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1
00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:09,259
And in weird things in space
news,
2
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:11,386
that mysterious "rift"
is still there.
3
00:00:11,469 --> 00:00:13,263
Not gone yet.
You remember that, don't you?
4
00:00:13,346 --> 00:00:14,573
It's probably important.
5
00:00:14,597 --> 00:00:15,807
Back to you, Tabitha.
6
00:00:15,890 --> 00:00:17,576
Rick, Mom's working,
and Dad's still sleeping.
7
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:18,703
I'm... I'm... I'm gonna be late.
8
00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:20,603
Yeah, yeah.
I-I got you.
9
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:21,980
Here.
Holy shit.
10
00:00:22,063 --> 00:00:23,648
I-Is the portal gun
working again?
11
00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:24,983
Yeah, pretty much.
12
00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:28,361
Sometimes that happens.
13
00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:33,408
Just get the keys.
14
00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:36,870
It's actually been nice
taking a break
15
00:00:36,953 --> 00:00:38,288
from the portal travel stuff.
16
00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:40,349
I-I've been racking up a lot
of high-school adventures.
17
00:00:40,373 --> 00:00:42,250
I have a process, Morty.
Huh?
18
00:00:42,333 --> 00:00:44,437
I'm fixing my portal gun,
and every time you bring it up,
19
00:00:44,461 --> 00:00:45,879
it blocks my creative flow.
20
00:00:45,962 --> 00:00:47,964
A-And then I'm forced
to take longer on purpose
21
00:00:48,047 --> 00:00:49,487
just to train you
to not bring it up.
22
00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:51,301
Geez. Do you know
what "projection" is?
23
00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:52,761
Do you?
No.
24
00:00:52,844 --> 00:00:54,429
I-I-I heard Mom use it.
25
00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:57,307
Lord, no.
He's here again?
26
00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:59,076
Morty protocol, children.
27
00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:00,852
Oh, what's it now?
28
00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:02,604
Brain bugs?
Space worms?
29
00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:04,007
Have I been
"The Faculty'd" again?
30
00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:06,191
You guys don't have to react
like this every day.
31
00:01:06,274 --> 00:01:09,569
Last time, the aliens made me
lick all the toilet seats.
32
00:01:09,652 --> 00:01:10,737
That's right... made me.
33
00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:12,071
I see that look on your faces.
34
00:01:13,615 --> 00:01:15,617
What did you do,
ya tiny monster?
35
00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:16,910
This isn't me.
36
00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:25,752
The people demand to know...
37
00:01:25,835 --> 00:01:28,171
Do these visitors come in peace?
38
00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:30,465
But first,
"Peter's Pizza Corner."
39
00:01:30,548 --> 00:01:32,091
What slice we reviewing
today, Petey?
40
00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:33,593
Cheese.
41
00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:40,558
If these aliens want Earth,
42
00:01:40,642 --> 00:01:42,477
they'll have to go
through Egypt.
43
00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:45,230
And they can ask mummies
how that goes.
44
00:01:47,857 --> 00:01:49,776
Mummy mia!
45
00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:58,034
Dinosaurs are back?
46
00:01:58,117 --> 00:02:00,703
Monkeys went bald?
47
00:02:37,365 --> 00:02:38,509
Shh!
48
00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:40,034
Before we start...
49
00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:41,703
where are the rest of...
50
00:02:41,786 --> 00:02:43,162
us?
51
00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:44,289
Uh...
52
00:02:44,372 --> 00:02:45,665
They died. Uh...
53
00:02:45,748 --> 00:02:47,000
Long time ago.
54
00:02:47,083 --> 00:02:49,794
Way before us.
We didn't see nothin'.
55
00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:54,048
But surely our ancestors must
have left some evidence behind.
56
00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:57,051
Why is he nervous?
57
00:02:58,928 --> 00:03:02,640
Because, uh, you're dinosaurs.
58
00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:04,058
It's weird.
59
00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:06,227
Thought you were dead.
60
00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:10,815
Moving on, we "dinosaurs"
evolved here on Earth
61
00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:14,027
until our technology
was planetarily harmonic.
62
00:03:14,110 --> 00:03:15,612
That being the goal
63
00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:17,614
with technology.
64
00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:20,366
After we achieved perfect
balance with Mother Earth,
65
00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:23,202
our best and bravest left
to help other planets.
66
00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:26,122
Over millions of years,
we've called many worlds home
67
00:03:26,205 --> 00:03:28,041
and helped each one flourish.
68
00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:30,043
Imagine our surprise
upon returning home
69
00:03:30,126 --> 00:03:34,797
to find our species extinct
and Earth now in the care of...
