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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,177 --> 00:00:04,613 My dead father's baby mama 2 00:00:04,613 --> 00:00:06,310 just dropped off my kid brother and left. 3 00:00:06,310 --> 00:00:09,531 You just kind of hang around and... And smoke 4 00:00:09,531 --> 00:00:12,142 And... And talk loud. 5 00:00:12,142 --> 00:00:14,449 Yeah, all that. We call it fellowship. 6 00:00:14,449 --> 00:00:16,712 I've been thinking about you a lot. 7 00:00:16,712 --> 00:00:18,844 I... I've been thinking about you a lot too. 8 00:00:18,844 --> 00:00:20,890 ♪ ♪ 9 00:00:27,244 --> 00:00:28,550 Sourmilk? 10 00:00:30,421 --> 00:00:31,814 Mr. Sourmilk? 11 00:00:33,511 --> 00:00:35,122 Sourmilk.Yeah. 12 00:00:37,167 --> 00:00:39,126 Hi, I'm Colton. How can I help you? 13 00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:41,650 You just called my name, except it's Sam Loudermilk. 14 00:00:41,650 --> 00:00:43,086 Oh, I'm sorry, 15 00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:45,219 this appointment is for Mr. Sourmilk. 16 00:00:45,219 --> 00:00:46,568 No, no, no, I put...Sourmilk? 17 00:00:46,568 --> 00:00:48,004 That's me. 18 00:00:48,004 --> 00:00:49,962 It just autocorrects to "Sourmilk." 19 00:00:49,962 --> 00:00:51,921 Well, I'm sorry, 20 00:00:51,921 --> 00:00:54,271 but the screen says Mr. Sourmilk. 21 00:00:54,271 --> 00:00:55,925 I'm happy to make you another appointment, though. 22 00:00:55,925 --> 00:00:57,057 What did you say your name was? 23 00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,841 Sam Loudermilk. 24 00:00:58,841 --> 00:01:00,756 Mm-kay. 25 00:01:00,756 --> 00:01:02,410 Oh, if you could just take a seat 26 00:01:02,410 --> 00:01:03,715 just for a second. Thank you. 27 00:01:13,464 --> 00:01:15,510 Sam Loudermilk?God damn it. 28 00:01:19,644 --> 00:01:20,906 I'm Colton. How can I help you? 29 00:01:20,906 --> 00:01:22,169 Yeah, we... We've met. 30 00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:24,171 I... Look, I need to get a new phone. 31 00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:26,825 A baby peed on it, and it doesn't work. 32 00:01:26,825 --> 00:01:28,349 What's your ID and password? 33 00:01:29,785 --> 00:01:31,308 I have no idea. 34 00:01:31,308 --> 00:01:33,354 You mean the password I use to get into the phone? 35 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,314 No, no, that's your passcode. 36 00:01:37,314 --> 00:01:39,316 Your ID will have the same alphanumeric password 37 00:01:39,316 --> 00:01:40,926 you use to log in to the sky cloud. 38 00:01:40,926 --> 00:01:44,016 Oh, the sky cloud account. Why didn't you say that? 39 00:01:44,016 --> 00:01:45,453 No, I don't know what that is. 40 00:01:45,453 --> 00:01:46,976 I'm just looking to get a new phone. 41 00:01:46,976 --> 00:01:50,066 Do we need that?Yes, we do. 42 00:01:50,066 --> 00:01:52,373 But not to worry. 43 00:01:52,373 --> 00:01:55,506 You can actually reset your user ID and password 44 00:01:55,506 --> 00:01:57,639 right from your mobile device. 45 00:01:57,639 --> 00:02:00,337 But my phone won't turn on. That's why I'm here. 46 00:02:00,337 --> 00:02:02,209 Can I just give you my license? 47 00:02:02,209 --> 00:02:04,733 Uh... No. 48 00:02:04,733 --> 00:02:06,952 Why don't we start with your phone number? 49 00:02:06,952 --> 00:02:09,085 Do you know that?Yes, I know that. 50 00:02:16,832 --> 00:02:18,877 All right, I found you. 51 00:02:18,877 --> 00:02:22,054 Okay, so what kind of device were you looking to get today? 52 00:02:22,054 --> 00:02:23,752 The new Z? The ZR? 53 00:02:23,752 --> 00:02:25,536 The Z9? 54 00:02:25,536 --> 00:02:27,669 We do have a couple of the new ZR9s, 55 00:02:27,669 --> 00:02:29,410 but we're sold out of Graphite Dream. 56 00:02:29,410 --> 00:02:32,064 Just give me whatever one is cheapest. 57 00:02:32,064 --> 00:02:33,457 That really depends on what you're looking 58 00:02:33,457 --> 00:02:34,980 to get out of your mobile device. 59 00:02:34,980 --> 00:02:37,374 Do you use a lot of social media and networking apps? 60 00:02:37,374 --> 00:02:39,333 Do you like to create and upload digital content? 61 00:02:39,333 --> 00:02:41,465 No, nothing like that. 62 00:02:41,465 --> 00:02:43,554 Okay, so... 63 00:02:43,554 --> 00:02:45,556 How do you use it? 64 00:02:45,556 --> 00:02:47,645 As a phone. Just get me a... 65 00:02:47,645 --> 00:02:49,647 Can I just stop you for one second? 66 00:02:49,647 --> 00:02:52,824 These are much more than phones, okay? 67 00:02:52,824 --> 00:02:55,175 Check this out. So you're texting your friend. 68 00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,829 "Hey, wanna meet for brunch?" 69 00:02:57,829 --> 00:02:59,527 I would never do that.I hear you. 70 00:02:59,527 --> 00:03:01,529 Pretty boring, right? 71 00:03:01,529 --> 00:03:05,533 Except check out what that would look like on the new ZR9. 72 00:03:07,056 --> 00:03:09,841 Are we brunching or what, fam? 73 00:03:09,841 --> 00:03:13,193 Okay, look, Colton? 74 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,499 Just get me a basic phone, okay? 75 00:03:15,499 --> 00:03:17,327 No apps, no features... 76 00:03:17,327 --> 00:03:19,460 Preferably no touch screen. 77 00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:22,376 Do... Do you have any where the numbers are still buttons? 78 00:03:22,376 --> 00:03:24,378 Like a flip phone?Yeah. 79 00:03:24,378 --> 00:03:26,771 Uh, I'm sorry, I think we're all out, 80 00:03:26,771 --> 00:03:29,339 but you're welcome to check back 15 years ago. 81 00:03:29,339 --> 00:03:30,688 The only phones 82 00:03:30,688 --> 00:03:32,734 with actual buttons nowadays 83 00:03:32,734 --> 00:03:34,649 are those burner phones you see at seedy convenience stores. 84 00:03:34,649 --> 00:03:36,781 They're the ones drug dealers use. 85 00:03:36,781 --> 00:03:40,394 Let's pretend for a second that I'm looking for a phone here in this store. 86 00:03:40,394 --> 00:03:41,917 Just give me your shittiest phone! 87 00:03:41,917 --> 00:03:43,701 I don't need apps! 88 00:03:43,701 --> 00:03:45,921 I don't need brunch with a talking horse! 89 00:03:45,921 --> 00:03:48,097 I just want a phone to make phone calls with. 90 00:03:48,097 --> 00:03:49,664 The phone you're describing 91 00:03:49,664 --> 00:03:51,579 wouldn't be able to receive internet, 92 00:03:51,579 --> 00:03:54,321 emergency broadcast warnings, AMBER alerts. 