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1
00:00:00,169 --> 00:00:02,379
Back in the '80s,
I was a creative force.
2
00:00:02,796 --> 00:00:05,633
- I directed mini-blockbusters...
- I'll fix it in post.
3
00:00:05,634 --> 00:00:07,092
... starred in school plays,
4
00:00:07,093 --> 00:00:09,470
and wrote masterpieces
late into the night.
5
00:00:09,471 --> 00:00:11,263
But that changed when I got a job.
6
00:00:11,264 --> 00:00:13,390
I was a singing waiter at a '50s diner,
7
00:00:13,391 --> 00:00:15,851
which meant my only
creative outlet was this.
8
00:00:15,852 --> 00:00:19,480
? On the islands,
there's no ifs, ands, or buts ?
9
00:00:19,481 --> 00:00:22,733
? We're gonna get coconuts ?
10
00:00:22,734 --> 00:00:24,318
Yeah, it was the same song and dance,
11
00:00:24,319 --> 00:00:25,527
but I gave it my all...
12
00:00:25,528 --> 00:00:28,280
... every day.
13
00:00:28,281 --> 00:00:31,241
? We're gonna get coconuts ?
14
00:00:31,242 --> 00:00:33,702
Every single day.
15
00:00:33,703 --> 00:00:34,870
? Coconuts ?
16
00:00:34,871 --> 00:00:36,789
Like every one of them.
17
00:00:36,790 --> 00:00:38,457
? ... conuts ?
18
00:00:38,458 --> 00:00:40,251
Even my mom saw the light
dying in my eyes,
19
00:00:40,252 --> 00:00:41,669
so she did what always worked...
20
00:00:41,670 --> 00:00:43,379
inspired me with a grand purchase.
21
00:00:43,380 --> 00:00:45,506
Surprise!
22
00:00:45,507 --> 00:00:49,760
I bought you Apple's
first portable computer.
23
00:00:49,761 --> 00:00:51,637
Portable? That looks huge.
24
00:00:51,638 --> 00:00:54,223
Oh, it's only 16
barely-back-breaking pounds.
25
00:00:54,224 --> 00:00:56,517
You can take it anywhere
as long as you stretch first.
26
00:00:56,518 --> 00:00:58,686
And isn't that incredibly expensive?
27
00:00:58,687 --> 00:01:02,189
Big time, but with this, you'll
open doors to your imagination.
28
00:01:02,190 --> 00:01:05,359
PC World called it,
"Powerful and cumbersome."
29
00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:07,194
- I think I'm all set.
- Nonsense.
30
00:01:07,195 --> 00:01:10,823
You need to get back to
your real passion... writing.
31
00:01:10,824 --> 00:01:13,784
Let me just turn this on for you.
32
00:01:13,785 --> 00:01:15,619
Ah, listen to all that metal working.
33
00:01:15,620 --> 00:01:17,329
Yeah, I'm just not really feeling
34
00:01:17,330 --> 00:01:19,290
the juices flowing today, so...
35
00:01:19,291 --> 00:01:21,333
Then let Mama be your muse.
36
00:01:21,334 --> 00:01:23,168
Drink me in and then write about
37
00:01:23,169 --> 00:01:25,754
the white-hot love I bring out in you.
38
00:01:25,755 --> 00:01:27,548
You certainly elicit a response.
39
00:01:27,549 --> 00:01:29,091
Then put me in a script.
40
00:01:29,092 --> 00:01:32,594
You could pen the sequel
to "Throw Momma from the Train."
41
00:01:32,595 --> 00:01:35,055
Only this time, keep her on the train.
42
00:01:35,056 --> 00:01:36,390
What a fun idea.
43
00:01:36,391 --> 00:01:39,101
You start hacking away at that,
while I run upstairs
44
00:01:39,102 --> 00:01:41,478
and put the finishing touches
on giving up.
45
00:01:41,479 --> 00:01:43,397
Schmoo, come back!
46
00:01:43,398 --> 00:01:46,859
This thing can go anywhere. Oh.
47
00:01:51,822 --> 00:01:54,700
- Synced and corrected by actumaxime -
- www.addic7ed.com -
48
00:01:59,997 --> 00:02:02,332
It was January 11, 1980-something,
49
00:02:02,333 --> 00:02:04,585
and Erica was meeting
with her new mom group.
50
00:02:04,586 --> 00:02:06,754
So, after I switched nipple creams,
51
00:02:06,755 --> 00:02:08,464
he finally latched onto me, no problem.
52
00:02:08,465 --> 00:02:10,174
Oh, if parenthood has
taught me anything,
53
00:02:10,175 --> 00:02:11,967
it's that there is
a cream for everything.
54
00:02:11,968 --> 00:02:13,135
Yep, creams.
55
00:02:13,136 --> 00:02:15,220
There's so much excitement
in those little tubes.
56
00:02:15,221 --> 00:02:16,972
Oh, Barb, by the way,
how are your hemorrhoids?
57
00:02:16,973 --> 00:02:19,558
Yeah, I'm not really comfortable
right now.
58
00:02:19,559 --> 00:02:21,226
Oh, how rude of me.
59
00:02:21,227 --> 00:02:23,020
I didn't even offer you a pillow
to sit on to ease the pain.
60
00:02:23,021 --> 00:02:25,439
I, too, have bottom issues,
so, you know.
61
00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:27,483
O... kay, any other
topic of conversation?
62
00:02:27,484 --> 00:02:29,360
I've got one.
63
00:02:29,361 --> 00:02:32,446
Anyone else sensing the dynamic
of our mom group is a bit off?
64
00:02:32,447 --> 00:02:33,739
I know exactly what you mean, Cynthia.
65
00:02:33,740 --> 00:02:34,907
I'm not sure you do.
66
00:02:34,908 --> 00:02:36,742
Diane was supposed to be on snack duty,
67
00:02:36,743 --> 00:02:39,453
and here I am with nary
a Fig Newton to chew on.
68
00:02:39,454 --> 00:02:42,039
Oh, look at the time.
69
00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:43,082
Yeah, I think I've gotta go, too.
70
00:02:43,083 --> 00:02:44,875
But we just got started.
71
00:02:44,876 --> 00:02:46,168
Should we talk about next week?
72
00:02:46,169 --> 00:02:48,087
Maybe a wine bar? I pour a heavy Grigio.
