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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:12,120 --> 00:00:14,120 GENTLE SNORING 2 00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:16,160 SCRABBLING 3 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:22,640 Negatus. 4 00:00:25,080 --> 00:00:27,280 Pete, it's three in the mor... 5 00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:28,880 Hello. 6 00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:36,120 I didn't put that there. That's been moved. 7 00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:37,760 Pete, you're being paranoid. 8 00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:39,720 That's what they want you to think. 9 00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:43,800 Do you seriously think a rat came up the stairs, broke into the bathroom cabinet 10 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:45,640 and tried to make off with your razor? 11 00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:49,360 Why would it? To sculpt its little "downstairs" into the shape of Australia 12 00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:52,280 That was one time, and it was supposed to be a heart. 13 00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:57,960 I suppose you're right. A rat couldn't lift that up, could it? 14 00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,600 Good night, Pete. 15 00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:02,320 Yeah, I'm just being ridiculous. 16 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:08,520 We've got a ghost. Oh, my God...! 17 00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:11,120 'Far, far ago, 18 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:13,720 'the ancients wrote upon the scrolls 19 00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:16,920 'that dark forces would sweep our realm, 20 00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:19,440 'until only Yonderland remained. 21 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:24,080 'But they telled also of a saviour, come from a distant world, 22 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:27,120 'to save us from the shadows, 23 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:28,560 'which is nice.' 24 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:38,120 HE YAWNS 25 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:44,600 HE SNORES 26 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:47,520 Weirdo. 27 00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:56,000 Good morning, sir. Up bright and early, I see. 28 00:01:56,040 --> 00:01:58,280 Yeah, yeah. Small talk, banter. 29 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:00,760 Urgh! 30 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:10,120 CHEWS AND GULPS 31 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:22,640 Where's the mint? 32 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:26,360 Thank you. 33 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:27,720 Agh... 34 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:29,720 ALARM SOUNDS 35 00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:33,000 Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh... 36 00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:40,240 I must warn you, I have demons. 37 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:47,000 We've all got demons, mate. My wife made me dress up as a... No, I think he means actual demons. 38 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:48,560 I know! 39 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,160 Look, just take the cash. 40 00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:56,280 The safe combination is 1, 2, 3... You might want to write this down. 41 00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:58,520 Do we look like common thieves to you? 42 00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:00,600 Well... HE does a bit. 43 00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:03,200 Why? Because I don't wear name brands? 44 00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:04,920 Shut up! 45 00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:08,560 My name is Ellis. Ellis of Woolworth. 46 00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:10,920 Ring any bells? 47 00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:13,000 Is this about child maintenance? 48 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:15,880 No. This is about my beloved twin brother. 49 00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:18,480 We used to be like two peas in a pod, 50 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:22,200 bedfellows, bunkmates, double trouble, dual fuel... 51 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:24,480 Yeah, OK, I get it. You were close. 52 00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:27,800 Oh, that's happened. Like boobies in a bra. 53 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:29,240 And then you killed him 54 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:32,000 to make way for your champion in the grand tournament. 55 00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:35,520 And now I shall exact my revenge. 56 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:36,960 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 57 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:39,960 You're Philip's brother! Philip of Woolworth! 58 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:42,680 I didn't kill him. Maddox did. 59 00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:45,560 -Who? -Debbie. Of Maddox. 60 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:48,320 You know. The Chosen One. 61 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:51,440 Where have you guys been living? On the moons? 62 00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:55,440 We have been bravely fighting foul foe in the Afarlands. 63 00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:58,240 My page - Marks. My page - Spencer. 64 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,360 It's an unpaid internship. Shut up. 65 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:02,320 Negatus. I don't have a page. 66 00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:05,200 Though I do have a guy who cleans my helmet, so... 67 00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:08,920 Well, she may have a name that suggests great legs, 68 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:13,920 but this Debbie shall still taste the bitter sting of my terrible vengeance. 