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1
00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:11,160
Well, you're awfully happy.
2
00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:12,480
We're having a cocktail party.
3
00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:14,160
What's not to be happy about?
4
00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:15,960
Red, the last time we had a party,
5
00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:19,920
you called the cops and had
them tow everyone's car.
6
00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:21,880
Drunk people looking
for their cars.
7
00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:23,160
That was funny.
8
00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:24,720
Oh, you're just giddy
9
00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:27,440
because Bob's bringing his
pretty new girlfriend over.
10
00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:29,360
Oh, Kitty, don't be ridiculous.
11
00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:31,960
I'm just happy. Now why do you
want to ruin my happiness?
12
00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:34,840
Because that's what a wife does.
13
00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:36,240
You know, my dad dating your mom
14
00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:38,240
goes against all
the laws of nature.
15
00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:42,400
I mean, you don't see a
giraffe with a panda bear.
16
00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:45,160
You know, my dad being the
cute, fuzzy panda bear,
17
00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:47,080
and your mom being the evil,
18
00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:49,680
money-hungry unnaturally
tan giraffe.
19
00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:51,640
Well, I've had it with them, too.
20
00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:53,960
Last night your dad
burped in front of my mom,
21
00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:55,360
and she laughed, Donna.
22
00:00:55,360 --> 00:00:56,320
Laughed!
23
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,280
Okay, we're Burkharts.
24
00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:03,480
We don't burp, and we don't
tolerate people who do.
25
00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:06,680
Hey, everybody, I brought a date.
26
00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:09,280
Look how tall she is.
27
00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:11,560
It's like I'm dating
the statue of liberty.
28
00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:15,600
Oh, Kitty, I just love
coming over to your house.
29
00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:17,360
You have such unique tastes.
30
00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:21,200
It's like being at a
giant flea market.
31
00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:23,240
And like at every flea market,
32
00:01:23,320 --> 00:01:25,520
Bob's gonna leave with
the tackiest thing here.
33
00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:29,360
Pam, come on in.
34
00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:32,280
I made your favorite drink...
Tequila sunrise.
35
00:01:32,320 --> 00:01:35,040
Red, always the gentleman.
36
00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:37,840
Yeah, well...
37
00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:39,480
Red, Red, honey,
38
00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:41,240
where's my favorite drink?
39
00:01:41,320 --> 00:01:43,760
I didn't know you had a
favorite drink, Kitty,
40
00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:46,240
seeing as how much
you like all drinks.
41
00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:48,960
I'll take a drink, Red.
42
00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:52,000
Beer's in the garage, Bob.
43
00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:54,800
Mrs. Burkhart?
44
00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:56,720
That's weird.
45
00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:59,880
Golly, I didn't know
you were dropping by.
46
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:02,080
Yeah, you did.
47
00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:04,080
I told you she was,
48
00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:06,960
and you said, "oh, boy,
I'm gonna wear my suit."
49
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:07,640
Well, I'm sorry, Donna.
50
00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:09,960
Is there some kind of law
against being handsome?
51
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:11,680
Because if there is,
52
00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:15,480
then guilty as charged.
53
00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:19,320
Mrs. Burkhart, when
did you get here?
54
00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:21,600
Is it too much for you people
55
00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:23,600
to let me know that
we have company?
56
00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:25,800
One bronzed-up tart in the room,
57
00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:27,720
and all the men turn into a bunch
58
00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:29,800
of oversexed fraternity boys.
59
00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:31,600
Kitty, you're just
imagining things.
60
00:02:31,640 --> 00:02:34,800
What's she wearing?
61
00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:15,920
Oh, I cannot believe you kids,
62
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:19,360
trying to sneak off
with my good gin.
63
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,320
Yeah, I shoulda known.
64
00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:23,520
She can smell booze
from a mile away.
65
00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:26,440
Excuse me?
66
00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:30,080
Oh, I said, "you smell like
booze from a mile away."
