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HAUNTING MUSIC
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DOOR OPENS
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HAUNTING MUSIC CONTINUES
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WIND HOWLS
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DOOR CREAKS
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Oh, excuse me.
I've just been draining a kidney.
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You're Mr Parkway, I take it?
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Er, Dr Parkway, yes.
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You must be Mr Wilson?
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Oh, call me Dick. Everyone does.
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So have you ever been
champing before?
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Sorry?
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Champing — camping in a church.
That's what we call it.
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Though it does have unfortunate
connotations of someone
15
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eating with their mouth full.
16
00:02:03,755 --> 00:02:05,794
Ah, no, I haven't, actually.
17
00:02:05,795 --> 00:02:09,234
My wife booked this as a Christmas
present, but sadly, sh...
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As I'm sure you're aware,
it costs a pretty penny to preserve
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00:02:12,795 --> 00:02:16,604
these old buildings, and champing
is our biggest money-spinner.
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00:02:16,605 --> 00:02:21,435
We let them all in, every creed,
faith, culture -
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as long as they pay
their overnight fees.
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Speaking of which...?
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Oh, yes, sorry.
I only have a card, I'm afraid.
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I've got my swiper.
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00:02:33,675 --> 00:02:35,874
HE CHUCKLES
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00:02:35,875 --> 00:02:38,674
As you see,
I've set up your bed here.
27
00:02:38,675 --> 00:02:42,274
Some churches put a full-size
Queen Anne in the transept,
28
00:02:42,275 --> 00:02:44,594
but speaking personally,
I don't think it's in fitting.
29
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I said to Canon Berry man, I said,
"We're not an Airbnb."
30
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"No, Dick", he said,
"we're a Prayer C of E!"
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HE LAUGHS
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85 and sharp as a blade.
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00:02:57,795 --> 00:03:01,824
Many's the time I've seen him
do a Wordle in two.
34
00:03:01,825 --> 00:03:05,804
Ah, yes, um, I set up
a little lounge for you here,
35
00:03:05,805 --> 00:03:08,594
with some literature on the history
of the place.
36
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Fascinating. Did you know that
in the 15th century...?
37
00:03:11,675 --> 00:03:14,994
Uh, can I ask, um,
do you spend the night here also,
38
00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:17,445
or will you eventually leave?
39
00:03:17,446 --> 00:03:20,235
Oh, I'll soon be out of your hair,
don't worry.
40
00:03:22,755 --> 00:03:25,044
I have to tell you that we've
never had a booking
41
00:03:25,045 --> 00:03:27,284
on Christmas Eve before!
CARD READER BEEPS
42
00:03:27,285 --> 00:03:29,244
Oh, thank you.
43
00:03:29,245 --> 00:03:32,244
Your wife will be joining you later,
will she?
44
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No, she passed away in the autumn.
45
00:03:34,795 --> 00:03:37,195
I am so sorry.
46
00:03:37,196 --> 00:03:41,094
So sorry — I've charged you
at a two person rate.
47
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I'll void it and start again.
No, no, no. No, please.
48
00:03:44,268 --> 00:03:46,737
I just want to spend
a peaceful night here
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00:03:46,738 --> 00:03:49,429
alone with my thoughts and memories.
50
00:03:50,578 --> 00:03:53,577
Oh, I'm sure you won't be alone.
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00:03:53,578 --> 00:03:56,088
Merry Christmas, Dr Parkway.
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And God bless us, every one.
53
00:04:21,068 --> 00:04:23,419
SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC
54
00:04:27,068 --> 00:04:28,778
Hello?
55
00:04:38,358 --> 00:04:40,018
Hello?
56
00:04:44,429 --> 00:04:46,458
DISTANT RATTLING
57
00:04:48,578 --> 00:04:50,738
BAUBLE THUDS
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00:05:10,738 --> 00:05:12,818
SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES
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00:05:30,738 --> 00:05:32,179
HE GASPS
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00:05:37,018 --> 00:05:38,708
Mr Wilson...
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00:05:42,628 --> 00:05:44,508
...is that you?
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00:05:45,858 --> 00:05:47,298
DOOR OPENS
63
00:05:47,299 --> 00:05:49,267
Oh, my God, it's freezing!
DOOR CLOSES
64
00:05:49,268 --> 00:05:50,787
I told you it would be.
65
00:05:50,788 --> 00:05:52,787
It's a bloody church,
what did you expect?
66
00:05:52,788 --> 00:05:54,747
What did I expect
on Christmas Eve night?
67
00:05:54,748 --> 00:05:56,457
Oh, I don't know, a Radisson.