73
00:02:48,088 --> 00:02:50,839
Erica, it's time to have
that conversation.
74
00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:53,509
Okay, well, bye, Barb. Bye, Trish.
75
00:02:53,510 --> 00:02:55,386
What's this conversation
everyone's saying we're due for?
76
00:02:55,387 --> 00:02:56,386
Bye, Erica.
77
00:02:56,387 --> 00:02:57,387
Look, sweetie...
78
00:02:57,388 --> 00:02:59,223
Is it about Trish's
postpartum night sweats?
79
00:02:59,224 --> 00:03:01,351
'Cause maybe don't overshare
so much, girlfriend.
80
00:03:01,352 --> 00:03:03,020
Gosh, I'm so glad we have this group
81
00:03:03,021 --> 00:03:04,564
to make us feel not so alone.
82
00:03:04,565 --> 00:03:07,193
Yeah. Can you take the baby
for her nap, please?
83
00:03:07,356 --> 00:03:10,818
Diaper and nap duty in one day?
Sign me up!
84
00:03:10,819 --> 00:03:13,362
Ha-ha! Your husband ruined
your dumb lady group.
85
00:03:13,363 --> 00:03:15,239
Did you make yourself a campfire treat?
86
00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:17,950
The microwave makes
the marshmallows crazy sticky,
87
00:03:17,951 --> 00:03:19,910
much like the situation
you find yourself in.
88
00:03:19,911 --> 00:03:22,413
I know. It's a mom group,
and he's not a mom.
89
00:03:22,414 --> 00:03:23,747
Figure it out, my guy.
90
00:03:23,748 --> 00:03:26,041
Blech! 12 s'mores is one too many.
91
00:03:26,042 --> 00:03:27,376
But I just don't have
the heart to tell him
92
00:03:27,377 --> 00:03:29,002
that no one wants him here.
93
00:03:29,003 --> 00:03:30,587
Maybe you can?
94
00:03:30,588 --> 00:03:33,215
Well, I'd happily break
his heart into a million pieces,
95
00:03:33,216 --> 00:03:35,008
but you asked me, so now I don't wanna.
96
00:03:35,009 --> 00:03:37,219
Come on. Just take him
to hang with the JTP.
97
00:03:37,220 --> 00:03:39,012
Well, it is Andy Cogan's birthday.
98
00:03:39,013 --> 00:03:40,139
Yes, do that.
99
00:03:40,140 --> 00:03:41,765
She went right down.
100
00:03:41,766 --> 00:03:44,351
Barbara's intermittent rocking
technique totally helped.
101
00:03:44,352 --> 00:03:45,769
I can't wait to tell everyone
at our parent group.
102
00:03:45,770 --> 00:03:47,271
Mom group.
103
00:03:47,272 --> 00:03:48,814
As Erica wanted to get rid of Geoff,
104
00:03:48,815 --> 00:03:51,775
my mom was about to take in
some real drama at school.
105
00:03:51,776 --> 00:03:53,235
I bring news.
106
00:03:53,236 --> 00:03:55,445
Ms. Cinoman is taking a leave of absence
107
00:03:55,446 --> 00:03:58,115
to produce her one-woman show,
108
00:03:58,116 --> 00:04:01,201
"Loneliness: A Love Story With Myself."
109
00:04:01,202 --> 00:04:02,411
I read an early draft.
110
00:04:02,412 --> 00:04:03,829
One of the characters was wine.
111
00:04:03,830 --> 00:04:05,289
She's a giant mess.
112
00:04:05,290 --> 00:04:08,250
But the immediate issue
is the Winter Gourd Fest.
113
00:04:08,251 --> 00:04:10,252
These Quakers will
really celebrate anything.
114
00:04:10,253 --> 00:04:13,672
We have no one to direct
our musical program.
115
00:04:13,673 --> 00:04:16,133
I have the perfect solution.
116
00:04:16,134 --> 00:04:19,428
Uh, my son is in a creative rut,
but it's been well-documented
117
00:04:19,429 --> 00:04:21,847
that he's a genius
in all things entertainment.
118
00:04:21,848 --> 00:04:24,433
Not so fast.
My production of "Oklahoma!"
119
00:04:24,434 --> 00:04:27,436
inspired the school's newspaper
cleverly worded review
120
00:04:27,437 --> 00:04:29,730
"OK is Okay."
121
00:04:29,731 --> 00:04:30,981
Well, the choice is clear.
122
00:04:30,982 --> 00:04:33,650
It's Adam,
and nobody else wants the job.
123
00:04:33,651 --> 00:04:35,235
I can do it. I spent four years studying
124
00:04:35,236 --> 00:04:37,446
at the Royal Academy
of Dramatic Art in London.
125
00:04:37,447 --> 00:04:38,697
Adam accepts.
126
00:04:38,698 --> 00:04:41,950
And I absolutely adore gourds.
127
00:04:41,951 --> 00:04:45,621
Plus, I minored in theater,
which is a major accomplishment.
128
00:04:45,622 --> 00:04:48,373
You are all way more qualified
than I imagined.
129
00:04:48,374 --> 00:04:51,043
Yeah, but it's gonna be
my Schmoo, or so help me,
130
00:04:51,044 --> 00:04:53,462
I will burn this school to ashes
with all of you in it.
131
00:04:53,463 --> 00:04:54,796
- I withdraw.
- Not worth it.
132
00:04:54,797 --> 00:04:56,215
I have no doubt she would do it.
133
00:04:56,216 --> 00:04:58,509
Ah! Yay! My boy earned his place,
134
00:04:58,510 --> 00:05:00,093
and all of you support him.
135
00:05:00,094 --> 00:05:02,930
And just like that,
I was back at William Penn.
136
00:05:02,931 --> 00:05:06,099
Only problem was it was under
very false pretenses.
137
00:05:06,100 --> 00:05:07,976
And here we are.
138
00:05:07,977 --> 00:05:09,269
I don't understand.
139
00:05:09,270 --> 00:05:11,647
Why would Alyssa Milano
want to meet me here?
140
00:05:11,648 --> 00:05:13,815
I lied. But congratulations!
141
00:05:13,816 --> 00:05:16,985
You're the new director
of Winter Gourd Fest.
