All language subtitles for Home.Economics.S03E10.720p.WEB.x265-MiNX

- So how's Sarah doing?
- Living the dream.

If the dream is mounting a
low-budget children's musical

in Sacramento while
staying with your parents.

- That is one of the saddest
full sentences I've ever heard.

- Whoa. Tom, nice sweater.

Finally wearing
something I would wear.

- Well, I thought I should
upgrade from my usual hoodie,

you know...
- Here it comes.

- As a "New York Times"
bestselling author.

- You're gonna hear that a lot.
- 100% virgin wool. Very nice.

- Thank you.

Hey, how do they know
that the sheep haven't...

- That's not what that means.
- Okay.

- I have so much to teach you

now that you're not buying
your clothes at Costco.

Hey, remember, when I say
"Christmas surprise..."

- I do the Christmas surprise.

- Oh, they're gonna freak out.
It's gonna be the best one yet.

Hey, guys,

I know that Connor's
usually the one to make

big family gestures, but
it's been a pretty good year

for me, you know, as a...

- He's not gonna.
- Oh, he is.

- "New York Times"
bestselling author.

- Wait. Are you about to do,
like, a holiday gift thing?

- I got us all tickets
to see "The Nutcracker."

- Wow.
- Ooh.

- You're seeing
"The Nutcracker."

You're seeing "The Nutcracker."

You're seeing
"The Nutcracker."

- Tom, that's so fun. I
love "The Nutcracker."

- That name sounds hilarious.
- Move over, bro.

Looks like there's a
new big spender in town.

- Oh, yup. Definitely
no topping that.

Lupe, abort.

- Honey, that's a great
Christmas surprise.

- Oh, not... No, not
Christmas surprise.

- What's this?

- Oh, it's probably
just junk mail.

I'd just throw it out.

- No way. Connor,
you're taking us

on a ski vacation to
Aspen for New Years?

Oh, my God.

My, gosh.
- Hey, sorry, man.

I didn't mean to
steal your thunder.

- No, that's all right.

Yeah, I guess old Tom
might've been bummed,

but new Tom is
psyched.

I guess when you're on top,
things don't bug you as much.

- I know, right? It's awesome.

- We can go skiing and
to "The Nutcracker."

There's room for both.
- Yeah.

- Two equally cool things.
- Eh.

- Yeah, equally cool.

- I'm glad new Tom's so chill
because there's also this.

Lupe!
- Fire in the hole.

Oh.

- Come on, man. Now,
you're just showing off.

- ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

- Brian! Bri-guy.

So how's my favourite
money manager?

- Really? Your favourite?

Can I tell people that because
that would be huge for me.

- Whatever. So how are things?

- Great. You know what?

I think I have a real shot
with Linda in annuities.

- Not what I'm asking about.

- Oh, you meant with you?
Oh, uh, yeah. Um, not great.

- Very funny, Brian.

- Look, I wouldn't have called
you from our holiday party,

but it's time-sensitive

and, uh, well, I drew
the short candy cane.

We just got an update on
that investment you made

in the wind farm
and the update is...

that it's gone.

- Gone? What do you mean?
Like the stock crashed?

- More like a freak
storm literally blew

the windmills away and, um,

I mean, now they're gone.
- So how much did we lose?

- Before I tell you that number,

I think it's important
to remember that you have

many other investments
that didn't blow away

and then sink to the
bottom of the ocean.

- Okay, so you're saying...
W-what are you saying?

- We took a huge hit, but hey,
with investments like this...

I mean, you win
some, you lose some.

Am I right?
- No!

Not me, Brian. I'm all win.

That's kind of my thing.

- Oh, that's a great
line. "All win."

Can I use that on Linda?

- Here's what we're gonna
do... Take all the money

from the short-term
liquid account

and put it in the fund that
I'm sending you right now.

- Okay, well, are
you sure about that?

'Cause that's gonna tie
up a lot of your money.

You know, you're gonna
have to tighten the belt

for a little while.
- Yeah, no, I'm sure.

I put money in here before and
it always surges at year end.

It's like my own, personal
golden goose.

We'll be back in the
black by New Years.

