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"Last Man Standing" is recorded
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in front of a live studio audience.
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- Mike: Hey, babe.
- Hey.
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- What's the matter?
- Oh, nothing. I'm just...
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I'm just right on that late-afternoon fence.
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Do I have another cup of coffee
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or just say, "screw it," and
pour my first glass of wine?
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Tough one.
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Well, which way do you love me more...
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A little jittery and chatty
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or passed out and drooling by 8:30?
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I love you both ways.
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[Chuckles]
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How was work?
15
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Busting our hump.
16
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Seasonal changeover.
Boogie boards to snowboards.
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Hmm.
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Thank God for the year-round appeal
19
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of rifles and ammunition.
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So, what do we got going on over here?
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00:00:45,718 --> 00:00:47,385
Oh, I'm just heating up some spaghettios.
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My grandson's here?
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[Chuckles] What am I doing talking to you?
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Definitely the right call.
25
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Where's my grandson? Hey, Blanca.
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00:00:57,747 --> 00:00:59,915
Come on. I know you're
around here someplace!
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- Grandpa!
- I hear him!
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Get over here! Come here, you.
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00:01:03,375 --> 00:01:05,176
Oh, boy. I haven't seen you in so long.
30
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Mwah, mwah. You've changed so much.
31
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Are you still single?
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[Laughs]
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We got so much to catch up on.
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¡Hhola, abuelito! ÿCómo estás usted?
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Wow. You... you have changed.
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You've turned into a
handsome little Mexican boy.
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Thanks for teaching him some Spanish.
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I've been working on it, too.
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Mr. Mike, I only speak English with Boyd.
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And believe me, his English... not so good.
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Boyd is learning Spanish at his new school.
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And I will say, with that,
they are doing a very good job.
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Why are they teaching them
Spanish in the 1st grade?
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Well, honey, it's a bilingual school.
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The teacher says everything in English
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and then says it again in Spanish.
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So you work twice as hard
to learn half as much?
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Or they are learning twice as much
49
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because they're learning another language.
50
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How do they even
understand "twice as much"?
51
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There's no time for math.
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That's just how they have to
do it at Wilson Elementary.
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"Woodrow Wilson."
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Oh, Woodrow Wilson. He
won the first World War.
55
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He was a great president.
56
00:02:03,319 --> 00:02:04,953
My citizenship test is coming up.
57
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Mike: Woodrow Wilson was
not a great president.
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Ronald Reagan was a great president.
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In Woodrow Wilson's last term,
he was practically brain-dead.
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His wife ran the country.
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Ohh. Just like Ronald Reagan.
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Oh, hey! Hey! Hey!
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He took down communism!
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He deserved a nap at the end.
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- Hey.
- Hey.
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¡Hola, mamá y papá!
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Hey, sweetie.
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ÿCómo está, mijo?
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Muy bien. Gracias.
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Well, big surprise.
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00:02:33,098 --> 00:02:37,318
Look who likes bilingual
education... Cliché Guevara.
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I love that Boyd is learning Spanish,
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but I'm a little concerned
about the class sizes at Wilson.
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No, it's not the quantity of the kids.
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It's the quality of the teachers.
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Spoken like a poster in a terrible school.
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It's not a terrible school, okay?
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00:02:51,867 --> 00:02:53,501
Yes, our neighborhood has its challenges,
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but the school has fences
and metal detectors.
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And there's a tree now.
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Alcatraz had a beach.
Didn't make it a nice resort.
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Did you guys ever consider
sending him to a charter school?
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00:03:05,831 --> 00:03:07,966
- No.- If white
middle-class families
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pull their kids out of urban schools,
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00:03:09,501 --> 00:03:11,519
those schools are just gonna get worse.
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How cute. You think you're middle-class.
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00:03:15,724 --> 00:03:18,860
We are very happy with Wilson.
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Really?
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Maybe I should teach Boyd
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how to fashion a shiv out of a lunch tray.
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00:03:23,949 --> 00:03:26,451
Dad. What are... do not put
those thoughts in his head.
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Come on, buddy. Let's grab your stuff.
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[Claps]
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I do not want you giving Boyd the idea
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that he is unsafe around
other cultures, okay?
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We want to raise him with an open heart.
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If he takes that shiv training seriously,
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the open heart will be
the other kid's problem.
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Unbelievable.
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00:03:43,202 --> 00:03:45,086
Ryan! Boyd! We got to go!
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- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
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00:03:46,222 --> 00:03:48,039
Vanessa: Oh, hey, honey. How was your day?
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00:03:48,057 --> 00:03:49,540
It was great, Mrs. B.
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See you tomorrow, Mandy.
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00:03:54,980 --> 00:03:56,764
You guys! I'm loving college!
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It's like I'm seeing the
world for the first time,
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like a newborn.
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00:04:00,385 --> 00:04:04,522
Have you noticed? She still
has that soft spot on her head.
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00:04:04,556 --> 00:04:06,524
- Oh. You know what? You were such a cute baby.
- Mike: Yeah.
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And now you're my big college girl.
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00:04:09,028 --> 00:04:10,194
Oh, don't worry.
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There will be plenty of
naked photos from both eras.
