All language subtitles for Desperate.Housewives.S04E03.1080p.WEB-DL.DD+.5.1.x264-TrollHD_track3_[und]

PREVIOUSLY ON...

BREE DISCOVERED
A FAMILY SECRET.

OH, I'M GONNA BE SICK.

LYNETTE STRUGGLED
WITH CHEMOTHERAPY...

(Lynette retching)

WHILE SUSAN TOOK JOY
IN BEING PREGNANT...

I'M EATING FOR TWO.

THE BIGGEST OBSTACLE
TO CARLOS AND GABY...

THE I.R.S. COULD MAKE ME
TESTIFY AGAINST YOU.

WAS THE PROMISE EDIE FORCED
CARLOS TO MAKE.
WE'RE ENGAGED.

I REALLY DID CARE FOR EDIE,

BUT I CAN'T LET HER
RUIN MY LIFE.

(boy) TREVOR! OVER HERE!

(Mary Alice) ALL CHILDREN
LOVE TO PLAY GAMES.

BUT BEFORE
THEY CAN RACE THEIR BIKES

OR JUMP THEIR ROPES

OR TOSS THEIR FRISBEES,

CHILDREN UNDERSTAND THEY MUST
FIRST CONVINCE THEIR FRIENDS

TO PLAY ALONG WITH THEM.

THE SAME IS TRUE FOR ADULTS.

HI, GABY. IT'S ME.

I'M THROWING A PARTY
SATURDAY NIGHT.

GUESS WHAT KIND?

A CHARADES PARTY?

Didn't you just throw one?
NO, THAT WAS A YEAR AGO.

OH. RIGHT. GUESS IT'S TIME
FOR ANOTHER ONE.

SURE IS. CAN YOU COME?

UM... SORRY.

VICTOR NEEDS ME
AT THIS... POLITICAL THING.

DAMN. DAMN, DAMN.

AW! YOU HAVE TO COME.

YOU'RE THE BEST
CHARADES PLAYER I KNOW.

THAT'S SWEET..
AND TOTALLY ACCURATE.

BUT I'M REALLY WHIPPED
FROM THE CHEMO, SO...

(call waiting beeps)
OH, THERE'S MY OTHER LINE.

CAN YOU ASK ME NEXT TIME,
OKAY, HON? OKAY, BYE.

(beep)

HELLO?

OH, HEY, BREE.
MM, WHAT'S UP?

WELL, I STOPPED BY KATHERINE'S
LAST NIGHT JUST TO GET A RECIPE,

AND YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE
WHAT I OVERHEARD.

SHE SLAPPED HER KID?! NO!

Yes, and get this--

WHEN ADAM SAID DYLAN WAS JUST
GOING TO KEEP ASKING QUESTIONS,

KATHERINE SAID--
AND I QUOTE--

"WELL, WE'RE JUST GONNA
HAVE TO FIND BETTER LIES."
(call waiting beeps)

QOH, HANG ON.
I'VE GOT ANOTHER CALL.
Don't answer it!

IT'S SUSAN. SHE'S HOSTING
ANOTHER GAME NIGHT.

ANOTHER ONE? IT'S TIME
FOR AN ANONYMOUS LETTER.

WAIT--IS KATHERINE GOING
TO SUSAN'S CHARADE NIGHT?

PROBABLY. WHY?

We should go, too.

GET A FEW DRINKS IN HER,
SEE IF SHE LOOSENS UP.

WELL, I DOUBT
A WOMAN LIKE KATHERINE

IS GONNA SPILL HER SECRETS

JUST BECAUSE
SHE'S HAD A LITTLE WINE.
I DON'T KNOW.

YOU CAME OUT WITH
SOME INTERESTING THINGS

BEFORE YOU SWORE OFF
THE SAUCE.
WELL, NONE THAT I RECALL.

DIDN'T YOU TELL ME
YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY

in the backseat of a--
POINT WELL TAKEN.
I'LL BRING THE WINE.

SUSAN, GOOD NEWS.

WE CAN COME TO THE PARTY
AFTER ALL.

HEY, YOU KNOW WHO ELSE
YOU SHOULD INVITE?

YEAH, I AM FEELING MUCH BETTER,
SO COUNT ME IN.

WILL OUR NEW NEIGHBOR
BE COMING?

OF COURSE!
I LOVE YOUR CHARADES PARTIES.

AND I HOPE YOU'RE INVITING THAT
DELIGHTFUL KATHERINE MAYFAIR.

SO YOU WERE PAID
A VERY NICE COMPLIMENT TODAY.

I WAS?
YES.

I AM HOSTING
A CHARADES PARTY,

AND ALL OF MY FRIENDS
WENT OUT THEIR WAY

TO INSIST I INVITE YOU.
REALLY?

MM-HMM.

YES, NOT ALL ADULTS
LIKE TO PLAY GAMES.

BUT THE ONES WHO DO...

PLAY TO WIN.

STELLA WINGFIELD HATED TO COOK.

STILL, SHE SPENT
THAT FRIDAY MORNING

GRATING CHEESE...

AND GREASING A PAN...

AND LAYING IN MACARONI

BECAUSE HER ELDEST DAUGHTER
WAS SICK,

AND STELLA COULD NO LONGER
SIT BY AND DO NOTHING.

LUNCHTIME!

OH. NO, THANKS.

OH, COME ON.
I MADE IT FOR YOU SPECIAL.

YOU'VE GOTTA
KEEP YOUR STRENGTH UP.

I APPRECIATE THE EFFORT,

BUT I TOLD YOU,
I CAN'T KEEP ANYTHING DOWN,

AND F.Y.I., MAC AND CHEESE
IS HALFWAY TO VOMIT.

YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE GIVEN ME
A PLATE OF CREAMED CORN.

AREN'T YOU TAKING
THE ANTI-NAUSEA DRUG?

YEAH, I AM TAKING IT.

IT'S JUST... NOT WORKING.
(chuckles)

OH. WELL, UM...

I KNOW SOMETHING THAT MIGHT
HELP YOUR NAUSEA

ANDBOOST YOUR APPETITE.

UM... PERHAPS A LITTLE VISIT
FROM MY OLD FRIEND...

