Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:04,253
Max, thanks for agreeing
to get in the spirit
2
00:00:04,421 --> 00:00:05,961
and do holiday cupcakes.
3
00:00:06,048 --> 00:00:08,298
So much better than last year
when you go so drunk
4
00:00:08,426 --> 00:00:10,176
you turned
the 12 days of Christmas
5
00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:12,180
into the 12 steps of Christmas.
6
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:15,176
Yeah, well, I finally gave in.
7
00:00:15,307 --> 00:00:16,927
Christmas is like herpes.
8
00:00:17,059 --> 00:00:20,059
No matter what you do,
it's gonna flare up once a year.
9
00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:24,067
Aw, you made
a Feliz Navidad cupcake.
10
00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:25,939
I'm muy proud of you.
11
00:00:26,234 --> 00:00:28,614
And I think we're gonna make
muy mucho moola
12
00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:30,906
when Manuel comes mañana.
13
00:00:31,699 --> 00:00:35,829
You're the only person
I know who seems whiter speaking Spanish.
14
00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:40,174
"Feliz Navidad" for our
Spanish speaking friends.
15
00:00:40,249 --> 00:00:44,209
And for kids raised like me,
"Feliz He's-not-your-dad."
16
00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:49,553
And then, "Joy To The World"
for the normals,
17
00:00:49,674 --> 00:00:52,434
and for the hipsters,
"Joint To The World."
18
00:00:53,429 --> 00:00:55,849
For the kids,
"Frosty The Snowman."
19
00:00:56,347 --> 00:00:59,437
And for you,
"Frosty With No Man."
20
00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:04,650
Well, I didn't see Jack Frost
nipping at your nips either.
21
00:01:06,150 --> 00:01:08,190
Here, this one's my favorite.
22
00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:09,359
"Santa Claus Is Coming"--
23
00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:11,034
Max, stop right there.
24
00:01:12,198 --> 00:01:13,618
No, that was it.
He's coming.
25
00:01:14,909 --> 00:01:17,079
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)
26
00:01:17,161 --> 00:01:18,451
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)
27
00:01:26,337 --> 00:01:29,127
-Earl, change please.
-"Earl, change please."
28
00:01:29,715 --> 00:01:32,215
A phrase I heard
from both my ex-wives.
29
00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:38,274
Wow! You have more Christmas cards
than Oscar Pistorius had excuses.
30
00:01:39,265 --> 00:01:42,345
What can I say, Max?
I spread a lot of goodwill.
31
00:01:42,478 --> 00:01:44,348
It's also
where I get all of my shirts.
32
00:01:47,106 --> 00:01:49,476
Here you go.
Have a nice holiday.
33
00:01:51,027 --> 00:01:53,697
My two kids love
this time of year.
34
00:01:57,158 --> 00:02:00,198
And next Christmas,
there will be three.
35
00:02:04,123 --> 00:02:05,673
It's a boy.
36
00:02:06,584 --> 00:02:07,804
My husband was so happy
37
00:02:07,878 --> 00:02:09,748
when I called him
in Afghanistan.
38
00:02:15,718 --> 00:02:17,468
Man, this time of year,
39
00:02:17,555 --> 00:02:19,715
people are easier
than a fat girl in a tube top.
40
00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:22,055
Great.
We can use this money
41
00:02:22,141 --> 00:02:23,891
to order more
of our cupcake T-shirts.
42
00:02:23,978 --> 00:02:26,518
No, we are using that
to buy people Christmas gifts.
43
00:02:26,604 --> 00:02:28,824
I was really looking forward
to giving someone something
44
00:02:28,983 --> 00:02:31,443
that wouldn't require
the follow-up penicillin shot.
45
00:02:33,069 --> 00:02:36,029
We need more shirts.
These are really selling.
46
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,526
The guy at table four said
it's the perfect gift for a girl
47
00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:41,118
you're not in love with,
just strictly banging.
48
00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:44,748
He bought three.
