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1
00:01:10,503 --> 00:01:12,814
- Oh, Matt, that banana
has brown spots on it.
2
00:01:12,917 --> 00:01:14,917
- What? Oh.
3
00:01:15,021 --> 00:01:16,538
Ew.
4
00:01:37,572 --> 00:01:39,538
Who do you think designs
these coffee cups?
5
00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:42,779
- A failed art student in a
massive amount of college debt.
6
00:01:42,883 --> 00:01:45,331
- Feel like I never use
my communications degree.
7
00:01:45,434 --> 00:01:47,227
I mean, I guess
I'm talking right now.
8
00:01:47,331 --> 00:01:48,917
So that's something.
9
00:01:49,021 --> 00:01:51,158
- I majored in English,
and that should be illegal.
10
00:01:51,262 --> 00:01:52,503
- Hey, guys.
11
00:01:52,607 --> 00:01:54,124
Want to see the latest nightmare
I've been living?
12
00:01:54,227 --> 00:01:55,607
- I'd love to.
13
00:01:55,710 --> 00:01:57,434
- This is HD-Whistle.
14
00:01:57,538 --> 00:02:00,227
It's an anonymous whistle
blowing app developed by HR.
15
00:02:00,331 --> 00:02:01,986
If you see someone doing
something bad,
16
00:02:02,089 --> 00:02:05,365
you find the appropriate
category, like embezzlement,
17
00:02:05,469 --> 00:02:08,124
and click "whistle."
18
00:02:08,227 --> 00:02:09,986
And then an upsetting amount
of paperwork
19
00:02:10,089 --> 00:02:12,021
magically appears on my desk.
20
00:02:12,124 --> 00:02:13,607
- Why does it have to
make that sound?
21
00:02:13,710 --> 00:02:14,848
- I don't know.
22
00:02:14,952 --> 00:02:16,434
It reminds me of
walking by a construction site,
23
00:02:16,538 --> 00:02:19,193
or any other place men are.
24
00:02:19,296 --> 00:02:21,572
- Last night I had a dream.
25
00:02:21,676 --> 00:02:23,434
Christian was giving me
a performance review.
26
00:02:23,538 --> 00:02:25,158
- Don't look at me, look down!
27
00:02:25,262 --> 00:02:26,917
- And at the end,
he fired me.
28
00:02:27,021 --> 00:02:28,331
- You're fired.
29
00:02:28,434 --> 00:02:30,745
- Then crushed my skull
with his bare hands.
30
00:02:33,158 --> 00:02:35,021
I was terrified.
31
00:02:35,124 --> 00:02:38,262
But honored to be killed
by someone I respect so much.
32
00:02:38,365 --> 00:02:41,124
- Yeah. Christian can be
a little intimidating.
33
00:02:41,227 --> 00:02:42,572
Talking to him is like...
34
00:02:42,676 --> 00:02:46,055
talking to a gun with
an Ivy League education.
35
00:02:46,158 --> 00:02:47,607
Clean as a whistle.
36
00:02:47,710 --> 00:02:49,710
- Christian is approaching
at a tremendous velocity.
37
00:02:52,434 --> 00:02:54,986
- Oh, no.
He's probably in a bad mood.
38
00:02:55,089 --> 00:02:57,641
John?
39
00:02:57,745 --> 00:03:00,193
- Kate, call everyone
into the conference room.
40
00:03:00,296 --> 00:03:01,814
I've got great news.
41
00:03:01,917 --> 00:03:05,745
There's going to be a war.
42
00:03:05,848 --> 00:03:08,193
- Oh. It's a war.
43
00:03:09,331 --> 00:03:11,262
What a relief.
44
00:03:11,365 --> 00:03:13,469
- The CIA is backing
a military coup
45
00:03:13,572 --> 00:03:15,193
to overthrow
the Bolivian president.
46
00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:16,641
And we have the chance
to pitch ourselves
47
00:03:16,745 --> 00:03:19,607
as the exclusive weapons
supplier.
48
00:03:19,710 --> 00:03:22,469
Hampton DeVille has never landed
a full-scale war before--
49
00:03:22,572 --> 00:03:24,952
well, unless you count
the Falkland Islands.
50
00:03:25,055 --> 00:03:25,952
But who does?
51
00:03:28,469 --> 00:03:31,400
- Wow. 10:00 a.m. Monday morning
and there's already a war.
52
00:03:31,503 --> 00:03:33,193
I was really hoping
to ease into this week.
53
00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:34,986
- Wars are good.
