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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,004 --> 00:00:07,215 [Velma] Previously on Velma... 2 00:00:07,298 --> 00:00:09,426 The last place my mom's cell phone pinged 3 00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:12,470 the night she went missing was at Fred's house. 4 00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:15,682 My name's Fred. Who are you? 5 00:00:15,765 --> 00:00:18,268 They call me "The Thing." 6 00:00:19,310 --> 00:00:20,645 [laughs evilly] 7 00:00:20,729 --> 00:00:21,980 Oh God, my heart! 8 00:00:22,063 --> 00:00:23,273 [heart thumping] 9 00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:25,775 [Velma grunts and exclaims] 10 00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:27,235 [Velma moaning] 11 00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:31,406 Did that work? 12 00:00:31,489 --> 00:00:32,407 Yeah. 13 00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:35,076 [moaning] 14 00:00:39,998 --> 00:00:42,625 [both moaning] 15 00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:44,169 [both gasp] 16 00:00:44,252 --> 00:00:46,921 Well, good luck finding your mom. 17 00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:53,094 What the hell just happened? 18 00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:55,638 ["Hallucinate" playing] 19 00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:58,141 [Velma] So, yeah, let's do this. 20 00:00:58,224 --> 00:00:59,684 I've avoided it long enough 21 00:00:59,768 --> 00:01:01,060 with winks and nods. 22 00:01:01,144 --> 00:01:03,229 Let's finally talk about only thing 23 00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:05,940 you've ever really wanted to know about me. 24 00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:09,819 - Is Velma Dinkley, ga--ga-- - Velma, snap out of it! 25 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:12,614 You fed the cat Sophie's prenatal vitamins. 26 00:01:12,697 --> 00:01:14,657 [meowing] 27 00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:16,034 Oh, sorry. 28 00:01:16,117 --> 00:01:19,162 I was just thinking about mom, and only mom. 29 00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:21,080 She disappeared at Fred's house. Bye. 30 00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:22,332 [door shuts] 31 00:01:23,625 --> 00:01:25,001 -[crashing] -[meowing ferociously] 32 00:01:25,084 --> 00:01:26,544 Huh? [screams] 33 00:01:26,628 --> 00:01:28,713 [theme music playing] 34 00:01:30,089 --> 00:01:31,800 -[school bell ringing] -Norville. 35 00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:33,134 Guess what Daphne gave me? 36 00:01:33,218 --> 00:01:34,761 Uh, is it mononucleosis? 37 00:01:34,844 --> 00:01:36,346 Because I saw you two kiss last night. 38 00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:40,183 Daphne and me kiss, what? Her hands on my hips, what? 39 00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:42,685 The heat of a thousand suns passing between us, what? 40 00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:46,022 Time both infinite and finite -- Okay, we kissed. But it's not a big deal. 41 00:01:46,105 --> 00:01:48,024 You possibly being gay is a huge deal. 42 00:01:48,107 --> 00:01:50,985 For one, it reduces me to a cliched straight best friend. 43 00:01:51,069 --> 00:01:54,697 Norville, we only kissed because Daphne was trying to stop a hallucination. 44 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:57,283 She gave me my mom's cold-case file. And guess what? 45 00:01:57,367 --> 00:01:59,953 The last place her cellphone pinged, was Fred's house. 46 00:02:00,036 --> 00:02:02,038 Wait, Fred. That's huge. 47 00:02:02,121 --> 00:02:03,540 Though not, "you might be gay," huge. 48 00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:04,874 Okay, stop. 49 00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,376 In this day and age, you can't speculate 50 00:02:06,459 --> 00:02:08,211 about someone's sexuality unless they're famous, 51 00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:09,587 or Peppermint Patty. 52 00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:11,381 Wait, you didn't tell anyone, did you? 53 00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:13,675 Mazel on your first kiss, Velma. 54 00:02:13,758 --> 00:02:16,219 -You told your dad? -[Norville] He's a therapist. 55 00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:18,054 I thought you might want to talk to someone 56 00:02:18,137 --> 00:02:19,222 about whether you like women, 57 00:02:19,305 --> 00:02:21,558 or maybe women and one cool guy? 58 00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:23,810 Your dad is a high school guidance counselor, 59 00:02:23,893 --> 00:02:25,478 the lowest form of therapist. 60 00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:27,730 He's worse than the free therapy app I downloaded 61 00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,399 that's obviously Russian spyware. 62 00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:33,194 [in Russian] 63 00:02:33,278 --> 00:02:36,030 [in English] Okay, well, I think you're gonna have a little more respect 64 00:02:36,114 --> 00:02:37,907 for my dad after this morning. 65 00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:39,284 He's running a mental health assembly 66 00:02:39,367 --> 00:02:41,286 to help students process the murders. 67 00:02:41,369 --> 00:02:43,830 There's gonna be hella pamphlets. 68 00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:44,747 [coughs] 69 00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:48,501 [Nutso] Welcome, kids! 70 00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:50,795 I'm Nutso, The Mental Health Squirrel. 71 00:02:52,463 --> 00:02:55,466 Good morning, my students! 72 00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:57,427 [all] Good morning, Principal Rogers. 73 00:02:57,510 --> 00:02:58,428 Good morning, Mom. 74 00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:00,054 And now my turn. 75 00:03:00,138 --> 00:03:02,849 Good morning, my students! 