All language subtitles for Lopez vs. Lopez 1x01 - Pilot (English)

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,046 --> 00:00:07,686 - _ - ? Tearing out, tearing out pieces ? 2 00:00:07,687 --> 00:00:09,390 _ 3 00:00:09,785 --> 00:00:14,736 - _ - ? To replace the broken pieces of you ? 4 00:00:14,737 --> 00:00:16,660 _ 5 00:00:16,661 --> 00:00:18,530 _ 6 00:00:19,631 --> 00:00:21,730 _ 7 00:00:21,731 --> 00:00:23,200 _ 8 00:00:24,501 --> 00:00:26,350 _ 9 00:00:26,951 --> 00:00:29,300 _ 10 00:00:29,301 --> 00:00:30,601 _ 11 00:00:31,302 --> 00:00:32,756 _ 12 00:00:32,757 --> 00:00:34,281 _ 13 00:00:34,282 --> 00:00:37,512 _ 14 00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:39,289 Oh, my God! 15 00:00:39,831 --> 00:00:42,042 Why are you shaking your nalgas for the whole world to see? 16 00:00:43,068 --> 00:00:45,337 I'm connecting with other women who have daddy issues. 17 00:00:45,437 --> 00:00:47,289 Oh, I'm sure you'll connect with some daddies on there too. 18 00:00:50,175 --> 00:00:52,439 Why would I take social media advice from you? 19 00:00:52,444 --> 00:00:56,176 You thought Instagram was a weed delivery service. 20 00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:57,950 Sometimes it is. 21 00:00:59,151 --> 00:01:00,280 I like the dancing, though. 22 00:01:01,286 --> 00:01:03,784 ? The low rider ? 23 00:01:03,789 --> 00:01:05,619 ? Is a little higher ? 24 00:01:23,942 --> 00:01:28,108 What kind of measurement is "as long as your arm"? 25 00:01:28,113 --> 00:01:29,410 You want it to be exact, right? 26 00:01:29,415 --> 00:01:32,446 My arm is always the same. 27 00:01:32,451 --> 00:01:34,115 What if someone else uses your measurements 28 00:01:34,119 --> 00:01:36,817 and they use their arm? 29 00:01:36,822 --> 00:01:38,090 That's a good note. 30 00:01:39,725 --> 00:01:42,156 You know, Mayan, this kitchen would get done a lot faster 31 00:01:42,161 --> 00:01:43,757 if I could stay overnight. 32 00:01:43,762 --> 00:01:46,660 This two-hour drive back and forth is making me tired. 33 00:01:46,665 --> 00:01:49,430 It would get done faster if I hired a contractor 34 00:01:49,435 --> 00:01:50,664 who didn't always have a beer 35 00:01:50,669 --> 00:01:53,734 at the end of his measuring arm. 36 00:01:53,739 --> 00:01:55,402 Yeah, I mean, forget it. 37 00:01:55,407 --> 00:01:57,504 You know, has this ever happened to you, Mayan, 38 00:01:57,509 --> 00:01:59,706 when you're driving, and you close your eyes, 39 00:01:59,711 --> 00:02:01,609 and you wake up and you go, "That's not my house. 40 00:02:01,613 --> 00:02:04,545 That's a tree!" 41 00:02:04,550 --> 00:02:06,480 I don't know about you staying here, Dad. 42 00:02:06,485 --> 00:02:07,982 I mean, it's only been, like, six weeks 43 00:02:07,986 --> 00:02:09,583 since we started hanging out again. 44 00:02:09,588 --> 00:02:11,318 But it's been going good, right? 45 00:02:11,323 --> 00:02:14,988 Yeah, I mean, you come here, you do stuff for me, 46 00:02:14,993 --> 00:02:17,224 we laugh, and you go home. 47 00:02:17,229 --> 00:02:19,998 I love that last part. 48 00:02:20,999 --> 00:02:24,998 Please, Mayan, look, I just want to do a good job. 49 00:02:25,003 --> 00:02:27,367 Okay, I still have to ask Quinten. 50 00:02:27,372 --> 00:02:30,003 But this is my house, my rules. 51 00:02:30,008 --> 00:02:31,338 And we gotta set some boundaries 52 00:02:31,343 --> 00:02:32,372 so you don't trigger me. 53 00:02:32,377 --> 00:02:34,007 "Trigger"? Wait a minute. 54 00:02:34,012 --> 00:02:36,343 You got a gun, Mayan? 55 00:02:36,348 --> 00:02:38,779 I'm so proud of you! 56 00:02:38,784 --> 00:02:40,147 Emotionally trigger. 57 00:02:40,152 --> 00:02:41,782 I hate guns. 58 00:02:41,787 --> 00:02:43,817 You have a gun? 59 00:02:43,822 --> 00:02:45,090 Not on me. 60 00:02:48,026 --> 00:02:52,231 Okay, so how do I avoid these Los Triggers del Norte? 61 00:02:54,333 --> 00:02:56,430 Well, one of my triggers is when you lie to me. 62 00:02:56,435 --> 00:02:57,631 I never lie to you. 63 00:02:57,636 --> 00:02:58,732 That's a lie. 64 00:02:58,737 --> 00:03:00,105 That is a lie. 65 00:03:01,740 --> 00:03:03,537 Another trigger is when you yell at me. 66 00:03:03,542 --> 00:03:05,739 - I never yell at you. - That's another lie. 67 00:03:05,744 --> 00:03:08,480 Okay, this is starting to feel like a series of traps. 