Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,250 --> 00:00:03,652
[MUSIC PLAYS]
2
00:00:03,653 --> 00:00:06,221
Okay, I'm gonna say
that you like water sports,
3
00:00:06,222 --> 00:00:07,989
because that'll make you
10% more attractive.
4
00:00:07,990 --> 00:00:09,858
This is dumb. I don't need to be
on a dating app.
5
00:00:09,859 --> 00:00:11,760
This is a great place
to meet people.
6
00:00:11,761 --> 00:00:13,795
I helped a very nice woman
to her car the other night.
7
00:00:13,796 --> 00:00:15,764
Oh, no, we know.
The banana hoarderer.
8
00:00:15,765 --> 00:00:18,099
It's "hoarder."
Okay, we get it.
9
00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:19,534
You went to med school, alright?
10
00:00:19,535 --> 00:00:22,037
Well, yes, that is the woman
I'm talking about,
11
00:00:22,038 --> 00:00:23,738
and... fine.
12
00:00:23,739 --> 00:00:25,540
Say I like water sports.
I just Googled "water sports."
13
00:00:25,541 --> 00:00:27,075
I think it means something
different on the apps.
14
00:00:27,076 --> 00:00:28,743
Ugh. Okay, we're gonna do
the profile picture now.
15
00:00:28,744 --> 00:00:29,778
Yeah. Thanks.
16
00:00:29,779 --> 00:00:32,615
Now?
Yeah. Let's lead with the boobs.
17
00:00:33,649 --> 00:00:35,250
What?
I can't believe you're doing this.
18
00:00:35,251 --> 00:00:36,351
What's happening?
Ugh.
19
00:00:36,352 --> 00:00:37,553
Read 'em and weep.
Let's go.
20
00:00:38,221 --> 00:00:39,821
Huh.
Ooh.
21
00:00:39,822 --> 00:00:40,922
Now, what is that?
22
00:00:40,923 --> 00:00:43,358
Is that a nursing bra?
23
00:00:43,359 --> 00:00:44,759
It's my work bra!
24
00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:46,728
It's got support in the front
for lifting.
25
00:00:46,729 --> 00:00:48,597
Oh, okay.
So if you don't want someone
26
00:00:48,598 --> 00:00:50,732
with a moving truck,
you're gonna wanna ditch that.
27
00:00:50,733 --> 00:00:52,734
Here, I've got something
that'll make them pop.
28
00:00:52,735 --> 00:00:55,003
It's Tuesday "sex night"
with Dan, and, you know.
29
00:00:55,004 --> 00:00:56,872
This is the only time
it's gonna come off, so...
30
00:00:56,873 --> 00:00:58,073
Oh.
31
00:00:58,074 --> 00:01:00,375
I'll be right here,
just waiting.
32
00:01:00,376 --> 00:01:02,244
Here you go.
No, no, no, no, no.
33
00:01:02,245 --> 00:01:03,512
That doesn't go with those pants.
34
00:01:03,513 --> 00:01:06,081
I don't wear underwear in these, so...
35
00:01:06,082 --> 00:01:10,819
[♪♪♪]
36
00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:11,987
♪ Hey! ♪
37
00:01:11,988 --> 00:01:13,555
[♪♪♪]
38
00:01:13,556 --> 00:01:16,258
SARAH: Guys, there's no one
worth dating on these apps.
39
00:01:16,259 --> 00:01:17,692
It's like online shopping,
40
00:01:17,693 --> 00:01:19,628
but there's nothing
in my size or style.
41
00:01:19,629 --> 00:01:21,763
Well, at least you're bi.
42
00:01:21,764 --> 00:01:24,666
I mean, imagine if you had
to choose from only the men.
43
00:01:24,667 --> 00:01:26,468
Wait a minute. Does that say
"Good Vibes Only"?
44
00:01:26,469 --> 00:01:28,803
Oh, God.
That's not very inclusive.
45
00:01:28,804 --> 00:01:29,804
Oh, okay. Here.
46
00:01:29,872 --> 00:01:32,674
Here's someone who doesn't
completely make me sick.
47
00:01:32,675 --> 00:01:33,543
Oh, yeah.
48
00:01:33,544 --> 00:01:35,277
You two would have
very attractive sex.
49
00:01:35,278 --> 00:01:36,278
Right?
AMY: Hang on.
50
00:01:36,279 --> 00:01:38,513
Does that say Merrick Skateway?
51
00:01:38,514 --> 00:01:39,915
Look at her background.
52
00:01:39,916 --> 00:01:41,283
[GASPS]
It is.
53
00:01:41,284 --> 00:01:43,518
She's wearing the uniform.
She works there.
54
00:01:43,519 --> 00:01:45,387
We have to go check her out.
55
00:01:45,388 --> 00:01:47,255
And we can skate!
Amy, we can take our kids.
56
00:01:47,256 --> 00:01:48,391
It would be so fun.
57
00:01:48,457 --> 00:01:50,892
I was gonna bring them to that
booger-infested playground
58
00:01:50,893 --> 00:01:53,495
at the mall, but no,
I guess this is a step up.
59
00:01:53,496 --> 00:01:55,530
Guys, I don't even want to be
dating,
60
00:01:55,531 --> 00:01:57,699
much less have you as
my wingmen with your children.
61
00:01:57,700 --> 00:01:59,467
Mm.
But you are never gonna find happiness
62
00:01:59,468 --> 00:02:01,102
if you don't
put yourself out there.
63
00:02:01,103 --> 00:02:03,238
It's all about manifesting joy.
64
00:02:03,239 --> 00:02:05,006
Or so says O Magazine.
65
00:02:05,007 --> 00:02:06,775
Oh, crap on a stick.
66
00:02:06,776 --> 00:02:08,343
It's a mother
from Luke's school.
67
00:02:08,344 --> 00:02:10,846
Hide me, please.
68
00:02:10,847 --> 00:02:12,247
[♪♪♪]
69
00:02:12,248 --> 00:02:15,083
Oh, excuse me.
Did she just avoid me?
70
00:02:15,084 --> 00:02:16,618
The nerve!
