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1
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"LAST MAN STANDING" IS RECORDED
2
00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:05,706
IN FRONT
OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.
3
00:00:05,739 --> 00:00:06,907
Mike: HEY, BABE.
HEY.
4
00:00:06,940 --> 00:00:09,510
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
OH, NOTHING. I'M JUST --
5
00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:11,545
I'M JUST RIGHT ON THAT
LATE-AFTERNOON FENCE.
6
00:00:11,579 --> 00:00:13,181
DO I HAVE ANOTHER
CUP OF COFFEE
7
00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:15,583
OR JUST SAY, "SCREW IT," AND
POUR MY FIRST GLASS OF WINE?
8
00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:16,817
TOUGH ONE.
9
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,186
WELL, WHICH WAY
DO YOU LOVE ME MORE --
10
00:00:18,219 --> 00:00:19,987
A LITTLE JITTERY
AND CHATTY
11
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:23,224
OR PASSED OUT AND DROOLING
BY 8:30?
12
00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:24,525
I LOVE YOU BOTH WAYS.
13
00:00:30,398 --> 00:00:31,999
[ CHUCKLES ]
14
00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,334
HOW WAS WORK?
15
00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:34,535
BUSTING OUR HUMP.
16
00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:37,105
SEASONAL CHANGEOVER.
BOOGIE BOARDS TO SNOWBOARDS.
17
00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:38,106
HMM.
18
00:00:38,139 --> 00:00:39,940
THANK GOD
FOR THE YEAR-ROUND APPEAL
19
00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:42,110
OF RIFLES AND AMMUNITION.
20
00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:45,346
SO, WHAT DO WE GOT
GOING ON OVER HERE?
21
00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:47,215
OH, I'M JUST HEATING UP
SOME SpaghettiOs.
22
00:00:47,248 --> 00:00:49,950
MY GRANDSON'S HERE?
23
00:00:49,983 --> 00:00:51,585
[ CHUCKLES ]
WHAT AM I DOING
TALKING TO YOU?
24
00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:55,756
DEFINITELY
THE RIGHT CALL.
25
00:00:55,789 --> 00:00:57,358
WHERE'S MY GRANDSON?
HEY, BLANCA.
26
00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:59,593
COME ON. I KNOW YOU'RE
AROUND HERE SOMEPLACE!
27
00:00:59,627 --> 00:01:01,229
GRANDPA!
I HEAR HIM!
28
00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:02,963
GET OVER HERE!
COME HERE, YOU.
29
00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:04,765
OH, BOY. I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU
IN SO LONG.
30
00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:07,768
MWAH, MWAH.
YOU'VE CHANGED SO MUCH.
31
00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:09,137
ARE YOU STILL SINGLE?
32
00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:10,538
[ LAUGHS ]
33
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,306
WE GOT SO MUCH
TO CATCH UP ON.
34
00:01:12,340 --> 00:01:15,075
iHOLA, ABUELITO!
¿CóMO ESTáS USTED?
35
00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:18,712
WOW.
YOU -- YOU HAVE CHANGED.
36
00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:22,283
YOU'VE TURNED INTO A HANDSOME
LITTLE MEXICAN BOY.
37
00:01:22,316 --> 00:01:23,817
THANKS FOR TEACHING HIM
SOME SPANISH.
38
00:01:23,851 --> 00:01:25,085
I'VE BEEN
WORKING ON IT, TOO.
39
00:01:25,119 --> 00:01:27,888
MR. MIKE,
I ONLY SPEAK ENGLISH WITH BOYD.
40
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:30,391
AND BELIEVE ME,
HIS ENGLISH -- NOT SO GOOD.
41
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:33,294
BOYD IS LEARNING SPANISH
AT HIS NEW SCHOOL.
42
00:01:33,327 --> 00:01:36,230
AND I WILL SAY, WITH THAT,
THEY ARE DOING A VERY GOOD JOB.
43
00:01:36,264 --> 00:01:38,466
WHY ARE THEY TEACHING THEM
SPANISH IN THE 1st GRADE?
44
00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:40,100
WELL, HONEY,
IT'S A BILINGUAL SCHOOL.
45
00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:41,502
THE TEACHER SAYS EVERYTHING
IN ENGLISH
46
00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:43,003
AND THEN SAYS IT AGAIN
IN SPANISH.
47
00:01:43,036 --> 00:01:45,806
SO YOU WORK TWICE AS HARD
TO LEARN HALF AS MUCH?
48
00:01:45,839 --> 00:01:47,141
OR THEY ARE LEARNING
TWICE AS MUCH
49
00:01:47,175 --> 00:01:49,109
BECAUSE THEY'RE LEARNING
ANOTHER LANGUAGE.
50
00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:50,478
HOW DO THEY EVEN UNDERSTAND
"TWICE AS MUCH"?
51
00:01:50,511 --> 00:01:52,180
THERE'S NO TIME FOR MATH.
52
00:01:52,213 --> 00:01:55,183
THAT'S JUST HOW THEY HAVE TO
DO IT AT WILSON ELEMENTARY.
53
00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:56,584
"WOODROW WILSON."
54
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:59,787
OH, WOODROW WILSON.
HE WON THE FIRST WORLD WAR.
55
00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:01,822
HE WAS A GREAT PRESIDENT.
56
00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:04,592
MY CITIZENSHIP TEST
IS COMING UP.
57
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:06,694
Mike: WOODROW WILSON
WAS NOT A GREAT PRESIDENT.
58
00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:08,929
RONALD REAGAN
WAS A GREAT PRESIDENT.
59
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:12,099
IN WOODROW WILSON'S LAST TERM,
HE WAS PRACTICALLY BRAIN-DEAD.
60
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:14,202
HIS WIFE RAN THE COUNTRY.
61
00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:16,437
OHH.
JUST LIKE RONALD REAGAN.
62
00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:18,639
OH, HEY! HEY! HEY!
63
00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:20,208
HE TOOK DOWN COMMUNISM!
64
00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:22,310
HE DESERVED A NAP AT THE END.
65
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:25,112
HEY.
HEY.
66
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:26,647
iHOLA, MAMá Y PAPá!
67
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:27,815
HEY, SWEETIE.
68
00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:29,617
¿CóMO ESTá, MIJO?
69
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,452
MUY BIEN. GRACIAS.
70
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:32,686
WELL, BIG SURPRISE.
71
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:37,024
LOOK WHO LIKES BILINGUAL
EDUCATION -- CLICHé GUEVARA.
