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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,250 --> 00:00:03,652 [MUSIC PLAYS] 2 00:00:03,653 --> 00:00:06,221 Okay, I'm gonna say that you like water sports, 3 00:00:06,222 --> 00:00:07,989 because that'll make you 10% more attractive. 4 00:00:07,990 --> 00:00:09,858 This is dumb. I don't need to be on a dating app. 5 00:00:09,859 --> 00:00:11,760 This is a great place to meet people. 6 00:00:11,761 --> 00:00:13,795 I helped a very nice woman to her car the other night. 7 00:00:13,796 --> 00:00:15,764 Oh, no, we know. The banana hoarderer. 8 00:00:15,765 --> 00:00:18,099 It's "hoarder." Okay, we get it. 9 00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:19,534 You went to med school, alright? 10 00:00:19,535 --> 00:00:22,037 Well, yes, that is the woman I'm talking about, 11 00:00:22,038 --> 00:00:23,738 and... fine. 12 00:00:23,739 --> 00:00:25,540 Say I like water sports. I just Googled "water sports." 13 00:00:25,541 --> 00:00:27,075 I think it means something different on the apps. 14 00:00:27,076 --> 00:00:28,743 Ugh. Okay, we're gonna do the profile picture now. 15 00:00:28,744 --> 00:00:29,778 Yeah. Thanks. 16 00:00:29,779 --> 00:00:32,615 Now? Yeah. Let's lead with the boobs. 17 00:00:33,649 --> 00:00:35,250 What? I can't believe you're doing this. 18 00:00:35,251 --> 00:00:36,351 What's happening? Ugh. 19 00:00:36,352 --> 00:00:37,553 Read 'em and weep. Let's go. 20 00:00:38,221 --> 00:00:39,821 Huh. Ooh. 21 00:00:39,822 --> 00:00:40,922 Now, what is that? 22 00:00:40,923 --> 00:00:43,358 Is that a nursing bra? 23 00:00:43,359 --> 00:00:44,759 It's my work bra! 24 00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:46,728 It's got support in the front for lifting. 25 00:00:46,729 --> 00:00:48,597 Oh, okay. So if you don't want someone 26 00:00:48,598 --> 00:00:50,732 with a moving truck, you're gonna wanna ditch that. 27 00:00:50,733 --> 00:00:52,734 Here, I've got something that'll make them pop. 28 00:00:52,735 --> 00:00:55,003 It's Tuesday "sex night" with Dan, and, you know. 29 00:00:55,004 --> 00:00:56,872 This is the only time it's gonna come off, so... 30 00:00:56,873 --> 00:00:58,073 Oh. 31 00:00:58,074 --> 00:01:00,375 I'll be right here, just waiting. 32 00:01:00,376 --> 00:01:02,244 Here you go. No, no, no, no, no. 33 00:01:02,245 --> 00:01:03,512 That doesn't go with those pants. 34 00:01:03,513 --> 00:01:06,081 I don't wear underwear in these, so... 35 00:01:06,082 --> 00:01:10,819 [♪♪♪] 36 00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:11,987 ♪ Hey! ♪ 37 00:01:11,988 --> 00:01:13,555 [♪♪♪] 38 00:01:13,556 --> 00:01:16,258 SARAH: Guys, there's no one worth dating on these apps. 39 00:01:16,259 --> 00:01:17,692 It's like online shopping, 40 00:01:17,693 --> 00:01:19,628 but there's nothing in my size or style. 41 00:01:19,629 --> 00:01:21,763 Well, at least you're bi. 42 00:01:21,764 --> 00:01:24,666 I mean, imagine if you had to choose from only the men. 43 00:01:24,667 --> 00:01:26,468 Wait a minute. Does that say "Good Vibes Only"? 44 00:01:26,469 --> 00:01:28,803 Oh, God. That's not very inclusive. 45 00:01:28,804 --> 00:01:29,804 Oh, okay. Here. 46 00:01:29,872 --> 00:01:32,674 Here's someone who doesn't completely make me sick. 47 00:01:32,675 --> 00:01:33,543 Oh, yeah. 48 00:01:33,544 --> 00:01:35,277 You two would have very attractive sex. 49 00:01:35,278 --> 00:01:36,278 Right? AMY: Hang on. 50 00:01:36,279 --> 00:01:38,513 Does that say Merrick Skateway? 51 00:01:38,514 --> 00:01:39,915 Look at her background. 52 00:01:39,916 --> 00:01:41,283 [GASPS] It is. 53 00:01:41,284 --> 00:01:43,518 She's wearing the uniform. She works there. 54 00:01:43,519 --> 00:01:45,387 We have to go check her out. 55 00:01:45,388 --> 00:01:47,255 And we can skate! Amy, we can take our kids. 56 00:01:47,256 --> 00:01:48,391 It would be so fun. 57 00:01:48,457 --> 00:01:50,892 I was gonna bring them to that booger-infested playground 58 00:01:50,893 --> 00:01:53,495 at the mall, but no, I guess this is a step up. 59 00:01:53,496 --> 00:01:55,530 Guys, I don't even want to be dating, 60 00:01:55,531 --> 00:01:57,699 much less have you as my wingmen with your children. 61 00:01:57,700 --> 00:01:59,467 Mm. But you are never gonna find happiness 62 00:01:59,468 --> 00:02:01,102 if you don't put yourself out there. 63 00:02:01,103 --> 00:02:03,238 It's all about manifesting joy. 64 00:02:03,239 --> 00:02:05,006 Or so says O Magazine. 65 00:02:05,007 --> 00:02:06,775 Oh, crap on a stick. 66 00:02:06,776 --> 00:02:08,343 It's a mother from Luke's school. 67 00:02:08,344 --> 00:02:10,846 Hide me, please. 68 00:02:10,847 --> 00:02:12,247 [♪♪♪] 69 00:02:12,248 --> 00:02:15,083 Oh, excuse me. Did she just avoid me? 70 00:02:15,084 --> 00:02:16,618 The nerve! 71 00:02:16,619 --> 00:02:19,788 Hi! I thought that was you! 72 00:02:19,789 --> 00:02:20,789 It's me. 73 00:02:20,790 --> 00:02:23,525 [BOTH LAUGH AWKWARDLY] 74 00:02:23,526 --> 00:02:26,695 I just want to say I'm sorry 75 00:02:26,696 --> 00:02:29,831 Luke wasn't invited to Dylan's party. 