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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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2
00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:18,672
Where's Dad? It's almost time.
3
00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:21,792
Well, the shoe store closed
about five minutes ago.
4
00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:23,718
He's gotta count the day's receipts...
5
00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:26,150
...so he should be walking in
any second now.
6
00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:28,555
The day has finally come.
7
00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:31,593
Perhaps the proudest day
in the history of the Bundy household.
8
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,711
I want the whole family
to share in this.
9
00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:35,394
Buck, you ready, boy?
10
00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:40,751
Calm down, Buck.
11
00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:43,472
- Where's Mom?
- She's out shopping.
12
00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:45,989
Good. Then the whole family is here.
13
00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:48,433
Man, what a day.
14
00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:50,437
After all the praying, the dreaming...
15
00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:53,473
...the saving of every penny,
the Bundys have finally arrived.
16
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,159
Today...
17
00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:56,952
...we get cable TV.
18
00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:58,991
Yes. Yes.
19
00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:03,112
- Can I get a "whoa cable"?
- Oh, yeah.
20
00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:05,914
Whoa, cable!
21
00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:10,958
All right. Now, kids,
the cable should come on any minute.
22
00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:14,232
But to make every day our birthdays,
I have a very special gift.
23
00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:18,433
May I present the Cadillac
of television controls:
24
00:02:18,640 --> 00:02:22,076
The Channelmaster 2000.
25
00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:25,672
Hey, don't touch it, you swine.
It's mine.
26
00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:28,358
Man, this baby can do anything.
27
00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:30,755
Changes channels backwards,
changes them forward.
28
00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:32,996
It's like having a wife
crouching by the TV...
29
00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:35,191
...except I wouldn't mind
sleeping with this.
30
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:40,793
And it's got a half-a-mile radius.
31
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:45,676
Why, I could control Marcie's TV
sitting right here by my command post.
32
00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:47,757
Matter of fact...
33
00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:51,714
- Oh, Dad, you shouldn't do that.
- Oh, Dad.
34
00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:57,918
All right, enough frivolity.
Kids, man the cable book.
35
00:02:58,120 --> 00:03:01,590
I am turning on the TV.
36
00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:04,272
What's this?
37
00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:07,040
It's the Japanese Channel, Dad.
38
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:11,751
- What's this?
- It's the Polka Channel.
39
00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:16,794
- What's this?
- That's the Stained Glass Network.
40
00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:19,910
There doesn't seem to be much
on cable either.
41
00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:21,394
Kids, fear not.
42
00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:25,718
We still have
78 more channels to go.
43
00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:29,548
Well, what's wrong, Dad?
44
00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:33,548
I just never thought I could be
so happy sitting next to you two.
45
00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:38,550
All right, guys, get ready.
46
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:41,513
In front of us lies
all the entertainment...
47
00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:44,996
...that the great minds
of show business can provide.
48
00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,152
Well, Dad...
49
00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:01,555
...you've been sitting there
for 36 hours straight now.
50
00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:03,559
I will not give up.
51
00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:06,069
I am paying $60 a month
to be entertained...
52
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:10,319
...and I will be entertained
if I never enjoy another day in my life.
53
00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:13,118
Oh, now, this is better.
54
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:16,756
Yeah, here's the
Sally Struthers Whining Channel.
55
00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:20,079
Oh, look at the starving children.
56
00:04:20,280 --> 00:04:23,113
Boy, man, now we're having fun.
57
00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:27,310
And stay tuned for Cagney & Lacey.
58
00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:31,948
Oh, Daddy, I have been so wronged.
59
00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:33,434
You have been so wronged?
60
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:36,393
Look what I'm spending
60 bucks a month for.
61
00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:39,353
Well, at least l... At least I got this.
62
00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:46,956
Now I feel lucky.
63
00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:51,756
Today on the Medical Channel,
Doctor Bob removes an ovary.
64
00:04:54,280 --> 00:04:56,475
Well, you may as well bore me
with your problems.
65
00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:57,908
Okay.
66
00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:01,635
Well, my whole modelling class went
down to be on public-access television.
67
00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:04,434
You know,
for our poise-and-personality tests.
68
00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:06,995
So, what'd you do?
Spin diaphragms on your fingers...
69
00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:09,475
...while singing
"Somewhere in the Night"?
70
00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:14,519
Anyway...
71
00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:16,517
...every girl was supposed
to be on TV.
72
00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:19,712
But did I get a turn?
Ask me if I got a turn.
73
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:22,036
Ask me. Just go ahead and ask me.
74
00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:28,599
No, I did not.
And you know why?
75
00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:31,473
Because my teacher, Mrs. Jones,
doesn't like me.
76
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:34,753
Because one day she wore
a pair of jeans that said "Guess"...
