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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:15,120 'And welcome back, everyone. Great to see you here, back playing Ladder. 2 00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:17,800 'Four contestants, four questions, but only one way...' 3 00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:20,800 HE GASPS 4 00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:24,920 '..Jenny here has got an incredible 27 points.' 5 00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:27,880 This cannot be. 6 00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:31,360 I know - two for one on bedding plants. 7 00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:42,160 Far, far ago, the ancients wrote upon the scrolls 8 00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:44,920 that dark forces would sweep our realm, 9 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:47,240 until only Yonderland remained, 10 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:51,480 but they told also of a saviour, come from a distant world, 11 00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:53,640 to save us from Imperatrix, 12 00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:56,480 who believes it is she who is destined to rule. 13 00:00:56,520 --> 00:00:59,920 This cannot BE! 14 00:01:11,960 --> 00:01:15,160 Oh, I was wondering when you were going to show yourself... 15 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,440 into the cupboard. To look at the light. 16 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:19,040 To look at the light, yes... 17 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:20,680 I mean, no, come on, Pete, out of there. 18 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:23,600 We discussed this last night - there's nothing wrong with the light. 19 00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:26,280 What about those blue sparks? I think you'd eaten some cheese. 20 00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:28,240 OK, look, don't touch the light bulb in there, 21 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:29,440 and don't touch the switch. 22 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:31,040 Mm-hmm. If you see anything strange, 23 00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:33,440 anything at all... Mm-hmm. ..no matter how small, 24 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:35,800 then just call me at work, OK? I will do. Have a good day. 25 00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:37,720 All right. Oh, and I might get an electrician 26 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:40,720 to have a look at it. -Whatever you think.OK, bye-bye! -Bye. 27 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:43,560 -What's up with Bob? -Peter. 28 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:44,800 He thinks that... 29 00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:48,960 What's happened to your face? What? Oh, that. 30 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,560 -Cut myself shaving. -Huh? 31 00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:53,800 So, come on then. Who was it? 32 00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:56,160 Who was what? Last night, in Negatus' lair, 33 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,960 with the veil - bridezilla. 34 00:01:58,000 --> 00:01:59,680 Oh, her. 35 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,080 Up until yesterday, 36 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:03,680 her very existence was myth and rumour. 37 00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:07,000 The ruler of the overlords. They call her... 38 00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:10,400 Imperatrix! I saw her with my own eyes, right here in Yonderland. 39 00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:13,520 Oh, my days, Imperatrix is here! HE SLURPS 40 00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:15,040 Imperatrix? 41 00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:17,200 I hear she has the head of a snake... 42 00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:19,600 But her body's made of splinters, 43 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,240 and if you look into her eyes... 44 00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:24,440 You see, like, the worst things imaginable, like spider's eggs... 45 00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:25,880 Yeah, or a farmer's bum. 46 00:02:25,920 --> 00:02:27,680 -I heard she's got both sets. -Oh. 47 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:32,840 I heard she sleeps for only three seconds a day. 48 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:35,200 And they say she has worms for fingers! 49 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:36,600 How does she sign cheques? 50 00:02:36,640 --> 00:02:39,000 So she is here! I knew I sensed something. 51 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:41,600 "Sensed something"? The whole building shook... 52 00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:42,920 Judith died. 53 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:44,320 Hmm. 54 00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:45,920 No wonder the people are panicking. 55 00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:47,560 Yonderland is in chaos! 56 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:49,160 What shall we do?! 57 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:52,040 Well, I think I do know a thing... I like that... 58 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:54,160 Gentlemen, please. 59 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:58,640 In the event of public unrest, the procedure is quite clear... 60 00:02:58,680 --> 00:02:59,920 We must take off our robes. 61 00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:01,520 No... 62 00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:05,560 We must implement emergency protocol seven. 63 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:08,120 -No, brother. No. -Have you completely lost all your marbles? 64 00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:09,680 No-no-no-no-no, he's right! 65 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:12,640 If we do not act, we ourselves may be in danger. 66 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:15,320 We must immediately start acting. 67 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:16,480 Very well... 68 00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:21,800 Implement protocol seven! 