All language subtitles for Call me Kat S03E11 Call Me Prescription Roulette

Can I get a little help, please?

Oh, sure. That top doesn't
match that skirt.

Why would you pack all of
this cast-iron cookware anyway?

The only thing you ever made
in a kitchen is that sign

that says, "Nothing tastes
as good as skinny feels."

Oh, so you did see it?

-Hey.
-Oh.

Sorry. I had to shake a pack
of handsy old ladies.

One of them tried to tuck
a savings bond in my waistband.

This is a great apartment.

It's smaller than I remember,
but maybe that's a good thing.

It'll help me get used
to being in a coffin.

Oh, come on. Look here.

You were so excited
about this place.

You loved the pool, the spa,

and I just saw a guy
in the dining room

dropping pills
like a busted piñata.

I know. It's just different
now that I'm here.

Man, take a look
at these activities. Look.

You can go on a tour
of the region's finest wineries.

Ah, yes.

Nothing says a fine merlot

like the hills
of Central Kentucky.

Perhaps I can pair it

with a hard-boiled egg
from a large jar.

Hey, I'm sure
you're gonna find your people.

But you can't give up
and not try.

It's not like being my mother.

Look, it's my first night here.

I miss my house,
I miss my things.

Oh, but you brought
my baby blanket.

Aw. That's so sweet.

Is that what
that ratty thing is?

Oh. I was just using it to make
sure my gin didn't break.

At least
I have one friend here.

♪ Me, oh, my, oh, my, oh, me ♪

♪ Nothin' wrong with you
but I'd rather be me. ♪

Hey, how's Sheila doing
at the retirement home?

Oh, I don't know.

I texted her and said, "Let me
know if you need anything"

on her first day,
and she replied "K."

So then, I texted her again
yesterday, and she said, "KK."

I'm terrified
to send a third text.

Well,
if you're worried about her,

why don't you just
go visit her?

Ooh, and when you go,
take butterscotch hard candy.

For old people, they're like
cigarettes in prison.

Wait,
where's your engagement ring?

- Oh.
- It's missing?

All right, everybody, stand up,
turn out your pockets.

My friend's ring is missing.

I'm looking at you,
cargo shorts.

It's not missing,
I just wasn't wearing it.

Oh, oh. Sorry, cargo shorts,
that was profiling,

and I am not proud of that.

Is everything all right?

Yeah.

It's just--

I mean, what do you think
about my ring?

Oh, well, uh,

mm, I think it's...

Since when does my opinion
on fashion matter?

You know, I just started
wearing thongs.

I'm not even sure
I've got it on right.

See, I knew it.
You hate it.

No, not at all.

So you mean to tell me
if Max gave you this,

-you would be happy?
-No, not at all.

Look, I love Carter.

I'm just not sure
I love this ring.

Also, I hate this ring.

Well, have you tried
talking to him about it?

I mean, he might be hurt
at first,

but he'll get over it.

At the end of the day, he just
wants to make you happy.

Yeah, and I just want
to make him happy.

Maybe I'll just learn
to like it.

I mean, we're friends now.

Mother, it's me.

I brought wine.

That's weird.
She always ignores me,

but never wine.

Something must be wrong.
I'm gonna break this door down.

Oh, or just open it.

So I said, "Well, I may be
losing my sight,

but you never had any taste."

Hey.

Oh, Katharine, I was just
talking about you.

What's going on here?

Someone find "Part B."

I think I just found par-tay.

Just a few friends over
for drinks.

Everyone dumped their
expired meds in a bowl,

and we're playing
"prescription roulette."

Lightweight Charlie
couldn't handle an Ambien.

Well, I'm so glad
you made some friends.

Hi, I'm Katharine,
but you can call me Kat.

See what I did there?

Hi, Kat, I'm Patty.

I love your shoes.
Where'd you get 'em?

Oh, you can't get 'em
in a store.

You need a prescription.

Who's your foot guy?

Well, I used to go
to Lieberman.

Oh, Lieberman.

Would it kill you
to validate parking?

Right?

I mean, I've already got
a pain in my foot,

do I also need a pain
in my tuchus?

Yes, hilarious.

Okay, thank you for the wine.
Drive safe.

You know, you should try
Orwasher.

He's got tattoos,

but I hear it's not
a Satan thing anymore.

He's my new guy.
He is the best.

And not to brag, but

on his website,
I'm the "before" picture

for hammertoe.

Get out. Sheila,
you did not tell us

that your daughter was
a model.

If you don't notice
a resemblance,

it's because she paid
a lot of money

to not look like me.

Who needs more rosé?

Don't bury me!

Here you go, Billy.

So, how were your holidays?

Did they ever find
your big toe?

No. And I called the airline
and everything.

