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00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:17,471
- Pam: "Old lady spinster,"
her guest hissed,
2
00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:21,350
as he begged for his life.
3
00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:24,353
If you listen closely,
4
00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:29,024
you can still hear the cries
of her victims.
5
00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:33,612
- The cries of her victims!
6
00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:38,075
- Sam: 0h, beware!
- Beware!
7
00:02:38,116 --> 00:02:43,622
Beware, beware!
8
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:44,998
Beware!
9
00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:48,269
- But you still have
two nights left
10
00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:49,753
on your reservation!
11
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:51,689
- Woman: I told you
we should've gone to dollywood!
12
00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:54,424
- Who would want to stay here?
- These people are frauds!
13
00:03:03,642 --> 00:03:05,769
- This fake blood sure stains.
14
00:03:05,811 --> 00:03:07,646
- How grandmother was able
to get real blood
15
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:09,439
out of this carpet,
I'll never know.
16
00:03:09,481 --> 00:03:10,982
- Right?
17
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,652
Hey, granny, share with us
your secret, would ya?
18
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:15,696
I mean, give us
some of that sage advice.
19
00:03:15,737 --> 00:03:17,322
"Sell the house!
20
00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:19,533
Change your name
and start a new hotel!"
21
00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:20,784
Wow, did you hear that?
22
00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:23,578
That's some really
good advice there.
23
00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:26,957
- It's not funny, Sam!
- Just show some respect.
24
00:03:26,998 --> 00:03:28,208
- Come on, sis, just admit it.
25
00:03:28,250 --> 00:03:30,085
Nobody wants to stay
in a murder house.
26
00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:32,087
- This isn't just
some murder house.
27
00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:33,255
This is our house.
28
00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:34,756
- It's morbid!
- It's family.
29
00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:40,637
People like horror.
30
00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:42,305
People like being scared.
31
00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:44,725
- Crazy people.
- Don't.
32
00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:46,285
- I'm not saying you're crazy,
I'm just...
33
00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:49,146
- Our customers are out there.
34
00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:51,231
We just have to find them.
35
00:03:57,279 --> 00:03:59,781
- Look at this.
36
00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:02,951
Lizzie bord-inn, booked.
37
00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:05,579
Dahmer apartment, booked.
38
00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:08,290
John Wayne gacy
circus tent, booked.
39
00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:10,250
Us, nothing.
40
00:04:10,292 --> 00:04:13,837
What is it gonna take
to get us on the map?
41
00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:18,216
Grandmother was america's
first female serial killer.
42
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,135
That's a big deal.
43
00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:24,681
If only the world knew
you were so groundbreaking.
44
00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:27,726
- And so psychotic.
45
00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:30,437
- Woman: What up, killers?
- It's themorguecases.
46
00:04:30,479 --> 00:04:32,606
Today I got to check
another crime scene
47
00:04:32,647 --> 00:04:35,317
off my mass murder bucket list
and spent the night
48
00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:39,446
in Jeffrey dahmer's apartment.
It was so great!
49
00:04:39,488 --> 00:04:42,115
- That's it! Influencers.
50
00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:46,787
I need stupid, vapid, "like
and subscribe" influencers.
51
00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:50,081
Okay, we reach out to this girl.
We offer her a free night.
52
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:52,667
We wine and dine
and frighten her,
53
00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:56,463
and then, boom, positive review.
54
00:04:58,590 --> 00:05:00,008
- You lost me at "free."
55
00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:06,264
- I'm at the spinster
murder house,
56
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,767
and if you've never heard of it,
don't be ashamed.
57
00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:11,603
This one is a deep cut,
even for the morgue.
58
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,438
The story goes that
80 years ago,
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00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:16,566
old lady spinster, the
proprietor of this hotel,
60
00:05:16,608 --> 00:05:19,361
murdered an untold
number of guests.
61
00:05:19,402 --> 00:05:23,114
After confessing to her crimes,
she died in an insane asylum.
62
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:25,283
Pam: Uh, no. Hi.
63
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:28,328
Actually, she did not die
in an insane asylum.
64
00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:31,706
She died peacefully
in a retirement home.
65
00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:33,792
-And this, my morbid viewers,
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00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,336
is lady spinster's
own granddaughter.
67
00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:41,299
- That's me, proud spinster.
- The name, not the other way.
68
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:44,678
- You know how it is, Morgan.
- Call me morgue.
69
00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:46,888
Now, you inherited this place
from your grandmother?
70
00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:48,974
- Yes, we did, my brother and I.
71
00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:56,147
- Go ahead and say hi
to our viewers, Mr. Spinster.
72
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:58,650
- 0h, are they,
she's live right now?
73
00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:01,820
- Yeah, but don't worry.
- This is my bts stream.
74
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:05,949
Only a few thousand
people are watching.
75
00:06:05,991 --> 00:06:10,078
- Um, welcome to
the spinster murder house!
76
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:12,956
This way to the deception den.
77
00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:19,546
Morgan: Ooh!
78
00:06:19,588 --> 00:06:22,507
The house got gift points
for creep factor.
79
00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:24,509
- Pam: Grandmother
designed it herself.
80
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,761
- Some even say the house
drove her to kill.
81
00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:28,305
Pam: No, they don't.
82
00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:30,307
- Morgue: You have
a shrine of her?
83
00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:33,894
I love it! It's so trashy.
84
00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:40,358
Sam: Wow. It's working!
85
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,403
- Morgue: Oh,
the stream dropped.