69 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:26,920 There - that should keep them out. 70 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:29,960 Now then, who's for a game of charades? 71 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:31,200 Oh, yes. 72 00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:33,200 I'll go first! 73 00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:39,960 Is it Boogie Nights? 74 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:42,440 So the overlords each have a land, 75 00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:45,080 but it's this Imperatrix -who pulls the strings? -What strings? 76 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:47,240 Well, if they were puppet... 77 00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:49,560 It doesn't matter. -She's the boss, yeah? -Exactly, 78 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:53,280 and if she starts taking a personal interest in Yonderland, well... 79 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,360 there'd be panic on the streets. 80 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,720 But, hey, let's not worry about that just yet. 81 00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:00,640 Chances are she would have just gone straight back to the Darklands, 82 00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:02,720 and word wouldn't have even got out. 83 00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:09,240 Word got out. 84 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:11,280 HE WHIMPERS 85 00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:14,320 Well, the good news is someone has called the sheriff. 86 00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:16,280 The bad news is, I'm the sheriff, 87 00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:19,600 and the last vestige of law and order is about to disappear. 88 00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:20,640 How do you know? 89 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:22,640 Because someone has hold of my leg. 90 00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:23,960 Whoa! 91 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:28,360 Hey, hey! Look, look, look! There's no laws or anything. 92 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:29,760 It's so cool! 93 00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:31,000 Ah, that is so cool! 94 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:33,800 We can do anything we like without, like, any repercussions. 95 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:34,840 Yeah. 96 00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:41,000 -Is that not what you meant? -No. 97 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:45,360 GLASS SMASHES 98 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:48,320 Yes! I've always wanted one of these. 99 00:04:52,840 --> 00:04:55,360 It's OK. We'll be safe now. 100 00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:02,440 This is insane. Do the Elders know about this? 101 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:05,440 There's civil unrest and they're not here. So... probably. 102 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:08,240 What, you mean they're just going to bury their heads in the sand? 103 00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:10,640 No - why would they bury their heads in sand? 104 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:13,200 Well, mark my words - they've got another think coming! 105 00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:14,880 How's that even a sentence? 106 00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:16,480 She just makes stuff up. 107 00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:18,320 Absolute kaffledecack. 108 00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:22,440 I'm telling you, there is no death certificate. 109 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:25,120 I've checked the chronicles, the safe, under the bed... 110 00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:26,400 Silence. 111 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:28,800 You will find the record of my sister's death 112 00:05:28,840 --> 00:05:30,320 or face the consequences. 113 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:33,920 No, no, I'll check again, but, what if there just... 114 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:36,000 was no death to record? 115 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:38,320 Do not waste oxygen on riddles. 116 00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:40,680 I did find this under the bed. 117 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:43,400 Your mother told the news dragon that your sister died 118 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:45,640 with your father, in a ballooning accident, 119 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:48,160 but some doubted elements of her story. 120 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:49,520 What elements? 121 00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:52,200 She told them the reason bodies were never found 122 00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:55,600 because they landed in the mouth of a great white Rhinocodile, 123 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:59,600 which chewed them so hard it caught fire, and then exploded, 124 00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:02,840 and the ash was sucked into the nose of a Hipposquito, 125 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:04,600 which then fell into a blender and... 126 00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:07,480 She lied. My sister is alive. MAN CHOKES 127 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:09,560 It was her I saw. 128 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:11,880 Anous, release the... SQUELCH 129 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:14,600 As you were. 130 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:17,240 While this Chosen One lives, 131 00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:20,000 your rule will never be complete, your eminence. 132 00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:22,760 Then it is time that death caught up with her. 133 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:23,960 Who is available? 134 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:26,760 Our best generals are quelling unrest in their own lands. 135 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:29,680 It seems her very presence has caused 136 00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:32,640 excitement among the masses. 