from it.

RACHEL: (CHUCKLING) I know.

Make sure you eat it all.

'Cause I'm watching you.

RACHEL: Okay, thank you.
WYE: Okay, yeah.

- Ah Pa, can we go trampoline?
- ...go trampoline?

You haven't finished
your nuggets yet, sweetie.

Okay, there's
a lot of children

starving in America, right?

I mean, take a look at her.
She's American, huh?

Really skinny.
You wanna look like that?

BOTH: No.

Then eat your nuggets!

So, Rachel,
what you do in America?

- (BABY FUSSING)
- Um...

- I'm an economics professor.
- Wow.

Very impressive.
Econ professor, eh?

Wow, you must be very smart.
Good for you.

Let me get this straight.

You both went
to the same school,

yet someone came back
with a degree that's useful.

And the other one came back
as Asian Ellen.

(LAUGHS)

(WHISPERS) Psst, P.T.

Hmm?

Look over here.

- She's a hottie.
- (RACHEL CLEARS THROAT)

This is the kind of girl
you should date.

Smart, beautiful.
Not those like K-Pop skanks

with no brain,
big eyes and small backsides.

She has an amazing backside.

This is Goh standard.

Don't be shy.
Just talk to her.

(WHISPERS) I love you.

Okay. No, just, uh...

Pa, she's here
with her boyfriend.

(CLEARS THROAT)

I don't see no ring
on her finger.

RACHEL: Well,
my boyfriend's actually

from Singapore
and that's why we're here.

We're here to go
to his best friend's wedding,

where he's gonna be
the best man.

- Hmm.
- NEENAH: What's his name?

This is a very small island.
Maybe we know his family.

His name is Nick Young.

Uh...

The Nick you're dating
is Nick Young?

His best friend...

You're invited
to Colin Khoo's wedding, ah?

(CHUCKLES) Yeah. You guys
know them or something?

Hells yeah.

The Khoos, the Youngs...

I mean, who doesn't know
who they are?

They're just
the biggest developers...

- (CAMERA CLICKS)
- ...in all of Singapore.

And Malaysia, Thailand,
Brunei, New Mexico.

She gets it.

Colin and Araminta's wedding

is Singapore's
event of the century.

The Youngs are like royalty.

Did you not know?
Does she not know?

NEENAH: Why you never
say before?

Tell, tell,
what are they like?

(CHUCKLES) I don't really know
what they're...

I haven't met them yet.
I'm gonna meet them tonight.

I'm going to
Nick's grandma's house.

(GASPS)

You're going to Nick's
grandma's house wearing this?

Wearing that?

(ALL LAUGHING)

No way. No way.

Yeah, I thought
red was a lucky color, right?

Yeah. If you're an envelope.
Zing! Nailed it!

- (CAMERA CLICKS)
- TWINS: Zing! (GIGGLING)

Rachel, these people
aren't just rich, okay?

They're crazy rich. Look.

There's new money
all over Asia.

We got
the Beijing billionaires,

the Taiwan tycoons...

But the Young family,
they're old-money rich.

They had money when
they left China in the 1800s.

And they went
all the way down here.

Not there... Here.

They came to Singapore

when there was nothing
but jungle and pig farmers.

There was a snake here,
eating an apple.

You know what I mean?
And they built all of this.

Now, they're the landlords

of the most expensive city
in the world. Here you go.

These people are so posh
and snobby, they're snoshy.

Here you go.

(SCOFFS) Yeah,
but Nick's not like that.

PEIK: Even if he isn't,
I guarantee you the family is.

Which is why tonight,

you need to not look
like Sebastian

of The Little Mermaid.

You know, the little crab guy?

(SCOFFS)

- (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
- (CAR HORN HONKING)

PEIK: Look at this guy,
he's sleeping.

- (HONKS HORN)
- Come on,

this isn't
your grandma's road.

God damn it!

Thank you for driving me.

Duh. This is like
my one chance to see

- the Young family mansion.
- Mmm.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

AUTOMATED VOICE:
At the next intersection,

make a U-turn.

Make a U-turn.

Are you sure
you gave me the right address?

The GPS says there's, like,
nothing here.

Like, literally nothing.

PEIK: I don't know
why we're here.

RACHEL: I mean,
I put in the exact address.

- You copied and you pasted it?
- RACHEL: Yeah.

Did you just
copy and paste "jungle"

and just kind of
threw it in there?

- No. This is the address...
- Because I feel like that's...

You actually used the...
Okay! All right.

That's a...
Uh, hi! So we'll just...

(CLICKING BUTTON)

Hello, sir. How are you?

We're here for the party,
and we're...

We come in peace.

Do you know where
the Young family house is?

Nicholas Young?
I'm Rachel Chu.

I'm here to go
to his family dinner.

Uh, Rachel Chu for the list.
If there is a list.

He's on the phone.
He's on the phone.

Is that a gun knife?
It's a knife gun.

Okay, and there's a friend.
Hi! Very nice to...

We can go through?
We're going through? Okay.

- Don't stab the car.
- RACHEL: Okay.

Okay, okay. Thank you, bye!

Oh, my God, it's beautiful.

Beautiful? It's 200 mil
worth of real estate.

It's spectacular.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

Damn, Rachel.
He's like the Asian Bachelor.

Thanks, brother.

Hello, gorgeous.

Wow! I think I've just fallen
in love with you

all over again.

(CLEARS THROAT) Rachel!

I missed you, too.

- Yeah?
- What did you get up to?

Psst! Rachel!

Oh, uh, this is my friend,
Peik Lin.

- Hi, there.
- Howdy.

Thank you very much
for bringing Rachel.

Oh, no worries.

Do you wanna stop by
for some dinner?

- Oh, no, I couldn't impose.
- No, it's not a problem.

- I had some dinner plans.
- Seriously, we've got...

Yeah, I'll fucking come
to dinner.

- RACHEL: I missed you.
- Did you?

- RACHEL: Yes.
- How was your day?

RACHEL: It was fun!
I got to meet

Peik Lin's whole family,
her dog.

PEIK: Nope.

You have a cocktail dress
in your trunk?

I'm not an animal, Rachel.

(NICK CHUCKLES)

RACHEL: I thought
this was just a family thing.

My grandmother's invited some
of her friends over tonight.

Her tan huas are blooming.
It's a whole thing.

You ready for this?

- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- (JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, damn, Nick.
It's a party though. Okay.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

(SINGING)

The good bathrooms
are up the stairs,

and you can
get changed in there.

Okay, good, I'll find it.
Thank you.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

You know,
when you said you grew up

in your grandma's house,

I wasn't expecting this.

