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1
00:00:01,960 --> 00:00:04,505
I - creep:
2
00:00:07,049 --> 00:00:10,511
Creep:
3
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,734
June: Joe?
4
00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:56,278
Joe?
5
00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:11,251
June: Joe?
6
00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:13,879
Joe-Joe?
7
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:21,762
Honey, did you hear me?
I was calling you.
8
00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:23,573
I'm sorry, I was
just finishing up Gillman.
9
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,390
Take your teeth out.
10
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:30,187
You know I can't understand you
with those things in.
11
00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:32,731
- I wanted to say I'm sorry,
I was finishing up the Gillman.
12
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:36,651
- Well, the Gillman can wait,
because guess what?
13
00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:39,696
Aunt Barb is here.
14
00:04:39,738 --> 00:04:43,492
- With uncle Kevin?
- Yeah, with uncle Kevin.
15
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:48,580
They brought
pepperoni pizza, though.
16
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,499
Come on, before it gets cold.
17
00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:53,960
Your friends will still be here
when you get back.
18
00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:55,378
Oh!
19
00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:58,089
Joe: Come to dinner!
20
00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,717
I hypnotize you
to come to dinner!
21
00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:02,528
- Mom: I really feel like
you're doing a good job there.
22
00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:03,678
Joe: Thank you very much.
23
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:09,893
- Mmm.
24
00:05:12,354 --> 00:05:16,274
Trick-or-treat's not 'til
October, buddy.
25
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:19,319
- Every day is trick-or-treat
around here.
26
00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:22,364
- Really?
- Mom: More tang?
27
00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:26,409
- No thanks. I never drink tang.
28
00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:28,620
Why not?
29
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:31,206
It's the official drink
of astronauts.
30
00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:33,542
It was the first beverage
on the moon, you know that?
31
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:36,545
- Joe likes tang. He's just,
he's doing his Dracula.
32
00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:39,631
- Bela lugosi, right?
- Played him in the first one.
33
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:42,008
- Technically,
Max schreck played him
34
00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:43,277
in the first one...
The silent version,
35
00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:44,636
"nosferatu," 1922.
36
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:49,140
- Bela lugosi was a dope addict.
37
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,910
- Barb: I never heard that.
- Kevin: It's a fact!
38
00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:53,895
Look it up in the encyclopedia.
I'm not crazy about the new guy.
39
00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:55,480
What's his name?
40
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:58,316
You know, the limey
with the red eyes?
41
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:01,361
- Christopher Lee.
- No, that's the karate guy.
42
00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:05,198
Yeah, look it up.
43
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,242
- Joe-Joe doesn't have to.
44
00:06:07,284 --> 00:06:09,494
He knows everything
there is to know
45
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:15,292
about Dracula and the mummy
and Frankenstein and...
46
00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:16,918
Who am I missing here?
47
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:19,129
- Uh, oj Simpson.
48
00:06:19,170 --> 00:06:20,964
When I was his age,
I knew everything
49
00:06:21,006 --> 00:06:23,341
there was to know
about football.
50
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:25,719
Nowadays, it's all about
this horror crap.
51
00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:29,306
- Can I be excused?
- I don't know, can you?
52
00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:32,100
- May I be excused?
- Yeah, yeah, in just a minute.
53
00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:35,145
Um, aunt Barb and uncle Kevin
54
00:06:35,186 --> 00:06:38,440
have something that
they wanted to ask us.
55
00:06:38,481 --> 00:06:40,233
Barb: Joe, would it be cool
56
00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:43,486
if me and uncle Kevin
came to stay for a bit?
57
00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:45,447
Your mom could use
an extra hand right now
58
00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:48,992
with, well, all that's going on.
59
00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:51,870
- If you'll have us.
60
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:14,517
- Heya, count.
- You're blowing it.
61
00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:17,062
Vampires don't show up
in mirrors.
62
00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:26,154
Let me help you.
63
00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:31,326
Joe: Ow.
64
00:07:31,368 --> 00:07:34,037
- Bud.
65
00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:36,122
Your eye.
66
00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:38,375
Who did that to you?
67
00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:41,711
Billy niles again?
68
00:07:41,753 --> 00:07:43,463
Come here, kid.
69
00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:50,553
Will you do me a favor
70
00:07:50,595 --> 00:07:55,725
and lay off
the monster talk at school, hmm?
71
00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:58,728
You're running short
on friends, kiddo.
72
00:07:58,770 --> 00:08:01,106
- I have all the friends I need.
73
00:08:03,274 --> 00:08:06,444
- You got a lot of 'em.
74
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:09,406
- Why do they have
to move in with us?
75
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:14,744
-You know, it's not
a forever thing.
76
00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:17,789
Just 'til ifinish
my next round of chemo.
77
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:21,543
And, it'll...
78
00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:24,504
It'll help your uncle Kevin
get back on his feet.
79
00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:27,841
- He's such a loser.
80
00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:31,553
Hey, he's not so bad.
81
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:38,268
Did you know actually
that he used to box in the army?
82
00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:40,186
Maybe he could show you
a few pointers
83
00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:43,064
on how to deal with
ol' Billy niles?
84
00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:44,983
- Yeah?
85
00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:48,278
- We'll talk about it tomorrow.
86
00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:53,074
- Okey-doke?
- Okey-doke.
87
00:08:53,116 --> 00:08:55,785
- What's playing on
the ol' time machine tonight?
88
00:08:55,827 --> 00:08:57,495
- I haven't decided.
89
00:08:57,537 --> 00:09:01,708
"Abbott and costello
meets" somebody.
90
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:05,253
- Well, set it up.