71
00:02:16,619 --> 00:02:19,788
Hi!
I thought that was you!
72
00:02:19,789 --> 00:02:20,789
It's me.
73
00:02:20,790 --> 00:02:23,525
[BOTH LAUGH AWKWARDLY]
74
00:02:23,526 --> 00:02:26,695
I just want to say I'm sorry
75
00:02:26,696 --> 00:02:29,831
Luke wasn't invited
to Dylan's party.
76
00:02:29,832 --> 00:02:32,234
I didn't-- I didn't know
that he had a p--
77
00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:33,902
there was a party.
Yeah.
78
00:02:33,903 --> 00:02:37,038
It's just that we're encouraging
Dylan to be more authentic,
79
00:02:37,039 --> 00:02:39,708
and he doesn't feel like he
and Luke have a lot in common,
80
00:02:39,709 --> 00:02:43,478
so it would be inauthentic
to pretend they're friends.
81
00:02:43,479 --> 00:02:48,083
Dylan likes animals,
but not all the time.
82
00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:49,885
Yeah, right.
No, of course.
83
00:02:49,886 --> 00:02:52,420
Um, we're--
we're all grown-ups here, so...
84
00:02:52,421 --> 00:02:53,522
[BOTH LAUGH]
85
00:02:53,523 --> 00:02:55,090
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No big deal.
86
00:02:55,091 --> 00:02:56,358
Oh, one thing, um...
87
00:02:56,359 --> 00:02:59,227
I want you to know
that I avoided you first.
88
00:02:59,228 --> 00:03:00,896
Okay, Dylan's Mom?
89
00:03:00,897 --> 00:03:03,899
[♪♪♪]
90
00:03:03,900 --> 00:03:06,234
Luke isn't getting invited
to birthday parties now.
91
00:03:06,235 --> 00:03:07,469
I mean, what is that?
92
00:03:07,470 --> 00:03:09,171
When we were kids,
we were taught to be nice.
93
00:03:09,172 --> 00:03:11,473
Everyone was invited,
even the losers.
94
00:03:11,474 --> 00:03:12,974
And we got a lifelong friendship
out of it.
95
00:03:12,975 --> 00:03:15,744
Yes! Who-- Wait.
Who are you talking about?
96
00:03:15,745 --> 00:03:18,380
Hey, hey, hey.
You got a foot in the door.
97
00:03:18,381 --> 00:03:20,182
[GASPS]
Let's all just be grateful.
98
00:03:20,183 --> 00:03:23,218
[♪♪♪]
99
00:03:23,219 --> 00:03:25,620
[CHUCKLES]
100
00:03:25,621 --> 00:03:27,823
Can I have one
of the new Popsicles?
101
00:03:27,824 --> 00:03:28,758
Depends.
102
00:03:28,759 --> 00:03:30,926
Who's the best mom
in the whole world?
103
00:03:30,927 --> 00:03:32,327
You are!
[LAUGHS]
104
00:03:32,328 --> 00:03:33,262
[CELLPHONE RINGING]
Grocery shopping
105
00:03:33,263 --> 00:03:34,996
is so much more fun
when you come with--
106
00:03:34,997 --> 00:03:36,732
[SCREAMS]
107
00:03:38,668 --> 00:03:39,935
Hi.
108
00:03:39,936 --> 00:03:41,369
Hey, Jodie.
109
00:03:41,370 --> 00:03:43,705
Uh, I read that Oprah article
you told me about.
110
00:03:43,706 --> 00:03:44,806
It is awesome.
111
00:03:44,807 --> 00:03:46,508
Isn't Oprah the best?
[GRUNTS]
112
00:03:46,509 --> 00:03:47,909
Mommy!
I want a Popsicle!
113
00:03:47,910 --> 00:03:49,010
Yeah, totally.
114
00:03:49,011 --> 00:03:53,381
Um, hey, so, I am working
on manifesting my joy,
115
00:03:53,382 --> 00:03:56,618
and there's something
that I wanted to ask you about,
116
00:03:56,619 --> 00:03:58,286
but, um...
117
00:03:58,287 --> 00:04:01,289
kind of worried that
it might be inappropriate.
118
00:04:01,290 --> 00:04:02,524
You can talk to me
about anything.
119
00:04:02,525 --> 00:04:05,360
Mommy, I want Popsicles!
120
00:04:05,361 --> 00:04:07,029
I want Pop--
121
00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:10,232
Go get it!
Sorry, that wasn't to you.
122
00:04:10,233 --> 00:04:11,067
[SIGHS]
123
00:04:11,133 --> 00:04:13,068
Oh, man, the gym would kill me
if they knew
124
00:04:13,069 --> 00:04:14,803
I was asking a client this.
125
00:04:14,804 --> 00:04:18,106
Can you give me advice on
starting my own fitness company?
126
00:04:18,107 --> 00:04:19,941
Oh.
127
00:04:19,942 --> 00:04:21,776
But it's gonna be more
than a company, you know?
128
00:04:21,777 --> 00:04:24,079
It's gonna be
a-a fitness empire--
129
00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:27,949
classes, supplements,
sleeveless T-shirts, you know?
130
00:04:27,950 --> 00:04:30,218
That all sounds great,
but why do you think I can help?
131
00:04:30,219 --> 00:04:31,987
Well, I mean, you used
to work at a bank.
132
00:04:31,988 --> 00:04:34,022
You understand money
and business.
133
00:04:34,023 --> 00:04:37,092
Plus, I've seen you use
the Reminders app on your phone,
134
00:04:37,093 --> 00:04:39,094
and that is awesome.
135
00:04:39,095 --> 00:04:40,562
Yeah, I'm pretty awesome.
136
00:04:40,563 --> 00:04:42,531
Have you ever considered
taking some business courses
137
00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:45,167
at Nassau Community College?
138
00:04:45,168 --> 00:04:46,735
I knew you would
have the answer.
139
00:04:46,736 --> 00:04:49,905
You always have the answer.
You are such a real grown-up.
140
00:04:49,906 --> 00:04:51,907
Oh, shoot.
