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1
00:02:48,744 --> 00:02:51,030
I never intended to have some
kind of a mystery about us.
2
00:02:51,031 --> 00:02:54,031
It's just that I didn't have
anything to say, in the beginning.
3
00:02:54,032 --> 00:02:57,465
And now, that it's gone on long enough,
then there's actually a story ...
4
00:02:57,466 --> 00:03:00,966
... in a way. I mean, still I think,
every night that you leave I think:
5
00:03:00,991 --> 00:03:03,191
God, my life's so fucking boring.
6
00:03:03,202 --> 00:03:05,144
There is so many people that I know...
7
00:03:05,169 --> 00:03:07,469
We don't deserve to have
a book written about us.
8
00:03:09,845 --> 00:03:13,667
I know that I have to talk about
details of my life.
9
00:03:13,668 --> 00:03:16,640
You know, I enjoy talking
to you ... but I don't
10
00:03:16,641 --> 00:03:21,090
... I don't think I'm going to be
any more open with ...
11
00:03:21,115 --> 00:03:25,315
with my personal life in any other
interview in the future.
12
00:03:26,091 --> 00:03:28,921
Because people don't fucking
deserve to know ...
13
00:03:28,922 --> 00:03:31,816
really. I mean, it's none of
their goddamn business ...
14
00:03:31,817 --> 00:03:34,746
... what my personal life
is like, now.
15
00:03:35,647 --> 00:03:37,547
Fuck them!
16
00:03:37,548 --> 00:03:40,048
They don't need to know
everything about me.
17
00:03:40,073 --> 00:03:43,773
♪I don't want a pickle♪
18
00:03:46,700 --> 00:03:50,600
♪Just wanna ride on my motorcycle♪
19
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:56,700
♪I don't want a tickle♪
20
00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:03,600
♪'Cause I'd rather ride on my motorcycle♪
21
00:04:06,025 --> 00:04:09,825
♪And I don't wanna die♪
22
00:04:11,900 --> 00:04:16,600
♪Just wanna ride on my motorcycle♪
23
00:04:20,128 --> 00:04:23,317
I always wanted to think
that I was an alien.
24
00:04:23,318 --> 00:04:28,234
I used to think when I was young that
I was adopted by my mother, ...
25
00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:31,348
because they found me
and a spaceship ...
26
00:04:31,349 --> 00:04:33,134
... let me on a hustle(?)
on a different planet.
27
00:04:33,159 --> 00:04:35,134
I wanted to be(?) from
a different planet really bad.
28
00:04:35,135 --> 00:04:42,968
Every night I used to talk to my real
parents and my real family in the skies.
29
00:04:44,121 --> 00:04:49,065
I knew that there were thousands of
other alien babies dropped off.
30
00:04:49,671 --> 00:04:52,980
And they're all over the place.
And I've met quite a few of 'em.
31
00:04:52,981 --> 00:04:55,473
It's just something that I always liked
to toy with in my mind.
32
00:04:55,498 --> 00:04:58,198
It was really fun
to pretend that, you know.
33
00:04:58,474 --> 00:05:00,752
There's a special reason for me
to be here...
34
00:05:00,787 --> 00:05:04,156
... and I feel really homesick
all the time.
35
00:05:04,157 --> 00:05:06,857
And so do the other aliens.
And I only have a chance to ...
36
00:05:06,858 --> 00:05:09,393
come across a handful of other aliens
37
00:05:09,394 --> 00:05:11,848
throughout the rest of my life.
38
00:05:11,849 --> 00:05:16,207
... Eventually one day we'll find out
what we're supposed to do.
39
00:05:57,720 --> 00:06:01,980
Until I was about 8 years old
I had an extremely happy childhood.
40
00:06:01,981 --> 00:06:04,874
A really good one, with a
totally affectionate mother.
41
00:06:05,009 --> 00:06:09,048
And she was totally supportive and
helping me do art.
42
00:06:09,049 --> 00:06:14,881
I was always drawing and reading and
she was really into supporting me and ...
43
00:06:14,882 --> 00:06:18,477
I had a great time, a really good
childhood during that time.
44
00:06:19,078 --> 00:06:21,942
I had everything in focus,
I knew exactly what I was going to do
45
00:06:21,943 --> 00:06:23,395
and nothing could stop me.
46
00:06:23,396 --> 00:06:28,084
And I knew that I could do whatever I
wanted 'cause the world was really small...
47
00:06:28,359 --> 00:06:31,547
... and things just happened to have
laid down before me with luck ...
48
00:06:31,548 --> 00:06:33,548
... and I didn't have any problem,
49
00:06:33,573 --> 00:06:37,073
there were no obstacles
in my life, at that time.
50
00:06:39,147 --> 00:06:41,835
I was never really a bad kid.
51
00:06:42,031 --> 00:06:44,427
but I did things like, you know,
I would take ...
52
00:06:44,428 --> 00:06:46,528
... a ??? can and fill it
full with rocks ...
53
00:06:46,553 --> 00:06:49,353
... and stand behind a fence
and throw it at cars.
54
00:06:49,496 --> 00:06:51,762
I had this thing about cops, too.
55
00:06:51,763 --> 00:06:54,063
I had this saying called
"Corn on the cops.
56
00:06:54,088 --> 00:06:57,288
Corn on the cops. The cops are
coming, they're gonna kill you."
57
00:06:57,362 --> 00:07:00,948
I used to take those cans and throw them
at cop cop cars, whenever I saw them.
58
00:07:00,949 --> 00:07:03,743
And every time I saw a cop
I'd start singing that ...
59
00:07:03,778 --> 00:07:08,492
... pointing at them and tell them
that they were evil.
60
00:07:08,504 --> 00:07:10,040
My aunt Mary ...
61
00:07:10,041 --> 00:07:13,182
... I guess you would call her
an aspiring musician ...
62
00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:16,343
... she was in a lot of bar bands
in Aberdeen ...
63
00:07:16,344 --> 00:07:20,008
... and she was definitely the most
helpful person in my life ...
64
00:07:20,009 --> 00:07:22,509
... as far as music
because she gave me ...
65
00:07:22,618 --> 00:07:26,318
... an electric Hawaiian guitar and an
amplifier when I was like 8 years old.
66
00:07:26,398 --> 00:07:29,626
... and she was the one responsible for
giving me the Beatles records.
67
00:07:30,027 --> 00:07:32,797
And she gave me a bass drum ...
68
00:07:32,798 --> 00:07:37,815
... and I'd strap that on and walk around
with the Elmer's Fudd hat on...
69
00:07:37,816 --> 00:07:40,054
... and my dad's tennis shoes.
70
00:07:40,055 --> 00:07:45,691
And beat on the drum, walk around the
neighborhood singing Beatles songs.
71
00:07:46,254 --> 00:07:49,863
When I was a lot younger I thought
for sure I can be a rock star.
72
00:07:49,864 --> 00:07:52,913
There was no problem, because
I was so hyperactive ...
73
00:07:52,914 --> 00:07:55,046
and the world was in my hands.
I could do anything.
74
00:07:55,047 --> 00:07:57,989
You know, I knew that I could
be the president, if I wanted to.
75
00:07:57,990 --> 00:07:59,548
But that was stupid idea.
76
00:07:59,549 --> 00:08:02,120
You know, rather be a rock star.
77
00:08:02,121 --> 00:08:05,875
I didn't understand my environment,
What was lying ahead.
78
00:08:05,876 --> 00:08:09,569
What kind of alienation I would feel
when I was a teenager ...
79
00:08:09,570 --> 00:08:13,211
because I thought of Aberdeen as
like any other city in America.
80
00:08:13,212 --> 00:08:14,541
I thought they were all the same.
81
00:08:14,542 --> 00:08:18,042
Everyone just got along and ...
82
00:08:18,067 --> 00:08:21,867
... there wasn't nearly as much of
violence as there actually was and ...
83
00:08:22,099 --> 00:08:24,045
... it would be really easy ...
84
00:08:24,046 --> 00:08:27,571
... and I thought the U.S. was about
as big as my backyard, you know.
85
00:08:27,572 --> 00:08:29,632
So there would be no problem ...
86
00:08:29,633 --> 00:08:32,433
... to drive all over the place and
play in a rock band ...
87
00:08:32,434 --> 00:08:35,286
... and be on the cover
of magazines and stuff, so ...
88
00:08:35,287 --> 00:08:38,785
I had the conditioning
at an early stage ...
89
00:08:38,786 --> 00:08:43,439
... but then when I started becoming
this manic depressive at 9 years old ...
90
00:08:43,474 --> 00:08:46,724
... I didn't look at it that way.
91
00:08:50,618 --> 00:08:54,818
I've always thought, like,
my generation was the very last ...
92
00:08:56,843 --> 00:08:59,843
... innocent generation, you know.
93
00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:04,509
When there was television that wasn't
violent. We didn't have cable.
94
00:09:04,510 --> 00:09:08,997
We had 'Sesame Street' and 'Speed Racer'
and ??? and stuff and that's it.
95
00:09:09,198 --> 00:09:11,204
Everything was a total phantasy.
96
00:09:11,205 --> 00:09:17,491
Everything was just ... very basic ...
just medieval compared to things nowadays.
97
00:09:17,492 --> 00:09:23,120
Kids are so advanced and expected to be
so much more advanced than they are.
98
00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:25,469
I was spanked all the time.
99
00:09:25,470 --> 00:09:30,344
My dad would ... in my social situations
or at restaurants or something,
100
00:09:30,369 --> 00:09:32,769
if I'd spill ... a glass of water
or something
101
00:09:32,845 --> 00:09:36,364
... he'd give my a headlock and ...
dig his knuckles into my head ...
102
00:09:36,389 --> 00:09:38,589
or smack me in the face.
103
00:09:38,890 --> 00:09:40,897
I never understood that, why ...
104
00:09:40,898 --> 00:09:44,009
... a parent would ... be so
embarrassed or so intimidated ...
105
00:09:44,044 --> 00:09:48,070
by ... what other people would think
of you in a restaurant ...
106
00:09:48,071 --> 00:09:50,875
... just because your child spills
something on accident ...
107
00:09:50,876 --> 00:09:53,252
... to have to punish them for
having an accident.
108
00:09:53,453 --> 00:09:57,245
That's a weird psychological
trick to play a child ...
109
00:09:57,246 --> 00:10:00,046
... because ... I still ...
110
00:10:00,371 --> 00:10:03,971
... put myself down and cuss
myself out for knocking things over.
111
00:10:04,011 --> 00:10:05,785
I get really upset with myself ...
112
00:10:05,786 --> 00:10:08,286
... because I've been conditioned
to not spill things, not ...
113
00:10:08,311 --> 00:10:10,511
... don't have accidents,
don't have human error.
114
00:10:10,548 --> 00:10:13,307
Everything's supposed to be perfect
at all times, you know.
115
00:10:14,284 --> 00:10:16,107
Fuck him for that.
116
00:10:25,220 --> 00:10:28,527
He was a tallyman at
Mill(?) Brothers windmill.
117
00:10:28,552 --> 00:10:31,652
So basically he just
walked around all day counting logs.
118
00:10:31,728 --> 00:10:34,828
His idea of father-and-son
day out would be ...
119
00:10:34,853 --> 00:10:37,453
... to take me to work
on Saturdays and Sundays ...
120
00:10:37,488 --> 00:10:41,925
... and I would sit in his office
while he went and counted logs.
121
00:10:42,278 --> 00:10:44,821
Like, quite exciting weekend!
122
00:10:48,714 --> 00:10:52,138
Oh, I drew pictures and made
prank phone calls.
123
00:10:52,771 --> 00:10:57,331
And then I would go out into the
warehouse where they'd stacked 2-by-4s.
124
00:10:57,332 --> 00:11:00,232
You know, really high up into the air
and I would pretend that I was ...
125
00:11:00,257 --> 00:11:02,357
... being chased or chasing robbers ...
126
00:11:02,358 --> 00:11:07,415
... and cops and pretend to be
Superman or any other super-hero.
127
00:11:09,058 --> 00:11:12,008
That was about as exiting
as it got.
128
00:11:12,033 --> 00:11:14,333
♪You say you love me♪
129
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:19,800
♪And I hardly know your name♪
130
00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:28,000
♪And if I say I love you in the candle light♪
131
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:32,400
♪There's no-one but myself to blame♪
132
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,100
♪But there's something inside♪
133
00:11:35,180 --> 00:11:38,758
Then I would take a nap in the van
or listen to Queen ...
134
00:11:38,759 --> 00:11:40,559
... "News of the world" on ?-track ...
135
00:11:40,584 --> 00:11:43,284
... over and over again and
drain the battery on the van.
136
00:11:45,007 --> 00:11:47,266
Then we'd be stuck. It happened a few times
137
00:11:47,267 --> 00:11:51,567
we would get stuck after ??? dead battery
you know, listening to Queen too much.
138
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:58,800
♪It's late♪
139
00:11:58,825 --> 00:12:01,325
♪And I'm bleeding deep inside♪
140
00:12:01,350 --> 00:12:03,950
♪It's late♪
141
00:12:03,975 --> 00:12:06,675
♪Is it just my sickly pride?♪
142
00:12:06,700 --> 00:12:09,200
♪- Too late♪
♪- Even now the♪
143
00:12:09,225 --> 00:12:11,825
♪feeling seems to steal away♪
144
00:12:11,850 --> 00:12:14,650
♪- So late♪
♪- Though I'm crying♪
145
00:12:14,675 --> 00:12:17,375
♪I can't help but hear you say♪
146
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:21,000
♪It's late, It's late, It's late,♪
147
00:12:21,025 --> 00:12:24,025
♪But not too late♪
148
00:12:31,557 --> 00:12:34,883
I never felt I really
had a father, you know.
149
00:12:35,132 --> 00:12:38,965
I've never had a father figure
who I could share things with.
150
00:12:39,466 --> 00:12:42,682
It's hard to remember anything up until
I was 7 years old and ...
151
00:12:42,683 --> 00:12:45,527
... that was the time I was
actually living with him ...
152
00:12:45,728 --> 00:12:48,740
... and he was my dad
and I had a mother and father ...
153
00:12:48,841 --> 00:12:53,491
... and after that I lived with
him for a short time ...
154
00:12:53,492 --> 00:12:57,050
... and then he got married
and after that I was, you know ...
155
00:12:57,051 --> 00:13:02,112
... like one of the last things ...
of importance ... on his list.
156
00:13:05,437 --> 00:13:09,790
If it was me, if I was in that situation
with Courtney and Frances ...
157
00:13:10,129 --> 00:13:11,929
... I still, for the rest of my life,
158
00:13:11,954 --> 00:13:14,454
... would go out on my way
to try to contact Frances ...
159
00:13:14,510 --> 00:13:16,622
... and try to have a relationship
with her ...
160
00:13:16,623 --> 00:13:18,043
... and share things with her ...
161
00:13:18,044 --> 00:13:20,203
... you know, and he just gave up.
162
00:13:20,228 --> 00:13:21,828
♪And tell me that we're through♪
163
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:27,900
♪It's late♪
164
00:13:27,900 --> 00:13:30,600
♪And it's driving me so mad♪
165
00:13:30,625 --> 00:13:32,233
♪It's late♪ ...
166
00:13:32,234 --> 00:13:35,899
I just want him to know that, that I
don't have anything against him, any more.
167
00:13:36,927 --> 00:13:39,627
But I just don't wanna
talk to him, because ...
168
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,852
... I don't have anything
to share with him.
169
00:13:43,882 --> 00:13:48,558
I'm sure that would probably really upset
him, but ... it's just the way it is.
170
00:13:52,039 --> 00:13:56,892
All these kids my age found themselves
asking the question, at the same time:
171
00:13:57,093 --> 00:13:59,970
"Why the fuck are my parents
getting divorced? What's going on? ...
172
00:13:59,971 --> 00:14:02,431
... All my other friends' parents
are getting divorces, too.
173
00:14:03,270 --> 00:14:04,467
Something's not right."
174
00:14:04,468 --> 00:14:07,642
Somehow the way that
our parents were brought up ...
175
00:14:08,543 --> 00:14:10,133
... isn't the way it's supposed to be.
176
00:14:10,134 --> 00:14:11,686
They fucked up, somehow.
177
00:14:11,687 --> 00:14:13,344
They were living in
a phantasy world ...
178
00:14:13,345 --> 00:14:15,120
... so they must have
done something wrong.
179
00:14:15,216 --> 00:14:18,743
They got a divorce, they had to ??? their
oaths, just like my mom did ...
180
00:14:18,744 --> 00:14:21,437
... they had to start
drinking when they were 30 ...
181
00:14:21,462 --> 00:14:22,721
... and ...
182
00:14:22,722 --> 00:14:25,422
... really confused, and going -
and fucking up ...
183
00:14:25,447 --> 00:14:28,447
... over and over again with
raising their children as teenagers ...
184
00:14:28,455 --> 00:14:32,015
... because they don't understand
the things that those kids need.
185
00:14:32,091 --> 00:14:35,075
I mean, I remember all my friends
asking that same question ...
186
00:14:35,076 --> 00:14:36,276
...like 7 years old ...
187
00:14:36,277 --> 00:14:39,392
... and it's really an unnecessary time
to be asking that, you know.
188
00:14:42,734 --> 00:14:46,692
It was just a plague.
It was a total disease.
189
00:14:54,100 --> 00:14:58,700
♪Downed, downed♪
190
00:14:58,725 --> 00:15:01,825
♪out of my head♪
191
00:15:01,850 --> 00:15:06,450
♪'Round, 'round♪
192
00:15:06,475 --> 00:15:09,375
♪out of my head♪
193
00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:12,900
♪Too many people want to save the world♪
194
00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:16,600
♪Another problem is it a boy or girl♪
195
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:21,000
♪Some say the weekend is the only world♪
196
00:15:21,025 --> 00:15:24,025
♪It's such a strange strain on you♪
197
00:15:26,250 --> 00:15:30,098
My story is exactly the same as
90% of everyone my age.
198
00:15:30,141 --> 00:15:32,041
These kids had the same
exact kind of problems.
