All language subtitles for Mack.and.Rita.2022.1080p.BluRay.x264.DTS-FGT

Bye, mack.

Mack, sweetie, don't you want
to keep playing with the other kids?

Nah. They all ride too fast.
I don't like to go that fast.

Me neither, kid. Me neither.

Life goes fast enough as it is.

I got it. This is the one.
This is the one. Do you love it?

- I love it!
- You love it.

Oh, you chickens wouldn't mind scooching
in a smidge for an old gal, would you?

Huh?

I grew up always feeling
like I was an older woman

trapped in the body of a little girl.

I think that's why
I was so fond of the term "old gal."

I was raised by my grandma,
and she was the coolest "old gal"

I ever knew.

Whenever! Told her that, she'd say...

Well, that's because I'm old.

I got less time to live,
so I got less flips to give.

All I wanted was to be
like grammie Martin.

But, like any kid, I had to fit in.

Over the years, I got better at hiding...

What I thought was cool,

and getting into what my friends
thought was cool.

And you know what?
It worked out pretty well.

I wrote a book and people liked it.

And I liked being invited to the party.

And even though I didn't always know
what to do with myself,

I surrounded myself with people who did.

And I did my darnedest to keep
my inner old gal to myself.

Um, hello,
are you listening to me?

I said, maybe you should write
a short story

about the time [projectile-vomited
into the chex mix bowl at junior prom.

I think it's a good story.

Uh, yeah. I'll, uh, I'll think about it.

I actually, um, I called to see what, uh,
little brown said about my proposal?

They rejected it, which is so unfair.

Oh. Okay.

Listen, I can't get you an advance
on a book right now,

and I don't know why you'd want to waste
your time writing one, okay?

No one reads anymore.

Isn't like every Barnes and noble
an eataly now?

What I can do is, I can make some calls

and I can keep getting you
minor branding opportunities

so you don't feel like a total sham
calling yourself a writer

every time someone asks
what you do at parties.

Well, thank you for investing
in my talent.

Was that sarcasm?

Mack, just remember,

if you're not getting paid for something,
it's a hobby.

And hobbies are disgusting.

Got it.

Bye.

Okay.

Blankets.

- Good morning, girls!
- Hi, Mrs. Coletti.

Come to do a little shopping
at Sharon's vineyard?

Yes. And as I told you, that joke's
only funny if your name's Martha.

Well, I think it works.

- Take whatever you like.
- Thank you. Love you.

I could have actually done this shopping.
It is your bachelorette party.

But when I put you in charge of my 21st,

we ended up with a tableful
of different flavors of schnapps.

Whatever. That was a super fun spread!

Okay.

- What's wrong?
- Oh, nothing.

Just posting for socks,
because that's what I do.

Had a very enlightening
conversation this morning with my agent,

who informed me, in no uncertain terms,
that I am essentially no longer a writer.

So, you know.

Instagram doesn't define you.
Instagram just pays the bills.

- Okay?
- Ugh! I know. I know.

I... I just need to write a book.
Another book.

- I'm gonna write another one.
- You should.

Mama, we're leaving.

Have fun, girls. Enjoy the house.

You have no idea how many yarn stores
I had to take Betty to

for her to let you gals use it.

Yarn stores?

So, see you back here Sunday
for the shower.

- Thanks, Mrs. C.
- Indeed.

- Mack, get that hair out of your face.
- Ooh.

How does she do that?

This...

This.

Hey. Hey, there you are.

Here I am. My house. Hanging out.

Packing up.

Yeah.

Oh, cheesy! Hey.

Hi, buddy. Yes, come.

Yes. Hello. Oh, whoops.

Oh, cheese... cheesy!

God, I am so sorry. I'll, um...

- It's...
- Ugh!

I'm so sorry. I promise I'll replace them.

No! You... you... you can't.

They're limited editions.

Oh.

Yeah, and I've already worn them twice,

so, really, what am I gonna get out
of them at this point, right?

Well, again, so sorry about that.

So, um, anyway, each day's food
is in these little baggies,

so half in the morning,
then half at night.

- Every day and night.
- Yeah.

I'll be able to figure out
how to feed the dog.

Right. Cool.

Wow, crazy plans this weekend?

Uh, yeah!

It's my best friend's bachelorette
in palm Springs.

I mean, it's gonna be wild.

Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool.

Uh, well, if you're looking for something
a little more low-key,

I like to, every now and again,
just go for a rip

around the neighborhood on my iongboard,

and if you wanted, maybe,
you could come with, some time.

Maybe.

Welp!
I think that's everything.

- Great.
- Thank you, Jack.

No problem, mack.

- Awesome.
- Yeah.

All right. See you later, cheesy.

Sorry.

Found it! So it was under the seat.

So, you said that he wanted
to go skateboarding with you?

Well, I think that's definite proof

that hot dog-sitter guy is
completely obsessed with you.

Oh, my god. Why won't you give
this hot man what he wants?

I don't know. I mean,
he comes off like a total lothario.

- I'm sorry, what?
- Who?

Lothario?

- You know, lothario.
- What is that?

- Oh, you know...
- Thank you.

Lothario.

- Lothario? What is that?
- I don't know.

- I don't know what that means.
- A playa.

- Guys!
- Woo-hoo!

Okay, back to the sat word.

Uh. I can't date my neighbor.
I can't do it.

- Um, no one said "date."
- No, I didn't hear that.

- I didn't hear date.
- Mm-mm.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

Okay, can we look up
his socials real quick?

- What is it?
- That's the thing.

- He doesn't do social.
- Oh, hey, that's not good.

- Mm-mm.
- Right? That's what I said.

How do we know
he's not a stalker tracking you?

Working for the NSA?
Working for the government?

Caa?

- Fda?
- Yeah, weird.

Like, just so we're clear,

you're prejudging him
based on what he shows to the world

without entertaining the idea
that there could be something more?

- I see you.
- Loth... lothario.

Careful with your drinks, ladies.
Betty's precious about her carpet.

- Carpet?
- Yeah.

Fucking no. Carpets, ew.
I can't stay in a place with carpets.

I stand corrected.

Okay. I bet our Betty
puts some parties in here.

- I bet our Betty did.
- Oh, for sure.

Oh, Betty, my god. I'm in love with you.

Is she single?

Oh, my god. It's like as
if there's a filter in here.

This weekend is going to be sick!

I'm getting married.

Oh, shit!

We got it all over Betty's carpet.

No, just leave it there,
and put the broken glass on the side.

Oh, my god.

Okay, let's go.
I'll meet you outside.

Oh, my god.

They're gorgeous.

They're all so gorgeous.

Let's see.

There she is.

Mack, where the freak are you?

- We're at the bar already.
- Uh, nothing. Nowhere.

Okay, get your cutie little Booty
tooty out to the bar. We're doing shots!

Yeah. I feel like if I got my tonsils out,
I would just want to put them in a jar.

- Ready?
- Yeah, me, too.

- No. Okay...
- You...

So... ahem, just so you're aware,

it is our best bebé's
bachelorette bridal brunch,

and you best come correct.
And, at the moment, you're very incorrect.

Oh. Well, I'm not ready-ready.

- I was saying, are you guys ready?
- I would say one, two, three.

- No problem. Okay.
- Yeah, we're ready. Okay. Great.

Just go get something
out of my suitcase.

Okay.

Why aren't we over there?

- Where?
- There.

I mean, look at them. They've got it
figured out, those women.

You know, just eating toast
and laughing.

I wanna be like them.

Just sitting around

and falling asleep till someone comes
and shakes me awake

and tells me it's time to go to sleep
somewhere else.

We need to know.
We need to know.

But we are gonna do what you want.
Whatever you want.

I am, uh, really excited for this weekend!

- Carla, you're up. Party of four?
- Oh, Carla. That's me.

I mean, no. It's not me. It's us. I mean,
her. She's getting married!

What's up? I'm getting married.

