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1
00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:08,480
Good morning, patrol!
2
00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:10,920
Good morning, Skipper!
3
00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:16,840
Welcome to day one, activity A,
and A is for archery!
4
00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:18,320
- Yes!
- OK.
5
00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:20,720
We'll all get a chance
to shoot at the targets,
6
00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:24,520
but before we do, I just need to
run through some do's and do nots.
7
00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:26,120
There you go, Frank, pass that down.
8
00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:29,000
Alexander, you take the bow.
Pass it down, get used to the feel of it.
9
00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:32,400
It may surprise some of you to
know that most accidents happen
10
00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:35,160
after the arrows have hit the target.
11
00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:38,560
Boys run down the range
and can easily trip up,
12
00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:41,120
so safety rule number one is no...
13
00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:49,480
That's gone through, that. Clean through.
14
00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:54,040
I'm panicking. Right.
15
00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:57,640
Who can drive?
16
00:00:57,680 --> 00:00:59,560
We might need one of you to drive.
17
00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:01,280
No, that's a silly idea.
18
00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:04,120
Don't look at me, kids. Make a path!
You don't want to see this in your dreams.
19
00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:06,040
Someone call Carol, please!
20
00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:08,560
You've got to go to t'New Forest next week.
That's out.
21
00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:11,360
Oh, it's cold, innit?
22
00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:17,360
Michael.
23
00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:18,600
Michael...
24
00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:22,080
Mike!
25
00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:23,920
Morning, handsome.
26
00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:25,160
Listen...
27
00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:30,560
I can't hear anything.
28
00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:31,600
Exactly.
29
00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:34,840
The builders haven't arrived yet.
30
00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:37,240
That pigeon isn't in here.
31
00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:40,800
We're all alone.
32
00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:43,800
- Oh!
- Yeah.
33
00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:44,880
Yeah.
34
00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:48,360
- Er...
- What?
35
00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:50,520
Are you sure we're alone?
36
00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:53,480
- Mike, there are no ghosts in here.
- It's freaking me out
37
00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:56,280
- that you can see them...
- Mike, Mike, Mike...
38
00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:57,840
We are alone.
39
00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:04,480
Ooh, yeah... Get out!
40
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:09,560
- There's one in here now, isn't there?
- Yeah, just...
41
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:18,840
Are we ever alone?
42
00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:23,840
Castle man, he go de-da-ka, de-da-ka!
43
00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:26,560
You go.
44
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:32,760
Interesting.
45
00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:34,040
Erm...
46
00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:36,680
Funny-hat dude, he...
47
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,040
Hey!
48
00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:42,520
Ohh...
49
00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:45,320
What's all this commotion?
50
00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:52,000
Eww! Eww!
51
00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:53,400
Unacceptable!
52
00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:55,320
Ugh! Emergency meeting!
53
00:03:56,960 --> 00:04:00,920
Now, it's clear that this new enemy,
these builders,
54
00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:02,680
are deep in our territory.
55
00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:04,080
It's an occupation.
56
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:07,040
We shall fight on the beaches.
57
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,320
We shall fight...
58
00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:11,880
- ...on the landing?
- Yes, all right. Don't be glib.
59
00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:15,520
But how do we fight?
We have no rocks, no sticks,
60
00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:16,680
no bears.
61
00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:18,000
Bears?
62
00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:22,360
Oh, yes, very good, Thomas.
We'll just sigh at them.
63
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:24,800
You don't understand, do you?
64
00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:27,720
- Almost certainly not.
- She does not comprehend
65
00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:29,800
the profundity of my feelings for her.
66
00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:31,840
Thomas in big love with Kim Wilde.
67
00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:33,360
Kim Wi...? Alison?
68
00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:35,480
He's got the hots for Alison!
69
00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:38,040
Oh, it's far more complicated than that,
damn your eyes!
70
00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:40,120
I am attempting to compose a poem
71
00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:43,240
of such intricate beauty
to reflect the way I feel.
72
00:04:43,280 --> 00:04:45,960
I cannot be expected to
plot with you halfwits
73
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,840
and work on my art!
74
00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:49,920
Ooh!