93 00:03:54,321 --> 00:03:55,887 It's just reckless. 94 00:03:55,887 --> 00:03:57,324 I'm sorry, I'm late for my appointment. 95 00:03:57,324 --> 00:03:58,760 Name?Rick Sourmilk. 96 00:04:01,023 --> 00:04:02,242 Fuck off. 97 00:04:06,898 --> 00:04:08,944 ♪ ♪ 98 00:04:14,341 --> 00:04:16,995 Even after winning that trial for Loudermilk, 99 00:04:16,995 --> 00:04:19,824 my phone hasn't been ringing. 100 00:04:19,824 --> 00:04:22,349 It's not the work I miss, it's the excitement. 101 00:04:22,349 --> 00:04:24,264 I'm an adrenaline junkie. 102 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:27,049 I've just been sitting home all day with nothing to do, 103 00:04:27,049 --> 00:04:29,181 and you know what they say about idle hands. 104 00:04:29,181 --> 00:04:31,314 They jerk off a lot? 105 00:04:31,314 --> 00:04:33,969 Uh, yeah, and they also stuff food in my mouth. 106 00:04:33,969 --> 00:04:35,971 I've gained two... Okay, ten pounds 107 00:04:35,971 --> 00:04:37,451 since Louise dumped me. 108 00:04:37,451 --> 00:04:39,235 Well, you can't just give up. 109 00:04:39,235 --> 00:04:41,585 You gotta get out there and find somebody new. 110 00:04:41,585 --> 00:04:44,327 Oh, yeah? How's that going for you, Loudermilk? 111 00:04:44,327 --> 00:04:46,024 We're not talking about me, Claire. 112 00:04:46,024 --> 00:04:48,070 I'm not the one going through a break-up. 113 00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:51,291 Oh, right, because a break-up follows a relationship 114 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:54,685 and you'd have to actually date in order to have one of those. 115 00:04:54,685 --> 00:04:56,208 I don't have time to date. 116 00:04:56,208 --> 00:04:57,601 All I do is mop floors 117 00:04:57,601 --> 00:04:59,777 so I can support these two bald assholes. 118 00:04:59,777 --> 00:05:02,867 Oh. Oh, I'm the problem. 119 00:05:02,867 --> 00:05:04,521 Okay, I'm sorry. 120 00:05:04,521 --> 00:05:06,001 I'm just over here living the dream 121 00:05:06,001 --> 00:05:07,655 cooking and cleaning and changing diapers 122 00:05:07,655 --> 00:05:09,047 while you're off working with the boys. 123 00:05:09,047 --> 00:05:10,440 What boys? 124 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,921 You... Your work buddies. You know. 125 00:05:12,921 --> 00:05:16,141 The closest thing I have to a work buddy is the homeless guy 126 00:05:16,141 --> 00:05:17,839 who takes his daily constitutional 127 00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:19,493 in front of the bank entrance every night. 128 00:05:19,493 --> 00:05:21,321 Well, at least you get to go out. 129 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,279 I can't even think of the last time I left the house. 130 00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:25,455 You know, when was the last time we had a nice dinner, just you and me? 131 00:05:25,455 --> 00:05:27,065 You mean a date? 132 00:05:29,372 --> 00:05:30,939 It's easy to be glib. 133 00:05:30,939 --> 00:05:32,462 Look, you know what? 134 00:05:32,462 --> 00:05:34,464 You're so bored, I got a crazy idea. 135 00:05:34,464 --> 00:05:35,770 Why don't you get a job? 136 00:05:35,770 --> 00:05:37,467 Okay, this... 137 00:05:38,468 --> 00:05:39,817 This isn't a job? 138 00:05:39,817 --> 00:05:42,298 You know what? How dare you. 139 00:05:42,298 --> 00:05:44,474 You know, at least it's inspired you to make music, Ben. 140 00:05:44,474 --> 00:05:46,084 What are you talking about? 141 00:05:46,084 --> 00:05:49,000 Wait, you haven't seen Ben's videos on Instagram? 142 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,350 No.They're really good. 143 00:05:54,745 --> 00:05:57,748 ♪ The lion and the penguin are best friends 144 00:05:57,748 --> 00:06:01,709 ♪ Side by side in the forest like bookends 145 00:06:01,709 --> 00:06:04,668 ♪ The penguin helps the lion comb his hair 146 00:06:04,668 --> 00:06:06,801 ♪ And the lion protects the penguin 147 00:06:06,801 --> 00:06:08,411 ♪ From the polar bear ♪ It's not a big deal. 148 00:06:08,411 --> 00:06:10,500 It's just, I... I make up some silly songs 149 00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:11,893 and I sing them to Clyde when he cries 150 00:06:11,893 --> 00:06:13,851 and it seems to soothe him. 151 00:06:13,851 --> 00:06:17,638 So I uploaded a few to help other mothers with their fussy babies. 152 00:06:17,638 --> 00:06:18,900 It's nothing, it's nothing. 153 00:06:18,900 --> 00:06:20,380 Aww. That's really sweet, Ben. 154 00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:23,252 Okay, so the lion, 155 00:06:23,252 --> 00:06:25,210 which is an apex predator, 156 00:06:25,210 --> 00:06:28,257 is sitting next to a penguin, a bird that he would eat, 157 00:06:28,257 --> 00:06:30,302 in the forest, where neither of them live. 158 00:06:30,302 --> 00:06:32,696 No, no, I'm pretty sure lions live in the forest. 159 00:06:32,696 --> 00:06:34,481 Lions live in the savannah. 160 00:06:34,481 --> 00:06:36,352 Okay, what about The Wizard of Oz? 161 00:06:36,352 --> 00:06:38,049 No, that's just to make it rhyme. 162 00:06:38,049 --> 00:06:39,355 Lions live in the savannah 163 00:06:39,355 --> 00:06:41,183 but they called it the king of the jungle. 164 00:06:41,183 --> 00:06:43,272 You can't sing about that 'cause nothing rhymes with "jungle." 165 00:06:43,272 --> 00:06:45,100 "Bungle."Yeah, exactly. 166 00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:47,232 Jethro Tull tried that. 167 00:06:47,232 --> 00:06:48,712 It didn't work out very well. 168 00:06:48,712 --> 00:06:49,800 Hey, what are you talking about? 169 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:51,454 I love that song.No. 170 00:06:51,454 --> 00:06:53,238 You see, this is why I didn't tell you, Sam. 171 00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:54,544 There's always... 172 00:06:54,544 --> 00:06:56,633 Oh, no. Look... Look what you did. 173 00:06:56,633 --> 00:06:59,288 You know, I don't like who you become around your friends. 174 00:06:59,288 --> 00:07:01,203 I'll be waiting outside. 175 00:07:01,203 --> 00:07:03,858 ♪ The penguin helps the lion comb his hair 176 00:07:03,858 --> 00:07:05,163 ♪ And the lion protects the penguin 177 00:07:05,163 --> 00:07:06,513 ♪ From the polar bear ♪ 178 00:07:06,513 --> 00:07:07,949 Oh, the polar bear is in the forest. 