What? No. Okay, the physical
therapist is not overrated.

When you have sex
with your physical therapist...

Okay, so he's not my...
All the time, he was my sub.

Okay. He was just, like, your substitute...

Babe, I told you, wear the green ones.

These are not for the desert.

You guys, is anyone else,
you know, feeling like...

- Anxious from this heat?
- No. I actually love it.

- Oh, shit.
- I feel like it's life-giving.

- You guys.
- Life... what?

Bad bunny is playing a private show
in a walk-in refrigerator behind Ralph's.

Starts in an hour.

Wait. Can... we... ra-ily?

Yes, we ca-a-a-n!

- Meh.
- Bah!

- What was that?
- What?

What was that sound you made
with your face and your mouth?

Oh, no. I mean, I'm kidding.

- Okay.
- Obviously. I just... no!

I thought it would be super fun

uh, if we all, um...

Take a break.

And lie down.

And, uh, did a... did a...
A past life regression!

- What?
- Yeah.

It could be, like,
a bachelorette activity.

Mm-hmm. I've done one of these before.
Honestly, truly life-changing.

Saw a lot, but...

Bad bunny in a refrigerator.

No, it's just, it's crazy.
You know, I was...

I was just thinking of pitching
a piece on past-life regressions,

and... and there's a sign
for one right there,

and... and it kind of feels
like, well, a sign.

You should go do it.

I know this isn't your thing.
It's all good. I love you.

- Thank you.
- Mm, mm, mm, mm.

We'll just meet back up at the house.

- Okay.
- Okay?

Have fun.

Regress and be blessed.
Regress and be blessed.

Regress.

Why can't I enjoy a stupid show
in a refrigerator like everyone else?

Okay, I would lie down in a refrigerator.

Hello?

Uh... okay. Did I just step
through the looking glass?

What is this?

Uh, hello?

Is anyone here?

Hello?

Welcome. Mm.

Hi. I'm, uh... oh,
I'm here to, um, regress.

Oh, lovely. Do you have an appointment?

- I don't, no, but...
- Oh, no!

Uh. Wait, wait, wait.
Please, please don't touch, it...

This is very expensive equipment
from Europe, thank you.

- Right, but the sign said lie flat.
- Yeah, you will, you will.

Just let me check the schedule,
okay? We're very busy.

Om!

Om... oh!

Today is your lucky day, moonchild.

Mercury must be in gatorade.
I'm normally swamped,

but something
just popped open for you, so...

- So, I can just lie flat? Okay. Here.
- Yeah. Yes. Oh!

But I request that you pay
before undergoing the regression.

Uh, after visiting your other lives,
you may feel disoriented.

I take PayPal, cash, visa, mastercard.

Thank you. Let's get you in.

No, I really just need to lie down, so...

Oh, please, please.
Lay down, moonchild.

Yes, there you go.

- Oh, yes. Oh, gosh!
- Ah, yes.

- Slide in there. Okay.
- I'm sorry.

All right, moonchild.

Okay, moonman.

Take a deep breath, relax, and breathe.

Okay, once you are relaxed,
I want you to think about who you are,

who you were, and who you want to be.

Today's intention is to connect
with the person you once were.

Life can take you on a winding path
that often moves in both directions.

It's important to remember
that time is merely a construct.

Who you are, who you were,
who you want to be.

It's all within you at this very moment.

You know what? I... I...

I, uh... I don't need the whole spiel.

If you could just let me lay here,
that would be great.

Okay, uh, uh, who do you want to be?

- What?
- Who do you want to be?

Who do I want to be?

I want to be
a person who doesn't, you know,

feel like they have to do
every little thing right.

You know, I want to be able
to lay down whenever I want to,

not have to wear these tall, tall boots

and walk around like I'm a giraffe.

And I don't want to have
to put a filter on every photo

to be deemed attractive
by everyone I meet.

And I-i... I don't want to have
to pretend I like kombucha.

I don't. It's disgusting!

And I want to be able to sit anywhere
I want to, lay anywhere I want to,

and I just want to stay home, like...

And not be judged for being a hermit.

I just want to be my grammie.
I want to be grammie Martin.

I want to be free to say whatever I want.

I... I wanna be the women
at the pancake house eating pancakes!

Who are you?

I don't know! I don't know. I just...

Who are you deep inside your core?

Who are you?

I'm... I'm a 70-year-old woman

trapped in the body of a 30-year-old

who really just needs a minute to rest!

Hello? Hello?

Okay.

Oh. Oh.

Oh, dear. Ow! Oh.

Oh. Mm-hmm.

What's that guy's name again? Luka?

Oh, my god! Oh!

Oh, my god! No, no. Wait.

What is this? This is...

Oh, my god, no.

Oh. Oh, my god. No.

No, no. Where is that guy? Luka!

Get in here, fix this!

Luka! Luka!

Luka! Will somebody help me?
This is not me!

I'm not... where am I?

Luka!

I'm not me. I'm not me.

I'm old. I'm really not okay.
I don't know what I'm gonna do.

Oh, dear.

Oh, these stupid boots.

Oh, ow.

- Oh. Oh, my god.
- Please.

Ah! Oh! No! Come on.

Oh, no.

Oh, my god.

What?

You can't be here. I'm very sorry.

If you're on meth, we don't have any.

What? No, no.

I'm not on meth, Carla. It's me.

- Ma'am, I'm serious.
- Okay, please. Listen. Listen.

One more move and you get
an eyeful of pepper.

- It stings. Trust me.
- That is empty.

No, it's not.

Oh, I know that's empty,
because you've had it since college.

How you know that?

Because we bought
those pepper sprays together

and we tested them out on each other,

just to make sure that they worked.
And... no, no, but I'm serious!

You're a ghost.
Please, ghost. Go away, ghost!

- Carla!
- Go away. Go away, ghost.

- Carla!
- Go away, ghost!

Carla, I'm not a ghost.

It's me! Mack!

- What?
- I don't know what to do.

Something really crazy happened
to me in that regression pod,

and I don't even look like me anymore.

But I'm me, okay? The...
Well, look, look. See? See.

That's mack's jewelry.
What did you do with her?

What do you mean?
You gave me this bracelet.

Because you said all my otherjewelry

looked like I bought it
at a judge Judy estate sale.

Which I said is a good thing because...

Judge Judy rich as hell.

What the hell?!

- I don't know what happened to me.
- You're my best friend.

- I love you so much.
- Okay, okay, okay.

I love you, too.

- Carla?
- Carla?

- Oh, god!
- Oh, my god!

Then I heard "ghost," and then I...

Oh, my god!

Are you okay?
'Cause we heard screams.

- I heard you literally scream.
- Yeah, just one of Betty's friends.

Hey.

I'll meet you guys there.
I wanna change. I feel like...

- Sure, yeah.
- Definitely change, for sure.

- Yeah. You guys look hot.
- Thank you so much.

- Thanks. You can too.
- You can, too. I'm trying to get laid.

- Okay. Thank you. Nice meeting...
- Ooh, yeah!

- You.
- Okay, just get us enough seats.

Okay, I want to make sure
they're not waiting.

Okay. I need a drink.

Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah.

This like... it's like I'm me,
but I'm not me.

I mean, I'm me way up here.

But these things here, like, I had them.
They're not mine.

Mine were like normal size.
Ah, this is horrible.

Okay, so what were you thinking about

when he was asking you
who you wanted to be?

Well, I was thinking about grammie Martin,

and about how sick
of all the bullshit I am. And...

Okay, so you were thinking
about old lady stuff

- and then you turned into one.
- Uh-huh.

So, he should be able
to turn you back into you.

Oh, god, this is really a nightmare.

My hair is different.
It's, like, really weird.

Look at this.

It feels like it's well-coated wire
or something.

It's not hair.

Mack, we're going to fix this.

I'm just really tired
and ovennhelmed, and I need to rest.