77
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,428
...and I guessed size 42.
78
00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:45,950
Instead of giving me a prize,
she cops an attitude.
79
00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:47,878
Anyway...
80
00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:50,512
So every girl got to be on TV...
81
00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:52,870
...but then they ran out of time
before my turn.
82
00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:56,277
Now I don't even have a tape
for when it comes time for my grade.
83
00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:57,879
Now, come on, Kel.
84
00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:01,516
There's gotta be plenty of
videotapes of you lying around.
85
00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:05,628
Now, what's wrong with...
86
00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:09,594
...the " I can make my dress go this
high" classic from the third grade?
87
00:06:10,280 --> 00:06:11,599
Gee, Bud, it's Friday night.
88
00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:15,588
Shouldn't you be taking a shower,
getting dressed up and going to bed?
89
00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:23,077
Oh, Daddy, my life is over.
90
00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:25,236
I wish I was dead.
What should I do?
91
00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:28,432
Well, honey,
I'm glad you've come to me.
92
00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:31,315
- Because I have plenty...
- Look, Dad. Look. Hooters!
93
00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:34,273
- Where? Where?
- Right there.
94
00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:37,555
That's an elbow, son.
95
00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:44,879
Well, look whose word
you were taking.
96
00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:47,678
Hi, Al.
97
00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:54,158
You know, the weirdest thing's
been happening over at my house.
98
00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:57,796
The channels on the TV
began changing all by themselves.
99
00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:01,479
Would you do me a favour?
100
00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:05,116
Could you turn on the Public Access
Channel? Marcie's gonna be on.
101
00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:08,630
Oh, great, even the old and boring
get on before me.
102
00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:17,875
Welcome back to
Short-Haired Women in Banking.
103
00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:22,232
And now for the question our financial
experts have been dying to ask. ;
104
00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:27,116
How does a short-haired woman
juggle a career, carry a baby...
105
00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:30,915
...and still manage
to sexually satisfy her man?
106
00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,836
Well, it's not easy.
107
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:37,793
Actually my husband has
been feeling a little left out...
108
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,513
...because the baby's coming.
109
00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:43,349
So we've been playing out
my role as Mommy in bed.
110
00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:47,553
Sometimes he's a bad boy
and needs a good spanking.
111
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:57,076
Well, I guess I was wrong.
Marcie's not gonna be on.
112
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:01,553
As a matter of fact,
he used to have a little problem...
113
00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:04,752
...with, shall we say, hang time.
114
00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:09,272
But I told him not to worry,
it's not him.
115
00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:13,754
"I just have some banking problems
on my mind."
116
00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:20,797
Hey, how'd she get on TV anyway?
117
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,433
It's public access.
118
00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:26,235
Anyone with $35 and a pack of lies
to tell about her husband can get on.
119
00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:30,194
- Here we go.
- Can I have $35 to be on TV, please?
120
00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:32,516
Honey, we're not millionaires.
121
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,875
Now, honey,
I know you're disappointed.
122
00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:39,231
But if this counts for anything,
you'll always be my little girl...
123
00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:41,670
...and I'll always have time for you.
124
00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:43,279
Oh, Daddy.
125
00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:46,313
Now that's a hooter.
You see what I mean?
126
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:48,994
Oh, my gosh.
127
00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:03,710
And stay tuned for
The All White Guys Slam Dunk Contest.
128
00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:08,233
Dad, you haven't left the house
in three days now.
129
00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:10,590
Not that it would matter
if you lost your job...
130
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:14,713
...but it's embarrassing having your
old Dodge parked out front all day.
131
00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:18,274
I mean, what if people
start thinking it's mine?
132
00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:22,112
I am not getting off the couch
until I find something to watch.
133
00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:27,710
Well, there you go,
Roger Ebert's Dance Party.
134
00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:31,518
It's almost time for Kelly's debut
on the Public Access Channel.
135
00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:35,429
Oh, good. That won't bring
any more shame to the family.
136
00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:37,873
What do you think she'll do?
137
00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:41,197
A scholarly discussion
of Ezra Pound's poetry?
138
00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:43,197
Or getting her hair stuck
in her mouth...
139
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:45,868
...and chasing it around
the way a dog chases its tail?
140
00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:47,752
Like a dog.
141
00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:52,234
Am I on yet? Am I on yet?
142
00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:55,876
- Is that me?
- It's a cartoon, honey.
143
00:09:57,760 --> 00:09:59,591
Oh, it's coming on. It's coming on.
144
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:04,316
Everyone expected a piece of fluff, but
we wanted to do something important...
145
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,875
...something the youth of America
could relate to.
146
00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:09,753
You know, issue stuff.
147
00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:21,672
Today's topic: Cute butts
and the men they're attached to.