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[Exhales slowly]
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Hey, you guys. Check this out.
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"Cogito, ergo sum"...
I think, therefore I am.
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René Descartes.
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She was awesome!
118
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We learned about her in philosophy today.
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She was French, so I don't really know
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why she was speaking Italian.
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[Laughs]
122
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Uh...
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Oh, boy. Money well spent.
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I think René Descartes was a monsieur.
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Oh, wow.
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00:04:37,856 --> 00:04:40,775
A philosopher that gives massages.
127
00:04:40,809 --> 00:04:44,228
Cool. That's a real Renaissance woman.
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00:04:44,262 --> 00:04:45,596
He was a man!
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00:04:45,614 --> 00:04:48,616
25 grand so she can figure
out whether she exists or not.
130
00:04:48,651 --> 00:04:51,569
Oh. Come on. Philosophy is fun.
131
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You studied it in college.
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That's exactly why I'm an
expert on how useless it is.
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Look, I am just so happy
134
00:04:57,776 --> 00:05:00,712
that Mandy is showing any
interest at all in school.
135
00:05:00,746 --> 00:05:02,797
So, please, do not discourage her.
136
00:05:02,831 --> 00:05:04,332
- I'm not gonna discourage her.
- Okay.
137
00:05:04,383 --> 00:05:05,900
She can major in philosophy if she wants.
138
00:05:05,934 --> 00:05:07,135
And...
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00:05:07,169 --> 00:05:10,305
her stripper name could be Socra-Tease.
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- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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♪
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Okay. 31st president?
143
00:05:21,266 --> 00:05:22,650
Uh, Herbert Hoover.
144
00:05:22,685 --> 00:05:24,185
Wow. That's impressive, Blanca.
145
00:05:24,236 --> 00:05:27,772
Sure. She remembers the one
named after a vacuum cleaner.
146
00:05:32,861 --> 00:05:34,278
Mike, come on. That's offensive.
147
00:05:34,312 --> 00:05:36,581
And number 32?
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The greatest president of
all Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
149
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He led the allies in World War II
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00:05:41,587 --> 00:05:43,454
and ended the great depression.
151
00:05:43,488 --> 00:05:46,341
All while chasing the ladies.
152
00:05:46,375 --> 00:05:47,675
He stepped out on Eleanor...
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00:05:47,710 --> 00:05:50,878
well, technically... rolled out.
154
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Wow.
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00:05:52,164 --> 00:05:54,132
She should have worked
harder to keep her man happy.
156
00:05:54,166 --> 00:05:57,435
You know, that I a
woman's job, Eve. ¡Vamos!
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That's one of the many things I love
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00:05:59,506 --> 00:06:02,675
about the Latino culture.
159
00:06:02,709 --> 00:06:05,845
Well, let's hope Boyd doesn't
pick that up at his new school.
160
00:06:05,879 --> 00:06:07,847
You know, we pay taxes for
a great elementary school
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00:06:07,881 --> 00:06:09,015
right in our neighborhood.
162
00:06:09,049 --> 00:06:10,183
Why doesn't he go there?
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00:06:10,217 --> 00:06:12,518
You really think Wilson's that bad, Mike?
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00:06:12,552 --> 00:06:14,520
Go online. Check it out.
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The only thing Wilson
tests high in... lead.
166
00:06:18,125 --> 00:06:19,776
He could use our address
a... and go to Clark.
167
00:06:19,810 --> 00:06:21,244
Of course he could use our address.
168
00:06:21,278 --> 00:06:23,246
- Yeah.
- I mean, he does still have a bedroom here.
169
00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:24,580
He could stay here a couple nights a week.
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That would... that would be great.
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00:06:25,732 --> 00:06:27,200
I mean, I... you would like that.
172
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You know what? As long as we're doing this
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- because it's in Boyd's best interests...
- Yeah, of course.
174
00:06:33,290 --> 00:06:34,957
And we are not just clingy grandparents
175
00:06:35,008 --> 00:06:36,125
trying to hang on.
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00:06:36,176 --> 00:06:38,094
You think I'm a clingy grandparent?
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00:06:38,128 --> 00:06:40,263
Well, honey, you know,
y... you're still hanging on
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00:06:40,297 --> 00:06:41,431
to this cracked sippy cup.
179
00:06:41,465 --> 00:06:44,100
I mean, Boyd hasn't used it in ages.
180
00:06:44,134 --> 00:06:46,436
I... I don't... I'm not hanging on to it.
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Throw it out if you want.
182
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All right. Fine.
183
00:06:48,639 --> 00:06:49,939
Not hanging on to old sippy cups.
184
00:06:49,973 --> 00:06:51,607
It's cracked anyway, right?
185
00:06:51,642 --> 00:06:54,277
Not hanging on to that stupid thing.
186
00:06:54,311 --> 00:06:57,897
Hate to be a clingy grandpa.
187
00:06:57,931 --> 00:07:01,167
Don't want to waste stuff, though.
188
00:07:04,238 --> 00:07:06,205
I could... I could fix that.
189
00:07:14,144 --> 00:07:15,445
Hello, friends. Hola, amigos.
190
00:07:15,479 --> 00:07:17,297
Mike Baxter here for Outdoor Man.