75
00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:53,320
You can't just appear like that,
not when we're in bed.
76
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:56,520
- Were you and Mike making a baby?
- Er, what? No. No.
77
00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:58,840
I mean, I was hoping we'd get
in a bit of practice, but...
78
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:01,280
- Practice?
- You know, getting jiggy with it.
79
00:05:02,560 --> 00:05:04,120
How's-your-father.
80
00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:05,440
He's dead, I think.
81
00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:07,160
You don't know what I'm talking about,
do you?
82
00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:09,480
I thought babies were made
when you pressed ears together.
83
00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:11,920
No! Who told you that?
84
00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:14,360
My sister. How do you make a baby?
85
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:20,880
Well, OK, when a man and a woman
love each other very, very much...
86
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:24,040
...or not, actually.
Sometimes that can be more fun.
87
00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:26,120
- Alison!
- You'll have to ask one of the others.
88
00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:28,120
I've gotta go. Hi, Terry.
You all right, mate?
89
00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:30,960
Ah! There you are.
Jolly good. Now, look here.
90
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:32,480
I mean, I thought the Blitz was bad,
91
00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:35,000
but your builders make the
Luftwaffe look like a youth group.
92
00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:37,560
No offence, Pat.
We know your lot were capable of killing.
93
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:38,880
Please, not now!
94
00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:40,960
- Oh. Sorry. I'll...
- No, not you, Terry.
95
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,520
I was just talking to...Mike.
96
00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:45,240
Not now, Mike!
97
00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:46,280
What?
98
00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:48,600
Right.
99
00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:50,600
Yes, Terry. How are you? How's it going?
100
00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:54,160
Yeah, good, good. We've finally managed
to make the roof watertight in the, erm...
101
00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:55,840
...the back bit.
102
00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:57,000
The east wing!
103
00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:59,480
The east wing. Thank you...Terry.
104
00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:03,760
But we have found something else.
The drainage from the east wing is cracked.
105
00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:05,200
I don't know when it was put in.
106
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:06,400
1894.
107
00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:09,240
1894...er, probably, between...
108
00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:10,760
Now what?
109
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:14,240
- Not now! Huh!
- Hmm?
110
00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:16,160
What's he like, Terry?
111
00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:20,360
Right. Well, it needs a lot of work
to make sure it doesn't breach.
112
00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:22,080
I can do you a quote on top of the old one,
113
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:23,920
which has gone up a bit, I'm afraid.
114
00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:26,200
We don't have any more money. Great, great!
115
00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:29,960
We'll probably just put our heads together
and run some numbers up the flagpole
116
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:32,720
and just see if any of that makes any sense.
117
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:36,760
- Excuse me. Excuse me.
- Yep, by all means.
118
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:39,680
What are you doing?
We can't just agree to more work like that.
119
00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:41,200
We're burning through money quicker than
120
00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:42,920
- actually burning money.
- Mike, it's fine.
121
00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:44,560
This is all part of being project manager.
122
00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:45,840
It's a negotiation.
123
00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:48,440
You get them on side,
do a bit of wheeling, dealing.
124
00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:50,800
You gotta be mates,
if you want mate's rates.
125
00:06:50,840 --> 00:06:54,200
He's coming, he's coming, he's coming.
Listen, Tel, let's chat numbers later,
126
00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:58,400
and in the meantime,
how about a nice cup of old Rosie Lee?
127
00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:00,600
Oh, yeah. No milk, four sugars.
128
00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,480
OK... Watch out!
129
00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:06,920
For the sugar, Terry!
130
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,760
Come on, that's too many.
131
00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:11,680
- Isn't it, Mike?
- Yeah.
132
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:16,800
Just checking - that was a ghost thing,
right?
133
00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:17,880
- Yep.
- There are ghosts in here,
134
00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:19,680
- which is why you went weird?
- Just one there and one there.
135
00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:21,440
- Yes, we're here, we're here.
- Here we are.
136
00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:23,440
OK.
137
00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:29,520
Pat, are you not well?
138
00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:31,440
Hmm? Oh, no, I'm fine.
139
00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:36,080
It's just that tomorrow's my death day so,
you know, I always get a bit emotional...
