Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,180 --> 00:00:07,500
Guys, there are actual
stewardesses out there,
2
00:00:07,580 --> 00:00:09,860
and one of them talked to me.
3
00:00:09,900 --> 00:00:12,380
I made this joke about
how they just flew in...
4
00:00:12,460 --> 00:00:15,500
And their arms must be tired.
5
00:00:16,340 --> 00:00:18,460
Yeah, great.
6
00:00:18,500 --> 00:00:22,620
Kelso, their neckerchiefs are undone.
7
00:00:22,700 --> 00:00:25,580
You can see their necks.
8
00:00:25,620 --> 00:00:28,620
Look, I don't have time
for stewardess neck.
9
00:00:28,700 --> 00:00:29,780
I gotta study.
10
00:00:29,780 --> 00:00:32,860
They're really riding me down at the
police academy and I don't know why.
11
00:00:32,940 --> 00:00:35,260
I know why. It's fun.
12
00:00:36,620 --> 00:00:39,780
They even chose me last to
work on the c.P.R. Dummy,
13
00:00:39,820 --> 00:00:43,340
so everybody's spit was all over it.
14
00:00:43,380 --> 00:00:45,060
Yo, even Johnson's spit,
15
00:00:45,140 --> 00:00:47,620
and he's got a monster cold sore.
16
00:00:47,660 --> 00:00:49,540
I know why they're doing that.
17
00:00:49,620 --> 00:00:51,180
I bet you're the stooge.
18
00:00:51,260 --> 00:00:52,580
What?
19
00:00:52,580 --> 00:00:53,660
Every year the police academy
20
00:00:53,700 --> 00:00:55,260
lets one guy in they know will fail out.
21
00:00:55,340 --> 00:00:57,220
They use him to scare the other cadets.
22
00:00:58,220 --> 00:01:00,460
I know 'cause my brother was a stooge.
23
00:01:00,540 --> 00:01:03,100
All right, fine. It was me.
24
00:01:03,180 --> 00:01:05,620
Oh, man, I'm the stooge!
25
00:01:05,700 --> 00:01:07,900
Hey, come on. Kelso, if that were true,
26
00:01:07,980 --> 00:01:10,540
you'd have had to have been
a screw-up your whole life.
27
00:01:10,620 --> 00:01:14,540
I mean, sure, you've fallen
off the water tower...
28
00:01:14,620 --> 00:01:17,580
Every year... since junior high.
29
00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:20,460
And you broke your arm wrestling a dog.
30
00:01:20,500 --> 00:01:25,180
And, heck, no one's eaten
more change than you.
31
00:01:25,260 --> 00:01:27,140
All right, I gotta
say, you guys are making
32
00:01:27,180 --> 00:01:29,260
a pretty good case that I'm the stooge!
33
00:01:29,340 --> 00:01:30,580
Well, if you're not,
34
00:01:30,620 --> 00:01:32,180
there's a guy who's
about to step on a rake
35
00:01:32,220 --> 00:01:33,860
that I really want to meet.
36
00:02:03,180 --> 00:02:05,340
Hello, Wisconsin!
37
00:02:11,540 --> 00:02:15,780
I can't believe I'm the stooge!
38
00:02:15,820 --> 00:02:18,500
Michael, it's just the
way some people are, okay?
39
00:02:18,540 --> 00:02:20,780
Some people are lazy.
Some people are clumsy.
40
00:02:20,860 --> 00:02:22,860
Some people are stooges.
41
00:02:24,020 --> 00:02:26,020
You're lucky enough to be all three.
42
00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:31,780
Kelso, keep in mind you're
being called a stooge
43
00:02:31,820 --> 00:02:33,420
by a stooge
44
00:02:33,460 --> 00:02:36,580
while a third stooge sits idly by.
45
00:02:36,620 --> 00:02:39,940
Compliment... accepted.
46
00:02:48,620 --> 00:02:51,260
Now, listen, you nincompoops.
47
00:02:51,340 --> 00:02:54,660
These pies are for some
very important clients.
48
00:02:54,740 --> 00:02:56,660
Nothing should happen
to these pies. Got that?
49
00:02:56,740 --> 00:02:58,180
Sure thing, boss.
