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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,920
This programme contains
some strong language
2
00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:06,400
Is that an extra large bottle
of Listerine for Mrs Lamb?
3
00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:07,760
No, Liz. That would be rude.
4
00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:10,080
No, I saw her in Costcutter
last week buying Malibu
5
00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:11,160
and some potatoes.
6
00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:13,720
Clearly, potatoes aren't
an appropriate gifting item, so...
7
00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:15,640
I haven't got Lamb anything.
Not even a potato.
8
00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:17,480
Can we just say
that's from all of us?
9
00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:19,600
Oh, no, no, sorry.
I've sealed it already.
10
00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:21,720
Oh, God, you're so good
at Christmas, Kevin!
11
00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:24,320
It is one of my top skills,
along with changing duvets
12
00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:25,520
and cooking rice.
13
00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:28,080
Right, so what should I get Mother,
then, Mr Father Christmas?
14
00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:30,560
Because last year she said not
to get her anything, so I didn't
15
00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:32,720
get her anything, and then
she did Sad Face all day,
16
00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:34,120
which is very mixed messaging.
17
00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:36,880
Oh, oh, what about getting
an experience like, erm,
18
00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:39,040
a hot-air balloon ride or zorbing?
19
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:40,120
What's zorbing?
20
00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:42,480
It's when you roll down a hill
in a giant see-through ball.
21
00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:44,560
She's an old lady,
Kevin, not a gerbil.
22
00:00:44,560 --> 00:00:48,160
Right, well, what about dry slope
skiing, then, or canal barging?
23
00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:49,320
Yes! That's it!
24
00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:51,360
She's always banging on
about us going to Venice.
25
00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:53,720
I'll take her there for the weekend.
Well done, Kevin.
26
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:56,040
In the words of Maui,
"You're welcome."
27
00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:58,000
SCHOOL BELL RINGS
28
00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:02,080
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
29
00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:04,840
Please ensure you take
all of your children's work
30
00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:06,160
home with you.
31
00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:11,080
That's from both of us.
32
00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:14,240
Oh, I love it!
33
00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:29,360
Oh.
34
00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:31,720
Hello.
35
00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:32,800
Hiya.
36
00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:34,360
Ho, ho, ho, hoes.
37
00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:35,760
And Kevin.
38
00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:38,560
Oh, nothing says Christmas
like noshing on a hot sausage.
39
00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:39,720
Am I right, Julia?
40
00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:43,520
Oh, no, no. My hot sausage noshing
days are over, unfortunately, Meg.
41
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,200
Christmas come early for you, then?
42
00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:47,040
It's just a small one this year.
43
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:48,240
The big girls are away.
44
00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:50,520
One's in Bali.
The other one's in Mali.
45
00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:52,800
Hey, look what I got Bill
for Christmas.
46
00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:54,040
Oh, that's hot!
47
00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:55,120
I know.
48
00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:58,880
You know, when I think of Bill,
I often picture him in leather.
49
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:00,360
I will pass that on.
50
00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:03,760
I'm offski.
51
00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:03,760
BIKE BELL RINGS
52
00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:06,040
SHE GROANS
53
00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:08,600
Damn! Sweet wheels.
54
00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:10,360
Should've grabbed a selfie on that.
55
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:12,680
You want a stupid big bike
for Christmas, Kev?
56
00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:14,160
In my dreams, Liz.
57
00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:16,120
No, no, I've got
everything I want.
58
00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:18,080
Christmas breakfast with my girls.
59
00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:20,760
I've got to make sure I get going
by the time Jill wakes up,
60
00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:23,280
and then it's back to the hotel
for turkey crisps
61
00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:24,520
from the vending machine.
62
00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:26,360
You still at the abyss?
63
00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:27,640
It's the Ibis.
64
00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:28,800
That's very funny, Liz.
65
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,880
I have to remember to tell
the other divorced dads.
66
00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:32,280
They'll hoot at that.
67
00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:34,480
Maybe not Oliver.
He's in a very dark place.
68
00:02:34,480 --> 00:02:35,560
Jesus Christ!
69
00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:37,400
No, it's all right.
He's on the ground floor.
70
00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:38,480
And we took away his belt.
71
00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:40,760
Right, that's it, Kevin.
You're coming to me, love.
72
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:42,200
No, no. I don't want to encroach.
73
00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:44,800
God, I'm encroached
up to my arsehole!
74
00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:47,720
I've got Mother and that pair of
bellends that birthed my husband.
75
00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:49,000
No, the more the merrier.
76
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,400
Elizabeth and Geoff?
Oh, I love them! And Marion!
77
00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:52,760
Thank you. Thank you, Julia.
78
00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:54,040
You sure? Are you sure?
79
00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:55,360
I could bring some...
80
00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:56,920
I could... I could cook.
81
00:02:56,920 --> 00:02:58,920
Yes, bloody please!
82
00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:00,800
What about you, Elizabeth?
Got any plans?
83
00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:03,280
Oh, well, Lee won the meat raffle
at the pub
84
00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:04,760
so he's hosting for once.