68 00:03:09,882 --> 00:03:11,612 Yelling is the Lopez way. 69 00:03:11,617 --> 00:03:13,313 It's so people take you seriously. 70 00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:15,182 My nana used to say, "There's the right way, 71 00:03:15,187 --> 00:03:17,918 and then there's the Lopez way". 72 00:03:17,923 --> 00:03:20,354 She would take off her chancla and throw it at you 73 00:03:20,359 --> 00:03:23,457 and hit you, so you never forgot. 74 00:03:23,462 --> 00:03:26,064 And you know what? I never forgot. Right here. 75 00:03:27,933 --> 00:03:30,631 Yeah, well, my therapist says that instead of yelling, 76 00:03:30,636 --> 00:03:33,333 I should resolve conflicts through empathetic listening 77 00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:35,402 and mutual understanding. 78 00:03:35,407 --> 00:03:37,276 I... I wasn't listening. 79 00:03:40,078 --> 00:03:42,309 - Grandpa! - Hey, what's up, Gordo? 80 00:03:42,314 --> 00:03:44,449 My name is Chance, not Gordo. 81 00:03:45,517 --> 00:03:48,749 And I'm not fat. I got gains. 82 00:03:48,754 --> 00:03:51,590 Just a few cupcakes away from riding shotgun. 83 00:03:53,625 --> 00:03:55,355 I'm still not calling you Chance, 84 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,491 'cause it looks like there's a chance 85 00:03:57,496 --> 00:03:59,960 that's not your father. 86 00:04:03,835 --> 00:04:05,799 Why would you say something like that? 87 00:04:05,804 --> 00:04:08,268 Because the kid looks very Mexican, 88 00:04:08,273 --> 00:04:09,636 and you look like somebody 89 00:04:09,641 --> 00:04:11,510 that wouldn't get a rose on "The Bachelorette". 90 00:04:14,112 --> 00:04:16,543 Look, George, 91 00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:18,345 even though I'm not the toxic alpha male 92 00:04:18,350 --> 00:04:19,880 you wanted for Mayan's life partner, 93 00:04:19,885 --> 00:04:21,782 I am confident in who I am. 94 00:04:21,787 --> 00:04:23,817 So you can't hurt me. 95 00:04:23,822 --> 00:04:25,862 Yeah, you broke eye contact at the end there, bro. 96 00:04:27,993 --> 00:04:30,357 Damn it. 97 00:04:30,362 --> 00:04:32,659 Grandpa, can you make me a green juice? 98 00:04:32,664 --> 00:04:34,127 You want some greens? Come on. 99 00:04:34,132 --> 00:04:35,462 You pick your nose and eat it 100 00:04:35,467 --> 00:04:36,830 like a real kid, huh? 101 00:04:36,835 --> 00:04:38,203 Nature's candy. Come on. 102 00:04:40,672 --> 00:04:43,470 So my dad asked if he could stay here. 103 00:04:43,475 --> 00:04:45,939 What, for, like, dinner? 104 00:04:45,944 --> 00:04:47,474 Just till he finishes the kitchen. 105 00:04:47,479 --> 00:04:48,875 Just remember to stay 106 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:51,144 at least three George Lopez arms away from him. 107 00:04:51,149 --> 00:04:52,913 All right. 108 00:04:57,589 --> 00:04:59,953 - I'm here. - Oh, no one cares. 109 00:04:59,958 --> 00:05:03,156 Don't look, mijo. You'll turn into stone. 110 00:05:03,161 --> 00:05:05,325 - Hi, Mama. - Mm, hi. 111 00:05:05,330 --> 00:05:06,660 I just came to tell my family 112 00:05:06,665 --> 00:05:08,695 that I sold five policies this morning. 113 00:05:08,700 --> 00:05:11,732 Rosie, la reina of home insurance, is killing it. 114 00:05:11,737 --> 00:05:13,867 I'm going to be bigger than the Progressive lady 115 00:05:13,872 --> 00:05:14,873 and the Aflac duck. 116 00:05:17,042 --> 00:05:19,306 You already got the voice. 117 00:05:19,311 --> 00:05:23,516 "I'm Rosie". 118 00:05:23,682 --> 00:05:25,812 You saw that Mayan and I did a TikTok, 119 00:05:25,817 --> 00:05:28,181 and you wanted to come over here and make things awkward. 