All language subtitles for 2 Broke Girls s05e04 Inside Outside Situation

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,702 --> 00:00:06,238 I just got a $20 tip on a $10 check. 2 00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:08,173 I may be the greatest waitress ever, 3 00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:11,977 and strangely, that doesn't make me want to die. 4 00:00:11,979 --> 00:00:15,681 You're finally getting the hang of a job you've had for years. 5 00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:18,951 Is your last name Obama? 6 00:00:18,953 --> 00:00:21,820 Another big tip. 7 00:00:21,822 --> 00:00:24,023 I think it's my smile. 8 00:00:29,130 --> 00:00:31,764 Well, something's smiling. 9 00:00:32,767 --> 00:00:34,299 Pickup. Patty melt. 10 00:00:34,301 --> 00:00:37,636 Correction: panty melt. 11 00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,738 - Caroline, you have... - What, Max? 12 00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:40,906 Pride in a job well done? 13 00:00:40,908 --> 00:00:43,542 Yes, some of us can still feel pride. 14 00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:47,312 Yeah, but only for about another ten seconds. 15 00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:49,615 Caroline. 16 00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:50,616 Ooh! 17 00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:52,351 Oh...oh, no. 18 00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:53,752 Oh, no. 19 00:00:53,754 --> 00:00:58,357 This reminds me of when I saw my mother's side boob. 20 00:00:58,359 --> 00:01:00,592 Max, you have to say something. 21 00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:01,927 Um, Caroline? 22 00:01:01,929 --> 00:01:03,162 Hey, look! 23 00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:04,430 I just got a $10 tip from this guy, 24 00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:07,666 and I spilled coffee on his face. 25 00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:08,967 Screw it. 26 00:01:08,969 --> 00:01:12,404 I'm taking the ass train to Money Town. 27 00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:14,640 Oh, nope. Not wearing underwear. 28 00:01:31,125 --> 00:01:33,092 I know it's technically good to have a big order, 29 00:01:33,094 --> 00:01:34,827 but I am five cupcakes away 30 00:01:34,829 --> 00:01:38,430 from what professional doctors call T.Rex arm. 31 00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:41,400 Like you always tell me... use your other hand. 32 00:01:41,402 --> 00:01:44,136 It'll feel like a stranger. 33 00:01:44,138 --> 00:01:46,872 And how about our new business labels 34 00:01:46,874 --> 00:01:51,610 and my ability to be excited about literally anything? 35 00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,512 I got them with the money you were saving 36 00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:56,014 for that Porky Pig bong. 37 00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:58,484 But when it's down to just resin, 38 00:01:58,486 --> 00:02:00,919 it says, "That's all, folks." 39 00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:03,655 I'll pay you back as soon as we get the money 40 00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:06,158 for this big order for...L? 41 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:08,861 Max, someone named L ordered these cupcakes? 42 00:02:08,863 --> 00:02:10,996 Oh, that's not an L; that's an I. 43 00:02:10,998 --> 00:02:14,433 Sorry, I learned printing mostly from ransom notes. 44 00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:15,934 I? 45 00:02:15,936 --> 00:02:19,638 I mean, what kind of person would just be named I? 46 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,707 This kind. 47 00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:23,976 Hello. That's my order. 48 00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:29,248 Yes, they're just about ready, mis...ter... 49 00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:31,550 I'll spare you the stress and confusion, dear, 50 00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:33,685 because I can tell by the size of your pores, 51 00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:37,489 you're a sweater. 52 00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:39,758 She is. 53 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,026 Sometimes she gets so nervous 54 00:02:41,028 --> 00:02:42,761 watching "America's Next Top Model," 55 00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:45,664 our couch is slick for days. 56 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:50,102 Spoiler alert: none of them are America's next top model. 57 00:02:50,104 --> 00:02:53,005 To be clear, I am neither he nor she, 58 00:02:53,007 --> 00:02:56,275 Mr. nor Mrs., male nor female, 59 00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:58,210 and the only part of me that's transitioning 60 00:02:58,212 --> 00:03:01,346 are my heels from day to evening. 