- I'll make the jiffy pop.
91
00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:06,671
- I love you, mom.
92
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:08,673
- I love you.
93
00:09:52,467 --> 00:09:56,846
Why do you always call it
a time machine?
94
00:09:56,888 --> 00:10:00,642
- Because that's what
projectors are.
95
00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:06,523
Movies, they transport us.
96
00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:10,527
Think about it.
I bet you remember
97
00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:12,821
exactly where you were
98
00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:15,865
and who you were with
the very first time
99
00:10:15,907 --> 00:10:19,994
you heard Dr. Frankenstein yell,
"it's alive!"
100
00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:24,624
- I was with you.
101
00:10:24,666 --> 00:10:25,875
- That's right.
102
00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:36,344
And with one flip of a switch,
you always will be.
103
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:45,186
Together forever, Joe-Joe.
104
00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:48,148
Just like in the movies.
105
00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:43,286
Mom?
106
00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:16,819
Barb: Good morning.
107
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:32,126
- Where's the kid at?
108
00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:35,797
- I let him sleep in.
109
00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:37,840
- On a Saturday?
110
00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:40,301
It's chore day.
111
00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:42,845
He's probably up there
watching goddamn movies again.
112
00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:46,557
Barb: Kevin, be nice.
113
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:49,185
He'll grow out of it.
Some kids do little league.
114
00:12:49,227 --> 00:12:52,146
Joe-Joe and his mom
did monsters.
115
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:55,024
- He's turning into a freak
and you're promoting it.
116
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,621
What are you doing in here,
sniffing glue?
117
00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:12,417
- Repairing the reaper's arm.
118
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:15,295
- "Repairing the reaper's arm."
119
00:13:15,336 --> 00:13:18,548
Where they at, huh?
120
00:13:18,589 --> 00:13:21,884
I know you got some girlies
under here somewhere, huh?
121
00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:31,894
Well, I'll be dipped in shit.
You do like girls, don't you?
122
00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:33,646
- It's a collector's item.
123
00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:39,652
- But you don't
like me much, do you?
124
00:13:39,694 --> 00:13:41,321
That's okay.
125
00:13:41,362 --> 00:13:44,407
You know what, your cousin Gary,
he didn't like me much either.
126
00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:48,619
We didn't watch monster movies
and the late late show.
127
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:51,539
My job was to make
a man out of him.
128
00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:53,624
That's exactly what
I'm gonna do for you.
129
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,001
- Thanks?
130
00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:57,545
- You're welcome.
- First things first,
131
00:13:57,587 --> 00:13:59,672
we gotta get rid of
all this horror crap.
132
00:13:59,714 --> 00:14:02,425
- Why?
- Kevin: Because I said so!
133
00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:05,553
You know, me and your auntie
sacrificed a lot to be here.
134
00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:08,514
- That's not how I heard it.
- I heard you had to move in
135
00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:12,268
because you got canned
from your job.
136
00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:16,564
- That's how you heard it, huh?
137
00:14:16,606 --> 00:14:18,858
It's called a temporary layoff.
Give me this!
138
00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:20,443
- Hey, that was a present
from my mom!
139
00:14:20,485 --> 00:14:24,781
- Oh, poor, poor grim reaper!
- Oh!
140
00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:28,534
Grim reaper's all broken up
about it.
141
00:14:28,576 --> 00:14:32,580
Now get your ass outside!
It's chore day!
142
00:14:32,622 --> 00:14:36,209
You can play with
your stupid toys later, hmm?
143
00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:05,196
- Yo, Dr. Frankenstein!
- Say hi to your mom for me!
144
00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:30,054
- Friend!
145
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:40,148
- Don't tell me,
the infamous Billy niles?
146
00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:43,192
I made some tang.
147
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:53,870
I was hoping you'd
do your Dracula.
148
00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:58,583
- Well, I can't.
- Sun's still out.
149
00:16:03,421 --> 00:16:06,257
- Before you say anything,
it was my fault.
150
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,925
Took an extra shift
at Bateman's diner
151
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,719
without telling your uncle.
152
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:13,389
He says it's getting hard
just being a man these days.
153
00:16:13,431 --> 00:16:14,724
- He's not a man.
154
00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:22,231
- Go for the pin!
- Go for the pin!
155
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:29,322
- Hello?
156
00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:31,657
Yes, just a second,
he's right here.
157
00:16:31,699 --> 00:16:33,451
Kev, it's Mr. Warren.
158
00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:41,000
- Hello, Mr. Warren.
159
00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:44,670
Oh, yeah, yeah, we're hanging in
the best we can, sir.
160
00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:53,012
I understand, sir.
What can I say?
161
00:16:53,054 --> 00:16:56,516
Times have been tough
for all of us.
162
00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:59,560
Thank you, sir.
163
00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:04,148
Barb: Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
164
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:07,360
- What are you sorry about?
- You still got your job.
165
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:17,161
- What do think you're doing?
- Cleaning house.
166
00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:18,871
There's gonna be
no more Santa claus,
167
00:17:18,913 --> 00:17:22,625
no more tooth fairy,
and no more goddamn monsters!
168
00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:24,061
- You're the only monster
around here!
169
00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:25,628
Barb:
170
00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:31,217
- Stay away from him.
- Or what? Huh?
171
00:17:37,348 --> 00:17:39,684
-Ah, yous deserve each other.
172
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:46,232
Barb: Come on. It's okay.
173
00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:10,047
Joe: I miss you.
174
00:19:40,763 --> 00:19:43,808
Joe:
175
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:26,892
- Got it. Need it.