I just don't know how to explain this
to you. But you know what I can feel?

- I can, like, feel the bones.
- We're gonna figure this out.

Yeah. And if we don't, you know,
I'll just lose my friends and my sponsors,

- and I'll just run outta money.
- No.

And I'll be one of those old people,
you know, that dies in their apartment

and turns into flesh soup
because nobody finds them for weeks.

Okay, I'm not gonna
let you turn into flesh soup.

- Really?
- Really.

I'm gonna call my mom,

and ask her if we can use
Betty's house another few days.

But wait a minute. Whoa!
What about your shower?

I'll cancel it.
This is a little more important.

No, no, no, I'm sorry.

No, you're not going to cancel
anything at all.

Igotanidea.
Here's what we're gonna do.

You're gonna drive the girls back to la,

and you just tell them that, I don't know,
some sort of a work thing came up.

Anyway, I will go back into town,
and I will see if I can find him,

and I'll be back in la.
In time for your shower.

You don't want me to come with you?

I just think I need to be alone right now.

This is... whoo... a lot to process.

And you're sure there's nothing I can do?

Could you drive me somewhere
to rent a car?

- I have a better idea.
- Hmm?

Get some rest tonight. I got you.

All right. You look amazing.

I do not. Oh, dear.

Okay, I'll see you at the shower.

- Yeah, wish me luck.
- You got this.

Okay.

- Love you.
- Love you.

No!

Where did he go?

Where did he go?

It's gonna be fine.
Maybe this is just...

I don't know, what is this?
Some sort of a dream?

Just a real, like, terrible dream.

Yeah, well, but still, nevertheless.

Let's just wake up, okay?

Damn it!

I don't know what I'm gonna do.

- Whoa.
- Here you go, buddy.

Oh.

Uh, can I help you?

Well, hello. There you go. I'm...

I'm really not, um... uh, you know,
I'm not mack's mom.

I'm mack's, a... actually I'm mack's aunt.

And it's her aunt Rita.

Is that... she didn't tell you, though,
about me, because she...

She knows I'm her aunt.

Anyway, so what
we're doing is... Uh...

An... an apartment swap.

And mack is using my house
as a writer's retreat, in scottsdale or...

Yeah, scottsdale it is.

- Oh, cool.
- Yeah.

I didn't know she was writing again.
I... I really liked her first book.

- You did?
- Yeah.

She'd be really flattered if she knew.

But anyway, who cares, right?
And...

So, uh, how long are you here for?

Me? Oh.

It's like I'm not really...

I don't know.
Right now, I'm not quite sure.

But you know, it'll...
It'll be a while, maybe.

Okay, well.

- Uh, I'm Jack.
- Hey.

Welcome to the building.

Uh, I usually take care of cheese when
mack's out of town.

Oh, sorry. He's usually cuter than this.

No, he's very cute, but at some...

I don't know why.
Doesn't seem to like me.

Maybe it's just because "Rita and cheese"

doesn't have the same ring
to it as "mack and cheese."

- "Mack and cheese."
- Right? It's "mack and cheese."

That's pretty funny.

That is... it's so stupid.
But it is, it's funny.

Okay, I don't know.
I think it's pretty cute.

- Yes.
- Yeah.

So, uh, mack, s... she didn't,
uh, mention me?

She did not mention a dog Walker. No.

Oh, oh, okay.
Well, I'm... I mean,

- I'm also, like, a pretty good guy.
- Yeah.

- And modest, huh?
- Yeah. Well, nice to meet you.

Uh, again, I... I'm just next door if...
If you need anything.

Any... any help with the dog,
or... or whatever.

- Oh.
- I'm Jack.

- You're Jack. Good boy.
- Later, cheese.

Thank you, by the way.
Got it, and I won't.

- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, god.

Whoa.

Wait.

What? This isn't gonna work.
It's ridiculous.

Forget it.

Yeah. Okay.

Okay.

Yes.

Oh, god. I love that.

What about this? With this, okay.

Oh, dear. Oh.

Well? Mm.

All right. I'm gonna make this...
I'm gonna make this work.

Oh.

- You cut your hair.
- Oh, I know. I had to.

It... it felt so weird. Do you think?

This is very weird, but you look amazing.

- No. Come on.
- Okay, we're gonna do this.

- Okay. Oh.
- Yeah. Ladies.

Um,

this is mack's auntie, Rita.

- Oh. Hi.
- And, um,

these are the ladies
from my mom's wine club.

- Carol.
- Nice to meet you.

- Betty.
- Hey.

- Hey, Betty.
- Angela.

- Fabulous. All of it.
- Oh, oh.

- Doesn't she look so cute?
- She does.

And that's my mom, Sharon.

Oh, nice to meet you, Rita.
Where's mack?

She's doing the writing retreat
in scottsdale.

- We talk... I told you.
- Oh. Mm-hmm.

Oh, odd timing.
But I'm glad she's writing again.

- Mm-hmm.
- Yes. Thank you.

Auntie Rita, can I talk to you
for a second?

- I want to show you something.
- Of course.

I wanna just... I wanna show her something.

- Yes. Show me.
- We'll be right back.

We'll be here. Oh, I love that outfit...

It was like he was never even there.

We're... we're gonna find him.
We're gonna...

In all truth, you should be focusing
on your wedding, Carla.

Please, girl.

Like she's gonna let me do
anything I want wedding-wise.

And this is for me.

How are we supposed to grow old
on the French riviera

if you're 50 years ahead of me?

Ladies, can you come over
and sit down?

We've already started
opening the presents.

I did it. I-— I don't like to wait.

Oh.

Sorry about this. Betty's in a race.

She's so old that every second counts.

Oh. What do you have there, Betty?
What... what do we have there?

Wait till you see.

So, Rita, what would you like to drink?

Wine? Would you like red or white?

- Oh, red wine with ice cubes.
- Oh, great answer.

You know, I love a woman
who knows what she likes.

A woman who knows what she likes.

So, how often... I'm just curious...

Do you ladies meet for your wine club?

- Every day.
- Oh, at least.

- And, uh, nights, too.
- Oh.

- A lot.
- Sometimes we spend the weekend.

Oh, here you go.

- Oh, there you go.
- Oh. Thank you.

So if you're gonna be in town
for a while, you really should join us.

I mean, we really need someone

to help us get through
the garishly large wine cellar

my ex-wife left me, you know,
before she died.

Don't call mama Tina your ex-wife.

Well, you told me not
to call her my dead wife.

And don't call her mama Tina.

Make me sound like I was married
to a spaghetti sauce legacy.

Let the girl call her mama Tina.

No, she will not.

- Oh.
- See, Rita, this is my house, my rules.

I say what I want, and I do what I want.

And people that don't like it,
they know where the door is.

- Uh-uh.
- I've got a door back there, too.

Please, please, god.

Okay. What do you have there, Betty?

- Carla.
- I'm getting another one.

Carla, I'm gonna keep this one.

It belongs on your side table.

Okay, who is this from?

Wow, I love the wrapping.

There's nothing there.

No, there's nothing there.
Look and see. You would agree with me.

Damn thing.

We gonna do this.

I need you to have positive thought.

You're gonna visualize your boobs
are higher, your hair is softer.

You don't use the word "rest."

Carla, you gotta get me out
of this thing. I'm freezing!

- Where are you?
- Where are you? Where are you?

- Did it work? Did it work?
- Okay. Let's keep it going.

- What do you mean, another one?
- Keep it going?

This is my go-to for a total body reset.

Oh, okay. Thank...

No! No, no. No.

- Women should be remembered...
- Luka.

- I know, I... I...
- Mm-hmm.

Excuse me. Do you know anyone
by the name of Luka?

Get outta here.

- Oh, we're never gonna find him.
- Yes, we are.

The most effective
anti-aging treatment...

I know you're there.
I heard you make a fear noise.

Coming. Coming.

- Are you sick?
- No.