50
00:03:01,780 --> 00:03:04,660
Nice going, you knucklehead.
Now we gotta wash 'em.
51
00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:07,780
Want to give me a hand?
52
00:03:07,860 --> 00:03:10,660
Bravo! Bravo!
53
00:03:10,740 --> 00:03:14,380
Ah, so we got a wise guy, huh?
54
00:03:26,180 --> 00:03:27,820
Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk!
55
00:03:38,940 --> 00:03:40,940
Oh, yeah?
56
00:03:41,020 --> 00:03:42,420
Take this!
57
00:03:42,460 --> 00:03:45,500
How's it going with those...
58
00:03:49,060 --> 00:03:50,580
Pies?
59
00:03:57,020 --> 00:03:59,460
Ugh. The three stooges have such bad hair.
60
00:04:01,140 --> 00:04:01,460
You know, I wish I could go back in time
61
00:04:01,460 --> 00:04:04,860
for just 10 minutes and
hand out combs and brushes.
62
00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:08,580
Guys, can we focus here?
63
00:04:08,660 --> 00:04:10,540
I gotta figure out if
I'm the stooge or not.
64
00:04:10,620 --> 00:04:12,980
Well, why don't you just, like,
ask your Captain or something?
65
00:04:13,060 --> 00:04:16,540
He won't tell me. That's the whole point.
66
00:04:16,580 --> 00:04:19,340
I gotta get a look at my file,
67
00:04:19,380 --> 00:04:22,180
which means I gotta break
into the police academy.
68
00:04:23,420 --> 00:04:26,740
Okay, you see how you took
something that made sense
69
00:04:26,820 --> 00:04:28,860
and then made it weird?
70
00:04:28,940 --> 00:04:31,660
That's part of the problem.
71
00:04:31,740 --> 00:04:33,100
That's what I like about you, kelso.
72
00:04:33,180 --> 00:04:35,340
You can make a mess out of anything.
73
00:04:35,420 --> 00:04:36,660
I'm in.
74
00:04:37,900 --> 00:04:40,140
Yeah, well, not me. Breaking into a place
75
00:04:40,220 --> 00:04:42,060
where they train people to shoot you
76
00:04:42,140 --> 00:04:43,780
if you break into a place...
77
00:04:44,860 --> 00:04:47,540
Come on, Eric. We're a team.
78
00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:49,900
Yeah, Michael's the
looks. Steven's the brain.
79
00:04:49,980 --> 00:04:52,740
And you, your house has food.
80
00:04:52,780 --> 00:04:56,820
Hey, remember when we
shoplifted those baseball cards?
81
00:04:56,860 --> 00:04:59,220
We were 12 years old.
82
00:04:59,260 --> 00:05:01,660
And I didn't shoplift anything.
83
00:05:01,740 --> 00:05:04,500
That's right. You went
home and told your mommy.
84
00:05:05,660 --> 00:05:07,460
You mama's boy.
85
00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:11,140
Well, did you want that
on your permanent record?
86
00:05:11,220 --> 00:05:13,820
Yeah, I didn't think so, mister.
87
00:05:15,300 --> 00:05:17,380
Oh, God, I am a mama's boy. I'm in.
88
00:05:21,540 --> 00:05:24,460
Now, the secret to really good Fudge
89
00:05:24,540 --> 00:05:27,100
is a tiny bit of Kahlua.
90
00:05:29,940 --> 00:05:31,780
You must make a lot of Fudge,
91
00:05:31,860 --> 00:05:33,980
'cause the bottle's almost empty.
92
00:05:34,020 --> 00:05:38,420
Well, it's a tiny bit
of Kahlua for the Fudge,
93
00:05:38,460 --> 00:05:40,340
a tiny bit for the chef.
94
00:05:40,380 --> 00:05:42,940
Ha ha ha ha!
95
00:05:43,020 --> 00:05:45,780
That's how you make cooking fun.
96
00:05:47,020 --> 00:05:50,020
Apparently, it also works
for sewing and laundry
97
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,900
and sitting around watching tv.
98
00:05:55,340 --> 00:05:57,700
Okay, the I.N.S. Called. I have to go in
99
00:05:57,740 --> 00:06:00,260
for a final review before
I can pick up my green card.