199
00:15:32,066 --> 00:15:34,666
They smoked pot for a few years
during high school...
200
00:15:34,726 --> 00:15:39,396
They grew up during the era where there
was massive communist threat ...
201
00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:42,157
... and everyone thought we're gonna
die from nuclear war ...
202
00:15:42,158 --> 00:15:46,668
... and more and more violence started to
infuse in our society and ...
203
00:15:47,963 --> 00:15:50,350
... everyone's reaction is the same.
204
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:56,916
I don't think our musical version
of that was any different than ...
205
00:15:56,917 --> 00:16:00,513
... any of the other bands that have
come out the same time we have.
206
00:16:00,568 --> 00:16:02,925
I don't think we're much more special ...
207
00:16:03,030 --> 00:16:07,618
... as far as having that same kind of
damage. It's the same ...
208
00:16:09,721 --> 00:16:12,307
But we got more attention
because our songs have hooks ...
209
00:16:12,308 --> 00:16:14,489
... they stick to people's minds.
210
00:16:16,659 --> 00:16:20,585
Doing PE [physical education] in 8th grade,
I was jumping rope ...
211
00:16:20,586 --> 00:16:22,453
... and all of a sudden
my back gave out ...
212
00:16:22,936 --> 00:16:24,667
... and I had to
go to the hospital ...
213
00:16:24,968 --> 00:16:28,602
because I couldn't breathe.
It felt like it actually broke.
214
00:16:28,603 --> 00:16:30,257
But I'd slip a disk ...
215
00:16:30,258 --> 00:16:33,324
... and then I went to
chiropractor that week ...
216
00:16:33,525 --> 00:16:35,922
... and I found out that I had scoliosis.
217
00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:39,238
And I was supposed to wear a brace
but I didn't want to ...
218
00:16:39,431 --> 00:16:43,874
... and it just so happens that my guitar
playing actually contributed...
219
00:16:43,875 --> 00:16:48,446
... to the rate of my scoliosis growth.
220
00:16:48,447 --> 00:16:50,997
It actually helped it curve more ...
221
00:16:50,998 --> 00:16:55,673
because the weight of the guitar
pushing down on the left side of me ...
222
00:16:56,396 --> 00:16:59,404
made it go like this (?)
so I'm even more deformed.
223
00:17:01,961 --> 00:17:04,076
I have always had
a pain.
224
00:17:04,077 --> 00:17:06,199
I wasn't imagining it.
225
00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:07,870
I was in pain all the time.
226
00:17:08,342 --> 00:17:09,955
I probably psychologically decided...
227
00:17:09,956 --> 00:17:13,550
... to trade off my spine pain
for my stomach pain.
228
00:17:13,551 --> 00:17:16,564
Once my stomach started up, it was
so much more intense than the spine ...
229
00:17:16,565 --> 00:17:19,415
... I haven't thought about my back
for a long time.
230
00:17:21,247 --> 00:17:26,214
I always thought that I had a tendency to
eventually become schizophrenic ...
231
00:17:26,215 --> 00:17:29,070
because I just felt so nervous
all the time ...
232
00:17:29,364 --> 00:17:31,898
I had all these nervous habits.
233
00:17:31,899 --> 00:17:35,878
I once had these compulsive disorder
things that I would do.
234
00:17:35,879 --> 00:17:38,805
Just popping my knuckles and
itching my face and
235
00:17:38,806 --> 00:17:43,380
flicking my hair. I mean, I just
trade off the nervous habits like that.
236
00:17:44,429 --> 00:17:48,896
It was a mixture of like ...
hating people so much ...
237
00:17:48,897 --> 00:17:52,653
because they didn't ..
live up to my expectations ...
238
00:17:52,654 --> 00:17:54,177
... and just being so fed up with ...
239
00:17:54,179 --> 00:17:56,979
... being around the same
kind of idiot all the time.
240
00:17:57,002 --> 00:17:59,820
I mean, everyone is just a
carbon copy of one another.
241
00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:04,860
It was obvious in my face
and how I reacted towards people ...
242
00:18:04,885 --> 00:18:06,885
... that I couldn't stand them, you know.
243
00:18:06,950 --> 00:18:10,292
I had this personal vendetta against them
because they were so macho ...
244
00:18:11,162 --> 00:18:13,632
... and manly ...
and stupid ...
245
00:18:15,247 --> 00:18:18,829
I started to be aware of this,
that people were noticing that ...
246
00:18:19,396 --> 00:18:23,017
... I had this hatred towards
a lot of people ...
247
00:18:24,310 --> 00:18:27,804
... and it was pretty much the general
consensus with everyone that knew me ...
248
00:18:27,829 --> 00:18:31,329
that I couldn't stand them.
I was really edgy all the time.
249
00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:35,950
... and so I just started feeling
really ... neurotic ...
250
00:18:35,951 --> 00:18:37,320
... like paranoid in a way ...
251
00:18:37,321 --> 00:18:41,603
because they knew that I was going to
freak out at any time.
252
00:18:41,604 --> 00:18:44,837
They always thought I was, like,
this kid who would most likely ...
253
00:18:44,862 --> 00:18:48,562
... succeed to ... bring an AK-47
to the school ...
254
00:18:48,638 --> 00:18:50,700
... and blow everybody away.
255
00:19:02,294 --> 00:19:04,517
It wouldn't have been unusual at all ...
256
00:19:04,518 --> 00:19:08,728
... if I would have found at least one
kid with a wacky haircut, you know.
257
00:19:10,076 --> 00:19:12,549
If I could have found
just one punk rocker!
258
00:19:15,594 --> 00:19:19,246
I wanted to fit in somewhere,
but not with the average kid.
259
00:19:19,247 --> 00:19:22,751
Not with the popular
kid at school.
260
00:19:22,752 --> 00:19:27,658
I wanted to fit in with the geeks
but the geeks were 'sub-geeks' ...
261
00:19:28,461 --> 00:19:33,226
in Aberdeen, you know, they were ...
the average geek.
262
00:19:33,504 --> 00:19:36,045
They weren't the type of kid
who would listen to Devo.
263
00:19:36,070 --> 00:19:38,570
They were just usually deformed.
264
00:20:11,924 --> 00:20:14,969
Luckily I found
a gay friend ...
265
00:20:14,970 --> 00:20:19,392
... who basically saved me from
wanting to kill myself half the time.
266
00:20:19,754 --> 00:20:22,367
Apparently everyone in high school
knew he was gay ...
267
00:20:22,368 --> 00:20:24,068
... but they just didn't
bother to tell me ...
268
00:20:24,093 --> 00:20:26,493
... or I just didn't bother
to notice, you know ...
269
00:20:26,819 --> 00:20:29,799
... until he decided to make a pass
at me, one night ....
270
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:34,246
... and I just flatly told him
that I wasn't gay ...
271
00:20:34,247 --> 00:20:36,046
... but I'd still be his friend.
272
00:20:36,047 --> 00:20:40,357
After that I started to realize
that people were looking at me ...
273
00:20:40,858 --> 00:20:44,795
... even more peculiarly
than usual.
274
00:20:45,742 --> 00:20:50,356
And then I started getting...
I started to get brassed.
275
00:20:51,949 --> 00:20:54,493
Like, some of the people ...
especially in gym class ...
276
00:20:54,913 --> 00:20:57,527
they felt threatened because
they were naked ...
277
00:20:57,528 --> 00:20:59,270
... and I was supposably gay, so ...
278
00:21:00,174 --> 00:21:04,235
They'd either better cover up
their penises ... or punch me.
279
00:21:05,164 --> 00:21:06,677
Or both.
280
00:21:08,513 --> 00:21:12,109
But after that I started being
proud of the fact that I was gay ...
281
00:21:12,144 --> 00:21:13,536
... even though I wasn't.
282
00:21:13,708 --> 00:21:15,615
I really enjoyed the conflict.
283
00:21:17,002 --> 00:21:18,779
Pretty exciting.
284
00:21:18,780 --> 00:21:21,675
Because I almost
found my identity.
285
00:21:23,169 --> 00:21:26,274
I was a special geek, you know.
286
00:21:27,574 --> 00:21:30,168
Wasn't quite the punk-rocker
I was looking for, but ...
287
00:21:31,130 --> 00:21:34,920
... at least it was better than, you know,
being the average geek.
288
00:21:49,028 --> 00:21:51,778
One time my mom knew that
I was smoking pot ...
289
00:21:51,779 --> 00:21:54,359
... she tried all these
psychological angles (?) ...
290
00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:56,286
... to try to get me to stop ...
291
00:21:56,287 --> 00:21:59,689
... and she had some pot ...
she had some in her jewelry jar (?) ...
292
00:21:59,690 --> 00:22:00,990
... and I would sneak it out every time,
293
00:22:01,015 --> 00:22:03,115
I'd take a little piece out
every once in a while...
294
00:22:03,188 --> 00:22:05,119
... I'd replace it with oregano.
295
00:22:05,120 --> 00:22:09,467
Eventually she's had a bag of oregano
sitting in her jewelry jar.
296
00:22:09,468 --> 00:22:11,168
During one night she offered
me to come down ...
297
00:22:11,193 --> 00:22:13,893
... with my friend Myer
to smoke some pot with her ...
298
00:22:14,145 --> 00:22:16,134
... and she knew it was oregano ...
299
00:22:16,135 --> 00:22:17,917
... but we didn't know
that she knew that ...
300
00:22:17,918 --> 00:22:20,569
... so we had to sit there and
smoke oregano with her.
301
00:22:22,204 --> 00:22:23,704
But we never got high together,
302
00:22:23,729 --> 00:22:26,729
we didn't smoke pot,
we weren't pot buddies or anything.
303
00:22:27,394 --> 00:22:31,521
The only other time I remember
my mom and pot was ...
304
00:22:31,522 --> 00:22:34,695
... I had a whole 8th of
'Aberdeen Hard Buds' ...
305
00:22:34,696 --> 00:22:38,196
... laying on the table. I was having a party
with Myer and a couple of our friends ...
306
00:22:38,197 --> 00:22:41,917
... they were drinking and we were playing
this pot game like a bong game, you know.
307
00:22:41,931 --> 00:22:44,819
And she came up really drunk
and obnoxious ...
308
00:22:44,820 --> 00:22:47,534
... and she just had something
against me, that night.
309
00:22:47,535 --> 00:22:49,219
She just said I'd be a jerk.
310
00:22:49,220 --> 00:22:53,065
And she came up and, like, was
giving this glassy eyed stare...
311
00:22:53,066 --> 00:22:56,339
... and took my pot and just took a big
chunk of it and swallowed it ...
312
00:22:56,649 --> 00:22:58,115
... and got so stick (?) and high.
313
00:22:58,116 --> 00:23:00,266
-- She told me
that story, yeah ...
314
00:23:01,357 --> 00:23:02,558
That'll teach her.
315
00:23:02,559 --> 00:23:03,659
-- Yeah, really.
316
00:23:07,053 --> 00:23:08,435
There was one teacher ...
317
00:23:08,436 --> 00:23:11,354
... she just appreciated kids
who had original stories.
318
00:23:11,355 --> 00:23:13,514
She was an English teacher
and she just ...
319
00:23:13,515 --> 00:23:18,314
... I would write really insane,
almost offensive stories ...
320
00:23:18,771 --> 00:23:19,992
... and she just loved 'em.
321
00:23:19,993 --> 00:23:21,946
She'd keep me after class ...
322
00:23:21,947 --> 00:23:24,300
... and we would talk for hours.
323
00:23:24,301 --> 00:23:25,606
She was really great.
324
00:23:25,962 --> 00:23:29,601
The only other teacher that I liked
was my senior ... junior and senior
325
00:23:29,692 --> 00:23:32,092
... Commercial art teacher.
326
00:23:32,435 --> 00:23:34,315
He was really supportive, too.
327
00:23:34,316 --> 00:23:36,430
He used me as an example,
all the time...
328
00:23:36,431 --> 00:23:40,658
... and he would submit my artwork
to different art contests...
329
00:23:40,659 --> 00:23:42,126
... throughout the states ...
330
00:23:42,127 --> 00:23:44,102
... behind my back ...
331
00:23:44,103 --> 00:23:45,216
... without my consent ...
332
00:23:45,217 --> 00:23:48,584
... I wasn't into that kind of
competition thing at all...
333
00:23:48,985 --> 00:23:52,738
... so he would do it behind my back and
then give me the ribbons or the trophies.
334
00:23:58,374 --> 00:24:01,177
My family was certain that
I was gonna go to art school...
335
00:24:02,101 --> 00:24:05,012
... but at that time I was so
heavily into punk rock ...
336
00:24:05,013 --> 00:24:08,574
that I decided I wanted to be
in a band instead.
337
00:24:08,575 --> 00:24:11,258
I had two scholarships
waiting for me.
338
00:24:11,759 --> 00:24:14,938
I didn't have any real
intentions in doing them.
339
00:24:14,939 --> 00:24:18,280
I made my mind up at the beginning
of the year that I wasn't gonna go.
340
00:24:18,376 --> 00:24:21,401
-- And what was that ???
in the family?
341
00:24:22,379 --> 00:24:24,035
I was immediately kicked out.
342
00:24:26,885 --> 00:24:29,617
Not so much probably because
I didn't go to art school ...
343
00:24:29,618 --> 00:24:32,251
... but just because I wasn't
doing much with my life.
344
00:24:32,252 --> 00:24:34,778
I didn't have very many ...
ambitions ...
345
00:24:35,499 --> 00:24:38,392
... in the eyes of my parents ...
346
00:24:38,427 --> 00:24:39,792
... although I did.
347
00:24:39,793 --> 00:24:41,757
I was totally into music ...
348
00:24:41,958 --> 00:24:44,907
... and just trying desperately
to start a band.
349
00:24:45,524 --> 00:24:48,583
They just didn't see
that was anything relevant at all.
350
00:24:50,961 --> 00:24:54,532
As soon as I got my guitar
I just became so obsessed with it ...
351
00:24:55,133 --> 00:24:57,711
... and I stuck with it
for so many years ...
352
00:24:57,712 --> 00:25:00,835
... every single night for a few hours,
every day, you know ...
353
00:25:01,725 --> 00:25:04,826
... until I went to bed I had played my
guitar, it's all I ever did.
354
00:25:08,298 --> 00:25:10,463
I wanted to get into punk rock
for a long time ...
355
00:25:10,464 --> 00:25:12,990
because I had the subscription from
"Creem Magazine" ...
356
00:25:13,191 --> 00:25:15,308
... so I would sit in my room and ...
357
00:25:15,309 --> 00:25:17,901
... pretend to play punk --
or what my ...
358
00:25:18,202 --> 00:25:22,027
... what I thought was
punk rock on my guitar.
359
00:25:23,247 --> 00:25:25,435
Which actually turns out
to be pretty similar.
360
00:25:26,466 --> 00:25:28,968
It's just noise. Three chord noise ...
361
00:25:28,969 --> 00:25:30,187
... and screaming ...
362
00:25:30,292 --> 00:25:33,366
And I just felt that that's what
punk rock might be.
363
00:25:33,641 --> 00:25:37,791
During one of my moves between
Aberdeen and Montesano ...
364
00:25:37,792 --> 00:25:40,224
... which is about 20 miles [30 Km]
away from Aberdeen ...
365
00:25:40,225 --> 00:25:42,147
... it's a smaller logging town ...
366
00:25:42,579 --> 00:25:46,890
... I moved it to Montesano and met
Buzz ... Osborne ['Melvins'' singer] ...
367
00:25:47,449 --> 00:25:50,091
... and he turned me onto ..
368
00:25:51,018 --> 00:25:55,018
... tunes in (?) punk rock
by making some compilation tapes for me.
369
00:26:08,343 --> 00:26:09,743
♪My family's just a little weird♪
370
00:26:09,768 --> 00:26:11,368
♪Daddy wears a dress and♪
♪Mommy grows a beard♪
371
00:26:11,393 --> 00:26:12,893
♪All our neighbors♪
♪they complain all the time♪
372
00:26:12,918 --> 00:26:14,518
♪Really don't understand my kind♪
373
00:26:14,543 --> 00:26:16,143
♪Little brother's thrown♪
♪out of school♪
374
00:26:16,168 --> 00:26:17,468
♪Drownin' kiddies in the kiddie pool♪
375
00:26:17,493 --> 00:26:19,093
♪Big brother lives in city jail♪
376
00:26:19,118 --> 00:26:20,718
♪Mom and dad won't pay his bail♪
377
00:26:20,743 --> 00:26:22,243
♪Big sister complains all the time♪
378
00:26:22,268 --> 00:26:23,768
♪She's hooked on barbs and wine♪
379
00:26:23,793 --> 00:26:25,393
♪All my aunts are lying whores♪
380
00:26:25,418 --> 00:26:26,918
♪All my uncles are drinking bores♪
381
00:26:26,943 --> 00:26:28,543
♪Grandma sells dope to high school kids♪
382
00:26:28,568 --> 00:26:30,168
♪Grandpa don't care,♪
♪his mind's on the skids♪
383
00:26:30,193 --> 00:26:31,593
♪No one seems to understand♪
384
00:26:31,618 --> 00:26:33,518
♪Not sure if I'm a woman or a man♪
385
00:26:43,433 --> 00:26:45,665
It took me a few days to accept it.
386
00:26:45,914 --> 00:26:47,396
I really wanted to like it.
387
00:26:47,497 --> 00:26:49,403
It was like a different world.
It was like ...
388
00:26:49,481 --> 00:26:52,413
...all of a sudden listening to
something from a different planet ...
389
00:26:52,757 --> 00:26:55,117
I sensed that it was ...
speaking ...
390
00:26:55,152 --> 00:27:00,704
... more clearly and more realistic than
the average Rock 'n' Roll lyric.
391
00:27:01,153 --> 00:27:02,672
By the end
of the week I was ...
392
00:27:02,673 --> 00:27:06,063
... a certified self-proclaimed
punk rocker.
393
00:27:17,996 --> 00:27:22,054
Yeah, I mean, oh god it's just ...
I'm so glad that ....
394
00:27:22,639 --> 00:27:24,798
... I got into punk rock
at the time that I did ...
