All language subtitles for Kevyn.Aucoin.Beauty.and.the.Beast.in.Me.2017

Beauty, beauty, look at you.

I wish to God I had it too.

Beauty is about really being willing
to look at yourself in that mirror,

past the point of comfort,

and really seeing
what is it that I'm so afraid of?

What is it I so don't like about myself?

And then start to
think about your parents,

and start to think about religion,

and start to think about
all the voices that come,

and that tell you you're not enough.

Kevyn was the greatest makeup artist
that's ever lived.

Best makeup artist around.

Here he is. You heard it here first.

He could do things that were
truly unbelievable.

He was a true artist.

There was nobody even close to
being a celebrity makeup artist.

He was really the first and only
of that level, to this day.

Kevin could do anything.

Oh, I like that.

Definitely, Kevyn was the go-to
celebrity makeup artist.

I guess this award should really be going
to my makeup artist, Kevyn Aucoin.

I want to thank Kevyn Aucoin.

-Thank you to Kevyn Aucoin.
-Kevyn Aucoin.

Kevyn Aucoin.

He could look at any woman
and see the beauty that was there,

whether she saw it or not,

whether other people saw it or not.

Kevyn saw it,
and he knew how to access it.

He knew how to pull it out.

- Oh, wow.
-I love you, Kevyn.

I've never felt so beautiful.

-What a day.
- Aww...

He did have this ability
to make everybody else feel beautiful,

but I don't know
if he ever saw his beauty.

And that's sad
'cause there was a beauty to him.

I'm so excited to meet you!

He was adored
on so many levels,

but there must have been
something inside of him

where it never got through.

It's almost like there was a shell there
that you couldn't get in through

to let him know how much you loved him.

I think he carried with him
the trauma of his childhood,

which was really severe.

He never quite figured out
how to get to the heart of his pain,

and start to heal it.

It's horrible to lose
somebody that you love so much.

I knew that something
was wrong with his brain.

And then I heard some whispers
about some kind of a drug issue,

and I was like, "What?"

I was really confused. I mean,
I had heard he wasn't feeling well,

but I didn't...
I didn't really understand.

It was... incomprehensible.

It was just one of those, like, what?
It just made no sense.

What happened? What happened?

You're filming.

- Where do you want me?
-Go over there.

You can film this...
Does it look like film coming?
Yeah, it does.

The thing
that really convinced me

to sit down and talk to you was

you said you had this video footage
that Kevyn himself had shot.

Cindy, show me
from behind.

Okay.

And the second you said that,

it reminded me, I could see Kevyn's...

'cause he had big hands,
Holding like a little camera.

And it reminded me, "Oh my gosh,
he was always filming."

...and I said yeah, because I have it on.

And it was at a time when no one
was shooting behind the scenes.

So then I was like, "Okay, I wanna see
what those... what's in there?"

And you can like,
hook it on, spray a little.

You know, they weren't the moments
that people remember,

'cause they weren't the Vogue covers.

They were the moments in between
the Vogue covers, or the Cosmo cover.

I've had this hairdo almost
as long as I've had these.

It is like a time capsule.

I hear you're a Louisiana boy.

Marvelous, yeah.
Stay. They like that. That's great.

I was overly excited
and nervous, 'cause I had been out...

Can I show you what I've been out doing?
Wrestling alligators.

Yeah, great! Look at me, that's wonderful.

There.

She's back in black.

This is the outfit Andie wears
to pick up her children from school.

I had wondered recently,
I wonder where Kevyn's videos are?

There was some crazy one
of me in the bathroom,

taking my makeup off, screaming.

I was just being silly, because you know,
the black was coming down my face.

It was just a crazy moment with Kevyn.

Ah, they're gonna destroy us!

And that's the way it was.

-Aaaaah!
-It's killing me. Kevyn tickles me.

Hey, darling.

He was way ahead of his time.

You know, just the way we do now
with selfies and Snapchat,

and you know, Facebook.

He would have put the little
Instagram kids to shame.

...in the backdrop.
Get us on the backdrop. Go back.

I think Kevyn could not believe that

all of the women that
he had been dreaming about,

who got him through
the pain of his childhood,

were spending the day together on set...

Say, "Don't worry,
everything's gonna be all right."

Maybe you'll be a singer next.
Gonna do his own makeup.

I'm gonna do my own makeup. On video.

...and leaving messages
on his machine.

-Hi Kevyn, it's Liza. As in Minnelli.

Um, can you call me at home?
It's 249 99.

Kevyn, it's Winona. I hope that
you come back soon and rescue me.

It was almost like
he was taking evidence for himself.

He was doing it to sort of
say to his eight-year-old self,

like, it's gonna be okay.

Look where we're going.

You know, we're gonna be with
all of these idols of yours,

and we're gonna be accepted and loved.

We always wanted a family.

That was no doubt...
When we got married, that was the idea.

We were married to have
and raise a family.

And then, uh, after a few years
and we went to doctors and everything,

and it came to where

we were told we probably
couldn't have our own family.

We adopted Kevyn
through Catholic Charities.

I mean, Thelma and I, I was all...
We were all excited.

Listen, we were ready.

That was our life.

Eventually, we adopted four children.

They were just a little over a year apart.

I always told my children
they were adopted

because I knew it would come up
at some point.

First thing out, their mother could...
loved them, couldn't take care of them.

It was such a hard thing
for her to give 'em up,

but that I wanted to have a family,
and that was answer to my prayers.

So I knew that I was adopted
and that... that had a mixed message.

I was always told, "You were chosen."

Um, but to be chosen,
I had to be not wanted.

That was the hardest thing
I've ever had to do,
is to go off and leave him.

But there was no other way.

There was no way for me. No way.

I was a 15-year-old idiot.

Running around with a bunch of kids

that I shouldn't have been
running around with.

My mother didn't know
until I was six months pregnant

because every month I would take a Kotex

and get squirrels out of the refrigerator,

and put blood on the Kotex, and put 'em
in the garbage can in the bathroom

so she would think
that I was having my period.

And she just come up behind me
one morning and put her arms around me,

and just screamed.

Oh, when she told my daddy. Oh, God.

What happened?

I figured
he was gonna beat me to death.

He didn't have anything
to do with me after that,

and he told mother I would have to leave

because I couldn't live there anymore.

So my mother found an unwed mother's home
in Shreveport, St. Anne's.

And she said she was gonna send me there.

Kevyn was born February the 14th, 1962.

The nurse wasn't gonna let me see him.

You know, I wasn't supposed to see him,
I was giving him up
and I wasn't supposed to see him.

And I told her I was gonna see him
as long as I was there.

And I started to go to open the door
to go in there,

and she grabbed me by my arm.

When she did,
I just knocked her up against the wall.

And I went in there,
and I got my baby and sat down with him.

And every day, I went up there,
and from then on she didn't say anything.

I went in there and I got him,
and rocked him every day.

Until I left from there.

That like to kill me,
to leave that baby there.

That like to have killed me.

But there was nothing I could do about it.

Not a thing.

I first met Kevyn
when I was about 18 years old.

I was young, new model,

and I was just really privileged to be
on the shoot with him.

I was adopted in the UK

and a lot of people that I've come across

who are adopted
feel like there's a piece missing,

and they just don't feel quite... whole.

Maybe Kevyn
shared these similarities as well.

You always feel out there,
you never feel like you fit.

Being adopted and being gay
on top of that was, um...

it... it was very difficult.