49
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:47,591
Well, I happen to know
for a fact
50
00:02:47,710 --> 00:02:49,630
that everyone here's
getting us stuff.
51
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:51,495
Han came in
with a small package today
52
00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:53,721
and also he was
carrying a gift bag.
53
00:02:56,218 --> 00:02:57,758
We'll find some money
for the gifts.
54
00:02:57,887 --> 00:02:59,757
People aren't expecting
anything big.
55
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,057
Happy holidays.
56
00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:05,022
People just got the nothing big
they were expecting.
57
00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:07,308
Gather, please.
58
00:03:07,395 --> 00:03:10,395
I have a very special gift
for all my diner employees.
59
00:03:10,481 --> 00:03:11,441
Health insurance?
60
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:14,775
Come on, it's Christmas time,
not crazy time.
61
00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:19,324
It's art. It's a one
of a kind silk screen.
62
00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:20,986
I did it by hand.
63
00:03:21,911 --> 00:03:24,201
I figured that's how
you always have to do it.
64
00:03:29,168 --> 00:03:32,668
Han, it's the diner.
This is amazing.
65
00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:33,924
Open the door.
66
00:03:34,006 --> 00:03:36,466
I put something behind it
that reminds me of each of you.
67
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:37,930
Mine has Sophie.
68
00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:39,799
Mine has a saxophone.
69
00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:41,467
Mine has a cupcake.
70
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,055
Mine has a chainsaw.
71
00:03:45,935 --> 00:03:47,515
(IMITATES CHAINSAW)
72
00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:53,401
Hey, everybody.
73
00:03:57,195 --> 00:04:01,735
Holiday shopping tip.
Fill a Starbucks cup with vodka.
74
00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:05,446
Also good for waitressing.
75
00:04:07,122 --> 00:04:08,672
Sophie, were you
Christmas shopping?
76
00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:10,923
SOPHIE:
You know I was.
77
00:04:11,794 --> 00:04:13,344
Power strips.
78
00:04:14,295 --> 00:04:17,165
Oh, good.
You got surge protectors.
79
00:04:18,050 --> 00:04:21,970
Wow! That's the first time protection's
ever been used in your apartment.
80
00:04:23,514 --> 00:04:27,064
Well, my Christmas village
needs 75,000 watts.
81
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:30,350
And that's just to work
my candy cane helicopter.
82
00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:32,686
Sophie's been so busy
83
00:04:32,855 --> 00:04:35,525
with the Polish Society
Decorating Contest.
84
00:04:35,651 --> 00:04:37,491
We haven't had sex in days.
85
00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:41,949
Well, I got to beat my nemesis,
Felka Bobenski.
86
00:04:42,074 --> 00:04:43,494
She wins every year.
87
00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:46,908
She's like the Modern Family
of Christmas decorations.
88
00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:50,039
You know who's having
a blue Christmas this year?
89
00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:52,294
My balls.
90
00:04:58,048 --> 00:05:00,218
I love this city
at the holidays.
91
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:03,010
Yeah, the urine's all frozen
so you can't really smell it.
92
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:07,057
Manhattan is the best place
to buy quality Christmas gifts.
93
00:05:07,141 --> 00:05:08,181
We have $40.
94
00:05:08,391 --> 00:05:10,851
Now, where are those duffel bags
full of stolen electronics
95
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:13,478
sold for half the price
by Nairobi refugees?
96
00:05:13,564 --> 00:05:14,814
Well, we better find them soon
97
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:16,651
or I'm gonna give up
and go to Radio Shack
98
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,687
like everyone else
who goes to Radio Shack.
99
00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:22,488
Oh, my God, Max.
My childhood bank.
100
00:05:23,449 --> 00:05:26,489
You had a childhood bank?
I didn't even have a childhood.
101
00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:28,701
Come on, let's go.
102
00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:29,870
I stop in every few months
103
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:31,367
to get caught
on the security cameras,
104
00:05:31,497 --> 00:05:33,127
so people will think
I'm still in the mix.