Weird. You sound weird.
Your voice is, like, drier or...

Uh. Yeah, well, yeah.
It's... I'm very thirsty.

So, that's it, probably, yeah.

Anyway, what do you want?

Okay, well, I'm calling to confirm you
for the all-bodies pilates thing.

The... I don't even know.
The all-what?

What is wrong with you?

You are scheduled to cover
the pilates event today.

A job, may I remind you,
is a gift to you.

You're welcome.

- Remember, post pictures.
- Post pictures.

If people see you at a party,
they will think you're fun.

They don't have to be of you,
just post pictures

of, like, the swag or, like,
people's butts. I don't care.

Just make sure you hashtag

- #allbodiescandopi/ates on the post.
- Pilates! Got it.

Okay? Bye.

As a facelift implant
with no side effects.

- Before you begin...
- I can't believe this.

Hmm.

Okay, oh, excuse me. I have
to take a picture of you.

With your arm over ther... yes! Oh, good.

That is so... that's perfect.

Okay. So perfect.

Thank you. So lovely. Oh...

Yeah. Yeah, there it is.

Stun me, woman.

- Oh.
- This look is slaying.

Oh, I... thank you so much.

- Slay.
- Slay. Oh.

Yeah, oh, thank you so much.
Thank you.

Thank you. And, uh...

Do you need any help?

Oh, me? Oh, no, no, no, no.

No, I'm... actually, I'm kind
of a pro at this.

- A pro?
- A pro. That's it.

- Fantastic.
- So...

I love having people who know
what they're doing at these things.

- So good. Slay.
- Yeah. You're welcome.

Slay. I love that.

- Okay, ladies, let's get started.
- Whoa! That's not...

I'm gonna be fine. Okay, here I go.

Okay. Okay, get ready. Stop!

No, no. Oh, god!
Okay, give me a sec. I got it.

- Yeah, I've got it.
- Okay, ladies,

right foot fonnard on the hand rests,

left knee down on the carriage,
hands in short straps.

Enjoy the stretch.

Yes. Very nice, ladies.

Thumbs up, bicep curls.

Slowly press out into a lunge.

Lift your chest. Inhale.

Open your legs, bend your knee.

- Out, then in. Out, then in.
- Whoo!

And lifting up. Straighten that back leg,
and arabesque, and jump.

Whoa! I'm getting it.

- Yeah, yeah.
- Beautiful.

- Yeah.
- Jump. Yes.

One blue spring, hands in short straps.

Sure.

- Beautiful.
- Yeah.

Like a gazelle.

- Beautiful.
- Whoa!

Wait, my leg!

Oh! A lit... oh, damn. Cute.

- Beautiful. Looks great.
- Yeah. Thank you.

Supenivomen. All of us.

Ow! How do I get...?

How do I get...?

Oh, okay, that's good.
Thank you. Oh, my god.

Oh, oh. Oh, my god. Sorry.

All bodies can do pilates,

but not all bodies should
do pilates, okay?

And let's reset.

Ow. Oh, no. No. No. I posted that?

No, no, no.

- Hey, Rita.
- Oh, hi.

How's it going? How's your face...?

Ah, oh. Yeah, this is... this... I...

I tried pilates, so...

- Nice. I used to do pilates.
- Mm-hmm. You did pilates?

Yeah. I was doing this thing

where I was trying to encourage
my mom to stay active.

So, I told her that I would go with her,
um, but then she bailed

and I just ended up going all by myself
for an entire year,

because I bought her an annual pass
and I hate wasting money.

That is so sweet of you, you know,
to be so invested in your mom's health.

Yeah, I guess. I try.

- Yeah.
- But what about you?

- What about me? Me?
- You're pretty active, right?

I mean, not that you couldn't be
because of your...

- Not to say that you're old.
- No, I mean, let's face it. I am.

I mean, it's not an insult.
It's just where I'm at. I'm old.

Yeah, that's very cool.
I... I like that outlook a lot.

You're crazy.

Uh, hey, I'm about to head up to the roof

because they're doing one
of those mid-month mixers.

- Do you want to come?
- No.

No, those things are always full of people
who want to connect,

and they want to talk about linkedln,
and, you know...

Uh, yes, that is accurate.
There's plenty of people to clown on,

which is arguably, like, half the fun
of it. But also, there's shrimp.

Oh, wait a minute.
Are we talking big shrimp?

Oh, yeah. Jumbo shrimp, like the for sure
genetically-engineered ones.

- Okay.
- Yeah?

- All right. Let's go.
- Okay. Let's go.

Well, you know, I have never been
up here. Never.

Really? I come up here
probably every night.

- Yeah, and here's what I like to do.
- Mm-hmm. Okay.

So, I'll look out at all the city lights,
and I try to estimate

how much the electrical infrastructure
of each building cost to build.

Then, I guess how much money
they would save

if they implemented
more modern technology.

Wow, you're a real party animal.

Yeah, I mean, I... I used to be,
to be honest.

- I used to be.
- Really?

I used to go out a ton.

But I hated having to pretend
to like it, so I stopped.

And as a result,
I hang out by myself a lot.

- Yeah.
- Uh, but it's okay.

I... I like hanging out by myself.

I'm just curious. How does that go
into a relationship?

- No, I mean...
- Not ever good.

But no, I feel like...

I feel like you understand
that, though, right?

Well, you know, obviously, I'm a woman
of a certain age. Have you noticed?

You know, who's had a full spectrum
of life experiences,

and just a few relationships.

- Right. Well, to not pretending.
- Yeah. Oh, hey, cheers.

Oh! Wow. Wow. Wow.

No, no. That's not okay.

- Yeah.
- No, no.

I'm so sorry. That's mortifying to me.

I'm gonna go get some more shrimp.

- More shrimp.
- Shrimp.

More shrimp will solve that problem.

You bet. Jumbo shrimp solves everything.

- Okay.
- Oh, well. Uh. More shrimp.

- Yeah, yeah.
- More shrimp.

Can I say thanks for the invite,
Sharon? This is so nice.

- Oh, please.
- Oh, this is...

No need to Coop yourself up in mack's
little apartment all day

when you have us.

And, honey, we can always
use some fresh blood in this group.

That's right.

So, Rita. You got a man?

- Oh.
- Huh?

You'll have to excuse Betty.
She lost her filter.

- Oh.
- I didn't lose anything.

- Oh, yeah?
- I just prefer

- to skip the small talk.
- That's right.

So, you know,
mack has this neighbor.

- Oh.
- Now we're talking.

Oh! What does he do?

Well, I don't... I don't know.
I... I don't know much.

I guess maybe real estate, or maybe
his parents still pay for everything.

- That's a little weird.
- Well, who cares what he does?

It's not like you're looking for somebody

to spend the rest of your life with
at this point.

Well, you certainly aren't.

The rest of your life could be the length
of one episode of Ellen.

That's so mean.

- Mm!
- I am mean. I am. I am.

- So, Rita?
- Huh?

This... this gentleman caller of yours,
um, is he good-looking?

What do you...?
What do you mean? I mean...

Oh-ho! Oh!

Don't look at me like that.

Oh, I know that look.
We got a handsome one, girls.

Well, you know, he might...
He might be a little, like, too handsome.

Oh, come on. When has a man
ever been too handsome?

I get it. I get it.

Sometimes I wish that Harold
were less handsome,

so I wouldn't have to keep up the lie
that I'm only 91.

Well, this guy's young.

- He's young. He's young.
- Oh, my.

- What are you talking, 60?
- Oh, my god.

- I think he's younger.
- Cougar.

Stop! You gotta stop.
I'm not gonna play this game.

I'm not interested in him.

- Fifty?
- Fifty?

Oh, come on.

Come on. Go, go.
Go, go, go, go for it.

The worst that can happen
is you wind up with herpes.

- Ah! Oh, my god!
- Oh, Jesus!

But once you move into a retirement home,
you're gonna get 'em anyway.