176
00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:29,770
Got it. Need it.
177
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,605
Need it.
178
00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:49,749
- Oh, yes!
179
00:21:36,212 --> 00:21:38,756
Kevin:
180
00:21:38,798 --> 00:21:39,882
- What happened?
181
00:21:46,222 --> 00:21:48,307
- The damnedest thing.
182
00:21:48,349 --> 00:21:51,769
My ankle twisted
completely around.
183
00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:56,023
Joe:
184
00:22:12,456 --> 00:22:13,958
Barb: Joe, it's me.
185
00:22:16,460 --> 00:22:18,295
I'm working the night shift.
186
00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:20,965
There's Turkey pot pie
in the fridge.
187
00:22:21,006 --> 00:22:23,467
Just stay clear of your uncle.
188
00:22:23,509 --> 00:22:28,973
He's been in bed all day
burning up with fever.
189
00:22:29,014 --> 00:22:32,935
Things are gonna change
around here, I promise.
190
00:22:32,977 --> 00:22:34,311
- I know.
191
00:22:57,167 --> 00:23:01,922
Kevin:
192
00:23:04,133 --> 00:23:06,510
- What the hell's he watching?
193
00:23:06,552 --> 00:23:09,054
Joe, turn it down!
194
00:23:16,562 --> 00:23:19,857
- Kid needs a good
old-fashioned ass whooping!
195
00:23:24,028 --> 00:23:26,280
Must've backed up
the shitter again!
196
00:23:26,322 --> 00:23:29,366
You freak!
197
00:23:29,408 --> 00:23:33,120
- I'm coming for ya, buddy!
198
00:23:33,162 --> 00:23:35,039
You got it coming now, boy.
199
00:23:43,380 --> 00:23:47,384
- I know you're in there
playing with your goddamn toys
200
00:23:47,426 --> 00:23:48,826
'cause I can smell
the goddamn glue.
201
00:23:49,929 --> 00:23:54,642
- Open the door,
or I'll smash it in!
202
00:23:54,683 --> 00:23:56,769
Okay, all right.
203
00:24:06,737 --> 00:24:08,113
Fuck you!
204
00:24:15,037 --> 00:24:17,331
Joe:
205
00:24:17,373 --> 00:24:23,170
Kevin:
206
00:24:27,466 --> 00:24:30,886
- Man: Keep your eyes peeled,
boils and ghouls.
207
00:24:30,928 --> 00:24:34,848
The cadaverous conclusion of
"uncle Kevin meets the monster"
208
00:24:34,890 --> 00:24:36,350
is right around the corner.
209
00:25:23,897 --> 00:25:25,399
Joe:
210
00:25:25,441 --> 00:25:29,111
Kevin:
211
00:25:29,153 --> 00:25:33,407
Hey, buddy!
Tell your friends I'm sorry!
212
00:25:33,449 --> 00:25:35,367
Kevin: No!
213
00:25:52,718 --> 00:25:54,478
- Are you ready
for your close-up, uncle kev?
214
00:25:55,888 --> 00:26:00,184
Kevin: No!
215
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:07,024
Kevin: No!
216
00:26:20,079 --> 00:26:23,957
Joe! Joe!
217
00:26:25,959 --> 00:26:29,046
Joe.
218
00:26:29,088 --> 00:26:31,048
Oh my god.
219
00:26:31,090 --> 00:26:34,927
- Come. Sit.
220
00:26:34,968 --> 00:26:37,763
You're just in time
for the big ending.
221
00:26:55,656 --> 00:26:57,282
- What happened?
222
00:26:57,324 --> 00:27:01,078
- Couple of friends
came for a visit.
223
00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:03,956
They had some cleaning up to do.
224
00:27:03,997 --> 00:27:07,960
After all,
225
00:27:08,001 --> 00:27:12,673
it is chore day.
226
00:28:07,186 --> 00:28:10,480
- Everyone was very happy that
the little pigs worked so hard,
227
00:28:10,522 --> 00:28:13,775
for now they had
plenty of food for winter,
228
00:28:13,817 --> 00:28:18,071
and farmer John promised
to never eat porkchops again.
229
00:28:18,113 --> 00:28:21,867
So, they ate chicken!
230
00:28:21,909 --> 00:28:24,203
- The end.
- Kids:
231
00:28:24,244 --> 00:28:27,873
- Hmm, what do you suppose
that story was about, henrietta?
232
00:28:27,915 --> 00:28:30,417
- Getting what you deserve?
233
00:28:30,459 --> 00:28:31,793
Mrs. Bookberry: That's right!
234
00:28:31,835 --> 00:28:34,296
Some folks call it Karma.
235
00:28:34,338 --> 00:28:35,797
When you do something good,
236
00:28:35,839 --> 00:28:37,758
something good
will happen to you.
237
00:28:37,799 --> 00:28:40,510
But if you do something bad...
238
00:28:40,552 --> 00:28:43,597
- S-s-s-something bad
will happen to me?
239
00:28:43,639 --> 00:28:45,390
Mrs. Bookberry: Mm-hmm.
240
00:28:45,432 --> 00:28:48,602
So be sure to be
good little boys and girls.
241
00:28:48,644 --> 00:28:53,565
Until next time, bye for now!
242
00:28:53,607 --> 00:28:56,568
- Man: Mrs. Bookberry's
magical library is made possible
243
00:28:56,610 --> 00:28:59,947
by a Grant from the public
broadcasting corporation.
244
00:28:59,988 --> 00:29:03,742
You're watching wqps,
channel 13, Pittsburgh.
245
00:29:03,784 --> 00:29:05,744
Prevent child abuse.