142
00:05:16,986 --> 00:05:18,403
You may thank and kiss me now.
143
00:05:18,404 --> 00:05:20,072
Mom, I appreciate the thought,
144
00:05:20,073 --> 00:05:22,533
but I've always hated Winter Gourd Fest.
145
00:05:22,534 --> 00:05:25,202
It's by far my least favorite
of the four annual gourd shows.
146
00:05:25,203 --> 00:05:27,955
But here you can immerse
yourself in the dramatic arts
147
00:05:27,956 --> 00:05:30,249
without having to take orders
for cheese fries.
148
00:05:30,250 --> 00:05:31,583
I don't know.
149
00:05:31,584 --> 00:05:34,127
I have Tuesday and Thursday
afternoons off, I guess.
150
00:05:34,128 --> 00:05:36,171
He said yes. He said yes!
151
00:05:36,172 --> 00:05:39,007
Don't make it seem
like a marriage proposal.
152
00:05:39,008 --> 00:05:40,551
How many kids signed up to audition?
153
00:05:40,552 --> 00:05:42,135
Too many to count on one finger.
154
00:05:42,136 --> 00:05:44,429
Let's see what we're working with.
155
00:05:44,430 --> 00:05:46,390
Turns out, a pretty mixed bag.
156
00:05:46,391 --> 00:05:48,559
? I'm just a gourd ?
157
00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:50,852
? A lonely, lonely gourd ?
158
00:05:50,853 --> 00:05:55,148
? A butternut squash
who longs to be adored ?
159
00:05:55,149 --> 00:05:56,316
Thank you.
160
00:05:56,317 --> 00:05:59,111
I'm doing it.
The doctors were wrong about me.
161
00:05:59,112 --> 00:06:00,404
Thank you.
162
00:06:00,405 --> 00:06:03,490
? I take my scythe and I cut the wheat ?
163
00:06:03,491 --> 00:06:06,535
? And I bring it home,
and the wheat, I eat ?
164
00:06:06,536 --> 00:06:08,078
? And it tastes so sweet ?
165
00:06:08,079 --> 00:06:09,871
? And I think that's neat ?
166
00:06:09,872 --> 00:06:12,749
? That wheat would taste
so sweet to eat ?
167
00:06:12,750 --> 00:06:14,167
Thank you.
168
00:06:14,168 --> 00:06:15,794
While I had my work cut out for me,
169
00:06:15,795 --> 00:06:18,672
Barry was working on getting
Geoff back in the JTP.
170
00:06:18,673 --> 00:06:20,966
JTP reunited with Geoff.
171
00:06:20,967 --> 00:06:22,968
JTP reunited with Geoff!
172
00:06:22,969 --> 00:06:24,261
Hey, what's with the video tape?
173
00:06:24,262 --> 00:06:26,430
Oh, Muriel rolled over,
and I got it on film.
174
00:06:26,431 --> 00:06:28,307
Should we ask the bartender
to play it on that TV?
175
00:06:28,308 --> 00:06:31,602
I will! She said, "No."
176
00:06:31,603 --> 00:06:35,314
We are gathered here to support
the birth of Andy Cogan
177
00:06:35,315 --> 00:06:37,816
by watching his favorite sport,
ladies wrestling.
178
00:06:37,817 --> 00:06:40,611
Is this "GLOW," the "Gorgeous
Ladies of Wrestling" from TV?
179
00:06:40,612 --> 00:06:42,070
No, this is PLOW...
180
00:06:42,071 --> 00:06:43,864
The Pennsylvania Ladies of Wrestling.
181
00:06:43,865 --> 00:06:46,116
'Cause we're all gonna get
plowed tonight.
182
00:06:46,117 --> 00:06:48,201
Barkeep, a round of your
least-finest tequila.
183
00:06:48,202 --> 00:06:49,536
Drinky-drink!
184
00:06:49,537 --> 00:06:50,871
Uh, ma'am, pull back
one of those tequilas
185
00:06:50,872 --> 00:06:52,164
and set me up with a tall milk.
186
00:06:52,165 --> 00:06:54,541
Milk? But how will you make
bad decisions
187
00:06:54,542 --> 00:06:55,959
and say things you regret?
188
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:57,878
- What if Erica calls with a baby emergency?
- Like what?
189
00:06:57,879 --> 00:07:00,464
Like she says her first word,
but it's a full sentence,
190
00:07:00,465 --> 00:07:02,507
and it's complicated and disturbing,
191
00:07:02,508 --> 00:07:05,052
like, "Why does God
allow pain to exist?"
192
00:07:05,053 --> 00:07:06,678
Maybe the answer is in this shot glass.
193
00:07:06,679 --> 00:07:08,638
Put 'em back, boys and dairy lovers.
194
00:07:08,639 --> 00:07:10,307
Hey, want to buy us a drink?
195
00:07:10,308 --> 00:07:11,558
Uh, hell yeah.
196
00:07:11,559 --> 00:07:12,851
Uh, ladies, this is Andy.
197
00:07:12,852 --> 00:07:14,394
- It's his birthday.
- Yeah, it is.
198
00:07:14,395 --> 00:07:16,271
And he likes strange women
walking up to him.
199
00:07:16,272 --> 00:07:17,522
Yeah, I do.
200
00:07:17,523 --> 00:07:19,024
And he's currently very single.
201
00:07:19,025 --> 00:07:20,400
- Yeah, I am.
- Not me, though.
202
00:07:20,401 --> 00:07:21,526
I got a wife and kid at home.
203
00:07:21,527 --> 00:07:23,195
You want to see a photo
of my little one?
204
00:07:23,196 --> 00:07:25,030
Be warned, you will "aww" from cuteness.
205
00:07:26,573 --> 00:07:27,657
Eh, it's probably for the best.
206
00:07:27,658 --> 00:07:29,534
Those ladies seemed a tad eager.
207
00:07:29,535 --> 00:07:30,577
Yeah, we hate that.
208
00:07:30,578 --> 00:07:32,954
- So much.
- It's my birthday, dude.
209
00:07:32,955 --> 00:07:37,167
And now, ladies and mostly gentlemen,
210
00:07:37,168 --> 00:07:38,752
prepare to get PLOW-ed!
211
00:07:38,753 --> 00:07:40,337
Yes! It's starting!