72
00:02:37,057 --> 00:02:40,027
I LOVE THAT BOYD
IS LEARNING SPANISH,
73
00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:42,663
BUT I'M A LITTLE CONCERNED
ABOUT THE CLASS SIZES AT WILSON.
74
00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:44,298
NO, IT'S NOT THE QUANTITY
OF THE KIDS.
75
00:02:44,332 --> 00:02:46,200
IT'S THE QUALITY
OF THE TEACHERS.
76
00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:49,237
SPOKEN LIKE A POSTER
IN A TERRIBLE SCHOOL.
77
00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:51,405
IT'S NOT A TERRIBLE SCHOOL,
OKAY?
78
00:02:51,439 --> 00:02:53,241
YES, OUR NEIGHBORHOOD
HAS ITS CHALLENGES,
79
00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:56,410
BUT THE SCHOOL HAS FENCES
AND METAL DETECTORS.
80
00:02:56,444 --> 00:02:58,212
AND THERE'S A TREE NOW.
81
00:02:58,246 --> 00:03:02,583
ALCATRAZ HAD A BEACH.
DIDN'T MAKE IT A NICE RESORT.
82
00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:05,419
DID YOU GUYS EVER CONSIDER
SENDING HIM TO A CHARTER SCHOOL?
83
00:03:05,453 --> 00:03:07,655
NO.
IF WHITE
MIDDLE-CLASS FAMILIES
84
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:09,257
PULL THEIR KIDS
OUT OF URBAN SCHOOLS,
85
00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:11,359
THOSE SCHOOLS
ARE JUST GONNA GET WORSE.
86
00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:13,794
HOW CUTE.
YOU THINK YOU'RE MIDDLE-CLASS.
87
00:03:15,363 --> 00:03:18,532
WE ARE VERY HAPPY
WITH WILSON.
88
00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:19,533
REALLY?
89
00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:20,934
MAYBE I SHOULD TEACH BOYD
90
00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:23,571
HOW TO FASHION A SHIV
OUT OF A LUNCH TRAY.
91
00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:26,240
DAD. WHAT ARE -- DO NOT PUT
THOSE THOUGHTS IN HIS HEAD.
92
00:03:26,274 --> 00:03:29,009
COME ON, BUDDY.
LET'S GRAB YOUR STUFF.
93
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:30,278
COME ON. OKAY.
[ CLAPS ]
94
00:03:30,311 --> 00:03:32,280
I DO NOT WANT YOU
GIVING BOYD THE IDEA
95
00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:34,282
THAT HE IS UNSAFE
AROUND OTHER CULTURES, OKAY?
96
00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:36,950
WE WANT TO RAISE HIM
WITH AN OPEN HEART.
97
00:03:36,984 --> 00:03:38,952
IF HE TAKES
THAT SHIV TRAINING SERIOUSLY,
98
00:03:38,986 --> 00:03:41,289
THE OPEN HEART WILL BE
THE OTHER KID'S PROBLEM.
99
00:03:41,322 --> 00:03:42,890
UNBELIEVABLE.
100
00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:44,792
RYAN! BOYD!
WE GOT TO GO!
101
00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:45,926
HEY, GUYS.
HEY.
102
00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:47,728
Vanessa: OH, HEY, HONEY.
HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
103
00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:49,397
IT WAS GREAT, MRS. B.
104
00:03:52,266 --> 00:03:54,602
SEE YOU TOMORROW,
MANDY.
105
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:56,404
YOU GUYS!
I'M LOVING COLLEGE!
106
00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:58,372
IT'S LIKE I'M SEEING THE WORLD
FOR THE FIRST TIME,
107
00:03:58,406 --> 00:04:00,107
LIKE A NEWBORN.
108
00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:04,412
HAVE YOU NOTICED? SHE STILL
HAS THAT SOFT SPOT ON HER HEAD.
109
00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:06,414
OH. YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU WERE SUCH A CUTE BABY.
Mike: YEAH.
110
00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:08,749
AND NOW YOU'RE
MY BIG COLLEGE GIRL.
111
00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:09,983
OH, DON'T WORRY.
112
00:04:10,017 --> 00:04:12,219
THERE WILL BE PLENTY OF
NAKED PHOTOS FROM BOTH ERAS.
113
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,755
[ EXHALES SLOWLY ]
114
00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:17,991
HEY, YOU GUYS.
CHECK THIS OUT.
115
00:04:18,025 --> 00:04:21,161
"COGITO, ERGO SUM" --
I THINK, THEREFORE I AM.
116
00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:22,396
RENé DESCARTES.
117
00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:23,397
SHE WAS AWESOME!
118
00:04:23,431 --> 00:04:25,766
WE LEARNED ABOUT HER
IN PHILOSOPHY TODAY.
119
00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:27,234
SHE WAS FRENCH,
SO I DON'T REALLY KNOW
120
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,336
WHY SHE WAS
SPEAKING ITALIAN.
121
00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:29,503
[ LAUGHS ]
122
00:04:29,537 --> 00:04:30,504
UH...
123
00:04:30,538 --> 00:04:33,941
OH, BOY.
MONEY WELL SPENT.
124
00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:35,943
I THINK RENé DESCARTES
WAS A MONSIEUR.
125
00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,511
OH, WOW.
126
00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:40,481
A PHILOSOPHER
THAT GIVES MASSAGES.
127
00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:43,984
COOL. THAT'S A REAL
RENAISSANCE WOMAN.
128
00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:45,252
HE WAS A MAN!
129
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:48,288
25 GRAND SO SHE CAN FIGURE OUT
WHETHER SHE EXISTS OR NOT.
130
00:04:48,322 --> 00:04:51,459
OH. COME ON.
PHILOSOPHY IS FUN.
131
00:04:51,492 --> 00:04:53,026
YOU STUDIED IT
IN COLLEGE.
132
00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:55,829
THAT'S EXACTLY WHY I'M AN EXPERT
ON HOW USELESS IT IS.
133
00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:57,431
LOOK, I AM JUST SO HAPPY
134
00:04:57,465 --> 00:05:00,368
THAT MANDY IS SHOWING
ANY INTEREST AT ALL IN SCHOOL.
135
00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:02,603
SO, PLEASE,
DO NOT DISCOURAGE HER.
136
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,271
I'M NOT GONNA
DISCOURAGE HER.
OKAY.
137
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:05,706
SHE CAN MAJOR IN PHILOSOPHY
IF SHE WANTS.