67
00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:33,840
That's worse, dumb-ass!
68
00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:37,160
Oh, what a lovely evening.
69
00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:39,520
if I didn't know any better,
70
00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:41,800
I'd swear I was with rich people.
71
00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:44,160
She's got it all...
72
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,640
Looks and beauty.
73
00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:48,560
Pam, you want another drink?
74
00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:50,280
Honey, you shouldn't be drinking.
75
00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:52,720
You have a doctor's
appointment tomorrow.
76
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:56,400
He has a heart condition.
He's very old.
77
00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:01,920
I never thought I'd say
this, but I wish I was Bob.
78
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:03,000
I wonder if she'd like
79
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,960
to watch "the graduate"
with me some night.
80
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:07,160
One time back when I
was dating Jackie,
81
00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:09,800
Pam was trying to
wash her car, right,
82
00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:12,520
and she leaned over and, like,
squeezed out the sponge.
83
00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:14,280
That's all I remember,
84
00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:16,760
cause I rode my bike
straight into a tree.
85
00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:20,920
Oh, look at her.
86
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,480
Would you ever want me
to show that much leg?
87
00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:25,640
Absolutely not.
88
00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:28,240
And why not?
89
00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:31,320
You set me up.
90
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:35,840
Jackie, I can't see
your mom's hand,
91
00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:38,440
which means it's on my dad's butt.
92
00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:40,360
We have to break 'em up.
93
00:04:40,440 --> 00:04:42,640
I've been bad-mouthing
Pinciottis for years.
94
00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:44,240
I can be one.
95
00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:46,240
So that's when I realized
96
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:49,720
that "tapas" sounds a
lot like "topless."
97
00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:53,960
But I had already promised, so...
98
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,600
Hey, mrs. Burkhart,
99
00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:58,200
why don't I throw on some
music for us to, uh...
100
00:04:58,280 --> 00:04:59,640
Shake our booties to?
101
00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:01,840
Hey, stop acting like an ass
102
00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:04,800
in front of the pretty lady.
103
00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:07,440
That's ok, Red. I think he's cute.
104
00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:10,560
Yeah, well, he is
my son, you know.
105
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:17,000
Well, good party, good party.
106
00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:18,920
When Pam and I were dancing,
107
00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:23,520
she, uh, "accidentally"
brushed my butt.
108
00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:25,840
And tell 'em what
happened after that.
109
00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:27,640
Well, then I said,
110
00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:30,360
"hey, you can squeeze
my butt anytime."
111
00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:33,400
And then it got really quiet.
112
00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:35,840
And then she walked over to Bob,
113
00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:39,440
and they were talking
and pointing at me.
114
00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:42,040
Then you tried to laugh it off,
115
00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:44,600
and you spit dip up on your shirt.
116
00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:48,120
Then you tried to do that joke
117
00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:50,160
where you scoop the dip off
your shirt with a chip,
118
00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:52,360
and none laughed, and here we are.
119
00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:55,480
You know, there's a
lot of talk about Pam,
120
00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:58,720
but, Eric, I still have
feelings for your mom.
121
00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:02,280
I mean, she comes off all
pure, but she's dirty.
122
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:05,640
Why can't my dad just see that
Pam is a total gold digger?
123
00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:08,280
Oh, would you stop saying that?
124
00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:11,600
Hey, either she digs for
gold or she doesn't.
125
00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:13,400
It's easy to check.
126
00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:15,680
Are her boots muddy?
127
00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:18,120
Does she carry a pickax?
128
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,360
When she comes home does she say,
129
00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:23,680
"tough day at the gold mine"?
130
00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:26,120
No, Fez, a gold digger
is what these idiots
131
00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:28,600
call a woman who knows that
love eventually wears off,
132
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,600
but money is forever.
133
00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:34,120
You guys, all I know is
134
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:36,600
pretty tan lady touched my butt.
135
00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:39,480
And that is more action
than I've gotten in weeks.