68
00:05:56,458 --> 00:05:58,428
Hey, I told you, don't blame me.
69
00:05:58,429 --> 00:06:00,787
Holiday Inn, maybe.
Blame global warming.
70
00:06:00,788 --> 00:06:03,157
Anyway, I asked that old bloke
to try and get us some booze.
71
00:06:03,158 --> 00:06:05,867
Champers for the champers.
That should cheer you up a bit.
72
00:06:05,868 --> 00:06:07,169
Hey, watch this.
73
00:06:09,028 --> 00:06:12,987
Our lager which art in barrels,
hallowed be thy ale.
74
00:06:12,988 --> 00:06:17,817
Thy kegdom come, I will be drunk,
at home, as in the tavern.
75
00:06:17,818 --> 00:06:21,827
Give us this day our foamy head,
and forgive us our spillages,
76
00:06:21,828 --> 00:06:24,737
as we forgive those
who spill against us.
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00:06:24,738 --> 00:06:28,097
Deliver us not into inebriation,
for thine is the stout,
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00:06:28,098 --> 00:06:29,977
the bitter, and the lager,
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00:06:29,978 --> 00:06:32,147
forever and ever, barmen!
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00:06:32,148 --> 00:06:34,147
HE LAUGHS
You're not funny, you know.
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00:06:34,148 --> 00:06:37,357
Course I am. Hey, do you want to see
my little white balls...?
82
00:06:37,358 --> 00:06:39,617
Ooh!
83
00:06:39,618 --> 00:06:41,147
Oh, my Lord!
84
00:06:41,148 --> 00:06:43,667
Not quite, I'm afraid.
He arrives in the morning.
85
00:06:43,668 --> 00:06:46,027
You nearly give us a bloody heart
attack! Are you the vicar?
86
00:06:46,028 --> 00:06:48,947
No, no, I'm Dr Parkway, Jasper,
87
00:06:48,948 --> 00:06:52,737
and I'm afraid I have exclusive use
of this church till 10am tomorrow.
88
00:06:52,738 --> 00:06:56,997
Use? I should explain — my mother
passed away earlier this year.
89
00:06:56,998 --> 00:06:58,937
She's buried out in the graveyard.
90
00:06:58,938 --> 00:07:03,077
I simply wanted to spend the night
here in quiet contemplation.
91
00:07:03,078 --> 00:07:05,587
Oh, well, we booked it on
the website this morning.
92
00:07:05,588 --> 00:07:08,937
That Dick, the man called Dick, he
said he hadn't seen our email yet.
93
00:07:08,938 --> 00:07:11,617
I'm Pierce. This is my wife, Posy.
94
00:07:11,618 --> 00:07:14,357
Like the flowers. Yeah, because when
her mam got pregnant with her,
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00:07:14,358 --> 00:07:16,227
the first thing she said was
"Thanks a bunch.”
96
00:07:16,228 --> 00:07:19,148
Ignore him, he's pathetic.
I'm sorry about your mother.
97
00:07:20,439 --> 00:07:22,507
We were supposed to be going to
Lapland yesterday,
98
00:07:22,508 --> 00:07:24,537
only they rang up and said
there wasn't any snow.
99
00:07:24,538 --> 00:07:26,347
How unfortunate.
100
00:07:26,348 --> 00:07:28,827
Yeah. They said we could still go
and they'd put us up in a shed,
101
00:07:28,828 --> 00:07:31,257
but we thought, well, if
it's not an igloo, what's the point?
102
00:07:31,258 --> 00:07:33,308
Well, I hate to disappoint you
but as you can see,
103
00:07:33,309 --> 00:07:35,137
there's only one bed set out.
104
00:07:35,138 --> 00:07:36,977
Don't worry about that.
We've come prepared.
105
00:07:36,978 --> 00:07:38,897
Sleeping bags at the ready.
106
00:07:38,898 --> 00:07:41,577
We'll just set up here beside you.
107
00:07:41,578 --> 00:07:43,148
Who wants a brew?
108
00:07:44,658 --> 00:07:46,747
Oh, sorry.
109
00:07:46,748 --> 00:07:48,508
WIND HOWLS
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00:07:52,299 --> 00:07:54,747
These biscuits are nice, Po.
Do you want one?
111
00:07:54,748 --> 00:07:57,438
I don't think they're for us,
Pierce, they're like church wafers.
112
00:07:57,439 --> 00:08:00,907
What do you mean?
It's the Eucharist.
113
00:08:00,908 --> 00:08:02,697
The body of Christ.