212
00:07:40,338 --> 00:07:44,383
First up, Gemstone
vs. Sandra Day O'Slaughter!
213
00:07:44,384 --> 00:07:47,260
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Okay, Gemstone is my favorite.
214
00:07:47,261 --> 00:07:49,429
I once saw her crush
a watermelon with her thighs.
215
00:07:49,430 --> 00:07:51,264
Best picnic ever!
216
00:07:51,265 --> 00:07:53,058
It's exciting because women
usually work it out by talking.
217
00:07:54,935 --> 00:07:56,686
- Go, Sandra!
- Go, Gemstone!
218
00:07:56,687 --> 00:08:01,024
Go, both of you! Everybody wins!
219
00:08:01,025 --> 00:08:03,193
Yeah, I think I'm just gonna take off.
220
00:08:03,194 --> 00:08:06,154
Guys?
221
00:08:06,155 --> 00:08:07,280
Alright, see ya.
222
00:08:08,532 --> 00:08:10,033
As Geoff was out for the count,
223
00:08:10,034 --> 00:08:12,035
I was finishing up my own number.
224
00:08:12,036 --> 00:08:15,414
? We're gonna get coconuts ?
225
00:08:15,415 --> 00:08:16,873
I heard several full conversations
226
00:08:16,874 --> 00:08:19,167
throughout my performance,
so thanks for that.
227
00:08:19,168 --> 00:08:20,377
Yeah, we gotta talk.
228
00:08:20,378 --> 00:08:21,670
You've been recast.
229
00:08:21,671 --> 00:08:22,796
Here's your new scene partner.
230
00:08:22,797 --> 00:08:24,381
You mean a dance number with a mop,
231
00:08:24,382 --> 00:08:25,715
like Fred Astaire with a hat rack?
232
00:08:25,716 --> 00:08:27,050
No, you're the new janitor.
233
00:08:27,051 --> 00:08:28,969
- Now moppy-mop.
- Wait, what?
234
00:08:28,970 --> 00:08:31,596
Dude, some people just aren't
meant to be entertainers.
235
00:08:31,597 --> 00:08:33,014
Like, specifically you.
236
00:08:33,015 --> 00:08:34,433
But that's my whole thing.
237
00:08:34,434 --> 00:08:36,393
I'm a triple threat.
I act, I write, I direct.
238
00:08:36,394 --> 00:08:38,854
You're still a triple threat.
Mop, rinse, bucket.
239
00:08:38,855 --> 00:08:41,815
Watch out, dirt.
240
00:08:41,816 --> 00:08:43,859
There's my prince of gourds.
241
00:08:43,860 --> 00:08:45,861
Here's the thing... I ain't doing that.
242
00:08:45,862 --> 00:08:48,363
Directing a musical tribute
to pumpkins and squash
243
00:08:48,364 --> 00:08:51,616
- is an opportunity of a lifetime.
- Is it?
244
00:08:51,617 --> 00:08:53,118
Is it?
245
00:08:53,119 --> 00:08:54,703
I'm actually asking the question
because I don't know
246
00:08:54,704 --> 00:08:56,079
what anything means anymore.
247
00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:59,124
Fine. Who says
that the Winter Gourd Fest
248
00:08:59,125 --> 00:09:01,042
has to be about gourds?
249
00:09:01,043 --> 00:09:02,085
I think everybody.
250
00:09:02,086 --> 00:09:03,378
Nonsense.
251
00:09:03,379 --> 00:09:05,839
Cold-weather vegetables
are merely a suggestion.
252
00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:07,299
Really? So I can do anything?
253
00:09:07,300 --> 00:09:11,011
Since you seem slightly sad,
I will say yes for now
254
00:09:11,012 --> 00:09:12,763
and then deal with the certain fallout.
255
00:09:12,764 --> 00:09:15,348
Oh, Mama, you did it again! Yes!
256
00:09:15,349 --> 00:09:17,851
And whatever you come up with
will surely celebrate
257
00:09:17,852 --> 00:09:20,312
the most perfect person in your life.
258
00:09:20,313 --> 00:09:22,189
I'll humor you with a maybe.
259
00:09:22,190 --> 00:09:23,732
To my new burly computer.
260
00:09:23,733 --> 00:09:25,817
With that, I got to work on an idea
261
00:09:25,818 --> 00:09:28,487
that had been rattling around
in my head forever.
262
00:09:28,488 --> 00:09:30,989
I stayed up all night and wrote
what future generations
263
00:09:30,990 --> 00:09:34,117
will hail as a masterpiece.
264
00:09:34,118 --> 00:09:37,454
I present to you
"Blade Runner: The Musical"!
265
00:09:37,455 --> 00:09:38,830
Any questions?
266
00:09:38,831 --> 00:09:40,874
There were more than a few.
267
00:09:40,875 --> 00:09:42,626
Adam F. Goldberg is back, baby!
268
00:09:44,795 --> 00:09:48,006
Geoff's night out with the JTP
hadn't exactly gone as planned.
269
00:09:48,007 --> 00:09:49,341
Hey, hon.
270
00:09:49,342 --> 00:09:50,926
How was being with your best buds?
271
00:09:50,927 --> 00:09:51,968
Much better than sitting around
272
00:09:51,969 --> 00:09:53,261
with a bunch of moms, am I right?
273
00:09:53,262 --> 00:09:54,387
It was terrible.
274
00:09:54,388 --> 00:09:55,847
We're completely different people now.
275
00:09:55,848 --> 00:09:57,849
Like, different in a way
you still want to hang out
276
00:09:57,850 --> 00:09:59,476
on Saturday evenings at 5:00 p. m.?
277
00:09:59,477 --> 00:10:01,144
They're so immature.
278
00:10:01,145 --> 00:10:02,562
They wanted to watch ladies wrestle,
279
00:10:02,563 --> 00:10:04,064
possibly in mud.
280
00:10:04,065 --> 00:10:06,107
Sweetie, I don't mind
if you watch ladies wrestling
281
00:10:06,108 --> 00:10:07,359
every Saturday night.
282
00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:09,653
- You can even wrestle with them.
- Anyway, how was the parent group?
283
00:10:09,654 --> 00:10:11,571
It was better than usual.
284
00:10:11,572 --> 00:10:14,449
Lots of estrogen,
everyone felt comfortable.
