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This holiday season,
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00:00:27,762 --> 00:00:29,764
show your loved ones
that you really care
3
00:00:29,797 --> 00:00:32,767
by getting them the gift
that they've always wanted.
4
00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:35,770
Whoa, Dad! Really?!
5
00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:37,371
Yes!
6
00:00:37,404 --> 00:00:39,172
Is there anything else? Wow.
7
00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:41,709
Slim Jenko! This is
just what I wanted!
8
00:00:41,743 --> 00:00:43,778
I want some!
9
00:00:43,811 --> 00:00:45,647
We can all have some.
10
00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:48,115
We here at Slim
Jenko pride ourselves
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00:00:48,148 --> 00:00:51,151
on delivering a rich,
flavorful malt beverage
12
00:00:51,184 --> 00:00:52,687
for the entire family.
13
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:55,489
Make us part of your
holiday tradition.
14
00:00:55,523 --> 00:00:57,792
This Friday night at
midnight on Channel 83.
15
00:00:57,825 --> 00:00:59,794
- Mommy!
- Lester.
16
00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:01,428
Lester, what are you doing?
17
00:01:01,461 --> 00:01:04,431
"Killed on Christmas:
The Lester Lord stor..."
18
00:01:09,303 --> 00:01:13,106
Including a regulation
busting 2,500 milligrams
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00:01:13,140 --> 00:01:14,676
of pure THC.
20
00:01:14,709 --> 00:01:16,511
Kunz Christmas Creampies,
21
00:01:16,544 --> 00:01:19,313
an established cream pie
professional for over 50...
22
00:01:19,346 --> 00:01:21,649
The U.S. Defense
Department has spent over
23
00:01:21,683 --> 00:01:24,552
a trillion dollars on the most
cutting edge robot technology,
24
00:01:24,586 --> 00:01:27,689
deployed overseas for a swift
victory against America's
25
00:01:27,722 --> 00:01:31,224
deadliest enemies, and now
Sowell Robotic Products
26
00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:34,696
is here to make that technology
fun for the entire family.
27
00:01:36,798 --> 00:01:39,166
Ho. Ho. Ho.
28
00:01:39,199 --> 00:01:40,835
Introducing RoboSanta Plus
29
00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:42,570
for the upcoming holiday season,
30
00:01:42,604 --> 00:01:45,439
with a vocabulary of
over 90,000 words,
31
00:01:45,472 --> 00:01:46,808
a full range of motion,
32
00:01:46,841 --> 00:01:48,776
and built with military
grade construction,
33
00:01:48,810 --> 00:01:51,746
RoboSanta Plus fully replaces
your local degenerate
34
00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:54,749
mall Santa, keeping you
and your children safe.
35
00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:58,185
Exclusively this weekend
36
00:01:58,218 --> 00:02:03,625
at Midland Mall and GW Bonkers.
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00:02:28,783 --> 00:02:32,386
♪ I am the yule tide cold ♪
38
00:02:32,419 --> 00:02:35,389
♪ Leave the winter closed ♪
39
00:02:35,990 --> 00:02:39,359
♪ Like hive of holy ♪
40
00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:42,597
♪ Well, I dream of you ♪
41
00:02:42,630 --> 00:02:46,266
♪ Nothing is ♪
42
00:02:46,299 --> 00:02:49,369
♪ And the slick ♪
43
00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:53,206
♪ To not peak at
your breast, love ♪
44
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:57,444
♪ Before the devil reigns ♪
45
00:02:57,477 --> 00:02:59,614
Thanks for coming in, guys.
46
00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:02,517
Thank you. Have a good one.
47
00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:04,886
Oh, shit!
48
00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:06,721
Hi.
49
00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:08,723
You look amazing.
50
00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:11,559
Hey, let me know if
you need anything.
51
00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:13,594
Hey, it's almost 7:00,
so I'm going to start
52
00:03:13,628 --> 00:03:15,262
closing up out
back. You got it?
53
00:03:15,295 --> 00:03:17,330
- Yeah.
- Oh, can you put this away?
54
00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:19,000
- Sure.
- Thank you.
55
00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:20,267
- Hey!
- Oh, shit.
56
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:21,769
- Merry Christmas.
- Hi.
57
00:03:21,803 --> 00:03:23,446
It's about time you show your
fucking face around here.
58
00:03:23,470 --> 00:03:24,682
Yeah, I've been busy.
You guys are swamped.
59
00:03:24,706 --> 00:03:26,306
-I know, I know.
60
00:03:26,339 --> 00:03:27,851
I thought you and Lahna
were closing tonight.
61
00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:30,377
Yeah, no, I told her I had
to run home because I, um...
62
00:03:30,410 --> 00:03:31,646
Didn't get her gift.
63
00:03:31,679 --> 00:03:33,246
- I did get her a gift.
- Oh, did you?
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00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:34,625
But I'm now second guessing
it, so now I'm going
65
00:03:34,649 --> 00:03:36,026
- to get some records.
- Oh, yeah, you should be
66
00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:37,528
second guessing this.
She has both of these.
67
00:03:37,552 --> 00:03:38,986
- She does.
- She does. Yeah.
68
00:03:39,020 --> 00:03:40,755
Uh, follow me. Come on.
69
00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:42,724
You guys been together
for, what, like a year?
70
00:03:42,757 --> 00:03:44,424
How are you this fucking dumb?
71
00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:46,269
No, I'm not... It's... I
can't tell the difference
72
00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:48,533
between all these bands that
the logos all look the same.
73
00:03:48,563 --> 00:03:50,306
- They all look the fucking same?
- They all look the same.
74
00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:52,275
- All scratchy and weird.
- Yeah, they kind of do.
75
00:03:52,299 --> 00:03:55,870
Uh, all right, so what I'm
going to show you now... Yes.
76
00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:58,271
We saw these guys open at
a festival this summer.
77
00:03:58,305 --> 00:04:01,743
She was fucking all over it.
They've got the psychedelic,
78
00:04:01,776 --> 00:04:03,376
cosmic riff. She'll
fucking love it.
79
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:04,612
- Deathcrux?
- Yeah.
80
00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:06,013
Okay. And she does
not have this?
81
00:04:06,047 --> 00:04:07,615
- She does not have this.
- Right on.
82
00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:08,959
- You're welcome.
- Yes. No, thank you, Tori.
83
00:04:08,983 --> 00:04:10,852
Thank you. You saved
Christmas again.
84
00:04:10,885 --> 00:04:14,756
By the way, I will come
and say Merry Christmas
85
00:04:14,789 --> 00:04:16,423
- to Lauren.
- Sounds good.
86
00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:18,068
But just don't tell her
I showed up here, okay?
87
00:04:18,092 --> 00:04:19,970
- What are you talking about?
- Don't do the whole thing you do
88
00:04:19,994 --> 00:04:21,538
- when you're like...
- "Oh, my God, it's so good
89
00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:23,497
- to see you.
- No, yeah, don't do that.
90
00:04:23,531 --> 00:04:24,632
- Okay, bye.
- Okay.
91
00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:25,967
- Robbie.
- Hey, bro.
92
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:27,578
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas, man.
93
00:04:27,602 --> 00:04:30,437
♪ Bloody Christmas,
bloody Christmas ♪
94
00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:33,340
♪ Bloody Christmas,
bloody Christmas ♪
95
00:04:35,810 --> 00:04:38,345
Fuck yeah. Almost 2 grand.
96
00:04:38,378 --> 00:04:41,649
- Yeah, that's a big day.
- Does that mean a big boy bonus?
97
00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:44,384
- Means a bonus, yeah.
- Fuck yeah, dawg!
98
00:04:44,417 --> 00:04:46,888
What are you going to
do with your big bonus?
99
00:04:46,921 --> 00:04:48,388
You got any plans?
100
00:04:48,421 --> 00:04:49,633
Well, the talent
show is at 8:00 p.m.
101
00:04:49,657 --> 00:04:51,358
- So, no, not really.
- Yeah.
102
00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:53,036
What are you going to do
this fine Christmas Eve?
103
00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:57,965
I was potentially going
to go meet up with a dude,
104
00:04:57,999 --> 00:05:00,001
but I don't know.
105
00:05:00,034 --> 00:05:01,636
- A dude, a man.
- Yep.
106
00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:02,980
Okay, on Christmas Eve,
you're going to invite
107
00:05:03,004 --> 00:05:04,739
a stranger to your house.
108
00:05:04,772 --> 00:05:05,983
Uh, a stranger to
Reggie's, yeah.
109
00:05:06,007 --> 00:05:07,575
Okay, cool. Fuck,
they're still open.
110
00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:09,342
Did you meet him organically,
111
00:05:09,376 --> 00:05:10,854
or is this, like, a
tinder sort of scenario?
112
00:05:10,878 --> 00:05:13,781
- Tinder situation, yeah.
- Oh, Tinder, okay.
113
00:05:13,815 --> 00:05:15,049
- Yeah.
- Can I see him?
114
00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:17,819
- Eh.
- Eh. He must be a fucking stud.
115
00:05:17,852 --> 00:05:19,419
What the fuck else
am I supposed to do?
116
00:05:19,452 --> 00:05:21,856
You want me to go home,
drink some whiskey,
117
00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:24,792
sit by the fire by my lonesome,
watch "A Christmas Story"
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00:05:24,826 --> 00:05:27,728
like every other fucking
douchebag in America?
119
00:05:27,762 --> 00:05:29,530
Yeah. Sounds kind of nice.
120
00:05:29,564 --> 00:05:32,533
Or you to go to drink
some whiskey with me.
121
00:05:32,567 --> 00:05:33,811
Uh, that Lahna's Christmas gift.
122
00:05:33,835 --> 00:05:35,368
- Is it?
- So you can put a fuckin'...
123
00:05:35,402 --> 00:05:37,047
- No longer.
- What the fuck are you doing?
124
00:05:37,071 --> 00:05:38,673
So, fuck no.
125
00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:39,974
I wanted to do that, too.
126
00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:42,375
So hand me some
cups, and let's go.
127
00:05:42,409 --> 00:05:44,411
Are you gonna go see your
pops up north tomorrow?
128
00:05:44,444 --> 00:05:45,813
- Yeah.
- You should probably get
129
00:05:45,847 --> 00:05:47,491
- a head start late tonight.
- No. Fuck that.
130
00:05:47,515 --> 00:05:48,816
One day, in and out, is my rule.
131
00:05:48,850 --> 00:05:50,417
I can't see anything
wrong in that.
132
00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:51,752
- Fair enough.
- Mazel tov.
133
00:05:51,786 --> 00:05:55,623
Mazel tov. Cheers,
motherfucker.
134
00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:57,390
Only quit stalling.
Show me Tommy Tinder.
135
00:05:57,424 --> 00:05:59,392
What the fuck is your
obsession with this?
136
00:05:59,426 --> 00:06:00,838
- I want to see him.
- I don't want to
137
00:06:00,862 --> 00:06:02,105
- show him to you.
- Is he big? Is he a big boy?
138
00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:03,598
- Oh.
- BBW.
139
00:06:03,631 --> 00:06:04,975
- That what you want to know?
- Yeah.
140
00:06:04,999 --> 00:06:07,969
In that case, I'll
fuckin' show you. Here.
141
00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:11,873
What?
142
00:06:11,906 --> 00:06:13,741
I didn't know you
knew Emmett Eyeliner.
143
00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:15,810
Emmett Eyeliner. Why are
you calling him that?
144
00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:17,187
- Do you know him?
- I know of him.
145
00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:18,846
Did he tell you he
got, like, three kids?
146
00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:20,581
Wait four. Someone's
pregnant now, I think.
147
00:06:20,615 --> 00:06:22,917
- Oh, fuck! He's got kids?
- Yeah.
148
00:06:22,950 --> 00:06:24,619
I don't fucking care.
149
00:06:24,652 --> 00:06:26,988
I just want a little
Christmas Eve schlong.
150
00:06:27,021 --> 00:06:29,624
Well, dude's a genic jackhammer.
151
00:06:29,657 --> 00:06:31,792
- Oh, Jesus.
- Little, uh, sperm canon,
152
00:06:31,826 --> 00:06:33,594
all I'm saying.
153
00:06:33,628 --> 00:06:35,806
Okay, I'm happy you told me
that, so I'll wear my dental dam
154
00:06:35,830 --> 00:06:37,932
and get fucking sauced
before he shows up.
155
00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:39,867
Thank you. That's
so sweet of you.
156
00:06:39,901 --> 00:06:40,902
Well, I'll tell you what.
157
00:06:40,935 --> 00:06:42,435
I can go to Reggie's with you
158
00:06:42,469 --> 00:06:44,772
because, um, I don't
really have shit to do.
159
00:06:44,805 --> 00:06:47,008
Robbie, that's very,
very sweet of you,
160
00:06:47,041 --> 00:06:48,209
but I want to get laid.
161
00:06:48,242 --> 00:06:49,977
Not wax poetic
with the regulars.
162
00:06:50,011 --> 00:06:52,880
Well, seeing as you didn't
buy me a Christmas present
163
00:06:52,914 --> 00:06:54,749
this year, I'm
going to take this.
164
00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:56,117
- Oh.
- Thank you.
165
00:06:56,150 --> 00:06:57,952
And you can enjoy
your, what, two hours
166
00:06:57,985 --> 00:07:02,156
of unbearable conversation,
your 7 seconds of lame sex.
167
00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:06,227
You go home, probably, you
know, get yourself off anyway.
168
00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:07,929
Or, I'm just throwing
this out there,
169
00:07:07,962 --> 00:07:12,667
you can have two hours
of amazing, vivacious,
170
00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:16,604
sort of hauntingly
erotic conversation.
171
00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:18,471
- Hauntingly erotic?
- Hauntingly erotic?
172
00:07:18,506 --> 00:07:20,174
And you can go home anyway.
173
00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:22,977
You know, get yourself off,
like, flick your little bean.
174
00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:24,812
- Oh?
- Yeah.
175
00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:26,957
And you don't have to wake up
next to 30 Seconds To Mars.
176
00:07:26,981 --> 00:07:29,183
All right, well, I've got
a proposition for you.