You guys, you know what you are?
You're too much.

Okay, I have
an eye doctor appointment.

And, um, Rita,
would you mind giving me a ride?

Yes, I would like to.

- Okay.
- Oh, that's awful nice of you.

Okay, I got it.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- Yeah, come back.
- Thank you. Oh, my god.

- All right, here we go.
- Lock it up tight, girls.

- Yeah. Bye.
- All right, we will.

Phew.

You know, we're not going
to my eye doctor.

Wait a minute, don't we have
an appointment?

Yeah, but what they gonna do about it?

Oh, god. You see, I love that.

I could never even do that.

Yes, you could, Rita.
You could do it now.

But first, let's do what I want to do.

But I thought I shouldn't do
what people tell me to do.

- I am an exception.
- Uh-uh.

Because I'm always right.

Woo-hoo.

Mack lives here? This is
a raggedy-ass neighborhood.

Yeah, well, this is the...
The back of the building.

Uh-huh.

- Well, let's get these boxes.
- What are you doing?

- Is that his window?
- I thought... what?

- Yes, but... no.
- All right, then we got it going on.

- Wait a second. This is... don't do that.
- Just help me move this. By myself.

Sharon, I think this
is beyond the call of duty.

- Rita, Rita...
- Where am I supposed to put it down?

- Just put it over here.
- I'm doing what you...

- What? Wait.
- Ooh, I messed up my nice bag!

- I don't know. No.
- We just have to get up.

No, no, no, no, no.

Ooh, lord. I think
I done pulled my back out.

- No, don't pull your back out. Let's...
- Okay. We're just gonna get up here.

Rita, you need to see
what he's doing up in there.

- I'm gonna take a look.
- No, no, no.

No, I'm not looking.

- Typical. He's married.
- Sharon.

What? He's married?

Ah-ha! Ah-ha!

I knew you were interested.

- I told you.
- What? Let me see.

- Oh, there he is. Look.
- Okay, that's it. Don't do that. Don't.

- He's hung.
- Oh, no. Oh, no!

Hey, Google, how do you say,
"roll over, cheese" in Japanese?

In Japanese, that's chiizu, koro.
What else should I translate?

I see what you mean when you say
he's just too good-looking.

But if you ask me, I'd say
he's just good-looking enough!

Okay, that is it.
More than a couple red flags there.

And a... a stupid skateboard?

- What? What about it?
- I mean, that's immature.

He tryin' to hold on to his youth here,
just like we are.

And don't tell me
that you don't like what you see.

What?

Because he's one of the finest
50-year-old men I ever seen.

Look at him.

Stop it!

No! I don't know about this,
Carla, really.

Mushrooms are all about being
in the right headspace

before going into them, you know?

So, just think, "30."

But I've never done mushrooms.

Don't they make people
nuts, like crazy, or...?

- Just drink that tea.
- Ooh.

- Think about changing back.
- Uh-huh.

And just think, you're 30.

I'm 30. We're flirty.

Not dirty. We 're 30.

Who's 30?

- Thirty.
- You're 30.

- Thirty.
- I'm 30.

- We're 30.
- Thirty.

Thirty, mm.

Thirty..

Oh... I think.
Oh, no, no. I think this...

Yeah. It might be working.

Yeah, I think it's working.

Oh, yeah.

Woochi, woochi, woochi.
Woochi, oh, your skin is so supple.

Supple, supple duppy.

Wow, oh, wow.

Whoo! Is this really happening?

Supple, supple duppy guppy.

I'm 30.

Oh, that is
so chic. Tell me more about this.

I'm 30. Thirty.

I'm going to tell you something.
Our age is but a number, you see.

It is all about what is on
the inside of a girl like you.

What is inside you?

I'm 30 on the insides in a new way.

It's like I'm seeing the world,
like I'm... the world of 303.

[Love you. Very chic.

I would like a treat now.
I don't tell lies for no reason.

I am 30. Inside me.

Underneath.

Well, that was super fun.
But guess what? I'm still Rita. Call me.

Clinically proven
and a lifetime warranty.

Time to look your best with younger,
more vibrant, more beautiful skin.

Yeah, no, but I submitted the article
two weeks ago.

And can you just chase down
that check for me, please?

Why are you being so assertive?
Oh, my god, you joined scientology.

What are you... no!

Whatever, it's fine. I joined.

I got kicked out because I showed
Tom Cruise a boob at a brunch,

and I apologized, so I'm kind of waiting
to hear back if I'm still in or not.

Anyways, just please post more
of my glammy grammie to your insta.

People are dying for her.

Well, I mean, I... I can try, okay?

My friend shelley says that Rita
has the bone structure for bangs.

Let that sink in.

I'm glad they're dying for her,
and she's great. I admit it.

But what... what did you just say?

Just post more of that glamma, okay?

People are talking. Buzz gets scuzz.

I made that up, scuzz is money,
and I think I made up glamma, too.

That's glamourous grandma.

- How?
- Huh?

- How did you do this?
- Oh.

What even is this place?

They have five dresses, all cool,
for my very different bridesmaids.

- Thank you.
- You know, I never told you this,

but grammie Martin started taking me here
when I was, like, seven or something.

- What? Really?
- Yeah.

- Yeah, she did.
- You never told me that.

I always thought you were raiding
grandma's closet.

No. No, I was just, I... I don't know.

I just... I was kind of embarrassed to tell
you about this place

because I thought maybe you'd think,
"okay, it's dorky" or something like that.

Since when do you care
about seeming cool to me?

This place is the opposite of dorky.

- Look at all this stuff.
- Oh, I know.

- Whoo.
- Just listen to me for a second.

Just please don't tell anybody
about this place, okay,

because I don't want some lame-o coming
in here and taking the good stuff.

- My lips are sealed.
- Okay.

Thank you, macaroon.

- Mack, I love you.
- Yeah.

- My real wife.
- Yeah.

My wife for life. Okay.

- Oh. Oh, sure, yeah. Okay.
- Let's get the blue.

- I don't know. I might be a little... mm.
- Hmm.

Ooh.

- Oh.
- Huh?

We're not gonna need the white suit.

Well, we don't, but aunt Rita?
Aunt Rita, she definitely does.

- Ah, I love the seashells.
- Oh, yeah?

My grammie, she used to let me take
a seashell home every summer vacation.

Actually, you know what?

It's not really silly.

I loved trying to hear the ocean
inside them when we got home.

Although, you know, quite honestly,
I don't think I could ever really hear it.

Could you?

No, I can't. Can't hear the ocean.

I can definitely smell
the ocean, but can't hear it.

I don't know why people say that.
Why do people always say that?

Hey, so what are you thinkin' for lunch?

Oh.

Wow. Looking good, aunt Rita.

Thank you very much.

Now, listen,
I know exactly what we're gonna do.

Oh, man, I could really get used to this.

I mean, I'm...
Retirement, I mean, of course.

Yeah. Yeah. Me, too, in a way.

I didn't even know that you worked.

What? What did you think that... that I was
just sitting around,

doing nothing all day?

- Wait, what?
- No, I mean...

Actually? I'll have you know

that I'm a highly sought-after
private wealth manager.

Wait, so you just thought
that I, like, did nothing?

Well, I mean, you...
You never talk about it, ever.

So, I mean, what am I led to believe?

Yeah, I mean, I guess, it...

It... it's kind of boring, you know?
And you are so not boring,

so I didn't want to bore you
with how boring I am.

- Are you folks ready to order?
- Oh.

Oh, yeah. No, listen, I...
I need no time with the menu.

Um, I just love this place
and I never even come here

- so I don't even know why.
- Yeah, me, too!

Okay, I know what I want.

So, what I want is the garlic cream
fettuccine, please, and add bacon.

Wow, I... I did not realize that I was
dealing with a professional here.

Uh, I'm gonna get the og
barbecue chicken pizza, please.

Fantastic.
I'll have that right out for you guys.