148
00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:25,354
Hi, welcome to my show. I'm Kelly.
149
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:33,551
Now, as you all know,
it costs $35 to put on a show...
150
00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:38,072
...so I asked my Dad for the money,
but he's a shoe salesman.
151
00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:43,272
So I had to turn to my unemployed
teenage friends for the money.
152
00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:45,238
I just plugged you, Daddy.
153
00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:48,079
Yes, you did, pumpkin.
154
00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:51,149
And now I would like
to introduce my guests.
155
00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:55,114
Cyndy, she gave $10. As did Roberta.
156
00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:59,996
And Samantha, who's rich because her
dad knocks off convenience stores...
157
00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:02,353
...gave $14.50.
158
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:06,236
And my very special guest,
who gave an eye-popping 50 cents...
159
00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:08,829
...Mr. Vinnie Verducci.
160
00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:19,276
So, what would you like
to talk about, Vinnie?
161
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:23,235
Well, I'd like to take
the pro or con side...
162
00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:25,112
...whichever is against...
163
00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:28,915
...the enforcement of
motorcycle helmet laws.
164
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:31,793
I mean, say I pull up to some chick.
165
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:36,915
Now, I'm doing a conservative 75
in a 30-mile-an-hour zone...
166
00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:41,557
...so of course I only have seconds
to seduce her with my eyes.
167
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,911
You see this look?
168
00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:51,038
How are they supposed to see it
with Tupperware strapped to my head?
169
00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:55,035
I'd look like that dork the Rocketeer
for God's sakes...
170
00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:59,153
...which, by the way,
was death at the box office.
171
00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:03,069
Now, I've fallen on my head
100 times...
172
00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:07,558
...and you don't hear me crying,
"I can't think. I can't think."
173
00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:13,715
What were we talking about?
174
00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:16,388
Men's butts.
175
00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:20,829
I'd like to see them try
and get a helmet on my butt.
176
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:26,312
Thank you, Vinnie.
Your 50 cents is up. Get out.
177
00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,475
And now I would like
to introduce our band:
178
00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:38,989
Joanie and the Slashettes!
179
00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:45,078
One, two, three, four.
180
00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:48,157
Soda!
181
00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:56,993
Do you believe that they wrote that
in the elevator coming up here.
182
00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:00,953
The mind wobbles, doesn't it?
183
00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:06,433
Okay. Now, as I recall, we were right
in the middle of men's butts.
184
00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:08,477
Cyndy...
185
00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:11,192
...who do you think
has the cutest butt?
186
00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:13,356
I do.
187
00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:15,996
No, we're talking about men's butts.
188
00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:17,758
Mel Gibson.
189
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:20,474
Lethal Weapon...
190
00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:24,714
Okay. Okay, girls. Let's get serious.
191
00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:26,956
Two, three, four.
192
00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:29,793
Serious!
193
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:32,875
Which brings us to a tragic story.
194
00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:35,833
A girl... We'll call her Jeannie.
195
00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:38,235
- Got a bad perm.
196
00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:46,235
I know that this must be
very hard for you, Jeannie.
197
00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:49,716
Thank you for being here today.
Now...
198
00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:54,632
...what went through your mind
when you first saw your perm?
199
00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:56,034
I screamed.
200
00:13:57,400 --> 00:13:59,709
I cried. I ran the gamut.
201
00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:01,673
You poor thing.
202
00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:04,394
Remember, folks,
it's up to you to help.
203
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:07,990
You can make a difference.
Phone your pledges in now.
204
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:10,714
Call 555-PERM.
205
00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:15,631
Ladies and gentlemen...
206
00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:18,559
...this could happen to you!
207
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:23,670
And now another number
from our band.
208
00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:27,636
Two, three, four.
209
00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:30,719
Spit!
210
00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,634
Makes you think, doesn't it?
211
00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:41,397
Okay, now it's time
for my favourite part of the show.
212
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:44,797
We're gonna talk about girls
that we don't like.
213
00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:50,477
The Vital Social Issues 'N Stuff
with Kelly slut of the week is:
214
00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:53,069
Two, three, four.
215
00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:56,157
Slut!
216
00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:58,268
Thank you.
217
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,755
Is Vicki.
218
00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:17,115
Now, not only is Vicki too cheap
to give $1.50 to be on the show...
219
00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:19,993
...but she also borrows clothes
and doesn't give them back.
220
00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:21,952
And if she does...
221
00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:24,594
...she doesn't give them back
with the hanger.
222
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:26,995
- She's trash.
- She's dirt.
223
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:28,599
She gave me this perm.
224
00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:35,998
So for all these things...
225
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:40,876
...we all give you, Vicki,
a big get-a-yeast-infection salute.
226
00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:51,230
And now on to career talk.