69 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:16,240 Look, I hate to be frying your ointment here, 70 00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:18,880 but killing this Maddox woman is kind of my job. 71 00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:21,120 I sort of promised the boss that I would... 72 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:25,160 Noooooo... 73 00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:29,880 Excuse me? These men will eliminate Maddox. 74 00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:32,200 You're staying here, with me. 75 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:35,200 The time has come to make some changes. 76 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:39,240 I thought you were just here -to observe. -Not any more. 77 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:46,200 -Get off! -But it's my turn! 78 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:48,520 Ow! I told you to leave that! 79 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:50,680 Go and get your swimming stuff, quick! 80 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:52,760 Is this you watching them Mm-hm. 81 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:56,760 Now, according to Derek Acorah's Ghost Facts... Oxymoron. 82 00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:58,920 He is a bit, but his facts are really good. 83 00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:03,360 He reckons most hauntings occur... Aw, Pete! We've been in this house for six years, 84 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:07,800 and the only terrifying spirit we've encountered is that stuff your dad brought back from Greece. 85 00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:11,280 We absolutely, categorically -do not have a ghost. -OK, OK. 86 00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:14,960 But there is definitely something weird going on in this house. 87 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,560 Take that cupboard. The light is always... 88 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:20,920 Although...no-one really knows what's going on with the afterlife. 89 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,480 Who am I to say what does and doesn't exist? 90 00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:25,800 Maybe you do get nice, friendly ghosts. 91 00:05:25,840 --> 00:05:29,280 Like Casper, but older. Needing a shave. 92 00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:31,680 -He hit me! -She broke my car! 93 00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:33,320 Ben, we don't hit. 94 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:37,280 -See? -Er, we don't hit! -Except for muggers. -Thank you! 95 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:38,760 Oh, look! 96 00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:41,520 Right, no-one's going swimming. What?! 97 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:45,400 Actually, you know what? Swimming's back on. 98 00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:48,520 Hooray! Come on. Quick, before I change my mind! 99 00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:51,840 What are you doing here?! It's Sunday! 100 00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:54,000 Don't tell me you've forgotten. SHE GASPS 101 00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:55,920 -Oh, God! -How could you forget?! 102 00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:58,720 Maybe 'cause I've got two lives? 103 00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:03,160 And a husband who thinks we've got a ghost because of the mythical creature that lives on my fridge. 104 00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:06,040 -What is a fridge? -A cold cupboard. How did you get that? 105 00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:09,240 -We need to go. -Where are we going? You're not going anywhere. 106 00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:12,480 And stop taking stuff! But I need battery for projector! 107 00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:14,520 No projector, no message. 108 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:18,120 What about that? Yes! Even better! Give! 109 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:21,320 Fine, but put it back before Pete comes home. And stay out of sight. 110 00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:22,760 -OK. Shall we go? -Yes. 111 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,960 Oh, two secs. Let me pop in the shed. 112 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,600 She's going to pop, in the shed?! 113 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:29,840 Nah. She says that but she never does. 114 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:35,520 What is all this? What's happening? 115 00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:38,640 Oh, no! Fire! 116 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:41,280 Surprise! Oh, no. 117 00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:47,720 Whilst it is not our usual custom to mark the incremental journey towards death, 118 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:50,280 Debbie... The Chosen One! 119 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:53,440 Yes, felt we would be remiss not to celebrate 120 00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:58,440 the fact that Nicholas here is 400 years old! 121 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:00,320 Don't remind me. 122 00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:02,160 Well, blow them out, then. 123 00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:06,040 -This is nice, isn't it? -Nice? 124 00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:08,320 I've been kidnapped, reminded I'm ancient, 125 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:10,960 and presented with the burning effigy of a loved one. 126 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:12,960 But you do get presents. Look! 127 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,840 -What is it? -Wood preserver. 128 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:17,240 No. I don't go in for all that nonsense. 129 00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:20,240 I'll just grow moss gracefully and... 130 00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:24,000 Ahhh! That is first class! 131 00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:25,960 Happy birthday, stickhead. 132 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:27,760 -Ow! -Ha-ha-ha! 133 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:29,480 Splinter? 134 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:34,400 NEGATUS:'Right. If you want to find Maddox, there's this tavern that's probably your best bet. 135 00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:51,240 'You can't miss Maddox. Leggy, blonde, attractive... 