Original subtitles

♪ Love ♪

♪ Exciting and new ♪

♪ Come aboard ♪

♪ We're expecting you ♪

♪ And love ♪

♪ Life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ Let it flow ♪

♪ It floats back to you ♪

♪ The Love Boat ♪

♪ Soon will be making Another run ♪

♪ The Love Boat ♪

♪ Promises something For everyone ♪

♪ Set a course for adventure ♪

♪ Your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ And love ♪

♪ Won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ It's an open smile ♪

♪ On a friendly shore ♪

♪ It's love ♪

♪ Welcome aboard It's love ♪

Wait'll you see her, guys.

She makes Raquel Welch look like Don Knotts.

To you, every woman looks great.

Well, no matter what she looks like,

I gotta hand it to you,

getting the company to hire a ship's nurse.

There was nothin' to it.

I just told the captain that sometimes women passengers

can warm up to a nurse easier than a doctor.

And sometimes a doctor can warm up better to a nurse.

Especially when the nurse was once

a Las Vegas showgirl. Hm.

Oh, you should've seen her, Isaac.

When Dawn Delaney stood on-stage,

you could hear the heavy breathing,

and that was just the orchestra.

Good morning, gentlemen.

Hi. Good morning, sir.

All set to head for the bounding main?

Oh, there it is again.

Captain, it appears you've got yourself a case of the hiccups.

Oh, thank you, doctor.

There's nothing like an instant...

diagnosis.

Just hold your breath awhile.

They'll go away.

Hold my breath.

Mm-hm. Four years as a med student,

one year as an intern,

three years as a resident,

and you tell me to hold my breath.

No wonder you need a nurse.

And if you don't need her,

I can always use her.

Doc.

Dawn.

Oh. Oh, gosh, oh.

It's so nice to see you again.

I can't believe it.

Dawn Delaney in the flesh.

Uh-uh. I used to be in the flesh.

Now I'm in a nurse's uniform.

These are my good buddies, Gopher and Isaac.

Fellas... this is Dawn.

Hi. Hi.

I used to think that sunsets were perfect,

but Dawn is something else.

Aw, it's a pleasure to meet you both.

Any friend of Doc's is a friend of mine.

Promise? Easy.

Come on, I better show you the office

and get you squared away. Okay.

Adam, you were so sweet to recommend me for this job.

How can I ever repay you?

Don't worry. He'll think of something.

Oh, Bruce, this is gonna be a lot of fun.

I'd rather have root canal.

Oh...

You can't miss. You've got your choice

of a couple of hundred beautiful girls.

Well, Dad, I'll try to squeeze in a couple of girls,

but it's certainly gonna cut into my shuffleboard.

Hello,

I'm Julie McCoy, your cruise director.

Hello, Julie. Hi, we're the Morrisons.

Mr. and Mrs., and our, uh, available son, Bruce.

Well, hello. Welcome aboard.

I'm sure you'll have a wonderful cruise.

Especially you, Bruce.

I just checked in some very attractive single ladies.

Oh, well, thank you very much.

But I already have an attractive single lady.

I'm sorry. Heh.

Bruce, now you promised

you'd forget about Ginger while you're here.

Right.

Give me a list of all the single girls,

18 to 21, with their vital statistics.

Oh, well, I could make it easier for you

and just have the captain make a general announcement

from the bridge: "Bruce is available."

Perfect.

Let's see, you're in Cabins 342

and 344 on the Promenade Deck.

Right up the stairs and to your right.

Bye-bye. Thanks.

Bye-bye.

Good day, I'm Gopher Smith,

and I'm your friendly, neighborhood assistant purser.

Hello, I'm Diana Lane.

Diana?

Wasn't there a goddess by that name?

Ah.

Ahem. Okay, Diana,

you're in Fiesta Cabin 135.

And I want you to know

that I'll do everything within my power...

And I'm not without power.

To make your stay on board pleasurable,

memorable and exciting.

Are you like this with all the passengers?

Oh, mercy no.

Just the goddesses.

Thank you.

But I'm spoken for.

Boy back home, hm? Mm-hm.

Well, I suggest he seek professional help,

have his head examined.

Because he's crazy to let somebody like you

out of his sight.

And it just so happens,

I'm going in the direction of Fiesta 135.

I'll just take you along, it's part of my duty.

Here's our gift shop.

Dan?

Dan. Merrill.

You look fantastic.