138
00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:07,007
AND...
139
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:10,243
HER STRIPPER NAME
COULD BE SOCRA-TEASE.
140
00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:15,716
-- Captions by VITAC --
141
00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:18,852
***
142
00:05:18,886 --> 00:05:21,121
OKAY.
31st PRESIDENT?
143
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,390
UH, HERBERT HOOVER.
144
00:05:22,423 --> 00:05:24,057
WOW. THAT'S IMPRESSIVE,
BLANCA.
145
00:05:24,091 --> 00:05:27,561
SURE. SHE REMEMBERS THE ONE
NAMED AFTER A VACUUM CLEANER.
146
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,167
MIKE, COME ON.
THAT'S OFFENSIVE.
147
00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:36,303
AND NUMBER 32?
148
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:39,306
THE GREATEST PRESIDENT OF ALL --
FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT.
149
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,509
HE LED THE ALLIES
IN WORLD WAR II
150
00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:43,377
AND ENDED
THE GREAT DEPRESSION.
151
00:05:43,411 --> 00:05:46,246
ALL WHILE CHASING
THE LADIES.
152
00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:47,415
HE STEPPED OUT
ON ELEANOR --
153
00:05:47,448 --> 00:05:50,684
WELL, TECHNICALLY...
ROLLED OUT.
154
00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:51,985
WOW.
155
00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:53,987
SHE SHOULD HAVE WORKED HARDER
TO KEEP HER MAN HAPPY.
156
00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:57,357
YOU KNOW, THAT IS
A WOMAN'S JOB, EVE. iVAMOS!
157
00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:59,359
THAT'S ONE OF THE MANY THINGS
I LOVE
158
00:05:59,393 --> 00:06:02,430
ABOUT THE LATINO CULTURE.
159
00:06:02,463 --> 00:06:05,666
WELL, LET'S HOPE BOYD DOESN'T
PICK THAT UP AT HIS NEW SCHOOL.
160
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,668
YOU KNOW, WE PAY TAXES
FOR A GREAT ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
161
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:08,869
RIGHT IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD.
162
00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:10,070
WHY DOESN'T HE GO THERE?
163
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:12,506
YOU REALLY THINK
WILSON'S THAT BAD, MIKE?
164
00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:14,508
GO ONLINE.
CHECK IT OUT.
165
00:06:14,542 --> 00:06:17,945
THE ONLY THING WILSON
TESTS HIGH IN -- LEAD.
166
00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:19,580
HE COULD USE OUR ADDRESS
A-AND GO TO CLARK.
167
00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:21,181
OF COURSE HE COULD
USE OUR ADDRESS.
168
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,183
YEAH.
I MEAN, HE DOES STILL
HAVE A BEDROOM HERE.
169
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,351
HE COULD STAY HERE
A COUPLE NIGHTS A WEEK.
170
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:25,453
THAT WOULD --
THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
171
00:06:25,486 --> 00:06:27,120
I MEAN, I --
YOU WOULD LIKE THAT.
172
00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:30,724
YOU KNOW WHAT?
AS LONG AS WE'RE DOING THIS
173
00:06:30,758 --> 00:06:33,193
BECAUSE IT'S IN BOYD'S
BEST INTERESTS...
YEAH, OF COURSE.
174
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,795
...AND WE ARE NOT
JUST CLINGY GRANDPARENTS
175
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:36,029
TRYING TO HANG ON.
176
00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:37,965
YOU THINK
I'M A CLINGY GRANDPARENT?
177
00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:40,200
WELL, HONEY, YOU KNOW,
Y-YOU'RE STILL HANGING ON
178
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,401
TO THIS CRACKED SIPPY CUP.
179
00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:43,971
I MEAN,
BOYD HASN'T USED IT IN AGES.
180
00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:46,406
I -- I DON'T --
I'M NOT HANGING ON TO IT.
181
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:47,374
THROW IT OUT
IF YOU WANT.
182
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,375
ALL RIGHT. FINE.
183
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:49,777
NOT HANGING ON
TO OLD SIPPY CUPS.
184
00:06:49,810 --> 00:06:51,378
IT'S CRACKED ANYWAY,
RIGHT?
185
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:54,214
NOT HANGING ON
TO THAT STUPID THING.
186
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:57,718
HATE TO BE
A CLINGY GRANDPA.
187
00:06:57,751 --> 00:07:01,088
DON'T WANT TO WASTE STUFF,
THOUGH.
188
00:07:04,191 --> 00:07:06,193
I COULD -- I COULD FIX THAT.
189
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:15,235
HELLO, FRIENDS.
HOLA, AMIGOS.
190
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,004
MIKE BAXTER HERE
FOR OUTDOOR MAN.
191
00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:21,174
MIGUEL BAXTER AQUí PARA
EL HOMBRE DE LAS MONTAÑAS.
192
00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:23,611
IT'S ALREADY ANNOYING,
ISN'T IT?!
193
00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:25,278
IMAGINE SEVEN STRAIGHT HOURS
OF THAT,
194
00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:27,314
AND YOU'LL GET AN IDEA
OF WHAT IT'S LIKE
195
00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:28,281
IN SOME PUBLIC SCHOOLS
196
00:07:28,315 --> 00:07:31,685
RIGHT HERE
IN THE GOOD OLD U.S.A.
197
00:07:31,719 --> 00:07:33,286
PLEASE NO CARDS AND LETTERS.
198
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:36,123
DON'T GET ME WRONG.
I AM ALL FOR IMMIGRATION.
199
00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:38,125
IT'S WHAT MADE THIS COUNTRY
GREAT.
200
00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:40,494
IMMIGRATION AND...
201
00:07:40,528 --> 00:07:43,163
ASSIMILATION.
202
00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:46,767
BUT THE MELTING POT WON'T WORK
203
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,336
IF THE GOVERNMENT MAKES IT EASY
NOT TO MELT.
204
00:07:49,369 --> 00:07:51,505
LET ME STIR THE POT A LITTLE.
205
00:07:51,539 --> 00:07:53,306
AHH, RIGHT THERE.
206
00:07:53,340 --> 00:07:55,643
THAT'S A LITTLE
GERMAN SAUSAGE.
JAWOHL!
207
00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:57,110
GOT ITALIAN CHEESES.
208
00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:59,146
"GRAZIE!" "PREGO!"
[ CHUCKLES ]
209
00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:00,714
SWEDISH MEATBALLS...