285
00:10:14,450 --> 00:10:16,243
Ah, we're so lucky to have them.
286
00:10:16,244 --> 00:10:17,911
With that, it was time for Erica
287
00:10:17,912 --> 00:10:19,329
to tell her husband the truth.
288
00:10:19,330 --> 00:10:21,206
Or go find Barry and make him do it.
289
00:10:21,207 --> 00:10:22,666
What the hell, dude?
290
00:10:22,667 --> 00:10:25,210
You were supposed to yank Geoff
back into the JTP.
291
00:10:25,211 --> 00:10:27,045
Dadhood has ruined him.
292
00:10:27,046 --> 00:10:28,880
He used to just be an anxious buzzkill.
293
00:10:28,881 --> 00:10:30,173
Now he's a full-blown party pooper.
294
00:10:30,174 --> 00:10:32,008
Maybe you guys are the poopers.
295
00:10:32,009 --> 00:10:33,635
And stop worrying about Geoff
and grow up.
296
00:10:33,636 --> 00:10:35,554
I am fully grown.
297
00:10:35,555 --> 00:10:37,264
Mom's friend said so.
298
00:10:37,265 --> 00:10:39,182
Look, Geoff's a dad now.
299
00:10:39,183 --> 00:10:40,934
And maybe someday God will have
a sense of humor
300
00:10:40,935 --> 00:10:42,185
and make you one, as well.
301
00:10:42,186 --> 00:10:43,812
So why not learn about
where he's coming from
302
00:10:43,813 --> 00:10:45,313
before you kick him to the curb?
303
00:10:45,314 --> 00:10:46,439
You're right.
304
00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:48,692
He's more than a dork
married to a shrew.
305
00:10:48,693 --> 00:10:50,902
He's also a lame dad.
306
00:10:50,903 --> 00:10:52,112
I've got some thinking to do.
307
00:10:52,113 --> 00:10:54,281
While Barry considered growing up,
308
00:10:54,282 --> 00:10:56,074
my production
of "Blade Runner: The Musical"
309
00:10:56,075 --> 00:10:57,367
was coming to life.
310
00:10:57,368 --> 00:10:59,661
I'm inviting you all to take
a journey with me,
311
00:10:59,662 --> 00:11:02,289
and I appreciate your complete trust.
312
00:11:02,290 --> 00:11:04,499
I'm only here because my mom
can't pick me up until 4:00.
313
00:11:04,500 --> 00:11:07,586
Yes, the stage summons us all
for different reasons.
314
00:11:07,587 --> 00:11:09,087
Should we be doing an R-rated movie
315
00:11:09,088 --> 00:11:10,714
that we're not legally allowed to see?
316
00:11:10,715 --> 00:11:12,173
Anyone with a good question?
317
00:11:12,174 --> 00:11:13,383
Yeah, it says here
318
00:11:13,384 --> 00:11:15,510
I'm supposed to be
crushing this dude's skull.
319
00:11:15,511 --> 00:11:16,761
- Why?
- Simple.
320
00:11:16,762 --> 00:11:18,305
Your creator can't stop
321
00:11:18,306 --> 00:11:20,765
the ticking clock
of your robot life expiring
322
00:11:20,766 --> 00:11:23,476
because the code embedded
in your DNA is irreversible.
323
00:11:23,477 --> 00:11:25,020
- Got it?
- Okay, and why?
324
00:11:25,021 --> 00:11:26,354
Let's take it from the top.
325
00:11:26,355 --> 00:11:28,189
Deckard, am I a replicant?
326
00:11:28,190 --> 00:11:30,150
Some say you're a repli-can't.
327
00:11:30,151 --> 00:11:32,444
But I say you're a repli-can!
328
00:11:32,445 --> 00:11:35,113
? She's a robot, I'm enchanted ?
329
00:11:35,114 --> 00:11:37,282
? My memories have been implanted ?
330
00:11:37,283 --> 00:11:41,077
? And I have a short lifespan ?
331
00:11:41,078 --> 00:11:45,373
? So enjoy life if you can ?
332
00:11:45,374 --> 00:11:47,667
? Yes, you repli-can ?
333
00:11:47,668 --> 00:11:49,210
? Yes, you repli-can ?
334
00:11:49,211 --> 00:11:51,004
? Don't say you repli-can't ?
335
00:11:51,005 --> 00:11:52,756
? You repli-can ?
336
00:11:52,757 --> 00:11:55,342
Stop! Tara, that was too human.
337
00:11:55,343 --> 00:11:57,093
Yeah, I felt that, too.
338
00:11:57,094 --> 00:11:58,637
Also, what's a replicant?
339
00:11:58,638 --> 00:12:00,305
Take five, guys.
340
00:12:00,306 --> 00:12:02,182
There's my Andrew Lloyd Treasure.
341
00:12:02,183 --> 00:12:04,559
Flowers typically are given
after we open.
342
00:12:04,560 --> 00:12:08,355
Oh, I don't need an occasion
to throw roses to my maestro.
343
00:12:08,356 --> 00:12:10,815
Next stop, Broadway.
344
00:12:10,816 --> 00:12:13,735
Next, next stop, the Tony Awards.
345
00:12:13,736 --> 00:12:15,403
And then I corner Streisand
and force her
346
00:12:15,404 --> 00:12:17,322
to be best friends,
and then we swap clothes,
347
00:12:17,323 --> 00:12:19,616
and she gets all jealous
because I wore them better.
348
00:12:19,617 --> 00:12:20,992
Probably none of that,
349
00:12:20,993 --> 00:12:22,661
but thanks for believing in me, Mama.
350
00:12:22,662 --> 00:12:26,498
Aww, it's what a good mama does.
351
00:12:26,499 --> 00:12:29,668
Pulls her baby back
from the dinner-theater abyss
352
00:12:29,669 --> 00:12:31,086
and lets him shine again
353
00:12:31,087 --> 00:12:33,046
in front of a room full of children.
354
00:12:33,047 --> 00:12:35,882
Ignoring the specifics,
I really think this might be
355
00:12:35,883 --> 00:12:37,384
the greatest thing I've ever made.
356
00:12:37,385 --> 00:12:39,886
Well, you're the greatest thing
I've ever made,
357
00:12:39,887 --> 00:12:42,305
right here, in my Adam factory.
