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1
00:00:17,234 --> 00:00:18,714
How dare you?
2
00:00:18,757 --> 00:00:22,457
How dare you put your hands
on me, you filth?
3
00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:25,370
When my associates get word
of this brutality,
4
00:00:25,416 --> 00:00:27,106
you'll find yourself
on the wrong end
5
00:00:27,157 --> 00:00:29,547
of a disintegration beam.
You can count on that.
6
00:00:29,594 --> 00:00:32,294
50 and 60.
7
00:00:32,336 --> 00:00:34,336
Pleasure doing
business with you.
8
00:00:34,382 --> 00:00:36,122
Whatever he's paying you,
I'll double it.
9
00:00:36,166 --> 00:00:38,556
Do you hear me? This
is your lucky day.
10
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,050
Damn it.
11
00:00:49,092 --> 00:00:50,922
I bet you never
thought you'd see
12
00:00:50,963 --> 00:00:52,403
this face again, did you?
13
00:00:52,443 --> 00:00:54,143
You are correct,
14
00:00:54,184 --> 00:00:56,404
because I have never
seen you before in my life.
15
00:00:56,447 --> 00:00:59,617
Wait. Did you try and sell me
a used shuttle last year?
16
00:00:59,668 --> 00:01:02,928
No! Tevrin Krit.
17
00:01:02,975 --> 00:01:04,885
You slept
with my sister
18
00:01:04,934 --> 00:01:08,464
and stole
my family's sacred cudgel.
19
00:01:08,503 --> 00:01:10,943
Mr. Krit, with all due respect,
I haven't the foggiest idea
20
00:01:10,983 --> 00:01:12,253
of what you're talking about.
21
00:01:12,289 --> 00:01:14,769
That cudgel was passed down
by my ancestors
22
00:01:14,813 --> 00:01:17,163
for over
a hundred years.
23
00:01:17,207 --> 00:01:18,687
I was going to give it
to my son.
24
00:01:18,730 --> 00:01:20,120
Uh, "cudgel"? Is that...
25
00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:22,127
Are you...
are you saying
26
00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:23,649
"cudgel"?
I've never heard of that.
27
00:01:23,692 --> 00:01:25,132
Is that some sort of
kitchen implement?
28
00:01:25,172 --> 00:01:27,352
It's a hand weapon
29
00:01:27,391 --> 00:01:29,521
used for close quarters combat.I have never seen
30
00:01:29,567 --> 00:01:31,787
nor heard of a cudgel.
31
00:01:31,830 --> 00:01:33,220
I think you're getting
your humans confused.
32
00:01:33,267 --> 00:01:35,487
No, I am a gentleman
of the highest caliber.
33
00:01:35,530 --> 00:01:37,490
Wherever you go, people sing
the praises of Harry Mudd.
34
00:01:39,011 --> 00:01:40,231
We must all look alike to you.
35
00:01:40,274 --> 00:01:41,584
Which an easy
mistake to make
36
00:01:41,623 --> 00:01:43,933
for a-a gentleman... Oh.
37
00:01:43,973 --> 00:01:45,803
"Harcourt Fenton Mudd.
38
00:01:45,844 --> 00:01:48,934
"Wanted by the Federation
on 30 counts of smuggling,
39
00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:51,238
"20 counts
of attempted homicide,
40
00:01:51,285 --> 00:01:53,545
one count
of attempted regicide..."
41
00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:55,331
Regicide.
42
00:01:55,376 --> 00:01:57,896
He was a duke.
Hardly counts as regicide.
43
00:01:57,943 --> 00:02:00,163
What are we attempting
to murder now? Accuracy?
44
00:02:00,207 --> 00:02:02,167
"Transportation
of stolen goods,
45
00:02:02,209 --> 00:02:06,999
and one count of...
penetrating a space whale"?
46
00:02:08,998 --> 00:02:10,998
You kind of had to be there.
47
00:02:13,220 --> 00:02:15,400
Sounds to me
48
00:02:15,439 --> 00:02:19,099
like you pissed off the wrong
planetary alliance.