100
00:06:00,340 --> 00:06:02,820
I bet they give you a
test on U.S. history.
101
00:06:02,860 --> 00:06:05,580
See, America is strict
about who we let in here
102
00:06:05,660 --> 00:06:08,420
'cause we have stuff
that people want to steal.
103
00:06:08,500 --> 00:06:11,620
Unlike your lesser countries,
like Canada and France.
104
00:06:17,700 --> 00:06:18,660
See?
105
00:06:18,700 --> 00:06:21,940
This is when a Bobby pin comes in handy.
106
00:06:21,980 --> 00:06:24,220
Why do you have a Bobby pin?
107
00:06:24,260 --> 00:06:27,260
I'm training my hair, okay?
108
00:06:27,340 --> 00:06:30,700
I want more wave, less fluff.
109
00:06:30,780 --> 00:06:32,300
Guys, this is serious.
110
00:06:32,380 --> 00:06:34,500
Let's just find my file
and get out of here.
111
00:06:34,580 --> 00:06:35,900
Hey, what's in here?
112
00:06:35,980 --> 00:06:37,340
It's the k-9 training room.
113
00:06:37,420 --> 00:06:39,540
It's where they keep all the samples
114
00:06:39,580 --> 00:06:42,300
to teach the police
dogs what to sniff for.
115
00:06:45,140 --> 00:06:46,980
Oh, man, these samples
116
00:06:47,060 --> 00:06:49,700
are way better than our samples.
117
00:06:49,780 --> 00:06:52,140
Did you see how quickly
I sniffed them out?
118
00:06:52,220 --> 00:06:54,580
I could so be a police dog.
119
00:06:55,740 --> 00:06:58,020
Cool. Training collar.
120
00:06:58,100 --> 00:07:00,820
You know, I still don't get how
they could think I'm a stooge.
121
00:07:00,860 --> 00:07:02,740
I'm, like, so on top of everything.
122
00:07:02,780 --> 00:07:04,340
What's this thing do?
123
00:07:04,380 --> 00:07:05,460
Oh!
124
00:07:05,500 --> 00:07:07,860
Give me that, kelso!
125
00:07:07,940 --> 00:07:09,500
You're gonna hurt yourself.
126
00:07:12,380 --> 00:07:14,660
Quit it, Hyde. That really hurts.
127
00:07:14,740 --> 00:07:16,580
Okay, do it one more time.
128
00:07:26,740 --> 00:07:29,260
Okay, so this is George Washington,
129
00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:31,300
the father of our country.
130
00:07:31,380 --> 00:07:33,820
Well, George and I have
one thing in common.
131
00:07:33,900 --> 00:07:37,100
We both look good in a powdered white wig.
132
00:07:40,020 --> 00:07:42,340
Okay, so, fez, the statue of liberty
133
00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:44,260
was a gift from the French.
134
00:07:44,340 --> 00:07:47,060
The French? I didn't know that.
135
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:48,740
You didn't know that?
136
00:07:48,820 --> 00:07:51,220
I really don't think
it's common knowledge.
137
00:07:51,300 --> 00:07:54,460
Okay, I painted my nails
through two semesters
138
00:07:54,540 --> 00:07:56,580
of American history, and even I knew that.
139
00:07:56,660 --> 00:07:58,980
Well, don't I feel like the hillbilly
140
00:07:59,060 --> 00:08:01,780
who wandered into town.
141
00:08:01,860 --> 00:08:03,180
Well, it's no big deal, Mrs. Forman.
142
00:08:03,220 --> 00:08:05,100
Oh, I see. It's no big deal
143
00:08:05,140 --> 00:08:07,020
for you smart people who know everything.
144
00:08:07,060 --> 00:08:08,940
But for us hillbillies,
145
00:08:08,980 --> 00:08:10,860
well, we're lucky if we
know how to tie our shoes
146
00:08:10,900 --> 00:08:13,100
and flush the toilet.
147
00:08:13,140 --> 00:08:15,580
Okay, Mrs. Forman, please don't get upset.
148
00:08:15,660 --> 00:08:16,980
Okay, here.