61 00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:05,918 I am simply I, and I cannot be labeled. 62 00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:08,654 I am gender fluid. 63 00:03:08,656 --> 00:03:10,055 That's cool. 64 00:03:10,057 --> 00:03:14,059 As long as none of it gets on us. 65 00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:16,295 Is my order ready, or do I have to wade through 66 00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:19,431 more of this poor man's Amy and Tina? 67 00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:22,968 I like to think of us more as an Ike and Tina. 68 00:03:22,970 --> 00:03:24,703 I'm just finishing boxing them up for you. 69 00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:26,972 It's okay for cupcakes to still be put in a box, right? 70 00:03:26,974 --> 00:03:29,841 Just not people. 71 00:03:29,843 --> 00:03:32,878 I'm using your cupcakes in some performance art. 72 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:35,147 See, I is a performance artist this month. 73 00:03:35,149 --> 00:03:38,250 Last month, I was working at the Cold Stone Creamery 74 00:03:38,252 --> 00:03:40,252 on 8th Street. 75 00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:43,989 Well, I've had sex there. 76 00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:46,325 Yes, well, who hasn't? 77 00:03:46,327 --> 00:03:49,161 The audience will bite into one of your pretty, pink, 78 00:03:49,163 --> 00:03:52,331 femme-looking cupcakes, only to discover 79 00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:56,335 that I have inserted a cocktail weenie inside. 80 00:03:56,337 --> 00:04:00,072 But who wants to be surprised by a little weenie? 81 00:04:03,978 --> 00:04:05,344 I don't mind it. 82 00:04:06,981 --> 00:04:09,214 It's an interactive experiment that challenges 83 00:04:09,216 --> 00:04:11,550 how we instinctively label one another. 84 00:04:11,552 --> 00:04:14,186 But I don't have to explain my performance piece to you. 85 00:04:14,188 --> 00:04:17,289 You're not my advisor at The New School. 86 00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:18,390 Forgive me. 87 00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:20,392 I wasn't criticizing your piece. 88 00:04:20,394 --> 00:04:24,062 Yeah, we're still not even sure if you have one. 89 00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:27,266 Can you excuse us for a minute? 90 00:04:27,268 --> 00:04:28,967 And by the way, the fuchsia in your blouse 91 00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:32,938 really brings out the red in your beard. 92 00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:35,240 People are gonna see our adorable labels 93 00:04:35,242 --> 00:04:38,877 and think all our cupcakes are stuffed with wieners. 94 00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:40,646 Would it kill you to have a wiener 95 00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:43,982 stuffed in your cupcake? 96 00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:46,485 Look, someone is paying for them, 97 00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:47,586 and that someone can do 98 00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:49,221 whatever the hell they want with them. 99 00:04:49,223 --> 00:04:50,555 I said the same thing to the people 100 00:04:50,557 --> 00:04:53,191 who bought my kids. 101 00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:55,327 We don't want someone to deface our cupcakes. 102 00:04:55,329 --> 00:04:57,062 They're meant to be enjoyed by children 103 00:04:57,064 --> 00:04:58,930 or single women when a romantic comedy 104 00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:01,300 hits too close to home. 105 00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:03,235 Money is money. It doesn't matter. 106 00:05:03,237 --> 00:05:04,903 Just put the cupcakes in the bag. 107 00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:06,138 I don't feel good about this. 108 00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:07,906 Sorry, but we're just not comfortable 109 00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,107 selling you our cupcakes. 110 00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:12,044 He is right here. Bag it! 111 00:05:12,046 --> 00:05:15,213 What did you just call me? 112 00:05:15,215 --> 00:05:16,915 - Oh, no. - Oh, no. 113 00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:18,317 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 114 00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:20,218 I did not say the thing you thought I said. 115 00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:21,887 I didn't even think it. 116 00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:25,090 In fact, I wasn't listening to half that crap you said. 117 00:05:25,092 --> 00:05:28,026 She said, "bag it," with a B, as in boy... 118 00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:29,561 or not a boy. 119 00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:31,963 Oh, I see what this is. 120 00:05:31,965 --> 00:05:34,166 This is just another homophobic bakery 121 00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:37,135 trying to deny service to people like me. 122 00:05:37,137 --> 00:05:39,004 Well, I don't have to stand here 123 00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:40,872 to tell you how upset I am. 124 00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:43,975 That's what Yelp is for. 125 00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:47,279 Oh, no. 126 00:05:47,281 --> 00:05:50,582 I think Kathy Bates is really mad at us. 127 00:05:51,985 --> 00:05:53,285 Well, that sucks. 