I gotta go.
141
00:04:51,908 --> 00:04:55,210
Um, I got a client, but I will
talk to you later, okay?
142
00:04:55,211 --> 00:04:56,244
Thank you so much.
143
00:04:56,245 --> 00:04:57,345
Really, it was nothing.
144
00:04:57,346 --> 00:04:59,048
Alright, bye.
145
00:05:00,650 --> 00:05:02,951
Oy.
146
00:05:02,952 --> 00:05:04,086
[DOOR UNLOCKS]
147
00:05:04,754 --> 00:05:06,855
Don't tell your brother
you licked those.
148
00:05:06,856 --> 00:05:08,924
They're tonight's dessert.
149
00:05:08,925 --> 00:05:11,026
Mommy's home.
150
00:05:11,027 --> 00:05:11,961
Hi, Mommy.
Hi, Mommy.
151
00:05:11,962 --> 00:05:14,863
Ooh, look, Julia.
That's your mommy, remember?
152
00:05:14,864 --> 00:05:17,366
Okay, I think she knows
who I am, Gloria.
153
00:05:18,668 --> 00:05:21,736
You're home early.
Yeah, a guy fell off the scaffolding at the site.
154
00:05:21,737 --> 00:05:24,406
He'll be fine, but we're pretending
he won't, so half day.
155
00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:26,474
[CHUCKLES]
Hey, Luke, guess what.
156
00:05:26,475 --> 00:05:29,511
You and I are gonna go
to the roller rink right now.
157
00:05:29,512 --> 00:05:32,981
But I want to work on this
700-piece puzzle
158
00:05:32,982 --> 00:05:35,250
of an African Bear.
159
00:05:35,251 --> 00:05:36,751
Mm-hmm, okay, okay.
So here's the thing.
160
00:05:36,752 --> 00:05:39,254
We're gonna have a little chat
right now, okay?
161
00:05:39,255 --> 00:05:40,522
Alright, I'm gonna
shoot you straight.
162
00:05:40,523 --> 00:05:42,057
It's time to broaden
our horizons.
163
00:05:42,058 --> 00:05:44,860
I mean, the animal stuff,
it's very cool, but it's a lot,
164
00:05:44,861 --> 00:05:47,262
and I think it alienates
the other kids.
165
00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:48,964
And plus, you can't go
drinking in college
166
00:05:48,965 --> 00:05:50,131
with African Bears, right?
167
00:05:50,132 --> 00:05:51,267
Of course you can't.
168
00:05:51,334 --> 00:05:54,769
African Bears have been extinct
for thousands of years.
169
00:05:54,770 --> 00:05:55,638
Yeah, Mommy.
170
00:05:55,639 --> 00:05:59,274
Okay, I need you
to try to be cool, okay?
171
00:05:59,275 --> 00:06:00,675
I am begging you.
172
00:06:00,676 --> 00:06:02,444
I know you love
spending time with me,
173
00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:04,079
but it would mean a lot
to your mom
174
00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:05,313
if you went roller skating.
175
00:06:05,314 --> 00:06:06,848
We'll do the puzzle tomorrow.
176
00:06:06,849 --> 00:06:07,916
Okay, Gloria.
177
00:06:07,917 --> 00:06:09,352
Doing a great job, buddy.
178
00:06:10,486 --> 00:06:12,254
I don't know
what the problem is.
179
00:06:12,255 --> 00:06:13,298
He's a perfect little angel.
180
00:06:13,322 --> 00:06:15,957
He's not getting invited
to birthday parties, Gloria.
181
00:06:15,958 --> 00:06:17,026
It's their loss.
182
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:22,597
Okay, we have to fire Gloria.
183
00:06:22,598 --> 00:06:24,199
She's way too supportive
of Luke.
184
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:25,967
We need someone more shame-y.
185
00:06:25,968 --> 00:06:26,903
I think you got that covered.
186
00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:29,204
What are you doing?
I'm trying to fix him, okay?
187
00:06:29,205 --> 00:06:30,472
This is all your fault.
188
00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:32,974
He gets the whole animal
obsession thing from you.
189
00:06:32,975 --> 00:06:33,975
I'm not obsessed.
190
00:06:34,010 --> 00:06:35,010
I just like them
and know everything about them.
191
00:06:35,011 --> 00:06:36,945
Plus, I got invited to plenty
of birthday parties.
192
00:06:36,946 --> 00:06:38,880
It's because you've been
handsome since birth.
193
00:06:38,881 --> 00:06:41,583
Yes, but also 'cause
I was so good at magic.
194
00:06:41,584 --> 00:06:44,352
You keep that to yourself.
Okay.
195
00:06:44,353 --> 00:06:46,988
Look, I was Luke's age
when I met Coleen.
196
00:06:46,989 --> 00:06:49,324
He's not even gonna have
a dead friend to mourn.
197
00:06:49,325 --> 00:06:50,759
Don't worry, I'm sure
something tragic
198
00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:52,294
will happen to someone he loves.
199
00:06:52,295 --> 00:06:54,196
Oh, God. I hope so.
I don't--
200
00:06:54,197 --> 00:06:55,463
Okay, I'm not taking Julia,
201
00:06:55,464 --> 00:06:57,265
so since you're home, thank you.
202
00:06:57,266 --> 00:06:59,034
Why can't we ask Gloria to stay?
203
00:06:59,035 --> 00:07:01,903
Because I'm home.
Obviously.
204
00:07:01,904 --> 00:07:03,605
That's...
Luke!
205
00:07:03,606 --> 00:07:06,408
[GASPS]JODIE: You guys!
206
00:07:06,409 --> 00:07:07,709
After all these years,
207
00:07:07,710 --> 00:07:09,644
it still smells like pound cake
in here.
208
00:07:09,645 --> 00:07:10,580
Aw, Jodie.
209
00:07:10,581 --> 00:07:13,215
That's old skate sweat
and carpet fungus.
210
00:07:13,216 --> 00:07:14,349
That is what that is.
211
00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:15,884
Guys, do you remember
Couples Skate?
