Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,486 --> 00:00:03,681
There's no way a mouse
could kill a scorpion.
2
00:00:03,755 --> 00:00:05,689
Dude, a mouse could kill...
It's got sharp claws and teeth.
3
00:00:05,757 --> 00:00:08,658
A rat could kill a scorpion. No shit,
Frank, but we're not talking about a rat.
4
00:00:08,726 --> 00:00:11,490
We're talking about a mouse. If we were
talking about a rat, it still would lose.
5
00:00:11,562 --> 00:00:15,623
A scorpion's this big. A little mouse
fighting a scorpion, and that is final!
6
00:00:15,700 --> 00:00:18,134
Shut up!
7
00:00:18,202 --> 00:00:20,966
Shut up! Oh, my God!
I don't care!
8
00:00:21,039 --> 00:00:23,667
All we're doing is arguing
about the most stupid shit
9
00:00:23,741 --> 00:00:26,073
A rat. A scorpion.
I don't care, man!
10
00:00:26,144 --> 00:00:28,078
When did this start happening?
11
00:00:28,146 --> 00:00:31,513
When did we start arguing all the
time and fighting? This isn't like us!
12
00:00:31,582 --> 00:00:35,712
Look. We're working our asses off in this bar,
and we're getting nothing to show for it...
13
00:00:35,787 --> 00:00:38,051
and so we're starting to
snip and pick at each other.
14
00:00:38,122 --> 00:00:40,613
And it's bullshit, man. 'Cause guess
what. It's a beautiful day outside.
15
00:00:40,692 --> 00:00:43,160
Okay?
We need to change things up.
16
00:00:43,227 --> 00:00:45,627
Let's go outside. Let's
get some fresh air.
17
00:00:45,697 --> 00:00:47,688
Let's run around a little bit.
You know?
18
00:00:47,765 --> 00:00:50,325
Let's just do something different.
19
00:00:50,401 --> 00:00:52,869
You know what, Charlie?
You're right. This is great.
20
00:00:52,937 --> 00:00:55,201
Yeah. It's just nice to do
something different for a change.
21
00:00:55,273 --> 00:00:57,298
Yeah. Enjoy a little
blue sky, some fresh air.
22
00:00:57,375 --> 00:00:59,434
Yeah. Some, uh, earth
beneath our feet. Yeah.
23
00:00:59,510 --> 00:01:01,671
See? I told you guys
you'd like it. Yeah.
24
00:01:04,615 --> 00:01:06,344
It's goddamn bright out here.
25
00:01:06,417 --> 00:01:09,318
It's so bright. I can't use my eyes.
26
00:01:09,387 --> 00:01:12,379
There's people playing football right
next to us. Like there's no room to drink.
27
00:01:12,457 --> 00:01:16,188
Tell you what. I would like to go back
to the bar. Let's go back to the bar!
28
00:01:16,260 --> 00:01:18,694
Are you kidding me?
Oh!
29
00:01:18,763 --> 00:01:21,323
Oh, look out. Let me see
that. Can I get that back?
30
00:01:21,399 --> 00:01:23,492
Yeah. Go long. I'll
toss you a wicked spiral.
31
00:01:23,568 --> 00:01:26,560
Want to just give me the ball,
dude? We're trying to practice.
32
00:01:26,637 --> 00:01:29,401
What are you practicing for?
I'm trying out for the Eagles.
33
00:01:29,474 --> 00:01:32,773
Uh, the Philadelphia Eagles?
34
00:01:32,844 --> 00:01:35,369
Yeah. They're holding
tryouts for the public.
35
00:01:35,446 --> 00:01:37,380
Like in that movie,
Invincible.
36
00:01:37,448 --> 00:01:39,780
Oh! Was that the one
where the guy from...
37
00:01:39,851 --> 00:01:42,718
the New Kids on the Block makes
it onto the Eagles? I saw that.
38
00:01:42,787 --> 00:01:45,915
Yeah. That's the one. That's a good one.
Wait. So they're actually doing that?
39
00:01:45,990 --> 00:01:49,118
Yes. Just give me the football.
Okay.
40
00:01:49,193 --> 00:01:52,390
Well, Dennis, I think you
know what we have to do.
41
00:02:27,131 --> 00:02:29,964
Dude, did you read
this flyer?
42
00:02:30,034 --> 00:02:32,832
Donovan McNabb is gonna be giving us
a motivational speech. I know, dude.
43
00:02:32,904 --> 00:02:35,270
We are actually going to
be running on the Linc!
44
00:02:35,339 --> 00:02:38,831
Lincoln Field, baby! You guys think
you're actually gonna make the team?
45
00:02:38,910 --> 00:02:40,901
No. Hell, no, we're
not gonna make the team.
46
00:02:40,978 --> 00:02:44,243
But we will finally get to prove once and
for all who's a better football player.
47
00:02:44,315 --> 00:02:46,943
That's right. Trying out for the Eagles
is the best way to settle that score.
48
00:02:47,018 --> 00:02:49,282
You know what? I would like to
join your little competition.
49
00:02:54,225 --> 00:02:57,661
No, no, no, no, no. You...
You... You're a woman.
50
00:02:57,728 --> 00:03:00,026
Women can't do things
like this. You'll get hurt.