128 00:05:53,287 --> 00:05:57,055 Now I want a hot dog. 129 00:06:01,428 --> 00:06:03,929 Where are all the customers? 130 00:06:03,931 --> 00:06:05,597 I haven't seen this few people since... 131 00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:08,100 You went on Tinder? 132 00:06:08,102 --> 00:06:10,669 Your sweet 16 party? 133 00:06:10,671 --> 00:06:11,837 Caroline, throw one in there. 134 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:14,573 Your season of "The Bachelor"? 135 00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:16,241 I was going to say 136 00:06:16,243 --> 00:06:19,811 so few people since a sale at your cupcake window. 137 00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:23,115 Boom! I just schooled you. 138 00:06:23,117 --> 00:06:27,085 Well, preschooled us. 139 00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:28,420 Hey, everybody. 140 00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:33,091 Oh, my gosh. 141 00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:35,961 You girls, I raced over here so fast, 142 00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:39,798 I left half my hair in Midtown. 143 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,433 Love the babushka, baby. 144 00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:44,136 Reminds me of my Aunt Schmirna. 145 00:06:44,138 --> 00:06:47,139 Great boobs: one big, one small. 146 00:06:47,141 --> 00:06:50,208 Something for everyone. 147 00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:54,146 Yeah, the gays, they're real mad at you. 148 00:06:54,148 --> 00:06:57,315 Yeah, my stylist, Carl, told me about two girls 149 00:06:57,317 --> 00:06:59,651 with a cupcake shop in Brooklyn 150 00:06:59,653 --> 00:07:04,890 who didn't want to serve a member of the LGBTQ community. 151 00:07:04,892 --> 00:07:06,358 LGBTQ? 152 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:10,595 Those are the trains I take to get here. 153 00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,864 Oh, my God. Max, this is terrible. 154 00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:14,032 I know. 155 00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:17,436 Earl only lives a block away. 156 00:07:17,438 --> 00:07:20,172 Why is he taking five trains? 157 00:07:20,174 --> 00:07:23,341 The gays are steaming mad. 158 00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:25,243 You know, if I were you girls, 159 00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:27,679 I would stay away from the Village, 160 00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:30,849 the East River, the Hudson River, 161 00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:33,051 Melissa Rivers, 162 00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:35,120 Pinkberry, 163 00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:36,555 Broadway. 164 00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:40,559 Yeah, and good luck shopping for dog clothes. 165 00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:43,762 Come on, Sophie. It's not that bad. 166 00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:45,363 Not that bad? 167 00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:47,165 If it wasn't that bad, would I have left the salon 168 00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:49,334 looking like this? 169 00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:53,138 Oh, my God. 170 00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:54,239 They sent you out like that? 171 00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:55,373 They do hate us! 172 00:07:55,375 --> 00:07:57,776 I know. Tell me about it. 173 00:07:57,778 --> 00:07:59,211 I look like Donald Trump 174 00:07:59,213 --> 00:08:03,181 before they Velcroed that dead cat to his head. 175 00:08:08,789 --> 00:08:11,857 A classic good news/ bad news situation. 176 00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:14,960 Good news: I figured out where all the customers are. 177 00:08:14,962 --> 00:08:18,964 Bad news: they're aggressively protesting your cupcake shop. 178 00:08:21,768 --> 00:08:25,871 You went to Supercuts, didn't you? 179 00:08:25,873 --> 00:08:27,706 I hope you're happy, girls. 