210
00:08:00,748 --> 00:08:02,650
AND OKRA FROM WEST AFRICA.
211
00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:06,286
YUM, YUM.
THEY'VE ALL BLENDED NICELY.
212
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,288
BUT YOU KNOW
WHAT THIS TASTY GUMBO COULD USE,
213
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:09,657
IS [SNIFFS] CILANTRO.
214
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:10,891
HMM.
215
00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:13,460
UNFORTUNATELY,
WITH THE HELP OF BILINGUALISM,
216
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:16,229
THE CILANTRO IS ALL CLUMPING
TOGETHER RIGHT OVER THERE.
217
00:08:16,263 --> 00:08:20,067
THAT'S NO BUENO FOR THE GUMBO,
218
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:21,468
NO BUENO FOR THE CILANTRO,
219
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,070
AND NO BUENO FOR OUR COUNTRY.
220
00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:24,872
SO LET'S STOP MAKING IT HARDER
221
00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:28,341
FOR NEW CULTURES TO MIX
INTO OUR AMERICAN STEW.
222
00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:31,745
MMM!
[ SLURPS ]
223
00:08:31,779 --> 00:08:34,381
IT TASTES LIKE FREEDOM.
224
00:08:34,414 --> 00:08:36,550
GOD, IT'S HOT.
225
00:08:36,584 --> 00:08:38,218
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
226
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:39,820
TAKE A BREAK, GUYS.
227
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:41,354
I'M WITH YOU, MIKE.
228
00:08:41,388 --> 00:08:43,891
I THINK THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD
KEEP ITS NOSE OUT OF OUR SOUPS.
229
00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:45,258
YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT, MAN.
THIS IS --
230
00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:46,927
YOU'RE THE PERFECT EXAMPLE.
YEP.
231
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,362
YOU IMMIGRATED HERE FROM SPAIN,
MADE A BIG BUSINESS.
MM-HMM.
232
00:08:49,396 --> 00:08:51,398
YOU ARE WHAT MAKES
THIS COUNTRY GREAT.
OH, COME ON, MIKE.
233
00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:54,602
YOU KNOW ASSIMILATION TAKES
TIME -- A GENERATION OR TWO.
YEAH, YEAH, I GET IT.
234
00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:56,403
I MEAN,
GERMANS FRESH OFF THE BOAT
235
00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:57,871
STILL SPOKE GERMAN
IN THE HOME.
236
00:08:57,905 --> 00:09:00,073
YEAH, BUT I THINK THE GERMANS
SOMEWHERE IN THEIR MINDS
237
00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:04,544
THOUGHT ONE DAY WE'D, UH,
ALL BE "SPEAKING GERMAN."
238
00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:06,379
I THINK IT'S BETTER
FOR THE MELTING POT
239
00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:08,248
WHEN IMMIGRANTS PRESERVE
ELEMENTS OF THEIR CULTURE.
240
00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:10,083
I GOT IT. W-WHEN YOUR FOLKS
GOT HERE FROM SPAIN,
241
00:09:10,117 --> 00:09:12,352
WHAT ELEMENTS OF THEIR CULTURE
DID THEY PRESERVE?
242
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:14,321
THEIR HATRED
OF THE PORTUGUESE.
243
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:18,692
COME ON, PEOPLE.
LOOK SHARP HERE.
244
00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:22,095
WHO LEFT THE BACKPACK HERE?
WE DO B--
245
00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:23,597
HA! GOTCHA, MIKE!
WHOA. HEY, HEY!
246
00:09:23,631 --> 00:09:24,698
HEY, MAN!
247
00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:26,700
HI, MIKE.
YOU DOING ALL RIGHT, MAN?
248
00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:29,102
I'M DOING GOOD, YEAH. WHAT,
THE HOMELESS SHELTER SHUT DOWN?
249
00:09:30,437 --> 00:09:32,439
NOW, LOOK, IF YOU WAS
A 10-POINT BUCK,
250
00:09:32,472 --> 00:09:35,108
WE'D BE FIELD DRESSING YOU
RIGHT NOW.
251
00:09:35,142 --> 00:09:37,277
UH, ACTUALLY, I'VE HUNTED
WITH YOU GUYS BEFORE.
252
00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:40,113
YOU'D HAVE TO GET A LOT CLOSER
THAN THIS TO A DEER TO KILL IT.
253
00:09:40,147 --> 00:09:41,615
HA!
MAYBE.
254
00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:43,450
'CAUSE DEER ARE SMART
AND THEY MOVE FAST.
255
00:09:43,483 --> 00:09:47,554
YOU? I'D HAVE YOU ON THE HOOD
OF MY TRUCK, SON.
256
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,156
SO, UH, DEER SEASON.
257
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:50,758
I GUESS YOU GUYS
ARE READY FOR THAT?
258
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:52,159
LET'S GO.
WE WANT TO GET GEARED UP.
259
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:53,326
ALL RIGHT. KYLE!
260
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:55,562
YOU REMEMBER THESE BOYS.
YEAH!
261
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,597
HOW COULD I FORGET
OUR TWO BEST CUSTOMERS?
262
00:09:57,631 --> 00:09:59,700
AND WHO COULD FORGET...
263
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:03,003
KYLE?
264
00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:05,338
YOU KNOW, I JUST SAID HIS NAME
THREE SECONDS AGO.
265
00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:06,339
I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU GUYS
266
00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:09,176
SINCE YOU TOOK ME HUNTING
FOR JACKASS-ALOPE.
267
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:11,011
I CAN'T BELIEVE
WE DIDN'T EVEN SEE ONE.
268
00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:12,813
OH, WE SAW ONE.
269
00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:14,614
ANYWAYS, I WANT YOU
TO OUTFIT THESE GUYS,
270
00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:17,651
GET 'EM ALL READY FOR THAT
MAN-vs.-NATURE BATTLE.
271
00:10:17,685 --> 00:10:20,320
NOW, LOOK HERE. WE DON'T WANT
NATURE TO HAVE A CHANCE.
272
00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:21,521
RIGHT.
RIGHT.
273
00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:24,324
I SEE YOU GUYS ALREADY GOT
YOUR SWEET HUNTING CAMO.
274
00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:28,095
HUNTING CAMO?
THIS IS MY SUNDAY BEST.
275
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,430
YEAH, WE JUST CAME
FROM CHURCH.
276
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:31,431
OH.
277
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,366
[ LAUGHS ]
WE'RE JUST JOKING WITH YOU.
YEAH.
