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00:00:04,241 --> 00:00:08,038
Today is the start of a
brand-new corporate initiative:
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00:00:08,063 --> 00:00:10,539
"Going the Extra Smay-zle!"
3
00:00:10,664 --> 00:00:12,080
- A couple questions.
- Mm-hmm.
4
00:00:12,166 --> 00:00:15,634
What is a smayzle,
how do you go the extra one,
5
00:00:15,669 --> 00:00:17,377
and what if you probably weren't going
6
00:00:17,402 --> 00:00:19,343
the standard amount
of smayzles to begin with?
7
00:00:19,368 --> 00:00:21,581
I... well, Dina?
8
00:00:21,606 --> 00:00:24,179
Uh, I think it's supposed
to be "Going the Extra Smile,"
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'cause that rhymes with "mile"
10
00:00:25,895 --> 00:00:28,672
- and we have "aisles."
- One interpretation.
11
00:00:28,697 --> 00:00:30,496
Basically they just want
everyone to start
12
00:00:30,532 --> 00:00:32,335
making small talk with the customers.
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Oh, come on. It'll be fun!
14
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You just put on your best
Cloud 9 smile...
15
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And then talk about whatever.
16
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You know, ask them about their purchases
17
00:00:45,117 --> 00:00:47,498
or ask about their Thanksgiving plans.
18
00:00:47,499 --> 00:00:49,190
Oh, you can talk about your pets.
19
00:00:49,191 --> 00:00:50,739
Does that include exotic pets?
20
00:00:50,740 --> 00:00:52,518
Oh, Sandra, for the last time.
21
00:00:52,554 --> 00:00:55,226
There's nothing exotic
about a cat with dementia.
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The point is,
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human connection is what sets
us apart from online retailers.
24
00:01:01,279 --> 00:01:02,628
That's our secret weapon.
25
00:01:02,629 --> 00:01:05,696
Oh, so this is how corporate
plans on taking down Amazon?
26
00:01:05,697 --> 00:01:07,988
By having Sandra
talk about her dying cat?
27
00:01:08,644 --> 00:01:10,362
He has plenty of time.
28
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credits
29
00:01:16,468 --> 00:01:19,039
Ugh. I hate making
small talk with old people.
30
00:01:19,218 --> 00:01:21,224
It's always a two-hour fiasco
about their children
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00:01:21,249 --> 00:01:23,249
or what race they're worried
about getting robbed by.
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It's so weird how they always
have the most time to talk,
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and yet, the least time to live.
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Mm.
35
00:01:28,416 --> 00:01:30,506
- Rock-paper-scissors?
- Yeah.
36
00:01:31,614 --> 00:01:33,117
Boom! Have fun.
37
00:01:33,742 --> 00:01:34,990
Fine.
38
00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:37,097
- Hi.
- Hi.
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00:01:37,098 --> 00:01:38,916
This lady is going to be
helping you out today.
40
00:01:38,917 --> 00:01:40,433
- Okay, thank you.
- Oh, thank you.
41
00:01:42,737 --> 00:01:44,268
- Hello.
- Hi.
42
00:01:44,269 --> 00:01:46,572
How are you doing today?
43
00:01:46,608 --> 00:01:48,071
- Oh, I'm great.
- Good.
44
00:01:48,072 --> 00:01:50,233
We're in town visiting our son.
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- He's in medical school.
- That's lovely.
46
00:01:52,630 --> 00:01:55,281
You wouldn't believe
some of his stories.
47
00:01:55,306 --> 00:01:57,506
I'm just going to give you the top ten.
48
00:01:58,299 --> 00:02:01,466
Ah, that is a fantastic drill
you're looking at.
49
00:02:01,467 --> 00:02:05,041
Yeah. What's the difference
between this one and the F590?
50
00:02:05,126 --> 00:02:06,425
Uh, you know, well,
51
00:02:06,450 --> 00:02:07,930
they... they both have
their pros and cons.
52
00:02:07,931 --> 00:02:11,235
You know, this one is red,
53
00:02:11,597 --> 00:02:13,359
so that's a plus...
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00:02:13,685 --> 00:02:14,986
if you like red.
55
00:02:15,011 --> 00:02:19,107
It also drills, like, super deep holes.
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00:02:19,108 --> 00:02:21,512
Uh, or... or less deep, you know,
57
00:02:21,513 --> 00:02:23,957
if you just don't push
it in all the way.
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00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:26,124
Hello there.
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00:02:26,491 --> 00:02:29,219
I just wanted to say
thank you for supporting
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local retail instead of shopping online.
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00:02:31,787 --> 00:02:34,499
To be honest, I probably
would've bought this on Amazon,
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00:02:34,500 --> 00:02:36,322
- but I needed it today.
- Ah.
63
00:02:36,374 --> 00:02:38,124
Oh, you know they have
same-day delivery, right?
64
00:02:38,159 --> 00:02:39,408
Okay, nobody asked you.
65
00:02:39,433 --> 00:02:40,705
Don't you have to pay for Prime?
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00:02:40,706 --> 00:02:42,441
- Ah!
- Oh, it's totally worth it.
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00:02:42,442 --> 00:02:44,665
You get free shipping
plus movies, music.
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00:02:44,666 --> 00:02:46,100
We... we've got music.
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00:02:46,101 --> 00:02:48,430
Go check out our CD selection.
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It's all on clearance.
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00:02:50,732 --> 00:02:53,149
Wait, what are you doing?
Don't... don't put it back.
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No, I don't want it anymore.
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Well, too late.
You touched it, you bought it.
74
00:02:57,415 --> 00:03:00,622
Yup, yup. It's pretty comfortable.
75
00:03:00,968 --> 00:03:02,859
But is it supportive?
