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1
00:00:04,063 --> 00:00:06,063
'Twas the week
before Chrismukkah,
2
00:00:06,232 --> 00:00:07,414
all through the café,
3
00:00:07,566 --> 00:00:10,175
eight nights of candles
and a guy on a sleigh.
4
00:00:10,327 --> 00:00:13,495
The Jews eat a lot of food,
all fried up in oil.
5
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:16,907
The goyim give presents,
wrapped up in tinfoil.
6
00:00:17,076 --> 00:00:18,500
On vodka,
7
00:00:18,594 --> 00:00:20,077
on whiskey,
8
00:00:20,095 --> 00:00:21,687
on brandy and gin.
9
00:00:21,914 --> 00:00:23,505
If you're about
to start drinking,
10
00:00:23,599 --> 00:00:24,639
you know I'm all in.
11
00:00:24,750 --> 00:00:25,932
-Hey!
-Whoo!
12
00:00:26,027 --> 00:00:27,693
-Hello?
-Wow, looks like
a Hallmark movie
13
00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:28,877
threw up in here.
14
00:00:28,879 --> 00:00:30,529
Well,
I love Chrismukkah.
15
00:00:30,756 --> 00:00:33,090
The music, the traditions,
the TV shows.
16
00:00:33,108 --> 00:00:35,759
My favorite is Rudolph the Red-Nosed Tax Lawyer
17
00:00:35,778 --> 00:00:36,702
from Palm Beach.
18
00:00:36,853 --> 00:00:38,428
You were a weird six-year-old,
19
00:00:38,447 --> 00:00:41,265
and you're an even
weirder 41-year-old.
20
00:00:41,358 --> 00:00:43,100
What have you guys been up to?
21
00:00:43,227 --> 00:00:45,527
Oh, we're just hanging out
at The Middle C, talking about
22
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,546
important stuff, like,
life, our girlfriends,
23
00:00:47,697 --> 00:00:50,941
who'd win in a fight, Batman
or Kevin from Home Alone.
24
00:00:51,110 --> 00:00:52,534
You sure you're okay
hanging out in a bar?
25
00:00:52,628 --> 00:00:54,611
It's only been a few weeks
since you stopped drinking.
26
00:00:54,630 --> 00:00:55,870
And it's obviously Kevin,
27
00:00:55,964 --> 00:00:57,890
he would do anything to get back
with his family.
28
00:00:58,117 --> 00:00:59,207
I was fine, Kat,
29
00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:00,893
just like when we were
in the wine section
30
00:01:01,044 --> 00:01:02,061
at the grocery store,
31
00:01:02,212 --> 00:01:04,045
or when that
tequila commercial came on,
32
00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:06,231
or when I stand too close
to your mother.
33
00:01:06,901 --> 00:01:07,791
Well, what you're doing
34
00:01:07,810 --> 00:01:08,901
is not easy.
35
00:01:09,144 --> 00:01:11,144
I remember how hard it was
for me to give up sugar.
36
00:01:11,238 --> 00:01:12,646
You just put whipped cream
37
00:01:12,798 --> 00:01:14,740
and two sugar packets
in that hot chocolate.
38
00:01:14,891 --> 00:01:17,692
I'm halfway through
a six-year taper, okay, Randi?
39
00:01:18,562 --> 00:01:20,487
Well, I'm great.
I woke up early,
40
00:01:20,639 --> 00:01:23,140
I worked on a song,
went to the rock climbing gym,
41
00:01:23,233 --> 00:01:24,750
met a guy named Barry
in the locker room
42
00:01:24,901 --> 00:01:27,811
who dries himself off from
head to toe with a blow dryer.
43
00:01:27,904 --> 00:01:29,904
Why do you hate towels, Barry?
44
00:01:29,998 --> 00:01:32,983
You're spending more time at
that gym than you are with me.
45
00:01:33,076 --> 00:01:35,076
I'm starting to think
you might be taking me
46
00:01:35,096 --> 00:01:36,411
for granite.
47
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:39,914
Ugh, you know, Max,
I have some friends
48
00:01:39,934 --> 00:01:42,008
with daughters
who'd be perfect for you.