136
00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:41,120
Keep it up,
137
00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:43,760
and you'll be having
sex with yourself.
138
00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:46,640
I mean, how does Bob
139
00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:48,840
pull all these foxes
like Midge and Pam?
140
00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:51,720
He's got to have something
the ladies can't resist.
141
00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:54,440
Hey, Donna, you ever
see your dad naked?
142
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:56,320
My God!
143
00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:59,120
Can we please talk about
anything besides that?
144
00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:00,880
You're way off, Hyde.
145
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:03,120
Women love Bob for
his sense of humor.
146
00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:06,080
That sucker's funnier
than a dixie cup.
147
00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:07,520
No. All right,
148
00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:10,200
how it works is relationships
are based on a point system.
149
00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:12,800
All right, see, Pam
is good looking.
150
00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:14,680
So that's 20 points.
151
00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:17,080
And Bob, he's, like, the
nicest guy in the world,
152
00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:19,120
so that's, like, what, a point?
153
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:24,720
But Bob's got money,
and that's 19 points.
154
00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:26,360
And altogether, that's 20.
155
00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:28,760
Now you add the whole thing
together, and that's 40,
156
00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:31,480
Which is incidentally
almost half my score.
157
00:07:38,380 --> 00:07:40,380
I don't care what
that doctor says.
158
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:43,260
I'm not wearing this
stupid heart monitor.
159
00:07:44,700 --> 00:07:47,460
It makes me look
like a damn robot.
160
00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:50,540
Red, I'm sure you won't
even know it's there.
161
00:07:50,620 --> 00:07:52,940
It'll only beep if your heart
rate goes above normal,
162
00:07:53,020 --> 00:07:55,260
like when you get
agitated or excited
163
00:07:55,340 --> 00:07:58,700
or extra angry or extra happy.
164
00:07:58,780 --> 00:08:02,020
I'm putting my money
on extra angry.
165
00:08:02,060 --> 00:08:05,700
I bet the damn thing
doesn't even work.
166
00:08:05,740 --> 00:08:07,180
You know what, Red?
Your attitude stinks.
167
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:08,460
You wouldn't be in this mess
168
00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:10,380
if you'd just listened
to me in the first place.
169
00:08:10,460 --> 00:08:11,500
Kitty...
170
00:08:11,540 --> 00:08:13,500
I told you to eat more
fiber in the mornings.
171
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:15,500
I told you to exercise,
172
00:08:15,540 --> 00:08:17,900
to wear more comfortable
shoes for circulation.
173
00:08:17,980 --> 00:08:19,340
Did you listen? No.
174
00:08:19,420 --> 00:08:21,740
So I guess I'm just
gonna keep telling you
175
00:08:21,820 --> 00:08:23,020
and telling you and telling you.
176
00:08:27,180 --> 00:08:30,340
What do you know? It does work.
177
00:08:34,860 --> 00:08:38,460
Hey, I can't believe you
guys aren't in Bob's hot tub.
178
00:08:38,540 --> 00:08:40,620
You know, I feel
like Warren Beatty
179
00:08:40,660 --> 00:08:43,020
in a movie about a hot tub.
180
00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:46,900
He's, like, hot
tubbin', then, like...
181
00:08:46,980 --> 00:08:49,260
Other stuff happens.
182
00:08:49,300 --> 00:08:51,220
Kelso, just so you know,
183
00:08:51,300 --> 00:08:53,300
Bob was in there an hour ago,
184
00:08:53,380 --> 00:08:56,020
so you are, like, covered
in hot, bubbly Bob.
185
00:08:58,020 --> 00:09:00,020
Dad, will you please listen to us?
186
00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:01,460
We talked about it,
187
00:09:01,540 --> 00:09:04,300
and we really think you
need to break up with Pam.
188
00:09:04,380 --> 00:09:05,740
No way. Open your eyes!