My holidays were nice.

I spent Christmas Eve
with my kids,

Christmas Day
with my other kids.

Then, on New Year's Eve,
I met a redhead.

Tried to make some more kids.

How about you?

Ah, Randi and I got engaged.

-Hey, that's great.
-Mm-hmm.

I hope you invite me
to the wedding.

I can dance as good as anyone
with a whole foot.

There's my soon-to-be-wife.

Just say "fiancée."

That is French.
I do not appropriate.

Uh, do you have
a second to talk?

Sure. But first,
show Billy your ring.

Oh, um...

Wow, look at that.

It's like a classy
hood ornament.

I designed it myself.

I could have gone
to some high-end jewelry store

and picked out the biggest
diamond they had.

Hold up, that was an option?

Check it out.
The diamond's a heart

because I love Randi,

And, baby, tell him why
the ruby's a heart.

Be-Because we love
the Louisville Cardinals.

Throw up the "L".

Yeah, we throwin' up.

Man, I've never been so proud
of anything in my life,

and I have a son.

So, baby, what'd you want
to talk about?

-Me?
-Yeah.

Oh, uh, Kat got a thong,

and she doesn't know how
to wear it.

Yeah? She got a date
for next New Year's?

You know, Frank and I have
a son about your age.

He has so many model trains

they might do a YouTube
about him.

Well, he's got a very nice
caboose, but I'm taken.

Well, of course you are,

a foot model
with your personality.

You know what, Frank,

-you just earned yourself
a butterscotch.
-Ooh.

Will none of these pills
kick in?

And, uh, check out my fella.

He's a musician,
and get this,

none of his songs
have curse words.

Mm.

Hotsy-totsy.

Tom Selleck, move over.

Speaking of which,
is Blue Bloods tonight?

No, that's Friday at 10:00.

I record it 'cause who can
stay up that late?

I mean, seriously,
I appreciate

everyone who watches,

but you 9:30 Fox viewers...

You know what'd be fun?

We should get naked
and go into the hot tub.

-I'm in.
-Great.

I just got these
bad boys lifted.

It was my
birthday present.

Wait, hang on,
has anyone had diarrhea

in the last few weeks?

'Cause then it's not safe.

What are you looking
at me for?

You're the ones that wanted
to go for Thai food.

Thanks, Katharine.

Well, have any of you
ever played Scrabble

in French?

-It's a panic.
-Ooh-la-la.

I wonder what combination
of these pills will kill me.

Okay, here's me
and the Valley Hills gang

on the bus
heading to the casino.

That's Frank and Charlie.

Oh, here's Patty playing
keep-away

with Mindy's diabetes
medication.

That's just so classic Patty.

So Patty.

Hey, you two.

-Hey.
-Hey.

All right, I'm gonna
go to the gym.

-I'll see you later.
-Bye.

Is that a new perfume?

Oh, Bengay. Mindy had some
in her purse.

That bus ride,
heck on my sciatica.

No, no, save the sexy talk
for tonight.

See you, Sheila.

I'll take a chai tea.

Oh, fun fact, "chai" means tea,

so you really just
asked me for tea tea.

Fascinating.

I'll take it to go-go
away from you-you.

Are you excited
about bingo tonight?

I know Frank is psyched
because he just found out

that his tumor is "B-Nine".

Actually, you can't come.

Bingo is for residents only.

Really?
That's so disappointing.

I already told everyone
I was coming.

I've literally never
said this before,

but can't we bend the rules?

Mm, they're very strict
about this policy.

Huh. That seems really unfair,

keeping me out
just because I'm young.

When it rains,
do not my knees ache?

Sorry, dear.
And for the record,

you haven't been young
since you were eight

and dressed as democracy
for Halloween.

Hey, I got you something.

Oh, you did?
Is it edible?

Are you wearing it?

Is it both?

Here.

What's this?

I got you an engagement ring,
too.

I figured why should ladies
be the ones having all the fun

wearing something for
the rest of their lives

that they didn't pick out?

Oh, wow, Randi.
You shouldn't have.

Yeah, but I did,
just like you did.

And if you don't like it,
that's totally fine.

Just tell me and
I will happily take it back

and not be upset at all,
because that's how mature,

not-crazy people act.

I don't like it.

Oh, no problem.
Now, unrelated...

-I love it!
-You do?

Uh-huh! Look at this.

It's got skeletons because

till death do us part.

And then, when you put
the two pieces together,

it looks like they boning,

which is one of our
favorite things to do.

Well, remember that you're
gonna have to wear that ring

every day until you die
and go to heaven,

which means that
you're gonna have

boning skeletons on your hand

-when you meet Jesus.
-Oh...

He gonna be so jealous.