86
00:06:43,445 --> 00:06:45,530
- That's the steel panels
in the walls.
87
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:47,157
Grandmother had them installed.
88
00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:49,159
- Sam: To muffle
the screams of her victims.
89
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:53,914
- Oh my god. That's horrible.
90
00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:55,582
Is there Wi-Fi?
91
00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:01,338
This place sure is a maze.
92
00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:03,798
- That's the whole point, dear.
93
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:06,468
You see, grandmother designed
the architecture of this house
94
00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:10,180
to confuse and then trap
her victims.
95
00:07:14,643 --> 00:07:16,311
- Pam: See, that's what happens
to guests
96
00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:17,687
when they break the house rules.
97
00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:19,773
Morgue: Rules?
98
00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:22,192
- Pam: My grandmother
was very strict.
99
00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:25,195
Rule number one, no smoking.
100
00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:32,661
- Sam: Oh, and then
there's rule number two,
101
00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:35,080
absolutely no feet
on the furniture.
102
00:07:41,836 --> 00:07:45,173
- Pam: And of course,
and most importantly,
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00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:47,425
rule number three:
104
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,803
- No noise after dark.
- Woman: No!
105
00:07:54,224 --> 00:07:57,227
- Pam: The blood of everyone
who broke grandmother's rules
106
00:07:57,268 --> 00:08:01,314
still stains the walls
of this house.
107
00:08:01,356 --> 00:08:04,943
- Morgue: Looks more like rust.
- Do you have leaky pipes?
108
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:08,279
- No. No, no, no, no, no.
- That's blood.
109
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:09,882
- Well, then,
what happened to the bodies?
110
00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:11,241
- They never found them.
111
00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:12,701
- Then how do you know
it's true?
112
00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:14,160
Pam: Because she confessed.
113
00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:15,638
- Morgue: If there's no body,
then there's no murder.
114
00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:17,414
That's like true crime 101.
115
00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:19,207
- Perhaps she fed them
to her victims.
116
00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:20,500
- And the bones?
117
00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:21,769
- They were tossed
down this corpse chute
118
00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:25,005
to a secret basement below.
119
00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:29,884
- That's just a dumbwaiter.
- Or a dead waiter.
120
00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:33,596
- I don't know.
- It just seems a little thin.
121
00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:35,015
- What's that supposed to mean?
122
00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:37,350
- Morgue: It's just,
I've studied every serial killer
123
00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:40,645
from John Eric Armstrong
to Kevin Lee Zimmerman,
124
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,439
and I've never heard of
the spinster case
125
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:43,815
until you emailed me.
126
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,793
How do you know she wasn't
just some crazy old woman
127
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,235
who built a wonky house?
128
00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:50,613
- You have no idea
what you're talking about.
129
00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:54,034
I mean, grandmother was
a world-class serial killer,
130
00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:55,594
and I'll bet if she was
here right now,
131
00:08:55,618 --> 00:08:57,037
she'd hack you to pieces!
132
00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:04,044
- What she meant was
if you need anything,
133
00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:05,085
let us know.
134
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:19,100
- This house is
definitely spooky,
135
00:09:19,142 --> 00:09:21,269
but I don't know
about the owners.
136
00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:22,979
They're kinda creepy,
137
00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:25,356
and I don't mean creepy
in a fun way.
138
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,400
Like, sad creepy.
139
00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:33,323
- Pam: "There's no body.
- There's no murder."
140
00:09:33,364 --> 00:09:35,033
Can you believe her?
141
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,285
Accusing dear old grandmother
of not killing anyone?
142
00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:38,912
- Sam: Just stop
complaining, okay?
143
00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:43,291
We're not doing this for her.
We're doing it for her viewers.
144
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:46,544
- Whoa.
145
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:49,380
What the hell's happening
with our reservations?
146
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:52,092
- I bet it's her.
147
00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:55,011
- So far the only thing I'm sure
old lady spinster killed
148
00:09:55,053 --> 00:09:56,805
is my vacation.
149
00:09:56,846 --> 00:10:00,600
- This little brat
is gonna ruin us.
150
00:10:00,642 --> 00:10:03,937
- Oh no, she isn't.
151
00:10:19,077 --> 00:10:22,539
- Sam: Ah, you're just in time
for breakfast.
152
00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:24,624
I made some sausage and eggs.
153
00:10:24,666 --> 00:10:27,502
- I'm vegan.
- I think meat is murder.
154
00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:28,878
- I thought you liked murder.
155
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:31,506
- Well, yeah, but just people.
156
00:10:31,548 --> 00:10:33,508
- Oh.
157
00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:35,635
- Also, the Wi-Fi's down.
158
00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:37,929
- Yes, that, um,
I've actually been on the phone
159
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:40,223
all morning with
the repair company,
160
00:10:40,265 --> 00:10:42,684
and waiting, you know how it is.
161
00:10:42,725 --> 00:10:45,979
Morgue: Right. Well, thanks.
162
00:10:49,524 --> 00:10:54,362
- Hey, I wanted to apologize
if I upset you yesterday.
163
00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:56,698
I'm just a stickler
for details, you know?
164
00:10:56,739 --> 00:10:58,032
Pam: Don't mention it.
165
00:10:58,074 --> 00:10:59,593
Yeah, I understand that
you true crime people,
166
00:10:59,617 --> 00:11:01,578
you have to ask
a lot of questions.
