All language subtitles for 2 Broke Girls s06e22 2 Broke Girls, The Movie

So it has been
quite a journey,

but through it all,
the key for me has been bravery

and the deep-down knowledge

that I am better
than everyone else.

Uh, I'm sorry, Jillian,
what was your question?

I asked Max
where she was born.

The Peekaboo Lounge
on I-90.

My mom was on the pole

when I popped out
and said, "Peekaboo."

So your movie,
The Princess and the Ponzi,

has Oscar buzz...

for sound editing,
but still.

Who will you be wearing
to the premiere?

Well, Jillian,
the top is from

the 7-Eleven lost and found,

and the jeans I won
in a knife fight,

so I didn't get specifics.

Stylist to the stars
Brad Goreski reached out.

He's a fashion policeman,

the only kind of policeman
Max hasn't been arrested by.

Anyway, our dessert bar
is catering the premiere.

We are really
coming into our own.

Girls...

Oh, speaking of
coming into your own,

this is Han.

Are you coming
to work today?

Or should I just
write down wrong orders

for customers myself?

Han, can't you see
we're in the middle

of a press interview
for my movie?

You can't just ignore me.

I'm not the advice
of your court-appointed lawyer.

Sounds like you guys are busy.

The movie, running this bar,
and working for that man too.

Man, right?

With us blowing up as we are,

Max and I are
phasing out the diner

and deodorant
that's hot to the touch.

It burns the stink away.
I'm not giving that up.

Well, that was...five hours.

(chuckles)
Uh, see you at the premiere.

Wait,
we're phasing out the diner?

I have really gotta stop
falling asleep immediately

whenever you speak.

Max, think about it.
Why--

(snores)

(Peter Bjorn and John)
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

(cash register bell dings)

* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

Han, we need to talk to you.

Yeah, we're not happy
about it either.

Best-case scenario,

we wouldn't have seen you
at all today.

Oh, good, a talk.

Let me save you the trouble
and just start crying.

Han, we are phasing
the diner out of our lives.

I have a stylist now.

This is our two weeks' notice,

and we need this week off
to get ready for the premiere.

I mentioned I have
a stylist, right?

So you leave me
high and dry?

I'm always high and dry
around you.

Han, we got
Bobby's sister, Denise,

to cover for us,
and she's already late.

It'll be like we never left.

(mouths word)

Whoo,
sorry I'm sweaty and late.

I tried to parkour my way here.

Then I met the business end
of a parking meter.

Basically, I broke my vagina.

Where can I get
a big Ziploc bag full of ice?

Uh...here.

I was keeping my kidney in it.

(upbeat music)

Now, Bobby,
before stylist to the stars

Brad Goreski gets here,

we just need to do
a little work

to fix up your clothes,
your hair, your face.

Also, your walk's not great.

How's my run?

'Cause I feel like
doing it right now.

If you want to play stylist,
help Denise.

She tucks her sweater in--
to her socks.

Oh, Denise isn't invited
to the premiere.

I can't run the risk of
being embarrassed by someone.

I mean, Earl already asked
if he could bring

his sleeping bag
and his shopping cart.

(groans)
We get it, Earl, you're rich.

(knocking on door)

Uh, my dress is by
Beddy Spready.

It's a bedspread.

(gasps)
Oh, my God, Brad Goreski!

Well, I can't prove it,

because someone just stole
my wallet outside.

All right,
I gotta go get a suit

after I get my...

eyelashes highlighted?
Seriously?

Love you.

both: Mm.

Love you too.

Good call on the eyelashes.

MAX: (gasps)
Ooh!

First time there's been

a better rack than mine
in the apartment.

Okay, these are the choices.

They're on loan
from the top designers,

and if you hurt them,

those bitches
will hunt you down.

Well, if Federal Marshal
Tommy Lee Jones

couldn't find me, good luck.

That's a brand-new
Zac Posen.