149
00:08:17,060 --> 00:08:19,060
Drink some more Fudge.
150
00:08:23,500 --> 00:08:25,820
Okay, so...
151
00:08:25,900 --> 00:08:27,860
The constitution was ratified...
152
00:08:27,940 --> 00:08:29,140
Oh, I know this.
153
00:08:29,220 --> 00:08:30,660
1776.
154
00:08:30,700 --> 00:08:33,620
Oh, you're thinking of the
declaration of independence.
155
00:08:33,700 --> 00:08:34,980
See, the
constitution was...
156
00:08:35,020 --> 00:08:36,900
I know what the constitution is.
157
00:08:36,940 --> 00:08:38,340
Can you make Fudge?
158
00:08:38,380 --> 00:08:39,340
What?
159
00:08:39,420 --> 00:08:42,140
Then can it.
160
00:08:42,220 --> 00:08:44,100
Okay, what if they ask
me about current events?
161
00:08:44,140 --> 00:08:45,820
Tell me about Vietnam.
162
00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:47,820
Okay, so Vietnam was an
illegal war which we lost.
163
00:08:47,900 --> 00:08:51,140
What the hell are you teaching him?
164
00:08:51,980 --> 00:08:54,860
You, come with me.
165
00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:58,380
I'll teach you the real American history.
166
00:08:58,460 --> 00:09:00,300
First of all, we didn't lose the war.
167
00:09:00,380 --> 00:09:02,020
It was a tie.
168
00:09:03,420 --> 00:09:05,260
Besides, they're grateful.
169
00:09:05,340 --> 00:09:07,740
They have McDonald's now.
170
00:09:10,220 --> 00:09:12,100
Here's my file.
171
00:09:12,180 --> 00:09:14,980
It doesn't say "stooge" anywhere.
172
00:09:16,460 --> 00:09:19,300
Oh, good picture, but that's no shocker.
173
00:09:19,380 --> 00:09:21,340
But this is...
174
00:09:21,380 --> 00:09:24,020
Aah!
175
00:09:24,100 --> 00:09:25,700
I think the batteries are starting to go.
176
00:09:25,740 --> 00:09:27,180
That one didn't hurt as much.
177
00:09:27,260 --> 00:09:29,860
You better let me hold on to this file.
178
00:09:29,900 --> 00:09:31,300
I don't leave any fingerprints,
179
00:09:31,340 --> 00:09:33,940
thanks to my cool new black gloves.
180
00:09:34,020 --> 00:09:38,220
Man, if only these shot webs.
181
00:09:40,220 --> 00:09:42,300
Aren't those your mom's isotoners?
182
00:09:44,900 --> 00:09:46,780
All right, guys, I gotta figure out
183
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:48,980
if I'm in trouble or not.
184
00:09:49,900 --> 00:09:52,540
What the hell is going on in here?
185
00:09:53,540 --> 00:09:57,180
I'm gonna go with you're in trouble.
186
00:10:05,180 --> 00:10:08,340
Cadet kelso, do you
know what the penalty is
187
00:10:08,420 --> 00:10:10,100
for breaking into the academy office?
188
00:10:10,180 --> 00:10:12,700
No, sir, officer Kennedy, sir!
189
00:10:12,740 --> 00:10:14,140
There are none,
190
00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:16,900
because nobody's been
stupid enough to do it!
191
00:10:16,980 --> 00:10:20,740
All right! You're first in your class.
192
00:10:23,460 --> 00:10:27,300
Is that a dog training
collar around your neck?
193
00:10:29,460 --> 00:10:31,900
Oh, um, you're probably gonna want this.
194
00:10:33,620 --> 00:10:35,260
It's the red button.
195
00:10:35,300 --> 00:10:38,020
Look, sir, I think you should know
196
00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:39,620
that at the last police charity auction,
197
00:10:39,700 --> 00:10:41,940
my family bought one of your
Christmas tree ornaments...
198
00:10:42,020 --> 00:10:43,900
Santa driving a cop car.
199
00:10:43,980 --> 00:10:47,500
Funniest thing on the tree. It was.
200
00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:49,500
Anyway, please don't call my mom and dad.
201
00:10:49,580 --> 00:10:51,100
Thanks.