76 00:03:02,932 --> 00:03:03,933 [dead silence] 77 00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:05,226 Good morning, Dad! 78 00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:07,145 [Lamont] Good morning, my beautiful boy. 79 00:03:07,228 --> 00:03:09,480 And welcome to the Crystal Cove High School 80 00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:10,732 Mental Health Assembly. 81 00:03:10,815 --> 00:03:12,358 [shouts] How y'all doing, good? 82 00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:13,985 Bad, you idiot! 83 00:03:14,068 --> 00:03:17,155 Two of our friends had their brains removed by Fred Jones. 84 00:03:17,238 --> 00:03:21,242 See, your dad is worse for teen mental health than waist trainers. 85 00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:23,077 Well, you can talk to me about your feelings. 86 00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:24,871 My dad says therapy is in my blood. 87 00:03:24,954 --> 00:03:26,831 I just got my mom to admit she never wanted kids. 88 00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:29,667 Norville, I don't need to talk to anyone about anything. 89 00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:31,628 Oh, God. Daphne is looking right at me. Hide! 90 00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:33,588 [Lamont] ...comfortable opening up. 91 00:03:33,671 --> 00:03:37,467 So in sum, you can't spell mental health without me. 92 00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:40,470 You can't spell "Kill me," without me either. 93 00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:41,971 [all laughing] 94 00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:44,974 -Okay, okay. That's enough. -[microphone feedback] 95 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,851 Unless someone has a topper? 96 00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:50,897 No? Well, in addition to spending three minutes on mental health, 97 00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:53,691 the school board is requiring that all girls attend 98 00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:55,985 a women's self-defense class 99 00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:59,197 to protect themselves from any future serial killers. 100 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:03,242 Uh, why don't the boys have to take a "Don't Murder Girls" class? 101 00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:05,995 Because I only have $50 in the budget 102 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,957 to combat centuries of toxic masculinity. 103 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:12,752 Now, please welcome your women's self-defense class teachers. 104 00:04:12,835 --> 00:04:14,837 [gasps] Moms? 105 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,089 All right, ladies. 106 00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:17,548 Who's ready to grab their friends 107 00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:20,426 and roll around on the floor for a little bit? 108 00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:21,636 -So hot. -[chuckles] 109 00:04:21,719 --> 00:04:23,221 Oh, God. Get off your ass! 110 00:04:23,304 --> 00:04:25,890 We're gonna talk to Fred about my missing mom right now. 111 00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:31,437 [buzzer sounds] 112 00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:33,147 Oh, give me one of those tattoos 113 00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:36,109 that's actually secret clues about how to escape prison. 114 00:04:36,192 --> 00:04:38,236 I learned how to do this while at Ole Miss. 115 00:04:38,319 --> 00:04:40,738 I can do butterflies and Confederate flags. 116 00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:43,825 Jones, there's, like, a talking meatloaf here to see you. 117 00:04:43,908 --> 00:04:44,867 Velma? 118 00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:47,829 Norville. How do I look? 119 00:04:47,912 --> 00:04:49,580 Is it obvious I have two bean bags in my bra? 120 00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:51,708 Wait. Are you still attracted to Fred? 121 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:55,336 He's a convicted serial killer who might be connected to your mom's disappearance. 122 00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:57,505 That's why I'm so confused about Daphne. 123 00:04:57,588 --> 00:05:00,258 Sure, she was my first kiss, but whenever I used to make out with my hand, 124 00:05:00,341 --> 00:05:01,926 I called it Fred. 125 00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:04,220 Okay, Velma, you have to talk about this with someone. 126 00:05:04,303 --> 00:05:05,722 I don't have time. 127 00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:07,598 I have to focus on finding out what happened to my mom. 128 00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:11,185 [speaking seductively] So many mysteries, so little time. 129 00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:14,397 -Daphne? -Maybe another kiss will help clear things up. 130 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:15,440 [growling] 131 00:05:15,523 --> 00:05:16,524 -[screams] -[Daphne] Muah! 132 00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:17,942 Oh, God. I'm hallucinating. 133 00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:20,194 -[Velma gasps] -Muah, muah, muah, muah, muah. 134 00:05:20,278 --> 00:05:21,195 [screams] 135 00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:23,573 -Hi. -[yells] 136 00:05:23,656 --> 00:05:25,158 -[loud smooching] -[Velma grunts] 137 00:05:25,241 --> 00:05:26,743 -[smooching] -[Norville] Velma, what do I do? 138 00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:28,411 [Velma grunting and panting] 139 00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:29,787 Ah! [grunts] 140 00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:31,247 [Norville] Should I kiss you like Daphne did? 141 00:05:31,330 --> 00:05:32,749 Without consent, I'll remind you. 142 00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:34,000 No, don't kiss me. 143 00:05:34,083 --> 00:05:35,376 I'm already confused. 