246
00:29:05,786 --> 00:29:08,622
- Man: This is wqps
in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania,
247
00:29:08,664 --> 00:29:11,333
operating on channel 13
with a frequency of
248
00:29:11,375 --> 00:29:15,545
210 to 216 megahertz
by authority of
249
00:29:15,587 --> 00:29:17,756
the federal
communications commission.
250
00:29:19,258 --> 00:29:21,802
- Man: Bookberry pledge drive
promotion, take one.
251
00:29:21,843 --> 00:29:26,723
Settle, settle, lots of energy,
and on in three, two...
252
00:29:26,765 --> 00:29:29,309
- Something very special
is happening tonight
253
00:29:29,351 --> 00:29:33,480
- on channel 13, henrietta.
- What is it, Mrs. Bookberry?
254
00:29:33,522 --> 00:29:35,899
- Mrs. Bookberry: It's
the wqps pledge drive.
255
00:29:35,941 --> 00:29:38,360
That's where we ask all
the mommies and daddies
256
00:29:38,402 --> 00:29:41,280
- out there to fuck!
- [Gaspsi
257
00:29:41,321 --> 00:29:43,949
- goddamn it! Line.
258
00:29:43,991 --> 00:29:46,827
- Man: "Become a member of
channel 13's television family."
259
00:29:46,868 --> 00:29:49,371
- Okay, whatever, here we go.
260
00:29:49,413 --> 00:29:52,749
Three, two, one, action.
261
00:29:52,791 --> 00:29:54,668
That's where we ask
the mommies and daddies
262
00:29:54,710 --> 00:29:57,212
out there to join us
by becoming a member of
263
00:29:57,254 --> 00:29:59,506
channel 13's television family.
264
00:30:01,967 --> 00:30:04,511
Cut, I think we got it, Greg.
I'm gonna go take a shit.
265
00:30:04,553 --> 00:30:06,263
I'll be in my dressing room.
266
00:30:06,305 --> 00:30:07,848
- Man: Everybody take five
while she...
267
00:30:07,889 --> 00:30:09,325
- Claudia: Uh, miss bookberry?
- Man: Does that.
268
00:30:09,349 --> 00:30:10,392
Smoke 'em if you got 'em.
269
00:30:10,434 --> 00:30:13,186
- Mrs. Bookberry? Bookberry!
270
00:30:17,733 --> 00:30:20,902
- Claudia: Miss bookberry?
- Do you have a minute?
271
00:30:20,944 --> 00:30:22,964
About the show tonight.
Nothing like live television.
272
00:30:22,988 --> 00:30:24,382
- What's up with
my time slot, Claudia?
273
00:30:24,406 --> 00:30:27,117
- Am I getting it or what?
- Well, you see, about that,
274
00:30:27,159 --> 00:30:29,077
"love of painting"
has been our 3 o'clock
275
00:30:29,119 --> 00:30:30,495
for nearly 10 years,
and what I...
276
00:30:30,537 --> 00:30:31,997
- And what?
277
00:30:32,039 --> 00:30:34,708
"Magical library" is the biggest
show in qps history.
278
00:30:34,750 --> 00:30:37,627
Without it, this piss stain
of a station would be nothing.
279
00:30:37,669 --> 00:30:41,548
I want that time slot.
Give me that time slot.
280
00:30:41,590 --> 00:30:43,234
- But norm's show
won't survive anywhere else.
281
00:30:43,258 --> 00:30:45,218
- Listen, they took a big chance
282
00:30:45,260 --> 00:30:48,597
on promoting someone like you
to station manager.
283
00:30:48,638 --> 00:30:50,116
Be a shame to have
to tell the higher-ups
284
00:30:50,140 --> 00:30:52,684
that you just couldn't
figure it out.
285
00:30:52,726 --> 00:30:55,270
Ya got me, sistah?
286
00:30:57,147 --> 00:30:59,191
- You can have 3 o'clock.
287
00:30:59,232 --> 00:31:01,026
- Thank you.
288
00:31:04,279 --> 00:31:05,447
Now, if you don't mind,
289
00:31:05,489 --> 00:31:07,657
I prefer to wipe my ass
in private,
290
00:31:07,699 --> 00:31:10,410
unless you wanna come in
and do it for me?
291
00:31:17,751 --> 00:31:19,437
- Norm: Just a little bit
and then we're gonna go
292
00:31:19,461 --> 00:31:22,672
back to the canvas
and play in the leaves here.
293
00:31:22,714 --> 00:31:25,842
Just a little dab here
and a little dab there.
294
00:31:25,884 --> 00:31:28,970
I - norm: Right on the roof.
295
00:31:29,012 --> 00:31:32,099
Just down that slope.
296
00:31:32,140 --> 00:31:35,060
Where the leaves are gonna
be found in the night.
297
00:31:35,102 --> 00:31:38,146
Maybe they were there
last season.
298
00:31:38,188 --> 00:31:41,149
It's up to you,
this is your world.
299
00:31:43,443 --> 00:31:45,904
Now, I would say our cabin
could use a little something
300
00:31:45,946 --> 00:31:48,532
to look forward to,
so let's put a little sunshine
301
00:31:48,573 --> 00:31:51,910
at the horizon.
Take our two-inch brush.
302
00:31:51,952 --> 00:31:55,622
Just lighten up the sky.
303
00:31:55,664 --> 00:31:58,375
Move the darkness away.
304
00:32:00,585 --> 00:32:02,879
I think it's time
to clean out our brushes.
305
00:32:02,921 --> 00:32:06,508
Take the brush into
the paint thinner.