202
00:10:51,140 --> 00:10:52,700
What's your name?
203
00:10:52,740 --> 00:10:54,940
They call me fez.
204
00:10:56,900 --> 00:11:00,100
Officer Kennedy, sir, I broke in
205
00:11:00,180 --> 00:11:03,060
to find out if I was
the stooge or not, sir.
206
00:11:03,100 --> 00:11:05,460
You're not the stooge.
Johnson's the stooge.
207
00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:07,620
Yes.
208
00:11:07,700 --> 00:11:10,900
But you're the stooge now.
209
00:11:12,900 --> 00:11:16,140
Okay, I think that we've
been reviewing long enough.
210
00:11:16,220 --> 00:11:18,380
Let's see what you've learned.
211
00:11:18,460 --> 00:11:20,500
I'll start you off with an easy one.
212
00:11:20,540 --> 00:11:22,300
Where do you live?
213
00:11:22,340 --> 00:11:24,140
Ame-dee-ca.
214
00:11:24,220 --> 00:11:27,860
It's pronounced America.
215
00:11:27,900 --> 00:11:30,060
That's what I
said. Ame-dee-ca.
216
00:11:30,140 --> 00:11:32,860
America!
217
00:11:32,900 --> 00:11:35,100
Ame-dee-ca.
218
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,780
Why do we celebrate the 4th of July?
219
00:11:38,820 --> 00:11:41,020
Because we are damn glad not to be a bunch
220
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:43,140
of British tea-drinking
nancy-pants.
221
00:11:43,220 --> 00:11:47,100
Nobody's gonna argue with that answer.
222
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:52,460
A-mer-I-ca!
223
00:11:52,500 --> 00:11:56,300
A-me-dee-ca!
224
00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:58,820
America!
225
00:11:58,900 --> 00:12:01,060
Ame-dee-ca!
226
00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:03,980
What was president
227
00:12:04,020 --> 00:12:06,700
Dwight d. Eisenhower's
greatest achievement?
228
00:12:06,780 --> 00:12:08,620
He led the allies to
victory in world war ii
229
00:12:08,700 --> 00:12:10,740
and sent those jackbooted
Nazi bastards home
230
00:12:10,820 --> 00:12:13,100
to cry in their Sauerkraut.
231
00:12:13,140 --> 00:12:17,980
I didn't understand a word you said,
232
00:12:18,060 --> 00:12:21,180
but I heard "nazi bastards,"
and that's good enough for me.
233
00:12:24,100 --> 00:12:26,460
America!
234
00:12:26,500 --> 00:12:29,380
Ame-dee-ca!
235
00:12:29,420 --> 00:12:33,860
Look, there is no damn "d" in "america"!
236
00:12:35,340 --> 00:12:38,500
Say my son's name.
237
00:12:38,580 --> 00:12:40,500
Eric.
238
00:12:43,740 --> 00:12:46,580
Great.
239
00:12:46,660 --> 00:12:48,460
Now...
240
00:12:48,540 --> 00:12:50,460
America.
241
00:12:50,500 --> 00:12:52,900
Ame-dee-ca.
242
00:12:52,980 --> 00:12:56,220
Just forget it.
243
00:12:56,300 --> 00:12:58,300
Just say "united States."
244
00:12:58,380 --> 00:13:02,300
United States...
Of ame-dee-ca.
245
00:13:06,300 --> 00:13:09,180
Guys, I'm really screwed
down at the police academy.
246
00:13:09,260 --> 00:13:11,100
Officer Kennedy told me
he's looking for any reason
247
00:13:11,180 --> 00:13:12,540
to kick me out.
248
00:13:12,580 --> 00:13:15,260
Okay, but did he say anything
about calling my parents?
249
00:13:17,340 --> 00:13:20,180
I was so freaked out
that I completely blew
250
00:13:20,220 --> 00:13:22,020
this exam this morning.
251
00:13:22,100 --> 00:13:23,620
I'm sure you did fine.
252
00:13:23,700 --> 00:13:25,620
Roy, the first question
253
00:13:25,660 --> 00:13:28,740
was "stop in the name of the blank."
254
00:13:28,820 --> 00:13:30,540
And I wrote "love."
