All language subtitles for The Goldbergs s10e10 Worst Grinch Ever.eng

[Adult Adam] Back in the '80s,
my mom always loved celebrating Hanukkah.

Merry Hanukkah.

[Adult Adam] It was
an over-the-top spectacle

- that would rival
any Christmas. - [laughs]

Yeah, baby!

[Adult Adam]
And now that there was a new Goldberg in the house,

my mom was ready for it
to be the best Hanukkah ever.

Until...

What in the holly jolly hell?

Can someone explain to me
the meaning of this?

- Aww!
- Aww.

It's Mrs. Claus.

Squeeze
her cookie-baking hand.

["Deck the Halls" plays]

What a delight.

Is that a xylophone
or a marimba?

What it is
is sacrilege.

We are a Hanukkah family!

Calm down, Golda Meir.

The baby just likes her because
she's soft. It's no biggie.

By placing Santa's gal pal
in the crib of my grandschmoo,

you are disrespecting
the holiday of our people.

Please. You don't even know
what Hanukkah's about.

Of course I do!

Yeah, I'm not talking
about the menorah

or the inflatable dreidel
on the lawn

that Barry always ends up
getting in a fight with.

I mean the real story
of Hanukkah.

Let me just gather
my thoughts for a minute

because I have
so many specific, clear ones.

You know what would be fun?
Blind folds.

Boys, tell Erica the true
meaning of Hanukkah.

- No problem.
- Easy peasy.

It begins in ancient times.

Moses led our people
to the championships.

And I'm not talking
about Moses Malone.

- This guy
couldn't even dunk. - No.

It all started

because there were
some bad dudes

being jerks
to our distant,

and let's be honest,
gross and sweaty, ancestors.

A beard in the desert?
No, thank you.

Such a bad start.

I don't want to get bogged down
in the details.

I think it's safe to say
you didn't.

Don't forget,
our good guys received

a huge treasure
of chocolate money,

and they were like,
"Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.
This tastes good."

Wow. Just wow.

By the way, Erica,
the money is called gelt.

Okay, great work, everyone.

Proud moment
for our people.

We're officially keeping
Lady Santa.

- Um, I'm the only homemaker
of the holiday season. - ["Deck the Halls" plays]

- Aww, it wouldn't be Hanukkah
without a physical altercation. - Let go.

'Tis the season
for mother-daughter wrestling.

I also bought a dreidel.
Anyone?

- Stop it!
- [laughs] Yeah!

♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪

♪ But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say ♪

♪ I don't know the future ♪

♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪

[Adult Adam]
It was December 7, 1980-something,

and it was closing time
at the diner.

Man, I only made 17 bucks
in tips tonight.

Happy holidays
from Reagan's America.

'Sup with you and Carmen?

Oh, I-I don't know.

We haven't talked that much

since that night
I slept at her place.

You slept over
and didn't talk to her after?

Bro. I have never respected you
before this moment.

I-I just passed out
on her couch.

Oh, no!

Maybe she's upset
because I didn't fold the blanket after.

- What a rude house guest!
- Dude.

You literally ruin every story,
even the interesting ones.

But she keeps peeking over
and smiling.

♪

[chuckles]

Good. Very casual.

Why would she be interested
in me?

'Cause you're nothing like the
bad boys she's used to dating.

You're actually
a little sweetie pie.

It's disgusting,
but she likes what she likes.

Now go ask her out.
Come on.

Hey, Carmen.
What's good...

in the hood?

[chuckles]

Now, I feel like we haven't
talked in a while.

Well, I guess
things have been busy,

what with the holidays
and the excitement

about the closing
of the calendar year.

♪

- Whoa.
- [chuckles]

Uh, what was that for?

Mistletoe.

Oh! Thank you,
magical Christmas vegetation!

[laughs]
You are too cute.

So, um, you think, uh,
maybe--

and you're free to say no,
I won't be upset.

I mean, I will,
but that's not your problem--

Are you asking me out?

Yyyyy-nnnnnnn-- Yes?

[laughs]

It took you long enough.

Well, first eggnog's on me

because people have been
crazy generous with their tips.

I don't mean
to objectify you,

but I think
you're being rewarded

because you're so pretty.

You think I'm pretty?

Oh, wow,
I was accidentally smooth.

- I mean-- Yeah, girl.
- [laughs]

You fine.

Shh.