76 00:02:29,832 --> 00:02:32,234 I didn't-- I didn't know that he had a p-- 77 00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:33,902 there was a party. Yeah. 78 00:02:33,903 --> 00:02:37,038 It's just that we're encouraging Dylan to be more authentic, 79 00:02:37,039 --> 00:02:39,708 and he doesn't feel like he and Luke have a lot in common, 80 00:02:39,709 --> 00:02:43,478 so it would be inauthentic to pretend they're friends. 81 00:02:43,479 --> 00:02:48,083 Dylan likes animals, but not all the time. 82 00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:49,885 Yeah, right. No, of course. 83 00:02:49,886 --> 00:02:52,420 Um, we're-- we're all grown-ups here, so... 84 00:02:52,421 --> 00:02:53,522 [BOTH LAUGH] 85 00:02:53,523 --> 00:02:55,090 Yeah, yeah, yeah. No big deal. 86 00:02:55,091 --> 00:02:56,358 Oh, one thing, um... 87 00:02:56,359 --> 00:02:59,227 I want you to know that I avoided you first. 88 00:02:59,228 --> 00:03:00,896 Okay, Dylan's Mom? 89 00:03:00,897 --> 00:03:03,899 [♪♪♪] 90 00:03:03,900 --> 00:03:06,234 Luke isn't getting invited to birthday parties now. 91 00:03:06,235 --> 00:03:07,469 I mean, what is that? 92 00:03:07,470 --> 00:03:09,171 When we were kids, we were taught to be nice. 93 00:03:09,172 --> 00:03:11,473 Everyone was invited, even the losers. 94 00:03:11,474 --> 00:03:12,974 And we got a lifelong friendship out of it. 95 00:03:12,975 --> 00:03:15,744 Yes! Who-- Wait. Who are you talking about? 96 00:03:15,745 --> 00:03:18,380 Hey, hey, hey. You got a foot in the door. 97 00:03:18,381 --> 00:03:20,182 [GASPS] Let's all just be grateful. 98 00:03:20,183 --> 00:03:23,218 [♪♪♪] 99 00:03:23,219 --> 00:03:25,620 [CHUCKLES] 100 00:03:25,621 --> 00:03:27,823 Can I have one of the new Popsicles? 101 00:03:27,824 --> 00:03:28,758 Depends. 102 00:03:28,759 --> 00:03:30,926 Who's the best mom in the whole world? 103 00:03:30,927 --> 00:03:32,327 You are! [LAUGHS] 104 00:03:32,328 --> 00:03:33,262 [CELLPHONE RINGING] Grocery shopping 105 00:03:33,263 --> 00:03:34,996 is so much more fun when you come with-- 106 00:03:34,997 --> 00:03:36,732 [SCREAMS] 107 00:03:38,668 --> 00:03:39,935 Hi. 108 00:03:39,936 --> 00:03:41,369 Hey, Jodie. 109 00:03:41,370 --> 00:03:43,705 Uh, I read that Oprah article you told me about. 110 00:03:43,706 --> 00:03:44,806 It is awesome. 111 00:03:44,807 --> 00:03:46,508 Isn't Oprah the best? [GRUNTS] 112 00:03:46,509 --> 00:03:47,909 Mommy! I want a Popsicle! 113 00:03:47,910 --> 00:03:49,010 Yeah, totally. 114 00:03:49,011 --> 00:03:53,381 Um, hey, so, I am working on manifesting my joy, 115 00:03:53,382 --> 00:03:56,618 and there's something that I wanted to ask you about, 116 00:03:56,619 --> 00:03:58,286 but, um... 117 00:03:58,287 --> 00:04:01,289 kind of worried that it might be inappropriate. 118 00:04:01,290 --> 00:04:02,524 You can talk to me about anything. 119 00:04:02,525 --> 00:04:05,360 Mommy, I want Popsicles! 120 00:04:05,361 --> 00:04:07,029 I want Pop-- 121 00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:10,232 Go get it! Sorry, that wasn't to you. 122 00:04:10,233 --> 00:04:11,067 [SIGHS] 123 00:04:11,133 --> 00:04:13,068 Oh, man, the gym would kill me if they knew 124 00:04:13,069 --> 00:04:14,803 I was asking a client this. 125 00:04:14,804 --> 00:04:18,106 Can you give me advice on starting my own fitness company? 126 00:04:18,107 --> 00:04:19,941 Oh. 127 00:04:19,942 --> 00:04:21,776 But it's gonna be more than a company, you know? 128 00:04:21,777 --> 00:04:24,079 It's gonna be a-a fitness empire-- 129 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:27,949 classes, supplements, sleeveless T-shirts, you know? 130 00:04:27,950 --> 00:04:30,218 That all sounds great, but why do you think I can help? 131 00:04:30,219 --> 00:04:31,987 Well, I mean, you used to work at a bank. 132 00:04:31,988 --> 00:04:34,022 You understand money and business. 133 00:04:34,023 --> 00:04:37,092 Plus, I've seen you use the Reminders app on your phone, 134 00:04:37,093 --> 00:04:39,094 and that is awesome. 135 00:04:39,095 --> 00:04:40,562 Yeah, I'm pretty awesome. 136 00:04:40,563 --> 00:04:42,531 Have you ever considered taking some business courses 137 00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:45,167 at Nassau Community College? 138 00:04:45,168 --> 00:04:46,735 I knew you would have the answer. 139 00:04:46,736 --> 00:04:49,905 You always have the answer. You are such a real grown-up. 140 00:04:49,906 --> 00:04:51,907 Oh, shoot. I gotta go. 141 00:04:51,908 --> 00:04:55,210 Um, I got a client, but I will talk to you later, okay? 142 00:04:55,211 --> 00:04:56,244 Thank you so much. 143 00:04:56,245 --> 00:04:57,345 Really, it was nothing. 144 00:04:57,346 --> 00:04:59,048 Alright, bye. 145 00:05:00,650 --> 00:05:02,951 Oy. 146 00:05:02,952 --> 00:05:04,086 [DOOR UNLOCKS] 147 00:05:04,754 --> 00:05:06,855 Don't tell your brother you licked those. 