What the hell is wrong
with you?

That ring is so ugly.
I bought it from a sex shop.

And I'm not even sure
it's for a finger.

But if you hate it,
then why'd you buy it?

And, damn, I feel bad
for the dude this fits on.

Babe, come sit with me.

Look...

I have to be honest with you.

I don't like my ring.

Wait, what?

I love how much thought
you put into it,

it's just... not my style.

Not your style? I mean,
what could you possibly

not like about it?

That it's beautiful?
That it's thoughtful?

That it glows in the dark?

You never even mentioned that.

I feel like such an idiot.

I'm sorry.

That's why I never wanted
to say anything.

I spent the last month
thinking that you loved it

because that's what
you told me

and everyone we know.

Not me.
She told me

she ain't like it
from the jump.

Okay, shut your mouth
before you taste this thing.

-I can't believe this.
-W... Carter...

I don't want to be that guy,

but if you officially broke up,

I'm interested.

You know my favorite part
of bingo?

This.

Oh, look out.

Oh, I be trippin'.

Oh, yeah, looks like
we're gonna be using

-that bar in the shower tonight.
-Stop.

I miss quaaludes.

♪ There was a daughter
had a game ♪

♪ And bingo was its name-oh. ♪

- Oh, good, Kat's here.
- Hi, everyone.

For those of you
who haven't met me B-four,

my name is Kat Silver.

And you might think
I work hard on these puns,

but my sense of humor is
N-Eight.

Katharine.

-Hi.
-What are you doing here?

I told you bingo was
for residents only.

Oh, that's why I volunteered
to be the belle of the balls.

Gotta love a loophole.

Why does it feel like
my 40-year-old daughter

is enjoying my retirement home
more than I am?

Oh, you'll get there.

I mean, there's water aerobics
tomorrow at 9:00.

Try not to make jokes
about Charlie's Speedo.

It covers less than my thong.

Okay, let me be clear.

These are my friends,
not yours.

Hey, Kat,

big sale on black licorice
at the Kroger.

Get there before I do, Patty.

You were saying?

How am I supposed to start
my new life here

when you're always around
saying, "Look at me,

look at me,
I have thinning hair, too."

Why are you getting so upset?

Why do you need
so much attention?

What are you talking about?

You're being... I believe
Carter calls it "thirsty."

Wait, are you jealous?

-That is ridiculous.
-Hold up.

For the first time ever,
people like me

more than they like you,
and it's driving you crazy.

Oh, my goodness,
I'm popular.

I'm one of the mean girls.

You're driving me crazy.

And by the look of
your panty lines,

you got your thong on backwards.

Joke's on you,
I like it this way.

Hey, man.

What up, man?
You going to Kat's?

Yeah. She wants to watch
Mean Girls

and talk about
how popular she is.

She thinks she's a Cady,
but she's really a Gretchen.

What's up with you?

Randi and I got into a fight

about her engagement ring.

I don't want to talk about it.

Okay. Catch you later.

Of course I want
to talk about it.

I'm staring into a fire
drinking tea.

Read the damn signs, man.

All right.
And you're a Regina.

How could she not
like the ring?

It has a diamond and a ruby
shaped like hearts.

You know how rare
those are in nature?

I think it's awesome.

The two hearts look like
butts touching.

Or boobs touching.

Or a butt and a boob touching.

The best art is open
to interpretation.

Too bad I didn't
propose to you.

Well, if you ever do, make sure
it's at a football game,

and it's on a Jumbotron.

Listen, I know it sucks,
but it's not your fault.

I tried so hard to make
something special for her.

Like, really tried.

Like, opened up
my Notes app tried.

I know.
But at the end of the day,

it's just a thing.

What's really important
is that she loves you.

I guess. I mean, why can't women
be simple like guys?

All we want is sports,
beer and sex.

If we're lucky,
all at the same time.

Aka, the holy trinity.

Well, tonight Kat's giving me
a rom-com, tea and feelings,

aka the unholy trinity.

Mm-mm-mm.

Hey, what's all this?

My friends from Valley Hills
are coming to the café.

I thought I'd surprise them all
with ID bracelets.

Mm. "Hi, I'm Charlie.

"If found, I live at
2325 Valley Hills Lane.

I fart when startled."

My mom doesn't want me
going to Valley Hills,

but she can't stop me from

hanging out with
my friends here.

Now, for Patty,
what's a nice way to say

"truly dangerous driver"?

Girl, just put "old."

What's new with the ring sitch?

Oh, Carter freaked out when
I told him I didn't like it.

Oh. Well, do you want me
to talk to him?

I'm popular now, and people
listen to popular people.

No, I think I'm gonna
keep it.

I mean, it's just a ring.
Who cares what it looks like?