167
00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:03,955
- I think that we should
keep an open mind,
168
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:05,790
which is why I was thinking
169
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:08,209
maybe we could do
a little investigating today.
170
00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:10,086
- What kind of investigating?
171
00:11:10,128 --> 00:11:12,964
- Look around the house
for any unmarked entrances,
172
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,758
hidden doors,
overlooked crawlspaces.
173
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,552
Maybe find where
all those bodies ended up?
174
00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:19,804
- Pam: The police already did
an extensive search.
175
00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:22,432
- Like, years ago,
and I bet back then
176
00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:25,435
they didn't have
stuff like this.
177
00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:31,274
- Metal detector.
178
00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:35,236
Ultra-wide band radar scanners.
179
00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:36,905
Infrared camera.
180
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:42,327
Now, who's ready
to find some bodies?
181
00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:56,925
Morgue: Oh, look!
182
00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:58,801
Chemical stains.
183
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:15,944
- Grandmother's secret
stash of poisons.
184
00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:18,404
- Morgue: That's her stash
of poisons, all right.
185
00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:20,156
Gin.
186
00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:25,411
Brandy.
187
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:34,295
- Are these iron walls?
- Pam: Like I said, all metal.
188
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:39,801
You said steel.
189
00:12:42,845 --> 00:12:44,365
- Morgue: Any objection
if I open this wall?
190
00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:45,848
Sam: Be my guest.
191
00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:08,997
- Sam: Looks like
some kind of vault.
192
00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:12,750
- Oh my god.
193
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:15,128
This is it.
194
00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:17,505
Grandmother's corpse locker.
195
00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:23,803
- Sam: You know how
to open a safe?
196
00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:26,389
- Like I said,
I love true crime.
197
00:13:26,431 --> 00:13:29,309
- I just know this is where
grandmother hid the bodies.
198
00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:37,483
- That should do it.
199
00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:39,819
Would you like to do
the honors, Pamela?
200
00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:01,507
- Morgue: Looks like
old lady spinster
201
00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:05,303
was just a spinster.
202
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:07,513
- No.
203
00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:10,016
No, she must've used
this sewing machine
204
00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:12,894
to sew and then wear
the flesh of her victims.
205
00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:15,480
I mean, there could be
any number of torture chambers
206
00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:17,523
or secret passages
in this house, or...
207
00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:19,752
- Just stop, okay? Stop it!
- Pam: Doors in this thing.
208
00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:21,086
Or wait, there could be
a latch or something!
209
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:22,153
There can be...
210
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:24,197
Morgue: Face it, Pamela.
211
00:14:24,238 --> 00:14:26,783
Old lady spinster
never killed anyone.
212
00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:29,118
- She was just crazy...
- I'm not crazy!
213
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,204
- She didn't
call you crazy, Pam, okay?
214
00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:32,538
Now stop it.
215
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:34,665
- Just because
we haven't found any bodies
216
00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:36,709
doesn't mean that
she didn't kill anyone.
217
00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:38,586
She was a homicidal genius!
218
00:14:38,628 --> 00:14:41,756
She was greater than Wuornos!
Greater than Bundy!
219
00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:44,300
You will see the spinster name
will live forever!
220
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:49,305
- This place is a total scam.
221
00:14:49,347 --> 00:14:51,724
The owners are
complete whack jobs.
222
00:14:51,766 --> 00:14:54,852
One-star rating only 'cause
I can't give it zero.
223
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:58,064
Save the gas money and avoid
the spinster murder house.
224
00:14:58,106 --> 00:15:00,817
Trust me, I wouldn't
be caught dead here.
225
00:15:07,365 --> 00:15:09,409
Whatever, I'll stop
at a Starbucks.
226
00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:23,297
- Sam: You need to calm down.
- We need her to live document.
227
00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:25,925
You confronting her
is the last thing we need.
228
00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:27,343
I can't believe it.
229
00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:29,095
- Pam: She doesn't believe
any of it.
230
00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:31,264
She's probably giving us
a bad review right now.
231
00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:32,723
Sam: Can you blame her?
232
00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:34,851
You're screaming and going on
like some crazy person.
233
00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:38,729
- Morgue: Thank you,
old lady spinster.
234
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:40,815
- Pam: What is that
supposed to mean?
235
00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:42,483
- Let's hope you lead
to an exit.
236
00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:43,818
- Sam: The writing's
on the wall.
237
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:45,295
We've been losing money
for the last three years!
238
00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:47,280
The roof leaks,
the plumbing's shot.
239
00:15:47,321 --> 00:15:50,158
- Pam: Well, thank you!
- Are you gonna fix it?
240
00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:52,577
Maybe we can get
that little brat to go along.
241
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:53,995
- Sam: How are you
gonna do that?
242
00:15:54,036 --> 00:15:56,664
Are you gonna threaten her,
or are you gonna pay her
243
00:15:56,706 --> 00:15:59,834
with all the money we have?
Let's face it,
244
00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:02,712
this whole macabre bed and
breakfast thing is doomed.
245
00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:04,857
And frankly, I'm happy that
grandma hasn't killed anybody
246
00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:06,716
'cause now I don't have
to feel guilty over
247
00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:10,011
being a part of
some crazy family!
248
00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:12,597
- She wasn't crazy.
249
00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:16,767
This is our home, Samuel,
and I will die before
250
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:18,895
I let that girl destroy
what we've built.
251
00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:21,814
- Sam: You're scaring me.
- Pam: Good.