179 00:07:07,949 --> 00:07:10,299 You're fucking delusional.All right. 180 00:07:10,299 --> 00:07:11,735 Look, the polar ice caps are melting, 181 00:07:11,735 --> 00:07:13,781 forcing the polar bear down south. 182 00:07:13,781 --> 00:07:15,478 Climate change is happening, but, yeah, sure, 183 00:07:15,478 --> 00:07:16,827 I'm the delusional one. 184 00:07:19,787 --> 00:07:23,312 Sorry, everyone. It's hormones. 185 00:07:23,312 --> 00:07:26,358 ♪ Loudermilk's a jerk, Loudermilk's a jerk 186 00:07:26,358 --> 00:07:29,318 ♪ Gotta pack your tools before you go to work 187 00:07:29,318 --> 00:07:30,754 ♪ And when you get to work ♪ Hey. 188 00:07:32,234 --> 00:07:34,497 It's Ben, isn't it?Yeah. 189 00:07:34,497 --> 00:07:36,804 Uh, baby yoga. 190 00:07:36,804 --> 00:07:39,371 Thursday afternoons, right?That's it, I knew it. 191 00:07:39,371 --> 00:07:40,547 I'm Sarah...Hi. 192 00:07:40,547 --> 00:07:42,200 And this is Marcus.Oh. 193 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,768 Hello. 194 00:07:44,768 --> 00:07:46,204 I'm sorry, what's your son's name again? 195 00:07:46,204 --> 00:07:48,119 Clyde.Hi. 196 00:07:48,119 --> 00:07:51,383 But, uh, he's actually not my son. He's a rescue. 197 00:07:51,383 --> 00:07:53,255 Loudermilk's right, New Guy. 198 00:07:53,255 --> 00:07:54,604 You gotta move on. 199 00:07:54,604 --> 00:07:56,388 When I lost my job and Men's Wearhouse, 200 00:07:56,388 --> 00:07:59,043 all the extra time to myself, it was tough. 201 00:07:59,043 --> 00:08:00,349 I almost slipped up. 202 00:08:01,611 --> 00:08:04,527 But luckily, I got a new job. 203 00:08:04,527 --> 00:08:06,616 Finally, uh, back in the rhythm. 204 00:08:06,616 --> 00:08:08,183 I didn't know you got a new job. 205 00:08:08,183 --> 00:08:10,141 Yeah, work for Toto. 206 00:08:10,141 --> 00:08:11,969 Oh, they got back together? 207 00:08:11,969 --> 00:08:14,972 Nah, not the band, man. The washlet company. 208 00:08:14,972 --> 00:08:17,497 I'm a salesman.Oh, I've heard of those. 209 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,020 The toilets that shoot water up your butt, right? 210 00:08:19,020 --> 00:08:21,544 Mm-hmm.Get the hell out of here. 211 00:08:21,544 --> 00:08:23,851 Ooh, that's gotta be a hard sell. 212 00:08:23,851 --> 00:08:26,418 Are you kidding? That's the easiest sell in the world. 213 00:08:26,418 --> 00:08:28,856 Let me give you my pitch. 214 00:08:28,856 --> 00:08:32,207 Let's say that somehow you accidently got a little chip of shit on your arm. 215 00:08:32,207 --> 00:08:33,643 Would you just wipe it off with toilet paper 216 00:08:33,643 --> 00:08:35,036 and go about the rest of your day? 217 00:08:35,036 --> 00:08:36,994 Well, that depends on whose shit it was. 218 00:08:36,994 --> 00:08:38,909 Let's say that shit was your shit. 219 00:08:38,909 --> 00:08:41,912 Oh, in that case, I'd be boiling my arm in a crab pot. 220 00:08:41,912 --> 00:08:43,392 Exactly, right? 221 00:08:43,392 --> 00:08:44,654 You'd scrub that motherfucker clean. 222 00:08:44,654 --> 00:08:46,830 Yeah. 223 00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:49,746 So why do we think that wiping is the best way to clean our butts? 224 00:08:49,746 --> 00:08:52,009 I don't know. 225 00:08:52,009 --> 00:08:54,577 I don't know how anyone gets shit on their arm, but that's a good point. 226 00:08:54,577 --> 00:08:56,927 Every bathroom in Japan has a Toto toilet, 227 00:08:56,927 --> 00:08:58,886 even in prison. 228 00:08:58,886 --> 00:09:01,932 Meanwhile, America is still shitting in the Stone Age. 229 00:09:01,932 --> 00:09:04,674 Holy cow, I don't believe this. 230 00:09:04,674 --> 00:09:06,981 What the fuck happened to this country? 231 00:09:06,981 --> 00:09:08,852 Where did we lose our way? 232 00:09:08,852 --> 00:09:11,463 Yeah, I think that pretty much sums up this meeting. 233 00:09:11,463 --> 00:09:13,901 Let's call it a day and I'll see you next time. 234 00:09:13,901 --> 00:09:16,251 Anyone interested in toilets, see me outside. 235 00:09:16,251 --> 00:09:19,123 Uh, while I hate to interrupt this riveting conversation, 236 00:09:19,123 --> 00:09:22,300 I wanted to ask why none of you have signed up 237 00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:24,128 to volunteer for the fundraiser. 238 00:09:24,128 --> 00:09:25,782 "Fundraiser"? 239 00:09:25,782 --> 00:09:27,610 You get more lawsuits than usual this month? 240 00:09:27,610 --> 00:09:29,699 Mm. 241 00:09:29,699 --> 00:09:33,311 You may not be aware, but this parish does more than just host your group. 242 00:09:33,311 --> 00:09:35,226 We run a soup kitchen, 243 00:09:35,226 --> 00:09:37,098 we connect people with medical services, 244 00:09:37,098 --> 00:09:40,318 we provide a space for people such as yourselves 245 00:09:40,318 --> 00:09:42,625 who have nowhere else to go. 246 00:09:42,625 --> 00:09:44,627 Now, this costs money, 247 00:09:44,627 --> 00:09:48,675 so this weekend we are holding a community fair, 248 00:09:48,675 --> 00:09:52,374 and we need volunteers to come for just a few hours. 249 00:09:52,374 --> 00:09:54,071 Hand out tickets and run the games. 250 00:09:54,071 --> 00:09:55,638 That sort of thing. 251 00:09:55,638 --> 00:09:57,553 And Loudermilk, I was hoping you could help me 252 00:09:57,553 --> 00:09:59,033 hook up the speakers for the band. 253 00:09:59,033 --> 00:10:00,817 Who's playing? 254 00:10:00,817 --> 00:10:03,864 Sister Margaret and the other nuns are going to sing. 255 00:10:03,864 --> 00:10:05,822 Wait, that's your plan to save the church? 256 00:10:05,822 --> 00:10:07,650 Get the community to come out and pay money 257 00:10:07,650 --> 00:10:09,565 to watch a bunch of nuns onstage? 258 00:10:09,565 --> 00:10:10,914 Yeah, who's planning this thing? 259 00:10:10,914 --> 00:10:12,524 The Fyre Festival people? 260 00:10:12,524 --> 00:10:14,701 I'm doing the best that I can. 261 00:10:14,701 --> 00:10:17,747 There aren't a lot of family-friendly performers who work for free. 262 00:10:17,747 --> 00:10:21,055 Oh, I got it! Let me handle the entertainment, Father. 263 00:10:21,055 --> 00:10:23,448 I'll give those people the show of their lives. 264 00:10:23,448 --> 00:10:26,190 Uh...okay. 265 00:10:26,190 --> 00:10:28,192 Eh, well, thank you. 266 00:10:28,192 --> 00:10:30,020 Don't forget the sign-up sheet's in the hallway. 