136 00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:53,000 'if you like that sort of thing.' 137 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,040 Mmm! 138 00:07:56,160 --> 00:08:00,360 'Though I should warn you, you'll need all your guile and cunning to capture her. 139 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:05,440 'She's outsmarted me on several occasions - if you can believe that!' 140 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:08,040 WIND HOWLS DOOR CREAKS 141 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:11,440 'Ahem! Anyway, good luck. You'll need it.' 142 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:17,360 ♪ For he's a pretty good stick 143 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:21,320 ♪ For he's a pretty good stick 144 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:24,120 ♪ And so say all of us 145 00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:26,320 ♪ And so say all of us 146 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:28,640 ♪ And so say all of us 147 00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:30,360 ♪ For he's a pretty good stick... ♪ 148 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:31,560 CHEERING 149 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:32,920 SWISH OF METAL 150 00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:37,880 I'm tired. 151 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:42,720 Like a charm. 152 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:46,360 Look, I'm all for change, but I need this stuff. 153 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:49,960 This is all vital to the running of an evil dominion. 154 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:52,880 What even is that?! 155 00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:54,840 -Destroy. -Goodbye, Toby. 156 00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:57,440 Instructions For A Font Of Oris? 157 00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:00,480 It's a security monitor, but it also doubles as a bath, 158 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:02,240 so in terms of value for money... 159 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:04,360 Destroy. 160 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:09,080 Wooh! That can go. Talk about dense! 161 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:10,400 Keep. 162 00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:14,040 I'm getting the impression I'm not really being listened to right now, yeah? 163 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:16,720 And if I'm not being listened to, why am I here? 164 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:18,960 What a good question! 165 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,800 I'll put it in my report. 166 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:24,080 What report? I'm merely here to inspect. 167 00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:26,440 I'm just a tool. You said it, mate. 168 00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:28,720 Imperatrix herself will decide your fate 169 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:33,040 based upon the findings of an objective report compiled by me. 170 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:34,960 And I don't like you. 171 00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:37,280 Oh! 172 00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:40,120 Wow. Well, er... HE CHUCKLES 173 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:41,560 ..that's out there. 174 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:42,800 Erm... OK. 175 00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:45,880 No, no, no, no. That's cool, that's cool. 176 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:48,280 I like a man who speaks his brains. 177 00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:51,520 But I warn you, if it comes down to my word against yours, 178 00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:55,920 I've got a whole legion of loyal minions who would back me to the... 179 00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:59,360 Your tea, O grandest of pianos. 180 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:01,200 You were saying? 181 00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:03,120 Hmmm... 182 00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:16,520 Aha! 183 00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:19,800 -It wakes! -Hmm? 184 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:23,800 Ah, you're not the only woman to wake up next to this face. 185 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,360 Because I sleep with women. 186 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:27,960 Philip of Woolworth? But...you're dead. 187 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,960 A confession! Excellent. 188 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:33,000 But I'm not Philip. I'm Ellis, his twin. 189 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:35,200 We were like two peas in a pod, 190 00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:38,160 a fat lady's thighs, clickety-clack, two nuts in a sack. 191 00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:41,880 -What do you want? -In a word, your -life. -That's two words, isn't it? 192 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:44,320 Nobody kills my brother and gets away with it, 193 00:10:44,360 --> 00:10:46,880 no matter how objectively attractive they are. 194 00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:50,200 Looks her up and down, like you do with girls. 195 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:52,800 But I didn't kill Philip! It was an accident! 196 00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:54,240 HE CHUCKLES 197 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:56,520 Nice try, you saucy harridan, 198 00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:58,360 but your fate is sealed. 199 00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:03,800 You shall be taken to the Forest of Chronos, where you will learn a new definition of pain and suffering 200 00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:06,920 as I cast you into the Vicious Circle! 201 00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:10,680 My friends know this realm better than any creature alive. 202 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:14,760 They'll see I've been taken and, mark my words, they won't rest until they have me back! 203 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,440 DRUNKEN SLURRING So he's the drummer, right, 204 00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:20,320 but he's also the singer! 