212
00:07:15,885 --> 00:07:17,219
It was so hard to skate
213
00:07:17,220 --> 00:07:18,787
and make out at the same time,
but we did it.
214
00:07:18,788 --> 00:07:19,655
It was!
215
00:07:19,655 --> 00:07:20,623
We managed to do it.
Yeah, I didn't.
216
00:07:20,624 --> 00:07:21,834
That was my cue to hit
the concession stand.
217
00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:24,459
I used to use the licorice rope
as a microphone and lip-sync
218
00:07:24,460 --> 00:07:26,294
to all of the slow songs,
and then I'd eat it.
219
00:07:26,295 --> 00:07:28,263
[GASPS] Oh, my God.
It's still here.
220
00:07:28,264 --> 00:07:30,332
It's still here!
I was so popular.
221
00:07:30,333 --> 00:07:32,133
Luke really does get it
from Henry.
222
00:07:32,134 --> 00:07:33,301
I mean, I can't believe
Evan and Nora
223
00:07:33,302 --> 00:07:35,871
didn't want to come with,
but their loss.
224
00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:37,472
I mean, can't you just
force them to do things
225
00:07:37,473 --> 00:07:38,974
until they're big enough
to overpower you?
226
00:07:38,975 --> 00:07:39,975
Oh, no.
They're very strong
227
00:07:39,976 --> 00:07:40,910
from all the karate
they end up quitting.
228
00:07:40,911 --> 00:07:42,811
Oh.
I mean, did anyone really like skating?
229
00:07:42,812 --> 00:07:44,479
I feel like it was just
the place to be.
230
00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:47,682
Only the losers, like, liked skating.
True.
231
00:07:47,683 --> 00:07:50,585
Mom, skating looks awesome!
232
00:07:50,586 --> 00:07:53,488
Aww, of course
you think so, buddy.
233
00:07:53,489 --> 00:07:55,390
Guys, guys, guys.
There's Seema.
234
00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:58,260
Okay, go rent skates,
check her out first,
235
00:07:58,261 --> 00:07:59,561
see if she'll murder me
in my sleep
236
00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:02,330
or if she's hot enough
to make it worth it, okay?
237
00:08:02,331 --> 00:08:04,599
Come on, Mom!
Let's get skates now!
238
00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:06,001
Yes, yes.
Go get skates.
239
00:08:06,002 --> 00:08:07,602
And, Luke, when you're there,
240
00:08:07,603 --> 00:08:09,404
find out if the lady
behind the counter
241
00:08:09,405 --> 00:08:11,072
has a lower back tattoo.
242
00:08:11,073 --> 00:08:12,274
Okay!
Okay.
243
00:08:12,275 --> 00:08:13,209
Yeah, that is a deal-breaker.
Great kid.
244
00:08:13,210 --> 00:08:14,210
He's-- He's okay.
245
00:08:14,211 --> 00:08:16,979
[♪♪♪]
246
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:23,985
[♪♪♪]
247
00:08:23,986 --> 00:08:25,554
Whoa.
248
00:08:25,555 --> 00:08:27,722
This must be what baby penguins
feel like
249
00:08:27,723 --> 00:08:30,692
as they find their footing
for the first time.
250
00:08:30,693 --> 00:08:34,229
Or how a little boy feels
when he first learns to skate,
251
00:08:34,230 --> 00:08:37,699
is a more normal way to say it.
252
00:08:37,700 --> 00:08:39,968
Hey, Luke.
You get my intel?
253
00:08:39,969 --> 00:08:41,736
Nope.
Nope?
254
00:08:41,737 --> 00:08:43,605
How was Seema?
Was she terrible?
255
00:08:43,606 --> 00:08:45,140
She was terrible.
I knew she'd be terrible.
256
00:08:45,141 --> 00:08:46,808
Let's go.
No, she was nice.
257
00:08:46,809 --> 00:08:47,710
Super friendly.
258
00:08:47,711 --> 00:08:49,678
That's worse than terrible.
It's boring.
259
00:08:49,679 --> 00:08:52,514
God, you're ridiculous.
Just go talk to her.
260
00:08:52,515 --> 00:08:54,015
It's a first date
at a roller rink.
261
00:08:54,016 --> 00:08:56,284
There's no place for
this relationship to go but up.
262
00:08:56,285 --> 00:08:58,186
True.
How do I look?
263
00:08:58,187 --> 00:08:59,888
Good. Oh, wait.
You've got a...
264
00:08:59,889 --> 00:09:00,889
Actually...
265
00:09:00,890 --> 00:09:04,526
Oh, my God.
O-Okay. Ahh! Huh. [SIGHS]
266
00:09:04,527 --> 00:09:06,561
Hopefully I dry off
before I get there.
267
00:09:06,562 --> 00:09:07,896
Thank you.
So pretty.
268
00:09:07,897 --> 00:09:09,698
So pretty.
269
00:09:09,699 --> 00:09:11,166
Hey, ready to hit the rink
with me?
270
00:09:11,167 --> 00:09:12,200
Nope, definitely not.
271
00:09:12,201 --> 00:09:13,201
These skates were
just for optics.
272
00:09:13,202 --> 00:09:15,270
Cool.
I can manifest my own joy.
273
00:09:15,271 --> 00:09:16,605
It's gonna be the old routine--
274
00:09:16,606 --> 00:09:18,640
skate, Pac-Man, slushy, repeat.
275
00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:21,610
Jodie, um, you know that
if you didn't let me
276
00:09:21,611 --> 00:09:22,844
cheat off you
when we were younger,
277
00:09:22,845 --> 00:09:24,880
we probably wouldn't
be friends, right?
278
00:09:24,881 --> 00:09:26,882
[CHUCKLES]
You're funny.
279
00:09:26,883 --> 00:09:28,450
Oh.
Oh.
280
00:09:28,451 --> 00:09:30,285
Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie.
281
00:09:30,286 --> 00:09:32,587
I'll save it
for when they play ABBA.
282
00:09:32,588 --> 00:09:34,656
[♪♪♪]
283
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:36,024
Bye, Mom!