49
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:23,619
They slapped a 100,000-credit
bounty on your head,
50
00:02:23,665 --> 00:02:26,615
and I'm so, so glad
51
00:02:26,668 --> 00:02:30,018
that I'll be the one
to profit off your downfall.
52
00:02:30,062 --> 00:02:31,892
Something to think about
during our journey.
53
00:02:31,934 --> 00:02:34,504
This has all been
a big misunderstanding.
54
00:02:34,545 --> 00:02:37,025
What do you say we
talk this out, hmm?
55
00:02:37,069 --> 00:02:39,199
Combine forces,
and locate your cudgel together?
56
00:02:41,030 --> 00:02:42,990
I'm sure you're used
to worming your way
57
00:02:43,032 --> 00:02:46,212
out of situations like this,
but not today.
58
00:02:46,253 --> 00:02:47,953
I assure you,
59
00:02:47,993 --> 00:02:50,823
I have never been in a situation
like this before.
60
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:59,265
How dare you? How dare you put
your hands on me, you filth?
61
00:02:59,309 --> 00:03:03,099
When my associates get word
of this brutality, they'll...
62
00:03:03,139 --> 00:03:05,879
You better hope these
bindings hold, or I'll carve
63
00:03:05,924 --> 00:03:07,324
off your skin
64
00:03:07,361 --> 00:03:09,491
like a suckling targ!
65
00:03:09,537 --> 00:03:11,057
No, no, wait,
not my face!
66
00:03:11,103 --> 00:03:14,593
Well, maybe
I have been falsely accused
67
00:03:14,629 --> 00:03:16,589
once or twice.
68
00:03:16,631 --> 00:03:18,151
I can't help it
if my reputation precedes me.
69
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:21,198
I am a memorable man.
70
00:03:21,244 --> 00:03:22,384
It's all scuttlebutt and
hogwash, I assure you.
71
00:03:30,601 --> 00:03:32,341
Oh, great.
72
00:03:32,386 --> 00:03:36,166
Oh, wait a minute.
Uh, uh, a dim memory is, uh,
73
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,306
bubbling to the surface
of my consciousness.
74
00:03:38,348 --> 00:03:39,958
Of course.
75
00:03:40,002 --> 00:03:42,832
Tevrin Krit.
76
00:03:42,874 --> 00:03:44,354
With a... with
a "T." "Tevrin."
77
00:03:44,398 --> 00:03:46,048
I was think...
78
00:03:46,095 --> 00:03:48,615
I had a romantic encounter
with your sister.
79
00:03:48,663 --> 00:03:50,403
Yes, how could I ever forget?
80
00:03:50,447 --> 00:03:52,667
A forbidden tryst.
81
00:03:52,710 --> 00:03:56,410
Oh, her tusks prodded my face,
82
00:03:56,453 --> 00:03:59,943
her stubble grazed my lips.
83
00:03:59,978 --> 00:04:04,288
Oh, it was
overwhelmingly seductive.
84
00:04:04,331 --> 00:04:07,901
Yes, and in a fit of passion,
I absconded with your cudgel
85
00:04:07,943 --> 00:04:11,513
to keep as a memento
of our secret love.
86
00:04:11,555 --> 00:04:14,295
And I am not proud
to say that
87
00:04:14,341 --> 00:04:15,821
I sold it.
88
00:04:15,864 --> 00:04:17,614
Your cudgel is now
89
00:04:17,648 --> 00:04:20,298
in parts unknown,
90
00:04:20,347 --> 00:04:22,477
and I am so very sorry.
91
00:04:22,523 --> 00:04:24,313
You will be even sorrier
92
00:04:24,351 --> 00:04:26,351
when I hand you over
to Starfleet.
93
00:04:26,396 --> 00:04:28,746
I had to sell it.
94
00:04:28,790 --> 00:04:31,360
We were low on capital.
95
00:04:31,401 --> 00:04:33,191
I really shouldn't
be telling you this,
96
00:04:33,229 --> 00:04:35,449
but I am a member
of the resistance.