180 00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:31,510 Now even Han thinks he's better than me. 181 00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:35,080 No cake equals hate. 182 00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:37,115 No cake equals hate. 183 00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:38,383 No cake equals hate. 184 00:08:38,385 --> 00:08:40,318 No cake equals hate. 185 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,554 Okay, this is bad. 186 00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:44,389 I haven't seen this many angry gay people 187 00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:48,126 since that NBC "Peter Pan." 188 00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:49,661 There they are. 189 00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:52,497 That's the one that refused to sell me cupcakes. 190 00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:53,298 Oh! 191 00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:55,300 Hey, all right, come on now. 192 00:08:55,302 --> 00:08:56,801 The one with the bee-stung lips, 193 00:08:56,803 --> 00:09:00,405 or the one with the unfortunate side bang? 194 00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:02,274 This is just a misunderstanding. 195 00:09:02,276 --> 00:09:04,442 Max's Homemade Cupcakes is pro-gay. 196 00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:07,212 - I love gay people. - She does. 197 00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:11,283 She's pretty much dated them exclusively. 198 00:09:11,285 --> 00:09:15,420 This little business is our dream. 199 00:09:35,309 --> 00:09:37,309 Wrong dream, blondie. 200 00:09:37,311 --> 00:09:39,311 No cake equals hate. 201 00:09:39,313 --> 00:09:40,946 No cake equals hate. 202 00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:45,050 No cake equals hate. 203 00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:46,685 No cake equals hate. 204 00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:48,420 No cake equals hate. 205 00:09:48,422 --> 00:09:50,422 - No cake equals hate. - I've called every one 206 00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:52,924 of my exes to come down and vouch for me, 207 00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,659 and they're freezing me out. 208 00:09:54,661 --> 00:09:56,995 It's like I'm asking them for sex again or something. 209 00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:58,997 I was sure this would clear up on its own, 210 00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:00,332 but I always think that 211 00:10:00,334 --> 00:10:03,001 because I can't afford penicillin. 212 00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:06,104 The diner's still empty. 213 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:08,006 Did you two get bored killing your own business 214 00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:10,842 and decide to go after mine? 215 00:10:10,844 --> 00:10:12,978 I can say, on behalf of all women, 216 00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:16,948 none of us are ever going after your business. 217 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,917 Apparently you've never met Martha, 218 00:10:18,919 --> 00:10:22,087 the portly cashier at my neighborhood Rite Aid. 219 00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:24,589 I'm gonna go talk to them, set them straight. 220 00:10:24,591 --> 00:10:27,892 Well, as much as I can, given the circumstances. 221 00:10:32,366 --> 00:10:34,966 We have been trapped in here for two days. 222 00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:37,502 It's like we're in Gaytanamo Bay. 223 00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:42,307 I'm gonna open this window and tell them to screw off. 224 00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,308 Free speech. 225 00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:46,711 Your feelings got hurt. Too bad, so sad. 226 00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:51,416 Oh...my God. 227 00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:53,785 You should have sold him the damn cupcakes. 228 00:10:53,787 --> 00:10:56,287 I'm Cher, bitch. 229 00:10:59,726 --> 00:11:01,359 What happened? 230 00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:05,063 Cher hates us too. 231 00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:06,731 We must be wrong. 232 00:11:06,733 --> 00:11:08,033 That's not the Cher, Max. 233 00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:10,135 It's a Cher impersonator. 234 00:11:10,137 --> 00:11:14,739 Then why do I have chills? 235 00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:16,074 I love Cher. 236 00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:18,243 I used to imagine she was my real mom 237 00:11:18,245 --> 00:11:19,644 and that one day she'd pick me up 238 00:11:19,646 --> 00:11:21,246 and take me away with her, 239 00:11:21,248 --> 00:11:23,915 and then we'd get matching see-through body stockings 240 00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:27,052 like normal mothers and daughters. 241 00:11:27,054 --> 00:11:30,055 Aw, that's so disturbing. 242 00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:31,823 Max, we did nothing wrong. 243 00:11:31,825 --> 00:11:33,091 You can't just back down 244 00:11:33,093 --> 00:11:36,027 because of some female impersonator. 