51
00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:02,292
No. Women aren't allowed
to try out for football.
52
00:03:02,366 --> 00:03:04,698
That's ridiculous. They should
at least be able to try out.
53
00:03:04,769 --> 00:03:07,431
Well, there are plenty of other
sports that women can try out for.
54
00:03:07,505 --> 00:03:09,496
Yeah.
Like, uh, cooking and...
55
00:03:09,574 --> 00:03:11,667
Complaining to your friends
about your boyfriends.
56
00:03:11,742 --> 00:03:13,676
Yeah. Playing... Playing at ballet.
57
00:03:13,744 --> 00:03:16,110
Cleaning. Displaying cars at
auto shows in tiny bikinis.
58
00:03:16,180 --> 00:03:18,808
Yeah. When you get older, you can
play bridge together. I don't know.
59
00:03:18,883 --> 00:03:21,511
You know what? I am in such
better shape than both of you guys.
60
00:03:21,586 --> 00:03:24,555
Do you not think the first thing they're
gonna do to weed people out is make you run?
61
00:03:24,622 --> 00:03:28,217
Oh, good luck. I could get so
much further than both of you.
62
00:03:30,094 --> 00:03:33,063
You think that's even a possibility? 'Cause
that could be very embarrassing for us.
63
00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:36,930
Well, we're never gonna have to
find out because she can't try out.
64
00:03:37,001 --> 00:03:40,061
You can't try out! You're not allowed
to try out. That is a rule, right?
65
00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:41,536
Check the rules. Okay.
Let's double-check.
66
00:03:41,606 --> 00:03:43,836
We'll put a layer of beer,
then a layer of ice...
67
00:03:43,908 --> 00:03:47,139
What are you guys doing? Dude,
we're gonna tailgate the tryouts.
68
00:03:47,211 --> 00:03:49,907
Oh, shit. That's a good idea. Oh,
you gonna bust out Green Man, bro?
69
00:03:49,981 --> 00:03:52,415
No. No Green Man.
What's Green Man?
70
00:03:52,483 --> 00:03:54,713
Well, in high school, Charlie
was like our school mascot.
71
00:03:54,785 --> 00:03:59,188
A mascot nobody wanted. He'd get wasted
and dress in this green spandex bodysuit.
72
00:03:59,257 --> 00:04:02,055
Spandex?
It was really sad.
73
00:04:02,126 --> 00:04:04,321
That's it. You gotta
bring the Green Man suit.
74
00:04:04,395 --> 00:04:06,329
Yeah, no. Done with it.
The spandex.
75
00:04:06,397 --> 00:04:08,661
Green Man was good. It got
me through some hard times.
76
00:04:08,733 --> 00:04:11,327
But I'm done with it. Tell you
what. You can wear it if you want...
77
00:04:11,402 --> 00:04:14,769
but I'm just gonna be relaxing, okay?
This is gonna be about chilling out for me.
78
00:04:14,839 --> 00:04:17,535
No. This is gonna be exactly
like Woodstock. Oh, is it?
79
00:04:17,608 --> 00:04:19,508
Are you planning on getting
yourself locked in the bathroom...
80
00:04:19,577 --> 00:04:21,511
of your cousin's
Winnebago for three days?
81
00:04:21,579 --> 00:04:24,343
Shut up about that. I
survived on hand soap...
82
00:04:24,415 --> 00:04:27,748
and toilet water for three days.
83
00:04:28,819 --> 00:04:30,980
The memory haunts me.
84
00:04:33,491 --> 00:04:35,755
The Linc, dude The Linc
Yeah, baby.
85
00:04:35,826 --> 00:04:39,284
I am actually gonna be able to look down
and literally see how many yards I'm running.
86
00:04:39,363 --> 00:04:41,456
This is gonna be awesome,
dude. We might actually get...
87
00:04:41,532 --> 00:04:43,466
further in this little
tryout than we thought. Yeah?
88
00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:45,468
See how many yahoos are
trying out? Oh, yeah.
89
00:04:45,536 --> 00:04:47,470
I've seen a lot of
people wearing capes.
90
00:04:47,538 --> 00:04:49,972
There are, like, 15 guys wearing
capes. Why would you wear a cape?
91
00:04:50,041 --> 00:04:51,975
What advantage does that
give you? Absolutely none.
92
00:04:52,043 --> 00:04:54,807
You know what? Have a little respect. We
are here with the Philadelphia Eagles...
93
00:04:54,879 --> 00:04:56,813
and they are opening
up their doors to us.
94
00:04:56,881 --> 00:04:58,815
This is a boyhood dream.
I know. I know.
95
00:04:58,883 --> 00:05:02,649
Why even come out here if you're not gonna
take this somewhat seriously? I mean...
96
00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:05,655
You done pissing yet? No. No.
I haven't even started pissing...
97
00:05:05,723 --> 00:05:07,748
because you're standing next
to me, you're talking to me.
98
00:05:07,825 --> 00:05:10,623
It's making me nervous, and I can't do
my thing. All right. Want another beer?
99
00:05:10,695 --> 00:05:14,062
Yeah. Give me another beer, for Christ sakes.
I'm gonna sit here and not drink another beer?