120 00:05:28,186 --> 00:05:29,950 If I wanted to make things awkward, 121 00:05:29,955 --> 00:05:34,755 I'd show Mayan all your drunken late-night texts asking, "You up?" 122 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:36,862 I was up. 123 00:05:41,933 --> 00:05:44,598 This is Mayan Lopez, vet tech with a mic. 124 00:05:44,603 --> 00:05:46,405 Does climate change concern you? 125 00:05:49,708 --> 00:05:51,543 Are you a fan of Doja Cat? 126 00:05:54,713 --> 00:05:56,615 What are your views on Bitcoin? 127 00:06:01,219 --> 00:06:02,983 This guy is sitting in his pictures, 128 00:06:02,988 --> 00:06:04,351 which means he's short. 129 00:06:04,356 --> 00:06:06,219 Left. 130 00:06:06,224 --> 00:06:08,422 This guy is sitting in his car, 131 00:06:08,427 --> 00:06:10,924 which means he's short and married. 132 00:06:10,929 --> 00:06:14,227 I see you, sir. Left. 133 00:06:14,232 --> 00:06:17,431 Brookie, if you never swipe right, what's the point? 134 00:06:17,436 --> 00:06:19,166 I swipe right on the rich guys. 135 00:06:19,171 --> 00:06:21,239 And I refer them to my OnlyFans. 136 00:06:23,075 --> 00:06:24,404 What? It's just my feet. 137 00:06:24,409 --> 00:06:26,244 I'm not a freak. 138 00:06:28,046 --> 00:06:30,744 Ugh, Duchess the chihuahua is coming in today. 139 00:06:30,749 --> 00:06:32,479 You know, I hate when rich people 140 00:06:32,484 --> 00:06:34,014 expect everything to be free. 141 00:06:34,019 --> 00:06:36,450 That woman won't pay for her dog's butt exam 142 00:06:36,455 --> 00:06:39,052 because she's like, "It's so small, 143 00:06:39,057 --> 00:06:41,393 Like, how can you even charge for that?" 144 00:06:44,463 --> 00:06:47,461 Ooh, the princess is here. 145 00:06:47,466 --> 00:06:49,429 Hello, Duchess. 146 00:06:49,434 --> 00:06:51,965 No, Duchess does not touch the floor. 147 00:06:51,970 --> 00:06:53,667 Dogs have been on that. 148 00:06:53,672 --> 00:06:55,836 I'm sorry. Does Duchess identify as human? 149 00:06:55,841 --> 00:06:58,443 Because she clearly presents as a dog. 150 00:07:00,445 --> 00:07:03,844 Anyway... while you're here, 151 00:07:03,849 --> 00:07:06,013 there's a number of outstanding services on your bill... 152 00:07:06,017 --> 00:07:07,448 Oh, could you please send me an email? 153 00:07:07,452 --> 00:07:08,982 I'm late for pilates. 154 00:07:08,987 --> 00:07:11,952 Well, we've let you defer the last three visits, so... 155 00:07:11,957 --> 00:07:13,253 So that's a yes. 156 00:07:13,258 --> 00:07:14,421 Goodbye, my darling. 157 00:07:14,426 --> 00:07:16,289 Mommy will miss you. 158 00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:29,035 Orale, muchachos. Thanks for the help, man. 159 00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:30,403 Take a break, huh? 160 00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:31,905 There you go. 161 00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:34,141 No domestic beer for you, Oscar. 162 00:07:34,146 --> 00:07:36,877 My best friend deserves only the best imported. 163 00:07:36,882 --> 00:07:38,245 Thanks, man. 164 00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:39,647 Hey, you know what would be even better, though? 165 00:07:39,651 --> 00:07:42,015 If we were high. 166 00:07:42,020 --> 00:07:43,817 How'd you know I was gonna say that? 167 00:07:43,822 --> 00:07:45,253 'Cause you said the same thing this morning, 168 00:07:45,257 --> 00:07:46,319 then we got high. 169 00:07:48,326 --> 00:07:49,689 Hey, take it easy. 170 00:07:49,694 --> 00:07:51,329 Some of us are high. 171 00:07:53,632 --> 00:07:56,897 Sorry, there's an entitled white lady at work. 172 00:07:56,902 --> 00:07:57,931 Just one? 173 00:07:57,936 --> 00:08:01,039 One is all you need to ground a Delta flight. 174 00:08:03,575 --> 00:08:05,305 She treats us all like crap. 175 00:08:05,310 --> 00:08:07,340 Sounds like you need to show her the Lopez way. 176 00:08:07,345 --> 00:08:08,742 Please don't start. 177 00:08:08,747 --> 00:08:10,777 It's a foolproof method. 178 00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:12,746 It's even how your mom and I fell in love. 179 00:08:12,751 --> 00:08:15,715 On our first date, we made the waiter cry. 180 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:16,984 That's not something to be proud of. 181 00:08:16,988 --> 00:08:18,590 Then why did we take a picture? 