I think I knew I was different
from the very beginning,

by the time I was six,
I realized I was gay.

And I thought I was the only gay person
there was in the world.

I didn't even know the word gay.

So I felt very alone.

I always tried to do things,

like playing the baseball,
going fishing, going hunting.

What it was,
I was giving him the opportunity.

He could never look back and say he didn't
have the opportunity to do certain things.

That had to make him understand that
I loved him and I was thinking about him.

I mean, that to me would prove it.

It's what you do that proves how you feel.

You don't have to be hugging and kissing,
and all this kind of... no.

See, my father never was like that
with me either.

Growing up being gay

in Louisiana in the '60s was
a really, really scary place to be.

I mean, things for me
started in the first grade.

I went through school
getting beat up every day.

I didn't have any friends,
and I didn't have any support.

And the only thing I really had was

Cher and Barbara Streisand and...

everything stereotypical gay kids have.

Barbara Streisand
was his idol, he loved her.

We had bought all of the albums
of everything she sang.

He papered the walls with it.

He was proud of the drawings that he did,
like those posters he made.

I remember one time,
we were going to Lake Charles

and he played that song
Barbara Streisand sang, The Way We Were

all the way from here to Lake Charles,
he played it over and over and over.

I thought I was gonna go nuts.

I started doing makeup
on my little sisters

when I was only 11

because it gave me a sense of creativity.

It made me feel that I had something
to offer the world.

It made me feel that I had a way out.

By the time I got to high school,

my school life was
extremely volatile and crazy.

Kevyn was an outsider.

Terribly bullied by children,
especially when they realized he was gay.

I'll be honest with you,
I really didn't suspect it.

I knew he liked boys,

and they'd come over here and
spend the night just like other children.

But I never really suspected
anything like that, to be honest with you.

Until he was about 13,

and his mother told me about it.

And then, I wasn't sure
how I felt at that instant.

Because it was... It was so different,
and something that I'd never planned on.

The people in Louisiana
didn't accept the gay community.

Period.

Thelma taught religion for 14 years

and when they came to the point
where they said that

she'd have to teach
that homosexuality was a sin,

that's when we gave it up.

And I'm gonna tell you right now,
not only did we give it up,

we quit going to church.
The only time I go to church now even

is for weddings and funerals.

I never did change my religion,
my religion changed.

Because there was no way
that anybody was gonna tell me

that something was wrong with my son
because he was gay.

Well, it was in the tenth grade

that Kevyn decided
he wanted to quit school

because of the way he was being treated.

Evidently, there were death threats.
So that got my attention.

They tried to run over him
with a pickup truck.

I quit high school

because two kids tried to kill me
in a pickup truck,

and I decided that was it.

Well, Kevyn decided to drop out of school,

and I was worried about how he was gonna
make a living, I certainly was.

These are all copies of magazine that,
uh, Kevyn has work in.

And that's just part of 'em.

He even asked his mother for tuition
for him to go to beauty school.

I didn't think a boy could make a living
doing makeup.

So I'm gonna give you the exact answer
that I told his mother.

I said, "I might as well
take the damn money

and go to the front of the house
in the sewer,

and dump the nine hundred dollars."

They turned the class over to Kevyn.

He taught the class at cosmetology school,

'cause Kevyn, he was an artist.
In other words, that's...

A lady or a girl, to Kevyn, was like
some... an artist painting a picture.

Kevyn and I met in
Baton Rouge, Louisiana,

just out at the gay club one night.

He was quite awkward, little bit goofy.

Um, very outgoing, very gregarious.

We connected immediately.

I was enrolled at
Louisiana State University,

and wanna say within a week,
he moved into the dorm room with me.

He got a job in a cosmetic counter
in a department store.

A lot of African American women
came into the store

to have their makeup done.

And all of the other girls at the counter

would not work with them,
they'd send them to me.

Which I was thrilled about
because these women had real need.

The community I lived in did not
offer them much compassion.

I didn't care if somebody said,
"Ooh, that lip color looks pretty on me."

I cared if somebody said,
"I feel good now."

You know, it's how they felt
that mattered.

He does wanna get
one or two pictures.

I got fired because
the customers complained

that a boy was doing makeup.

I mean, this was the '70s in Louisiana,

and, uh, people were
not comfortable at all

with people being different.

Being gay in Louisiana at that time,

I mean, you kept a low profile.

It was scary
because in Louisiana,

the police put you in the bayou

in a brick of cement,
and no one finds you.

And so, I...
I didn't want to be one of those people.

See those buildings there?

There was a gravitational pull

for me to come to New York City.

Both of us had the thought that, uh,
we needed to go to New York.

It was kind of a shock, you know?

Wow, look at
all those cabs in front of us.

In 1982, yes, uh, New York was
a dangerous place to be.

But somehow, for two gay boys,
it was safer than Louisiana.

You know, we didn't have to be
so self-guarded.

I grew my hair this way

because I'm soft and cuddly
like a teddy bear.

Sweet, sensuous, soft.

Very often, after working all day,

he would um, come home
and do makeup on friends.

Sometimes, he even did it on me

for us to go out and what not, yeah.

I started doing tests for free,

which means you do makeup,

the model does it for free
for a portfolio.

Kevyn wants you to pay for him privately.

Wow,
looks-seems like a lot...

Do something pretty
for the camera. Oh!

I met him very young in his career.

I was a little bit more established
when I met him.

What are we doing today?

Just, you know, the usual.

Sluts.

Painting sluts.
We're model maids, actually.

We wait on models. We wait for them,
then we wait on them.

Just this quiet and shy, and just,

you know, very, very different.
Very different.

I remember going...
This kid is like, forget it. I mean,

unbelievable.

Whenever he did the girl's face

and they looked in the mirror,

they just went, "Oh, shit!"
Like you know, that was it.

I mean, he was-he was truly...

there was no one like him.

I mean, he could literally
paint a face on them.

But he would also make them look like

the person they thought
they looked like.

You know what I mean?
You know, and you think,

"Oh, this is how I think I look."

Now look up here like that.

You know, like, "Wow, this is me."

That's good, Naomi,
what you're doing.

He was then, I think, living in, um,

the East Village with Jed.

And he was really struggling.
He wasn't like, he wasn't known.

Don't film my legs.

I start... I mean,
we lived on tomato soup, lettuce,

and you know,
Thousand Island dressing.

We did become friends.

For a start, Kevin was so
anti-drinking and... and drugs.

Like he used to get so mad with me,

'cause one time we did,
we throw like a thing at Divine.

Woo-hoo! Hey, let go of my tits!

Looks perfect, Kevyn.

And he said, "I'm going upstairs,

and you're not to do any coke, da-da-da,"
and I was like, "Okay, okay."

Yes. It's genius, you're gonna die.

Ah!

And he said he came downstairs,
and it was a Tasmanian devil.

He said there was lipstick on my ears,
I was so like ahh, you know, like...

Do the face.

Oh, yes.

Look at me.

Fast.

It was wicked, it was fantastic.

I don't regret a minute of it.

I mean, we just... We were-we were...

I think I was high for like 15 years.

-Seriously.

No, what? It's just it was compulsory.

The first time I met Kevyn,
I was working some crap catalog,

and there was this young,
very lanky, very tall boy.

And he looked at me
with these beautiful eyes,

and the look on his face was like,

it was like he just saw Jesus
walk into the room.

He said, "You're Paulina Porizkova."

And I was like, yeah, well...

It feels kind of good. "Yes, I am."