148 00:05:06,856 --> 00:05:08,924 They're tonight's dessert. 149 00:05:08,925 --> 00:05:11,026 Mommy's home. 150 00:05:11,027 --> 00:05:11,961 Hi, Mommy. Hi, Mommy. 151 00:05:11,962 --> 00:05:14,863 Ooh, look, Julia. That's your mommy, remember? 152 00:05:14,864 --> 00:05:17,366 Okay, I think she knows who I am, Gloria. 153 00:05:18,668 --> 00:05:21,736 You're home early. Yeah, a guy fell off the scaffolding at the site. 154 00:05:21,737 --> 00:05:24,406 He'll be fine, but we're pretending he won't, so half day. 155 00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:26,474 [CHUCKLES] Hey, Luke, guess what. 156 00:05:26,475 --> 00:05:29,511 You and I are gonna go to the roller rink right now. 157 00:05:29,512 --> 00:05:32,981 But I want to work on this 700-piece puzzle 158 00:05:32,982 --> 00:05:35,250 of an African Bear. 159 00:05:35,251 --> 00:05:36,751 Mm-hmm, okay, okay. So here's the thing. 160 00:05:36,752 --> 00:05:39,254 We're gonna have a little chat right now, okay? 161 00:05:39,255 --> 00:05:40,522 Alright, I'm gonna shoot you straight. 162 00:05:40,523 --> 00:05:42,057 It's time to broaden our horizons. 163 00:05:42,058 --> 00:05:44,860 I mean, the animal stuff, it's very cool, but it's a lot, 164 00:05:44,861 --> 00:05:47,262 and I think it alienates the other kids. 165 00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:48,964 And plus, you can't go drinking in college 166 00:05:48,965 --> 00:05:50,131 with African Bears, right? 167 00:05:50,132 --> 00:05:51,267 Of course you can't. 168 00:05:51,334 --> 00:05:54,769 African Bears have been extinct for thousands of years. 169 00:05:54,770 --> 00:05:55,638 Yeah, Mommy. 170 00:05:55,639 --> 00:05:59,274 Okay, I need you to try to be cool, okay? 171 00:05:59,275 --> 00:06:00,675 I am begging you. 172 00:06:00,676 --> 00:06:02,444 I know you love spending time with me, 173 00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:04,079 but it would mean a lot to your mom 174 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:05,313 if you went roller skating. 175 00:06:05,314 --> 00:06:06,848 We'll do the puzzle tomorrow. 176 00:06:06,849 --> 00:06:07,916 Okay, Gloria. 177 00:06:07,917 --> 00:06:09,352 Doing a great job, buddy. 178 00:06:10,486 --> 00:06:12,254 I don't know what the problem is. 179 00:06:12,255 --> 00:06:13,298 He's a perfect little angel. 180 00:06:13,322 --> 00:06:15,957 He's not getting invited to birthday parties, Gloria. 181 00:06:15,958 --> 00:06:17,026 It's their loss. 182 00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:22,597 Okay, we have to fire Gloria. 183 00:06:22,598 --> 00:06:24,199 She's way too supportive of Luke. 184 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:25,967 We need someone more shame-y. 185 00:06:25,968 --> 00:06:26,903 I think you got that covered. 186 00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:29,204 What are you doing? I'm trying to fix him, okay? 187 00:06:29,205 --> 00:06:30,472 This is all your fault. 188 00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:32,974 He gets the whole animal obsession thing from you. 189 00:06:32,975 --> 00:06:33,975 I'm not obsessed. 190 00:06:34,010 --> 00:06:35,010 I just like them and know everything about them. 191 00:06:35,011 --> 00:06:36,945 Plus, I got invited to plenty of birthday parties. 192 00:06:36,946 --> 00:06:38,880 It's because you've been handsome since birth. 193 00:06:38,881 --> 00:06:41,583 Yes, but also 'cause I was so good at magic. 194 00:06:41,584 --> 00:06:44,352 You keep that to yourself. Okay. 195 00:06:44,353 --> 00:06:46,988 Look, I was Luke's age when I met Coleen. 196 00:06:46,989 --> 00:06:49,324 He's not even gonna have a dead friend to mourn. 197 00:06:49,325 --> 00:06:50,759 Don't worry, I'm sure something tragic 198 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:52,294 will happen to someone he loves. 199 00:06:52,295 --> 00:06:54,196 Oh, God. I hope so. I don't-- 200 00:06:54,197 --> 00:06:55,463 Okay, I'm not taking Julia, 201 00:06:55,464 --> 00:06:57,265 so since you're home, thank you. 202 00:06:57,266 --> 00:06:59,034 Why can't we ask Gloria to stay? 203 00:06:59,035 --> 00:07:01,903 Because I'm home. Obviously. 204 00:07:01,904 --> 00:07:03,605 That's... Luke! 205 00:07:03,606 --> 00:07:06,408 [GASPS] JODIE: You guys! 206 00:07:06,409 --> 00:07:07,709 After all these years, 207 00:07:07,710 --> 00:07:09,644 it still smells like pound cake in here. 208 00:07:09,645 --> 00:07:10,580 Aw, Jodie. 209 00:07:10,581 --> 00:07:13,215 That's old skate sweat and carpet fungus. 210 00:07:13,216 --> 00:07:14,349 That is what that is. 211 00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:15,884 Guys, do you remember Couples Skate? 212 00:07:15,885 --> 00:07:17,219 It was so hard to skate 213 00:07:17,220 --> 00:07:18,787 and make out at the same time, but we did it. 214 00:07:18,788 --> 00:07:19,655 It was! 215 00:07:19,655 --> 00:07:20,623 We managed to do it. Yeah, I didn't. 216 00:07:20,624 --> 00:07:21,834 That was my cue to hit the concession stand. 