137 00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:37,640 These are desperate times which call for desperate measures. 138 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:39,920 Well, I'm honoured. 139 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:42,800 And when you say, "money no object"...? 140 00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:44,600 I'm giving you carte blanche. 141 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:45,920 Mmm... 142 00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:48,000 -The ice cream? -No, you fool. 143 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:49,120 Listen! 144 00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:52,240 Whatever the cost, Maddox dies today. 145 00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:58,080 At last, the gloves are off. 146 00:06:58,120 --> 00:06:59,760 No, they're not. 147 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:04,000 No, not literally, Jeff, I just meant... Erm... 148 00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:05,360 Come here. 149 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:10,480 Oh! Oh, that hurt more than usual. 150 00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:11,840 Precisely. 151 00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:15,520 So, what's the plan, oh, Thunderous Wind? 152 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:19,400 Hmm.... Who's up for a day at the fair? 153 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,360 Yay! 154 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:24,840 Aw... 155 00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:27,880 Ow, ow, ow... 156 00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:31,440 Why don't they have a back door? Why don't you use the buzzer? 157 00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:34,200 Why don't you suggest that five minutes ago? 158 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:36,200 -Hold that. -That?! 159 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:38,280 INTERCOM BUZZES 160 00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:40,160 Oh, my God! It's Lord of the Flies! 161 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:42,160 What? How did he get in there? 162 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:47,160 We all want to be free, but what about after the robes come off? 163 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:48,880 I mean, don't people look? 164 00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:51,920 Let them look. I mean, we're all the same, right? 165 00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:55,080 I suppose so, more or less... 166 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:56,840 Actually, I might just keep this on... 167 00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:58,520 Get out of it! 168 00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:01,200 Why can I smell cheese? Are you hiding food? 169 00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:03,360 I don't know what you're talking about, old boy. 170 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,000 -What's this then? -Well, no, 171 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:07,720 that's just a cheese-shaped, cheese-scented candle. 172 00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:10,040 Well, then you won't mind if I do this. 173 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:12,080 No-no-no, no! 174 00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:15,280 -Blurgh. -Well, I did try to warn you. 175 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:17,440 -The Chosen One. -Debbie. 176 00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:19,320 What the hell do you all think you're doing? 177 00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:20,600 Your people need you. 178 00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:22,320 Have they stopped rioting yet? 179 00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:25,120 Well, no, but this isn't the way to... 180 00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:26,320 Ah! 181 00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:30,120 Emergency protocol seven forbids contact with the outside world! 182 00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:32,040 They've cut me off! Hello? 183 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:36,240 Looks like we'll have to quench the flames of anarchy 184 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:39,760 and restore order to Yonderland ourselves... 185 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:41,600 again. 186 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:44,960 Now we should just sit tight until this all blows over. 187 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:48,040 What about food? I'm almost down to the wick here. 188 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:51,200 All you need is love, brothers... 189 00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:53,400 Oh, and food. Yeah, you do need food. 190 00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:55,400 We'll think of something. 191 00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:57,360 Or someone... 192 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:03,640 Bad day to be made of jelly. 193 00:09:03,680 --> 00:09:06,600 No, no, too small. 194 00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:09,560 Not bangy enough. GUNFIRE AND SCREAMING 195 00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:10,920 Don't you have the one that goes 196 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:12,040 boof, zoof, 197 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:14,600 zing, pa-pa-pa-pa-pa 198 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:16,400 boof, oof...? 199 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:19,960 Yeah, doesn't exist. 200 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:22,560 Here, fella, check these out. 201 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:28,240 Latest technologies - -night-vision goggles, eh? Yeah. -Oh. 202 00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:31,080 Erm, can't see anything. 203 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:33,880 Exactly...just like night. 204 00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:37,080 Wow! Amazing! I'll take them. 205 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:39,440 Course you will. Cheers. HE CHUCKLES 206 00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:41,520 Now no-one will see me coming. 