MARY JANE?

YOU'RE SUGGESTING POT?

A LOT OF CHEMO PATIENTS
USE IT. HELL, I DID.

YEAH.

OH, COME ON.

LET MAMA SCORE YOU
SOME KICK-ASS CHRONIC.

"KICK-ASS CHRONIC"?

UH-HUH.
YOU'RE A GRANDMOTHER.

SHOULDN'T YOU BE OFF SOMEWHERE
KNITTING AN AFGHAN?

JUST TRYING
TO EASE YOUR PAIN.

WELL, THANKS,

BUT I PREFER
NOT TO GET MY MEDICATION

FROM SOME GUY
UNDER A BRIDGE.

SUIT YOURSELF.

HEY.

WHAT'S THIS?

A CRIB.

OH, AND LOOK...

SAFETY LATCH.

I FIGURED IF THE BABY
TAKES AFTER YOU,

"ACCIDENT-PROOF" IS KEY.

HONEY, YOU KNOW, I'M STILL
IN MY FIRST TRIMESTER.

UM, DON'T YOU THINK
IT'S A LITTLE EARLY

TO BE MAKING CRIBS?

EARLY WOULD BE
PAINTING IT PINK OR BLUE.

BUT...

I GOT BOTH,
SO WE'RE COVERED EITHER WAY.

(chuckles) GREAT.

AND WHETHER
IT'S A BOY OR A GIRL,

COLTS FAN.
THAT'SNON-NEGOTIABLE.

MM.

UM, BREE'S HOME.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(clears throat)

LOOK SHARP. IT'S SUSAN.

GOD, IT'S GETTING
HARDER AND HARDER

TO KEEP HER
AT ARM'S LENGTH.

I NEVER KNEW
SHE WAS SUCH A HUGGER.

YOU WANT ME
TO RUN INTERFERENCE?
NO, NO.
I'M GETTING GOOD AT PROPS.

YEAH? GOOD.

HEY, SUSAN! WHAT'S UP?

I NEED A FAVOR.

UM, I REMEMBER YOU
MENTIONING

THAT YOU LIKED
YOUR OBSTETRICIAN.

CAN I GET HIS NUMBER?

I THOUGHT
YOU WERE USING DR. MAYFAIR.

YEAH, I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S GETTING A LITTLE WEIRD.

YOU KNOW,
ADAM IS MY NEIGHBOR.

BUT YOU DON'T MIND
ORSON BEING YOUR DENTIST.

WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE
I DON'T BLUSH

WHEN ORSON SAYS,
"OPEN WIDE." (chuckles)

YOU KNOW, MY O.B.
IS ALL THE WAY ACROSS TOWN.

YOU JUST DO NOT WANT
TO DRIVE THAT FAR.

OH, WELL, WE COULD SCHEDULE
OUR APPOINTMENTS TOGETHER

AND CARPOOL.

YOU KNOW... (chuckles)
PREGNANT GALS ON THE ROAD.

(laughs) IT DOES SOUND FUN,

BUT I DON'T THINK MY DOCTOR'S
TAKING ON ANY NEW PATIENTS.

OH, I CAN TALK HIM INTO IT.
WHAT'S HIS NAME?

I, UM...

DON'T REMEMBER.

YOU DON'T REMEMBER?

NO. YOU KNOW, I USUALLY
JUST CALL HIM "DOCTOR."

(laughs) BREE,
JUST GET ME THE NUMBER.

OOH. (laughs)

HERE YOU GO, BUT PLEASE
DON'T MENTION MY NAME.

AS I SAID, YOU KNOW,
HE'S OVERBOOKED,

AND I JUST DON'T WANT
TO GET ON HIS BAD SIDE.

I'M SO EXCITED. PREGNANT GALS
SHARING A DOCTOR! (laughs)

(gasps)

AH-CHOO!

OH, BLESS YOU.
OH! SORRY,
PROBABLY JUST ALLERGIES,

BUT, YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T WANT
TO TAKE ANY CHANCES.

(muffled) RIGHT.

HEY.

CAN I GET A DRINK?

YEAH, SURE.

BY THE WAY,
YOU MISSED A SPOT.

OH, THANKS.

ANYTIME.

I'D SAY
THE CAR IS CLEAN ENOUGH.

KATHERINE.

YOU TWO SEEMED AWFULLY FRIENDLY.
DO YOU KNOW HER?

NO. WE SAID TWO WORDS.
SHE CRITICIZED MY CAR WASHING.
HMM. IT'S FUNNY.

WHEN I CRITICIZE YOU, YOU DON'T
PUT ON A BIG, GOOFY GRIN.

YOU REALLY NEED
TO STOP THIS.

GIVEN OUR HISTORY, SHOULDN'T I
BE SAYING THAT TO YOU?

KATHERINE, I CAN'T
JUST NOT SPEAK TO WOMEN.

I'M A GYNECOLOGIST,
FOR GOD'S SAKE.

YES, I KNOW.

BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO BRING
YOUR WORK HOME WITH YOU.

(car door shuts)

YOU LEAVING ALREADY?

AH, EDIE ASKED ME TO HELP HER
PICK OUT A GIFT FOR HER SISTER,

SO I GOTTA
SWING BY THE MALL.

WHEN CAN I SEE YOU NEXT?

WELL, VICTOR HAS
A TEACHERS' UNION THING

ON THURSDAY.

GUESS I'LL SEE YOU
ON THURSDAY.

CARLOS,
WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?

I MEAN, WITH US. WHY ARE WE
STILL SNEAKING AROUND?

YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHY.

OH, COME ON. EDIE'S RECOVERED
FROM HER LITTLE SUICIDE ATTEMPT.

DON'T YOU THINK
IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON?
I'VE GOT SOME THINGS GOING ON,

AND I NEED THEM TO PAY OFF
BEFORE I CAN MAKE A MOVE.

REALLY,
I DON'T HAVE A CHOICE.

OKAY, BUT IF YOU DID
HAVE A CHOICE,

WOULD IT BE A HARD ONE?

I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE
IN LOVE WITH EDIE, IS IT?
NO, I DON'T LOVE EDIE.