100
00:05:14,131 --> 00:05:16,122
Yeah.
101
00:05:19,537 --> 00:05:24,440
Okay. Cabana is assembled. The grill
is as sparkling as we're gonna get it.
102
00:05:24,508 --> 00:05:29,070
The margarita machine here is
open for business. Time to relax.
103
00:05:29,146 --> 00:05:31,546
Want to drop some acid with me?
104
00:05:31,616 --> 00:05:33,550
What?
You're dropping acid?
105
00:05:33,618 --> 00:05:35,848
Mmm. Woodstock, baby.
106
00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:38,388
Uh, okay.
107
00:05:38,456 --> 00:05:40,515
Well, no.
Thank you.
108
00:05:40,591 --> 00:05:44,652
Uh, I believe that would have the complete
opposite effect of relaxation for me.
109
00:05:44,729 --> 00:05:48,028
Well, I'm gonna trip balls.
110
00:05:48,099 --> 00:05:50,659
No. You messed up. It's too high.
It doesn't look right on you.
111
00:05:50,735 --> 00:05:52,999
Too high? No, I'm good at it,
dude. I did a good job on you.
112
00:05:53,070 --> 00:05:55,004
That's 'cause I have good
cheekbones. You have good cheekbones?
113
00:05:55,072 --> 00:05:57,802
Yeah. That's 'cause you put
foundation all over, bro.
114
00:05:57,875 --> 00:06:01,367
I put a light base on just
to... Hey, guys. What's up?
115
00:06:01,445 --> 00:06:04,005
What the hell is this?
How's it hangin'?
116
00:06:04,081 --> 00:06:07,050
This is a joke, right? You
think anyone's gonna buy that?
117
00:06:07,118 --> 00:06:09,211
Whatever, bro.
You're gonna get crushed.
118
00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:12,221
Dee, the second any part of your body touches
that field, it's gonna shatter like glass.
119
00:06:12,289 --> 00:06:14,951
You got bones like glass. I
don't have bones like glass.
120
00:06:15,026 --> 00:06:18,484
You spent half your life in a back brace.
Your body's, like, 90% scoliosis, Dee.
121
00:06:18,562 --> 00:06:20,655
Move it, fellas. Let's get on the bus.
122
00:06:20,731 --> 00:06:22,392
Bus? What the hell
are you talking about?
123
00:06:23,534 --> 00:06:25,559
The bus that takes you to the field.
124
00:06:25,636 --> 00:06:28,002
Wait. I thought we were
gonna be playing on the Linc.
125
00:06:28,072 --> 00:06:31,007
You think you dipshits are gonna play
on the same field that champions play on?
126
00:06:31,075 --> 00:06:33,805
Where are we going?
"Where are we going?"
127
00:06:33,878 --> 00:06:37,336
We're going to a shitty high school in
Bucks County. Now get your ass on the bus.
128
00:06:37,415 --> 00:06:39,975
If I say it one more time...
If I say it one more time...
129
00:06:40,051 --> 00:06:44,351
If I say it one more time... Sprint
to the bus. Sprint to the bus.
130
00:06:48,459 --> 00:06:50,393
That's everyone on the bus, dude.
131
00:06:50,461 --> 00:06:54,795
They're leaving. Maybe they're having
the tryouts in a different place.
132
00:06:54,865 --> 00:06:59,063
Son of a bitch. All right. Screw it,
man. We're here. We'll just relax.
133
00:06:59,136 --> 00:07:02,765
Stay here and look at the Linc?
Like a couple of dicks in a yard?
134
00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:05,434
Get out of here!
We gotta get up and go.
135
00:07:05,509 --> 00:07:08,307
Oh...
Let's go follow that bus. Come on.
136
00:07:08,379 --> 00:07:12,042
All right. You get that. You get that.
Come on. Let's go. No, this is so much work.
137
00:07:12,116 --> 00:07:14,141
Charlie, get up. This is
work. I didn't want to...
138
00:07:14,218 --> 00:07:16,277
Let's go. Get the stuff.
We'll follow the bus.
139
00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:20,687
I like your mustache.
140
00:07:20,758 --> 00:07:23,124
Oh. Thank you.
Hmm.
141
00:07:23,194 --> 00:07:25,788
I can't grow one.
142
00:07:25,863 --> 00:07:28,457
Okay.
143
00:07:28,532 --> 00:07:31,797
That's a pretty sweet cape.
Thank you.
144
00:07:31,869 --> 00:07:34,269
My mom made it.
Hmm.
145
00:07:34,338 --> 00:07:36,704
She did a very good job.
Yeah. She's talented.
146
00:07:36,774 --> 00:07:38,435
Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
147
00:07:38,509 --> 00:07:41,444
Can't believe we're not gonna be tearing
it up on the Linc. This is bullshit.
148
00:07:41,512 --> 00:07:44,413
Half the reason I wanted to do this in the
first place was to be out on that field.
149
00:07:44,482 --> 00:07:47,974
Hey, man. Stop smoking, will ya? Some
of us are trying to make the team.
150
00:07:48,052 --> 00:07:49,986
Are you kidding me, bro?
151
00:07:50,054 --> 00:07:52,716
No. Guy, if you think you're
actually going to make...