Commit funds.

- Commit funds. Boom.

You know what?
You've inspired me.

I'm gonna go all in on Linda.
First step, introduce myself.

- Okay, good bye, Brian.

- Okay, the hotel is confirmed,
the plane is chartered,

and the custom
"Hayworth Holiday"

ski jackets will be waiting
for you all in Aspen.

- Right. Aspen.

- Oh, good news. The
helicopter you like

is available for heli-skiing...
- Oh.

- And yes, they can
serve lobster in the air.

- Oh.
- Though they strongly advise

against hot butter.
- Oh, great.

Great. Hey, Lupe, um...

how much is all this?

- What?
- Like, what's the,

like, price?
- I...

I have no idea.

You've never asked
me that before.

What's wrong?
- Nothing.

Just, um... just...

just disappointed
about the hot butter.

Thank you.

- Enjoy the sugar.

- Christmas Eve is my favourite.

Christmas day is good,

but it takes so long to
open all the presents.

- We don't have that
problem with our family.

- Lucky.

- My dad makes us save
the wrapping paper.

- Hey, it's not about the
presents our parents get us.

- It's what Uncle
Connor gets us.

I've been dropping little
hints about a PlayStation 5.

- Like what?

- Like telling him I
want a PlayStation 5.

I think he picked up on
it.

- Oh, no.
- What's wrong?

- Santiago, my contractor,
he just said our client

wants to start right
after the holidays.

- Isn't that a good thing?

- I'm just a little
nervous, you know?

It's a big leap for me.
And look at his Instagram.

His work is so good.
- Ooh, back up.

- I know. That
backsplash is insane.

- No, I'm talking about
the insanely hot guy

standing in front
of the backsplash.

- Oh, that's Santiago.

- That's Santiago?

- Oh, come on.
He's not that hot.

And I thought you were...
How do I put this?

Into girls.
- I'm gay, not blind.

- Connor, should
I open more wine?

Your family drink like fish.

Sup?

- Oh, did you
think I was Connor?

That's hilarious. I guess
it's the new threads.

Well, I have been
working out a little bit.

- No, it's the threads.
- Ah, good one, Loop.

There it is.

- Nope. Okay.

- So many presents.

- Yeah, I guess I went
a little overboard.

Well, who cares?
It's only money.

Who are you?

- I know, right? I
guess this family

has two successful and
carefree Hayworth men now.

Give you
one more shot at that.

No?

Okay, I'm gonna
save this for later.

- Catcher in the
Bri, how we doing?

- Not good.

Turns out Linda's married,

and she's pretty into it.

Oh, you meant with you,
right. Yeah, also not good.

- What? You got
to be kidding me.

- I wish. She's been
married six years,

but she doesn't wear a ring.

I guess it chafes
when she does cross...

- Brian.
- Oh, you meant with you again.

Sorry about that. So
yeah, I just stopped back

in the office to check on your
fund, and it is still down.

- I don't get it. That
was my golden goose.

- I suggest we just sell
now, we cut our losses.

And then we regroup
in the new year.

- Yeah, I guess I
don't have a choice.

Oh, this is incredible news.

- What? Stock's back up?

- No, no, no. Linda
just texted me.

She has a sister.

- Okay, good bye, Brian.

- Can I please
have my phone back?

- Oh, absolutely
is what I would say

if I didn't find a
shirtless pic of Santiago.

Did you know he's a triathlete?
I'd like to try athlete.

- Okay, now it just feels
like you're messing with me.

A little bit.

Denise!
- What?

- You liked a picture.
- No, I didn't.

Did I? I was just
trying to zoom in.

- It's from two years ago.
- Maybe it's not so bad.

- Oh, really? What
would you think

if the person you just started
working with scrolled through

two years of pictures
and liked the one

where you were shirtless?

- He's going to think
you want to smash.

Stuffed mushroom?
- Yes, please.

- I'm just gonna unlike it.
- No, don't do that.

- Too late. Why?

- Because he can
also see the unlike

and sometimes the unlike does
more damage than the like.

Remember that picture
of me in the fedora?

- Oh, you saw that
I unliked that?