284
00:09:36,025 --> 00:09:38,994
[♪♪♪]
285
00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:42,731
You must love that-- putting
smiles on their little faces.
286
00:09:42,732 --> 00:09:46,301
Uh, truthfully, not really
a big fan of kids.
287
00:09:46,302 --> 00:09:47,769
[GASPS]
Oh, I can't stand them.
288
00:09:47,770 --> 00:09:50,338
Dirty little germ buckets,
am I right?
289
00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:53,608
Do you have a pair
of unused skates?
290
00:09:53,609 --> 00:09:55,877
Uh, men's size 4
haven't been touched.
291
00:09:55,878 --> 00:09:58,713
Even the guys with that size
will lie and ask for a 10.
292
00:09:58,714 --> 00:09:59,948
Right.
293
00:09:59,949 --> 00:10:02,684
Um, full disclosure, I-I'm
actually not here to skate.
294
00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:05,620
Um, I saw your profile
on my dating app,
295
00:10:05,621 --> 00:10:08,290
and I dragged my friends down
here to check you out first.
296
00:10:08,291 --> 00:10:10,792
Is-- Is that weird?
Pretty weird.
297
00:10:10,793 --> 00:10:12,694
Too weird?
298
00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:14,963
I get it.
Everyone's fake on the apps.
299
00:10:14,964 --> 00:10:17,699
So I take it your friends
approved of me, then?
300
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:20,735
They were pretty useless,
um, but, you know,
301
00:10:20,736 --> 00:10:23,271
I took a leap of faith,
and so far you don't disappoint.
302
00:10:23,272 --> 00:10:26,107
Um, but it is still early.
I haven't seen you chew.
303
00:10:26,108 --> 00:10:27,542
[LAUGHS]
304
00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:30,212
Then, uh, I guess
we should hang out.
305
00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:31,780
I have two bottles
of strawberry wine
306
00:10:31,781 --> 00:10:33,849
I confiscated from some teenagers.
307
00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:36,952
Wanna get hammered
and, uh, hit the rink?
308
00:10:36,953 --> 00:10:40,255
Break out the men's size 4.
309
00:10:40,256 --> 00:10:44,926
[♪♪♪]
310
00:10:44,927 --> 00:10:47,062
RINK DJ: What up, skaters?
311
00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:49,664
It's time to limbo!
312
00:10:49,665 --> 00:10:52,067
Limbo!
313
00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:53,468
Whoo!
314
00:10:53,469 --> 00:10:57,706
How low can she go?
315
00:10:57,707 --> 00:10:59,140
Nice one!
316
00:10:59,141 --> 00:11:02,744
[♪♪♪]
317
00:11:02,745 --> 00:11:06,014
Come on,
our next lucky limbo skater!
318
00:11:06,015 --> 00:11:08,583
This does not bring me joy.
319
00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:11,620
Well, did you preheat
the oven, Dan?
320
00:11:11,621 --> 00:11:14,623
Yes, well, that's why
the pizza's cold in the middle.
321
00:11:14,624 --> 00:11:22,331
[♪♪♪]
322
00:11:24,901 --> 00:11:26,568
[♪♪♪]
323
00:11:26,569 --> 00:11:30,406
Oh, I'm having major flashbacks
of you during Couples Skate.
324
00:11:31,741 --> 00:11:35,110
At least back then I still had
hope things would get better.
325
00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:37,078
Could still cling to my dreams
326
00:11:37,079 --> 00:11:41,349
of a husband and kids
and a house.
327
00:11:41,350 --> 00:11:44,853
You got all that.
328
00:11:44,854 --> 00:11:48,056
It's not how I imagined.
329
00:11:48,057 --> 00:11:50,458
I wanted the fairytale version.
330
00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:53,161
I wanted my life to feel
like "Pretty in Pink."
331
00:11:53,162 --> 00:11:54,329
Oh, my God.
No, you didn't.
332
00:11:54,330 --> 00:11:55,897
First of all,
that dress was a disaster.
333
00:11:55,898 --> 00:11:57,566
[GASPS]
Redheads should not wear pink.
334
00:11:57,567 --> 00:11:59,100
Who said she could wear that?
335
00:11:59,101 --> 00:12:00,635
I'm saying it.
She made that dress.
336
00:12:00,636 --> 00:12:02,804
Yeah.
It looked like a potato sack.
337
00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:05,941
Okay, clearly, you don't get it.
338
00:12:05,942 --> 00:12:08,877
I can't manifest joy.
339
00:12:08,878 --> 00:12:11,213
Nothing ever changes.
340
00:12:11,214 --> 00:12:12,814
Nothing ever changes.
341
00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:14,382
Nothing ever changes.
342
00:12:14,383 --> 00:12:15,717
I want to skate with Matt.
That'll never happen.
343
00:12:15,718 --> 00:12:17,586
That's just another dumb fantasy.
344
00:12:17,587 --> 00:12:19,387
If they don't sell licorice rope,
345
00:12:19,388 --> 00:12:21,056
I am burning this place down.
346
00:12:21,057 --> 00:12:22,357
Ooh.
[CHUCKLES]
347
00:12:22,358 --> 00:12:24,893
Exciting.
348
00:12:24,894 --> 00:12:26,094
Oh.
349
00:12:26,095 --> 00:12:27,362
♪ Ooo ♪
350
00:12:27,363 --> 00:12:28,830
♪ I just wanna get away ♪
351
00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:30,665
LUKE: Mom, look!
352
00:12:30,666 --> 00:12:33,935
I'm so fast, I'm like
a peregrine falcon.
353
00:12:33,936 --> 00:12:35,203
Oh, that's great, Luke.
354
00:12:35,204 --> 00:12:38,340
Maybe just reel it
in a little bit, buddy.
355
00:12:38,341 --> 00:12:39,608
♪ Ooo ♪
356
00:12:39,609 --> 00:12:42,210
♪ We could find a better place ♪
357
00:12:42,211 --> 00:12:46,047
[LAUGHTER]
358
00:12:46,048 --> 00:12:47,549
♪ Ooo ♪
359
00:12:47,550 --> 00:12:50,085
♪ We could find a better place ♪
360
00:12:50,086 --> 00:12:52,220
[♪♪♪]
361
00:12:52,221 --> 00:12:55,190
Okay.