AND I'VE GOT A PLAN TO GET HER
OUT OF MY LIFE FOREVER.

JUST GIVE ME TWO WEEKS, OKAY?

A BRACELET'S ALWAYS NICE.

FOR EDIE'S SISTER.

GOOD IDEA.

(door shuts)

HERE'S THE THING--
MY DAUGHTER HAS CANCER.

SHE'S SO NAUSEOUS,
SHE'S STOPPED EATING,

AND I CAN'T JUST STAND BY
AND WATCH HER WASTE AWAY.

SO I ASKED AROUND,

AND PEOPLE THOUGHT YOU MIGHT
BE ABLE TO GET ME WHAT I NEED.

YOU FOLLOW MY DRIFT?

UM... YEAH.

YOU--YOU WANT ME
TO SCORE YOU SOME WEED.

THE BEST STUFF YOU CAN GET.
(unzips purse)

NOTHING'S TOO GOOD
FOR MY LITTLE GIRL.

DARLING?
WHAT IS IT?

WELL,
I DON'T WANT YOU TO WORRY.

I-I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE
WITH THE CONVENT.

IT SEEMS DANIELLE
TOOK A LITTLE SPILL.

YOU'RE 8 1/2 MONTHS PREGNANT!

WHAT IN HEAVEN'S NAME
WERE YOU DOING ROLLER-BLADING?

I'M BORED.
ALL I DO IS LAY AROUND.

IN YOUR CONDITION,
THAT'S WHAT YOU SHOULD BE DOING.

AND WHERE ON EARTH
DID YOU GET SKATES IN A CONVENT?

I BORROWED THEM FROM ONE
OF THE EATING DISORDER GIRLS.

THEY HAVE ALL
THE GOOD EXERCISE EQUIPMENT.

Danielle,

WHAT IF YOUR RECKLESS BEHAVIOR
HAD HURT THE BABY?

THEY'RE GOING TO EXAMINE ME.
I'M SURE THE BABY'S FINE.

YES, AND IT IS GOING
TO STAY THAT WAY

BECAUSE I HAVE INSTRUCTED
SISTER THERESA

TO KEEP YOU SEQUESTERED
IN YOUR ROOM

UNTIL THE BABY IS BORN.
What am I supposed to do
for fun?

YOU WON'T EVEN GET ME
A DVD PLAYER.

WELL, I WAS HOPING THAT YOU
COULD USE THESE LAST FEW WEEKS

FOR REFLECTION
AND PERSONAL GROWTH.

(scoffs) I HATE YOU.

CLEARLY,
IT WOULD BE TIME WELL SPENT.

HOW WAS THE LASAGNA?

WHY DON'T YOU
ASK IT YOURSELF?

HONEY.
SORRY.

AT LEAST EAT A LITTLE.

WE NEED YOU IN FIGHTING FORM
FOR CHARADES TONIGHT.

YEAH, ABOUT THAT--
I DON'T THINK I'M GONNA MAKE IT.

YOU HAVE TO! YOU ARE
THE CHARADES ASSASSIN.

THEY STILL TALK ABOUT
THE NIGHT THAT YOU GUESSED

"THE AMERICANIZATION OF EMILY"
IN 15 SECONDS.

12.

AND THAT'S MY POINT.
I'M UNDEFEATED.

WHY SPOIL MY WINNING STREAK

BY PLAYING
WHEN I'M NOT UP TO IT?

HONEY, PEOPLE...
KNOW THAT YOU'RE SICK.

THEY DON'T EXPECT YOU
TO BE AT YOUR ABSOLUTE BEST.

(doorbell rings)

TOM, HAIR LOSS
AND CONSTANT NAUSEA--

THOSE ARE INCONVENIENCES.

LOSING AT CHARADES
TO SUSAN MEYER--

THAT IS JUST
FLAT-OUT INTOLERABLE.

(knock on door)

HEY, ANDREW.
HEY.

WHAT'S UP?
HEY, MR. SCAVO, UM,

A PACKAGE FOR LYNETTE'S MOM
GOT DELIVERED TO OUR HOUSE

BY MISTAKE, SO...
OH! I'M COMING.
I'VE GOT IT, TOM.

IT'S A PATTERN. I'M...
KNITTING LYNETTE AN AFGHAN.

(siren wailing in distance)

(coughs)

(telephone rings)

(ring)

A FRIEND OF MINE
RECOMMENDED THIS PLACE.

IT'S NOT EXACTLY WHAT
I EXPECTED.

(car alarm wailing in distance)

MUST BE ONE HECK OF A DOCTOR,
THOUGH, HUH?

I DON'T KNOW. I JUST COME HERE
TO BUY CLEAN URINE.

SHOO!

THOSE ARE ONLY
FOR GROWN-UPS.
WHY?

BECAUSE THAT HAVE
SPECIAL MEDICINE IN THEM.

LIKE THE GROWN-UP ICED TEA
YOU ALWAYS DRINK?

SIMILAR. HOW ABOUT
SOME ICE CREAM INSTEAD?

AND YOU CAN WATCH TV
TILL YOUR EYES FALL OUT.

YEAH!
AWESOME.

YOUSTAY.

GRANDMA NEEDS A FAVOR,

AND YOU'VE GOT
JUST THE FACE FOR IT.

WOW, SWEETIE.
THOSE REALLY LOOK DELICIOUS,

BUT I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE
EATING RIGHT NOW.

JUST ONE, MOM?

I MADE THEM SPECIAL...

JUST FOR YOU.

MMM.
THIS REALLY IS DELICIOUS.

NOW IF THERE'S AN EMERGENCY,

YOU CAN REACH ME
ON MY CELL PHONE.

OR THEY CAN JUST
WALK ACROSS THE STREET.

HAVE FUN, GIRLS.
DON'T DO ANYTHING I WOULD DO.
(chuckles)

ADAM SEEMS
REALLY LAID-BACK.

(door opens and shuts)
YEAH, HE'S PRETTY COOL.

OF COURSE, EVERYONE SEEMS COOL
COMPARED TO ROBO-MOM.

(chuckles)
HEY, YOU NEVER TOLD ME.