152
00:07:52,790 --> 00:07:55,122
the Philadelphia Eagles,
then you're pathetic.
153
00:07:55,192 --> 00:07:58,320
You're pathetic. No, you're
pathetic, sport. No, you are
154
00:07:58,395 --> 00:07:59,453
You're pathetic!
You're pathetic!
155
00:07:59,530 --> 00:08:01,998
You're the one who is
pathetic! Whatever, man
156
00:08:02,066 --> 00:08:04,261
When I'm done with this tryout...
157
00:08:04,335 --> 00:08:06,269
you'll go back to your
sad, pitiful life...
158
00:08:06,337 --> 00:08:08,305
and I'll be on the Eagles.
159
00:08:08,372 --> 00:08:12,001
And everybody in Philadelphia
will know the name McPoyle.
160
00:08:12,076 --> 00:08:15,477
What'd you say your name is?
McPoyle.
161
00:08:15,546 --> 00:08:17,480
Doyle McPoyle.
162
00:08:20,251 --> 00:08:22,185
The unibrow.
Yeah.
163
00:08:22,253 --> 00:08:25,279
The eczema. The acne. He's definitely a
McPoyle. There are so many of those people.
164
00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:32,193
Now, this is what I'm talking about.
165
00:08:32,263 --> 00:08:34,197
I don't know, dude.
Look at all the people.
166
00:08:34,265 --> 00:08:37,325
Yeah, but we're stuck over here by the
portable shitters, man. It's kinda lame.
167
00:08:37,401 --> 00:08:39,130
Stop bitching and set up.
168
00:08:39,203 --> 00:08:41,865
No. I'm not setting anything up,
all right? I'm sitting in my chair.
169
00:08:41,939 --> 00:08:45,102
I'm relaxing, I'm getting blackout
drunk, and you're leaving me alone.
170
00:08:45,176 --> 00:08:47,542
All right.
Be a party pooper.
171
00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:50,171
What are you doing,
dude? Taking more acid.
172
00:08:50,247 --> 00:08:54,047
Classic mistake, Frank. You're
making a classic mistake, bro.
173
00:08:54,118 --> 00:08:55,949
Just shut up and sit
in your stupid chair.
174
00:08:56,020 --> 00:08:58,147
It's your funeral, buddy.
Just shut up.
175
00:08:58,222 --> 00:09:00,520
Whoa! Hey there, guy.
That's good.
176
00:09:00,591 --> 00:09:03,219
Whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa,
whoa You kidding me, man?
177
00:09:03,294 --> 00:09:05,455
What the hell is that
shit? Man, that won't fly.
178
00:09:05,529 --> 00:09:09,056
Come on, dude. You almost
ran me... Oh, my God.
179
00:09:09,133 --> 00:09:11,124
The McPoyle brothers.
Hello, Charles.
180
00:09:11,202 --> 00:09:12,897
What the hell are
you guys doing here?
181
00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:15,495
We came to support our brother
Doyle. He's gonna make the Eagles.
182
00:09:15,573 --> 00:09:17,939
Okay. Well, that's fantastic.
Great. Whatever, man. That's great.
183
00:09:18,008 --> 00:09:20,841
Yeah. Look... But your bus is
spilling over into our space.
184
00:09:20,911 --> 00:09:22,742
You almost ran me over, man.
185
00:09:22,813 --> 00:09:24,872
Move it back. You gotta
move it back a few feet.
186
00:09:24,949 --> 00:09:26,712
No. No can do.
We need the space.
187
00:09:26,784 --> 00:09:28,183
For what?
188
00:09:28,252 --> 00:09:29,879
The whole family's here.
189
00:09:29,954 --> 00:09:32,184
Oh, that's great.
190
00:09:32,256 --> 00:09:35,384
Oh, my God. Are you kidding me?
Great. Of course you're here. Good.
191
00:09:35,459 --> 00:09:38,257
How many... What is that a jar of?
192
00:09:38,329 --> 00:09:40,388
What is that a jar of,
dude? What is... Pig parts.
193
00:09:40,464 --> 00:09:44,264
How many can there possibly be?
Oh, good to see her again. Good.
194
00:09:44,335 --> 00:09:47,065
She doesn't know what I'm saying,
right? Okay. Here he comes.
195
00:09:47,137 --> 00:09:50,504
Yeah. You're... You're here
in the world. That's the sun.
196
00:09:50,574 --> 00:09:53,065
It's gonna hurt your eyes. Watch
your mouth. They've got thin corneas.
197
00:09:53,143 --> 00:09:55,270
What is that? A fife? You
brought your little flute.
198
00:09:55,346 --> 00:09:57,940
Is there more? Are there
any more? Get 'em all out.
199
00:09:58,015 --> 00:10:00,347
All right. Look. I tell you
what. Leave me alone, okay?
200
00:10:00,417 --> 00:10:02,442
I don't care what you
do. Just leave me alone.
201
00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:04,749
'Cause, like, I'm here to
relax and have a good time.
202
00:10:04,822 --> 00:10:07,620
I don't want any of your shit.
All right? So leave me alone, okay?
203
00:10:07,691 --> 00:10:09,886
We be cool.
We're even now.
204
00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:11,894
Bump it.