278
00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:36,469
YOU STILL DATING
BAXTER'S DAUGHTER?
279
00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:38,171
SURE AM.
MANDY'S IN COLLEGE NOW.
280
00:10:38,205 --> 00:10:40,307
SHE'S BEEN TELLING ME
ABOUT PHILOSOPHY.
281
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:42,109
IT'S REALLY
OPENED MY MIND.
282
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:45,112
THEN ALL THE BUTTERFLIES
FLEW OUT.
283
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:47,314
MY PHILOSOPHY IS,
"HEY, IF IT AIN'T BROKE,
284
00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:49,549
HEY, YOU GOT HOSED
BUYING THE WARRANTY."
285
00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:52,385
ALL RIGHT, LOOK,
I'M GONNA NEED SOME THERMALS,
286
00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:55,055
'CAUSE WE'RE GONNA BE
IN THE WOODS FOR A WEEK,
287
00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:57,791
AND I AIN'T SPOONING
WITH THIS CAT.
288
00:10:57,825 --> 00:11:00,393
WHEN YOU'RE UP THERE,
JUST REMEMBER --
289
00:11:00,427 --> 00:11:02,295
WHEN YOU'RE LOOKING
INTO THE ABYSS,
290
00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:04,664
THE ABYSS ALSO LOOKS
INTO YOU.
291
00:11:04,698 --> 00:11:07,735
YEP. I'M LOOKING INTO AN ABYSS
RIGHT NOW.
292
00:11:08,568 --> 00:11:10,871
RIGHT BETWEEN
YOUR EARS.
293
00:11:11,571 --> 00:11:12,973
YOU JUST QUOTED
NIETZSCHE?
294
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:14,875
NO. MANDY.
295
00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:16,509
HMM.
HEY, BAXTER,
296
00:11:16,543 --> 00:11:20,113
CAN WE GET SOMEBODY BESIDES
LADYBEARD HERE TO HELP US?
297
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,818
HEY, BABE.
HEY.
298
00:11:24,852 --> 00:11:26,353
DID YOU GET BOYD TO SCHOOL
ON TIME?
299
00:11:26,386 --> 00:11:28,989
YEP. WE WERE EARLY.
HE EVEN GOT A DESK.
300
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,759
OH, NICE HUSTLE, HONEY.
MM.
301
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:34,461
SO, UH,
MY DAD'S COMING OVER.
302
00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:37,397
HERE?
303
00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:38,598
YEAH.
304
00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:40,567
WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK
HE WANTS?
305
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:43,236
I IMAGINE THAT WILL COME UP
WHEN HE GETS HERE.
306
00:11:43,270 --> 00:11:45,205
WELL, HOW DO I LOOK?!
307
00:11:45,238 --> 00:11:48,608
ADORABLE, BUT [CHUCKLES]
WHY DO YOU CARE?
308
00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:50,443
IT'S THE FIRST TIME HIM VISITING
SINCE WE MOVED IN.
309
00:11:50,477 --> 00:11:52,512
IT'S A LITTLE WEIRD,
HIM JUST SHOWING UP.
310
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,915
YOU KNOW, I-I MEAN, WHAT'S
HIS GAME? WHAT'S HIS ANGLE?
311
00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:56,416
F-FRIENDLINESS?
312
00:11:57,417 --> 00:11:59,452
OH, NO. YOU'RE RIGHT.
WHAT IS HIS ANGLE?
313
00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:01,388
OKAY, WELL,
WHATEVER HE THROWS AT US,
314
00:12:01,421 --> 00:12:03,256
WE NEED TO MAINTAIN
A UNITED FRONT.
315
00:12:03,290 --> 00:12:04,591
OKAY.
I'LL BE RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
316
00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:05,592
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
GREAT.
317
00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:08,061
THAT MEANS
HE'LL KILL ME FIRST.
318
00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:11,431
HEY!
319
00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:12,432
Kristin: HEY.
320
00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:14,567
A LITTLE
HOUSEWARMING GIFT.
321
00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:15,535
[ CHUCKLES ]
HEY.
322
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:16,736
HEY. THANKS, DAD.
323
00:12:16,770 --> 00:12:18,705
FELT A LITTLE WEIRD
CARRYING A BOTTLE OF WINE
324
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:22,709
IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD WITHOUT
BEING SPRAWLED ON THE SIDEWALK.
325
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:26,146
WELCOME, MIKE.
MI CASA ES SU CASA.
326
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:27,881
GREAT.
327
00:12:27,915 --> 00:12:30,317
ANYHOW, LISTEN.
328
00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:32,920
SPEAKING OF SU CASA,
UH, YOUR MOM AND I WOULD LIKE
329
00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:36,623
TO OFFER YOU OUR CASA --
OR AT LEAST THE ADDRESS --
330
00:12:36,656 --> 00:12:38,725
IN CASE
YOU WANT TO SEND BOYD
331
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,727
TO THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD.
332
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:41,795
[ SIGHS ]
333
00:12:41,829 --> 00:12:44,331
YOU MEAN LIE
TO THE SCHOOL DISTRICT?
334
00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:47,667
[ SCOFFS ] WELL, IT'S NOT
EXACTLY THE LUFTHANSA HEIST.
335
00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:50,437
PEOPLE DO THIS
ALL THE TIME.
336
00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:53,440
AND BESIDES, I THINK...
337
00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:56,076
YOUR MOM MIGHT LIKE TO HAVE BOYD
A COUPLE NIGHTS A WEEK.
338
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,911
OH, IT WOULD MAKE
MOM HAPPY, HUH?
339
00:12:57,945 --> 00:13:00,147
SHE'D LOVE IT.
SHE REALLY WOULD.
YEAH, OKAY, DAD,
340
00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:02,149
RYAN AND I LIKE
BOYD GOING TO WILSON
341
00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:03,616
BECAUSE
IT'S MULTICULTURAL.
342
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:05,618
[ SCOFFS ]
IT'S ONLY MULTICULTURAL NOW
343
00:13:05,652 --> 00:13:07,687
BECAUSE
BOYD IS GOING THERE.
344
00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:10,824
THIS IS NOT
UP FOR DEBATE.
345
00:13:10,858 --> 00:13:12,492
RYAN AND I ARE COMPLETELY
TOGETHER ON THIS.
I'M NOT GONNA DEBATE.
L-LISTEN. LISTEN. I JUST --
346
00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:14,661
WE WANT TO BE A PART
OF THE SOLUTION AT WILSON,
347
00:13:14,694 --> 00:13:16,997
NOT A PART OF THE PROBLEM,
RIGHT, RYAN?