140
00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:37,440
How are babies made?
141
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:44,080
Alison, my Alison.
142
00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:45,680
You are like a...
143
00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:48,800
...like a...
144
00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:51,440
Sorry,
I appreciate it's short notice and that,
145
00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:55,880
but we've just got so
much rubbish to clear up.
146
00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:57,880
I mean, loads of it. Seriously.
147
00:07:57,920 --> 00:07:59,440
Builders are awful, aren't they?
148
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:03,960
I had a terrible time when I was
extending the Bramptons back in '86.
149
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:07,520
It's a modest Oxfordshire pile.
11 bedrooms, tennis courts, wet room,
150
00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:09,760
- blah blah, blah blah.
- Sounds frightfully expensive.
151
00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:13,960
Oh, no, I didn't pay for it, no.
I ran it through MPs' expenses.
152
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:15,880
The great British taxpayer covered it.
153
00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:17,680
Wonderful idiots! Now, where was I?
154
00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:20,880
Oh, yes, builders. Well, I mean,
they're all thieves, aren't they?
155
00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:22,440
Tinkers to a man.
156
00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:25,680
All the noise, the football chat,
the potty banter.
157
00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:28,160
Ooh! Wait a minute, that's it!
158
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:29,360
What's what?
159
00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:33,040
All we have to do is watch
these builders closely
160
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:36,520
until they commit some sort of misdemeanour,
report it to Alison...
161
00:08:36,560 --> 00:08:38,360
And she'll send them away
with a flea in their ear.
162
00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:40,080
- Yes!
- Let's get organised.
163
00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,160
I have flea in ear.
164
00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:44,960
But you're dead.
165
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:46,360
So is flea.
166
00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:49,440
I also have worms.
167
00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:52,080
Ugh.
168
00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:57,200
Ah! There's two in here.
169
00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:01,040
A proper pair of oiks.
170
00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:03,080
This'll be like shooting fish in a barrel.
171
00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:04,360
Which I did for real once.
172
00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:07,200
Party Conference, Bournemouth. Great fun.
173
00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:08,680
I might sneak off a bit earlier today, Wixy.
174
00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:11,280
- This is going to be easy.
- Shouldn't be a problem.
175
00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:14,040
- Where are you off to?
- To get back to that community project.
176
00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:15,960
Oh, yeah,
the kids' playground at the hospital.
177
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:17,960
Well, I mean, there's being nice,
that's one thing,
178
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:19,440
but that's just weird nice.
179
00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:22,880
All right. There's plenty more
where they came from. Come along.
180
00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:33,760
Ohh! Pat!
181
00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:37,320
You all right?
182
00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:39,760
Tomorrow's my death day.
183
00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:43,520
- Oh! Happy...death day.
- Hmm.
184
00:09:43,560 --> 00:09:47,720
I'm really sorry, Pat.
I've actually never asked you -
185
00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:50,520
how did you die, exactly?
186
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,560
Sorry, no. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
187
00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:57,280
I just wanted to lighten the mood,
and it hasn't worked. Sorry.
188
00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:59,080
- That must be really hard for you.
- Yeah, it is, yeah.
189
00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:01,720
But on the plus side,
I get to see my family, so...
190
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:03,280
Oh! What? What?
191
00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:05,800
Every year, they come to pay their respects.
192
00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:08,040
They'll be here tomorrow, over there.
193
00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:10,440
- Oh...
- Yeah.
194
00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:13,080
It used to be a tree,
but it blew down in the great storm of 1987.
195
00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:16,800
People say it was a storm,
but it was a hurricane, Alison.
196
00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:19,080
That'll be nice, to see your family.
197
00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:23,080
And I thought, "Wouldn't it be
great to pass on a message to them?"
198
00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:28,000
Oh, no, Pat.
I don't think that's such a great idea.
199
00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:31,120
Oh, it is!
I could let Carol know that I was OK.
200
00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:35,240
The whole family come! Daley, he's my son,
and his girlfriend, they'll be there,
201
00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:37,080
and Carol's husband Maurice.
202
00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:38,280
She remarried?
203
00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:39,920
It's fine.
204
00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:42,000
I'm very happy for them.