255
00:13:30,580 --> 00:13:32,860
God!
256
00:13:33,860 --> 00:13:35,940
I don't care what they say, kelso.
257
00:13:36,020 --> 00:13:39,860
Love is always the right answer.
258
00:13:39,900 --> 00:13:41,780
So you screwed up a test, man.
259
00:13:41,820 --> 00:13:43,220
You know what you have to do.
260
00:13:43,260 --> 00:13:45,860
Yeah, yeah, study more next time.
261
00:13:45,940 --> 00:13:48,460
What are you, Forman?
262
00:13:48,500 --> 00:13:50,780
You gotta break in there
and change the answers.
263
00:13:50,860 --> 00:13:54,140
I can't break in there again.
264
00:13:54,220 --> 00:13:57,740
That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
265
00:13:57,780 --> 00:13:59,980
That's why they'll never expect it, man.
266
00:14:00,020 --> 00:14:02,740
Look, they don't know
you got a friend like me
267
00:14:02,820 --> 00:14:06,100
to talk you into doing something
so fundamentally moronic.
268
00:14:06,140 --> 00:14:09,660
That's true.
269
00:14:09,740 --> 00:14:11,620
You know what? I'm in, too.
270
00:14:11,700 --> 00:14:13,460
I know it's dangerous, but...
271
00:14:13,540 --> 00:14:16,780
I just really like wearing that outfit.
272
00:14:16,860 --> 00:14:18,700
Trust me, it'll work.
273
00:14:18,780 --> 00:14:20,580
How do you think I got through chemistry?
274
00:14:20,620 --> 00:14:22,500
Hey, you told me you
blackmailed the teacher
275
00:14:22,540 --> 00:14:24,740
'cause you caught him
smoking up behind the gym.
276
00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:27,820
Oh, yeah.
277
00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:30,500
How do you think I got through biology?
278
00:14:38,060 --> 00:14:40,780
Fez, relax. You're gonna pass the test.
279
00:14:40,860 --> 00:14:43,820
No, this could be my
last day in the country.
280
00:14:43,860 --> 00:14:45,860
We should probably make love.
281
00:14:45,900 --> 00:14:47,980
What?
282
00:14:48,060 --> 00:14:50,580
Don't worry. It'll be
over before you know it.
283
00:14:50,660 --> 00:14:54,180
So, on the way back from the bathroom,
284
00:14:54,220 --> 00:14:56,340
I got proposed to 3 times.
285
00:14:56,420 --> 00:14:58,780
I must look more gorgeous than usual.
286
00:14:58,820 --> 00:15:01,380
Jackie, the only reason
they want to marry you
287
00:15:01,460 --> 00:15:02,980
is so they can stay in the country.
288
00:15:03,020 --> 00:15:04,580
Jealous.
289
00:15:06,340 --> 00:15:09,380
Okay. Here I go.
290
00:15:12,180 --> 00:15:14,180
I'm here for my test.
291
00:15:14,260 --> 00:15:15,620
Where do I sign in, or should I say,
292
00:15:15,700 --> 00:15:18,780
where do I put my John hancock?
293
00:15:20,060 --> 00:15:23,020
Actually, I will sign my name.
294
00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:24,260
That's just a common expression.
295
00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:25,540
I know so much history,
296
00:15:25,620 --> 00:15:27,980
I just drop it into everyday conversation.
297
00:15:28,060 --> 00:15:29,260
There is no test.
298
00:15:29,340 --> 00:15:31,900
I just need to see that
you are who you say you are
299
00:15:31,980 --> 00:15:33,820
and that you're in the country to be
300
00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:35,500
with your wife Laurie Forman.
301
00:15:35,580 --> 00:15:37,820
No test? So that's it?
302
00:15:37,900 --> 00:15:40,140
I'm truly really a citizen
of this great country?
303
00:15:40,220 --> 00:15:42,060
Just as soon as I stamp this paper.
304
00:15:42,140 --> 00:15:43,300
Oh, this is great.
305
00:15:43,380 --> 00:15:44,740
You and I should go celebrate.
306
00:15:44,820 --> 00:15:46,660
Let's start out with a couple
of drinks and some lovemaking
307
00:15:46,740 --> 00:15:49,020
and see where it goes from there.