177
00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:31,052
How about you give me
back my fucking whiskey
178
00:07:31,085 --> 00:07:34,789
and stop talking about me
flicking at my fucking bean?
179
00:07:34,822 --> 00:07:35,923
- Okay.
- How about that?
180
00:07:35,957 --> 00:07:37,658
Have you confirmed with him?
181
00:07:37,692 --> 00:07:40,493
No, I have not given him a time.
182
00:07:40,528 --> 00:07:42,072
Poor guy. It's kind of
sad. He's probably at home
183
00:07:42,096 --> 00:07:45,066
scrolling through your
social media, fingers sweaty,
184
00:07:45,099 --> 00:07:48,102
hand firmly on cock, just...
185
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:49,870
beating that meat,
waiting for your text
186
00:07:49,904 --> 00:07:52,173
to pop up at the top.
187
00:07:52,206 --> 00:07:53,941
Mm. I've blown off
twice already, so.
188
00:07:53,975 --> 00:07:55,509
- Third time's a charm.
- Yeah.
189
00:07:55,543 --> 00:07:58,112
Come on, get a drink
with your old pal Robbie.
190
00:07:58,145 --> 00:08:01,282
It's my long time
employee Robbie.
191
00:08:01,315 --> 00:08:03,718
- That's a little bit harsh.
- It's true. I own you.
192
00:08:03,751 --> 00:08:05,162
- You own me?
- You're on my payroll. Yeah.
193
00:08:05,186 --> 00:08:07,154
Mama. Okay. Okay. Okay.
194
00:08:07,188 --> 00:08:10,291
I'm going to change your mind.
Have you heard his music?
195
00:08:10,324 --> 00:08:13,227
- I have not bothered, no.
- Oh, that answers a lot.
196
00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:14,862
Why? What you got?
197
00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:16,206
I'll show you something
Something fun.
198
00:08:16,230 --> 00:08:17,665
Hmm.
199
00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:19,633
All right. Ready?
200
00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:21,702
I'm losing interest
already. Come on.
201
00:08:21,736 --> 00:08:23,037
Alright, you'll see.
202
00:08:23,070 --> 00:08:24,548
Hang on, hang on, hang
on, hang on, hang on.
203
00:08:24,572 --> 00:08:27,108
What?
204
00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:30,111
- Oh, my God.
- Soothing.
205
00:08:30,144 --> 00:08:31,855
Shut the fuck up. Why
is he whisper singing?
206
00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:33,290
Doesn't want to wake
his parents, probably.
207
00:08:33,314 --> 00:08:34,715
What the fuck? Turn that off.
208
00:08:34,749 --> 00:08:36,250
Why are you showing
that to me? Stop.
209
00:08:36,283 --> 00:08:37,928
Well, you know, it's not like
you're going to saddle up
210
00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:39,796
with the son of a bitch. I
mean, you should probably
211
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:42,857
let the guy go back to
his family and his kids.
212
00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:44,258
He's a daddy, after all.
213
00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:45,760
- Daddy?
- Yeah.
214
00:08:45,793 --> 00:08:48,929
Little Tommy Tinder.
215
00:08:48,963 --> 00:08:50,731
Well...
216
00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:54,177
All right. Let's
go get shit faced.
217
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:55,936
But you're not getting
anything either.
218
00:08:55,970 --> 00:08:57,614
So if you want to go
flick your fucking bean,
219
00:08:57,638 --> 00:08:58,806
do what you need to do.
220
00:08:58,839 --> 00:09:00,341
- Come on.
- All right.
221
00:09:00,374 --> 00:09:01,985
- Turn off the music.
- Well, considering you were
222
00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:03,353
gonna saddle up with
old Emmett Eyeliner,
223
00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:05,112
I'm not sure how I
should feel about that.
224
00:09:05,146 --> 00:09:06,990
Well, I don't work with
them Emmett Eyeliner, do I?
225
00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:08,658
Well, I am better looking in
that douche, though, right?
226
00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:10,017
Do you want to fucking die?
227
00:09:10,051 --> 00:09:11,762
Get your fucking grubby
shoes off the counter.
228
00:09:11,786 --> 00:09:15,056
Kill the music before
I change my mind.
229
00:09:15,089 --> 00:09:17,267
- Should I meet you there or?
- No, We're going to walk.
230
00:09:17,291 --> 00:09:21,829
- Well, it's fucking snowing out.
- Oh, my God. That's so scary!
231
00:09:21,862 --> 00:09:23,798
Come on. Get those
chicken legs out.
232
00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:25,900
Let's go for a walk. I got
to bring this to Lahna.
233
00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:27,878
Why? They close at 6:00.
They're not going to be open.
234
00:09:27,902 --> 00:09:29,336
No, they'll still be there.
235
00:09:29,370 --> 00:09:31,372
They're having a little
Christmas Eve Fuckfest.
236
00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:32,973
What the hell, Why?
237
00:09:33,007 --> 00:09:34,708
You don't want to
fuck in a toy store?
238
00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:36,877
No. Well, mm, maybe. I mean...
239
00:09:36,911 --> 00:09:38,388
Sounds like you don't want
to fuck in a toy store.
240
00:09:38,412 --> 00:09:40,748
It's just kind of weird.
Like, I feel sorry for the kid
241
00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:42,726
that's going to go in tomorrow,
buy a teddy bear covered
242
00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:44,151
- in fucking cum.
- Oh, my God.
243
00:09:44,185 --> 00:09:45,920
We're going to scar
him. That poor child.
244
00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:48,289
Come on. Lock up behind you.
245
00:09:55,196 --> 00:09:56,664
We could have taken my car.
246
00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:57,998
Would have been a smart option.
247
00:09:58,032 --> 00:10:00,000
Do you want to keep
keep complaining?
248
00:10:00,034 --> 00:10:01,702
Or do you want to
just walk in silence?
249
00:10:01,735 --> 00:10:03,146
- What do you want to do?
- You're the one who was
250
00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:05,172
complaining all day about
fucking Christmas this,
251
00:10:05,206 --> 00:10:06,650
Christmas that, oh, I
fucking hate Christmas.
252
00:10:06,674 --> 00:10:08,275
Well, Christmas fucking sucks.
253
00:10:08,309 --> 00:10:10,845
Do you not agree that there's
no good fucking Christmas music,
254
00:10:10,878 --> 00:10:13,114
- no good Christmas movies.
- Bad Religion had
255
00:10:13,147 --> 00:10:15,258
- a great Christmas album.
- Just fucking get it over with.
256
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:17,184
- Eh.
- It was good.
257
00:10:17,218 --> 00:10:20,087
There aren't many albums
that give me that spirit
258
00:10:20,121 --> 00:10:21,422
of fucking Christmas.
259
00:10:21,455 --> 00:10:23,257
Well, Bad fuckin'
Religion, ain't it, buddy.
260
00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:24,925
Give me that.
261
00:10:24,959 --> 00:10:30,764
I would go as far to say
there's like fucking two...
262
00:10:30,798 --> 00:10:32,666
Two Christmas songs
that are good,
263
00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:36,137
and that's if you don't count,
if and only if, you don't count
264
00:10:36,170 --> 00:10:38,172
fucking Crypt Keeper
"Christmas Rap."
265
00:10:38,205 --> 00:10:39,740
Okay, love "Tales
From the Crypt."
266
00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:41,742
That song sucks the
fucking shit out of my ass.
267
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:45,312
This is coming from a guy
who jizzes his fucking pants
268
00:10:45,346 --> 00:10:49,450
every single time he hears
Buster Poindexter's cover of
269
00:10:49,483 --> 00:10:51,418
"Zat You, Santa Claus?"
270
00:10:51,452 --> 00:10:53,330
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I don't like that cover.
271
00:10:53,354 --> 00:10:54,955
I like the version
with the commentary
272
00:10:54,989 --> 00:10:56,824
from Beavis and Butthead.
273
00:10:56,857 --> 00:10:58,993
- Okay.
- Okay.
274
00:10:59,026 --> 00:11:00,728
"Merry Christmas",
Ramones, then.
275
00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:02,997
That's mine. What's your
big fucking runner up?
276
00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:08,035
Uh, sorry to say, but
"Merry Christmas", Ramones,
277
00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:09,837
that's a fucking runner up.
278
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,005
- Yeah.
- Fuck you.
279
00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:12,273
- First place...
- Fuck you.
280
00:11:12,306 --> 00:11:13,941
First place is our
lord and savior Lemmy
281
00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:16,177
with "Run Rudolph
Run." Oh, it's magic!
282
00:11:16,210 --> 00:11:17,878
Okay. It's not like
it's Motorhead.
283
00:11:17,912 --> 00:11:19,322
It's Lemmy with the
fucking Foo Fighters.
284
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:21,482
- Oh, R.I.P.
- Oh, R.I.P.
285
00:11:21,516 --> 00:11:23,884
Also Lemmy is fucking
Motorhead, you idiot.
286
00:11:23,918 --> 00:11:24,952
Yeah.
287
00:11:24,985 --> 00:11:26,187
Hey!
288
00:11:26,220 --> 00:11:28,923
Lahna!
289
00:11:28,956 --> 00:11:30,357
She knows you're coming, right?
290
00:11:30,391 --> 00:11:32,293
Yeah, of course she
knows I'm fucking coming.
291
00:11:32,326 --> 00:11:33,861
Oh.
292
00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:35,763
- Hey, bitch.
- Hi!
293
00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:37,198
Mwah! You look so good.
294
00:11:37,231 --> 00:11:38,241
- Thank you.
- Hey, gorgeous.
295
00:11:38,265 --> 00:11:39,967
- Mwah.
- Mwah.
296
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:43,337
I brought you and Jay a
little something, something.
297
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:44,972
Ooh, I got you this.
298
00:11:45,005 --> 00:11:46,216
Oh, my God. I love you so much.
299
00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:48,075
- I missed you.
- I missed you, too.
300
00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:49,410
Where's Jay?
301
00:11:49,443 --> 00:11:51,445
He's in the back, freshening up.
302
00:11:51,478 --> 00:11:54,215
You know, he just
gets a little musty.
303
00:11:54,248 --> 00:11:56,283
He gets a little musty?
304
00:11:56,317 --> 00:11:57,894
- You got a lot going on.
- Musty she says.
305
00:11:57,918 --> 00:11:59,420
Yeah, you know all
about that, right?
306
00:11:59,453 --> 00:12:00,498
- No, I do.
- You know all about that?
307
00:12:00,522 --> 00:12:02,122
- Baby.
- Yeah.
308
00:12:02,156 --> 00:12:03,333
You know all about
a little musty must?
309
00:12:03,357 --> 00:12:05,025
I got a stinky dick.
310
00:12:05,059 --> 00:12:07,261
- That's so fucked up.
- Cute, right?
311
00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:08,762
- Bitch.
- Yeah?
312
00:12:08,796 --> 00:12:10,364
You already cracked this open.
313
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:13,100
We may have had, like,
like a couple of drinks.
314
00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:16,437
This is the nicest thing
anybody's ever done for me.
315
00:12:16,470 --> 00:12:18,772
I know. I know. It's
very nice. And listen.
316
00:12:18,806 --> 00:12:20,417
Because we love you. We
didn't buy it for you.
317
00:12:20,441 --> 00:12:22,544
We're giving it to you.
318
00:12:22,577 --> 00:12:25,145
- Well, merry fucking Christmas.
- Merry fucking Christmas.
319
00:12:25,179 --> 00:12:28,048
- Baby!
- On it. Jesus Christ!
320
00:12:28,082 --> 00:12:29,250
- Hey!
- This motherfucker.
321
00:12:29,283 --> 00:12:30,484
I haven't seen you in so long.
322
00:12:30,518 --> 00:12:32,186
- How are you?
- Oh, yeah. Right?
323
00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:33,854
- How are you?
- Hey, bro.
324
00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:35,198
- Hey, buddy. Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
325
00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:36,824
- You look good.
- Thank you.
326
00:12:36,857 --> 00:12:38,368
- Yeah, you do.
- I've been doing nothing but
327
00:12:38,392 --> 00:12:41,028
selling toys and fucking
living the clean life.
328
00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:42,796
Keep up.
329
00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:45,933
Oh! Um, what's up with you
two? What's going on here?
330
00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:47,911
- Uh, just grabbing a drink.
- Just grabbing a drink.
331
00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:49,379
I had to talk her out
of some Tinder trash.
332
00:12:49,403 --> 00:12:50,871
You didn't talk me
out of anything.
333
00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:52,148
What was his name?
Emmett... Emmett...
334
00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:53,484
- We don't have to talk...
- Emmett! Oh, shit!
335
00:12:53,508 --> 00:12:55,042
No, I think we're ignoring that.
336
00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:56,319
Motherfuckin' four-kid
Emmett. Four kid Emmett?
337
00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:57,911
- No.
- Nearly five kid Emmett.
338
00:12:57,945 --> 00:12:59,189
Four kid Emmett. Why does
everybody know Emmett
339
00:12:59,213 --> 00:13:00,881
- except for me?
- He's got four kids.
340
00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:02,816
- All right. Well, cheers. Yeah.
- No, no, no.
341
00:13:02,850 --> 00:13:04,394
What was the song? What
was the song? It was...
342
00:13:04,418 --> 00:13:05,953
We don't need the song.
343
00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:08,822
♪ And her heart
whispers in my head ♪
344
00:13:08,856 --> 00:13:10,367
- Alright, fuckers.
- Go for it, tap on in.
345
00:13:10,391 --> 00:13:11,593
♪ Because she's half dead ♪
346
00:13:11,626 --> 00:13:13,460
- Tori!
- No, no, no, no.
347
00:13:13,494 --> 00:13:15,195
Come back, come back,
come back, come back.
348
00:13:15,229 --> 00:13:16,574
- Come back, come back.
- Alright, you guys, I'm back.
349
00:13:16,598 --> 00:13:18,141
- It's a catchy song.
- It's a good song.
350
00:13:18,165 --> 00:13:19,209
It's the feel good
hit of the winter.
351
00:13:19,233 --> 00:13:20,334
- Okay, cheers.
- Cheers.
352
00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:22,036
- To Christmas!