217 00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:24,459 I used to use the licorice rope as a microphone and lip-sync 218 00:07:24,460 --> 00:07:26,294 to all of the slow songs, and then I'd eat it. 219 00:07:26,295 --> 00:07:28,263 [GASPS] Oh, my God. It's still here. 220 00:07:28,264 --> 00:07:30,332 It's still here! I was so popular. 221 00:07:30,333 --> 00:07:32,133 Luke really does get it from Henry. 222 00:07:32,134 --> 00:07:33,301 I mean, I can't believe Evan and Nora 223 00:07:33,302 --> 00:07:35,871 didn't want to come with, but their loss. 224 00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:37,472 I mean, can't you just force them to do things 225 00:07:37,473 --> 00:07:38,974 until they're big enough to overpower you? 226 00:07:38,975 --> 00:07:39,975 Oh, no. They're very strong 227 00:07:39,976 --> 00:07:40,910 from all the karate they end up quitting. 228 00:07:40,911 --> 00:07:42,811 Oh. I mean, did anyone really like skating? 229 00:07:42,812 --> 00:07:44,479 I feel like it was just the place to be. 230 00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:47,682 Only the losers, like, liked skating. True. 231 00:07:47,683 --> 00:07:50,585 Mom, skating looks awesome! 232 00:07:50,586 --> 00:07:53,488 Aww, of course you think so, buddy. 233 00:07:53,489 --> 00:07:55,390 Guys, guys, guys. There's Seema. 234 00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:58,260 Okay, go rent skates, check her out first, 235 00:07:58,261 --> 00:07:59,561 see if she'll murder me in my sleep 236 00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:02,330 or if she's hot enough to make it worth it, okay? 237 00:08:02,331 --> 00:08:04,599 Come on, Mom! Let's get skates now! 238 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:06,001 Yes, yes. Go get skates. 239 00:08:06,002 --> 00:08:07,602 And, Luke, when you're there, 240 00:08:07,603 --> 00:08:09,404 find out if the lady behind the counter 241 00:08:09,405 --> 00:08:11,072 has a lower back tattoo. 242 00:08:11,073 --> 00:08:12,274 Okay! Okay. 243 00:08:12,275 --> 00:08:13,209 Yeah, that is a deal-breaker. Great kid. 244 00:08:13,210 --> 00:08:14,210 He's-- He's okay. 245 00:08:14,211 --> 00:08:16,979 [♪♪♪] 246 00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:23,985 [♪♪♪] 247 00:08:23,986 --> 00:08:25,554 Whoa. 248 00:08:25,555 --> 00:08:27,722 This must be what baby penguins feel like 249 00:08:27,723 --> 00:08:30,692 as they find their footing for the first time. 250 00:08:30,693 --> 00:08:34,229 Or how a little boy feels when he first learns to skate, 251 00:08:34,230 --> 00:08:37,699 is a more normal way to say it. 252 00:08:37,700 --> 00:08:39,968 Hey, Luke. You get my intel? 253 00:08:39,969 --> 00:08:41,736 Nope. Nope? 254 00:08:41,737 --> 00:08:43,605 How was Seema? Was she terrible? 255 00:08:43,606 --> 00:08:45,140 She was terrible. I knew she'd be terrible. 256 00:08:45,141 --> 00:08:46,808 Let's go. No, she was nice. 257 00:08:46,809 --> 00:08:47,710 Super friendly. 258 00:08:47,711 --> 00:08:49,678 That's worse than terrible. It's boring. 259 00:08:49,679 --> 00:08:52,514 God, you're ridiculous. Just go talk to her. 260 00:08:52,515 --> 00:08:54,015 It's a first date at a roller rink. 261 00:08:54,016 --> 00:08:56,284 There's no place for this relationship to go but up. 262 00:08:56,285 --> 00:08:58,186 True. How do I look? 263 00:08:58,187 --> 00:08:59,888 Good. Oh, wait. You've got a... 264 00:08:59,889 --> 00:09:00,889 Actually... 265 00:09:00,890 --> 00:09:04,526 Oh, my God. O-Okay. Ahh! Huh. [SIGHS] 266 00:09:04,527 --> 00:09:06,561 Hopefully I dry off before I get there. 267 00:09:06,562 --> 00:09:07,896 Thank you. So pretty. 268 00:09:07,897 --> 00:09:09,698 So pretty. 269 00:09:09,699 --> 00:09:11,166 Hey, ready to hit the rink with me? 270 00:09:11,167 --> 00:09:12,200 Nope, definitely not. 271 00:09:12,201 --> 00:09:13,201 These skates were just for optics. 272 00:09:13,202 --> 00:09:15,270 Cool. I can manifest my own joy. 273 00:09:15,271 --> 00:09:16,605 It's gonna be the old routine-- 274 00:09:16,606 --> 00:09:18,640 skate, Pac-Man, slushy, repeat. 275 00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:21,610 Jodie, um, you know that if you didn't let me 276 00:09:21,611 --> 00:09:22,844 cheat off you when we were younger, 277 00:09:22,845 --> 00:09:24,880 we probably wouldn't be friends, right? 278 00:09:24,881 --> 00:09:26,882 [CHUCKLES] You're funny. 279 00:09:26,883 --> 00:09:28,450 Oh. Oh. 280 00:09:28,451 --> 00:09:30,285 Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie. 281 00:09:30,286 --> 00:09:32,587 I'll save it for when they play ABBA. 282 00:09:32,588 --> 00:09:34,656 [♪♪♪] 283 00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:36,024 Bye, Mom! 284 00:09:36,025 --> 00:09:38,994 [♪♪♪] 285 00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:42,731 You must love that-- putting smiles on their little faces. 