252
00:16:21,856 --> 00:16:25,776
Maybe that's just what
the little bitch needs,
253
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:28,488
a good scare from an old ghost.
254
00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:14,992
- Boy, sure is a good thing
I brought my mace!
255
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:16,744
It's made with ghost peppers.
256
00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:18,329
You know,
to keep away the ghosts?
257
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:19,747
- What the hell
is wrong with you?
258
00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:22,458
- Oh, Pamela, is that you?
259
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:24,043
- Pam: Ow!
- I could've sworn
260
00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:25,962
it was the ghost of
that crazy old lady.
261
00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:27,463
I - Pam: She's not crazy!
262
00:17:27,505 --> 00:17:32,677
- Really?
- Take a look at yourself.
263
00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:36,764
This isn't a murder house.
It's a crazy house.
264
00:17:43,771 --> 00:17:47,316
- Are you recording this?
265
00:17:47,358 --> 00:17:49,986
- Stop it.
- Morgue: Oh, no way.
266
00:17:50,027 --> 00:17:51,505
This might be
my favorite shot of you.
267
00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:53,364
- Give me that phone.
268
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,825
Give me that phone!
Give me that phone!
269
00:17:55,866 --> 00:17:57,844
- Morgue: You wanted people
to see old lady spinster, huh?
270
00:17:57,868 --> 00:17:59,203
- Shut up!
- So here she is!
271
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:00,764
I'm looking right at her,
crazy old lady spinster!
272
00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:03,583
- Shut up!
- You want a murder house?
273
00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:06,043
- I'll give you a murder house.
- I
274
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:10,673
Are you out of
your fucking mind?
275
00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:22,435
You can't hide from me.
276
00:18:22,476 --> 00:18:24,186
This is my house.
277
00:18:27,148 --> 00:18:30,276
Beware!
278
00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:32,695
Pam?
279
00:18:39,410 --> 00:18:41,621
Morgue: Where's the latch?
280
00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:45,041
I know it's here somewhere.
281
00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:46,709
Yes!
282
00:18:58,429 --> 00:19:01,891
Hello, Mr. Modem.
283
00:19:01,932 --> 00:19:04,060
Okay.
284
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:09,482
- Morgue: Full signal.
- Let's do this.
285
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:14,528
Help!
286
00:19:14,570 --> 00:19:16,989
I'm trapped in
the spinster house!
287
00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:21,952
Pam:
288
00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:26,666
- Somebody call 911!
289
00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:30,503
I'm at the spinster house!
She's gonna kill me!
290
00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:45,059
Morgue: Pam.
291
00:19:45,101 --> 00:19:46,644
- Isn't this what
you always wanted?
292
00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:48,604
- Morgue: Please, please,
I'm sorry, okay?
293
00:19:48,646 --> 00:19:50,606
- Some real true crime
in your life?
294
00:19:50,648 --> 00:19:52,858
Morgue: No!
295
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:38,279
- Sam? We have to get
the carpet cleaned.
296
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:39,905
I think...
297
00:20:39,947 --> 00:20:44,243
I think the hardware store
opens at six.
298
00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:47,788
Sam, I need your help.
299
00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:51,751
- Sam?
- Sam: I'm right here, sis.
300
00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:55,546
After all, maybe grandmother
didn't kill anybody,
301
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:58,632
so we can still make this
a murder house!
302
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,585
- Sam: Good afternoon.
- Spinster murder-suicide house.
303
00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:19,945
This is Sam.
I am so sorry, ma'am,
304
00:21:19,987 --> 00:21:23,824
but we have no vacancies
until next winter.
305
00:21:23,866 --> 00:21:27,286
That's correct. Thank you, sir.
306
00:21:27,328 --> 00:21:28,746
Well, if you sign up
307
00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:30,724
for our spinster murder-suicide
house mailing list,
308
00:21:30,748 --> 00:21:32,184
you'll be one of
the first notified of
309
00:21:32,208 --> 00:21:35,044
any of our cancellations.
310
00:21:35,085 --> 00:21:36,845
And we look forward
to seeing you too, ma'am.
311
00:21:47,056 --> 00:21:51,101
Well, sis, I hate to admit it,
but you were right.
312
00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:53,854
There's definitely
a market for horror.
313
00:21:55,898 --> 00:21:56,982
Woman: No, no, no!
314
00:21:57,024 --> 00:21:58,609
Please don't kill me,
miss spinster!
315
00:22:03,697 --> 00:22:07,827
And now to join
my dear grandmother in hell.
316
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,828
Granny really was
a serial killer!
317
00:22:54,123 --> 00:22:58,669
I'm gonna be rich!
318
00:23:40,628 --> 00:23:43,047
- Harlan: There's a new
sheriff in town, Mr. Bug,
319
00:23:43,088 --> 00:23:45,758
and his name's Harlan king.
320
00:23:45,799 --> 00:23:48,260
Requiestcat in pace,
beetlejuice.
321
00:23:52,765 --> 00:23:55,851
Who's next?
You know what today is?
322
00:23:55,893 --> 00:23:58,354
It's eight-legged
armageddon day.
323
00:23:58,395 --> 00:24:02,066
Well, now that's really pretty,
little lady.
324
00:24:04,860 --> 00:24:06,487
Time to die.
325
00:24:07,863 --> 00:24:10,199
Pretty shot to hell and gone.
326
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,242
Pretty frickin' dead!
327
00:24:17,831 --> 00:24:18,958
Hello?
328
00:24:20,209 --> 00:24:21,311
Harlan: King pest control?