And he said, "I'm-I'm Kevyn,
and I'm gonna do your makeup today,
and I'm just so excited to meet you!
Oh, my God!

Like, this is like
the greatest moment of my life!"

And that was the start of our friendship,
our relationship.

Do I look like Carol Alt?

Don't you wish you did, though?

Kevyn was very open
about his childhood with everybody.

I think when you've grown up
feeling different,

uh, feeling like there was
something wrong with you,

more than anything, you crave approval.

You're hungry to show people
that you're good,

and that there's a reason
for your existence.

And you always have something to prove.

I went up with a model
who was going to a go-see,

a go-see at Vogue,

for them to look at her portfolio,
and I brought mine.

Oh, wow, that's beautiful.
I like that.

And they looked at her portfolio,

and they kept saying,
"Who did the makeup here?"

and she kept saying, "He did."

And they said,
"Can we see your portfolio?"

And she looked at it,
she said she liked it.

Yes, I was the person who gave Kevyn
his first big break, probably first break.

I liked what I saw,

and very shortly thereafter,
Steven Meisel and I were working together.

And I said why don't we get
Kevyn Aucoin in?

Thank God for Steven Meisel.

I mean, Steven Meisel saved my life.

He gave me the job. He trusted an unknown,

and he brought me in.

Relax.

That'd be good.

Then I started working with Irving Penn,

Annie Liebovitz, uh,
Herb Ritts, uh, Helmut Newton.

Wait a minute,
I want to see your face.

Well you know, Helmut,
where you want to get it

is when I flip him over,
maybe you should be on the side.

It's fabulous.

This way, please.

Oh, I like that.
I love the hair like that.
She's trying to knock me out,
she don't want no competition.

-Oh, you got that?
- Yes, I've been getting it.

Not so scared,
more like hip and chic and all,

like on the hips.

Average! Average!

I'm Linda Evangelista,
and get that through your head!

This is me fixing Grace.

- Andie?
-So what were you saying, Kevyn?

He was on that real great high

of fulfilling something that he,
you know, was a life-long dream.

And just, you know, his exuberant

and the way he went about his day,

light-hearted energy.

Look at you.

I'm an angel in disguise.

A very clever disguise,

a very deceiving disguise,
but a disguise no less.

Okay.

I think we clicked because of
our sense of humor,

and just, you know, the desire to laugh
and have a good time,

but also our southern sense of humor,

which I think is
a very distinct sense of humor.

What was the name of that preacher?
Jimmy Swaggart.

Jimmy Swaggart is my father.

And you went to that school, didn't you?
Looking for him.

And I went to his school.

You're his ill-illegitimate child.

I'm his ill-illegitimate child.

Illegitimate child.
And you went to that school,

and did you learn how to do that dance
he does on stage?

I haven't seen that one.

You know...

-this one.
-Sorry.

And I tell you it's gonna happen!

And I tell you it's gonna happen!

Repent!

So, get ready...

I did my first Vogue cover

in 1986.

And of course,
Cindy Crawford's first Vogue cover.

...so pretty?
I mean, I'm sure it's not average.

Yeah, but you know what?

What?

Look in the mirror.
Stay right there.

We were both young,
fresh off the boat, you know,

and I think it was Kevyn's first time

working with Richard Avedon,

for sure, it was Kevyn's first time
working with Polly Mellen.

And I just remember being
in the dressing room

and I remember Polly Mellen,
who was larger than life, saying,

"How long, uh, do you need for makeup?"

And Kevyn saying,
"Well, how long do I have?"

And Polly Mellen said,
"No, darling. Like how long will it take

for Kevyn Aucoin makeup?"

Like she wanted Kevyn, in all his glory.

Like she had seen his makeup,

she wanted him to have the time
to do his thing.

And I remember he and I kind of looking
at each other like almost giggling,

like is she serious? Is this for real?
And what is the right answer?

Absolutely fabulous!

-Kevyn?
- Yes?

The eyes are fantastic!

That ended up being, I think,
both of our first Vogue covers.

Our careers were both starting to take off

with the best jobs,
the best photographers,

the best magazines, at the same time.

It was a dream come true.

At one point,
I had nine Vogue covers in a row.

And at the same time,
I had seven Cosmo covers in a row,

and I had five Mademoiselle covers
in a row.

I just had all the covers
of all the magazines.

There were weeks where I would work
with Kevyn three days a week.

Um, and just when you spend
that much time together,

it's like camp. And you develop
these really deep friendships.

- Are you thirsty?
-No, no, no, thanks.

I'll just drink out the toilet
if I want a drink,

just stick my head in the bowl.

Can have a snack while I'm there.

Provided no one flushed.

There's a crack in everyone's armor
at one point in the day.

Where's my cappuccino?
I can't work like this.

Look out, Crawford's gonna turn.
You know, she's very--

Yeah, she's getting evil.

-She gets evil.
- I love when she turns.

When did I get evil?

It's always most fun
in the makeup room. Always.

Here it comes, I'll tell you the joke.
You don't have to tape this.

But this girl, um,
she wants to get her boobs done.
So she goes to the doctor and, um,
he said,

"Well here's a book of all the tit jobs
that I've done,

and you can look through it,
pick the kind you like."

So she's looking through,
and she finds this great pair.

She goes, "I like these." And he goes,
"Okay, that's five thousand dollars."

She said, "Five thousand dollars?
I can't afford that."

He says, "Well, how much can you afford?"
She said, "Five hundred."

And he goes,
"Oh, my. Five hundred dollars?"

He's like, "Okay, well there's one pair
at the back of the book."

So she goes to the back,

she's a little afraid,
thinking they're gonna be horrible.

And they're exactly the same as
the five thousand dollar pair.

And she said, "They look great.
I don't understand."

He said, "There's one small problem.
You have to pump them up."

"But if you don't mind doing that,
you can save forty-five hundred dollars."

She goes, "I don't mind doing that.
That's a good saving."

So he gives her the surgery.
So the first night, she's ready to go out.

She goes to a bar,
she's getting ready to meet guys,

she has a sexy dress on.

So she's going, getting, pumping up
to get 'em really full to meet guys.

And this guy's looking at her,
but she doesn't think she knows him.

She's like, "Excuse me, do I know you?"

And he goes, "I don't think so,
but I think we have the same doctor."

You come into the hair and makeup room
in the morning

as just a girl, or just a woman,

and it's like then
those hair and makeup people are...

They're the fairy dust
that gets sprinkled on you,

that enables you to kind of
get in front of the camera

and turn it on, and do your thing.

She looks sensational.

And Kevyn definitely,
um, liked to sprinkle the fairy dust.

The way Kevyn approached makeup

is more like an artist
who wanted a blank canvas.

He would literally erase your face.
At one point, you would have no face,

no shadow, no contour, nothing.

It was like he had this hyper,
beautiful version of you,

and so in order to achieve it,
it was like erase,

and I'm gonna...
It was like you were bionic, right?

I'm gonna tear you down,

but I'm gonna build you stronger,
faster, more beautiful.

It was much more
glamorous and fun back then.

It was the birth of the ubers,
like Stephy, and Naomi,

and that whole batch.
Linda, and Christy.

Because they really changed the game.
It was a great time.

The rates went through the roof,

and Linda made that statement

like she doesn't get out of bed
for ten thousand dollars a day.

I talked about money once,
I will never talk about it again.

Although, it must have been
a brilliant quote, 'cause I...

they put it on a cover of
a magazine in England.