286 00:09:42,732 --> 00:09:46,301 Uh, truthfully, not really a big fan of kids. 287 00:09:46,302 --> 00:09:47,769 [GASPS] Oh, I can't stand them. 288 00:09:47,770 --> 00:09:50,338 Dirty little germ buckets, am I right? 289 00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:53,608 Do you have a pair of unused skates? 290 00:09:53,609 --> 00:09:55,877 Uh, men's size 4 haven't been touched. 291 00:09:55,878 --> 00:09:58,713 Even the guys with that size will lie and ask for a 10. 292 00:09:58,714 --> 00:09:59,948 Right. 293 00:09:59,949 --> 00:10:02,684 Um, full disclosure, I-I'm actually not here to skate. 294 00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:05,620 Um, I saw your profile on my dating app, 295 00:10:05,621 --> 00:10:08,290 and I dragged my friends down here to check you out first. 296 00:10:08,291 --> 00:10:10,792 Is-- Is that weird? Pretty weird. 297 00:10:10,793 --> 00:10:12,694 Too weird? 298 00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:14,963 I get it. Everyone's fake on the apps. 299 00:10:14,964 --> 00:10:17,699 So I take it your friends approved of me, then? 300 00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:20,735 They were pretty useless, um, but, you know, 301 00:10:20,736 --> 00:10:23,271 I took a leap of faith, and so far you don't disappoint. 302 00:10:23,272 --> 00:10:26,107 Um, but it is still early. I haven't seen you chew. 303 00:10:26,108 --> 00:10:27,542 [LAUGHS] 304 00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:30,212 Then, uh, I guess we should hang out. 305 00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:31,780 I have two bottles of strawberry wine 306 00:10:31,781 --> 00:10:33,849 I confiscated from some teenagers. 307 00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:36,952 Wanna get hammered and, uh, hit the rink? 308 00:10:36,953 --> 00:10:40,255 Break out the men's size 4. 309 00:10:40,256 --> 00:10:44,926 [♪♪♪] 310 00:10:44,927 --> 00:10:47,062 RINK DJ: What up, skaters? 311 00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:49,664 It's time to limbo! 312 00:10:49,665 --> 00:10:52,067 Limbo! 313 00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:53,468 Whoo! 314 00:10:53,469 --> 00:10:57,706 How low can she go? 315 00:10:57,707 --> 00:10:59,140 Nice one! 316 00:10:59,141 --> 00:11:02,744 [♪♪♪] 317 00:11:02,745 --> 00:11:06,014 Come on, our next lucky limbo skater! 318 00:11:06,015 --> 00:11:08,583 This does not bring me joy. 319 00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:11,620 Well, did you preheat the oven, Dan? 320 00:11:11,621 --> 00:11:14,623 Yes, well, that's why the pizza's cold in the middle. 321 00:11:14,624 --> 00:11:22,331 [♪♪♪] 322 00:11:24,901 --> 00:11:26,568 [♪♪♪] 323 00:11:26,569 --> 00:11:30,406 Oh, I'm having major flashbacks of you during Couples Skate. 324 00:11:31,741 --> 00:11:35,110 At least back then I still had hope things would get better. 325 00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:37,078 Could still cling to my dreams 326 00:11:37,079 --> 00:11:41,349 of a husband and kids and a house. 327 00:11:41,350 --> 00:11:44,853 You got all that. 328 00:11:44,854 --> 00:11:48,056 It's not how I imagined. 329 00:11:48,057 --> 00:11:50,458 I wanted the fairytale version. 330 00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:53,161 I wanted my life to feel like "Pretty in Pink." 331 00:11:53,162 --> 00:11:54,329 Oh, my God. No, you didn't. 332 00:11:54,330 --> 00:11:55,897 First of all, that dress was a disaster. 333 00:11:55,898 --> 00:11:57,566 [GASPS] Redheads should not wear pink. 334 00:11:57,567 --> 00:11:59,100 Who said she could wear that? 335 00:11:59,101 --> 00:12:00,635 I'm saying it. She made that dress. 336 00:12:00,636 --> 00:12:02,804 Yeah. It looked like a potato sack. 337 00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:05,941 Okay, clearly, you don't get it. 338 00:12:05,942 --> 00:12:08,877 I can't manifest joy. 339 00:12:08,878 --> 00:12:11,213 Nothing ever changes. 340 00:12:11,214 --> 00:12:12,814 Nothing ever changes. 341 00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:14,382 Nothing ever changes. 342 00:12:14,383 --> 00:12:15,717 I want to skate with Matt. That'll never happen. 343 00:12:15,718 --> 00:12:17,586 That's just another dumb fantasy. 344 00:12:17,587 --> 00:12:19,387 If they don't sell licorice rope, 345 00:12:19,388 --> 00:12:21,056 I am burning this place down. 346 00:12:21,057 --> 00:12:22,357 Ooh. [CHUCKLES] 347 00:12:22,358 --> 00:12:24,893 Exciting. 348 00:12:24,894 --> 00:12:26,094 Oh. 349 00:12:26,095 --> 00:12:27,362 ♪ Ooo ♪ 350 00:12:27,363 --> 00:12:28,830 ♪ I just wanna get away ♪ 351 00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:30,665 LUKE: Mom, look! 352 00:12:30,666 --> 00:12:33,935 I'm so fast, I'm like a peregrine falcon. 353 00:12:33,936 --> 00:12:35,203 Oh, that's great, Luke. 354 00:12:35,204 --> 00:12:38,340 Maybe just reel it in a little bit, buddy. 