329
00:24:24,546 --> 00:24:26,090
Harlan: Shh.
330
00:24:27,174 --> 00:24:28,676
- King pest control.
331
00:24:43,732 --> 00:24:45,901
"Step into my parlor,"
said the asshole spider
332
00:24:45,943 --> 00:24:48,195
to the terror-dominant fly.
333
00:24:48,237 --> 00:24:52,533
"Why, it's mass insecticide!"
334
00:24:52,574 --> 00:24:54,410
The king has arrived!
335
00:24:57,413 --> 00:25:01,542
- Excuse me, Mr. King,
I'm with a patient, working,
336
00:25:01,583 --> 00:25:04,211
- as you're supposed to be.
- I'm done already.
337
00:25:04,253 --> 00:25:07,506
Stinkbugs, spiders,
moths, worms.
338
00:25:07,548 --> 00:25:10,634
Kaput. Just a couple of birds.
339
00:25:10,676 --> 00:25:13,012
Not many.
I left them on the porch.
340
00:25:13,053 --> 00:25:14,930
- Please wait in the parlor.
341
00:25:14,972 --> 00:25:17,141
- Oh, well, first,
I need you to remit my fee
342
00:25:17,182 --> 00:25:20,102
as per our agreement,
which I believe came before
343
00:25:20,144 --> 00:25:21,645
this easy chair action?
344
00:25:21,687 --> 00:25:23,731
- Brenda: I'll be
right with you.
345
00:25:23,772 --> 00:25:26,025
- Sorry, I can't bring
all the creepy-crawlies
346
00:25:26,066 --> 00:25:28,569
back to life and kill 'em
all over again.
347
00:25:28,610 --> 00:25:31,196
That's not how
that works, doctor.
348
00:25:31,238 --> 00:25:34,324
A little professional courtesy
would be nice, just sayin'.
349
00:25:42,708 --> 00:25:44,043
- Now, you and me,
350
00:25:44,084 --> 00:25:45,645
we're kind of in the same
business, aren't we, doc?
351
00:25:45,669 --> 00:25:46,771
Help people eliminate
little problems.
352
00:25:46,795 --> 00:25:49,339
- Please stop talking.
353
00:25:49,381 --> 00:25:51,216
Mr. King, I trust this is
the last time
354
00:25:51,258 --> 00:25:52,468
I will ever see you.
355
00:25:52,509 --> 00:25:55,137
Please feel free
to lose my number.
356
00:25:55,179 --> 00:25:56,513
- Oh, sure, no problem.
357
00:25:56,555 --> 00:26:02,102
Just, uh, call me
whenever you want me back.
358
00:26:02,144 --> 00:26:05,606
- What makes you think
I would ever want you back?
359
00:26:05,647 --> 00:26:08,692
- 'Cause there's only one king,
and I'm it, doc.
360
00:26:08,734 --> 00:26:12,613
They call back always.
You will too.
361
00:26:12,654 --> 00:26:14,448
- Bye-bye.
362
00:26:21,789 --> 00:26:23,791
- Harlan: She doesn't know
who she's talking to.
363
00:26:23,832 --> 00:26:25,876
She doesn't know how to
deal with the public.
364
00:26:34,301 --> 00:26:37,054
"Lose my number!"
365
00:26:37,096 --> 00:26:39,223
Yeah, we'll see about that.
366
00:26:42,810 --> 00:26:44,311
You'll call back.
367
00:26:56,615 --> 00:27:01,745
- Roaches check in,
but they don't check out.
368
00:27:03,330 --> 00:27:05,874
- Harlan: All right,
you guys know the drill.
369
00:27:05,916 --> 00:27:08,627
Be fruitful and multiply.
370
00:27:08,669 --> 00:27:10,796
The king has spoken.
371
00:27:20,139 --> 00:27:21,849
- Damn it.
372
00:27:21,890 --> 00:27:25,435
Is it east Willard
or west Willard boulevard?
373
00:27:25,477 --> 00:27:29,148
No, no, no, no, shh.
374
00:27:29,189 --> 00:27:31,817
You're not gonna crap out
on me too, are you?
375
00:27:31,859 --> 00:27:34,278
Gonna be stranded
in this flooded toilet.
376
00:27:34,319 --> 00:27:38,115
Don't do it. Do not do it.
377
00:27:38,157 --> 00:27:40,409
Shh, come on.
378
00:27:56,592 --> 00:27:59,178
Harlan: Well, that's great.
379
00:27:59,219 --> 00:28:02,764
Don't bother to have
any numbers on the buildings.
380
00:28:02,806 --> 00:28:06,977
Y'ello? King pest control!
381
00:28:09,438 --> 00:28:12,274
The king has arrived!
382
00:28:16,111 --> 00:28:19,698
Yo?
383
00:28:19,740 --> 00:28:23,994
King pest control?
You cry, bugs die.
384
00:28:28,123 --> 00:28:29,958
You got about 30 seconds before
385
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:33,170
- I get out of here.
- Mr. King?
386
00:28:33,212 --> 00:28:35,756
- Yeah, that'd be me.
- Thank you for coming.
387
00:28:35,797 --> 00:28:41,220
My name is Murdoch.
You may call me Mr. Murdoch.
388
00:28:41,261 --> 00:28:43,805
I appreciate your time.
I already know that
389
00:28:43,847 --> 00:28:46,266
your services are
in great demand.
390
00:28:46,308 --> 00:28:50,854
- Uh, yeah, right, yeah.