Thank you.

Oh, no, no.
Those are for your fingers.

- Thank you very much.
- Thank you.

A little bit much, I know.

I mean,
this place is gorgeous.

And like
the rolling green hills.

I mean, there are
armed guards out there.

And a giant tiger.

- (NICK LAUGHS)
- Okay.

That is Mr. Harimau.

Now, my great-grandfather
actually shot him

when he ran into the house.

But Astrid and I, we used to
hide cigarettes in his paws.

Do you wanna head in?

Actually, I wanted to
bring you over

- to my mum first.
- Oh.

Come on.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

(SPEAKING CANTONESE)

(IN ENGLISH) Mum.

You need a haircut.
So unkempt.

And you look tired
from your trip.

I'm gonna ask the cook
to make you some herbal soup.

(SPEAKING CANTONESE)

(IN ENGLISH) I'll send it
to the hotel later.

Mum, this is Rachel Chu.

Oh, my gosh! I'm so happy
to meet you, Mrs. Young.

Or Auntie. Right?

(LAUGHS) I'm learning
the lingo.

I'm very glad
to finally meet you, too.

And I'm sorry Nick's father
couldn't be here.

He was called to business
in Shanghai.

I told Rachel when duty calls,
Dad answers.

As it should be.

Nick tells me
you're a professor, too.

What do you teach?

Um, I teach economics.

And she's brilliant.
NYU's youngest faculty member.

(SPEAKING CANTONESE)

ELEANOR: (IN ENGLISH)
So, economics...

Sounds challenging.

Are your parents
academics as well?

No. Well, my dad actually died
before I was born,

and my mom
didn't even go to college.

She actually hardly spoke
any English

when she immigrated
to the United States.

But she worked really hard,
and she studied,

and she earned
her real estate license

while she was waiting tables
to support us.

Now, she likes to say

that she's Flushing's
top real estate broker.

Self-made woman.
She must be so proud of you.

Well, she knows that I'm
passionate about what I do,

and she's always
wanted that for me.

Pursuing one's passion.
How American.

Well, your mother's
very open-minded,

not like here,

where parents are obsessed

with shaping the life
of their children.

- (BELL RINGS)
- (GUESTS APPLAUDING)

That's dinner.

Go ahead.

I'll be out in a minute.

Rachel, it was lovely
meeting you.

Thank you. You, too.

Okay, she hates me.

She takes a little minute
to warm up,

- but we'll get there.
- A minute?

- (INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
- (JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

- Nicki! Rachel!
- NICK: Astrid.

Hey. Good to see you.

I'm so glad you could make it.

- NICK: Michael.
- Nick.

RACHEL: Astrid. So good
to see a face I know.

This is my husband, Michael.

Nice to meet you.
Heard so much about you.

Nice to meet you, Michael.

Hey, the golden boy's back!
Nick!

And you must be Rachel.

I'm Edison Cheng.
This is my wife.

- Hi. I'm...
- Her name is Fiona.

So I see you've already met
Princess Astrid

and her little
soldier toy-boy, Mikey.

You know, Mikey is a big-shot
tech startup guy.

So if you forget
your password,

he's your man. (LAUGHS)

So you're from the Taiwan
plastic Chus, right?

Can I punch him in the face?
Just once.

Take a number.

I'll be in my usual corner.
Champagne?

ASTRID: Thank you.

So, have you prepped Rachel
to face the wolves?

Rachel is a New Yorker.

She lectures millennials
for a living.

I think she'll manage
our family.

You've been away too long.

EDDIE: Okay, sorry, time out.

So you're not
from a Taiwan Chu family?

Nope.

Hong Kong telecom Chus?

No.

Malaysian packing peanut Chus?

Is that really a thing?

- Yeah, it's everywhere.
- I'm gonna stop you there

because I'm gonna take her
on the rounds.

- We'll be back, though.
- No, wait. Hang on.

China instant noodle Chus.
Rachel,

Chu are you? (LAUGHING)

Ugh. Let's go.

This is Auntie Alix
and Auntie Felicity.

RACHEL: Hi!
It's so nice to meet you.

I've never been
to a tan hua party before.

We love any excuse
to throw a soiree.

Do your parents like
to entertain?

Oh. I'm sorry.
Your mother's single.

Yup.

NICK: Auntie Jacqueline.

One of my parents'
oldest friends.

I actually met Nick's father
at Cambridge.

So, what line of work
is your father in?

Oh, my father died
before I was born.

But he was a factory worker
in China.

(SPEAKING MANDARIN)

(IN ENGLISH)
This is Ling Cheh,

my old nanny.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Look, now's the time
we need all hands on deck.

Please, please,
just do me this favor.

Thank you. Bye-bye.

They started
clearing away dinner.

Your favorites.

Thank you. (KISSES)

ASTRID: You know if you need
bodies at the office,

I could always come in
and help out.

The glamorous Astrid Leong

- working as an assistant?
- Mmm-hmm.

Wait, isn't Araminta's
bachelorette party tomorrow?

And this will be the perfect
excuse to get out of it.

Thank you. Really.

But I've got
everything covered.

Okay.

I forgot to get you a fork.

It's okay, you stay.
I'll go get it.

(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

Michael,
I think it's the office.

(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

(GASPS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

Oh, my God! Nick, I can't
believe I just did that.

It's fine. I don't think
anybody even noticed.

I think I freaked out
your nanny... (GASPS)

BOTH: Oh, my God!

RACHEL: So sorry.

NICK: It's fine,
don't worry about it.

Can I have a tissue please?

Go, go. Get changed.
I'll keep Rachel company.

Thank you, Oli.
You're in good hands.

Give me two minutes.
I'll change.

Sorry.

(SIGHS)

Hi, I'm Rachel.

Oh, I know. (CHUCKLES)

PEIK: Rachel! Rachel!

I heard you thought
Ah Ma was the cook!

- (GROANS)
- Ahh!

On the bright side,
you're the talk of the party.

People like your dress.

Oh, I did that.

- Oh.
- I know!

Such a chic '70s goddess.

PEIK: I know.

It's very disco Cleopatra,
but in a good way.

That's exactly
what I was going for.

Oh, well. Oliver.

- Hi.
- I like your shoes.

Oh, thank you.
I'm Peik Lin. Ditto.

- OLIVER: Cheers.
- There you go.

Gosh, these are lovely.

They're clip-ons. Thank you.

Are they? Oh, wow!

So, Oliver,
are you a cousin, too?

Mmm. Well, I'm one of
the poorer relations.