182 00:08:20,225 --> 00:08:23,056 If you want results, don't hold back, okay? 183 00:08:23,061 --> 00:08:24,724 Hell, I do it to Oscar all the time. 184 00:08:24,729 --> 00:08:26,726 - You do? - Listen, this isn't about you. 185 00:08:26,731 --> 00:08:27,731 Now, why don't you mind your own business 186 00:08:27,732 --> 00:08:29,329 and get me another beer. 187 00:08:29,334 --> 00:08:30,702 Okay. 188 00:08:32,270 --> 00:08:34,468 Wait, wasn't the fridge supposed to arrive today? 189 00:08:34,473 --> 00:08:36,102 Oh, yeah, yeah, don't worry about that. 190 00:08:36,107 --> 00:08:38,638 Sounds like work is stressing you out, Mayan. 191 00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:40,040 You know what? 192 00:08:40,045 --> 00:08:42,943 I got something that'll make you feel better. 193 00:08:47,018 --> 00:08:49,149 Freaking bitches! 194 00:08:53,391 --> 00:08:55,255 - Wow. - Oh, man. 195 00:08:55,260 --> 00:08:58,225 I didn't know I had that in me. I guess I got that from you. 196 00:08:58,230 --> 00:08:59,961 You didn't get that throwing the hammer down thing from me. 197 00:08:59,965 --> 00:09:03,263 You got it from your mom. Ta loca. I'm scared of you. 198 00:09:03,268 --> 00:09:04,497 Put that in the truck. 199 00:09:07,138 --> 00:09:09,269 Chance and your dad are all tucked in. 200 00:09:09,274 --> 00:09:11,605 George was a bit tipsy. 201 00:09:11,610 --> 00:09:12,973 How could you tell? 202 00:09:12,978 --> 00:09:17,143 Well, after we cheersed, he said, "I love you". 203 00:09:17,148 --> 00:09:19,484 Baby, pretty sure he was talking about the beer. 204 00:09:22,420 --> 00:09:24,885 Thank you for being okay with all this. 205 00:09:24,890 --> 00:09:27,287 Well, he fought me about getting his pants off for bed, 206 00:09:27,292 --> 00:09:29,895 but I feel like he's really starting to trust me. 207 00:09:31,263 --> 00:09:34,995 It's night... what the... why are these lights on? 208 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:36,563 That's crazy. 209 00:09:36,568 --> 00:09:38,298 This one too. 210 00:09:38,303 --> 00:09:42,107 What... hey, why are all the lights on in this house? 211 00:09:45,076 --> 00:09:48,174 Why don't you bother to knock? 212 00:09:48,179 --> 00:09:50,343 Do you guys even know what electricity costs? 213 00:09:50,348 --> 00:09:52,045 19.90� a kilowatt. 214 00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:53,413 Sorry. 215 00:09:53,418 --> 00:09:55,120 When I get nervous, I say facts. 216 00:09:56,821 --> 00:09:58,285 We can afford the lights, Dad. 217 00:09:58,290 --> 00:10:00,287 I leave them on in case Chance wakes up 218 00:10:00,292 --> 00:10:01,421 and has to use the bathroom. 219 00:10:01,426 --> 00:10:02,789 You're a young couple, okay? 220 00:10:02,794 --> 00:10:04,692 You don't know when you're gonna need that money, 221 00:10:04,696 --> 00:10:06,761 so both of you need to do... you need to train Chance 222 00:10:06,765 --> 00:10:08,967 how to see in the dark. 223 00:10:11,336 --> 00:10:13,466 I'm sorry. What? 224 00:10:13,471 --> 00:10:16,670 When I was little, I would read with the light on, 225 00:10:16,675 --> 00:10:18,672 and my grandmother would turn the light off on me 226 00:10:18,677 --> 00:10:19,906 and she would say, 227 00:10:19,911 --> 00:10:21,875 "You need to learn how to read in the dark", 228 00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:23,777 so I did, and not only that, 229 00:10:23,782 --> 00:10:26,051 I still do it to this very day. 230 00:10:28,453 --> 00:10:30,150 - Really? - "Read in the dark". 231 00:10:30,155 --> 00:10:31,923 He doesn't even read in the light. 232 00:10:35,493 --> 00:10:37,858 Don't come running to me when you don't have anything left. 233 00:10:37,862 --> 00:10:39,626 I still got the first penny I ever made. 234 00:10:39,631 --> 00:10:40,932 I use it as a fuse. 235 00:10:43,702 --> 00:10:45,036 What happened to my pants? 236 00:10:49,407 --> 00:10:51,576 I swear it was consensual. 237 00:10:58,984 --> 00:11:00,151 Don't judge me. 238 00:11:00,986 --> 00:11:02,148 I'm not. 239 00:11:02,153 --> 00:11:03,922 I'm jealous of you. Hit me. 240 00:11:05,924 --> 00:11:07,787 Man, these last few days with my dad 241 00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:09,294 and his frickin' lights. 