76
00:03:03,395 --> 00:03:05,710
He's on his feet
all day at the hospital.
77
00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:07,860
Did I mention he's in medical school?
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00:03:07,861 --> 00:03:10,304
Mm-hmm, you did. Quite a few times.
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00:03:10,719 --> 00:03:12,109
Uh, my hand just touched your leg,
80
00:03:12,134 --> 00:03:13,693
but didn't mean anything.
81
00:03:14,696 --> 00:03:15,570
I know.
82
00:03:15,798 --> 00:03:18,098
You know, my cousin
deep-fried a turkey last year,
83
00:03:18,123 --> 00:03:19,786
but he didn't thaw it completely.
84
00:03:19,787 --> 00:03:20,812
Huge explosion.
85
00:03:20,813 --> 00:03:22,782
Bunch of his face just melted clean off.
86
00:03:22,783 --> 00:03:24,398
He's had to have a ton of surgeries.
87
00:03:24,423 --> 00:03:26,556
We keep telling him he looks
good as new, but
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00:03:26,614 --> 00:03:29,961
really, he kind of looks like one of
those baseball mitts from the 1920s.
89
00:03:30,056 --> 00:03:32,117
Anyway, be safe. Gobble-gobble.
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00:03:35,300 --> 00:03:37,261
Is that your idea
of going the extra smile?
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00:03:37,262 --> 00:03:38,745
Talking about your cousin with no lips?
92
00:03:38,770 --> 00:03:39,826
Uh, he has lips.
93
00:03:39,827 --> 00:03:41,331
They used them to reshape his eyebrows.
94
00:03:41,332 --> 00:03:42,284
You know, forget it.
95
00:03:42,285 --> 00:03:43,741
This is a stupid initiative anyway.
96
00:03:43,742 --> 00:03:44,720
Hey, I'm there with you.
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00:03:44,721 --> 00:03:45,987
I do not like small talk,
98
00:03:45,988 --> 00:03:47,892
and I hate smiling
all day like an idiot.
99
00:03:47,893 --> 00:03:50,062
Yeah, well it's harder
for you with that weak face.
100
00:03:50,087 --> 00:03:51,541
"Weak face"? How is my face weak?
101
00:03:51,566 --> 00:03:52,953
I don't know, it's just not strong.
102
00:03:52,978 --> 00:03:54,741
- It's as strong as yours.
- Oh, please.
103
00:03:54,766 --> 00:03:56,736
I have complete musculofascial control.
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00:03:56,761 --> 00:03:58,742
When I was seven,
I corrected my own lazy eye.
105
00:03:58,767 --> 00:03:59,889
I could out-smile you any day.
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00:03:59,914 --> 00:04:01,707
Okay, whatever.
107
00:04:01,743 --> 00:04:03,396
- Do you want to make a bet?
- No.
108
00:04:03,397 --> 00:04:05,285
Yeah, that would be stupid anyway.
109
00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:07,463
I mean, how would we even test it?
110
00:04:07,491 --> 00:04:08,728
See who could smile the longest,
111
00:04:08,729 --> 00:04:11,217
but I don't see how we'd enforce that.
112
00:04:11,252 --> 00:04:12,572
It'd have to be the honor system.
113
00:04:12,573 --> 00:04:14,554
Yeah, the honor system would work, but
114
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why would we even do it?
What're we doing it for?
115
00:04:16,507 --> 00:04:18,275
- Uh, a nice bottle of Scotch?
- I like Scotch.
116
00:04:18,276 --> 00:04:19,127
So do I.
117
00:04:19,128 --> 00:04:21,260
I guess we're doing this?
118
00:04:21,285 --> 00:04:22,670
- I guess so.
- On three.
119
00:04:22,732 --> 00:04:24,415
One, two, three.
120
00:04:27,378 --> 00:04:29,314
God, you have a creepy smile.
121
00:04:29,315 --> 00:04:31,309
So this one, if I'm
remembering correctly,
122
00:04:31,310 --> 00:04:33,802
has a metal half-ratcheting chuck
123
00:04:33,803 --> 00:04:36,577
for superior bit-gripping strength.
124
00:04:36,578 --> 00:04:38,077
Yeah... oh, there it is, right there.
125
00:04:38,112 --> 00:04:39,135
I was right.
126
00:04:39,136 --> 00:04:40,080
One question is...
127
00:04:40,081 --> 00:04:42,487
Are these backwards compatible
128
00:04:42,488 --> 00:04:45,863
with the older generation
18-volt batteries?
129
00:04:45,864 --> 00:04:47,430
- 'Cause I'm installing a...
- Guess how he scored on his...
130
00:04:47,455 --> 00:04:49,460
- Oh, God.
- An AC unit in my shed,
131
00:04:49,461 --> 00:04:51,290
and when it comes down to...
I don't know. 1,600?
132
00:04:51,315 --> 00:04:52,647
Oh, okay. Oh, God.
133
00:04:52,672 --> 00:04:53,971
1,600?
134
00:04:53,996 --> 00:04:56,248
Scores only go to 528. That's it.
135
00:04:56,889 --> 00:04:58,166
- Jonah?
- Hey, guys.
136
00:04:58,167 --> 00:04:59,304
What are you doing here?
137
00:04:59,305 --> 00:05:00,656
Oh, how do you know...
138
00:05:00,657 --> 00:05:02,075
This is who we're visiting.
139
00:05:02,076 --> 00:05:03,766
It's our son who's in medical school.
140
00:05:03,767 --> 00:05:05,068
No... no, no. This is...
141
00:05:05,093 --> 00:05:06,248
Hi! Hi, I'm Jonah.