395
00:27:24,799 --> 00:27:29,068
because it gave me those
few years that I needed to grow up ...
396
00:27:29,069 --> 00:27:32,938
... and just put my values
in perspective and realize ...
397
00:27:32,939 --> 00:27:34,651
... what kind of a person I am.
398
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,000
♪Banned in D.C.♪
♪with a thousand more places to go.♪
399
00:27:42,025 --> 00:27:45,025
♪Gonna swim across the Atlantic, ♪
♪cause that's the only place I can go.♪
400
00:27:45,050 --> 00:27:47,050
♪You - you can't hurt me♪
401
00:27:47,175 --> 00:27:49,175
♪Moi - I'm banned in D.C.♪
402
00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:51,800
♪Say, say♪
403
00:27:53,500 --> 00:27:55,800
♪We - we got ourselves♪
404
00:27:55,825 --> 00:27:58,025
♪gonna sing it, gonna love it, ♪
♪gonna work it out to any length.♪
405
00:27:58,150 --> 00:28:00,350
♪Don't worry, no worry, ♪
♪about what people say.♪
406
00:28:00,675 --> 00:28:02,975
♪We got ourselves, ♪
♪we gonna make it anyway♪
407
00:28:03,300 --> 00:28:05,300
♪You - you can't hurt me♪
408
00:28:05,725 --> 00:28:07,725
♪Moi - I'm banned in D.C.♪
409
00:28:08,050 --> 00:28:10,050
♪D.C., D.C.♪
410
00:28:11,169 --> 00:28:13,069
Actually becoming a punk rocker ...
411
00:28:13,070 --> 00:28:15,615
... fed into my low self-esteem ...
412
00:28:15,616 --> 00:28:20,979
because it helped me realize that I don't
need to become a rock star, you know, ...
413
00:28:20,980 --> 00:28:23,009
... I don't want to become a rock star.
414
00:28:23,010 --> 00:28:24,583
Not that I can't, you know, ...
415
00:28:24,584 --> 00:28:28,323
because I don't have enough ...
I don't have enough guts, you know.
416
00:28:28,705 --> 00:28:30,992
So I'm always fighting this ...
417
00:28:30,993 --> 00:28:32,889
... thin line that was always, like, ...
418
00:28:32,890 --> 00:28:34,390
... on the left or right side of ...
419
00:28:34,415 --> 00:28:38,015
... not caring and not wanting to
and not being able to ...
420
00:28:39,083 --> 00:28:41,460
... still wanting to prove
myself to people.
421
00:28:42,344 --> 00:28:46,192
I always knew that I was doing
something that was special ...
422
00:28:46,193 --> 00:28:48,572
... I knew that I had
something to offer ...
423
00:28:49,435 --> 00:28:54,028
... and I knew eventually I would have
that opportunity to show people ...
424
00:28:54,424 --> 00:28:56,871
... that I could write good songs ...
425
00:28:57,072 --> 00:29:01,481
... or I could at least contribute
something, musically.
426
00:29:04,210 --> 00:29:05,797
-- When did you meet Krist?
427
00:29:05,932 --> 00:29:08,447
I remember seeing him in high school ...
428
00:29:08,548 --> 00:29:09,935
... a few times ...
429
00:29:09,936 --> 00:29:13,054
... and I think he was definitely
somebody I wanted to meet.
430
00:29:13,055 --> 00:29:16,213
But I never saw him
other than at pep assemblies.
431
00:29:16,314 --> 00:29:20,097
He would usually participate
in some kind of a skit, or something ...
432
00:29:20,098 --> 00:29:24,581
... and I remember thinking: God, he was
this really clever funny loudmouthed person.
433
00:29:24,882 --> 00:29:28,628
I kept - you know, always making it obvious
that I wanted to be in a band ...
434
00:29:28,629 --> 00:29:30,314
... I wanted someone to play with ...
435
00:29:30,315 --> 00:29:32,774
... but still Krist never wanted to.
436
00:29:32,956 --> 00:29:36,252
Until I made the "Fecal Matter" tape
with Dale [Crover, "Melvins"]
437
00:29:36,253 --> 00:29:38,935
and always making it available
for Krist to hear ...
438
00:29:39,136 --> 00:29:41,497
... and he just never bothered
to listen to it ...
439
00:29:41,498 --> 00:29:43,674
... until one day he just came over
and said:
440
00:29:43,675 --> 00:29:45,743
"I finally listened to that
tape you made.
441
00:29:45,844 --> 00:29:48,377
"It's pretty good", you know,
"we should start a band."
442
00:29:49,206 --> 00:29:50,593
Ok, finally!
443
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:03,200
♪There's a place up ahead and I'm goin'♪
444
00:30:03,225 --> 00:30:06,825
♪Just as fast as my feet can fly♪
445
00:30:07,300 --> 00:30:10,500
♪Come away, come away if you're goin'♪
446
00:30:10,525 --> 00:30:14,125
♪Leave the sinkin' ship behind♪
447
00:30:14,150 --> 00:30:17,150
♪Come on the risin' wind♪
448
00:30:17,875 --> 00:30:21,175
♪We're goin' up around the bend♪
449
00:30:24,460 --> 00:30:26,080
-- And so the band started there.
450
00:30:26,281 --> 00:30:29,609
Were you guys jamming together
before that?
451
00:30:30,571 --> 00:30:32,551
When we had the
Creedence Clearwater band ...
452
00:30:32,552 --> 00:30:34,360
... we jammed in Krist's house ...
453
00:30:34,361 --> 00:30:37,361
... in Aberdeen. He had this really
big huge house, that ...
454
00:30:37,403 --> 00:30:40,367
was so fucking cold - it was
in the middle of winter and ...
455
00:30:40,403 --> 00:30:45,539
... you could literally see holes in the
walls where the air was coming through.
456
00:30:52,859 --> 00:30:54,472
And then I got a job at ...
457
00:30:54,604 --> 00:30:57,071
... the "Polynesian Resort" ...
458
00:30:57,372 --> 00:30:59,151
... it was at an ocean shores.
459
00:30:59,352 --> 00:31:01,167
That really sucked.
I hated that.
460
00:31:01,168 --> 00:31:04,256
But I got away with
not working very often, at all ...
461
00:31:04,257 --> 00:31:05,571
because I mainly ...
462
00:31:05,572 --> 00:31:09,196
... swept out the chimneys
in every room of the hotel ...
463
00:31:09,231 --> 00:31:11,319
... so they had no idea
where I was ...
464
00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:13,474
... during the entire
8 hours that I was working.
465
00:31:13,675 --> 00:31:14,882
Then most of the time ...
466
00:31:14,883 --> 00:31:16,915
... people wouldn't even use
their fireplaces ...
467
00:31:16,950 --> 00:31:18,084
... so I would just ...
468
00:31:18,085 --> 00:31:21,096
... clean out a few fireplaces, run
through the building really fast ...
469
00:31:21,097 --> 00:31:24,097
... and then lie down and sleep for a few
hours and watch television.
470
00:31:24,182 --> 00:31:25,681
It was a great job!
471
00:31:25,706 --> 00:31:27,294
-- That's so rude.
472
00:31:27,295 --> 00:31:29,108
They eventually caught on ...
473
00:31:29,109 --> 00:31:30,971
and started monitoring me.
474
00:31:30,972 --> 00:31:32,790
Then I got caught.
475
00:31:32,791 --> 00:31:34,556
-- And that was that?
-- Mhm.
476
00:31:35,477 --> 00:31:38,099
I've always been an
extremely lazy person ...
477
00:31:38,550 --> 00:31:39,893
when it comes to work.
478
00:31:39,894 --> 00:31:42,843
But [it's not so much] the job itself.
479
00:31:42,878 --> 00:31:45,543
It's trying to stay away
from the co-workers.
480
00:31:45,644 --> 00:31:48,824
I've always had
this terrible ...
481
00:31:49,252 --> 00:31:51,313
relationship with co-workers.
482
00:31:51,314 --> 00:31:53,156
I just cannot get along with ...
483
00:31:53,157 --> 00:31:54,721
... average people.
484
00:31:54,922 --> 00:31:56,161
You know, they just bother --
485
00:31:56,162 --> 00:31:57,848
They get on my nerves so bad ...
486
00:31:57,855 --> 00:32:00,316
I just can't
ignore them, at all.
487
00:32:00,351 --> 00:32:02,192
I have to confront them and...
488
00:32:02,193 --> 00:32:04,428
... and just tell them
that I hate their guts ...
489
00:32:04,429 --> 00:32:06,392
... or not talk to them.
490
00:32:08,068 --> 00:32:09,789
I didn't have any place to live
for like ...
491
00:32:09,790 --> 00:32:12,274
... almost the entire winter.
492
00:32:12,375 --> 00:32:15,058
I just slept on people's couches ...
493
00:32:15,259 --> 00:32:19,130
... and slept on the back of
Dale's porch in a box.
494
00:32:19,385 --> 00:32:20,556
And just all over the place.
495
00:32:21,369 --> 00:32:22,851
It was cool, because ...
496
00:32:22,852 --> 00:32:24,568
... it was just convenient ...
497
00:32:24,569 --> 00:32:26,215
to stay on people's couches ...
498
00:32:26,216 --> 00:32:27,890
... because I would end up
buying beer ...
499
00:32:27,891 --> 00:32:29,864
... and then we would drink
that night and that beer ...
500
00:32:29,865 --> 00:32:31,865
... at someone's house and
I'd just stay overnight ...
501
00:32:31,868 --> 00:32:33,947
... and then go somewhere else,
the next day ...
502
00:32:33,948 --> 00:32:36,965
and I'd just, like, go back and forth
between everybody's houses.
503
00:32:37,081 --> 00:32:40,574
But I mean, after a while, after a couple
of months I wore my welcome out ...
504
00:32:40,775 --> 00:32:42,884
... and then I was pretty destitute.
505
00:32:43,233 --> 00:32:45,411
I was sleeping under the bridge,
a while and it was ...
506
00:32:45,412 --> 00:32:48,281
... one of the coldest winters
I can remember, too.
507
00:32:48,282 --> 00:32:50,136
It was really fucking cold.
508
00:32:50,615 --> 00:32:54,592
I remember just walking around during the
daytime with absolutely nothing to do ...
509
00:32:55,052 --> 00:32:57,172
... and I always ended up at the library.
510
00:32:57,373 --> 00:32:59,185
I'd spend so much time at the library ...
511
00:32:59,220 --> 00:33:00,829
... just sitting there, reading and...
512
00:33:00,830 --> 00:33:02,745
... just waiting for the
day to end.
513
00:33:13,100 --> 00:33:16,100
♪I was born in this town♪
514
00:33:18,100 --> 00:33:21,100
♪Live here my whole life♪
515
00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:26,300
♪Probably come to die in this town♪
516
00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:30,600
♪Live here my whole life♪
517
00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:35,900
♪Never anything to do in this town♪
518
00:33:37,174 --> 00:33:38,997
I was kind of proud of myself ...
519
00:33:38,998 --> 00:33:40,344
... to be able to survive ...
520
00:33:40,345 --> 00:33:42,076
... without having to have a job.
521
00:33:42,564 --> 00:33:45,781
Because I was just living out
the Aberdeen phantasy version ...
522
00:33:45,882 --> 00:33:48,577
of being a punk rocker, you know.
523
00:33:49,644 --> 00:33:50,690
It was really easy.
524
00:33:50,691 --> 00:33:53,110
I mean, it's nothing compared to
what most kids are ...
525
00:33:53,111 --> 00:33:55,984
... subjected to, after they run away
to the big city.
526
00:33:56,212 --> 00:33:59,666
I was constantly asking the friends -
the few friends that I had ...
527
00:33:59,701 --> 00:34:01,412
... if they would move
to Seattle with me.
528
00:34:01,413 --> 00:34:03,030
I desperately wanted to go
to Seattle ...
529
00:34:03,031 --> 00:34:05,440
because I knew that's
where the action was, you know.
530
00:34:05,634 --> 00:34:07,013
But no one would go with me ...
531
00:34:07,014 --> 00:34:09,386
... and I was just too afraid
to go by myself.
532
00:34:21,633 --> 00:34:24,945
I was always ...
just totally poor ...
533
00:34:24,946 --> 00:34:28,486
... and always in a small
grungy dirty place.
534
00:34:29,697 --> 00:34:31,097
It was fun, though.
535
00:34:31,169 --> 00:34:33,817
I mean, I was a bachelor
for the first time.
536
00:34:33,818 --> 00:34:34,625
On my own.
537
00:34:34,626 --> 00:34:37,502
-- Yeah, your mom said you were really
happy when you moved into that place.
538
00:34:37,527 --> 00:34:39,412
Mhm.
539
00:34:39,613 --> 00:34:41,706
Also because I had a band and ...
540
00:34:41,707 --> 00:34:43,407
yeah, I just felt independent.
541
00:34:49,980 --> 00:34:52,053
I mean, I remember ...
542
00:34:52,854 --> 00:34:54,107
... years ago ...
543
00:34:54,408 --> 00:34:56,511
... like, asking Eric Shilinger:
544
00:34:56,793 --> 00:34:59,998
"How successful do you think a band
could be, like, if they ...
545
00:34:59,999 --> 00:35:04,997
... if they mixed really heavy
Black Sabbath with The Beatles, you know?
546
00:35:05,021 --> 00:35:07,382
I mean, what would we be able
to do with that?
547
00:35:07,456 --> 00:35:10,896
I mean, I want to be able to do
all different kinds of music.
548
00:35:10,908 --> 00:35:13,299
I want to be kind of like
Led Zeppelin in a way...
549
00:35:13,377 --> 00:35:15,640
... but be totally extreme
punk rock ...
550
00:35:15,641 --> 00:35:18,678
... and then do real
wimpy pop songs and...
551
00:35:18,729 --> 00:35:20,814
and it just doesn't seem
like it would work ...
552
00:35:20,815 --> 00:35:24,184
... because no one would be able to tell
that you are the same band and ...
553
00:35:24,185 --> 00:35:27,736
at that point I knew that we
didn't really have a unique sound.
554
00:35:27,737 --> 00:35:30,361
I didn't think that
we were really original.
555
00:35:30,362 --> 00:35:32,193
I asked a lot of people about this ...
556
00:35:32,194 --> 00:35:34,343
... and I was always
toying with the idea.
557
00:35:34,444 --> 00:35:36,116
-- That's interesting,
cause, you know ...
558
00:35:36,117 --> 00:35:38,620
a lot of people, when I asked ???
what was Kurt like ...
559
00:35:38,621 --> 00:35:40,712
... back then ...
560
00:35:41,047 --> 00:35:44,131
they always said: "He just didn't give
a shit what anyone thought."
561
00:35:44,232 --> 00:35:47,249
No, I definitely thought about
what people might think
562
00:35:47,321 --> 00:35:48,373
... of my music ...
563
00:35:48,374 --> 00:35:49,638
... because I knew that ...
564
00:35:50,139 --> 00:35:52,744
... in order to do exactly
what I really wanted to do ...
565
00:35:52,745 --> 00:35:55,610
... I needed to get
some kind of fan base, you know.
566
00:35:55,646 --> 00:35:58,502
I mean, I couldn't have used those
terms, back then.
567
00:35:58,503 --> 00:36:01,351
I didn't understand the way
music works ...
568
00:36:01,352 --> 00:36:03,434
... and how you get an audience.
569
00:36:04,625 --> 00:36:08,017
We knew we'd eventually start doing
exactly what we wanted to do ...
570
00:36:08,084 --> 00:36:09,688
... no matter what and ...
571
00:36:09,761 --> 00:36:12,164
... we didn't give a fuck if
anyone liked it or not ...
572
00:36:12,165 --> 00:36:15,294
... but we still wanted to try
to please people, at first, you know ...
573
00:36:15,352 --> 00:36:17,612
... to see what would happen.
574
00:36:20,023 --> 00:36:22,248
Oh, I just remembered our first show!
575
00:36:22,449 --> 00:36:26,242
It was Erin Burkhard's (?) friend's
house, way out in the woods.
576
00:36:26,243 --> 00:36:27,697
That was the best time!
577
00:36:27,698 --> 00:36:30,648
God, that was so great! We had everyone
so scared and they'd sit there ...
578
00:36:30,669 --> 00:36:33,044
... in the kitchen,
hiding from us.
579
00:36:33,044 --> 00:36:36,553
We had to run through (?) the entire
living room to the rest of the house.
580
00:36:36,554 --> 00:36:38,209
There's like 50 stoners ...
581
00:36:38,415 --> 00:36:40,386
... in the kitchen,
just hiding from us ...
582
00:36:40,387 --> 00:36:42,193
cause we're making so much noise ...
583
00:36:42,194 --> 00:36:43,528
We're so drunk.
584
00:36:43,529 --> 00:36:46,189
Shelly and Tracy started
making out ...
585
00:36:46,726 --> 00:36:50,986
... and I would jump up on top of the table
and they would, like, caress me and ...
586
00:36:50,987 --> 00:36:53,186
... just making total fools
out of ourselves.
587
00:36:53,780 --> 00:36:55,818
And of course, by the end
of the evening ...
588
00:36:55,919 --> 00:36:58,393
... most of the girls at this -
at the party ...
589
00:36:58,659 --> 00:37:01,520
... talked their boyfriends into
wanting to beat us up ...
590
00:37:03,233 --> 00:37:06,592
"It's time to pack up
and leave, boys!"
591
00:37:15,172 --> 00:37:17,562
I just became obsessed
with turtles ...
592
00:37:17,563 --> 00:37:21,304
... one month, decided to buy
about 5, 6 of them ...
593
00:37:21,356 --> 00:37:25,212
... and then I put them in a bathtub
in the middle of the living room.
594
00:37:25,213 --> 00:37:26,907
They're real docile.
595
00:37:26,908 --> 00:37:28,913
they don't move,
they show no emotion.
596
00:37:29,314 --> 00:37:31,134
They're so inanimate, you know.
597
00:37:31,435 --> 00:37:34,304
They're just the stupidest idea
of a pet.
598
00:37:34,857 --> 00:37:37,060
That is the complete opposite
of what dogs are.