They create jobs,
54
00:03:35,089 --> 00:03:37,262
prevent overpopulation, and
benefit the rich and powerful,
55
00:03:37,365 --> 00:03:38,434
which I plan to be one day.
56
00:03:40,055 --> 00:03:41,158
- Did you just report somebody?
57
00:03:41,262 --> 00:03:42,814
- That guy took his shoes off
in a meeting.
58
00:03:42,917 --> 00:03:44,538
Who does that?
59
00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:46,365
- Why would you get someone
in trouble for that?
60
00:03:46,469 --> 00:03:48,745
- That guy is a racist.
- He is?
61
00:03:48,848 --> 00:03:52,538
- I mean, he's a white guy
over the age of 50, so probably.
62
00:03:52,641 --> 00:03:54,676
- Do you think we'll be racist
when we're 50?
63
00:03:54,779 --> 00:03:56,607
- Of course.
64
00:03:56,710 --> 00:03:59,400
- Wow.
That's a tough one to swallow.
65
00:03:59,503 --> 00:04:02,331
- I'm still haunted
by the Iraq war.
66
00:04:02,434 --> 00:04:04,262
Stockheed Barton stole
that contract
67
00:04:04,365 --> 00:04:06,089
right out from
underneath of us.
68
00:04:06,193 --> 00:04:09,158
And for 15 years, I've had to
watch the Middle East
69
00:04:09,262 --> 00:04:12,296
be destabilized
by another man's bombs.
70
00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:16,193
But this is our chance
for redemption.
71
00:04:16,296 --> 00:04:19,572
Now I've already written
a proposal.
72
00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:23,710
All I need is for someone
to turn it into a PowerPoint.
73
00:04:23,814 --> 00:04:25,469
- I'm actually really good
at PowerPoints.
74
00:04:25,572 --> 00:04:27,193
- Here's my impression
of a lost person.
75
00:04:27,296 --> 00:04:29,021
"I'm actually really good
at PowerPoint."
76
00:04:29,124 --> 00:04:30,262
- You're damaging
my self-esteem.
77
00:04:30,365 --> 00:04:32,503
- Good.
- Which one of you
78
00:04:32,607 --> 00:04:34,607
will rise to the challenge?
79
00:04:37,641 --> 00:04:39,296
- What are you doing?
- You don't get it.
80
00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:41,434
In high school,
I was thePowerPoint guy.
81
00:04:41,538 --> 00:04:43,676
Everyone would look forward
to my PowerPoints.
82
00:04:43,779 --> 00:04:46,193
- Anybody?
83
00:04:46,296 --> 00:04:48,814
Oh, come on, people.
84
00:04:56,676 --> 00:04:59,227
Are you PowerPoint proficient?
85
00:04:59,331 --> 00:05:00,503
- I'm more than proficient.
86
00:05:00,607 --> 00:05:02,676
I listed it as a special skill
on my resume
87
00:05:02,779 --> 00:05:04,986
right next to Microsoft Word
and clarinet.
88
00:05:06,124 --> 00:05:07,469
- Okay.
89
00:05:07,572 --> 00:05:10,296
I'm putting my trust in you.
90
00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:12,365
Don't let me down.
91
00:05:12,469 --> 00:05:13,883
- Yes, sir.
92
00:05:16,848 --> 00:05:19,469
- I am going to crush
this PowerPoint.
93
00:05:19,572 --> 00:05:21,089
In 11th grade,
I did a PowerPoint
94
00:05:21,193 --> 00:05:24,331
about the Triangle Shirtwaist
Factory that was so good
95
00:05:24,434 --> 00:05:26,193
a girl gave me
my first real hand job.
96
00:05:26,296 --> 00:05:28,434
- Look, Karen's picking
her nose.
97
00:05:28,538 --> 00:05:30,883
Big mistake, Karen.
98
00:05:30,986 --> 00:05:32,158
- This app is amazing.
99
00:05:32,262 --> 00:05:33,503
I spent so much time
at this company
100
00:05:33,607 --> 00:05:35,469
trying to build myself up,
when all along,
101
00:05:35,572 --> 00:05:37,814
I should've just been
tearing other people down.
102
00:05:37,917 --> 00:05:41,710
- Matt, it was so brave of you
to volunteer in there.
103
00:05:41,814 --> 00:05:45,124
Like a Kamikaze pilot
that wasn't asked to fly.
104
00:05:45,227 --> 00:05:47,193
- Everything you need
is on this.