242 00:11:20,705 --> 00:11:21,735 Ah! 243 00:11:21,740 --> 00:11:23,069 Soap in my eye! 244 00:11:23,074 --> 00:11:25,310 Oh, burning! 245 00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:29,476 Oh, Dad, can you turn off the lights? 246 00:11:29,481 --> 00:11:32,145 No, I like to leave them on when I watch a movie. 247 00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:33,451 It helps me see it better. 248 00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:39,185 I just want to scream in his face, 249 00:11:39,190 --> 00:11:40,859 but that's pre-therapy Mayan. 250 00:11:42,994 --> 00:11:44,257 I just want my dad in my life 251 00:11:44,262 --> 00:11:46,393 and Chance to know his grandfather. 252 00:11:46,398 --> 00:11:48,862 So for now, salud. 253 00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:08,715 No! Whoa! 254 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:10,850 Dad! 255 00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:12,085 What happened? 256 00:12:12,090 --> 00:12:13,853 You shut the lights off on me, 257 00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:15,860 and now I think my ass is broken. 258 00:12:17,295 --> 00:12:18,591 No, you're like your mom. 259 00:12:18,596 --> 00:12:20,161 You got enough cushion back there to survive 260 00:12:20,165 --> 00:12:22,233 a fall from much, much higher. 261 00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:25,332 That's it. 262 00:12:25,337 --> 00:12:27,767 I'm done being disrespected by you in my home. 263 00:12:27,772 --> 00:12:29,202 Technically, it's my house. 264 00:12:29,207 --> 00:12:31,071 My mom gave it to me, and I gave it to you. 265 00:12:31,076 --> 00:12:32,572 You didn't even want it. 266 00:12:32,577 --> 00:12:34,240 You were trying to default on the mortgage 267 00:12:34,245 --> 00:12:36,242 so you could throw Grandma into a senior home 268 00:12:36,247 --> 00:12:38,516 that someone on Yelp called a no-kill shelter. 269 00:12:41,119 --> 00:12:43,283 She wouldn't die. 270 00:12:43,288 --> 00:12:45,885 But when she did, I took over the mortgage. 271 00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:48,388 I'm paying for this house, not you. 272 00:12:48,393 --> 00:12:50,490 And why isn't the kitchen done? 273 00:12:50,495 --> 00:12:52,325 I told you. The fridge is on back order. 274 00:12:52,330 --> 00:12:54,127 Then order a different one. 275 00:12:54,132 --> 00:12:55,762 It's not possible. 276 00:12:55,767 --> 00:12:56,896 Why not? 277 00:12:56,901 --> 00:12:58,465 They don't allow it. 278 00:12:58,470 --> 00:13:00,667 Something about the global supply chain 279 00:13:00,672 --> 00:13:02,941 and the Illuminati or something... you know... 280 00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:07,707 Just give me your credit card, 281 00:13:07,712 --> 00:13:10,510 and I'll change the order. 282 00:13:10,515 --> 00:13:13,913 There is no order because I couldn't afford it. 283 00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:15,582 I put everything on my credit cards, 284 00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:18,051 and I'm maxed out. 285 00:13:18,056 --> 00:13:19,919 You said you had everything covered. 286 00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:21,154 What happened to your money? 287 00:13:21,159 --> 00:13:23,424 What happened to my money is none of your damn business. 288 00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:25,592 Let me guess. 289 00:13:25,597 --> 00:13:27,460 You spent it all on your favorite things. 290 00:13:27,465 --> 00:13:28,465 Don't do that. 291 00:13:28,466 --> 00:13:31,177 Gambling, women, getting drunk. 292 00:13:31,736 --> 00:13:32,932 That's just great, Dad. 293 00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:34,334 You let me down again. 