306
00:32:06,550 --> 00:32:08,635
Shake the excess.
307
00:32:08,677 --> 00:32:10,178
This is my favorite part.
308
00:32:13,098 --> 00:32:15,016
Just beat the devil out of it.
309
00:32:17,811 --> 00:32:20,272
I hope that you all enjoyed
painting with me today
310
00:32:20,313 --> 00:32:22,399
because I know I did.
311
00:32:22,441 --> 00:32:25,152
So from all of us here
at the station,
312
00:32:25,193 --> 00:32:27,446
happy painting, and god bless.
313
00:32:31,158 --> 00:32:33,910
- And cut, clear!
314
00:32:33,952 --> 00:32:36,496
That is a beautiful
painting, norm.
315
00:32:36,538 --> 00:32:38,182
- Norm: Oh, thank you.
- George: Wanna take a break
316
00:32:38,206 --> 00:32:39,475
before we start shooting the
next episode?
317
00:32:39,499 --> 00:32:41,084
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
- We may continue.
318
00:32:41,126 --> 00:32:43,170
- Hey, guys, excuse me,
can we talk?
319
00:32:43,211 --> 00:32:45,755
- What's wrong? Are you cutting
our budget again?
320
00:32:45,797 --> 00:32:47,382
Claudia, you can't do that!
321
00:32:47,424 --> 00:32:49,009
I had to get rid of
both camera guys.
322
00:32:49,050 --> 00:32:51,761
You got me directing, producing.
I'm shooting close-ups here.
323
00:32:51,803 --> 00:32:53,096
- I'm not cutting the budget.
324
00:32:53,138 --> 00:32:56,224
I'm afraid we're canceling
"love of painting."
325
00:32:56,266 --> 00:33:00,312
- Oh, no, that's too bad.
326
00:33:00,353 --> 00:33:03,857
May we still shoot
this next one?
327
00:33:03,899 --> 00:33:05,692
- Yeah, of course, norm.
328
00:33:07,986 --> 00:33:10,280
- Claudia?
329
00:33:10,322 --> 00:33:13,366
What are you doing?
The show is all he's got.
330
00:33:13,408 --> 00:33:15,553
- My hands are tied, George.
- His time slot is needed.
331
00:33:15,577 --> 00:33:19,206
I'm sorry. I really am.
332
00:33:19,247 --> 00:33:21,124
How is always so calm?
333
00:33:21,166 --> 00:33:22,602
You'd think he could
at least chew me out
334
00:33:22,626 --> 00:33:25,212
for screwing him over.
335
00:33:25,253 --> 00:33:28,840
- That man's changed a lot
since he came back from 'nam.
336
00:33:28,882 --> 00:33:32,219
Norm was on the front line
of the tet offensive.
337
00:33:32,260 --> 00:33:35,222
Musta had to do
horrible things to survive.
338
00:33:49,361 --> 00:33:51,738
- Priceless items
are right under your nose.
339
00:33:51,780 --> 00:33:53,949
Did the value of
this snow blower
340
00:33:53,990 --> 00:33:57,786
or this medieval broadsword
increase or decrease over time?
341
00:33:57,827 --> 00:34:00,830
What about this jar of
civil war coins?
342
00:34:00,872 --> 00:34:04,334
Find out next on
"the appraiser's road trip."
343
00:34:05,919 --> 00:34:08,064
- Woman: "The appraiser's
road trip" with Goodman tapert.
344
00:34:08,088 --> 00:34:10,966
- Good evening, and welcome.
345
00:34:11,007 --> 00:34:13,635
Today's first guest,
Mr. Ted raimi,
346
00:34:13,677 --> 00:34:16,596
has brought us something
quite special,
347
00:34:16,638 --> 00:34:19,432
a book.
348
00:34:19,474 --> 00:34:21,476
How did you come across this?
349
00:34:21,518 --> 00:34:23,353
- Uh, well, it's...
350
00:34:23,395 --> 00:34:25,188
It's been in the family
for years.
351
00:34:25,230 --> 00:34:26,314
- I must tell you,
352
00:34:26,356 --> 00:34:28,316
this is an amazing
353
00:34:28,358 --> 00:34:30,151
and quite valuable find.
354
00:34:30,193 --> 00:34:32,487
- Wow!
- Wow, indeed.
355
00:34:32,529 --> 00:34:35,198
Brilliant sumerian
craftsmanship.
356
00:34:35,240 --> 00:34:38,201
The stitching in the binding
is magnificent.
357
00:34:39,995 --> 00:34:44,416
- It's bound in a leather
that I'm unfamiliar with,
358
00:34:44,457 --> 00:34:46,960
but despite a few scratches
and discolorations,
359
00:34:47,002 --> 00:34:49,713
this is a stunning piece.
360
00:34:49,754 --> 00:34:51,590
It is locked, though.
Do you have the key?
361
00:34:51,631 --> 00:34:53,675
- Um, I lost it.
362
00:34:53,717 --> 00:34:55,635
Oh, how unfortunate.
363
00:34:55,677 --> 00:34:57,512
- But then it was found.
364
00:34:57,554 --> 00:35:00,765
Excellent!
365
00:35:00,807 --> 00:35:02,851
Let's look inside.
366
00:35:04,811 --> 00:35:08,481
- This is really exciting.
367
00:35:08,523 --> 00:35:11,943
I mean, I've had this thing
in my fruit cellar for years.
368
00:35:11,985 --> 00:35:15,030
I nearly threw it out like
a million times.
369
00:35:15,071 --> 00:35:18,617
But I'm glad
I didn't though, huh?