70
00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:36,132
you guys.
71
00:03:36,215 --> 00:03:38,927
When we left,
you were basically squirrels.
72
00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:41,137
Well, uh, we've come a long way,
73
00:03:41,220 --> 00:03:43,681
and we... We've buried
a lot more than nuts.
74
00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:46,225
We've evolved past
nonconstructive criticism,
75
00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:48,561
so let's agree
you've done your best.
76
00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:49,938
You're still alive.
77
00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:52,190
But surely there was some point
between gunpowder
78
00:03:52,273 --> 00:03:54,400
and something called
Amazon Prime
79
00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:55,652
that you folks had to think,
80
00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:57,904
"Are we supposed to be
running a planet?
81
00:03:57,987 --> 00:03:59,027
Wouldn't we rather make...
82
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,239
Marvel movies?"
83
00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:01,763
How many Marvel movies
have you made?
84
00:04:01,824 --> 00:04:03,618
29, and 14 more on the way.
85
00:04:03,701 --> 00:04:05,161
See, you love doing that.
86
00:04:05,244 --> 00:04:07,622
And we love helping new
life-forms get their footing.
87
00:04:07,705 --> 00:04:11,459
So now that we're back, we can
respectfully take it from here.
88
00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:13,169
Now, hold on.
If you've seen "Endgame,"
89
00:04:13,252 --> 00:04:14,796
you know invasion
is not something
90
00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:16,089
Earth takes lying down.
91
00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:17,590
This is not an invasion.
92
00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:20,927
Besides, wouldn't you like
to lie down?
93
00:04:21,010 --> 00:04:23,054
Ugh.
You must be exhausted.
94
00:04:23,137 --> 00:04:25,264
Put your feet up,
get more tattoos,
95
00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:27,308
finish rounding out
this "Ant-Man" character.
96
00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:29,894
Think of it like your Earth
concept of "vacation,"
97
00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:31,187
except permanent.
98
00:04:31,270 --> 00:04:32,855
I think I speak
for all world leaders
99
00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:34,979
when I say that the poor people
would just murder us
100
00:04:35,024 --> 00:04:36,484
if we made you leave, so...
101
00:04:36,567 --> 00:04:40,029
welcome home, dinosaurs.
102
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:42,198
Oh.
I could use a vacation.
103
00:04:42,281 --> 00:04:44,409
Should we nuke them?
I'm on vacation, Curtis.
104
00:04:44,492 --> 00:04:46,411
Well, you leaned into this fast.
105
00:05:25,616 --> 00:05:28,411
Ugh. I can't even pretend
to feel useful in a game.
106
00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:30,246
This is how humanity's
story ends?
107
00:05:30,329 --> 00:05:32,457
Relieved of duty and sat
at the kids' table?
108
00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:34,000
I gotta respect these dinosaurs.
109
00:05:34,083 --> 00:05:35,585
They dominated a whole species
110
00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:38,087
just by calling its bluff
about wanting more free time.
111
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,338
They didn't even dominate us
112
00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:40,858
because we're not worth
a fight to them.
113
00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:42,484
We've become
biological Tyler Perry movies.
114
00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:44,677
All they've done is help.
We didn't need their help.
115
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:45,928
We were not the problem.
116
00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:48,431
This house recycles.
117
00:05:48,514 --> 00:05:50,892
They sort it at
the trash facility.
118
00:05:50,975 --> 00:05:52,727
What the "F"?
My dance videos
119
00:05:52,810 --> 00:05:54,228
are getting,
like, zero likes now.
120
00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:56,773
Oh, yeah. The dinos
kicked pedophiles off TikTok.
121
00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:58,357
Great.
So now I'm broke?
122
00:05:58,441 --> 00:05:59,859
You don't need money anymore.
123
00:05:59,942 --> 00:06:00,985
So what's this for now?
124
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:02,695
Phone calls? Ugh.
125
00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:04,173
Oh, c'mon, Dad.
You don't hate this, too?
126
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:06,240
Why would I? I-I was
already doing what I wanted.
127
00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:07,533
I do think it's kind of funny
128
00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:09,994
that you're all basically
Jerry now.
129
00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:11,829
Fuck.
130
00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:13,456
Jerry, how do you do it?
131
00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:16,417
- Yeah, Dad, how do you do it?
- How do you do it, Dad?
132
00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:18,544
- Huh?
- How do you do it?
133
00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:20,505
It's finally happened.
134
00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:38,064
All right.
135
00:06:38,147 --> 00:06:41,150
Does anyone know how to
mail things to publishers?
136
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:43,778
Uhp.