189
00:09:05,820 --> 00:09:07,660
Everyone can see what
a big mistake this is.
190
00:09:07,700 --> 00:09:11,060
Oh, so everyone here thinks I
should just break up with Pam?
191
00:09:11,140 --> 00:09:12,860
I say stick with her, Bob.
192
00:09:12,940 --> 00:09:15,460
My only advice is take pictures,
193
00:09:15,500 --> 00:09:17,900
otherwise no one's
gonna believe you.
194
00:09:17,940 --> 00:09:19,980
Don't listen to him.
195
00:09:20,020 --> 00:09:22,660
He grew up poor. He's stupid.
196
00:09:22,700 --> 00:09:24,700
What do you think, Eric?
197
00:09:24,780 --> 00:09:28,660
Yeah, Eric, what do you think?
198
00:09:28,740 --> 00:09:31,300
I hope it's the right answer.
199
00:09:33,060 --> 00:09:35,580
You love that woman for
all she's worth, Bob!
200
00:09:35,660 --> 00:09:37,340
Eric!
201
00:09:37,420 --> 00:09:40,060
What are you gonna do, cut
me off from sex again?
202
00:09:40,140 --> 00:09:43,060
I agree with Forman, Bob.
I think you should keep her.
203
00:09:43,140 --> 00:09:44,500
I mean, you're you,
204
00:09:44,580 --> 00:09:47,860
and you're getting
me-quality girls.
205
00:09:47,940 --> 00:09:51,300
You're living life
Kelso-style. Enjoy.
206
00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:53,260
Oh, I am so sorry I'm late.
207
00:09:53,340 --> 00:09:55,260
I locked my keys in the car,
208
00:09:55,340 --> 00:09:57,260
and I had to use a coat
hanger to jimmy the lock.
209
00:09:57,340 --> 00:09:59,180
I had to reach down in there,
210
00:09:59,260 --> 00:10:01,180
and I had to shimmy
and shimmy and shimmy
211
00:10:01,260 --> 00:10:03,140
until the darn thing
finally popped open.
212
00:10:03,180 --> 00:10:05,980
Boy, I'm sorry I missed that.
213
00:10:06,060 --> 00:10:08,780
Yeah, could act it out
for us one more time?
214
00:10:10,660 --> 00:10:13,020
Look, mom, Donna and I decided
215
00:10:13,100 --> 00:10:15,140
that you two can't see
each other anymore.
216
00:10:15,180 --> 00:10:17,940
We're your children,
and we love you,
217
00:10:18,020 --> 00:10:19,740
but your happiness
218
00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:21,700
is much less important than ours.
219
00:10:21,740 --> 00:10:24,580
Jackie, when your dad
went away to jail,
220
00:10:24,620 --> 00:10:27,260
I decided to do
some work on myself.
221
00:10:27,340 --> 00:10:29,300
Not on the outside, obviously,
222
00:10:29,380 --> 00:10:31,140
because, well, come on.
223
00:10:31,180 --> 00:10:33,260
But on the inside,
224
00:10:33,340 --> 00:10:36,260
you know, the part that
doesn't matter as much.
225
00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:38,340
And I've realized
that I need a man
226
00:10:38,380 --> 00:10:40,620
who makes me feel
good about myself.
227
00:10:40,660 --> 00:10:43,500
I need you Bob.
228
00:10:43,540 --> 00:10:46,020
Aww, you know, if an
ugly woman said that,
229
00:10:46,060 --> 00:10:48,460
it just wouldn't mean as much.
230
00:10:50,780 --> 00:10:52,860
Man, if this was a movie,
231
00:10:52,940 --> 00:10:55,340
Pam would pick up Bob
and just carry him off
232
00:10:55,380 --> 00:10:56,900
to a better life.
233
00:10:56,940 --> 00:10:58,820
If this were a good movie,
234
00:10:58,860 --> 00:11:01,460
Pam would have entered
the scene topless.