I don't wake up for less than
ten thousand dollars.

I know, I love that. I love that.

And it's a picture of Paulina
in like a bathrobe.

They're printing this quote
all over the world.

It's famous. It'll be around
for the next 50 years.

In the beginning of
the whole supermodel era thing,

there was this group. Me,
Christy Turlington, Linda Evangelista,

Naomi Campbell, Tatiana,
Stephanie Seymour.

There was, you know,
some people put in different names.

There's not... We don't have like
membership cards or anything,

but there was a group of women.

And Kevyn was working with everyone.

Christy was the classic beauty, for sure.

- Are you gonna do movies?
-No.

Why? What a waste.

And Linda, I think, was the chameleon.

You know, she could do blonde hair,
she could do red hair,

she could do long hair,
she could do short hair.

She just looked... She was able to kind of
really transform herself.

-Oh yeah, get the before. Oh, lovely.
- Or like blown out.

This is Linda with the red, red hair.

Gorgeous.

So listen, um, know what I mean?

Solid.

Linda probably
was most in her element on a shoot.

You know, kind of being the-the grandam,

like entertaining everybody.
And she did have a wicked sense of humor

and um, funny and good timing.

She has a beautiful chin.

And she's trained.

So you'd better start
writing that check right now.

Linda?

It's two hundred and fifty dollars!
Are they insane!?

We want
a lot of energy, Paul.

Point, point. Point, Paul!

And point the walk!

Where is he? Where is he?

Naomi could move,
she'd been a dancer.

Um, she was like a little bit,
had like, a little bit of a spoiled,

naughty personality
that came through in the pictures.

Like a sweet brat, sort of.

Don't, Kevyn!

I'll never, ever live this down.

And she was
a little bit younger than all of us.

Don't tell Linda I said that.
No, just kidding.

I think kind of I was typecast

as like, kind of the all-American
sexy girl next door.

It was really the glory day of beauty.

Those were the days of the greats.
The great models,

the great photographers,
the great makeup artists.

Kevyn was extraordinary.

He had a particular eye for detail.

He could make the most seasoned model

feel like she could
even be more beautiful.

What paper is that you're reading,
Cindy Crawford?

The New York Post.

I worked with Kevin a lot
in the late '80s and early '90s.

But there was that moment for me
where I was like,

all these different worlds
are coming together. Fashion, music,

entertainment, pop culture,

and it was like the supermodel phenomenon.

We had changed glamour,

and it wasn't just about
the actresses now,

it was about the models, too.

Kevyn was def in the middle
of all of that.

And in terms of diversity, I think
I was fighting to get accepted.

And Kevyn was very instrumental.

I say that because when people
make black skin up,

they think you just put one foundation
all over the skin,

it's not the way. He just knew that.

But I'm just doing your face now.

He did black skin so well.

Love the make-up.
Thank you.

He just was obsessed
with what he did.

He loved what he did. Passionately.

As he became more successful,

it started to become stressful
'cause Kevyn was extremely controlling.

You know, you had to be
on the Kevyn train.

You need to support Kevyn.

But not doing it was only minimally
more difficult than actually doing it.

So what I did, you know,
I was the housewife in a way,

househusband for a couple of years.

Then it became a stressful...

More of a stressful situation with me
not having other things in my life.

Because Kevyn was a very jealous person,
a very suspicious person.

Are you rolling your eyes at me?

Yep.

I would get shit.

Uh, I mean, we were in a taxi or whatever,

I would get shit if he noticed
that I was looking at a cute guy,

um, as we're driving down the street.

And he would even say like,
"Even though you're wearing sunglasses,

I can tell where your eyes are."

It was a very odd dichotomy about,
you know,

being the center of the universe,

but also having
ridiculously low self-esteem.

And overcompensating for that.

Kevyn was extremely insecure
about his own looks.

He hated his nose, he hated his forehead,

he hated the fact that
he was starting to lose his hair.

Um, he thought his hands were too big.

Um, he thought he was too tall,
he thought his lips were too thick.

He needed the attention,

he needed to hear that
he was loved all the time.

Um, to really excessive extent.

- Tell me something.
-What?

Tell me something sweet. Please?

I don't have anything...

I don't have anything recorded on film
of you being sweet.

-No?
- No.

Jed will now be sweet on camera.

I love you, Poochy.

I love you too, Jed.

I'd say he's had abandonment issues,
for sure.

He talked a lot about being adopted. Yeah.

I think that probably
had something to do with it.

I know he really wanted
to find his birth mother

because he felt this loss inside of, um,
not understanding where he came from,

and wanted to see
if that person would love him.

I know that that was
a huge part of who he was.

What he said to me was,

"I want to find her
because I want to know who I am.

I just wanna know where I came from."

And that's, you know,
that's such a basic want.

It didn't seem like his life
was riding on finding her,

but then once he found her, it was like,

"Ooh, this is completely going to
somehow change my life.

Finally, it will all be explained to me."

The dining room in there used to be,
uh, just a little den.

I had a TV in there, and a couch,
and a love seat.

And I was sitting in there watching TV
and the phone rang.

So I picked the phone up,
and it was Kevyn.

He said, "Is this Nelda?"
I said, "Yes, it is."

He said, "Do you know who this is?"

I said, "Yes, I think I do. I think I do."

When I heard his voice,
it was just a relief.

All these years that
I have cried and worried

and thought about him every night
when I went to bed,

and just to hear, you know,
that he was okay.

And... it was just a relief.

Like... Like ten tons weight
off my shoulders.

I don't see her.

I always loved Kevyn
because I mean,

I didn't know
what he looked like or anything,

but I still, I loved him.
He was my child, my blood.

You love your child, no matter what.

I know she's here.

He was really nervous to meet me.

There they are.

But when I seen him, I hugged him

and when we got together it was just,
it all melted.

That was the happiest I've ever been.

I think it's very important
for some children

who've been adopted
to find their birth parents

because you want to know who you are.
You want to know who you are.
You want to know,
have a sense of identity.

Where am I from, why did you give me away?
You want answers.

And in a lot of cases, people think that
these answers will make them feel better.

They think they're gonna heal.
And to some degree, they are beneficial.

But I think really,
it's a lot deeper than that.

It's a lot deeper than just
finding the pieces

to this jigsaw puzzle
that you've put in your head.

'Cause you think once I found that,
once I know who I am,

once I know the reasons why,
I'll be whole.

And all of this stuff
that's going on inside me,

all these issues and all this rejection
that keeps happening,

and all... all my neuroses
over abandonment will disappear.

But it's never the case.

I don't know why it was important
for Kevyn to see St. Anne's.

But we found it.

And we went.

Oh, my God.

So that's where I... Was that...
I was born at the hospital, though?

You were born at the hospital.

-And brought back here.
- Brought back here.

And kept... not that window,

next to the middle big window,
but the one to the right.

Wow.

There's lots of psychology about
healing the primal wound

where, you know, when you're born
and then suddenly you're ripped away from

the person who you've been with actually
for nine months,

and the trauma and stress
that causes,

and the anxiety that builds from that.

And it stays with them
throughout their lifetime.

I always came through there.

And that's where
y'all played checkers?

We played cards and all that.

It pained him. It hurt him very much
because I gave him up.

But what I told him, he did not understand
was I was 15 years old.

I was told that I could not keep him.
I couldn't come home if I kept him.

And what was I gonna do,
go around on the street corner

and beg for milk
and not have a place to stay?