Mistletoe.

♪

[Adult Adam]
While things were looking up with Carmen,

my mom was giving
Lou and Linda

the lowdown
on her big threat to Hanukkah.

Thank you for convening
for our first ever

Council of Grandparents meeting.

That sounds like nonsense,

but you made coffee cake,
so I'm here.

I found this monstrosity
in Muriel's crib!

Is that Mrs. Garrett
from The Facts of Life?

- No.
- Are you sure?

She's got that apron.

Can we go one day without

you talking about
Mrs. Garrett?

Here's a fact of life--

No.

It's Mrs. Claus.
Of the North Pole Clauses?

Our children bought this
for our granddaughter,

and despite my protestations,
she is keeping it.

- Oh, no, she's not!
- Why not?

This toy is a gateway
to Christmas.

Thank you.

First the baby loves
this old lady,

next thing you know,
she's making gingerbread houses

and talking lovingly
about Connecticut.

- And then we've lost her forever.
- Because of a toy?

They have better music.

They get to put trees
in their houses.

- Oh!
- Spiral cut ham!

My God,
that baby is doomed.

Maybe Muriel could have
a little bit of Christmas.

My cousin's gynecologist's
daughter

celebrated
Christmas once

and got all caught up
in the spirit.

Well, she fell off a ladder
hanging ornaments,

broke her pelvis,

and now she water-skis
from a special chair.

So she's still
kinda doing it?

Our people don't water-ski,
Linda!

I don't care how many pelvises
you have.

We have to put a stop to this,
but how?

Maybe the toy
goes missing.

Mm-hmm.

Babies lose things
all the time.

No, they don't.
She lives in a crib.

Listen to me very carefully, Linda.

Mrs. Kringle here
is gonna sleep with the fishes.

Is that supposed to be
menacing?

Because it looks
like you ate a bad egg.

Lou scares no one,
but the sentiment is right.

Yay! We're gonna whack
a child's toy!

[laughs]
Ho, ho, ho.

[Adult Adam]
While the grandparents were planning a hit,

Dave Kim and I
were hitting the town.

Carmen just walked up to me
in the diner

and had to have me.

That's remarkable.

Even as I hear it
a third time.

Sorry. How's your
romantic life at NYU?

My roommate seems to be
getting tons of action.

Sometimes I wake up
to his guest's enthusiastic noises,

so I'm kinda part of it.

Oh, balls.

Balls, indeed.

It was my ex-girlfriend, and
she was headed right for me.

- Hey, guys.
- Brea!

I didn't know you were
back from Brown yet.

Sorry.
I-I was gonna call you.

Joanne picked me up
from the train station

and we just came
straight here.

I wasn't aware
you two were

"get each other from
the train station" type homies.

Well, when you date a Goldberg,
you're homies for life.

You know,
'cause they crazy.

[both laugh]

[laughs]
Good stuff.

♪

[Adult Adam]
Sure, it was awkward running into my ex,

but we seemed to be
in a good place.

- Brea!
- Or so I thought.

Hey, bro. I'm Kirk,
Brea's boyfriend.

My world was upside down,
and I needed answers.

She has a boyfriend?
And you knew?

You and Brea
aren't together anymore.

Broken up, split,
nada, no moresies.

I knew this would happen.

I just thought it would be
in a distant future

where there are
flying cars

and love is just
a pill you take.

But it's now. Today.

Barry, did you know
about Kirk?

- I'm meeting him tonight.
- Tonight?

Everyone is moving so fast.

Relax, it's just dinner
at a fast-casual restaurant.

My brother is double-dating
with my girlfriend?

Ex-girlfriend!

Dissolved, terminated,
undone, splintered,

poof, the Grand Canyon.

But Brea and I
still talk all the time.

Why hasn't
she mentioned him?

Maybe because she knew
you would act all nuts,

like you're doing now.

You know what?
Don't worry, bro.

I'm Team Adam.

I'm gonna destroy this kid tonight.

- Thank you!
- Come again?

I'm sorry, Joanne, but it is
my fraternal duty to humiliate

and debase his ex-paramour's
current steady.

Whatever.
I'm getting two wines.

Thanks, Bar.
You're finally a good person.

While I was anxious for Barry
to bring down Kirk,

the grandparents were trying
to keep Hanukkah alive.

Oh, hey, Mom and Dad.
Didn't know you were here.