85
00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:06,440
I'm only here for the free sausages.
86
00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:08,680
Oh, hot, hot, hot, hot...
87
00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:10,200
Eh, all right, hot cock.
88
00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:11,920
Here comes your girlfriend. Sh, sh!
89
00:03:11,920 --> 00:03:13,000
All right, Amanda?
90
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:15,360
Oh, hey. You want to come to
Julia's for Christmas?
91
00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:16,480
It's an open house.
92
00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:17,800
Oh, thanks, Julia.
93
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:21,240
But we are having a blended family
this year.
94
00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:22,640
Sounds like a horrific smoothie.
95
00:03:22,640 --> 00:03:24,880
So Mummy and I are going over
to see Johnny and the kids.
96
00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:25,920
And Tamara?
97
00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:27,400
Yes, Kevin.
98
00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:30,840
Why is everyone so obsessed
with Johnny's bloody wife?
99
00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:33,000
And just...thank you.
100
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,800
ANNE: It's Christmas!
101
00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:38,400
Only two more sleeps. I'm so excited
for hosting all the cousins.
102
00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:40,080
Only 26 this year.
103
00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:41,560
No, Mam, it's 29. Oh?
104
00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:44,000
Yeah. Terrence, Orla, Daniel
and all their kids,
105
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,640
they were meant to go to the
Maldives with Sheila and Pat's lot
106
00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:48,720
but then Magda went
and got Lyme disease.
107
00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:50,000
Well, that's still only 15.
108
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:54,640
Plus Angela's Peter, Fionnuala,
Eve, Babette and Pat. Yeah.
109
00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:56,240
And all their halves. Yeah.
110
00:03:56,240 --> 00:04:00,800
BOTH: That's Sarah, Connell,
Jamal, John, Michael and Pat. Yeah.
111
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:03,480
And Dervla's Lula's
bringing her new fella.
112
00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:07,800
So with her five boys that's...
BOTH: Cian, Cuinn, Ken, Cory...
113
00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:09,600
..and Pat! Yeah!
114
00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:12,520
That's never 29!
115
00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:13,920
No, that's 32.
116
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,840
SHE GASPS
117
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,840
Oh, we're going to need
118
00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:16,960
another side of beef.
119
00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:20,000
Ah, there's a queue,
Phillip Schofield.
120
00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,480
Yeah, OK. Sorry, sorry. OK...
121
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:30,720
TV: It's Christmas Day here
on BBC One, and we're broadcasting
122
00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:32,480
live from Durham Cathedral.
123
00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:34,960
How can it cost £1,000?
124
00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:36,200
SHE SIGHS
125
00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:38,360
Why is everyone going to Venice
all of a sudden?
126
00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:40,160
It's not all that!
MAN: Bloody hell!
127
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:46,240
Are you going to spend any of
Christmas Day with your family?
128
00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:47,680
I am building your present, Julia.
129
00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:49,720
No, you're building
your present, Paul.
130
00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:51,640
This cryo pool
is for the whole family.
131
00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:53,720
Ice water swimming can add
12 years to your life.
132
00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:55,280
And it can freeze off cellulite!
133
00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:57,680
What the actual what?
How has it gone up again?
134
00:04:57,680 --> 00:04:59,680
DOORBELL
135
00:04:57,680 --> 00:04:59,680
I only left it for a second!
136
00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:02,760
I think someone's
at the door, Julia!
137
00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:04,360
By all means answer it, Elizabeth.
138
00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:06,680
DOORBELL RINGS AGAIN
139
00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:06,680
No? OK, fine.
140
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:09,160
Could you turn the heating up
a tad, Julia?
141
00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:11,200
They must be saving on gas.
142
00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:15,240
Shame I can't harness your bum gas,
Geoff. I'd save a bloody fortune!
143
00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:17,680
# I, one King of Orient are... #
144
00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:20,360
Oh, I don't think you're allowed
to say "Orient" any more, Kevin.
145
00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:22,440
Well, am I allowed to say
"Persian feast"?
146
00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:24,480
Sure ting, as long as
I'm not cooking it.
147
00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:26,840
I know they don't celebrate
Christmas in the Middle East,
148
00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:29,400
but, my goodness me,
do they enjoy an event meal!
149
00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:33,000
Oh, right, right, I'm going to need
some muslin to drain my curd.
150
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:36,040
Oh... Marion, how lovely
to see you!
151
00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:38,520
Happy Christmas, Kev. Mwah.
152
00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:41,400
I left a little something
for you by the fireside.
153
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:44,120
Marion! You should be
on top of the tree,
154
00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:46,040
you're such a bloody angel.
155
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:48,960
Kevin, please stop
trying to get off with my mum!
156
00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:53,080
There you go.
157
00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:58,960
Oh, look at that.
158
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:01,920
Check it out.
159
00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:03,960
Oh, thank you, my baby.
160
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:07,760
Ooh!
161
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:12,600
When I have opened this,
meet me upstairs because
162
00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:15,880
that jacket is...
163
00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:17,920
Aha... A hat!