267 00:10:30,020 --> 00:10:31,979 Thank you, and Loudermilk, 268 00:10:31,979 --> 00:10:34,198 can I talk to you for a minute before you leave, son? 269 00:10:34,198 --> 00:10:36,026 Hey, Mugs, want me to talk to you about the toilet, man. 270 00:10:36,026 --> 00:10:37,375 All right.Those things tickle your ass. 271 00:10:37,375 --> 00:10:38,812 I gotta see this. 272 00:10:41,510 --> 00:10:43,120 We need to talk about Clyde. 273 00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:44,992 You can't keep bringing him here. 274 00:10:44,992 --> 00:10:46,602 Why not? 275 00:10:46,602 --> 00:10:49,300 It's not good for him to be around drug addicts, 276 00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:50,650 drunks, and thieves. 277 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:53,130 Well, he can't stay home by himself. 278 00:10:53,130 --> 00:10:54,175 Have you heard from the mother? 279 00:10:54,958 --> 00:10:56,307 No. 280 00:10:56,307 --> 00:10:58,135 As I said before, 281 00:10:58,135 --> 00:11:00,529 I know several excellent families 282 00:11:00,529 --> 00:11:02,183 who are actively looking. 283 00:11:02,183 --> 00:11:04,446 Look, even if I wanted to put him up for adoption, 284 00:11:04,446 --> 00:11:06,317 I don't have his papers. 285 00:11:06,317 --> 00:11:09,190 Don't I need his pink slip or a receipt or something? 286 00:11:09,190 --> 00:11:11,888 Samuel, it's a child, not a car. 287 00:11:13,063 --> 00:11:14,195 No. 288 00:11:14,195 --> 00:11:15,849 No, okay? 289 00:11:15,849 --> 00:11:17,851 It's not happening, so stop asking me about it. 290 00:11:17,851 --> 00:11:19,635 We're not there yet. 291 00:11:21,419 --> 00:11:23,726 I... I gotta go. I'll see you at the fair. 292 00:11:25,206 --> 00:11:27,556 So which one's your partner? 293 00:11:27,556 --> 00:11:29,601 Oh, uh, the guy who looks like Coach Taylor from Friday Night Lights. 294 00:11:29,601 --> 00:11:31,516 Right there.Oh. 295 00:11:31,516 --> 00:11:33,040 Good for you. He's really cute. 296 00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:35,259 Yeah, he's a cutie pie. 297 00:11:35,259 --> 00:11:37,697 Oh, no, no, no. We're not... We're not together. 298 00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:40,134 We were both married to women. "Woman," I should say. 299 00:11:40,134 --> 00:11:41,701 We were both married to the same woman, 300 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,572 but then he divorced her, then I divorced her, 301 00:11:43,572 --> 00:11:45,095 and now we're just roommates 302 00:11:45,095 --> 00:11:47,750 raising his dead father's illegitimate son. 303 00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:49,360 Oh.NEW GUY: Hey, Benny-boy! 304 00:11:50,231 --> 00:11:51,798 Ow. 305 00:11:51,798 --> 00:11:54,061 I got you the gig!What gig? 306 00:11:54,061 --> 00:11:56,237 The big community fundraiser this Saturday. 307 00:11:56,237 --> 00:11:58,282 Father Mike needs us to save the church 308 00:11:58,282 --> 00:11:59,806 and your music's gonna do it. 309 00:11:59,806 --> 00:12:01,198 No, no, it isn't. 310 00:12:01,198 --> 00:12:03,505 No, I can't perform in front of people. 311 00:12:03,505 --> 00:12:05,768 Father Mike wanted you to open for the nuns but I said, "That's bullshit." 312 00:12:05,768 --> 00:12:07,944 You're headlining or we walk. 313 00:12:07,944 --> 00:12:09,467 This guy's amazing. 314 00:12:09,467 --> 00:12:11,208 Hey, come... Come down this Saturday. 315 00:12:11,208 --> 00:12:13,297 Bring your grandson. 316 00:12:13,297 --> 00:12:15,473 It's my son.Oh, adopted? 317 00:12:15,473 --> 00:12:17,388 No.In vitro? 318 00:12:17,388 --> 00:12:18,607 No. 319 00:12:18,607 --> 00:12:20,957 Oh, uh, he's a cutie. 320 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:24,439 Hey. Loudermilk. 321 00:12:24,439 --> 00:12:26,658 Sam, come here. 322 00:12:28,269 --> 00:12:30,488 This is Sarah. She's, uh... She's new in town. 323 00:12:30,488 --> 00:12:33,491 From Boston. 324 00:12:33,491 --> 00:12:35,189 "Loudermilk." That's an interesting name. 325 00:12:35,189 --> 00:12:38,322 Where's that from?Uh, just my dad. 326 00:12:38,322 --> 00:12:40,803 Beautiful! 327 00:12:40,803 --> 00:12:42,674 Well, look at you two hitting it off. 328 00:12:42,674 --> 00:12:44,198 You know, since you're brand new in town, 329 00:12:44,198 --> 00:12:46,287 perhaps Loudermilk could show you around? 330 00:12:46,287 --> 00:12:49,246 Oh, no, that's not necessary. I don't want to impose. 331 00:12:49,246 --> 00:12:52,510 Oh, that's no imposition at all, and I totally would 332 00:12:52,510 --> 00:12:55,339 if I didn't have archery class every night this week. 333 00:12:55,339 --> 00:12:58,778 Uh, not tomorrow night, because tomorrow is Friday 334 00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:00,692 and there's no archery on Fridays 335 00:13:00,692 --> 00:13:03,304 because that is when they re-stuff the targets, remember? 336 00:13:06,176 --> 00:13:07,917 Yeah. 337 00:13:07,917 --> 00:13:10,877 Can't believe I forgot all about target re-stuffing. 338 00:13:10,877 --> 00:13:12,835 So, dinner it is. 339 00:13:15,969 --> 00:13:17,405 She didn't want to either. 340 00:13:17,405 --> 00:13:18,885 You just forced us into it 341 00:13:18,885 --> 00:13:20,843 like a mom setting up a play date. 342 00:13:20,843 --> 00:13:22,627 Well, it was the least I could do 343 00:13:22,627 --> 00:13:25,108 since apparently I'm preventing you from dating. 344 00:13:25,108 --> 00:13:27,981 Why would I want to go on a date with a complete stranger? 345 00:13:27,981 --> 00:13:30,418 It'll be a total fucking disaster. 346 00:13:30,418 --> 00:13:32,246 Speak of the devil. 347 00:13:32,246 --> 00:13:34,988 I'm just borrowing a coffee mug. 348 00:13:34,988 --> 00:13:36,685 You don't know that it would be a disaster. 349 00:13:36,685 --> 00:13:38,730 Sarah's a wonderful woman. 350 00:13:38,730 --> 00:13:39,862 How do you know she's wonderful? 351 00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:41,168 You talked to her for two minutes. 352 00:13:41,168 --> 00:13:43,039 Well, she has a child. 353 00:13:43,039 --> 00:13:44,562 Hitler had a shitload of kids. 354 00:13:44,562 --> 00:13:46,129 No, I don't think he did.He didn't? 355 00:13:46,129 --> 00:13:47,696 Mm-mm. 356 00:13:47,696 --> 00:13:49,829 Oh, that's right. I'm thinking of the Duggars. 