358
00:12:42,306 --> 00:12:44,140
While I was feeling on top of the world,
359
00:12:44,141 --> 00:12:46,101
Barry was trying to get to the bottom
360
00:12:46,102 --> 00:12:47,811
of what was going on with Geoff.
361
00:12:47,812 --> 00:12:51,564
My sister has challenged us
to become more like Geoff.
362
00:12:51,565 --> 00:12:52,565
Kind and inquisitive?
363
00:12:52,566 --> 00:12:53,775
Obsessively law-abiding?
364
00:12:53,776 --> 00:12:55,527
Afraid to be on a balcony?
365
00:12:55,528 --> 00:12:58,196
I'm talking about knowing
what it's like to have a baby.
366
00:12:58,197 --> 00:13:00,532
No, not your birds-and-bees
speech again.
367
00:13:00,533 --> 00:13:02,283
It's uncomfortable,
and it's mostly wrong.
368
00:13:02,284 --> 00:13:04,160
How are we supposed
to instantly understand
369
00:13:04,161 --> 00:13:05,286
what it's like to be a father?
370
00:13:05,287 --> 00:13:07,497
With the help of the cinematic romp
371
00:13:07,498 --> 00:13:08,999
"Three Men and a Baby."
372
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,959
It was the classic '80s comedy
373
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:12,585
starring three clueless bachelors
374
00:13:12,586 --> 00:13:14,504
figuring out how to take care of a baby,
375
00:13:14,505 --> 00:13:17,590
and the JTP studied hard,
learning the art of diapering,
376
00:13:17,591 --> 00:13:19,634
powdering, and singing babies to sleep.
377
00:13:19,635 --> 00:13:21,344
Then it was time to try it themselves.
378
00:13:21,345 --> 00:13:22,929
This is boring.
379
00:13:22,930 --> 00:13:24,806
How are we supposed to practice
being dads if she's asleep?
380
00:13:24,807 --> 00:13:26,725
I mean, we could wake her up.
381
00:13:26,726 --> 00:13:30,186
Erica gave us very specific
babysitting details.
382
00:13:30,187 --> 00:13:31,688
Which I left downstairs.
383
00:13:31,689 --> 00:13:33,273
Now, let's wake this baby.
384
00:13:33,274 --> 00:13:35,734
And so the JTP applied everything
385
00:13:35,735 --> 00:13:37,110
they remembered from the movie,
386
00:13:37,111 --> 00:13:39,279
which was, unfortunately, not much.
387
00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:40,780
They forgot how to put on a diaper,
388
00:13:40,781 --> 00:13:43,324
then they got into
a powder fight... a long one.
389
00:13:43,325 --> 00:13:45,910
But eventually,
they did remember one thing.
390
00:13:45,911 --> 00:13:47,704
? Goodnight, sweetheart ?
391
00:13:47,705 --> 00:13:50,749
? Well, it's time to go ?
392
00:13:50,750 --> 00:13:52,459
? Ba-dum, ba-dum ?
393
00:13:52,460 --> 00:13:57,672
? I hate to leave you,
but I really must say ?
394
00:13:57,673 --> 00:14:02,469
? Goodnight, sweetheart, goodnight ?
395
00:14:02,470 --> 00:14:04,596
Crazy as it was, it worked.
396
00:14:04,597 --> 00:14:06,598
And they couldn't wait to tell Geoff.
397
00:14:06,599 --> 00:14:08,099
JTP? What are you doing here?
398
00:14:08,100 --> 00:14:09,809
Surprise!
399
00:14:09,810 --> 00:14:11,811
We "Three Men and a Baby" -ed
your daughter!
400
00:14:11,812 --> 00:14:12,896
But with four men.
401
00:14:12,897 --> 00:14:14,522
At one point, it was five men
402
00:14:14,523 --> 00:14:16,024
'cause the pizza delivery guy
used your bathroom.
403
00:14:16,025 --> 00:14:17,692
Erica, I thought you said
you got a babysitter?
404
00:14:17,693 --> 00:14:19,194
I did. The JTP.
405
00:14:19,195 --> 00:14:20,570
So they could see
what you're going through.
406
00:14:20,571 --> 00:14:21,571
And we definitely did!
407
00:14:21,572 --> 00:14:22,989
We woke up Muriel
408
00:14:22,990 --> 00:14:24,365
just to see what parents
have to deal with.
409
00:14:24,366 --> 00:14:25,408
You woke her up?!
410
00:14:25,409 --> 00:14:26,910
To feed her, bro.
411
00:14:26,911 --> 00:14:29,370
For future reference, she is not
a fan of black forest cake.
412
00:14:29,371 --> 00:14:30,413
What are you talking about?
413
00:14:30,414 --> 00:14:31,498
It's a rich chocolate sponge cake
414
00:14:31,499 --> 00:14:32,582
with cream and cherry filling.
415
00:14:32,583 --> 00:14:34,042
I know what a black forest cake is!
416
00:14:34,043 --> 00:14:36,127
But that's not meant
for a newborn, you dopes!
417
00:14:36,128 --> 00:14:39,255
Whoa! We were just learning to be dads,
418
00:14:39,256 --> 00:14:41,633
like Steve Guttenberg,
Ted Danson, and Magnum, P.I.
419
00:14:41,634 --> 00:14:42,967
And now we totally get
420
00:14:42,968 --> 00:14:44,636
everything you were boring us with.
421
00:14:44,637 --> 00:14:45,762
We're the same as you, Geoff.
422
00:14:45,763 --> 00:14:47,180
No, you're not!
423
00:14:47,181 --> 00:14:49,015
I'm worried about Muriel every second...
424
00:14:49,016 --> 00:14:50,141
for good reason, apparently...
425
00:14:50,142 --> 00:14:51,976
while you guys don't have
a care in the world!
426
00:14:51,977 --> 00:14:54,813
Wait. You think we don't
worry about stuff?
427
00:14:54,814 --> 00:14:57,774
After four years, I'm still
folding red jeans at the Gap.
428
00:14:57,775 --> 00:14:59,317
I was there when
the mannequins had heads.
429
00:14:59,318 --> 00:15:00,777
I've seen it all.