205
00:10:11,962 --> 00:10:14,396
I'm not bumping your fist.
Bump it.
206
00:10:14,465 --> 00:10:16,626
Do it, Charlie. Bump it. I'm
not bumping you, all right?
207
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:19,134
I never bumped him once! I'm not
gonna bump him! Let's go, Charlie.
208
00:10:19,203 --> 00:10:22,866
Whatever. No bumping. I just don't
want... These guys are freak shows, man.
209
00:10:22,940 --> 00:10:26,376
Hustle up! Let's go, bitches!
210
00:10:26,443 --> 00:10:28,308
Let's move it!
Let's move it!
211
00:10:28,379 --> 00:10:30,313
I was here first, Coach.
Hustle!
212
00:10:30,381 --> 00:10:33,714
Coach! Hi. Hi, there.
Cole. Cole Armstrong.
213
00:10:33,784 --> 00:10:36,150
Three time all-American. Fastest
sprinter in five counties.
214
00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:40,156
Coach, would you like us to stand when you
address us, or do you prefer we take a knee?
215
00:10:40,224 --> 00:10:42,954
I don't give a shit!
Okay. I'll take a knee.
216
00:10:43,027 --> 00:10:45,655
Yeah. I'll take a knee.
217
00:10:45,729 --> 00:10:48,391
We're doing these tryouts for you...
218
00:10:48,465 --> 00:10:52,561
because of your harassment and your
love for the New Kids on the Block movie.
219
00:10:52,636 --> 00:10:57,596
You paid your $30 fee. We
promised you a keynote speaker.
220
00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:01,010
All right. Bring him up.
221
00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:03,444
McNabb, dude.
McNabb.
222
00:11:06,517 --> 00:11:08,485
Gentlemen!
223
00:11:08,552 --> 00:11:12,044
Uh, is this good here? Yeah, that's
cool. Just put your parking brake on.
224
00:11:12,122 --> 00:11:15,683
Donovan McNabb.
225
00:11:16,927 --> 00:11:18,986
Hey, guys.
226
00:11:19,063 --> 00:11:21,088
I'm Donovan McNabb.
Whoo.
227
00:11:21,165 --> 00:11:23,690
Uh, I play quarterback for
the Philadelphia Eagles.
228
00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:26,167
And I'm here to tell
you that you can, too...
229
00:11:26,236 --> 00:11:30,070
if you start every day with a
hearty breakfast from McDonald's.
230
00:11:30,140 --> 00:11:33,371
Uh, like the new Sausage
Egg McGriddle Value Meal...
231
00:11:33,444 --> 00:11:36,971
available now for a limited
time for under five dollars.
232
00:11:37,047 --> 00:11:40,380
Remember, guys. Real
champs eat at McDonald's.
233
00:11:41,552 --> 00:11:44,112
I'm lovin' it.
Can I get the check?
234
00:11:44,188 --> 00:11:46,850
That's good.
What the hell was that?
235
00:11:46,924 --> 00:11:49,051
Thanks, Donnie.
236
00:11:49,126 --> 00:11:51,356
That was not Donovan McNabb!
That was not Donovan McNabb!
237
00:11:51,428 --> 00:11:53,692
Yes, it was. It was
like a McDonald's plug.
238
00:11:53,764 --> 00:11:56,733
Was that the guy from The Cosby
Show? That's not the guy from...
239
00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:59,064
Yeah. He was married
to Sondra. Alvin. Alvin.
240
00:11:59,136 --> 00:12:01,263
That's awesome. They had
Raven-Symon�. That's So Raven.
241
00:12:01,338 --> 00:12:05,240
That's not the guy from...
You know what? Sprints!
242
00:12:05,309 --> 00:12:08,210
Goddamn it!
Sprints!
243
00:12:08,278 --> 00:12:10,371
Sprints!
Good job, dude.
244
00:12:13,998 --> 00:12:16,728
I'm starting to feel it.
Mmm! I bet you are, bud.
245
00:12:16,801 --> 00:12:19,895
Feeling weird. Yeah. You're
probably feeling very weird.
246
00:12:19,971 --> 00:12:22,371
The acid's making me feel
like I gotta take a dump.
247
00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:25,273
That's what happens when you take
a lot of acid, dude. I gotta go.
248
00:12:25,343 --> 00:12:27,277
Then go.
249
00:12:27,345 --> 00:12:30,371
The line's too long.
Maybe I can hold it in.
250
00:12:30,448 --> 00:12:32,439
Then go in the McPoyles'
camper, dude.
251
00:12:32,517 --> 00:12:36,351
Oh, no. That might
bring back bad memories.
252
00:12:36,420 --> 00:12:38,479
I think I'm gonna hold it.
253
00:12:38,556 --> 00:12:40,524
How you feeling?
Annoyed.
254
00:12:40,591 --> 00:12:42,525
There's nothing kicking in yet?
255
00:12:42,593 --> 00:12:45,323
What are you talking about?
The beer? No. The acid.
256
00:12:45,396 --> 00:12:47,421
I did not take any acid.
Remember?
257
00:12:47,498 --> 00:12:49,489
Oh, yeah, you did.
258
00:12:49,567 --> 00:12:52,764
What are you talking about? I
put a shitload of it in your beer.