144 00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,587 Kissing me would confuse you. Wait, why? 145 00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:39,130 This isn't about you right now. 146 00:05:39,213 --> 00:05:41,090 Just make me laugh like last time. 147 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:44,052 But a kiss might awaken passions we've been too scared to admit. 148 00:05:44,135 --> 00:05:46,304 Why deprive ourselves that knowledge? 149 00:05:46,387 --> 00:05:47,764 [laughs] 150 00:05:47,847 --> 00:05:49,599 Oh, my God, that was hilarious. 151 00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:51,809 Thank you, Nor-- [screaming] 152 00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:54,937 -Hey, get your friends off me. -[baby crying] 153 00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:56,606 Great, if I'm banned from prison, 154 00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:59,150 how am I gonna question Fred about my mom's disappearance? 155 00:05:59,233 --> 00:06:01,444 Let me question Fred. I have a plan. 156 00:06:01,527 --> 00:06:03,780 You just need to figure out your feelings for Daphne. 157 00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:05,406 Also, your bean bags are leaking. 158 00:06:06,365 --> 00:06:07,700 Uh... 159 00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:09,994 [school bell ringing] 160 00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:11,287 Okay, listen up. 161 00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:13,289 These are the skills you need to survive. 162 00:06:13,372 --> 00:06:16,292 When a massive, burly man springs up and attacks you, 163 00:06:16,375 --> 00:06:19,462 notice, she said, when you get attacked, not if. 164 00:06:19,545 --> 00:06:21,047 [mom 1] Don't fight. 165 00:06:21,130 --> 00:06:24,175 Just make like a grown man who lightly stubbed his toe. 166 00:06:24,258 --> 00:06:26,803 Yell, fall down, and go limp. 167 00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,221 Now, to demonstrate. 168 00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:30,848 We've pre-selected our own daughter, Daphne 169 00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:33,392 to play the beautiful but vulnerable victim, 170 00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:35,603 while the gruff assailant will be... 171 00:06:35,686 --> 00:06:36,729 [Velma grunts] Ow. 172 00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:38,272 -Velma. -Who's calling me gruff? 173 00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:39,398 I'm not gruff. 174 00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:40,483 Wait, I'm with Daphne. 175 00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:42,777 Uh, I have to go to the bathroom. 176 00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:46,823 Uh, me too. [grunts] 177 00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:50,493 [grunting continues] 178 00:06:53,412 --> 00:06:55,164 -Hey. -Hey. [sighs] 179 00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:58,626 So, uh, this is so stupid, but before rolling around on each other, 180 00:06:58,709 --> 00:07:00,336 I thought maybe we should 181 00:07:00,419 --> 00:07:02,755 talk about our, uh, kiss. 182 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:04,841 Just in case you're confused. 183 00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:06,467 I am. 184 00:07:06,551 --> 00:07:08,427 I mean, hanging out and dealing drugs together yesterday 185 00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:11,764 made me realize how much I've missed our friendship. 186 00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:15,226 So I guess my question is, do you... 187 00:07:15,309 --> 00:07:17,019 -like me? -Like you? 188 00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:18,938 I haven't really thought about it. 189 00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:21,524 You were dating Fred, until he went to prison. 190 00:07:21,607 --> 00:07:23,192 -Do you like me? -[chuckles] 191 00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:24,819 I asked you first. 192 00:07:24,902 --> 00:07:27,196 Don't try to make me the vulnerable one here. 193 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,115 Well, I mean, you kissed me. 194 00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:32,702 To stop your hallucination. But then you kissed me, like, whoa! 195 00:07:32,785 --> 00:07:34,787 Well, then let's just say we kissed each other. 196 00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:37,540 Even though we both know it was you who kissed me. 197 00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:40,751 Which is impossible because I don't like you like that. 198 00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:41,919 I like Fred. 199 00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:44,630 Oh, good. [sighs] 200 00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:46,549 Because I don't like you like that either. 201 00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:48,384 Perfect. We're on the same page. 202 00:07:48,467 --> 00:07:50,803 Wow. I'm so glad we resolved all our issues 203 00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:52,555 before we had to punch each other. 204 00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:53,890 Me too. 205 00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:56,893 And... Fight to see who's less vulnerable. 206 00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:58,811 [screaming and grunting] 207 00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:00,396 [Velma yells] 208 00:08:00,479 --> 00:08:03,149 [Velma groans] 209 00:08:03,232 --> 00:08:04,567 What the hell, Daphne? 