599
00:37:37,061 --> 00:37:38,717
I can't stand dogs for some reason.
600
00:37:38,718 --> 00:37:40,416
They're just too willing to please ...
601
00:37:40,417 --> 00:37:41,977
... and you could do anything to them.
602
00:37:41,997 --> 00:37:46,467
I like cats and animals
that require attention.
603
00:37:47,080 --> 00:37:48,798
You know, you have to
take care of them ...
604
00:37:48,799 --> 00:37:52,236
... and basically they just have this
'fuck you' attitude.
605
00:37:52,374 --> 00:37:54,727
'So I'm stuck in this tank,
I'm miserable ...
606
00:37:55,028 --> 00:37:57,693
... I hate you
and I'm not gonna perform for you.
607
00:37:58,466 --> 00:38:00,838
Those shells really aren't
that helpful.
608
00:38:00,839 --> 00:38:04,426
It's real sensitive
and if you knock on them, it hurts them.
609
00:38:04,427 --> 00:38:08,169
So it really isn't the protective
covering that everyone thinks it is.
610
00:38:08,170 --> 00:38:10,873
They fall on their back,
they'll split it open and die.
611
00:39:23,803 --> 00:39:25,875
I always looked forward
to going to Olympia ...
612
00:39:25,876 --> 00:39:27,982
... because it was a taste of culture.
613
00:39:27,983 --> 00:39:31,392
And there was ...
a 'scene'.
614
00:39:31,393 --> 00:39:33,003
It was something that was unique ...
615
00:39:33,743 --> 00:39:36,541
... that you couldn't find anywhere
else in the states.
616
00:39:38,927 --> 00:39:42,309
For about three years I've been
going to the school a lot ...
617
00:39:42,310 --> 00:39:45,030
... on weekends
and seeing bands ...
618
00:39:45,431 --> 00:39:47,279
... and hanging out with some friends.
619
00:39:48,089 --> 00:39:51,390
I started hanging out with
this girl, Tracy ...
620
00:39:51,896 --> 00:39:54,245
... we eventually became boyfriend
and girlfriend ...
621
00:39:54,246 --> 00:39:56,790
... and I moved up to Olympia
with her.
622
00:39:57,658 --> 00:40:00,415
I can relate to the town itself,
I mean, ...
623
00:40:00,616 --> 00:40:03,335
... just because there was so much
appreciation for art.
624
00:40:03,336 --> 00:40:07,112
There was culture for the first time
and I was living in a town that had that.
625
00:40:08,713 --> 00:40:11,306
It was really a
good experience.
626
00:40:12,511 --> 00:40:14,131
I felt relieved.
627
00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:18,000
♪I knew exactly what I was doing♪
628
00:40:18,625 --> 00:40:22,025
♪But I didn't know what I had done♪
629
00:40:22,650 --> 00:40:25,950
♪I know one thing and one thing only♪
630
00:40:26,275 --> 00:40:28,775
♪That I need you and want you♪
631
00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:30,800
♪Right over here♪
632
00:40:30,825 --> 00:40:33,625
♪Put some sugar on it honey♪
633
00:40:34,650 --> 00:40:37,750
♪Put some honey on it sugar♪
634
00:40:38,375 --> 00:40:42,275
♪I like it sweet♪
♪'n' baby, oh baby♪...
635
00:40:42,366 --> 00:40:46,085
Everyone seemed to have
the same basic ideals and ...
636
00:40:46,592 --> 00:40:48,394
... motivations.
637
00:40:48,395 --> 00:40:51,001
There was just this community of
geeks.
638
00:40:51,493 --> 00:40:53,580
Students who were
outcasts and ...
639
00:40:53,581 --> 00:40:57,021
... they were outcasts from
the punk rock world, too, because ...
640
00:40:57,046 --> 00:41:00,546
... they were into this, like,
Jad Fair type of stuff.
641
00:41:00,571 --> 00:41:01,939
They were really into ...
642
00:41:01,940 --> 00:41:04,893
... they were just influenced
by The Shaggs ...
643
00:41:04,894 --> 00:41:06,767
... and Velvet Underground ...
644
00:41:06,851 --> 00:41:09,933
... and primal garage rock.
645
00:41:11,413 --> 00:41:14,118
I was grateful
to 'K Records' ...
646
00:41:15,247 --> 00:41:18,010
... and the other music
that they introduced to me.
647
00:41:18,887 --> 00:41:19,993
Like the Vaselines, ...
648
00:41:20,028 --> 00:41:23,375
... a lot of stuff from europe,
in the UK especially ...
649
00:41:23,983 --> 00:41:26,074
... like Young
Marble Giants ...
650
00:41:26,075 --> 00:41:27,953
... and Kleenex.
651
00:41:27,954 --> 00:41:29,644
And it made me realize that ...
652
00:41:29,645 --> 00:41:30,777
... for years I hadn't ...
653
00:41:31,278 --> 00:41:34,341
... looked back on
my childhood.
654
00:41:34,365 --> 00:41:37,047
I'd tried to forget about it, you know.
655
00:41:37,873 --> 00:41:41,864
It just made me look back
and have fond memories of it.
656
00:41:42,335 --> 00:41:44,727
it was just a nice reminder
of innocence.
657
00:41:45,246 --> 00:41:47,139
So I decided to get a 'K' tattooed ...
658
00:41:47,140 --> 00:41:48,966
... to remind me of
my childhood.
659
00:41:48,967 --> 00:41:51,270
To remind me
to stay a child.
660
00:41:52,800 --> 00:41:54,300
♪Swing, swing, up and down♪
661
00:41:54,325 --> 00:41:55,925
♪Turn, turn, turn around♪
662
00:41:55,950 --> 00:41:59,150
♪Round, round and round about♪
♪and over again♪
663
00:41:59,375 --> 00:42:00,925
♪Gun, gun, son of a gun♪
664
00:42:00,950 --> 00:42:02,450
♪You are the only one♪
665
00:42:02,475 --> 00:42:05,975
♪And no one else will take my place♪
666
00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:09,400
♪The sun shines in the bedroom♪
667
00:42:10,025 --> 00:42:12,825
♪When you play♪
668
00:42:13,150 --> 00:42:15,850
♪And the rain, it always starts♪
669
00:42:15,875 --> 00:42:18,875
♪ When you go away♪
670
00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:22,600
♪The sun shines in the bedroom♪
671
00:42:23,225 --> 00:42:26,025
♪When you play♪
672
00:42:26,250 --> 00:42:28,950
♪And the rain, it always starts♪
673
00:42:28,975 --> 00:42:31,975
♪ When you go away♪
674
00:42:32,247 --> 00:42:36,641
It turned into this
weird little pagan place utopia...
675
00:42:36,877 --> 00:42:39,407
... where everyone fucked
one another and ...
676
00:42:39,486 --> 00:42:42,038
... and they had cakewalks and ...
677
00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:45,520
... where they put on shows in
weird places like...
678
00:42:45,521 --> 00:42:49,012
... in a building on the steps
and in a hallway, you know.
679
00:42:49,747 --> 00:42:52,020
Or in a back alley somewhere.
680
00:42:52,470 --> 00:42:55,358
It was heavily community-oriented.
681
00:42:56,192 --> 00:42:58,504
Everyone helping out
one another and ...
682
00:42:58,721 --> 00:43:00,898
... playing in each other's bands.
683
00:43:01,323 --> 00:43:04,623
♪Re-arranging♪
♪the atoms in my hairdo♪
684
00:43:04,648 --> 00:43:07,848
♪Gets me thinking 'bout♪
♪good times I had with you♪
685
00:43:08,473 --> 00:43:11,873
♪Back in the Sixties♪
♪when love was free♪
686
00:43:12,098 --> 00:43:15,398
♪Never need to worry bout my G.C.E.♪
[General Certificate of Education]
687
00:43:18,164 --> 00:43:21,961
They weren't fueled by
the need to succeed ...
688
00:43:23,001 --> 00:43:24,301
... or put out records ...
689
00:43:25,977 --> 00:43:27,803
... or go on tour, anything like that.
690
00:43:27,809 --> 00:43:31,162
They were satisfied with
playing with one another and ...
691
00:43:31,354 --> 00:43:34,954
... making up bands and we'd never really
be in a legitimate band in Olympia.
692
00:43:34,957 --> 00:43:37,714
You'd just be playing with
your friends and jamming.
693
00:43:37,939 --> 00:43:39,509
But I didn't ...
694
00:43:39,510 --> 00:43:42,620
quite fit in with those people.
I didn't really want to ...
695
00:43:42,675 --> 00:43:45,323
because ... they ...
were basically ...
696
00:43:45,356 --> 00:43:47,809
... just kind of boring.
697
00:43:48,820 --> 00:43:51,099
That was one of the really
kind of neat ...
698
00:43:51,100 --> 00:43:53,219
... bohemian things
about Olympia that ...
699
00:43:53,620 --> 00:43:55,154
... there would be a party where there -
700
00:43:55,155 --> 00:43:56,834
... no one would drink
or do drugs ...
701
00:43:56,869 --> 00:44:00,064
... they would sit there and ...
and drink coffee ...
702
00:44:00,074 --> 00:44:02,241
... and one person would
get up and perform.
703
00:44:02,242 --> 00:44:04,694
I would go to the parties and ...
704
00:44:05,029 --> 00:44:07,040
... it was just -
nothing was happening, you know.
705
00:44:07,047 --> 00:44:08,908
People were just sitting around and ...
706
00:44:09,009 --> 00:44:10,324
... listening to that music ...
707
00:44:10,425 --> 00:44:14,399
... and I just opted for
listening to that music by myself.
708
00:44:14,746 --> 00:44:19,764
I mean, I lived in .. my own little
art ... world phantasy ...
709
00:44:19,765 --> 00:44:21,109
... in Aberdeen ...
710
00:44:21,710 --> 00:44:24,748
... and I kept myself
secluded in Olympia, as well.
711
00:44:25,049 --> 00:44:27,149
It wasn't as if I went to Olympia
then all of a sudden...
712
00:44:27,165 --> 00:44:30,607
... started blooming and started hanging
out with a whole bunch of people and ...
713
00:44:30,607 --> 00:44:34,742
... participated in this cultural
town that was like ...
714
00:44:34,767 --> 00:44:36,369
... I utilized it, but I still ...
715
00:44:36,370 --> 00:44:38,170
... kept myself a monk, you know.
716
00:44:38,187 --> 00:44:40,113
I still stayed a monk.
717
00:44:40,114 --> 00:44:41,510
Because I've always been that way.
718
00:44:41,511 --> 00:44:43,683
I've always stayed indoors,
all the time.
719
00:44:43,723 --> 00:44:48,023
I mean, there were weeks when
I wouldn't go out of the apartment.
720
00:44:48,938 --> 00:44:52,480
-- What did Tracy think of all this?
You know, here you are, just ...
721
00:44:52,819 --> 00:44:54,798
... being shut in and ...
722
00:44:54,844 --> 00:44:56,384
... not doing anything?
723
00:44:56,971 --> 00:44:59,877
There was never really a conflict
between Tracy and I ...
724
00:45:00,583 --> 00:45:03,193
because she knew that I would be
just as happy ...
725
00:45:03,194 --> 00:45:06,980
... living in my car or living
under an over-pass somewhere.
726
00:45:07,306 --> 00:45:10,878
The few times that she brought up
the idea of me getting a job ...
727
00:45:10,879 --> 00:45:13,817
... I just said: 'Well, I don't feel like
getting a job, right now and ...
728
00:45:13,818 --> 00:45:15,806
... I'll just go in my car. '
729
00:45:16,544 --> 00:45:20,986
And then she just reluawelie-uh: 'That's
alright, you can just stay in the apartment.'
730
00:45:22,493 --> 00:45:26,366
She was definitely the mother -
nurturing type.
731
00:45:26,367 --> 00:45:29,200
She has to take
care of things and people.
732
00:45:29,542 --> 00:45:31,570
And she would just go
out of her way ...
733
00:45:31,571 --> 00:45:33,134
... to spend money on me.
734
00:45:33,135 --> 00:45:35,003
I mean we'd go thrift shopping ...
735
00:45:35,004 --> 00:45:37,204
... if I found something
that I wanted ...
736
00:45:37,205 --> 00:45:38,585
... and if I didn't have the money ...
737
00:45:38,586 --> 00:45:40,528
... I would gladly just
not buy it ...
738
00:45:41,029 --> 00:45:44,334
... but she would always end up buying it
and ... taking me out to dinner.
739
00:45:44,335 --> 00:45:45,219
She did that a lot.
740
00:45:45,220 --> 00:45:47,433
That was one of the things that I felt
guilty about because ...
741
00:45:47,434 --> 00:45:49,008
... we went out to dinner a lot.
742
00:45:49,701 --> 00:45:51,967
I was always looking for
someone who was artistic ...
743
00:45:51,968 --> 00:45:53,918
... that I could share
artistic things with ...
744
00:45:53,919 --> 00:45:55,964
... and it was impossible
to do that with her.
745
00:45:56,312 --> 00:45:59,533
So the things that we ...
ended up doing together were ...
746
00:45:59,571 --> 00:46:01,910
... like a married couple would do,
you know.
747
00:46:01,911 --> 00:46:04,513
Real typical
Middle-American things like...
748
00:46:04,514 --> 00:46:05,703
... shopping and ...
749
00:46:05,953 --> 00:46:07,104
... and eating.
750
00:46:09,792 --> 00:46:14,456
I had this weird magnetic ...
attraction to flies, well, ...
751
00:46:15,656 --> 00:46:17,349
flies attracted me, actually.
752
00:46:17,350 --> 00:46:18,958
I would wake up in the morning ...
753
00:46:18,959 --> 00:46:21,993
... and these flies would
keep me awake for hours.
754
00:46:21,994 --> 00:46:24,595
They'd come buzzing and
bouncing off my face.
755
00:46:24,596 --> 00:46:25,676
They just attacked me...
756
00:46:25,677 --> 00:46:27,631
... over and over and it's happened
all my life.
757
00:46:27,990 --> 00:46:31,174
This is the worst episode during the
summer ??? with Tracy ...
758
00:46:31,391 --> 00:46:34,123
every morning they'd just
bombard me and...
759
00:46:34,165 --> 00:46:36,351
... I decided to put up
some fly strips ...
760
00:46:36,352 --> 00:46:38,689
... that I bought, like, $ 20 worth ...
761
00:46:38,744 --> 00:46:40,642
... so I'd put - and they
are $ .50 apiece.
762
00:46:40,643 --> 00:46:43,838
So I had, like, 40 fly strips
hanging above my bed.
763
00:46:44,115 --> 00:46:45,354
All over.
764
00:46:45,355 --> 00:46:48,267
And the apartment -
the apartment was as big as this.
765
00:46:48,268 --> 00:46:49,401
Just fly strips everywhere.
766
00:46:50,745 --> 00:46:52,435
That's kind of death rock
as there are all these...
767
00:46:52,436 --> 00:46:55,280
... dead flies all over the place.
768
00:46:58,858 --> 00:47:01,676
I always decorated
my house tastefully.
769
00:47:01,677 --> 00:47:05,376
I wasn't the kind of person who would
put 20 crucifixes on the wall.
770
00:47:05,377 --> 00:47:09,543
I always would have maybe 1 or 2
crucifixes, but they'd be good looking ones.
771
00:47:11,241 --> 00:47:13,595
I did a lot of art stuff
during that time.
772
00:47:13,596 --> 00:47:16,979
Like, I would take ...
models of skeletons and ...
773
00:47:17,094 --> 00:47:19,264
... and put clay all over them ...
774
00:47:19,265 --> 00:47:21,188
... make them into little dolls and ...
775
00:47:21,189 --> 00:47:22,845
... and put clothes on them and ...
776
00:47:23,190 --> 00:47:26,461
Melting candles and making
nativity scenes.
777
00:47:26,943 --> 00:47:28,876
Just ridiculous arts and crafts.
778
00:47:31,421 --> 00:47:33,712
I dubbed a bunch of cassettes ...
779
00:47:33,913 --> 00:47:37,158
... and sent them to every label
I could think of.
780
00:47:37,159 --> 00:47:39,591
With little gifts inside ...
781
00:47:39,592 --> 00:47:41,136
... and letters and things.
782
00:47:41,137 --> 00:47:43,710
Sent them used condoms ...
783
00:47:44,974 --> 00:47:46,377
... with ants.
784
00:47:46,378 --> 00:47:48,717
With a bunch of plastic ants.
785
00:47:49,325 --> 00:47:51,061
With confetti.
786
00:47:51,062 --> 00:47:53,618
-- This was supposed
to get them to sign you?
787
00:47:53,619 --> 00:47:54,699
Yeah.
788
00:48:05,783 --> 00:48:07,668
I sent them to
'Touch and Go' ...
789
00:48:07,903 --> 00:48:10,438
... and I sent some to 'SST' and ...
790
00:48:10,511 --> 00:48:12,524
... 'Alternative Tentacles' and ...
791
00:48:12,615 --> 00:48:14,587
Everyone I can think of.
792
00:48:15,555 --> 00:48:17,963
I'd send, like, 20 to 'Touch and Go'.
793
00:48:17,964 --> 00:48:20,124
It wanted to go 'Touch and Go'
more than anything ...
794
00:48:20,125 --> 00:48:22,331
Cause they have all my favourite
bands on it.
795
00:48:22,351 --> 00:48:24,637
I felt we were really close to
all dirty (?) bands ...
796
00:48:24,638 --> 00:48:26,437
... like 'Scratch Acid' and ...
797
00:48:26,508 --> 00:48:27,559
... and 'Big Black' ...
798
00:48:27,560 --> 00:48:28,923
... and 'Butthole Surfers'.
799
00:48:29,301 --> 00:48:31,389
All three of my
favourite bands.
800
00:48:47,900 --> 00:48:52,100
♪You lie in the graveyard♪
801
00:48:52,125 --> 00:48:57,125
♪Well, you're rotting away♪
802
00:49:00,100 --> 00:49:02,800
♪When I talk to you daily♪
803
00:49:02,825 --> 00:49:07,425
♪You've got nothing to say♪...