430
00:15:00,778 --> 00:15:03,822
I just turned 22 and I haven't
had a relationship besides
431
00:15:03,823 --> 00:15:05,073
the will-they-won't-they tension
432
00:15:05,074 --> 00:15:07,450
I have with my grandma's
in-home healthcare worker.
433
00:15:07,451 --> 00:15:09,869
And being naked is not as easy
as it used to be.
434
00:15:09,870 --> 00:15:11,454
I have a court date.
435
00:15:11,455 --> 00:15:13,122
I'm not totally sure I'm allowed
to be with your baby.
436
00:15:13,123 --> 00:15:15,291
I feel like that's something you
should've mentioned earlier.
437
00:15:15,292 --> 00:15:17,710
Well, none of you
are babysitting ever again.
438
00:15:17,711 --> 00:15:18,753
And, to be honest, I don't really
439
00:15:18,778 --> 00:15:20,296
want to hang out with you, either.
440
00:15:20,297 --> 00:15:22,882
While things were cooling off
with Geoff and the JTP,
441
00:15:22,883 --> 00:15:24,425
the drama with
"Blade Runner: The Musical"
442
00:15:24,426 --> 00:15:25,552
was just heating up.
443
00:15:25,553 --> 00:15:27,136
We have a major problem.
444
00:15:27,137 --> 00:15:29,222
Adam's musical is causing an uproar.
445
00:15:29,223 --> 00:15:30,515
Everybody's talking about it,
446
00:15:30,516 --> 00:15:32,684
especially since I took out
that full-page ad
447
00:15:32,685 --> 00:15:34,185
in the Jenkintown Gazette.
448
00:15:34,186 --> 00:15:36,646
I read that, and I seriously doubt
449
00:15:36,647 --> 00:15:40,275
that Rex Reed said, "Look out!
Broadway has another Schmoo!"
450
00:15:40,276 --> 00:15:42,110
Plus, he's already burned through
451
00:15:42,111 --> 00:15:44,863
the entire theater budget for the year.
452
00:15:44,864 --> 00:15:46,906
I'm canceling the senior trip
to Maryland.
453
00:15:46,907 --> 00:15:47,949
Oh, hell no!
454
00:15:47,950 --> 00:15:49,325
Mama needs her crab cakes.
455
00:15:49,326 --> 00:15:51,119
And the parents are in a real tizzy.
456
00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:52,912
One's asking, "Why does our daughter
457
00:15:52,913 --> 00:15:54,372
have to run through
a plate glass window?"
458
00:15:54,373 --> 00:15:56,499
That's just breakaway glass.
459
00:15:56,500 --> 00:15:59,586
We practiced with Barry at home,
and he was mostly fine.
460
00:15:59,587 --> 00:16:03,339
The Winter Gourd Fest is back on
and Adam's getting replaced.
461
00:16:03,340 --> 00:16:05,717
Yes! It's Glascott-o-clock!
462
00:16:05,718 --> 00:16:06,759
Andrea, you're up.
463
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:08,511
On deck and ready to go.
464
00:16:08,512 --> 00:16:11,431
- Welp, I'm off to fire him.
- No!
465
00:16:11,432 --> 00:16:13,391
Damn it! I'll do it.
466
00:16:13,392 --> 00:16:15,977
It'll soften the blow
coming from his mama.
467
00:16:15,978 --> 00:16:18,104
There's my indestructible Schmoo
468
00:16:18,105 --> 00:16:20,982
who accepts life's triumphs and defeats
469
00:16:20,983 --> 00:16:22,025
with the same amount of grace.
470
00:16:22,026 --> 00:16:24,068
Which scarf says
brilliant director more,
471
00:16:24,069 --> 00:16:25,653
cream or off-cream?
472
00:16:25,654 --> 00:16:27,280
The choice is too hard. You should quit.
473
00:16:27,281 --> 00:16:29,198
What? I just need to pick.
474
00:16:29,199 --> 00:16:32,285
Oh, no. The pressure they put on
you to make these decisions...
475
00:16:32,286 --> 00:16:33,411
No. No.
476
00:16:33,412 --> 00:16:34,913
- You should quit.
- Never!
477
00:16:34,914 --> 00:16:36,748
This is gonna be my magnum opus.
478
00:16:36,749 --> 00:16:38,791
That the world isn't ready for.
479
00:16:38,792 --> 00:16:40,835
Better to quit now
and just save it for later.
480
00:16:40,836 --> 00:16:42,337
What's all this quitting talk?
481
00:16:42,338 --> 00:16:44,881
Oh, boy. Um, how do I say this?
482
00:16:44,882 --> 00:16:48,843
Um, Adam, you... You're f...
483
00:16:48,844 --> 00:16:51,137
Adam, you're fired.
484
00:16:51,138 --> 00:16:53,056
Principal Ball is
shutting down the show.
485
00:16:53,057 --> 00:16:54,057
I've failed as a mother.
486
00:16:54,058 --> 00:16:55,475
I enabled you with too much praise,
487
00:16:55,476 --> 00:16:56,559
and you took it too far.
488
00:16:56,560 --> 00:17:00,647
- I'm sorry.
- Okay.
489
00:17:00,648 --> 00:17:03,107
First I was demoted to janitor.
490
00:17:03,108 --> 00:17:06,194
Now I'm being fired from
something I actually care about.
491
00:17:07,987 --> 00:17:09,864
Maybe I'm really not supposed
to do this anymore.
492
00:17:16,663 --> 00:17:18,665
They say, "The show must go on."
493
00:17:18,666 --> 00:17:20,833
And it did. Just without me.
494
00:17:20,834 --> 00:17:23,127
Horror of horrors! What are you doing?
495
00:17:23,128 --> 00:17:24,462
Accepting my fate.
496
00:17:24,463 --> 00:17:26,214
I'm just a mop jockey now.
497
00:17:26,215 --> 00:17:28,299
God. Well, thanks to
the middle-class bubble
498
00:17:28,300 --> 00:17:31,010
I raised you in,
you know nothing of mopping.
499
00:17:31,011 --> 00:17:33,221
With the water and the soap
and that rinse-y thing,
500
00:17:33,222 --> 00:17:35,473
I'm sure I'll figure it out
after a few weeks.
501
00:17:35,474 --> 00:17:37,642
Major school emergency.
502
00:17:37,643 --> 00:17:40,728
The children refuse to musically
honor the mighty gourd.