114
00:08:02,698 --> 00:08:04,617
Oh, shit!
115
00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:07,387
Sorry! They taste like rich teas,
anyway.
116
00:08:07,388 --> 00:08:09,428
The most boring of all biscuits.
117
00:08:09,429 --> 00:08:12,977
Apart from them Nices which,
ironically enough, are horrible.
118
00:08:12,978 --> 00:08:14,737
I'll go and see
if there's anything else.
119
00:08:14,738 --> 00:08:16,597
There's got to be a kitchen
somewhere. Yeah.
120
00:08:16,598 --> 00:08:19,097
Especially with all these
lady vicars now. Idiot.
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00:08:19,098 --> 00:08:20,547
HE CHUCKLES
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CLEARS THROAT
123
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So, are you a religious man, then,
Jaz?
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00:08:26,588 --> 00:08:28,617
Not particularly, no.
125
00:08:28,618 --> 00:08:31,308
It's the building itself
I'm most interested in.
126
00:08:31,309 --> 00:08:33,428
Oh, right, you're more like
a history doctor, then,
127
00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:35,327
Indiana Jones,
Da Vinci Code stuff?
128
00:08:35,328 --> 00:08:37,547
You could say that, yes.
129
00:08:37,548 --> 00:08:40,787
"Doctor, Doctor, I've got a chip up
my nose, a sausage in my left ear,
130
00:08:40,788 --> 00:08:42,947
"a carrot in my right ear,
what's the matter with me?”
131
00:08:42,948 --> 00:08:45,348
The doctor says,
"You're not eating properly.”
132
00:08:48,698 --> 00:08:50,067
Tough crowd.
133
00:08:50,068 --> 00:08:52,157
POSY SCREAMS
134
00:08:52,158 --> 00:08:53,698
Oh, my good godfathers!
135
00:08:58,608 --> 00:09:00,337
Who is it?
136
00:09:00,338 --> 00:09:01,827
I don't know.
137
00:09:01,828 --> 00:09:04,188
I just pulled back the curtain,
and he were there.
138
00:09:04,189 --> 00:09:05,947
I thought it was Paul Hollywood.
139
00:09:05,948 --> 00:09:07,467
You wouldn't want him
reaching out
140
00:09:07,468 --> 00:09:09,058
and giving you an handshake,
would you?
141
00:09:09,059 --> 00:09:11,058
It's St Nicholas.
142
00:09:11,059 --> 00:09:13,188
The original Santa Claus.
143
00:09:13,189 --> 00:09:15,157
You mean the Coca Cola one?
144
00:09:15,158 --> 00:09:18,337
Uh, a little before that, I believe.
145
00:09:18,338 --> 00:09:20,747
Patron Saint and protector
of children dating back
146
00:09:20,748 --> 00:09:23,787
to around 300 AD,
possibly even earlier.
147
00:09:23,788 --> 00:09:25,467
What's his origin story?
148
00:09:25,468 --> 00:09:27,337
It's not X-Men, Pierce!
149
00:09:27,338 --> 00:09:31,028
Actually, St Nick was an "Avenger"
in his own way.
150
00:09:32,328 --> 00:09:35,438
Three small children
were said to be lost one night,
151
00:09:35,439 --> 00:09:39,467
after straying too far from their
homes whilst playing in the woods.
152
00:09:39,468 --> 00:09:41,947
As darkness fell,
they came across an old building
153
00:09:41,948 --> 00:09:43,977
belonging to a butcher.
154
00:09:43,978 --> 00:09:46,457
He offered them food
and shelter for the night,
155
00:09:46,458 --> 00:09:48,618
and they eagerly accepted
his invitation.
156
00:09:50,179 --> 00:09:54,977
However, once inside,
the butcher set upon the three boys,
157
00:09:54,978 --> 00:09:58,227
slitting their throats one by one.
158
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Bloody hell!
159
00:09:59,468 --> 00:10:01,697
He then cut up the children's bodies
160
00:10:01,698 --> 00:10:05,387
and laid the pieces
in a salting tub,
161
00:10:05,388 --> 00:10:09,309
preserving their flesh to sell
as ham to the nearby villagers.
162
00:10:11,538 --> 00:10:14,827
Seven years had passed when
Nicholas, the Bishop of Myra,
163
00:10:14,828 --> 00:10:17,987
was riding in the woods
and came upon the house.
164
00:10:17,988 --> 00:10:21,148
He demanded that the butcher open up
his barrels of salt.