I'm sorry, hiccups.

You look shipshape yourself, pal.

Yeah, well, it must be the uniform.

Oh, you're a handsome dog, you.

I'd like you to meet Laura Wakefield, my fiancée.

And I've told her nothing but bad about you.

That's not true, captain.

Merrill. And congratulations.

Well, no wonder you're looking so well.

So when's the big day?

As soon as you get over the hiccups.

I'd like you to be best man, Merrill.

Well, I'd be honored.

This is sort of a combination wedding and honeymoon.

We've arranged for a justice of the peace

to marry us in Cabo San Lucas.

Well, I can't think of a more...

beautiful place to get married.

Or to a more beautiful gal.

Right.

Now, look, I want you to bring me up to date.

Uh, tell me what's new besides my hiccups

and your engagement since I saw you last.

What can I tell you? I'm... Listen,

you two go ahead and reminisce,

and I'm gonna go to the gift shop.

All right, babe.

She's beautiful.

Excuse me.

My pleasure.

Oh, since we bumped into each other,

my name's Gary Foster.

Hi. Laura Wakefield.

Miss or Mrs.?

Well, it's Miss

until we get to Cabo San Lucas, and then Mrs.

I always get into trouble

with ladies with your first name.

Laura?

No, Mrs.

Excuse me.

Well, I'd better get back to work

unless you wanna spend the next three days in port.

Heh-heh-heh. I'll see you, Dan.

Right, Merrill. Nice seeing you. Bye-bye.

Dan?

Why don't we go check out our cabin

and then go throw confetti on those poor souls

who aren't sailing with us?

I'll tell you what.

Why don't we go down to the cabin

and I'll take this body

and throw it in a bed and take a nap?

Well, that sounds like a better idea.

You could probably use some rest.

Hey, no, your idea's better than...

I can always take a nap.

How often do you get a chance to throw confetti at strangers?

Listen to your father, dear.

Fathers usually know best.

I think it's working.

Of course it's working.

Bruce is having so much fun,

he hasn't had time to think of Ginger.

Well, I just want him to learn

that there are a lot more fish in the sea.

And you don't marry the first girl you fall for.

Oh, dear.

Hi.

Hello. I'm Harry Morrison.

This is my child bride, Phyllis.

Nice to meet you.

You too. I'm Diana Lane.

Hello, Diana.

Well, are you, uh, traveling alone?

Yes, I am.

Are you single?

Well... HARRY: Ahem, pushy.

Actually, I'm hoping to get married.

I'm going with someone right now.

What is this, an epidemic? I don't get it.

Why do you kids wanna tie yourselves down at your age?

I'm 21.

Isn't that a coincidence?

Our son Bruce is 22.

Some coincidence.

Tall and very good-looking.

Pushy.

Listen up.

Hello, everybody. Guess what?

Gopher and I just found out that there are a lot

of people in here who don't know each other.

And we figured out a way for everybody to meet.

Right you are, Julie.

Rather than make formal introductions,

we're gonna give all of you the opportunity to make

some informal introductions.

Right, Julie? Right, Gopher.

Okay, if you'd like to help us out,

all you have to do to join in

is we'd like the ladies to take off a shoe

and put it in the basket. That's for starters.

I know it sounds crazy,

but who says you have to be sane to work on a cruise ship?

Whoo. Remember, gals, just shoes.

No feet. Thank you.

And no swim fins, guys. Oh, this is gonna be fun.

Oh, Dan, that sounds like fun.

Come on, let's get partners.

Oh, no, no. You go on.

You go ahead, enjoy yourself.

Oh, no. Uh-uh.

I am not gonna play without you.

Okay. Game time.

Goody.

Hey, toss in a shoe.

Yes, ma'am. Hi, here's another shoe.

Thank you very much. Oh, wait just a moment, sir.

Just a moment.

Okay, now... Excuse me.

The next step is up to the fellas.

Now, what you have to do is you close your eyes,

reach in the basket and pull out a shoe.

And when you find the owner,

that's your partner for the game, okay?

Right, Gopher? Right.

And the object of the game is to pass this orange

to your partner using just your chin.

Nobody wins, nobody loses,

but as a way of introduction, it beats shaking hands.

Hey. Here we go.

Step in, grab a shoe. Close your eyes and reach in.

How 'bout some of you guys over here?

One to a customer, guys.

Don't... Don't grab two shoes. Ha-ha.