357 00:13:51,961 --> 00:13:54,877 So you're saying that anyone with a kid is wonderful 358 00:13:54,877 --> 00:13:56,400 and people without them are assholes? 359 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,489 Well, look at us. 360 00:13:58,489 --> 00:14:00,752 Look, Ben, you gotta stop doing this. 361 00:14:00,752 --> 00:14:02,754 All right? Go live your own life. 362 00:14:02,754 --> 00:14:04,974 I can't. That's the point. 363 00:14:04,974 --> 00:14:06,889 Look, you know I love Clyde, 364 00:14:06,889 --> 00:14:09,718 but this Two and a Half Men BS has gone on long enough. 365 00:14:09,718 --> 00:14:11,372 I can't be the mother that he deserves. 366 00:14:11,372 --> 00:14:13,069 I got my own crap to deal with. 367 00:14:13,069 --> 00:14:14,592 And if you're serious about keeping him, 368 00:14:14,592 --> 00:14:16,681 then you need to start building a family. 369 00:14:16,681 --> 00:14:20,163 Oh, that's your plan? I go on one date and then I marry her? 370 00:14:20,163 --> 00:14:21,643 Well, it's a start. 371 00:14:21,643 --> 00:14:24,124 Sure, and when we divorce, you can marry her, too, 372 00:14:24,124 --> 00:14:26,909 'cause marrying my ex-wives is your favorite thing to do. 373 00:14:26,909 --> 00:14:29,607 Aww, for... For fuck's sake! 374 00:14:29,607 --> 00:14:31,522 That was one time! 375 00:14:31,522 --> 00:14:33,568 ♪ ♪ 376 00:14:33,568 --> 00:14:36,005 It's gonna be about a 30-to-40-minute wait. 377 00:14:36,005 --> 00:14:37,528 ♪ ♪ 378 00:14:37,528 --> 00:14:39,182 Okay. 379 00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,883 30 to 40-minute wait. 380 00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:46,450 You know they got a table back there. 381 00:14:46,450 --> 00:14:48,713 When I was a music critic, I could just drop a band name. 382 00:14:48,713 --> 00:14:50,237 We'd be in like that.No way. 383 00:14:50,237 --> 00:14:51,716 You're a critic? 384 00:14:51,716 --> 00:14:53,283 I'm a critic too. 385 00:14:53,283 --> 00:14:55,024 Really?Mm-hmm. 386 00:14:55,024 --> 00:14:57,374 Online food critic.Oh. 387 00:14:57,374 --> 00:14:58,810 Whoa, okay. For... For who? 388 00:14:58,810 --> 00:15:00,116 Yelp. 389 00:15:00,116 --> 00:15:03,337 Yeah, I've done over 2,000 Yelp reviews. 390 00:15:03,337 --> 00:15:05,861 I'm kind of well-known. I'm Yelp Elite. 391 00:15:05,861 --> 00:15:07,994 What's that? 392 00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:11,345 Um, it's a status given to a small percentage of Yelp reviewers. 393 00:15:11,345 --> 00:15:12,999 It's based on a number of things 394 00:15:12,999 --> 00:15:16,219 like well-written reviews and good restaurant tips 395 00:15:16,219 --> 00:15:19,135 and... And the ability to have a little fun with it, 396 00:15:19,135 --> 00:15:20,789 like I'm sure you do with your reviews. 397 00:15:20,789 --> 00:15:22,573 Not really. 398 00:15:22,573 --> 00:15:24,358 Um, so, wait, do you get paid to be a Yelp reviewer? 399 00:15:24,358 --> 00:15:28,753 Well, no, but we did sue for unpaid compensation. 400 00:15:28,753 --> 00:15:31,191 "Unpaid comp"... I thought Yelp doesn't pay? 401 00:15:31,191 --> 00:15:34,063 You're thinking of crime. 402 00:15:34,063 --> 00:15:35,804 Besides, I'm Yelp Elite. 403 00:15:35,804 --> 00:15:38,241 Uh, so Yelp Elite pays?No, that's why we sued. 404 00:15:39,199 --> 00:15:41,288 Okay, I'm confused. 405 00:15:41,288 --> 00:15:43,116 You sued to get money for reviews 406 00:15:43,116 --> 00:15:45,161 no one asked you to write on the free site 407 00:15:45,161 --> 00:15:47,163 where no one ever gets paid? 408 00:15:47,163 --> 00:15:51,037 Do you have any idea how much advertising revenue Yelp makes 409 00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:52,560 from Yelp Elite reviewers like me? 410 00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:53,953 Yeah, but that's not the point. 411 00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:55,693 Their whole thing is that if you want, 412 00:15:55,693 --> 00:15:58,348 you can write a review, and if not, it's your call. 413 00:15:58,348 --> 00:15:59,871 Excuse me? 414 00:15:59,871 --> 00:16:01,743 Did I hear you say that you're Yelp Elite? 415 00:16:01,743 --> 00:16:03,397 Yes. 416 00:16:03,397 --> 00:16:05,094 Oh, we certainly appreciate you dining with us tonight. 417 00:16:05,094 --> 00:16:06,704 Please, follow me this way. 418 00:16:06,704 --> 00:16:09,098 Your table is ready.Thank you. 419 00:16:09,098 --> 00:16:11,144 ♪ ♪ 420 00:16:13,363 --> 00:16:14,625 Oh. 421 00:16:14,625 --> 00:16:16,453 You're all set for the fundraiser. 422 00:16:16,453 --> 00:16:18,978 Hey, how are you doing? 423 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:21,502 Uh, I'm sorry, "all set" 424 00:16:21,502 --> 00:16:23,721 in that you told Father Mike I'm not doing it, right? 425 00:16:23,721 --> 00:16:25,114 No, better. I got you a band. 426 00:16:25,114 --> 00:16:26,768 I don't need a band. 427 00:16:26,768 --> 00:16:28,944 I told you that I don't...Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 428 00:16:28,944 --> 00:16:32,165 You're not worried about somebody stealing the spotlight, are you? 429 00:16:32,165 --> 00:16:34,123 You think Salt worried about Pepa? 430 00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:35,777 Okay, that's not the... 431 00:16:35,777 --> 00:16:38,606 The issue is that I... I've never been good 432 00:16:38,606 --> 00:16:40,521 at performing in front of people. 433 00:16:40,521 --> 00:16:42,175 Well, that's why I got you a band, 434 00:16:42,175 --> 00:16:44,046 so you won't be alone. 435 00:16:44,046 --> 00:16:46,353 Look, I said I'd take care of you, and I am. 436 00:16:46,353 --> 00:16:48,094 Now, stop worrying about the show 437 00:16:48,094 --> 00:16:50,052 and stay focused on writing some new songs. 438 00:16:50,052 --> 00:16:51,532 You're not hearing me. 439 00:16:51,532 --> 00:16:53,316 Uh, wait, why do I need to write new songs? 440 00:16:53,316 --> 00:16:55,014 You don't think my songs are good? 441 00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:58,278 Well, they're baby good, 442 00:16:58,278 --> 00:17:01,411 but you're not just singing for Clyde anymore. 443 00:17:01,411 --> 00:17:03,935 Look, you don't want to embarrass yourself 444 00:17:03,935 --> 00:17:06,547 and your management up there, do you? 445 00:17:06,547 --> 00:17:07,809 Do you? 446 00:17:08,766 --> 00:17:09,941 Do you?No. 447 00:17:12,205 --> 00:17:13,380 Excuse me?Uh-huh? 448 00:17:13,380 --> 00:17:15,730 Hi, um, I just have a question 449 00:17:15,730 --> 00:17:17,601 about the wild Atlantic salmon special. 