You know, I really
wanted to be supportive,

but nothing about that worked.

You looked like a
street magician.

- That's what I was going for.

- Now, my new coworker's
gonna think I'm a perv.

- Hey, don't say that.

He'll also think
you're indecisive.

- What are you wearing?

- Oh, this?

Tom must've left it when
they were staying here.

They hoodie is
surprisingly comfortable.

I mean, say what you
will, but Kirkland knows

what they're doing when
it comes to loungewear.

- Connor, are things that bad?

- They're definitely
not good, Lupe.

I don't want to freak
the family out, but...

I don't think
we should do Aspen.

- I'm sure things will work out.

You've had ups and downs before.

- No, that's the
thing. I haven't, okay?

When it comes to the money,
with me, it's always been ups.

I can always see the smart play,

work the angles, but what if...

what if I've lost
my business mojo?

You know, my bojo.

- You're being ridiculous.

You will bounce back.

I know it.

- Thanks, Lupe. I can
always count on you.

So what'd you come in here for?

- I was just printing something.

Right on.

Is this a résumé?
- No.

- Well, I cannot believe that

we'll be ringing in
the new year in Aspen.

- All thanks to
Connor. Whoo, Aspen!

- Yeah. Aspen.

So fun.

Although, in a way

aren't we having just
as much fun right now?

- More fun than Aspen?

- I mean, if you
really think about it,

what's the most
fun part of skiing?

Taking off your boots
at the end of the day,

having a hot
chocolate by the fire.

I mean, does anyone
actually enjoy

the skiing part of skiing?

- I love skiing.
- So do I.

- Yeah, me too.

Tom doesn't.

He's so scared he'll get
hurt, he still says pizza

and french fries
the whole way down.

- No.
- That was the old Tom.

Honestly, I can't
wait to get out there,

carve a line in
some fresh pow-pow

with the gnarly K2s
I just picked up.

Along with a book on ski terms.

- Oh, awesome.

Awe-some.

Man, so we all love skiing.
- Mm-hmm.

- Ding.
- Did you just say ding?

- No, that was just a text
alert I got on my phone.

I wonder what it is. Oh, no.

The conditions are bad.

- I read the weather report.
It's supposed to snow all week.

- Apparently, too much snow

is... is what it says

and they say the
fresh snow is the...

most dangerous.

Also, someone saw a Sasquatch.
- Oh, the kids would love that.

- Yeah, and for the record,

my book say that fresh pow-pow

is the best pow-pow.

- Great. Well, this
is all working out.

You know, some people say
the true meaning of Christmas

is just being with your
family, but not this guy.

No, get me a chartered
plane and a five-star hotel

and some shellfish
at high altitude.

Who cares how much
it all costs, right?

Yay, Aspen!

- Feels like something's wrong.
- Yeah, the indecision,

the nonsensical babbling,

I'd recognise it anywhere.

- He sounds just like you.

Yeah, well...

The old me.

Hey, buddy, you okay?

- Is there a waitlist
for the new Bentley?

- Did the orangutan from
"Dunston Checks In" die?

- No.

I mean, yeah.

Sammy died in his sleep in 2010.

- So sorry.
- This can't be about Aspen.

I mean, everyone
knows you love skiing.

- And Sasquatches.

- Maybe I'm,

like, worried about the
environmental impact

of a ski trip?
- Environmental?

- What is even happening?
- Connor...

I can't believe I'm
gonna say this, but

are you having money problems?

- Yes.

Okay? Are you happy?

I lost some money.

- Connor, we had no idea.
- I'm so sorry.

- Yeah, if you want, I can
kick in for the ski trip.

I'm doing pretty well,

you know, as a "New
York Times" be...

- No.
- Okay.

- No, this is a little
more than ski trip money.

- Well, what are
we talking about.

I mean...

do you need a loan?

Oh, Tom.

Thanks, man, I needed that.

And I appreciate the offer,

but this isn't the kind of
loss that you can cover.

- Like, how much is it?

- I don't think I should say.

- Why don't you
just write it down?

- Ay, Dios mío.
- It's too big.

- Is that a phone number?
- I'm gonna be sick.