355 00:12:38,341 --> 00:12:39,608 ♪ Ooo ♪ 356 00:12:39,609 --> 00:12:42,210 ♪ We could find a better place ♪ 357 00:12:42,211 --> 00:12:46,047 [LAUGHTER] 358 00:12:46,048 --> 00:12:47,549 ♪ Ooo ♪ 359 00:12:47,550 --> 00:12:50,085 ♪ We could find a better place ♪ 360 00:12:50,086 --> 00:12:52,220 [♪♪♪] 361 00:12:52,221 --> 00:12:55,190 Okay. Hey, hey, hey. 362 00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:56,424 Hey, girls. 363 00:12:56,425 --> 00:12:59,027 Hey. Where do you get off? 364 00:12:59,028 --> 00:13:00,729 I bet you don't even know what a peregrine falcon is. 365 00:13:00,730 --> 00:13:03,498 You want to know why? 'Cause you're basic. 366 00:13:03,499 --> 00:13:05,467 [SCOFFS] Whatever. 367 00:13:05,468 --> 00:13:06,902 ♪ We could find a better place ♪ 368 00:13:06,903 --> 00:13:08,803 ♪ Better, better, better ♪ Flap away, Luke. 369 00:13:08,804 --> 00:13:10,472 Flap your little heart out, buddy. 370 00:13:10,473 --> 00:13:12,841 Flap your little heart out. Go. 371 00:13:12,842 --> 00:13:14,276 Yeah. 372 00:13:14,277 --> 00:13:19,080 [DANCE BEAT PLAYS] 373 00:13:19,081 --> 00:13:22,117 Okay, alright. This seems like-- 374 00:13:22,118 --> 00:13:23,552 Oof. Oh, God. 375 00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:25,487 This is really wedged in there. Right? 376 00:13:25,488 --> 00:13:26,855 I think it might just be a part of you now. 377 00:13:26,856 --> 00:13:28,990 Um, your profile said you worked out, 378 00:13:28,991 --> 00:13:30,959 so give it a go. 379 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:32,828 Okay. Okay. 380 00:13:32,829 --> 00:13:34,996 [GRUNTS] 381 00:13:34,997 --> 00:13:36,665 Oh! 382 00:13:36,666 --> 00:13:39,734 [BOTH LAUGH] 383 00:13:39,735 --> 00:13:41,336 Oh, my gosh. Ahh. 384 00:13:41,337 --> 00:13:43,271 [SIGHS] 385 00:13:43,272 --> 00:13:45,807 You know, you should really get this checked out. 386 00:13:45,808 --> 00:13:51,079 It looks like an asymmetrical melanocytic nevus. 387 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,615 It's got some concerning discoloration to it, as well. 388 00:13:53,616 --> 00:13:55,183 Geez, you sound like a doctor. 389 00:13:55,184 --> 00:13:57,786 Oh, I was. I mean, before I was a bagger. 390 00:13:57,787 --> 00:13:59,888 I didn't kill anyone. It-- It was a choice. 391 00:13:59,889 --> 00:14:01,323 Wow. 392 00:14:01,324 --> 00:14:03,692 Wow, wow. 393 00:14:03,693 --> 00:14:05,527 It's been 12 whole minutes 394 00:14:05,528 --> 00:14:07,295 and you had to stick it in there 395 00:14:07,296 --> 00:14:08,296 that you're a doctor. 396 00:14:08,297 --> 00:14:09,531 Oh, I'm-- N-No. 397 00:14:09,532 --> 00:14:11,132 It's just because I saw something, you know, 398 00:14:11,133 --> 00:14:13,101 possibly pre-cancerous on your face. 399 00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:15,203 No, it was important for you 400 00:14:15,204 --> 00:14:16,938 that I know you're not just a bagger. 401 00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:20,609 And clearly, you just had to rub it in my face. 402 00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:23,545 I think you might have an inferiority complex. 403 00:14:23,546 --> 00:14:25,680 Oh, so you're a psychologist now, too? 404 00:14:25,681 --> 00:14:27,315 Oh, no. I was a real doctor. 405 00:14:27,316 --> 00:14:28,717 Wow. [SCOFFS] 406 00:14:28,718 --> 00:14:31,553 I think we're done here. I'm gonna get your shoes. 407 00:14:31,554 --> 00:14:32,522 Okay. 408 00:14:32,523 --> 00:14:34,689 Because I'm just a shoe person. 409 00:14:34,690 --> 00:14:37,460 Mm, not a very good one. These aren't mine. 410 00:14:38,694 --> 00:14:40,963 Wow. 411 00:14:41,864 --> 00:14:42,998 Yeah, right there. 412 00:14:42,999 --> 00:14:46,801 Hey, everybody. We got the reverse-skate coming up. 413 00:14:46,802 --> 00:14:49,204 Uhhhh... Hi. 414 00:14:49,205 --> 00:14:50,739 You can't talk to my kid like that! 415 00:14:50,740 --> 00:14:52,340 Oh, God. I talk to all kids like that. 416 00:14:52,341 --> 00:14:54,643 Plus, it was your kid who insulted my weird son, 417 00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:57,180 so if anyone deserves an apology, it's me. 418 00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,181 Oh, God. I don't like where this is going! 419 00:14:59,182 --> 00:15:01,483 Brace yourselves, party people! 420 00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:05,620 Okay, go over here. It's time to... rewind! 421 00:15:05,621 --> 00:15:08,390 Re-- What? Oh, my God. 422 00:15:08,391 --> 00:15:09,958 Oh, my God. Ahh! 423 00:15:09,959 --> 00:15:10,959 Okay, I'm sorry! 424 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:13,328 [♪♪♪] 425 00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:16,031 [HUMMING] 426 00:15:16,032 --> 00:15:19,501 [♪♪♪] 427 00:15:19,502 --> 00:15:25,140 And we're going to get kicked out, just like always. 428 00:15:25,141 --> 00:15:26,741 AMY: Okay, okay, look. I'm sorry. 429 00:15:26,742 --> 00:15:28,243 Your daughter's really great! 430 00:15:28,244 --> 00:15:29,477 This is all my husband's fault. 