- To Christmas!
353
00:13:22,069 --> 00:13:23,904
- Bah humbug.
- Bah humbug.
354
00:13:23,937 --> 00:13:25,105
Ho, ho, ho.
355
00:13:25,139 --> 00:13:26,974
Come sit on Santa's lap
356
00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:29,310
and tell him what you
want for Christmas.
357
00:13:29,343 --> 00:13:31,011
Ugh!
358
00:13:31,045 --> 00:13:34,315
- I fucking hate that.
- No, they all get recalled.
359
00:13:34,348 --> 00:13:36,417
Priest said that to me
when I was a young boy.
360
00:13:36,450 --> 00:13:39,521
Are you okay? You're
not fucking okay.
361
00:13:39,554 --> 00:13:41,288
- No, I'm not well.
- It's so bad.
362
00:13:41,322 --> 00:13:43,190
Thank God they're
taking it out on Friday.
363
00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:45,268
Has he ever come to life
while you guys were fucking?
364
00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:46,561
Oh, he joins.
365
00:13:46,594 --> 00:13:48,028
-Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
366
00:13:48,062 --> 00:13:49,564
- He's anatomical.
- Oh, really?
367
00:13:49,597 --> 00:13:51,398
- Big bad Santa.
- Okay.
368
00:13:51,432 --> 00:13:53,934
- Big Santa.
- But I am hoping that they
369
00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:55,011
leave behind this aspect of it.
370
00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:56,103
What?
371
00:13:57,404 --> 00:14:01,543
- Oh!
- Oh, baby, it's so romantic!
372
00:14:01,576 --> 00:14:04,044
Okay, we're getting
the fuck out of here.
373
00:14:04,078 --> 00:14:05,221
This is too much
Christmas for me.
374
00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:07,649
- Oh, no, no.
- No, no, no, stay, stay.
375
00:14:07,682 --> 00:14:11,619
Stop! I fuckin'... that's
a lot. That is a lot.
376
00:14:11,653 --> 00:14:14,455
It's really excessive. We're
gonna have one drink and go.
377
00:14:14,488 --> 00:14:16,156
- All right. Yeah, fine.
- Fine.
378
00:14:16,190 --> 00:14:17,925
We could just...
You guys hang out.
379
00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:19,537
- We could have some more drinks.
- We're not going to hang out.
380
00:14:19,561 --> 00:14:21,104
- The four of us.
- We're not gonna hang out.
381
00:14:21,128 --> 00:14:22,640
- Santa, the anatomical Santa.
- We're good.
382
00:14:22,664 --> 00:14:24,098
- Okay, alright.
- Alright.
383
00:14:24,131 --> 00:14:25,466
- Easy, tiger.
- Alright.
384
00:14:25,499 --> 00:14:27,067
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
385
00:14:27,101 --> 00:14:29,370
Fuck. Merry Christmas
to a fuckin' day off.
386
00:14:29,403 --> 00:14:31,238
- Little bit of flavor in there.
- Yeah.
387
00:14:31,271 --> 00:14:33,407
- Mm.
- Okay, I love you.
388
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,242
Get the fuck out. I
want to fuck my husband.
389
00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:36,544
- Mwah.
- Merry Christmas.
390
00:14:36,578 --> 00:14:37,679
- Merry Christmas.
- Bye.
391
00:14:37,712 --> 00:14:39,046
- See you.
- See you.
392
00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:40,156
- See ya, bud.
- All right. We're going.
393
00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:41,048
- Goodbye.
- See ya.
394
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:44,652
♪ Oh, she's whispering
in my head ♪
395
00:14:44,686 --> 00:14:46,621
Fucking hate you guys!
396
00:14:46,654 --> 00:14:48,556
♪ I'm half deaf for you ♪
397
00:14:48,590 --> 00:14:51,559
I'm stealing your
candy. Thank you.
398
00:14:51,593 --> 00:14:53,561
- Come on, let's go.
- Ugh!
399
00:14:53,595 --> 00:14:55,129
Let's fucking go.
400
00:14:55,162 --> 00:14:56,531
- God!
- Come on!
401
00:14:56,564 --> 00:14:58,633
Coming. I'm coming.
402
00:14:58,666 --> 00:15:03,003
Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas.
403
00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:10,512
Sowell Robotic Products'
new animatronic
404
00:15:10,545 --> 00:15:12,547
state of the art Santa
Claus featured at our own
405
00:15:12,580 --> 00:15:14,692
T.W. Bonkers is now the subject
of an international recall.
406
00:15:14,716 --> 00:15:16,560
There have been reports
that some of the Santa units
407
00:15:16,584 --> 00:15:18,952
are reverting to their old
Defense Department firmware.
408
00:15:18,986 --> 00:15:21,589
Thus far, most of the reports
have been of harmless pranks.
409
00:15:21,623 --> 00:15:24,391
Fuck no!
410
00:15:24,425 --> 00:15:25,993
Larry, can you
turn that shit off?
411
00:15:26,026 --> 00:15:27,461
- That's so depressing.
- Yeah.
412
00:15:27,494 --> 00:15:28,962
You guys want one more
413
00:15:28,996 --> 00:15:30,097
to close it out?
414
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:31,599
Yeah, we will.
415
00:15:31,633 --> 00:15:33,476
Can we get another round and
a shot of whiskey, please?
416
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:35,412
You're going to chase a shot
of whiskey with more whiskey?
417
00:15:35,436 --> 00:15:37,404
I am. It's a holiday.
That's what you do.
418
00:15:37,438 --> 00:15:39,306
- This is true.
- Thank you.
419
00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:42,109
Is this, uh,
together? Or separate?
420
00:15:42,142 --> 00:15:44,579
Togeth... Together.
421
00:15:44,612 --> 00:15:46,079
It's on one bill. I got it.
422
00:15:46,113 --> 00:15:47,625
- Oh, la di da.
- It's part of your bonus.
423
00:15:47,649 --> 00:15:50,284
Although I am a
little disappointed.
424
00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:52,587
He didn't even offer to
pay for the fuckin' last...
425
00:15:52,620 --> 00:15:54,254
Excuse me, this is
not a date, remember?
426
00:15:54,288 --> 00:15:56,423
Yeah, no, I fuckin'
remember now.
427
00:15:56,457 --> 00:15:57,991
Happy I didn't think otherwise.
428
00:15:58,025 --> 00:15:59,092
-Fun hangout -Yeah.
429
00:15:59,126 --> 00:16:00,528
Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
430
00:16:00,562 --> 00:16:03,063
You think would have
picked up the tab for, uh,
431
00:16:03,096 --> 00:16:06,066
Doctor fuckin' Emmett Eyeliner.
432
00:16:06,099 --> 00:16:07,635
Depends on how the night went.
433
00:16:07,669 --> 00:16:09,780
Probably would have forgotten
his wallet or something.
434
00:16:09,804 --> 00:16:12,607
Mnh-mnh. Did this dude
fuck your mom or something?
435
00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:15,275
Why the fuck... every single
time you talk about him,
436
00:16:15,309 --> 00:16:16,778
I'm like so close
to forgetting him,
437
00:16:16,811 --> 00:16:18,245
and then you bring him up again.
438
00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:19,723
I'm just like, just
like, it baffles me
439
00:16:19,747 --> 00:16:21,191
that you were going to
let him, like, you know,
440
00:16:21,215 --> 00:16:22,626
- stick his penis just...
- Taint me?
441
00:16:22,650 --> 00:16:24,194
- Inside you.
- He's gonna fuckin' taint me?
442
00:16:24,218 --> 00:16:25,563
- He was gonna taint you.
- Yeah, I'm horny,
443
00:16:25,587 --> 00:16:27,354
and it's a holiday. What
am I supposed to do?
444
00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:29,791
Do you want to go through...
Larry, do you want to go through
445
00:16:29,824 --> 00:16:31,492
Robbie's list of prize catches?
446
00:16:31,526 --> 00:16:33,060
- Not again.
- 'Cause fuckin'...
447
00:16:33,093 --> 00:16:34,572
No, remember this?
Remember rotten Rebecca?
448
00:16:34,596 --> 00:16:36,072
The one that smelled like
a fucking fish market.
449
00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:37,765
- Oh, God.
- She was great.
450
00:16:37,799 --> 00:16:39,342
Yeah, had to walk out of
the room every time...
451
00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:41,101
- Rotten Rebecca.
- Every time she fucking
452
00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:42,169
walked in one.
453
00:16:42,202 --> 00:16:43,505
Oh, my God.
454
00:16:43,538 --> 00:16:45,172
That honestly made
me want to throw up.
455
00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:46,306
That was so gross.
456
00:16:46,340 --> 00:16:47,474
Who else? Come on.
457
00:16:47,509 --> 00:16:49,109
Do you want to talk about Tina?
458
00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:51,613
- Tina?
- Googly eyed Tina?
459
00:16:51,646 --> 00:16:53,356
Do you want me to keep
going? That's my point.
460
00:16:53,380 --> 00:16:54,825
- That was a condition.
- Do you want me to keep going?
461
00:16:54,849 --> 00:16:56,551
- She couldn't help it.
- Okay.
462
00:16:56,584 --> 00:16:59,119
- She's a beautiful woman.
- Can you shut the fuck up?
463
00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:00,320
Okay, babe, no, seriously.
464
00:17:00,354 --> 00:17:02,189
He's been her
employee for years.
465
00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:04,124
One, I think it's
illegal if they fuck.
466
00:17:04,157 --> 00:17:06,728
And two, he'll never
close the deal.
467
00:17:09,597 --> 00:17:11,766
She had that glow in her eyes.
468
00:17:11,799 --> 00:17:13,735
Okay, okay, fine. No,
she fucking might have.
469
00:17:13,768 --> 00:17:15,245
But he won't even come
close to closing the deal.
470
00:17:15,269 --> 00:17:16,638
- What?
- Not at all.
471
00:17:16,671 --> 00:17:19,507
1,000 percent they're
fucking tonight.
472
00:17:19,541 --> 00:17:22,175
- Fuck that.
- Unless Robbie's dick
473
00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:25,547
gets chopped up, they're
gonna fuck tonight.
474
00:17:25,580 --> 00:17:27,849
What are you fuck... Fuck
that. Okay. All right.
475
00:17:27,882 --> 00:17:29,449
- You want him bet?
- Yeah.
476
00:17:30,718 --> 00:17:32,286
Okay, great, great,
great, great.
477
00:17:32,319 --> 00:17:33,564
Alright, how much you
fucking want to bet then?
478
00:17:33,588 --> 00:17:34,832
Are you ever going
to settle down,
479
00:17:34,856 --> 00:17:36,558
you know, chill the fuck out.
480
00:17:36,591 --> 00:17:37,559
Are you?
481
00:17:37,592 --> 00:17:39,192
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
482
00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:40,828
- Hopefully.
- Oh, okay, great.
483
00:17:40,862 --> 00:17:42,706
Well, maybe I'll fucking settle
down when I can find a man
484
00:17:42,730 --> 00:17:44,298
that can keep up with me.
485
00:17:44,331 --> 00:17:46,266
Do you know how hard
it is being in a world
486
00:17:46,300 --> 00:17:49,737
surrounded by so many boys
that can't handle a woman
487
00:17:49,771 --> 00:17:52,105
who can out drink, out
earn and out fuck them,
488
00:17:52,139 --> 00:17:53,340
for the love of God?
489
00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:56,209
Do you know how many
men cannot fuck?
490
00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:58,145
- There's a few.
- No.
491
00:17:58,178 --> 00:17:59,547
- And some can.
- None of them know
492
00:17:59,581 --> 00:18:01,157
how to eat pussy. I'll
tell you that right now.
493
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:02,449
- See, I beg to differ.
- No.
494
00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:04,284
In fact, I would
argue there are one,
495
00:18:04,318 --> 00:18:06,153
maybe two people in
this general vicinity
496
00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:08,790
who can do it with the ferocity
of a fucking tyrannosaurus
497
00:18:08,823 --> 00:18:12,125
No, No.
498
00:18:12,159 --> 00:18:13,795
- Larry.
- Larry.
499
00:18:13,828 --> 00:18:15,763
Can you please, for
the love of God,
500
00:18:15,797 --> 00:18:17,699
give me one more round.
501
00:18:17,732 --> 00:18:19,366
I'll be you
502
00:18:19,399 --> 00:18:24,706
that if they fuck, I'll
make you a steak dinner.
503
00:18:24,739 --> 00:18:26,373
- Really?
- Yeah.
504
00:18:26,406 --> 00:18:29,510
Wearing nothing but an apron.
505
00:18:32,547 --> 00:18:34,247
If I lose?
506
00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:37,250
Oh, when you lose,
507
00:18:37,284 --> 00:18:39,887
you have to eat my ass
out on this throne.
508
00:18:39,921 --> 00:18:42,289
Well, why wait? Why don't
I eat it fuckin' right now?
509
00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:43,758
Daddy's hungry.
510
00:18:43,791 --> 00:18:46,159
Ah! Daddy!
511
00:18:46,193 --> 00:18:48,663
Oh!
512
00:18:48,696 --> 00:18:50,898
I can trace it back
every fucking time.
513
00:18:50,932 --> 00:18:54,167
The second they cut their hair,
they cut their worst record!
514
00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:57,237
Ah, it's just such
an absurd claim.
515
00:18:57,270 --> 00:19:00,642
It isn't... It's a fucking
absurdly correct claim.
516
00:19:00,675 --> 00:19:02,944
Is what it is. Okay?
517
00:19:02,977 --> 00:19:04,879
Do you remember that
fucking study I showed you?
518
00:19:04,912 --> 00:19:07,515
- Oh, yeah. The scientist one.
- Yes, the fuckin' scientist one.
519
00:19:07,548 --> 00:19:10,183
The second that
they cut the hair of
520
00:19:10,217 --> 00:19:12,520
a Native American
person, they lost, like,
521
00:19:12,553 --> 00:19:14,321
- all sense of intuition.
- Okay.
522
00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:15,766
- Like fucking all of it.
- First off.
523
00:19:15,790 --> 00:19:17,625
- And it's really scary.
- First off.