294 00:13:34,339 --> 00:13:36,836 Let you down? Come on. I was a good dad. 295 00:13:36,841 --> 00:13:38,472 I was a good provider for you and your mom. 296 00:13:38,476 --> 00:13:40,940 Oh, yeah. You were a really good dad. 297 00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:42,475 How about the time that you left me 298 00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:43,944 in the fountain in front of the casino 299 00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,683 and told me it was the kiddie pool? 300 00:13:47,252 --> 00:13:49,487 That's how you learned to swim and count change. 301 00:13:51,489 --> 00:13:53,120 Anyway, what right do you have to complain? 302 00:13:53,124 --> 00:13:54,320 You had a dad. 303 00:13:54,325 --> 00:13:55,489 My dad was out before I was even born. 304 00:13:55,493 --> 00:13:57,290 You can't use your crappy childhood 305 00:13:57,295 --> 00:13:58,691 as an excuse for how you treat me. 306 00:13:58,696 --> 00:14:00,965 I can if you're gonna act like a bitch. 307 00:14:02,534 --> 00:14:04,364 I can't believe you just said that. 308 00:14:04,369 --> 00:14:06,400 You're just like your mom. You know, I don't need this. 309 00:14:06,404 --> 00:14:08,768 Oh, I don't need it either. 310 00:14:08,773 --> 00:14:09,773 - So leave. - I'm leaving. 311 00:14:09,774 --> 00:14:11,971 Oh, if the guy from Instagram shows up, 312 00:14:11,972 --> 00:14:12,972 there's a little cartridge of... 313 00:14:12,973 --> 00:14:14,374 Get out! 314 00:14:24,789 --> 00:14:26,486 What do you want? 315 00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:27,987 Can I stay with you, Rosie? 316 00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:29,189 Ay dios m�o. 317 00:14:29,194 --> 00:14:30,424 It's just because my left side is numb, 318 00:14:30,428 --> 00:14:32,526 I've been having chest pains, and you're the only person 319 00:14:32,530 --> 00:14:35,795 that I trust in the whole world to take care of me. 320 00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:38,231 You trust me, your ex who you cheated on? 321 00:14:38,236 --> 00:14:40,233 Pobre viejo est�pido. 322 00:14:40,238 --> 00:14:41,606 What's really going on? 323 00:14:44,242 --> 00:14:46,539 I have no place else to go. 324 00:14:46,544 --> 00:14:48,508 What are you talking about? 325 00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:51,678 Rosie... 326 00:14:51,683 --> 00:14:53,213 I lost my house. 327 00:14:53,218 --> 00:14:55,482 Oh, my God, how? 328 00:14:55,487 --> 00:14:58,017 Because of the pandemic. 329 00:14:58,022 --> 00:14:59,719 I lost 50% of my business. 330 00:14:59,724 --> 00:15:02,856 I sold my house so the workers could feed their kids. 331 00:15:02,861 --> 00:15:04,457 My cards are maxed out. 332 00:15:04,462 --> 00:15:06,426 I've been sleeping in my car. 333 00:15:06,431 --> 00:15:08,595 My daughter hates me. 334 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:10,597 You're not gonna kick me while I'm down, are you? 335 00:15:10,602 --> 00:15:14,239 Honey, I wouldn't do that... right now. 336 00:15:16,641 --> 00:15:18,339 I was ashamed to tell Mayan 'cause I don't want her 337 00:15:18,343 --> 00:15:19,572 to lose respect for me. 338 00:15:19,577 --> 00:15:23,381 Oh, honey. Mayan's never respected you. 339 00:15:26,718 --> 00:15:30,923 Ay, George, there's no shame in falling on hard times. 340 00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:34,187 You worked so hard to take care of us for all those years. 341 00:15:34,192 --> 00:15:37,257 There was always a roof over our heads, food on the table, 342 00:15:37,262 --> 00:15:38,658 even if it was the same deal 343 00:15:38,663 --> 00:15:40,827 for those hoochies you cheated on me with. 344 00:15:40,832 --> 00:15:43,063 Just the one that threatened to take me to Judge Joe Brown. 345 00:15:45,336 --> 00:15:47,467 The truth is, 346 00:15:47,472 --> 00:15:51,271 Mayan doesn't care about gifts and money. 347 00:15:51,276 --> 00:15:53,606 She just wants you to be her dad, 348 00:15:53,611 --> 00:15:55,342 but that means that you have to be honest with her 349 00:15:55,346 --> 00:15:56,748 about everything. 350 00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:00,947 Honest about everything? 