207 00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:43,800 -Well, I did.What? -Nothing. 208 00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:45,560 Got to have something better than these. 209 00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:47,960 I'm looking to blow some serious cash here. 210 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:52,040 Look, bulletproof trousers. If you get shot, a hole appears... 211 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:54,840 so there's proof of the bullet. 212 00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:59,240 Right, what you've got there, Jeffery, is just some trousers. 213 00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:02,400 Your handsomeness, a gun that shoots round corners. 214 00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:04,000 Ooh, clever. 215 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:07,640 So that's one useful thing, one utterly useless thing. 216 00:10:07,680 --> 00:10:10,640 I wonder which way Neil is going to tip this one... 217 00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:13,760 Look, sire - night-vision goggles! 218 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:15,920 -Ow! -Yep, thought so. 219 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:18,280 At least he's got something he likes. 220 00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:21,040 I haven't found anything that tickles my fancy... 221 00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:23,200 Oh... 222 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:26,120 ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS 223 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:38,240 You want to buy? It's very nice. 224 00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:51,600 LIFE SUPPORT MACHINE BEEPS 225 00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:55,200 HE GROANS 226 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,200 Be very careful... 227 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:03,720 MACHINE BEEPS 228 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:10,200 MACHINE BEEPS FASTER 229 00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:11,280 Henry? 230 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:14,400 ONE LONG BEEP Henry?! 231 00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:17,040 Well, the Elders were no help, so what's the plan? 232 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:20,280 Well, with any luck, things will have calmed down a bit while we were... 233 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:22,600 CROWD YELLS After you. 234 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,880 GLASS BREAKS 235 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:27,280 Down! Imperatrix is here. 236 00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:29,360 She's 50 foot tall with guns for thumbs. 237 00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:33,280 No, she's not. She's like my height with...thumbs for thumbs. 238 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:35,960 You've never actually seen her, -have you? -And hope I never do. 239 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:38,320 I heard if you look straight at her, you turn into socks. 240 00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:40,360 HE GASPS Well, that's not how I want to go. 241 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,120 That's why I've lodged this suicide pill 242 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:43,480 between my wisdom tooth and... 243 00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:45,200 Oh, where's it gone? 244 00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:47,200 Oh, no. 245 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,160 THUD I know what this is. 246 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:50,880 -Dead body. -No, I mean all of this. 247 00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:52,640 Have you ever heard of the rumour mill? 248 00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:54,560 Yeah, they knocked it down. No money in it. 249 00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:56,600 No, it's not an actual mill. When I was in Year 7, 250 00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:58,760 Dean Froggett said Nicola Stockton had a fake foot 251 00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:01,520 but it was actually a verruca sock - though Gabbi Parker reckoned 252 00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:03,160 that she stole it. It doesn't matter. 253 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:04,800 The point is, it was just gossip. 254 00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:06,040 What happened with the foot? 255 00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:08,760 A police dog came into assembly... Ah... That's not the point. 256 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:11,000 The point is - I know how to fix this. 257 00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:13,520 Watch this. GLASS SMASHES 258 00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:15,240 So, have you heard? 259 00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:16,920 Imperatrix isn't actually here. 260 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:19,320 Word on the street is that we should all stop rioting, 261 00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:21,880 cos otherwise she's, like, already won. 262 00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:25,400 Oh, right. Here, Tosh, have you heard...? 263 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:28,240 Now we just wait for the rumour to spread and Bob's your uncle. 264 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:30,280 No - Bob's your husband. 265 00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:35,080 What?! Ah! Imperatrix has already won! 266 00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:39,680 HE YELLS 267 00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:43,280 Well, that went well. 268 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:45,040 -It changes. -What does? 269 00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:48,040 The rumour - the truth gets lost as the word spreads. 270 00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:49,600 We just need to find a way to speak to 271 00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:51,000 everyone at the same time. 272 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:52,800 And, as the flammable member of the group, 273 00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:54,680 can I ask that we do this quickly? 