142
00:05:06,273 --> 00:05:07,669
It's nice to meet you.
143
00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:11,110
Oh.
144
00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:19,154
_
145
00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:23,686
So, uh, just to clarify,
this is your son?
146
00:05:23,711 --> 00:05:25,029
- Right.
- Mm-hmm.
147
00:05:25,054 --> 00:05:25,933
Oh.
148
00:05:27,057 --> 00:05:29,214
And... and how long have you
been in medical school?
149
00:05:29,239 --> 00:05:30,536
I'm a third year.
150
00:05:30,623 --> 00:05:33,147
Wow. Three years.
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00:05:33,363 --> 00:05:35,381
That's... wow.
152
00:05:35,406 --> 00:05:37,079
Listen, do you carry men's briefs?
153
00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:39,592
We need a men's small or a boys' husky.
154
00:05:39,617 --> 00:05:40,914
Okay, you know what?
I think we can probably
155
00:05:40,915 --> 00:05:42,766
just find it on our own, so thank you
156
00:05:42,767 --> 00:05:44,688
so much for all of your help,
157
00:05:44,736 --> 00:05:46,969
uh, kind madam.
158
00:05:46,994 --> 00:05:48,877
Okay, uh... thank you.
159
00:05:49,811 --> 00:05:52,170
Children's underwear in aisle 12.
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00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:54,447
Hi, I need to return this.
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00:05:54,448 --> 00:05:57,601
It was a... anniversary present
for my wife,
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00:05:57,602 --> 00:06:00,092
but... I don't need it anymore.
163
00:06:01,782 --> 00:06:02,902
Oh, you know what?
164
00:06:02,903 --> 00:06:05,171
We don't take back
engraved jewelry. Sorry.
165
00:06:05,172 --> 00:06:07,330
Is there anything you can do?
It was really expensive,
166
00:06:07,355 --> 00:06:09,148
and now I've got to pay for a divorce
167
00:06:09,173 --> 00:06:10,577
and I don't have a job anymore
168
00:06:10,578 --> 00:06:13,252
because her new boyfriend
is my now-ex-boss.
169
00:06:13,253 --> 00:06:14,963
Yikes, that's rough.
170
00:06:14,988 --> 00:06:17,803
It's not funny. I'm going through hell.
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00:06:18,209 --> 00:06:20,343
My life is literally hell.
172
00:06:20,368 --> 00:06:22,234
Hey, man, I don't think it's funny,
173
00:06:22,303 --> 00:06:23,728
I'm just in this contest...
174
00:06:23,729 --> 00:06:25,179
Yeah, screw you!
175
00:06:26,391 --> 00:06:27,210
Um...
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00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:30,672
I don't need this dog collar anymore.
177
00:06:31,108 --> 00:06:34,053
Did he... grow out of it?
178
00:06:34,971 --> 00:06:36,636
Mm-mm.
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00:06:36,637 --> 00:06:38,417
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
180
00:06:38,486 --> 00:06:41,452
Oh, Dr. Simms.
Where are Richard and Marilyn?
181
00:06:41,453 --> 00:06:44,534
Uh, I told them I needed
a new 13-pin phone charger,
182
00:06:44,559 --> 00:06:46,458
so that should confuse
them for a little bit.
183
00:06:46,494 --> 00:06:49,956
Uh, look, I know this may all
seem a little weird...
184
00:06:49,957 --> 00:06:51,820
Insane. Cuckoo Bananas.
185
00:06:51,821 --> 00:06:53,579
Okay, uh, long story short:
186
00:06:53,858 --> 00:06:55,003
I dropped out of business school,
187
00:06:55,004 --> 00:06:56,896
my parents kept asking me
what my plan was,
188
00:06:56,921 --> 00:06:59,372
and I didn't want to tell them
I was working at Cloud 9...
189
00:06:59,373 --> 00:07:01,384
that's not a judgment on working here.
190
00:07:01,409 --> 00:07:03,509
It's just my parents have
really high expectations.
191
00:07:03,544 --> 00:07:05,277
That's so weird.
It was my parent's dream
192
00:07:05,302 --> 00:07:07,160
that I would stock shelves
for a living one day.
193
00:07:07,185 --> 00:07:08,864
Anyway, I told them that I was thinking
194
00:07:08,865 --> 00:07:12,740
about going to medical school,
which I was... kind of,
195
00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:14,480
and then one thing led to another
196
00:07:14,505 --> 00:07:16,972
and now I'm doing
my rotation in hematology.
197
00:07:17,058 --> 00:07:18,991
And what is hematology?
198
00:07:19,016 --> 00:07:21,093
I think it's...
uh, it's the study of blood...
199
00:07:21,118 --> 00:07:24,263
or not... mm, not blood itself,
but, like, the vessels or...
200
00:07:24,288 --> 00:07:25,783
I don't know. I have to Google it again.
201
00:07:25,784 --> 00:07:27,827
Got it. So they're in electronics?
202
00:07:27,852 --> 00:07:28,972
Yeah, yeah, yeah, wait, wait, wait.
203
00:07:28,973 --> 00:07:31,003
You're... you're not going
to say anything, are you?
204
00:07:31,072 --> 00:07:32,538
Oh, come on. Give me some credit.
205
00:07:32,563 --> 00:07:34,106
I'm not going to out you
to your parents.
206
00:07:34,191 --> 00:07:35,847
- Okay.
- But I do think
207
00:07:35,848 --> 00:07:37,870
it would be highly irresponsible
to let them leave
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00:07:37,895 --> 00:07:39,845
without getting more
embarrassing childhood stories.
209
00:07:39,870 --> 00:07:41,589
Ideally, they have photos.
210
00:07:41,634 --> 00:07:43,749
No, no, that's... you don't need to...