431 00:15:29,478 --> 00:15:31,046 He is the one that you want! 432 00:15:31,047 --> 00:15:32,380 Amy, grab on! 433 00:15:32,381 --> 00:15:34,182 Oh, my God, you saved me! 434 00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:35,250 You feel so thin. 435 00:15:35,251 --> 00:15:37,018 Oh! Matt has me doing burpees. 436 00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:39,221 Clearly the gym sparks joy. 437 00:15:39,222 --> 00:15:41,056 Oh, my-- Excuse me. 438 00:15:41,057 --> 00:15:43,658 [GASPS] We started a conga line! 439 00:15:43,659 --> 00:15:46,962 No! Get off! Get off! I'm not into this. 440 00:15:46,963 --> 00:15:48,163 Aw, you're no fun. 441 00:15:48,164 --> 00:15:50,665 Oh, my God, you really are a good skater. 442 00:15:50,666 --> 00:15:52,267 I know. You know what, though? 443 00:15:52,268 --> 00:15:54,336 I was never really good at stopping, so, uh... 444 00:15:54,337 --> 00:15:55,604 Wait, what do you mean? Yeah. 445 00:15:55,605 --> 00:15:58,673 Save yourself. Oh, my God! 446 00:15:58,674 --> 00:15:59,509 Ugh! 447 00:15:59,510 --> 00:16:01,043 This day just keeps getting better. 448 00:16:02,178 --> 00:16:04,246 Oh, God. Are you okay, Mommy? 449 00:16:04,247 --> 00:16:05,814 Yeah, no. I meant to do all that. 450 00:16:05,815 --> 00:16:08,416 [LAUGHTER] 451 00:16:08,417 --> 00:16:12,587 That's right, keep skating, or my mom will attack you 452 00:16:12,588 --> 00:16:15,457 like a red-tailed hawk eats a rabbit! 453 00:16:15,458 --> 00:16:17,626 Yeah! Raarrr! 454 00:16:17,627 --> 00:16:20,061 Oh. That's not what they sound like. 455 00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:21,229 Okay, you need to work with me 456 00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:23,466 a little bit here, okay, buddy? 457 00:16:26,135 --> 00:16:28,336 ♪ Yeah, let's celebrate ♪ 458 00:16:28,337 --> 00:16:30,305 You sure you gave me your shoes? 459 00:16:30,306 --> 00:16:31,873 Well, I didn't come in socks. 460 00:16:31,874 --> 00:16:34,075 Wow. 461 00:16:34,076 --> 00:16:35,577 Hey. Hey, guys. Let's go. 462 00:16:35,578 --> 00:16:37,112 Forget about your shoes. You're never gonna find them. 463 00:16:37,113 --> 00:16:38,146 Oh. 464 00:16:38,147 --> 00:16:39,391 They can't leave with their skates. 465 00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:41,683 Well, thanks to you, they also can't leave with their shoes. 466 00:16:41,684 --> 00:16:42,684 Good luck with your face. 467 00:16:42,685 --> 00:16:44,786 ♪ It's time to laugh, to love ♪ 468 00:16:44,787 --> 00:16:47,122 ♪ To let it all go ♪ I hate you guys for making me date. 469 00:16:47,123 --> 00:16:49,991 I feel like that's on Diana for blowing up your marriage. 470 00:16:49,992 --> 00:16:52,861 Meh. Mating for life is overrated. 471 00:16:52,862 --> 00:16:54,462 No, I think I need to lock something down 472 00:16:54,463 --> 00:16:56,665 while I'm still hot. 473 00:16:56,666 --> 00:16:58,700 Luke. Luke! 474 00:16:58,701 --> 00:17:00,402 Ca-caw! Ca-caw! 475 00:17:00,403 --> 00:17:02,804 Time to fly the coop, baby bird. 476 00:17:02,805 --> 00:17:05,373 Own it. Own it, baby bird. You got this. 477 00:17:05,374 --> 00:17:06,875 ♪ Yeah, let's do this ♪ 478 00:17:06,876 --> 00:17:12,013 ♪ We're gonna have a party, gonna celebrate ♪ Aww. 479 00:17:12,014 --> 00:17:13,148 [KNOCK ON DOOR] 480 00:17:13,149 --> 00:17:16,184 [LILA CRYING] 481 00:17:16,185 --> 00:17:17,920 Oh. 482 00:17:21,023 --> 00:17:22,134 Whenever I had a crappy day, 483 00:17:22,158 --> 00:17:24,493 I would come here and Coleen would take my mind off it. 484 00:17:24,494 --> 00:17:27,462 Well, she's not here. So out of habit, I-I came by. 485 00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:31,066 Great. Lila's in her crib. You guys can cry together. 486 00:17:31,067 --> 00:17:32,734 I'm gonna go to bed. 487 00:17:32,735 --> 00:17:34,536 You're not wearing any shoes. 488 00:17:34,537 --> 00:17:36,838 She's teething. Good luck. 489 00:17:36,839 --> 00:17:38,807 Well, if I'm gonna keep getting in fights 490 00:17:38,808 --> 00:17:40,809 at the roller rink, I have to start training. 491 00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:43,378 Hey, do you think I can do Krav Maga on skates? 492 00:17:43,379 --> 00:17:45,680 Is that a thing? You know what? 493 00:17:45,681 --> 00:17:48,984 I'm proud of you for embracing our son, 494 00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:50,785 in your own bizarre way. 495 00:17:50,786 --> 00:17:52,320 Well, I mean, it's just who I am now. 496 00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:54,156 I'm a red-tailed hawk, so... 497 00:17:54,157 --> 00:17:55,490 Is that right? Mm. 498 00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:56,658 Oh. 499 00:17:56,659 --> 00:17:59,194 Well, come here, you winged beast. [CHUCKLES] 500 00:17:59,195 --> 00:18:00,929 [KNOCK ON DOOR] Oh, and that's a kid. 501 00:18:00,930 --> 00:18:02,598 Okay. [DOOR OPENS] 502 00:18:03,933 --> 00:18:05,734 Pick a card, any card. 503 00:18:05,735 --> 00:18:07,569 Aww. You know you're the reason 504 00:18:07,570 --> 00:18:08,404 bad things happen, right? 