164
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,040
With a feather!
We watched The Crown, remember?
165
00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:24,600
Uh-huh. And Princess Margaret
was riding the horse,
166
00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:27,400
and then she got off
with that photographer. Mm-hm.
167
00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:29,960
And you loved her hat.
168
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:31,360
Hmm.
169
00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:33,920
It's handmade.
Not off the peg, Meg.
170
00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:36,000
Oh? Do you love it?
171
00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:42,200
Well, you're a bastard.
You've done it again.
172
00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:43,800
See you upstairs.
173
00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:01,280
SHE EXHALES SLOWLY
174
00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:05,920
Hummus? On Christmas Day?
175
00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:07,440
I've got two children, Kevin!
176
00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:09,360
They eat hummus every day
of the year.
177
00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:11,640
No, this is just the meze,
the nibbles,
178
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:12,800
for the speech.
179
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,840
Oh, we don't do a speech.
No, not you.
180
00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:17,320
The Quee... King's...
The King's speech.
181
00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:18,520
No, yeah, we don't do that.
182
00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:20,200
OK, well, what time's the walk?
183
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:21,800
What, from the sofa to the toilet?
184
00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:23,360
Any time you like.
185
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:24,600
Stop it!
186
00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:27,320
Next you're going to tell me you
don't put the Advent crown to bed.
187
00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:31,280
Feet under the Christmas tree?
188
00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:32,880
Shout up the chimney?
189
00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:34,080
Kevin!
190
00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:36,160
Where are you from, the 1840s?
191
00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:37,840
Ah... We're not Victorian orphans!
192
00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:40,160
Any chance of a top-up, Julia?
193
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,280
What time do think lunch
will be ready?
194
00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:45,000
Oh, I don't know. Three, four,
five, nine - who can say, Geoff?
195
00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:48,040
In the meantime, there's plenty
in there to stuff in your gullet.
196
00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:50,040
Is this what we're eating?
197
00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:52,000
No. No, no. This is for
display purposes only.
198
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:54,040
This is all going to be scraped
into the bin... Ah!
199
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:56,320
..serve the real food later.
Yeah! Yes.
200
00:07:56,320 --> 00:07:59,040
Oh, Geoff, mind your pacemaker
near the hob.
201
00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:00,680
Oh. Ha-ha...
202
00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:03,160
OK.
203
00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:05,560
Ready, get set...
204
00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,320
..bake!
205
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:08,760
Oh...
206
00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:10,400
Cheers!
207
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:20,040
DOORBELL RINGS
208
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:25,280
Oh! Mummy, you're here.
209
00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:27,080
Mm.
210
00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:28,840
Oh, you look very Christmassy.
211
00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:30,120
You too, darling.
212
00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:34,440
Like a gorgeous...sugar plum
pudding.
213
00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:35,800
OK.
214
00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,160
Hey, you guys...
215
00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:41,680
Mummy! Have you been having
a lovely Christmas morning with
216
00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:43,200
Daddy and Auntie Tamara?
217
00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:44,400
BOTH: Yes.
218
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:45,840
Aw!
219
00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:47,240
Ah.
220
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:48,280
What are they wearing?
221
00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:50,040
Why are they dressed
like minor royals?
222
00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:52,120
Dress for the job you want, I say.
223
00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:53,920
A little something from Gan-Gan.
224
00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:55,040
Gan-Gan?
225
00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:57,000
Are you rebranding yourself?
226
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:58,480
Are you all right, darling?
227
00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:00,480
I know this must be
difficult for you.
228
00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:02,600
What? No, it's fine.
229
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:03,840
Fine.
230
00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:05,120
There she is!
231
00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:07,240
Hi.
232
00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:08,520
Oh, God!
233
00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:10,600
The curse of the Selfridges sale?
234
00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:14,640
It's not a problem, Tamara.
235
00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:16,160
It's just funny, isn't it?
236
00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:17,320
So funny.
237
00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:19,440
It's OK. I... I can change.
238
00:09:19,440 --> 00:09:21,720
I'll just grab something
out of the laundry.
239
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:26,560
Oh, happy Christmas,
by the way, Amanda.
240
00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:28,120
Happy Christmas!
241
00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:32,200
Thank you so much for tracking down
to the deepest, darkest Isleworth.
242
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:33,440
No probs.
243
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:36,520
Sorry!
244
00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:38,520
It's a bit crumpled.
245
00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:40,400
OK, back in the game.
246
00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:43,720
You literally just pulled that out
of a laundry basket, and...
247
00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:45,080
Stunning!
248
00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:46,360
Oh, no...
249
00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:47,960
Right, drinks.
250
00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:49,080
Hey. Hey!
251
00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:50,240
Happy Christmas, Amanda.
252
00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:51,440
Oh, we're doing that. OK.
253
00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:52,480
Bellini?
254
00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:55,040
Ah, a little early for me.
Thanks, Tamara. I'll wait.
255
00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:58,920
Erm, love this whole
open plan kitcheny thing.
256
00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:01,520
It's so great. Have you seen
the size of this island?