210 00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:06,444 If I was a real attacker, you could've hurt me. 211 00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:07,945 You're supposed to go limp. 212 00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:10,072 And potentially let myself get hurt by you instead? 213 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:11,949 My journal's not gonna believe this. 214 00:08:12,033 --> 00:08:14,202 Whoa, whoa, whoa! Cool it, ladies. 215 00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:17,205 There is no room for personal beef in this class. 216 00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:19,457 We are not here to attack each other. 217 00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:21,417 -At least not until tomorrow. -Why? 218 00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:24,420 What's tomorrow? Oh, no. Is it fajita day in the cafeteria? 219 00:08:24,503 --> 00:08:26,923 Last year some kid lost an eye fighting for guac. 220 00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:28,758 No, after mastering 221 00:08:28,841 --> 00:08:31,886 today's self defense techniques, tomorrow you'll be competing 222 00:08:31,969 --> 00:08:35,598 in the All Crystal Cove Women's Self Defense Class Tournament. 223 00:08:35,681 --> 00:08:40,394 What? How will fighting girls help us defend ourselves against attacks from guys? 224 00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:41,687 Is first prize a gun? 225 00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:44,357 It is now. Great idea! 226 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:46,192 But the point of this is to determine 227 00:08:46,275 --> 00:08:49,570 -who was the least vulnerable girl in school. -[both] Ugh! 228 00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:51,447 [girl 1] Okay, but... 229 00:08:51,530 --> 00:08:54,242 is the best way to prevent an attacker really just to become one. 230 00:08:54,325 --> 00:08:56,035 Works for Batman. 231 00:08:56,118 --> 00:08:59,997 Good luck tomorrow, girls. And may the least vulnerable girl win. 232 00:09:00,081 --> 00:09:01,290 [Velma grunts] 233 00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:03,125 [Daphne grunts] 234 00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:04,418 [both grunting] 235 00:09:05,169 --> 00:09:06,462 [buzzer sounds] 236 00:09:08,172 --> 00:09:10,633 Wait. You wanna give me therapy? I don't know. 237 00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:14,553 Jones men normally bury their emotions until they explode on a family vacation, 238 00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:19,016 Sure, but therapy isn't just a great way for therapists to remodel their kitchens. 239 00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:20,977 It also helps people. 240 00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:23,437 And I thought there might be some things in your past you'd want to discuss. 241 00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:26,148 Like, how Father stood me up at my birthday party? 242 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:29,986 I tried to steer the hot air balloon myself, but I was only four. 243 00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:32,321 Huh. Yeah, you think we should start there? 244 00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:34,657 But I'd actually rather talk about moms. 245 00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:37,618 Oh, I do miss my mom. Uh, prison is cool, 246 00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:40,121 but nobody watches me pee quite like Mother. 247 00:09:40,204 --> 00:09:43,374 Wow, another great place to start, but... 248 00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:45,334 what do you think about Velma's mom? 249 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,461 Diya Dinkley, she went missing at your house. 250 00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:51,215 Uh, you know, I think visiting time's over. I should go. 251 00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:54,302 Everything okay over here, with the guy who put me in prison? 252 00:09:54,385 --> 00:09:56,470 Look, pal. I don't want any problems. 253 00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:58,931 I'm just talking to my friend on behalf of a female friend 254 00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:01,100 who might become more than a friend if I play my cards right. 255 00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:02,852 You're wasting your time, buddy. 256 00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:06,564 Romantic relationships between old friends rarely work out. 257 00:10:06,647 --> 00:10:07,857 It's always one-sided. 258 00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:09,025 That's not true! 259 00:10:09,108 --> 00:10:10,276 -[Norville grunts] -[all gasp] 260 00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:11,986 Ooh! 261 00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:14,030 Uh-uh. 262 00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:15,698 ["Tag, Ur It" playing] 263 00:10:18,659 --> 00:10:19,535 [grunts] 264 00:10:19,618 --> 00:10:20,661 [exhaling] 265 00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:22,121 [panting] 266 00:10:22,204 --> 00:10:23,080 [sighs wearily] 267 00:10:30,671 --> 00:10:32,256 [music stops] 268 00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:35,217 Okay, first girl to move the other off the mat advances. Ready? 269 00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:37,887 I'm going to beat the Brazilian butt lift out of you. 270 00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:40,556 You'll never undo the work of Dr. Gross. 271 00:10:40,639 --> 00:10:42,016 I'm on the website. 272 00:10:42,099 --> 00:10:43,893 And... Fight! 273 00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:45,770 -[girl 2] Whoo! Yes! -[crowd cheering] 274 00:10:46,562 --> 00:10:47,813 [both grunting] 275 00:10:51,650 --> 00:10:53,402 [softly] Pathetic. 