WHAT HAPPENED WHEN YOU
ASKED HER ABOUT YOUR REAL DAD?

SHE FREAKED OUT,
JUST LIKE I THOUGHT.

SHE WOULDN'T TELL ME
ANYTHING.

WELL...

THERE ARE OTHER WAYS
TO FIND THINGS OUT.

DOES YOUR MOM KEEP
ANY OLD PAPERS?

YOU KNOW,
LETTERS, DIARIES?

NOT THAT SHE SHOWS ME.

THERE'S STUFF
IN THE STORAGE ROOM UPSTAIRS,

BUT IT'S LOCKED,
SO FORGET ABOUT IT.

WHAT KIND OF LOCK IS IT?

OH, COME ON IN.
I WAS HOPING YOU WERE SUSAN.

SHE'S NOT HERE?

NO, AND SHE'S NOT
ANSWERING HER CELL PHONE.
WHERE IS SHE?

WELL, SHE HAD AN APPOINTMENT
WITH THIS NEW OBSTETRICIAN

OVER ON RIVER STREET,
BUT SHE SHOULD BE HERE BY NOW.

WHY WOULD SHE SEE A DOCTOR
OVER THERE?

THAT'S
A TERRIBLE NEIGHBORHOOD.
IT IS?

YES. DON'T YOU REMEMBER?

THAT'S WHERE THEY MURDERED
THOSE TWO PROSTITUTES LAST YEAR.

WE SHOULD HELP MIKE
WITH THE FOOD.

KNOCK, KNOCK.
(singsong voice) WE'RE HERE.

OH, GOOD!

KATHERINE, I WAS HOPING
WE'D GET A CHANCE TO CHAT.

(lowers voice)
OPEN THIS NOW.

UGH. SUSAN'S PARTIES ARE
ALWAYS SUCH A SNOOZEFEST.

THE ONLY THING
PEOPLE WILL BE MIMING IS

"GET ME THE HELL
OUT OF HERE."

AREN'T YOU A LITTLE OVERDRESSED
FOR CHARADES?

OH, I THOUGHT
THAT I'D LOOK NICE,

JUST IN CASE
WE DECIDED TO...

OH, I DON'T KNOW--
ANNOUNCE OUR ENGAGEMENT?

(chuckles) WE'RE NOT
ANNOUNCING ANYTHING.

IT'S SUSAN AND MIKE'S PARTY.

I DO NOT WANT TO MAKE IT
ALL ABOUT US.

YOU'RE RIGHT, DARLING.

I MAY DROP A FEW HINTS,
THOUGH.

EDIE, LET ME BE CLEAR
ON THIS.

YOU ARE NOT TO TELL ANYONE
ABOUT OUR ENGAGEMENT, GOT IT?

FINE. I WON'T SAY A WORD.

(door opens)

OH, THIS IS FANTASTIC.

YOU KNOW EDWARD FERBER?
STATE SENATOR?

YES.

HIS WIFE JUST GOT
PICKED UP FOR SHOPLIFTING.

WHY IS THAT FANTASTIC?

HE WAS MAKING NOISES

ABOUT GOING AGAINST ME
FOR GOVERNOR.

I GUESS
THE LIGHT-FINGERED MRS. FERBER

JUST PUT AN END TO THAT.

WHY? IT'S NOT LIKE
HESHOPLIFTED.

IT DOESN'T MATTER.
IT'S A SCANDAL.

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DO
TO POLL NUMBERS.
(gasps) OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

I WAS READING ABOUT THAT IN
"POLITICS IS BORING" MAGAZINE.

I'M JUST GLAD
I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY

ABOUT YOU PULLING CRAP
LIKE THAT.
YEAH, YOU'RE LUCKY.

SO WHERE'S LYNETTE?

SHE'S USUALLY
YOUR CHARADES M.V.P.

AH, SHE WASN'T FEELING
SO WELL,

BUT, UH, YOU ARE STILL
GOING DOWN, MISTER.

IT'S JUST A GAME, TOM--

A GAME YOU WISH
YOU NEVER PLAYED.

SO MUCH WORK...

AHEM.

OH, HI, GABY.

KATHERINE AND I WERE JUST
TALKING ABOUT THE OLD DAYS.

SO WHEN YOU WERE LIVING
WITH YOUR AUNT,

WAS DYLAN'S FATHER WITH YOU?
NO, JUST ME AND DYLAN.

WERE YOU WIDOWED
OR DIVORCED?

ACTUALLY, I PREFER NOT
TO DISCUSS MY FIRST MARRIAGE...

IF YOU DON'T MIND.

OH. WELL, WE CERTAINLY
DIDN'T MEAN TO PRY.

LET ME JUST
TIDGE THAT UP FOR YOU.

HELLO, ALL.

AH, IT'S SO NICE TO SEE YOU.

SOME WINE?

OH, NO.

OH, MY CONTACT SLIPPED.

EDIE,
IS THAT AN ENGAGEMENT RING?

OH! UH, SHOOT.
PRETEND YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT.

I PROMISED MY FIANCé
THAT I WOULDN'T SAY A WORD

UNTIL
THE OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT.

EXCUSE ME.

GABY! SORRY I'M LATE.

(gasps) OH, MY GOD!
YOU MADE IT.

THAT IS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DRESS.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN.

YOU... COME WITH ME.

SHE'S GOT A RING!
WHAT?

EDIE--SHE'S WEARING
A BIG, HONKIN' ENGAGEMENT RING

THE SIZE OF A PEACH PIT.
HEY, I DIDN'T GET HER
A RING!

OH, SO YOU'RE NOT ENGAGED?
WELL, SEE, HERE'S THE THING--

OH, YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!
LET ME EXPLAIN!

NO, NO, NO. I AM DONE
WITH YOUR EXPLANATIONS,

AND I AM DONE WITH "JUST
GIVE ME TWO MORE WEEKS, BABY."

WHATEVER GAMES YOU'RE PLAYING,
I'M SICK OF IT. WE'RE THROUGH.

SO YOU'RE JUST GONNA
GO AND LIVE

HAPPILY EVER AFTER
WITH VICTOR, HUH?