450 00:17:17,601 --> 00:17:19,168 Mm-hmm? 451 00:17:19,168 --> 00:17:20,387 You mean "farm-raised salmon," right? 452 00:17:20,387 --> 00:17:22,041 Uh, no, it's wild salmon. 453 00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:23,825 Oh, okay. 454 00:17:23,825 --> 00:17:26,610 Well, just so that you know and so that the chef knows, 455 00:17:26,610 --> 00:17:30,658 there is no wild Atlantic salmon at this time of year. 456 00:17:30,658 --> 00:17:33,182 With all due respect, ma'am, actually, there is. 457 00:17:33,182 --> 00:17:34,575 It was delivered fresh today. 458 00:17:34,575 --> 00:17:35,967 Oh, yeah, no, I have no doubt 459 00:17:35,967 --> 00:17:38,057 that what you have was delivered today. 460 00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,276 It's just not wild Atlantic salmon 461 00:17:40,276 --> 00:17:43,062 because that doesn't exist this time of year. 462 00:17:43,975 --> 00:17:45,803 Maybe it was frozen. 463 00:17:45,803 --> 00:17:48,545 No, there's no wild salmon in the North Atlantic, period. 464 00:17:48,545 --> 00:17:50,460 I'm just being kind to give her an out. 465 00:17:51,505 --> 00:17:53,550 And I appreciate that, 466 00:17:53,550 --> 00:17:55,857 but the chef says it is wild Atlantic salmon, 467 00:17:55,857 --> 00:17:57,206 so somehow they got it. 468 00:17:57,206 --> 00:17:58,729 Perhaps from Spain. 469 00:17:58,729 --> 00:18:01,297 Well, that would be wild Atlantic "thalmon," no? 470 00:18:01,297 --> 00:18:04,213 Uh, I wanna have the rib eye. 471 00:18:04,213 --> 00:18:05,562 Mm-hmm.Medium rare 472 00:18:05,562 --> 00:18:06,824 with creamed spinach. 473 00:18:06,824 --> 00:18:08,609 Great, I am positive 474 00:18:08,609 --> 00:18:10,567 that the spinach is running this time of year. 475 00:18:14,832 --> 00:18:16,573 And for you, ma'am? 476 00:18:16,573 --> 00:18:20,664 Um, I think I'm gonna have... 477 00:18:20,664 --> 00:18:23,319 The farmed salmon special. 478 00:18:23,319 --> 00:18:24,799 Mm-hmm. 479 00:18:27,149 --> 00:18:28,629 Did you just write "wild salmon"? 480 00:18:29,325 --> 00:18:31,153 No. 481 00:18:31,153 --> 00:18:32,589 It looked like you wrote a "W." 482 00:18:33,895 --> 00:18:35,244 I'm gonna put your order in. 483 00:18:38,421 --> 00:18:41,076 Well, she was a little snitty. 484 00:18:41,076 --> 00:18:44,079 Just trying to help. 485 00:18:44,079 --> 00:18:47,300 ♪ ♪ 486 00:18:47,300 --> 00:18:50,216 Well, turns out people with kids can be assholes too. 487 00:18:51,260 --> 00:18:53,523 Didn't go so well, huh? 488 00:18:53,523 --> 00:18:56,004 Yeah, I figured when you didn't return any of my voicemails. 489 00:18:56,004 --> 00:18:59,616 Oh, no, I... I still don't know how to check messages on this stupid drug phone. 490 00:18:59,616 --> 00:19:02,141 Ah, see, I told you. You should have gone with the ZR9. 491 00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:04,578 Checking messages is a cinch with their visual voicemail. 492 00:19:04,578 --> 00:19:07,363 Okay, well, to answer your question, tonight was terrible. 493 00:19:07,363 --> 00:19:08,712 It was awful. 494 00:19:08,712 --> 00:19:10,149 I'd rather put the kid up for adoption 495 00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:12,194 than sit through another date like that. 496 00:19:12,194 --> 00:19:14,109 Okay, well, don't let one bad date get you down. 497 00:19:14,109 --> 00:19:15,371 You know, it's like they say. 498 00:19:15,371 --> 00:19:16,372 Plenty of other fish in the sea. 499 00:19:16,372 --> 00:19:17,982 Not according to her. 500 00:19:23,814 --> 00:19:26,991 ♪ ♪ 501 00:19:26,991 --> 00:19:30,343 Hey, Mike, those speakers take ten minutes to hook up. 502 00:19:30,343 --> 00:19:32,649 What am I doing here this early? 503 00:19:32,649 --> 00:19:35,609 I understand you're finally considering adoption for Clyde. 504 00:19:35,609 --> 00:19:38,568 Who told you that?I promised I wouldn't say. 505 00:19:38,568 --> 00:19:40,179 It was Ben. 506 00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,354 I'm gonna kill him. 507 00:19:42,659 --> 00:19:44,835 Fine. But first, come into my office. 508 00:19:44,835 --> 00:19:46,620 I want to introduce you to a local couple 509 00:19:46,620 --> 00:19:48,578 who are hoping to grow their family. 510 00:19:48,578 --> 00:19:50,624 Are you fucking kidding me? 511 00:19:50,624 --> 00:19:53,235 Look, it's just an introduction. 512 00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:54,758 No. 513 00:19:54,758 --> 00:19:57,457 Sam, I know you have Clyde's best interests at heart. 514 00:19:57,457 --> 00:20:01,374 What harm can there possibly be in weighing all the options? 515 00:20:01,374 --> 00:20:02,592 Hmm? 516 00:20:03,811 --> 00:20:05,769 Allow me to introduce Baby Clyde. 517 00:20:11,775 --> 00:20:13,647 Uh-uh.Yeah, wait a second. 518 00:20:13,647 --> 00:20:16,650 Uh, we didn't realize he was the father. 519 00:20:16,650 --> 00:20:18,913 Oh, I'm not the father. I'm the brother. 520 00:20:18,913 --> 00:20:20,958 Ooh, this could be a real deal-breaker, Father. 521 00:20:20,958 --> 00:20:23,091 You are definitely not getting your full finder's fee. 522 00:20:23,091 --> 00:20:25,398 Uh... 523 00:20:25,398 --> 00:20:28,923 I made it very clear that I'm not benefiting personally financially. 524 00:20:28,923 --> 00:20:32,143 Any fees would go directly to the church. 525 00:20:32,143 --> 00:20:33,667 Well, through me. 526 00:20:33,667 --> 00:20:36,278 Trev, I think we should go with the original plan 527 00:20:36,278 --> 00:20:37,801 and look into children in Malawi. 528 00:20:37,801 --> 00:20:40,151 Mm, I suppose they are more in need. 529 00:20:40,151 --> 00:20:42,023 Eh, let's not be hasty. 530 00:20:42,023 --> 00:20:45,722 Trust me, this child is in grave need. 531 00:20:45,722 --> 00:20:49,291 Little Clyde is being raised by a single janitor 532 00:20:49,291 --> 00:20:51,119 with a long history of addiction 533 00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:53,252 and antisocial behavior. 