276 00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,446 Wow, I can't believe I was gonna fake a limp to get out of this. 277 00:10:57,365 --> 00:10:59,408 -That's it. Go limp. -Wha... 278 00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:00,785 -[Velma grunts] -[girl 3 screams] 279 00:11:00,868 --> 00:11:04,246 Protect my butt. Please throw me on my face. 280 00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:06,999 -Sorry, I can't tell which one's which. -[girl 3] Ah! 281 00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:08,959 ["Badass Motherfucker" playing] 282 00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:12,380 [yawning] 283 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:16,092 Where do you think you're going? 284 00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:19,512 Kill her, honey. I mean, go sportsmanship! 285 00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:22,932 Sportsmanship her up and teamwork out the pieces. 286 00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:24,183 [Daphne grunts] 287 00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:26,268 [grunting] 288 00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:28,979 [girl 4 screams] 289 00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:33,109 [bones cracking] 290 00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:39,031 [screams] 291 00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,036 [Daphne grunting] 292 00:11:48,707 --> 00:11:50,960 -[girl 5 screams] -I am not vulnerable. 293 00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:52,628 No one will ever hurt me. 294 00:11:52,711 --> 00:11:53,712 [blood squelching] 295 00:11:56,715 --> 00:12:00,386 So he pushed me, and I said classic transference. [chuckles] 296 00:12:00,469 --> 00:12:01,887 and that's the last thing I remember. 297 00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:03,556 Guess I'm not as great a therapist as I thought. 298 00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:05,266 Norville, stop. 299 00:12:05,349 --> 00:12:08,269 First rule of therapy, you are as great as you think you are. 300 00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:11,939 Unfortunately, no one will ever take you seriously as a therapist 301 00:12:12,022 --> 00:12:13,315 without this one little thing. 302 00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:14,942 A PhD in psychology? 303 00:12:15,025 --> 00:12:16,694 [scoffs] Please. 304 00:12:16,777 --> 00:12:18,696 I never finished mine and literally no one's checked. No. 305 00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:23,617 The only thing a therapist really needs is a good cardigan. 306 00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:25,995 It makes you look so dumpy and non-threatening, 307 00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:28,956 people instantly feel comfortable opening up to you. 308 00:12:29,957 --> 00:12:31,625 How do I look? 309 00:12:31,709 --> 00:12:35,296 Like I want to scream about how loud your mom chews. 310 00:12:35,379 --> 00:12:37,715 [chuckles] Hey, it's working already. Hmm. 311 00:12:39,925 --> 00:12:41,135 [door opens] 312 00:12:41,218 --> 00:12:43,095 Daphne, this is ridiculous. 313 00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:45,264 Are we really going to fight instead of just talking about what happened? 314 00:12:45,347 --> 00:12:48,184 If memory serves, I asked you a question. 315 00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:49,935 I'm still waiting for an answer. 316 00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:51,854 Fine. I'll admit it. 317 00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:53,606 I do like you like that. 318 00:12:53,689 --> 00:12:55,065 [Daphne gasps] 319 00:12:55,149 --> 00:12:57,568 What, are you scared of having feelings for a girl? 320 00:12:57,651 --> 00:12:59,862 Velma, please. I have two moms. 321 00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:01,780 I was baptized on the set of Ellen. 322 00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:05,367 It's just I have a lot more at stake than you. 323 00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:06,702 -Huh? -[girl 3] Uh. 324 00:13:06,785 --> 00:13:09,455 Daphne. Why are you talking to that? 325 00:13:09,538 --> 00:13:12,041 Oh, I get it. You have more at stake, 326 00:13:12,124 --> 00:13:14,210 because I'm not as popular as you. 327 00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:16,128 What? You're not popular at all. 328 00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:17,713 Well, let's see how popular you are, 329 00:13:17,796 --> 00:13:20,174 after I kick your perfect ass, Daphne, 330 00:13:20,257 --> 00:13:21,258 [Velma yells] 331 00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:22,468 [all laughing] 332 00:13:28,807 --> 00:13:30,518 Oh, I'll give you something to journal about. 333 00:13:30,601 --> 00:13:33,896 Dear Diary, Gird your loins. 334 00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:35,898 [buzzer sounds] 335 00:13:35,981 --> 00:13:38,400 Wait, they pulled me out of mosque for you? 336 00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:41,695 Yes. I thought we could continue your therapy. 337 00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:44,240 What? No way. Why would I wanna-- 338 00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:48,744 Whoa, I feel funny. 339 00:13:48,827 --> 00:13:50,663 Did they drug our food again? 340 00:13:50,746 --> 00:13:51,872 Hmm. 341 00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:53,290 So what were we talking about, Doc? 342 00:13:53,374 --> 00:13:55,709 We were discussing your feelings 343 00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:58,128 about the night Velma's mom, Diya, went missing. 344 00:13:58,212 --> 00:14:01,090 Right, so Father had just bought our house. 345 00:14:01,173 --> 00:14:05,177 It was a dump. And he had this brilliant idea to burn it for the insurance money. 346 00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:08,472 But instead of fraud, you committed murder. 