How was I gonna tend to a baby?

I think that Kevyn was always
looking for love, primarily.

He was, um,
and that's what we had in common.

We both wanted desperately to be loved,

and to be approved of.

I think that was definitely in the search
of his friendships with the celebrities.

Roll, play nine.

I was incredibly fortunate
that Kevyn came to me

when his career was
about to go to a whole other level.

This was a kid from Lafayette, Louisiana.

And all of a sudden, he comes to New York

and meets, and is hanging out,

and is friends with people
that he idolized

since he was a child.

I met Tina when I was 21.

With what? The first celebrity
I've ever worked with.

First cover with me in the shirt,
Rolling Stone, jumping up.

Jumping up, and...

He started working
quite a bit with celebrities.

First one, that was probably
the Tina Turner,

that famous Rolling Stone cover.

♪ I been runnin' ♪

Sing it, Kev.

♪ I been runnin' since my youth ♪

He would get so excited,
you know, hyperventilating excited,

when he was gonna work with, you know,
one of those... and Cher.

Oh, how you had the patience
to do these eyes is beyond me.

Obviously, I can't speak for Cher,

but I think Kevyn made her feel safe,
that she could trust him.

You know, and then
they became friends for some time.

This is like all those ladies
in Miami in the '60s.

Yeah. Can you turn your head
just a teeny bit towards me, Cher?

On the shoot, just meeting someone
and being their best friend immediately,

and being that sort of very open, uh,

and creating that connection immediately

made him successful,
especially with the celebrities.

Kevyn, it's Liza.

Hi.
Yes!

I know, I love it!

How are ya?

Well, I'm hysterical laughing.
Why?

Well, you should see
how I've put on my makeup.

I've tried to do such a good job,
and I look like such a harlotta.

Kevyn and Liza became
very close, very quickly.

We were spending
quite a bit of time at her apartment.

She was a very open, warm person,
and we all connected very, very quickly.

She was making a big comeback, as well.

It was her, uh... Carnegie Hall.

Kevyn, it's Liza. We have a hit record.

It came in at number 24
on the charts in London,

and this week it goes up into the top ten
and I am in such shock,

I cannot tell you.
I will call you the second I get home,

and maybe I'll try you again tomorrow

and tell you everything that's happened.

And thank God you taught me
how to do that makeup a little bit,

I've been living in it. I love you honey,

and all of this is really...
has so much to do with you.

I just love you, and I miss you.

Okay, I'll talk to you later. Bye.

If celebrities like you,
then how can you not be likeable?

I mean, if the most important people
value you,

how can you not be valuable?

Go to Kevyn. Say hi, Uncle Kevyn!

I think there was a piece of him

that really wanted to know
what his roots were,

and to know
if he had brothers and sisters,

and to know what these...
who these people were.

Did they look like him?
I think that was a big question for Kevyn.

Hey, guys.

When I got married,
I had two boys.

I always wanted a child named Kevin,

so I knew I'd probably never
see him again when I had Kevin.

So I went ahead and named Kevin, Kevin.

That's Kevin.
And then Keith.

And that's Keith, he's looking at
US Magazine.

John T.

When I was 15,
John T was my friend.

He was just a wonderful person,

just so kind and nice.

He asked me to marry him
and keep the baby,

even though it wasn't his.

And I told him no,

because I didn't love him
and I couldn't do him like that.

I was not gonna marry him
and not love him,

because it wouldn't last.

Kevyn, he really had a thing about
giving him up for adoption.

Him and Keith was walking from down there
at Keith's house up to here,

and he told Keith, he said, "You know, I
can't understand why she didn't keep me,

and let me be raised with y'all."

Keith said,

"Kevyn, I got something I wanna tell you,"

and he said, "You're not gonna like it."

But he said,
"Mother didn't love Daddy then.

She told us that she did not love Daddy,

and that she wasn't gonna marry him
and ruin his life.

I said "Oh, my God,
that was my grandmothers."

Probably about three or four months
after I came home,

I realized I was in love with John T.

That all right back there?

Kevyn was born February the 14th,

and we got married
September the 28th after that.
And I wrote letters to the state,
'cause I wanted him back.

You had so many months
that you could change your mind,

and I could have got him back.

They wrote me a letter and told me
they wouldn't unseal the deal

where I could find out, you know,
where Kevyn went.

And I couldn't... I couldn't find him.
I didn't know where he was.

I had Kevin, my son with John T, in 1963.

I just...

I would look at Kevin and I would remember
Kevyn Aucoin, and I would cry.

When you swing the arm down,
coming this way...

When Whitney and I
met Kevyn, we were all young.

You know, he was at that peak
in his career,

and Whitney was, you know,
moving upwards as well.

Stand by, Cofey.
Lower the card a little bit.

And here we go. Good day?

Madness. Woo!

He became friends with
Whitney and her friend Robyn.

Kevyn was like family
in the room with us,

and the energy that he brought,

it made me relax where I knew...

you know, Whitney was in good hands.

And she would relax.

So if she was cool, I knew everyone else
would be as well.

What, darling?

- A word from our sponsor.
-A word from our sponsor.

-Oh, that's terrible.
-Who's our sponsor?

Uh, Kevyn Aucoin.

-Oh what, am I your sponsor?
- Yes.

Kevyn Aucoin Cosmetics?

Yes. This is a...
this is a makeup uh...

-The natural.
- ...an advertisement for uh...

The natural. The natural.
I'm going to the other side,

'cause this is not working.

It was Kevyn, he always showed up
with his camera.

But you didn't feel like
he was intruding at all.

I think he understood her magnitude

and power that she had.

I'm sleepy.

And he handled her
in a way where she felt...

where she felt like she could be.

Okay.

You know, and at that time, people didn't
talk much about adoption,

and I didn't know really
a whole lot about it.

The difference with adoption today
and yesterday, or at Kevyn's time,

every situation is different.

I have twins, a boy and a girl.

They were adopted. They understand that.

Some children have a mom and a dad.

Some have just a mom,

some have a grandmom
or a sibling raising them.

And they are their parents.

And they love you.
And that's all that matters,

that you are loved. Period.

- I gotta go.

We didn't belabor it, but Kevyn,
he did, you know, flat out

talk about his situation
with his birth mother.

Whatever was going on back then for him
was very painful

because he would tear up about it.

I'm telling you.
But you know what, Nelda?

I wanna tell you something.

Without makeup, it's much better.

-You gotta be kidding.
- No, I'm not kidding.

I'm not kidding at all.

I've told her that
for years and years.

He's told me that.
He's told me that for years.

No, 'cause we'll...
You'll see. We'll fix it.

We were so much alike.

We really couldn't
get along real good.

-Should I fix my hair?
- You can just fluff it up.

He would argue with me,
and talk back to me, and...

I mean, he wanted to be close to me,
but he just didn't know how.

"Dear Nelda, thank you so much
for the beautiful quilt.

Something, wore...

something and it... color was perfect.

It took a... I bet it took a long time.
I really appreciate it.

Talk to you soon. Say hello, all."

He writes like a doctor.

He wasn't raised
like my two boys were raised.

He had a completely
different background than my boys had.

It's interesting when adopted children
meet their adopted parents,

it's very, very common for there to be
no connection whatsoever.

Because there's a fantasy
that you've built in your head

that your mother's
been there longing for you.

Maybe it was a mistake,
she's been wishing and wondering.

But inevitably, in many cases,
it's not the case.