227
00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:55,274
- What?
- Ask me the question.
228
00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:57,675
Oh, right. Say, Kelly...
229
00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:00,792
...we understand that you go
to modelling school.
230
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,958
Well, I'm glad that you
brought that up, Roberta.
231
00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:07,634
My classmates
are a bunch of skanks.
232
00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:10,719
And my teacher stinks.
233
00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:14,071
They wouldn't let me be on TV.
It's because they're jealous.
234
00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:16,589
But I'm on now, aren't I?
235
00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:21,714
Well, I can see by the clock
on the wall that it's...
236
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:24,349
Five, 10, 15, 20...
237
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:30,632
But before we go...
238
00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:34,196
...I would like to do a number
with the band that I wrote myself.
239
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,277
Ladies.
240
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:43,474
Two, three, four.
241
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:48,232
I'm on TV and you are not
Drop dead, Mrs. Jones
242
00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:54,234
Die!
243
00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:57,079
Size 42
244
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:03,431
Two, three, four.
245
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:14,992
So, what'd you think?
246
00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:21,989
I mean, it was great, right?
247
00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:28,037
Well, honey...
248
00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,879
...we're gonna have
a little meeting over here.
249
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:36,273
Kelly, you go over there.
250
00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:40,148
Now, she tried really hard.
251
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:41,918
- We can't hurt her feelings.
- Yeah.
252
00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:44,350
We gotta think of something nice
to say to her.
253
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:45,879
How about, "At least they didn't...
254
00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:48,674
...send the Energizer Bunny
through the show"?
255
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:54,235
Let's be nice to her this one time.
256
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:55,793
Now... I know.
257
00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:59,675
Let's go over and say
that we didn't see it.
258
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:08,431
Honey, we have something to tell you.
259
00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:10,875
Well, I have something to tell you too.
260
00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:13,594
They love me.
I'm gonna be on every week.
261
00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:15,950
So, what were you gonna say?
262
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:22,636
Dad's dramatic reading in a pathetic
attempt to get on Kelly's show.
263
00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:26,637
Take six.
264
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,476
Thank you, Daddy. Thank you.
265
00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:14,875
Honey, now to help you choose...
266
00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:17,640
...do you think I should do
"The Girl from Ipanema" again?
267
00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:19,717
No. Please, no, Daddy.
268
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:24,955
Now, listen, I appreciate
whatever it was that you were doing...
269
00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:28,550
...but the station wants a show with me
and the girls. And I'm really having fun.
270
00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:30,478
Why can't you
just be proud of me?
271
00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:34,719
Well, I am proud of you, pumpkin.
272
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:39,798
I hope the show does even better
so that I can be more proud of you.
273
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:42,955
Little untalented and ungrateful
flash in the pan.
274
00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:45,151
Out of the way!
275
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:48,428
Oh, boy, that was painful.
276
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:50,835
I'm glad I don't have
to go through that again.
277
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,152
Kel...
278
00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:37,030
...you gotta picture the whole
thing in a pair of Speedos.
279
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:43,074
That's what we think.
280
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:46,909
Tell us what you think on the subject. ;
Briefs or boxers?
281
00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:49,953
Don't let it be his decision.
282
00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:55,553
Dad, it's been three weeks
and Kelly's show is still on.
283
00:20:55,760 --> 00:20:57,239
I think it's taken off.
284
00:20:57,440 --> 00:21:01,433
Can it be that we were wrong?
Can this be a success?
285
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:04,154
Well, son, I don't know anything
about TV...
286
00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:06,430
...don't know anything
about the world...
287
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:09,837
...don't know anything
about Siegfried & Roy's home life.
288
00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:13,675
But I do know that Kelly is a Bundy.
289
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:17,714
And there's no way in the world
a Bundy will succeed at anything.
290
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:20,912
Does that make you feel better, son?
291
00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:23,915
Oh yeah, Dad. I'm high as a kite now.
292
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:30,116
Good. Because any time now, she's
gonna come through that door crying:
293
00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:34,791
"Daddy, Daddy, it's all over.
People realize my show stinks.
294
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:37,150
I should have had you on.
295
00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:42,595
Only you, the mighty duke of Earl,
could have saved my show.
296
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:45,674
But now it's too late and I failed."
297
00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:51,069
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
298
00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:52,633
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
299
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:56,116
Well, pumpkin,
what could have happened?
300
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:59,069
They contacted me
down at the station.
301
00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:01,432
And?
302
00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,070
A real network wants
to put my show on prime time.
303
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:06,077
- I'm going to Hollywood!
- What?
304
00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:08,350
- Yes! Yes!
- Hollywood?
305
00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:12,679
Get on out of here!
306
00:22:13,305 --> 00:22:19,851
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