105
00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:35,959
Trying to get caught
on security cameras?
106
00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:37,497
Whoa! We are different.
107
00:05:38,755 --> 00:05:41,425
Yeah, we'll just go in
and while we're in here,
108
00:05:41,550 --> 00:05:43,430
well, I don't know,
ask for a business loan.
109
00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:47,846
We are not getting
a business loan.
110
00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:49,733
You tricked me
into coming to the city.
111
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:50,980
At least knock me out
112
00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:52,890
and put me in the trunk
like a person.
113
00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:55,898
Okay, I hear you.
No loan.
114
00:05:56,230 --> 00:05:57,320
But can we at least go in there
115
00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:59,109
so I can get a hit off
some vault fumes
116
00:05:59,233 --> 00:06:00,743
and a complimentary
Christmas cocoa?
117
00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:02,988
Yeah, I want one too.
118
00:06:03,072 --> 00:06:06,372
It's so cold out here my bra
is suing my nipples for assault.
119
00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:11,035
I'd say we ask for $15,000.
120
00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:15,131
So close I almost smelled 100.
121
00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:16,669
What is with you?
122
00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:19,593
If I wanted you to keep lying
to me, I'd date you.
123
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,668
Max, we need more capital
124
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,220
so we can buy
our shirts in bulk,
125
00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:25,970
and then,
if we work even harder,
126
00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:27,392
we can double our profit.
127
00:06:27,471 --> 00:06:30,221
Okay, we won't pass
even the credit check.
128
00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:31,848
According to my
Social Security number,
129
00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:34,435
I died in a boat explosion
years ago.
130
00:06:35,853 --> 00:06:37,613
This is the time to apply.
131
00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:39,359
Bankers have more guilt
at Christmas time
132
00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:40,983
because of
It's A Wonderful Life.
133
00:06:41,110 --> 00:06:42,780
And also because they're Jewish.
134
00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:44,950
I'm the one
with the business degree
135
00:06:45,029 --> 00:06:46,449
and you have to
trust me on this.
136
00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:48,201
You know what?
You're right.
137
00:06:48,367 --> 00:06:50,697
You're the business genius.
What do I know?
138
00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:52,997
-Let's go get that loan.
-Thank you.
139
00:06:57,793 --> 00:07:00,093
Yeah, I should have known
that was too good to be true.
140
00:07:03,214 --> 00:07:04,804
Max, come on.
141
00:07:04,882 --> 00:07:06,302
The bank's there.
Our shirt's in here.
142
00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:08,798
Let's just go in, show them
and apply for that loan.
143
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:11,308
-Please. Please. Please.
-No. No. No.
144
00:07:12,516 --> 00:07:13,556
And that right there
145
00:07:13,684 --> 00:07:17,444
was a little something called
us asking for a bank loan.
146
00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:19,192
-Now let's go.
-I'm not leaving here
147
00:07:19,355 --> 00:07:21,815
until you tell me
what the underlying issue is.
148
00:07:21,899 --> 00:07:23,739
I'm not in love
with you anymore.
149
00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:26,403
Max, be serious.
150
00:07:26,572 --> 00:07:28,412
This whole T-shirt
was your idea.
151
00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:30,411
-What's the real problem?
-That's the problem.
152
00:07:30,576 --> 00:07:31,946
Those shirts were my idea
153
00:07:32,076 --> 00:07:35,116
and nothing that comes from me
is worth $15,000.
154
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,622
Aside from that baby I sold
on E-baby.
155
00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:41,589
Max, I know these T-shirts
are a money-maker.
156
00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:43,750
I have a money-maker
and that's not it.
157
00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:46,465
I can prove it.
158
00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:48,631
Look, this is Rodney,
159
00:07:48,759 --> 00:07:51,309
my childhood
over-priced clothing store.
160
00:07:51,387 --> 00:07:54,847
If I had known we were going
on the childhood tour today,
161
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,345
I would have worn
more comfortable shoes
162
00:07:56,475 --> 00:07:57,765
and stayed home.