And it's just like meeting
someone at a bus stop,

or someone in a store.

You don't know anything about each other.

You've got no common stories to share.

You're two completely random people

who just happened to be related by blood,
and that's your only connection.

He wanted so bad to love me
because I'm his real mother.

And I have another one that
he's looking out to the stars.

One day, I just got up
thinking about Kevyn.

I was sitting there thinking about him,
holding him while he was a baby.

I thought about that all the time.
And I was crying,

John T asked me what was wrong,
and I told him.

I just got up thinking about Kevyn.

And I want...
I didn't want that grown man,

I wanted my baby back.

At the time, I just felt like...

you know, I wanted that baby that I lost.

If I had raised him,
he would be different.

He wouldn't be the man he-he was.

He probably wouldn't be
doing makeup either

'cause I'd have whipped his tail.
He wouldn't have run away from me.

Never thought Kevyn was gay,

taking pictures of the women
he was with like that.

After all I'd been through,

and having Kevyn
and having to give him up,

and all that that I went through,

then he told me he was gay.

And that just almost killed me,

because I don't believe in that.

I believe in the Bible,
I believe in the Lord.

You know, the lord says in the Bible,
man shall not be with man,

and woman shall not be with woman.
It's an abomination unto God.

And I wanted him to go to heaven.

That picture on the end over there...

is the picture that
I had made at the hospital.

I told him, "If I had raised you,
you wouldn't be gay."

I remember him being devastated

because he said she rejected me twice,

and it was not what he was hoping for.

Whatever the Bible says,

that's the way I believe.

So I just...

I couldn't hardly cope with it.

He didn't get
the big answers that he was looking for.

He didn't get the revelations,
he didn't get the self-knowledge.

Kevyn and I even had a conversation about
having grown up feeling unvalued,

and how it was a little bit like being,
uh, a cup without a bottom.

You just keep pouring the liquid in,
and it just keeps going out.

And how to
restore that bottom,

and both of us were
sort of struggling with

how do we fill a cup
that doesn't have a bottom?

Kevyn's biggest motivation to succeed
was his abandonment issues.

He had this thought that
if I work with you

and you become my friend,

and I make you pretty,
then you won't abandon me.

I absolutely think that
he was looking for a mother figure

in the people that he worked with.

Oh, Kevyn. It's amazing!

I do think that on some level,
he used celebrity

and working with celebrities
to kind of fill up that void.

Here we go. Straight away.
And playback.

Aaaah!

Killing me! Kevyn tickles me so much.

Kevyn works the camera.
I swear to God. Look at him.

Kevyn was getting to be
the go-to celebrity makeup artist,

for sure.

That's it.

Wonderful, Susan.

That's amazing.

It seems very, oh, of course today

because everybody's so interconnected
with celebrity and Instagram,

and celebrities are selling magazines.

But back then, that hadn't happened yet.

There was a very clear line between
fashion and entertainment,

and things like that.
And Kevyn crossed over,

and was able to kind of marry the two.

That's waking up in the morning.

There wasn't anything he couldn't do.

He could do something very natural,

all the way to the extreme
of making you into...

a man, or another character.

Yeah, I'll take down the makeup in my car.

Oh, my God. Unbelievable.

They loved him. And he loved it.

He was the best,
and really funny.

But the truth is, like there's no one
more vain than a famous woman.

My face is so round.

Your face is not so round.

That is not a round face.

This is my number one boy attribute,
are these ears

So I think everybody
would have endured him,

even if he was a jerk,
just to put their face in his hands.

Hi. It's Oscar morning.

We're at Shutters Hotel in Santa Monica.

Kevyn made me up for the Oscars,
the year that I was nominated.

I think Kevyn was more kind of present
to what was happening than I was.

I'm so glad you brought this

because we've been saying
the whole weekend that we--

I'll make a complete copy for you,
it'll be so much fun.

Okay. Okay, good.

I remember them doing my mother.

You know, he was very aware
what it would mean to her.

- Oh, wow.
-I love you, Kevyn.

I've never felt so beautiful. What a day.

I was very nervous.

But Kevyn had a way of
disarming you immediately.

From food stamps to runway
in five minutes.

He was very good at kind of, you know,

making you remember
that life was happening.

You were in your life.

The naughty nominee.

You know, he was good at
making moments be moments.

I'm in shock over this whole scenario.

I just can't believe we're going
to the Oscars and everything.

- And you're in it.
-And I'm in it. What the fuck?

What happened?
I'm having a what happened moment.

And definitely that morning, I mean,
it was, um, it was a moment.

These things.

Good luck.

And the Oscar goes to...

Gwyneth Paltrow.

Oh, my God.

Movie Star Makeovers,
next.

Come on up here, Kevyn!

I first met Kevyn right about the time
when Kevyn was doing his book,

The Art of Makeup,

which really started to catapult him
into stardom.

He gives Claudia lip,
keeps Tina's look hip,

make Andie blush, and Gwyneth gush.

Oh, I just love him.

I believe that Kevyn,
when he started doing the books,

he wanted just women everywhere

to be able to do this to themselves.

He wanted to share his knowledge
with women,

he wanted women
to just pick up that lipstick,

create yourself.

Kevin's books were
the best beauty books ever.

I think they did change the way
we look at beauty

in that he made us all dream.

Kevyn just did the makeup for this
history-making Rolling Stone cover.

Did y'all see this?
For their 30th anniversary featuring

Courtney Love, and Tina Turner
and Madonna.

-Now whose makeup did you do?
- All of them.

You did all of them?
Yeah.

Well, what was that session like?

So he kind of went from this youthful,
young, whee energy,

like I'm doing what I wanted to do
all my life, to huge star.

Oh!

Oh, my God, Kevyn!

Oh, shit! Oh, my God.

Hi.
Hey, can you do my makeup? Hi!

Oh, my God!

We saw you on Oprah!

Yeah, you saw Oprah?

Yeah. Oh, my God, you are talented.

- Thank you!
-Oh, my God!

Kevyn was absolutely
one of the highest paid

makeup artists in the world.

He's transformed some of
the world's most gorgeous faces,

so he's gonna do his work
with this one right here.

He could be completely adorable.

He was a brilliant artist.
There's no question.

He could be a complete pain in the ass.

Um, but I...

you know, that comes with the territory.
The more successful they are,

-the more difficult they are.
- Look how cute.

Here we are on the set of Scream.

Which aptly describes
how we all feel at this moment.

-Can you make this less...
- No...

We were booking
ten and fifteen thousand a day

for eight and... eight and ten day
video shoots,

making eighty-five thousand
for a video with Janet Jackson.

I mean, it was unheard of.

So we felt valuable all of a sudden

because we were making all this money.
And then we got these egos.

And then we created these demands

of what we needed
in order to show up for work.

It don't work, it don't work.

One more thing that doesn't work
in this stupid fucking hotel.

Hello, do you have a CD player? No.

Hello, do you have a VCR? No.

Hello, can you help me find
this or that? No.

Do you know what your name is?

Hello? Call housekeeping,
call housekeeping.

-So I said--
- Fuck you.

I said, um, the housekeeping lady,
uh, doesn't even speak English

and um, is she like the concierge,
or are you the fucking concierge?

And what the fuck
does that mean anyway, here?

Does concierge mean
call housekeeping?

I would say he became a control freak,

and he would tell everybody what to do.

He was control, he was the star
of the room, he really was.

You were not the star, he was the star.