- Oh, damn it. Oh, shoot. Wait a second.
- What?

- I forgot... no, never mind. It's nothing.
- What? No. What is it? Just ask for it.

No, no, no, no. It's nothing.

Look, here's the truth.

The truth is the bacon needs
to be extra crispy-crispy.

Yeah, wow. I could not agree more
with you on that.

I'm gonna take care of that right now.
No, you hang tight.

- Oh, no, sit...
- Let me see what kind of magic I can do.

Where are you?

I'm at a lunch, Stephanie, and actually,
I can't really talk right now, okay?

Listen, I just wanted to say that we're
getting some interesting offers for Rita.

- Really?
- They're mostly, like,

sensible adult women's wear companies,

- but they're offering real money.
- I mean...

She could really
make a lot of money, right?

- I mean, enough that she could actually...
- Whatever!

I don't need to hear
her whole life's journey, mack.

Okay? Just make sure
she posts more pictures.

- Okay.
- And have her make her own account.

The woman is regal.

Hah! Regal!

Wow.

Hi, sorry to bother you.

It's not a bother. Not at all. No...

Sorry. I was just sitting over there,

and you guys seem to be having
such a good time.

You're obviously very funny.

Oh, I don't know about that.
I am? I don't...

Your son must get it from you.
He seems so funny, too.

I love funny. Is he single?
Is he? Is he single?

No, no, no.

You see, he's actually, he's...
He's not my son.

Oh. O... oh!

- Oh. Damn. Okay.
- Yeah.

Damn. All right.

- I see you.
- We're just... we're friends.

We're just friends. Just friends.

Oh, whoa, whoa.

Well, well, well. A magician at work.

Per the gentleman's request.

Oh, not bad, right?

Yeah. Um...

- Yeah.
- Quick problem, that... that's mine.

So, we should, yeah...
We'll just tradesies.

Of course. I mean,
I don't know what I'm thinking.

Yeah.

- Oh.
- Okay.

- Whoo. Yeah.
- Here you go.

Thanks again.

- Bon appétit. You gonna eat that bacon?
- Yeah, me?

- Get a little bit of this...
- Yeah, dig in.

Oh, my god.

Oh, you have to taste this,
ladies. I made it myself.

- Oh, did you rush?
- No, I took my time.

No, no, I mean... I'm sorry. Your shirt.

Oh.

- It's my granddaughter's.
- Oh, that's sweet.

She didn't want it,
and I never say no to a free t-shirt.

Hey, what is your granddaughter's name?

Cindy carpenter.

- Cindy carpenter.
- Mm-hmm.

- Uh-huh.
- What's she doin'?

- Boom. See?
- Oh, yeah, yeah. That's it.

- That's it. That's it.
- Is it?

- Yeah, that's right.
- Right?

There she is, right there.

- Let me see.
- All right.

- Oh, yeah. Yeah, look.
- Oh.

- Sweet face! Sweet.
- Yep.

You know, while you guys
have been fooling around

- with your pocket computer photo album...
- Mm-hmm.

We could be deciding on who's gonna go
and get the next bottle of wine.

You know, these pocket
computer photo albums

are actually my job these days.

- What?
- I get paid to post pictures.

- No. That's... no, that's not a job.
- Mm!

I mean, I post pictures of my grandbabies
all the time on my Instagram.

All the time.

I'm just saying that nobody pays me.

- You know, it's kind of a thing now.
- Oh.

Because sometimes a company
will give you money

just to post a picture of yourself
enjoying the products.

Oh, oh, is... is that what, uh,
all those hearts are for?

Uh, no, no.
Those are my likes. You see?

- Oh, yeah, okay.
- Who are all these people?

- Yeah, well, most of them are strangers.
- You have strangers following you?

Creepy.

You know what? That's what I don't
understand about social media.

Why do they even care
about what you're doing?

I don't know. I guess if you just post
something that resonates with someone,

or let's say it's 500 people,
or if you're me these last few weeks...

- Shall I tell you the truth?
- Yeah.

- Two hundred thousand people.
- What?

- Wait, what, what, what, what?
- Yeah, two hundred thousand people.

- All right.
- Get out of here.

Oh!

- It's silly to call it a job-job.
- No, no, no, no. I mean, if you...

If you can get a job like that,
I'd say good for you, girl.

- You go.
- Mm-hmm.

You know, I got an idea. Let's all get in.
Come on. Let's take a picture.

All of us together. Okay, here we go.

- Let me get some followers.
- We're gonna get some.

- Raise it up.
- Oh, raise it. Raise it!

Don't you think... tilt it more?
What if I tilt it...

Now make your sexy face.

All right, there. Go. Yeah-uh.

No, no. I think...

Oh, what the hell? Look. Oh, baby.

Oh, oh! You got it?

- These are...
- Okay.

Okay, you know what?
I quit. You can have it.

It's yours. Here. Take it.

- Sushi. Ah!
- Whoa!

Never! No, I'm not kidding!

Don't do that.

Stop.

- Oh! Oh, my god.
- Whoa! Ow!

No, no. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, my god. No, no.

Knixjust slid into my dms.

They saw my post from the pilates party,

and... my god, they want me
to be a brand ambassador.

Yeah, they said,
"we've been looking for..."

"A fierce, sophisticated
woman to slay on their feed!"

Oh, that sounds pretty dope.

It is. It is so dope! Man!

Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
Oh, wait a minute.

Look what I just...
Oh, oh, wait a minute.

They're... they're offering
100,000-dollar...

Exclusive engagement fee?

- Whoa, 100,000 dollars?
- Oh, my god.

You can take half of that into an ira
and the rest in a simple index fund,

- and you will be sitting pretty.
- Whoa!

Surprisingly robust advice
from a man in daytime sweatpants.

Okay, it's a man whose life strategically
allows him to wear daytime sweatpants.

- Oh.
- Thank you. Now please respond to this.

Well, of course. That goes without saying.

- Whoo!
- This is very cool, Rita.

So cool. Wow! Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

I'm so happy. Yeah.

Oh, dear. Whoo, whoo. Yeah. Wow.

Anyway, do you still want to order, or...?

- Yeah, that's...
- Yeah, that's a good idea.

Yeah, yeah. I'm just gonna go grab
my laptop... and so we can look together.

- I'll be right back.
- Okay, yep. That's a...

- A... a smart idea.
- Smart. Yeah.

Um...

- Honestly, we can just eat in my car.
- What? No, no, no, no.

No way. No, just watch and learn.

Oh, uh, excuse me. I'm sorry.

But you chickens wouldn't mind scooting
overjust a little smidge for an old gal?

- Oh, it's so sweet of you. Thank you.
- Thank you. Thank you so much.

Oh, my goodness.

Ooh. Ah.

Okay.

I kissed Jack.

Like in one of those for-real, big time...

- What?
- Oh, my god.

Carla, I just went for it.

A real, big-time...

Romantically interested kiss. Stop!

Carla, I just kind of said to myself,
"you go for it,"

because when have I ever even done that?

Initiate a kiss? It's like a first kiss?

I just don't even do things like that.

Okay. You're not
the only one with a surprise.

What do you mean?

Your boy is gonna be downtown
this weekend, doing a pop-up.

- Uh-huh.
- Regress and be blessed.

You okay?

Well, yeah. I mean, I'm really good.

I mean, it obviously would be crazy
to keep living like this.

Yeah, mack.

Everything that's happening
for you right now

is because you're showing
the world who you are, right?

Oh, shit. Oh, god.

Oh, yeah. It's Stephanie.
I gotta get this. I'll be right back.

Hey, listen, I'm kind of in the middle
of something, so can I call you back?

Knix needs Rita to appear
at the Marie Claire power summit.

It's a big deal. Santa Monica beach
by the pier. Friday.

They need me to confirm today.

Oh, wow. I mean, that is so cool.