Plus, with a face like this,

no one's gonna be looking
at my hands.

Preach!

Oh, there they are. Hi.

Welcome to Kat's Cat Café.

Come on in, have a seat,
pet a cat.

Okay. Good kitty.

So, what do you want
to do today?

We could play bridge,
hit a deli,

have some soup.

Oh, we could go
to a grocery store

and pay with a check.

Shouldn't we wait for Sheila?

Maybe we can have some soup
while we wait.

-Actually, my mother will not
be joining us today.
-What?

-Why not?
-Well, you know, to be honest,

I think she's a little jealous
that y'all like me

more than you like her.

It's not a contest.

Oh, of course it's not.

But if were,
do you know who would win?

Kat Silver!

Kat, Kat, Kat, Kat...

Soup, soup, soup, soup.

Y-You know,

when you invited us,

well, we just assumed
your mother would be here.

Well, we don't need her
to have fun.

You know, I'm here.
Soup, soup, soup!

If this were soup, it'd be
Campbell's Extra-Awkward,

Maybe we should
just head home.

Yeah. You know,
your mother's our friend.

We don't want
to make her feel bad.

Oh, no.
Don't go.

Hey, how about this,
we could go upstairs

to my place
and watch Mean Girls,

then we could make a Burn Book
and use a large font.

Kat, you're a really sweet girl

and we like you a lot,

but hanging out with you
without your mom is...

Borderline creepy.

Yeah, we don't want
to get involved in family drama.

Then why are you
and your sister

still fighting over the hutch?

My mother promised it to me.

My sister doesn't even
collect plates.

I-I collect plates.
You want to see?

I just got a new one from...
Epcot.

Damn!

What are you throwing away,
rocks and sticks?

Come in.

I see you're wearing
your ring.

Is it because of the sad poem
I left on your voicemail?

"R is for the ring
I got you.

A is for an ass
that don't quit."

Actually, you left that
on the café voicemail,

and now Kat thinks
it's okay to say.

But...

I want to keep the ring.

You made it special for me,
and that's what's important.

Oh, baby, you don't have
to keep it.

I got you this.

But it's empty.

Wait, are you un-proposing?

You can't. I already registered
for a NutriBullet.

No, I want you to pick out
your own ring.

-Really?
-Yes.

You deserve to have one
that you love

as much as I love you.

Oh, I love you, too.
Thank you.

But you can return
this one, right?

No, but I got it insured.

So if they call,
you were mugged.

-Oh. You're so sweet.
-Yeah.

You know what,
tonight we can do

whatever you want.

Maybe have a couple drinks,
watch the Louisville game.

Maybe wear something edible.

-The holy trinity?
-Mm-hmm.

I'd marry you right now
if I could.

♪ Get your scooter running ♪

♪ Heading down the hallway ♪

♪ Looking for my dentures ♪

♪ I think I left it
on my tray. ♪

-There you go, dear.
-Thank you, Barbara.

And, uh, for reals, if you ever
want to sell this baby,

I'm your first
and last call.

Oh, you're not Hans.

Why would you be drinking
with your massage therapist?

Why are you asking questions
you don't want the answers to?

-I came to apologize.
-Oh.

For the way you've been acting,

or for what you did
to my once-flawless body?

Mikhail Baryshnikov's words,
not mine.

I'm sorry.

I really was coming here
for you, but I admit it.

I got caught up
in all the attention.

I'm not surprised
they like you.

Why? Because people
who wear corrective footwear

-are my people?
-No.

Because you're bubbly,
you're infectious.

You make them laugh.

Oh.

Thank you.

I mean, to be fair,
you can use a lot of

the same jokes every day;
they forget.

It's just... I'm starting

a whole new chapter
of my life here,

and I didn't enjoy
being in your shadow.

I guess I didn't
handle that very well.

No, it's my fault.
Those are your friends.

I-I need to leave you alone,
let you do your own thing.

And you're gonna need these
a lot more than I do.

I don't want you
to leave me alone.

You're my daughter.

Moving here has been
harder than I thought.

And I need you to support me.

Mother...

-I didn't say hug me!
-Okay.

♪ Whoo! ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Hey, back in front ♪

♪ I'm going real high ♪

♪ No, you're not ♪

♪ 'Cause you're stayin' alive ♪

♪ Hey, today gave it ♪

♪ All that I got ♪

♪ Said up, ah ♪

♪ Oh, my, my ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪

-♪ Well, all right ♪
-♪ Yeah ♪

♪ You're lookin' real fly now ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ Hey, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Hey, I'm livin' ♪

♪ If you want respect
in my city ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ I'm chaperone, now. ♪

Captioning sponsored by
WARNER BROS. TELEVISION

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org