And I would just like to say that
the proof of the existence of God

is that she sent Kevyn Aucoin.

One of the things that happens to you
if you become famous is that

everybody will kiss your ass,
and then suddenly you will think

you're more important than God.
That's just the way it goes.

He would do
eight, nine, ten hours of just makeup,

and then hair would have no time,
and then styling would have no time.

But you never crossed him.

When we work together, it's so wonderful
because we don't pre-judge.

You know, we just go in and say,
"Okay, let's see what these people like."

Right.

People are like, "Oh, they're horrible.
They're horrible."

And then we find out they're not horrible.

And then people say to us,
"Oh, you're lying."

You know, "Oh, it couldn't be possible."

-And people say that about us.
-Yes. Exactly, exactly.

I mean, I've heard things about me
that I have an attitude,

and I mean,
and I don't really recognize myself

in those descriptions that I hear.

But hey, if that's their opinion, then...

Well, I think when you get
to a certain level,

people have a certain amount of jealousy

and they start to, um, you know,
they start to want to bring you down.

You know, we were in Nice,
the south of France,

at Tina Turner's house.

Kevin wouldn't come out of the room

because he thought that it was too hot,

and they couldn't air condition
Tina's backyard.

No, don't film this, please.

They came out of the room. Kevyn goes,
"I'm not doing this," with his lisp,

"I'm not being in this, it's too hot.
I'm not... Can't we shoot it inside?"

And Peter Lindbergh was like,

"Shoot inside?
We've got the south of France,

we've got the Côte d'Azur.
We're not shooting inside."

Kevyn stormed off the set,

and anybody who knows Kevyn
watching this has been through this.

Stormed off the set,
went into the guest room,

and sat there and talked on his phone
the whole shoot.

...losing my mind.

Tina Turner grabbed me, she goes,
"Get over here. Come over here right now."

She grabbed me and she goes,
"Come with me."

And she ran me up this three-story
spiral staircase to the ceiling.

We get to the top,
and we're in her bedroom.

And then she took a little, uh,

eyeliner, put it on,
a little Tina Turner gold lipstick,

went out and did the whole shoot.

Kevyn never knew what happened
'cause he never came out of the room.

I don't fuck up.

- Ever?
-Ever.

As someone who is adopted,

I do know that when you get
to the top of the tree,

and you realize I can't really go
much higher than I am,

I am as successful as I can be,
I'm making money,

and I still feel the same.
You kind of feel worse.

'Cause there's nowhere else to look to,
that you think you can go

to make yourself feel better
because you are there.

You're at the top
and you still feel the same.

I should stop doing this.

I have no patience for this anymore.

Ours was a relationship
where it was personal and business,

so it was so intertwined.
I mean, there were times that,

you know, I would be on the phone with him
at three in the morning,

"Where's my car? Where's my car?"

And I'm like,
"Kevyn, you know, I'm in bed."

It took a toll
on our relationship, for sure.

And Kevyn had this history of going
from relationship to relationship

to relationship,

without clear breaks.

-You got us in the picture?
-Hi.

But even after we broke up,

we were still extremely close.

We were like brothers,
we were like family.

How do you say
I love you in Russian?

Say it again?

I met Kevyn Aucoin,
um, my first year of college.

He was much older than me.

Look in here, look into there.
Not at the screen.

Okay.

I wasn't out when we first got together,

and the most important thing
Kevyn taught me

was how to stand up for myself.

He made me understand that when
I was afraid to come out to my father,

that it wasn't my problem
with me being gay,

it was his problem with me being gay.

'Cause I was perfectly fine
with the fact that I was gay.

And that contextual sort of reversal,
or flipping the situation around,

and being like wait a second,
don't hang your shit on me.

This is your problem to deal with,
not my problem to deal with.

'Cause I'm 37 years old,
and I grew up in Lafayette, Louisiana.

Yeah, thank you.

Grew up in Lafayette, Louisiana.
My grandfather was in the KKK.

My... I was adopted.

Kevyn was very, very involved
in helping gay youth

because he lived it,
and he used his success

as a beacon of hope
for so many young kids

because at the time
when he was doing all of this,

there was no one that had such
a high profile as he did,

doing what he was doing.

Everyone at
the Hetrick-Martin school.

-Exactly. Yeah.
- Hey, kids. Okay.

That's much better.

Okay. Whenever you're ready.

Hey, kids.

I'm Jennifer Lopez
and I'm here with Kevyn,

and I'm just sending you a message.
Be proud of who you are.

Never be ashamed of who you are
'cause you're beautiful.

Whenever you're ready.

Hi, kids. Kevyn just made me up.
How do I look?

-Gorgeous, huh?

It's good to see you
and have a chat with you.

Chin, chin. Chin up, keep fighting.
You'll make it. I did.

He was like, this like,
storm of like, emotion

and, uh, excitement.

I mean, it was everything, all the time.

We're here in Miami.
We're in Orlando's beautiful apartment.

She's so kind to let us stay in.

We've got her clothes here and here.

They're on some of
these beautiful chairs.

And we're gonna go out to Liquid,

um, and hopefully see some celebrities.

He started having some pain issues.

We're not gonna dance because my back
about right here is hurting me a lot.

His back always hurt him.

He was always in pain in his back,
and I would always have to like...

And I'm... I'm a big guy.
I would walk on his back.

And it was never deep or hard enough.

He was always in
so much pain in his... in his body.

He talked about not feeling good,

and trying to get control
over his health.

And Kevin was very uncomfortable,
physically uncomfortable.

He had headaches, and his hands hurt.

It definitely affected him.
I think he tried to put on a happy face,

but he had to open the windows
'cause he was blazing hot, you know.

Just sweating.

Pressure for Kevyn was
really hard for him to handle.

You know, there were multiple bookings
always that came in.

You know, for days.
I mean, if you looked at his schedule,

it was you know, Cher, Tina, Janet,
uh, Gwyneth, Winona

in one week.

Monsieur Aucoin, very stressed.

When our relationship ended,
it was difficult

because Kevyn was like this.

He didn't want-let anything go
that he didn't want to let go.

But I wasn't ever gonna make him happy.

I was never gonna give him what he needed
and what he wanted out of a relationship,

which was somebody
who was his support system.

I had my own path to fight and find.

Jeremy made himself available to Kevyn
in such a way that

Kevyn thought he was gonna fill that void.

He met Jeremy through a friend.

I think that Jeremy represented another,
you know,

aspect to having it all for him.

So that over there is the house.

So Kevyn bought a house
up in Middleton, New York.

Uh, Rose Cottage, which was like, I think
the former estate of Laura Ashley.

Beautiful, beautiful, um, horse farm.

He always wanted a family,

so here he had the perfect house,
the perfect...

the perfect husband,
you know, with Jeremy.

And you know, this idyllic setting.

But he was still experiencing pain.

That's the house.

There's Alex.

I started noticing that
he was having massive headaches,

like migraines that were mind-blowing.

Backstage at a, um, Tori Amos concert,

he felt he had a headache,
and next thing he knew, he fell.

He just passed out on the ground.

So that was the beginning
of actually knowing

that something serious was going on.

He flew to, uh, to do a video for Cher,

and he was in a lot of pain.

I said, "You're at
the Four Seasons Hotel.

Why don't you just have them
call a doctor?"

And a doctor that came to him
had specialized in acromegaly,

just by chance.

Looked at him, and within five minutes
said, "I think you have acromegaly."

When we found out that he had acromegaly,
I mean, it all made sense.