165
00:10:22,828 --> 00:10:25,907
When he saw the contents,
Nicholas performed a miracle,
166
00:10:25,908 --> 00:10:28,797
restoring the three boys to life
and sending them home
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00:10:28,798 --> 00:10:30,767
to their astonished parents.
168
00:10:30,768 --> 00:10:32,337
Lucky for them.
169
00:10:32,338 --> 00:10:35,097
The myth also explains
why we now hang pickles
170
00:10:35,098 --> 00:10:37,237
or gherkins as Christmas tree
decorations.
171
00:10:37,238 --> 00:10:39,198
Oh, we've got one of them!
A big green one.
172
00:10:39,199 --> 00:10:41,467
Posy calls it the Grinch's co...
Pierce!
173
00:10:41,468 --> 00:10:45,157
Yes, It's an unusual derivation,
the pickling or preserving
174
00:10:45,158 --> 00:10:48,028
of children's bodies in salt
or vinegar. Mm.
175
00:10:49,698 --> 00:10:52,337
Did you bring any crisps? I think
we've got some cheese puffs.
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00:10:52,338 --> 00:10:53,778
Oh, right.
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00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:58,189
SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC
178
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♪ O little town of Bethlehem
179
00:11:08,598 --> 00:11:12,667
♪ How still we see thee thy
180
00:11:12,668 --> 00:11:17,707
♪ Among the hills and daffodils
181
00:11:17,708 --> 00:11:19,827
♪ Do-do-ba-da-do-do-ba... ♪
182
00:11:19,828 --> 00:11:22,517
Would you be quiet, please?
Sorry?
183
00:11:22,518 --> 00:11:24,257
Would you please stop singing?
184
00:11:24,258 --> 00:11:25,747
I'm trying to work.
185
00:11:25,748 --> 00:11:27,468
Oh, yeah.
186
00:11:28,618 --> 00:11:30,097
Sorry.
187
00:11:30,098 --> 00:11:32,318
I'm just getting in the mood.
188
00:11:32,319 --> 00:11:35,237
I'm looking for somewhere nice
to hang my stocking...
189
00:11:35,238 --> 00:11:37,107
How about round your neck?
190
00:11:37,108 --> 00:11:39,877
Pardon?
Uh, anywhere around the nave.
191
00:11:39,878 --> 00:11:41,268
HE CHUCKLES
192
00:11:43,028 --> 00:11:46,257
Have you not got one? I think I've
got a spare in here somewhere...
193
00:11:46,258 --> 00:11:47,309
HE SIGHS
194
00:11:48,988 --> 00:11:51,107
They're a bit laddered
around the gusset,
195
00:11:51,108 --> 00:11:53,227
but you could pop a tangerine in.
196
00:11:53,228 --> 00:11:54,668
That's very kind.
197
00:11:55,818 --> 00:11:58,348
Shall I just hang them on the end
of his bed? Yeah.
198
00:11:59,828 --> 00:12:03,747
♪ O little town of Bethlehem
199
00:12:03,748 --> 00:12:06,827
♪ How still we see thee thy... ♪
200
00:12:06,828 --> 00:12:09,708
SINGING FADES
201
00:12:31,758 --> 00:12:33,958
WET GURGLING
202
00:12:35,828 --> 00:12:37,778
Is somebody there?
203
00:12:40,059 --> 00:12:41,698
GURGLING CONTINUES
204
00:13:31,908 --> 00:13:34,205
TIMBERS CREAK UNDER HIS WEIGHT
205
00:13:36,965 --> 00:13:39,186
BEAMS GROAN
206
00:13:50,895 --> 00:13:53,306
TIMBERS CREAK
207
00:14:10,775 --> 00:14:12,306
SCRAPING
208
00:14:14,405 --> 00:14:16,455
CLUNKING
209
00:14:18,015 --> 00:14:19,904
SCRAPING NEARBY
210
00:14:19,905 --> 00:14:21,385
Hello?
211
00:14:23,465 --> 00:14:26,944
Only me! Just wondered
if you might like to join us
212
00:14:26,945 --> 00:14:29,414
for a little tot of Bristol Cream,
eh?
213
00:14:29,415 --> 00:14:30,615
HE CHUCKLES
214
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,405
Christmas Eve.
215
00:14:36,415 --> 00:14:39,385
The most magical night of the year.
216
00:14:40,825 --> 00:14:43,664
I used to love it when was a kid.
You still are a bloody kid!
217
00:14:43,665 --> 00:14:45,565
Do you have any children?
218
00:14:47,015 --> 00:14:48,664
No.
219
00:14:48,665 --> 00:14:50,214
No, we don't.