The rainbow sheep
of the family.

But I make myself useful.

Whatever the Youngs want,
I procure.

Golden koi fish,
Huanghuali furniture.

A rare Cambodian gong.

Why would they want to buy
a rare Cambodian gong?

Because they can.

Ah Ma insists
all your clothes be washed

and pressed every two weeks.

This one.

Everything is exactly
as I left it.

Looking for your cigars?

I had them thrown out
years ago.

(SIGHS)

Never could get
anything past you, could I?

(CHUCKLES)

I keep telling Ah Ma
to put your things away,

but she says this room

makes her feel
like you're still here.

Well, I got an earful

when you didn't move back
last year.

Your father and I were really

looking forward
to having you home.

He's not getting any younger.

With you onboard,

maybe he'll take a day off
once in a while.

I know, Mum.

I'm just not ready yet.

There's things in New York
that I wanna see through.

Well, I'm happy
I finally met Rachel.

She is very impressive.

I think so, too.

I thought
you might be excited

that the first girl
that I bring home

is a Chinese professor.

Chinese American.

You know, bringing her home,

introducing her
at a large family gathering,

some people may say...

When there's something
to say

about Rachel and me,
you'll be first to hear.

(ELEANOR CHUCKLES)

But some things I need to
figure out on my own.

Is that an American accent
I'm hearing?

How do I look?

Perfect.

- (INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
- (ASIAN MUSIC PLAYING)

Everyone! Everyone!

The tan hua plants
very rarely bloom,

and even then only at night.

Their beauty is spectacular
but fleeting.

By dawn, they'll be gone.

- Come. Come.
- (ALL APPLAUDING)

Oh, someone forgot
to wear a bra.

Kitty Pong. Cousin Alistair's
latest flame. An actress.

Rumor is, she was in a porno.
Two Girls, One Cup of Noodles.

You know, I thought I would
like that more than I did.

- The book was much better.
- PEIK: Mmm-hmm.

Is it just me
or are people staring at me?

Oh, they're just jealous.
You nabbed the crown prince.

Nicki is Ah Ma's favorite,
in line to inherit everything.

No surprise there
when that's the competition.

- (CAMERA CLICKS)
- (LAUGHING)

Oh, speaking of
the grande dame...

There you are.

I've been looking
all over for you.

You ready to meet
my grandmother?

- (BOTH SPEAKING MANDARIN)
- Ah Ma...

(SPEAKING MANDARIN)

(LAUGHS)

(NICK CHUCKLES)

ALIX: (IN ENGLISH) Look,
they're in full bloom.

(ALL APPLAUDING)

JACQUELINE: It's so nice
having Nick back home.

But he seems different.

When children are away
from home too long,

they forget who they are.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

What's up? Let's jam!

- (ALL CHEERING)
- (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

(GASPS)

Rachel!
So happy you're here. Oh!

Oh, my God.
Your Gap look, brilliant.

- Thanks.
- (CHUCKLES)

- She's coming with me.
- Uh, hold on.

Kiss. 36 hours. Bye.

- Minty, one piece please.
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Not listening at all.

So, I'm gonna intro you
to my posse.

We're flying to
my mom's resort in Sumatra.

She's closed down
the whole place just for us.

We're gonna have so much fun.

Come on, meet the girls.
Girls, this is Rachel Chu.

ALL: Hi!

(ALL CHEERING)

NICK: So you let Bernard Tai
organize all of this?

COLIN: Yeah.

Bernard.

Hey.

This is for you, asshole.

ARAMINTA: Tina! Tini!
The twins are in the house!

I'm so glad you made it!
How are you?

It's easy to make
a killer entrance

when you come
as a matching set.

Hi, we haven't met.
I'm Amanda Ling.

Hi, I'm Rachel Chu.

Oh, you're
Nick Young's friend.

- Yeah.
- Word gets around fast here.

You're a professor
at NYU, right?

Yes. Um, what about you?

Oh, I'm a lawyer.
General counsel

to the Young Family
Corporation, actually.

That's very impressive.

Mmm. Nah. Just good,
old-fashioned nepotism.

I grew up with Nick and Colin.
We're family friends.

It's nice to meet you,
Rachel Chu.

(HORN HONKS)

ARAMINTA: Ladies, come on.
We're wheels up in five.

Let's do this?

Let's go.

(WOMEN CHEERING)

(GASPS)

- (LAUGHS)
- Yeah!

All I wanted was a weekend
away with my boys.

And some beer.
Maybe some rugby.

Don't worry. It's gonna be
great, whatever happens.

Yeah.

BERNARD: Let's make
some babies!

I don't think it will be.

(RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES
PLAYING)

Any asshole can plan
a normal stag party.

Hookers, drugs, dog-fighting.

That's minor league shit.

To organize a party
this massive...

(SOFTLY)
Takes a massive asshole.

...takes a goddamn mastermind.

Where exactly is this party?

It's right there.

Bloody hell!

Whoo!

(ALL CHEERING)

- (ALL CHEERING)
- (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

(LAUGHING)

BERNARD:
Did you just see that?

EDDIE: Oh, my God, Nick.
What are you worried about?

You don't have to
keep Rachel happy.

She's just lucky to be here.

Nice, Eddie.

EDDIE: (SCOFFS) Oh, what?

So we're gonna pretend
like that's not the truth?

Are we in some kind of
fairy tale story

that I don't know about?

Did you find a shoe
at midnight

and jump in a pumpkin?

Yo, I got so much shit
about marrying Fiona,

and her parents own

the biggest shipping company
in Hong Kong.

Hey, Araminta's adorable,
but you think your dad

would be spending millions
on this wedding

if her parents didn't own
a billion-dollar resort chain?

What's Rachel bringing
to the table?

- Oh! Small tits!
- (ALL LAUGHING)

MEN: Oh!

Hey. It's not worth it, man.
They're drunk.

BERNARD: Hey, guys,
this is boring. Massage time.

And you, the bachelor,

you're gonna get one
before this weekend is over.

Or we're gonna tie you up
and shave your coo coo chara.

(ALL LAUGHING)

CROWD: (CHANTING)
Coo coo chara!

Hey, come try this.
(LAUGHING)

We have to get off this ship.

(ALL CHEERING)

ARAMINTA: Welcome to paradise.

This is Samsara Island.

This weekend
is about sisterhood

and connecting
with the divine in all of us.

So, I hope you'll all find
your bliss,

starting with an all-paid
shopping spree

at the fashion boutique!

(ALL SCREAMING)

Come on! Come on!

(WOMEN SCREAMING)

FRANCESCA:
Bitch, I saw this first!