235
00:11:01,540 --> 00:11:03,620
Yeah, if this were a great movie,
236
00:11:03,660 --> 00:11:06,540
they'd have a monkey friend
that did all this crazy stuff.
237
00:11:06,620 --> 00:11:08,540
You know what?
You guys were no help.
238
00:11:08,540 --> 00:11:10,300
You could have backed us up.
239
00:11:10,380 --> 00:11:12,460
And you could be sleeping with me.
240
00:11:12,540 --> 00:11:14,860
People could be doing
a lot of things.
241
00:11:14,900 --> 00:11:17,420
All right, I'm done peeing.
242
00:11:17,460 --> 00:11:19,700
Hey, can you hand me my clothes?
243
00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:22,660
Kelso, are you naked?
244
00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:25,100
No.
245
00:11:25,140 --> 00:11:27,580
Eric, could you hand
me my clothes, please?
246
00:11:27,660 --> 00:11:28,660
I'm sorry, buddy.
247
00:11:28,740 --> 00:11:30,580
I can't hear you over the hot tub.
248
00:11:30,660 --> 00:11:32,340
Did you hear him, Hyde?
249
00:11:32,420 --> 00:11:33,740
I think so.
250
00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:35,300
I think he said to take
his clothes and run away.
251
00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:36,500
Oooh.
252
00:11:36,580 --> 00:11:40,220
Guys, guys, come back!
253
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:44,540
Well, looks like I'm
gonna have to be nude
254
00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:47,100
in front of you guys, and
that's kind of awkward.
255
00:11:47,180 --> 00:11:50,260
So I think you ladies
should nude up.
256
00:11:54,820 --> 00:11:57,740
Okay, good news, Red.
257
00:11:57,780 --> 00:12:00,340
I made your favorite lunch...
258
00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:02,700
Lasagna!
259
00:12:02,740 --> 00:12:04,500
Thanks.
260
00:12:04,580 --> 00:12:06,380
"thanks"?
261
00:12:06,460 --> 00:12:09,580
Aren't you excited?
Let's hear that monitor!
262
00:12:09,620 --> 00:12:13,340
So every time you do
something nice for me,
263
00:12:13,420 --> 00:12:16,140
I'm supposed to
have a heart attack?
264
00:12:16,180 --> 00:12:19,380
Well, no, not an attack.
Just a little episode.
265
00:12:19,460 --> 00:12:21,580
Ha ha ha ha!
266
00:12:21,660 --> 00:12:24,940
I mean, what does it take
to get that beeper going?
267
00:12:25,020 --> 00:12:26,420
Hi, Red.
268
00:12:32,300 --> 00:12:36,740
Wow, that must be the
lasagna kicking in.
269
00:12:45,940 --> 00:12:48,060
Hey, what do you say
270
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:49,740
we have some more of that lasagna?
271
00:12:49,820 --> 00:12:52,500
Boy, was that delicious.
272
00:12:52,580 --> 00:12:55,180
Beep! Beep! Beep!
273
00:12:55,260 --> 00:12:56,780
Oh, can it, Red.
274
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:58,980
When Pam showed up, your
heart monitor went off
275
00:12:59,020 --> 00:13:00,620
like a freakin' slot machine.
276
00:13:00,700 --> 00:13:02,380
Pam had nothing to do
with that thing going off,
277
00:13:02,460 --> 00:13:03,540
Damn it!
278
00:13:03,620 --> 00:13:05,900
Oh, and look at us now.
We're arguing.
279
00:13:05,940 --> 00:13:07,220
Can't even get a beep out of you.
280
00:13:07,300 --> 00:13:10,180
Your son is a jerk.
281
00:13:15,660 --> 00:13:18,180
Come on, I am gonna prove to you
282
00:13:18,220 --> 00:13:20,020
that I am not attracted to Pam.
283
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:21,500
Hey, guys.
284
00:13:25,580 --> 00:13:28,540
I think I'm having
a war flashback.