259
00:12:52,837 --> 00:12:54,828
What?
Yeah.
260
00:12:54,906 --> 00:12:58,603
Is that what all those little pieces of paper
were floating... I drank all that shit, dude!
261
00:12:58,676 --> 00:13:00,667
That's okay. There was,
like, a ton of acid in there!
262
00:13:00,745 --> 00:13:02,679
Yeah.
Why would you do that?
263
00:13:02,747 --> 00:13:04,738
I don't want to be the only
one tripping. Oh, my God, man!
264
00:13:04,816 --> 00:13:06,750
Charlie.
Oh, my God!
265
00:13:06,818 --> 00:13:09,286
I actually really have to
go take a dump. Oh, my God.
266
00:13:09,353 --> 00:13:13,585
Shut up. I don't care. Go to their camper.
I don't care, dude. Get out of here.
267
00:13:13,658 --> 00:13:15,626
Oh, you sick son of a bitch, dude!
268
00:13:15,693 --> 00:13:19,493
Why would you do...
Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
269
00:13:22,567 --> 00:13:25,092
You ready to quit yet, Cole?
Yeah. You had enough yet, Cole?
270
00:13:25,169 --> 00:13:27,660
Yeah, Cole! We ran
for, like, 10 minutes.
271
00:13:27,738 --> 00:13:30,172
My side is gonna explode. You
guys are in terrible shape.
272
00:13:30,241 --> 00:13:33,506
This is gonna be a lot
easier than I thought.
273
00:13:33,578 --> 00:13:35,569
Let's go! Let's go!
Move it!
274
00:13:35,646 --> 00:13:37,637
I'm in so much pain.
275
00:13:37,715 --> 00:13:40,047
All right. Now that we
got our hearts pumping...
276
00:13:40,117 --> 00:13:43,518
let's pick out some gear, pick
a partner... hitting drills!
277
00:13:43,588 --> 00:13:45,783
I pick Cole!
278
00:13:48,860 --> 00:13:50,725
Oh, no, he didn't!
Oh, no, he didn't!
279
00:13:50,795 --> 00:13:52,729
That's my dance. That's
my signature dance. Yeah.
280
00:13:52,797 --> 00:13:54,731
I'm gonna do that when
I tackle people. Yeah.
281
00:13:54,799 --> 00:13:57,165
I like your form on that, and I
liked how you went before the whistle.
282
00:13:57,235 --> 00:13:59,203
Goddamn right.
Nice.
283
00:13:59,270 --> 00:14:01,204
All right, guys.
284
00:14:01,272 --> 00:14:03,206
Let's pick new partners.
285
00:14:05,943 --> 00:14:08,844
Eeny, meeny...
286
00:14:08,913 --> 00:14:10,847
miny, mo.
287
00:14:13,951 --> 00:14:16,283
Nice.
288
00:14:16,354 --> 00:14:18,345
All right.
You're up, man.
289
00:14:19,490 --> 00:14:23,654
Ah. Uh, hitting's not
really my thing, Coach.
290
00:14:23,728 --> 00:14:26,925
Spoken like a true champion.
You just might make the team.
291
00:14:26,998 --> 00:14:29,398
Awesome. Really?
292
00:14:29,467 --> 00:14:31,401
Jesus Christ.
293
00:14:31,469 --> 00:14:35,496
Okay, Frank. That
was easy. Now just exit.
294
00:14:35,573 --> 00:14:39,441
Don't talk to anybody.
These people are freak shows.
295
00:14:39,510 --> 00:14:41,774
Wait. Wait.
Better wash your hands.
296
00:14:41,846 --> 00:14:44,644
No telling what kind of
germs these McPoyles have.
297
00:14:45,883 --> 00:14:48,408
Oh! Crap!
298
00:14:50,655 --> 00:14:53,021
I'm starting to feel weird.
299
00:14:54,959 --> 00:14:56,893
What the hell?
Oh, no. Not again.
300
00:14:56,961 --> 00:14:59,953
Oh, no! Hey!
301
00:15:00,031 --> 00:15:03,797
Hey! Hey! Hey! Somebody
get me outta here!
302
00:15:03,868 --> 00:15:07,804
Man, my brother just
leveled your boy out there.
303
00:15:07,872 --> 00:15:11,171
He's gonna make the Eagles.
Yeah, your boy's a pansy.
304
00:15:11,242 --> 00:15:14,268
But Doyle's a big strong guy. It's
probably 'cause he eats all that fish.
305
00:15:14,345 --> 00:15:17,837
Is he just gonna talk at
me? I am gonna lose my shit.
306
00:15:17,915 --> 00:15:21,442
What is going on with his head?
It's too small or tight or something.
307
00:15:21,519 --> 00:15:23,987
Yeah, that's it.
His skin's too tight.
308
00:15:24,055 --> 00:15:25,989
My skin's not tight.
309
00:15:30,294 --> 00:15:33,593
Good catch, Doyle!
Good catch Way to hustle!
310
00:15:33,664 --> 00:15:37,293
Way to hustle! All right.
Who's next? This guy.
311
00:15:40,037 --> 00:15:41,971
All right.
Run out and hook in.
312
00:15:42,039 --> 00:15:45,440
Run out and hook in. Show these
people how to play football.