163
00:07:58,394 --> 00:08:02,484
See the shirt on the mannequin?
At least $200.
164
00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,025
And there's no reason
we can't sell ours
165
00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:06,941
for just as much.
I'll show you. Follow me.
166
00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:11,068
Okay, I will. But not on Instagram
because you're out of control.
167
00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:15,786
This place is fancy
168
00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:18,120
and I've been to the
new Port Authority in Newark.
169
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,459
Just trust me, okay?
170
00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:23,174
You need to jump
on those Wang pumps
171
00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:26,165
or like Ben Affleck,
they will be "Gone Girl."
172
00:08:27,382 --> 00:08:29,972
Let me do the talking.
I speak his language.
173
00:08:30,052 --> 00:08:32,262
And what language is that?
Portu-gays?
174
00:08:33,931 --> 00:08:36,481
Hello, ladies.
Welcome to Rodney.
175
00:08:36,557 --> 00:08:37,807
I'm Barry.
176
00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:40,024
Doing a little holiday shopping?
177
00:08:40,312 --> 00:08:41,902
We're not allowed
to say Christmas.
178
00:08:42,648 --> 00:08:45,728
As a matter of fact, we're doing
a little holiday selling.
179
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:48,027
-Oh, you're selling.
-Yeah.
180
00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:50,395
Got it. Molly? Coke?
181
00:08:51,155 --> 00:08:52,485
BARRY:
Not that I'm interested.
182
00:08:52,573 --> 00:08:54,663
I've been clean
since Fire Island 2010.
183
00:08:55,159 --> 00:08:56,619
And 2012.
184
00:08:57,870 --> 00:09:00,870
It must be hard to not be high
and be you.
185
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,205
Because it's hard for me
186
00:09:04,336 --> 00:09:06,456
to just be near you
and not be high.
187
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:10,340
Yeah, you get it, girl.
188
00:09:10,424 --> 00:09:12,644
Actually, we wanted to see
if you'd be interested
189
00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:15,300
in selling one of our fabulous
graphic T-shirts.
190
00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:19,889
No, no, no.
All sorts of no, okay?
191
00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:22,938
As much as I love a fez,
a caftan and a teenage boy,
192
00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:24,522
this isn't Morocco.
193
00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:28,861
That's a really long
and boring version of "no."
194
00:09:29,735 --> 00:09:32,275
It's like you just did "no."
The One Woman Show.
195
00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:35,948
-Here's our T-shirt--
-Look.
196
00:09:36,118 --> 00:09:39,198
I'll tell you two what I said
to a young Marc Jacobs.
197
00:09:39,538 --> 00:09:41,498
Stop offering, I'm off the junk.
198
00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:44,327
Merry Holiday.
199
00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:46,673
I'll show Mary a holiday.
200
00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:49,514
Our shirts are just
as good as these.
201
00:09:49,588 --> 00:09:51,218
He just needs to see it.
202
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:55,800
Here, hold this.
203
00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:58,431
What are you?
American Psycho?
204
00:09:58,974 --> 00:10:00,184
As soon as someone says no
to you,
205
00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:02,438
you start dismembering women.
206
00:10:03,687 --> 00:10:05,017
I can't get her shirt off.
207
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:06,265
Tell her she can spend the night
208
00:10:06,398 --> 00:10:08,018
and you'll buy her a waffle
in the morning.
209
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:10,685
Okay, hand me our shirt.
210
00:10:11,068 --> 00:10:13,148
I think this is gonna be big
for us.
211
00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:15,818
You also think
Michael Bublé rocks.
212
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:20,083
I have to hurry. Barry is coming.
Barry is coming.
213
00:10:20,162 --> 00:10:22,002
I'm guessing mostly
with strangers.
214
00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:25,632
Seriously?
215
00:10:27,418 --> 00:10:28,498
Seriously?
216
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:32,796
Ser-i-ous-ly?