220
00:14:50,215 --> 00:14:53,774
Still, um... believe in Santa
though, don't we?
221
00:14:53,775 --> 00:14:58,254
Well, you know, this church
has a unique link to St Nicholas,
222
00:14:58,255 --> 00:15:00,465
hence the display.
223
00:15:01,615 --> 00:15:05,024
Would you like to hear it?
It does involve a ghost.
224
00:15:05,025 --> 00:15:06,624
Oh, now you're talking.
225
00:15:06,625 --> 00:15:08,694
Hey, Doc, pull up a pew!
226
00:15:08,695 --> 00:15:11,344
I'd rather not,
if it's all the same to you.
227
00:15:11,345 --> 00:15:14,894
Oh, come on! A ghost story
for Christmas!? It's perfect.
228
00:15:14,895 --> 00:15:17,424
I don't believe in ghosts,
229
00:15:17,425 --> 00:15:20,774
and I've no interest in
made-up narratives about them.
230
00:15:20,775 --> 00:15:24,764
I assure you, Doctor,
the events I'm about to recount
231
00:15:24,765 --> 00:15:27,575
are not made up. I know that...
232
00:15:28,625 --> 00:15:30,186
...for certain.
233
00:15:33,105 --> 00:15:34,196
Well?
234
00:15:35,825 --> 00:15:39,484
Seems like I don't have much choice,
do I?!
235
00:15:39,485 --> 00:15:40,705
Thank you.
236
00:15:43,695 --> 00:15:47,694
The body of St Nicholas,
like all the great saints,
237
00:15:47,695 --> 00:15:51,204
was harvested for reliquaries
and devotionals.
238
00:15:51,205 --> 00:15:52,684
Sorry, you've lost me already.
239
00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:56,134
Relics are the bones or body parts
of venerated individuals,
240
00:15:56,135 --> 00:15:59,424
often stolen from tombs
and sold all around the world.
241
00:15:59,425 --> 00:16:03,334
They used to be a big business.
They still are.
242
00:16:03,335 --> 00:16:05,744
What would you say
if I were to tell you
243
00:16:05,745 --> 00:16:08,494
that the jawbone of St Nicholas
244
00:16:08,495 --> 00:16:12,694
is hidden in this very building?
245
00:16:12,695 --> 00:16:14,464
Is it?
246
00:16:14,465 --> 00:16:17,494
I can tell you that
it has not yet been found,
247
00:16:17,495 --> 00:16:24,985
but I have reason to believe
that it resides here... somewhere.
248
00:16:26,056 --> 00:16:28,344
And why do you believe that?
249
00:16:28,345 --> 00:16:32,264
Because of what I saw
with my own eyes,
250
00:16:32,265 --> 00:16:37,024
five years ago on Christmas Eve.
251
00:16:37,025 --> 00:16:38,534
Here we go.
252
00:16:38,535 --> 00:16:40,105
Hold my hand, Pierce.
253
00:16:41,105 --> 00:16:44,764
I'd extinguished the last of
the candles, and I was leaving
254
00:16:44,765 --> 00:16:48,185
with just the light from my
phone screen to see me out.
255
00:16:48,186 --> 00:16:49,814
HE CLICKS FINGERS
256
00:16:49,815 --> 00:16:52,264
Why didn't you turn your torch on?
257
00:16:52,265 --> 00:16:53,974
I didn't know it had one.
258
00:16:53,975 --> 00:16:56,774
HE CLICKS FINGERS
Carry on.
259
00:16:56,775 --> 00:17:00,974
I was standing over there
by the pulpit,
260
00:17:00,975 --> 00:17:05,655
and I heard a noise
by the Christmas tree.
261
00:17:07,545 --> 00:17:10,624
I genuinely thought,
"I've really got to be careful here
262
00:17:10,625 --> 00:17:13,104
"because I might end up
locking someone up in the church
263
00:17:13,105 --> 00:17:15,334
"and they might freeze to death."
264
00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:18,134
We had that in the school
where I clean.
265
00:17:18,135 --> 00:17:22,384
A homeless man was living in
the gym equipment cupboard,
266
00:17:22,385 --> 00:17:24,774
sleeping in the vaulting box.
267
00:17:24,775 --> 00:17:28,984
The deputy head had to coax him out
with a boneless banquet from KFC,
268
00:17:28,985 --> 00:17:31,334
and the Sally Army came for him.
269
00:17:31,335 --> 00:17:33,204
Have you quite finished?
270
00:17:33,205 --> 00:17:34,495
Sorry.
271
00:17:36,105 --> 00:17:39,215
I walked over
to the Christmas tree...