President only pages me
137
00:06:43,861 --> 00:06:46,280
if it's an emergency
or he needs Molly.
138
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,328
I'm sure glad
you stayed open, Beau.
139
00:06:52,411 --> 00:06:53,411
Wish we could pay,
140
00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:55,498
but no more capitalism.
141
00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:58,501
I never make ribs
for the money, Mr. President.
142
00:06:58,584 --> 00:07:00,795
Oh, um, here ya go.
143
00:07:00,878 --> 00:07:02,088
That's not why I called.
144
00:07:02,171 --> 00:07:03,756
Drugs can't solve this problem.
145
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:05,091
I can't live like this anymore.
146
00:07:05,174 --> 00:07:07,009
At first it was fun
spending all day
147
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,678
watching whatever
YouTube autoplays
148
00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:10,096
after the last one autoplayed,
149
00:07:10,179 --> 00:07:12,431
but a man can only watch
so many ads for Grammarly.
150
00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:13,599
Rick. Please.
151
00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:15,017
You're not bound by morality.
152
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:16,853
Get rid of them.
Slit their necks.
153
00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:19,248
Zero Dark Thirty these fuckers
for the good of the species.
154
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,190
I won't tell.
Help us go back to the old days,
155
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,192
where we pretend to fix
the problems we caused.
156
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:24,503
You think
I'm gonna side with you
157
00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:25,754
over hyper-intelligent creatures
158
00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:27,613
operating way beyond
your comprehension?
159
00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:29,448
I have more in common
with them than you.
160
00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:31,492
You pompous autistic cadaver!
161
00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:33,494
You think you're above this?
I ought to...
162
00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:34,954
Look here, Mr. President.
163
00:07:35,037 --> 00:07:37,206
When I need my ribs
to be tender and delicious,
164
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,457
I pamper them.
165
00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:40,960
See, if you give someone
what they want,
166
00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:42,753
they'll give you what you need.
167
00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:44,338
I'm jus' saying.
168
00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:45,715
I see your point, Beau.
169
00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:47,216
All right, Rick.
Ha ha.
170
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,759
Name your price.
171
00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:50,678
- Aw, crap.
- God damn it.
172
00:07:50,761 --> 00:07:52,430
How often are you
"Westworld-ing" me?
173
00:07:52,513 --> 00:07:55,766
Hang on. Rib-tips jammed
his folk-chip again.
174
00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:57,226
Ol' reliable Rick.
175
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:58,853
Always k-knows what to do.
176
00:07:58,936 --> 00:08:00,396
What do you want, Rick?
Trustworthy.
177
00:08:00,479 --> 00:08:02,040
I won't stoop to answering
that again.
Honest.
178
00:08:02,064 --> 00:08:03,482
You know exactly what I want.
179
00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:05,526
I can't just snap my fingers
and get you that job.
180
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,195
Yeah, yeah.
Thanks for lunch.
181
00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:08,321
Fine. Fine!
182
00:08:08,404 --> 00:08:09,989
If you get rid
of the dinosaurs...
183
00:08:10,072 --> 00:08:11,407
you can host the Oscars.
184
00:08:11,490 --> 00:08:13,117
Yes!
Righteous R-Rick.
185
00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:14,702
Straight shootin',
t-truth-tellin',
186
00:08:14,785 --> 00:08:17,622
never wets the bed.
187
00:08:20,249 --> 00:08:21,375
Goodbye, old friends.
188
00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:23,211
May you rest in peace,
189
00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:25,338
rather than the tank
of an S.U.V.
190
00:08:25,421 --> 00:08:27,673
Hello, fellow cosmic voyagers.
191
00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:29,008
Can we help you?
192
00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:30,801
Actually, I can
probably help you.
193
00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:33,387
See, I'm technically human,
but I've come to be more,
194
00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:34,805
you know, on your level.
195
00:08:34,889 --> 00:08:36,057
We're fine, thank you.
196
00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:37,391
Maybe I'm being too indirect.
197
00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:39,310
I happen to dabble
in multiversal travel,
198
00:08:39,393 --> 00:08:41,812
and I could probably zap
you guys to an alternate Earth.
199
00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:45,191
We used portal travel eons ago,
but evolved to a one-universe,
200
00:08:45,274 --> 00:08:48,527
one-truth policy as
the highest form of existence.
201
00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:50,529
Sort of a "put
your own oxygen mask on
202
00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:52,865
before helping others"
type of a thing.
203
00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:54,367
Have you been on a plane?
204
00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:55,952
Yes, I've been on a plane.
205
00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:58,746
We have no problem
if you jump dimensions.