308
00:15:50,260 --> 00:15:52,860
I don't date married men.
309
00:15:52,940 --> 00:15:55,300
Well, let's just say that as
soon as I get my green card,
310
00:15:55,380 --> 00:15:56,900
I will be single.
311
00:15:56,980 --> 00:16:01,020
Then you can explore the country of fez.
312
00:16:01,060 --> 00:16:02,940
Hold on. Are you telling me
313
00:16:02,980 --> 00:16:04,860
your marriage is a sham?
314
00:16:04,900 --> 00:16:06,140
I'm telling you
315
00:16:06,180 --> 00:16:08,900
your eyes are like Amber waves of grain.
316
00:16:08,980 --> 00:16:12,500
You do realize I haven't stamped this yet.
317
00:16:14,660 --> 00:16:16,660
Actually, I had not.
318
00:16:19,460 --> 00:16:20,860
Oh, he looks happy.
319
00:16:20,900 --> 00:16:23,180
Yeah, I bet he's doing great. Yeah.
320
00:16:24,580 --> 00:16:25,980
Shouldn't you stamp my paper now?
321
00:16:26,020 --> 00:16:26,980
I don't think so.
322
00:16:27,060 --> 00:16:28,260
In a minute? Nope.
323
00:16:28,300 --> 00:16:29,700
After lunch? Unh-unh.
324
00:16:29,740 --> 00:16:32,860
Would you like me to stamp it?
325
00:16:34,740 --> 00:16:37,020
Red, do you think I'm smart?
326
00:16:37,100 --> 00:16:40,300
Oh, is that what we're gonna
do today, we're gonna fight?
327
00:16:42,860 --> 00:16:44,860
Great news. I got my green card.
328
00:16:44,900 --> 00:16:48,340
I am now officially a yankee doodle dandy.
329
00:16:48,420 --> 00:16:51,300
So you passed the test, huh?
330
00:16:51,380 --> 00:16:52,540
No, there was no test.
331
00:16:52,580 --> 00:16:53,620
No test?
332
00:16:53,660 --> 00:16:57,660
Oh, we're just as bad as Canada.
333
00:16:57,700 --> 00:16:59,940
So, what happened?
334
00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:02,140
Well, you know how sometimes
I come on a little strong
335
00:17:02,180 --> 00:17:03,340
to the ladies?
336
00:17:03,420 --> 00:17:06,860
You can be a little handsy.
337
00:17:06,940 --> 00:17:08,780
It was touch-and-go
for a while,
338
00:17:08,860 --> 00:17:11,540
but eventually, I won the
I.N.S. Lady over with my charm.
339
00:17:11,580 --> 00:17:13,540
More like you cried until she felt bad
340
00:17:13,620 --> 00:17:15,460
and stamped your papers.
341
00:17:15,540 --> 00:17:19,140
Hey, tomato, potato- -
it's all the same thing.
342
00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:23,620
Bottom line is I
have cha-dees-ma.
343
00:17:23,700 --> 00:17:24,900
Charisma!
344
00:17:24,980 --> 00:17:27,020
Yes,
cha-dees-ma.
345
00:17:30,140 --> 00:17:33,420
Man, I love these gloves.
346
00:17:33,500 --> 00:17:36,300
I wish there was some
diamond protected by lasers
347
00:17:36,380 --> 00:17:38,340
I could steal.
348
00:17:38,420 --> 00:17:39,780
Okay, I'm almost done.
349
00:17:39,860 --> 00:17:43,260
I just gotta think of
one more misdemeanor.
350
00:17:43,300 --> 00:17:46,140
Oh, breaking into the police academy.
351
00:17:46,220 --> 00:17:48,700
All right, come on. Let's go.
352
00:17:53,100 --> 00:17:55,820
How do you keep finding us?!
353
00:17:57,020 --> 00:18:00,380
I'm wearing all black!
354
00:18:00,460 --> 00:18:03,060
I sleep right next door.
355
00:18:03,140 --> 00:18:04,540
What's the problem, trouble with the wife?
356
00:18:04,620 --> 00:18:05,740
Shut up.