But you have ping pong tits!

What about
your mosquito bites?

- No!
- You know it's true!

(CHANTING) One more minute!
You keep what you can carry.

One more minute!
You keep what you can carry.

Yeah, no one loves free stuff
more than rich people.

Just the one dress for you?

- I don't wanna lose an arm.
- (CHUCKLES)

Ooh. Well, in that case,

one last touch.

Well, isn't Nick a lucky guy.

ARAMINTA: Time's up!

Next stop... Spa!

(ALL CHEERING)

COLIN: You're a genius.
You know that, right?

NICK: What's a best man for?

Guess that pilot's license
came in handy after all.

- (COLIN LAUGHS)
- Here you go, champ.

COLIN: Oh, thank you, sir.

Mmm. I think that is the best
beer I've ever had.

I'm gonna have to agree
with you on that. (GRUNTS)

(SIGHS)

You know,
if it wasn't for Araminta,

I'd ask you to marry me.

(CHUCKLES)

Although,

there is a little something

that might get
in the way of that.

Mmm.

- No!
- NICK: Yeah.

- Is that real? (LAUGHS)
- Yes.

- Wow! Yes!
- Yes.

Yes, man! Congratulations!

- I know.
- That is freaking amazing.

- I'm ready.
- You're ready.

You're doing it. (CHUCKLES)

Nick, I'm really happy
for you, man.

- Thanks, dude.
- (CHUCKLES)

(GRUNTS)

I think my masseuse
just got me pregnant.

(LAUGHS)

I can see why Nick put off
coming back to Singapore.

What do you mean?

You know, he was supposed
to come back last year,

take over the family business.

His parents freaked out
when he didn't.

But, now that he's back,
I'm sure all is forgiven.

RACHEL: But he's not back
for good.

I mean,
we're just here for a wedding.

Wow!

But?

No, I'm really happy for you.

Colin, I've known you
since you were in nappies.

I know when there's something
on your mind.

Well, it wasn't
that long ago

that you were sure
you were moving back home.

And I mean, Rachel loves
her job in New York.

Yeah, we're gonna
figure that out.

You're going to
figure it out. Right.

AMANDA: Rachel, I get it.

It's hard knowing
where you stand

with someone
like Nicholas Young.

He has all that pressure
from his family.

Not just in business,
but in who he's dating.

It's like, you just never know

what's quite going on
in that gorgeous head of his.

Nick told you that
we were together, right?

It's ancient history now.
(CHUCKLES)

Although our families,
particularly his mother,

always wanted us
to get married.

I guess we weren't ready then.

Dude, ever since
primary school,

you were always going to be

the next chairman
of the Young Corporation,

your family's shining heir.

You really think
your family's going to

accept anything
less than that?

I mean, unless you...

No.

(COLIN STAMMERS)

Are you thinking
of walking out?

Leaving everything
to bloody Alistair and Eddie?

I'm not walking out
on anything.

I met a girl, I fell in love
and I want to marry her.

And it can't just be
one thing or the other.

Uh... No, no, no.

It's not that simple.
You know that.

I really admire you.

It takes guts
coming all the way over here,

facing Nick's family.

Especially when Eleanor isn't
exactly in your corner.

Okay, your family aside,
have you ever thought about

what your relationship
with Rachel

will be like
if you got married?

I mean, okay,

you're Nicholas Young.
You're untouchable.

You always have been.
But Rachel's not.

And if she becomes
Mrs. Nicholas Young,

every day for her
is going to be a struggle.

CELINE: I heard she told Tini
that Nick is a good catch.

So typical.
She's not even that pretty.

It's like she's never heard
of plastic surgery. (GIGGLES)

CELINE: Oh, shit.

(SNIFFLES)

Sorry.

You sure she's ready for that?

(SIGHS)

Rachel?

RACHEL: I'm so sorry.
ASTRID: It's okay.

Let's just forget
about those girls.

Camp out here

- and order room service?
- (GASPS)

(FLIES BUZZING)

I'll call security.

No.

I'm not gonna make a scene.

I'm not gonna give them
the satisfaction.

(GRUNTS)

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

This weekend was supposed
to be mani-pedis,

cocktails served
in pineapples.

This definitely wasn't
on the menu.

Why would Araminta even have
friends like that?

They're so mean.

ASTRID: Well, you grow up
your whole lives together,

you make excuses for people.

Specially the morons.

I mean, I know Michael didn't
have to deal with catty,

fish-killing sociopaths.

How did you two
get through all this?

Well, I didn't have it quite
as bad, but it wasn't pretty.

Well, at least tell me
it gets better.

Of course it does.

(SIGHS)

You okay?

Yeah.

Actually... No.

You could talk to me.

(SIGHS)

Michael is having an affair.

I'm really sorry, Astrid.

(RACHEL SIGHS)

RACHEL: I thought I was here
to meet your family,

go to your best friend's
wedding, eat some good food.

Instead, I feel like I'm
a villain in a soap opera

who's plotting to steal
your family fortune.

What happened?

I mean, I met Amanda.

She told me
that everyone here thinks

that I'm the evil person

that prevented you
from moving back

to Singapore last year,

when I didn't even know

you were supposed
to come home.

You have every reason
to be upset.

I'm not done yet.

There was also this gutted,
bloody fish

that Araminta's friends
left for me

in my hotel room

on my bed next to the words,

"Catch this,
you gold-digging bitch."

Written in big,
fat serial-killer letters.

Is that all that happened?

I mean, please tell me
that's all that happened.

You know what?
I don't even care

about those stupid girls

with their stupid little
designer handbags

and sunglasses.
I don't care about that.

I don't care
that your ex-girlfriend

told me all this crap.

It's that you didn't
tell me any of it.

I screwed up.

Why? Were you trying
to test me?

NICK: I really
messed up, okay?

- Why would you do that?
- I made a mistake.

When we first met,
you had no idea who I was,

who my family were.
You didn't care!

Yeah, I don't care
about that stupid stuff.

Well, exactly.

You are so different
from all of the women

that I grew up with.

And I love who I am
around you.

I don't want that to change.

- And that's selfish, I know.
- Mmm-hmm.

I'm sorry that you had to deal
with that on your own.

But I'm here now.

Whatever happens,
we'll get through it together.

- Dead fish and all.
- (SIGHS)

All right?

It was so gross.

But I buried it.

You dealt with it.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Come here.

(RACHEL SIGHS)

You know what? We need to do
something tonight.

We need to do something
that's just you and me, okay?

- 100% agree.
- Yes.

But we do have to go
make some dumplings first.