191
00:07:17,331 --> 00:07:21,618
Miguel Baxter aquí para
El hombre de las montañas.
192
00:07:21,652 --> 00:07:23,953
It's already annoying, isn't it?!
193
00:07:23,988 --> 00:07:25,688
Imagine seven straight hours of that,
194
00:07:25,723 --> 00:07:27,523
and you'll get an idea of what it's like
195
00:07:27,558 --> 00:07:28,708
in some public schools
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right here in the good old U.S.A.
197
00:07:32,079 --> 00:07:33,713
Please no cards and letters.
198
00:07:33,747 --> 00:07:36,382
Don't get me wrong. I
am all for immigration.
199
00:07:36,417 --> 00:07:38,384
It's what made this country great.
200
00:07:38,419 --> 00:07:40,887
Immigration and...
201
00:07:40,921 --> 00:07:43,423
assimilation.
202
00:07:43,457 --> 00:07:47,093
But the melting pot won't work
203
00:07:47,127 --> 00:07:49,762
if the government makes
it easy not to melt.
204
00:07:49,796 --> 00:07:51,898
Let me stir the pot a little.
205
00:07:51,932 --> 00:07:53,733
Ahh, right there.
206
00:07:53,767 --> 00:07:55,985
- That's a little German sausage.
- Jawohl!
207
00:07:56,020 --> 00:07:57,353
Got Italian cheeses.
208
00:07:57,404 --> 00:07:59,606
"Grazie!" "Prego!" [Chuckles]
209
00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:01,057
Swedish meatballs...
210
00:08:01,091 --> 00:08:02,942
and okra from West Africa.
211
00:08:02,976 --> 00:08:06,446
Yum, yum. They've all blended nicely.
212
00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:08,448
But you know what this
tasty gumbo could use,
213
00:08:08,482 --> 00:08:09,949
is [Sniffs] cilantro.
214
00:08:09,983 --> 00:08:11,134
Hmm.
215
00:08:11,168 --> 00:08:13,786
Unfortunately, with the
help of bilingualism,
216
00:08:13,820 --> 00:08:16,606
the cilantro is all clumping
together right over there.
217
00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:20,293
That's no bueno for the gumbo,
218
00:08:20,327 --> 00:08:21,794
no bueno for the cilantro,
219
00:08:21,828 --> 00:08:23,296
and no bueno for our country.
220
00:08:23,330 --> 00:08:25,131
So let's stop making it harder
221
00:08:25,165 --> 00:08:28,685
for new cultures to mix
into our American stew.
222
00:08:28,719 --> 00:08:32,038
Mmm! [Slurps]
223
00:08:32,072 --> 00:08:34,524
It tastes like freedom.
224
00:08:34,558 --> 00:08:36,876
God, it's hot.
225
00:08:36,910 --> 00:08:38,394
What do you think?
226
00:08:38,445 --> 00:08:40,063
Take a break, guys.
227
00:08:40,114 --> 00:08:41,698
I'm with you, Mike.
228
00:08:41,732 --> 00:08:44,150
I think the government should
keep its nose out of our soups.
229
00:08:44,184 --> 00:08:45,652
You're missing the point, man. This is...
230
00:08:45,686 --> 00:08:47,186
- You're the perfect example.
- Yep.
231
00:08:47,204 --> 00:08:49,522
- You immigrated here from Spain,
made a big business.
- Mm-hmm.
232
00:08:49,540 --> 00:08:51,741
- You are what makes this country great.
- Oh, come on, Mike.
233
00:08:51,792 --> 00:08:54,911
- You know assimilation takes
time... a generation or two.
- Yeah, yeah, I get it.
234
00:08:54,962 --> 00:08:56,746
I mean, germane fresh off the boat
235
00:08:56,797 --> 00:08:58,131
still spoke German in the home.
236
00:08:58,165 --> 00:09:00,299
Yeah, but I think the germane
somewhere in their minds
237
00:09:00,334 --> 00:09:04,804
thought one day we'd, uh,
all be "speaking German."
238
00:09:04,838 --> 00:09:06,472
I think it's better for the melting pot
239
00:09:06,507 --> 00:09:08,558
when immigrants preserve
elements of their culture.
240
00:09:08,592 --> 00:09:10,226
I got it. W... when your
folks got here from Spain,
241
00:09:10,260 --> 00:09:12,645
what elements of their
culture did they preserve?
242
00:09:12,680 --> 00:09:14,597
Their hatred of the Portuguese.
243
00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:18,901
Come on, people. Look sharp here.
244
00:09:18,936 --> 00:09:22,238
Who left the backpack here? We do b...
245
00:09:22,272 --> 00:09:23,856
- Ha! Gotcha, Mike! Whoa.
- Hey, hey!
246
00:09:23,890 --> 00:09:24,907
Hey, man!
247
00:09:24,942 --> 00:09:26,909
Hi, Mike. You doing all right, man?
248
00:09:26,944 --> 00:09:29,228
I'm doing good, yeah. What,
the homeless shelter shut down?
249
00:09:30,731 --> 00:09:32,532
Now, look, if you was a 10-point buck,
250
00:09:32,566 --> 00:09:35,251
we'd be field dressing you right now.