370
00:35:18,658 --> 00:35:19,868
I mean, geez Louise,
371
00:35:19,909 --> 00:35:21,703
I wonder what
this old thing is worth?
372
00:35:21,745 --> 00:35:24,831
I wonder if I could
get a Camaro?
373
00:35:24,873 --> 00:35:26,916
Or maybe a hot tub?
374
00:35:26,958 --> 00:35:29,002
What do you think,
a Camaro or a hot tub?
375
00:35:29,044 --> 00:35:30,164
Hot tub.
376
00:35:32,964 --> 00:35:35,300
- Look at these ink renderings.
377
00:35:35,342 --> 00:35:37,927
The kandarian text.
378
00:35:37,969 --> 00:35:40,180
Any natural history museum
would happily pay anywhere
379
00:35:40,221 --> 00:35:44,476
between 3 or 400,000.
380
00:35:44,517 --> 00:35:46,102
- Dollars?
- Mm-hmm.
381
00:35:46,144 --> 00:35:47,896
- Oh, man!
382
00:35:47,937 --> 00:35:49,689
This is the best day
of my whole life!
383
00:35:49,731 --> 00:35:51,816
- Lucky for you,
I can read sumerian.
384
00:35:51,858 --> 00:35:53,276
- You can read...
385
00:35:53,318 --> 00:35:57,280
- Might be a bit rusty,
but what I can gather,
386
00:35:57,322 --> 00:36:02,035
this book is the necronomicon.
387
00:36:02,077 --> 00:36:04,204
- Ah, that name sounds familiar.
388
00:36:04,245 --> 00:36:06,331
- It was written when
dark spirits ruled the earth
389
00:36:06,373 --> 00:36:07,999
and the oceans
boiled with blood.
390
00:36:08,041 --> 00:36:09,334
Ted: Oh.
391
00:36:09,376 --> 00:36:10,728
- Goodman: The powers of the
dead lay within
392
00:36:10,752 --> 00:36:15,173
these very pages. Fascinating.
393
00:36:15,215 --> 00:36:17,425
Listen to these
wretched incantations.
394
00:36:21,638 --> 00:36:24,182
- Oh, uh, um,
maybe don't read it.
395
00:36:24,224 --> 00:36:29,396
- Goodman: "Nosferaten.
- Valo mortem."
396
00:36:29,437 --> 00:36:32,148
- Uh, stop. Don't read any more.
397
00:36:36,277 --> 00:36:40,615
Please stop. Stop!
398
00:36:40,657 --> 00:36:44,244
- I said stop. Never!
399
00:36:46,413 --> 00:36:51,876
Crew:
400
00:36:56,131 --> 00:37:00,593
Let me back into the book, kids,
so you should be like me!
401
00:37:00,635 --> 00:37:03,513
When it all makes
a pledge to us.
402
00:37:03,555 --> 00:37:06,307
Pledge to us!
403
00:37:10,478 --> 00:37:13,314
Pledge to us!
404
00:37:16,025 --> 00:37:18,611
- Norm: We're gonna say
good night to the grand tetons.
405
00:37:18,653 --> 00:37:22,198
A meandering stream by just
using the titanium white
406
00:37:22,240 --> 00:37:25,535
and working through the bristles
with the two-inch brush.
407
00:37:25,577 --> 00:37:30,540
And ever so gently drag through
the dusk creeping over
408
00:37:30,582 --> 00:37:34,002
the mountains here
and then saying goodbye
409
00:37:34,043 --> 00:37:36,713
to the dying embers of the day.
410
00:37:36,755 --> 00:37:41,342
Good night, day.
Thank you for everything.
411
00:37:41,384 --> 00:37:45,096
Sleep well. There.
412
00:37:45,138 --> 00:37:49,225
I think we're done here.
413
00:37:51,811 --> 00:37:55,523
Today, I have gotten
some bad news.
414
00:37:55,565 --> 00:38:00,236
Unfortunately, this is
our last episode.
415
00:38:00,278 --> 00:38:03,072
First, I was sad,
but I believe that
416
00:38:03,114 --> 00:38:05,533
everything happens for a reason,
417
00:38:05,575 --> 00:38:08,745
and if this is what
the good lord wishes,
418
00:38:08,787 --> 00:38:10,830
well, then surely he must
have something greater
419
00:38:10,872 --> 00:38:13,041
in mind for me and for us all.
420
00:38:13,082 --> 00:38:15,210
- Pledge your soul to the book!
421
00:38:15,251 --> 00:38:16,979
- Claudia:
- George: What is that thing?
422
00:38:17,003 --> 00:38:18,420
Claudia:
423
00:38:18,421 --> 00:38:20,590
- Huh?
- Keep away from me!
424
00:38:27,847 --> 00:38:30,975
- What is happening?
425
00:38:31,017 --> 00:38:35,688
- A-ha. Pretty soul.
426
00:38:35,730 --> 00:38:39,234
I'll cut it out of you.
427
00:38:41,277 --> 00:38:42,946
Huh?
428
00:38:55,625 --> 00:38:58,378
Huh?
429
00:38:58,419 --> 00:39:03,550
- I don't know who you are, sir,
but if you're not gonna behave,
430
00:39:03,591 --> 00:39:06,052
I'm gonna have
to ask you to leave.
431
00:39:06,094 --> 00:39:07,762
- Pledge to us!
432
00:39:44,215 --> 00:39:47,385
Norm: George!
433
00:39:47,427 --> 00:39:49,971
- You all right, George?
- Just get it off of me!
434
00:39:50,013 --> 00:39:53,600
Both leave me here
and just save yourselves.