217
00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:35,972
So cute.
218
00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:38,432
And look on the back,
"Cream Filled."
219
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:42,386
Funny. People will think
I have a personality.
220
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:46,016
Barry, put this
with my other stuff. How much?
221
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:47,560
Three hundred.
222
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,977
Forget the sober story.
That guy is high.
223
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:52,357
I'll take ten.
224
00:10:52,443 --> 00:10:53,863
They'll make great
Hanukkah gifts
225
00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:56,238
for my friends
who don't hate their arms.
226
00:10:57,698 --> 00:11:00,408
All our shirts just got bought
by a rich dead lady.
227
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:03,830
I'll need 30 more by Friday.
228
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,341
Yes, I'm still holding.
229
00:11:10,419 --> 00:11:12,709
I need to place
a rush T-shirt order.
230
00:11:12,798 --> 00:11:14,508
No, no, no.
Don't put me on hold again.
231
00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:17,891
I've been through seven rounds
of Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer.
232
00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:21,011
And she just got run over again.
233
00:11:22,139 --> 00:11:24,679
Now that we have all this crazy
gay T-shirt money,
234
00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:27,563
I think we should up the prices
on these gifts.
235
00:11:27,895 --> 00:11:29,685
So we agree,
we're getting Earl a car.
236
00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:32,225
Sophie is getting
the country house
237
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:33,820
with the lake
she's always wanted.
238
00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:37,237
Max, Rodney is selling
our shirts for $300,
239
00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:39,162
but we only get $25 of that.
240
00:11:39,448 --> 00:11:43,248
And you can't buy a house
for $750. It's not Detroit.
241
00:11:46,038 --> 00:11:48,328
Yes, hi, hi, hi.
Finally a person.
242
00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:50,630
I need 50 T-shirts by Friday.
243
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:54,341
But your business card says
you guarantee next-day delivery.
244
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:57,795
Oh, you can't guarantee
that guarantee?
245
00:11:58,592 --> 00:11:59,892
Okay. Now, Oleg.
246
00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:02,300
What do you get a man
who has nothing,
247
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:03,599
but shows you everything?
248
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:06,600
What do you mean
"Is there anything else
249
00:12:06,684 --> 00:12:09,064
you can help me with?"
When did you help me at all?
250
00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:13,360
And I'm beginning to think
if Grandma works for you,
251
00:12:13,442 --> 00:12:14,862
she didn't get run over
by that reindeer,
252
00:12:14,942 --> 00:12:16,992
she threw herself
under a sleigh.
253
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:21,657
So, Sophie's getting a Snapple.
254
00:12:22,868 --> 00:12:24,328
Like last year.
255
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:27,331
Max, we can't give up.
We can do them ourselves.
256
00:12:27,621 --> 00:12:29,751
We just need someone else
to do them.
257
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:31,785
Come on, let's go.
258
00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:33,376
There are customers
who have been here
259
00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:35,251
since Robin Thicke was relevant.
260
00:12:36,213 --> 00:12:37,513
Wait a minute, Han.
261
00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:39,551
You silk-screened
all those beautiful cards.
262
00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:41,466
You have an artistic side.
263
00:12:41,552 --> 00:12:44,392
Yeah, but no backside.
And a front side
264
00:12:44,514 --> 00:12:46,434
that shouldn't
be allowed outside.
265
00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:49,523
(IMITATES CHAINSAW)
266
00:12:55,192 --> 00:12:56,782
Why is this taking so long?
267
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:58,530
You did
all those Christmas cards.
268
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,821
Aren't small creatures
supposed to be fast?
269
00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:03,197
Truth be told,
270
00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:05,025
those were supposed
to be ready last year.
271
00:13:05,159 --> 00:13:07,949
But, what was the rush?
You two weren't going anywhere.
272
00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:12,331
Han, just a simple
"yes" or "no." No judgment.
273
00:13:12,417 --> 00:13:14,457
Have you had sex
with this machine?