Hey, hey, hey.
362
00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:56,424
Hey, girls.
363
00:12:56,425 --> 00:12:59,027
Hey.
Where do you get off?
364
00:12:59,028 --> 00:13:00,729
I bet you don't even know
what a peregrine falcon is.
365
00:13:00,730 --> 00:13:03,498
You want to know why?
'Cause you're basic.
366
00:13:03,499 --> 00:13:05,467
[SCOFFS]
Whatever.
367
00:13:05,468 --> 00:13:06,902
♪ We could find a better place ♪
368
00:13:06,903 --> 00:13:08,803
♪ Better, better, better ♪
Flap away, Luke.
369
00:13:08,804 --> 00:13:10,472
Flap your little heart out,
buddy.
370
00:13:10,473 --> 00:13:12,841
Flap your little heart out.
Go.
371
00:13:12,842 --> 00:13:14,276
Yeah.
372
00:13:14,277 --> 00:13:19,080
[DANCE BEAT PLAYS]
373
00:13:19,081 --> 00:13:22,117
Okay, alright.
This seems like--
374
00:13:22,118 --> 00:13:23,552
Oof.
Oh, God.
375
00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:25,487
This is really wedged in there.
Right?
376
00:13:25,488 --> 00:13:26,855
I think it might just be
a part of you now.
377
00:13:26,856 --> 00:13:28,990
Um, your profile said
you worked out,
378
00:13:28,991 --> 00:13:30,959
so give it a go.
379
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:32,828
Okay.
Okay.
380
00:13:32,829 --> 00:13:34,996
[GRUNTS]
381
00:13:34,997 --> 00:13:36,665
Oh!
382
00:13:36,666 --> 00:13:39,734
[BOTH LAUGH]
383
00:13:39,735 --> 00:13:41,336
Oh, my gosh.
Ahh.
384
00:13:41,337 --> 00:13:43,271
[SIGHS]
385
00:13:43,272 --> 00:13:45,807
You know, you should really
get this checked out.
386
00:13:45,808 --> 00:13:51,079
It looks like an asymmetrical
melanocytic nevus.
387
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,615
It's got some concerning
discoloration to it, as well.
388
00:13:53,616 --> 00:13:55,183
Geez, you sound like a doctor.
389
00:13:55,184 --> 00:13:57,786
Oh, I was. I mean,
before I was a bagger.
390
00:13:57,787 --> 00:13:59,888
I didn't kill anyone.
It-- It was a choice.
391
00:13:59,889 --> 00:14:01,323
Wow.
392
00:14:01,324 --> 00:14:03,692
Wow, wow.
393
00:14:03,693 --> 00:14:05,527
It's been 12 whole minutes
394
00:14:05,528 --> 00:14:07,295
and you had to stick it in there
395
00:14:07,296 --> 00:14:08,296
that you're a doctor.
396
00:14:08,297 --> 00:14:09,531
Oh, I'm-- N-No.
397
00:14:09,532 --> 00:14:11,132
It's just because I saw
something, you know,
398
00:14:11,133 --> 00:14:13,101
possibly pre-cancerous
on your face.
399
00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:15,203
No, it was important for you
400
00:14:15,204 --> 00:14:16,938
that I know you're not just a bagger.
401
00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:20,609
And clearly, you just had
to rub it in my face.
402
00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:23,545
I think you might have
an inferiority complex.
403
00:14:23,546 --> 00:14:25,680
Oh, so you're a psychologist now, too?
404
00:14:25,681 --> 00:14:27,315
Oh, no.
I was a real doctor.
405
00:14:27,316 --> 00:14:28,717
Wow.
[SCOFFS]
406
00:14:28,718 --> 00:14:31,553
I think we're done here.
I'm gonna get your shoes.
407
00:14:31,554 --> 00:14:32,522
Okay.
408
00:14:32,523 --> 00:14:34,689
Because I'm just a shoe person.
409
00:14:34,690 --> 00:14:37,460
Mm, not a very good one.
These aren't mine.
410
00:14:38,694 --> 00:14:40,963
Wow.
411
00:14:41,864 --> 00:14:42,998
Yeah, right there.
412
00:14:42,999 --> 00:14:46,801
Hey, everybody. We got
the reverse-skate coming up.
413
00:14:46,802 --> 00:14:49,204
Uhhhh... Hi.
414
00:14:49,205 --> 00:14:50,739
You can't talk to my kid
like that!
415
00:14:50,740 --> 00:14:52,340
Oh, God.
I talk to all kids like that.
416
00:14:52,341 --> 00:14:54,643
Plus, it was your kid
who insulted my weird son,
417
00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:57,180
so if anyone deserves
an apology, it's me.
418
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,181
Oh, God. I don't like
where this is going!
419
00:14:59,182 --> 00:15:01,483
Brace yourselves, party people!
420
00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:05,620
Okay, go over here.
It's time to... rewind!
421
00:15:05,621 --> 00:15:08,390
Re-- What?
Oh, my God.
422
00:15:08,391 --> 00:15:09,958
Oh, my God.
Ahh!
423
00:15:09,959 --> 00:15:10,959
Okay, I'm sorry!
424
00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:13,328
[♪♪♪]
425
00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:16,031
[HUMMING]
426
00:15:16,032 --> 00:15:19,501
[♪♪♪]
427
00:15:19,502 --> 00:15:25,140
And we're going to get
kicked out, just like always.
428
00:15:25,141 --> 00:15:26,741
AMY: Okay, okay, look.
I'm sorry.
429
00:15:26,742 --> 00:15:28,243
Your daughter's really great!
430
00:15:28,244 --> 00:15:29,477
This is all my husband's fault.
431
00:15:29,478 --> 00:15:31,046
He is the one that you want!
432
00:15:31,047 --> 00:15:32,380
Amy, grab on!
433
00:15:32,381 --> 00:15:34,182
Oh, my God, you saved me!