313
00:15:45,509 --> 00:15:49,172
I'm gonna make Mac look so bad.
314
00:15:49,246 --> 00:15:51,942
My form is perfect.
I'm like Jerry Rice.
315
00:15:52,016 --> 00:15:55,508
Feel that stride.
So fluid and fast.
316
00:15:55,586 --> 00:15:57,520
I've got the stride of a gazelle.
317
00:15:57,588 --> 00:15:59,749
A beautiful, beautiful
gazelle person.
318
00:15:59,824 --> 00:16:02,816
My body is achieving a
perfect symmetry right now.
319
00:16:02,893 --> 00:16:05,828
It's that long, lean muscle
I've worked so hard to achieve.
320
00:16:05,896 --> 00:16:08,524
Hmm, I should've popped
my shirt off. Goddamn it.
321
00:16:08,599 --> 00:16:10,567
Really should've
popped that shirt off.
322
00:16:10,634 --> 00:16:12,693
I wonder if any women are
watching from the sidelines.
323
00:16:17,608 --> 00:16:19,576
All right, Dee. You can do this.
324
00:16:19,643 --> 00:16:22,373
You can kick a football. You're
better at sports than Mac and Dennis.
325
00:16:25,850 --> 00:16:28,284
Holy shit!
326
00:16:28,352 --> 00:16:30,616
The other coaches
gotta hear about this.
327
00:16:33,090 --> 00:16:36,457
Well, well, look who's a natural.
328
00:16:36,527 --> 00:16:39,655
Guess I'll be getting
further than you after all.
329
00:16:40,998 --> 00:16:42,932
Maybe it was a lucky kick.
No.
330
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,195
No. Those storklike legs...
they act like pendulums.
331
00:16:45,269 --> 00:16:49,672
And on the bottoms of those
pendulums, feet like wrecking balls.
332
00:16:49,740 --> 00:16:51,674
We gotta do something
about this, dude.
333
00:16:51,742 --> 00:16:54,006
Let's go talk to Frank.
Come on. I got an idea.
334
00:16:54,078 --> 00:16:57,707
Somebody! Somebody help!
335
00:16:57,782 --> 00:17:01,377
Goddamn it!
Goddamn it! Not again!
336
00:17:04,588 --> 00:17:07,352
Frank.
337
00:17:08,426 --> 00:17:11,987
Hey, Frank.
Who said that?
338
00:17:12,063 --> 00:17:14,930
I'm Artemis.
I'm Dee's friend.
339
00:17:16,267 --> 00:17:19,065
I'm trapped.
I know.
340
00:17:19,136 --> 00:17:22,697
But I can help.
Crawl into my mouth.
341
00:17:23,774 --> 00:17:25,708
I don't think I can fit.
342
00:17:25,776 --> 00:17:29,610
Mmm, sure you will. Just
go one leg at a time.
343
00:17:31,549 --> 00:17:34,017
Okay.
344
00:17:35,619 --> 00:17:41,023
Into the toilet I go.
345
00:17:44,462 --> 00:17:47,795
Man, this is crazy. You are dancing
with the entire McRoyle family.
346
00:17:47,865 --> 00:17:51,130
These people are freak
shows, man. Freaks.
347
00:17:51,202 --> 00:17:53,466
But you're keeping your cool.
You are keeping your cool.
348
00:17:53,537 --> 00:17:56,597
You know why? Because
you are the Green Man.
349
00:17:56,674 --> 00:17:59,370
Green Man is saving
your life right now, bro.
350
00:17:59,443 --> 00:18:01,377
Just go with the flow.
351
00:18:01,445 --> 00:18:04,380
Charlie, we've been looking all
over for you, dude. Ah, Green Man.
352
00:18:04,448 --> 00:18:06,473
I knew you couldn't resist.
Huh?
353
00:18:06,550 --> 00:18:08,711
You know what? I'm actually
tripping pretty hard right now.
354
00:18:08,786 --> 00:18:11,186
You're tripping?
Yeah.
355
00:18:11,255 --> 00:18:14,383
Frank gave me some acid, and
it's like... whoo! Oh, Jesus.
356
00:18:14,458 --> 00:18:18,952
Hey, guys. Guess who got invited to
training camp. Yeah. We're gonna be famous.
357
00:18:19,029 --> 00:18:22,624
Look. We need to talk to Green Man alone for
a second, please. Okay? Thank you. Yes. Bye.
358
00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:25,692
Hey. Can we talk to the Green Man? Just
go. Thank you. Can we... Guys mind...
359
00:18:25,769 --> 00:18:28,169
Charlie, where's Frank? It's
very important. Really important.
360
00:18:28,239 --> 00:18:29,433
Oh, Frank?
Yes.
361
00:18:29,507 --> 00:18:31,737
He's standing right there.
362
00:18:32,877 --> 00:18:35,778
Frank, what the hell are you doing?
363
00:18:35,846 --> 00:18:38,337
He's been trying to climb through
that trash can for 20 minutes.
364
00:18:38,415 --> 00:18:41,145
I'm pretty sure he's on acid.
365
00:18:41,218 --> 00:18:43,982
Thank God you guys are
here. How'd you get in here?