- But what is that, anyway?
- Oh, I don't know,

just a major event that celebrates
the power of women

thrown by a publication you would die
to have your little, stinky pieces run in?

- Oh.
- Knix is a top spons,

and they wanna roll out
Rita's ambassadorship with them.

I really can't. I... I mean, that's
the night of Carla's rehearsal dinner.

Yeah, I don't think they really care

if you're there.

I mean, you could go if you
want to get a swag bag of, like,

free yoni eggs or something,
but knix has made it crystal clear

that the event is mandatory for Rita.

So, please make sure she shows.

- Hey.
- Hey, nice robe.

Thanks. Wore it home from the spa.

Um, I just don't understand
how someone so handsome,

thank you, could be quite so strange.

Well, I was, uh, in the fifth percentile
for weight until I was, like, 17,

my personalityjust developed
before my looks.

And so that explains everything.

- Yeah. Shall I?
- Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yes.

So, how was your day? _ so“

what, uh... what's going on?
You all right?

- You have a rough day or what?
- Oh, yeah, I just...

Oh, god.

I have to make a big decision
and I just hate making big decisions.

That's so weird, because I love
big decisions. Hit me.

Okay. I...

So, there's this big knix partner event

on the same day
as Carla's rehearsal dinner.

So, skip the rehearsal dinner.

Well, Jack, I mean, that's
a really huge thing to skip.

I've never gotten married
before, but if I did,

I don't think that I would care that much
if my best friend's aunt wasn't there.

- I can't miss it.
- Okay, well, then skip the event.

No, but I... but, you know,
then I'll lose my contract.

I'll lose the 100,000 dollars.

Uh, okay. Do you have the contract?
Can I... can I see the papennork on it?

- Yeah, no...
- On your phone?

- Oh, that... you don't have to do that.
- No, I'm very good at this kinda thing.

- Trust me. Yeah.
- Oh. Yeah, no. Okay. Sure. Of course.

Okay. It's right... it's on here.

- Okay.
- See, it's right there.

Okay.

- Okay. Okay, so...
- What?

Uh, this only says that
you have to attend the event,

but it doesn't say anything about how long
you have to stay there for.

- Oh, really?
- So, why don't you just go to the event,

and then leave early,

and you'll make it in time
for the rehearsal dinner?

You know what?
This is such a great idea. Of course!

You sound surprised.

Well, I'm not surprised.
I mean, you're... you're very smart.

- I'm smart.
- Yes, you are.

Yeah. See, finally some honesty.

I can't help it. I'm sorry.

- Oh, boy. I need some wine.
- Yeah.

Oh, excuse me, but, you know,
I have to leave early.

But it's not a problem.

Um, hi, hello.

Rita Martin. That's my name. Yes.

- Rita, over here.
- Is that Rita Martin?

Here, Rita.

- I am dead.
- Whoo! Excuse me!

- Aunt Rita in the flesh. You...
- Yes.

- Are so freaking r-e-a-I.
- Oh!

- My friends and I are huge fans.
- Well, thank you so much.

I'm Sam.
I'm the marketing manager for knix.

- Oh!
- Not to brag, but I am the one

that told my bosses
they had to reach out to you.

Well, thank you. Really? I...
Wow. It's just, I appreciate that so much.

- You've got to come...
- Where?

To the vip area for urth.

Oh, oh, well. Earth?

Urth. She's leading the collective
breathing seminar

that's closing out the day.

Oh, no. You know, I really...
Honestly, I can't do that.

- Thank you so much.
- You crack me up.

- Come on. Come on.
- Yeah, oh, what do you mean?

- Oh.
- You know,

I was one of the 10,000
to unfollow lil' yachty

after he commented
that your sweater was too loose.

- What was that?
- Oh.

Oh, I don't know. You know,
he's obsessed with me.

- It's honestly kind of weird.
- Well, so am I.

So, anyway, just enjoy
the event,

and I'm just gonna capture some video
of you in your natural habitat. Okay?

Okay, but wait, wait.

- I want to thank you for this offer...
- Yeah, you bet.

- Of course, but just one quick thing.
- Hmm?

Um, I have my best friend's rehearsal
dinner tonight.

So, actually, I'm...
I'm gonna have to leave now.

- I totally hear you...
- So, anyway...

But if you could just stick around
for a few more minutes, okay?

We're gonna be streaming this
on Instagram live, and I want to make sure

- that you are front and center.
- Yeah, oh.

Oh, but, you see, that's the opposite
of what I said I wanted to do.

Mm. Yeah. Mm. Uh-huh. But it's...

We have to make sure that our new partners
are familiar with our followers.

- Uh-huh. I see...
- That's how it works.

I've seen some incredible partners
lose contracts...

- Yeah, but...
- Just because the fans

- don't see them as friends.
- Oh.

So, no pressure, you know,
but make it organic, you know?

Have your own experience and...

And we are looking to create
some moments here.

- So, energy up! Big smiles.
- Well... wait, what?

Rah-rah-rah! Yeah.

All right, my warriors.

Who's ready to find their light?

Oh, my warriors.

I want you to repeat after me.

Forus!

Okay. For us!

For you! For me!

Let me hear you!

For us!

- For you!
- For you!

- For me!
- For me!

Foruleoryou!

- Yeah.
- For me! Oh, yes.

Your chanting, it nourishes my soul.

Ah!

We are not here to work out our abs,
or our glutes or our triceps.

No. We are here to work on our souls.

Our soul!

We did not come here
to exercise our bodies.

We came here to exploresize our demons!

- For me!
- Let me hear you!

Foruleoryou!

For me!

Oh, yes! I feel it.

I feel it, you are powerful. Oh!

That is a warrior right there!

- Huh?
- Yes. Come on up here.

- Really?
- Come on. Come on, yes!

Come on up here! Yes, warrior!

Yes! Oh! Yes!

- I am a warrior.
- I am a warrior!

Yes! Yes!

Squat and feel it, yeah!

No!

- You're on fire!
- On fire!

Everybody, let's not panic.
Let's just grab a buddy.

Everybody calm down!

Everybody, it's gonna be good!
We're gonna be okay.

Everybody just... just...
Yeah. That... move in that direction.

Are you all right? I'm so sorry.

I... I think you should...

Help!

Carla, Carla, it's me. I'm almost there.

I'm really, I'm... i'm... quite frankly,
I'm there. Really. I mean...

- So, we'll see you guys tomorrow.
- Love you.

Carla?

Carla. Oh!

Are you okay? _ l__

I just... I got stuck
at that Marie Claire thing,

and, you know, it's the kind of situation
where you just don't know

what you can say no to and...
And what you can't.

And I set myself on fire.
I know. It's crazy.

I'm not gonna lie, mack.

I'm really, really bummed
you didn't make it tonight.

You missed my rehearsal dinner
for an influencer event?

- You're my maid of honor.
- I... I know. I...

You've been my best friend my whole life,

and I've loved
every single version of you.

But right now, mack, Rita, whatever,

I don't recognize the person
standing in front of me.

And it has nothing to do
with what you look like.

I'm... I'm so sorry, Carla.

The one thing we've always done
for one another is show up.

You didn't do that tonight.
And it just really makes me sad.

Oh, god.

I don't know
what I'm doing half the time.

Hey, thought I'd find you up here.

- Is everything okay?
- Oh.

- Hey. Rita, look at me.
- What?

- Please, Jack.
- Whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey.

No. It's okay. You don't have to be
embarrassed in front of me.

- No.
- Here, here.

Thank you. I'm sorry.

I'm just so really frustrated
with who I am right now.

Because I haven't always been
like this, Jack, you see.

You know, I thought, like,
being in a different place,

you know, it'd help me feel better.

You know, it'd help me
be a better person.

But today, I was worse, just...
I was a bad friend.

It just sounds
like you had a really bad day,

- but that doesn't make you a bad person.
- Jack...

No, you are one of the best people
that I've ever met.

Why? Why are you being so nice to me?