804
00:49:09,646 --> 00:49:12,757
At that time Hardcore
was totally dead ...
805
00:49:12,858 --> 00:49:15,503
... you know, speed metal
was the next big thing ...
806
00:49:15,604 --> 00:49:16,949
... and I hated that shit.
807
00:49:17,184 --> 00:49:18,712
And the only thing to do
was either ...
808
00:49:18,713 --> 00:49:22,861
... be real quirky and new wave
like we were at the beginning.
809
00:49:23,214 --> 00:49:25,420
The reason I liked 'Scratch Acid'
so much was ...
810
00:49:25,421 --> 00:49:29,073
... because they had, like,
structure to their songs ...
811
00:49:29,098 --> 00:49:31,398
... real simple pop structure ...
812
00:49:31,474 --> 00:49:33,604
... that you could follow real easily ...
813
00:49:33,605 --> 00:49:37,206
... and it was almost like an 'Aerosmith'
song, but it was really fucked up ...
814
00:49:37,207 --> 00:49:38,799
... and that's what I was doing.
815
00:49:38,800 --> 00:49:40,222
That's what I wanted to do.
816
00:49:48,200 --> 00:49:54,500
♪This vacancy will stay vacant♪
817
00:49:56,100 --> 00:50:01,000
♪Because a tenant is so hard to find♪
818
00:50:02,300 --> 00:50:08,100
♪A tenant who will understand♪
819
00:50:09,300 --> 00:50:18,200
♪About the owner gone ???♪
820
00:50:18,725 --> 00:50:22,725
♪That whole place is empty (?)♪
821
00:50:23,650 --> 00:50:28,350
♪Before it's all sold out (?)♪
822
00:50:29,769 --> 00:50:33,722
Krist and I had built up this imaginary
hatred for Seattle ...
823
00:50:34,153 --> 00:50:35,865
... and anyone from Seattle ...
824
00:50:37,412 --> 00:50:42,114
... just ... because we've always had the
need to not belong.
825
00:50:42,115 --> 00:50:45,120
We never belonged for so long ...
826
00:50:45,121 --> 00:50:48,146
... that to all of a sudden be accepted
into any kind of scene ...
827
00:50:48,347 --> 00:50:52,119
... or society wouldn't be
natural for us, so ...
828
00:50:52,120 --> 00:50:54,514
... we built up these things
in our minds ...
829
00:50:54,515 --> 00:50:56,863
... we would just talk about Seattle -
talk shit about it.
830
00:50:56,864 --> 00:50:59,836
It felt degrading to be thought
of this, like, this ...
831
00:50:59,850 --> 00:51:03,293
... stump dumb rocker dude
from Aberdeen ...
832
00:51:03,294 --> 00:51:06,015
... who's never heard of the 'Wipers'
before in his fucking life ...
833
00:51:06,087 --> 00:51:09,440
... who's only been listening to them
for, like, 7 years, by then.
834
00:51:09,441 --> 00:51:12,720
It really wasn't there. It wasn't half
as intense as we thought it was ...
835
00:51:12,721 --> 00:51:13,957
... or wanted it to be.
836
00:51:13,958 --> 00:51:16,584
So I didn't grow up in Seattle
and I've grown up in middle-class.
837
00:51:16,685 --> 00:51:20,239
That's something that I was fighting
against, the whole time, all my life.
838
00:51:20,248 --> 00:51:23,065
People were actually
really nice to us ...
839
00:51:23,088 --> 00:51:25,010
... at the time we wouldn't admit that.
840
00:51:29,048 --> 00:51:32,795
We met Jonathan [Poneman]
of 'Sub Pop' at this café ...
841
00:51:32,849 --> 00:51:35,112
... and Krist had been
drinking all morning.
842
00:51:35,113 --> 00:51:37,343
We met him, like, 11 o'clock
in the afternoon ...
843
00:51:37,368 --> 00:51:40,568
... and Krist had been drinking
since 8 in the morning, probably.
844
00:51:41,105 --> 00:51:44,009
He was so fucking drunk
and belligerent.
845
00:51:44,044 --> 00:51:46,871
... that it was impossible to talk
business with Jonathan at all, ...
846
00:51:46,872 --> 00:51:51,125
because Krist would sit there and just
glare at Jonathan and burp ...
847
00:51:51,126 --> 00:51:55,483
... and then turn around and scream
something at everyone in the café.
848
00:51:55,484 --> 00:51:57,706
"What the fuck are you people looking at?!"
849
00:51:57,731 --> 00:51:59,302
"Hey, hey!", you know, ...
850
00:51:59,303 --> 00:52:01,835
... that big boisterous hate that he has.
851
00:52:02,841 --> 00:52:04,478
Making a total fool out of himself.
852
00:52:04,479 --> 00:52:06,246
It was great. It was really funny.
853
00:52:06,247 --> 00:52:08,377
It's one of the funniest things
I've ever seen.
854
00:52:08,884 --> 00:52:11,478
And Jonathan was just about
ready to get up and leave.
855
00:52:11,479 --> 00:52:14,895
I really don't remember, if we
came to any agreement, that day at all.
856
00:52:16,323 --> 00:52:18,379
Krist was just so distracting ...
857
00:52:18,380 --> 00:52:20,264
... that it didn't do any good.
858
00:52:23,100 --> 00:52:25,100
♪Touch me, I'm sick♪
859
00:52:32,600 --> 00:52:34,600
♪I won't live long♪
860
00:52:36,300 --> 00:52:38,300
♪And I'm full of rot♪
861
00:52:40,100 --> 00:52:43,400
♪Gonna give you♪
♪- girl -♪
862
00:52:43,425 --> 00:52:45,425
♪Everything I got♪
863
00:52:48,700 --> 00:52:50,700
♪Touch me, I'm sick♪
864
00:52:52,925 --> 00:52:55,484
I think, just the 'Sub Pop' influence,
865
00:52:55,509 --> 00:52:58,409
of what they were doing -
what they were trying to do ...
866
00:52:58,507 --> 00:53:00,898
... made us think about
what we were doing.
867
00:53:00,899 --> 00:53:03,493
Listening to the
'Mudhoney' single ...
868
00:53:03,494 --> 00:53:04,785
... and stuff like that.
869
00:53:04,786 --> 00:53:08,443
I think it had an influence on our
stripping down our sound and ...
870
00:53:08,444 --> 00:53:10,324
... trying to write a pop song.
871
00:53:10,325 --> 00:53:13,021
And we really didn't have
any pop songs.
872
00:53:19,873 --> 00:53:22,265
I mean, there were a lot of things
that we wanted to do ...
873
00:53:22,344 --> 00:53:24,959
... we wanted to be more
experimental and diverse ...
874
00:53:24,960 --> 00:53:26,414
... with the 'Bleach' record ...
875
00:53:26,415 --> 00:53:28,638
... but there was just so much
pressure from Sub Pop.
876
00:53:28,639 --> 00:53:30,358
It just wasn't cool ...
877
00:53:30,359 --> 00:53:33,243
... to play pop music if you're
a punk rock band ...
878
00:53:33,244 --> 00:53:35,768
... and I wanted to mix
the two.
879
00:53:36,214 --> 00:53:38,721
I was really too intimidated ...
880
00:53:38,722 --> 00:53:41,018
by what the crowd response
might be ...
881
00:53:41,053 --> 00:53:43,592
... if I were to do
more pop stuff.
882
00:53:44,370 --> 00:53:45,826
I'd been burdened with ...
883
00:53:45,827 --> 00:53:49,150
... the bohemian philosophy
of musical revolution ...
884
00:53:49,151 --> 00:53:51,282
... for so many years
by living in Olympia ...
885
00:53:51,924 --> 00:53:54,692
... that I started to
resent it.
886
00:53:54,693 --> 00:53:57,741
I just wished, people wouldn't
take us so fucking seriously.
887
00:53:58,717 --> 00:54:01,152
Everyone seems to be
striving for Utopia ...
888
00:54:01,354 --> 00:54:02,774
in the underground scene ...
889
00:54:02,775 --> 00:54:05,414
... but there are so many
different factions --
890
00:54:05,762 --> 00:54:09,467
If you can't get a fucking underground
movement to band together ...
891
00:54:09,565 --> 00:54:13,736
... and to stop bickering about
unnecessary little things ...
892
00:54:13,821 --> 00:54:15,656
... that they don't agree on ...
893
00:54:15,657 --> 00:54:20,109
... then how the fuck you expect
to have an effect on mass level?
894
00:54:20,158 --> 00:54:22,122
Well, my band was
in a situation where ...
895
00:54:22,123 --> 00:54:26,430
... it was expected to
fight in a revolutionary sense ...
896
00:54:26,522 --> 00:54:29,379
... towards the
major corporate machine ...
897
00:54:29,549 --> 00:54:30,483
I just thought:
898
00:54:30,484 --> 00:54:33,103
"How dare you put that kind of
fucking pressure on me?
899
00:54:33,104 --> 00:54:34,365
It's really stupid."
900
00:54:57,110 --> 00:54:58,972
-- Tracy told me the story about how ...
901
00:54:58,997 --> 00:55:02,097
... you would hear that
KCMU was playing 'Love Buzz'.
902
00:55:02,157 --> 00:55:04,392
... and on the drive back
you were just like waiting -
903
00:55:04,417 --> 00:55:06,392
... waiting for 'Love Buzz'
to come on the radio ...
904
00:55:06,393 --> 00:55:08,586
... and finally pulled over and ...
905
00:55:08,744 --> 00:55:10,781
... you called KCMU and
requested the song ...
906
00:55:10,782 --> 00:55:14,356
... and you had to sit in the car waiting
for the song to come on the radio ...
907
00:55:14,357 --> 00:55:16,990
because you were just about
to go out of range.
908
00:55:18,638 --> 00:55:19,688
Yeah, I remember that.
909
00:55:20,710 --> 00:55:23,705
-- What was that like, hearing
this song come in the radio?
910
00:55:24,484 --> 00:55:26,339
It was amazing.
911
00:55:26,574 --> 00:55:29,343
I never thought that I'd ever
get to that point, you know.
912
00:55:29,391 --> 00:55:32,571
I just thought, I would be in a
band and maybe make a demo.
913
00:55:32,672 --> 00:55:35,190
But for them to play
it on the radio it's just ...
914
00:55:35,242 --> 00:55:37,202
... too much to ask for, at that time.
915
00:55:38,928 --> 00:55:39,876
It was really great.
916
00:55:40,403 --> 00:55:43,091
It was just like instant
success and fame ...
917
00:55:43,133 --> 00:55:45,065
... beyond my wildest dreams ...
918
00:55:45,066 --> 00:55:46,851
... more than I ever wanted.
919
00:55:47,008 --> 00:55:48,573
But I mean, on that level ...
920
00:55:49,361 --> 00:55:51,946
... once I got a taste of it,
I really thought it was cool ...
921
00:55:51,947 --> 00:55:54,607
... and I thought, I would
definitely like to hear ...
922
00:55:54,767 --> 00:55:57,470
... my future recordings on the radio ...
923
00:55:57,471 --> 00:55:59,428
... and be able to pay my rent ...
924
00:55:59,429 --> 00:56:01,960
... with this band at the early grade.
925
00:56:02,287 --> 00:56:04,216
You know, we were totally poor ...
926
00:56:04,217 --> 00:56:06,679
... making $ 30 a day...
927
00:56:06,772 --> 00:56:08,378
... at a show, you know, but ...
928
00:56:08,406 --> 00:56:11,037
God, we're seeing the United States
for the first time ...
929
00:56:11,698 --> 00:56:13,759
... and I mean, we're in a band ...
930
00:56:13,760 --> 00:56:15,698
... and we're making enough
money to survive.
931
00:56:15,699 --> 00:56:17,964
It was awesome.
It was just great.
932
00:56:17,965 --> 00:56:19,479
It was total freedom.
933
00:56:19,927 --> 00:56:24,850
I didn't think of ever looking forward to
anything better than that or more than that.
934
00:56:25,971 --> 00:56:29,496
That was gonna be the rest of my life
to be - you know - be in a band on tour ...
935
00:56:29,497 --> 00:56:31,108
... and play clubs and ...
936
00:56:31,504 --> 00:56:34,374
... and hear my songs on the radio
every once in a while and ...
937
00:56:34,380 --> 00:56:36,639
... and live in an
apartment.
938
00:56:41,419 --> 00:56:44,457
-- After a while you're getting corded(?)
by all these corporate labels ...
939
00:56:44,458 --> 00:56:46,614
... and getting wined and dined
and stuff like that.
940
00:56:46,615 --> 00:56:48,581
We're usually nice enough ...
941
00:56:48,633 --> 00:56:50,782
... to the label to ???
take us out for dinner ...
942
00:56:50,783 --> 00:56:52,628
... two or three more times.
943
00:56:53,609 --> 00:56:55,198
Which was our intention.
944
00:56:55,249 --> 00:56:57,858
I remember ... going to Capital
in particular ...
945
00:56:58,459 --> 00:57:01,413
because it was so ...
disgusting ...
946
00:57:01,614 --> 00:57:03,948
... that I ended up leaving ...
947
00:57:03,949 --> 00:57:05,824
... half-way through
one of the meetings.
948
00:57:06,088 --> 00:57:09,445
We had just gotten a taste of their
biggest radio programmer ...
949
00:57:09,446 --> 00:57:11,306
... who is this
good old boy from Texas.
950
00:57:11,407 --> 00:57:15,459
You know, it's like he would ...
like to beat my mom up.
951
00:57:15,518 --> 00:57:16,813
God, that was scary.
952
00:57:16,880 --> 00:57:17,780
He asked me:
953
00:57:17,781 --> 00:57:19,081
"Son, that song 'Polly' ...
954
00:57:19,082 --> 00:57:20,856
... are you beatin' that bitch?"
955
00:57:23,078 --> 00:57:24,757
I said:
"Yes, I am."
956
00:57:26,531 --> 00:57:30,998
And then two other big jock type of radio
programmers walked into his office ...
957
00:57:30,999 --> 00:57:34,427
... and said: "We got two
tickets to the Lakers game, woo-hoo!"
958
00:57:34,448 --> 00:57:36,939
And they all stood up
and started cheering.
959
00:57:37,471 --> 00:57:39,592
I knew, this wasn't the label for us.
960
00:57:47,400 --> 00:57:49,900
♪I am a passenger♪
961
00:57:50,900 --> 00:57:53,800
♪And I ride and I ride♪
962
00:57:54,525 --> 00:57:58,025
♪I ride through the city backsides♪
963
00:57:58,050 --> 00:58:01,250
♪I see the stars come out of the sky♪
964
00:58:01,900 --> 00:58:04,900
♪Yeah, they're bright in a hollow sky♪
965
00:58:05,125 --> 00:58:08,425
♪You know it looks so good tonight♪
966
00:58:09,473 --> 00:58:14,269
"Listen man, I'm not gonna dick you around.
We wanna turn you into stars! "
967
00:58:15,850 --> 00:58:18,133
That's what we wanted
to hear, actually.
968
00:58:18,177 --> 00:58:22,022
because they ??? were just certain that
we weren't going to be some ...
969
00:58:22,093 --> 00:58:25,078
French alternative band,
that no one gave any attention to.
970
00:58:25,532 --> 00:58:29,289
We thought of the possibility of actually
making an impact ...
971
00:58:29,900 --> 00:58:31,362
... in a commercial way.
972
00:58:31,363 --> 00:58:32,848
It didn't seem ...
973
00:58:32,890 --> 00:58:34,630
... totally ..
974
00:58:34,666 --> 00:58:37,534
... as unrealistic as
it seemed a year ago.
975
00:58:37,559 --> 00:58:41,159
... ♪And everything looks good tonight♪
976
00:58:43,700 --> 00:58:47,300
♪Singin' la la la la la-la-la la♪
977
00:58:47,725 --> 00:58:50,725
♪La la la la la-la-la la♪
978
00:58:51,300 --> 00:58:55,700
♪La la la la la-la-la la la-la la♪
979
00:59:05,500 --> 00:59:08,492
The whole winter that Dave and I
spent together ...
980
00:59:08,524 --> 00:59:09,894
... in that little apartment ...
981
00:59:09,929 --> 00:59:12,984
... was the most depressing time
I'd had in years.
982
00:59:13,443 --> 00:59:16,330
It was so fucking small and dirty ...
983
00:59:16,331 --> 00:59:18,004
... and cold and gray ...
984
00:59:18,039 --> 00:59:19,440
... every fucking day.
985
00:59:19,441 --> 00:59:21,596
I almost went insane at one point.
986
00:59:21,597 --> 00:59:22,979
I just couldn't handle it.
987
00:59:23,180 --> 00:59:24,660
I was so bored ...
988
00:59:24,661 --> 00:59:26,103
... and so poor.
989
00:59:26,170 --> 00:59:28,388
I mean, we were signed to 'Geffen'
for months ...
990
00:59:28,389 --> 00:59:29,723
... and we didn't have any money.
991
00:59:29,724 --> 00:59:32,751
We ended up having to pawn
our amps and our TV ...
992
00:59:32,752 --> 00:59:35,478
... all kinds of stuff just to get
money to eat corn dogs.
993
00:59:36,518 --> 00:59:38,561
It felt really weird to be signed
to this ...
994
00:59:38,562 --> 00:59:41,217
multi-million dollar corporation and ...
995
00:59:41,303 --> 00:59:43,459
... and be totally dirt poor.
996
00:59:43,942 --> 00:59:46,027
I was just tired of
living in Olympia and ...
997
00:59:46,119 --> 00:59:47,762
... with nothing to do.
998
00:59:47,963 --> 00:59:51,518
My surroundings just didn't have
anything to offer me, at all.
999
00:59:51,543 --> 00:59:52,770
I needed to move somewhere.
1000
00:59:52,771 --> 00:59:55,399
I wanted to go to Seattle or something.
1001
00:59:55,959 --> 00:59:58,193
I did heroin a lot.
1002
01:00:00,331 --> 01:00:02,205
-- What do you mean 'a lot'?
1003
01:00:02,530 --> 01:00:04,930
Well, every ...