524
00:19:17,659 --> 00:19:20,460
Whatever bullshit fucking blog
you pulled that study off...
525
00:19:20,494 --> 00:19:22,195
- A government study, dude.
- Government.
526
00:19:22,229 --> 00:19:23,707
Has about as much merit as
the fucking Reddit thread.
527
00:19:23,731 --> 00:19:25,566
- Okay.
- Second off, second off,
528
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:27,969
that has absolutely zero
fucking merit when it comes to
529
00:19:28,002 --> 00:19:30,505
talking about somebody's
actual musical ability.
530
00:19:30,538 --> 00:19:32,507
Okay. I'm going to go
through the fucking list.
531
00:19:32,540 --> 00:19:33,808
- Okay, do it.
- Metallica.
532
00:19:33,841 --> 00:19:35,475
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
533
00:19:35,510 --> 00:19:37,879
They cut their hair, the
fuckers release "Load."
534
00:19:37,912 --> 00:19:41,582
Yeah? Soundgarden.
Cornell cuts his hair off.
535
00:19:41,616 --> 00:19:44,686
Opts for the Spencers Gift
tips with the frosted spikes,
536
00:19:44,719 --> 00:19:46,754
and then the motherfuckers
release "Superunknown"!
537
00:19:46,788 --> 00:19:49,724
- What is that?!
- Boom! Boom right there, bitch!
538
00:19:49,757 --> 00:19:51,324
Voids your argument?
Do you know why?
539
00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:54,996
- Why? Tell me why.
- 'Cause "Superunknown",
540
00:19:55,029 --> 00:19:56,664
- peak Soundgarden.
- Oh, fuckin'...
541
00:19:56,698 --> 00:19:58,842
- Are you kidding me?
- Not one bad track on the album.
542
00:19:58,866 --> 00:20:00,577
Are you actually going
to stop with the fucking
543
00:20:00,601 --> 00:20:02,269
Jesus Christ pose right now?
544
00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:03,838
What the fuck?!
Are you serious?!
545
00:20:03,871 --> 00:20:05,907
Are you fuckin'...
546
00:20:05,940 --> 00:20:08,308
Are you fucking kidding me?
547
00:20:08,341 --> 00:20:11,579
That's so fuckin'
dumb, so fuckin' dumb.
548
00:20:11,612 --> 00:20:13,246
Let me guess.
549
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,550
You prefer you prefer,
uh, you prefer Van Hagar?
550
00:20:15,583 --> 00:20:19,620
"Prefer" is a strong word.
They lost zero appeal
551
00:20:19,654 --> 00:20:21,022
when Diamond Dave ducked out.
552
00:20:21,055 --> 00:20:23,658
- Oh! Really?
- Yes, really.
553
00:20:23,691 --> 00:20:26,359
Because it's around
that time that they got
554
00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:28,963
rid of their guitar god,
and then replaced him
555
00:20:28,996 --> 00:20:32,033
with a synth loving
clone of said guitar god.
556
00:20:32,066 --> 00:20:34,367
Alright, get your ass
off the bar, Robbie.
557
00:20:34,401 --> 00:20:36,003
- Oh.
- Hate to break up the party.
558
00:20:36,037 --> 00:20:38,005
I got four little
diaper pissers at home.
559
00:20:38,039 --> 00:20:39,883
They're going to wake me
up in four hours. Let's...
560
00:20:39,907 --> 00:20:41,609
Yes, thank you.
561
00:20:41,642 --> 00:20:43,745
I don't want to listen to
this fucking guy anyway.
562
00:20:43,778 --> 00:20:45,546
- Sweet baby. Jesus.
- Mm, got my card.
563
00:20:45,580 --> 00:20:48,649
Slow your roll, Larry. Got
two more coming my way.
564
00:20:48,683 --> 00:20:51,284
- I'll pour you one.
- Hands behind your back.
565
00:20:51,318 --> 00:20:53,721
- Hands behind my back?
- You're lucky like you.
566
00:20:53,755 --> 00:20:55,857
Yeah, and you're lucky I
don't have health inspector
567
00:20:55,890 --> 00:20:56,924
shut this shit hole down.
568
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:00,027
He's right.
569
00:21:00,061 --> 00:21:01,662
Is he right?
570
00:21:01,696 --> 00:21:05,700
- And pour Tori and her new beau.
- Oh, thanks, man.
571
00:21:05,733 --> 00:21:09,369
One and one for yourself, Larry.
572
00:21:09,402 --> 00:21:11,672
I didn't know you
two were a thing.
573
00:21:11,706 --> 00:21:12,807
- We're not.
- Yet.
574
00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:14,876
Get fucked.
575
00:21:18,846 --> 00:21:20,681
Ah, yeah!
576
00:21:46,507 --> 00:21:49,309
The wife's back is
with her family.
577
00:21:53,380 --> 00:21:57,384
So that's why I'm
spending Christmas alone.
578
00:21:57,417 --> 00:21:59,720
Unless you count
that fucking mutt
579
00:21:59,754 --> 00:22:01,088
that won't keep its trap shut.
580
00:22:01,122 --> 00:22:02,824
Why do you have a
fucking dog then, man?
581
00:22:02,857 --> 00:22:04,792
You think I wanted that thing?
582
00:22:04,826 --> 00:22:07,595
- That's all Donna.
- Okay.
583
00:22:07,628 --> 00:22:10,064
That little son of a whore
is like an angel around her.
584
00:22:10,097 --> 00:22:13,134
But with me, just me, it
won't shut the fuck up
585
00:22:13,167 --> 00:22:15,703
because I won't spoil
him, like Donna does.
586
00:22:15,736 --> 00:22:17,404
Just like with her old man.
587
00:22:17,437 --> 00:22:19,448
Yeah, I think... I think
it sounds like the dog just
588
00:22:19,472 --> 00:22:21,843
probably needs, like, some
lovin' from Daddy Monroe.
589
00:22:21,876 --> 00:22:23,811
- Like.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
590
00:22:23,845 --> 00:22:26,781
I think the little bastard
needs his balls clipped.
591
00:22:26,814 --> 00:22:28,749
- Hey, man.
- Sure.
592
00:22:28,783 --> 00:22:30,518
Donna had me get
my balls clipped
593
00:22:30,551 --> 00:22:34,454
- two days after Henry was born.
- Jesus fucking Christ.
594
00:22:34,487 --> 00:22:39,560
You're gonna wake up
a sleeping, Junior.
595
00:22:39,594 --> 00:22:42,563
Well, uh, here,
let's have a toast.
596
00:22:42,597 --> 00:22:45,066
I think you've had
enough there, Supercuts.
597
00:22:45,099 --> 00:22:46,801
Cheers.
598
00:22:46,834 --> 00:22:50,071
Cheers.
599
00:22:51,873 --> 00:22:55,576
Here, let me, uh, cover what
these kids are drinking.
600
00:22:55,610 --> 00:22:58,746
- Oh, no, no, that's...
- No, hey, hey, hey, hey.
601
00:22:58,779 --> 00:23:00,147
- You...
- Thank you, Chief.
602
00:23:00,181 --> 00:23:03,851
- Keep the rest for yourself.
- Thank you.
603
00:23:03,885 --> 00:23:06,120
Watch yourself with that one.
604
00:23:06,153 --> 00:23:07,622
Merry Christmas, Sheriff.
605
00:23:07,655 --> 00:23:09,857
Shit, that little
punk motherfucker,
606
00:23:09,891 --> 00:23:11,792
wipe that smirk off...
607
00:23:11,826 --> 00:23:14,729
Mm. That sucked the
fucking Christmas early.
608
00:23:14,762 --> 00:23:17,464
God damn, what a sad
fuckin' human being.
609
00:23:17,497 --> 00:23:20,601
You gonna be good to drive?
610
00:23:20,635 --> 00:23:22,136
Uh, no.
611
00:23:22,169 --> 00:23:24,605
I drove with Robbie... I
fuckin' walked with Robbie.
612
00:23:24,639 --> 00:23:26,040
If I drove you, you'd be fucked.
613
00:23:26,073 --> 00:23:27,851
So much for drinking
every guy under the table.
614
00:23:27,875 --> 00:23:31,913
Excuse me. You've got, like,
at least five pounds on me.
615
00:23:31,946 --> 00:23:33,514
Soaking wet maybe.
616
00:23:33,547 --> 00:23:34,782
Get her home safe. Robbie.
617
00:23:34,815 --> 00:23:36,449
What the fuck's that's
supposed to mean?
618
00:23:36,483 --> 00:23:38,485
- It's a big world out there.
- You get home safe.
619
00:23:38,519 --> 00:23:40,621
Better watch for your children.
620
00:23:42,056 --> 00:23:43,925
- I'm just kidding.
- Sounded so threatening.
621
00:23:43,958 --> 00:23:46,426
- Good night.
- Thank you, Larry.
622
00:23:48,963 --> 00:23:51,232
- Ugh.
- Come on.
623
00:23:54,268 --> 00:23:55,736
Yes!
624
00:23:56,971 --> 00:23:58,205
Oh, shit.
625
00:23:58,239 --> 00:23:59,974
Not yet.
626
00:24:00,007 --> 00:24:01,542
It's coming early.
627
00:24:01,575 --> 00:24:02,543
Hold it. No, baby, hold it.
628
00:24:02,576 --> 00:24:04,578
Hold it! You better not!
629
00:24:04,612 --> 00:24:05,947
Fuck! You better not!
630
00:24:05,980 --> 00:24:07,848
Ah!
631
00:24:09,517 --> 00:24:11,686
Like, what did he
arrest you for?
632
00:24:11,719 --> 00:24:13,921
It was fucking...
You were like...
633
00:24:13,955 --> 00:24:15,756
You were like pissing
on a playground.
634
00:24:15,790 --> 00:24:17,668
I didn't know the kid was
going to show up like that.
635
00:24:17,692 --> 00:24:19,492
Oh, fuck, and the
kid was his grandson.
636
00:24:19,527 --> 00:24:20,861
Yeah, I made him a man.
637
00:24:20,895 --> 00:24:22,506
That's fucked. You took
that away from him.
638
00:24:22,530 --> 00:24:24,065
- I know.
- You took it away him.
639
00:24:42,683 --> 00:24:45,786
Somebody help!
640
00:24:45,820 --> 00:24:47,130
Do you want to keep
drinking, or...?
641
00:24:47,154 --> 00:24:50,257
I mean, yeah. What
are you thinking?
642
00:24:50,291 --> 00:24:52,026
- What am I thinking?
- Yeah.
643
00:25:08,943 --> 00:25:11,712
You can come over and
kill that bottle with me.
644
00:25:11,746 --> 00:25:13,080
- Really?
- Yeah.
645
00:25:13,114 --> 00:25:14,582
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
646
00:25:14,615 --> 00:25:16,550
Come kill the fucking bottle.
647
00:25:16,584 --> 00:25:18,819
I said come over for a
drink, not over for a fuck.
648
00:25:23,991 --> 00:25:26,471
Well, it sounds like someone's
hankering for a little bit of...
649
00:25:30,064 --> 00:25:32,133
- You hear that?
- Hear what?
650
00:25:42,376 --> 00:25:43,778
Yeah, dawg!
651
00:25:43,811 --> 00:25:46,013
Jay hitting that pipe.
652
00:25:46,047 --> 00:25:47,357
Yeah, he's hitting
that fucking pipe.
653
00:25:47,381 --> 00:25:48,816
Speaking of, have you seen it?
654
00:25:48,849 --> 00:25:50,684
Yeah, it's fucking fat as fuck.
655
00:25:50,718 --> 00:25:52,720
- It's fat.
- Oh, he be gaping that shit
656
00:25:52,753 --> 00:25:54,321
for sure.
657
00:26:06,934 --> 00:26:08,669
How old are you, fuckin' 12?
658
00:26:08,702 --> 00:26:10,147
I can see you smoking
that blunt from here!
659
00:26:10,171 --> 00:26:12,339
- I didn't fuckin' ask...
- I said give it to me!
660
00:26:12,373 --> 00:26:15,042
I need to salvage
this Lincoln Log...
661
00:26:15,076 --> 00:26:17,378
- No!
- Before you run it into
662
00:26:17,411 --> 00:26:18,946
the fuckin' ground.
663
00:26:22,083 --> 00:26:24,685
Yeah, I want to fuckin'
salvage this thing.
664
00:26:24,718 --> 00:26:26,263
What are we watching
when we get to yours,
665
00:26:26,287 --> 00:26:27,988
"A Christmas Story"?
666
00:26:28,022 --> 00:26:29,800
What is your fucking obsession
with "A Christmas Story"?
667
00:26:29,824 --> 00:26:31,168
What's your issue with
"A Christmas Story"?
668
00:26:31,192 --> 00:26:32,736
You're the one that
brought it up earlier.
669
00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:34,195
Everyone's obsessed with it.
670
00:26:34,228 --> 00:26:35,839
If you want to watch a
Bob Clark Christmas movie
671
00:26:35,863 --> 00:26:38,332
will watch fucking
"Black Christmas."
672
00:26:38,365 --> 00:26:40,868
Oh, that... That
Blumhouse joint?
673
00:26:40,901 --> 00:26:43,337
I'm just going to
drive myself home.
674
00:26:43,370 --> 00:26:45,182
No, no, no. You said we
were going to my car...
675
00:26:45,206 --> 00:26:47,341
If you want to go home
and fucking jerk off
676
00:26:47,374 --> 00:26:49,886
- to fucking Blumhouse movies...
- Get your fuckin' ass over here.
677
00:26:49,910 --> 00:26:51,955
Okay, but are you done spewing
garbage out of your fuckin'
678
00:26:51,979 --> 00:26:53,314
- whore mouth?
- Oh, there it is.
679
00:26:53,347 --> 00:26:55,149
There's your fuckin'
Rhode Island accent.
680
00:26:55,182 --> 00:26:57,384
I maybe sound like
I'm from Rhode Island,
681
00:26:57,418 --> 00:27:00,121
but at least I don't have
shit taste in movies,
682
00:27:00,154 --> 00:27:04,692
shit opinions on everything,
and drive a fucking shit car.