97
00:04:35,492 --> 00:04:37,712
The Federation won't stop until
they've consolidated power
98
00:04:37,755 --> 00:04:39,795
across the entire quadrant.
99
00:04:39,844 --> 00:04:41,804
Sure, they blather
and prevaricate
100
00:04:41,846 --> 00:04:44,496
about "peaceful exploration,"
101
00:04:44,545 --> 00:04:48,285
but what they're really after
is total hegemonic supremacy.
102
00:04:48,331 --> 00:04:52,381
I've never heard
of any resistance.
103
00:04:52,422 --> 00:04:55,212
: That's because
it's a secret resistance.
104
00:04:55,251 --> 00:04:58,691
Nobody knows about it
except the resistors.
105
00:04:58,733 --> 00:05:03,003
Which I am one... of them.
106
00:05:03,041 --> 00:05:04,701
Look, we're not so
different, you and I.
107
00:05:04,739 --> 00:05:07,999
Both forced to fight for
scraps on the fringes.
108
00:05:08,046 --> 00:05:09,696
If only there was a way
109
00:05:09,744 --> 00:05:12,924
that we could
work together. Hmm?
110
00:05:12,964 --> 00:05:16,584
Pool our resources, take
control of our destiny.
111
00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:19,280
You have to see
the wisdom in that.
112
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,969
Has that line
113
00:05:21,016 --> 00:05:23,366
ever worked on anyone?
114
00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:25,670
It's not a line.
115
00:05:25,716 --> 00:05:29,626
I'm telling you,
I see something special in you.
116
00:05:29,677 --> 00:05:32,327
We're kindred spirits.
117
00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:35,195
Hey, hey.
118
00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:36,987
I'm telling you,
we're kindred spirits.
119
00:05:38,468 --> 00:05:40,428
Stop dragging your feet.
120
00:05:40,470 --> 00:05:42,650
You are surprisingly strong
for your diminutive stature.
121
00:05:44,387 --> 00:05:46,127
You're throwing
my center off balance.
122
00:05:46,171 --> 00:05:48,391
I am of normal height.
It is not my problem
123
00:05:48,435 --> 00:05:49,955
you are freakishly weak.
124
00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:51,871
MUDD:
Okay, okay. You know,
125
00:05:51,916 --> 00:05:53,916
we're not so
dissimilar, you and I.
126
00:05:53,962 --> 00:05:56,702
Both forced to fight for
scraps on the fringes.
127
00:05:56,747 --> 00:05:58,837
Maybe we could work together,
128
00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:00,620
control our destiny.
129
00:06:00,664 --> 00:06:02,804
Surely, you can see
the wisdom in that. Hmm?
130
00:06:05,190 --> 00:06:07,370
A coalition would
give us more leverage
131
00:06:07,410 --> 00:06:09,590
against the Federation.
132
00:06:09,630 --> 00:06:11,590
But how can I trust you?
133
00:06:11,632 --> 00:06:14,772
We would both benefit from
an alliance. Why would I lie?
134
00:06:14,809 --> 00:06:17,159
Because you're driven
by insatiable greed.
135
00:06:17,202 --> 00:06:20,212
Precisely. So unbind me now
136
00:06:20,249 --> 00:06:23,819
so we can turn a bad situation
into good business.
137
00:06:26,995 --> 00:06:29,205
Is that a no?
Wait...
138
00:06:29,258 --> 00:06:31,038
What are you looking for?
139
00:06:31,086 --> 00:06:32,646
None of your concern.
140
00:06:32,696 --> 00:06:34,566
Have you lost
track of your ship?
141
00:06:36,134 --> 00:06:37,444
Maybe if you were
a little taller,
142
00:06:37,484 --> 00:06:39,144
you wouldn't get
lost so often.
143
00:06:39,181 --> 00:06:42,711
I know exactly
where I am at all times.
144
00:06:47,102 --> 00:06:49,412
What kind of bounty hunter
loses her ship?
145
00:06:49,452 --> 00:06:51,242
The kind who would never be
in a partnership with you.
146
00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:53,460
All right. You know,
147
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:55,760
the light dappling down
through those sewer grates
148
00:06:55,806 --> 00:06:57,846
accentuates
your exceptional beauty.