Do we need a reason
for hanging out?

We're just enjoying some of
Beverly's...

periodicals.

Fun stuff.
I'm going to change the baby.

Is it weird that I love
her little tushie so much?

No, it is not weird.
[chuckles]

[Muriel coos]

[Distorted "Deck the Halls"
plays]

- Do you hear something?
- Yeah. What is that?

♪

What the hell?
Mrs. Claus!

Okay. Which one of you
made Santa single?

Damn it, Linda!
You were supposed to rip the music box out of her belly

so she'd stay quiet!

Why am I
on dismemberment duty?

Okay,
this is very, very dark.

It doesn't matter.

What matters
is that this family

is not in the market
for any new traditions.

Last time I checked,
you weren't in charge

of how
we raise our baby.

No, you are not.

And maybe
we don't even know how we want to raise our child yet.

No, we do not.

- What are you saying?
- What I'm saying is, you may not be in the market

for new traditions,
but we are.

May the best holiday win.

♪

Oh! I hate how cute she looks
in that Santa suit!

My mom thought that
Erica's love for Christmas

would be a phase, but instead,
she doubled down...

[Dramatic music plays]

Bah humbug!

[Adult Adam]
...even reading Muriel a Dr. Seuss Christmas classic.

"And the Grinch
grabbed the tree and he started to shove,

when he heard a small sound
like the coo of a dove."

[Muriel babbles]

Oh, no! That Grinch
is stealing Christmas.

What kind of monster
would deny anyone Christmas?

[Adult Adam]
And it didn't stop at the Grinch.

♪ Tidings of comfort and joy
Comfort and joy ♪

♪ O, tidings of comfort
and joy ♪

Erica, I just love
your Christmas spirit.

Oh, yep. I'm here
for all the right reasons.

What an odd
and worrying thing to say.

[tires squeal, horn honks]

Oh, hi, Mom!
Check us out!

Grandma Ginzy is embracing us
with songs and merriment.

No, no, no!
No, no, no, no.

- I'm not part of this!
- [engine revving]

The only baby in my life
is Jesus!

Please don't hurt me!
[bleep]

[Adult Adam]
Erica had officially gone too far.

So my mom decided to fight fire
with religious fire.

Hello, wayward sheep.

What's going on here?

And who's
our yarmulked guest?

This is Rabbi Adler.

I thought I'd invite him over
for the first night of Hanukkah.

- Fifth.
- Get on with it.

Tell us about all the delicious
food we can't eat, padre.

Well, I'd start
with the shrimp parmesan

- your mother served me.
- [Beverly] God forgives!

But you should know,
Erica was singing noels

with the people
that buy all the poinsettias.

Okay, I'm so confused.

What's going on here,
Dad?

We all made
a very generous donation

to the temple
on Muriel's behalf.

They're finally gonna get
to reseal that parking lot.

So while we were having
a date night,

you were indoctrinating
our child?

Well, I gotta hand it
to you.

It was a nice move,

but I'm afraid
you're a little too late.

What does that mean?

[Adult Adam]
It meant that Erica had already gotten help

turning Muriel's room
into a Christmas wonderland.

[Humming]

Virginia Gregory Kremp!

Okay, Erica asked me
to do this,

and it's the season for giving,
so I had to.

I'm so scared.

We've made
our choice.

Our child is
a Christmas baby now.

- [gasps]
- I should skedaddle.

Thank you
for the new driveway.

Happy Hanu-- Holidays.

[Adult Adam]
Yep, Erica had created Christmas cheer

in the Goldberg house.

Meanwhile, Barry was determined
to destroy Kirk.

- Ooh. I'm sorry, friend.
- Oh!

I almost made you
trip so badly,

no woman could love
or respect you.

No worries.

But that was gonna be harder
than he thought.

Fun idea-- Should we get
all 27 cheesecakes?

That's not a fun idea.

♪

That's a perfect one, Kirk.

Hello, dummies.

You can't get
all the cheesecakes.

That's like $200.

[Adult Adam]
Despite Barry's best efforts to make life hell for Kirk,

- it wasn't happening...
- [laughter]

...because Kirk
was kinda great.

I can't tell you how much
I admire

that you're studying
to be a doctor.

Oh. Y-You could try.

- [both laugh]
- Cheers.

And specifically,
he was Barry's kind of great.

You are so much more jacked
than me.