211
00:07:43,818 --> 00:07:46,431
Hello there. How's your day going?
212
00:07:46,988 --> 00:07:47,920
Fine.
213
00:07:47,989 --> 00:07:50,283
Wow, you've got quite
the full cart, huh?
214
00:07:50,308 --> 00:07:54,147
You got a shovel, a tarp,
and some duct tape and...
215
00:07:54,841 --> 00:07:57,922
kitchen knives and garbage bags...
216
00:07:58,852 --> 00:08:00,073
and a saw?
217
00:08:03,115 --> 00:08:05,247
Whoo. Big Thanksgiving plans?
218
00:08:05,272 --> 00:08:07,640
Just a small dinner with my mom.
219
00:08:07,665 --> 00:08:09,614
We have a lot of catching up to do.
220
00:08:09,639 --> 00:08:11,205
Where do you keep your bleach?
221
00:08:13,061 --> 00:08:15,661
I think we're actually out of bleach.
222
00:08:16,506 --> 00:08:18,090
It's fine. I'll get it online.
223
00:08:18,318 --> 00:08:19,252
No!
224
00:08:19,492 --> 00:08:22,986
Wait, we... we have bleach.
It's aisle nine.
225
00:08:23,180 --> 00:08:24,740
You've been very helpful.
226
00:08:25,121 --> 00:08:26,120
Thank you.
227
00:08:29,246 --> 00:08:32,481
His older brothers convinced
him it was a nude pool.
228
00:08:32,571 --> 00:08:36,280
And so everyone at the Radisson
saw his tiny little tush.
229
00:08:36,281 --> 00:08:37,390
His tiny tush?
230
00:08:37,391 --> 00:08:40,039
Okay, well, everybody's tush
was tiny at that age, so...
231
00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:42,485
He was so embarrassed that he
tried to hide under the water
232
00:08:42,510 --> 00:08:45,459
until everyone left, and he...
He almost drowned.
233
00:08:45,553 --> 00:08:47,701
Jonah was always almost drowning.
234
00:08:47,702 --> 00:08:49,299
- True.
- It was a cry for attention.
235
00:08:49,300 --> 00:08:51,717
Okay guys, I don't think
the nice sales lady
236
00:08:51,786 --> 00:08:53,074
needs to hear all of this.
237
00:08:53,075 --> 00:08:55,366
You know, actually, the more
I know about your life,
238
00:08:55,367 --> 00:08:57,773
the more able I am
to direct you to items
239
00:08:57,858 --> 00:08:59,586
that would assist
you in your living space.
240
00:08:59,587 --> 00:09:01,182
I don't see how that's helpful.
241
00:09:01,183 --> 00:09:03,590
Well, you've never worked retail, so...
242
00:09:03,591 --> 00:09:05,494
Well, he's in medical school.
243
00:09:05,495 --> 00:09:06,765
- He is.
- Mm-hmm.
244
00:09:06,766 --> 00:09:09,291
So, tell me about extracurriculars.
245
00:09:09,292 --> 00:09:11,481
I'm thinking
captain of the football team?
246
00:09:11,482 --> 00:09:13,238
Not exactly.
247
00:09:13,307 --> 00:09:14,687
Just the opposite.
248
00:09:14,688 --> 00:09:17,483
Really? I would have never guessed that.
249
00:09:19,194 --> 00:09:21,194
Excuse me, do you know
anything about drills?
250
00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:23,369
Oh, God, no. Ew.
251
00:09:27,428 --> 00:09:28,318
Um, Dina?
252
00:09:28,977 --> 00:09:30,666
You know how you always tell us
253
00:09:30,691 --> 00:09:32,815
not to leave the Sudafed case open,
254
00:09:32,816 --> 00:09:34,421
especially when teens are around,
255
00:09:34,422 --> 00:09:36,345
'cause one of them might distract you
256
00:09:36,346 --> 00:09:38,674
with skateboard tricks
and all of their friends
257
00:09:38,699 --> 00:09:40,661
will come and steal all the Sudafed?
258
00:09:41,695 --> 00:09:42,928
Well, that happened.
259
00:09:43,060 --> 00:09:44,879
What? Are you serious?
260
00:09:45,756 --> 00:09:47,726
Guess it is kind of funny.
261
00:09:47,742 --> 00:09:49,965
I was so scared that you'd be mad at me.
262
00:09:49,966 --> 00:09:51,825
No, I am mad. You're an idiot.
263
00:09:51,900 --> 00:09:54,317
"You're an idiot! I'm so angry!"
264
00:09:56,395 --> 00:09:58,685
I love our jokey "I hate you",
265
00:09:58,686 --> 00:10:00,852
"but I really love you" back-and-forth.
266
00:10:00,853 --> 00:10:04,046
No, this is not a joke.
I really, really hate you.
267
00:10:04,351 --> 00:10:05,933
I "hate" you too.
268
00:10:07,801 --> 00:10:08,908
He would brush the hair
269
00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:10,676
of these strange horse figurines
270
00:10:10,677 --> 00:10:12,968
hour after hour, and then
when we'd take them away,
271
00:10:12,969 --> 00:10:13,994
he'd start crying.
272
00:10:13,995 --> 00:10:15,416
- Oh.
- He was always crying.
273
00:10:15,417 --> 00:10:19,905
Hey! I am so glad to see that
you're engaging with customers,
274
00:10:19,940 --> 00:10:22,408
but I need you to go
empty the rat traps.
275
00:10:22,409 --> 00:10:24,990
- They're overflowing with...
- Okay, I will get on it.
276
00:10:24,991 --> 00:10:27,608
- No, I was talking...
- No, Glenn, I want to do it.