205 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:24,200 Yeah, well, how does he...? He's got this headset and... 206 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:27,520 HE GASPS We should go on a road trip! 207 00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:29,480 -What?! -Me and you! 208 00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:33,320 We could go to the Forest of Chronos, see your family tree... 209 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:36,440 Oh, no. I'm miserable enough as it is. 210 00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:39,200 It'll be fun! Get back to your roots! 211 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:40,760 HE GIGGLES 212 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:42,200 That's a tree joke! 213 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:43,560 Doesn't matter. 214 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:47,840 Right, come on. Let's leave these squares to it. 215 00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:51,240 What is it with us? 216 00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:54,120 -Your jokes are racist. -Mmm. 217 00:11:56,600 --> 00:12:00,400 DOOR OPENS Right. Go and shower properly or your hair will turn green. 218 00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:03,040 -Yay! No, that's not a good thing! 219 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:25,000 Hmm? 220 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:44,600 My liege, we're being followed! My liege, we're being followed! 221 00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:46,120 Are you sure? Are you sure? 222 00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:47,520 I can hear him! 223 00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:49,200 See? You're in trouble now. 224 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:52,960 While you stand here blabbering, my friends are already planning their attack. 225 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:56,120 ELF HUMS But you only just went! 226 00:12:56,160 --> 00:12:58,160 Well, I'm going again! 227 00:12:58,200 --> 00:12:59,280 Ah... 228 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,160 Oh, no. Shoe. 229 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:03,960 So would you like to go back and vanquish the foul foe, sire? 230 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,400 Oh, yes! 231 00:13:05,440 --> 00:13:07,240 As much as I like to kiss ladies. 232 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:10,040 But, alas, I have to stay here and guard my quarry, 233 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:12,240 as the Codes of the Cross dictate. 234 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:16,240 Or we could look after her for you. What, and break the Codes?! 235 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:20,520 Don't you remember what happened to Alan of Spar when he broke the Code of the Green Cross? 236 00:13:20,560 --> 00:13:23,400 If only he'd listened... and stopped and looked. 237 00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:28,520 Marks and Spencer, find this harpy's cohorts and take them out! 238 00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:30,800 -Make a meal of it. -No, wait... 239 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:33,640 Too late! Your friends are about to find out 240 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:37,200 that nobody closes down the Woolworths! 241 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:39,040 ♪ There's my feet 242 00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:40,880 ♪ That's your feet... ♪ 243 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:43,320 TIPSY GIGGLING 244 00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:48,120 HE GASPS 245 00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:51,200 There you go. One last wineapple. 246 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:52,840 You're so lovely! 247 00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:55,480 Not at all. It's been a pleasure taking you out. 248 00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:57,920 Now, you boys have got a tree to find, eh? 249 00:13:57,960 --> 00:13:59,640 Or we could just...not. 250 00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:01,680 No, come on. 251 00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:05,440 Seriously? You're really letting them go? 252 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:07,480 Spencer, I will not tell you again. 253 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:10,920 It was a specific order - "Take them out. Make a meal of it." 254 00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:14,720 Yeah, as in "Take them out and bury them in the woods"! 255 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:17,240 Why on realm would a perfectly reasonable knight 256 00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:20,080 want us to track down the allies of his mortal enemy, 257 00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:23,880 take them to a quiet spot, kill them and... Oh, God! 258 00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:25,360 HE SIGHS 259 00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:30,320 So... I come back? No. That's what "fired" means. 260 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:32,720 See ya! Ha-ha-ha! 261 00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:36,360 That's the last of the minions, O biggest of bangs. 262 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:39,800 Strange. There are three more names on my list. 263 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:41,600 THEY GASP Right. 264 00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:43,320 No. No! 265 00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:47,800 Those snivelling, two-faced little turncoats are the beating heart of this heart operation - 266 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:49,800 of this operation. 267 00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:54,080 I mean, how am I supposed to run an outpost without any staff? 268 00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:58,920 I don't think that will be your problem much longer. 269 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:06,240 Behold, the Vicious Circle! 270 00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:08,280 A fate worse than death, 271 00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:09,640 followed by death. 272 00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:12,280 So, very much the worst of both worlds. 