435
00:39:53,641 --> 00:39:54,952
- Nobody's leaving
you here, George.
436
00:39:54,976 --> 00:39:59,063
- Oh, god.
- Norm: Come here.
437
00:39:59,105 --> 00:40:00,982
- All right,
what's the quickest way out?
438
00:40:01,024 --> 00:40:02,525
'Cause we have to let
the others know!
439
00:40:02,567 --> 00:40:03,776
- Through the magical library.
440
00:40:03,818 --> 00:40:05,194
- Okay, we need to get
to a phone.
441
00:40:05,236 --> 00:40:10,742
- Yes, come on, this way.
- Come on, George!
442
00:40:10,783 --> 00:40:13,411
Ted: Merciless!
443
00:40:43,232 --> 00:40:47,695
- Henrietta: You worthless
piece of shit.
444
00:40:47,737 --> 00:40:51,532
- I'm not worthless, daddy.
- Henrietta: Yes, you are.
445
00:40:51,574 --> 00:40:53,409
Your mother and I
will be very disappointed
446
00:40:53,451 --> 00:40:54,994
if you're not
gonna show tonight.
447
00:40:55,036 --> 00:40:57,038
Chicago's going to be watching.
448
00:40:57,080 --> 00:40:58,790
This will be our ticket
out of here,
449
00:40:58,831 --> 00:41:00,875
unless you fuck it up,
which you probably will,
450
00:41:00,917 --> 00:41:02,961
you ugly little bitch!
451
00:41:03,002 --> 00:41:05,380
- No, I won't mess up,
daddy, I promise.
452
00:41:05,421 --> 00:41:09,175
Nothing will stop me
from making you proud. Nothing!
453
00:41:15,765 --> 00:41:18,142
- Fuck off, Greg!
- I'm not taping anymore!
454
00:41:18,184 --> 00:41:20,853
I have to focus
before the show! Go away!
455
00:41:24,107 --> 00:41:25,650
- Are you deaf? I said, go away!
456
00:41:29,404 --> 00:41:32,281
- What the fuck is your problem?
457
00:41:36,661 --> 00:41:38,746
- Pledge your soul to the book!
458
00:41:51,634 --> 00:41:54,012
- Oh, Jesus,
it's a goddamn massacre.
459
00:42:00,143 --> 00:42:03,438
- Look.
- Cameras are still recording.
460
00:42:03,479 --> 00:42:04,856
- George, check the footage.
461
00:42:04,897 --> 00:42:06,000
Maybe we can find out
what happened.
462
00:42:06,024 --> 00:42:09,027
- Leave it to me.
463
00:42:09,068 --> 00:42:12,113
Claudia: Oh my god.
464
00:42:12,155 --> 00:42:14,282
Did that thing do
all of this by itself?
465
00:42:17,744 --> 00:42:19,829
-John?
466
00:42:19,871 --> 00:42:21,289
Oh, dear god, no.
467
00:42:21,330 --> 00:42:22,707
John.
468
00:43:02,371 --> 00:43:05,500
- Nothing will stop me, daddy.
469
00:43:05,541 --> 00:43:07,668
Nothing!
470
00:43:18,012 --> 00:43:19,889
- Find anything?
471
00:43:19,931 --> 00:43:23,309
- Well, a few dead friends.
472
00:43:23,351 --> 00:43:26,187
And a jar of old silver dollars.
473
00:43:26,229 --> 00:43:29,107
I'll buy you a pop
if we survive.
474
00:43:29,148 --> 00:43:32,318
- George: Hey, guys?
- Hey, guys, found something.
475
00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:34,278
I'll pipe it
to the floor monitors.
476
00:43:42,453 --> 00:43:44,956
- What do you think,
Camaro or hot tub?
477
00:43:44,997 --> 00:43:48,835
- Hot tub.
- Yes!
478
00:43:48,876 --> 00:43:50,795
- Look at these ink renderings.
479
00:43:50,837 --> 00:43:54,090
- George: Hold on, hold on,
iwent too far.
480
00:43:54,132 --> 00:43:58,052
- The power of the dead
lay within these very pages.
481
00:43:58,094 --> 00:44:00,346
Listen to these
wretched incantations.
482
00:44:06,686 --> 00:44:09,021
- Shut it off, George!
483
00:44:09,063 --> 00:44:12,650
- Goodman:
- Norm: Just shut it off now!
484
00:44:12,692 --> 00:44:16,070
- What's wrong?
- He said powers of the dead
485
00:44:16,112 --> 00:44:17,947
lay within the pages
of the book.
486
00:44:17,989 --> 00:44:19,574
Listening to
wretched incantations
487
00:44:19,615 --> 00:44:22,076
is not gonna improve
our situation here!
488
00:44:22,118 --> 00:44:23,494
- Book started all of this.
489
00:44:23,536 --> 00:44:25,514
Maybe there's a spell
or whatever that can stop it?
490
00:44:25,538 --> 00:44:28,708
- Well, that stands to reason,
if we can find it.
491
00:44:28,749 --> 00:44:31,711
- It's gotta be around here
somewhere, but where?
492
00:44:38,050 --> 00:44:40,720
Pledge to the book!
493
00:44:40,761 --> 00:44:42,346
- That answers that question.
494
00:44:47,101 --> 00:44:52,190
- Shit! Think, George, think!
495
00:45:03,534 --> 00:45:06,871
You will die!
496
00:45:06,913 --> 00:45:10,499
All will be as to the book
497
00:45:10,541 --> 00:45:13,211
and die!
498
00:45:16,964 --> 00:45:21,469
- The book!
- George! George!