- There's only one king.
391
00:28:50,896 --> 00:28:54,066
Of course.
392
00:28:54,107 --> 00:28:55,567
- So what's the problem?
393
00:28:55,609 --> 00:28:58,028
Do I gotta guess?
Uh, look, I can handle anything
394
00:28:58,070 --> 00:29:01,323
from fleas to
alligator infestations.
395
00:29:01,365 --> 00:29:02,675
- Murdoch: I have
no doubt whatsoever
396
00:29:02,699 --> 00:29:04,952
as to your efficacy, Mr. King.
397
00:29:04,993 --> 00:29:09,373
You come very
highly recommended.
398
00:29:09,414 --> 00:29:11,708
- Really? A referral? Who?
399
00:29:11,750 --> 00:29:14,002
- Murdoch: Well, I'm not
at Liberty to reveal that,
400
00:29:14,044 --> 00:29:18,131
but I do know that you come from
decades of experience,
401
00:29:18,173 --> 00:29:20,467
a family trade, in fact,
402
00:29:20,509 --> 00:29:23,595
handed down from your uncle,
currently incarcerated?
403
00:29:23,637 --> 00:29:25,347
- Hey, what's that
gotta do with anything?
404
00:29:25,389 --> 00:29:28,934
Oh, apologies.
405
00:29:28,976 --> 00:29:30,519
Oh, it's immaterial.
406
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:34,231
It has no bearing at all
on our business.
407
00:29:34,273 --> 00:29:36,108
Tell me, Mr. King,
408
00:29:36,149 --> 00:29:39,319
would you enjoy owning
a new service Van?
409
00:29:39,361 --> 00:29:41,655
- Harlan: What do you mean?
- The one I got's okay.
410
00:29:41,697 --> 00:29:44,199
- Well, I could hear you coming
from half a mile away.
411
00:29:44,241 --> 00:29:46,618
Oh, listen, don't be upset.
412
00:29:46,660 --> 00:29:50,914
I believe that
I could be the solution of
413
00:29:50,956 --> 00:29:53,417
many such problems of yours,
414
00:29:53,458 --> 00:29:58,505
provided you help me with
problems of mine.
415
00:29:58,547 --> 00:30:00,966
- Special drugs
for special bugs, Mr. Murdoch.
416
00:30:01,008 --> 00:30:04,386
- I make vermin die squirmin'.
- Quite.
417
00:30:04,428 --> 00:30:10,267
Well, permit me to apprise you
of my problem.
418
00:30:10,309 --> 00:30:15,480
My vermin problem.
419
00:30:15,522 --> 00:30:17,441
See, I have...
420
00:30:17,482 --> 00:30:19,609
I've owned this property
for quite some time.
421
00:30:19,651 --> 00:30:21,361
In fact, I have several
just like it,
422
00:30:21,403 --> 00:30:26,074
and I'm poised to have them all
razed and refurbished
423
00:30:26,116 --> 00:30:28,493
into condominium complexes.
424
00:30:28,535 --> 00:30:31,621
If I'm satisfied
with your results,
425
00:30:31,663 --> 00:30:33,016
there could be
a great deal more work
426
00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:35,500
just like this for you,
full-time work.
427
00:30:36,877 --> 00:30:39,379
Well, twist my arm,
lead me to it.
428
00:30:39,421 --> 00:30:42,174
- My problem is
I can't begin the renovations
429
00:30:42,215 --> 00:30:46,595
until my infestation issue
has been dealt with.
430
00:30:49,431 --> 00:30:51,391
Come take a look.
431
00:31:05,572 --> 00:31:08,784
- Harlan: Oh, easy-peasy.
- No mystery there.
432
00:31:08,825 --> 00:31:10,410
Rats are attracted to
the food waste
433
00:31:10,452 --> 00:31:11,828
these vagrants
leave lying around,
434
00:31:11,870 --> 00:31:17,584
plus fetid garbage,
plus human waste.
435
00:31:17,626 --> 00:31:20,045
I gotjust the cocktail.
436
00:31:20,087 --> 00:31:22,506
Nitrobenzene plus
brotophyllocum.
437
00:31:22,547 --> 00:31:25,509
Vitamin k antagonist
anticoagulant.
438
00:31:25,550 --> 00:31:26,968
Kills rats dead.
439
00:31:27,010 --> 00:31:30,972
Hell, it'll kill
rabbits, possums.
440
00:31:31,014 --> 00:31:32,474
Just about anything.
441
00:31:33,975 --> 00:31:38,063
- I didn't say anything
about rats, Mr. King.
442
00:31:38,105 --> 00:31:43,151
You did mention something
about human waste?
443
00:31:43,193 --> 00:31:46,154
Well, there you go.
444
00:31:51,243 --> 00:31:54,996
I've tried every conventional
method of removing them.
445
00:31:55,038 --> 00:31:57,791
The city officials
have been no help.
446
00:31:57,833 --> 00:32:00,752
The civil authorities claim
it's not their responsibility.
447
00:32:00,794 --> 00:32:04,339
I've had the police
remove them several times.
448
00:32:04,381 --> 00:32:06,133
I've run out of options.
449
00:32:08,301 --> 00:32:11,721
- You want me to
get rid of these people?
450
00:32:11,763 --> 00:32:15,517
- I want you to resolve
my vermin issue.
451
00:32:17,936 --> 00:32:21,231
Do you know what
they cook in those kettles?
452
00:32:21,273 --> 00:32:24,943
Animals! Stray dogs and cats.