277
00:10:27,609 --> 00:10:29,127
- Why?
- Because...
278
00:10:30,143 --> 00:10:31,140
I love it.
279
00:10:31,620 --> 00:10:34,835
Okay. Knock yourself out.
280
00:10:35,790 --> 00:10:37,675
Um, if she's doing the rats,
281
00:10:37,676 --> 00:10:40,037
then I need you to go clean
the men's washroom.
282
00:10:40,038 --> 00:10:43,445
Someone did not make it to the
toilet in an explosive way.
283
00:10:43,998 --> 00:10:45,397
Excuse me, why are you telling him
284
00:10:45,466 --> 00:10:46,634
that he should clean the bathroom?
285
00:10:46,635 --> 00:10:48,567
Because I'm the one who did it,
286
00:10:48,636 --> 00:10:50,836
uh, and you caught me red-handed,
287
00:10:50,921 --> 00:10:53,472
so I'm gonna go ahead
and take care of that
288
00:10:53,524 --> 00:10:55,297
and see you guys at home.
289
00:10:55,298 --> 00:10:59,407
- Wait, do you know each other?
- We're his parents.
290
00:10:59,408 --> 00:11:01,368
Oh... oh, my!
291
00:11:01,369 --> 00:11:04,183
Oh, it's... It's so nice to meet you.
292
00:11:04,268 --> 00:11:06,518
We have a lot of employees
go through this store...
293
00:11:06,578 --> 00:11:07,139
Glenn!
294
00:11:07,140 --> 00:11:08,448
But it has been such a pleasure...
295
00:11:08,449 --> 00:11:10,325
Oh!
296
00:11:10,326 --> 00:11:11,680
Ow!
297
00:11:12,336 --> 00:11:13,437
Why?
298
00:11:24,493 --> 00:11:25,308
I'm sorry.
299
00:11:25,309 --> 00:11:27,037
You were about to give away his secret,
300
00:11:27,079 --> 00:11:28,662
and I didn't know how else to stop you.
301
00:11:28,714 --> 00:11:31,559
So you pegged me in the face with a yam?
302
00:11:31,584 --> 00:11:32,976
Why didn't you just shout, "Hey Glenn",
303
00:11:33,001 --> 00:11:34,805
I really need to talk to you?"
304
00:11:35,054 --> 00:11:36,503
'Cause that wouldn't have worked.
305
00:11:37,443 --> 00:11:38,370
Oh, yeah.
306
00:11:39,029 --> 00:11:40,944
Hey, so, uh, let me explain.
307
00:11:40,969 --> 00:11:43,713
- I already told him.
- Yeah, I don't get it though.
308
00:11:43,714 --> 00:11:46,820
Why are you lying to your
parents about working here?
309
00:11:46,849 --> 00:11:49,094
I just... I didn't want
to disappoint them.
310
00:11:49,634 --> 00:11:51,556
Why would your parents be disappointed
311
00:11:51,557 --> 00:11:53,216
about you working at Cloud 9?
312
00:11:53,217 --> 00:11:54,957
No I... Th-they, they, they, well...
313
00:11:54,958 --> 00:11:58,775
Because they're crazy people.
Their expectations are insane.
314
00:11:58,810 --> 00:12:00,310
- Yeah.
- They wouldn't have been happy
315
00:12:00,362 --> 00:12:01,611
unless he was president.
316
00:12:01,646 --> 00:12:04,314
- Yeah.
- That's ridiculous.
317
00:12:04,366 --> 00:12:05,746
You're too short to be president.
318
00:12:05,747 --> 00:12:07,899
Even Jimmy Carter was 5'10".
319
00:12:08,487 --> 00:12:09,748
It's a good point.
320
00:12:09,749 --> 00:12:11,654
Glenn, do you mind if I clock out early
321
00:12:11,707 --> 00:12:13,323
so I can leave with them?
322
00:12:14,087 --> 00:12:16,246
- Sure, I guess.
- Thank you so much.
323
00:12:17,035 --> 00:12:18,959
And why did you throw it at my face?
324
00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:21,816
Why didn't you just throw
it at my legs or my chest?
325
00:12:22,578 --> 00:12:25,572
Because it had to be the face.
326
00:12:26,393 --> 00:12:27,526
Yeah, I know.
327
00:12:29,558 --> 00:12:31,409
It's too bad, 'cause that really hurt.
328
00:12:32,526 --> 00:12:38,901
_
329
00:12:38,971 --> 00:12:42,165
So you've just been lying to
your parents for three years?
330
00:12:42,166 --> 00:12:44,397
You're a psycho.
You're, like, psychotic.
331
00:12:44,398 --> 00:12:45,674
It's like...
332
00:12:46,691 --> 00:12:48,546
- Psycho much?
- He's not a psycho.
333
00:12:48,548 --> 00:12:50,828
He's just a wuss who's
still afraid of his parents.
334
00:12:50,862 --> 00:12:52,562
What are they going to do, take
you off their cell phone plan?
335
00:12:52,563 --> 00:12:53,542
I'm not on their plan.
336
00:12:53,543 --> 00:12:55,119
We're on a shared family plan,
337
00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:57,081
which actually saves them money.
338
00:12:57,092 --> 00:12:59,586
And you guys are telling me none of
you have ever lied to your parents?
339
00:12:59,587 --> 00:13:01,143
I once stole money from my mom,
340
00:13:01,144 --> 00:13:03,623
and then I broke a window
and flushed her jewelry
341
00:13:03,708 --> 00:13:05,375
down the toilet to make it
look like a robbery.
342
00:13:05,427 --> 00:13:06,267
- Hmm.