He gave it to me as a favor,

because we share a time share
and a love of Cher.

Over share?

You got anything over there

I won't have to
shave my pits for?

Hmm, hold on.

Let me sniff around

for Shailene Woodley's
SAG Awards dress.

Oh, my God, I love it.

Oh, good eye.

That's a $10,000 dress.

And that's why
it looks so lost

and afraid in this apartment.

$10,000?

I can own and operate
an Old Navy for that.

Oh, my God.

Did someone call fashion 911?

The fashion police are here!

Well, this is embarrassing.

Yes, I'm celebrity stylist
Brad Goreski.

Oh, see, I thought
you were Melissa Rivers.

Yeah, 'cause you guys
have very similar jaws.

Hey, do you style babies?

'Cause I want Barbara
to be discovered

at the movie premiere.

The only baby I style
is Kanye West.

Wait, are you sure
you're not Melissa Rivers?

(rock music)

(gasps)

Max, this is my reintroduction
into high society,

and you had to bring ribs
for the limo?

(scoffs)

Somebody obviously
was never in a Pitbull video.

Doesn't look like we're
going anywhere in this traffic.

I'll take a road rib.

(gasps)

Max, if you get
that red wine near me,

I will start singing songs
from Funny Girl,

and I will not stop.

-(sighs)
-Can I some of that

"deal with Caroline" juice?

(gasps)

(sighs)

Max, that's your third sigh.

Is my makeup not perfect?

Do even my sighs
have to be about you?

Well, it is my night.

I was just thinking
how this whole movie thing

started in L.A. with Randy.

It's kind of sad
he's not here,

and also, your makeup
is a little clowny.

Oh, no.

Yeah, well,
Randy's the only person

I've ever loved
or let love me.

How clowny?

(knocking)

What are you guys
doing out there?

We hopped out of our cab,
because of the traffic.

Also, it was on fire.

Well, we'd invite
you guys in here,

but the windows
keep going up on their own.

*

(elevator bell dings)

CAROLINE: (gasps)

You don't think
that limo driver's

gonna eat the rest
of my coleslaw, do you?

Shh, no one says "coleslaw"
on a red carpet.

I think you hid it
pretty well in the cup holders.

Oh, my God.
Look at all this.

Oh, good, Caroline Channing.

Stay here.
It's not your time yet.

Oh, that's what
the angels said to me

when I drove that dump truck
into the East River.

(elevator bell dings)

(gasps) Oh, look,
it's the star of Happy Feet.

Antarctica's that way.

No, it's that way.

This is exciting.

I haven't seen
this much paparazzi

since I was dating
Harriet Tubman.

You guys must be
the Make-A-Wish couple.

Actually,
we're just friends.

If I had a wish,
he'd be a giant doobie.

Just keep it moving.

It's the "Kevin Dillon
and below" spot.

(camera shutters clicking)

HAN: They must all be
reloading their cameras.

Are you trying to say
I shouldn't be seeing

all these flashing lights
right now?

(elevator bell dings)

Hey, everybody!

Check out my red carpet dress.

(giggles)

So, when I said
"red carpet attire,"

I meant something--wow.

I vacuumed it myself
before we left.

It gave me hard wood.

Well,
the real star tonight is here.

(gasps)
Verne Troyer, where?

No, Barbara.

Come on, Barbara,
let's make you a star.

Look, it's kielbasa,
your favorite.

Hey, everybody!

It's baby Barbara.

Here are some headshots.

She's cute, she's versatile,
and like her mother,

she can put
all ten toes in her mouth.

(elevator bell dings)

There you are.

Oh, let's hold off a minute.

Old Hollywood rule:
never follow sausage.

-Okay, who's next?
-Oh, I'll go.

Following sausage
is kinda my thing.

(camera shutters clicking)

Doesn't matter what you do
if you're rocking the cleavage.

Thanks for lending him clothes.