245 00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:40,465 Now you're blonde. 246 00:11:42,569 --> 00:11:46,037 Look, Cher, we did nothing wrong. 247 00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,906 Hey, look. I want a cupcake, 248 00:11:47,908 --> 00:11:49,574 and nobody... and I mean nobody... 249 00:11:49,576 --> 00:11:51,976 is gonna rain on my parade. 250 00:11:51,978 --> 00:11:56,147 Attention, everyone. 251 00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:59,284 This is the owner of the diner next door, 252 00:11:59,286 --> 00:12:00,952 and he has something to say, 253 00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:04,889 so let's listen to our gay comrade. 254 00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:07,158 Oh, I'm not gay. 255 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:10,895 Well, that explains the sweater vest. 256 00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:13,398 Yep, I'm straight. Love the ladies. 257 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:16,401 I'm a bit of a chick magnet. 258 00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:20,105 You're barely the size of a refrigerator magnet. 259 00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:22,073 There. 260 00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:24,175 Another insensitive remark, 261 00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:28,079 this time about the little people community, 262 00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:31,182 just like my friend here. 263 00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:34,119 Oh, I'm not a little person. 264 00:12:34,121 --> 00:12:35,620 Max, do not say anything. 265 00:12:35,622 --> 00:12:36,688 Fine. 266 00:12:36,690 --> 00:12:38,323 But this used to be America, 267 00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:41,893 home of the free and land of the insult. 268 00:12:41,895 --> 00:12:44,028 Everyone, maybe I can clear this up. 269 00:12:44,030 --> 00:12:48,166 That woman over there doesn't hate gay people. 270 00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:49,968 - She hates all people. - Yeah. 271 00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:54,672 No cake equals hate. 272 00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:57,809 Sophie, what are you doing? 273 00:12:57,811 --> 00:13:00,111 Oh, hi. Sorry, girls. 274 00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:02,947 No cake equals hate. 275 00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:05,650 Hey, be fair and fix my hair. 276 00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:09,854 Hi. Excuse me. 277 00:13:09,856 --> 00:13:11,222 Oh, no, did we also say something 278 00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:14,092 to offend the L.L.Bean community? 279 00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:17,095 Max, now straight people are mad at us too. 280 00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:19,063 The cashier in the diner said this was the best way 281 00:13:19,065 --> 00:13:20,431 to get to you. 282 00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:24,135 He also told me his CD was a bargain at $5.99. 283 00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:26,004 I can't believe you got past the protestors. 284 00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:27,238 I would have thought those boys 285 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:30,308 would have the back door covered. 286 00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:31,643 Man, it's crazy out there, right? 287 00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:33,077 I mean, however people run their business 288 00:13:33,079 --> 00:13:34,646 should be their own business. 289 00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:39,184 That was always the company line when I worked for that cartel. 290 00:13:39,186 --> 00:13:41,352 I read about your situation on the internet, 291 00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:44,055 and I want to order 500 cupcakes. 292 00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:46,724 Is there a Mrs. L.L.Bean? 293 00:13:46,726 --> 00:13:49,961 There is. Happily married 15 years. 294 00:13:49,963 --> 00:13:51,229 Terry Williams. 295 00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:53,064 "Family Foremost Foundation"? 296 00:13:53,066 --> 00:13:55,800 Yep, the FFF. 297 00:13:55,802 --> 00:13:57,502 Wow, three of them. 298 00:13:57,504 --> 00:14:00,972 You people really like a good F. 299 00:14:00,974 --> 00:14:02,307 Well, we're a group 300 00:14:02,309 --> 00:14:04,175 of independent business owners like you. 301 00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:06,044 We're in town for a convention on Sunday. 302 00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:07,478 Information is on the card. 303 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:09,981 We'll bet there with 500 cupcakes. 304 00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:12,350 Oh, Terry, what kind of cupcakes? 