251
00:09:35,285 --> 00:09:37,587
Uh, actually, I've hunted
with you guys before.
252
00:09:37,621 --> 00:09:40,273
You'd have to get a lot closer
than this to a deer to kill it.
253
00:09:40,307 --> 00:09:41,874
Ha! Maybe.
254
00:09:41,909 --> 00:09:43,543
'Cause deer are smart and they move fast.
255
00:09:43,577 --> 00:09:47,797
You? I'd have you on the
hood of my truck, son.
256
00:09:47,848 --> 00:09:49,298
So, uh, deer season.
257
00:09:49,349 --> 00:09:50,967
I guess you guys are ready for that?
258
00:09:51,018 --> 00:09:52,301
Let's go. We want to get geared up.
259
00:09:52,352 --> 00:09:53,636
All right. Kyle!
260
00:09:53,687 --> 00:09:55,805
- You remember these boys.
- Yeah!
261
00:09:55,856 --> 00:09:57,857
How could I forget our two best customers?
262
00:09:57,891 --> 00:09:59,925
And who could forget...
263
00:10:01,061 --> 00:10:03,196
Kyle?
264
00:10:03,230 --> 00:10:05,448
You know, I just said his
name three seconds ago.
265
00:10:05,482 --> 00:10:06,649
I haven't seen you guys
266
00:10:06,700 --> 00:10:09,318
since you took me
hunting for jackass-alope.
267
00:10:09,369 --> 00:10:11,204
I can't believe we didn't even see one.
268
00:10:11,238 --> 00:10:13,039
Oh, we saw one.
269
00:10:13,073 --> 00:10:14,874
Anyways, I want you to outfit these guys,
270
00:10:14,908 --> 00:10:17,910
get 'em all ready for
that man-vs.-nature battle.
271
00:10:17,944 --> 00:10:20,630
Now, look here. We don't
want nature to have a chance.
272
00:10:20,664 --> 00:10:21,798
Right. Right.
273
00:10:21,832 --> 00:10:24,634
I see you guys already got
your sweet hunting camo.
274
00:10:24,668 --> 00:10:28,254
Hunting camo? This is my Sunday best.
275
00:10:28,288 --> 00:10:30,506
Yeah, we just came from church.
276
00:10:30,557 --> 00:10:31,724
Oh.
277
00:10:31,759 --> 00:10:33,459
- [Laughs] We're just joking with you. - eYeah.
278
00:10:35,179 --> 00:10:36,596
You still dating Baxter's daughter?
279
00:10:36,630 --> 00:10:38,314
Sure am. Mandy's in college now.
280
00:10:38,348 --> 00:10:40,433
She's been telling me about philosophy.
281
00:10:40,467 --> 00:10:42,268
It's really opened my mind.
282
00:10:42,302 --> 00:10:45,271
Then all the butterflies flew out.
283
00:10:45,305 --> 00:10:47,440
My philosophy is, "hey, if it ain't broke,
284
00:10:47,474 --> 00:10:49,792
hey, you got hosed buying the warranty."
285
00:10:50,794 --> 00:10:52,695
All right, look, I'm
gonna need some thermals,
286
00:10:52,746 --> 00:10:55,248
'cause we're gonna be
in the woods for a week,
287
00:10:55,282 --> 00:10:58,000
and I ain't spooning with this cat.
288
00:10:58,035 --> 00:11:00,503
When you're up there, just remember...
289
00:11:00,537 --> 00:11:02,338
when you're looking into the abyss,
290
00:11:02,372 --> 00:11:04,841
the abyss also looks into you.
291
00:11:04,875 --> 00:11:07,877
Yep. I'm looking into an abyss right now.
292
00:11:08,595 --> 00:11:10,997
Right between your ears.
293
00:11:11,799 --> 00:11:13,099
You just quoted Nietzsche?
294
00:11:13,133 --> 00:11:15,017
No. Mandy.
295
00:11:15,052 --> 00:11:16,519
Hey, Baxter,
296
00:11:16,553 --> 00:11:20,189
can we get somebody besides
ladybeard here to help us?
297
00:11:23,143 --> 00:11:24,977
- Hey, babe.
- Hey.
298
00:11:25,011 --> 00:11:26,612
Did you get Boyd to school on time?
299
00:11:26,647 --> 00:11:29,115
Yep. We were early. He even got a desk.
300
00:11:29,149 --> 00:11:31,951
Oh, nice hustle, honey. Mm.
301
00:11:31,985 --> 00:11:34,687
So, uh, my dad's coming over.
302
00:11:36,189 --> 00:11:37,657
Here?
303
00:11:37,691 --> 00:11:38,825
Yeah.
304
00:11:38,859 --> 00:11:40,776
Well, what do you think he wants?
305
00:11:40,811 --> 00:11:43,329
I imagine that will come
up when he gets here.
306
00:11:43,363 --> 00:11:45,298
Well, how do I look?!
307
00:11:45,332 --> 00:11:48,835
Adorable, but [Chuckles] why do you care?
308
00:11:48,869 --> 00:11:50,503
It's the first time him
visiting since we moved in.