105
00:05:48,676 --> 00:05:49,848
- Oh, and Matt, please stop
106
00:05:49,952 --> 00:05:52,883
throwing away bananas
in the break room.
107
00:06:02,089 --> 00:06:04,124
- ♪ Free
- ♪ Life is a war
108
00:06:04,227 --> 00:06:07,124
♪ Every day you gotta fight
- ♪ Free
109
00:06:07,227 --> 00:06:08,400
- ♪ You gotta fight real hard
110
00:06:08,503 --> 00:06:10,883
♪ 'Cause you don't wanna
lose the fight ♪
111
00:06:10,986 --> 00:06:12,227
- ♪ Free
112
00:06:12,331 --> 00:06:15,055
- ♪ Here we go, you gotta fight
in the war to win ♪
113
00:06:15,158 --> 00:06:16,676
♪ Lots of fighting,
you're never gonna lose ♪
114
00:06:16,779 --> 00:06:18,227
- Wait a second.
What am I doing?
115
00:06:18,331 --> 00:06:19,607
This is terrible.
116
00:06:19,710 --> 00:06:21,952
- ♪ Said hey
- There we go.
117
00:06:22,055 --> 00:06:23,158
Perfect.
118
00:06:23,262 --> 00:06:27,986
- ♪ You're the good guy
so you get to win ♪
119
00:06:29,676 --> 00:06:32,503
♪ You gotta win, believe
- ♪ Hey
120
00:06:32,607 --> 00:06:33,986
- ♪ It's all up to you
121
00:06:35,814 --> 00:06:38,296
- Whoa. Watch
where you're going, Levinson.
122
00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:39,710
- Sorry, Baron.
123
00:06:43,124 --> 00:06:48,538
- ♪ You're the good guy
so you get to win ♪
124
00:06:48,641 --> 00:06:50,400
♪ A war is a fight
and you gotta win the fight ♪
125
00:06:50,503 --> 00:06:52,917
♪ Believe in yourself and you'll
make it through the fight ♪
126
00:06:53,021 --> 00:06:56,538
♪ Oh, yeah
127
00:06:56,641 --> 00:06:57,814
- At a certain point,
I realized
128
00:06:57,917 --> 00:06:59,607
I wasn't making
conscious decisions.
129
00:06:59,710 --> 00:07:01,503
The font choices were
just flowing out of me,
130
00:07:01,607 --> 00:07:03,641
and, uh,
I wasn't even controlling it.
131
00:07:03,745 --> 00:07:04,814
- Matt, we've been looking
for you.
132
00:07:04,917 --> 00:07:06,124
- We just reviewed
your PowerPoint.
133
00:07:06,227 --> 00:07:08,158
- Okay, keep in mind
it was a first draft,
134
00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:09,848
and I'm open to any changes.
135
00:07:09,952 --> 00:07:11,331
- We loved it.
136
00:07:11,434 --> 00:07:13,158
- Your PowerPoint is art.
137
00:07:13,262 --> 00:07:16,538
Your decision to use bullets
as bullet points...
138
00:07:16,641 --> 00:07:18,538
- Genius.
139
00:07:18,641 --> 00:07:19,986
Oh, I'm so glad.
140
00:07:20,089 --> 00:07:22,055
I mean, it felt right, you know?
But you never know.
141
00:07:22,158 --> 00:07:24,193
- We're going to lunch
with Christian and we want you
142
00:07:24,296 --> 00:07:25,676
to be there
to present your work.
143
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:29,469
- Oh, yeah, I--I love lunch,
so that totally works on my end.
144
00:07:29,572 --> 00:07:31,227
- And Jake,
you need to go to HR.
145
00:07:31,331 --> 00:07:34,779
- Somebody reported you
for abusing the HD-Whistle app.
146
00:07:36,676 --> 00:07:38,607
You can't report us
for telling you that.
147
00:07:40,917 --> 00:07:42,952
- You just told them
you love lunch.
148
00:07:43,055 --> 00:07:44,607
- I do love lunch.
149
00:07:47,883 --> 00:07:49,572
- Yes, I'll have
the lobster roulade
150
00:07:49,676 --> 00:07:53,158
and a bottle of Chateau Montrose
for the table.
151
00:07:53,262 --> 00:07:54,331
- And for you, sir?
152
00:07:54,434 --> 00:07:58,641
- Um, I'll have the...
153
00:07:58,745 --> 00:08:00,365
Sheep labia?
- Excellent choice.
154
00:08:00,469 --> 00:08:02,883
- You're gonna love that.
- It tastes just like chicken.