I mean, he had grown. I mean, you know,
a couple inches in the past few years.

You know, his fingers,
his hands were so big.

His face actually changed.

Things got distorted,
his nose grew bigger, his ears.

You know,
so I think he saw this over time.

Here's someone who, for a living,
is a makeup artist

who, uh, is trying to
symmetrically balance someone's face,

which is crucial in beauty sometimes,

so that for him to see
his own features change

subtly, all the time,
it must have been a real mind-fuck.

Kevyn was very insecure
about his own looks.

And when we were together,

he would ask like, "Do you think
I'm attractive?" And all this stuff.

But, um, I'm sure that for him,
dealing with a disease

that not only made him physically,
um, uncomfortable

but also change physically
must have been very difficult.

I look terrible.

They eventually operated on,

but weren't successful in
solving the pain problems.

So murky, the whole... the whole situation

because he legitimately had pain,
needed medication for his pain,

but we also thought that
he was abusing it.

So we just didn't know
what the reality was.

It was this slippery slope
that no one knew the truth to.

He was seeing multiple doctors,
going to different, uh, pharmacies,

getting, you know, playing that game
of trying to get more Vicodin.
And his career started to take a dive.

I started to see less and less
of Kevyn as he...

kind of started to spiral downwards.

He would not show up, and not call.

He changed a lot the last
couple of years that he was alive.

People were, you know,
didn't want to book him.

They were starting to, you know,
back away from his career.

There were rumors going on that,
you know,

about this in the industry,

and I'm sure, you know,
people were finding out.

Seems like now they're starting,
they told me they didn't want me anymore.

What, really?

Mm-hmm.

Seems like yesterday they told me,

"We can't afford you.
There are some budget cuts."

Yeah, it wasn't budget cuts.

They did hear from people that, you know,
he takes a pill to get up in the morning,

he takes a pill to go to sleep,

and takes a pill to get on a plane,
and takes a pill to get off a plane.

There was definitely, uh,
prescription drug abuse.

I knew that there were whispers
going around that he was not doing well.

He went and did Cher's video,
Song for the Lonely.

He was so sick that
he needed to not travel,

but he went for her.

It wasn't just about ego.

Toward the end, he had been canceled
so much that he needed the money.

And yes, he was using.

But he still showed up and did good work,
and then he collapsed.

They had to revive him. He was out.

And, uh, that was it for her and Kevyn.

Everyone was backing away
from him, unfortunately.

Um, he became a liability,

I think, for many of them.

I think April, 2002 was the first time
that he wasn't booked for the Oscars.

And, uh, I think that really...
that was really hard for him.

I was so young when we were so close,

and I didn't have the wisdom
to understand that I could help.

I think it's scary when you're young
and you haven't been around addiction.

And you know, somebody that
you're very close to

starts to seem very different.

If it were today, I would handle it
completely differently, you know.

Um, I would be like, "What the fuck
are you doing? Let's...

I'm taking you somewhere,
we're gonna sort it out."

But at the time, it was...
I found it scary and overwhelming.

Well, you know...

Even if a million people tell me
that you're brilliant, that you're loved,

but if you don't feel it
inside you then...

It doesn't matter
how many people tell you

because their love for you
isn't real until...

you believe that you deserve it...

you believe that you're worthy of it.

The drug use intensified.

It just, you know,
it started to get really out of control.

And Jeremy finally, you know,
said, "I can't take this anymore."

You know, "I just... I've had it."

He wanted to take a break,
and he left for Paris.

I think that, for Kevyn,
that whole issue of abandonment

really kind of came into play.

And I think that put Kevyn
into a downward spiral.

That week, it was awful.

I mean, he just holed himself up
at the house

and just wouldn't let anybody in.

Kevyn, are you there?

I wish you would call me
because you said you were going to.

All right? So please give me a call.

The abandonment issues
were always there.

I don't know
if he ever saw his beauty.

This is somebody
who really cannot be alone.

Are you there?

Hello? Hello, hello, hello?

There was a tumor
on his pituitary gland.

And he said,
"I just don't want to go on anymore."

I knew that something
was wrong with his brain.

He was taking more
pain medication than he should have.

I was afraid to leave him.

He said
he was taking too much of it.

Hi. Anybody home?

He just laid on the floor
and passed out.

It wasn't his destiny to be saved.

Why do you think he shot
all of these video tapes?

There's a piece of me
that almost feels like...

he knew he was gonna die early.

I worried about him taking
too much medication,

and maybe if I'd done something
at that point in time,

it might have changed history.

Look, I'm almost crying myself right now.

Because I'm remembering all of this.

But I live with it every day.

We had to call an ambulance
and take Kevyn to the hospital.

Then the doctor came in and he said,

"Your friend's taken
this ingestion of pills,

and there's, um,
Tylenol, which is in the Vicodin,

and that's shut his liver down,"

and that we had to make
a decision to keep him on,

you know, life support or pull the plug.

And, um, Isidore had to
make that decision.

And that was a really,
really tough decision for him to make.
I said, "I want y'all to
take the respirator off,

and we'll see what happens."

But I said I'm leaving the room.

So I asked Eric to stay and watch.

And the last thing they told me he did,
when they pulled the respirator off,

right after that, he took one deep breath
it looked like, and that was it.

So when Orlando called me,

one of the questions I asked,
besides what happened,

was why didn't you call me sooner?
'Cause I would have come.

But I understand...

just um...

I got a message that
Kevyn had passed away.

And I was devastated.

I was devastated. I really was.

Someone said, and I'm not sure
if they said it at his service

or said to me after,

but just that he was a flame
that burned so bright,

it was like it burned so bright,
so strong, and then it just burns quick.

He was more than just what, you know,
those kids teased him about,

and he was more than
being a son that was adopted.

He was more than, um,

just a great makeup artist.
He was a sum of many things.

And because of that, he was able
to start using his voice

and talk about things,
and being an activist.

I stand here today in awe of
how far we've come,

and yet how far we have to go.

As long as there are Matthew Shepards
in this world, we must fight.

Not with violence and hatred,

but with love and compassion for those
who would like to see us disappear.

Mr. Aucoin's father
was someone who was in the KKK.

And it really shows a lot of who Kevyn was

because he, you know, insisted that
Isidore and Thelma

support him and fight for him,

and they really came around to
become champions of Kevyn.

You know, so much so that they started
the first chapter of PFLAG

in Lafayette, Louisiana.

And in fact, they even went to Congress
and spoke for gay rights.

He was trying to take everyone

and show them
the very best part of themselves,
because he knew
what that would feel like.

When you're not seeing it,

how amazing it is
when somebody lifts you up.

I'm so excited to meet you.

Kevyn's idea of beauty
was about the power

of beauty and makeup
to be transformational.

For a woman to look at herself
for the first time

and see like, "Wow, I look beautiful,"

and how much confidence that gives them.

I'm crying.

His philosophy was that
anybody is and can be beautiful.

I'm so glad to meet you myself.

There'll never be another Kevyn Aucoin.

Never. Never, never.

Kevyn would have loved that the footage
would be seen by everyone.

He loved his family, he loved his nieces,

and would have loved leaving something
really valuable for them.

And that we are talking about him,

that we are honoring him,
that we're trying to understand him,

and that his legacy lives.

I know Kevyn... I know Kevyn.

So what do you do
with all this video?

What?

You just watch it, or do you edit,
edit it to make a movie out of it,

a feature-length, uh, documentary, or...