272
00:17:41,056 --> 00:17:43,575
...and that's when I saw him...
273
00:17:45,186 --> 00:17:48,825
...peeping out
from behind the branches.
274
00:17:50,295 --> 00:17:54,705
A figure in a dark red cloak.
275
00:17:56,645 --> 00:17:59,655
His head bowed.
276
00:18:02,825 --> 00:18:06,015
I kept perfectly still...
277
00:18:08,066 --> 00:18:10,844
...but I wasn't expecting what I saw.
278
00:18:10,845 --> 00:18:15,735
His head slowly lifted... up.
279
00:18:17,575 --> 00:18:19,066
It was so...
280
00:18:20,305 --> 00:18:21,824
...sad.
281
00:18:21,825 --> 00:18:26,224
An old man, with kind eyes,
282
00:18:26,225 --> 00:18:30,575
but such pain behind them.
283
00:18:33,625 --> 00:18:37,625
And below this tender,
imploring face...
284
00:18:40,655 --> 00:18:42,774
...there was no bottom jaw.
285
00:18:42,775 --> 00:18:48,134
Just a black lolling tongue,
286
00:18:48,135 --> 00:18:52,424
dangling down into the space below.
287
00:18:52,425 --> 00:18:56,134
It moaned and clacked,
288
00:18:56,135 --> 00:19:00,424
then it started to come towards me.
289
00:19:00,425 --> 00:19:01,984
That's when I ran.
290
00:19:01,985 --> 00:19:05,504
I ran and ran
and didn't stop till I got home,
291
00:19:05,505 --> 00:19:07,775
and I locked the door behind me.
292
00:19:09,285 --> 00:19:13,425
The next day, Christmas Day...
293
00:19:14,995 --> 00:19:16,625
...when I came back...
294
00:19:18,415 --> 00:19:20,615
...there were footprints.
295
00:19:22,855 --> 00:19:26,705
Black, filthy...
296
00:19:28,545 --> 00:19:32,575
...footprints all around the church.
297
00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:39,734
I believe that his restless spirit
roams around this site,
298
00:19:39,735 --> 00:19:42,654
longing to be whole again,
299
00:19:42,655 --> 00:19:46,941
and finally be at peace.
300
00:19:50,971 --> 00:19:53,002
ALARM BEEPS
301
00:19:53,003 --> 00:19:55,652
Right, I'd better be off.
302
00:19:55,653 --> 00:19:58,342
HE LAUGHS AND CLAPS
303
00:19:58,343 --> 00:20:01,732
That was brilliant! I bet that
shit you up, didn't it, Doc?!
304
00:20:01,733 --> 00:20:04,262
Now do you believe in ghosts?
Of course not.
305
00:20:04,263 --> 00:20:05,972
We are pattern-finding creatures,
306
00:20:05,973 --> 00:20:09,652
and we rationalise what we don't
understand with ridiculous stories.
307
00:20:09,653 --> 00:20:11,292
Now if you don't mind,
308
00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:13,944
I'd like to spend the rest
of the evening in my own company.
309
00:20:20,733 --> 00:20:22,273
Is that sherry free?
310
00:20:29,453 --> 00:20:31,133
HE GRUNTS QUIETLY
311
00:20:42,093 --> 00:20:44,303
HE SNORES QUIETLY
312
00:20:53,383 --> 00:20:56,013
You all right, Po?
Yeah.
313
00:20:57,633 --> 00:20:59,343
Are you thinking about Paisley?
314
00:21:01,814 --> 00:21:04,184
I lit a candle for her.
Aw...
315
00:21:08,623 --> 00:21:10,093
...that's nice.
316
00:21:11,373 --> 00:21:13,064
Be 18 years next Christmas.
317
00:21:16,663 --> 00:21:19,783
I'll book Lapland again.
That'd be nice.
318
00:21:22,853 --> 00:21:25,382
I didn't like Dick's story.
319
00:21:25,383 --> 00:21:28,422
Do you believe him?
No, course not.
320
00:21:28,423 --> 00:21:31,582
Just his party piece.
He'll have one for every season.
321
00:21:31,583 --> 00:21:34,813
Be a giant rabbit at Easter,
witch at Halloween.
322
00:21:34,814 --> 00:21:36,262
What's summer?
323
00:21:36,263 --> 00:21:39,582
Er... beach ghost.
324
00:21:39,583 --> 00:21:41,172
It's just a bloke with trunks on
325
00:21:41,173 --> 00:21:43,252
wandering about with
a bright red face.