(scoffs) YOU THINK VICTOR'S
MY ONLY OPTION?

WELL, I GOT NEWS FOR YOU,
CARLOS.

I CAN HAVE ANY GUY I WANT,
BECAUSETHIS...

WAITS FOR NO MAN.

YOU BOUGHT YOURSELF
AN ENGAGEMENT RING?

IT'S BEEN THREE DAYS, CARLOS.
HOW LONG WAS I SUPPOSED TO WAIT?

YOU AGREED
NOT TO SAY ANYTHING.

AH, BUT I DIDN'T AGREE
NOT TOWEARANYTHING.

DON'T WORRY.
IT WASN'T EXPENSIVE.

YOU CAN PAY ME BACK LATER.

COUNT ON IT.

AND THE WHOLE TIME, I JUST KEPT
THINKING, THIS IS BREE'S DOCTOR.

BREERECOMMENDED HIM.

HE MUST BE THE BEST.

SO I DIDN'T WORRY WHEN IT WAS
BETWEEN A NEEDLE EXCHANGE

AND THE AREA'S ONLY
TRANSVESTITE BOOKSTORE.

AND I IGNORED THAT MY SHOES
STUCK TO THE FLOOR

AND THERE WAS
A CIGARETTE MACHINE

IN THE WAITING ROOM,

BUT WHEN I SAW THE ANT TRAPS
ON HIS SPECULUM TRAY,

I THOUGHT THAT YOU AND I
SHOULD HAVE A TALK.

OH, SUSAN, I AM SO SORRY,
AND, OF COURSE,

I WILL PAY FOR THE SLASHED TIRE
AND THE STOLEN CELL PHONE.
THAT IS NOT THE POINT!

WHY WOULD YOU SEND ME
TO SOMEBODY

WHO IS OBVIOUSLY
NOT YOUR DOCTOR?

I CAN'T TELL YOU.

WHY NOT?

UH... IT'S PRIVATE.

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE
IS PRIVATE?

THE PARTS OF ME
THAT I'M PRETTY SURE

HE SNAPPED
WITH HIS CAMERA PHONE.

I HAVE A PARTY TO THROW.
I WILL DEAL WITH YOU LATER.

OH! (gasps)

(lowered voice) LOOK, AL,
SHE IS TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL.

I NEED HER TAKEN CARE OF.

FINE.
I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO.

(beep)
(Edie) I PROMISED MY FIANCé

THAT I WOULDN'T SAY A WORD
UNTIL THE OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT.

ADAM, I FEEL THE TAG
OF MY DRESS STICKING OUT,

AND I CAN'T REACH IT.
DO YOU MIND?

OH, SURE.

THERE YOU GO.

OOH! I THINK I GOT A CHILL.
(chuckles)
(chuckles)

NOW LET ME SEE
IF I CAN GIVEYOUONE.
OH, YEAH, IT WORKED.

(lowered voice) WE HAVEN'T
BEEN HERE AN HOUR,

AND YOU'RE ALREADY
HUMILIATING ME?
ARE WE REALLY HAVING
THIS CONVERSATION AGAIN?

OH, I GUESS YOU LEARNED
NOTHING FROM CHICAGO.

FOR GOD SAKE,
I WAS NOT FLIRTING.

SHE ASKED ME
TO FIX HER DRESS.
YEAH. I SAW YOUR FACE.

I COULD TELL WHAT A CHORE
IT WAS FOR YOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT?

I THINK I'M A LITTLE BEHIND YOU
IN THE ALCOHOL DEPARTMENT.

LET ME GO CATCH UP.

(men speaking indistinctly,
laughing)

I'M SORRY.

I, UH, DIDN'T MEAN
TO EAVESDROP,

BUT YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T
TAKE THIS OUT ON ADAM.

GABRIELLE HAS A LITTLE BIT
OF A REPUTATION,

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

NO, I DON'T.

BUT I'D CERTAINLY LIKE TO.

OKAY, EVERYBODY,
LET THE GAMES BEGIN.

UM, OKAY.
I WILL BE TEAM CAPTAIN ONE.

WHO WANTS TO BE
CAPTAIN NUMBER TWO?

I'LL DO IT.
GREAT.

(Susan)
OKAY, YOU PICK FIRST.

OH, OKAY.

I WILL PICK ADAM.

AH.

I PICK LYNETTE.
WHERE'S LYNETTE?

UH, SHE REALLY WANTED
TO BE HERE.

SHE'S JUST FEELING
TOO SICK TO PARTY.

(laughing)

THAT'S FUNNY, ISN'T IT?

ARE YOU KIDDING? IT'S GENIUS.
HE'S A SPONGE, BUT HE TALKS!

(Lynette continues laughing)

WELL, LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY
IS FEELING A LITTLE BETTER.

YEAH. I GUESS
THAT ANTI-NAUSEA MEDICINE

FINALLY KICKED IN.

THAT MUST BE IT.

(laughs)
(Parker laughs)

ORSON.
CARLOS.

UM...
HUSBAND IN THE ROOM?

HONEY, I LOVE YOU,
BUT I WANNA WIN.

(laughs)

YOU SHOULD PICK EDIE.

WHY?

THE WOMAN JUST TRIED
TO COMMIT SUICIDE.

DON'T MAKE HER LAST PICK.
SHE'S STILL FRAGILE.

GOOD POINT. MIKE!

YES! LET'S GET STARTED.

NO, NO! WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
GABY, YOU KNOW HOW IT WORKS.

OKAY, FIRST, I HAVE TO GO OVER
ALL THE SIGNALS.

(groans)
OKAY, SO, UM,

THIS IS "MOVIE," UM, "TV"...

WHERE DID YOU LEARN
TO DO THIS?

WHEN YOU LIVE WITH A MOTHER WHO
CONSTANTLY LOCKS HERSELF OUT,

YOU DEVELOP CERTAIN SKILLS.

I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE THIS IS
A SIGN WE SHOULD STOP.

(door creaks)

WHAT WERE YOU SAYING
ABOUT SIGNS?

"A WHOLE CONCEPT,"
"PERSON," UM, LET'S SEE.