453
00:32:24,985 --> 00:32:28,155
I shudder to think what else
they might be cooking.
454
00:32:30,532 --> 00:32:31,741
- You know what,
455
00:32:31,783 --> 00:32:34,286
I don't do murder for hire.
I'm outta here.
456
00:32:34,327 --> 00:32:37,998
- That's all you do, Mr. King!
- Who do you think you're kidding?
457
00:32:38,039 --> 00:32:39,416
- No, no, no, no!
458
00:32:39,458 --> 00:32:42,544
This is not the same as
anything that I do!
459
00:32:42,586 --> 00:32:46,798
- Of course it is! Here.
460
00:32:49,259 --> 00:32:52,888
Look before you leave,
as they say.
461
00:32:57,934 --> 00:32:59,603
- Now that is a lot of money.
462
00:33:03,148 --> 00:33:06,943
- Surely one of your special
chemical cocktails
463
00:33:06,985 --> 00:33:10,906
will do the trick.
Drugs for bugs, as you say.
464
00:33:10,947 --> 00:33:15,994
After all, you are the king.
465
00:33:18,038 --> 00:33:21,374
Aren't you?
466
00:33:21,416 --> 00:33:23,543
All hail the king.
467
00:33:27,964 --> 00:33:31,468
- Harlan: Okay, okay,
maybe just one.
468
00:33:31,510 --> 00:33:35,764
I-I-I could...
I mean, I could do one.
469
00:34:41,955 --> 00:34:43,665
- It ain't worth it.
470
00:34:53,216 --> 00:34:54,676
- Now wait a minute. Sir?
471
00:34:54,718 --> 00:34:56,428
Harlan: Sir?
472
00:36:13,505 --> 00:36:14,714
- Damn it.
473
00:36:14,756 --> 00:36:16,925
How dare you,
you frickin' little monster?
474
00:36:16,966 --> 00:36:22,639
In my house? My house?
475
00:36:22,681 --> 00:36:25,141
Gotta give you credit
for some balls.
476
00:36:57,590 --> 00:37:01,678
- A for effort, Mr. King.
477
00:37:01,720 --> 00:37:04,222
Unfortunately,
you lost your nerve, didn't you?
478
00:37:04,264 --> 00:37:07,517
- Is that Murdoch?
479
00:37:07,559 --> 00:37:10,353
- Murdoch: That means
you're not the king, doesn't it?
480
00:37:10,395 --> 00:37:12,439
- No, no, no,
what are you doing?
481
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:14,399
- Murdoch: Oh,
and one more thing.
482
00:37:20,822 --> 00:37:23,908
- Murdoch: Now you really
are king.
483
00:37:27,036 --> 00:37:29,080
- The crap is it now?
484
00:37:31,207 --> 00:37:33,543
- Oh.
485
00:38:40,527 --> 00:38:43,279
- They must've ate it all.
486
00:38:43,321 --> 00:38:46,407
The soup, the poison,
every one of 'em.
487
00:38:53,498 --> 00:38:55,834
- Man: You've reached
Murdoch ventures limited.
488
00:38:55,875 --> 00:38:59,128
Please leave a succinct...
489
00:38:59,170 --> 00:39:00,356
- Harlan: Ah,
the hell with you too,
490
00:39:00,380 --> 00:39:02,090
you one-percent shitbag.
491
00:39:32,495 --> 00:39:36,374
- God. See, come on.
492
00:39:45,091 --> 00:39:46,551
God!
493
00:39:53,474 --> 00:39:55,977
Holy shit!
494
00:40:23,004 --> 00:40:26,466
- Damn it,
leave me the hell alone!
495
00:40:50,406 --> 00:40:52,206
- Man: We're sorry.
- The number you dialed...
496
00:40:53,034 --> 00:40:55,995
- Shit! Shit!
497
00:41:13,554 --> 00:41:15,515
- What the hell?
498
00:42:07,066 --> 00:42:08,651
Debra: Mr. King.
499
00:42:11,946 --> 00:42:14,073
Mr. King.
500
00:42:14,115 --> 00:42:16,034
Can you hear me?
501
00:42:16,075 --> 00:42:17,785
What are you doing here?
502
00:42:23,249 --> 00:42:26,461
- I need your help.
- I mean, I need to talk to you.
503
00:42:26,502 --> 00:42:27,980
- You're hurt.
- I called an ambulance.
504
00:42:28,004 --> 00:42:31,257
- No! No ambulance, please.
505
00:42:31,299 --> 00:42:33,134
You said you listen to people
506
00:42:33,176 --> 00:42:34,761
and you help them
with their problems.
507
00:42:34,802 --> 00:42:36,846
- Yes, but you obviously need
medical attention.
508
00:42:36,888 --> 00:42:38,264
I'm not equipped.
509
00:42:38,306 --> 00:42:43,436
- No, no, no, no, no, please,
I've done something!
510
00:42:43,478 --> 00:42:46,064
I've done something bad
and I need your help!
511
00:42:46,105 --> 00:42:48,566
You have to help me!
512
00:42:48,608 --> 00:42:51,235
Okay. Okay.
513
00:42:59,494 --> 00:43:02,371
What's going on.
514
00:43:02,413 --> 00:43:04,082
- Harlan: I don't know why
I said yes.