326
00:21:43,253 --> 00:21:46,132
A bottle of sunblock.
Yeah, probably.
327
00:21:46,133 --> 00:21:48,783
Why, did it spook you?
A little bit.
328
00:21:51,503 --> 00:21:52,903
It's just...
329
00:21:54,873 --> 00:21:58,343
...that night, when I was pregnant
and I had the accident...
330
00:21:59,703 --> 00:22:01,983
...something happened
that I never told you.
331
00:22:04,703 --> 00:22:06,662
That night...
332
00:22:06,663 --> 00:22:08,943
...you saw a ghost?
333
00:22:08,944 --> 00:22:12,452
Not really. I was just mopping
the floor in reception
334
00:22:12,453 --> 00:22:14,492
when I saw my mother walk past.
335
00:22:14,493 --> 00:22:16,493
I thought,
"Well, what's she doing here?"
336
00:22:18,573 --> 00:22:21,943
I waved at her,
but she didn't say anything,
337
00:22:21,944 --> 00:22:23,663
just stared at me.
338
00:22:25,293 --> 00:22:29,983
Then, suddenly, she put her hand up
on the glass and started to cry.
339
00:22:31,583 --> 00:22:35,934
Mascara running down her face
in black lines.
340
00:22:38,463 --> 00:22:40,702
Then she turned and went off again.
341
00:22:40,703 --> 00:22:43,263
I went to look for her,
but there was no-one there.
342
00:22:45,983 --> 00:22:50,342
That's weird. Anyway, as I was
walking home, I tried phoning her,
343
00:22:50,343 --> 00:22:52,302
and it was as I was dialling
344
00:22:52,303 --> 00:22:55,573
that the motorbike
came off the road and...
345
00:22:59,433 --> 00:23:01,712
Bloody hell.
346
00:23:01,713 --> 00:23:06,302
A few days later, when I was in the
hospital, she came to visit me,
347
00:23:06,303 --> 00:23:08,862
and she told me that that night,
348
00:23:08,863 --> 00:23:11,782
the night of the accident,
she'd had an awful feeling
349
00:23:11,783 --> 00:23:14,502
something bad was going
to happen to me.
350
00:23:14,503 --> 00:23:16,792
I didn't tell her what I'd seen,
351
00:23:16,793 --> 00:23:19,572
then as she was leaving,
352
00:23:19,573 --> 00:23:22,272
she put her hand up on the glass,
353
00:23:22,273 --> 00:23:24,023
and started to cry.
354
00:23:26,703 --> 00:23:29,944
Mascara running down her face
in black lines.
355
00:23:32,064 --> 00:23:33,373
My God.
356
00:23:35,153 --> 00:23:37,532
It wasn't a ghost.
357
00:23:37,533 --> 00:23:39,223
It was a warning.
358
00:23:41,783 --> 00:23:43,663
PHONE RINGS
359
00:23:47,583 --> 00:23:49,512
What's that?
360
00:23:49,513 --> 00:23:51,512
Must be one of them
new—fangled machines
361
00:23:51,513 --> 00:23:53,892
that let you talk to each other
through the air.
362
00:23:53,893 --> 00:23:55,622
Come on.
363
00:23:55,623 --> 00:23:59,022
Hey! Don't leave me!
364
00:23:59,023 --> 00:24:00,303
Pierce!
365
00:24:05,103 --> 00:24:07,103
Don't answer it.
366
00:24:12,944 --> 00:24:14,423
Hello?
367
00:24:21,583 --> 00:24:23,223
It's for you.
368
00:24:31,613 --> 00:24:32,814
Yes?
369
00:24:34,463 --> 00:24:36,823
Boo!
SHE SHRIEKS, HE LAUGHS
370
00:24:36,824 --> 00:24:40,432
You bloody idiot, what are you
playing at?! Who was it?
371
00:24:40,433 --> 00:24:42,933
No-one, they hung up.
Must have been a wrong number.
372
00:24:42,934 --> 00:24:45,423
Come on, it's freezing in here.
HE CHUCKLES
373
00:24:46,863 --> 00:24:48,512
Hey, we forgot to
check our stockings.
374
00:24:48,513 --> 00:24:49,943
Let's see if Santa's been.
375
00:24:49,944 --> 00:24:51,532
What's on your list?
376
00:24:51,533 --> 00:24:54,302
Socks and undies, obviously.
Yeah, obviously.
377
00:24:54,303 --> 00:24:57,742
Handkerchiefs with a P on which'll
never come out of the packet.
378
00:24:57,743 --> 00:25:00,512
Selection box, they're
not as big as they used to be.