348
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:21,768
WAIT. WE COULD --
WE COULD DO THAT?
349
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:23,871
WE COULD USE YOUR ADDRESS?
YEAH.
350
00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:28,041
BUT WE DON'T WANT TO BECAUSE
WE'RE HAPPY WITH OUR SCHOOL.
351
00:13:28,075 --> 00:13:29,476
WELL, WE KIND OF
HAD TO BE HAPPY
352
00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:31,478
BECAUSE THAT WAS
OUR ONLY OPTION, KRIS.
353
00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:34,681
SHOULD WE HAVE GONE OVER THE
DEFINITION OF "UNITED FRONT"?
354
00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:36,149
HONEY, FACE IT.
355
00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:38,151
WILSON IS OVERCROWDED,
AND THE FACULTY IS OVERWHELMED.
356
00:13:38,185 --> 00:13:41,788
I MEAN, AT MY FIRST P.T.A.
MEETING, I WAS THE ONLY "P."
357
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:45,859
SO YOU WERE ALL ALONE
WITH JUST "T" AND "A"?
358
00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:52,132
COME ON.
LET'S BE REAL.
359
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:53,500
H-HE SHOULD
BE ABLE TO GO TO A SCHOOL
360
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:54,902
WHERE HE CAN HAVE A DESK
EVERY DAY
361
00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:57,137
AND 6th GRADERS DON'T STEAL
YOUR LUNCH MONEY.
362
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,538
BOYD WAS ROBBED?
363
00:13:58,571 --> 00:13:59,739
NO. ME.
364
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:03,510
BUT THESE GIRLS
WERE REALLY AGGRESSIVE.
365
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:06,980
BUT, RYAN, WHAT EVER HAPPENED
TO "IT TAKES A VILLAGE"?
366
00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:08,215
IT DOES TAKE A VILLAGE.
367
00:14:08,248 --> 00:14:10,217
I JUST THINK THAT
WHEN IT COMES TO OUR SON,
368
00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:12,819
I'D PREFER TO BE
IN YOUR DAD'S VILLAGE.
369
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,587
WE REALLY HAVE
A GREAT VILLAGE,
370
00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:17,424
ALTHOUGH YOU GOT TO LOOK PRETTY
HARD TO FIND A GOOD BUM FIGHT.
371
00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:19,326
OH, OH,
SO PEOPLE IN OTHER VILLAGES
372
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,528
AREN'T AS GOOD AS THE PEOPLE
IN YOUR VILLAGE?
373
00:14:21,561 --> 00:14:23,563
THEY JUST DON'T BUILD
AS GOOD OF SCHOOLS.
SEE?
374
00:14:23,596 --> 00:14:25,332
THIS IS WHY I MOVED BOYD
OUT OF YOUR HOUSE,
375
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:26,733
SO THAT HE WOULDN'T
HAVE TO GROW UP
376
00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:29,569
LISTENING TO TOXIC IDEAS
LIKE THAT ONE.
377
00:14:32,072 --> 00:14:33,373
WELL, IT'S YOUR CALL.
378
00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:35,242
I WAS JUST LOOKING OUT
FOR BOYD.
NO, NO, NO.
379
00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:36,676
YOU WERE JUST LOOKING OUT
FOR YOURSELF, DAD.
380
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,445
OKAY, THIS ISN'T ABOUT CLARK
AND WILSON.
381
00:14:38,478 --> 00:14:41,781
THIS IS ABOUT YOU WANTING BOYD
AROUND YOUR HOUSE MORE.
382
00:14:41,814 --> 00:14:44,217
TUCKED THAT KID IN
FOR FIVE YEARS.
383
00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:47,654
MAYBE I'M HAVING A TOUGH TIME
LETTING THAT GO.
384
00:14:49,822 --> 00:14:51,791
[ SCOFFS ] I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU JUST GANGED UP ON ME
385
00:14:51,824 --> 00:14:53,560
IN FRONT OF MY DAD LIKE THAT!
AW, COME ON, KRIS.
386
00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:55,362
YOU WOULD JUMP AT THE IDEA
OF SWITCHING SCHOOLS
387
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:56,596
IF IT CAME FROM ANYBODY
BUT YOUR FATHER.
388
00:14:56,629 --> 00:14:58,198
THAT IS NOT TRUE!
389
00:14:58,231 --> 00:14:59,599
NO, THAT IS TRUE.
390
00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:01,134
WE BOTH KNOW THAT CLARK
IS A BETTER SCHOOL,
391
00:15:01,168 --> 00:15:02,635
AND YOU'RE JUST DISAGREEING
WITH YOUR DAD
392
00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:03,870
JUST TO DISAGREE
WITH HIM.
393
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,538
I MEAN, HE SAYS, "UP,"
AND YOU SAY, "DOWN."
394
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:07,040
YOU GO AGAINST HIM
JUST TO DRIVE HIM CRAZY
395
00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:08,641
EVEN WHEN HE'S RIGHT.
396
00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:12,745
WAIT.
397
00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:14,747
THAT'S NOT THE REASON
YOU'RE WITH ME, IS IT?
398
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:28,395
I KICKED A HORNET'S NEST
BY JUST SUGGESTING
399
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:31,098
THAT BOYD ATTEND
ANOTHER ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.
400
00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:32,265
WELL,
IF THERE'S ONE THING
401
00:15:32,299 --> 00:15:33,833
THAT MOTHERS HAVE
A HIGH TOLERANCE FOR,
402
00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:36,603
IT'S UNWANTED TIPS
ABOUT THEIR PARENTING.
403
00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:38,605
SHE CALLED
MY INVOLVEMENT TOXIC.
404
00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:39,806
WELL, OF COURSE IT IS.
405
00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:41,441
YOU'VE BEEN
A TERRIBLE FATHER --
406
00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:42,609
FOOD, SHELTER,
BALLET LESSONS.
407
00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:45,178
I'M GONNA CALL THE COPS
ON YOU.
408
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:50,583
HEY, BOYS. WELCOME BACK.
YOU A MY BEST CUSTOMERS.
409
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,919
WELL, THIS TIME,
WE ARE GONNA GET A DEER.
410
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:55,122
OKAY, IF YOU SCATTER SHOTS
ACTUALLY BAG A BUCK,
411
00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:57,857
I WILL COOK YOU MY WORLD-FAMOUS
CHICKEN-FRIED VENISON.