534 00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:56,733 Without a nurturing support system, 535 00:20:56,733 --> 00:20:59,562 this baby is destined to follow suit. 536 00:20:59,562 --> 00:21:01,956 Okay, first of all, I'm standing right here, 537 00:21:01,956 --> 00:21:04,393 and second of all, he's doing pretty good with me. 538 00:21:04,393 --> 00:21:06,177 "He"? Wow, wow. 539 00:21:06,177 --> 00:21:07,744 So we're assigning pronouns now? 540 00:21:07,744 --> 00:21:09,659 Hmm.What? 541 00:21:09,659 --> 00:21:12,445 What makes you think you know their preferred pronouns? 542 00:21:12,445 --> 00:21:15,317 I just thought the penis was a pretty good clue. 543 00:21:15,317 --> 00:21:17,232 Uh, we believe in raising children 544 00:21:17,232 --> 00:21:19,278 gender-neutral until they're five 545 00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:23,107 and can decide which gender, if any, they identify with. 546 00:21:23,107 --> 00:21:25,501 Okay, Mike, thank you for trying to help. 547 00:21:25,501 --> 00:21:27,286 We can consider this option weighed, 548 00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:29,505 and you know what? 549 00:21:29,505 --> 00:21:31,246 Clyde stays with me. 550 00:21:31,246 --> 00:21:33,074 I'm keeping him. 551 00:21:33,074 --> 00:21:34,641 You don't know it's a "him"! 552 00:21:36,469 --> 00:21:38,993 ♪ ♪ 553 00:21:46,043 --> 00:21:48,219 Hell of a day to be late. This is the big dance. 554 00:21:48,219 --> 00:21:50,657 I'm sorry, I was up all night writing songs. 555 00:21:50,657 --> 00:21:52,528 Where's the band?Right here. 556 00:21:53,790 --> 00:21:55,705 What? 557 00:21:55,705 --> 00:21:58,229 Come on, do you guys have any musical experience at all? 558 00:21:58,229 --> 00:22:00,536 Hell, yeah. I used to play with Pure Prairie League. 559 00:22:00,536 --> 00:22:01,885 Really? 560 00:22:01,885 --> 00:22:03,583 Okay, you caught me in a lie. 561 00:22:03,583 --> 00:22:05,411 New Guy, why didn't you call Roger? 562 00:22:05,411 --> 00:22:06,542 He's an actual drummer. 563 00:22:07,543 --> 00:22:08,718 He passed. 564 00:22:11,417 --> 00:22:13,506 Okay, you know what? I can't... I can't do this. 565 00:22:13,506 --> 00:22:14,855 I can't do this. I have no songs. 566 00:22:14,855 --> 00:22:16,422 It's raining. There's no band. 567 00:22:16,422 --> 00:22:18,554 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Look at me. 568 00:22:18,554 --> 00:22:20,295 You gotta trust me. 569 00:22:20,295 --> 00:22:22,079 I'll take care of everything. 570 00:22:22,079 --> 00:22:25,213 Remember where you were when I first discovered you? 571 00:22:25,213 --> 00:22:29,348 Raising a baby and putting videos online like some webcam whore. 572 00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:30,436 Now look at you. 573 00:22:31,741 --> 00:22:33,308 What? What... What is it? 574 00:22:33,308 --> 00:22:34,657 You... You don't like the band? 575 00:22:34,657 --> 00:22:37,617 Okay, watch this. You guys are fired. 576 00:22:37,617 --> 00:22:40,576 Aww, come on. I've been practicing for three whole days. Look. 577 00:22:41,229 --> 00:22:42,230 Out! 578 00:22:43,057 --> 00:22:45,451 Get the fuck out! 579 00:22:45,451 --> 00:22:46,626 S-see you tomorrow night. 580 00:22:49,803 --> 00:22:51,239 You see? 581 00:22:51,239 --> 00:22:52,849 It's me and you, baby. 582 00:22:52,849 --> 00:22:54,764 Always has been... 583 00:22:54,764 --> 00:22:56,462 Always will be. 584 00:22:56,462 --> 00:22:57,985 I'll see you later. 585 00:22:57,985 --> 00:23:00,117 ♪ ♪ 586 00:23:00,117 --> 00:23:01,292 Yeah! 587 00:23:01,292 --> 00:23:02,598 Yes!Take that, clown! 588 00:23:02,598 --> 00:23:03,773 Stevie, I've been looking for you. 589 00:23:03,773 --> 00:23:05,122 Guys! 590 00:23:05,122 --> 00:23:07,342 Hey, I need a break over here! 591 00:23:07,342 --> 00:23:10,301 All right, Claire! 592 00:23:10,301 --> 00:23:12,260 Hey, you are a god, man. 593 00:23:12,260 --> 00:23:14,828 What?The Toto. 594 00:23:14,828 --> 00:23:17,004 My asshole's not in Kansas anymore. 595 00:23:17,004 --> 00:23:19,180 Best purchase of my life. 596 00:23:19,180 --> 00:23:20,834 Well, I'm glad it worked out for you. 597 00:23:20,834 --> 00:23:22,662 Yeah, man, I cranked that puppy up to ten. 598 00:23:22,662 --> 00:23:24,054 Shit, Jesus Christ. 599 00:23:24,054 --> 00:23:25,926 Mugs, have you read the instructions? 600 00:23:25,926 --> 00:23:27,928 I've had the Toto for a while. I haven't taken it past three. 601 00:23:27,928 --> 00:23:30,365 That thing will shred your asshole, all right? 602 00:23:30,365 --> 00:23:31,714 Unless you've been to prison. 603 00:23:31,714 --> 00:23:33,499 Okay, well, I'm a little sore, 604 00:23:33,499 --> 00:23:36,545 but I am clean as a whistle. 605 00:23:36,545 --> 00:23:37,851 Whistles are rather dirty. 606 00:23:37,851 --> 00:23:40,244 You know, full of spit and bacteria. 607 00:23:40,244 --> 00:23:41,768 I'm talking about a train whistle, Cloud. 608 00:23:41,768 --> 00:23:43,117 Oh. 609 00:23:43,117 --> 00:23:46,207 Anyway, check these, uh, babies out, huh? 610 00:23:46,207 --> 00:23:47,861 Yeah. Yeah. 611 00:23:47,861 --> 00:23:49,384 I haven't had the rectal confidence 612 00:23:49,384 --> 00:23:51,647 to wear white pants since the '80s. 613 00:23:52,953 --> 00:23:54,607 Please. 614 00:23:54,607 --> 00:23:56,304 For the love of God, Loudermilk, can you take my place? 615 00:23:59,438 --> 00:24:02,005 Fuck you, you little shit! 616 00:24:02,005 --> 00:24:04,007 Ha-ha! 617 00:24:04,007 --> 00:24:08,142 If you haven't noticed, I have a baby here. Where's Ben? 618 00:24:08,142 --> 00:24:10,971 Backstage, I think. 619 00:24:10,971 --> 00:24:14,583 Look, Loudermilk, can you please take my spot? I'm dying here. 620 00:24:14,583 --> 00:24:17,020 Let me think about it. 621 00:24:21,982 --> 00:24:24,158 ♪ This little light of mine 622 00:24:24,158 --> 00:24:26,160 ♪ I'm gonna let it shine 623 00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:29,206 ♪ Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine ♪ 624 00:24:29,206 --> 00:24:31,774 Hey, why the fuck did you tell Father Mike 625 00:24:31,774 --> 00:24:33,080 I was putting Clyde up for adoption? 626 00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:34,864 I can't do it, Sam. 627 00:24:34,864 --> 00:24:36,823 You see these nuns? 628 00:24:36,823 --> 00:24:39,173 They're crushing it.What are you talking about? 629 00:24:39,173 --> 00:24:40,609 They're nuns. You'll be fine. 630 00:24:40,609 --> 00:24:42,002 I got nothing. 