- I used to tell my parents
343
00:13:06,268 --> 00:13:08,081
I was meeting friends at Imo's Pizza,
344
00:13:08,082 --> 00:13:11,346
but really, I was eating
alone at Imo's Pizza.
345
00:13:11,807 --> 00:13:13,557
My parents still think I'm straight.
346
00:13:13,697 --> 00:13:14,413
Really?
347
00:13:14,414 --> 00:13:16,130
What? I could be straight.
348
00:13:16,812 --> 00:13:18,378
Oh, my God, a football.
349
00:13:18,379 --> 00:13:19,832
Throw!
350
00:13:20,144 --> 00:13:23,361
But at some point, aren't you gonna
have to tell them you work here?
351
00:13:23,362 --> 00:13:24,295
Not necessarily
352
00:13:24,567 --> 00:13:26,661
I mean, why upset them
when I'm not going to be here
353
00:13:26,662 --> 00:13:28,000
that much longer anyway?
354
00:13:28,001 --> 00:13:29,257
Oh, where are you going?
355
00:13:29,264 --> 00:13:32,105
I don't know, but it's not like
I'm going to be here forever, you know.
356
00:13:32,106 --> 00:13:33,456
This is all temporary.
357
00:13:33,801 --> 00:13:35,777
Oh. It's all temporary.
358
00:13:36,872 --> 00:13:38,582
No, no, not at all, no, I...
359
00:13:38,583 --> 00:13:42,073
there are definitely parts
of this job that I really like.
360
00:13:42,074 --> 00:13:44,521
I just don't know
where my life is going.
361
00:13:44,818 --> 00:13:46,230
- Cool.
- That's not... I...
362
00:13:46,231 --> 00:13:47,527
I have to go put bait in the rat traps.
363
00:13:47,528 --> 00:13:49,234
- No, you don't have...
- I love it.
364
00:13:52,428 --> 00:13:55,890
I hate to see her go,
but I love looking at her butt.
365
00:13:57,150 --> 00:13:59,607
See? This is easy for me.
366
00:14:01,456 --> 00:14:02,987
Garrett, hey.
367
00:14:03,439 --> 00:14:05,740
Hey, Tiffany! Wow. Long time no see.
368
00:14:05,822 --> 00:14:07,842
Yeah, it's been, like,
three and a half years.
369
00:14:07,843 --> 00:14:10,607
Wow, really? That long.
What have you been up to?
370
00:14:10,659 --> 00:14:13,863
Well, mostly raising this little guy.
371
00:14:14,253 --> 00:14:17,844
Garrett, this is Jaylen.
Jaylen, this is your daddy.
372
00:14:18,608 --> 00:14:19,571
Hi, Daddy.
373
00:14:24,927 --> 00:14:28,308
So you tracked down my ex-girlfriend
who I haven't seen in years
374
00:14:28,309 --> 00:14:30,365
and paid her to say
I was the father of her child
375
00:14:30,366 --> 00:14:32,795
just so I would momentarily stop smiling
376
00:14:32,881 --> 00:14:34,632
and you could win a stupid bet?
377
00:14:34,633 --> 00:14:36,689
Hey, when I play, I play hard.
378
00:14:36,690 --> 00:14:39,135
Huh. Okay.
All right, let's do this then.
379
00:14:39,221 --> 00:14:42,178
Someday, all the birds
you have are gonna die.
380
00:14:42,936 --> 00:14:44,051
Doesn't bother me.
381
00:14:44,244 --> 00:14:46,357
You're bad at sex,
and your penis is weird.
382
00:14:46,478 --> 00:14:47,606
Really?
383
00:14:47,607 --> 00:14:50,720
Yeah, every time we had sex,
I was horny again by noon.
384
00:14:50,721 --> 00:14:53,146
Interesting. Interesting.
385
00:14:53,710 --> 00:14:56,523
I just don't want to pay for two boxes
of crackers when I only bought one.
386
00:14:56,524 --> 00:14:59,322
It was 1987. Please, can we let it go?
387
00:15:00,148 --> 00:15:03,290
- After lunch?
- Hey, um, we're leaving, so...
388
00:15:03,291 --> 00:15:04,987
Yes, thank you for all the help.
389
00:15:04,988 --> 00:15:06,344
Yeah, we told the cashier
390
00:15:06,345 --> 00:15:08,401
that you helped us, so...
391
00:15:08,583 --> 00:15:10,385
Great, well, we don't
work on commission,
392
00:15:10,386 --> 00:15:12,283
but I appreciate it.
Have a heavenly day.
393
00:15:12,284 --> 00:15:14,289
- No, wait, Amy.
- No, I think her name
394
00:15:14,290 --> 00:15:15,672
- is Gabriella.
- No, no, no, no, Mom.
395
00:15:15,757 --> 00:15:16,674
Actually, it's Amy.
396
00:15:16,675 --> 00:15:19,676
Um, she switches her name tag
all the time, and I know that...
397
00:15:19,701 --> 00:15:20,540
Jonah, you don't have to do this.
398
00:15:20,541 --> 00:15:21,870
Because I work here.
399
00:15:22,534 --> 00:15:23,283
What?
400
00:15:24,869 --> 00:15:25,714
He does.
401
00:15:26,073 --> 00:15:29,986
Yup, he works in the caf� all the time.
402
00:15:30,021 --> 00:15:32,125
He brings his med books,
and he studies...
403
00:15:32,126 --> 00:15:34,027
No, no, no that's... that's not true.
404
00:15:34,028 --> 00:15:39,053
I have been working here as
an employee for three years.
405
00:15:41,914 --> 00:15:43,196
This is my job.
406
00:15:45,155 --> 00:15:46,011
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
407
00:15:46,012 --> 00:15:47,509
It's just a lot to process.