257
00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:02,920
Yeah, it's a bit ridiculous.
258
00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:05,400
Ja Rule could hold
the Fyre Festival on it.
259
00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:07,040
EXAGGERATED LAUGH
260
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:08,160
That's funny.
261
00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:09,400
You get it, Mummy?
262
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:10,440
Yes, of course I do.
263
00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:11,680
Ah, you smell great.
264
00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:14,160
AMANDA AND TAMARA: Oh, thank you.
265
00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:15,920
You look quite puffy, darling.
266
00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:17,000
Were you crying?
267
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,760
No! I...
268
00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:20,960
I actually think I'm going
to have this Bellini
269
00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:22,440
right now, actually. Mm.
270
00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:27,680
Merry Christmas.
271
00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:30,160
JULIA: Right, so there's a flight
to Venice, Treviso
272
00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:36,280
stopping off at Frankfurt at 6:20,
which is now...
273
00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:38,360
£697?!
274
00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:40,120
Can I do anything, Kevin?
275
00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:42,200
No. Shoo, shoo. Why don't you go
and peel a satsuma
276
00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:43,840
or pull a cracker or
something, Mother?
277
00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:45,360
Oh, smells delicious!
278
00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:47,600
The things you can do with
a cauliflower, Marion. Ooh!
279
00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:49,760
Oh, oh, could I get a selfie,
for the girls?
280
00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:52,320
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Why don't you two get a room?
281
00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:53,800
MARION LAUGHS
282
00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:55,920
Oh, stop it, Julia!
283
00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:59,560
I hope you're not booking
that for me.
284
00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:02,720
Mother! Well, I'm just not keen
on flying these days,
285
00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:04,320
you know, since my knee replacement.
286
00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:06,480
Yeah, well, I wasn't booking
anything, so it's fine.
287
00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:08,720
Well, I'm not interested
in travelling any more.
288
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:10,880
Right, well, sorry for trying
to do something nice.
289
00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:13,120
You can still do something nice.
290
00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:15,200
I just don't want you
wasting your money.
291
00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:17,280
No, it's all right.
Message received.
292
00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:19,920
I tell you what, why don't you
just, erm, toddle off with a sherry
293
00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:21,960
and go and eat some Bombay mix
or something?
294
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:23,520
You ungrateful old cabbage.
295
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:27,040
Can anyone read Chinese?
296
00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:31,520
Oh, your parents are trying out
Ivy's magical goggles.
297
00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:32,760
What, she's opened her VR set?
298
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,560
You never told me
we were opening presents.
299
00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:36,600
No, yes, I did. I told you.
I told you when I came out
300
00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:38,560
to tell you that we were
opening presents, Paul.
301
00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:39,760
What's that weird smell?
302
00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:41,120
Oh. Hey, Kev.
303
00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:42,360
Ooh, hummus.
304
00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:44,600
Can't remember the last time
I had hummus.
305
00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:46,600
How's the... How's the hot tub
going?
306
00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:48,040
It's a cryo pool.
307
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:51,000
It's great for icing your thighs
after a beasting at the velodrome.
308
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:52,560
Phooey. Sounds ace.
309
00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:54,160
Erm, Julia, Julia, erm...
310
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:56,040
Where's your fish kettle?
311
00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:57,960
Erm, with my lobster teapot.
312
00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:00,280
I don't have a flipping
fish kettle, Kevin.
313
00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:02,320
That's next year's Christmas
present sorted.
314
00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:04,320
Mm! Oh, ha-ha-ha...
315
00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:05,440
Geoff, help me!
316
00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:07,760
Elizabeth is cage-diving
with sharks!
317
00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:09,160
Help me!
318
00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:11,520
Marion, you really must try
these electric goggles.
319
00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:14,320
You know, you can go right up
Kilimanjaro with them?
320
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:17,600
Ooh! Wish me luck!
321
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:17,600
GEOFF LAUGHS
322
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:22,000
Prize for the best Christmas
present ever goes to me.
323
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,000
The cage won't hold!
324
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:26,080
Right, let's go to Dad's!
325
00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:27,520
So, who's choosing the first song?
326
00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:29,000
BOTH: Me!
327
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:30,640
Can we have Insane in the Membrane?
328
00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:33,040
Yep. Christmas classic.
329
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:35,760
PHONE ALERT
330
00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:42,880
Oh, you prick.
331
00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:48,680
ANSWERPHONE: Please leave
your message after the tone.
332
00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:51,240
Just checking this isn't a joke.
333
00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:52,320
It isn't, is it?
334
00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:54,320
SHE SHOUTS: You piece of total...
335
00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:02,040
Aargh!
336
00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:02,040
HORN SOUNDS REPEATEDLY
337
00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:06,720
Right, who wants
a Christmas Calippo?
338
00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:08,680
BOTH: Me!
339
00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:11,840
Poor Daddy, stuck
in a train station.
340
00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:16,200
I hope he doesn't fall on a live
rail and fry his knackers off.
341
00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:19,680
Tin baked beans and sausage
or steak and kidney Fray Bentos?