1004
01:00:06,127 --> 01:00:08,379
... every week or so, probably.
1005
01:00:08,444 --> 01:00:10,539
I didn't have any idea, what I was doing.
1006
01:00:10,540 --> 01:00:12,489
I called up Krist one time and ...
1007
01:00:13,104 --> 01:00:17,969
... talked to him on the phone.
I was high and I told him I did drugs ...
1008
01:00:18,025 --> 01:00:21,625
and he became really concerned.
He and Shelley called me up later and ...
1009
01:00:21,647 --> 01:00:24,447
... told me that they loved me and they
didn't want me to do drugs.
1010
01:00:24,539 --> 01:00:26,220
It was really nice.
1011
01:00:28,331 --> 01:00:30,093
My stomach was acting up a lot.
1012
01:00:30,094 --> 01:00:31,968
It started on an American tour.
1013
01:00:31,993 --> 01:00:33,634
It's ... just ...
1014
01:00:33,635 --> 01:00:35,832
burning, nauseous ...
1015
01:00:36,191 --> 01:00:38,960
... the worst stomach flu
you can imagine. It just hurts.
1016
01:00:39,130 --> 01:00:41,991
You can just feel it throbbing
like you have a heart in your stomach ...
1017
01:00:42,016 --> 01:00:43,643
And it just hurts really bad.
1018
01:00:43,668 --> 01:00:46,468
I just ??? this feeling
of being all ??? red.
1019
01:00:46,874 --> 01:00:48,799
I can finish about half of the meal ...
1020
01:00:48,800 --> 01:00:51,006
... then once it gets up to this
certain area, right, where ...
1021
01:00:51,031 --> 01:00:53,331
... it's inflamed and red. Once
it starts hitting ...
1022
01:00:53,369 --> 01:00:56,987
there, it starts hurting, as the
food just sits on it and ...
1023
01:00:57,010 --> 01:00:57,981
it burns.
1024
01:00:57,982 --> 01:01:01,997
I'd managed to just ...
carry on.
1025
01:01:02,118 --> 01:01:05,455
I mean, there's been so many times where -
obviously when we're eating (?)...
1026
01:01:06,127 --> 01:01:09,353
... and having massive pain
and no one even realizes it ...
1027
01:01:09,354 --> 01:01:11,852
because I'm so tired
of complaining about it and ...
1028
01:01:11,853 --> 01:01:14,015
hurt's on tour so often that ...
1029
01:01:14,235 --> 01:01:17,970
I mean, I just have to eat, I have no
choice but to go about my business and ...
1030
01:01:18,030 --> 01:01:20,540
... they have no idea, that I'm
in massive pain.
1031
01:01:22,322 --> 01:01:24,065
By halfway through ...
1032
01:01:24,066 --> 01:01:26,465
... the European tour ...
1033
01:01:26,500 --> 01:01:28,500
... I remember just ...
1034
01:01:28,521 --> 01:01:31,814
... saying that I'll never go
on tour again until I have this fixed.
1035
01:01:31,815 --> 01:01:34,639
Because I wanted to kill myself.
I wanted to fucking blow my head off.
1036
01:01:34,640 --> 01:01:36,106
I'm so tired of it.
1037
01:01:36,179 --> 01:01:38,236
There's no way I'm gonna live like that.
1038
01:01:39,148 --> 01:01:41,458
It just - it turned me into ...
1039
01:01:41,559 --> 01:01:43,442
... a neurotic ... freak.
1040
01:01:43,443 --> 01:01:45,570
I mean, I was psychologically
fucked up.
1041
01:01:45,571 --> 01:01:47,755
I was on a lot of
mental problems, because ...
1042
01:01:48,278 --> 01:01:51,192
I was having chronic pain
every single day, you know.
1043
01:01:51,261 --> 01:01:52,442
-- When was this?
1044
01:01:52,443 --> 01:01:54,496
For the last 5 years.
1045
01:01:56,249 --> 01:01:57,949
I just got to the point ...
1046
01:01:57,950 --> 01:01:59,750
... in the last couple of tours, just ...
1047
01:01:59,751 --> 01:02:02,928
... there was just no way
I was ever go on tour anymore.
1048
01:02:03,372 --> 01:02:09,366
But ... I haven't had a stomach problem
since ... I started doing drugs.
1049
01:03:10,245 --> 01:03:12,229
-- How did you meet Courtney?
1050
01:03:13,461 --> 01:03:16,488
I met her a long time ago
in Portland ...
1051
01:03:17,339 --> 01:03:18,624
... when we were playing a show.
1052
01:03:18,624 --> 01:03:21,324
It was just, like, a brief encounter.
I gave her a sticker.
1053
01:03:21,425 --> 01:03:22,912
We were talking a little bit.
1054
01:03:23,893 --> 01:03:27,687
I thought she was like ...
Nancy Spungen, or something.
1055
01:03:29,562 --> 01:03:31,979
I don't know. She just looked
like her. I mean ...
1056
01:03:33,302 --> 01:03:36,351
She just looked like a classic
punk rock chick, you know.
1057
01:03:37,068 --> 01:03:39,588
I didn't feel kind of attracted to her.
1058
01:03:39,589 --> 01:03:42,589
... Probably wanted to fuck her
that night, but she left.
1059
01:03:43,960 --> 01:03:45,861
I just wanted to ...
1060
01:03:46,020 --> 01:03:47,991
... add some excitement in my life.
1061
01:03:48,070 --> 01:03:50,293
And I'd never met anyone ...
1062
01:03:50,399 --> 01:03:53,262
... so outspoken
and charismatic.
1063
01:03:53,305 --> 01:03:57,830
And it just seems like ... she is a
magnet for exciting things to happen,
1064
01:03:57,831 --> 01:04:00,265
like if I just happen to be
walking down the street with her ...
1065
01:04:00,266 --> 01:04:03,336
someone would try to ...
attack us with a knife or something.
1066
01:04:03,337 --> 01:04:06,337
With no reason. Just because
she seems like that kind of a person ...
1067
01:04:06,409 --> 01:04:08,174
... who just attracts things like that.
1068
01:04:08,629 --> 01:04:11,123
I felt like a rebel in a way, because ...
1069
01:04:11,153 --> 01:04:13,235
you know, I was going off with Courtney ...
1070
01:04:13,236 --> 01:04:15,603
... and we're scoring drugs and like ...
1071
01:04:15,604 --> 01:04:17,589
... fucking up against a wall outside ...
1072
01:04:17,690 --> 01:04:20,082
... and stuff like that, you know.
1073
01:04:20,087 --> 01:04:22,581
And causing scenes just to do it.
1074
01:04:22,612 --> 01:04:26,834
Just because everyone's sitting at this
table just like 'duh', eating food and ...
1075
01:04:26,929 --> 01:04:28,312
Not having any fun ...
1076
01:04:28,347 --> 01:04:30,363
... and it was just so great
to play this role ...
1077
01:04:30,398 --> 01:04:32,471
... with someone who would
stand up all of a sudden and ...
1078
01:04:32,472 --> 01:04:34,247
... smash a glass on the table ...
1079
01:04:34,248 --> 01:04:35,439
... and scream at me ...
1080
01:04:35,440 --> 01:04:37,079
... throwing me down, you know.
1081
01:04:37,664 --> 01:04:39,388
It was just really fun.
1082
01:04:44,200 --> 01:04:45,200
♪Hey♪
1083
01:04:46,425 --> 01:04:51,525
♪There's a horseshoe on my door♪
1084
01:04:52,500 --> 01:04:54,100
♪Big deal♪
1085
01:04:56,100 --> 01:04:57,900
♪And say♪
1086
01:04:58,825 --> 01:05:03,625
♪There's a black cat on the floor♪
1087
01:05:04,650 --> 01:05:06,250
♪Big deal♪
1088
01:05:09,342 --> 01:05:11,362
Krist is that kind of person
who, if he is willing to do it, ...
1089
01:05:11,367 --> 01:05:13,667
... then he has to take
all the glory, you know.
1090
01:05:13,744 --> 01:05:15,431
He has to be in control of it.
1091
01:05:15,432 --> 01:05:17,666
And he has to be the person
who gets all the attention.
1092
01:05:17,667 --> 01:05:20,972
But I'm not allowed to be ...
funny ...
1093
01:05:21,100 --> 01:05:23,176
... on the same level as he is.
1094
01:05:23,177 --> 01:05:25,444
I don't usually show
my sense of humor ...
1095
01:05:25,523 --> 01:05:27,068
... when I'm around him.
1096
01:05:27,153 --> 01:05:31,710
Because it seems like
he goes out of his way to not react to it.
1097
01:05:32,101 --> 01:05:35,341
I don't think I've ever really
made him laugh out loud ...
1098
01:05:35,342 --> 01:05:38,653
... and I know that I have a sense of
humor and I can make people laugh.
1099
01:05:38,654 --> 01:05:40,863
I can make Courtney laugh
all the time ...
1100
01:05:40,864 --> 01:05:44,496
... and I feel really comfortable
about my humor with her ...
1101
01:05:44,854 --> 01:05:48,498
... and other people, with Dave and
a few other - you know, my friends.
1102
01:05:49,025 --> 01:05:53,877
But with Krist there's some
weird barrier between us.
1103
01:05:55,967 --> 01:05:58,641
We've always just had enough respect
for each other, to ...
1104
01:05:58,642 --> 01:06:00,445
... figure out ...
1105
01:06:00,446 --> 01:06:03,022
... what irks one another beforehand ...
1106
01:06:03,023 --> 01:06:06,728
... either(?) what little personality
defects we have, that bother each other ...
1107
01:06:06,908 --> 01:06:13,315
... and try to ... try to stop them
before ... before it turns into a fight.
1108
01:06:13,316 --> 01:06:16,655
I don't think we've ever spoken
mean words to each other.
1109
01:06:16,656 --> 01:06:19,359
It's not because we
love each other so much ...
1110
01:06:19,360 --> 01:06:22,282
... and we both think of each other
as hypocrites and ...
1111
01:06:22,283 --> 01:06:26,008
... there are things about, well, each
other, that I'm sure we despise, but ...
1112
01:06:26,563 --> 01:06:29,020
But there's no point -
for the sake of the band.
1113
01:06:29,021 --> 01:06:30,929
Once we started making money
and realized ...
1114
01:06:30,930 --> 01:06:33,303
... how much more pressures
are on me ...
1115
01:06:33,304 --> 01:06:36,234
... and how much did I deserve
a little bit more, because ...
1116
01:06:36,282 --> 01:06:39,693
I'm the lead singer. All these
perspectives are being written about me.
1117
01:06:39,694 --> 01:06:41,675
I have to take all that pressure.
1118
01:06:41,719 --> 01:06:45,196
And I have to come up with the pressure
of writing the songs ...
1119
01:06:45,202 --> 01:06:47,689
And I don't care if someone
else gets the credit for it ...
1120
01:06:47,690 --> 01:06:50,980
... but I shall at least
be financially compensated for it.
1121
01:06:50,981 --> 01:06:54,486
And it was a big deal. It was like
a really big deal to him and Dave.
1122
01:06:54,487 --> 01:06:57,241
They sincerely felt
they deserved ...
1123
01:06:57,433 --> 01:06:59,861
... just as much songwriting
credit as I do.
1124
01:06:59,862 --> 01:07:00,948
That's bullshit.
1125
01:07:00,949 --> 01:07:02,477
That's total bullshit. It's like ...
1126
01:07:02,478 --> 01:07:05,977
I was ready to fucking quit the band
over it. I couldn't believe it.
1127
01:07:08,885 --> 01:07:11,852
I'm such a nihilistic jerk,
half the time.
1128
01:07:12,048 --> 01:07:14,262
I'm so fucking sarcastic at times ...
1129
01:07:14,263 --> 01:07:16,516
... and then at other times
I'm so vulnerable and ...
1130
01:07:16,717 --> 01:07:18,401
... and so sincere.
1131
01:07:18,439 --> 01:07:21,228
And that's pretty much
how every song comes out.
1132
01:07:21,229 --> 01:07:23,615
It's like a mixture of both of them.
1133
01:07:23,616 --> 01:07:27,040
And that's pretty much
how most people my age are.
1134
01:07:27,041 --> 01:07:29,798
They're sarcastic one minute
and then ...
1135
01:07:29,815 --> 01:07:30,901
... carrying (?) the ???.
1136
01:07:30,936 --> 01:07:34,810
I'm just as pissed off about the things
that made me pissed off a few years ago.
1137
01:07:34,911 --> 01:07:37,586
-- And it's not necessarily
personal things. It's ...
1138
01:07:37,772 --> 01:07:39,787
- ... rape and violence and ...
- Yeah.
1139
01:07:39,956 --> 01:07:43,211
I'm pissed off about
everything in general.
1140
01:07:43,212 --> 01:07:45,312
And so all these songs ...
1141
01:07:45,384 --> 01:07:49,614
... are pretty much about my battle with
things that piss me off.
1142
01:07:49,615 --> 01:07:51,761
And that's just the whole theme
of the whole album.
1143
01:07:51,762 --> 01:07:53,067
With every album I do.
1144
01:07:53,068 --> 01:07:55,149
They're all basically saying
the same thing.
1145
01:07:55,150 --> 01:07:56,986
I mean, I have this conflict between ...
1146
01:07:56,987 --> 01:07:58,684
... good and evil and ...
1147
01:07:58,685 --> 01:08:00,186
... man and woman ...
1148
01:08:00,460 --> 01:08:04,641
It's people doing evil things
to other people for no reason.
1149
01:08:06,540 --> 01:08:08,874
I just wanna beat the shit out of them.
1150
01:08:09,664 --> 01:08:11,968
That's thebottom line.
1151
01:08:13,696 --> 01:08:17,043
Cause all I can do is
scream into a microphone instead.
1152
01:08:20,807 --> 01:08:24,020
One time I read an interview
at his office and I said:
1153
01:08:24,021 --> 01:08:28,521
"Jesus Christ, this makes me look like
such a - a moody, emotional ...
1154
01:08:28,581 --> 01:08:30,892
... depressive person."
1155
01:08:31,118 --> 01:08:34,303
And he said: "But you are."
1156
01:08:34,792 --> 01:08:36,358
I go: "No, I'm not!
1157
01:08:36,359 --> 01:08:39,241
I like to have fun, sometimes."
You know.
1158
01:08:39,754 --> 01:08:43,294
It's just that everyone thinks of me
as like this emotional wreck.
1159
01:08:43,295 --> 01:08:45,913
This total negative black star.
1160
01:08:45,938 --> 01:08:46,922
It's just like ...
1161
01:08:46,923 --> 01:08:48,855
People are constantly accusing me of ...
1162
01:08:48,856 --> 01:08:50,109
... of being in a bad mood ...
1163
01:08:50,210 --> 01:08:51,834
... and always asking me:
"What's the matter?"
1164
01:08:51,835 --> 01:08:55,835
And it's nothing wrong with me, at all.
I'm not feeling blue at all.
1165
01:08:55,860 --> 01:08:57,460
And ... I don't know, ...
1166
01:08:57,461 --> 01:09:00,761
It got to the point where I actually had to
look at myself and ...
1167
01:09:00,815 --> 01:09:03,560
... and maybe figure out
what people are seeing.
1168
01:09:03,561 --> 01:09:05,985
And I thought, "Maybe I should
shave my eyebrows.
1169
01:09:06,186 --> 01:09:07,758
That might help." You know.
1170
01:09:07,829 --> 01:09:09,708
People ask me that, all the time,
like, even when ...
1171
01:09:09,748 --> 01:09:11,559
... I went out to a club ...
1172
01:09:11,764 --> 01:09:13,239
... a couple of
months ago ...
1173
01:09:13,374 --> 01:09:16,447
... and this kid just nonchalantly
said just out of the blue:
1174
01:09:16,634 --> 01:09:19,119
"Jeez, Kurt, why do you always look
like you're mad?"
1175
01:09:19,140 --> 01:09:20,817
You know, and I said "I'm not mad!
1176
01:09:20,818 --> 01:09:23,552
I'm in a perfectly
happy mood, right now, ...
1177
01:09:23,642 --> 01:09:25,380
... you asshole!"
1178
01:09:26,800 --> 01:09:28,700
♪Me and my wife♪
1179
01:09:29,025 --> 01:09:31,325
♪Went all over town♪
1180
01:09:31,350 --> 01:09:33,750
♪Everywhere we'd go
the people would turn us down♪
1181
01:09:33,775 --> 01:09:37,375
♪Lord, in a bourgeois town♪
1182
01:09:38,300 --> 01:09:41,400
♪Oooh, it's a bourgeois town♪
1183
01:09:43,900 --> 01:09:45,900
♪I got the bourgeois blues♪
1184
01:09:45,925 --> 01:09:49,625
♪Gonna spread the news all around♪
1185
01:09:51,272 --> 01:09:53,977
"Yo, what's wrong? What's wrong
with you? Are you sad?"
1186
01:09:53,978 --> 01:09:57,794
You know, most people think that if I
look at them and I don't smile ...
1187
01:09:57,801 --> 01:09:59,447
... that I'm pissed off.
1188
01:09:59,448 --> 01:10:03,840
So I go out of my way to make it
look like I'm enjoying myself, you know.
1189
01:10:04,515 --> 01:10:09,663
I usually am enjoying myself, and I'm
hardly ever depressed anymore. So ...
1190
01:10:10,195 --> 01:10:12,892
... it's a lot easier
to be able to do that.
1191
01:10:14,741 --> 01:10:16,777
Opiates have always ...
1192
01:10:16,802 --> 01:10:18,802
... made me feel ...
1193
01:10:19,070 --> 01:10:21,460
... the security that I wanted
to feel ??? ...
1194
01:10:21,861 --> 01:10:25,047
... didn't hate people as much, you know.
1195
01:10:25,113 --> 01:10:28,171
I had a little bit of affection
for them or, you know, ...
1196
01:10:28,200 --> 01:10:32,437
... or at least could see past
the superficiality of ...
1197
01:10:32,738 --> 01:10:34,448
... their personality and ..