155
00:08:02,986 --> 00:08:05,400
Except it's the genitals
of another animal.
156
00:08:05,503 --> 00:08:08,021
- So...
157
00:08:08,124 --> 00:08:12,400
Let's see this PowerPoint
everyone is raving about.
158
00:08:15,572 --> 00:08:17,538
- Who blew the whistle on me,
Grace?
159
00:08:17,641 --> 00:08:20,331
Who's the rat?
Tell me.
160
00:08:20,434 --> 00:08:22,296
Tell me! Tell me.
161
00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:24,952
- Telling you would violate
my oath as an administrator
162
00:08:25,055 --> 00:08:29,434
of Human Resources,
and I would never do that
163
00:08:29,538 --> 00:08:31,400
For less than $20.
164
00:08:35,607 --> 00:08:38,469
- There. Now who was it?
165
00:08:38,572 --> 00:08:40,883
- It was me.
- Grace, why?
166
00:08:40,986 --> 00:08:42,986
- Because you're creating
a ton of work for me.
167
00:08:43,089 --> 00:08:45,365
You blew the whistle
on 23 people yesterday.
168
00:08:45,469 --> 00:08:48,021
- Well, I'm sorry for exposing
the truth like Edward Snowden.
169
00:08:48,124 --> 00:08:50,952
- Please, you're nothing
like Edward Snowden.
170
00:08:51,055 --> 00:08:53,331
You lack his bravery,
his integrity,
171
00:08:53,434 --> 00:08:55,158
his raw sexuality.
172
00:08:55,262 --> 00:08:57,365
- God, he's so hot.
- God, he's so hot.
173
00:08:57,469 --> 00:08:59,676
- I just wanna lick his glasses.
- Wanna hack into his mainframe.
174
00:08:59,779 --> 00:09:01,193
- I just wanna spoon him
in the cold, Russian night.
175
00:09:01,296 --> 00:09:05,434
- Anyway, this company does
reprehensible things every day.
176
00:09:05,538 --> 00:09:06,710
If you actually care,
177
00:09:06,814 --> 00:09:08,710
find a real problem
to blow the whistle on.
178
00:09:08,814 --> 00:09:11,365
- Okay but what if I don't
actually care?
179
00:09:11,469 --> 00:09:12,676
- As you can see,
180
00:09:12,779 --> 00:09:15,607
Hampton DeVille blows
the competition away.
181
00:09:15,710 --> 00:09:19,641
And star wipe...
The end.
182
00:09:19,745 --> 00:09:23,434
- God damn it.
Now that...
183
00:09:23,538 --> 00:09:25,193
is a PowerPoint.
184
00:09:25,296 --> 00:09:26,434
- Thank you.
185
00:09:26,538 --> 00:09:28,021
You know, I promised myself
I would crush this,
186
00:09:28,124 --> 00:09:30,814
and I did.
- And the bullet bullet points,
187
00:09:30,917 --> 00:09:33,745
brilliant.
Um...
188
00:09:33,848 --> 00:09:35,469
I'm sorry, remind me.
What's your name again?
189
00:09:35,572 --> 00:09:38,296
- Oh, shit.
Here comes Stockheed.
190
00:09:47,814 --> 00:09:50,848
- Christian, so nice to see you.
191
00:09:50,952 --> 00:09:54,814
- Been a long time, Arthur.
Surprised you're still alive.
192
00:09:54,917 --> 00:09:57,952
- Surprised you can afford
to eat here.
193
00:09:58,055 --> 00:09:59,055
What do you have there?
194
00:09:59,158 --> 00:10:00,848
- Oh, this is the sheep labia.
195
00:10:00,952 --> 00:10:03,745
- It's nothing.
Just a little PowerPoint.
196
00:10:03,848 --> 00:10:05,883
- Ah, top secret.
197
00:10:05,986 --> 00:10:09,055
I wonder if it's for the CIA.
198
00:10:10,262 --> 00:10:12,331
You know,
you're not the only company
199
00:10:12,434 --> 00:10:15,538
to pitch the Bolivia contract.
200
00:10:15,641 --> 00:10:17,331
- You may have won Iraq,
201
00:10:17,434 --> 00:10:20,331
but your prices are as bloated
as your prostate.
202
00:10:20,434 --> 00:10:21,676
You won't win Bolivia.
203
00:10:21,779 --> 00:10:24,986
- The CIA will never deal
with Hampton DeVille.
204
00:10:25,089 --> 00:10:29,469
Your products are not tested
on the battlefield.