- Connor, why didn't you tell us
that you'd lost so much money?

I didn't know how.

It's never happened
to me before.

Honestly, I was embarrassed.

Oh, damn it, that sip
was like 30 bucks.

- Oh, my gosh.
- Wow.

Did you know your dad
was having money trouble?

- We knew Q4 was going to
be rocky, but not like this.

- I feel bad fishing
for that PS5.

I don't need it.

- This house is full
of stuff we don't need.

Wait.

I just got an amazing idea.

- We should rob a bank.

- We should take the
things we don't need

and sell it online,

so my dad doesn't need
to worry about money.

- That vase has got
to be worth something.

- I'll grab the painting.

- Connor, I'm so sorry.
I don't know what to say.

- Yeah, me neither.

- I do. Cancel the trip.

You know, it's a drop in the
bucket, but it's a start.

Don't worry about
us. We'll be fine.

Like you said, best part
of skiing is taking off

your boots at the
end of the day,

having a cup of hot
chocolate by the fire.

- Thanks, new Tom.

- Word.

- If you need anything
else, just let us know.

- Yeah, always.
- I appreciate that, guys,

but you don't have
to worry about me.

I'll be okay. Things might be

a little tight for a while,
but I still have some money.

- Like, how much?

- Oh, I'd rather not...
I'd rather not say.

- Why don't you write it down?
- Yeah.

Okay.

Are you kidding me?

- That's the exact, same number.

- You had us
worried for nothing.

- Okay, it's not
about how much I have,

it's about how much I lost.

I knew you guys
wouldn't understand.

- Didn't these used
to be in a bowl?

- I can't stop thinking
about the like, unlike thing.

- Oh, come on.
What's the big deal?

- The big deal is that Tom
could've used his book money

on anything, and he
used it to bet on me.

I don't want to ruin it
because the only contractor

that's willing to hire me
thinks that I want to tap that.

- Yeah, that is a big deal.

- I need Santiago to know

that I'm only interested
in him as a contractor.

- Okay, how about we
post a lovey-dovey photo

of you and Tom on your feed

and then Santiago will think
you're in a happy marriage.

- I am in a happy marriage.

- Yes. Exactly.

Bring that energy to the photo.

- Okay. Tom.

Honey, can I borrow
you for something?

Oh! Connor, get out of here.

- Ah, hey. What's up?
- Nothing.

Just wanted to say I love you.

Oh, thank you.

You know, I love you too.

I was just thinking about
the time that we went...

- We got it. We got it.
- Okay.

- And #myangel,

#Iwillalwaysloveyou,

and done. Whew.

Glad that's over.

- I am so sorry I
got you in this mess.

Just got a comment.

Oh, and another one.
- Oh.

And another.

"My condolences."

"Poor Tom, he will be missed"?

- Oh, yeah. This post makes
it look like Tom died.

This is just gonna
ruin everything.

Maybe I should
just text Santiago

and explain the whole thing.

- Yeah, that's
probably for the best.

- "He held on for so long."

Oh, boy.

- Well, it's official.

Cancelled Aspen.

- Good, and you'll be fine.

You still have so much money.
What are you worried about?

- It's not about the money, Tom.

It's about me. I'm
worried I lost my bojo.

That's my business mojo.

- Yeah, no, I put that together.

- What I did is I took
the B from business,

I took the ojo...
- Right.

- From mojo...
- From... yeah. No, I got...

- And if you combine them...

- Wasn't that hard
to figure out.

- I just have always
had a way with money.

You know, ever since
I was a little kid

and I first crushed you guys
in that "Monopoly" game.

Remember that?

That was the first
time I made you cry.

I was only seven, but I just...
I already had the touch.

And now it's gone.
- Come on, man.

I'm sure this is
just a rough patch.

In no time you're gonna
be buying new companies,

laying off their employees, and
stripping them down for parts.

- That's nice of you to say.

I just wish I believed it.

Well, I'm sorry for
ruining Christmas.

I'm gonna head up to bed and
finish off this night ham.

See you tomorrow.

- Yikes. Looks like Connor's
still pulling a full Tom.