285
00:13:28,620 --> 00:13:30,620
I'm messed up, Kitty.
286
00:13:30,700 --> 00:13:33,420
I'm real messed up.
287
00:13:35,380 --> 00:13:37,860
I cannot believe you told
my dad to stay with Pam.
288
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:39,700
She doesn't even like you.
289
00:13:39,780 --> 00:13:41,420
She told my dad you
groped her at the party.
290
00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:43,500
Okay, look, Donna, you and Pam
291
00:13:44,260 --> 00:13:45,900
obviously have some
serious issues.
292
00:13:45,940 --> 00:13:47,620
I think you two
should work them out
293
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:50,100
with a good old-fashioned
pillow fight.
294
00:13:50,180 --> 00:13:53,100
Come on, Jackie, I
think maybe you should
295
00:13:53,140 --> 00:13:55,860
throw on a nightgown
and defend your mom.
296
00:13:55,940 --> 00:13:57,580
You're sick.
297
00:13:57,660 --> 00:13:59,980
And, you, you were no help either.
298
00:14:00,020 --> 00:14:02,060
Hey, I was just
agreeing with Forman,
299
00:14:02,140 --> 00:14:03,980
so he didn't look so bad.
300
00:14:04,060 --> 00:14:07,580
You said it before he did.
301
00:14:07,660 --> 00:14:10,420
Oh, yeah
302
00:14:10,500 --> 00:14:12,420
What's the big deal?
303
00:14:12,460 --> 00:14:14,660
Bob and Pam are
adults who want to do
304
00:14:14,700 --> 00:14:16,940
what comes naturally
to everybody except me.
305
00:14:17,020 --> 00:14:19,180
So I say,
306
00:14:19,220 --> 00:14:21,540
why can't I get any?
307
00:14:21,580 --> 00:14:24,620
You know, Pam wants
to be with my dad now,
308
00:14:24,700 --> 00:14:25,980
but what happens when
someone else comes along?
309
00:14:27,380 --> 00:14:29,940
I wouldn't care so much
if I could just, you know,
310
00:14:30,020 --> 00:14:31,460
test her with a hotter guy
311
00:14:31,500 --> 00:14:32,980
and see if she falls for him.
312
00:14:33,060 --> 00:14:36,780
Because I love you,
313
00:14:36,860 --> 00:14:39,260
I'll do it.
314
00:14:39,340 --> 00:14:41,780
Why would you do it?
This is a man's job.
315
00:14:41,860 --> 00:14:43,700
Don't wait up for me, baby.
316
00:14:43,780 --> 00:14:44,900
Ohh!
317
00:14:44,940 --> 00:14:47,060
No, it has to be someone her type.
318
00:14:47,140 --> 00:14:49,300
Well, I know from
her time in Mexico
319
00:14:49,380 --> 00:14:52,420
that she has a weakness for
young, dark-skinned guys.
320
00:14:56,540 --> 00:14:59,100
I guess I can ask around.
321
00:15:04,140 --> 00:15:07,820
Mmm, that smells delicious.
322
00:15:07,820 --> 00:15:08,460
What is it?
323
00:15:08,460 --> 00:15:09,580
It's not for you.
324
00:15:09,620 --> 00:15:12,460
You can go look for scraps
around the neighborhood
325
00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:14,700
like the rest of the dogs.
326
00:15:14,740 --> 00:15:17,700
Kitty, for the last time,
327
00:15:17,740 --> 00:15:20,460
I am not attracted to Pam.
328
00:15:20,540 --> 00:15:22,380
Please, believe me,
329
00:15:22,420 --> 00:15:24,700
as the husband who has shared
330
00:15:24,780 --> 00:15:28,220
your laughter and tears for...
331
00:15:28,300 --> 00:15:30,860
Many happy years.
332
00:15:30,940 --> 00:15:33,100
How many years, Red?
333
00:15:33,140 --> 00:15:35,380
All of 'em.