342
00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:22,600
CAR UNLOCKS, CHILDREN LAUGHING
343
00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:24,040
WOMAN: Where's the other bag?
344
00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:27,280
LAUGHTER
345
00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:48,800
Oh!
346
00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:52,480
MARION LAUGHS
347
00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:54,400
Oh, oh, oh...
348
00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:54,400
DOORBELL RINGS
349
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,000
Doorbell, Julia!
350
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:58,080
There's somebody at the door, Julia!
351
00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:00,640
Oh...
352
00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:00,640
DOORBELL RINGING
353
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,040
Doorbell's ringing!
354
00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:03,400
JULIA: Don't worry, I'll get it!
355
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:06,040
Hey, maybe it's British Gas
about your bum, Geoff.
356
00:14:07,560 --> 00:14:08,600
Lizzie?
357
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:10,200
Effing Lee. Oh, dear. Should I ask?
358
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:12,480
No. Oh, is everything...
No. ..OK?
359
00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:14,680
Kevin's in the kitchen
straining cheese.
360
00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:17,000
Oh. Happy Christmas!
361
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:18,240
No!
362
00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:19,720
Oh, dear. What's up?
363
00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:21,280
Bill got me a hat for Christmas,
364
00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:23,880
a 400 quid, handmade
Robin Hood hat.
365
00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:25,040
Bottoms up.
366
00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:27,840
Crikey. I would've loved a £400 hat
rather than the pedal bin
367
00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:29,600
that Paul got me. Or nothing.
368
00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:31,400
Which is what I got Mother, again.
369
00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:33,240
I don't think he knows me any more!
370
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:34,760
Of course he knows you.
371
00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:37,320
He loves you
even though he knows you.
372
00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:39,960
You two make us all want to puke.
373
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:41,280
Give us a look, then.
374
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,440
LAUGHTER
375
00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:50,760
Oh, look at you!
376
00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:52,360
Oh, it's so funny.
377
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:55,400
I literally cannot believe we were
in Val d'Isere the same season.
378
00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:57,920
Please don't tell me -
you got off with that guy
379
00:14:57,920 --> 00:14:59,240
who had the ice sculpture...
380
00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:00,640
BOTH: ..in the shape of a penis!
381
00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:01,960
THEY LAUGH
382
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:03,360
Sorry, Johnny! No, I didn't,
383
00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:05,800
but Jean-Luc was totally into me.
384
00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:08,640
Nightmare! You know,
he wasn't even French. No?
385
00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:10,480
He was from Bolton.
386
00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:12,720
Oh, stop it.
Tamara, that's hilarious!
387
00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:14,040
Are you serious?!
388
00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:16,320
Well, someone's full of
festive cheer.
389
00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:18,160
Grandma? Grandma, come and play!
390
00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:20,080
Hang on a second, babies. Come on!
391
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:23,040
Gosh, though, Val d'Isere! Yeah.
392
00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:24,400
So glad I only went there once.
393
00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:26,920
What a frozen meat market
that was. Yeah.
394
00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:30,960
You went every bloody year
of your 20s, didn't you, darling?
395
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,280
Yeah.
396
00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:34,680
Yeah, so sometimes I...
397
00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:37,000
I do wish I could've gone back.
Yeah.
398
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:38,520
You know, for the fondues alone.
399
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:41,880
Very hard to get this one
to expand her horizons.
400
00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:44,560
Well, to be fair, Mummy, you're
the one who wouldn't let me do
401
00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:47,000
my gap year in South America
because you said I'd get raped.
402
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,280
Well, you would've got raped,
and I stand by that.
403
00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:51,920
Do we have any rosemary?
404
00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:54,160
Johnny, look at you!
405
00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:55,840
Tamed at last.
406
00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:58,800
Here you go, babe.
407
00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:01,200
You'll find someone soon.
408
00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:03,600
Maybe you will too, Mummy.
409
00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:05,360
I hope it's done.
410
00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:06,680
I don't want to poison you all.
411
00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:08,280
Where's your meat thermometer?
412
00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:10,200
Here.
413
00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,200
Right. My work here is done.
414
00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:13,400
I'd Instagram that.
415
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:14,640
If I was a dick.
416
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,800
Actually, should we feed the kids
in the living room?
417
00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:18,440
Because this does look very nice.
418
00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:20,040
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
419
00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:22,400
Za'atar.
420
00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:28,400
Now Christmas dinner is ready.
421
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:29,640
Aw!
422
00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:31,000
Come here.
423
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:35,520
Can I just say
this is the best Chrissy ever?
424
00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:37,000
Got my bessie mates,
425
00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:40,960
the family...off in the house
and garden somewhere.
426
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:44,760
Mm? This is what it's all about,
isn't it?
427
00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:46,040
Oh, hang on, hang on.
428
00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:47,240
Just for my girls.
429
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:50,520
They're desperate to see how
my math tool turned out.
430
00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:52,880
CAMERA CLICKS
431
00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:52,880
OK.
432
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:55,040
Right, dinner! Kids, come on,
hurry up,
433
00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:57,680
otherwise all your presents
are going to the charity shop.