499
00:45:21,510 --> 00:45:24,931
- Oh, quick thinking, George!
- George: There.
500
00:45:24,972 --> 00:45:27,767
- He took the necronomicon.
- The what-icon?
501
00:45:27,808 --> 00:45:29,560
Claudia: The creepy old book.
502
00:45:37,193 --> 00:45:38,778
- Man: And be sure
to stick around for
503
00:45:38,819 --> 00:45:40,363
a very special live episode of
504
00:45:40,404 --> 00:45:42,406
"Mrs. Bookberry's
magical library,"
505
00:45:42,448 --> 00:45:46,118
coming up next only on
wqps channel 13.
506
00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:48,663
- That video feed is from
the Chicago affiliate.
507
00:45:48,704 --> 00:45:50,706
They switch over
to "bookberry" at 6 o'clock.
508
00:45:50,748 --> 00:45:55,253
- I - that's, like... now.
509
00:45:55,294 --> 00:45:58,422
- Mrs. Bookberry: Welcome
to my library, children.
510
00:45:58,464 --> 00:46:02,093
Henrietta and I have
a very special book
511
00:46:02,134 --> 00:46:05,263
to read to you tonight.
512
00:46:05,304 --> 00:46:09,642
- And you fuckers
are gonna love it!
513
00:46:09,684 --> 00:46:11,227
- I'm so fired.
514
00:46:11,269 --> 00:46:14,563
- If she reads that
on live television...
515
00:46:14,605 --> 00:46:15,605
- She won't.
516
00:46:22,071 --> 00:46:24,323
- Mrs. Bookberry:
Listen, my children,
517
00:46:24,365 --> 00:46:28,703
and pledge your souls
to the book.
518
00:46:42,967 --> 00:46:48,222
Who dare interrupts
the dark text?
519
00:46:48,264 --> 00:46:49,890
- I'm responsible for
the program quality
520
00:46:49,932 --> 00:46:52,727
of channel 13, and this show...
521
00:46:52,768 --> 00:46:55,021
Does not meet wqps standards.
522
00:46:55,062 --> 00:46:57,189
- Mrs. Bookberry: And what
are you gonna do about it?
523
00:47:02,445 --> 00:47:04,780
- We're gonna beat
the devil outta you.
524
00:47:36,270 --> 00:47:37,938
- Groovy.
525
00:47:40,149 --> 00:47:41,525
Claudia, get the book!
526
00:47:49,992 --> 00:47:52,495
- Uh, Ted? Are you okay?
527
00:47:55,706 --> 00:47:57,833
- I think I'll get the Camaro.
528
00:48:02,546 --> 00:48:05,549
Goodman: We want your soul!
529
00:48:05,591 --> 00:48:07,301
- The children must
hear the words!
530
00:48:07,343 --> 00:48:09,428
The book hungers
for young souls!
531
00:48:09,470 --> 00:48:12,056
- Hell no!
- I'm cutting your budget!
532
00:48:14,767 --> 00:48:17,311
- I'm cutting your budget!
- Woman: Hey, kids!
533
00:48:17,353 --> 00:48:20,147
What are you watching in there?
534
00:48:20,189 --> 00:48:23,859
- Do your park!
- Pledge to the book!
535
00:48:29,907 --> 00:48:32,701
- What's amazing find you are!
536
00:48:32,743 --> 00:48:37,456
Let's open you up
and see what's inside you!
537
00:48:40,751 --> 00:48:42,479
Norm, get the goddamn puppet!
538
00:48:42,503 --> 00:48:44,630
- No, let go of me!
- Norm, get the puppet!
539
00:48:44,672 --> 00:48:47,591
- Pledge to the book!
540
00:48:51,679 --> 00:48:55,599
- Pledge to the book!
- Pledge to the book!
541
00:48:55,641 --> 00:48:57,285
Norm: I don't think so!
542
00:48:57,309 --> 00:49:01,230
Not today!
543
00:49:06,068 --> 00:49:08,195
- Claudia: The book,
norm, the book!
544
00:49:08,237 --> 00:49:09,864
Norm, you've gotta
lock the book!
545
00:49:52,364 --> 00:49:54,366
- Norm: We'll go back in
with our fan brush
546
00:49:54,408 --> 00:49:58,162
and tap away at the sap green,
547
00:49:58,204 --> 00:50:01,332
and then give our
happy little trees some friends.
548
00:50:01,373 --> 00:50:04,126
Just a nice little
community of trees.
549
00:50:04,168 --> 00:50:05,479
- Just got off the phone
with Chicago.
550
00:50:05,503 --> 00:50:06,837
- Mm-hmm.
551
00:50:06,879 --> 00:50:09,632
They want "love of painting"
to go national.
552
00:50:09,673 --> 00:50:11,800
- You're kidding?
553
00:50:11,842 --> 00:50:15,596
Mrs. Bookberry was
decapitated on live TV.
554
00:50:15,638 --> 00:50:17,640
- Everyone thinks
it was a publicity stunt.
555
00:50:17,681 --> 00:50:20,226
They don't care. We got lucky.
556
00:50:20,267 --> 00:50:22,019
"Maybe it is Karma."
557
00:50:24,688 --> 00:50:26,398
- Shut up.
558
00:50:26,440 --> 00:50:32,029
- Trees are like people.
- Thank you, friends.
559
00:50:32,071 --> 00:50:34,740
Hope you all make
some good friends today.
560
00:50:34,782 --> 00:50:39,537
From all of us here,
happy painting, and god bless.
561
00:50:39,578 --> 00:50:42,706
Woman: Kanda estrata...
38599
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