347 00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:12,059 I wish. You can get over murder, but this could ruin a man. 348 00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:13,394 I'll never tell. 349 00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:19,441 So unflattering and disarming. [exclaims] 350 00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:21,443 The truth is, on the night we were going to burn it down, 351 00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:24,196 my father stood me up, just like on my birthday. 352 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:28,617 Only this time, Bill Gates didn't even jump out of a cake for me. 353 00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:31,328 Wait, that's it? And that's worse than murder? 354 00:14:31,412 --> 00:14:33,664 Oh, then some Indian lady pulled up. 355 00:14:33,747 --> 00:14:35,291 Yes. Tell me about her. 356 00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:37,042 Why, you into that? Respect. 357 00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:39,628 -No. What was she doing there? -[Fred] I don't know. 358 00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:43,465 My dad told me never to pay attention to women over 35. 359 00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:45,843 [sighs] Okay. This is useless. 360 00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:49,138 You clearly had nothing to do with Diya's kidnapping. 361 00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:50,639 -[gasps] -Sorry, Doc. 362 00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:53,183 You're not getting out of here until you help me 363 00:14:53,267 --> 00:14:54,893 with my passive aggression. 364 00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:57,605 But if you really wanna leave, I guess I can just go suffer 365 00:14:57,688 --> 00:15:00,274 with the other guys waiting to talk to you. 366 00:15:01,859 --> 00:15:03,068 Oh! 367 00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:07,323 [mom 2] Welcome fans of women's self-defense! 368 00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:12,411 Now who's ready for some bone-crushing empowerment? 369 00:15:12,494 --> 00:15:14,246 [crowd cheering] 370 00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:15,456 In one corner, 371 00:15:15,539 --> 00:15:17,708 weighing in at 110 pounds, 372 00:15:17,791 --> 00:15:21,670 and with a social media reach of 12,300, 373 00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:25,466 Daphne, "the Ginger Jack-Hammer" Blake. 374 00:15:25,549 --> 00:15:27,509 [crowd cheering] 375 00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:29,178 And in the other corner, 376 00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:31,513 weighing in at "how-dare-you?" 377 00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:33,641 And with a social media reach of, 378 00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:35,684 "she says she's too good for it." 379 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:38,854 Velma, Indian middle name, Dinkley. 380 00:15:38,937 --> 00:15:40,439 -[faint clapping] -[girl 6 sarcastically] Yay... 381 00:15:40,522 --> 00:15:41,857 [boy 1] Sit down. 382 00:15:41,940 --> 00:15:45,736 Now let's find out which girl is less vulnerable. 383 00:15:45,819 --> 00:15:48,697 Hydrate up. You're gonna need it when you're crying later. 384 00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:51,367 Wow. I haven't seen someone this overly confident 385 00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:53,035 since my moms on election day, 2016. 386 00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:57,373 Really thought Jill Stein had it. Anyway. Fight! 387 00:15:57,456 --> 00:15:58,540 [Daphne grunts] Ah! 388 00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:00,042 -[crowd cheering] -[Daphne] What? 389 00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:02,461 How's your stomach so hard? Are you a robot? 390 00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:04,505 Is that why you never shower after gym? 391 00:16:04,588 --> 00:16:06,340 No, my stomach's like my lips, 392 00:16:06,423 --> 00:16:08,842 soft, and a lot of weird noises come out of it. 393 00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:10,594 What you felt was... 394 00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:12,638 -Wait, that's my journal. -[Velma] Yeah, 395 00:16:12,721 --> 00:16:14,556 and I'm about to perform the audiobook. 396 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,475 [in British accent] With voices and everything, innit? 397 00:16:16,558 --> 00:16:18,435 [in normal voice] Velma, please don't do this. 398 00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:20,896 -You hurt me. I hurt you. -[microphone feedback] 399 00:16:20,979 --> 00:16:23,899 Hey, everyone. So you all think that Daphne is the perfect, 400 00:16:23,982 --> 00:16:26,193 beautiful, girl-next-door, right? 401 00:16:26,276 --> 00:16:27,736 Well, it's a lie. 402 00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:29,363 According to her own journal, 403 00:16:29,446 --> 00:16:32,574 Daphne is so messed up that she has a daily session 404 00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:34,743 with our school guidance counselor, Lamont. 405 00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:36,870 to discuss her issues. 406 00:16:36,954 --> 00:16:38,455 [microphone feedback] 407 00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:46,714 Guys, come on. 408 00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:49,299 I just made Daphne vulnerable. I win. 409 00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:52,928 Now laugh as we watch her precious popularity fade away. 410 00:16:53,011 --> 00:16:54,596 -[crowd booing] -Why would we do that? 411 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:59,643 Mental health is no joke, no matter how lame Lamont is. 412 00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:01,895 Yeah. No matter how lame I am. 413 00:17:03,522 --> 00:17:06,066 [crowd chanting] Daphne, Daphne! 