351 00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:06,386 Rosie, I don't know if I can do that. 352 00:16:06,391 --> 00:16:08,454 Well, if you can't find a way, 353 00:16:08,459 --> 00:16:10,324 then you're never going to have a close relationship 354 00:16:10,328 --> 00:16:11,763 with your daughter. 355 00:16:14,666 --> 00:16:15,829 You know she leaves the lights on? 356 00:16:15,833 --> 00:16:18,665 Oh, no. Such a waste of money. 357 00:16:18,670 --> 00:16:20,233 And that green juice they always buy? 358 00:16:20,238 --> 00:16:21,434 Oof. 359 00:16:21,439 --> 00:16:22,703 What's that gonna do to the plumbing? 360 00:16:22,707 --> 00:16:24,208 Oh... 361 00:16:31,024 --> 00:16:33,188 Is my Duchess ready for pickup? 362 00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:36,624 Yes, she was ready yesterday, so there's a boarding fee. 363 00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:39,561 Oh, well, you people closed before my sound bath was over, 364 00:16:39,566 --> 00:16:41,134 so that's not my fault. 365 00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:44,032 Not today. 366 00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:45,967 Pay up, Jana, or Duchess hits the floor! 367 00:16:45,972 --> 00:16:48,503 No! She's terrified of the floor. 368 00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:50,505 This is not right. 369 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:54,475 Well, there's a right way, and then there's the Lopez way. 370 00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:56,349 Pay up. Come on. 371 00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:02,222 Now put it on the counter nice and slow. 372 00:17:06,726 --> 00:17:07,989 Ooh. 373 00:17:07,994 --> 00:17:09,929 You are so turning me on right now. 374 00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:19,038 Just so you know, that turned me on too. 375 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:31,579 Shh. We're meditating. 376 00:17:31,584 --> 00:17:33,286 Don't mess up my zen, Mommy. 377 00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:36,884 I'm sorry, baby. 378 00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:38,386 Namaste. 379 00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:41,756 Wow. 380 00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:43,391 My dad sent me a TikTok. 381 00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:44,396 What? 382 00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:45,693 - Yeah. - Really? 383 00:17:52,365 --> 00:17:54,620 _ 384 00:17:55,621 --> 00:17:57,333 _ 385 00:18:00,534 --> 00:18:02,490 _ 386 00:18:04,391 --> 00:18:06,571 _ 387 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,553 _ 388 00:18:11,954 --> 00:18:15,000 _ 389 00:18:15,401 --> 00:18:17,140 _ 390 00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:24,265 Is it working? 391 00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:25,801 I feel like my stuff is moving back there. 392 00:18:25,805 --> 00:18:27,802 - No, we can't see it. - Where? 393 00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:30,138 Look, we can't see it because your ass is flatter 394 00:18:30,143 --> 00:18:31,973 than an open Jarrito left out overnight. 395 00:18:31,978 --> 00:18:33,341 Look, you gotta pump it like this. 396 00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:35,643 No, no, no. Mira, George. Pump it. As�. 397 00:18:35,648 --> 00:18:37,345 You gotta pump it. 398 00:18:37,350 --> 00:18:39,814 Hold on to the table and pump it. 399 00:18:47,393 --> 00:18:50,425 I can't believe he did that. 400 00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:53,127 He swallowed his pride and was honest, 401 00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:55,663 and in front of the whole world too. 402 00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:58,404 Mm. Only eight views. 403 00:19:02,508 --> 00:19:04,605 You should tell him about the beauty filter. 404 00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:06,612 He doesn't have to be honest about everything. 