205
00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:43,720
Maurice was actually my best mate,
206
00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:45,880
so it was really lovely
when he married Carol.
207
00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:49,040
He was always such a support to her,
even before I died.
208
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:50,680
- Hmm.
- He was always round.
209
00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:52,280
He had his own set of keys.
210
00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:54,400
I remember one Sunday, I came back from camp
211
00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:57,480
and I found all his clothes in the hallway.
212
00:10:57,520 --> 00:11:01,440
Everything - his socks, his knickers,
they were all strewn up the stairs.
213
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:06,440
Oh, no.
214
00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:07,520
Mmm.
215
00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:08,760
Yeah.
216
00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:11,040
- Oh, no.
- Oh, no.
217
00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:14,800
Carol!
218
00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:22,160
Anyone dead in here?
219
00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:42,600
Ow!
220
00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:56,320
Don't worry, it's only a matter of time.
Builders are born to hustle.
221
00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:59,120
It's in their DNA.
Oh, hang on a minute. Ah, there we are!
222
00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:01,560
- That's perfect.
- Here he comes!
223
00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:03,880
Our work here is done.
224
00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:04,840
- Oi, Mike!
- Yeah?
225
00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:05,840
What?
226
00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:08,240
- You dropped your wallet, mate.
- You've got to be joking.
227
00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:10,520
- Damnation!
- Tough nuts to crack, this lot.
228
00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:12,760
Reminds me of Monty in the desert in '42.
229
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:14,240
- Oh, yeah?
- Totally hemmed in.
230
00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:15,640
- Interesting.
- But he persisted.
231
00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:16,800
Oh, this is happening now.
232
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,240
- Where are you off to?
- I'm going to the pub.
233
00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:26,680
Mike, it's barely midday.
234
00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:30,600
Yeah, well, sometimes, you know,
a guy just wants to...
235
00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:32,000
You're doing a Glastonbury, aren't you?
236
00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:34,480
OK. So I admit I have some issues.
237
00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:36,400
Mike, you left the festival to go for a poo.
238
00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:38,400
Not just the campsite, the entire festival.
239
00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:42,320
So I need poo space.
It's hard enough when people are close by,
240
00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:45,360
let alone when there might
be ghosts in there with me.
241
00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:46,640
You've got this covered, though, yeah?
242
00:12:46,680 --> 00:12:48,080
- Project manager?
- Yeah.
243
00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:50,040
- Get us that deal!
- Sure.
244
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:51,440
They're not watching you!
245
00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:53,160
- I am!
- Oh, my God!
246
00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:54,240
Stop sneaking up on me!
247
00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:01,480
Hello, Terry.
248
00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:03,240
Can I get you a tea?
249
00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:05,480
No, you're all right.
250
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:07,840
Oh, Alison...
251
00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:10,440
My Alison...
252
00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:12,160
You are like...
253
00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:17,120
You are like a...
254
00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:20,360
- Garrison?
- African?
255
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:21,840
- I say tarragon.
- Hexagon?
256
00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:23,160
- Algorithm?
- Or hessian?
257
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:24,040
A marathon.
258
00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:25,440
Please, will you hush?!
259
00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:27,160
I cannot hear myself think!
260
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:30,440
You know nothing of poetry!
261
00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:31,920
There he goes.
262
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:34,480
Talisman?
263
00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:35,840
- Oh, that's brilliant.
- I said that.
264
00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:38,160
- No, you didn't.
- I said that five minutes ago.
265
00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:40,200
- No, you didn't.
- I didn't hear you say that.
266
00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:43,200
- Well, I did.
- I thought of it myself, anyway.
267
00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:46,560
You want to know how babies are made, Kitty?
268
00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:51,360
Well, the bees, you see,
like men, visit the flowers.
269
00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:55,120
Some bees like just one type of flower,
270
00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:56,720
though it turns out not your flower,
271
00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:59,800
cos your flower just isn't good enough,
so there you are, on display,
272
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:03,880
waiting for the big, strong bee with
his big pollen sacs underneath him,
273
00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:05,600
and he goes to a different flower,
274
00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:09,240
and sometimes, Kitty,
the bee only likes other bees,
275
00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:12,320
and you think, "Well, why have you
chosen that bee and not my flower?"