408
00:15:50,083 --> 00:15:54,619
Oh!
409
00:15:54,884 --> 00:15:55,705
It's okay.
410
00:15:56,246 --> 00:15:57,545
Listen, we're gonna get through this.
411
00:15:59,661 --> 00:16:02,025
Okay, Mom, uh, people are staring.
412
00:16:02,026 --> 00:16:03,658
Could you...
413
00:16:03,683 --> 00:16:05,850
Look, we just want what's
going to make you happy,
414
00:16:06,107 --> 00:16:08,510
and if managing this
store makes you happy,
415
00:16:08,511 --> 00:16:09,818
then we're happy.
416
00:16:09,843 --> 00:16:11,508
Oh, I'm... I'm not the manager.
417
00:16:11,509 --> 00:16:12,693
I'm just a floor worker.
418
00:16:15,912 --> 00:16:17,817
I'm just gonna sit for a second.
419
00:16:21,685 --> 00:16:23,105
This is hard to watch.
420
00:16:23,535 --> 00:16:25,241
Mm, I know, right?
421
00:16:27,188 --> 00:16:30,679
There is no easy way to say
this so, here it goes.
422
00:16:31,453 --> 00:16:32,381
You're fired.
423
00:16:32,954 --> 00:16:34,397
- I'm so... what?
- Yup.
424
00:16:34,398 --> 00:16:38,091
You are grossly incompetent
and unpleasant to be around,
425
00:16:38,159 --> 00:16:40,508
so why don't you just go be a doctor
426
00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:42,072
or something else great.
427
00:16:42,157 --> 00:16:44,610
Okay, I... I see what you're doing here.
428
00:16:44,635 --> 00:16:47,086
No, I said get out of here, Jonah!
429
00:16:47,550 --> 00:16:51,054
Go chase your dreams and let
imagination be your guide.
430
00:16:52,180 --> 00:16:53,265
Glenn, um...
431
00:16:54,001 --> 00:16:57,110
I appreciate whatever this is,
432
00:16:57,145 --> 00:16:58,778
but you don't have
to worry about me, okay?
433
00:16:58,813 --> 00:17:00,680
I'm... I'm staying.
434
00:17:03,274 --> 00:17:04,172
Okay.
435
00:17:05,061 --> 00:17:07,893
But I know that things have been rocky
436
00:17:07,933 --> 00:17:09,457
between you and your parents lately,
437
00:17:09,458 --> 00:17:11,145
so if you need a father figure...
438
00:17:11,146 --> 00:17:12,837
No, that's... thank you, thank you.
439
00:17:12,838 --> 00:17:15,453
I really... that's kind, but, um,
I'm okay.
440
00:17:15,766 --> 00:17:17,071
- You sure?
- Yup.
441
00:17:17,072 --> 00:17:19,685
Because we could go out back
and throw a ball around or...
442
00:17:20,108 --> 00:17:21,279
That's... that's okay.
443
00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:22,232
Hey, um...
444
00:17:23,912 --> 00:17:26,716
listen, don't be too mad at Jonah.
445
00:17:27,059 --> 00:17:28,608
I mean, if you think about it,
446
00:17:28,972 --> 00:17:31,709
he wants to please you so much
447
00:17:31,998 --> 00:17:34,734
that he spent three years
constantly lying to you.
448
00:17:35,343 --> 00:17:36,900
That's got to make you feel good.
449
00:17:36,901 --> 00:17:38,753
Yeah, not really, no. Mm-mm.
450
00:17:39,936 --> 00:17:43,039
Well, look, he was lying about his job,
451
00:17:43,815 --> 00:17:45,099
not about who he is.
452
00:17:45,647 --> 00:17:48,004
He's a good person. That is real.
453
00:17:48,592 --> 00:17:50,479
You know what? She's right.
454
00:17:51,064 --> 00:17:53,175
I mean, if he's happy and
Natalie is okay with it...
455
00:17:53,176 --> 00:17:54,767
- Well...
- We should be happy too.
456
00:17:54,768 --> 00:17:56,017
- You're right.
- Natalie?
457
00:17:56,018 --> 00:17:57,067
Who's Natalie?
458
00:17:57,068 --> 00:17:58,091
His fianc�e.
459
00:17:58,839 --> 00:17:59,913
His fianc�e?
460
00:18:01,425 --> 00:18:02,613
Oh, I didn't know...
461
00:18:03,897 --> 00:18:08,392
uh, and how long has...
has he been fianc�e'd?
462
00:18:08,767 --> 00:18:10,632
Well, um, they've been dating
463
00:18:10,633 --> 00:18:12,174
- about three years now.
- Three years.
464
00:18:12,175 --> 00:18:13,749
- Three years?
- Mm-hmm.
465
00:18:14,342 --> 00:18:16,775
Wow, that's... that's... that's as long
466
00:18:16,827 --> 00:18:18,191
as I've known him. Um...
467
00:18:19,124 --> 00:18:21,345
I'm sorry, I'm just...
I'm very weirded out
468
00:18:21,346 --> 00:18:22,751
that I have never met her.
469
00:18:22,752 --> 00:18:23,825
- Well...
- Well, we haven't either.
470
00:18:23,826 --> 00:18:24,990
She's always off somewhere filming.
471
00:18:24,991 --> 00:18:26,205
No, she's an actress.
472
00:18:26,641 --> 00:18:28,886
Have you seen "The Garden States"?
473
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:31,419
- "Garden State"?
- Mm-hmm.
474
00:18:31,727 --> 00:18:32,603
Natalie...
475
00:18:33,614 --> 00:18:35,188
I'm sorry, what's her last name?
476
00:18:35,189 --> 00:18:36,052
Portman.