434
00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:59,560
I'll summon the elders.
435
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:00,840
Paul, dinner!
436
00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:02,360
Could you pass me my towel?
437
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:06,000
Right...
438
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:09,280
TV: # Deck the halls
with boughs of holly... #
439
00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:10,760
Oh.
440
00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:13,320
# 'Tis the season to be jolly
441
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:15,800
# Fa la la la la... #
442
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:15,800
HE SWITCHES TV OFF
443
00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:17,120
Marion?
444
00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:22,640
Oh, my God.
445
00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:30,000
Oh, my God.
446
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:31,760
Oh, my God, oh, my God...
447
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:31,760
TOILET FLUSHING
448
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:34,480
Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.
Oh, my God, oh, my God...
449
00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:35,760
DOOR CLOSES
450
00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:38,040
I should've gotten bog rolls
for Christmas instead
451
00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:40,440
of those chocolates. Oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God...
452
00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:42,000
What? Shit. What?
453
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:43,240
OK, OK, OK...
454
00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:44,880
Breathe into this.
455
00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:50,320
That didn't help at all.
456
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:51,800
There's a hole in that, Liz.
457
00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:53,040
My God...
458
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:55,080
It's Marion.
459
00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:57,240
She's passed!
460
00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:00,600
She's no more.
461
00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:01,640
What?
462
00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:17,720
Shit.
463
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:20,920
What do we do? What do we do?
What do we do?
464
00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:23,200
What would Jill do?
She's great with death.
465
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,160
Shall I call Jill?
No, no, I won't call Jill.
466
00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:27,040
What do we do? What do we do?
What do we...
467
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:28,440
Call an ambulance.
468
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:29,640
I'll tell Julia.
469
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:30,680
Yeah, all right. OK.
470
00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:33,200
What about them?
471
00:18:35,120 --> 00:18:36,760
Alive!
472
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:38,280
No, I mean, what do we do with them?
473
00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:40,280
Oh, right. Just leave them
there for now,
474
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:41,760
just let them sleep. Right.
475
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:44,320
What about the kids?
476
00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:46,640
They can't see Marion like this,
on Christmas Day!
477
00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:47,960
No, yeah, good point.
478
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,440
Right, run across the road.
479
00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:51,640
Tell Meg we're bringing
Christmas to hers.
480
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:53,040
Right. OK.
481
00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:55,360
OK, OK, OK.
482
00:18:57,840 --> 00:18:59,600
DOOR CLOSES
483
00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:21,560
DOOR OPENS
484
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:22,600
DOOR CLOSES
485
00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:27,000
They said the ambulance
was going to be a while, so...
486
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:28,960
This is huge.
487
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:31,760
This is... Shit. I'm so drunk.
488
00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:34,000
I don't know what to say.
I need to focus.
489
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:35,600
Kevin, have you got any cocaine?
490
00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:37,080
Yeah, maybe don't say that.
491
00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:38,960
We need to get the kids
over to yours.
492
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:40,280
We don't want to panic them.
493
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,720
Yeah!
494
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:43,200
Fine. I got this.
495
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:44,600
Hey, everybody!
496
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,800
Come on, we're going to... Oh!
Meg!
497
00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:48,560
I'm fine.
498
00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:48,560
MEG GROANS
499
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:49,680
I'll do it.
500
00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:53,920
Fire!
501
00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:55,800
There's a fire.
502
00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:55,800
CHILDREN SHOUT
503
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:57,000
Christmas pud?
504
00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:59,680
Oh... Amanda doesn't do pudding.
..I don't do pudding, no.
505
00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:01,080
No, of course. Nor do we.
506
00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:02,280
Oh, come on!
507
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:04,560
If anyone's allowed to do pud,
it's you.
508
00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:06,000
Eating for two.
509
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,360
FELICITY GASPS
510
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,360
Oh, no.
511
00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:10,520
We weren't going to say anything.
512
00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:13,840
What... Are you...
Going to have a baby!
513
00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:15,440
Isn't it the best?
514
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:17,520
Barely. It's very early days.
515
00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:19,520
How does she know about this
before me, Johnny?
516
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:21,840
She noticed Tam wasn't drinking.
517
00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:23,040
Sorry.
518
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:24,600
Oh, OK.
519
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:25,880
That's a bit of a shock.
520
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:27,920
I just didn't think we were...
521
00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:31,120
I thought you were done...with that.
522
00:20:31,120 --> 00:20:33,160
It's different for men, darling.
Yeah.
523
00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:36,000
Your father was getting women
pregnant well into his '70s.
524
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,400
He'd give old BoJo
a run for his money.
525
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:40,120
We haven't even had a scan.
526
00:20:40,120 --> 00:20:41,640
It may not even stick.
527
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:45,920
GLASS CLANGS AGAINST TEETH
528
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:45,920
Ow!
529
00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:47,880
STIFLING LAUGHTER
530
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,560
SNORTS WITH LAUGHTER
531
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,520
Such a drama llama.
532
00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:03,560
Any more fizz?