Hello.

Uh, Bruce, this is Diana Lane.

Oh, hi. Hi. How are you?

I'm fine. How are you? Fine.

And you don't have to tell her a thing about yourself.

Your mother's covered all that.

Harry.

Bruce, you and Diana have a great deal in common.

She can't wait to get married either.

Uh-oh, I sense a lecture coming.

Now, look, you got a gal and you got a guy

and the two of you think you wanna get married.

Now, that doesn't mean that you couldn't have dinner

and go dancing tonight and have a real good time together.

Well, I think I could force myself into it, if you can.

All right, it's a date.

Good.

I'll see you all at dinner.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Bye. Bye.

Hey, Diana, aren't you gonna play the game?

We could be partners. Oh,

I couldn't handle the excitement.

Besides, I'm true to the boy back home, remember?

I'll pick you up at 8. Perfect.

What the boy back home doesn't know can't hurt him.

Hold still.

If you don't hold still,

we'll never win this thing, you know.

Oh, listen... Come on.

It's not... Oh, no.

It's not whether you win or lose,

it's how you play the game.

All right. Then let's play the game.

Here we go, here we go!

Oh, oh!

Oh!

Oh... Oh, I think I'm hurting my neck.

Would you take the orange from under my chin, please?

Which one?

I've only got one orange.

Uh, from which chin?

Well, uh, the prince tried to find Cinderella.

She didn't have to look for her own shoe.

I was waiting for midnight.

Come on, let's, uh...

Let's show these youngsters how, shall we?

Here, have an orange. Oh, thank you.

Hm.

Um...

To tell you the truth, I hate these childish games too.

Good.

But, uh, you can buy me a drink.

Great.

Hey, how come you two aren't passing your orange?

We didn't wanna pass up your piña coladas.

Ah, a wise choice, my friend.

Two piña coladas coming up.

My, how things have changed.

You know, I haven't been on board a ship

since World War II.

I was a singer with the USO.

Yeah, we were all young.

Once.

And romantic.

But then if you're not romantic when you are young,

when can you be?

Remember those great old songs, hm?

You remember this one?

♪ I'll be seeing you ♪

♪ In all the old ♪

♪ Familiar places ♪

♪ That this heart Of mine embraces ♪

Oh, that was fun.

Yeah, it looked like it was fun.

Uh, Glenda Fairbanks,

this is my fiancée, Laura Wakefield.

Hey, we're a team. Listen.

♪ I'll be seeing you ♪

♪ In all the old ♪

♪ Familiar places ♪

It's Donny and Marie.

Who?

Uh, never mind.

♪ That this heart ♪

♪ Of mine embraces ♪

♪ All day through ♪

♪ In that small café ♪

♪ The park across the way ♪

♪ The children's carousel ♪

♪ The chestnut tree ♪

♪ The wishing well ♪

Doc?

Okay, right in here, Mrs. Martin.

The doctor will take good care of you.

Oh, my neck.

Oh, I'll never be able to eat soup again.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Well, what happened?

She was in the orange-passing contest

and the orange won.

Doctor's stepped out for a few minutes,

but don't worry, Mrs. Martin, I'm sure I can help you.

Uh, we better leave that, Miss Delaney.

I'll go find Doc.

Oh, Doc, hey, a passenger is injured.

I think her neck may be broken.

What? I told the showgirl

not to touch her till you got here.

We're too late.

What the heck is Dawn doing to her?

Too late, doctor.

Your nurse just snapped my neck back into place.

It was just a simple muscle spasm.

Well, it seems to be all right.

Does it hurt? Not any more.

Thank you. Oh, anybody could've done it.

Oh, sure.

Anybody could've done it

if they'd read the first-aid manual.

Yeah, but she did it.

Thank you. You're a real lifesaver.

Thank you.

You didn't mind, did you, Doc?

Mind? Why should I mind?

A good nurse is supposed to fill in for a doctor.

Listen, um, why don't you take

the rest of the afternoon off?

I'm supposed to be helping you.

There must be something you want.

Well, now that you bring it up...

Of course... straighten the files.

I'll get right to it.

And the doctor says, "Mrs. Johnson,

I've got good news for you."

The lady says, "It's not Mrs. Johnson,

it's Miss Johnson."

"Oh, in that case," the doctor says,

"I've got some bad news for you."

Oh.

I'm so glad you asked me to join you.

So are we, Diana.