334
00:15:37,380 --> 00:15:39,500
You can't give me
a number, can you?
335
00:15:39,580 --> 00:15:42,660
Well, I can tell you on
a scale of one to ten,
336
00:15:42,700 --> 00:15:43,820
I love you ten.
337
00:15:45,340 --> 00:15:47,700
That's a number.
338
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,300
Oh, why don't you just
take your cardiac jukebox
339
00:15:50,380 --> 00:15:52,180
over to Pam's?
340
00:15:52,260 --> 00:15:53,620
Hi, Kitty. Hi, Red.
341
00:15:53,700 --> 00:15:56,020
I thought we'd come
over and see if you two
342
00:15:56,100 --> 00:15:57,460
wanted to catch a movie.
343
00:16:02,220 --> 00:16:04,140
Why are you staring?
344
00:16:04,220 --> 00:16:06,780
Too pretty for Wisconsin?
345
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:10,740
I get that a lot.
346
00:16:10,820 --> 00:16:12,780
You shut it off, didn't you?
347
00:16:12,860 --> 00:16:15,020
No, I did not shut it off!
348
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:16,180
Let's hustle it up.
349
00:16:16,260 --> 00:16:17,900
I don't want to sit
behind people with hats.
350
00:16:21,420 --> 00:16:23,660
Ha!
351
00:16:23,700 --> 00:16:25,860
Look at that, nosey!
352
00:16:25,900 --> 00:16:27,660
It's not Pam.
353
00:16:27,700 --> 00:16:30,060
It's Bob, because he annoys me.
354
00:16:30,140 --> 00:16:34,020
That's true. I do.
355
00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:35,420
What are you guys talking about?
356
00:16:37,460 --> 00:16:38,380
Um...
357
00:16:38,460 --> 00:16:41,740
Ha ha ha ha!
358
00:16:44,340 --> 00:16:46,700
I, um, I sort of thought
359
00:16:46,740 --> 00:16:49,060
that Red had a crush on you.
360
00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:51,140
Oh, Kitty, I'm sorry.
361
00:16:51,180 --> 00:16:53,460
This face can bring
as much trouble
362
00:16:53,540 --> 00:16:55,220
as it does joy.
363
00:16:55,300 --> 00:16:59,060
Well, Kitty, what do you
have to say for yourself?
364
00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:03,340
It's the menopause.
365
00:17:04,460 --> 00:17:07,660
I'm messed up, Red.
I'm real messed up.
366
00:17:19,980 --> 00:17:21,780
Um, hello.
367
00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:27,860
What are you doing?
368
00:17:27,940 --> 00:17:30,700
I was hired to clean the hot tub.
369
00:17:31,820 --> 00:17:34,580
But you should know that I, uh...
370
00:17:34,660 --> 00:17:38,460
Perform other services, too.
371
00:17:38,540 --> 00:17:42,060
Well, you could start
by doing a better job.
372
00:17:42,140 --> 00:17:44,540
It's still dirty.
373
00:17:44,620 --> 00:17:48,060
So you like it dirty?
374
00:17:48,140 --> 00:17:51,620
No, I want it clean.
375
00:17:51,660 --> 00:17:54,580
So you like it filthy?
376
00:17:54,660 --> 00:17:55,780
Bob!
377
00:17:55,820 --> 00:17:58,380
Whoa, I'm not into that!
378
00:17:58,420 --> 00:18:01,020
No.
379
00:18:03,260 --> 00:18:06,140
Hey, Eric, that was a good
burn stealing my clothes.
380
00:18:06,220 --> 00:18:09,020
But the laugh's on you,
'cause I borrowed your pants,
381
00:18:09,100 --> 00:18:11,660
and I'm not wearing any underwear.
382
00:18:16,820 --> 00:18:18,540
Kelso, just so you know,
383
00:18:18,580 --> 00:18:19,820
the last time I wore those pants,
384
00:18:19,900 --> 00:18:22,300
I wasn't wearing any underwear.