149
00:06:57,895 --> 00:07:00,455
Be silent.Are you spoken for romantically?
150
00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:03,117
Because I would love to show you
the 27 moons of Tartus IV.
151
00:07:04,859 --> 00:07:06,689
You're a much better captor.
152
00:07:06,730 --> 00:07:08,560
She was far too emotional.
153
00:07:08,602 --> 00:07:11,342
I thought you were
supposed to be rich.
154
00:07:11,387 --> 00:07:12,737
Oh. A common
misconception,
155
00:07:12,780 --> 00:07:14,910
but I have not a jot to my name.
156
00:07:14,956 --> 00:07:16,776
No.
157
00:07:16,827 --> 00:07:19,177
I speak the truth;
any fortune I may have had
158
00:07:19,221 --> 00:07:21,181
has been liberated by
the Federation tax man.
159
00:07:21,223 --> 00:07:22,963
If I had any money,
I'd be sipping jippers
160
00:07:23,007 --> 00:07:24,707
on a beach somewhere
161
00:07:24,748 --> 00:07:26,918
instead of being chained up
in this piece of...
162
00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:31,452
...lovely... cruiser. Hmm.
163
00:07:31,494 --> 00:07:33,324
I don't buy it.
164
00:07:33,365 --> 00:07:36,145
I bet you stashed away
a fortune.
Oh, no.
165
00:07:36,194 --> 00:07:37,674
Trust me.
166
00:07:37,718 --> 00:07:41,108
I am the poorest man
you've ever met.
167
00:07:41,156 --> 00:07:43,766
I'm telling you, I'm rich.
168
00:07:43,811 --> 00:07:45,601
You let me down from here,
169
00:07:45,639 --> 00:07:47,679
I'll make it
worth your while.
170
00:07:47,728 --> 00:07:49,118
Hmm?
171
00:07:49,164 --> 00:07:50,694
I'm listening.
172
00:07:50,731 --> 00:07:51,861
You'll never
have to set foot
173
00:07:51,906 --> 00:07:53,996
in a slum
like this again.
174
00:07:54,038 --> 00:07:57,958
I'll give you so much latinum,
you'll be able to wear a cape,
175
00:07:57,999 --> 00:07:59,569
and nobody will be able
to say anything,
176
00:07:59,609 --> 00:08:02,699
because rich people
get to do whatever they want.
177
00:08:02,743 --> 00:08:06,143
Your enemies will be
positively green with envy.
178
00:08:08,139 --> 00:08:09,579
Greener.
Hmm.
179
00:08:09,619 --> 00:08:11,269
So to speak.
180
00:08:11,316 --> 00:08:14,966
You'll be invited
to only the finest soirees.
181
00:08:15,016 --> 00:08:16,796
I would look
good in a cape.
182
00:08:16,844 --> 00:08:18,804
You would look
amazing in a cape.
183
00:08:23,372 --> 00:08:24,812
Hey, imbecile.
184
00:08:24,852 --> 00:08:27,072
You know we got
a camera in here, right?
185
00:08:31,859 --> 00:08:33,949
I nearly had
him tricked
186
00:08:33,991 --> 00:08:37,471
into thinking that
I wanted his money.
187
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:38,607
You're relieved.
188
00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:46,610
So you have me
wrapped in chains,
189
00:08:46,656 --> 00:08:49,526
in a cell, and suspended
from the ceiling?
190
00:08:49,572 --> 00:08:51,272
Is there a word in your
language for "overkill"?
191
00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:56,671
You seem nice.
What's your name?
192
00:08:56,710 --> 00:08:59,100
Your skin is...
193
00:08:59,147 --> 00:09:01,107
luxuriously green.
194
00:09:02,498 --> 00:09:04,368
Like a delectable
lime.
195
00:09:06,067 --> 00:09:09,587
You know...
196
00:09:09,636 --> 00:09:11,726
This may be
your lucky day.
197
00:09:11,768 --> 00:09:14,548
I know the secret whereabouts
of a treasure ship
198
00:09:14,597 --> 00:09:16,467
which we could...