276
00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:15,760
But they don't care, you see?
They just buzz around and ignore you!
277
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:21,280
That's fascinating...
278
00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,280
Er, look...
279
00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:28,000
Monkey.
280
00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:30,000
- Oh, no, no, I mean...
- It's good fun.
281
00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:32,560
- Oh, good Lord. I mean, that's just...
- What's all that racket?
282
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:36,040
Ah, now, Fanny, I insist,
you really do not want to see this.
283
00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:37,800
It really isn't something
you should be looking at...
284
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:40,680
How on earth are they both doing that?
285
00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:42,240
Absolutely...
286
00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:44,160
Do you know what, Fanny?
I-I-I think you should go
287
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:46,720
and report this to Alison straight away.
288
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,400
Yes... Yes!
289
00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:50,680
- It's shocking behaviour.
- You're absolutely right.
290
00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:55,320
Alison! Alison! Alison!
291
00:14:55,360 --> 00:15:00,800
- Right, then, drainage issue.
- Yeah. Yeah, well, that's a tricky one.
292
00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:03,720
- I have never been so outraged...
- There's no two ways about it.
293
00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:05,560
- ...in all my life!
- The big issue is finding where to dig.
294
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:09,520
Those builders have been watching some
grotesquery on their magic lanterns.
295
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:11,080
We need to get the old ground radar in...
296
00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:13,920
- Two monkeys doing unspeakable things!
- It's going to be expensive...
297
00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:15,120
Oh, the video!
298
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:18,480
Well, it's more like an ultrasound,
but it does have a screen on it, yeah.
299
00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:24,200
Sorry, Terry, I was actually just thinking
about that, um, that YouTube video,
300
00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:25,320
- in the safari park...
- That's the one.
301
00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:26,480
- ...with the monkeys.
- Yes.
302
00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:28,040
- Have you seen it?
- Yeah, yeah, I have, yeah,
303
00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:30,480
- It's pretty funny, yeah.
- It is funny, actually.
304
00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:32,840
A real Button wouldn't stand
for this sort of behaviour!
305
00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:35,240
Well, could you not watch it, please, Terry,
306
00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:37,760
because, um, it's not acceptable behaviour?
307
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:39,680
- Not in this house.
- Not in this house.
308
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:43,120
- Filthy. Dirty.
- Filth...
309
00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:47,120
Right, well,
why don't we have this chat tomorrow, yeah?
310
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:49,600
Oh, sorry, Terry I...yeah.
311
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:52,960
It's OK, Alison, I've changed my mind.
312
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,280
- I don't want you to talk to my wife.
- Right. Good.
313
00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:56,360
I want you to kill her.
314
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:57,560
- You what?
- Well, don't you see?
315
00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:59,520
With any luck,
she'll become a ghost, like me,
316
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:01,400
and we can be together for ever and ever.
317
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:02,840
Great, great, yeah.
318
00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:05,920
So, shall I push her in the lake or,
ooh, take her up to the roof
319
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:07,280
and just throw her off?
320
00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:09,240
Either's fine - just don't mark her face.
321
00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:11,760
Of course I'm not going to kill your wife,
Pat!
322
00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:13,120
It's a terrible idea!
323
00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:14,840
I'm so sorry.
324
00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:17,600
What have I become?
325
00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:19,280
I'm a monster!
326
00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,360
I'm a monster man!
327
00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:41,320
Do you mock me, sir?
This is my sighing place.
328
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:42,560
Hey!
329
00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:44,200
Pat not feel good today.
330
00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:46,080
Is death day tomorrow.
331
00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:47,520
Family come.
332
00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:50,000
No, fine!
I wasn't trying to work or anything.
333
00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:51,920
Let's make an evening of it.
334
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:53,320
Bring wine!
335
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:55,040
And figs!
336
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:58,000
I actually don't know if I
want them to come any more.
337
00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:01,560
I hate to be the one to tell you this,
Patrick,
338
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,080
but eventually no-one will come.
339
00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:04,680
That's just the way of it.
340
00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:09,160
What Thomas try to say is...