206
00:08:58,829 --> 00:09:01,666
Although we sense your gateway
device is suboptimal.
207
00:09:01,749 --> 00:09:03,543
Let us help.
I don't need help.
208
00:09:03,626 --> 00:09:04,919
I-I'm here to help you.
209
00:09:05,002 --> 00:09:06,629
What the hell is this?
210
00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:08,047
A "Portal Pistol."
211
00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:10,299
The gateways are see-through,
not a green swirl,
212
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:12,218
so now you can see
where you're going.
213
00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:13,344
Clever girl.
214
00:09:13,427 --> 00:09:14,762
If you'd like, we could patch up
215
00:09:14,845 --> 00:09:16,323
your little interdimensional
rift too.
216
00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:18,307
No, leave it.
I know how to close that.
217
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:20,059
That's there for a reason.
Very canonical.
218
00:09:20,142 --> 00:09:21,560
Don't you just want it closed?
219
00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:22,853
Morty, whose team are you on?!
220
00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:25,606
It's normal to be frustrated.
Here.
221
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:27,650
Oh, my God, are you
fucking kidding me?
222
00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:28,818
Goodbye.
No. Wait.
223
00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:30,945
What the fuuuuu...
224
00:09:31,028 --> 00:09:35,116
Aah! Dr. Manhattan high-road
assholes teleporting me?
Ah! I saw my bones!
225
00:09:35,199 --> 00:09:36,659
Why... Why wasn't that painful?
226
00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:38,804
They didn't even do it right.
My... My... My fly is down.
227
00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:40,621
Your fly was already down.
228
00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:42,498
What are you doing with that?
229
00:09:42,581 --> 00:09:43,624
Rick, it was a better...
230
00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:45,084
Nothing from them is better.
231
00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:47,461
That thing had uptight Zen
snob germs all over it.
232
00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:48,981
So, what, now you're
gonna fight them?
233
00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:50,423
And prove we're violent
and stupid?
234
00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:52,266
No. We're gonna find out
what they're hiding.
235
00:09:52,341 --> 00:09:54,510
Only people who have really
fucked up in the past
236
00:09:54,593 --> 00:09:55,737
have to virtue signal this hard.
237
00:09:55,761 --> 00:09:57,221
Look at Sean Penn.
But, Rick,
238
00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:59,598
aren't these feelings, like,
what they're talking about?
239
00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:01,183
Like, life gets, um...
240
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:04,312
"programmed for competition
by early stages of evolution."
241
00:10:04,395 --> 00:10:06,439
Like, amoebas have to
fight amoebas for energy,
242
00:10:06,522 --> 00:10:09,275
but once a species can get
enough sugar from a machine
243
00:10:09,358 --> 00:10:10,651
to give itself diabetes,
244
00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:12,695
it's allowed to start
thinking beyond conflict.
245
00:10:12,778 --> 00:10:15,197
I mean, it's all
in their pamphlet.
246
00:10:16,365 --> 00:10:17,575
Morty, you're a genius.
247
00:10:17,658 --> 00:10:19,702
I clearly mean that
in the '90s ironic sense,
248
00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:21,871
but this self-fellating zine
is a treasure map
249
00:10:21,954 --> 00:10:24,790
to every fossilized bone
in their skeleton closet.
250
00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:26,334
They're gonna call us Laura Dern
251
00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:29,045
because we're about to get
elbow deep in dino doo-doo.
252
00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:30,338
Get it, Morty?
The gloves?
253
00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:31,565
You... You remember
the big gloves?
254
00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:33,090
Yeah, no, I get it, Rick.
255
00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:34,860
I said "clever girl" earlier.
You didn't even react.
256
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:35,968
I was angry.
257
00:10:41,849 --> 00:10:45,728
Um, I'm looking for a few
of my, uh, friends.
258
00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:47,438
Hmm.
Kinda look like the Skullfeet
259
00:10:47,521 --> 00:10:49,565
that used to live
on our planet way before us.
260
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,817
They're long gone now.
Really?
261
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:53,486
They're extinct here, too?
Yeah.
262
00:10:53,569 --> 00:10:55,946
We keep their bones
in that museum over there.
263
00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:57,990
Um, wow.
264
00:10:58,074 --> 00:10:59,575
These guys aren't
gonna be much help.
265
00:10:59,658 --> 00:11:01,118
The leading theory
is, the Skullfeet
266
00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:04,205
stepped on their own brains
so much they straight-up died.
267
00:11:04,288 --> 00:11:06,582
Such a shame. Would have loved
to hear them sing.
268
00:11:06,665 --> 00:11:07,917
Sing?