Eh, you're squeezing too hard,
but yeah.

And finally...

Ninjas are by far the warriors
that I respect the most.

After dinner,
we'll put on black pajamas

and pretend to kill
a shogun.

- Yeah!
- Yes!

Yep, Barry's feelings
for Brea's new beau

were not what I expected.

I love Kirk.

Whatever.
He's just a rebound.

He's not even Brea's type.

Adam, look at me.
He's everybody's type.

Sorry, bud,
but maybe you should give him a chance.

He's coming with Brea
to the JTP's holiday party.

You mean the thing
I'm definitely not going to now?

Then you'll be missing out
on a lot of funny Kirk stories.

One time, he jumped so high,
he almost touched a branch.

He tells it better.

[scoffs]
You guys have fun.

I'll be home,
imagining the worst.

Adam, you don't have to go
to the party alone.

Why don't you invite that girl
from the diner?

Carmen.
Of course.

She's as pretty as Kirk is.

And once Brea sees her,
we'll both be miserable!

[laughs]
It's a perfect plan.

[Adult Adam]
As I was excited to ruin Brea's relationship with Kirk,

Erica was disappointed
to find Christmas erased

from the baby's nursery.

Mom!

You just
couldn't help yourself, could you?

- Excuse me?
- Sure, I got a little carried away,

but this is too far!

Well, that certainly does
sound like me,

but I don't know
what you're talking about.

You ripped down
all of the baby's decorations.

You're the Grinch
who stole Christmas.

Erica, I didn't so it.
I swear.

Stop.
It was me, okay?

I'm the Grinch.

Everyone happy?

[Adult Adam]
With that, Geoff had spilled his secret.

Meanwhile, it was time for
my plan to take down Kirk--

a secret gift for Brea

that would remind her
of everything we had.

Hey, everyone.
I'd like you to meet Carmen.

- [Barry] Welcome.
- [Carmen] Hey.

Is this one of those
"Can't Buy Me Love" situations

where you're paying her
to be your girlfriend

with the earnings from your
successful mowing business?

[laughs]
No, it's not.

Didn't hurt to ask.

In fact, it did.

All right, everybody's here.
Ruffles are on our one plate.

Yankee Swap time!
Whoo!

So everyone takes a number, and
put your presents on the table.

Yankee Swap?

It's just a way for Barry
and his cheap buddies

to get out of buying
everyone a gift.

- Got it.
- [Barry] All right.

Now,
if your present is awesome, you can keep it.

But if your present is trash,
you can steal someone else's.

Lastly, if your present is
stolen, you can pick a new one.

- Who's got number one?
- Ooh! I do!

Let's go!

Ah! "The Shining"
by Stephen King.

Well, the movie
was hilarious,

so let's see what chuckles
the book brings.

Words on paper? Lame.
Who's next?

I'm the deuce.

[Paper ripping]

Oh! A Discman?

No way. Oh!

I bought that, Kirk.

I'm the one who made you
this happy.

Barry,
that's too expensive.

I'm number three.
Which means, of course, I will be taking that.

- Nooooo!
- It's cool.

Bar, I'll just
get something else.

- It's okay.
- Okay.

[Adult Adam]
And Kirk did get something else--

my secret present for Brea.

Oh, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no!

- That's not meant for--
- Whoa.

It's a necklace.

Brea, help me get
this tasteful bad boy on.

Not a lot of guys
can pull off a necklace,

but leave it to Kirk.

It looks like
a locket.

Nope.
Definitely not a locket.

Oh, Brea,
it's you and...

- Adam.
- What?

Yeah, same. What?

So weird!

Who brought this incredibly
intimate gift?

- It's clearly you.
- Scandalous.

I have a Discman.

Holidays.
Am I right?

So I'll be stealing that back
from you, Kirk,

when it's my turn.

Kirk can't
catch a break.

Hey, if you think about it,
he's the one who stole

- Brea from me
in the first place. - Stole me?

- Digging himself deeper.
- I'm outraged.

It has a stabilizer
for jogging.

Let me explain.

See, Kirk... sucks?

[murmuring]
Oh, my...

- Brea, wait!
- [door opens]

Adam,
I was wrong about you.

You are like
all the other guys I dated--

a jerk.

Carmen, wait!

How dare you speak to Kirk
like that?

Kirk, get our coats.

Barry, wait!