Okay?

And can we eat them?

We can eat
as many as you like.

Okay, fine.

(ASIAN MUSIC PLAYING)

- (PEOPLE LAUGHING)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

ALIX: This is too much.

We're hosting
a rehearsal dinner,

not feeding an army.

Better too many than have
people say we're stingy.

So, right.

You put the baby in bed.

You tuck, tuck, tuck.
Same on the other side.

You give him
a kiss good night.

RACHEL: That's so cute.

- How's that?
- And then you eat the baby.

Then you eat the baby
after he's cooked.

RACHEL: No, you gotta
make sure he's cooked.

Did your Ah Ma teach you that?

She did.

OLIVER: I, on the other hand,

was taught
by Grand-Auntie Mabel.

You put the Botox in the face,

and then
you pinch, pinch, pinch.

- Then, voila!
- (PEOPLE CHUCKLING)

Did you guys all learn
when you were kids?

We didn't have a choice.

We taught you so you'd know

the blood, sweat,
and tears it took

to raise and feed you monkeys.

ALIX: Not like the ang-mohs

microwaving macaroni
and cheese

for their own children.

No wonder
they put their parents

in the old folks' home
when they all grow up.

I know!

Ah Ma says if we don't pass
traditions down like this,

they'll disappear.

God forbid, we lose
the ancient Chinese tradition

of guilting your children.

(ALL LAUGHING)

NICK: It's totally worth it.

Mother used to wait for me
after school

with a nice basket of these.

(ALIX IN CANTONESE)

(ALL LAUGHING)

(IN ENGLISH) Hey, I never got
after-school dumplings.

Well, that's because
Auntie Felicity

was doing after-school
microdermabrasion.

(ALL LAUGHING)

(FELICITY IN CANTONESE)

(IN ENGLISH)
Auntie, this is Dolce.

You speak Cantonese?

RACHEL: No, I don't.

It's just great seeing
you guys all like this.

When I was growing up,

it was just me and my mom,
which I loved.

But we didn't really have
a big family like this.

It's really nice.

OLIVER: Oh, that's so lovely
of you to say, Rachel.

We are all very lucky
to have each other.

That's a beautiful ring,
Auntie Eleanor.

I've never seen
anything like it.

Nick's father had it made
when he proposed to me.

That's very romantic.
How did you guys meet?

Actually, they met
at Cambridge.

They were both
studying law together.

Oh, I didn't know
you were a lawyer.

I wasn't.
I withdrew from university

when we got married.

Oh.

I chose to help my husband
run a business

and to raise a family.

For me, it was a privilege.

But for you, you may think
it's old-fashioned.

It's nice
you appreciate this house

and us being here together
wrapping dumplings.

But all this
doesn't just happen.

It's because we know
to put family first,

instead of chasing
one's passion.

(IN MANDARIN)

ALL: Ah Ma...

(IN ENGLISH) Thank you.

AH MA: Oh, Nick. (LAUGHS)

Come and sit.

(IN MANDARIN)

Mmm.

Mmm.

(AH MA CHUCKLES)

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

- (PEOPLE LAUGHING)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

(IN ENGLISH) Oh, hi.
I think I'm a little lost.

This house is pretty big.

ELEANOR: I'm glad I found you.

I am afraid
that I've been unfair.

Oh, no, you know what?

I'm sorry
I made an assumption.

I didn't mean to offend you.

Not at all.

You asked about my ring.

The truth is
Nick's father had it made

when he wanted
to propose to me

because Ah Ma wouldn't
give him the family ring.

I wasn't her first choice.

Honestly, I wasn't her second.

Gosh, I'm so sorry.
I had no idea.

I didn't come
from the right family,

have the right connections.

And Ah Ma thought
I would not make

an adequate wife to her son.

But she came around,
obviously.

It took many years,

and she had good reason
to be concerned.

Because I had no idea
the work

and the sacrifice
it would take.

There were many days
when I wondered

if I would ever measure up.

But having been through
it all,

I know this much.

You will never be enough.

We should head back.
I wouldn't want Nick to worry.

NICK: You all right?

Yeah.

I know my mum
can be tough at times,

but there isn't anything
she wouldn't do for me.

And there is a reason why
I lived with Ah Ma growing up.

It's because my mother knew
she wasn't the favorite.

So she let her raise me,
so I would be.

You were just a kid?

Yeah.

But it's hard to understand
from the outside.

But she did what she thought
was best for the family.

- Mmm-hmm.
- For everyone involved.

Anyway, I think I've had
enough with dumplings

- for the rest of my life.
- (CHUCKLES WEAKLY)

What should we do?

Sushi, movies,
anything you like. Really.

PEIK: Wait, what?

Was she like, "You will never
be good enough for my son"?

Or was it like, "You...

"You will never be good enough
for my son"?

- It's like the second one.
- Oh.

Except for in a way
that made me wanna cry

and puke at the same time.

Gosh, she's so badass.

You know,
I bet if you told her

you'd leave Nick
for a million dollars,

she will write that check.
They do that around here.

And she looked at me
like I was nothing.

Like a $10 million check.

I feel like she would do that.

(SIGHS) I don't even know
what I should do.

I mean, I can't even tell Nick
because he worships her.

Yeah, Chinese sons
think their moms

fart Chanel No. 5.

What about the Ah Ma?
Does she hate your face, too?

Okay, nobody said
they hated my face.

And Ah Ma, she liked my face.
She said I had a lucky nose.

That's great!

You know, Eleanor can hate you
all day long,

but you can't beat 2,000 years
of Chinese filial piety.

I feel like I shouldn't
even go to the wedding.

You know,
it's Colin and Araminta's day.

I don't wanna cause
any drama there.

I feel like I should just
sit it out.

You know? Tell Nick I had
food poisoning or something.

- What?
- That's bullshit.

- You're just scared.
- No, I'm not.

Okay, here's what you need to
understand. All right?

It's not about getting Eleanor
to like you.

It's about getting her
to respect you, all right?

Right now, she just thinks
you're some undeserving,

- clueless, gold-digging...
- Yeah, I got it.

...trashy, unrefined banana.

Yellow on the outside,
white on the inside.

I know what a banana is.

When, in reality, you're
a super sophisticated, smart

professor of
freaking game theory.

Show her that side of you,
you know?

You're right.

Damn straight, I'm right.

It's Peik Lin,
I'm always right.

Yeah, she's like
trying to play

a game of chicken with me.

Where she's like coming at me,
and thinking

I'm going to swerve
like a chicken.

But you can't swerve.

I'm not gonna swerve.
Not for her.