I told him to get
something cool,

so he bought
a short-sleeved suit.

Yeah, it's part of the
Steven Seagal summer collection.

Hey, are we ready?

Yeah.

You look so handsome.

Let me just fix that hair.

It's still doing
that thing that I hate.

Actually, it might just be
the shape of your head.

Walk a little in front of me.

I want to share
this moment with you,

but I want to do it alone.

-Okay.
-Okay.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, Bobby.

-No, Bobby--Bobby, wait!
-I'm going, I'm going.

I'm moving as fast as
my big misshapen head'll go.

-(screaming)
-Caroline, you're unraveling!

CAROLINE: Bobby, come back!

Oh, Bobby, no, I'm serious!

(camera shutters clicking)

Aah! I can't believe
this is happening!

And Bobby's hair
is still sticking up!

Oh, my God,
this is worse than

Eric Stonestreet's
nip slip.

-Max...
-(gasps)

Randy.

Max.

I'd...
love to stay and talk,

but I just remembered
I have to run away.

Brad, a little help?

You're on your own.

(elevator bell dings)

Stupid showing up at movies,

like, "Oh, surprise, Max,
I'm here."

(sighs)

(groans)
Sorry, we're closed.

You ran out of there
so fast,

you trampled that
strange exotic bird.

That was Tilda Swinton,
and I apologized.

How did you know I was here?

I followed you.

You could've just
poked me on Facebook.

Rather poke you in person.

So...you gonna give me a drink?

Are you gonna give me
a reason you're here?

Are you gonna give me
a reason you're so beautiful?

Are you gonna
give me a reason--

okay, fine,
I'll give you a drink.

(groans)

I just got over you.

What do you want from me?

I want to be with you.

(derisive laughter)

Oh, please!

You think you can just
come in here in your suit

and be like,
"Uh, I wanna be with you, Max."

You say you love me,

you say you can't live
without me,

and then you go
and live without me.

You, sir, are unreliable.

Max, I miss you.

Every time I see Cheeto dust

or a girl wearing flip-flops
in an expensive restaurant,

I tear up.

Oh, really?

I thought you said long-distance
relationships didn't work.

Not gonna be
long distance anymore.

What about your firm in L.A.?

We just opened offices
in New York.

Where are they?

Two blocks from
my new apartment I just got.

Well, where's your dog?

Doesn't he have season tickets
to the Lakers?

He and Jack Nicholson
got in a fight.

Well, what about
all that stuff you said

about us being in
different places in our lives?

I want to be in your place.

What about that thing you said

about the way I eat noodles?

I'm working on that.

Max, I've been crazy about you
since the moment I met you.

I don't want to live
without you.

-Oh, really?
-Really.

Prove it.

Max George Black...

I love you.

Will you marry me?

(laughs)
Wait, what?

Caroline can really
put you to sleep

on and off the screen, huh?

Here.

Oh, she doesn't
even like her desserts.

Well, at least you got a nap
out of it, right, Barbara?

You were the one who was
drooling pretty hard in there.

You know what?
After seeing that snoozer,

I don't want Barbara to have
any part of Hollywood.

Yeah.

You know, she can be
something important,

like a realtor.

(mouths words)

BOBBY: All right,

I stitched it up
with a rubber band

and a fisherman's knot
right there.

Yeah, Steven Seagal has
a dress just like that.

Bobby, how am I gonna pay
for this dress I ruined?

Do you have $10,000?

I can give you $4

and make you another
fisherman's knot.

I just really
want you to know

that I am sorry for the way
I've been acting.

Look, I know.

You have been
really nervous about today,

and it brought out what
I hope is the worst in you.

I'll just say yes.

Anyway, none of that
superficial stuff matters.

What matters
is that I love you,

and I owe $10,000
for this dress.

Just a heads-up.
I see London, I see...

Your whole left
butt cheek is out.