Yeah.
269
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,728
We figured they used to hold
huge outdoor concerts
270
00:11:09,752 --> 00:11:10,832
in their land amphitheater.
271
00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:12,004
You people are idiots.
Hey.
272
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:13,422
We didn't have much to go by.
273
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,007
Bones aren't big
on conversation.
274
00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:17,093
Yeah, neither are you, pal.
275
00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:20,554
The majestic Basketsaur.
Aren't they incredible?
276
00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:23,432
We're even making a series
of increasingly terrible movies
277
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,351
about cloning them
in a theme park.
278
00:11:25,434 --> 00:11:27,603
So what happened to them?
No idea.
279
00:11:27,686 --> 00:11:30,147
But we do know they all loved
eating communal soup
280
00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:31,982
out of the Great Dirt Bowl.
281
00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:34,610
Starting to see a pattern here.
282
00:11:34,693 --> 00:11:36,278
Breathtaking, aren't they?
283
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:39,323
It's a common misconception
that they roamed our planet.
284
00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:40,950
The truth is, they rolled.
285
00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:42,576
Street-style mostly.
286
00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:43,828
Some vert.
Lemme guess.
287
00:11:43,911 --> 00:11:46,288
There's a very large,
deep circular indentation
288
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:48,958
in which these "Grindasaurs"
used to shred.
289
00:11:49,041 --> 00:11:51,752
We think they had
a second brain in their butt
290
00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:53,587
dedicated to pulling 1080s.
291
00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:55,464
Three planets visited
by dinosaurs,
292
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,633
three apocalyptic
meteor impacts.
293
00:11:57,716 --> 00:11:58,884
Gi... Gi... Gimme the board.
294
00:11:58,968 --> 00:11:59,969
I'm dropping in for data.
295
00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:01,554
Aah!
Rick!
296
00:12:01,637 --> 00:12:03,448
That's the hardest thing
in skateboarding.
Oh! Ow!
297
00:12:03,472 --> 00:12:06,600
It looked so easy on...
Aah... "Pro Skater 3."
298
00:12:06,684 --> 00:12:07,726
Oww.
299
00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:10,396
Hello.
300
00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:13,607
Jackpot, Morty.
301
00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:15,460
You still think the dinosaurs
got something to hide?
302
00:12:15,484 --> 00:12:17,695
No, Morty, they have
a reason to hide.
303
00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:19,989
Come here,
ya little whippersnapper.
No, Rick, stop!
304
00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:22,217
C'mere, Morty.
Come on, gimme a hug.
No, don't touch me.
Your hands are greasy.
305
00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:23,826
What's the matter with you?
306
00:12:23,909 --> 00:12:26,912
It's become clear your species
is having a hard time
307
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:29,540
adjusting to
its reduced accountability.
308
00:12:29,623 --> 00:12:33,461
Our solution is to hold these
regular keynotes, or talks,
309
00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:36,046
which you used to launch
new phones and religions.
310
00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:38,549
Uhp, I see someone's eager
to speak.
311
00:12:38,632 --> 00:12:41,635
Hi. Um, what do you do
when you want to kill yourself?
312
00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:43,971
You don't do that.
Thank you for asking, though.
313
00:12:44,054 --> 00:12:45,473
Ver... Very important.
314
00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:48,225
We recently discovered a new
piece of human literature
315
00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:50,186
that we think
everyone should read.
316
00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:53,606
Holy shit!
I'm a famous author!
317
00:12:53,689 --> 00:12:54,940
Wait, where's my name?
318
00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:58,611
We will distribute it
to everyone on Earth tomorrow.
319
00:12:58,694 --> 00:13:01,155
Excuse me. Aren't you gonna say
who wrote it?
320
00:13:01,238 --> 00:13:04,158
Nope. Whoever wrote it
must be above needing credit.
321
00:13:04,241 --> 00:13:06,952
It's all here in this book
that belongs to everyone.
322
00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:08,287
For free.
323
00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:10,289
You Communist lizard scumbags!
324
00:13:10,372 --> 00:13:11,373
I wrote that.
325
00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:12,833
Me, Jerry Smith!
326
00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:17,254
Hey, hey, hey!
327
00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:26,555
Guess what.
Dinosaurs are not secretly evil,
328
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,474
and they're not out
to cause anybody trouble,
329
00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:31,644
but it turns out trouble
has a way of following them.
330
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,730
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
It's showtime.
331
00:13:34,813 --> 00:13:36,815
Literally every planet
with dinosaurs on it
332
00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:38,984
is eventually smashed
by a huge space rock
333
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:41,445
that takes out them
and most existing life.