No.
Chickens are bitches, dude!

- And I'm not a chicken.
- You're not a chicken.

You're gonna roll up
to that wedding,

you're gonna be like,
"Bak-bak, bitch!"

Bak-bak, bitch!

- Chickens are bitches.
- (RACHEL LAUGHS)

PEIK: Sorry, Uncle.

What are you doing tonight?

I was gonna go to FedEx
or something.

Why? Oh!

I have been waiting to
do this properly for so long.

I'm thinking eyebrow triage,
root crimps,

maybe some eyelid tape.

What do you think?

Ugh. All of it.

And I would throw in
a Korean snail face mask.

Sweetie, your skin is so dry,
it's hurting my face.

Thank you.

You know, it's about time

someone stood up
to Auntie Eleanor.

Well, you, not me. Oh, God!

She can't know
I was ever here.

Oh, no.

Right. Well, okay, let's get
to work. Cappuccinos.

- (BELL TOLLING)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

(MATERIAL GIRL
PLAYING IN CANTONESE)

Pull the plum Balenciaga,
the peach Chloe,

the Giambattista,
all the Bottegas.

Oh, and that Jason Wu with
the deconstructed ruffles.

And a sandwich for Peik Lin.

- Oh! Okay. All right.
- Oh. Right.

I'm not sure if it's working

or if she looks like
a clown's tampon.

On a heavy day.

OLIVER:
You look like a flower.

A sad, lonely flower
no one wants to be around.

(GASPS)

(ALL CLAMORING)

I mean, it's the wedding
of the century.

So, of course, we're here.
It's the natural... (LAUGHS)

BOTH: Oh!

It's not that bad.

- It's holding you up.
- (CAMERA CLICKS)

PEIK: It's a hands-on dress.
You know what I mean?

WYE: Incoming.

Okay.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

I love my fans.

Taipei Tiger 2 is going
to redefine the genre.

- She's a star. She's a star.
- TT2, honey.

BOTH: Oh!

PEIK:
I'm blinded by the light.

OLIVER:
This is why disco died.

PEIK: You kind of look
like a slutty Ebola virus.

It's like a bag of Skittles.
Taste the rainbow.

Could work if we...

Yes. I think
we just ought to...

I just think if we could tell
her this is coming from you

'cause she probably doesn't
want to hear it from a guy.

Okay. Okay.

(REPORTERS CLAMORING)

Okay, remember.
Optimal angles.

(CAMERAS CLICKING)

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

(NEENAH LAUGHING)

Just right here!
Just right here!

(ALL CLAMORING)

PEIK: Ma'am.

(CAMERAS CLICKING)

Everyone, I've got
Rachel Chu of New York.

Rachel Chu of New York.

(REPORTERS CLAMORING)

PHOTOGRAPHER 1:
Rachel! Rachel! To me!

PHOTOGRAPHER 2:
Okay, ladies, looking good.

Out of the way, please.
Out of the way.

- So gorgeous!
- Thank you.

Ladies, move, please.
Out of the way!

Good, that's great.
Beautiful dress.

Ladies.

Amanda.

- Mmm.
- You're in my way.

(SCOFFS) Okay, what?

MICHAEL: Our Chinese investors
are getting nervous.

I have to fly in to Shenzhen
on Monday

to try and talk them down.

That's Cassian's birthday.

Yeah, I know.

I hate to miss it,
but this is important.

You'd think your son's
birthday's important.

Get someone else to handle it.

(TYPING ON KEYPAD)

Unless there's another reason
you're out of town?

What are you saying?

(ROLLS UP DIVIDER)

I know
you're having an affair.

Oh, Jesus. Astrid.

Let's just
get through the wedding,

and we'll deal with it after.

I don't wanna make a scene.

You find out
I'm having an affair

with another woman,

and you're worried
about making a scene?

You'd rather I scream
and carry on?

Yes. Honestly,
I wish you would.

It would show you cared about
more than what people thought

of you and your family.

Don't try and turn this on me.

I'm not the one
who screwed up!

Of course not.

You're always the prettiest,

richest, most perfect girl
in the room.

While I'm just
this lucky bastard

who will never measure up.

Don't say that.

I know
what you're thinking, Astrid.

That's why
you hide your shoes,

the jewelry you buy,

as if every minute of my life
I'm not reminded of it.

I'm just tired.

I'm tired of having nothing
I do matter.

Including having the affair.

(CRYING) Of course
what you do matters!

How can you say that?

(BRAKES SCREECH)

(CRYING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

Is this a church
or a paddy field?

They spent 40 million
on the wedding.

Really? That's too much.

We're Methodists.
20 million is our limit.

I know.

Princess Intan. Vicious woman.

I heard she demanded
a whole row to herself,

so she wouldn't be bothered
by anyone.

Really?

Who is that?

Aunties.

Rachel, how lovely to see you.

The pleasure is all mine.

ELEANOR: I'm sorry,
our row is full.

- (WHISPERS) I love it.
- (CHUCKLES)

(SIGHS)

Bak-bak. Okay.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

Princess Intan. Rachel Chu.

I read your great article
about microloans

in the
Asian Economics Journal.

PRINCESS INTAN:
I received so much criticism

about that article.

Well, you know what? I think
your critics missed the point.

'Cause your microloans
helped women,

and women lift up economies.

What was your name, again?

Rachel Chu.

PRINCESS INTAN:
It's a pleasure to meet you.

Now, what brings you here?

RACHEL: I followed a boy...

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

Ah Ma is here.

She never comes
to these things.

(ASTRID AND AH MA
SPEAKING MANDARIN)

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

(IN ENGLISH)
How are you feeling?

- Good.
- All right. Don't be nervous.

- I'm not nervous.
- You look great.

Thank you.

Hey, Rachel's not sitting
with your family.

Yeah. I don't blame her.

Mother hasn't exactly been
the most welcoming.

But I'm sure she'll be at
the back somewhere laying low.

No. She's right at the front.
Take a look.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(INDISTINCT)

I think you've got a fighter.

(WHISPERING) Guys, it's time.

- Okay.
- All right.

- Hey.
- Yeah?

Make sure
she doesn't take your balls.

- (GROANING)
- (LAUGHS)

Just joking. Just joking.

Thanks for dressing up,
Bernard.

Hey. It's not about me.

Yeah. Come on.
Thanks, Bernard.

- It's not about me.
- All right.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

KINA GRANNIS:
♪ Wise men say

♪ Only fools rush in

♪ But I can't help

♪ Falling in love with you

♪ Shall I stay?