274
00:13:15,629 --> 00:13:17,589
The only thing worse
than you two working for me
275
00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:20,842
is me working for you.
You haven't even given me water.
276
00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:24,099
Water is for closers.
277
00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:28,271
By closers, I mean people
who actually make clothes.
278
00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:29,980
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
279
00:13:30,393 --> 00:13:31,603
Who's that?
280
00:13:31,727 --> 00:13:34,727
Han, did you call
Child Protective Service on us?
281
00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:38,817
Because those bruises
could be from anyone.
282
00:13:39,735 --> 00:13:42,235
Han, you've only made one shirt
in two hours.
283
00:13:42,739 --> 00:13:44,159
And it's a masterpiece.
284
00:13:44,282 --> 00:13:47,542
Do you want one Citizen Kane
or 30 Here Comes the Booms?
285
00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:51,707
Guys, I need your help.
286
00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:54,499
Sophie's right behind me
and needs some cheering up.
287
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,038
I haven't seen her
this depressed
288
00:13:56,211 --> 00:13:58,881
since she woke up mid-coitus
last night.
289
00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:06,506
Hi. Hi, girls.
Merry Christmas.
290
00:14:07,054 --> 00:14:08,514
Quick question:
291
00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:12,769
If I were to turn on that oven and close
all the windows, would I die?
292
00:14:13,562 --> 00:14:16,112
Nope. Otherwise
I wouldn't be standing here
293
00:14:16,273 --> 00:14:18,653
next to Kim Jong-Only-Done-One.
294
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:21,359
Sophie, what's the problem?
295
00:14:21,485 --> 00:14:22,945
Tell Han
while he gets back to work.
296
00:14:23,071 --> 00:14:24,361
And Han, pick up the pace
297
00:14:24,489 --> 00:14:26,529
or I'm gonna start
the pinching again.
298
00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:31,201
I'm gonna lose the
Christmas decorating contest.
299
00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:34,580
Oh, I have nothing to live for.
300
00:14:35,082 --> 00:14:39,462
Oh, Caroline, this is probably
how you feel every day.
301
00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:44,383
Sophie's competition made a
live-action North Pole workshop
302
00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:45,839
in front of her house.
303
00:14:46,595 --> 00:14:49,965
Well, all I got upstairs
is a light-up nativity
304
00:14:50,097 --> 00:14:53,887
and $25,000 worth
of Target Christmas decorations.
305
00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:57,364
She blew five fuses last night.
306
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,770
I never thought
I'd be jealous of a fuse.
307
00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:03,897
Sophie, we really can't get
into this now.
308
00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:05,778
We are way behind
with these T-shirts.
309
00:15:05,864 --> 00:15:08,584
And these T-shirts
are a once in a lifetime chance
310
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,330
for us to go to a new place
with our business.
311
00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:13,962
Yeah, I hear you, girls.
312
00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,041
I mean,
what am I doing here sitting
313
00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:18,214
worrying about
some silly contest?
314
00:15:18,335 --> 00:15:19,875
It's Christmas.
315
00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:21,301
Come on everybody.
316
00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:23,422
We should all be helping
the girls.
317
00:15:23,505 --> 00:15:26,295
Really?
That would be so amazing.
318
00:15:26,384 --> 00:15:27,474
Sure.
319
00:15:27,552 --> 00:15:29,432
And you wouldn't even have
to pay me back
320
00:15:29,511 --> 00:15:31,851
by letting me use your barn
and your horse tomorrow night
321
00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:33,222
for a live nativity scene,
322
00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:34,640
which you would all
have to be in.
323
00:15:34,725 --> 00:15:36,385
Or something like that.
324
00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:41,362
I think we just had
a seasonal shake-down.
325
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:50,834
Han's doing the last one.
We're gonna make it.
326
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:53,620
I can't believe you're in such
a good mood with that beard.
327
00:15:53,745 --> 00:15:55,575
Last week when you found
those two chin hairs,
328
00:15:55,705 --> 00:15:57,155
you weren't so chipper.