205
00:10:29,572 --> 00:10:30,710
Nice font, kid.
206
00:10:30,814 --> 00:10:33,469
- Oh, thanks, I--
- Not.
207
00:10:33,572 --> 00:10:35,952
Not... Not... Not...
208
00:10:36,055 --> 00:10:40,124
Think I'll leave you
to your sheep labia.
209
00:10:42,848 --> 00:10:44,710
- This font is all wrong.
210
00:10:44,814 --> 00:10:47,986
This whole PowerPoint is a mess.
Goddamn it.
211
00:10:49,986 --> 00:10:52,848
- ♪ You're a loser
212
00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:55,745
♪ Because you lost the fight
213
00:10:55,848 --> 00:10:56,952
- As you can see,
214
00:10:57,055 --> 00:10:59,745
Hampton DeVille
blows the competition away.
215
00:10:59,848 --> 00:11:02,572
And star wipe...
The end.
216
00:11:02,676 --> 00:11:05,676
So what'd you think? Christian's
crazy not to use this, right?
217
00:11:05,779 --> 00:11:07,124
- Uh...
- Uh...
218
00:11:07,227 --> 00:11:09,089
- The only slide
I'm worried about is this one.
219
00:11:09,193 --> 00:11:10,641
I mostly used Helvetica New,
220
00:11:10,745 --> 00:11:12,158
but I tried mixing in
some Palatino
221
00:11:12,262 --> 00:11:13,745
just to get
some serifs in there.
222
00:11:13,848 --> 00:11:15,952
Does that work?
- Yeah.
223
00:11:16,055 --> 00:11:18,710
I think the fonts are fine.
224
00:11:18,814 --> 00:11:22,400
My big note is that this...
225
00:11:22,503 --> 00:11:24,745
is a war crime.
- I agree.
226
00:11:24,848 --> 00:11:26,848
And also, mixing those fonts
did not work for me.
227
00:11:26,952 --> 00:11:29,400
- You made a PowerPoint
that is evidence
228
00:11:29,503 --> 00:11:32,745
of the government colluding
with a corporation
229
00:11:32,848 --> 00:11:34,676
to start an illegal war.
230
00:11:34,779 --> 00:11:36,745
How could you do this?
231
00:11:36,848 --> 00:11:39,641
- Um, honestly, I was pretty
focused on the fonts.
232
00:11:39,745 --> 00:11:41,710
But now that
you're pointing it out, wow.
233
00:11:41,814 --> 00:11:44,710
Good note, Grace, and thank you
for the constructive criticism.
234
00:11:44,814 --> 00:11:45,986
- See, this is the type of thing
235
00:11:46,089 --> 00:11:47,641
that you should be
whistle-blowing.
236
00:11:47,745 --> 00:11:49,710
- That's a great idea.
We should leak this.
237
00:11:49,814 --> 00:11:51,089
The fallout would be huge.
238
00:11:51,193 --> 00:11:52,572
Top executives could get fired,
239
00:11:52,676 --> 00:11:54,158
and then we could fill
those spots.
240
00:11:54,262 --> 00:11:57,089
- Yeah it's great how stopping
a war would benefit you.
241
00:11:57,193 --> 00:11:58,883
- Exactly, Grace.
Matt, who do we know
242
00:11:58,986 --> 00:12:01,986
who could anonymously leak this?
Matt? Matt?
243
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:04,572
- Oh, sorry, I was just thinking
about fonts again.
244
00:12:06,124 --> 00:12:08,469
- Okay, so we're
in a parking garage.
245
00:12:08,572 --> 00:12:09,779
Why'd you bring me here?
246
00:12:09,883 --> 00:12:11,400
- Well, we know
that you're into, like,
247
00:12:11,503 --> 00:12:15,469
the Internet and stuff, and,
um, we were just wondering...
248
00:12:15,572 --> 00:12:18,710
Are you in Anonymous?
249
00:12:18,814 --> 00:12:20,296
- Before I answer that question,
250
00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,917
I'm gonna need to make sure
you're not wearing a wire.
251
00:12:30,779 --> 00:12:32,331
- Satisfied?
252
00:12:36,572 --> 00:12:38,538
- Just taking my clothes off
in a parking garage.
253
00:12:38,641 --> 00:12:40,779
Good.
- See? No wire.
254
00:12:40,883 --> 00:12:42,883
Just two perfectly
average-sized dicks.
255
00:12:44,917 --> 00:12:47,193
- Blackmail.
All right.