- Right. Well, the old Tom.

- Sure.

- Well, it's a good
thing I'm the new Tom

'cause I think I
know how to fix this.

Oh, it's so gross.

Morning, sleepyhead.
- Morning, guys.

- Come hit the slopes.

What's all this?

- This is us enjoying the best
part of skiing right here.

- Whew. Got to get
these boots off.

I can't feel my feet.
- Hot chocolate?

Yes, please.

How'd you come up with this?
- Easy.

I just thought
about what you'd do

and I did a much, much
less expensive version.

- We have a surprise
for you, too, Daddy.

We sold some of the stuff
from around the house

to make money for you.
- We made 72 bucks.

- Ah, wow. Thanks, guys.

- It was easy.

We sold some of the
art from the wall

and the dinosaur skull
you weren't using.

- Really?

You... you sold that?

This is all great. I
mean, maybe I don't need

to crush it business
when I have you guys.

Who cares if I lost my
bojo forever, right?

- "Maybe I don't need to
crush it at business"?

- It didn't work.
He's still broken.

- I still got some
tricks up my sleeve.

Hang on, buddy.

You didn't open
your first present.

- All right.

- What could it be?
- No way.

You serious?
- No. Is that...

it's Christmas. It's
gonna ruin the whole day.

- I'm sorry. It had to be done.
- Oh, wow!

Sarah threw mine out the
window last time we played.

- With good cause.
- Oh, that's such a...

That's such a fun gift to play
with the kids on another day.

And he's already setting it up.
- I call top hat. Whoo!

- ♪ It's the most
wonderful time ♪

- Oh, Denise, take a
ride on the Reading

to $200 town.
- Oh, no.

It looks like I'm
running out of money.

I'll have to stop soon.
- Damn it.

- Welcome to Park Place. We
have a lovely hotel here.

Can I take your bags?
See, the odds of landing

on Park Place or Boardwalk...
- Okay.

- Are so low, it's like
finding a needle in a haystack,

but if you own the strip,
you own the whole haystack.

- How do I make any money?

I only have the
Electric Company.

- Trade Tom for
the Water Company.

He's desperate.
- Come on, man.

- Water and power's
a deadly combo, huh?

Huh.

Remind me to call Bri-guy

about the Burmese
hydropower project.

- You did it. You gave
him his bojo back.

That's business mojo.

- Yeah, no. No, I know.

All it took was a little brojo.

Brother mojo.

- I don't follow.

- Did Santiago respond?
- Oh, yeah.

Apparently, he never
checks Instagram,

so had I not texted him,

he never would've
known it happened.

- "Glad your lesbian
sister-in-law liked my picture.

"Sorry to hear about Tom.

I only met him once. He
was clearly very sick."

It's not ideal.
- Yeah.

I'll worry about it tomorrow.

It's Christmas.
- Yeah.

- You ready?
- Tom, this is a very bad idea.

- Absolutely.

But let's see how
this plays out.

- Geronimo! Oh!

New Tom is down.

- ♪ Wonderful
time of the year ♪

♪ There'll be much
mistletoeing ♪

♪ And hearts will be glowing ♪
- Oh, my God.

A framed copy of the "New
York Times" bestseller list.

I love it.
- It's just a little something

to say thank you
for betting on me.

- Well, you're gonna be amazing.

I mean, I just... I know it.
Has she told you about this

hot contractor that
she's working with?

- What?
- Hot?

- No.
- I mean, we're not just, like,

sitting around all
day just, like,

looking at pictures
of some shirtless guy.

- Stop objectifying men, Tom.

- Yeah, I mean, don't be
a part of the problem.

- Get your mind
out of the gutter.

- He could be someone's son.

- Okay. Yeah.

Sorry.

- Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!

- Hey.
- Mom!

- You made it.

- Oh, no, not Mom. I'm
Santa Claus, of course.

Come on, Sarah.

Pull up a seat.
- Prepare to get crushed.

- Oh, no. Not "Monopoly."

No. No, no, no. No, no.

Santa promised herself that
she would never do this again.

- Nice try, Sarah Claus.
- No.

- Come on.
- You're being very naughty.

- No!