199
00:09:21,082 --> 00:09:22,522
No.
200
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:25,042
Krit. No!
201
00:09:25,086 --> 00:09:27,386
OFFICER :
This is the Federation
starship De Milo.
202
00:09:27,436 --> 00:09:28,436
Please identity yourself.
203
00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:30,000
Oh, don't be so naive.
204
00:09:30,047 --> 00:09:33,437
Don't your people have
any kind of code of conduct?
205
00:09:33,485 --> 00:09:34,965
This is Tellarite
merchant vessel
206
00:09:35,009 --> 00:09:36,659
D-bar-seven-five-six.
207
00:09:36,706 --> 00:09:38,706
Requesting permission
to approach.
208
00:09:38,752 --> 00:09:40,412
Permission granted.
209
00:09:40,449 --> 00:09:43,189
So, do you
think you've...
210
00:09:43,234 --> 00:09:45,984
talked me into
lowering my guard?
211
00:09:46,020 --> 00:09:48,630
This is your last chance
212
00:09:48,675 --> 00:09:50,675
to use that knife
you've got stashed
213
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:52,070
in your boot.
214
00:09:58,249 --> 00:09:59,949
Do you want me to beg?
215
00:09:59,990 --> 00:10:01,640
Because I am not above begging.
216
00:10:01,688 --> 00:10:03,428
Please know...
217
00:10:03,472 --> 00:10:05,342
if those Federation lunatics
get a hold of me,
218
00:10:05,387 --> 00:10:07,387
they'll skin me alive
and blow me out an airlock.
219
00:10:09,217 --> 00:10:11,177
I-I'm sorry
about your cudgel.
220
00:10:11,219 --> 00:10:12,479
That was...
221
00:10:12,524 --> 00:10:15,144
was deeply wrong of me.
222
00:10:15,179 --> 00:10:17,009
But you're better than this.
223
00:10:17,051 --> 00:10:19,051
Tellarites are better than this.
224
00:10:20,924 --> 00:10:22,534
Go on.
225
00:10:22,578 --> 00:10:24,618
Take me home with you.
226
00:10:24,667 --> 00:10:26,707
I'll polish your tusks.
227
00:10:26,756 --> 00:10:28,846
Uh... um...
228
00:10:28,889 --> 00:10:30,629
I'll braid your
little beard. Please.
229
00:10:30,673 --> 00:10:32,943
I'll clean
the lavatories in...
230
00:10:32,980 --> 00:10:34,980
on your... on this ship.
231
00:10:35,025 --> 00:10:37,105
Anything, but just...
232
00:10:37,158 --> 00:10:40,248
: don't hand me
over to them, please.
233
00:10:43,512 --> 00:10:45,432
Two to beam over.
234
00:10:45,470 --> 00:10:46,910
Oh, goddamn it!
235
00:10:46,950 --> 00:10:48,690
You mo...
236
00:10:48,735 --> 00:10:51,255
Curse the day I met
your pig-faced sister!
237
00:10:52,477 --> 00:10:54,477
Welcome to
the De Milo.
238
00:10:54,523 --> 00:10:58,313
How can we be of... Oh.Tevrin Krit.
239
00:10:58,353 --> 00:10:59,923
Pleased to make
your acquaintance.
240
00:10:59,963 --> 00:11:01,753
More than happy to turn
241
00:11:01,791 --> 00:11:03,841
this sack of durf
over for the bounty.
242
00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:05,360
MUDD:
Officer, I apologize
243
00:11:05,403 --> 00:11:07,453
for this disgusting
space homunculus.
244
00:11:07,492 --> 00:11:08,892
I'd say you'd get
used to the smell,
245
00:11:08,929 --> 00:11:10,539
but you really don't.
246
00:11:10,582 --> 00:11:12,242
Follow me.
247
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:14,020
KRIT: Do you transfer
the latinum to my account
248
00:11:14,064 --> 00:11:16,244
or just give it to me
in one big bar?