256
00:12:47,296 --> 00:12:49,158
- So you are in Anonymous,
right?
257
00:12:49,262 --> 00:12:51,158
- Of course I'm in Anonymous,
everybody knows that.
258
00:12:51,262 --> 00:12:52,745
- Okay, well, hypothetically,
259
00:12:52,848 --> 00:12:54,296
if we had some
sensitive documents
260
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:57,055
involving
Hampton DeVille and the CIA,
261
00:12:57,158 --> 00:12:59,469
could you help us leak those?
262
00:12:59,572 --> 00:13:01,952
- That is within my powers, yes.
263
00:13:02,055 --> 00:13:03,296
- Everything you need is
on this,
264
00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:05,124
including a very exceptional
PowerPoint
265
00:13:05,227 --> 00:13:06,296
that I worked very hard on
266
00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:08,262
that you will want
to feature prominently.
267
00:13:09,986 --> 00:13:11,607
- Okay, I'll check it out.
268
00:13:11,710 --> 00:13:14,089
If it's all good, I'll release
it tomorrow at 11:00 a.m.
269
00:13:14,193 --> 00:13:16,021
- Why 11:00 a.m.?
- By 11:00 a.m.,
270
00:13:16,124 --> 00:13:17,917
everyone's at work, bored,
surfing the Internet,
271
00:13:18,021 --> 00:13:20,607
looking for something
to be outraged about.
272
00:13:20,710 --> 00:13:22,021
- Someone's coming!
273
00:13:23,814 --> 00:13:26,400
- That's my car.
274
00:13:26,503 --> 00:13:29,296
- Sorry, just having
a secret meeting.
275
00:13:32,124 --> 00:13:34,986
- No, no, no, this is all wrong.
276
00:13:35,089 --> 00:13:36,676
Try Marker Felt.
277
00:13:38,986 --> 00:13:41,469
Oh, looks terrible.
Okay, um...
278
00:13:41,572 --> 00:13:43,124
Do Bookman Old Style.
279
00:13:43,227 --> 00:13:45,952
- Old style?
- Old style.
280
00:13:46,055 --> 00:13:47,710
No, too old.
- Too old.
281
00:13:47,814 --> 00:13:49,193
- Ancient.
- It's ancient.
282
00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:51,641
- Papyrus.
- Delicious.
283
00:13:51,745 --> 00:13:54,986
- Oh, God, no.
Try...Wingdings.
284
00:13:55,089 --> 00:13:57,055
- A classic.
285
00:13:57,158 --> 00:13:59,021
- Oh, no, wait,
we already tried this one.
286
00:13:59,124 --> 00:14:01,986
- Oh, Jesus.
- Christian.
287
00:14:02,089 --> 00:14:03,676
I don't think
the font is the problem.
288
00:14:03,779 --> 00:14:06,262
Stockheed was just trying
to get into your head.
289
00:14:06,365 --> 00:14:09,538
It was psychological warfare.
- Fair enough.
290
00:14:09,641 --> 00:14:12,676
But Stockheed is right about
our products being untested.
291
00:14:12,779 --> 00:14:14,952
No, if we want to start a war,
292
00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:17,503
we're going to need
more than a PowerPoint.
293
00:14:21,158 --> 00:14:23,779
We're going to need soldiers.
294
00:14:30,607 --> 00:14:33,331
- Okay, you ready
to change the world?
295
00:14:33,434 --> 00:14:35,434
- Yeah.
296
00:14:35,538 --> 00:14:37,089
- Okay, we did it.
297
00:14:37,193 --> 00:14:38,158
- And you're positive
they won't be able
298
00:14:38,262 --> 00:14:40,089
to trace this back to us?
- Not to you.
299
00:14:40,193 --> 00:14:42,296
But they'll definitely
trace it back to Jake.
300
00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:44,124
- What?
- Oh, yeah.
301
00:14:44,227 --> 00:14:45,676
They'll track
your computer's IP address.
302
00:14:45,779 --> 00:14:47,296
They're really fast
with that these days.
303
00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:48,641
You're gonna want
to leave the country.
304
00:14:48,745 --> 00:14:50,158
There's a ticket
to the Ukraine waiting for you
305
00:14:50,262 --> 00:14:53,745
at the airport
under the name Ralph Schnader.
306
00:14:53,848 --> 00:14:55,434
You can reimburse me
on Bitcoin.
307
00:14:55,538 --> 00:14:56,883
Good luck.