414 00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:07,776 Oh, no. 415 00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,361 -[smacks] -[Velma groans] 416 00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:17,995 Look, Velma, the only way you're going to avoid suspension 417 00:17:18,078 --> 00:17:20,038 is if you apologize to Daphne. 418 00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:21,623 I have to apologize? 419 00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:24,001 She kicked me so hard, my tubes are now tied. 420 00:17:24,084 --> 00:17:28,255 Yes, but you hurt her feelings, which is way worse these days. 421 00:17:28,338 --> 00:17:30,382 Now, would you care to tell me why? 422 00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:33,552 No way. And good luck trying to get in my head without your cardigan, sucker. 423 00:17:33,635 --> 00:17:35,721 Yeah, Norville told me about your little trick. 424 00:17:37,806 --> 00:17:40,309 [meditative music playing] 425 00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:44,688 Fine. I know I have to talk to someone 426 00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:46,565 about my feelings for Daphne, but... 427 00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:49,818 [exclaims] 428 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,946 But my mom is the person I talk to when I'm confused. 429 00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:54,907 and talking to anyone else feels like a betrayal, 430 00:17:54,990 --> 00:17:57,284 like I'm admitting she's gone for good. 431 00:17:57,367 --> 00:18:00,370 I see that, but hasn't not talking to someone else 432 00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:02,748 gotten you even further from finding her. 433 00:18:04,249 --> 00:18:05,667 Huh. 434 00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:08,587 Okay. That feels smart, but it's coming from you so... 435 00:18:08,670 --> 00:18:11,173 Yeah. No, I surprised myself there. 436 00:18:11,256 --> 00:18:13,675 I'm really just supposed to talk to kids about college, 437 00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:15,886 but my point is... 438 00:18:15,969 --> 00:18:17,763 uh...uh... Nope. Lost it. 439 00:18:17,846 --> 00:18:19,556 I think you meant that 440 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:22,059 by refusing to figure out my feelings for Daphne in the beginning, 441 00:18:22,142 --> 00:18:24,269 I just made this whole mess with her instead. 442 00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:26,480 That's it. You know, a smart girl like you 443 00:18:26,563 --> 00:18:28,565 would be real Smith College material. 444 00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:31,026 Okay, but do I still have to apologize to Daphne? 445 00:18:31,109 --> 00:18:34,530 I only read her journal because she said she was too popular for me. 446 00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:35,864 Up to you, Velma. 447 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:38,200 But sometimes when you're being attacked, 448 00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:40,953 -the best thing to do is-- -Go limp. 449 00:18:41,036 --> 00:18:42,371 You're right. 450 00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:44,706 I was going to say go for the eyes! [chuckles] 451 00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:48,043 [Norville] So it looks like Fred 452 00:18:48,126 --> 00:18:50,462 isn't connected to your mom's disappearance. Good news, right? 453 00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:52,381 No, it's terrible news. 454 00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:55,467 It means my big clue is a dead end, and Fred is probably innocent. 455 00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:57,302 Yeah, but isn't it a little comforting 456 00:18:57,386 --> 00:18:59,721 to see a rich white guy get wrongly convicted for once? 457 00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:01,515 I'm too distracted to enjoy it. 458 00:19:01,598 --> 00:19:03,600 I need to make things right with Daphne. 459 00:19:06,728 --> 00:19:08,564 Wait for me, okay? 460 00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:10,732 Unless you feel like getting me a snow cone and immediately coming back. 461 00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:13,527 Sure. I don't have anything else scheduled for right now. Oh, crap! 462 00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:23,203 [man coughs] 463 00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:28,125 Well, 10-minute rule. Norville is not coming. 464 00:19:28,208 --> 00:19:31,962 Guess I'll have to channel my childhood trauma into becoming a lawyer 465 00:19:32,045 --> 00:19:35,257 and helping my imprisoned brothers appeal their convictions. 466 00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:36,717 No, nobody leaves. 467 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,052 Why does everyone think they can stand me up? 468 00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:40,554 [grunts] 469 00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:43,849 Okay. Riot it is. 470 00:19:43,932 --> 00:19:46,685 -[prisoners grunting] -[alarm sounding] 471 00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:52,190 [siren blaring] 472 00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:56,570 [cat meows] 473 00:19:59,406 --> 00:20:00,532 [cell phone vibrates] 474 00:20:03,118 --> 00:20:04,036 Hmm. 475 00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:06,955 What do you want, Velma? 476 00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:08,624 I came to apologize. 477 00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:12,169 I'm sorry I read your journal out loud to everyone in school. 478 00:20:12,252 --> 00:20:13,795 -Velma. -Yes, I know, I know. 479 00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:15,547 Now you want to apologize to me? 480 00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:18,091 -For what? -For saying I'm not popular enough for you. 481 00:20:18,175 --> 00:20:20,469 -I never said that. -Well, someone said it. 482 00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:22,429 -You said it -And I meant it. 483 00:20:22,512 --> 00:20:25,015 This has nothing to do with popularity, Velma. 