505 00:18:08,405 --> 00:18:09,938 Are you gonna let him do the trick? 506 00:18:09,939 --> 00:18:11,607 Mm-hmm. Pick a card, Mommy. 507 00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:13,475 There we go. 508 00:18:13,476 --> 00:18:16,077 [SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE] 509 00:18:16,078 --> 00:18:21,349 [♪♪♪] 510 00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:22,818 [CAR ALARM CHIRPS] 511 00:18:22,819 --> 00:18:27,923 [♪♪♪] 512 00:18:27,924 --> 00:18:33,028 [♪♪♪] 513 00:18:33,029 --> 00:18:34,896 Hey! 514 00:18:34,897 --> 00:18:36,965 I'll give you a lift. 515 00:18:36,966 --> 00:18:39,601 Oh, sorry. 516 00:18:39,602 --> 00:18:40,735 Ignore that. 517 00:18:40,736 --> 00:18:43,271 Thanks. This parking lot always gives me the creeps. 518 00:18:43,272 --> 00:18:45,307 Ah, you got the guns to protect yourself. 519 00:18:45,308 --> 00:18:46,875 I got a spot by the back door. 520 00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:48,610 It's right up next to the dumpster, though, 521 00:18:48,611 --> 00:18:51,079 but you can just crawl out on my side. 522 00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:55,083 ♪ We fight and delight in the tears that we cry ♪ 523 00:18:55,084 --> 00:18:57,152 ♪ Until dawn ♪ 524 00:18:57,153 --> 00:18:59,287 ♪ Oh, whoa ♪ 525 00:18:59,288 --> 00:19:00,322 ♪ Hold me now ♪ 526 00:19:00,323 --> 00:19:02,724 [ENGINE TURNS OFF] [SIGHS] 527 00:19:02,725 --> 00:19:07,063 Hey, so, I have some, uh, kind of major news. 528 00:19:07,964 --> 00:19:10,465 I signed up for some of those business courses. 529 00:19:10,466 --> 00:19:12,067 Oh, fantastic. Yeah. 530 00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:13,435 That's great news. Yeah. 531 00:19:13,436 --> 00:19:15,203 I'm really glad that I came to you about that. 532 00:19:15,204 --> 00:19:16,538 I mean, you're the smartest person I know. 533 00:19:16,539 --> 00:19:18,507 [LAUGHS] The smartest? 534 00:19:18,508 --> 00:19:20,442 Yeah. Rea-- You think? 535 00:19:20,443 --> 00:19:22,444 Yeah. Yeah, really. Really? 536 00:19:22,445 --> 00:19:25,781 I, uh-- I think that you're the total package. 537 00:19:27,049 --> 00:19:29,117 Thank you. 538 00:19:29,118 --> 00:19:31,319 That brings me joy. 539 00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:33,355 Um, and there's something else 540 00:19:33,356 --> 00:19:35,524 that I-I've been wanting to tell you. 541 00:19:35,525 --> 00:19:37,726 Um... 542 00:19:37,727 --> 00:19:39,928 and if I don't just say it now, I'm-- I'm-- 543 00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:41,664 ♪ Go far away ♪ 544 00:19:43,599 --> 00:19:45,267 I'm very attracted to you. 545 00:19:45,268 --> 00:19:47,335 ♪ There's nowhere that I'd rather be ♪ 546 00:19:47,336 --> 00:19:49,304 I think you're cute, too. 547 00:19:49,305 --> 00:19:51,173 Really? 548 00:19:51,174 --> 00:19:55,043 Because I-I've been wanting to kiss you for awhile now. 549 00:19:55,044 --> 00:19:57,212 ♪ Whoa, warm my heart ♪ 550 00:19:57,213 --> 00:19:59,948 Oh, God. That was inappropriate. 551 00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:01,817 I'm so sorr-- And you can't even get out. 552 00:20:01,818 --> 00:20:03,585 I-I've trapped you! I'm a sexual predator! 553 00:20:03,586 --> 00:20:06,588 You're not! It's okay 'cause I'm very into it. I'm so sorry. 554 00:20:06,589 --> 00:20:08,690 And it would only be a kiss. 555 00:20:08,691 --> 00:20:10,192 Yeah? 556 00:20:10,193 --> 00:20:11,193 Well... 557 00:20:11,194 --> 00:20:12,627 No. No. You're married. 558 00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:16,231 I mean, yes, we are technically married, 559 00:20:16,232 --> 00:20:19,434 but we're not... doing great. 560 00:20:19,435 --> 00:20:21,136 I'm sorry to hear that. 561 00:20:21,137 --> 00:20:24,239 ♪ ...me and we're laughing, we're loving it all ♪ 562 00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:26,208 Well, it's more than just kissing. 563 00:20:26,209 --> 00:20:30,045 I'd really like to do more. 564 00:20:30,046 --> 00:20:32,480 [♪♪♪] 565 00:20:32,481 --> 00:20:35,417 And that was more inappropriate, and I'm so sorry. 566 00:20:35,418 --> 00:20:38,386 I-I keep-- I don't know why I just keep just talking. 567 00:20:38,387 --> 00:20:39,855 Can I lose eight more pounds first? 568 00:20:39,856 --> 00:20:41,823 ♪ ...tears that we cry until dawn ♪ 569 00:20:41,824 --> 00:20:43,325 Before we do more? 570 00:20:43,326 --> 00:20:48,864 ♪ Oh, hold me now ♪ 571 00:20:48,865 --> 00:20:52,033 ♪ Whoa, warm my heart ♪ 572 00:20:52,034 --> 00:20:54,102 Can we make it six pounds? 573 00:20:54,103 --> 00:20:55,103 ♪ Stay with me ♪ 574 00:20:55,104 --> 00:20:56,571 Definitely. Let's go do burpees. 575 00:20:56,572 --> 00:20:57,672 Okay. 576 00:20:57,673 --> 00:21:00,509 ♪ Let loving start, let loving start ♪ 577 00:21:00,510 --> 00:21:03,011 I got it. Okay. I'll help you. 578 00:21:03,012 --> 00:21:04,947 ♪ Whoa-oa-oa ♪ 43701

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