412
00:15:57,890 --> 00:16:01,228
IT'S ONLY WORLD-FAMOUS 'CAUSE
YOU WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT IT.
413
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:05,598
HEY. WHAT'S WITH LADYBEARD
OVER HERE?
414
00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:06,799
WHAT'S HIS PROBLEM?
415
00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:09,136
BEEN IN THAT BOAT
A COUPLE HOURS.
416
00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:11,338
MY DAUGHTER
BROKE HIS BRAIN.
417
00:16:11,371 --> 00:16:12,505
WELL, IN ALL FAIRNESS,
418
00:16:12,539 --> 00:16:15,742
I THINK IT COME FROM THE FACTORY
A LITTLE WONKY.
419
00:16:16,743 --> 00:16:18,145
I THINK
WE CAN TALK TO HIM.
420
00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:20,113
WE'RE PRETTY GOOD
AT COAXING NERVOUS CRITTERS
421
00:16:20,147 --> 00:16:22,882
OUT OF THEIR DENS.
422
00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:24,751
AND THEN
WE SHOOT 'EM.
423
00:16:25,752 --> 00:16:27,554
LET'S SKIP THAT STEP.
424
00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:30,190
MIKE, I CAN'T PROMISE
THE INSTINCT WON'T KICK IN.
425
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:33,226
KYLE,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
426
00:16:33,260 --> 00:16:35,828
EXACTLY.
WHAT ARE ANY OF US DOING?
427
00:16:35,862 --> 00:16:38,465
I JUST KEEP THINKING ABOUT
ALL THIS PHILOSOPHY STUFF.
428
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:41,834
LIFE IS MEANINGLESS
AND AN EMPTY VOID OF DESPAIR.
429
00:16:41,868 --> 00:16:45,205
THIS KID
IS A MAJOR BUMMER.
430
00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:49,209
KYLE -- KYLE, COME ON.
YOU'RE ONLY 22.
431
00:16:49,242 --> 00:16:51,678
THINGS ARE GONNA GET
A LOT WORSE.
432
00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:55,648
KYLE, LOOK,
BEFORE BAXTER'S DAUGHTER
433
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:57,850
SHORTED
ALL YOUR WIRES OUT,
434
00:16:57,884 --> 00:17:00,253
WHAT GAVE YOUR LIFE
MEANING?
435
00:17:00,287 --> 00:17:02,522
I DON'T KNOW. I-I GUESS
I ALWAYS FOUND MEANING
436
00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:04,657
IN WHAT I LEARNED
AT SUNDAY SCHOOL.
437
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:05,892
THAT'S IT.
438
00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:07,894
LIKE MARK 12:31 --
439
00:17:07,927 --> 00:17:09,662
"LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR
AS YOURSELF."
440
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:10,997
YEAH,
THAT'S A GOOD ONE.
441
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:13,533
THAT MARK HAD BETTER
NEIGHBORS THAN ME.
442
00:17:13,566 --> 00:17:16,002
I'M YOUR NEIGHBOR.
443
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:18,371
HEY, YOU'RE MAKING
MY POINT.
444
00:17:18,405 --> 00:17:20,940
STICK WITH
THE BIG MAN UPSTAIRS,
445
00:17:20,973 --> 00:17:22,742
YOU'LL NEVER HAVE
ANOTHER DAY OF YOUR LIFE
446
00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:24,277
THAT WON'T HAVE PURPOSE.
447
00:17:24,311 --> 00:17:25,445
YEAH.
448
00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:27,580
JESUS IS PRETTY AWESOME.
OH, YEAH.
449
00:17:27,614 --> 00:17:29,516
YOU TAKE A CUE FROM
THE GREATEST PHILOSOPHER
450
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:30,517
THAT EVER WALKED
THE EARTH.
451
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:33,520
MY APOLOGIES TO...
NEWT GINGRICH.
452
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:35,788
THANKS, GUYS.
453
00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:37,124
I'M BACK, MR. B.
454
00:17:37,157 --> 00:17:39,459
GOOD.
BECAUSE YOU OWE ME TWO HOURS.
455
00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:40,727
YOU GOT IT.
456
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:42,562
"I CAN DO ALL THINGS
THROUGH HIM WHO STRENGTHENS ME."
457
00:17:42,595 --> 00:17:44,231
PHILIPPIANS 4:13.
458
00:17:44,264 --> 00:17:47,033
THAT'S RIGHT. YOU GO WEIRD ON ME
AGAIN, YOU'RE FIRED!
459
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:49,336
MIKE BAXTER, 12:25.
460
00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:55,342
OOH.
OH.
461
00:17:56,676 --> 00:17:59,246
HI, DAD.
UH, I STILL HAVE MY KEY.
462
00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:01,448
SHOULD I HAVE RUNG THE DOORBELL?
JUST SEEMS KIND OF WEIRD.
463
00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:03,716
KRIS, THIS IS ALWAYS GONNA
BE YOUR HOUSE, ALL RIGHT?
464
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:06,853
EVEN THOUGH I'VE GOT A FOOSBALL
TABLE WHERE YOUR BED USED TO BE.
465
00:18:08,455 --> 00:18:10,590
SO, DAD,
UH, RYAN AND I TALKED,
466
00:18:10,623 --> 00:18:13,626
AND WE SIGNED BOYD UP
FOR CLARK TODAY.
467
00:18:13,660 --> 00:18:16,629
SO...YOU WON.
468
00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:18,231
BOYD'S THE WINNER HERE.
469
00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:19,632
AND SO AM I.
470
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:23,903
DAD,
ABOUT THIS MORNING,
471
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:26,506
I SHOULD NEVER
HAVE CALLED YOU TOXIC.
472
00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:28,475
BECAUSE IT'S NOT TRUE?
473
00:18:28,508 --> 00:18:31,478
I JUST SHOULDN'T
HAVE SAID IT.
474
00:18:31,511 --> 00:18:34,447
YES, YOU HAVE YOUR THINGS
YOU FEEL STRONGLY ABOUT
475
00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:36,283
THAT I THINK ARE INSANE.
476
00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:39,085
YOU KNOW, FUNNY. THIS
STARTED OFF SOUNDING LIKE
IT WAS GONNA BE AN APOLOGY.
477
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,087
AND SOMETIMES YOU SAY THINGS
IN FRONT OF BOYD
478
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,156
THAT -- THAT MAKE
MY SKIN CRAWL.