329
00:15:57,248 --> 00:15:59,918
I'm just so happy
I have new clothes.
330
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,590
Okay, final shirt.
331
00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:03,711
Then I get you two
out of my angel hair.
332
00:16:04,422 --> 00:16:06,222
Han, you know,
if it weren't for you,
333
00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:07,838
we would have
never gotten this done.
334
00:16:07,966 --> 00:16:10,926
-You really are a little angel.
-Yeah, you are.
335
00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:13,473
But I'm still surprised
you weren't cast as the baby.
336
00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:16,677
Oh, I was asked,
but I declined.
337
00:16:16,850 --> 00:16:18,980
I spent ten years
getting out of diapers.
338
00:16:19,104 --> 00:16:20,734
I'm not getting back in.
339
00:16:22,941 --> 00:16:27,111
Han, for your Christmas gift,
I'll pretend I never heard that.
340
00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:31,566
Places everybody.
The judges are coming.
341
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:33,490
I'm ready. Joseph's ready.
342
00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:36,076
Cabbage Patch Christ is ready.
Come on.
343
00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:39,366
What's with the cleavage?
344
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:42,919
I know. She's like
the Not-So-Virgin Mary.
345
00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:48,883
Angel, Shepherd,
Lady with the beard,
346
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,088
come on, get in the stable.
347
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:54,257
"Stable"? The way we look
it should be an unstable.
348
00:16:55,764 --> 00:16:58,184
Everybody ready?
I'm going to open the barn door.
349
00:16:58,308 --> 00:17:00,638
Yeah, I think your barn door's
already a little open.
350
00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:05,650
Okay now, who am I again?
Voltron?
351
00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:08,864
I'm not gonna lie.
One of the wise men
352
00:17:08,987 --> 00:17:11,907
might have smoked
some myrrh-ijuana.
353
00:17:12,906 --> 00:17:15,366
That was a very nice
Christmas gift, Max.
354
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:16,621
Thanks, Earl.
355
00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:19,254
By the way, Sophie, the barn
and us dressed like idiots?
356
00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:20,832
That's your Christmas gift.
357
00:17:21,458 --> 00:17:24,208
And hey, bang Oleg later.
Oleg, that's your gift.
358
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:26,417
How did you know?
359
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:27,836
Before they come in,
360
00:17:27,963 --> 00:17:29,843
let's just take a moment
to look around
361
00:17:29,965 --> 00:17:32,625
and really let in
the true spirit of Christmas.
362
00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:35,385
I don't remember
writing you a monologue.
363
00:17:35,512 --> 00:17:38,682
Shut up!
Get your ass over by the horse!
364
00:17:38,767 --> 00:17:41,097
Come on, Han.
Hit the music.
365
00:17:42,436 --> 00:17:43,346
(JINGLES BELLS PLAYS)
366
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:45,980
All right, everybody, look holy.
367
00:17:46,648 --> 00:17:48,108
Best I can do is my underwear.
368
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,662
Oh, crap.
369
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:03,958
That's right, Felka.
370
00:18:04,209 --> 00:18:06,459
I'm the freaking mother of God.
371
00:18:10,714 --> 00:18:14,594
We won.
I'm so happy we won.
372
00:18:14,803 --> 00:18:17,813
We won. We won.
373
00:18:17,888 --> 00:18:20,218
Okay, show's over.
374
00:18:21,142 --> 00:18:23,102
Dump the kid, I'll be upstairs.
375
00:18:23,644 --> 00:18:26,194
Max, take care
of Cabbage Patch Christ.
376
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:30,781
Here, Han.
You got a buddy your own size.
377
00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:38,490
Thank you so much, Barry.
378
00:18:38,576 --> 00:18:40,446
And remember,
I want 50 more shirts
379
00:18:40,577 --> 00:18:43,287
after the first of the year
when I'm back from rehab.
380
00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:47,383
Because ladies, I am planning
a very white Christmas.