308
00:15:00,055 --> 00:15:01,572
- Matt, there's so many things
309
00:15:01,676 --> 00:15:03,883
I never got the chance
to say to you,
310
00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:05,779
but they're pretty mean,
so I won't.
311
00:15:05,883 --> 00:15:07,779
Feed my cat.
312
00:15:07,883 --> 00:15:10,331
- Hey, Matt, great news.
Christian changed his mind.
313
00:15:10,434 --> 00:15:11,779
He wants to use
your PowerPoint.
314
00:15:11,883 --> 00:15:13,779
- We're all about to leave
for the CIA Blacksite,
315
00:15:13,883 --> 00:15:14,952
so grab your
stuff, let's go.
316
00:15:15,055 --> 00:15:16,400
- Have fun at the pitch.
See you guys later.
317
00:15:16,503 --> 00:15:19,331
- Actually, Jake, Christian
wants you at the meeting too.
318
00:15:19,434 --> 00:15:20,745
- Christian wants me
at the meeting?
319
00:15:20,848 --> 00:15:23,469
- He asked for you both
by physical description.
320
00:15:23,572 --> 00:15:26,365
- Two white guys with no other
discernible features.
321
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:33,055
- So you want to go to war.
322
00:15:33,158 --> 00:15:36,745
But you don't want it to cost
an arm and a leg.
323
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:45,434
This is Hampton DeVille.
324
00:15:48,434 --> 00:15:51,365
Those competitors that say
size doesn't matter?
325
00:15:51,469 --> 00:15:53,193
It does.
326
00:15:53,296 --> 00:15:56,262
Cost-effective carnage.
What more needs to be said?
327
00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:02,469
Creatively evading
the Geneva Convention.
328
00:16:02,572 --> 00:16:06,089
Who wants to worry about
all those persnickety laws?
329
00:16:06,193 --> 00:16:08,779
All you need to remember
is we are the good guys,
330
00:16:08,883 --> 00:16:11,158
and you get to win.
331
00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:13,503
First, I just want to say
you guys all look great.
332
00:16:13,607 --> 00:16:15,262
Black is such a slimming color.
333
00:16:15,365 --> 00:16:17,193
You look so handsome
and beautiful.
334
00:16:17,296 --> 00:16:20,262
- You get twice the destruction
at half the price.
335
00:16:20,365 --> 00:16:23,262
- And we will match
any competitor's blast radius.
336
00:16:23,365 --> 00:16:25,883
That is a Hampton DeVille
guarantee.
337
00:16:29,158 --> 00:16:31,055
- And as you can see,
338
00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:34,917
Hampton DeVille
blows the competition away.
339
00:16:35,021 --> 00:16:37,917
And star wipe.
340
00:16:38,021 --> 00:16:39,227
The end.
341
00:16:43,469 --> 00:16:45,607
- I loved the bullet
bullet points.
342
00:16:45,710 --> 00:16:48,089
- Before we finish,
I'd like to invite up
343
00:16:48,193 --> 00:16:50,676
two of Hampton DeVille's
most valued employees.
344
00:16:59,227 --> 00:17:02,227
This is Tom.
345
00:17:02,331 --> 00:17:05,434
And this is Jerry.
346
00:17:05,538 --> 00:17:09,365
And we're going to do
a little demonstration for you.
347
00:17:09,469 --> 00:17:11,952
Why should you trust a company
whose weapons are completely
348
00:17:12,055 --> 00:17:13,952
untested on the battlefield?
349
00:17:14,055 --> 00:17:18,089
Because at Hampton DeVille,
we believe in our products.
350
00:17:18,193 --> 00:17:20,883
Now these vests use
half the Kevlar
351
00:17:20,986 --> 00:17:23,227
of normal bulletproof vests
which allows us
352
00:17:23,331 --> 00:17:26,917
to keep costs down
and pass the savings on to you.
353
00:17:27,021 --> 00:17:31,158
This is also an opportunity to
show off our HD200 sniper rifle
354
00:17:31,262 --> 00:17:33,538
with optional laser sights.
355
00:17:33,641 --> 00:17:36,986
We made the barrel 60% thinner
than our leading competitor.
356
00:17:37,089 --> 00:17:38,710
It dramatically reduces
the costs
357
00:17:38,814 --> 00:17:41,572
with only a minimal decrease
in accuracy.
358
00:17:41,676 --> 00:17:45,503
These men believe
in Hampton DeVille.
359
00:17:45,607 --> 00:17:49,365
And after this demonstration,
I know you will too.
360
00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:51,641
- Mr. DeVille, I don't think
this is necessary.