334
00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:42,988
What?
That can't be true.
335
00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:44,573
It's all right to be frustrated.
336
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:45,824
Let me explain.
337
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:48,786
Why would planet-killing meteors
follow dinosaurs?
338
00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:51,372
As these reptiles evolved
to higher and higher levels
339
00:13:51,455 --> 00:13:53,082
of loving vegan godhood,
340
00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:55,960
another life-form devolved
into an equally selfless,
341
00:13:56,043 --> 00:13:58,921
hate-filled species
of barely sentient rocks.
342
00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:01,131
They hurtle through space
and do as much damage
343
00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:04,009
as they can to their chosen
enemy, which is guess who.
344
00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:05,761
Yup, everywhere these dinos go,
345
00:14:05,844 --> 00:14:07,805
these rocks,
they come a-crashing.
346
00:14:07,888 --> 00:14:08,973
And this one...
347
00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:13,018
is headed directly towards us.
348
00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:15,688
And all of our work?
It was for...
349
00:14:15,771 --> 00:14:17,773
Nothing. Bingo.
Welcome to life.
350
00:14:17,856 --> 00:14:19,275
It's a big boat
with a lot of holes,
351
00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:20,609
but we're all in it together.
352
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:21,610
- Oh, my.
- Ohhhhh.
353
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,529
Mm.
So much death.
354
00:14:23,612 --> 00:14:25,698
Congratulations, primates.
355
00:14:25,781 --> 00:14:28,117
Looks like Earth could
have done worse.
356
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:29,577
Rick out. Oh.
357
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:32,705
And don't forget to tune in
to this year's Oscars.
358
00:14:32,788 --> 00:14:36,584
Well, this is
a... a lot to take in.
359
00:14:38,919 --> 00:14:40,504
I like trains now.
360
00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:42,172
Okay, that hurt.
361
00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:44,258
Trains rule!
362
00:14:44,341 --> 00:14:46,302
Dinos drool!
363
00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:49,013
And you had no idea about
the disastrous meteors
364
00:14:49,096 --> 00:14:50,306
that followed in your wake?
365
00:14:50,389 --> 00:14:52,099
We just learned about it
like you.
366
00:14:52,182 --> 00:14:53,684
Truly heartbreaking news.
367
00:14:53,767 --> 00:14:55,811
But I assume you're gonna
destroy it
368
00:14:55,894 --> 00:14:57,146
when it arrives here, right?
369
00:14:57,229 --> 00:15:00,482
Um, we're in the process
of finding a solution
370
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:02,818
that, um, doesn't
involve violence.
371
00:15:02,901 --> 00:15:05,195
Hold on.
You're in the process?!
372
00:15:06,447 --> 00:15:07,799
Well, there you have it,
Cooperheads.
373
00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:09,825
An angry species of rock
is gonna slam into our...
374
00:15:09,908 --> 00:15:13,245
Sorry... their planet,
and our new planet runners
375
00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:15,414
are weighing
whether to let it happen.
376
00:15:16,915 --> 00:15:20,252
I mean, no one knows if the
meteor species is even real.
377
00:15:20,336 --> 00:15:21,587
No. It's very real.
378
00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:23,672
We all know that.
You know what's real?
379
00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:25,716
A rear naked choke hold.
I'll show you
380
00:15:25,799 --> 00:15:26,925
- Hmm?
- What?
381
00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:30,721
Final question... How we doing?
382
00:15:30,804 --> 00:15:33,682
We have come
to the conclusion the only way
383
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:37,353
to ensure humanity will be safe
is for us to go.
384
00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:39,313
We are leaving the planet
for good.
385
00:16:13,889 --> 00:16:17,142
Maybe it's the Molly,
but I fucking love you, Rick.
386
00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:19,311
It's the Molly.
Isn't this nice?
387
00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:22,106
Rivalries behind us, dinos gone,
388
00:16:22,189 --> 00:16:24,608
two cool guys
living in the moment.
389
00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:26,402
So, uh, like, uh
390
00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:28,004
you know what you're gonna wear?
Because...
391
00:16:28,028 --> 00:16:29,571
I can't get another plus-one.
What?!
392
00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:31,990
I'm the one who got you the gig,
you son of a bitch!
393
00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:32,950
I feel this napkin...
394
00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:34,743
Feel this napkin.
395
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:37,246
So soft.
396
00:16:37,329 --> 00:16:41,250
This is
the 95th annual Academy Awards.
397
00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:43,252
Now, please welcome your host,
398
00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:46,422
an old science guy
who got rid of the dinosaurs...