Are you really serious about getting married?

Oh, absolutely. As soon as I graduate.

And while my fiancé's in law school,

I'll be working to help him get through.

Well, young lady,

you seem to have everything well planned out.

Thank you.

Any room in those plans for a dance?

I think maybe one.

Excuse us.

You know, I like her.

She has her head on straight.

Yeah, and everything else is in place too.

Just like you at her age.

What do you mean "her age"?

I have everything now I had then.

Yeah, just in different places.

But I like it, I like it.

Look at old Doc there.

He's on cloud nine.

Yeah.

If she's an angel of mercy,

all I can say is, Lord, have mercy.

Honestly, don't you guys

ever even consider a girl's intellect?

Dawn put herself all the way through nursing school.

I think she has a very fine head on her shoulders.

Oh, I wouldn't know about that.

I haven't got up to there yet.

Pardon me, if you don't mind.

Not at all.

Oh, oh, no, please.

I want you to take a look at my friend.

Mr. Ross?

That back of mine.

I don't know what happened.

Oh, you tried to boogie.

That's what happened.

Do you think you can help him?

Mr. Ross should be attended to by Dr. Bricker.

Absolutely.

Oh, a good night's sleep

and I'll probably be okay.

If not, call me in the morning.

Hope I live that long.

Well, well,

if it isn't the famous medical team Bricker and...

Still got the old hiccups, captain?

No. I'm doing my Dean Martin impression.

Eep. Of course I still have the hiccups.

Pardon me, sir,

but I've been reading about hiccups

in the medical journals... Uh,

why don't you try breathing into a paper bag?

Or better yet, gargle with salt water.

Why don't I just kiss a toad.

Mm-mm. That's for warts.

Oh.

How should I know?

I don't have a medical degree.

There is a new method for curing hiccups.

The article said that all... Rest your lips.

You'll need 'em later.

Adam, people are watching us.

Oh, good.

Then they'll know doctors play

other games besides golf.

Now, why don't they play some music you can dance to?

Uh, do you mind?

Not at all. Thank you.

May I, captain?

Uh, Laura?

I'll see you back at the table.

Well, enjoy yourselves.

Boy, that's some beautiful girl

you got there, Dan.

Yeah, young and beautiful.

I always wonder if she wouldn't be

better of with somebody younger.

Oh, come on, Dan, you don't dance through life.

You love her, don't you?

Merrill, in 20 years I'll be almost seventy.

And she'll still be a young and beautiful woman.

Hey, look, you can get a lot of happiness out of 20 years.

Do you know how many married couples, any age,

would give their right arm for one year of happiness?

Oh, I've gotta go talk to that band.

If they don't slow that tempo down,

they'll be in San Pedro two days before the ship.

Uh, how'd you like to play something from my generation?

You're a great dancer.

Dan's a great teacher.

They're playing our song.

Come on.

You quitting?

Yeah. I'll take a rain check.

I'll see you later, okay?

Yeah.

Hello, Diana.

Goodbye, Ginger.

Hallelujah.

Ah. I knew you'd be light on your feet.

Well, you're not bad yourself.

Would you excuse me though, really I'd...

I'd like to dance with my fiancée.

Oh, well, sure.

Where is she?

She was here a moment ago, uh...

Heh-heh. She must have left,

so, uh, let's not waste this music, hm?

Mmm.

Oh, heh, Bruce, you're one terrific kisser.

Well, you're not so bad yourself...

Ginger.

Hi.

Hi.

I looked for you down on the floor, but you'd gone.

Oh, well, I, uh...

I just thought I'd come up here and slip into something

a little more comfortable, that's all.

Comfortable for you maybe,

but, tsk, it sure makes my blood pressure go up.

Oh? Heh.

Oh, well...

Here. Let me.

Thank you.

Hey, you know, you really are a fantastic dancer.

I didn't realize how good though,

until I saw you on the floor with someone else.

Well, you looked pretty good with that young fella too.

Oh, but that older woman was incredible.

Older woman? Heh. She's younger than I am.

Oh, but you look so young, darling.

That's just the reflection of you in my eyes.

Hey, what's that?

Hey, that's me.

Yeah. Heh.

Where did you get that?

Your mother gave it to me.

You know, if I thought

a baby of ours would turn out like that,

I'd lock us in a room forever.

Well, I'm getting a little pooped.

Think I better go turn in.

Well, um...

Good night.

Good night.