1198
01:10:34,449 --> 01:10:36,683
... and think of them
as a real person.
1199
01:10:36,684 --> 01:10:38,745
Maybe they had a fucked up childhood ...
1200
01:10:38,746 --> 01:10:41,540
or maybe it's their environment
that's making them this way.
1201
01:10:41,541 --> 01:10:45,145
It did release some of the animosity
that I had towards people.
1202
01:10:45,651 --> 01:10:48,516
And I needed to do that because ...
1203
01:10:48,811 --> 01:10:51,813
I was tired of hating people
so much, you know, ...
1204
01:10:51,814 --> 01:10:54,858
... and being so judgmental
towards everyone.
1205
01:10:56,312 --> 01:11:00,492
I know it sounds like I'm almost
defending my drug use. And ...
1206
01:11:00,587 --> 01:11:02,589
... it sounds like a lot of denial.
1207
01:11:03,072 --> 01:11:07,303
I need to go off on
an anti-drug tirade ...
1208
01:11:07,394 --> 01:11:10,641
... just to put things in
better perspective.
1209
01:11:10,960 --> 01:11:14,387
The last couple of months when I was
doing $ 400 worth every day ...
1210
01:11:15,019 --> 01:11:18,324
... I was definitely noticing things
about (?) my memory ...
1211
01:11:18,420 --> 01:11:22,201
... and I knew that eventually my
health would start getting a lot worse.
1212
01:11:24,331 --> 01:11:28,855
I mean, it's the truth that I was
healthier and fatter at that time ...
1213
01:11:29,214 --> 01:11:30,685
... than I am now.
1214
01:11:31,921 --> 01:11:35,721
I said right out that
I don't regret it. And I don't, but ...
1215
01:11:36,700 --> 01:11:39,772
... that's because
I used it as a tool.
1216
01:11:40,560 --> 01:11:44,022
I used it as a --
basically as a pain medication.
1217
01:11:44,023 --> 01:11:46,103
To get rid of the pain.
1218
01:11:46,364 --> 01:11:48,906
That's the biggest reason why I did it.
1219
01:11:49,442 --> 01:11:52,357
And in that sense
I don't regret it, but ...
1220
01:11:52,358 --> 01:11:55,461
... anybody else who's gonna
get addicted to drugs ...
1221
01:11:55,467 --> 01:11:58,182
... are obviously going to
fuck up their lives, eventually.
1222
01:11:58,183 --> 01:12:01,181
If it doesn't take a year,
it will be next year, you know.
1223
01:12:01,664 --> 01:12:02,549
It’s so obvious.
1224
01:12:02,550 --> 01:12:05,898
I mean, I've seen it happen with every
person that ever got strung-out.
1225
01:12:05,899 --> 01:12:08,502
It's a typical classic case ...
1226
01:12:08,503 --> 01:12:11,925
... that drugs are bad for you
and they will fuck you up, you know.
1227
01:12:12,692 --> 01:12:16,436
I just knew that I would eventually
stop doing them and ...
1228
01:12:16,480 --> 01:12:18,367
... being married and having a baby ...
1229
01:12:18,368 --> 01:12:21,268
... that's a really good incentive,
but most people don't even have that.
1230
01:12:21,335 --> 01:12:24,169
And also, I'm a rich millionaire
rock star, ...
1231
01:12:24,170 --> 01:12:26,728
... and then I have a lot of things
to keep right now.
1232
01:12:26,779 --> 01:12:29,682
I have a lot of reasons
to not do drugs, ...
1233
01:12:29,705 --> 01:12:32,952
... but most people who are gonna be
influenced by the fact that I did drugs ...
1234
01:12:33,153 --> 01:12:37,743
... are gonna be average people who have
a job and can barely make ends meet.
1235
01:12:37,744 --> 01:12:39,825
-- Well, I mean, you realize how that
sounds. It’s like ...
1236
01:12:39,850 --> 01:12:41,625
"Well, it's okay if I do drugs, but" ...
1237
01:12:41,626 --> 01:12:44,883
I know! That's what I'm saying.
I know, exactly.
1238
01:12:45,550 --> 01:12:47,183
That's why I have to keep going.
1239
01:12:48,113 --> 01:12:50,250
I'm saying that eventually ...
1240
01:12:50,322 --> 01:12:52,326
... if I would have kept doing drugs ...
1241
01:12:52,327 --> 01:12:53,975
... I would have lost everything.
1242
01:13:13,663 --> 01:13:16,724
-- What is the attraction to these
transparent people?
1243
01:13:16,849 --> 01:13:20,579
I don't like puzzles, but it just --
I like the idea to take them all apart.
1244
01:13:20,926 --> 01:13:24,449
Just see the guts and -
organs fascinate me.
1245
01:13:24,727 --> 01:13:26,672
How they work. And ...
1246
01:13:26,673 --> 01:13:28,198
... a lot of times they fuck up.
1247
01:13:28,882 --> 01:13:31,782
It's hard to believe that
a person can put ...
1248
01:13:31,783 --> 01:13:35,452
... something as poisonous as alcohol
and drugs in their system ...
1249
01:13:35,453 --> 01:13:37,550
... and these mechanics can take it.
1250
01:13:37,751 --> 01:13:38,928
For a while.
1251
01:13:39,815 --> 01:13:41,883
It's a nice thing, it can
take it at all.
1252
01:13:58,786 --> 01:14:00,860
Oh god, it was incredible.
1253
01:14:00,861 --> 01:14:02,792
It's one of the most amazing things.
1254
01:14:02,793 --> 01:14:04,322
Especially because ...
1255
01:14:04,730 --> 01:14:06,937
... it wasn't just a picture,
it was a video ...
1256
01:14:06,938 --> 01:14:08,640
... so you could see her moving around.
1257
01:14:09,364 --> 01:14:13,445
It was the first time I really realized
that she was a living thing, you know.
1258
01:14:14,786 --> 01:14:17,896
It was really amazing. You could see
her heart beating, and ...
1259
01:14:17,897 --> 01:14:20,713
... the first thing that she did with
her hands was ...
1260
01:14:20,714 --> 01:14:24,102
... make the heavy metal
Satan salute, like this.
1261
01:14:24,195 --> 01:14:27,421
- Waved her arm up and down, like that.
- Wow.
1262
01:14:27,805 --> 01:14:29,953
Then the pediatrician
pointed it out and said:
1263
01:14:29,978 --> 01:14:31,978
"Look at that little
hand gesture she's making ...
1264
01:14:32,054 --> 01:14:33,939
... and Courtney and I
looked over and said:
1265
01:14:33,964 --> 01:14:36,364
"That's the sign of the devil, Doctor."
1266
01:14:42,219 --> 01:14:46,476
Some days I probably feel
more paranoid than usual, but ...
1267
01:14:47,581 --> 01:14:52,683
... just since Frances has been born, most
of that has been stripped away from me.
1268
01:14:54,999 --> 01:14:56,998
It's just gone easier and easier ...
1269
01:14:57,833 --> 01:14:59,412
... over the years. It's like ...
1270
01:14:59,513 --> 01:15:02,377
... developed, you know, real
relationships with friends...
1271
01:15:02,378 --> 01:15:04,297
... actually have some real friends ...
1272
01:15:04,298 --> 01:15:06,563
... and the band's
getting more popular ...
1273
01:15:06,564 --> 01:15:10,359
... and just actually find someone I love,
you know, that took a lot of it away.
1274
01:15:12,249 --> 01:15:15,559
Well, it's really exciting for me,
cause that's what I've always wanted.
1275
01:15:15,943 --> 01:15:18,156
It's the ideal. Made (?).
1276
01:15:18,869 --> 01:15:21,404
It's better for me,
probably ...
1277
01:15:22,494 --> 01:15:27,620
because I'm in a ... a better position
than Courtney is, right now.
1278
01:15:27,697 --> 01:15:33,122
It's really hard for her ...
to have enough faith in herself ...
1279
01:15:33,123 --> 01:15:37,512
because, you know, her character's
been so fucked with so badly.
1280
01:15:38,363 --> 01:15:43,250
There's so much scrutiny involved
with her band and her personally ...
1281
01:15:43,251 --> 01:15:46,273
... that she'd have to put out an album
that's absolutely amazing ...
1282
01:15:46,274 --> 01:15:49,110
... just to be considered semi-good.
1283
01:15:49,608 --> 01:15:53,347
The songs she has - I think
they're really really good, but ...
1284
01:15:53,349 --> 01:15:57,287
... it's really hard to convince her
that they're any good at all.
1285
01:15:59,768 --> 01:16:01,830
-- I think some people would say
???, you know, ...
1286
01:16:01,831 --> 01:16:04,541
... "Why is she getting involved in
her husband's business affairs?"
1287
01:16:04,609 --> 01:16:07,189
Because I'm too lazy to deal with it.
1288
01:16:07,190 --> 01:16:11,726
And I'll just bend over
and help 'em slip it in my ass, you know.
1289
01:16:11,854 --> 01:16:14,141
Just - I forget about things
all the time and ...
1290
01:16:14,142 --> 01:16:16,199
... everyone thrives on that.
1291
01:16:16,200 --> 01:16:17,990
Everyone takes advantage of that.
1292
01:16:18,143 --> 01:16:23,743
I will ask someone in my management
to do something for me 20 times.
1293
01:16:23,820 --> 01:16:26,845
And then it will take, like,
4 months for them to get it done.
1294
01:16:26,938 --> 01:16:29,221
And finally Courtney calls up and
screams at them ...
1295
01:16:29,222 --> 01:16:31,907
... and yells at them so it
finally sticks in their brain.
1296
01:16:31,932 --> 01:16:32,634
They think ...
1297
01:16:32,635 --> 01:16:35,056
You know, they get off the phone
and they go: "What a cunt!"
1298
01:16:35,057 --> 01:16:37,190
But the thing gets done.
1299
01:16:37,665 --> 01:16:39,586
It's mainly for the benefit
of our babies ...
1300
01:16:39,587 --> 01:16:41,806
... so we can make sure
that we have some money ...
1301
01:16:41,807 --> 01:16:43,334
... for the next 10 years.
1302
01:16:44,596 --> 01:16:46,278
We're getting better at it, though.
1303
01:16:46,279 --> 01:16:47,911
I'm learning from her.
1304
01:16:49,056 --> 01:16:53,896
But you know, a lot of times she just
unnecessarily jumps to conclusions.
1305
01:16:54,031 --> 01:16:56,069
And that's her downfall.
1306
01:16:56,079 --> 01:16:59,776
So she doesn't get taken as seriously
as she would like to be.
1307
01:17:01,613 --> 01:17:03,713
She seems like, you know,
she has this take on being ...
1308
01:17:03,738 --> 01:17:05,738
this selfish, mean, righteous person ...
1309
01:17:05,868 --> 01:17:08,722
... and she's way more thoughtful
than I am about things like that.
1310
01:17:08,843 --> 01:17:11,622
When I finally think about it
or [get] reminded of it ...
1311
01:17:11,623 --> 01:17:14,276
... then I carry on with it, you know.
1312
01:17:14,701 --> 01:17:16,301
But she's ...
1313
01:17:16,364 --> 01:17:19,565
... she's always doing things like
always buying me presents and stuff ...
1314
01:17:19,566 --> 01:17:22,339
... and always giving me
compliments and shit.
1315
01:17:22,342 --> 01:17:23,640
It's great.
1316
01:17:25,823 --> 01:17:27,523
-- Everyone reads about in -
1317
01:17:27,548 --> 01:17:32,048
they read the 'Vanity Fair' story, they
read all the 'Copycat' stories, but ...
1318
01:17:32,305 --> 01:17:33,905
... no one ever really thinks about ...
1319
01:17:33,930 --> 01:17:36,530
... what the effect is on the
people that's happening to.
1320
01:17:36,599 --> 01:17:39,119
'Course not. We're fucking
cartoon characters.
1321
01:17:39,220 --> 01:17:41,208
We don't have any fucking feelings.
1322
01:17:41,244 --> 01:17:44,114
And the people that think that ...
1323
01:17:44,215 --> 01:17:47,306
... can the suck my dick
and they can give me $ 10 ...
1324
01:17:47,407 --> 01:17:49,407
... for my album, you know.
1325
01:17:49,837 --> 01:17:51,945
I'll gladly take their money.
1326
01:17:53,507 --> 01:17:55,429
The thing that I've always ...
1327
01:17:56,073 --> 01:17:57,758
... never understood is like ...
1328
01:17:58,210 --> 01:18:00,200
...the classic reaction to ...
1329
01:18:00,201 --> 01:18:03,427
... someone who complains
that's in the limelight ...
1330
01:18:03,442 --> 01:18:07,034
... is like "Well", you know, "You made
your bed, now you have to sleep in it."
1331
01:18:07,035 --> 01:18:08,715
That's what everyone expects.
1332
01:18:08,798 --> 01:18:10,841
And you're public domain now
and everyone just...
1333
01:18:11,042 --> 01:18:13,217
... has the right to know
everything about you.
1334
01:18:13,218 --> 01:18:16,834
You know, no journalist has a fucking
right to ask me if I do drugs or not.
1335
01:18:16,896 --> 01:18:18,780
You know, it's not their fucking business.
1336
01:18:18,982 --> 01:18:22,083
If they wanna know about the music
and how I try to write it, then ...
1337
01:18:22,275 --> 01:18:23,587
... that's fine.
1338
01:18:23,598 --> 01:18:26,236
Of course that ties in with my
personal life, but really ...
1339
01:18:26,237 --> 01:18:28,474
... not even as much as everyone thinks.
1340
01:18:29,069 --> 01:18:30,748
I just always felt violated and ...
1341
01:18:30,749 --> 01:18:33,721
... and I don't agree
with people saying that ...
1342
01:18:33,864 --> 01:18:35,789
... everyone has a right to know.
I mean ...
1343
01:18:36,466 --> 01:18:39,646
I have a right to try to change
that perception, you know.
1344
01:18:39,847 --> 01:18:44,361
I have the right to try to change
people's way of thinking of celebrities.
1345
01:18:45,669 --> 01:18:48,028
It should be changed. It should be different.
1346
01:18:48,100 --> 01:18:52,027
They should be treated as human beings
and their privacy should be respected.
1347
01:18:53,000 --> 01:18:56,700
♪We passed upon the stair♪
1348
01:18:57,525 --> 01:19:00,325
♪We spoke of was and when♪
1349
01:19:01,550 --> 01:19:04,550
♪Although I wasn't there♪
1350
01:19:05,775 --> 01:19:08,375
♪He said I was his friend♪
1351
01:19:09,600 --> 01:19:12,600
♪Which came as some surprise♪
1352
01:19:13,425 --> 01:19:16,725
♪I spoke into his eyes♪
1353
01:19:16,750 --> 01:19:20,050
♪I thought you died alone♪
1354
01:19:20,775 --> 01:19:23,575
♪A long long time ago♪
1355
01:19:26,600 --> 01:19:29,900
♪Oh no, not me♪
1356
01:19:30,825 --> 01:19:33,925
♪I never lost control♪
1357
01:19:34,850 --> 01:19:38,150
♪You're face to face♪
1358
01:19:38,875 --> 01:19:42,375
♪With The Man Who Sold The World♪
1359
01:19:43,129 --> 01:19:48,210
How long did they think we're going to
last, being personally attacked like this?
1360
01:19:48,307 --> 01:19:52,381
And they always speculated that we're
gonna break up because of our own actions.
1361
01:19:52,432 --> 01:19:56,541
And it's only because of a reaction for
what the fucking press is doing to us.
1362
01:19:59,015 --> 01:20:01,342
-- You ever considered breaking up?
1363
01:20:02,480 --> 01:20:03,738
All the time.
1364
01:20:03,739 --> 01:20:06,316
I've quit this band
ten times, this year.
1365
01:20:07,532 --> 01:20:08,837
Officially, you know.
1366
01:20:09,624 --> 01:20:13,479
It's just to the point where I don't care
enough about the band to really ...
1367
01:20:13,825 --> 01:20:16,245
... let it effect us this way, any more.
1368
01:20:16,356 --> 01:20:19,851
Besides, all the attacks are
on Courtney and I anyhow.
1369
01:20:19,852 --> 01:20:22,196
Krist and Dave don't have to
fucking deal with it.
1370
01:20:22,197 --> 01:20:25,240
I mean Krist just saw in 'Melody
Maker' the other day that they ...
1371
01:20:25,275 --> 01:20:29,212
... falsely reported that he was
gonna be doing a poetry reading ...
1372
01:20:29,944 --> 01:20:32,483
... in England. And he flipped out,
you know, it's like ...
1373
01:20:32,693 --> 01:20:34,489
"How dare they do that!", you know,
it's like ...
1374
01:20:34,524 --> 01:20:35,941
"God, Krist", you know ...
1375
01:20:36,450 --> 01:20:38,980
... "at least they didn't call you
a fucking heroin addict ...
1376
01:20:39,006 --> 01:20:41,178
... and you're killing your baby and ...
1377
01:20:41,479 --> 01:20:43,560
... leaving in a taxi cab."
1378
01:20:43,561 --> 01:20:45,287
People fuck with us all the time.
1379
01:20:45,288 --> 01:20:47,752
They want dirt and
they wanna lie about us.
1380
01:20:48,004 --> 01:20:49,573
And I just don't understand it.
1381
01:20:49,574 --> 01:20:53,392
I've never really tried to do anything
scandalous in my life.
1382
01:20:53,413 --> 01:20:54,754
I just can't help ...
1383
01:20:54,755 --> 01:20:58,194
I want to beat them to...
to their death.
1384
01:20:58,551 --> 01:21:00,696
I'm a firm believer in revenge.
1385
01:21:00,928 --> 01:21:03,466
I think, there is a time and place
for violence ...
1386
01:21:03,622 --> 01:21:05,134
... in every situation.
1387
01:21:05,201 --> 01:21:07,305
I mean, obviously I have a lot
to lose, right now ...
1388
01:21:07,306 --> 01:21:09,299
... so I won't be able to do it.
1389
01:21:09,358 --> 01:21:12,061
But I mean, I have all the rest
of my life.