479
00:18:43,190 --> 00:18:45,758
BOY, STILL NOT
THE APOLOGY WORDS.
480
00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:49,596
BUT YOU CAN ALSO
BE AMAZINGLY GREAT.
481
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:51,531
THAT'S ALL PART OF THE PACKAGE
OF MIKE BAXTER,
482
00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:54,667
A PACKAGE I DEFINITELY WANT
IN BOYD'S LIFE.
483
00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:56,503
SO...
484
00:18:56,536 --> 00:18:57,704
I'M SORRY.
485
00:18:57,737 --> 00:19:00,072
THERE IT IS.
486
00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:03,610
AND DON'T WORRY
ABOUT CALLING ME TOXIC.
487
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:06,979
YOUR MOM CALLS ME TOXIC
ALL THE TIME.
488
00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:10,983
OF COURSE,
WE SHARE A BATHROOM.
489
00:19:11,017 --> 00:19:13,620
HEY, HONEY.
OH, HEY.
OOH, I ALMOST FORGOT.
490
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:15,622
I GOT SOMETHING
FOR YOU GUYS.
WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?
491
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:18,625
IT IS A GIFT CERTIFICATE
TO TOY WORLD.
492
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:21,328
[ GASPS, CHUCKLES ]
493
00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:26,065
UH, WOW. I'VE BEEN MEANING
TO SNEAK INTO THAT PLACE.
494
00:19:26,098 --> 00:19:27,367
I -- [ LAUGHS ]
495
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:31,371
OH! NO!
NOT THAT TOY WORLD!
496
00:19:31,404 --> 00:19:33,240
MOM!
497
00:19:33,273 --> 00:19:36,843
I-I THOUGHT THAT YOU GUYS
COULD GO WITH BOYD
498
00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:39,512
TO PICK SOMETHING OUT...
OH.
499
00:19:39,546 --> 00:19:40,680
...SINCE HE'S GONNA
BE SPENDING MORE TIME HERE
500
00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:43,216
BEFORE AND AFTER SCHOOL.
501
00:19:43,250 --> 00:19:46,586
OH, YAY!
OH, GOOD! GOOD!
502
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:48,521
GOOD!
503
00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:50,257
HE LOVES "GO, DIEGO, GO!"
504
00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:51,691
OF COURSE HE DOES.
505
00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:53,260
NOW THAT DIEGO'S HERE...
506
00:19:53,293 --> 00:19:55,295
HE'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
507
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,337
HMM. HMM.
HI, BLANCA.
508
00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:05,905
WELCOME HOME, MR. MIKE.
I HAVE YOUR FAVORITE --
509
00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:08,341
A FROSTED MUG
AND SPICED NUTS ON THE TRAY.
510
00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:11,110
THANK YOU.
MM-HMM.
511
00:20:11,143 --> 00:20:13,913
YOU KNOW, WHEN AN AMERICAN WOMAN
SERVES YOUR NUTS ON A TRAY,
512
00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:17,684
IT MEANS SOMETHING
TOTALLY DIFFERENT.
513
00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:21,087
HA! BUT, MR. MIKE, AN AMERICAN
WOMAN DID SERVE NUTS TO YOU.
514
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:22,689
NO WAY!
MM-HMM!
515
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:24,090
OH, CONGRATULATIONS!
516
00:20:24,123 --> 00:20:26,092
OH, THANK YOU!
OHH!
517
00:20:26,125 --> 00:20:28,928
WOW!
THAT IS SUCH GOOD NEWS!
518
00:20:28,961 --> 00:20:31,298
WELL, IT'S GOOD TO BE HERE --
I MEAN, TO REALLY BE HERE.
519
00:20:31,331 --> 00:20:32,932
NOW YOU'RE PART
OF THE CLUB!
MM-HMM.
520
00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:34,133
CONFIDENTIALLY...
HMM?
521
00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:36,469
...AT THE ALAMO,
WE WEREN'T REALLY TRYING.
522
00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:44,744
SHAKE A LEG THERE, BAXTER.
WE'RE HUNGRY.
523
00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:47,380
YEAH, DAD. THIS CHICKEN-FRIED
BUCK DIED A HERO.
524
00:20:47,414 --> 00:20:48,581
LET'S EAT HIM
WHILE HE'S STILL WARM.
525
00:20:48,615 --> 00:20:51,484
WOW. THAT ACTUALLY SMELLS
REALLY GOOD.
526
00:20:51,518 --> 00:20:53,119
JUST PRETEND
IT DOESN'T HAVE A FACE.
527
00:20:53,152 --> 00:20:55,288
YOU'RE ON A ROLL
ABANDONING YOUR PRINCIPLES.
528
00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:59,426
ANY COMFORT TO YOU --
HE DIDN'T HAVE A FACE LONG.
529
00:20:59,459 --> 00:21:01,428
ALL RIGHT. LISTEN UP.
UM, BEFORE WE GET STARTED,
530
00:21:01,461 --> 00:21:03,095
I JUST WANT TO SAY
WHETHER YOU'VE BEEN IN AMERICA
531
00:21:03,129 --> 00:21:05,097
FOR HUNDREDS OF YEARS
LIKE YOUR FAMILIES
532
00:21:05,131 --> 00:21:08,435
OR AN AMERICAN
FOR JUST TWO DAYS,
533
00:21:08,468 --> 00:21:11,738
I FEEL BLESSED TO BE SHARING
THIS COUNTRY WITH ALL OF YOU.
534
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:13,740
WANT TO DO THE HONORS?
SURE.
535
00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:15,942
LET US PRAY.
536
00:21:15,975 --> 00:21:18,110
LORD, OUR GOD IS ONE GOD.
537
00:21:18,144 --> 00:21:19,512
WE PRAY THAT WE LOVE YOU
538
00:21:19,546 --> 00:21:21,814
WITH ALL OUR HEARTS, SOUL,
MIND, AND STRENGTH.
539
00:21:21,848 --> 00:21:24,484
WE PRAY THAT WE LOVE
OUR NEIGHBOR AS OURSELF,
540
00:21:24,517 --> 00:21:26,653
AND THERE'S NO GREATER
COMMANDMENT THAN THIS.
541
00:21:26,686 --> 00:21:28,287
AMEN.
All: AMEN.
542
00:21:28,321 --> 00:21:29,288
ALL RIGHT.
543
00:21:29,322 --> 00:21:31,324
Vanessa: OKAY. OH, MY.
OKAY. DIG IN.
40392
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