357
00:18:06,700 --> 00:18:09,300
That's it. You're outta here.
358
00:18:09,340 --> 00:18:11,020
Wait. I can explain.
359
00:18:11,060 --> 00:18:15,100
Okay, this whole thing
started because I just...
360
00:18:15,180 --> 00:18:17,140
I can't be the stooge.
361
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:19,620
Okay? I'm gonna be a dad soon,
362
00:18:19,700 --> 00:18:21,540
and no kid is gonna look up to his dad
363
00:18:21,620 --> 00:18:23,420
if his dad is the stooge.
364
00:18:23,500 --> 00:18:25,500
Well, unless the kid's a stooge,
365
00:18:25,580 --> 00:18:28,460
in which case I wouldn't love him anyway.
366
00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:32,340
You're gonna be a father?
367
00:18:32,420 --> 00:18:34,500
Who would breed with you?!
368
00:18:35,900 --> 00:18:39,540
One night stand, both a little drunk.
369
00:18:39,620 --> 00:18:42,580
Look, I know I messed up.
370
00:18:42,660 --> 00:18:47,060
But can't you just... maybe...
371
00:18:47,140 --> 00:18:48,980
Give me one more chance?
372
00:18:49,060 --> 00:18:51,380
All right. Since you're gonna be a father,
373
00:18:51,460 --> 00:18:53,300
I'm gonna let what happened here slide.
374
00:18:53,380 --> 00:18:55,220
But just so you don't do this again,
375
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:58,100
I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.
376
00:18:58,180 --> 00:18:59,740
There is no stooge.
377
00:18:59,780 --> 00:19:01,620
What?
378
00:19:01,700 --> 00:19:03,580
That's just a rumor we started
379
00:19:03,620 --> 00:19:05,500
to get the cadets to work harder.
380
00:19:05,540 --> 00:19:08,660
Also... there's no alligator in the lake.
381
00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:14,220
Wait, wait, wait. If there's no stooge,
382
00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:15,660
then how come our friend Roy told us
383
00:19:15,740 --> 00:19:18,060
he got kicked out of the
academy for being a stooge?
384
00:19:18,140 --> 00:19:20,380
Roy keene?
385
00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:22,620
He didn't get kicked
out for being a stooge.
386
00:19:22,700 --> 00:19:26,220
He got kicked out for
shooting the police horse.
387
00:19:26,300 --> 00:19:28,260
Look, cadet, all you have to do
388
00:19:28,340 --> 00:19:30,140
is work hard and you'll be fine.
389
00:19:30,220 --> 00:19:32,980
Now you clean up this
mess and get outta here.
390
00:19:39,140 --> 00:19:43,580
Well, I think we all learned
an important lesson here.
391
00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:44,620
If you're in trouble
392
00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:46,380
and your back's up against the wall,
393
00:19:46,460 --> 00:19:48,780
just tell 'em you got a kid.
394
00:19:51,220 --> 00:19:54,740
People are suckers for a baby.
395
00:19:54,780 --> 00:19:56,940
That is a valuable lesson.
396
00:19:57,020 --> 00:19:59,740
I think we should all reflect on that...
397
00:19:59,820 --> 00:20:02,460
In the k-9 training room.
398
00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:03,580
I call shock caller.
399
00:20:03,660 --> 00:20:04,820
I call buttons.
400
00:20:09,460 --> 00:20:10,660
Okay, miss smarty-pants.
401
00:20:10,740 --> 00:20:13,020
How about... ooh.
402
00:20:13,100 --> 00:20:14,500
Where was the famous tea party?
403
00:20:15,540 --> 00:20:16,420
Boston.
404
00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:17,500
Nope.
405
00:20:17,580 --> 00:20:19,420
What?
406
00:20:19,500 --> 00:20:21,660
Got it wrong. Sorry.
407
00:20:21,740 --> 00:20:24,900
It's the Boston tea party.
408
00:20:24,980 --> 00:20:29,340
No. It says right here it's
" the Boston tea party."
409
00:20:30,260 --> 00:20:31,620
Oh.
410
00:20:31,700 --> 00:20:33,220
Huh.
411
00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:35,580
I'm gonna have a long island tea party.
29064
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