"SHAKESPEARE," "BOOK," AND THEN
IF YOU DO THE SIGNAL FOR "BOOK"

AND YOU TOUCH YOUR HEART,
THEN THAT'S "POEM."

OKAY, WHEN HAS ANYONE EVER
USED A POEM AS A CLUE?
YEAH, COME ON. LET'S PLAY.

LET'S PLAY!

(cheering)

YEAH! LET'S PLAY!

HEY, HONEY! YOU MADE IT.
HA! DIBS ON LYNETTE!
SHE'S ON MY TEAM!

THAT'S NOT FAIR.
SHE'S LIKE THE CHARADES NINJA.

THAT'S ME! THE NINJA!
WHAA-YA! WHAA!

AHH! (laughs)

I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN TO...
(laughs)

OKAY. (babbles) OKAY!
I'M READY.

(gasps)

OKAY, GO.
(all) SHOE.

SOCK.
WORKING OUT.

(Bree) BLACK.
(Victor) SOLE.

(Bree) ITCH. ITCH.
SCRATCH.
OH. AAH.

A BLISTER.
HA!

SOUNDS LIKE "BLISTER."
SISTER.
(Victor) KISSED HER.

"TWO MULES FOR SISTER SARA"!
(cheering)

OKAY, 22 SECONDS.
LYNETTE, YOU'RE UP.
(Tom) COME ON, BABE.

WE'RE 40 SECONDS DOWN. WE NEED
YOU TO MAKE THAT TIME UP.

WHO DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE TALKING TO?
RIGHT ON.

(Susan) ALL RIGHT. WHOO!
(clapping)

READY? GET SET... GO.

OKAY.

(scoffs)

(whimpers)

HONEY, CLOCK'S TICKING.

I KNOW. JUST,
THIS IS A REALLY HARD ONE.

OKAY, COME ON, COME ON.
WHAT IS--WHAT IS IT?

IS IT A BOOK? IS IT A MOVIE?
MOVIE. IT'S A WESTERN.

NO TALKING.
SORRY.

HONEY,
START WITH THE FIRST WORD.

HOW MANY SYLLABLES?

(muttering)

UGH.
ONE WORD.

SWEETIE, ACT IT OUT.
YOU'RE REALLY GOOD AT THAT.

OKAY, OKAY.
WHOLE IDEA.

ME.
EDIE.

WOMAN. BLONDE. BLEACH!

(grunts) OH! (gasps)

AAH! (imitates choking)

AAH! (grunts)

"HANG 'EM HIGH"?

YES! YES!

(Lynette laughing) YES!

OKAY. WELL, I THINK
IT'S TIME FOR A BREAK.

GOOD IDEA.
YEAH.

(laughs)
YOU FEELING OKAY?

'CAUSE YOU'RE... ACTING
KINDA SPACEY.

YEAH, NO, I'M GOOD.

HEY, DO YOU THINK THEY HAVE
ANY GRAPES OR LOBSTER?

WHY--WHY DON'T I GO GET YOU
SOME COFFEE, HON?

UH, UM, ORSON?
HMM?

HEY, UM, THERE'S A PHONE CALL
FOR YOU AT THE HOUSE.

YOU SHOULD PROBABLY
TAKE IT.

UH, THANKS. YEAH.

HI.
HELLO.

HELLO.

OH, TOM.

STELLA, WHAT--
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

UH... I MADE SOME BROWNIES
EARLIER,

AND I JUST... NOTICED
THEY WERE MISSING.

UH... LYNETTE DIDN'T
BRING THEM HERE, DID SHE?

WHY? IS THAT A PROBLEM?

IT'S LIKE CHOCOLATE LOVE.
OH!

OKAY, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

SORRY, UH, DON'T EAT THOSE.
DON'T EAT THOSE. SORRY.

UH, NO! OOH. BAD BATCH.
BAD.BAD, BAD, BAD.

WHOA. (chuckles) SORRY.
FULL OF TRANS FATS.

OH!
OH!

OH! TOM, WATCH IT!
I AM SORRY.

OH, HERE. OH.
LET ME GET THAT.

THANK YOU.
OH, GOD. OKAY.

IT'S A LITTLE COLD.

SORRY.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.

WOULD IT BE TOO MUCH
TO ASK YOU

TO KEEP YOUR HANDS
OFF MY HUSBAND?

WHAT?
I SPILLED MY DRINK ON HIM.

AND YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE UP
FOR IT BY BREAST-FEEDING HIM?

UH, KATHERINE?

LOOK, LADY,
YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN.

YOU'RE GETTING A REPUTATION
AROUND HERE

FOR HAVING A STICK
UP YOUR ASS.

BETTER THAT REPUTATION THAN
THE ONE YOU'RE TOTING AROUND.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?

OKAY, BACK TO CHARADES.
NEVER MIND. FORGET IT.

OH, NO, NO. TELL ME.
WHAT'S MY "REPUTATION"?

AM I SMUG
AND HOLIER-THAN-THOU?

OH, NO, WAIT.
THAT'S YOU.

LET ME BE SPECIFIC.

BY "REPUTATION," I MEAN
THAT YOU ARE THE KIND OF WOMAN

THAT TREATS A MAN
LIKE A PLAYTHING,

WHETHER IT'S MY HUSBAND OR LET'S
SAY... YOUR TEENAGE GARDENER?

BREE SAW YOU SLAP
YOUR DAUGHTER.

EXCUSE ME?

(whispers) GABY!

YEAH, SHE ASKED ABOUT HER FATHER
AND THEN YOU SMACKED HER.

WHY'D YOU DO THAT?

THIS IS THE LAST THING
THAT I WILL EVER SAY TO YOU.

YES, I LOST MY TEMPER
WITH DYLAN,

BUT HER FATHER
IS A HORRIBLE MAN.

I WANT YOU TO IMAGINE
THE WORST THING

THAT A FATHER CAN DO
TO HIS DAUGHTER.

WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED
TO TELL DYLAN ABOUT THAT, HMM?

I HOPE THAT SATISFIES
EVERYONE'S CURIOSITY.

(sets glass down)

OH, MY GOD.

"HANG 'EM HIGH"
HAS THREE SYLLABLES.