(gasps)

I may have a solution
to your $10,000 problem.

I am not going in on

that Little Caesar's franchise
with you.

We'd be making more than pizza,
I'll tell you that.

Look, I'm flush with cash now

that they've stopped
making Dr. Who figurines.

How about
if I pay for the dress,

you and Max can pay me back
by working at the diner?

(gasps)

Han, yes.

Thank you for not making me
beg for my job back.

You would've begged?

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh!

Well, I should
walk off this boner.

Wait, I mean,
go get Earl out of here.

He's pitching his idea for

The Black Lincoln
to Scorsese,

and by Scorsese,
I mean a plant.

Yo, think about it, Marty.

Bobby, I felt bad
about not inviting Denise,

so I texted her
during the movie.

Hopefully,
she'll be smart enough

to change out
of her diner uniform,

and there she is,
and, no, she wasn't.

It's not usually this red.

I burned it on the grill.

So the worst part
of the night's not over.

Oh, my God.

It's retro, it's now,

it's a little tomato-saucy,
but it works.

I spilled spaghetti
and meatballs on myself.

You have a girlfriend?

No.

Don't worry,
we can find a third.

(phone chimes)

It's from Max.
It says,

"Meet me at the dessert bar.
It's an emergency."

She never says
something's an emergency.

She came to work
with a knife in her head.

*

Max, where did you go?

You missed everything.
And as hard as I tried,

they wouldn't give me
a second swag bag.

And I will not share
the Kate Hudson yoga pants.

You can have them,
'cause I have this!

CAROLINE: (gasps)

You stole an engagement ring?

Can I come out now?
It smells in there.

Oh, my God, Randy.

Are you upset
that Max is engaged?

Oh, wait!

(screaming)

Now I know why you wanted
to tell her without me.

-Back to the smelly room.
-No!

Aw.

Oh, my God!

This night that
was totally about me

is totally about you,
and I'm not even jealous!

Oh, my God.
Are you moving to L.A.?

Different kind of tears coming.

Nope, I'm moving here.

Should've done it
a long time ago.

I'm keeping my name,
by the way.

It'd be weird for people
to call me Randy.

(chuckles)

See?
How can I live without this?

See, Caroline?
You got your wish.

We're both with someone.

Looks like I got my wish.

-We're not gonna die together.
-(laughs)

You are more than welcome
to die with us.

So I hear you have
a boyfriend.

Yeah, he'll be right in.

He's getting Max's coleslaw
out of the limo.

The driver said
he didn't eat it,

but his face
is covered in mayonnaise.

Bobby, this is Randy...

-Max's fiancé.
-What?

Um, I'll break up with him
if you don't talk American.

CAROLINE: (scoffs)

-You look familiar.
-So do you.

both: Aww.

You're that lawyer that

screwed my mother and sister
out of that reality show.

-Yeah, it was called...
-Move Out, You're 40.

Yeah, we had to fire them
'cause they're insane.

I'm sorry, are you calling

my mother and sister insane?

Oh, not just me.
The state of New Jersey.

Oh, it's so cute.
They know each other.

(giggles)

Let's take this outside.
There's ladies here.

(scoffs)
Well, one.

That's a good idea.

First one you've ever had.

Okay, that's it.

His mother put a curse on me.

Yeah, and you haven't found

a good parking space since,
have you?

Bobby, don't ruin your suit.
We can't afford it.

Oh, my God, this is terrible.

-Can I see the ring again?
-(giggles)

Um, I licked it,
and it's not candy.

(chuckles)

(crashing, grunting, yelling)

(gasps)
Aww, they must've made up.

They're hugging.

(grunting, yelling)

This is not good.

And more not good,

we still have to work at
the diner to pay off my dress.

Did Bobby's mother
put a curse on us too?

(grunting, yelling)

Is it weird I think
that's a little hot?

Let me see the ring again.

(upbeat rock music)

*

(cash register dings)

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