1390
01:21:12,713 --> 01:21:15,579
I don't enjoy people
fucking with my family.
1391
01:21:15,580 --> 01:21:19,102
If I ever find myself destitute
and I've lost my family ...
1392
01:21:19,709 --> 01:21:23,071
... and if I ever do see her
I'm gonna beat the fucking shit ...
1393
01:21:23,106 --> 01:21:26,353
I don't hesitate to get revenge on people
that have fucked with me. And I ...
1394
01:21:26,378 --> 01:21:28,378
... have always been capable of that.
1395
01:21:28,541 --> 01:21:31,847
They're the most ruthless
life form on earth:
1396
01:21:31,948 --> 01:21:32,934
journalists.
1397
01:21:32,935 --> 01:21:35,739
They are the evilest, most uncaring
fuckheads,
1398
01:21:35,740 --> 01:21:39,300
the most bitter people I've ever known.
They're just ...
1399
01:21:39,401 --> 01:21:40,246
They suck.
1400
01:21:40,298 --> 01:21:43,551
I fucking have absolutely no respect
for anyone who's a journalist.
1401
01:21:43,576 --> 01:21:45,576
-- Oh.
1402
01:21:46,725 --> 01:21:49,064
-- Shit... Excuse me.
1403
01:21:49,172 --> 01:21:52,258
But you do other things
with your life, you know.
1404
01:21:52,303 --> 01:21:56,189
You aren't a person that's obviously
going out on their way for the story ...
1405
01:21:56,190 --> 01:21:58,430
... and making up lies about the story.
1406
01:21:58,468 --> 01:22:00,100
Those are the kind of people
I'm talking about ...
1407
01:22:00,101 --> 01:22:02,850
... and that just happens
to be 99% of 'em.
1408
01:22:07,703 --> 01:22:09,051
No matter what we do ...
1409
01:22:09,052 --> 01:22:10,733
... how clean we live our lives ...
1410
01:22:10,734 --> 01:22:12,215
... we're not gonna survive this ...
1411
01:22:12,216 --> 01:22:14,189
... because there are too many
fucking enemies ...
1412
01:22:14,190 --> 01:22:16,154
... and we threaten too many people.
1413
01:22:16,716 --> 01:22:18,759
And we've offended too many people.
1414
01:22:18,933 --> 01:22:21,126
Everyone wants to see us die.
1415
01:22:22,354 --> 01:22:29,246
And I might just keep going
just to spite those fuckheads, you know.
1416
01:22:29,457 --> 01:22:31,972
You know, they've already
treaded past ...
1417
01:22:33,072 --> 01:22:35,999
... the most offensive part
which is attacking my family.
1418
01:22:36,275 --> 01:22:39,155
And I could go on for years, but ...
1419
01:22:39,632 --> 01:22:43,677
... there's going to be a time when I'm
not gonna be able to deal with it anymore.
1420
01:22:43,730 --> 01:22:47,605
When my daughter is old enough
to realize what's going on.
1421
01:22:47,606 --> 01:22:49,076
I mean, she's already gonna ...
1422
01:22:50,069 --> 01:22:52,842
... be 12 years old and start
reading all the soap press and ...
1423
01:22:52,843 --> 01:22:57,015
... and start asking: "Hey, did you really
take drugs while I was a baby?", you know,
1424
01:22:57,048 --> 01:22:59,396
and it's gonna be a hard thing to try
to convince her ...
1425
01:22:59,397 --> 01:23:01,736
... of all the things that aren't true.
1426
01:23:03,120 --> 01:23:07,537
I couldn't see still fighting
this stupid fight ...
1427
01:23:07,862 --> 01:23:09,862
... you know, ten years from now.
1428
01:23:09,909 --> 01:23:13,662
By that point I wanna just be putting
out records on my own, you know, ...
1429
01:23:13,663 --> 01:23:15,968
... under a different name or something.
1430
01:23:16,469 --> 01:23:19,488
There's just no way I could
enjoy it at that point.
1431
01:23:22,674 --> 01:23:27,994
The most exciting time for a band is
right before they become really popular.
1432
01:23:28,093 --> 01:23:31,761
I'd love to just be in bands
that just do that every two years.
1433
01:23:31,762 --> 01:23:34,696
-- Just stay on the ???
as soon as you hit big?
1434
01:23:34,697 --> 01:23:36,437
Yeah, that'd be fucking awesome.
1435
01:23:36,438 --> 01:23:38,738
Every time I look back,
the best times of this band ...
1436
01:23:38,763 --> 01:23:40,928
... was just right before
'Nevermind' came out.
1437
01:23:40,930 --> 01:23:42,050
It was awesome.
1438
01:23:45,127 --> 01:23:48,177
Without my choosing it's become a job.
1439
01:23:48,178 --> 01:23:49,663
Whether I like it or not.
1440
01:23:49,664 --> 01:23:53,068
It's something that I love doing
and that I would always wanna do ...
1441
01:23:53,124 --> 01:23:54,459
... but I have to be honest ...
1442
01:23:54,460 --> 01:23:56,934
... I don't enjoy it
nearly as much as I used to ...
1443
01:23:57,035 --> 01:23:58,747
... when I was practicing every night ...
1444
01:23:58,748 --> 01:24:00,614
... imagining what it would be like.
1445
01:24:00,615 --> 01:24:04,019
It's nothing like what it was like
the first couple of years ...
1446
01:24:04,020 --> 01:24:07,058
... of actually playing in front
of a few people and, you know, ...
1447
01:24:07,064 --> 01:24:11,774
... loading up the van and
going to a rock show to actually play.
1448
01:24:11,846 --> 01:24:16,982
The privilege of that just can't be
reproduced after doing it for 10 years.
1449
01:24:19,297 --> 01:24:22,732
I find myself falling asleep
at times when I'm ...
1450
01:24:22,767 --> 01:24:25,601
... fed up with people or bored ...
1451
01:24:25,602 --> 01:24:28,987
... if I don't wanna socialize and I'm
stuck in a social situation, like ...
1452
01:24:28,988 --> 01:24:30,576
... back-stage ...
1453
01:24:31,235 --> 01:24:33,968
... or being on tour, in general.
1454
01:24:33,969 --> 01:24:38,100
I just sleep throughout the day.
I would prefer to be in a coma, you know.
1455
01:24:38,138 --> 01:24:41,511
And just be woken up and we
would go on the stage and play ...
1456
01:24:41,512 --> 01:24:44,248
... and then put back
in my own little world.
1457
01:24:46,755 --> 01:24:49,625
-- Well, assuming that you had,
you know, perfect monitors and ...
1458
01:24:49,626 --> 01:24:50,898
... you're playing really...
1459
01:24:50,923 --> 01:24:53,623
well and everything is going really,
you know, just optimum...
1460
01:24:53,690 --> 01:24:57,687
... it'd be interesting to know
what the feeling in your head is.
1461
01:24:57,948 --> 01:24:59,650
Is it, you know, happy?
1462
01:24:59,651 --> 01:25:03,770
Well, it's just a mixture of every
emotion that I've ever experienced.
1463
01:25:03,771 --> 01:25:06,236
It's everything, it's anger, it's ...
1464
01:25:06,237 --> 01:25:10,736
death ... and absolute
total bliss, you know.
1465
01:25:10,896 --> 01:25:15,441
As happy as I've ever been when I was
a carefree child running around ...
1466
01:25:15,442 --> 01:25:16,982
throwing rocks at cops.
1467
01:25:17,807 --> 01:25:19,513
I mean, it's just everything and ...
1468
01:25:19,514 --> 01:25:21,077
... I mean, every song ...
1469
01:25:21,121 --> 01:25:23,214
... feels different. It just ...
1470
01:25:23,236 --> 01:25:27,026
And also just the vibe I feel
from the audience. I mean ...
1471
01:25:27,027 --> 01:25:30,353
a lot of times I'll be
going to the motions ...
1472
01:25:30,354 --> 01:25:33,088
... and then I'll look out at the
audience, realize that they're ...
1473
01:25:33,089 --> 01:25:35,173
... really enjoying themselves.
1474
01:25:35,268 --> 01:25:37,719
And that'll make me -
That makes me happy.
1475
01:25:41,484 --> 01:25:46,785
-- Think this band's gonna ...
last to the next decade? ???
1476
01:25:48,038 --> 01:25:50,004
I don't want it to, but ...
1477
01:25:50,305 --> 01:25:51,594
... it might.
1478
01:25:51,689 --> 01:25:53,327
It all depends on how ...
1479
01:25:53,842 --> 01:25:56,368
... how good the songs are, you know.
1480
01:25:57,040 --> 01:25:59,726
I mean, I was surprised ...
1481
01:26:00,754 --> 01:26:02,152
to find ...
1482
01:26:02,253 --> 01:26:05,899
... us working together
as such a unit, lately. I mean ...
1483
01:26:05,900 --> 01:26:07,732
... we actually wrote
a song together ...
1484
01:26:07,733 --> 01:26:09,412
... and it turned out to be pretty good.
1485
01:26:09,413 --> 01:26:12,267
That's hardly ever happened.
Most of the time it's been up to me.
1486
01:26:12,428 --> 01:26:16,581
But I don't know how
much more I can do with ...
1487
01:26:16,896 --> 01:26:20,319
... with Dave and Krist and my
guitar sound and my voice, you know.
1488
01:26:20,358 --> 01:26:22,300
I'd really like to ...
1489
01:26:22,718 --> 01:26:24,519
... play with other people, but ...
1490
01:26:24,538 --> 01:26:28,729
... it's so ... it's almost impossible
to find people you can get along with ...
1491
01:26:28,730 --> 01:26:30,753
... and people that ...
1492
01:26:31,011 --> 01:26:33,911
think on the same level
as you do musically.
1493
01:26:34,276 --> 01:26:37,172
That's why it's so easy
to play songs with Courtney.
1494
01:26:37,173 --> 01:26:40,409
Every time we jam on something ...
1495
01:26:40,489 --> 01:26:42,135
... we write a great song.
1496
01:26:42,136 --> 01:26:43,595
It's weird.
1497
01:26:44,208 --> 01:26:46,692
Because she's a person
who takes command ...
1498
01:26:46,693 --> 01:26:48,719
... and isn't afraid to ...
1499
01:26:49,570 --> 01:26:51,270
... to be the leader.
1500
01:26:51,271 --> 01:26:53,643
And when you got two
leaders together ...
1501
01:26:54,143 --> 01:26:56,031
... it works not really well.
1502
01:26:56,032 --> 01:26:58,758
I would love to be able to just play
with other people ...
1503
01:26:58,759 --> 01:27:00,421
... and create something new.
1504
01:27:00,422 --> 01:27:03,191
I would rather do that
than stay in Nirvana.
1505
01:27:07,872 --> 01:27:12,061
It's sad to think what the state of
Rock 'n' Roll will be in ...
1506
01:27:12,062 --> 01:27:14,503
... 20 years from now.
1507
01:27:15,382 --> 01:27:17,382
It just seems like when
Rock 'n' Roll is dead ...
1508
01:27:17,407 --> 01:27:20,007
... the whole world's
gonna explode, you know.
1509
01:27:20,685 --> 01:27:24,606
And it's already so rehashed and ...
1510
01:27:25,282 --> 01:27:27,127
... so plagiarized ...
1511
01:27:28,026 --> 01:27:32,171
... that it's barely alive
now, you know.
1512
01:27:32,264 --> 01:27:33,461
It's disgusting.
1513
01:27:33,462 --> 01:27:37,484
I mean, kids really don't even care about
Rock 'n' Roll as much as they used to.
1514
01:27:37,546 --> 01:27:39,339
As the other generations have.
1515
01:27:39,340 --> 01:27:43,587
It's already turned into nothing but a
fashion statement and an identity ...
1516
01:27:43,620 --> 01:27:47,929
... for kids to use. It's a tool for
them to fuck and have a social life.
1517
01:27:49,601 --> 01:27:53,346
And at that point, I really can't see
music being of any importance ...
1518
01:27:53,347 --> 01:27:55,679
... to a teenager, really.
1519
01:27:55,736 --> 01:27:58,837
I think they have just
sounds and tones and ...
1520
01:27:58,930 --> 01:28:01,953
... use it in their virtual
reality machines ...
1521
01:28:02,078 --> 01:28:05,295
... and just listen to it that way
and get the same emotions from it.
1522
01:28:05,296 --> 01:28:07,740
And then go to a party.
1523
01:28:07,775 --> 01:28:10,495
There'll be a virtual reality machine
there with a whole bunch of ...
1524
01:28:10,496 --> 01:28:12,365
... headphones and if you wanna ...
1525
01:28:12,366 --> 01:28:16,138
talk to people and listen to the virtual
reality machine you can do that and ...
1526
01:28:16,139 --> 01:28:19,431
... and go to the other bedroom
and fuck and drink and ...
1527
01:28:19,473 --> 01:28:22,814
... but I actually I think, virtual reality
machines will actually get you high.
1528
01:28:23,491 --> 01:28:25,220
Technology [will] be that good.
1529
01:28:26,319 --> 01:28:29,338
And then there'll be, like,
virtual reality junkies ...
1530
01:28:29,350 --> 01:28:31,250
... finding them dead on their couch ...
1531
01:28:31,260 --> 01:28:33,205
... from O.D. [overdose]
1532
01:28:38,227 --> 01:28:41,288
Dying in general? Or dying from drugs?
1533
01:28:41,289 --> 01:28:42,591
-- Dying in general.
1534
01:28:43,908 --> 01:28:47,713
I'd thought about dying all my life
like any normal person.
1535
01:28:50,699 --> 01:28:52,559
I thought about ...
1536
01:28:52,724 --> 01:28:55,879
... killing myself for so long
because of my stomach thing ...
1537
01:28:55,880 --> 01:28:58,222
... that I didn't give a fuck about
whether I was gonna die or not.
1538
01:28:58,223 --> 01:29:00,564
If I was gonna blow my head off
with a gun ...
1539
01:29:00,565 --> 01:29:03,862
... I may as well take the risk
of dying from drugs.
1540
01:29:05,804 --> 01:29:08,321
-- Is yours a sad story?
1541
01:29:09,162 --> 01:29:11,083
No.
1542
01:29:11,989 --> 01:29:14,162
Not really. I mean ...
1543
01:29:15,081 --> 01:29:18,758
... it's not - it's nothing
that's amazing ...
1544
01:29:18,759 --> 01:29:21,561
... or anything new, that's for sure.
1545
01:29:24,983 --> 01:29:26,401
No, it's not.
1546
01:29:26,402 --> 01:29:31,053
I'm a product of a fucking ...
spoiled America, you know.
1547
01:29:31,098 --> 01:29:35,483
I mean, think of how much worse
my family life could be if I ...
1548
01:29:35,484 --> 01:29:39,511
... grew up in another country, you know,
in a depression or ...
1549
01:29:39,525 --> 01:29:43,877
... so many worse things that happen
besides of divorce, you know.
1550
01:29:44,465 --> 01:29:45,400
I was just ...
1551
01:29:45,401 --> 01:29:49,958
... been brooding and bellyaching
about something that I couldn't have, ...
1552
01:29:49,959 --> 01:29:51,518
... which is a family,
1553
01:29:51,519 --> 01:29:53,554
a solid family unit,
1554
01:29:53,555 --> 01:29:55,150
for too long, you know.
1555
01:29:55,175 --> 01:29:57,075
I've grown out of it now.
1556
01:29:57,168 --> 01:30:02,994
I'm glad that I could share it with kids
who've had the same experiences, you know.
1557
01:30:05,480 --> 01:30:08,379
Overall, it's sad that
two people can't ...
1558
01:30:08,436 --> 01:30:11,695
... if they choose to marry
one another and have children ...
1559
01:30:11,840 --> 01:30:14,277
... that they can't at least get along.
1560
01:30:14,288 --> 01:30:16,362
It amazes me that ...
1561
01:30:16,537 --> 01:30:19,024
... people who think that they're
in love with one another...
1562
01:30:19,025 --> 01:30:20,557
... can't even ...
1563
01:30:22,018 --> 01:30:25,722
... pretend, or at least have enough
courtesy for the children to ...
1564
01:30:25,778 --> 01:30:27,778
... talk to one another civilly ...
1565
01:30:27,803 --> 01:30:30,122
... when they have to see each other
just every once in a while ...
1566
01:30:30,122 --> 01:30:32,577
... when they pick the kids up
from a visit, you know.
1567
01:30:32,578 --> 01:30:33,616
-- Kurt?
1568
01:30:33,617 --> 01:30:34,447
Yeah?
1569
01:30:34,448 --> 01:30:36,210
-- When you come upstairs ...
1570
01:30:36,219 --> 01:30:38,333
... will you ??? bottle?
1571
01:30:38,434 --> 01:30:39,423
Yeah.
1572
01:30:39,424 --> 01:30:40,651
-- Don't forget, okay?
1573
01:30:40,652 --> 01:30:42,214
Ok.
1574
01:30:45,700 --> 01:30:47,136
I mean, that's sad but it's not ...
1575
01:30:47,137 --> 01:30:52,816
... I mean, it's not my story - any more
my story than anybody else's, you know.
1576
01:30:56,908 --> 01:30:58,346
-- Are you a Martian?
1577
01:30:59,652 --> 01:31:01,083
I'd like to believe, though.
1578
01:31:01,084 --> 01:31:03,414
-- Really does look just
like those things.
1579
01:31:03,480 --> 01:31:05,100
Yeah, it does.
1580
01:31:05,391 --> 01:31:07,755
-- So uhm, hrm, anyway ...
1581
01:31:08,024 --> 01:31:09,629
... good luck, etc., etc. ...
1582
01:31:09,630 --> 01:31:13,934
... and thanks from the bottom of my heart.
I really mean it. It's been great.
1583
01:31:14,535 --> 01:31:15,689
So, talk to you soon.
1584
01:31:15,690 --> 01:31:16,170
Alright.
1585
01:31:16,171 --> 01:31:16,731
-- See ya.
1586
01:31:16,752 --> 01:31:17,423
Bye Michael.
1587
01:31:17,424 --> 01:31:18,681
-- Bye Kurt.
135368
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