533
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:08,520
SNIFFLES
534
00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:11,560
Right.
535
00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:13,000
Who wants some salty snacks
536
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:15,480
and an overdose of sugar?
ALL: Me!
537
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:24,480
iPlayer, Netflix, Amazon,
Apple, Disney.
538
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,280
Oh, Boogie Nights is on.
539
00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:28,320
Here, knock yourselves out.
540
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,000
Ohh, how did I get so drunk?
541
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:31,800
I only had a bottle of Baileys.
542
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:33,040
Here.
543
00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:36,840
Espresso martini.
544
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:40,640
Don't want to go cold turkey
on the cream and booze.
545
00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:42,160
One of these,
546
00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:44,000
a roast dinner and a raw Berocca,
547
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:46,840
you'll be fit to operate
heavy machinery.
548
00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:48,680
Do you like my hat?
549
00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:49,880
No.
550
00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:57,920
Where's the ambulance?
551
00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:00,400
Did someone call the ambulance?
Yes, I did.
552
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:02,320
Why is it taking so long?
553
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:04,080
It's the busiest day of the year.
554
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:07,320
You've got your suicides,
your hypothermia, your overeating.
555
00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:09,680
And then you've got
your knife wounds,
556
00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:11,440
your alcohol poisoning, your burns.
557
00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:13,880
Not to mention your
pre-existing medical conditions.
558
00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:17,080
All right, Kev. Sorry.
Think I should check on my parents?
559
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:18,640
Oh, I'll do that. I'll do it.
560
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:20,520
I've left the boureki
in the oven anyway.
561
00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:23,600
Don't want to be calling
the ambulance and the fire brigade.
562
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:24,920
Sorry.
563
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:27,240
Hey.
564
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:31,000
She was surrounded by people
who loved her.
565
00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:36,280
And she'd just climbed Mount
Kilimanjaro, albeit virtually.
566
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:38,080
How many people can say that?
567
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:39,520
MESSAGE ALERT
568
00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:43,680
Oh, Lee...
569
00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:56,040
PANTING
570
00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:07,280
Kev. AAAAH!
571
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,840
Sorry. Liz! Sorry.
572
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:12,760
Oh, God. Look, I know
this isn't the right time.
573
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:15,920
It's just that Lee's just texted,
asking me to pick him up.
574
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:18,240
I mean, like I'm going
to drive to sodding Cardiff!
575
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:19,560
Oh, my God.
576
00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:21,640
What an absolute pr... I know.
577
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:24,080
Sorry, I can't concentrate
till I've picked the boureki up.
578
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:30,200
Look, look!
579
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:34,720
One landed in Marion's shoe.
580
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:38,120
God. Her little buniony foot
was in that a couple of hours ago.
581
00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:41,400
FLOORBOARDS CREAK,
THEY SCREAM
582
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:43,560
Aah! Aah!
583
00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:44,840
Elizabeth!
584
00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:12,040
Woof! Babe, you hit that hard.
585
00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:14,120
SIGHING
586
00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:14,120
We're all going to die.
587
00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:15,560
Nah!
588
00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:17,360
Not me!
589
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:25,240
It's not just that, though.
590
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:26,920
There's something else.
591
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:29,040
What?
592
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:30,280
I hate this hat.
593
00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:34,640
And it makes me feel like
you hate me.
594
00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:40,600
Well, go on, you 'nana,
take it off.
595
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:43,360
Life is too short to wear
a hat you hate.
596
00:24:43,360 --> 00:24:44,760
Thank you.
597
00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:50,560
To be honest, I hate this jacket.
598
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:51,720
What?!
599
00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:55,440
Well, it makes me look ten years
older, which is no mean feat.
600
00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:01,640
Well...
601
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:02,920
I need another drink!
602
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:13,480
Is that the ambulance?
603
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:17,200
Oh, superb Christmas lights.
604
00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:19,320
Er, Marion's still asleep, Julia.
605
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:21,640
Yes, thank you, Elizabeth.
606
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:22,960
There's no waking that one!
607
00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:25,800
That's because
she's not asleep, Mum.
608
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,800
Yes, she is.
She's out for the count.
609
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:31,360
No, Mum, she's not. She's...
610
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:35,120
What did he say?
611
00:25:35,120 --> 00:25:36,680
Boureki?
612
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:38,040
They've been on the floor.
613
00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:40,280
Boureki?
They've been on the floor.
614
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:41,920
Boureki? They've been on the floor.
615
00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:44,760
Boureki? That one's been in a shoe.
616
00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:48,600
Actually, I'm not going to
leave her on her own, actually.
617
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:50,880
Pop the kettle on, would you, Julia?
618
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:05,480
TYRES SCREECH, HORN BEEPS
Ohh! Jesus Christ!
619
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:08,440
I could've killed you...
BOTH: You stupid cow!
620
00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:10,560
What are you even doing here,
anyway?
621
00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:14,720
I was just having a drive, Julia,
I think I'm allowed to do that.