385
00:18:24,100 --> 00:18:26,020
Ouch. Well-played.
386
00:18:26,060 --> 00:18:28,860
Where the hell is Fez?
387
00:18:28,940 --> 00:18:31,180
He should have been back by now.
388
00:18:31,220 --> 00:18:33,460
Oh, I swear, if he touched
my mother inappropriately,
389
00:18:33,540 --> 00:18:35,660
he is never borrowing
my curling iron again.
390
00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:37,540
Man, first I wanted to be Bob.
391
00:18:37,580 --> 00:18:38,820
Now I wish I was Fez.
392
00:18:38,860 --> 00:18:40,660
What the hell is
going on this week?
393
00:18:40,740 --> 00:18:43,460
Ahem.
394
00:18:43,500 --> 00:18:46,420
Did you tell Fez to
make a move on Pam?
395
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:48,100
'cause if you didn't,
I'm gonna box him up
396
00:18:48,140 --> 00:18:50,820
and send him back to banana town.
397
00:18:51,820 --> 00:18:54,260
Okay, I'm sick of those comments.
398
00:18:54,340 --> 00:18:57,300
I don't say I'm gonna send
you back to polyester town.
399
00:19:00,500 --> 00:19:03,060
Dad, I'm really sorry.
400
00:19:03,140 --> 00:19:04,780
It was just the only
thing we could think of
401
00:19:04,820 --> 00:19:07,220
to prove that Pam
doesn't, you know,
402
00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:08,660
really care about you.
403
00:19:08,740 --> 00:19:09,940
Well, guess what.
404
00:19:10,020 --> 00:19:11,020
She does really care about me,
405
00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:12,940
so you can stop playing
these little games,
406
00:19:12,980 --> 00:19:15,060
because Pam makes me happier
407
00:19:15,140 --> 00:19:16,660
than I have been in a long time.
408
00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:19,660
You better accept it soon,
'cause she's here to stay.
409
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:23,260
That's right.
I will have my pretty lady.
410
00:19:24,300 --> 00:19:27,820
This Bob is back.
411
00:19:35,660 --> 00:19:38,060
Way to go, Bob!
412
00:19:38,100 --> 00:19:40,100
I love you, man!
413
00:19:41,540 --> 00:19:43,940
Bob, you're just like me.
414
00:19:43,980 --> 00:19:46,060
We give regular guys hope.
415
00:19:46,100 --> 00:19:48,940
You can't leave Pam, because...
416
00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:51,980
Because Pam's your Donna.
417
00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:56,700
Steven, am I your Donna?
418
00:19:56,780 --> 00:19:59,860
That doesn't apply to us.
We're both good-looking.
419
00:20:02,580 --> 00:20:04,780
Dad, can we at least
talk about this?
420
00:20:05,260 --> 00:20:06,700
I'm sorry, Donna.
421
00:20:06,780 --> 00:20:07,820
That's the way it's gonna be.
422
00:20:07,900 --> 00:20:10,700
I don't want to talk
about it anymore.
423
00:20:12,820 --> 00:20:14,460
Should've known this
wasn't gonna work.
424
00:20:14,540 --> 00:20:17,500
Foreigners never finish the job.
425
00:20:17,580 --> 00:20:19,660
Oh, please, if Bob
hadn't shown up,
426
00:20:19,700 --> 00:20:22,740
I'd be your stepdaddy right now.
427
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:33,600
B-7.
428
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:35,240
Miss.
429
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:38,000
Oh, man, how do I
keep missing you?
430
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:40,760
It's 'cause I don't
have any boats on there.
431
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:44,960
What's that noise?
432
00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:46,840
It's my dad's heart monitor.
433
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:48,480
Where's your mom?
434
00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:51,600
She's with him.
435
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:56,640
Oh, take off the beeper!
Other people live here!
30881
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