♪ Would it be a sin

♪ If I can't help

♪ Falling in love with you?

♪ Like a river flows

♪ Surely to the sea

♪ Darling, so it goes

♪ Some things are meant to be

♪ So take my hand

♪ Take my whole life, too

♪ For I can't help

♪ Falling in love with you

♪ For I can't help

♪ Falling in love with you ♪

(ALL CHEERING)

(ASIAN BIG BAND MUSIC PLAYING)

(CHEERING CONTINUES)

(SINGING IN MANDARIN)

You look spectacular,
you know that?

It's the double Spanx.
I can't breathe. (CHUCKLES)

It's not the clothes.
It's just you.

Uh, excuse me.

This party isn't gonna
dance itself. Come on.

- Come on, Nicki-Nick.
- All right.

You're very good.

- Yeah? I only stepped on her twice.
- NICK: Very.

(WOMAN CONTINUES SINGING)

(CROWD SINGING ALONG)

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

(BOTH WHOOPING)

- Oliver.
- (OLIVER CLEARS THROAT)

Yes, Auntie?

Be a dear
and take care of that.

- (GRUNTING)
- (LAUGHING)

As you wish.

- (MUSIC ENDS)
- (ALL CHEERING)

(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

You know, you should wear
a tux more often.

Like, all the time?

Mmm, yeah.

You know, when you're
playing basketball at the Y,

- shaving, brushing your teeth.
- (CHUCKLES)

(SINGING IN MANDARIN)

Alistair, your father's
looking for you.

Something about an overdrawn
discretionary account.

Oh, my God.

- Baby! Oh, my gosh!
- (CLEARS THROAT)

- (OBJECTS CLATTERING)
- (PEOPLE GASP)

Oh. Hi. (CHUCKLES)

So, how do you like
the wedding?

Oh, my gosh!
It's so glamorous! (GASPS)

When it's Alistair's
and my wedding,

(GASPS) I want it
just like this.

No, no, no! I want it big!
Big! Better!

(CHUCKLES) Sweetie!

You'll be lucky
if Alistair's parents

give you a tea ceremony.

You know Alistair's
only the fourth son

of a penny-pinching family,
don't you?

I mean, he'll get
next to nothing.

You want a wedding like this?

You should've fallen in love
with an only child.

Someone like...

Bernard Tai.

- (EXHALES)
- (WOMEN GIGGLING)

Master Nicholas,

your grandmother would like

to speak to you
and Miss Rachel.

Okay.

Sick party.

Yeah!

Hold that.

(PEOPLE CHEERING
IN DISTANCE)

Ah Ma, Mum,

- what's all this about?
- (SPEAKING MANDARIN)

Ah Ma!

ELEANOR: (IN ENGLISH)
I'm sorry to tell you,

but Rachel has been lying
to us about her family

and her mother.

What are... What are you
talking about?

I hired
a private investigator...

- NICK: Mom, you didn't.
- ...to look into her past.

She said her father
passed away in China...

Mum!

...but that's not true.

Your mother's husband
is very much alive.

During her marriage,
she cheated on him

and became pregnant
with another man's child.

And before he found out,
she ran away to America.

- It's all in here.
- NICK: You had no right!

ELEANOR: We had every right!
NICK: You did not!

RACHEL: You're lying!

Do you have any idea
the scandal

this would have caused

for Rachel to hide
something like this?

She wouldn't have.

(SIGHS) We cannot be linked
to this sort of family.

(PAPERS CLATTERING)

I don't want
any part of your family.

- Rachel.
- (SPEAKING MANDARIN)

(IN ENGLISH) Let me go!
Rachel.

- Nick!
- (SPEAKING MANDARIN)

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

(CAMERA CLICKING)

(IN ENGLISH) Hey, Cinderella.
What's wrong?

You gotta return your dress
before midnight? (LAUGHS)

- Nicki-Nick!
- Oh, you're just in time.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING
AND LAUGHING)

Oliver.

- Oh, Nicki, have you...
- Rachel. Have you seen Rachel?

(LAUGHING)

Nicholas! Hi!

- It's been so long.
- Yes.

Amanda, no. Amanda, not now!

Rachel. Come to breakfast.

You need to eat.

Or use the bathroom,
or maybe a shower.

It's there if you need it.

(DOOR OPENS)

(WHISPERING)

GIRL: Here, Rachel.
This is your dinner.

Thank you.

(WHISPERING)

(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

NICK: I'll stop by
again tonight.

Rachel, please,
just give me a call.

Anytime. Please.

Rachel,
someone's here to see ya.

(SIGHS) I don't want
to see him.

It's not Nick.

Mom!

Drink more.

The dong-quai and the ginseng
will give you more energy.

Thanks.

KERRY: Your spirit
has always been so strong,

ever since young.

You will get through this.

Why didn't you tell me
about my father?

(SIGHS)

My husband wasn't a good man.

He hurt me.

But an old schoolmate of mine
helped me through things,

and we fell in love,

and I got pregnant
with his baby.

That's you.

I was so afraid
my husband would find out

and kill us both,

so I just took you
and I ran to America.

Did you ever...

I don't know, think about
trying to talk to him?

I mean,
do you think about him?

Every day.

Oh.

When we first
came to America,

all I could think about
was reaching out for him,

but I was so afraid
my husband would find us.

And now, I just don't want
to cause any trouble.

Oh...

I'm really sorry.

Oh! Don't be sorry.

(CHUCKLES)

You listen to me.

Everything that happened
in my past life

is the reason why I got you.

(CHUCKLES)

My brave and clever girl.

(SOBBING)

(KERRY SIGHS)

(RACHEL SIGHS)

I really thought
he was the one.

Now, I just want to go home.

You know, Nick was the one
who called me

and brought me out here.

Before we go, I think
you should go and talk to him.

(SIGHS)

(CAMERA CLICKING)

I'll e-mail the photo later.

P.T., how long you been
standing there?

Just a short while.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(CAMERA CLICKS)

(NICK SIGHS)

I'm so sorry about everything.

What my mother did to you
is unforgivable.

- It's not your fault.
- It is.

Ever since I can remember,

my family has been
my whole life.

And I am done
making excuses for them.

Nick.

Marry me.

Marry me, and we'll start

a new life together
in New York.

Just you and me.
I'll leave all of this behind.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

Thanks for meeting me here.

Don't worry about them.

They're half deaf
and they only speak Hokkien.

My mom taught me how to play.

She told me Mahjong
would teach me

important life skills.

Negotiation,
strategy, cooperation.

You asked me here. I assume
it's not for a Mahjong lesson.

Pong.