309
00:11:50,537 --> 00:11:52,538
It's a little weird, him just showing up.
310
00:11:52,556 --> 00:11:55,057
You know, I... I mean, what's
his game? What's his angle?
311
00:11:55,092 --> 00:11:56,442
F... friendliness?
312
00:11:57,461 --> 00:11:59,512
Oh, no. You're right. What is his angle?
313
00:11:59,546 --> 00:12:01,430
Okay, well, whatever he throws at us,
314
00:12:01,481 --> 00:12:03,266
we need to maintain a united front.
315
00:12:03,317 --> 00:12:04,734
Okay. I'll be right behind you.
316
00:12:04,768 --> 00:12:05,735
[Doorbell rings] Great.
317
00:12:05,769 --> 00:12:08,070
That means he'll kill me first.
318
00:12:10,490 --> 00:12:11,607
Hey!
319
00:12:11,658 --> 00:12:12,608
Kristin: Hey.
320
00:12:12,659 --> 00:12:14,527
A little housewarming gift.
321
00:12:14,561 --> 00:12:15,695
[Chuckles] Hey.
322
00:12:15,729 --> 00:12:16,863
Hey. Thanks, dad.
323
00:12:16,897 --> 00:12:18,831
Felt a little weird
carrying a bottle of wine
324
00:12:18,866 --> 00:12:22,835
in this neighborhood without
being sprawled on the sidewalk.
325
00:12:22,870 --> 00:12:26,205
Welcome, Mike. Mi casa es su casa.
326
00:12:26,239 --> 00:12:27,957
Great.
327
00:12:28,008 --> 00:12:30,343
Anyhow, listen.
328
00:12:30,377 --> 00:12:33,012
Speaking of su casa, uh,
your mom and I would like
329
00:12:33,046 --> 00:12:36,582
to offer you our casa...
or at least the address...
330
00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:38,834
in case you want to send Boyd
331
00:12:38,869 --> 00:12:40,853
to the elementary school
in our neighborhood.
332
00:12:40,888 --> 00:12:41,921
[Sighs]
333
00:12:41,939 --> 00:12:44,357
You mean lie to the school district?
334
00:12:44,391 --> 00:12:47,777
[Scoffs] Well, it's not
exactly the Lufthansa heist.
335
00:12:48,979 --> 00:12:50,613
People do this all the time.
336
00:12:50,647 --> 00:12:53,616
And besides, I think...
337
00:12:53,650 --> 00:12:56,118
your mom might like to have
Boyd a couple nights a week.
338
00:12:56,153 --> 00:12:58,004
Oh, it would make mom happy, huh?
339
00:12:58,038 --> 00:13:00,206
- She'd love it. She really would.
- Yeah, okay, dad,
340
00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:02,124
Ryan and I like Boyd going to Wilson
341
00:13:02,159 --> 00:13:03,709
because it's multicultural.
342
00:13:03,744 --> 00:13:05,695
[Scoffs] It's only multicultural now
343
00:13:05,729 --> 00:13:07,747
because Boyd is going there.
344
00:13:08,682 --> 00:13:10,883
This is not up for debate.
345
00:13:10,918 --> 00:13:12,418
- Ryan and I are completely together on this.
- I'm not gonna debate. L... listen. Listen. I just...
346
00:13:12,452 --> 00:13:14,754
We want to be a part of
the solution at Wilson,
347
00:13:14,788 --> 00:13:16,973
not a part of the problem, right, Ryan?
348
00:13:20,510 --> 00:13:21,811
Wait. We could... we could do that?
349
00:13:21,845 --> 00:13:23,930
- We could use your address?
- Yeah.
350
00:13:23,964 --> 00:13:28,067
But we don't want to because
we're happy with our school.
351
00:13:28,101 --> 00:13:29,385
Well, we kind of had to be happy
352
00:13:29,419 --> 00:13:31,587
because that was our only option, Kris.
353
00:13:31,622 --> 00:13:34,757
Should we have gone over the
definition of "united front"?
354
00:13:34,791 --> 00:13:36,141
Honey, face it.
355
00:13:36,159 --> 00:13:38,127
Wilson is overcrowded, and
the faculty is overwhelmed.
356
00:13:38,161 --> 00:13:41,847
I mean, at my first P.T.A.
meeting, I was the only "P."
357
00:13:41,882 --> 00:13:45,868
So you were all alone
with just "T" and "A"?
358
00:13:50,323 --> 00:13:52,124
Come on. Let's be real.
359
00:13:52,159 --> 00:13:53,626
H... he should be able to go to a school
360
00:13:53,660 --> 00:13:54,961
where he can have a desk every day
361
00:13:54,995 --> 00:13:57,129
and 6th graders don't
steal your lunch money.
362
00:13:57,164 --> 00:13:58,447
Boyd was robbed?
363
00:13:58,482 --> 00:13:59,799
No. Me.
364
00:14:01,385 --> 00:14:03,352
But these girls were really aggressive.
365
00:14:03,387 --> 00:14:06,939
But, Ryan, what ever happened
to "it takes a village"?
366
00:14:07,007 --> 00:14:08,140
It does take a village.