503
00:17:40,729 --> 00:17:42,605
John, what are you saying?
504
00:17:42,606 --> 00:17:46,025
I'm saying that Adam inspired
them with his adult robot tale,
505
00:17:46,026 --> 00:17:49,320
- and they won't perform anything else.
- Really?
506
00:17:49,321 --> 00:17:50,571
You need to get down there
and put on a show.
507
00:17:50,572 --> 00:17:53,950
- Uh... I don't know.
- I do.
508
00:17:53,951 --> 00:17:55,702
Adam, you're re-hired.
509
00:17:55,703 --> 00:17:57,495
And so, thanks to my mom,
510
00:17:57,496 --> 00:17:59,747
I made it just in time
to see a packed theater
511
00:17:59,748 --> 00:18:01,833
and a stage full of actors
singing the songs
512
00:18:01,834 --> 00:18:03,084
I worked so hard on.
513
00:18:03,085 --> 00:18:05,712
? I'm a blade runner ?
514
00:18:05,713 --> 00:18:08,131
? I'm a blade runner ?
515
00:18:08,132 --> 00:18:10,842
? I'm running on a blade ?
516
00:18:10,843 --> 00:18:13,594
And they actually sounded pretty great.
517
00:18:13,595 --> 00:18:15,763
Maybe the spark I was missing
was there all along.
518
00:18:15,764 --> 00:18:18,182
? I'm a Nexus-6 named Pris ?
519
00:18:18,183 --> 00:18:22,270
? I can do tricks just like this ?
520
00:18:22,271 --> 00:18:24,897
? Blade runner ?
521
00:18:24,898 --> 00:18:30,236
? Bl-Bl-Bl-Bl-Blaaaaade runner ?
522
00:18:32,447 --> 00:18:34,073
Thanks, Mama.
523
00:18:34,074 --> 00:18:36,492
For everything.
524
00:18:36,493 --> 00:18:41,497
You just needed a little
reminder of how great you are.
525
00:18:41,498 --> 00:18:44,709
Yep, watching those kids
bring my musical to life
526
00:18:44,710 --> 00:18:48,004
made me realize I would never
give up on my dreams again.
527
00:18:48,005 --> 00:18:50,882
Meanwhile, Geoff was coming to
a realization of his own.
528
00:18:50,883 --> 00:18:52,717
Alright, we have a few minutes,
529
00:18:52,718 --> 00:18:56,012
if anyone else has anything
that they want to share?
530
00:18:56,013 --> 00:18:59,474
Geoff, you've been
weirdly here and quiet.
531
00:18:59,475 --> 00:19:01,434
Yeah, I...
532
00:19:01,435 --> 00:19:04,103
I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
533
00:19:04,104 --> 00:19:06,481
I know I'm not a mom
and I shouldn't be here.
534
00:19:06,482 --> 00:19:09,108
It's been really nice to
just be around other parents
535
00:19:09,109 --> 00:19:11,819
who are struggling
with the newness of it.
536
00:19:11,820 --> 00:19:14,364
You're really lucky to have each other.
537
00:19:14,365 --> 00:19:16,157
Honey, wait.
538
00:19:16,158 --> 00:19:18,576
You're right. You definitely
shouldn't be here.
539
00:19:18,577 --> 00:19:20,745
Oh, good. You made that super clear.
540
00:19:20,746 --> 00:19:22,163
You shouldn't be here because
541
00:19:22,164 --> 00:19:23,873
you have somewhere else
you need to be...
542
00:19:23,874 --> 00:19:26,042
with the JTP.
543
00:19:26,043 --> 00:19:27,502
Your friends love you so much
544
00:19:27,503 --> 00:19:29,212
that they tried to be dads for a night
545
00:19:29,213 --> 00:19:31,547
just so they could be
a part of your world.
546
00:19:31,548 --> 00:19:35,385
At great risk to our child, but still.
547
00:19:35,386 --> 00:19:36,677
Maybe you need to make an effort
548
00:19:36,678 --> 00:19:39,389
- to be a part of their world, too?
- I guess it's time
549
00:19:39,390 --> 00:19:41,182
for this dad to leave his mom group.
550
00:19:43,559 --> 00:19:45,770
Yeah, just because
your priorities change
551
00:19:45,771 --> 00:19:48,356
- doesn't mean you have to.
- Hey, fellas.
552
00:19:50,274 --> 00:19:55,113
- What's up?
- Look, I'm sorry.
553
00:19:55,114 --> 00:19:57,115
I've been so wrapped up in being a dad,
554
00:19:57,116 --> 00:19:59,450
I've lost track of
the other people in my life.
555
00:19:59,451 --> 00:20:01,661
It's okay. We... We understand.
556
00:20:01,662 --> 00:20:04,038
I mean, five minutes with her,
and it was like, whoa,
557
00:20:04,039 --> 00:20:05,832
babies might be difficult to deal with.
558
00:20:05,833 --> 00:20:08,751
We're proud of you for being a dad.
559
00:20:08,752 --> 00:20:12,755
More than anything, we just miss you.
560
00:20:12,756 --> 00:20:15,800
I can fix that. Deal me in.
561
00:20:15,801 --> 00:20:17,802
Because it's the people we're closest to
562
00:20:17,803 --> 00:20:21,889
who let us know we're not going
through life all alone.
563
00:20:29,147 --> 00:20:31,274
That's the thing about our dreams.
564
00:20:31,275 --> 00:20:33,818
With the support
of the people who love us,
565
00:20:33,819 --> 00:20:35,486
they can come true.
566
00:20:45,455 --> 00:20:47,331
- Shh. It's okay.
- Go to sleep, baby.
567
00:20:47,332 --> 00:20:50,126
I guess two men and a baby doesn't work.
568
00:20:50,127 --> 00:20:51,711
Um, excuse me.
569
00:20:51,712 --> 00:20:53,921
- Dr. Katman?
- Indeed.
570
00:20:53,922 --> 00:20:56,382
I was driving by and heard
your baby crying,
571
00:20:56,383 --> 00:20:57,758
so I thought I could help.
572
00:20:57,759 --> 00:20:59,260
Follow me.
573
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:21,199
Well, doesn't always work.
574
00:21:26,869 --> 00:21:30,869
- Synced and corrected by actumaxime -
- www.addic7ed.com -
43151
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