341
00:17:10,360 --> 00:17:11,800
...you die...
342
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:16,160
...time pass, everything change.
343
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:20,520
Family not come any more.
344
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:23,200
Is pain,
345
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:25,800
but you heal.
346
00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,760
You remember them here.
347
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,520
And maybe, one day,
348
00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:37,400
you find new family.
349
00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:43,400
- Who fancies a pint, then?
- I'm gasping. You're buying, though.
350
00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:44,680
Wait up, guys!
351
00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:50,240
- Ohh. He stinks.
- He does a bit.
352
00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:51,840
Hmm.
353
00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:57,680
Only real issue is core strength.
That's known as a Norwegian picnic -
354
00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:59,920
you won't make many babies that way,
355
00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:03,920
but it sure is a lot of fun. A lot of fun!
356
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:07,760
A Himalayan campsite is an
altogether more complicated position,
357
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:10,600
involving four people and a rope swing.
358
00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:12,960
Now, the key to that is good ballast...
359
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:18,280
Morning! Little treat for my
favourite builders! Oink-oink!
360
00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:20,560
- Bacon roll?
- Oh, yeah, lovely, thank you.
361
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,360
- Cheers!
- Have a lovely day.
362
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:24,840
- Cheers!
- Thank you. Have a lovely day.
363
00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:25,960
Mmm!
364
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,720
- Mmm! What's with the bag?
- Gym.
365
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:30,400
The pub figured me out pretty quickly, so...
366
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:32,760
Why don't you have a spa
break while you're at it?
367
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:34,560
Mike, we can't afford to be joining gyms.
368
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:36,320
It's a trial day. It's free.
369
00:18:36,360 --> 00:18:38,200
How are you getting on with
the wheeling and dealing?
370
00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:41,160
- Good, actually.
- Well, I've got to go.
371
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:42,400
I've actually really got to go.
372
00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:43,760
- Morning.
- Morning!
373
00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:46,560
Morning, Terry!
374
00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:48,800
- How are you?
- Yeah, fine.
375
00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:51,440
Just wondering if we could have
a chat about the drainage issue
376
00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:53,680
and see if we can come to
some sort of arrangement.
377
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:55,080
Yeah, yeah, we'll find time for that.
378
00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:57,760
Look, we're going to finish off
that internal lattice-work today
379
00:18:57,800 --> 00:18:59,720
so I need you to take those curtains down.
380
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:03,120
Can do, Terry. And I've got some
bacon rolls going, if you fancy one.
381
00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:04,560
No, I'm vegan.
382
00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:06,000
Of course you are.
383
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:08,000
Oh, God!
384
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:14,320
Morning!
385
00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:16,360
Hey, guys. Wixy!
386
00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:23,440
# We walk together hand in hand
387
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:24,800
# I'm dreaming
388
00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:27,360
# You fell in love with me
389
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,000
# Like I'm in love with you
390
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:30,680
# But dreaming's all I do
391
00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:33,000
# If only they'd come true
392
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:35,240
# I should be so lucky
393
00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:36,400
# Lucky, lucky, lucky... #
394
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,080
Ohh...
395
00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:39,120
Ah!
396
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:49,480
Look at that! This could be our chance!
397
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:51,920
We'll need help. Fetch Mary!
398
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:56,400
Don't push me, you cack-faced turnips.
399
00:19:59,120 --> 00:20:00,440
Come quickly!
400
00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:02,480
'Tis the Devil's work!
401
00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:04,400
He is amongst us.
402
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:05,640
- Quick!
- The Devil?
403
00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:07,200
What are you talking about?
404
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,160
Right, quick as you like!
405
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,480
- Right, here we go.
- Come on, be quick.
406
00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:13,280
All right.
Don't pressure me, don't pressure me.
407
00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:15,480
Go on! You know what to do. Push. Push!
408
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:16,280
Come on.
409
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:19,400
What? What is it?
410
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:21,760
Oh, I just thoughts I saw a swan.
411
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:23,160
What?
412
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:27,720
When we used to see a swan in our village,
that was the Devil at play.
413
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,280
Well,
nowadays that just means that there's a swan.
414
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:31,960
Oh, right.