622
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:16,560
What are you even doing
623
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:20,240
scuttling around like a big squirrel
in the middle of the road
624
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:21,640
on Christmas Day?
625
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:24,840
I'm going to see my mother, if you
must know, because she's dead...
626
00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:28,160
God! Oh!
627
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:32,320
Oh, no, Julia!
628
00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:34,560
STIFLED SOBBING
629
00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:34,560
Oh, no, oh, Julia!
630
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:38,440
Don't touch me, thanks.
631
00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:41,880
I didn't even get her a present.
632
00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:43,960
And I wanted to, I just...
633
00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:46,680
She knew.
634
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:47,800
No.
635
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:50,800
She was so proud...
636
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:53,320
Oh, sh, sh, sh.
637
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:57,640
CAR HORN BEEPING URGENTLY
638
00:26:57,640 --> 00:27:00,360
I have to move my car.
639
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:04,480
So sorry.
640
00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:06,120
CAR HORN BEEPING
641
00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:17,600
I always thought you were very lucky
to have her, Julia.
642
00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:19,800
Not all mums are Marions.
643
00:27:21,120 --> 00:27:25,720
Well, last thing I said to her was,
"You ungrateful old cabbage," so...
644
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:31,520
CAR HORN BEEPING URGENTLY
645
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:31,520
Yes!
646
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:39,920
Of course, my father
fought in the Mau Mau uprising
647
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:42,960
in northern Kenya in the '50s.
648
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:44,800
Do you know any Mau Mau?
649
00:27:44,800 --> 00:27:46,680
I grew up in Brockley, Geoff.
650
00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:48,400
Oh.
651
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:51,760
Emily and Rosie have sent me
a cracker joke.
652
00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:55,440
What do you get when you cross
a snowman with a vampire? What?
653
00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:57,560
Frostbite.
654
00:27:57,560 --> 00:27:58,960
CHUCKLING
655
00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:00,800
That's so good.
656
00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:03,120
It must be a Waitrose cracker.
657
00:28:03,120 --> 00:28:06,200
Should I have gone?
658
00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:07,920
To pick that prick up?
659
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:09,680
There's no trains tomorrow either.
660
00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:12,080
No, Liz. F him!
661
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:15,200
You're needed here.
662
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:16,400
Julia needs you.
663
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:17,440
I need you.
664
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:23,760
I know Marion's dead, but the kids
are having a whale of a time.
665
00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:26,160
Yeah, but he's their dad, you know?
666
00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:28,120
He's their dad,
667
00:28:28,120 --> 00:28:30,360
but we're your family.
668
00:28:30,360 --> 00:28:32,280
IMITATES VOMITING
669
00:28:34,120 --> 00:28:36,560
All right, I'll stay.
670
00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:38,800
But never say that to me ever again.
671
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:40,960
DISTANT SIREN
672
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:40,960
They're have.
673
00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:42,400
Is that for Geoff?
674
00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:45,560
Geoff, did you hail an ambulance?
675
00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:55,440
Yeah, OK, so...
676
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:21,480
SHE SNIFFLES
677
00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:27,240
The wheel of Stilton
in the fridge...
678
00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:29,480
Is that for
general consumption or...?
679
00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:33,640
Yeah, you go for it, love.
Yeah.
680
00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:34,960
OK.
681
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:12,320
Oh, Mum.
682
00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:17,560
Let's get these guys in the car.
683
00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:18,960
OK, in you get.
684
00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:22,800
Pop your belts on, OK?
I'll just be one minute.
685
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:26,240
Mum, I need to tell you something.
686
00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:31,880
Because life's too short
and I'll regret it if I don't.
687
00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:34,600
Don't frown, darling,
you'll spoil your Botox.
688
00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:37,760
I don't like you
and you obviously don't like me.
689
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:39,320
So I think it's healthier and kinder
690
00:30:39,320 --> 00:30:41,880
if we don't go anywhere fucking
near each other for a while.
691
00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:44,800
FYI, there's a gift receipt
in your present for when you open it
692
00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:46,920
and inevitably hate it.
693
00:30:46,920 --> 00:30:49,320
You ungrateful old cabbage.
694
00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:55,320
CHOIR SINGING
'DING DONG MERRILY ON HIGH'
695
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:06,520
Do I look sexy in your jacket?
696
00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:09,040
Do I look sexy in your hat?
697
00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:12,200
Oh, my little bag.
I love you.
698
00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:16,160
Mm.
699
00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:24,600
But you said it was for me,
Elizabeth!
700
00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:26,280
It's not for me!
701
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:41,240
Aah! Jesus Christ.
702
00:31:41,240 --> 00:31:42,760
Sorry.
703
00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:45,880
We just didn't want to
interrupt your moment.
704
00:31:45,880 --> 00:31:49,080
All we wanted to say was
we're here for you.
705
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:52,440
And now, also,
sorry for frightening you.
706
00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:55,400
SHE LAUGHS
707
00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:06,600
Right, shall we go over the road?
708
00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:10,040
Cos actually, it really still stinks
of Geoff's guffs in here.
709
00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:12,960
Yeah. Yeah.
78138
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