399
00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:49,383
Rick Sanchez.
400
00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:54,263
Suck my gray tits
Hollywood pinkos.
401
00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:55,431
Where's the mic?
402
00:16:55,514 --> 00:16:56,765
The... The... The raising mic?
403
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,350
Ha.
404
00:16:58,434 --> 00:16:59,768
Bring it up!
405
00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:04,523
Tommy.
406
00:17:04,606 --> 00:17:07,276
Tom Hanks is here.
407
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:10,028
C'mon. Do it.
408
00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:11,572
Come on.
409
00:17:11,655 --> 00:17:13,240
Do ittttt.
410
00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:15,534
Okay, okay, one time.
411
00:17:15,617 --> 00:17:18,203
"Wilson!"
412
00:17:19,788 --> 00:17:21,623
I'm Oscar host Rick.
413
00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:25,586
Grandpa Rick, this is so cool.
414
00:17:25,669 --> 00:17:27,921
That microphone bit killed.
Yeah, told you it would.
415
00:17:28,005 --> 00:17:29,048
That was all scripted?
416
00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:30,632
Every moment at the Oscars is.
417
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:31,967
Even that one thing.
- Ha ha!
418
00:17:32,050 --> 00:17:33,761
Look who stole themselves
a swag bag.
419
00:17:33,844 --> 00:17:36,764
- Ah, fucking Sprinkles coupon!
- We're splitting that.
420
00:17:36,847 --> 00:17:38,932
Hey, so I was thinking
it might be funny
421
00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:40,559
to add dinosaurs
to the "In Memoriam."
422
00:17:40,642 --> 00:17:42,019
Eh, it feels beneath us.
423
00:17:42,102 --> 00:17:43,955
It's funnier that they left
and we don't even care.
424
00:17:43,979 --> 00:17:46,982
Oh, yeah, they left, but they
keep begging for attention.
425
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,358
You haven't heard?
426
00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:49,878
The dinos are just standing
up there on Mars
427
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,237
with their dicks
in their hands. So dramatic.
428
00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:55,282
What, they're just gonna let
the meteor hit them a-and die?
429
00:17:55,365 --> 00:17:58,494
Good. If being superior
to everyone makes you die,
430
00:17:58,577 --> 00:17:59,953
I call that balance.
431
00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:02,164
It's all in
my globally published book
432
00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:04,666
the dinos stripped my name from!
433
00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:06,877
Ugggh.
Oscars are over.
434
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:08,670
Where are my keys?
435
00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:11,131
God damn it, I need
to fix portal travel.
436
00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:13,592
And... And I'm going to.
I have a process.
437
00:18:15,969 --> 00:18:17,763
Our final act of kindness.
438
00:18:17,846 --> 00:18:20,140
It's been an honor serving
the sanctity of life
439
00:18:20,224 --> 00:18:21,224
with you all.
440
00:18:21,266 --> 00:18:23,435
Hee-aaaaaaaaarghhhhhhhhh!
441
00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:30,526
Rick, what are you doing?
442
00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:32,027
Standing here with you guys.
443
00:18:32,110 --> 00:18:33,195
You don't want to do that.
444
00:18:33,278 --> 00:18:34,655
We're sacrificing
ourselves here.
445
00:18:34,738 --> 00:18:36,115
Then so am I. Y'know?
446
00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:38,450
Elon Musk be damned,
we're blowing up Mars.
447
00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:40,744
No.
We're doing something selfless.
448
00:18:40,828 --> 00:18:42,371
You're doing it
out of pettiness.
449
00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:44,623
How is anyone supposed
to know the difference?
450
00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:47,000
Consider it a game
of virtue chicken.
451
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,466
Okay, if you won't go,
we'll make you go.
452
00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:57,970
Oh. Sorry. I-I dino-proofed
my tech to spite you guys.
453
00:18:58,053 --> 00:18:59,973
Which further proves
selflessness and selfishness
454
00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:03,141
are two sides of the same coin,
so what's the point?
455
00:19:12,192 --> 00:19:14,236
Fine. Cool with me
that your final chapter
456
00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:16,655
is dying on Mars
with an old dickhead.
457
00:19:18,198 --> 00:19:19,283
Hyaaaa!
458
00:19:19,366 --> 00:19:20,826
Aaaah!
459
00:19:22,202 --> 00:19:23,620
All right!
Welcome back.
460
00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:25,581
You obnoxious little twat!
461
00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:26,915
Yeah, but you're alive.
462
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:29,334
No David Foster Wallace-ing
in my galaxy.
463
00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:30,669
You don't get to be so smart
464
00:19:30,752 --> 00:19:32,272
that you remove yourself
from everybody.