434
00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:35,250
You feel so thin.
435
00:15:35,251 --> 00:15:37,018
Oh! Matt has me doing
burpees.
436
00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:39,221
Clearly the gym sparks joy.
437
00:15:39,222 --> 00:15:41,056
Oh, my-- Excuse me.
438
00:15:41,057 --> 00:15:43,658
[GASPS]
We started a conga line!
439
00:15:43,659 --> 00:15:46,962
No! Get off! Get off!
I'm not into this.
440
00:15:46,963 --> 00:15:48,163
Aw, you're no fun.
441
00:15:48,164 --> 00:15:50,665
Oh, my God, you really are
a good skater.
442
00:15:50,666 --> 00:15:52,267
I know.
You know what, though?
443
00:15:52,268 --> 00:15:54,336
I was never really good
at stopping, so, uh...
444
00:15:54,337 --> 00:15:55,604
Wait, what do you mean?
Yeah.
445
00:15:55,605 --> 00:15:58,673
Save yourself.
Oh, my God!
446
00:15:58,674 --> 00:15:59,509
Ugh!
447
00:15:59,510 --> 00:16:01,043
This day just keeps
getting better.
448
00:16:02,178 --> 00:16:04,246
Oh, God.
Are you okay, Mommy?
449
00:16:04,247 --> 00:16:05,814
Yeah, no.
I meant to do all that.
450
00:16:05,815 --> 00:16:08,416
[LAUGHTER]
451
00:16:08,417 --> 00:16:12,587
That's right, keep skating,
or my mom will attack you
452
00:16:12,588 --> 00:16:15,457
like a red-tailed hawk
eats a rabbit!
453
00:16:15,458 --> 00:16:17,626
Yeah!
Raarrr!
454
00:16:17,627 --> 00:16:20,061
Oh.
That's not what they sound like.
455
00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:21,229
Okay, you need to work with me
456
00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:23,466
a little bit here, okay, buddy?
457
00:16:26,135 --> 00:16:28,336
♪ Yeah, let's celebrate ♪
458
00:16:28,337 --> 00:16:30,305
You sure you gave me your shoes?
459
00:16:30,306 --> 00:16:31,873
Well, I didn't come in socks.
460
00:16:31,874 --> 00:16:34,075
Wow.
461
00:16:34,076 --> 00:16:35,577
Hey.
Hey, guys. Let's go.
462
00:16:35,578 --> 00:16:37,112
Forget about your shoes.
You're never gonna find them.
463
00:16:37,113 --> 00:16:38,146
Oh.
464
00:16:38,147 --> 00:16:39,391
They can't leave
with their skates.
465
00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:41,683
Well, thanks to you, they also
can't leave with their shoes.
466
00:16:41,684 --> 00:16:42,684
Good luck with your face.
467
00:16:42,685 --> 00:16:44,786
♪ It's time to laugh, to love ♪
468
00:16:44,787 --> 00:16:47,122
♪ To let it all go ♪
I hate you guys for making me date.
469
00:16:47,123 --> 00:16:49,991
I feel like that's on Diana
for blowing up your marriage.
470
00:16:49,992 --> 00:16:52,861
Meh. Mating for life
is overrated.
471
00:16:52,862 --> 00:16:54,462
No, I think I need to lock
something down
472
00:16:54,463 --> 00:16:56,665
while I'm still hot.
473
00:16:56,666 --> 00:16:58,700
Luke. Luke!
474
00:16:58,701 --> 00:17:00,402
Ca-caw! Ca-caw!
475
00:17:00,403 --> 00:17:02,804
Time to fly the coop, baby bird.
476
00:17:02,805 --> 00:17:05,373
Own it. Own it, baby bird.
You got this.
477
00:17:05,374 --> 00:17:06,875
♪ Yeah, let's do this ♪
478
00:17:06,876 --> 00:17:12,013
♪ We're gonna have a party, gonna celebrate ♪
Aww.
479
00:17:12,014 --> 00:17:13,148
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
480
00:17:13,149 --> 00:17:16,184
[LILA CRYING]
481
00:17:16,185 --> 00:17:17,920
Oh.
482
00:17:21,023 --> 00:17:22,134
Whenever I had a crappy day,
483
00:17:22,158 --> 00:17:24,493
I would come here and Coleen
would take my mind off it.
484
00:17:24,494 --> 00:17:27,462
Well, she's not here.
So out of habit, I-I came by.
485
00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:31,066
Great. Lila's in her crib.
You guys can cry together.
486
00:17:31,067 --> 00:17:32,734
I'm gonna go to bed.
487
00:17:32,735 --> 00:17:34,536
You're not wearing any shoes.
488
00:17:34,537 --> 00:17:36,838
She's teething.
Good luck.
489
00:17:36,839 --> 00:17:38,807
Well, if I'm gonna keep getting
in fights
490
00:17:38,808 --> 00:17:40,809
at the roller rink,
I have to start training.
491
00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:43,378
Hey, do you think I can
do Krav Maga on skates?
492
00:17:43,379 --> 00:17:45,680
Is that a thing?
You know what?
493
00:17:45,681 --> 00:17:48,984
I'm proud of you
for embracing our son,
494
00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:50,785
in your own bizarre way.
495
00:17:50,786 --> 00:17:52,320
Well, I mean,
it's just who I am now.
496
00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:54,156
I'm a red-tailed hawk, so...
497
00:17:54,157 --> 00:17:55,490
Is that right?
Mm.
498
00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:56,658
Oh.
499
00:17:56,659 --> 00:17:59,194
Well, come here,
you winged beast. [CHUCKLES]
500
00:17:59,195 --> 00:18:00,929
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Oh, and that's a kid.
501
00:18:00,930 --> 00:18:02,598
Okay.
[DOOR OPENS]
502
00:18:03,933 --> 00:18:05,734
Pick a card, any card.
503
00:18:05,735 --> 00:18:07,569
Aww. You know
you're the reason
504
00:18:07,570 --> 00:18:08,404
bad things happen, right?
505
00:18:08,405 --> 00:18:09,938
Are you gonna let him
do the trick?