379
00:25:00,513 --> 00:25:03,422
All right, Peter Kay!
It's true! What about you?
380
00:25:03,423 --> 00:25:06,382
Um, bath salts?
381
00:25:06,383 --> 00:25:09,752
Um, chocolates full of
some disgusting liqueur.
382
00:25:09,753 --> 00:25:12,422
Oh, and a shit scented candle.
383
00:25:12,423 --> 00:25:16,102
Shit—scented? How do they do that?
You don't want to know.
384
00:25:16,103 --> 00:25:17,503
HE CHUCKLES
385
00:25:19,713 --> 00:25:21,422
WET GURGLING
386
00:25:21,423 --> 00:25:23,662
SHE SCREAMS
Oh, bloody hell!
387
00:25:23,663 --> 00:25:26,222
CHOKING GURGLES
388
00:25:26,223 --> 00:25:27,743
DOOR SLAMS
389
00:25:29,463 --> 00:25:30,623
FABRIC RIPS
390
00:25:32,074 --> 00:25:34,023
Thought they'd never fucking leave.
391
00:25:58,583 --> 00:26:01,173
Ho, ho...
392
00:26:02,583 --> 00:26:03,944
...ho.
393
00:26:05,183 --> 00:26:07,103
Dr Parkway!
Shit!
394
00:26:12,303 --> 00:26:17,103
Dr Parkway, are you there?
395
00:26:19,463 --> 00:26:22,453
I had a phone call from Pierce.
396
00:26:28,663 --> 00:26:34,393
He says he saw something
rather disturbing.
397
00:26:35,583 --> 00:26:37,023
Dr Parkway?
398
00:26:38,223 --> 00:26:40,793
BAUBLE FALLS AND THUDS ON FLOOR
399
00:26:49,383 --> 00:26:51,793
PHONE RINGS
400
00:26:58,313 --> 00:26:59,593
Hello?
401
00:27:02,694 --> 00:27:04,303
Hello?
402
00:27:14,543 --> 00:27:18,382
Doctor? Doctor?
403
00:27:18,383 --> 00:27:25,663
I'm ever so sorry if I frightened
you with what I said earlier.
404
00:27:27,103 --> 00:27:29,704
It was just a story.
405
00:27:45,903 --> 00:27:51,303
There is no ghost here,
I can assure you of that!
406
00:28:00,803 --> 00:28:03,143
Ghosts aren't real!
407
00:28:05,373 --> 00:28:07,312
It wasn't a ghost.
408
00:28:07,313 --> 00:28:08,824
Hello?
409
00:28:12,153 --> 00:28:13,743
It was a warning.
410
00:28:16,153 --> 00:28:18,813
CRASHING, HE CHOKES
411
00:28:18,814 --> 00:28:20,593
WET GURGLING
412
00:28:21,694 --> 00:28:23,954
BAUBLE THUDS
413
00:28:27,944 --> 00:28:29,462
GUST OF AIR
414
00:28:29,463 --> 00:28:31,944
GURGLING
415
00:28:34,613 --> 00:28:36,672
HINGES CREAK
416
00:28:36,673 --> 00:28:39,772
WET GURGLING
417
00:28:39,773 --> 00:28:41,513
Is somebody there?
418
00:28:43,513 --> 00:28:44,983
CLUNKING
419
00:28:46,233 --> 00:28:47,743
SCRAPING
420
00:28:48,704 --> 00:28:50,112
Hello?
421
00:28:50,113 --> 00:28:52,472
CLUNKING, BELL VIBRATES
422
00:28:52,473 --> 00:28:54,473
SCRAPING
423
00:29:09,063 --> 00:29:10,954
Oh, no!
424
00:29:25,773 --> 00:29:28,623
Well, I never!
425
00:29:32,023 --> 00:29:34,113
Merry Christmas.
426
00:29:36,993 --> 00:29:39,782
♪ Ding dong! Merrily on high
427
00:29:39,783 --> 00:29:43,182
♪ In heav'n the bells are ringing
428
00:29:43,183 --> 00:29:51,183
♪ Glo—o—o—o—oria
429
00:29:52,063 --> 00:29:55,953
♪ Hosanna in excelsis
430
00:29:55,954 --> 00:30:01,312
♪ Glo—o—o—o—oria
431
00:30:01,313 --> 00:30:01,449
♪ Glo—o—o—o—oria
432
00:30:01,473 --> 00:30:05,612
♪ Glo—o—o—o—oria
433
00:30:05,613 --> 00:30:10,423
♪ Hosanna in excelsis. ♪
31481
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