273 00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:15,120 No, no, Ellis! Don't do this. You're not your brother. 274 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,040 How dare you?! 275 00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:22,040 We were like two peas in a pod, a couple of swells, a pair of very tight shorts. 276 00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:23,880 But you're better than him. What?! 277 00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:27,720 My sword was the first thing he noticed...after my bum. 278 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,520 But he was a bad man. You're not like him. 279 00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:33,480 Yes, I am. I love bums! 280 00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:35,440 I meant the sword. 281 00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:38,080 You just don't seem like much of a fighter to me. 282 00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:40,440 Why get dumb and dumber to fight your battles for you? 283 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:43,120 Like I said, the Codes of the Cross dictate that I... 284 00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:46,960 If you want revenge, why not just take it, right now, 285 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:48,600 instead of throwing me in there? 286 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:52,040 Come on. When was the last time you actually killed anything? 287 00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:54,480 I mean you personally. 288 00:15:57,360 --> 00:16:00,560 Ho-ho. Nice try, Maddox. 289 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:04,760 I would say, "Better luck next time," but there's not gonna be one. 290 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:08,600 SHE SCREAMS Now go on, get stuck in! 291 00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:10,240 HE LAUGHS 292 00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:12,600 SHE GASPS 293 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:17,840 SINISTER CREATURE CALLS 294 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:26,560 Fresh meat! THEY CACKLE 295 00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:29,080 That's taught you, hasn't it, Maddox! 296 00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:33,120 If there's one man around here who likes killing, it's yours truly! 297 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:36,000 GAGGING Oh, no... Oh, no...! 298 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:38,480 HE GASPS Oh! 299 00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:40,520 Oh! I'm so sorry! 300 00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:42,920 I... I can't feel my stem. 301 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,840 Look, it was an accident! 302 00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:49,160 I never meant to... Just tell my cuttings I love them. 303 00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:51,360 No! No, not like this! 304 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:53,400 FLOWER WHIMPERS 305 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:57,320 I haven't killed anything in four years. 306 00:16:57,360 --> 00:17:00,040 I'm not about to start again now. 307 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:02,880 Please, just live. 308 00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:05,680 Live!!! 309 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:08,920 Oooh! Someone's put on a few pounds! 310 00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:12,240 -What? -Still haven't lost that baby weight, have you? 311 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:15,640 I've been busy! Not busy buying clothes, clearly! 312 00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:19,120 THEY CACKLE Who did your hair? Vidal Baboon? 313 00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:22,440 THEY CACKLE Get him to shave your top lip! 314 00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:26,160 Who'd you inherit your moustache from? Your dad? 315 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:28,040 THEY CACKLE 316 00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:31,000 I don't know. I was adopted. 317 00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:33,360 SUDDEN SILENCE 318 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:36,360 -Sorry about that. -Yeah. 319 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,880 She's got weird feet! THEY CACKLE 320 00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:42,480 Seriously? I survived year 10 with Gabby Parker. This is a piece of cake. 321 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:45,800 Oh, you'll crumble soon enough, angel. 322 00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:48,040 They all do! 323 00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:49,720 THEY CACKLE 324 00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:56,520 -You can tell him. -No, you tell him. That's an order, or you're fired! 325 00:17:56,560 --> 00:18:00,040 Then I resign. No! I order you to unresign! 326 00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:04,320 Erm... 327 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:07,960 My liege... Erm... His liege. 328 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,400 About this whole taking-them-out thing, 329 00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:12,520 well, it got a bit messy. 330 00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:14,400 No. 331 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:17,040 -What have you done?! -We... 332 00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:19,800 I... Erm, I messed up. 333 00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:22,760 Long story short, we didn't kill them. 334 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:25,880 Why, you little... 335 00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:27,080 beauties! 336 00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:28,600 Mwah! 337 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:31,160 Debbie was right. We're not killers! 338 00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:33,000 We're useless at this! 339 00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:34,280 FAINT SHRIEK 340 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:37,520 I couldn't even pull a petal off a fl... 341 00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:43,440 Debbie. 