♪

[Adult Adam]
With Geoff having admitted to out-Grinching Beverly,

Erica was full of questions.

Why the hell did you steal
Christmas?

How the hell did you steal
Christmas?

Well, it wasn't easy.

I went in her room and saw
those candy canes hung in a row.

"These candy canes," I said,
"are the first things to go."

Okay, so you're gonna do the
whole Dr. Seuss rhyming thing?

I'm just trying
to stay on theme.

All right, well, keep going
until I figure out

how to punch you
without leaving a bruise.

- I slithered and slunk.
- Slunk?

But with a smile
most pleasant,

I went around the room
and I took every present.

Sure, but how did you manage
to get the tree

out of there
without anyone noticing?

That was a toughie 'cause
I ran into a little setback.

Geoff, why are you taking out
the Christmas tree?

[Geoff] But you know me.
I'm smart and I'm slick.

So I thought up a lie
and I thought it up quick.

'Cause I got
an even better one.

Oh, okay. Great!

- Seasons greetings.
- Yeah.

What a fun little distraction
from the real question.

Why did you do it?

Erica, I know
Christmas is wonderful.

Everyone knows Christmas
is wonderful.

But it's not who we are.

- But it can be.
- Why?

Because you want to throw it
in our parents' faces,

or because it's actually
meaningful to you?

What if the throwing it
in their faces is what's meaningful?

[scoffs]
Look, I know I haven't always been the most observant,

but our traditions
matter to me,

and I thought
they mattered to you, too.

They do.

Well, I want Muriel
to be raised like we were.

Because she's part of us.

The best part of us.

♪

Okay, so our baby won't be
a Christmas kid.

But can we at least
use some of the presents

for her first Hanukkah?

Oh, you mean these?

♪

Worst Grinch ever.

[Adult Adam] Geoff had managed
to save the holidays.

Meanwhile, I was trying
to save face with Brea.

Hey.
So, that was strange.

I wonder who made it strange.

Look, I was blindsided
seeing you with a guy.

You never mentioned him.

[sighs] I'm sorry.

But it's hard to say out loud
that we're moving on.

Obviously,
for both of us.

It might just be
one of us.

Carmen looked
a tiny bit upset.

You'll figure it out.

I hope so.

She's great.

And, for what it's worth,
Kirk seems great, too.

I should
apologize to him.

I think there's someone else
you should talk to first.

You're right.

I always am.

Now go.

Just know,
I'm happy for you.

Seriously.

♪

Happy Holidays,
Adam Goldberg.

Happy Holidays,
Brea Bee.

♪

It was weird,
but I actually felt okay.

- [door closes]
- I realized I had just been holding on to the past

by trying to hold on
to Brea...

when there was something pretty
amazing right in front of me.

Yeah?

Carmen,
I don't deserve it,

but can I please try
to make up for tonight?

It's fine.

Clearly, you have
unfinished stuff with your ex.

No, I don't.

Not anymore.

And I swear to you,
I am a good guy.

The thing is, good guys
don't have to say that.

They just are.

Fair enough.

Thank you
for your time.

So you're just gonna
give up?

I'm not worth
fighting for?

Okay.
Well, here it goes.

Carmen, I've had
an incredibly difficult year

with a million
different setbacks,

but seeing you every day
at the diner

is the one thing
I look forward to,

and I really don't want
to lose that.

♪

Then don't.

Oh, whoa.

You seem receptive.

Little bit.

Guess what
we're standing under?

So the good guy
gets the girl?

We'll see.

♪ Don't stop thinking
about tomorrow ♪

♪ Don't stop,
it'll soon be here ♪

[Adult Adam]
And that's the thing about the holidays.

Whether it's old traditions
that remind us who we are...

♪ Don't stop thinking ♪

...or new experiences
that fill us with hope...

♪ Don't stop,
it'll soon be here ♪

...being there for one another
always makes

for a season full of joy

that no Grinch
could ever steal.

♪ Ooh ♪

What the hell am I looking at?
Are you bedazzling?!

It's for the baby.
Check it!

"I love you a latke."

Oh! My perfect angel
is so clever!

And on the back...

"Oy to the world!"

So many puns.

I am dying from
holiday happiness.

Yeah.
I did learn from the best.

You cherish and honor me.

But your sewing is crap.
Give it to me.

I'll redo it
and make five more.

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