477
00:18:36,913 --> 00:18:38,269
- Portman?
- Mm-hmm.
478
00:18:38,769 --> 00:18:40,288
- Natalie Portman.
- Right.
479
00:18:40,289 --> 00:18:43,802
Jonah told you that he's
engaged to Natalie...
480
00:18:43,854 --> 00:18:45,192
Natalie Portman, mm-hmm.
481
00:18:45,193 --> 00:18:46,516
Oh, my God.
482
00:18:47,847 --> 00:18:50,069
He was lying.
He was lying about that too.
483
00:18:50,076 --> 00:18:52,289
- Oh...
- No, I don't... I don't know.
484
00:18:52,290 --> 00:18:53,520
I knew it was weird. I knew it.
485
00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:54,706
I read in that magazine article
486
00:18:54,707 --> 00:18:56,188
that she was married to some dancer.
487
00:18:56,189 --> 00:18:59,564
You know what? Actually,
now that I am thinking about it
488
00:18:59,565 --> 00:19:03,119
I have seen Natalie in our store.
489
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:06,132
And she was all up on Jonah.
490
00:19:06,293 --> 00:19:09,183
Now... now I get it.
It totally makes sense.
491
00:19:09,408 --> 00:19:11,983
It was so nice meeting you people.
492
00:19:13,710 --> 00:19:14,424
Well...
493
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:18,016
that explains why she wouldn't
hug me in the airport that time.
494
00:19:18,017 --> 00:19:20,546
Who have I been emailing? Who?
495
00:19:20,749 --> 00:19:21,924
Do you ever think about all the things
496
00:19:21,925 --> 00:19:23,791
you can't do 'cause
you're in a wheelchair?
497
00:19:23,792 --> 00:19:26,434
Sometimes I do. Sometimes I do.
498
00:19:26,530 --> 00:19:27,965
But you know what?
499
00:19:27,966 --> 00:19:30,998
Your sister Denise
is a lot prettier than you.
500
00:19:30,999 --> 00:19:33,970
And that's why your mom gave
her the grandfather clock.
501
00:19:33,971 --> 00:19:35,971
Hmm. You may have a point.
502
00:19:36,413 --> 00:19:37,394
Do you ever think about
503
00:19:37,395 --> 00:19:38,597
how no one's ever going to love you
504
00:19:38,598 --> 00:19:40,336
and you're going to die alone?
'Cause personally,
505
00:19:40,337 --> 00:19:42,224
I think you are going to die alone.
506
00:19:42,225 --> 00:19:44,225
Oh. Well, speaking of alone,
507
00:19:44,765 --> 00:19:46,396
remember that time when you were a kid
508
00:19:46,397 --> 00:19:48,914
and your dad abandoned
you at a gas station?
509
00:19:48,915 --> 00:19:50,315
Yup. Mm-hmm.
510
00:19:51,100 --> 00:19:52,584
- It's hard to forget.
- Yeah.
511
00:19:55,969 --> 00:19:57,969
- Why are we doing this?
- It's a bet.
512
00:19:59,087 --> 00:20:00,182
This is fun.
513
00:20:00,241 --> 00:20:02,577
So, yeah, no, I told my mom
I was "going to a movie
514
00:20:02,578 --> 00:20:04,276
with Natalie Portman", and
she thought I was seeing
515
00:20:04,277 --> 00:20:06,151
a movie with Natalie Portman,
516
00:20:06,175 --> 00:20:08,744
And she was so happy and proud.
517
00:20:08,778 --> 00:20:11,780
And she believed you,
which is the weirdest part
518
00:20:11,814 --> 00:20:13,682
because you are so out of her league.
519
00:20:13,716 --> 00:20:15,782
I am. I'm completely out of her league.
520
00:20:16,986 --> 00:20:18,526
Well, no more secrets.
521
00:20:19,322 --> 00:20:21,179
Except, of course...
522
00:20:21,524 --> 00:20:22,958
Yes, no, obviously.
523
00:20:22,992 --> 00:20:25,307
I mean, we don't...
you know, just until...
524
00:20:25,862 --> 00:20:28,163
- we know...
- Right, I mean, we...
525
00:20:28,197 --> 00:20:29,966
we wouldn't want anybody to...
526
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:32,168
to...
527
00:20:35,071 --> 00:20:37,502
Hey, guys, uh...
528
00:20:38,331 --> 00:20:40,976
so Jonah and I have kinda been dating.
529
00:20:42,786 --> 00:20:43,512
Okay.
530
00:20:43,546 --> 00:20:45,180
Hasn't that been going on for a while?
531
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:49,465
No... well, yes, but we'd
been keeping it secret.
532
00:20:49,567 --> 00:20:52,821
Now we're... announcing it.
533
00:20:52,855 --> 00:20:53,488
Yep.
534
00:20:53,908 --> 00:20:55,904
So what do you want from us?
535
00:20:56,893 --> 00:20:59,071
- Nothing.
- We just thought you'd...
536
00:21:00,897 --> 00:21:02,197
Never mind.
537
00:21:02,231 --> 00:21:03,166
Okay.
538
00:21:03,526 --> 00:21:06,468
Are we doing announcements?
I lost my favorite pen.
539
00:21:06,502 --> 00:21:09,471
It's a blue pen. The ink is also blue.
540
00:21:09,505 --> 00:21:11,073
- Click or cap?
- Click.
541
00:21:11,107 --> 00:21:12,340
On it.
542
00:21:12,875 --> 00:21:15,454
Wow. I gotta say that was underwhelming.
543
00:21:15,479 --> 00:21:17,696
Yeah, I thought
that'd be so much bigger.
544
00:21:17,721 --> 00:21:23,117
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