I'll see you in the morning.

Okay.

Oh, Mr. Ross, come in.

Doctor told me to see him first thing in the morning.

Oh, he'll be here soon. How's your back?

Did you ever get stepped on

by an elephant wearing baseball spikes?

And that's the way it was before it got worse?

Uh-huh. Come over here and have a seat, all right?

Thank you.

I'm sure you won't have to wait too long.

My back!

Mr. Ross, are you all right?

It's better. My back is better.

Mrs. Martin was right. You're a genius.

Good morning. Ah, Mr. Ross.

Let's have a look at your back.

Oh, you wanna see my back?

Come down to the swimming pool.

I'm gonna be the guy doing jackknifes into the pool

from the smokestacks.

You cured him?

Believe me, it was nothing.

Tell me the truth.

You're a registered witch?

Well, I think I should tell them who I am right now.

Just give 'em a little time to get to know you first, okay?

Bruce, it's... It's deceitful.

I'm going to go tell them.

No.

Now, you gotta stick with our plan.

I feel guilty.

I don't like fooling nice people like that.

We made a deal.

Well, I'm sorry I let you talk me into it.

Talk you into it?

I just mentioned the idea. You jumped at it.

I did not.

How do you like that? Twenty-one and your memory's going.

Not mine, yours.

If you're going to build our marriage on deceit,

maybe we should think a little more

about getting married.

Well, what does that mean?

It means maybe your parents were right.

Maybe you're not mature enough to get married.

Now, listen...

Well, ever since we came aboard, he's...

I don't know, it's been like...

Like he didn't really care for me anymore.

Why would you think that?

Well, he's always dancing with other people,

he's always talking to other people.

You mean the way we are now?

No. We're talking about him.

That's different.

He spends more time with Glenda than he does with me.

I almost think he'd rather spend the time with her anyway.

Oh, come on. Now, that's dumb.

I don't think so.

Dumb, is it?

Hey, if you're planning to jump, don't forget your snorkel.

Heh. Thanks.

Why the long face?

Oh, it's Diana. We had an argument.

I'm sorry, son.

But I'm sure you'll meet someone new

before the day is up.

Well, that certainly proves our point.

I mean, if he can be that upset

about a girl he just met yesterday,

he can't be very much in love with his Ginger.

I wonder what he and Diana argued about.

Oh, probably sex.

Harry, I swear,

sometimes I think that is all you think about.

Count your blessings.

STUBING: Buenos noches.

This is the captain speaking.

Mexican Fiesta night is now under way

in the Acapulco Lounge.

Buenos noches, señor.

Would you like to share a margarita?

Oh, Julie, if you don't mind, I'd rather be alone, okay?

Oh, okay.

Nothing personal, really. It's all right.

I'll get over it. Don't worry about me.

I'll be fine.

Hey, I've been looking all over for you.

How about the two of us go dance on a hat?

You go, Gopher. I'm not in the mood.

Sure.

Adios.

He looks miserable.

So does she.

Do you think he could actually have fallen in love with Diana?

They've only known each other two days.

Why not? I flipped for you in just 24 hours.

Of course, you were the most beautiful girl in the world.

And still are.

Thank you.

You know, I think we stuck our nose into something

that was none of our business.

Yeah, Bruce and Diana had their lives all planned out

until we forced 'em together.

Well, it wasn't our fault they fell in love

or had a fight.

Well, not totally our fault.

Are you having a good time?

Sure. Are you?

Oh, yeah.

Would you like a drink?

No.

Actually, I was, uh, feeling a little tired

and I thought maybe I'd go to bed early.

Uh, yeah, me too.

I'm tired myself. I think I'll go to bed early.

I can't stand this anymore. Come on.

Bruce, we owe you an apology.

What?

For conning you into this cruise.

We will never try to influence you anymore.

Whatever you wanna do with your life

is none of our business.

Well, I owe you an apology.

We conned you too.

"We"?

Ginger and I.

That's her right there.

You see, Diana...

is Ginger. They're one in the same.

You mean you tried to pull a fast one on us?

Yeah, but don't blame her. I had to talk her into it.

Okay, Bruce, that's it.

I love you and I'm sick of playing games.

I'm Ginger.

We planned this little charade,

hoping that you'd learn to like me for myself

without knowing that I'm the one who wants to marry your son.

Ginger...

I think what Bruce and I did was wrong and deceitful,

and I hope someday you'll be able to forgive us for it.