305 00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:15,253 It's your business. You decide. 306 00:14:16,923 --> 00:14:19,958 - Max, how about that? - I know. 307 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:23,628 The Brawny paper towel guy just saved our asses. 308 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,766 Good afternoon, family. 309 00:14:28,768 --> 00:14:30,735 Good afternoon, Terry. 310 00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:32,871 It's so weird for me to hear the word "family" 311 00:14:32,873 --> 00:14:35,607 not followed by the word "court." 312 00:14:35,609 --> 00:14:36,875 I hope you have some energy left 313 00:14:36,877 --> 00:14:38,943 for the leader of our family, 314 00:14:38,945 --> 00:14:42,614 the man who always puts family foremost, 315 00:14:42,616 --> 00:14:43,915 Brother Dan. 316 00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:58,096 Good afternoon, family. 317 00:14:58,098 --> 00:15:00,565 Good afternoon, Brother Dan. 318 00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:04,802 And thank you, Brother Terry, for that warm introduction. 319 00:15:11,778 --> 00:15:13,878 Are they stuck? 320 00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:16,381 Um, I think there might be one more F 321 00:15:16,383 --> 00:15:19,617 in Brother Dan's plan. 322 00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:24,555 Today, we are here to celebrate that most perfect union: 323 00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:26,057 the family. 324 00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:28,826 We rejoice in the family. 325 00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:31,896 We live, we love, we lust... 326 00:15:31,898 --> 00:15:34,899 wholesomely, of course, for the family. 327 00:15:34,901 --> 00:15:39,804 And today, our family has found two new daughters. 328 00:15:42,008 --> 00:15:44,742 Girls, why don't you come up on stage? 329 00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:47,946 Oh, you don't want her to get on stage. 330 00:15:47,948 --> 00:15:50,048 In fact, why don't you get that spotlight off us 331 00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:52,450 before she starts to sing again? 332 00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:55,119 Don't be shy. You two girls went up 333 00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:57,455 against today's politically correct mafia. 334 00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:01,159 You stood up to the family destroyers, 335 00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:04,262 with their tan, shirtless torsos 336 00:16:04,264 --> 00:16:07,932 and their free online pornography. 337 00:16:07,934 --> 00:16:11,135 Come on up for a hug. 338 00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:12,804 Come on. 339 00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,241 Just walk past the stairs and keep going. 340 00:16:17,243 --> 00:16:19,143 No money is worth being part of whatever this is. 341 00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:20,511 Let's make a break for it. 342 00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:22,380 And we have a big surprise. 343 00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:26,451 Here's a check made out to Max's Homemade Cupcakes 344 00:16:26,453 --> 00:16:29,821 for $10,000! 345 00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:34,158 Let's make a break for it after we get the check. 346 00:16:45,939 --> 00:16:50,808 Every night this week, I have wept in the arms 347 00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:55,246 of my loving wife, Peggy. 348 00:16:55,248 --> 00:16:58,383 I have wept about the plight of these two girls, 349 00:16:58,385 --> 00:17:02,387 and I am very thankful that we could all pull together 350 00:17:02,389 --> 00:17:05,156 to ease their pain. 351 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:07,425 Thank you. 352 00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:16,601 Max, Caroline, 353 00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:18,870 come closer to me. 354 00:17:18,872 --> 00:17:20,171 Closer? 355 00:17:20,173 --> 00:17:22,306 Does he know we don't have penises? 356 00:17:22,308 --> 00:17:25,743 Come close so I can present you 357 00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:28,046 your giant check. 358 00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:30,214 I just wish I'd brought my giant wallet. 359 00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:32,483 No one has to know we're getting money from them. 360 00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:35,987 Right now, millions of people are watching 361 00:17:35,989 --> 00:17:39,157 as we stream live around the world. 362 00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:41,692 Oh, this is streaming right now? 363 00:17:41,694 --> 00:17:43,161 Max, this is streaming. 364 00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:44,796 I'm streaming a little in my pants 365 00:17:44,798 --> 00:17:46,664 about this check. 