274 00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:57,520 And that was Ram Raid by The Kiss Pistols. 275 00:12:57,560 --> 00:12:58,920 So that music's not in my head? 276 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:02,040 All right, you're listening to DJ Chaos on Panic FM - 277 00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:05,160 smashing hits while you smash windows. 278 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:07,720 MUSIC PAUSES Hey! 279 00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:09,720 Follow me. I think I've got a lead. 280 00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:13,000 It's a shielded cable. Joke doesn't work... Hmm. 281 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:15,440 Hello? 282 00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:19,640 Why is it so dark? 283 00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:21,720 MEN YELL 284 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:24,080 BLOB GURGLES IN FEAR Kill the Blob! 285 00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:26,400 - Smash him in! - Kill the Blob! 286 00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:27,880 Gouge his eyes! Eat his face! 287 00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:31,080 SILENCE Hey, whoa-whoa-whoa, I thought you were a vegetarian. 288 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:32,760 Is he not a vegetable? 289 00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:34,320 Grey area, like fish. 290 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:37,240 Kill the Blob! Smash his head! 291 00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:39,560 Silence, I've got the conch. 292 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:41,880 Oh, the conch. Oh, the sacred conch! 293 00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:45,720 We must respect our quarry. 294 00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:50,600 Trevor, is there any particular way you'd like to be cooked? 295 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:52,880 I don't want to be cooked! 296 00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:54,040 Can you eat it raw? 297 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:55,360 Like a sushi-type-thing? 298 00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:56,840 Or with a nice plum jus? 299 00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:58,640 Go well, wouldn't it? 300 00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:03,120 Stop! Stop this lunacy. 301 00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:05,360 What are we - animals? 302 00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:07,640 We should be ashamed of ourselves. 303 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:11,000 Trevor is our comrade... 304 00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:12,640 our friend... 305 00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:16,360 ..and should be parboiled with garlic and lemon 306 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:18,480 before can we even think about a gravy. 307 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:20,640 Prepare the pot! 308 00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:22,520 Yeah! 309 00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:23,840 Wait, where's he gone? 310 00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:26,760 BLOB GURGLES He's escaped. After him! 311 00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:29,160 THEY YELL 312 00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:35,880 Yeah, best add the codpiece - protect the old...cod. 313 00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:39,320 I'll take the laser sighting, the photon pistol, 314 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,040 a power-punch, yes... 315 00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,400 You've got to be careful, you don't want to overload it. 316 00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:46,440 It says here "ask about voices". What's that all about? 317 00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:48,360 Oh, yeah, that is for the control system. 318 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:52,640 You can have Champion Man, Tough Trooper, Compactor... 319 00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:56,880 Compactor? Ooh, that sounds pretty tough - I'll take that. 320 00:14:56,920 --> 00:14:59,320 And what's a "follicle airgun"? 321 00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:02,960 That's for inside the helmet. You know, the bzzz... 322 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:05,800 You mean a hairdryer? DEMONS GIGGLE 323 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:07,480 So you don't get the helmet hair 324 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:09,680 but you probably don't want that feature... 325 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:12,400 No, no, why would I want that? 326 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:15,040 Yeah, I do, I do. I really want that. 327 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:16,400 Sure, you're the boss. 328 00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:18,440 YELLING AND SCREAMING 329 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,880 This is Burn It Up by The Smash. 330 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,040 Cos I'm the Chaos DJ - I play what I like, 331 00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:24,840 don't care what ya say! I'll deal with him. 332 00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:27,000 -Smash it up! -You try and find some less rioty music. 333 00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:29,440 -Yeah, all right!Hey. -Ugh! 334 00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:31,960 Sweet...table of decks. 335 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,520 Do you think I could have a spin? 336 00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:36,160 Ha! I ain't letting you touch my decks. 337 00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:42,320 I'm the Chaos DJ - the minister of mayhem - the rage they cannot cage. 338 00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:45,120 It's just I think I just saw your mum over there. 339 00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:48,320 Oh, no! I'm supposed to be at my nan's. 340 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:51,040 HE SOBS Oh, God, I'm in so much trouble... 341 00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:53,280 You kept this quiet. 