I GUESS YOU... SAW
WHAT HAPPENED DOWN THERE.

YEP.

LOOK,
IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO,

AND--AND IT DIDN'T MEAN
ANYTHING.

HOW MANY PEOPLE
KNOW ABOUT THIS?

NOW OR BEFORE TONIGHT?

(chuckles nervously)

HOW MANY?

LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE UPSET.
I'M NOT UPSET.

I'M JUST TRYING TO WORK OUT
HOW TO SPIN THIS.

CLEARLY,
THE BOY WAS UNDERAGE.

DO YOU THINK
MONEY WOULD SHUT HIM UP?

VICTOR, REALLY, I DON'T THINK
IT'S A BIG DEAL.

HMM. THAT'S BECAUSE
YOU'RE NOT ME.

OKAY, YOU'VE GOT
TO REMEMBER THIS.

THIS IS BODSWORTH.
YOU TOOK HIM EVERYWHERE.

NO, I THINK I'D REMEMBER
A BEAR THAT UGLY.

WELL, CLEARLY, IT'S YOURS.

YOUR MOM KEPT IT
ALL THESE YEARS,

AND HE'S HERE
IN YOUR OLD ROOM.

WAIT. THIS WAS MY OLD ROOM?
MY MOM TOLD ME

I'M IN MY OLD ROOM
DOWN THE HALL.

NO, THIS WAS YOUR ROOM.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

EVENING, GIRLS.

HEY. HOW WAS THE PARTY?

IT WAS LOVELY.

I THINK YOUR MOTHER WOULD
LIKE YOU HOME TO HELP CLEAN UP.

I'M SORRY, MOM.

IT'S OKAY, SWEETIE.

BUT I DON'T WANT YOU
SEEING THAT GIRL ANYMORE.

ORSON, HONEY,
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

WE GOT A CALL
FROM DANIELLE'S DOCTOR.

APPARENTLY, HER FALL CAUSED
A PLACENTAL ABRUPTION,

WHERE THE PLACENTA
SEPARATES FROM THE UTERUS.
OH, MY GOD.

NOW THEY SAID NOT TO PANIC.
THERE ARE DEGREES OF THIS.

THEY'RE DOING A SONOGRAM,
THEN THEY'RE GONNA CALL US.

I CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG.
I HAVE TO BE WITH HER.

OKAY. I'LL GET YOUR PURSE.
HMM?

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?
YOU CAN'T LEAVE YET.

SOMETHING'S COME UP.
WE'LL TALK TOMORROW.

NO, WE'LL TALK NOW.

YOU STILL OWE ME AN EXPLANATION
FOR THAT SCUZZY GYNO

YOU SENT ME TO.
I SAID I WAS SORRY.
FOR GOD SAKES, SUSAN,

NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU.

OH, I KNOW THIS NIGHT
HAS BEEN A COMPLETE DISASTER,

BUT ALL IN ALL, IT'S STILL
YOUR BEST PARTY EVER.

(moaning)

I'M CONFUSED.

OW! NOW I'M CONFUSED,
AND MY HEAD HURTS.

THAT'S FOR LETTING EDIE
THINK YOU'RE ENGAGED.
AND THE KISS?

WHEN YOU SAW ME FLIRTING,
YOU SMASHED A GLASS.

WHEN VICTOR HEARD
I HAD AN AFFAIR,

HE STARTED CRUNCHING
POLL NUMBERS.

I NEED A MAN
WHO CARES ENOUGH TO EXPLODE

WHEN HE THINKS
HE'S GONNA LOSE ME.

I DON'T JUST LOVE YOU.
ILOVETHEWAYYOU LOVE ME.

SO WE'RE BACK ON?

SEE YOU THURSDAY.

AL, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT FOR ME?

I think I found a way
to make this happen,

but it might take a week or two
to line everything up.

FANTASTIC.

I'LL CALL YOU WHEN IT'S DONE.
SHIRLEY?

CAN YOU MAKE SOME COPIES
OF THE BRITT FILE?

(chuckles)

AHH.

SEEN GABY?

UH, YEAH,
IN THE BATHROOM UPSTAIRS.

TELL ME SOMETHING.

WHEN YOU FOUND OUT
THAT KID WHO YOU WERE PAYING

TO MOW YOUR LAWN
WAS DOING YOUR WIFE,

HOW DID YOU NOT KILL HIM?

WELL, I WANTED TO AT FIRST,
BUT...

HEY, WE'RE ALL HUMAN, RIGHT?
WE GOTTA FORGIVE AND FORGET.

YOU'RE
A VERY UNDERSTANDING MAN.

IF SHE PULLED
SOMETHING LIKE THAT ON ME,

THAT GUY WOULDN'T BE AROUND
FOR LONG.

YEAH, BUT NO WOMAN'S WORTH
GOING TO JAIL FOR, RIGHT?

IF YOU HAVE ENOUGH MONEY,

IT'S NOT THAT HARD
TO MAKE SOMEONE DISAPPEAR.
(footsteps descend stairs)

LET'S GO, HONEY.

NIGHT, CARLOS.

(door shuts)

DARLING,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I HAVE TO BRING
THIS DVD PLAYER TO DANIELLE.

HONEY, WE REALLY HAVE TO GO.

IT'LL JUST TAKE A FEW SECONDS.
THESE DAMN CORDS...

SWEETHEART, IT'S A LONG DRIVE.
IT'S THE ONLY THING
SHE ASKED FOR.

(telephone rings)

(ring)

(beep)
YES. HELLO?

HELLO, DOCTOR.

HOW IS SHE?

THANK GOD.

(gasps) OH, MY GOD.

IT'S GONNA BE OKAY.

(crying)

KIDS ARE ALL TUCKED IN.

THEY'RE SLEEPING
LIKE ANGELS.

GREAT. DID YOU PUT QUAALUDES
IN THEIR COCOA?

COULD YOU CHECK ON 'EM FOR ME,
PLEASE?

SO HOW WAS THE PARTY?

YOU DRUGGED ME.

OH. JUST A LITTLE.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

I TOLD YOU,
I DIDN'T WANT ANY POT.