361
00:17:51,745 --> 00:17:53,193
- Ready...
362
00:17:53,296 --> 00:17:54,469
- They're gonna call our bluff,
right?
363
00:17:54,572 --> 00:17:56,089
- Christian promised they would,
364
00:17:56,193 --> 00:17:58,193
but God damn it,
I hope they don't.
365
00:17:58,296 --> 00:17:59,434
- Aim...
366
00:17:59,538 --> 00:18:00,952
- All right,
you've convinced us.
367
00:18:01,055 --> 00:18:02,917
- Which eye do you close?
368
00:18:15,917 --> 00:18:17,745
- Honestly,
I can't help but feel
369
00:18:17,848 --> 00:18:18,952
that I deserve this.
370
00:18:19,055 --> 00:18:20,710
- I am so sorry.
I don't know how
371
00:18:20,814 --> 00:18:24,331
to turn off Facebook
notifications on this phone.
372
00:18:24,434 --> 00:18:26,124
Oh, good lord.
373
00:18:26,227 --> 00:18:29,089
Hampton DeVille
has been hacked!
374
00:18:29,193 --> 00:18:32,193
This entire PowerPoint
is on Facebook.
375
00:18:32,296 --> 00:18:34,158
- Ah, man, this sucks.
376
00:18:34,262 --> 00:18:37,193
Now everybody knows
about our secret war!
377
00:19:18,469 --> 00:19:20,814
- Oh, look, he's awake.
378
00:19:20,917 --> 00:19:23,227
I gotta get outta here.
They're gonna be coming for me.
379
00:19:23,331 --> 00:19:25,779
- No, Jake, I hid
your IP address.
380
00:19:25,883 --> 00:19:27,262
They'll never be able
to trace this back to you.
381
00:19:27,365 --> 00:19:28,779
- Then why did you tell me
they would?
382
00:19:28,883 --> 00:19:30,676
- Because you reported me
on HD-Whistle,
383
00:19:30,779 --> 00:19:32,158
you power hungry psycho weasel.
384
00:19:32,262 --> 00:19:33,607
- How did you find out?
385
00:19:33,710 --> 00:19:35,434
- Just paid Grace 10 bucks.
386
00:19:35,538 --> 00:19:38,503
- You made me pay 20.
- Learn to negotiate.
387
00:19:38,607 --> 00:19:40,089
- You two better watch
what you say.
388
00:19:40,193 --> 00:19:42,848
Because if anyone ever connects
this leak back to me,
389
00:19:42,952 --> 00:19:43,986
you're going viral.
390
00:19:44,089 --> 00:19:45,952
Wow, if you put
the two of those together,
391
00:19:46,055 --> 00:19:47,572
they'd make one great dick.
392
00:19:47,676 --> 00:19:49,641
- The good news is
that because of the leak,
393
00:19:49,745 --> 00:19:53,021
there's no way the CIA is gonna
go through with the war.
394
00:19:53,124 --> 00:19:56,986
- Great news. There's going to
be several wars.
395
00:19:57,089 --> 00:19:59,745
- Countries who thought they
couldn't afford to go to war
396
00:19:59,848 --> 00:20:03,158
saw our PowerPoint
and now realize they can.
397
00:20:03,262 --> 00:20:07,227
- Huh. So I prevented a war
but caused multiple wars?
398
00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:10,434
- Yeah, but it seems like a lot
of people liked your PowerPoint.
399
00:20:10,538 --> 00:20:12,676
And those people are terrorists.
400
00:20:12,779 --> 00:20:15,365
- And the best part is, because
the CIA called off the coup,
401
00:20:15,469 --> 00:20:17,917
we cockblocked
those Stockheed assholes.
402
00:20:18,021 --> 00:20:20,676
This is a big win for everyone
at Hampton DeVille.
403
00:20:20,779 --> 00:20:23,055
But I will never forget
the names of the people
404
00:20:23,158 --> 00:20:24,745
who helped me the most.
405
00:20:27,055 --> 00:20:29,400
Anonymous.
406
00:21:10,952 --> 00:21:12,227
- Garamond Bold.
407
00:21:12,331 --> 00:21:15,572
- I love a good Garamond.
- Damn it, that looks terrible.
408
00:21:15,676 --> 00:21:18,814
No, okay, um...
Calibri.
409
00:21:18,917 --> 00:21:21,710
- Ah, very nice.
- No. No, no, no, no.
410
00:21:21,814 --> 00:21:24,607
- Sucks.
- Century Gothic Bold.
31002
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