342 00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:45,320 Here. Take this. 343 00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:47,920 Whatever you do, don't let it die! 344 00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:51,280 HE RUNS OFF 345 00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:02,360 So where's your babies? Yeah! Why aren't you at home? 346 00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:06,800 Shut up. Don't you dare tell me... Ooh! Now we're getting somewhere! 347 00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:09,280 Shall we take a closer look, ladies? 348 00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:10,720 SNARLING 349 00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:12,880 No, you shan't! 350 00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:15,200 -Ellis! -Agh! 351 00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:19,120 Debbie, you were right. I was just pretending to be someone I'm not. 352 00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:20,960 I was trapped, and now I... 353 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,000 Oh. How ironic. 354 00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:24,760 He could do better! 355 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:28,000 That's not the husband. You filthy slapper! 356 00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:29,440 Some rescue 357 00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:32,360 I think we've established that I'm a pretty useless knight. 358 00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:35,440 All I used to do was try to be brave - which is a lie - 359 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:38,280 and flirt with girls - which is a... 360 00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:40,040 -That's it! -What's what? 361 00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:43,240 They're bullies! They want us to hate them! To hate ourselves! 362 00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:45,680 This whole place, it feeds on hate! 363 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:48,400 So what do we do? The last thing they're expecting. 364 00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:51,520 We show them some love. Oh, yes. Ha-ha! 365 00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:54,240 You've come to the brother of the right guy. 366 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,960 Excuse me! You in the middle! 367 00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:59,720 -Me? -Tell me, did it hurt? 368 00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:03,120 What are you on about? When you fell from the heavens. 369 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:06,320 -Ooh! -Oh! THEY GIGGLE 370 00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:10,240 And...did you lose your rosette? 371 00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:13,560 -What rosette? -I'm assuming you just won a beauty competition. 372 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:16,760 THEY GASP AND WHOOP 373 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:19,320 Do me! Do me! Chance would be a fine thing! 374 00:20:19,360 --> 00:20:22,840 THEY SQUEAL WITH DELIGHT We did it! 375 00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:24,640 I'm gonna ring that fella I know! 376 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,120 We did it. 377 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:30,200 And as for you, I'd like to run you a hot bath and... 378 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:31,760 Ellis... 379 00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:33,440 Sorry. Force of habit. 380 00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:36,800 TIPSY VOICE ♪ And so the elves went fiddle-di-diddle-di-di! ♪ 381 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:38,640 Well, here we are. 382 00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:40,680 My family tree! 383 00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:43,960 Let me see. I can take it. 384 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:46,600 Oh, mate, I'm so sorry. 385 00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:48,960 I know there's nothing I can say but... 386 00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:51,760 Ha...ha...ha...ha...ha...ha... 387 00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,360 Nick, are you all right? NICK LAUGHS 388 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:56,040 I'm better than all right. 389 00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:57,680 I just counted the rings. 390 00:20:57,720 --> 00:20:59,640 I'm only 399! 391 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:01,720 THEY BOTH LAUGH 392 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,560 I'll drink to that! 393 00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:06,520 MIMICS FRANK SPENCER Oh, Betty! What are you doing here? 394 00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:08,960 You are terrible friends. 395 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,040 What? HE HICCUPS 396 00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:12,680 Oh... 397 00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:17,160 So you're saying we've got a poltergeist...who fixes toys? 398 00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:18,720 Well, not just toys. 399 00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:21,160 What about the spoons? And the TV? 400 00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:24,320 So it's a bit playful. At least it's helping out around the place. 401 00:21:24,360 --> 00:21:28,080 It could be one of those evil spirits that goes around smashing things up. 402 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:32,800 CRASH 403 00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:36,480 And personal hygiene issues aside, 404 00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:41,520 it is quite clear to me that Negatus is unfit to hold command 405 00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:46,400 and, in my opinion, should be relieved of his duty immediately. 406 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:49,360 That should cover it. 407 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:52,360 Unless, of course, you have something to add. 408 00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:54,880 Well? Do you? 409 00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:58,440 Boy? 410 00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:04,040 Well, just popping in to say good... 411 00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:10,520 I may have made a small tactical error. 412 00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:34,760 Subtitles by Ericsson 413 00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:37,680 accessibility@bskyb.com 31050

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