415
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,640
Look, there's loads of swans.
416
00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:37,480
Then the Devil is busy.
417
00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:40,720
Come on, man! Come on.
418
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:41,960
Push it!
419
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:43,440
- Yes!
- I've got it.
420
00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:46,160
- It's in! Well done, Jul...
- Oh, here we go, here we go.
421
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:48,760
Oh, good Lord,
he's actually going to take it.
422
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:50,840
He's taking the box, he's taking the box!
423
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:51,880
Yes!
424
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:54,920
That one be Lucifer's lackey, for sure.
425
00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:00,840
No, wait, I also saw a goose!
426
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:17,000
- A couple of chaps in the library...
- Hi.
427
00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:19,400
- Hello there.
- Just a couple of chaps in the library.
428
00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:21,120
Er, everything all right with you?
429
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:23,000
No! No, I've lost my engagement ring.
430
00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:25,160
- Oh, no.
- Oh, no!
431
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:29,880
Oh, dear. Listen, we don't want
to be a couple of telltale-tits,
432
00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:32,320
- but...
- Julian, er, saw...
433
00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:35,720
Yes, I saw one of the builders heading
out of the east wing just moments ago
434
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:39,040
- looking très, très shifty.
- Which one?
435
00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:40,960
The handsome one.
436
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:43,520
Erm, the...chap with the arms. Very strong.
437
00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:45,640
- Probably.
- What?
438
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:47,400
Thanks.
439
00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:56,320
I'm actually pretty gobsmacked that
you think it might've been one of us.
440
00:21:56,360 --> 00:22:00,160
Please, I just need you to
open your bags so I can check.
441
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:04,680
Come on! Empty your pockets, riffraff!
442
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:08,920
All right.
443
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:10,200
There you go.
444
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:16,600
- What-ho.
- Oh, dear.
445
00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:17,880
- Sticky fingers!
- Hmm.
446
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:19,120
Is this it!?
447
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:22,800
I'm so sorry.
I didn't even know it was in there.
448
00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:24,400
I didn't take it, honest.
449
00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:26,200
- Likely story.
- Chinny reckon.
450
00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:29,040
It could have been
knocked off the workbench!
451
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:34,520
You are so right.
452
00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:35,800
Yep.
453
00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:37,400
And I'm...I'm so sorry.
454
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:39,040
It's a bit late for that, Alison.
455
00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:40,880
Today is going to be our last day.
456
00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:42,640
- Get in it!
- No, please don't go.
457
00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:44,120
Look, it's not my fault.
458
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:47,080
I've been under a lot of stress lately,
and...
459
00:22:47,120 --> 00:22:49,560
Would it help if I told you
that this house is haunted
460
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:52,080
and I am being plagued by ghosts
who are making my life a misery?
461
00:22:52,120 --> 00:22:53,840
Not really, no.
462
00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:57,320
Ooh! A carriage! Someone's coming!
463
00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:08,000
Carol!
464
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:22,480
OK. You win.
What do you want me to say to them?
465
00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:24,920
I've had a think, Alison,
466
00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:27,680
and I've decided it's best
you don't say anything.
467
00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:29,600
I don't want them to worry about me.
468
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:32,680
Let them get on with their lives,
and I'll get on with my...
469
00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:34,160
...death.
470
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:13,480
See you, then, mate.
Sorry it didn't work out.
471
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:15,160
What? You're leaving?
472
00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:19,440
Yeah, it all got a bit...you know.
473
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:27,000
So, Pat, I did talk to them,
474
00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:28,760
but I didn't tell them about you.
475
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:30,240
I asked about them.
476
00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:33,760
I figured you might like to know
that your son Daley is an accountant.
477
00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:35,640
He's very happy.
478
00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:38,720
Carol's busy with the bowls club,
and Maurice is very sweet too.
479
00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:40,920
But unbelievably small.
480
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:45,200
Thank you.
481
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:46,960
Oh, and they called him Pat.
482
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:51,440
Your grandson.
483
00:25:10,120 --> 00:25:12,200
He's got my legs!
484
00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:27,160
Guys, I've got a grandson,
and his name's Pat.
485
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:29,480
I'm so proud I could burst!