367
00:14:08,191 --> 00:14:10,142
I just think that when it comes to our son,
368
00:14:10,176 --> 00:14:12,812
I'd prefer to be in your dad's village.
369
00:14:12,846 --> 00:14:14,447
We really have a great village,
370
00:14:14,481 --> 00:14:17,300
although you got to look pretty
hard to find a good bum fight.
371
00:14:17,334 --> 00:14:19,201
Oh, oh, so people in other villages
372
00:14:19,236 --> 00:14:21,570
aren't as good as the
people in your village?
373
00:14:21,621 --> 00:14:23,622
- They just don't build as good of schools.
- See?
374
00:14:23,657 --> 00:14:25,207
This is why I moved Boyd out of your house,
375
00:14:25,242 --> 00:14:26,542
so that he wouldn't have to grow up
376
00:14:26,576 --> 00:14:29,378
listening to toxic ideas like that one.
377
00:14:32,032 --> 00:14:33,249
Well, it's your call.
378
00:14:33,300 --> 00:14:35,167
- I was just looking out for Boyd.
- No, no, no.
379
00:14:35,202 --> 00:14:36,502
You were just looking
out for yourself, dad.
380
00:14:36,536 --> 00:14:38,337
Okay, this isn't about Clark and Wilson.
381
00:14:38,371 --> 00:14:41,807
This is about you wanting
Boyd around your house more.
382
00:14:41,842 --> 00:14:44,143
Tucked that kid in for five years.
383
00:14:44,177 --> 00:14:47,480
Maybe I'm having a tough
time letting that go.
384
00:14:49,850 --> 00:14:51,817
[Scoffs] I can't believe
you just ganged up on me
385
00:14:51,852 --> 00:14:53,602
- in front of my dad like that!
- Aw, come Kris.
386
00:14:53,653 --> 00:14:55,254
You would jump at the
idea of switching schools
387
00:14:55,288 --> 00:14:56,655
if it came from anybody but your father.
388
00:14:56,690 --> 00:14:58,107
That is not true!
389
00:14:58,158 --> 00:14:59,442
No, that is true.
390
00:14:59,493 --> 00:15:01,077
We both know that Clark is a better school,
391
00:15:01,111 --> 00:15:02,611
and you're just disagreeing with your dad
392
00:15:02,662 --> 00:15:03,829
just to disagree with him.
393
00:15:03,864 --> 00:15:05,331
I mean, he says, "up," and you say, "down."
394
00:15:05,365 --> 00:15:06,916
You go against him just to drive him crazy
395
00:15:06,950 --> 00:15:08,584
even when he's right.
396
00:15:11,371 --> 00:15:12,671
Wait.
397
00:15:12,706 --> 00:15:14,707
That's not the reason
you're with me, is it?
398
00:15:26,246 --> 00:15:28,564
I kicked a hornet's nest by just suggesting
399
00:15:28,598 --> 00:15:31,133
that Boyd attend another elementary school.
400
00:15:31,168 --> 00:15:32,251
Well, if there's one thing
401
00:15:32,302 --> 00:15:33,919
that mothers have a high tolerance for,
402
00:15:33,970 --> 00:15:36,722
it's unwanted tips about their parenting.
403
00:15:36,757 --> 00:15:38,724
She called my involvement toxic.
404
00:15:38,759 --> 00:15:39,909
Well, of course it is.
405
00:15:39,943 --> 00:15:41,410
You've been a terrible father...
406
00:15:41,445 --> 00:15:42,728
food, shelter, ballet lessons.
407
00:15:42,763 --> 00:15:45,181
I'm gonna call the cops on you.
408
00:15:47,217 --> 00:15:50,519
Hey, boys. Welcome back.
You are my best customers.
409
00:15:50,553 --> 00:15:52,988
Well, this time, we are gonna get a deer.
410
00:15:53,023 --> 00:15:55,157
Okay, if you scatter
shots actually bag a buck,
411
00:15:55,192 --> 00:15:57,943
I will cook you my world-famous
chicken-fried venison.
412
00:15:57,994 --> 00:16:01,230
It's only world-famous 'cause
you won't shut up about it.
413
00:16:02,499 --> 00:16:05,468
Hey. What's with ladybeard over here?
414
00:16:05,502 --> 00:16:06,836
What's his problem?
415
00:16:06,870 --> 00:16:09,088
Been in that boat a couple hours.
416
00:16:09,122 --> 00:16:11,257
My daughter broke his brain.
417
00:16:11,291 --> 00:16:12,591
Well, in all fairness,
418
00:16:12,626 --> 00:16:15,761
I think it come from the
factory a little wonky.
419
00:16:16,797 --> 00:16:18,097
I think we can talk to him.
420
00:16:18,131 --> 00:16:22,918
We're pretty good at coaxing
nervous critters out of their dens.
421
00:16:22,936 --> 00:16:24,770
And then we shoot 'em.
422
00:16:25,806 --> 00:16:27,440
Let's skip that step.
423
00:16:27,474 --> 00:16:30,109
Mike, I can't promise the
instinct won't kick in.
424
00:16:31,812 --> 00:16:33,195
Kyle, what are you doing?
425
00:16:33,230 --> 00:16:35,865
Exactly. What are any of us doing?