465
00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:35,048
From one god being to another,
you're welcome.
466
00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:38,093
Well, as long as we're doing
each other favors...
467
00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:40,929
Hey. Wait, wait, wait.
What are you doing?
468
00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:46,351
You fixed my rift?
469
00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:47,978
You fucking hypocritical cocks.
470
00:19:48,061 --> 00:19:49,521
I-It was all canonical and shit.
471
00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:51,332
We coulda milked that thing
for a whole season.
472
00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:54,067
O-Or, like, a three-episode arc
at least.
473
00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:55,444
Sorry. That's just us.
474
00:19:55,527 --> 00:19:56,695
We love helping,
475
00:19:56,778 --> 00:19:59,448
god beings to god being.
476
00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:01,867
Seriously.
I was gonna fix that.
477
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:08,624
Shit.
They're coming back.
478
00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:10,042
Can we turn on the A.C.?
479
00:20:10,125 --> 00:20:12,628
It's, like,
a thousand degrees outside.
480
00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:14,713
Yes!
New follower.
481
00:20:14,796 --> 00:20:17,424
Named...
CryptoForBareToes?
482
00:20:17,507 --> 00:20:19,801
Not sure I get it,
but sounds like business.
483
00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:20,802
Proud of you, honey.
484
00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:21,929
Is Dad okay?
485
00:20:22,012 --> 00:20:23,472
Yes.
I'm just...
486
00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:24,723
writing my second book.
487
00:20:24,806 --> 00:20:26,159
I don't know
what it's gonna be about,
488
00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:28,393
but I can tell you
one thing... The title is
489
00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:32,147
A Book by Jerry Smith."
490
00:20:32,230 --> 00:20:34,149
Chapter one...
491
00:20:37,235 --> 00:20:38,820
Fuck!
492
00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:42,157
Morty, get your ass
in the garage!
493
00:20:47,496 --> 00:20:48,622
Hoo-ha! Check it out.
494
00:20:48,705 --> 00:20:50,916
A... A dimension where
hats wear people.
495
00:20:50,999 --> 00:20:52,918
Mmmmm! Oh!
496
00:20:53,001 --> 00:20:54,503
I did it!
I fixed portal travel.
497
00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:55,921
Oh, shit.
498
00:20:56,004 --> 00:20:57,673
Figured my guy
deserves a vacation.
499
00:20:57,756 --> 00:20:59,174
Boob World!
You're damn right.
500
00:20:59,257 --> 00:21:00,425
And it's Areola Week.
501
00:21:00,509 --> 00:21:01,760
All right!
502
00:21:01,843 --> 00:21:03,387
Good old-fashioned portal fun.
503
00:21:03,470 --> 00:21:04,638
Yep. Like this.
504
00:21:04,721 --> 00:21:05,931
Ohh! Whoa!
505
00:21:06,014 --> 00:21:07,241
It's gonna be
classic episodes, Morty.
506
00:21:07,265 --> 00:21:08,534
Oh, I'm gonna puke, Rick!
Portaling in.
507
00:21:08,558 --> 00:21:10,435
Wrecking shit, portaling out,
Morty.
508
00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:11,812
Oh, my Go... Adventures, Morty.
509
00:21:11,895 --> 00:21:13,438
Aah! Aah!
Social commentary.
510
00:21:13,522 --> 00:21:15,357
Crude characters. Here
we go.
511
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:17,067
Rick and Morty time!
512
00:21:48,932 --> 00:21:50,559
This is our home now.
513
00:21:50,642 --> 00:21:52,561
We shall live out the rest
of our days here.
514
00:21:52,644 --> 00:21:55,689
Never interfering with the ways
of the universe again.
515
00:21:55,772 --> 00:21:57,274
We are content.
516
00:21:57,357 --> 00:21:58,567
It was a good run.
517
00:21:58,650 --> 00:22:00,235
Speaking of a good run...
518
00:22:00,318 --> 00:22:02,088
I bet I could switch heel
onto that manny pad,
519
00:22:02,112 --> 00:22:04,322
big spinout,
tre flip that gap, 5-0 the rail,
520
00:22:04,406 --> 00:22:06,366
drop into the bowl,
stalefish into a Christ Air,
521
00:22:06,450 --> 00:22:07,826
and then we get fucking wrecked.
522
00:22:07,909 --> 00:22:09,619
Ho-ho.
It's on, Iguanadon.
523
00:22:23,633 --> 00:22:25,302
Did you get any of that?
524
00:22:25,326 --> 00:22:27,326
>>>>oakislandtk<<<<<
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