484 00:20:25,098 --> 00:20:27,309 Do you even know why I've been talking to Lamont? 485 00:20:27,392 --> 00:20:31,104 No, honestly, I just flipped through your journal looking for sexy stuff. 486 00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:32,481 Bit of a snooze, IMHO. 487 00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:34,274 Okay, well, I'm talking to him 488 00:20:34,358 --> 00:20:36,026 because searching for my birth parents 489 00:20:36,109 --> 00:20:38,570 has brought up a lot of feelings of abandonment for me. 490 00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:39,529 Oh. 491 00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:41,531 I'm sorry. 492 00:20:41,615 --> 00:20:43,158 -When my mom-- -Exactly. 493 00:20:43,241 --> 00:20:45,577 When your mom went missing you abandoned me too. 494 00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:47,829 What? Only after you got hot and ditched me. 495 00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:49,623 That's not true. You shut me out first. 496 00:20:49,706 --> 00:20:52,125 I shut everyone out. I still haven't seen my dentist, 497 00:20:52,209 --> 00:20:53,585 nor do I intend to. 498 00:20:56,421 --> 00:20:59,549 Okay, so maybe a little fault in our falling out lies with me? 499 00:20:59,633 --> 00:21:02,010 And then we kissed, and it was amazing. 500 00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:05,222 But you said you didn't like me like that and I freaked out. 501 00:21:05,305 --> 00:21:08,058 'Cause I thought you're going to go away again. 502 00:21:08,141 --> 00:21:10,644 So wait, is this an apology? 503 00:21:10,727 --> 00:21:12,354 Well, do you like me? 504 00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:13,689 You know I do. 505 00:21:13,772 --> 00:21:16,441 But I'm also, kill me, super attracted to Fred. 506 00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:18,276 Whoa! You do need therapy. 507 00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:21,697 Honestly, I think what I really need is a friend. 508 00:21:21,780 --> 00:21:22,698 Me, too. 509 00:21:23,281 --> 00:21:24,199 But also, 510 00:21:24,282 --> 00:21:25,867 -maybe a friend who fu-- -No. 511 00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:28,537 Let's just keep it simple and try and be friends again. 512 00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:29,788 Yeah, you're right. 513 00:21:29,871 --> 00:21:31,665 I can only obsess over one woman at a time. 514 00:21:31,748 --> 00:21:33,917 And right now it has to be my mom. 515 00:21:34,001 --> 00:21:35,127 So should we hug it out? 516 00:21:35,210 --> 00:21:36,920 Friends hug, boobs touch, no crotch. 517 00:21:37,004 --> 00:21:38,630 Boobs touch, no crotch. 518 00:21:41,049 --> 00:21:43,468 -Maybe, let's just shake. Yeah? -Yes, love a shake. 519 00:21:43,552 --> 00:21:46,179 Just two friends, sharing a casual handshake. 520 00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:49,266 Good night, friend. 521 00:21:49,349 --> 00:21:51,059 -Good night, friend. -[door opens] 522 00:21:53,103 --> 00:21:54,104 [sighs in relief] 523 00:21:55,605 --> 00:21:56,565 [monster growling] 524 00:21:56,648 --> 00:21:58,442 [Velma screaming] 525 00:21:58,525 --> 00:22:01,153 Well, at least my hallucinations are back to normal. 526 00:22:01,236 --> 00:22:03,989 What the hell, Norville? You're supposed to drive me home. 527 00:22:04,072 --> 00:22:05,866 Now I have to walk. 528 00:22:05,949 --> 00:22:08,952 I have literally never been madder. 529 00:22:09,036 --> 00:22:09,953 Hi, Dad. 530 00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:13,999 [police siren wailing] 531 00:22:14,082 --> 00:22:17,461 Son, I hate to say it, but you're not ready for the cardigan. 532 00:22:17,544 --> 00:22:20,130 With medium power comes medium responsibility. 533 00:22:20,213 --> 00:22:21,840 I know. I'm sorry. 534 00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:27,471 Crystal Cove Insane Asylum? 535 00:22:27,554 --> 00:22:29,306 Why is this in here? 536 00:22:29,389 --> 00:22:33,393 [stammering] What? Oh, that. I... I... I have a friend who works there. 537 00:22:33,477 --> 00:22:36,521 Doctor... uh... Bad Excuse. 538 00:22:36,605 --> 00:22:37,481 Hmm. 539 00:22:40,776 --> 00:22:42,819 Why do you have this, Dad? 540 00:22:43,862 --> 00:22:45,113 [sighs] 541 00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:47,949 Son, there's something I need to tell you 542 00:22:48,033 --> 00:22:49,618 about your mother. 543 00:22:57,042 --> 00:22:57,918 [sighs] 544 00:23:02,756 --> 00:23:03,715 Hey, stranger. 545 00:23:15,268 --> 00:23:16,561 [prisoners panting] 546 00:23:18,396 --> 00:23:19,815 Look, a cabin. 547 00:23:19,898 --> 00:23:21,775 We can ask directions to town. 548 00:23:21,858 --> 00:23:23,068 Ask directions? 549 00:23:23,151 --> 00:23:24,820 I thought your nickname was The Thief, 550 00:23:24,903 --> 00:23:27,030 -not The Puss. -[all laughing] 551 00:23:27,114 --> 00:23:29,533 Fine, suit yourselves. 552 00:23:29,616 --> 00:23:32,619 Okay, now who has a phone so I can call my driver? 553 00:23:33,912 --> 00:23:36,206 Oh, you guys want to use one of your drivers? 554 00:23:36,289 --> 00:23:37,707 [mom 2] Freeze! Police! 555 00:23:37,791 --> 00:23:39,543 -[frantic shouting] -[Fred] Ah! Oh. 556 00:23:39,626 --> 00:23:41,253 [Fred] You'll never take me alive. 557 00:23:41,336 --> 00:23:42,587 [panting] Whoa! 558 00:23:42,671 --> 00:23:46,633 But why won't we take you alive, Fred? 559 00:23:46,716 --> 00:23:50,011 Because I wanna look tough to impress my father. 560 00:23:50,095 --> 00:23:51,138 Aw! 561 00:23:52,264 --> 00:23:53,640 [groaning] 562 00:23:53,723 --> 00:23:54,933 [Fred groans] 563 00:23:55,016 --> 00:23:55,976 [both cheer] 564 00:23:56,059 --> 00:23:58,145 [theme music playing] 565 00:24:25,130 --> 00:24:26,089 [man] Go to bed. 40418

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