515
00:43:04,123 --> 00:43:06,209
I was gonna say no,
but then I saw the guy
516
00:43:06,250 --> 00:43:08,252
with the briefcase
and I was like, oh,
517
00:43:08,294 --> 00:43:09,813
and I thought all that dough
could solve all my problems
518
00:43:09,837 --> 00:43:11,464
- and...
- Mr. King,
519
00:43:11,506 --> 00:43:12,548
you need to slow down.
520
00:43:12,590 --> 00:43:14,217
Take a breath.
521
00:43:14,258 --> 00:43:17,386
Now tell me,
what did he want you to do?
522
00:43:17,428 --> 00:43:20,014
- "Do what you do best."
- That's what he said.
523
00:43:20,056 --> 00:43:21,450
"Now they're practically
dead already.
524
00:43:21,474 --> 00:43:24,102
They eat dogs and cats
and maybe even people."
525
00:43:24,143 --> 00:43:26,395
- Who is it
that said this to you?
526
00:43:34,862 --> 00:43:37,573
The devil.
527
00:43:37,615 --> 00:43:40,368
- The man who showed up
in your bedroom
528
00:43:40,409 --> 00:43:43,371
in the middle of the night
in a dream
529
00:43:43,412 --> 00:43:46,499
and now cannot be found,
according to you.
530
00:43:46,541 --> 00:43:48,811
- I dropped it into the soup,
the strongest cocktail I got.
531
00:43:48,835 --> 00:43:51,838
I spent years developing it.
532
00:43:51,879 --> 00:43:53,714
It's a joke. It's my joke.
533
00:43:53,756 --> 00:43:56,259
It's, um, kind of a...
What do you call it?
534
00:43:56,300 --> 00:43:57,844
A mixologist of the trade,
535
00:43:57,885 --> 00:43:59,720
the right drug
for the right bug?
536
00:43:59,762 --> 00:44:03,307
Nitrobenzene, brotophyllocum,
pyrethroids?
537
00:44:03,349 --> 00:44:05,518
They tried to ban it,
but if you know the ingredients,
538
00:44:05,560 --> 00:44:06,978
you can roll your own.
539
00:44:07,019 --> 00:44:08,664
- Debra: That all
sounds wonderful, Mr. King.
540
00:44:08,688 --> 00:44:12,608
I'm sure you're very good
at what you do.
541
00:44:12,650 --> 00:44:14,086
- I know what you're thinking.
- [Gaspsi
542
00:44:14,110 --> 00:44:15,420
- you're thinking
I've got some kind of
543
00:44:15,444 --> 00:44:17,613
overblown guilt complex!
544
00:44:17,655 --> 00:44:21,200
Well, I'm beginning to think
you need a cocktail too!
545
00:44:21,242 --> 00:44:23,411
Bottoms up, doc!
546
00:44:27,039 --> 00:44:31,043
- Debra: Guilt can be
a powerful drug...
547
00:44:31,085 --> 00:44:34,213
But so is sleep deprivation.
548
00:44:34,255 --> 00:44:38,092
You haven't had any sleep
in a long time, have you?
549
00:44:38,134 --> 00:44:40,178
No.
550
00:44:40,219 --> 00:44:42,430
How could I?
551
00:44:42,471 --> 00:44:44,390
They come even when I'm asleep.
552
00:44:44,432 --> 00:44:46,350
- I see.
553
00:44:46,392 --> 00:44:51,731
I think you need to sit back,
close your eyes,
554
00:44:51,772 --> 00:44:55,526
and maybe take a nap.
555
00:44:55,568 --> 00:44:59,030
I can fetch you
some warm herbal tea,
556
00:44:59,071 --> 00:45:01,324
if you think
557
00:45:01,365 --> 00:45:05,119
that might help.
558
00:45:10,666 --> 00:45:13,794
- I've got a roach problem now,
559
00:45:13,836 --> 00:45:16,756
and I think I know why.
560
00:45:57,421 --> 00:45:59,215
- No.
561
00:45:59,257 --> 00:46:02,510
No, no, no!
562
00:46:02,551 --> 00:46:06,472
No, no.
563
00:46:06,514 --> 00:46:09,684
- Oh, great.
- Hey, doctor?
564
00:46:09,725 --> 00:46:13,271
Doctor, help?
Doctor, help me, please!
565
00:46:13,312 --> 00:46:15,606
Please help me!
Please, it's me, Harlan king!
566
00:46:15,648 --> 00:46:17,525
You said you'd help!
567
00:46:17,566 --> 00:46:19,026
Debra: Damn roaches.
568
00:46:22,697 --> 00:46:25,574
- Doc? Doctor? Doc?
569
00:46:25,616 --> 00:46:28,744
It's me, Harlan!
Is that the drug?
570
00:46:28,786 --> 00:46:30,579
What are you doing?
You said you'd help!
571
00:46:30,621 --> 00:46:32,623
- No, no, doctor,
please, it's me!
572
00:46:32,665 --> 00:46:35,584
It's me, please! Help me!
573
00:46:35,626 --> 00:46:39,505
Please, help me!
What are you doing, it's Harlan!
574
00:46:39,547 --> 00:46:42,008
Please, no, no, no, no, no!
575
00:46:42,049 --> 00:46:44,093
No, it's me! It's me!
576
00:46:44,135 --> 00:46:47,305
- Debra: Damn it.
- No, please! Please!
577
00:46:47,346 --> 00:46:50,057
No!
578
00:46:58,983 --> 00:47:01,861
- Coming.
579
00:47:01,902 --> 00:47:06,157
- Hello, doctor. Bug problem?
40414
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