426
00:16:35,899 --> 00:16:38,367
I just keep thinking about
all this philosophy stuff.
427
00:16:38,401 --> 00:16:41,871
Life is meaningless and
an empty void of despair.
428
00:16:41,905 --> 00:16:45,157
This kid is a major bummer.
429
00:16:45,208 --> 00:16:49,161
Kyle... Kyle, come on. You're only 22.
430
00:16:49,212 --> 00:16:51,497
Things are gonna get a lot worse.
431
00:16:52,582 --> 00:16:55,718
Kyle, look, before Baxter's daughter
432
00:16:55,752 --> 00:16:57,887
shorted all your wires out,
433
00:16:57,921 --> 00:17:00,222
what gave your life meaning?
434
00:17:00,257 --> 00:17:02,558
I don't know. I... I guess
I always found meaning
435
00:17:02,592 --> 00:17:04,643
in what I learned at Sunday school.
436
00:17:04,678 --> 00:17:05,845
That's it.
437
00:17:05,896 --> 00:17:07,847
Like Mark 12:31...
438
00:17:07,898 --> 00:17:09,648
"Love your neighbor as yourself."
439
00:17:09,683 --> 00:17:10,933
Yeah, that's a good one.
440
00:17:10,967 --> 00:17:13,569
That Mark had better neighbors than me.
441
00:17:13,603 --> 00:17:15,938
I'm your neighbor.
442
00:17:15,972 --> 00:17:18,240
Hey, you're making my point.
443
00:17:18,275 --> 00:17:20,910
Stick with the big man upstairs,
444
00:17:20,944 --> 00:17:22,745
you'll never have another day of your life
445
00:17:22,779 --> 00:17:24,180
at won't have purpose.
446
00:17:24,247 --> 00:17:25,498
Yeah.
447
00:17:25,532 --> 00:17:27,600
- Jesus is pretty awesome.
- Oh, yeah.
448
00:17:27,634 --> 00:17:29,335
You take a cue from
the greatest philosopher
449
00:17:29,369 --> 00:17:30,536
that ever walked the earth.
450
00:17:30,587 --> 00:17:33,539
My apologies to... Newt Gingrich.
451
00:17:33,590 --> 00:17:35,791
Thanks, guys.
452
00:17:35,825 --> 00:17:37,042
I'm back, Mr. B.
453
00:17:37,093 --> 00:17:39,512
Good. Because you owe me two hours.
454
00:17:39,546 --> 00:17:40,713
You got it.
455
00:17:40,764 --> 00:17:42,381
"I can do all things through
him who strengthens me."
456
00:17:42,432 --> 00:17:44,133
Philippians 4:13.
457
00:17:44,167 --> 00:17:46,969
That's right. You go weird
on me again, you're fired!
458
00:17:47,003 --> 00:17:49,188
Mike Baxter, 12:25.
459
00:17:53,977 --> 00:17:55,194
- Ooh.
- Oh.
460
00:17:56,512 --> 00:17:59,148
Hi, dad. Uh, I still have my key.
461
00:17:59,182 --> 00:18:01,317
Should I have rung the doorbell?
Just seems kind of weird.
462
00:18:01,351 --> 00:18:03,652
Kris, this is always gonna
be your house, all right?
463
00:18:03,686 --> 00:18:06,739
Even though I've got a foosball
table where your bed used to be.
464
00:18:08,241 --> 00:18:10,543
So, dad, uh, Ryan and I talked,
465
00:18:10,577 --> 00:18:13,379
and we signed Boyd up for Clark today.
466
00:18:13,413 --> 00:18:16,382
So... you won.
467
00:18:16,416 --> 00:18:18,067
Boyd's the winner here.
468
00:18:18,101 --> 00:18:19,351
And so am I.
469
00:18:22,339 --> 00:18:23,806
Dad, about this morning,
470
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:26,508
I should never have called you toxic.
471
00:18:26,542 --> 00:18:28,310
Because it's not true?
472
00:18:28,345 --> 00:18:31,263
I just shouldn't have said it.
473
00:18:31,298 --> 00:18:34,233
Yes, you have your things
you feel strongly about
474
00:18:34,267 --> 00:18:36,101
that I think are insane.
475
00:18:36,186 --> 00:18:38,954
You know, funny. This started off
sounding like it was gonna be an apology.
476
00:18:38,989 --> 00:18:40,956
And sometimes you say
things in front of Boyd
477
00:18:40,991 --> 00:18:43,025
that... that make my skin crawl.
478
00:18:43,059 --> 00:18:45,694
Boy, still not the apology words.
479
00:18:45,728 --> 00:18:49,365
But you can also be amazingly great.
480
00:18:49,399 --> 00:18:51,533
That's all part of the
package of Mike Baxter,
481
00:18:51,567 --> 00:18:54,637
a package I definitely want in Boyd's life.
482
00:18:54,671 --> 00:18:56,305
So...
483
00:18:56,339 --> 00:18:57,673
I'm sorry.
484
00:18:57,707 --> 00:18:59,925
There it is.
485
00:19:01,161 --> 00:19:03,312
And don't worry about calling me toxic.