631 00:24:42,002 --> 00:24:43,656 I stayed up all night trying to write songs 632 00:24:43,656 --> 00:24:45,527 and all I ended up with was crap. 633 00:24:45,527 --> 00:24:47,921 What about the song Claire played us at the meeting? 634 00:24:47,921 --> 00:24:49,749 Oh, great, yeah. The one you hated. 635 00:24:49,749 --> 00:24:52,316 I didn't hate it, I just pointed out 636 00:24:52,316 --> 00:24:54,275 that it didn't make any goddamn sense. 637 00:24:54,275 --> 00:24:57,452 You had a lion and a penguin... 638 00:24:57,452 --> 00:24:59,454 A lot of songs don't make sense, okay? 639 00:24:59,454 --> 00:25:01,456 Pinball Wizard. 640 00:25:01,456 --> 00:25:04,894 It's about a blind kid who plays pinball using only his sense of smell. 641 00:25:06,374 --> 00:25:08,594 It's like if Helen Keller's a pool shark. 642 00:25:08,594 --> 00:25:10,421 Makes no sense. 643 00:25:10,421 --> 00:25:12,249 Follow that, Slob Dylan. 644 00:25:27,395 --> 00:25:28,831 Rock and roll! 645 00:25:28,831 --> 00:25:30,659 Are we ready to sing? 646 00:25:32,182 --> 00:25:34,141 I said, 647 00:25:34,141 --> 00:25:36,056 "Are we ready to sing?" 648 00:25:36,056 --> 00:25:38,101 Yeah! 649 00:25:40,756 --> 00:25:44,412 ♪ There's many kinds of animals 650 00:25:44,412 --> 00:25:47,241 ♪ And all of them are friends 651 00:25:47,241 --> 00:25:50,418 ♪ Like wolves and hamsters and manta rays 652 00:25:50,418 --> 00:25:53,464 ♪ And even barnyard hens 653 00:25:53,464 --> 00:25:56,903 ♪ But of all these animal buddies 654 00:25:56,903 --> 00:25:59,732 ♪ Two are close as kin 655 00:25:59,732 --> 00:26:02,430 ♪ The strong and noble lion 656 00:26:02,430 --> 00:26:04,780 ♪ And the trustworthy penguin 657 00:26:04,780 --> 00:26:07,000 ♪ ♪ 658 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:10,090 ♪ The lion and the penguin are best friends 659 00:26:10,090 --> 00:26:13,572 ♪ Side by side in the forest like bookends 660 00:26:13,572 --> 00:26:17,314 ♪ The penguin helps the lion comb his hair 661 00:26:17,314 --> 00:26:18,794 ♪ And the lion protects the penguin 662 00:26:18,794 --> 00:26:20,579 ♪ From the polar bear 663 00:26:20,579 --> 00:26:23,146 So when Father Mike told me the church might be closing, 664 00:26:23,146 --> 00:26:25,279 I said, "Something has to be done." 665 00:26:25,279 --> 00:26:27,586 I don't know if you're aware, but we also run a soup kitchen... 666 00:26:27,586 --> 00:26:29,588 That's nice, but you left like 20 messages 667 00:26:29,588 --> 00:26:31,241 telling me that there's an emergency. 668 00:26:31,241 --> 00:26:33,026 Oh, so losing the soup kitchen for crackheads 669 00:26:33,026 --> 00:26:34,723 isn't an emergency to you? 670 00:26:34,723 --> 00:26:36,943 They may not have teeth, but they still have to eat. 671 00:26:36,943 --> 00:26:38,814 Hey, fuck-stick! 672 00:26:38,814 --> 00:26:40,860 I want my money for the slip-and-fall! 673 00:26:40,860 --> 00:26:42,209 Wait right there. 674 00:26:42,209 --> 00:26:44,080 I just have to confer with a client. 675 00:26:47,606 --> 00:26:49,608 Charlie, I told you, we lost that case. 676 00:26:49,608 --> 00:26:51,000 You lost. 677 00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:53,133 I did exactly what you told me to do. 678 00:26:53,133 --> 00:26:55,701 Oh, no, you didn't. They have that video of you at the salad bar 679 00:26:55,701 --> 00:26:57,528 spilling ranch dressing on the ground. 680 00:26:57,528 --> 00:27:00,749 Is it against the law to be clumsy? I want my money. 681 00:27:00,749 --> 00:27:03,012 Charlie, can we please take this up another time? 682 00:27:03,012 --> 00:27:04,405 What? 683 00:27:04,405 --> 00:27:06,973 Are you running a racket on the brunette too? 684 00:27:06,973 --> 00:27:09,976 Make sure you get paid up front, lady! 685 00:27:09,976 --> 00:27:13,370 ♪ The lion plays poker with kangaroo 686 00:27:13,370 --> 00:27:17,070 ♪ And the penguin was married to a goat named Sue 687 00:27:17,070 --> 00:27:20,203 ♪ But in the divorce she got the igloo 688 00:27:20,203 --> 00:27:22,031 ♪ At first the penguin was resentful 689 00:27:22,031 --> 00:27:23,729 ♪ But then he pulled through 690 00:27:23,729 --> 00:27:25,513 ♪ It's not that the goat's a bad person 691 00:27:25,513 --> 00:27:27,167 ♪ She's just different than you 692 00:27:27,167 --> 00:27:30,518 ♪ Or maybe she's not and it's just a timing issue 693 00:27:30,518 --> 00:27:33,042 ♪ And that's a song about animal friends ♪ 694 00:27:33,042 --> 00:27:34,435 ♪ ♪ 695 00:27:39,701 --> 00:27:42,225 Hey, what do you think? 696 00:27:42,225 --> 00:27:44,053 Yeah, it was all right. 697 00:27:44,053 --> 00:27:46,447 Well, that was fun, the other night. 698 00:27:46,447 --> 00:27:49,798 Especially when you said my profession was basically a waste of time. 699 00:27:49,798 --> 00:27:52,235 I don't think I said "basically." 700 00:27:52,235 --> 00:27:54,150 Hey, again, it was a real blast. 701 00:27:54,150 --> 00:27:55,630 In fact, I reviewed it. 702 00:28:00,417 --> 00:28:02,768 "Paid little to no attention to my needs, 703 00:28:02,768 --> 00:28:05,640 "was argumentative and slow to return calls, 704 00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:07,468 "flirted openly with the waitress. 705 00:28:07,468 --> 00:28:09,383 I will not be dating here again." 706 00:28:09,383 --> 00:28:10,950 Hmm. 707 00:28:10,950 --> 00:28:12,778 Still gave me three stars. 708 00:28:12,778 --> 00:28:15,215 Well, I like that you're into archery. 709 00:28:22,396 --> 00:28:24,441 The hell's going on?It's an AMBER alert. 710 00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:27,923 What? 711 00:28:29,316 --> 00:28:31,797 I didn't get an AMBER alert. 712 00:28:34,713 --> 00:28:36,889 ♪ ♪ 713 00:28:39,108 --> 00:28:43,069 ♪ Understudy of a main attraction 714 00:28:43,069 --> 00:28:47,160 ♪ Kicking everything to the side 715 00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:51,251 ♪ Ever wondered 'bout your sleeping habits? 716 00:28:51,251 --> 00:28:55,603 ♪ We won't ever have to say good-bye 717 00:28:55,603 --> 00:28:57,344 ♪ ♪ 718 00:28:57,344 --> 00:29:02,436 ♪ We won't ever have to say good-bye 719 00:29:05,395 --> 00:29:07,267 ♪ ♪ 720 00:29:07,267 --> 00:29:11,010 ♪ Understudy of a main attraction 721 00:29:11,010 --> 00:29:15,231 ♪ Kicking everything to survive 722 00:29:15,231 --> 00:29:19,148 ♪ Never wondered 'bout your sleeping habits 723 00:29:19,148 --> 00:29:21,803 ♪ We don't ever have to say good-bye ♪53692

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