BEFORE YOU SLAP ME AROUND,
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.

DO YOU FEEL BETTER?

THAT'S NOT THE POINT.

AND WHAT WERE YOU THINKING,
USING MY SON AS A DRUG MULE?

HE DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT WAS GOING ON,

AND WHY ARE YOU MAKING
SUCH A BIG DEAL ABOUT IT?

LET ME ASKYOUSOMETHING.

DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT I WORE
TO THE JUNIOR PROM

OR WHAT PART I HAD
IN THE PLAY THAT YEAR?

WHO REMEMBERS THAT STUFF?

PARENTS WHO WEREN'T STONED.

MY WHOLE CHILDHOOD
PASSED IN A BLUR

BECAUSEYOUWERE
MEDICATING YOURSELF--

POT WHEN YOU WERE SICK,
BOOZE WHEN YOU WEREN'T.

I AM NOT GOING TO DO THAT.

I WON'T MISS A SECOND
OF MY KIDS' LIVES,

NOT IF I CAN AVOID IT.

WELL, I'D SAY I'M SORRY,
BUT I'M NOT.

YOU'RE A MOM. YOU KNOW,

THERE'S NOTHING WORSE THAN
WATCHING YOUR KIDS SUFFER,

AND SEEING YOU...
ACT ALL GOOFY,

WATCHING THAT CARTOON,
WELL...

IT WAS PROBABLY
THE HIGH POINT OF MY TRIP.

I GET IT.

BUT IF YOU EVER PULL
SOMETHING LIKE THIS AGAIN...

I WON'T.

OKAY. WELL...

I THINK I'LL TURN IN.

YENTA.

WHAT?

JUNIOR YEAR, YOU WERE YENTA
IN "FIDDLER ON THE ROOF."

YOU REMEMBERED.

YEAH. THERE ARE
SOME PERFORMANCES SO BAD,

EVEN ALCOHOL
CAN'T BLOCK THEM OUT.

BREE?

CAN WE CALL A TRUCE,
PLEASE?

SO YOU KNOW
I'M NOT BLUFFING, UM,

I BROUGHT CAKE.

I AM SO SORRY THAT
I SNAPPED AT YOU TONIGHT.

IT'S OKAY.

I JUST WANNA KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON.

EVER SINCE
YOU'VE BEEN PREGNANT,

THERE'S BEEN THIS WALL
BETWEEN US.

IT'S LIKE SOMETHING'S CHANGED,
AND I DON'T KNOW WHY.

DID I DO SOMETHING
TO OFFEND YOU?

IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.

I'VE JUST BEEN
GOING THROUGH SOME THINGS.

LIKE WHAT? I MEAN,
COME ON. JUST TELL ME.

WE SHARE EVERYTHING.

OKAY. UM...

I HAVEN'T TOLD ANYBODY THIS,
BUT...

IT'S, UH, ABOUT THE BABY.

THERE HAVE BEEN
SOME COMPLICATIONS.

OH, NO.

IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

YEAH, EVERYTHING'S FINE,
BUT, UH,

THERE WAS JUST A TIME WHERE
I THOUGHT I MIGHT LOSE IT.

OH, MY GOD.
AND THERE I WAS,

JUST BUGGING YOU
ABOUT YOUR DOCTOR.

I AM SO SORRY.
YOU SHOULD'VE JUST TOLD ME.

NO, YOU'RE PREGNANT, TOO.

I'M NOT GONNA TELL YOU ANYTHING
THAT'S GONNA WORRY YOU.

OH, ARE YOU KIDDING?

IT'S THE FIRST BABY I'VE HAD
IN 17 YEARS.

YOU KNOW, I COULD NOT POSSIBLY
BE MORE FREAKED OUT.
MM.

THIS MORNING,
I CAUGHT MIKE BUILDING A CRIB.

NO. THIS EARLY?

YEAH! I-I WANTED TO SCREAM.

YOU KNOW, ARE YOU NUTS?
DO YOU JUST WANNA JINX IT?

THIS IS WHAT WE GET
FOR HAVING KIDS AT OUR AGE--

ANXIETY, TERROR.

IT'S JUST GONNA GET WORSE.

DO YOU KNOW, WHEN OUR BABIES
GO TO COLLEGE,

WE'LL BE LIKE...

DEAD?

(laughs) IF WE'RE LUCKY.

MM.

LOOK AT US.

PREGNANT GALS, EATING CAKE
AND BITCHIN'. (laughs)

IT'S KINDA NICE, HUH?

IT REALLY IS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

THE HOSPITAL CALLED.
MY AUNT'S READY TO COME HOME.

AND YOU WANT HER
TO STAY IN HERE?

YEAH. I THINK MAKING THIS ROOM
OFF-LIMITS WAS A MISTAKE.

IF I WANT DYLAN
TO FOCUS ON OTHER THINGS,

I REALLY NEED TO MAKE IT
LESS INTRIGUING.

SPEAKING OF INTRIGUING,

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING
LAST NIGHT?

WHAT?

COME ON. "THE WORST THING
A FATHER COULD DO"?

YOU REALIZE WHAT PEOPLE
ARE GONNA THINK.

YEAH. THEY'RE GONNA BE
VERY UNCOMFORTABLE,

AND UNCOMFORTABLE PEOPLE
DON'T ASK QUESTIONS.

(children screaming
and shouting)

ALL CHILDREN LOVE GAMES.

BUT CHILDREN GROW UP,

AND THEN THEY FIND
NEW GAMES TO PLAY.

THEY PRETEND TO BE WELL
SO THEIR FAMILIES WON'T WORRY.

THEY LIE TO THEIR LOVERS

ABOUT WHERE THEY GO
IN THE AFTERNOON.

SO ANYWAY, THAT'S WHY
IT WAS SO GREAT.
OH!

THEY INVENT STORIES TO HIDE
THE TRUTH FROM THEIR FRIENDS.

I GOT IT, I GOT IT.
OH, ONE MORE. HERE YOU GO.

YES...

EVERYONE HAS FUN PLAYING GAMES,

RIGHT UP UNTIL THE MOMENT...

(gasps)

SOMEONE GETS HURT.

(sobbing)