486
00:19:03,346 --> 00:19:06,799
Your mom calls me toxic all the time.
487
00:19:06,850 --> 00:19:10,803
Of course, we share a bathroom.
488
00:19:10,854 --> 00:19:13,305
- Hey, honey.
- Oh, hey. Ooh, I almost forgot.
489
00:19:13,356 --> 00:19:15,307
- I got something for you guys.
- What? What? What?
490
00:19:15,358 --> 00:19:18,527
It is a gift certificate to Toy World.
491
00:19:18,561 --> 00:19:21,063
[Gasps, chuckles]
492
00:19:22,765 --> 00:19:25,901
Uh, wow. I've been meaning
to sneak into that place.
493
00:19:25,935 --> 00:19:27,119
I... [Laughs]
494
00:19:27,153 --> 00:19:31,123
Oh! No! Not that Toy World!
495
00:19:31,157 --> 00:19:33,042
Mom!
496
00:19:33,076 --> 00:19:36,712
I... I thought that you
guys could go with Boyd
497
00:19:36,746 --> 00:19:39,248
- to pick something out...
- Oh.
498
00:19:39,282 --> 00:19:40,582
Since he's gonna be spending more time here
499
00:19:40,616 --> 00:19:43,002
before and after school.
500
00:19:43,053 --> 00:19:46,305
Oh, yay! Oh, good! Good!
501
00:19:46,339 --> 00:19:48,257
Good!
502
00:19:48,291 --> 00:19:50,059
He loves "Go, Diego, go!"
503
00:19:50,093 --> 00:19:51,393
Of course he does.
504
00:19:51,428 --> 00:19:53,062
Now that Diego's here...
505
00:19:53,096 --> 00:19:55,497
he's not going anywhere.
506
00:20:02,590 --> 00:20:04,375
Hi, Blanca.
507
00:20:04,409 --> 00:20:06,093
Welcome home, Mr. Mike.
I have your favorite...
508
00:20:06,127 --> 00:20:08,578
a frosted mug and spiced nuts on the tray.
509
00:20:08,596 --> 00:20:11,265
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
510
00:20:11,299 --> 00:20:14,051
You know, when an American
woman serves your nuts on a tray,
511
00:20:14,085 --> 00:20:17,855
it means something totally different.
512
00:20:17,889 --> 00:20:21,175
Ha! But, Mr. Mike, an American
woman did serve nuts to you.
513
00:20:21,209 --> 00:20:22,943
- No way!
- Mm-hmm!
514
00:20:22,977 --> 00:20:24,228
Oh, congratulations!
515
00:20:24,262 --> 00:20:26,196
- Oh, thank you!
- Ohh!
516
00:20:26,231 --> 00:20:29,066
Wow! That is such good news!
517
00:20:29,100 --> 00:20:31,535
Well, it's good to be here
I mean, to really be here.
518
00:20:31,569 --> 00:20:33,070
- Now you're part of the club!
- Mm-hmm.
519
00:20:33,104 --> 00:20:34,238
- Confidentially...
- Hmm?
520
00:20:34,272 --> 00:20:36,707
At the Alamo, we weren't really trying.
521
00:20:42,597 --> 00:20:44,948
Shake a leg there, Baxter. We're hungry.
522
00:20:44,966 --> 00:20:47,468
Yeah, dad. This chicken-fried
buck died a hero.
523
00:20:47,502 --> 00:20:48,802
Let's eat him while he's still warm.
524
00:20:48,837 --> 00:20:51,722
Wow. That actually smells really good.
525
00:20:51,789 --> 00:20:53,257
Just pretend it doesn't have a face.
526
00:20:53,291 --> 00:20:55,559
You're on a roll
abandoning your principles.
527
00:20:56,845 --> 00:20:59,446
Any comfort to you... he
didn't have a face long.
528
00:20:59,481 --> 00:21:01,465
All right. Listen up.
Um, before we get started,
529
00:21:01,499 --> 00:21:03,133
I just want to say whether
you've been in America
530
00:21:03,151 --> 00:21:05,135
for hundreds of years like your families
531
00:21:05,153 --> 00:21:08,605
or an American for just two days,
532
00:21:08,639 --> 00:21:11,825
I feel blessed to be sharing
this country with all of you.
533
00:21:11,860 --> 00:21:13,944
- Want to do the honors?
- Sure.
534
00:21:13,978 --> 00:21:16,096
Let us pray.
535
00:21:16,131 --> 00:21:18,248
Lord, our God is one God.
536
00:21:18,283 --> 00:21:19,466
We pray that we love you
537
00:21:19,501 --> 00:21:21,935
with all our hearts,
soul, mind, and strength.
538
00:21:21,970 --> 00:21:24,455
We pray that we love
our neighbor as ourself,
539
00:21:24,489 --> 00:21:26,790
and there's no greater
commandment than this.
540
00:21:26,825 --> 00:21:28,342
- Amen.
- All: Amen.
541
00:21:28,376 --> 00:21:29,326
All right.
542
00:21:29,344 --> 00:21:32,596
Vanessa: Okay. Oh, my. Okay. Dig in.
543
00:21:32,597 --> 00:21:41,010
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
40516
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