486
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:37,440
Guys, this is it!
487
00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:42,120
I feel great. I think I'm moving on!
488
00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:44,720
I can see light. Can you see the light?
489
00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:48,080
You were all my family,
in a way, and I loved you all,
490
00:25:48,120 --> 00:25:49,760
apart from Julian,
who I didn't really trust,
491
00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:52,840
and, Lady Button,
you need to chill out, just relax, OK?
492
00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:55,920
And, Captain, the war's over, man.
It's over...
493
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:58,080
- And...
- That's it, then, Wixy.
494
00:25:58,120 --> 00:26:00,240
- Yeah.
- We'll come back for the rest.
495
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:03,600
Ah, this is awkward.
496
00:26:05,120 --> 00:26:06,600
No...
497
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:08,320
Bye, Wixy.
498
00:26:08,360 --> 00:26:09,840
Bye, Kevin.
499
00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:12,240
Bye, lunchbox.
500
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:19,880
A baby. That's nice.
501
00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:22,280
Still not quite sure how they're made.
502
00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:23,680
Oh, erm...
503
00:26:27,120 --> 00:26:29,840
And...
504
00:26:32,360 --> 00:26:34,120
Really?
505
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:37,440
- Do they love each other?
- I hope so.
506
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:39,840
Terry just said they were leaving.
What's going on?
507
00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:43,040
The charm offensive became...offensive.
508
00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:44,440
So, no deal on the drainage?
509
00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:47,040
Well, it's held out this long.
510
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:48,880
It's not as if...
511
00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:50,600
Oh, no.
512
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:52,600
Huh!
513
00:26:55,120 --> 00:26:56,960
- Alison...
- Agh!
514
00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:58,360
Please stop doing that!
515
00:26:58,400 --> 00:26:59,720
I was blocked,
516
00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:01,440
but that has passed.
517
00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:04,520
I have composed a poem
to express my feelings.
518
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:08,160
"Sure, Alison, we'll respect your boundaries.
It's bedtime.
519
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:09,680
"We'll probably stay out of your room."
520
00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:13,840
I'm dreaming that you're in love with me
521
00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:16,600
Like I'm in love with you
522
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:20,640
But dreaming's all I do
523
00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:23,440
If only they'd come true
524
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:27,000
I should be so lucky
525
00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:30,920
Lucky, lucky, lucky
526
00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:34,720
I should be so lucky
527
00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:36,120
In love?
528
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:39,760
What magic is this? Our minds are entwined.
529
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:41,480
How do you know my verse?
530
00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:44,880
I hate to tell you this,
but that is Kylie Minogue.
531
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:46,920
What is a Kylie Minogue?
532
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:49,240
She's an Australian singer,
533
00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:51,080
and that's one of her songs.
534
00:27:51,120 --> 00:27:53,600
I think you might have
heard it on the radio.
535
00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:55,320
It's catchy, isn't it?
536
00:27:55,360 --> 00:27:57,880
What have I done?
537
00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:00,720
Please send correspondence to Miss Minogue,
538
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:05,360
apologising in the sincerest possible
terms for stealing her beautiful words.
539
00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:09,080
The shame is almost too much to bear!
540
00:28:09,120 --> 00:28:10,400
What have I done?!
541
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:14,160
What's so funny?
542
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:16,120
Oh... No, it doesn't matter.
543
00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:18,360
Oh,
I'm sorry I didn't help you with the drains.
544
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:20,000
Never mind those ghosts, I think this house
545
00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:21,560
- is going to finish us off!
- No.
546
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:23,800
We'll figure it out. Or rob a bank.
547
00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:25,720
And you know what?
548
00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:28,840
I won't let them get to me, either.
549
00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:30,400
Ooh, the full monty.
550
00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:31,680
Yeah!
551
00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:33,200
Here I am. Huh?
552
00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:36,640
Come on! I'm not afraid of you!
553
00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:38,120
Hah! Get a good look!
554
00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:40,400
I don't care. Watch it!
555
00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:42,680
Yeah, not scaring me. I'm not...
556
00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:44,280
...scared!
557
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:47,280
What was that?
558
00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:50,480
It's probably nothing.
41030
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