683
00:27:04,725 --> 00:27:06,160
Uh, excuse me, this is basically
684
00:27:06,193 --> 00:27:07,661
the same as your fucking car.
685
00:27:07,695 --> 00:27:08,839
Don't say that about
her. She's beautiful.
686
00:27:08,863 --> 00:27:10,397
- Also...
- I get her first.
687
00:27:10,431 --> 00:27:12,109
My lady. My lady. You got
to get in on this side.
688
00:27:12,133 --> 00:27:13,901
You haven't got this
fucking car fixed yet?
689
00:27:13,934 --> 00:27:15,269
With what you pay me,
690
00:27:15,302 --> 00:27:17,805
you think I can
afford a fucking door?
691
00:27:17,838 --> 00:27:19,673
What are you doing
with your paychecks?
692
00:27:19,707 --> 00:27:21,151
- This is...
- My minimum, my minimum...
693
00:27:21,175 --> 00:27:22,676
That's embarrassing.
694
00:27:22,710 --> 00:27:24,011
My minimum fucking
wage paycheck.
695
00:27:24,044 --> 00:27:25,422
Yeah, your minimum
fucking wage paycheck.
696
00:27:25,446 --> 00:27:26,747
- Get it.
- That should be
697
00:27:26,780 --> 00:27:28,716
- a fucking priority.
- Please.
698
00:27:28,749 --> 00:27:30,184
- Wow.
- Lady.
699
00:27:30,217 --> 00:27:32,753
No, I changed my fucking
mind. I changed my mind.
700
00:27:32,786 --> 00:27:34,297
Hop in, hot shot. We got
fucking whiskey waiting.
701
00:27:34,321 --> 00:27:35,890
- Get in.
- Oh, whiskey you say?
702
00:27:35,923 --> 00:27:37,124
- Yes.
- Okay, in that case,
703
00:27:37,158 --> 00:27:38,993
- shut your fucking mouth.
- Oh, this mouth.
704
00:27:39,026 --> 00:27:41,228
This fucking whore mouth and
that devil's tongue, baby.
705
00:27:41,262 --> 00:27:44,965
- Ew, shut the... Robbie.
- Come on, what?
706
00:27:44,999 --> 00:27:46,409
- This is a...
- Get your fuckin' ass in.
707
00:27:46,433 --> 00:27:48,469
Don't touch my fuckin' ass.
708
00:27:48,503 --> 00:27:50,304
She got a bit of a
fight in her. All right.
709
00:27:50,337 --> 00:27:53,774
- Call fucking H.R.
- I'll give you space.
710
00:27:53,807 --> 00:27:55,309
No wonder you don't
get fuckin' laid.
711
00:27:57,077 --> 00:27:59,413
- Look at this.
- What?
712
00:27:59,446 --> 00:28:01,015
No wonder you don't
get fucking laid.
713
00:28:01,048 --> 00:28:03,150
- This is disgusting.
- It adds to the flavor.
714
00:28:03,184 --> 00:28:06,420
Adds to the flavor of what?
A fucking chicken coop.
715
00:28:06,453 --> 00:28:09,156
This is fucked up.
716
00:28:09,190 --> 00:28:11,301
Some empty cans and bottles.
That's Tori Tooms' break?
717
00:28:11,325 --> 00:28:13,194
No, but it's the nail
in the fucking coffin
718
00:28:13,227 --> 00:28:14,962
because this is really bad.
719
00:28:14,995 --> 00:28:17,164
- Come on, baby.
- How do you live like this?
720
00:28:17,198 --> 00:28:19,066
- Let's cowboy up.
- Just take my car.
721
00:28:19,099 --> 00:28:21,835
Just take my fucking card.
722
00:28:21,869 --> 00:28:23,804
You just got to be
patient with her.
723
00:28:23,837 --> 00:28:26,407
I'm gonna lose my buzz.
724
00:28:29,511 --> 00:28:31,312
- Hey!
- Oh, God.
725
00:28:31,345 --> 00:28:34,248
- Jesus.
- Feel that between my pants.
726
00:28:34,281 --> 00:28:36,359
We're going to have to roll
this up the hill ourselves.
727
00:28:36,383 --> 00:28:38,986
- Alright.
- Whoa. Jesus fucking Christ.
728
00:28:39,019 --> 00:28:41,288
I don't feel safe.
What are you... okay.
729
00:28:41,322 --> 00:28:43,224
She's road worthy. Don't
even worry about it.
730
00:28:43,257 --> 00:28:46,493
Okay! Here we go.
731
00:29:10,317 --> 00:29:13,320
Oh, if this guy parks
his fucking Ranchero here
732
00:29:13,354 --> 00:29:15,089
one more time, I'm
going to total it,
733
00:29:15,122 --> 00:29:17,091
smash out his fucking windows.
734
00:29:17,124 --> 00:29:18,959
Little harsh to the Griswolds.
735
00:29:18,993 --> 00:29:20,571
NO, it's boozin' Benny down
at the bottom of the hill.
736
00:29:20,595 --> 00:29:22,530
- He's a fucking alcoholic.
- Boozin' Benny.
737
00:29:22,564 --> 00:29:24,231
Just pull up behind
my sister's car.
738
00:29:24,265 --> 00:29:25,866
Wait. Your sister is here?
739
00:29:25,899 --> 00:29:27,410
Do you not listen to
a fucking thing I say?
740
00:29:27,434 --> 00:29:29,303
Well, I mean, I listen,
but I don't retain.
741
00:29:29,336 --> 00:29:31,338
Yeah, well, I don't
want to retain the stink
742
00:29:31,372 --> 00:29:33,508
from this fucking
chicken coop, so get out.
743
00:29:33,541 --> 00:29:35,209
Come on, let's go drink.
744
00:29:35,242 --> 00:29:37,945
- Beautiful.
- Oh, Jesus.
745
00:29:37,978 --> 00:29:40,147
- All right, my lady.
- Listen, I really can't...
746
00:29:40,180 --> 00:29:42,349
Please exit your chariot.
747
00:29:42,383 --> 00:29:44,251
I honestly... I'm... whoa.
748
00:29:44,285 --> 00:29:46,220
I'm too drunk for this. Jesus.
749
00:29:46,253 --> 00:29:48,389
Walk carefully,
please. Thank you.
750
00:29:48,422 --> 00:29:51,425
And treat her with
respect and dignity.
751
00:29:57,264 --> 00:29:59,033
Uh, welcome to my humble abode.
752
00:29:59,066 --> 00:30:00,602
Yeah, it's cute. It's uh...
753
00:30:00,635 --> 00:30:03,103
Charming, classy,
cute. I know.
754
00:30:03,137 --> 00:30:04,606
- Yeah, sure.
- Extravagant.
755
00:30:04,639 --> 00:30:06,240
- Rustic.
- Yeah.
756
00:30:06,273 --> 00:30:08,842
Humble. Barn-like.
757
00:30:08,876 --> 00:30:11,312
I really hope we don't
take my sister out because
758
00:30:11,345 --> 00:30:14,181
I don't want to have to
awkwardly introduce you.
759
00:30:14,214 --> 00:30:17,284
Wait, so are we drinking
alone tonight, or what?
760
00:30:17,318 --> 00:30:19,286
Robbie, do not
fucking listen to me?
761
00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:20,588
They're out cold.
762
00:30:20,622 --> 00:30:22,323
Out cold already? It's
not even midnight.
763
00:30:22,356 --> 00:30:24,568
Plus, my lame ass brother in
law doesn't even drink, so...
764
00:30:24,592 --> 00:30:28,362
Oh, that fucking
cunt Mike. Yeah?
765
00:30:28,395 --> 00:30:31,031
Mr. Hollywood? Yeah.
766
00:30:34,636 --> 00:30:38,972
These goddamn neighbors and
their fucking obnoxious lights.
767
00:30:39,006 --> 00:30:41,442
Hey, Tori.
768
00:30:41,475 --> 00:30:44,445
How much music was there
in "Unsolved Mysteries"?
769
00:30:44,478 --> 00:30:46,380
- What?
- I mean, like, I don't...
770
00:30:46,413 --> 00:30:48,158
I don't want to... I
don't want to scare you,
771
00:30:48,182 --> 00:30:51,051
like, in your own home,
but there's like six hours
772
00:30:51,085 --> 00:30:52,663
worth of the "Unsolved
Mysteries" soundtrack?
773
00:30:52,687 --> 00:30:55,889
What the fuck is your problem
with "Unsolved Mysteries"?
774
00:30:55,923 --> 00:30:57,991
I mean, like, 30 second
intro, and then, like,
775
00:30:58,025 --> 00:30:59,460
do you need six hours?
776
00:30:59,493 --> 00:31:01,295
Have you heard it?
777
00:31:01,328 --> 00:31:04,431
No, not the entire fucking
expanse of isolated soundtrack.
778
00:31:04,465 --> 00:31:07,334
Oh, well, it is the fucking
creepiest goddamn synth pads
779
00:31:07,368 --> 00:31:09,970
you will ever hear
in your fucking life.
780
00:31:10,003 --> 00:31:11,905
- Mm-hmm. Right.
- They're amazing. Put it on.
781
00:31:11,939 --> 00:31:13,917
Yeah, okay. No, I've already
got something queued up.
782
00:31:13,941 --> 00:31:15,452
No, put it on. I want you to
get like soaked up and like
783
00:31:15,476 --> 00:31:16,654
- immersed in it.
- No, no, no, I'm good.
784
00:31:16,678 --> 00:31:18,445
- I'm good.
- It's so good. Please.
785
00:31:18,479 --> 00:31:20,290
Robbie. All right, fine. At
least I know it won't be "Load."
786
00:31:20,314 --> 00:31:23,217
- Oh, I know. I already looked.
- Oh, did you?
787
00:31:23,250 --> 00:31:26,920
Of course. Oh,
come on, Robbie.
788
00:31:26,954 --> 00:31:29,990
"Rhythms From a Cosmic Sky" is,
like, at least four times...
789
00:31:30,023 --> 00:31:31,559
Oh, you're the worst
fuckin' opinion.
790
00:31:31,593 --> 00:31:33,604
No, everybody knows that.
What are you talking about?
791
00:31:33,628 --> 00:31:35,429
Uh, it's in your collection.
792
00:31:35,462 --> 00:31:36,607
Yeah, because I'm a
completist. Thank you.
793
00:31:36,631 --> 00:31:39,032
- Not for Metallica.
- Shut up.
794
00:31:39,066 --> 00:31:42,504
Follow... get that fucking
thing away from me.
795
00:31:42,537 --> 00:31:45,239
Okay.
796
00:31:45,272 --> 00:31:47,575
I'm weirdly turned on by this.
797
00:31:47,609 --> 00:31:49,677
- Really?
- But I need you to stop.
798
00:32:07,027 --> 00:32:10,264
Hey, Freddy. Buddy,
let's not open gifts.
799
00:32:12,032 --> 00:32:13,434
There's absolutely
no fucking way
800
00:32:13,467 --> 00:32:14,712
that you actually think
that "Pet Sematary 2"
801
00:32:14,736 --> 00:32:16,437
is better than the
fucking first one!
802
00:32:16,470 --> 00:32:19,106
It's twice is good, if not
fucking three times, okay?
803
00:32:19,139 --> 00:32:22,577
It's good. Not better.
Not better. No.
804
00:32:22,610 --> 00:32:25,412
Edward Furlong,
Clancy fucking Brown.
805
00:32:25,446 --> 00:32:28,348
Who, by the way, chews up
scenery like it's a piece of
806
00:32:28,382 --> 00:32:30,652
fucking gum, and
that soundtrack.
807
00:32:30,685 --> 00:32:33,187
They've got 12 tracks
of female fronted
808
00:32:33,220 --> 00:32:37,024
fucking aggressive as
hell, early '90s grunge!
809
00:32:37,057 --> 00:32:38,769
Traci Lords has three
goddamn songs on the album,
810
00:32:38,793 --> 00:32:40,528
and they're fucking
good, they're so good.
811
00:32:40,562 --> 00:32:43,030
So, you think it's better
because Traci Lords, porn star,
812
00:32:43,063 --> 00:32:47,100
fucking superstar, big titty
Traci Lords has, what, like,
813
00:32:47,134 --> 00:32:49,136
fuckin' two tracks on the album.
814
00:32:49,169 --> 00:32:52,339
No, three, by the
way, and better story.
815
00:32:52,372 --> 00:32:55,342
Better music,
obviously. Better kills.
816
00:32:55,375 --> 00:32:59,581
Better makeup, better
fucking cast and...
817
00:32:59,614 --> 00:33:03,518
Lord Gwynn aside, I will
say, you got me there.
818
00:33:03,551 --> 00:33:06,119
But Mary Lambert, she was
finally given free reign.
819
00:33:06,153 --> 00:33:07,665
- Yeah, that was a mistake.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
820
00:33:07,689 --> 00:33:09,490
- What the fuck are you doing?
- What?
821
00:33:09,524 --> 00:33:12,392
What fucking Neanderthal
puts salsa on nachos
822
00:33:12,426 --> 00:33:14,361
- before they cook them?
- Me.
823
00:33:14,394 --> 00:33:17,197
Freddy, put it away
and get to bed.
824
00:33:22,436 --> 00:33:24,506
- "Elm Street."
- Part 6, "Freddy's Dead."
825
00:33:24,539 --> 00:33:26,440
- Come the fuck on.
- Yeah.
826
00:33:26,473 --> 00:33:28,643
Whoa! Hellraiser?
827
00:33:28,676 --> 00:33:30,344
- "Hell on Earth."
- Child's Play?
828
00:33:30,377 --> 00:33:32,079
- 2.
- Alien?
829
00:33:32,112 --> 00:33:35,215
- "Covenant."
- Oh, no, No, no.
830
00:33:35,249 --> 00:33:37,619
- Yes.
- Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay,
831
00:33:37,652 --> 00:33:41,556
- okay, okay, okay, okay.
- Okay.
832
00:33:41,589 --> 00:33:42,824
Blair Witch?
833
00:33:42,857 --> 00:33:45,359
-Book of Motherfucking
Shadows", bitch?