366
00:18:44,054 --> 00:18:47,285
What are you talking about? I've been
stuck in this bathroom for three hours.
367
00:18:47,358 --> 00:18:49,292
I think he took a dump in there.
368
00:18:49,360 --> 00:18:51,760
Can you give us a
second, please? Whatever.
369
00:18:51,829 --> 00:18:54,491
I'm getting tired of
watching him anyway.
370
00:18:54,565 --> 00:18:57,500
All right. Frank, listen.
Did you bring your gun today?
371
00:18:57,568 --> 00:18:59,035
Great. Walk me through
the plan. Awesome.
372
00:18:59,103 --> 00:19:00,798
The plan is, I get close to Dee.
373
00:19:00,871 --> 00:19:02,998
When she goes to punt the ball,
I'll fire the gun. It'll startle her.
374
00:19:03,073 --> 00:19:05,667
She'll blow the kick.
That's a great plan.
375
00:19:05,743 --> 00:19:08,211
Wait a second! How long have we been
standing right here? Like two seconds.
376
00:19:08,279 --> 00:19:10,941
Seriously? Yeah. Frank, give
me the gun. We're in a hurry.
377
00:19:11,015 --> 00:19:12,642
Where is it?
It's in your hand.
378
00:19:12,716 --> 00:19:15,776
Wait, wait, wait, wait! When
the hell did I put Green Man on?
379
00:19:15,853 --> 00:19:18,447
I don't know.
That lizard talks!
380
00:19:18,522 --> 00:19:20,615
Where? Where?
I don't like lizards!
381
00:19:20,691 --> 00:19:24,058
We don't have time for this. Frank, just
give us the gun! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
382
00:19:24,128 --> 00:19:27,495
Lizard, am I standing in poop?
383
00:19:27,565 --> 00:19:30,830
I'm about to demonstrate to all of
you my natural abilities as a punter.
384
00:19:30,901 --> 00:19:33,529
I'm gonna kick this ball 60 yards
right in front of your faces...
385
00:19:33,604 --> 00:19:36,198
and I'm gonna do it...
386
00:19:36,273 --> 00:19:38,207
as a woman.
387
00:19:38,275 --> 00:19:41,244
Oh, that's right. I'm a woman.
388
00:19:41,312 --> 00:19:43,644
And I'm about to show
all of you that women...
389
00:19:43,714 --> 00:19:45,875
should be allowed to try out
for the Philadelphia Eagles.
390
00:19:45,950 --> 00:19:48,009
Coach.
391
00:19:52,189 --> 00:19:54,589
Wrap your minds around this.
392
00:19:54,658 --> 00:19:56,819
Oh!
393
00:19:56,894 --> 00:19:59,260
Oh, I broke it.
Oh, it may be broken.
394
00:19:59,330 --> 00:20:02,891
Oh, sweet Jesus, I think I broke it.
395
00:20:02,967 --> 00:20:05,731
Kick your legs, man. Come on. All right,
Frank. You're out of the trash can.
396
00:20:05,803 --> 00:20:08,328
Now a deal is a deal. Give
us the gun. Hold on. Hold on.
397
00:20:08,405 --> 00:20:10,202
I'm really peaking here.
398
00:20:10,274 --> 00:20:12,538
Stop pointing the gun at
us! Stop pointing it at us!
399
00:20:12,610 --> 00:20:15,670
Point it somewhere else. Nobody minds
if I do a little dancing now, do they?
400
00:20:15,746 --> 00:20:18,237
Nobody cares if you're
dancing, Charlie. Hey, guys.
401
00:20:18,315 --> 00:20:20,840
Could somebody please take me to the
hospital, because I'm pretty sure...
402
00:20:20,918 --> 00:20:23,284
I broke every single bone in my
foot punting that football. Really?
403
00:20:23,354 --> 00:20:26,414
Yeah. I didn't make the Eagles, but I would
like to go to the emergency room now, please.
404
00:20:26,490 --> 00:20:29,516
So your bones are made
out of glass. Yes! Nice.
405
00:20:29,593 --> 00:20:33,359
No, my bones aren't... Know what? It doesn't
matter, because I made the furthest, so I win.
406
00:20:33,430 --> 00:20:35,489
No, I win because you're the girl,
and you got knocked unconscious.
407
00:20:35,566 --> 00:20:37,397
You didn't win. You got
crushed. Once again! Yes!
408
00:20:37,468 --> 00:20:39,800
That is so stupid. Guess
what. I made it the farthest.
409
00:20:39,870 --> 00:20:42,964
Yes, yes, yes!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
410
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:44,564
What are you talking about?
You shattered every...
411
00:20:46,176 --> 00:20:48,440
Holy shit. This thing is loaded.
412
00:20:48,512 --> 00:20:50,946
My leg!
Doyle, are you okay?
413
00:20:51,015 --> 00:20:53,916
My leg!
Somebody shot my leg!
414
00:20:53,984 --> 00:20:57,818
No!
415
00:20:57,888 --> 00:20:59,822
Oh, that's not good.
That's not good.
416
00:20:59,890 --> 00:21:03,155
No. That could come back and bite us
in the ass. That's not a good thing.
417
00:21:05,329 --> 00:21:07,320
Ready?
Let's go!
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net
36290
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