Cute kid, but what a blabbermouth.

Nothing you can say will keep us apart, absolutely nothing.

Ginger, will you hold it?

Just hold it. It's all right.

You have our blessing.

Really?

Mm-hm.

Oh, Bruce. Bruce, did you hear?

I heard, I heard. But...

Now, will you stop talking long enough for me to kiss you?

You know, that Dawn is really wonderful.

Mm-hm.

Sometimes I just need a woman to talk to,

and Dawn has a perfect bedside manner.

I think she oughta be nominated for a Nobel Prize for medicine.

Well, I guess I was wrong.

I mean, I had her pegged as a ding-a-ling in white.

Boy, how lucky can you get?

A body like that and a brain to match.

It's not always lucky.

Your body matches your brain.

Oh, well, I think she seems to know everything.

Talking about Dawn again, eh? Mm-hm.

I'm beginning to think she's Dr. Schweitzer in drag.

What the...?

What kind of a Mexican outfit is that?

Zorro!

Zero!

Hi, everybody.

Hi.

I hope I'm not too late. No, that's okay, honey.

You were probably performing emergency brain surgery.

Adam, what's wrong?

Oh, nothing.

This is our last night at sea.

I was hoping we could celebrate.

Well, that sounds good to me. Yeah. What could we do?

We? Did I say we?

I don't remember saying we. I don't think I said we.

Did you hear me say we? We?

Not we.

Heh. Probably not.

I don't know, captain.

If I were you, I'd talk to your tailor.

Doc, Doc, you gotta help me.

Well, first of all, I'd lose the mustache.

I'd bury it.

I am talking about my hiccups.

Well, we've just gotta try some other remedies.

Pardon me, captain.

Uh, yes?

Just a little pressure on the ribs

near the diaphragm.

Olé.

Well, they seem to have disappeared.

Doc,

I've gotta hand it to this nurse of yours.

Heh-heh-heh. You're a miracle worker.

Ain't she just?

Good afternoon.

For those of you who wish to go ashore,

launches will be leaving for Cabo San Lucas every...

Okay, I'm free. Let's go.

I just spoke to the justice of the peace

in Cabo San Lucas, and he's waiting for us.

Well, where's Laura?

I don't know.

What's going on with you two?

I just don't think it's fair to her, Merrill.

Loving her isn't fair?

No, loving somebody is making them happy, and I...

She, uh, would be happier

with people who are...

younger, like Gary Foster, you know?

Dan, the worst mistakes come from hasty decisions.

Well, this is not a hasty decision.

I've been thinking about it for a couple of days.

Think about it a little longer.

Yeah, there's no need to.

How long are we gonna be here in port?

A few hours.

I think I'll pack, then, and fly back to Los Angeles.

At least finish the cruise.

No.

I want her to be free to enjoy herself.

You tell her for me, will you?

Dan... After I've gone, though.

Thank you, Merrill.

Why are you packing?

Uh...

The ship doesn't dock in Los Angeles

till tomorrow afternoon.

Well, I'm... I'm flying back today.

Well, why?

I've always wanted you to feel free and, well, I...

I-I just feel like I'm being selfish with you.

What do you mean, selfish?

Well, you enjoy yourself so much with other people.

People like... Like Glenda.

Glenda?

Glenda.

So I'm letting you have your freedom.

Yeah, you're letting me have it, all right.

Right in the kisser. Oh, come on.

You were having the best time of your life without me.

You're singing and dancing.

You haven't exactly been locked up in a cage.

All I ever wanted to be was your wife.

Well, how dare you assume

you're the only person in this cabin who's in love.

I love you more than you could possibly ever love me.

Ah, Laura, my age. When I'm 70... I know.

When you're 70, I will be 49.

And when you're 90, I will be 70.

And when you're 120, I will be 100.

Oh, Dan, do you think our ages

will make any difference then?

We rode the carousel together, Dan.

And God gave us the brass ring.

And you're throwing it right back in his face.

Oh.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

You're right. You're right.

I promise you one thing.

I will never ever do anything again

to bring a tear to your eye.

I love you.

Oh, Dan, I love you so much.

And I'll tell you another thing.

No matter how old I am,

without you, tomorrow I'd be 90.

Oh...

Just look at these cards.

None of 'em are up to date.

Where are my tongue depressors?

I cannot find my tongue depressors.

Well, they should be here somewhere, Adam.