506
00:18:09,939 --> 00:18:11,607
Mm-hmm.
Pick a card, Mommy.
507
00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:13,475
There we go.
508
00:18:13,476 --> 00:18:16,077
[SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE]
509
00:18:16,078 --> 00:18:21,349
[♪♪♪]
510
00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:22,818
[CAR ALARM CHIRPS]
511
00:18:22,819 --> 00:18:27,923
[♪♪♪]
512
00:18:27,924 --> 00:18:33,028
[♪♪♪]
513
00:18:33,029 --> 00:18:34,896
Hey!
514
00:18:34,897 --> 00:18:36,965
I'll give you a lift.
515
00:18:36,966 --> 00:18:39,601
Oh, sorry.
516
00:18:39,602 --> 00:18:40,735
Ignore that.
517
00:18:40,736 --> 00:18:43,271
Thanks. This parking lot
always gives me the creeps.
518
00:18:43,272 --> 00:18:45,307
Ah, you got the guns
to protect yourself.
519
00:18:45,308 --> 00:18:46,875
I got a spot by the back door.
520
00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:48,610
It's right up next to
the dumpster, though,
521
00:18:48,611 --> 00:18:51,079
but you can just crawl
out on my side.
522
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:55,083
♪ We fight and delight
in the tears that we cry ♪
523
00:18:55,084 --> 00:18:57,152
♪ Until dawn ♪
524
00:18:57,153 --> 00:18:59,287
♪ Oh, whoa ♪
525
00:18:59,288 --> 00:19:00,322
♪ Hold me now ♪
526
00:19:00,323 --> 00:19:02,724
[ENGINE TURNS OFF][SIGHS]
527
00:19:02,725 --> 00:19:07,063
Hey, so, I have some, uh,
kind of major news.
528
00:19:07,964 --> 00:19:10,465
I signed up for some
of those business courses.
529
00:19:10,466 --> 00:19:12,067
Oh, fantastic.
Yeah.
530
00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:13,435
That's great news.
Yeah.
531
00:19:13,436 --> 00:19:15,203
I'm really glad that I came
to you about that.
532
00:19:15,204 --> 00:19:16,538
I mean, you're
the smartest person I know.
533
00:19:16,539 --> 00:19:18,507
[LAUGHS]
The smartest?
534
00:19:18,508 --> 00:19:20,442
Yeah.
Rea-- You think?
535
00:19:20,443 --> 00:19:22,444
Yeah. Yeah, really.
Really?
536
00:19:22,445 --> 00:19:25,781
I, uh-- I think that you're
the total package.
537
00:19:27,049 --> 00:19:29,117
Thank you.
538
00:19:29,118 --> 00:19:31,319
That brings me joy.
539
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:33,355
Um, and there's something else
540
00:19:33,356 --> 00:19:35,524
that I-I've been wanting
to tell you.
541
00:19:35,525 --> 00:19:37,726
Um...
542
00:19:37,727 --> 00:19:39,928
and if I don't just say it now,
I'm-- I'm--
543
00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:41,664
♪ Go far away ♪
544
00:19:43,599 --> 00:19:45,267
I'm very attracted to you.
545
00:19:45,268 --> 00:19:47,335
♪ There's nowhere
that I'd rather be ♪
546
00:19:47,336 --> 00:19:49,304
I think you're cute, too.
547
00:19:49,305 --> 00:19:51,173
Really?
548
00:19:51,174 --> 00:19:55,043
Because I-I've been wanting
to kiss you for awhile now.
549
00:19:55,044 --> 00:19:57,212
♪ Whoa, warm my heart ♪
550
00:19:57,213 --> 00:19:59,948
Oh, God.
That was inappropriate.
551
00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:01,817
I'm so sorr--
And you can't even get out.
552
00:20:01,818 --> 00:20:03,585
I-I've trapped you!
I'm a sexual predator!
553
00:20:03,586 --> 00:20:06,588
You're not! It's okay 'cause I'm very into it.
I'm so sorry.
554
00:20:06,589 --> 00:20:08,690
And it would only be a kiss.
555
00:20:08,691 --> 00:20:10,192
Yeah?
556
00:20:10,193 --> 00:20:11,193
Well...
557
00:20:11,194 --> 00:20:12,627
No. No.
You're married.
558
00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:16,231
I mean, yes, we are
technically married,
559
00:20:16,232 --> 00:20:19,434
but we're not...
doing great.
560
00:20:19,435 --> 00:20:21,136
I'm sorry to hear that.
561
00:20:21,137 --> 00:20:24,239
♪ ...me and we're laughing,
we're loving it all ♪
562
00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:26,208
Well, it's more
than just kissing.
563
00:20:26,209 --> 00:20:30,045
I'd really like to do more.
564
00:20:30,046 --> 00:20:32,480
[♪♪♪]
565
00:20:32,481 --> 00:20:35,417
And that was more inappropriate,
and I'm so sorry.
566
00:20:35,418 --> 00:20:38,386
I-I keep-- I don't know why
I just keep just talking.
567
00:20:38,387 --> 00:20:39,855
Can I lose eight more pounds
first?
568
00:20:39,856 --> 00:20:41,823
♪ ...tears that we cry
until dawn ♪
569
00:20:41,824 --> 00:20:43,325
Before we do more?
570
00:20:43,326 --> 00:20:48,864
♪ Oh, hold me now ♪
571
00:20:48,865 --> 00:20:52,033
♪ Whoa, warm my heart ♪
572
00:20:52,034 --> 00:20:54,102
Can we make it six pounds?
573
00:20:54,103 --> 00:20:55,103
♪ Stay with me ♪
574
00:20:55,104 --> 00:20:56,571
Definitely.
Let's go do burpees.
575
00:20:56,572 --> 00:20:57,672
Okay.
576
00:20:57,673 --> 00:21:00,509
♪ Let loving start,
let loving start ♪
577
00:21:00,510 --> 00:21:03,011
I got it.
Okay. I'll help you.
578
00:21:03,012 --> 00:21:04,947
♪ Whoa-oa-oa ♪
43701
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.