834
00:33:45,392 --> 00:33:47,437
It's a fucking classic, and
you're going to watch it,
835
00:33:47,461 --> 00:33:50,565
and you'll... stop.
You'll get it. I promise.
836
00:33:50,598 --> 00:33:52,399
Do you use your little
fucking fingers, like,
837
00:33:52,432 --> 00:33:53,811
typing on the keyboard,
and you're like,
838
00:33:53,835 --> 00:33:55,269
"Oh, like Reddit,
Reddit thread."
839
00:33:55,302 --> 00:33:56,742
-Shut the fuck up.
No, no, I am like,
840
00:33:56,771 --> 00:33:58,640
I am a gal with fucking
strong opinions.
841
00:33:58,673 --> 00:34:00,274
And now we're going
to take a shot to
842
00:34:00,307 --> 00:34:01,451
"Book of"
motherfuckin' "Shadows"
843
00:34:01,475 --> 00:34:03,410
because it's so good.
844
00:34:03,443 --> 00:34:05,345
Ah.
845
00:34:35,175 --> 00:34:36,678
Oh, fuck.
846
00:34:47,755 --> 00:34:49,323
Jesus.
847
00:34:59,399 --> 00:35:01,234
Freddy, that better not be you.
848
00:35:01,268 --> 00:35:03,871
If you're opening those
gifts, I swear to God.
849
00:35:07,575 --> 00:35:10,444
Hey, you know what happens
if I come down there.
850
00:35:19,186 --> 00:35:20,588
Oh!
851
00:35:20,622 --> 00:35:22,422
Oh, my God.
852
00:35:22,456 --> 00:35:24,559
Sorry, sorry.
853
00:35:25,392 --> 00:35:27,695
Fuck it.
854
00:35:29,229 --> 00:35:33,400
Freddy? Freddy, is
that you, buddy?
855
00:35:33,433 --> 00:35:35,870
Said we weren't gonna open
or touch any of these gifts
856
00:35:35,903 --> 00:35:37,672
till Santa got...
857
00:35:42,242 --> 00:35:45,345
Get the fuck out of my house.
I'm calling the cops right now.
858
00:35:45,379 --> 00:35:47,280
Oh, shit!
859
00:35:56,758 --> 00:35:58,626
Wait.
860
00:36:13,373 --> 00:36:15,375
Oh, king shit.
861
00:38:22,637 --> 00:38:24,605
Frankie, what was...
862
00:38:35,883 --> 00:38:37,084
Frankie!
863
00:38:41,956 --> 00:38:44,559
Oh, what the fuck?
864
00:38:46,459 --> 00:38:47,595
That was...
865
00:38:49,831 --> 00:38:51,566
unexpected.
866
00:38:51,599 --> 00:38:53,935
Too bad find out
about that earlier.
867
00:38:53,968 --> 00:38:56,336
Yeah, it's too bad.
868
00:39:08,850 --> 00:39:12,820
This thing is USDA approved
organic prime man meat.
869
00:39:12,854 --> 00:39:14,922
Sorry, Are you
asking me to peg you?
870
00:39:14,956 --> 00:39:18,092
I'm not asking. I'm inviting.
871
00:39:18,125 --> 00:39:20,595
Please, sir, may I have a hit?
872
00:39:27,467 --> 00:39:29,670
No! Pl... Aah!
873
00:39:30,872 --> 00:39:33,541
I'm gonna get some more
whiskey, flip the record.
874
00:39:33,574 --> 00:39:35,977
Come back up.
Don't fucking move.
875
00:39:43,951 --> 00:39:46,687
Mom?
876
00:39:49,223 --> 00:39:50,992
Mommy?
877
00:39:51,025 --> 00:39:52,994
You okay?
878
00:40:00,034 --> 00:40:02,136
Santa?
879
00:40:02,169 --> 00:40:03,971
Where's Mommy?
880
00:40:08,475 --> 00:40:11,512
Did you bring me
any good presents?
881
00:40:11,545 --> 00:40:13,147
You did!
882
00:40:52,720 --> 00:40:54,989
Oh. Fuck, fuck!
883
00:40:55,022 --> 00:40:57,158
Fuck me.
884
00:40:57,191 --> 00:40:58,960
Damn it.
885
00:41:00,628 --> 00:41:02,229
Jesus.
886
00:41:05,132 --> 00:41:06,934
That's fucked.
887
00:41:22,583 --> 00:41:26,020
Not stupid clothes again.
888
00:41:31,859 --> 00:41:33,894
Why are you so bloody?
889
00:41:35,029 --> 00:41:36,964
Mommy?
890
00:41:40,301 --> 00:41:42,536
Mom!
891
00:41:49,877 --> 00:41:51,912
- Oh, fuck!
- What?
892
00:41:51,946 --> 00:41:53,280
- This guy...
- Tori!
893
00:41:53,314 --> 00:41:55,616
I think he maybe just
killed the kid next door.
894
00:41:55,649 --> 00:41:57,184
What the hell are
you talking about?
895
00:41:57,218 --> 00:41:59,854
Oh, fuck.
896
00:42:05,259 --> 00:42:07,628
Oh, fuck!
897
00:42:07,661 --> 00:42:09,830
Call the fucking
cops now. Come on.
898
00:42:09,864 --> 00:42:12,767
Fuck. Have you seen my
phone? Fuck! Get my phone!
899
00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:15,302
- It's upstairs.
- Shit. Is your phone down here?
900
00:42:15,336 --> 00:42:18,005
Robbie, go! Find a phone!
901
00:42:29,717 --> 00:42:32,119
Robbie? He's gone.
902
00:42:32,153 --> 00:42:33,320
What?
903
00:42:33,354 --> 00:42:35,022
Robbie, he's fucking gone.
904
00:42:35,056 --> 00:42:37,024
He saw us. The fucker's
gonna come over here.
905
00:42:37,058 --> 00:42:38,301
Find a phone and
get the fuck out.
906
00:42:38,325 --> 00:42:40,094
I have to get my sister.
907
00:42:40,127 --> 00:42:42,863
Liddy, Mike, wake the fuck
up. Get your asses out of bed.
908
00:42:42,897 --> 00:42:44,632
There's no time to
explain. Come on, we...
909
00:42:44,665 --> 00:42:46,109
- Come on. We have to go.
- What is going on?
910
00:42:46,133 --> 00:42:47,768
Uh, uh, where's your phone?
911
00:42:47,802 --> 00:42:49,870
It's up there. There
weren't any outlets.
912
00:42:49,904 --> 00:42:51,639
Okay. Get out of bed.
Put your shoes on.
913
00:42:51,672 --> 00:42:53,140
Put your shoes
on now. Come on.
914
00:42:53,174 --> 00:42:55,042
Mike, get the fuck up.
I'm trying to help you.
915
00:42:55,076 --> 00:42:56,720
- Alright, alright.
- Does it look like I'm joking?
916
00:42:56,744 --> 00:42:58,712
You fucking idiot!
Get out of bed!
917
00:43:01,048 --> 00:43:02,292
All right, come on,
move it. You should go.
918
00:43:02,316 --> 00:43:04,618
No, you go. Mike,
get the fuck out.
919
00:43:04,652 --> 00:43:05,686
- Alright.
- Go!
920
00:43:05,719 --> 00:43:07,922
Fuck you, go.
921
00:43:07,955 --> 00:43:09,299
I have no idea what
the fuck my phone is.
922
00:43:09,323 --> 00:43:11,125
Shut up. Shut the fuck up.
923
00:43:16,397 --> 00:43:18,699
Where are you keys?
924
00:43:18,732 --> 00:43:20,167
I don't know.
925
00:43:20,201 --> 00:43:22,012
I must have left them in
the truck or something.
926
00:43:22,036 --> 00:43:23,780
Well, if they're not in the
fucking truck, where are they?
927
00:43:23,804 --> 00:43:25,306
I don't fucking know, do I?
928
00:43:25,339 --> 00:43:27,350
Liddy, do you have your keys?
Your fucking keys, Liddy?
929
00:43:27,374 --> 00:43:29,410
- Where are they?
- Get the keys.
930
00:43:29,443 --> 00:43:31,188
The keys? What do you
want with the fuckin'...
931
00:43:31,212 --> 00:43:32,813
Shut the fuck up, you cunt.
932
00:43:32,847 --> 00:43:34,682
Okay. Do you want me
to get the keys or not?
933
00:43:34,715 --> 00:43:35,826
- Yes.
- Fine. I'll get the keys.
934
00:43:35,850 --> 00:43:37,384
Jesus.
935
00:43:41,989 --> 00:43:44,191
Did anybody see where he went?
936
00:43:47,461 --> 00:43:49,330
Okay.
937
00:43:49,363 --> 00:43:51,866
Okay, okay, okay.
938
00:43:51,899 --> 00:43:53,701
We're going to go
to the basement.
939
00:43:53,734 --> 00:43:55,445
- What if it's in the basement?
- Then we don't have
940
00:43:55,469 --> 00:43:58,739
anywhere to go, do we?
941
00:43:58,772 --> 00:44:00,141
Okay, hang on.
942
00:44:03,811 --> 00:44:04,879
All right, I got the keys.
943
00:44:04,912 --> 00:44:06,280
- Shh!
- Look, I didn't even
944
00:44:06,313 --> 00:44:07,781
want to come here
in the first...
945
00:44:07,815 --> 00:44:09,416
Shut the fuck up,
Mike. Shut the fuck up.
946
00:45:23,157 --> 00:45:25,059
Get up!
947
00:45:26,528 --> 00:45:28,530
Run!
948
00:45:28,563 --> 00:45:31,198
Get out!
949
00:45:37,171 --> 00:45:40,474
Go! Fucking! Go!
950
00:45:43,043 --> 00:45:44,478
Liddy!
951
00:45:44,512 --> 00:45:48,282
Get... fuck! Shit!
952
00:45:49,283 --> 00:45:50,451
No!
953
00:45:50,484 --> 00:45:53,153
No! Please!
954
00:45:53,187 --> 00:45:55,724
No! Please! No!
955
00:46:03,464 --> 00:46:05,332
Hey, hey, you got to get
in, you got to get in,
956
00:46:05,366 --> 00:46:06,476
you got to get in,
you got to get in,
957
00:46:06,500 --> 00:46:08,135
Hey, she's not coming? Okay.
958
00:46:08,168 --> 00:46:09,913
- I need my sister...
- Listen to me. Listen to me.
959
00:46:09,937 --> 00:46:11,815
Listen to me, listen. Okay,
she's not coming, okay?
960
00:46:11,839 --> 00:46:13,551
You've got to get in the
car. Okay? For me. Please.
961
00:46:13,575 --> 00:46:15,476
Please, please,
please, please, please.
962
00:46:15,510 --> 00:46:17,278
Yeah, okay, come on. Yeah.
963
00:46:17,311 --> 00:46:20,014
Get up, come on.
Just get in there.
964
00:46:20,047 --> 00:46:21,516
Yeah, okay, get in there.
965
00:46:21,549 --> 00:46:23,417
I need Liddy here right now.
966
00:46:23,450 --> 00:46:24,552
- I need Liddy here.
- Hey.
967
00:46:24,586 --> 00:46:28,122
- Come on, Robbie!
- Come on!
968
00:46:28,155 --> 00:46:31,158
Fuck you! Fuck!
969
00:46:33,494 --> 00:46:36,397
Go, Robbie, come on.
970
00:46:42,036 --> 00:46:44,305
Robbie! Robbie!
971
00:46:47,174 --> 00:46:51,111
- Fuck.
- Oh, fuck!
972
00:46:51,145 --> 00:46:52,379
Are you all right?
973
00:46:52,413 --> 00:46:54,181
- Yeah.
- Okay. Well, we got to...
974
00:46:54,214 --> 00:46:56,326
We got to go. We got to go
because he's gonna come back.
975
00:46:56,350 --> 00:46:58,118
Come on!
976
00:46:58,152 --> 00:47:01,021
- Fuck! It's stuck.
- Try going forward.
977
00:47:01,055 --> 00:47:02,456
What the fuck?!
978
00:47:02,489 --> 00:47:04,925
- Fuck.
- Oh, fuck!
979
00:47:04,958 --> 00:47:06,594
Totaled by fuckin' Ranchero!
980
00:47:06,628 --> 00:47:08,095
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
981
00:47:09,163 --> 00:47:10,264
- Come on.
- Fuck!
982
00:47:10,297 --> 00:47:11,932
You fucking cocksuckers!
983
00:47:11,965 --> 00:47:13,867
- Hey.
- B, hey, hey.
984
00:47:13,901 --> 00:47:15,436
Get the fuck out of the car.
985
00:47:15,469 --> 00:47:17,539
I can't get out of the
fucking car. Listen to me.
986
00:47:17,572 --> 00:47:20,240
What is with this door? Hey,
you two bit fuckin' scumbag,
987
00:47:20,274 --> 00:47:22,876
get the fuck out of
the car. Come on.
988
00:47:22,910 --> 00:47:24,411
- Oh, what the fuck?
- Fuck!
989
00:47:24,445 --> 00:47:25,979
Get out of the fucking car!
990
00:47:26,013 --> 00:47:27,591
Oh, look, the paint's
all fucked up, man!
991
00:47:27,615 --> 00:47:29,917
I just got this detailed!
992
00:47:29,950 --> 00:47:32,986
I'm calling the fuckin'
cops on your ass, Tori.
993
00:47:33,020 --> 00:47:34,321
- Hello?
- Go now.
994
00:47:34,355 --> 00:47:36,023
- 246...
- Fuck. He's coming.
995
00:47:36,056 --> 00:47:37,224
He's right there! Hey!
996
00:47:37,257 --> 00:47:39,059
He can't fucking
hear you because...
997
00:47:39,093 --> 00:47:41,395
- Hey, behind you!
- Hey, behind you!
998
00:47:41,428 --> 00:47:44,131
- Behind you!
- No, no, no, no!
999
00:47:44,164 --> 00:47:45,466
No!
1000
00:47:45,499 --> 00:47:47,635
Stop fucking honking!
1001
00:47:47,669 --> 00:47:49,236
Oh!