It's doctor. Dr. Bricker, thank you.

And there are no magazines in my waiting room.

I threw them out, doctor. They were ten years old.

You threw out my National Geographics?

Without asking?

You call yourself a nurse.

I'm sorry, doctor.

I... I just never realized...

That's no excuse!

Look, instead of being Dr. Delaney,

why don't you just try to concentrate on doing your job!

But, Adam, I've been trying so hard.

Uh, wait a minute, Delaney.

Dawn, nobody ever said you weren't trying.

Hey, Dawn, I just wanted to thank you for everything.

We were just discussing, uh, medical procedures.

You know, Doc, there's an old saying.

Yeah, I know, I know. Physician, heal thyself.

No.

Physician, quit being such a heel!

It's open.

Hi there. How's it going?

Fine, thank you, Dr. Bricker.

I'm almost packed.

Uh, Dawn...

I came to apologize for the way I spoke to you.

You don't have to.

A doctor doesn't have to apologize to a mere nurse.

You could make me feel worse than that.

I'll just go back to Vegas where I belong.

Okay. I feel worse.

Let's face it, Doc.

I'm just not cut out for nursing.

You're right.

You should be a doctor.

What?

Yeah.

You have a... An instinct for people.

You'd be great.

Oh, come on, Doc.

No, I mean it.

You can do it.

You know, it's funny.

I had a year of pre-med.

I was on my way to becoming a doctor.

Oh, what stopped you?

Me.

I figured no one would take me seriously.

You know, once a sex symbol, always a sex symbol.

Yeah. I know what you mean.

Hey, Dawn, come here.

Sit down.

Dawn, doctors are certainly not gods.

All we can do is listen to the patient

and try our best to help.

And that's exactly what you've been doing.

Ah. I don't know, Doc, it's a big step.

I've got faith in you.

But even if you were right, I mean...

How do I know they would take me back into a medical school?

And how do you know they wouldn't?

Especially if I write a letter of recommendation

to a couple of deans.

Doc, would you?

How can I ever thank you?

You're doing just fine.

And isn't this a lot more fun than a thank-you note?

I, uh...

You didn't leave.

What?

Leave the most beautiful girl in the world?

All right. All right, that's it.

Now, look, you love her and she loves you,

and the moment we land in Los Angeles,

the three of us are flying to Las Vegas,

and you two are getting married.

That's it. Period.

Mmm. No. No way, Merrill.

No. Not a chance.

We found your justice of the peace at Cabo San Lucas

before we sailed and, uh,

we got married. Heh-heh.

I'm gonna kiss the bride.

Oh.

Goodbye, captain. Goodbye.

I'll be seeing you.

♪ In all the old Familiar places ♪

Bye. Bye.

Bye-bye. JULIE: Bye.

Goodbye. ALL: Bye.

Goodbye. So long.

I hope you enjoyed your cruise.

Enjoyed? I gained four pounds.

I did better than that. I gained a daughter.

Bye-bye. Thank you.

Bye. So long.

Oh, hey, Diana,

I'm gonna be off duty in about an hour.

How about the two of us having dinner at my place?

Oh, Gopher, I'd love to.

You would?

But you'll have to ask Bruce.

We're getting married.

Well, how about the boy back home you were gonna marry?

Bruce is the boy back home.

Makes sense to me.

Hope you enjoyed yourself.

Goodbye.

Merrill, goodbye and thank you for everything.

You're a good friend.

Well, you're not. I've got a bone to pick with you two.

I was supposed to be the best man at your wedding.

Heh. Sorry.

Listen, we'll let you be godfather

to our first child, okay? Really?

And the second one. And the third

and the fourth and... So you can see why

you won't be hearing from me for a while.

Pardon me, sir.

I just have to tell you

what a beautiful daughter you have.

She's not my daughter,

but don't tell my wife.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Thanks, Isaac. Sure.

Oh, well, take care, everybody.

It was nice meeting you.

It's been a great cruise, Dawn.

Let's keep in touch, okay?

Okay.

Excuse me. Ahem.

That cough, Doc, how long have you had it?

Oh, just, uh, since this morning.

I'm okay. Heh.

You better take an antibiotic

and get some bed rest... alone.

Oh!

Whatever you say.

Now, where do I send the bill?

Bye.

Bye. Bye, Dawn.

What did I tell you? She's a born doctor.

You were right.

But I didn't say she was perfect.