Why? Huh?

- Don't do that.
- Because I like you.

What's the matter with you anyway? Huh?

- I mean, you want, like, a full list?
- No, no, I'm really serious.

You spent the past month
hanging out with an old lady

like she's your girlfriend or something.
What are you trying to avoid, Jack?

Nothing. Listen, I know
that my life doesn't look like

what you think a 40-year-old's life
should look like, but I love it.

And I have done enough therapy
to know that I like myself.

And when I met you, I saw someone

who was comfortable
being exactly who they are.

And I know that... you know, you're not
going to be here forever.

You've got your own life to go back to.

Exactly. I have a life, Jack.

And I've lost sight of who I really am.
Do you understand what I mean?

I mean, I can't really stay here.

I just can't stay here, Jack.
I can't do that anymore.

Wha-oh!

You wanna tell us
what's going on... mack?

Well, I need a refill.
Anyone else?

Yeah. If what you just said is true,

I cannot possibly tell you
how stupid you sound.

- Nobody wants to be old.
- No, no. Sure they do.

My grammie used to always say
this thing about, like,

how when you're old, you get
the best seat at the table.

Oh, you get any seat at the table,
because people know your bones hurt.

You get the best seat at the table

because you realize
what you want and don't want.

And maybe the best seat at the table

is in the other damn room,
where you're 30.

Right.

Rita, I... I mean mack.

You know those 30 years you skipped

so that you could, uh, maybe wear, uh,
elastic waistbands and, uh, whatever?

Those are the good years.
Those are the you years.

- And you really don't want to skip those.
- Nuh-uh.

The 30 after that, they're good, too.

But, oh, those middle years...

Oh, man. Mwah!

It's not magic, sweetheart.

- It's just work.
- Oh.

You? You had to work on yourself?

I was married to a man named Steve.

And then I spent my middle age

building a home
with a woman named Tina, so...

- Tina.
- Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I did some work.

Mack, sweetheart...

You didn't want to be old.

What you wanted was to be you.

Mm-hmm.

- I gotta go, okay?
- You got to go.

- You go, girl.
- Yeah.

You girls lock it up
on your way out, okay?

- And get that hair out of your face.
- I'm trying.

- Okay, now I'll have some more.
- Oh, yeah, baby.

Oh, yeah, right. Okay. Wow.

Okay. Okay, hell. Okay.

Luka! Luka!

Where are you, you son of a bitch?

Luka! Luka!

Luka! Lu... oh!

- Do you have an appointment?
- No. No, Luka.

I don't have an appointment, Luka.

Okay, you're coming in with a lot
of energy. We don't really do that here.

Really? You didn't turn me into this?
I happen to be a 30-year-old woman...

- Keep it down.
- And this is not my face!

And this is not my hair. And guess what?
This is not my body!

- Okay, I don't know what you're on...
- You did this to me!

But this is an old broken tanning bed
I got off craigslist.

It doesn't do anything, okay?

But wait a second, sir.

In palm Springs, I laid down in that pod,

and when I came out, I was in this body.

Okay, I'm gonna go get you
a cup of water. Maybe...

No, no, no! Don't you dare!

You get over here.
You open that tin can up right now.

- All right.
- Yes!

- All right, stop yelling at me. Jesus!
- What?

- Just get in. It's...
- Oh. Oh, my god.

Okay.

I'm sorry I yelled at you, lady.
That... that was not very zen of me.

Come on. Work, okay? Work!

- It's okay. Just calm down. Relax.
- Breathe.

You're not saying your whole spiel.

Please just say it.

- Please.
- Think about who you are.

Come on.

- Think about who you wanna be.
- Work, damn it! Work.

Come on.

Life can take you on a winding path
that often moves in both directions.

Come on!

It's important to remember that...

- Okay.
- Time is merely a construct.

Come on, come on, come on, come on.

Who you are...

Who you were...

Who you're going to be...

It's all within
you at this very moment.

Oh, yes.

Yes! Yes! Oh, I missed you. I missed you.

Oh, my god. Hah!

Whoa!

Oh!

This thing...

Yes!

Oh. Oh, my god.

I'm back. I'm back.

Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.

- Thank you so much.
- What just happened?

I know. It's crazy!

I need to go. I have to go. Thank you!

You're welcome.

Carla!

- Oh!
- Oh!

Don't cry.

She found it.

- Well...
- I'm gonna cry.

Don't cry. You're getting married.

Oh, my god. You look so beautiful.

- Oh, my gosh.
- I kinda miss the gray.

I know. Me, too.

Oh, it's so good to see you,
sweetheart.

Hi!

I thought you were dead!

Go change.

Yes. 'Cause you are wearing white
and jeans at a wedding, and that's crazy.

Close your mouth, honey.

We did it.

Ooh, ooh, yeah.

Oh! Uh, hey.

- Hey.
- Hey. Uh...

Whoo, sorry. Hey, you.

I'm sorry. It is...
It's weird that I'm here right now.

I... I realize that. I just...
I didn't know if Rita...

She's... she's gone.

Oh, yeah. We swapped back.

Apartments, which is what we swapped
in the first place.

So, yeah, she's in, uh, scottsdale.

Seriously? I never
even got to say goodbye.

We, um... yeah, we just kind of were
hanging out while she was staying here.

Oh? Hanging out?

Well, we just both had nothing to do,
so we did nothing together.

She's, um...

Really not like
anyone I've ever met before.

Well...

For what it's worth...

She told me that you were
really cool, too.

Maybe a little too old for a skateboard.

She said that? I... I mean, the...
The first thing, about being cool?

Because I knew how she felt
about my skateboard.

Yeah. She did.

You think she's ever coming back?

Someday, maybe.
But not for a really, really long time.

Okay.

Uh, if you do talk to her,
please just tell her I said hi.

Oh, god.

I'm sorry. Sorry. I, um... ugh!

I had too many shrimp.
But they were the big ones.

The jumbo, like,

For sure
genetically-engineered ones?

Okay.

Congrats on your new book.

You know, I've been seeing a lot of people

posting pictures of it
on their legs on the beach

- and they call that hotdogging.
- Oh, very cool.

I gotta be honest, I kind of miss Rita.

Her French exit from the feed was one
of the sexiest things I've ever seen,

and I've seen porn.

Mm-hmm.

Also, thank you for recommending
the instagrammies to me.

The drunkest one, she has
over 500,000 followers

and it just makes me be like,
"what have you ever done for me?"

Oh, yeah. They're... they're awesome.

Oh, wait. S... s... co... yeah, copy that.

Okay.

Hi!

Thank you so much for coming.

Hi, bebé. I'm so proud of you.

- Ooh!
- Okay.

- All right, you ready? Ready?
- Yes. Yes.

All right, everyone,
let's get jazzed for this reading.

- Yeah.
- You go, girl.

Um, so that's me, right? Uh...

Hi. Uh, thank you all for coming.

Uh-uh.

I... I really... I wanted to share
this book with the people in my life

who mean the most to me.

My first book was a series of essays
about my grandma.

And until very recently...

She was the only person in my life

who made me feel like I had license
to be myself.

And when she died...

I... I thought that I had lost that.

I, uh...

I had a really hard time
feeling like I was enough.

And, uh, I... I worried
so much about,

you know, all the things
that made me... me.

That they were too weird, too different,

and not fun, not cool.

And it took a, uh...

A near-death experience...

To realize that that's not true.

I realized that the people
in my life who I love...

Love those things about me, too.

And believing that gave me the confidence

to show myself, you know, to new people.

And to finally write another book, so...

Without further ado...

Okay.

Here we go. All right, let's see.

"I grew up always feeling
like I was an older woman"

trapped in the body of a little girl.

I think that's why
I was so fond of the term 'old gal.'

I was raised by my grandma,

and she was the coolest
'old gal' I ever knew.

All I wanted was
to be like grammie Martin.

"But like any kid, I had to fit in."