My mother taught me, too.

I know Nick told you the truth
about my mom.

But you didn't like me
the second I got here.

Why is that?

There is a Hokkien phrase.

(SPEAKING HOKKIEN)

It means,
"Our own kind of people."

And you're not our own kind.

'Cause I'm not rich?

'Cause I didn't go to
a British boarding school,

or I wasn't born
into a wealthy family?

You're a foreigner. American.

And all Americans think about
is their own happiness.

Don't you want
Nick to be happy?

It's an illusion.

We understand
how to build things that last.

Something you know
nothing about.

You don't know me.

I know you're not
what Nick needs.

Well, he proposed
to me yesterday.

He said he'd walk away
from his family

and from you for good.

Don't worry.
I turned him down.

(SIGHS)

Only a fool
folds a winning hand.

There's no winning.
You made sure of that.

Because if Nick chose me,
he would lose his family.

And if he chose his family,

he might spend the rest
of his life resenting you.

(SIGHS)

So you chose for him.

I'm not leaving
'cause I'm scared

or because I think
I'm not enough.

Because maybe for the first
time in my life,

I know I am.

I just love Nick so much.

I don't want him
to lose his mom again.

So I just wanted you
to know that one day,

when he marries
another lucky girl

who is enough for you,

and you're playing
with your grandkids

while the tan huas
are blooming

and the birds are chirping,

that it was because of me.

A poor,
raised by a single mother,

low class, immigrant nobody.

Hey.

I'm gonna send someone
for the rest of my stuff.

But I wanna talk to you

about my visitation rights
with Cassian.

Stop talking.

What?

Don't worry
about packing your things.

You bought this apartment,
you keep it. We're leaving.

What do you mean
you're leaving?

Where are you gonna go?

I have 14 apartment
buildings that I own,

so probably one of those.

And you'll see Cassian
when it's good for him,

not when it's good for you.

- Hey!
- (SIGHS)

Look, you know,
it's not just my fault

that things didn't work out.

You're right. I shouldn't have
kept things from you.

Hidden my shoes,
turned down jobs,

charity work,
worrying that it might

make you feel lesser than.

But let's be clear.

The problem with our marriage
isn't my family's money.

It's that you're a coward.
You gave up on us.

But I've just realized,

it's not my job
to make you feel like a man.

I can't make you
something you're not.

(YELLOW PLAYING
IN ASIAN LANGUAGE)

Good for you!

Walking away from Nick

and his family's fat-ass
property portfolio.

You have no one,
no net worth,

but you have integrity.
That's why I respect you.

Thank you for everything.

- Bye, Mrs. Chu.
- Goodbye and thank you.

Sure I can't get you to stay?

You know, my brother P.T.,
he's still single.

All right. (SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT
ON PA)

NICK: Rachel!

Rachel! Stay there.

I'm gonna go and look
for some extra blankets.

Hello. (SPEAKING MANDARIN)

Sorry, just one second.
Nick, what are you doing here?

I'm flying back
to New York with you.

God, don't make this harder
than it already is.

I always imagined what me

proposing to you
would be like.

You know what?
I had it all planned out.

Oh!

I'm right behind you.
Don't mind me.

I'd bring you to my favorite
spot on the island.

There's a hidden trail that
I used to go to as a child.

Now there's a cove there

that opens up
to this beautiful lake.

Um... Sorry, dude.

- Give me a second.
- (LAUGHS)

When the sun hits the horizon,
I'd get down on one knee.

(SIGHS)

And the rest of the world
would fall away.

Because it would
just be you...

(WOMAN GRUNTING)

Because it's just you...

Sorry,
I can help you with that.

All right, it's fine.
Stay there.

Yay. You, too?
Watch your fingers.

- Lift it up. Okay.
- Thank you.

(EXHALES) Everybody okay?

Because I just need 30 seconds
with this woman.

Okay, thank you.

Oh. Coming through. Sorry.

I know this is a far throw
from a hidden paradise.

(WOMAN GASPS)

But wherever
you are in the world,

that's where I belong.

But I...

Rachel Chu,

will you marry me?

(GASPS)

And make me the happiest man
in this world?

Yes! Yes! Yes!
She will marry you!

Yes!

(ALL CHEERING)

Oh!

(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

- I love you.
- I love you, too.

This is gonna be
some flight back to New York.

Well, I was actually thinking
about staying one more night.

(ALL CHEERING)

(ALL WHOOPING)

It's all about you, Nick!

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(WYE STAMMERING)

(ALL CHEERING)

Make babies! Make babies!

Subtitles by explosiveskull

♪ You know what?
Vote for a good time

♪ Got that feeling
The feeling to win

♪ As long as I'm breathing

♪ Gotta vote for a good time

♪ Write your name
across the sky

♪ Breathe it in
and we can fly

♪ Love for love
and not for lies, yeah

- ♪ So let's vote...
- ♪ For a good time

♪ Like you just got paid

♪ Spend it all on Mary Jane

♪ It's a celebration

- ♪ Yeah, so I vote... Oh!
- ♪ For a good time

♪ And everything is changing

♪ It's got me feeling strange

♪ But we can
stand together, yeah

- ♪ Just vote...
- ♪ For a good time

♪ Summer nights
that we were wild

♪ Make the choice
that makes you proud

♪ Make the choice
that makes you proud, yeah

- ♪ Just vote...
- ♪ For a good time

♪ Yeah!

♪ Oh, woah!

♪ Good time, oh, yeah

♪ For a good time
Good time

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la,
la, la, la

♪ Oh

♪ Vote for a good time ♪

(ALL CHEERING)

♪ Yeah

♪ Oh, woah

♪ Good time

- ♪ Oh, yeah
- ♪ Good time, good time

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la,
la, la, la

♪ Yeah

♪ Good time

- ♪ Vote for a good time
- ♪ Good time, good time

♪ Good time
Yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ Vote for a good time
Good time

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la,
la, la, la

♪ Vote for a good time

♪ Summer shouldn't end
in nothing

♪ Sometimes life is ugly

♪ We're all searching
for something

- ♪ So let's vote...
- ♪ For a good time

♪ Don't wait, make that choice
that sets you free now

♪ Unless it plagues your mind
You'll be fine

♪ If you'll just vote

♪ Write your name
across the sky

♪ Breathe it in and we can fly

♪ Love for love
And love for life

- ♪ Let's vote
- ♪ For a good time

♪ For the moments we remember

♪ And the people
that we treasure

♪ We can give it all together

♪ Vote for a good time ♪

(CASH REGISTER DINGS)

(UPBEAT SONG PLAYING)