342 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:55,000 It was a phase. 343 00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,320 MUSIC STOPS 344 00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:00,800 YELLING 345 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:05,600 EASY LISTENING MUSIC PLAYS We were at number one 346 00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:07,480 for a quillenia, so you can shut up. 347 00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:11,360 OK, everyone, just stop rioting - just for a second. 348 00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:12,840 Take five, yeah? 349 00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:14,880 Yeah, I wouldn't mind a baguette actually. 350 00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:18,000 Look, I know what you've heard, but look around you. 351 00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:19,640 Imperatrix isn't here, 352 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:23,520 but all of this - the chaos, the riots - this is what she wants. 353 00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:25,200 But there's no need to panic. 354 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:28,280 You just need to calm down and... carry on. 355 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,440 Oh, with the riot? No-no-no-no, no! 356 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:32,560 With whatever you normally do. 357 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:37,440 Does make sense when you hear it like that, yeah, I mean... 358 00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:40,680 Back to work then, I suppose. 359 00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:46,200 We were quite eclectic. 360 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:47,760 OK, thanks! 361 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:55,800 There ain't nothing wrong in here, mate. 362 00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:57,480 -Are you sure? -Yes. 363 00:16:57,520 --> 00:17:00,920 Right, right, this little gizmo picks up spikes like I pick up birds. 364 00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:03,560 -What does that mean? -Means I pick up a lot of birds, doesn't it? 365 00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:05,640 No, the spikes. What do the spikes mean? 366 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:09,680 Oh...electrical surges, you know, fluctuating current, anything weird, 367 00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:11,680 and I ain't getting nothing in there. 368 00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:14,760 Hmm. Is cheque OK? No, I prefer cash, actually. 369 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:18,920 MACHINE CRACKLES 370 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:25,280 Get your Debbie mugs! Get your Debbie tea towels! 371 00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:27,320 See? Storm in a teacup. 372 00:17:27,360 --> 00:17:30,080 But it wouldn't fit... 373 00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:31,680 Why do you say these things? 374 00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:34,800 Debbie mugs! Get your Debbie mugs! 375 00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:38,880 OK, I'm in. Initiate visor downment. 376 00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:42,040 VISOR WHIRS Cool. 377 00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:43,720 Compactor, do you read me? 378 00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:44,840 Oh, hello. 379 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:47,640 Yeah, but I might have to pop out if my agent calls, 380 00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:51,600 cos I'm up for this sitcom and they can only do auditions on Wednesdays. 381 00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:54,800 Oh, Gods, they've given me Camp Actor. 382 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,400 I mean, this is fine for a day job, 383 00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:58,240 but if I could get some stage work... 384 00:17:58,280 --> 00:17:59,400 Shut up! 385 00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:01,120 Patch in Imperatrix. 386 00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:04,760 Is it done? Is she dead? 387 00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:06,240 Almost, your eminence. 388 00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:08,400 BLOB GURGLES IN FEAR ELDERS: Eat him up! 389 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:11,640 Kill the Blob! Eat him up! 390 00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:12,880 Kill the Blob! 391 00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:14,760 Save me his eyes. 392 00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:16,560 I think I've got him. 393 00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:18,960 ELDERS YELL 394 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:26,520 Oh, decided to come out, have we? 395 00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:28,640 They tried to eat me. 396 00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:29,920 Is this true? 397 00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:32,320 Well...a bit. 398 00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:34,560 So the world hasn't ended? 399 00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:36,360 No. No thanks to you. 400 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:39,840 It is possible we lost a little perspective. 401 00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:41,600 Mmm. 402 00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:47,520 Let us put on our cumbersome robes. 403 00:18:49,360 --> 00:18:51,280 Oh, look! It's the Chosen One. 404 00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:55,480 Oh, this is perfect. The Elders are here too. 405 00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:58,880 Two birds with one bone. 406 00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,440 Perhaps there is hope for you yet. Take them out - 407 00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:03,440 take them all out. 408 00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:06,040 My pleasure. 409 00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:07,880 Power up the laser guns. 410 00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:11,200 Engage the nucleator. 411 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:14,960 Switch to loudspeakers, please. 