1002
00:47:51,171 --> 00:47:52,574
Okay, go.
1003
00:47:52,607 --> 00:47:55,075
Go, come on, let's go!
1004
00:47:55,109 --> 00:47:58,312
I'm trying!
1005
00:47:59,446 --> 00:48:01,115
Oh, oh!
1006
00:48:04,586 --> 00:48:06,887
Okay, okay! Fucking drive!
1007
00:48:24,037 --> 00:48:26,006
No! No! No!
1008
00:48:26,674 --> 00:48:28,510
No!
1009
00:48:28,543 --> 00:48:31,713
Fucker! Robbie! No, fuck off!
1010
00:48:31,746 --> 00:48:33,480
Robbie!
1011
00:48:33,515 --> 00:48:37,017
No! No! Robbie! No!
1012
00:48:37,050 --> 00:48:39,654
Oh, fuck!
1013
00:48:39,687 --> 00:48:42,322
No, Robbie. You got to get up.
1014
00:48:42,356 --> 00:48:45,058
You got to get up right now.
Get up right now, come on!
1015
00:48:45,092 --> 00:48:47,961
Get your ass... get
your ass up, come on!
1016
00:48:47,995 --> 00:48:50,197
Get the fuck up, Robbie!
1017
00:48:50,230 --> 00:48:52,567
Somebody help us!
1018
00:48:52,600 --> 00:48:54,536
Where the fuck is everyone?
1019
00:48:54,569 --> 00:48:57,171
No! Robbie, Robbie,
he's coming back.
1020
00:48:57,204 --> 00:48:58,706
Come on, get up, get up.
1021
00:48:58,740 --> 00:49:00,675
Get it here, Robbie!
1022
00:49:00,708 --> 00:49:02,744
No! Behind you!
1023
00:49:02,777 --> 00:49:04,712
Behind you!
1024
00:49:04,746 --> 00:49:06,514
No!
1025
00:49:06,548 --> 00:49:09,483
Robbie!
1026
00:49:14,154 --> 00:49:16,290
Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
1027
00:49:16,323 --> 00:49:18,158
Hide!
1028
00:49:18,192 --> 00:49:19,561
Drop the weapon!
1029
00:49:19,594 --> 00:49:21,428
Now!
1030
00:49:21,462 --> 00:49:22,630
Hey!
1031
00:49:22,664 --> 00:49:24,164
Don't come any closer!
1032
00:49:24,198 --> 00:49:25,365
Kill this motherfucker!
1033
00:49:25,399 --> 00:49:28,636
Drop the weapon now!
1034
00:49:37,679 --> 00:49:39,413
This is Officer Danny Davis.
1035
00:49:39,446 --> 00:49:41,683
I got at least three people
down at 246 Chestnut.
1036
00:49:41,716 --> 00:49:45,385
Send back up and an
ambulance immediately.
1037
00:49:50,290 --> 00:49:52,192
It's gonna be okay.
1038
00:49:52,226 --> 00:49:53,494
Don't touch me. Don't touch me!
1039
00:49:53,528 --> 00:49:57,397
It's okay. Help is on the way.
1040
00:49:57,431 --> 00:49:59,166
Help is on the way, okay?
1041
00:49:59,199 --> 00:50:02,135
- Are you sure he's dead?
- Yes. He's dead.
1042
00:50:02,169 --> 00:50:04,304
He's dead.
1043
00:50:04,338 --> 00:50:06,273
He's not getting up.
1044
00:50:08,075 --> 00:50:09,677
I got you.
1045
00:50:12,514 --> 00:50:14,214
Oh, Robbie.
1046
00:50:14,248 --> 00:50:16,316
- I got you.
- Oh, Robbie. Robbie!
1047
00:50:16,350 --> 00:50:18,394
It's okay, it's okay. Don't
look at him. Don't look at him.
1048
00:50:18,418 --> 00:50:22,489
Okay, stay calm. Help
is on the way, alright?
1049
00:50:25,793 --> 00:50:29,496
It's gonna be okay. It's gonna
be fi... Watch your head.
1050
00:50:44,579 --> 00:50:46,280
Can you tell me what happened?
1051
00:50:46,313 --> 00:50:48,382
- You need to check the store.
- What?
1052
00:50:48,415 --> 00:50:50,284
The toy store. You need
to check the toy store.
1053
00:50:50,317 --> 00:50:52,119
Why?
1054
00:50:52,152 --> 00:50:55,222
Because that thing looks exactly
like the Santa from the store.
1055
00:50:55,255 --> 00:50:57,357
You mean the T.W. Bonkers thing?
1056
00:50:57,391 --> 00:50:59,226
Yeah.
1057
00:50:59,259 --> 00:51:01,796
That fucking guy looks exactly
like the thing from the store.
1058
00:51:01,829 --> 00:51:03,631
I can assure it's not
on the same Santa.
1059
00:51:03,665 --> 00:51:05,767
No, no, that's... I'm
saying that maybe he took
1060
00:51:05,800 --> 00:51:07,569
the fucking suit or something.
1061
00:51:07,602 --> 00:51:10,638
And my friends, my friends
were staying the night there,
1062
00:51:10,672 --> 00:51:12,807
and... and maybe that fucker
killed them and then took
1063
00:51:12,840 --> 00:51:14,317
the fucking suit.
That's what I'm saying.
1064
00:51:14,341 --> 00:51:16,176
He didn't get that
thing anywhere.
1065
00:51:16,209 --> 00:51:17,612
You need to fucking
check! Okay?
1066
00:51:17,645 --> 00:51:19,322
- There's only a few of us, okay?
- I don't fucking care.
1067
00:51:19,346 --> 00:51:21,583
Listen to me. No one's been
fucking listening to me.
1068
00:51:21,616 --> 00:51:22,850
There's only a few of us!
1069
00:51:22,884 --> 00:51:24,852
You need to do a
fucking drive by!
1070
00:51:24,886 --> 00:51:26,730
- More people are gonna die!
- Once everything...
1071
00:51:26,754 --> 00:51:28,732
Once everything is all right,
I can go back and do a check.
1072
00:51:28,756 --> 00:51:30,592
More people are
gonna fucking die!
1073
00:51:30,625 --> 00:51:33,193
Calm down.
1074
00:51:34,227 --> 00:51:36,564
Shoot him! Fucking shoot him!
1075
00:51:45,707 --> 00:51:50,545
Blow his fucking head
off, Davies, now!
1076
00:51:52,479 --> 00:51:53,681
He's done for!
1077
00:51:53,715 --> 00:51:55,650
Ah!
1078
00:51:55,683 --> 00:51:57,885
Davies?
1079
00:52:01,889 --> 00:52:05,627
Davies? Davies, get the fuck up!
1080
00:52:05,660 --> 00:52:09,564
Hey! Oh, you fuckin'
idiot! Come on!
1081
00:52:09,597 --> 00:52:11,465
Get up!
1082
00:52:11,498 --> 00:52:13,367
Behind you!
1083
00:52:13,400 --> 00:52:16,336
No, no, no, no, no!
1084
00:52:47,635 --> 00:52:49,236
Ho, ho, ho!
1085
00:52:49,269 --> 00:52:51,338
Merry Christmas.
1086
00:52:58,980 --> 00:53:00,782
Okay, okay.
1087
00:53:00,815 --> 00:53:02,249
Okay, okay, okay.
1088
00:53:05,252 --> 00:53:07,789
Hello? Officer Davis
was killed, okay?
1089
00:53:07,822 --> 00:53:09,590
He's fucking dead.
Is anyone there?
1090
00:53:10,858 --> 00:53:12,259
Listen to me.
1091
00:53:12,292 --> 00:53:14,862
The officers going
to 246 Chestnut
1092
00:53:14,896 --> 00:53:16,898
need to be fucking careful
because the killer is
1093
00:53:16,931 --> 00:53:19,567
still there, and he looks
like fucking Santa, okay?
1094
00:53:19,600 --> 00:53:20,768
He's in a Santa costume.
1095
00:53:20,802 --> 00:53:22,970
Fuck!
1096
00:53:23,004 --> 00:53:25,707
Oh, fuck.
1097
00:53:25,740 --> 00:53:28,910
Yes, go!
1098
00:53:30,645 --> 00:53:33,748
Hey! Hey!
1099
00:53:33,781 --> 00:53:36,450
Hey!
1100
00:53:36,483 --> 00:53:38,720
Stop, stop, stop, stop.
1101
00:53:38,753 --> 00:53:40,430
- Get on the ground!
- No, I've been calling you!
1102
00:53:40,454 --> 00:53:42,724
Don't fuckin' move!
On the ground!
1103
00:53:42,757 --> 00:53:44,792
- Get on the ground!
- Get your hands on your head!
1104
00:53:44,826 --> 00:53:46,335
- I need your help!
- Hands on your head.
1105
00:53:46,359 --> 00:53:47,805
- I need your...
- Get your fucking hands
1106
00:53:47,829 --> 00:53:49,439
- on your head!
- Fine, I'm fucking sorry!
1107
00:53:49,463 --> 00:53:50,898
Get your hands on
your fucking head!
1108
00:53:50,932 --> 00:53:52,509
- No, no, no, I need your help.
- Where's Davies?
1109
00:53:52,533 --> 00:53:54,635
I need your help. I need
your fucking help, man.
1110
00:53:54,669 --> 00:53:57,404
Where is Davies? Get your
hands behind your back.
1111
00:53:57,437 --> 00:53:59,040
He's dead, he's dead, he's dead.
1112
00:53:59,073 --> 00:54:00,951
- What did you just say?
- He's dead. He's fuckin' dead.
1113
00:54:00,975 --> 00:54:02,409
They're all fucking dead.
1114
00:54:02,442 --> 00:54:03,654
- Bullshit! Where is he!
- He's dead!
1115
00:54:03,678 --> 00:54:05,813
I've been trying to
fucking tell you!
1116
00:54:05,847 --> 00:54:07,715
- What did you do?
- I didn't do anything?
1117
00:54:07,749 --> 00:54:09,316
-I didn't do anything
-What did you do?
1118
00:54:09,349 --> 00:54:12,419
I need your fuckin' help!
I need your fuckin' help!
1119
00:54:12,452 --> 00:54:15,388
- Get up, sweetheart. Get up!
- I need... Ah!
1120
00:54:15,422 --> 00:54:17,692
He's still there!
1121
00:54:17,725 --> 00:54:19,426
You need help, you need help.
1122
00:54:19,459 --> 00:54:21,729
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey! I call the shots!
1123
00:54:21,763 --> 00:54:23,798
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
- Weston, you get down
1124
00:54:23,831 --> 00:54:26,299
to Chestnut. I'm taking
her... I'm taking you in.
1125
00:54:26,333 --> 00:54:27,678
You can't alone. You're
gonna fuckin' die.
1126
00:54:27,702 --> 00:54:29,336
- Listen.
- You need to call in some...
1127
00:54:29,369 --> 00:54:31,038
- Hey!
- You got to fuckin listen to me.
1128
00:54:31,072 --> 00:54:33,040
You're gonna fucking
die. He killed everybody.
1129
00:54:33,074 --> 00:54:37,779
- You need back up!
- Get in the fuckin' car!
1130
00:54:37,812 --> 00:54:40,615
- You need back up!
- Fuck! Shut the fuck up.
1131
00:54:40,648 --> 00:54:42,092
What do you want to
do with Davies' car?
1132
00:54:42,116 --> 00:54:44,351
Nothing. Don't touch it.
1133
00:54:44,384 --> 00:54:45,853
Fucking crime scene.
1134
00:54:45,887 --> 00:54:47,789
I'll call and have it
towed into the station.
1135
00:54:47,822 --> 00:54:49,957
Alright. Be safe.
1136
00:54:49,991 --> 00:54:52,459
I need your fucking help.
1137
00:54:52,492 --> 00:54:56,831
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Do you fucking job.
1138
00:54:56,864 --> 00:55:00,835
Shut the fuck up!
1139
00:55:02,103 --> 00:55:06,373
You can't send him there alone.
1140
00:55:06,406 --> 00:55:09,110
I don't think you're in any
position to tell me what to do.
1141
00:55:09,143 --> 00:55:10,754
You know, you're in a
world of hurt, lady.
1142
00:55:10,778 --> 00:55:12,513
- No fucking...
- You're in a world
1143
00:55:12,547 --> 00:55:14,015
- of fucking shit.
- No fucking idea!
1144
00:55:14,048 --> 00:55:15,793
We caught you covered in
blood and a missing cop...
1145
00:55:15,817 --> 00:55:18,853
Unit 17, Smith, you there?
1146
00:55:18,886 --> 00:55:21,522
Yeah. This is unit 17.
This is Smith. Go ahead.
1147
00:55:21,556 --> 00:55:24,992
This is Lenny.
We just got here.
1148
00:55:25,026 --> 00:55:27,862
It's a massacre, and we
haven't even been inside yet.
1149
00:55:27,895 --> 00:55:29,907
Alright, copy that. Look,
don't make a move, alright?
1150
00:55:29,931 --> 00:55:33,534
Just hang back. Weston's
on his way down there.
1151
00:55:33,568 --> 00:55:35,069
Any word from Renn County?
1152
00:55:35,102 --> 00:55:38,639
Just us right now, sir.
1153
00:55:38,673 --> 00:55:42,643
Any sign of Davies?
1154
00:55:42,677 --> 00:55:44,712
He's dead, sir.
1155
00:55:44,745 --> 00:55:49,517
Fuck! Fuck! Motherfucker!
1156
00:55:51,886 --> 00:55:54,622
I just saw you at Reggie's
three goddamn hours ago.
1157
00:55:54,655 --> 00:55:55,890
I don't understand.
1158
00:55:55,923 --> 00:55:57,825
What is there to
fucking understand?
1159
00:55:57,859 --> 00:56:00,427
What I don't understand is
the lax fucking attitude
1160
00:56:00,460 --> 00:56:01,829
when people are fucking dead.
1161
00:56:01,863 --> 00:56:03,698
Look, Tori, we know you
didn't murder anyone,
1162
00:56:03,731 --> 00:56:06,767
but we're having a hard time
believing what you're saying.