405 00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:13,214 You know, Mayan, 406 00:19:13,219 --> 00:19:15,583 someday this kitchen's gonna look incredible. 407 00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:17,418 Will either of us be alive to see it? 408 00:19:17,423 --> 00:19:19,687 Oh, no. 409 00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:21,856 You know, I finally stood up to that lady at work. 410 00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:23,658 Damn, Mayan. You Lopez wayed her? 411 00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:25,226 Oh, yeah. 412 00:19:25,231 --> 00:19:27,328 You know, I spent a lot of money in therapy 413 00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:29,764 trying to find healthy ways to avoid getting angry, 414 00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:31,799 but sometimes the healthiest thing to do 415 00:19:31,804 --> 00:19:33,639 is to just scream at a bitch. 416 00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:38,444 - That's what's up. - Hello. 417 00:19:40,413 --> 00:19:42,510 But that applies to you too. 418 00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:44,746 If you're gonna stay here, you're gonna have to learn 419 00:19:44,751 --> 00:19:46,414 to have some respect for me. 420 00:19:46,419 --> 00:19:48,016 And what, do I have to respect Quinten, 421 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,489 the friendly ghost, too? 422 00:19:52,725 --> 00:19:55,757 So what are you saying? That I can stay here? 423 00:19:55,762 --> 00:19:57,692 Yeah, I'd like that. 424 00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,827 And I would like that too, Mayan. 425 00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:02,563 You know, I think my eight followers on TikTok 426 00:20:02,568 --> 00:20:04,537 would consider this a major breakthrough. 427 00:20:06,339 --> 00:20:08,169 Oh, those aren't followers, Dad. 428 00:20:08,174 --> 00:20:10,009 Those are Polish sex bots. 429 00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:14,147 That's cool. I don't have a type. 430 00:20:16,582 --> 00:20:17,912 I love you, baby. 431 00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:19,385 - I love you, too. - Okay. 432 00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:22,722 Oh, and, Dad, can you turn off the lights? 433 00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:26,187 What the hell is that? 434 00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:27,922 It's a night light. 435 00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:29,524 Runs on batteries. 436 00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:31,497 Orale, Mayan, way to save money! 437 00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:34,228 You gotta buy me a house. 438 00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:35,233 Also, you're gonna need a fridge. 439 00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:36,930 Oh, and we found some mold under the floor, 440 00:20:36,931 --> 00:20:38,761 but we'll take care of it. 441 00:20:38,762 --> 00:20:40,326 Good night. Namaste. 442 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,875 Grandpa, can you tell me a bedtime story? 443 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:49,277 Oh, no. 444 00:20:49,282 --> 00:20:50,545 Last time, you got all scared, 445 00:20:50,550 --> 00:20:52,313 and you ran to your mom and the guy 446 00:20:52,318 --> 00:20:54,348 that keeps saying he's your father. 447 00:20:54,353 --> 00:20:56,784 I won't cry this time. 448 00:20:56,789 --> 00:20:58,352 - Please? - Okay. 449 00:20:58,357 --> 00:21:01,122 Did I ever tell you the one about the llorona? 450 00:21:01,127 --> 00:21:04,263 Or the man that was born with a owl body? 451 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:11,599 Mommy! 452 00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:15,236 Pay attention to how easy he finds you in the dark. 453 00:21:21,615 --> 00:21:26,615 - Synced and corrected by actumaxime - - www.addic7ed.com - 32114

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