381
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:49,921
Max, this is amazing.
382
00:18:50,003 --> 00:18:51,263
Do you know what just happened
in there?
383
00:18:51,381 --> 00:18:55,471
Yeah, I stole some dope-ass
fingerless gloves.
384
00:18:56,051 --> 00:18:58,851
We're in business with them now.
You have to bring those back.
385
00:18:58,930 --> 00:19:00,850
-I got them for you.
-Okay.
386
00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:04,064
This is like
a Christmas miracle.
387
00:19:04,184 --> 00:19:05,234
Our shirts are being sold
388
00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:07,693
in the most exclusive
bitchy boutique in Manhattan
389
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:10,154
and they want more, lots more.
390
00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:11,572
Hey, let's go
into your childhood bank.
391
00:19:11,733 --> 00:19:13,403
I need to take an adult pee.
392
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:14,946
Okay, but this isn't home,
393
00:19:15,028 --> 00:19:17,318
so remember, put the seat down
when you're done.
394
00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:19,776
And while we're in there,
we can apply for that loan.
395
00:19:22,202 --> 00:19:24,622
No, no, no. We can't.
Now I'm afraid.
396
00:19:24,705 --> 00:19:26,415
Come on,
what's the real issue here?
397
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,669
We just had
this amazing success
398
00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:30,500
and it looks like things
are going our way.
399
00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:32,456
And if we go in there,
it could all be ruined.
400
00:19:32,547 --> 00:19:34,627
You know what would ruin
our lives even more?
401
00:19:34,757 --> 00:19:36,047
If we don't get that loan
402
00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:38,684
and have to spend hours with Han
standing under us
403
00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:40,562
trying to finish those shirts.
404
00:19:40,637 --> 00:19:43,097
Well, that's a real Nightmare
Before Christmas. Let's go.
405
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:45,062
Good, cause I'm starting
to pee a little.
406
00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:53,900
He gave us a loan.
407
00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:56,487
Is everyone who works
on the street high?
408
00:19:57,822 --> 00:20:00,242
I can't believe it.
It didn't go bad.
409
00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:02,235
I'm getting everything I want.
410
00:20:02,785 --> 00:20:04,115
Walk on the outside
of the sidewalk.
411
00:20:04,202 --> 00:20:05,452
I'm gonna get hit by a bus.
412
00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:07,328
I mean,
how could he give us a loan?
413
00:20:07,457 --> 00:20:09,457
I didn't even have
to flash my boobs.
414
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,170
Then why did you do it?
415
00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:14,008
I don't know.
They were making it rain.
416
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:15,710
I felt obliged.
417
00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:18,263
-Max, do you have a dollar?
-I don't know.
418
00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:20,394
Do you have change for $10,000?
419
00:20:21,386 --> 00:20:23,386
-Yeah, here. For what?
-For those less fortunate.
420
00:20:23,513 --> 00:20:25,273
Anne Hathaway's here?
421
00:20:30,188 --> 00:20:32,688
Oh, my God. Look. Look.
422
00:20:33,231 --> 00:20:35,191
Whoa! No way. No way.
423
00:20:35,777 --> 00:20:37,647
Max, I have chills.
424
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:39,570
Well, it is snowing
425
00:20:39,697 --> 00:20:41,617
and there's no fingers
on those gloves.
426
00:20:41,699 --> 00:20:42,909
I love these.
427
00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:44,656
I'm sorry
I didn't get you anything.
428
00:20:44,786 --> 00:20:46,286
I'm just not a thief.
429
00:20:46,412 --> 00:20:48,502
What do you mean
you didn't get me anything?
430
00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:50,580
You got me everything.
Look.
431
00:20:56,005 --> 00:21:00,175
(JINGLE BELLS CONTINUES)
432
00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:13,559
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)
433
00:21:29,163 --> 00:21:31,713
(English US - SDH)
434
00:21:31,763 --> 00:21:36,313
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
32901
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.