412 00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:18,000 MACHINE BEEPS Right, I'm not being funny, 413 00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:20,160 but the battery's saying... Just do it. 414 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:22,160 Debbie of Maddox! 415 00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:28,720 Hope you've had a nice day... 416 00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:30,560 cos it was your last. 417 00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:32,560 Lock on targets. 418 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:33,680 Nobody move. 419 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:35,240 Does that include running away? 420 00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:37,720 Activate pulse cannons. 421 00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,240 Prime photon grenade. 422 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,680 - Battery warning! - Battery warning! 423 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:44,120 You may have made a mockery of me 424 00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:45,280 in the past, 425 00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:47,000 but when a great man falls, 426 00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:49,120 he always gets back up. 427 00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:54,560 - TRIGGER CLICKS -Oh, I did warn you. 428 00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:56,120 Huh? 429 00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:58,840 HE GROANS 430 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:00,480 Ow. 431 00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:03,600 Well, don't just stand there, you cretins. 432 00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:06,040 -Eat lead! -Ow! 433 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,760 So, my trousers say I've been shot... 434 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:10,280 Oh... 435 00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:12,280 Ah-hah! I'll get them! Charge! 436 00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:14,320 Ugh. THEY GASP 437 00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:15,400 Ugh... 438 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:17,120 THUD 439 00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:19,360 MACHINE HUMS 440 00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:24,040 Let me deal with him, your eminence. 441 00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:25,720 I will not fail you. 442 00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:28,600 Good, for I do not tolerate failure. 443 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:35,000 Anyway, we should return to the chamber. 444 00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:37,280 This land won't run itself. 445 00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,160 Well, technically, it just did. 446 00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:42,320 So what do we need you for, you know what I'm saying? 447 00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:45,200 Erm, who will... 448 00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:47,240 give you...? 449 00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:48,920 Public holidays. 450 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:54,320 Yes, like today, which shall henceforth be known as, 451 00:20:54,360 --> 00:20:56,040 erm... 452 00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:57,160 No, I've gone blank. 453 00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:59,480 -Blank holiday!Yes. -Yes. 454 00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:03,640 Today is a blank holiday. 455 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,920 CHEERING A whole day off! No work! 456 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:09,160 We can do anything we want, man. 457 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,120 Yeah! 458 00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:12,320 Why would you...? 459 00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:13,400 I don't know. 460 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:14,480 We're cousins. 461 00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:16,680 Yeah, I know, it's weird. Damn right, it's weird. 462 00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:19,480 Well, Yonderland may be safe for now, 463 00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:21,720 but we must be on our guard. 464 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:25,480 For as sure as the moons rise, 465 00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:29,400 she will return. 466 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:33,280 Oh, scary, wasn't it? 467 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:37,200 So, Trevor. 468 00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:39,040 We're still cool, right? 469 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:40,960 No, we are not cool! 470 00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:42,360 Oh, be like that. 471 00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:46,320 Hello. 472 00:21:46,360 --> 00:21:47,920 Ow! 473 00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:49,400 Why's dad in the cupboard? 474 00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:51,160 No-one knows. He lives there now. 475 00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:52,960 Mum, what's this? 476 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:54,840 Yeah, that came for you earlier. 477 00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:04,840 Well, if it's not the electrics, then it really is a mystery. 478 00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:06,320 I won't be a sec. 479 00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:09,120 "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, 480 00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:13,840 "than are dreamt of in all your philosophies." 481 00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:36,880 THEY GASP Oh, that is so much better! 482 00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:38,280 I have been in here forever. 483 00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:40,440 You must be Debbie. 484 00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:41,560 No? 485 00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:04,600 Subtitles by Ericsson 486 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:07,640 accessibility@bskyb.com 35200

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