1163
00:56:06,801 --> 00:56:09,170
I'm having a hard time
fucking believing it. Okay?
1164
00:56:09,203 --> 00:56:12,106
But I saw it. I saw it
with my own goddamn eyes.
1165
00:56:12,139 --> 00:56:14,075
And my fucking eyes
don't lie. Okay, Monroe?
1166
00:56:14,108 --> 00:56:16,143
Listen, I can smell the
weed and whiskey on you
1167
00:56:16,177 --> 00:56:18,012
- from a mile away.
- Yeah. So fucking what?
1168
00:56:18,045 --> 00:56:20,514
I smoked some weed. I
had some fucking whiskey.
1169
00:56:20,548 --> 00:56:21,825
But that does not
make you hallucinate.
1170
00:56:21,849 --> 00:56:23,517
I promise you. I promise you.
1171
00:56:23,551 --> 00:56:25,786
After what I saw, I'm sober.
I'm sober as a fucking...
1172
00:56:25,820 --> 00:56:28,031
Oh, that's good you're sober.
Well, I hate to break it to you,
1173
00:56:28,055 --> 00:56:29,724
Ms. Tooms, but it
is still illegal.
1174
00:56:29,757 --> 00:56:32,560
Can you shut the fuck
up? Shut the fuck up!
1175
00:56:32,593 --> 00:56:34,862
My sister is dead!
1176
00:56:34,896 --> 00:56:36,530
Okay? My fucking
friends are dead.
1177
00:56:36,564 --> 00:56:37,875
Not that you give
a fuck about him.
1178
00:56:37,899 --> 00:56:39,142
But what are you
going to do about it?
1179
00:56:39,166 --> 00:56:40,701
- What do you...
- Hey! Hey!
1180
00:56:40,735 --> 00:56:42,703
The best goddamn officer
in this precinct is dead.
1181
00:56:42,737 --> 00:56:44,147
Now, if you want to be
the one to tell his widow.
1182
00:56:44,171 --> 00:56:46,011
Oh, fuck. Debbie. Someone's
got to tell Debbie.
1183
00:56:46,040 --> 00:56:47,875
Hey, hey, hey, Bobby.
1184
00:56:47,909 --> 00:56:49,452
We're all getting a
little emotional here.
1185
00:56:49,476 --> 00:56:52,079
Just cut it. Both of
yous. You, sit down.
1186
00:56:53,915 --> 00:56:56,951
Get this fucking off
your fucking desk.
1187
00:57:01,889 --> 00:57:04,058
Have you heard from the
boys down at the scene yet?
1188
00:57:04,091 --> 00:57:05,693
Not since Renn County showed up.
1189
00:57:05,726 --> 00:57:07,995
They're still down
there counting bodies.
1190
00:57:08,029 --> 00:57:10,898
Nothing about a killer
Santa Claus either.
1191
00:57:10,932 --> 00:57:12,700
Well, why don't you
give him a call?
1192
00:57:12,733 --> 00:57:15,937
It's been a little while now.
See if they need any help.
1193
00:57:15,970 --> 00:57:17,505
I think they got
it under control.
1194
00:57:17,538 --> 00:57:19,140
Double check.
1195
00:57:25,579 --> 00:57:27,782
Fuck!
1196
00:57:27,815 --> 00:57:30,985
You need to keep that
asshole away from me, Monroe.
1197
00:57:31,018 --> 00:57:33,721
He's worked with Davies
for over 15 years now.
1198
00:57:33,754 --> 00:57:35,990
We're tight staff. Look around.
1199
00:57:36,023 --> 00:57:38,526
It's been a rough
night for all of us.
1200
00:57:38,559 --> 00:57:39,994
Bear with us.
1201
00:57:40,027 --> 00:57:42,163
We'll do the same.
1202
00:57:42,196 --> 00:57:44,231
Just breathe.
1203
00:57:51,772 --> 00:57:55,676
Okay, I'm going to brew
a fresh pot of coffee.
1204
00:57:55,710 --> 00:57:57,078
There's a bathroom down the hall
1205
00:57:57,111 --> 00:57:59,479
if you want to clean
yourself up some.
1206
00:59:01,108 --> 00:59:03,044
There is no fucking
back up, man.
1207
00:59:03,077 --> 00:59:05,579
Just hold on a second.
Just hold on a second.
1208
00:59:05,613 --> 00:59:07,181
We got to think this out.
1209
00:59:07,214 --> 00:59:08,616
Oh, shit.
1210
00:59:08,649 --> 00:59:09,850
Have tried the guys from Renn?
1211
00:59:09,884 --> 00:59:14,055
Yep, Renn, paramedics, Weston.
1212
00:59:14,088 --> 00:59:15,189
Nothing.
1213
00:59:15,222 --> 00:59:16,957
CHP? Anything?
1214
00:59:16,991 --> 00:59:18,592
- Nope.
- Hey. Hey. Hey.
1215
00:59:18,626 --> 00:59:20,170
- What's going on?
- You coming with me or not?
1216
00:59:20,194 --> 00:59:22,696
Something happen? You guys
can't go back to my house.
1217
00:59:22,730 --> 00:59:24,331
- I told you.
- We're police, Tori.
1218
00:59:24,365 --> 00:59:26,133
- That's what we do.
- Well, no.
1219
00:59:26,167 --> 00:59:27,878
You need to call the fucking
National Guard or something.
1220
00:59:27,902 --> 00:59:30,137
He wiped everybody out.
He's going to wipe you out!
1221
00:59:30,171 --> 00:59:32,115
Hey, you know, Monroe,
maybe you should stay here.
1222
00:59:32,139 --> 00:59:33,774
You can, baby sit
the little girl.
1223
00:59:33,808 --> 00:59:35,085
Okay, you know what? If
you don't want to fucking
1224
00:59:35,109 --> 00:59:36,710
listen to me, you go
out there and die.
1225
00:59:36,744 --> 00:59:38,155
Because, quite frankly,
I don't fucking care.
1226
00:59:38,179 --> 00:59:40,848
Tori, we're going to go,
we're gonna lock the door.
1227
00:59:40,881 --> 00:59:43,084
- No, no.
- Oh, oh, oh, oh.
1228
00:59:43,117 --> 00:59:44,952
What is that?
1229
00:59:44,985 --> 00:59:46,921
Yeah. What the fuck is that?
1230
00:59:50,291 --> 00:59:51,926
That an ambulance?
1231
00:59:51,959 --> 00:59:54,795
Oh, fuck. It's him.
1232
00:59:54,829 --> 00:59:56,297
Oh, Santa Claus?
1233
00:59:56,330 --> 00:59:57,941
- Yeah, it's fuckin' Santa Claus.
- Fuckin' Santa Claus!
1234
00:59:57,965 --> 01:00:00,668
It's the motherfucker
that killed everybody.
1235
01:00:00,701 --> 01:00:02,236
Okay, okay, uh...
1236
01:00:02,269 --> 01:00:04,038
- Oh, fuck.
- He's not stopping.
1237
01:00:04,071 --> 01:00:05,906
Fuck!
1238
01:00:17,418 --> 01:00:20,654
Fuck! Ah!
1239
01:00:20,688 --> 01:00:22,723
Is everyone all right?
1240
01:00:22,756 --> 01:00:24,658
Yeah, I think I'm fine.
1241
01:00:24,692 --> 01:00:28,395
- Tori?
- Uh, yeah.
1242
01:00:31,699 --> 01:00:35,769
Jesus Christ. What
the fuck was that?
1243
01:00:35,803 --> 01:00:39,440
Hey, Tori, take these,
go to the holding room,
1244
01:00:39,473 --> 01:00:40,975
lock yourself in.
1245
01:00:41,008 --> 01:00:43,010
No, no, no! There's
fucking people dead.
1246
01:00:43,043 --> 01:00:45,288
You need to give me a gun. You
need to give me a fucking gun.
1247
01:00:45,312 --> 01:00:47,124
- Where the driver?
- You're 38. Give her your 38.
1248
01:00:47,148 --> 01:00:48,816
Are you out of
your fucking mind?
1249
01:00:48,849 --> 01:00:50,889
- Give me your fucking gun.
- Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
1250
01:00:50,918 --> 01:00:52,429
Hey, do you even know
how to use that thing?
1251
01:00:52,453 --> 01:00:54,255
Yeah. You aim is and
pull the fucking trigger.
1252
01:00:54,288 --> 01:00:55,823
Yeah?
1253
01:00:55,856 --> 01:00:57,424
Let's go.
1254
01:01:10,771 --> 01:01:12,239
Cover me.
1255
01:01:21,815 --> 01:01:23,017
Okay. I'm clear.
1256
01:01:23,050 --> 01:01:24,752
Tori, get in there!
1257
01:01:24,785 --> 01:01:27,054
Stay away from the fucking
car! He's in there!
1258
01:01:27,087 --> 01:01:29,089
Do you see anything?
1259
01:01:34,161 --> 01:01:37,198
Something's not right.
Something's not right!
1260
01:01:37,231 --> 01:01:39,466
Yeah, he's not fucking human.
That's what's not right.
1261
01:01:39,500 --> 01:01:41,101
Do you see anything?
1262
01:01:43,003 --> 01:01:46,006
Monroe! Monroe!
1263
01:01:48,075 --> 01:01:49,843
Oh, fuck!
1264
01:01:50,811 --> 01:01:52,913
Where are you, motherfucker?!
1265
01:01:52,947 --> 01:01:54,782
Show yourself!
1266
01:01:54,815 --> 01:01:57,084
Get out of here now!
1267
01:01:57,117 --> 01:02:01,322
Come on, motherfucker!
Let me see your face.
1268
01:02:01,355 --> 01:02:02,790
Hey!
1269
01:02:05,893 --> 01:02:07,394
Come on, fuck you!
1270
01:02:09,363 --> 01:02:11,498
Oh, no, wait!
1271
01:02:11,533 --> 01:02:13,067
No! No!
1272
01:02:13,100 --> 01:02:14,068
Aah!
1273
01:02:14,101 --> 01:02:17,204
Oh, fuck!
1274
01:02:42,129 --> 01:02:44,498
Oh, God. Okay.
1275
01:03:08,222 --> 01:03:11,091
Hello? Oh, fuck!
1276
01:03:11,125 --> 01:03:12,459
Fuck.
1277
01:03:29,109 --> 01:03:32,813
Okay, okay, okay.
1278
01:03:33,380 --> 01:03:34,415
Uh...
1279
01:03:35,382 --> 01:03:36,850
Hello?
1280
01:03:37,217 --> 01:03:38,485
Hello?
1281
01:03:38,520 --> 01:03:40,555
Fuck!
1282
01:03:59,039 --> 01:04:01,375
Hello? Hello, is anyone there?
1283
01:04:01,408 --> 01:04:02,919
Dispatch, I'm at the
fuckin' police station.
1284
01:04:02,943 --> 01:04:04,478
I need your help.
1285
01:04:04,512 --> 01:04:06,447
Hello? Someone fuckin'
answer me, please.
1286
01:04:06,480 --> 01:04:08,248
Fuck!
1287
01:07:10,097 --> 01:07:12,232
Fuck you!
1288
01:07:13,868 --> 01:07:17,404
No! No! No!
1289
01:07:17,437 --> 01:07:21,141
No! No!
1290
01:07:21,174 --> 01:07:24,278
No, no! No!
1291
01:07:46,199 --> 01:07:48,603
Fucking cocksucker!
1292
01:08:11,593 --> 01:08:13,861
Hello? Hello? Can
anybody hear me?
1293
01:08:13,895 --> 01:08:16,631
Everybody's fucking dead!
Please, someone, please!
1294
01:08:20,802 --> 01:08:22,804
Fuck! Okay. Come on,
come on, come on.
1295
01:08:22,837 --> 01:08:25,439
Yes, come on! Come on!
1296
01:08:29,276 --> 01:08:31,178
Yes! Yes!
1297
01:08:31,211 --> 01:08:32,680
Ah!
1298
01:08:56,470 --> 01:08:58,773
Oh, fuck!
1299
01:08:58,806 --> 01:09:00,240
Fuck!
1300
01:09:01,308 --> 01:09:02,910
Fuck you! No!
1301
01:09:18,425 --> 01:09:19,727
Fuck you!
1302
01:09:23,665 --> 01:09:25,900
No! No!
1303
01:09:25,933 --> 01:09:27,702
No!
1304
01:09:29,302 --> 01:09:31,338
What the fuck?! Fuck!
1305
01:09:33,508 --> 01:09:35,308
Fuck you!
1306
01:12:32,452 --> 01:12:33,721
Fuck!
1307
01:12:48,769 --> 01:12:50,004
Fuck!
1308
01:12:50,972 --> 01:12:53,140
Fuck!
1309
01:15:06,173 --> 01:15:08,242
What the fuck?!
1310
01:17:58,412 --> 01:18:00,114
Okay.
1311
01:18:10,791 --> 01:18:13,327
No, no, no, no!
1312
01:18:13,360 --> 01:18:14,929
No!
1313
01:18:47,161 --> 01:18:49,463
Oh, fuck.
1314
01:18:52,933 --> 01:18:54,501
Fuck!
1315
01:18:54,536 --> 01:18:57,805
Come on. Come on.
1316
01:19:00,542 --> 01:19:02,977
Come on! No, no, no!
1317
01:19:03,010 --> 01:19:04,945
Come on!
1318
01:19:04,979 --> 01:19:06,914
Fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck, come on!
1319
01:19:06,947 --> 01:19:11,986
Come on! Fuck you!
1320
01:19:15,489 --> 01:19:17,925
Oh, fuck!
1321
01:20:02,903 --> 01:20:04,405
Oh, fuck!
1322
01:21:08,001 --> 01:21:10,371
No!
1323
01:21:13,675 --> 01:21:16,343
Fuck! No!
1324
01:21:45,105 --> 01:21:47,441
No! No!
1325
01:21:48,308 --> 01:21:51,412
No! No! No!
1326
01:21:51,445 --> 01:21:53,480
Fuck! Fuck!
1327
01:21:56,283 --> 01:21:58,185
Ah! Fuck!
97956
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