249
00:11:17,589 --> 00:11:19,459
I assume you bought Mr. Mudd
250
00:11:19,504 --> 00:11:21,814
from some tall,
female bounty hunter?
251
00:11:21,855 --> 00:11:23,725
It was a fair deal.
252
00:11:23,770 --> 00:11:25,640
The bounty's all mine.
253
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:28,725
True. But this is
not Harcourt Mudd.
254
00:11:28,775 --> 00:11:31,865
My scanner says he is.
255
00:11:31,908 --> 00:11:34,298
He is an android duplicate
of Mr. Mudd.
256
00:11:34,345 --> 00:11:36,385
Thinly skinned
with replicant DNA
257
00:11:36,434 --> 00:11:38,094
and programmed to distract you
258
00:11:38,132 --> 00:11:41,742
until it's too late for
you to demand a refund.
259
00:11:41,788 --> 00:11:44,008
Bounty hunters have been showing
up all week with these...
260
00:11:44,051 --> 00:11:47,401
monstrosities.
261
00:11:47,445 --> 00:11:49,875
Someone took you
for a ride.
262
00:11:49,926 --> 00:11:53,056
Oh, that's a twist.Has anyone ever
told you that before?
263
00:11:53,103 --> 00:11:55,193
Just gorgeous!
264
00:11:55,236 --> 00:11:58,196
Oh, very good.
265
00:12:04,332 --> 00:12:07,992
Mudd, tell him you're real.
266
00:12:11,121 --> 00:12:12,991
No!
267
00:12:13,036 --> 00:12:14,856
If I had any money,
I'd be sipping jippers
268
00:12:14,908 --> 00:12:16,738
on a beach somewhere.If I had any money,
269
00:12:16,779 --> 00:12:18,559
I'd be sipping jippers
on a beach somewhere!
270
00:12:18,607 --> 00:12:19,907
If I had any money,
271
00:12:19,956 --> 00:12:22,256
I'd be sipping jippers
on a beach somewhere.
272
00:12:22,306 --> 00:12:23,916
If I had any money,
273
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:25,530
I'd be sipping jippers
on a beach somewhere.
274
00:12:25,570 --> 00:12:27,140
If I had any
money, I'd be...
275
00:12:27,181 --> 00:12:29,751
Jippers on a beach,
jippers on a beach.
276
00:12:29,792 --> 00:12:31,792
Jippers on a beach.If I had any money,
I'd be sipping...
277
00:12:31,838 --> 00:12:33,538
Jippers on a beach,
jippers on a beach,
278
00:12:33,578 --> 00:12:34,878
jippers on a beach.
279
00:12:54,861 --> 00:12:56,821
Your jipper, ma'am.
280
00:13:08,048 --> 00:13:10,048
Hmm.
281
00:13:11,747 --> 00:13:13,707
Thank you, Mudd.You're welcome, Mudd.
282
00:13:14,968 --> 00:13:16,928
Watch where you're going.
283
00:13:16,970 --> 00:13:18,230
I'm mopping.
284
00:13:18,275 --> 00:13:20,495
Delicious jipper.
285
00:13:22,410 --> 00:13:24,460
COMPUTER VOICE:
Incoming transmission.
286
00:13:24,499 --> 00:13:26,539
Will you excuse me, boys?
I have to take this.
287
00:13:26,588 --> 00:13:27,888
Deactivate.
288
00:13:31,506 --> 00:13:35,636
Yes, I hear you're looking
for Harry Mudd.
289
00:13:37,555 --> 00:13:41,035
You can take him
off my hands for 50,000.
290
00:13:41,081 --> 00:13:44,611
Excellent.
291
00:13:44,649 --> 00:13:46,649
I'll meet you there.
292
00:13:46,695 --> 00:13:49,345
Oh.
293
00:13:49,393 --> 00:13:51,873
Would you happen
to be interested
294
00:13:51,918 --> 00:13:54,138
in a slightly used cudgel?
295
00:13:54,181 --> 00:13:55,491
Hmm?
296
00:13:55,530 --> 00:13:57,750
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
297
00:13:57,793 --> 00:13:59,583
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
20000
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