366 00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:49,467 Right now, all around the world, 367 00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:52,336 people are seeing what morals look like. 368 00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:57,208 These are the girls who are standing up 369 00:17:57,210 --> 00:18:00,078 against the deviants, the divorces, 370 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:03,881 the scientists, the hop-hop lovers, 371 00:18:03,883 --> 00:18:06,350 and... 372 00:18:06,352 --> 00:18:07,852 the doobie smokers. 373 00:18:07,854 --> 00:18:09,454 Whoa. 374 00:18:09,456 --> 00:18:11,189 I don't like people or science, either, 375 00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:14,525 but ain't nothing wrong with a righteous doob. 376 00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:18,496 We need to show the world that we will not tolerate 377 00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:23,701 these deviants and these degenerates any longer! 378 00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:26,771 I don't want to be associated with these people. 379 00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:30,074 The gays will hate us forever, and when I get an interior, 380 00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:32,677 I want it decorated. 381 00:18:32,679 --> 00:18:35,079 People watching everywhere, 382 00:18:35,081 --> 00:18:40,017 meet the two new faces of family. 383 00:18:42,188 --> 00:18:43,955 You know what we have to do, right? 384 00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:44,989 On the count of three. 385 00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:47,625 One, two... 386 00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:51,462 Look away, Peggy! 387 00:18:52,999 --> 00:18:54,365 Hold me, Terry. 388 00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:59,804 I believe this is yours. 389 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,847 I can't keep up with all these drinks. 390 00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:12,350 I'm running out of tiny umbrellas. 391 00:19:12,352 --> 00:19:16,554 How will you get home if it rains? 392 00:19:16,556 --> 00:19:18,689 Yes, it's I. 393 00:19:18,691 --> 00:19:20,158 Saw your kiss on Instagram, 394 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,326 and I wanted to apologize for the whole mix-up. 395 00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:24,529 I can be a little overly sensitive. 396 00:19:24,531 --> 00:19:27,532 Just ask anyone that works at Lanc�me. 397 00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:29,167 Oh, they know me at Lanc�me. 398 00:19:29,169 --> 00:19:32,069 They call me No More Free Samples. 399 00:19:32,071 --> 00:19:33,271 Listen, I get it. 400 00:19:33,273 --> 00:19:35,606 Nobody wants to be reduced to some label. 401 00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:37,341 You should hate people for other reasons: 402 00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:39,010 because they're gross or mean 403 00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:40,645 or you owe them money. 404 00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:41,746 At the end of the day, 405 00:19:41,748 --> 00:19:43,648 we are all just trying to get by. 406 00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:47,018 Bi? Now, those people I don't trust. 407 00:19:48,221 --> 00:19:50,521 Hi, sorry I'm late for the party, girls, 408 00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:52,890 but I was just outside talking to my new friends, 409 00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:56,160 Lisa Newcar and Ginger Vitis. 410 00:19:56,162 --> 00:19:59,030 We all wear the same shoe size! 411 00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:02,233 Ah, ladies, ladies. 412 00:20:02,235 --> 00:20:05,136 I would love to stay and celebrate, 413 00:20:05,138 --> 00:20:08,039 but I've got a hot date with that fine young thing 414 00:20:08,041 --> 00:20:10,541 at table four. 415 00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:12,076 Good for you, Earl. 416 00:20:12,078 --> 00:20:16,013 But I don't know if that's exactly a woman. 417 00:20:16,015 --> 00:20:18,115 Ladies, I'm almost 80. 418 00:20:18,117 --> 00:20:21,285 I don't know that that's exactly a problem. 419 00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:24,889 A few of the girls and I took up a collection 420 00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:27,525 for shutting your business down the last couple days, 421 00:20:27,527 --> 00:20:29,126 so here. 422 00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:34,432 Cher, you got me a present? 423 00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:37,835 I've waited for this my whole life. 424 00:20:37,837 --> 00:20:41,806 You know my name is Chad, right? 425 00:20:41,808 --> 00:20:44,408 So snap out of it! 426 00:20:44,458 --> 00:20:49,008 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 30421

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