49
00:01:42,161 --> 00:01:44,177
-Uh...
-Thank you for the offer,
Sheila,
50
00:01:44,330 --> 00:01:46,772
but I have to decline, again.
51
00:01:47,516 --> 00:01:49,942
You know, how would you feel
if I came climbing with you?
52
00:01:50,018 --> 00:01:52,336
Not a question.
I'm coming climbing with you.
53
00:01:52,504 --> 00:01:54,354
Hm... yeah, that would be great.
54
00:01:54,506 --> 00:01:56,264
You can meet blow dryer Barry.
55
00:01:56,358 --> 00:01:58,892
Unbelievable. Louisville Weekly
just kicked me out
56
00:01:59,044 --> 00:02:00,861
of the Twelve Pubs
of Christmas bar crawl.
57
00:02:01,013 --> 00:02:03,104
They said they wanted
new businesses.
58
00:02:03,273 --> 00:02:04,865
Mm, sounds racist to me.
59
00:02:05,017 --> 00:02:07,184
Damn it, I should've said that.
60
00:02:07,202 --> 00:02:08,352
They're gonna replace me
61
00:02:08,445 --> 00:02:10,036
with that stupid board game bar.
62
00:02:10,189 --> 00:02:12,706
Corks and Orcs?
I love that place.
63
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,616
They do beer pong right.
64
00:02:14,710 --> 00:02:16,042
First, you have a beer,
65
00:02:16,137 --> 00:02:17,361
then you play Pong.
66
00:02:18,380 --> 00:02:20,547
That pub crawl is the biggest
money maker of the year for me.
67
00:02:20,716 --> 00:02:23,791
I mean, I bought a crazy
expensive beer tap system,
68
00:02:23,886 --> 00:02:24,885
maxed out my credit card,
69
00:02:24,979 --> 00:02:26,461
and this one's in my real name.
70
00:02:26,630 --> 00:02:28,814
Well, you know you can
make the money back
71
00:02:28,965 --> 00:02:30,798
by charging white people
double on MLK Day.
72
00:02:30,818 --> 00:02:32,058
They can't say no.
73
00:02:32,135 --> 00:02:33,694
-It's true, we really can't.
-Yeah.
74
00:02:35,047 --> 00:02:36,822
♪ Me, oh, my, oh, my, oh, me ♪
75
00:02:37,049 --> 00:02:39,032
♪ Nothin' wrong with you but I'd rather be me. ♪
76
00:02:40,886 --> 00:02:42,719
Now, why would they pick
this place over The Middle C
77
00:02:42,812 --> 00:02:43,737
for the pub crawl?
78
00:02:43,889 --> 00:02:45,055
It's a bunch of toys and games.
79
00:02:45,073 --> 00:02:46,981
What does that have to do
with Christmas?
80
00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:48,834
I see Jenga,
I see pick-up sticks,
81
00:02:48,985 --> 00:02:50,727
I see vodka.
We are one match away
82
00:02:50,746 --> 00:02:54,581
from a bunch of chess nerds
roasting on an open fire.
83
00:02:54,733 --> 00:02:56,066
Damn, you a sexy badass.
84
00:02:56,084 --> 00:02:57,843
I never want
to break up with you,
85
00:02:58,070 --> 00:03:00,995
and even if I did,
I'd be too scared to.
86
00:03:01,015 --> 00:03:03,164
-Oh, hey, guys.
-Sup, Zac.
87
00:03:03,258 --> 00:03:04,516
Heard you got picked
88
00:03:04,743 --> 00:03:05,684
for the Twelve Pubs
of Christmas this year.
89
00:03:05,835 --> 00:03:07,853
Yeah, bad move.
90
00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:10,171
-What are you doing?
-I'm sending a message.
91
00:03:10,265 --> 00:03:12,557
I just wanted to warn you
92
00:03:12,710 --> 00:03:16,010
that the pub crawl
is a ton of work and no reward.
93
00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:17,938
Kind of like having kids.
94
00:03:18,090 --> 00:03:19,089
You got kids?
95
00:03:19,182 --> 00:03:20,348
I have a dog.
96
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:21,608
You know how they poop
on the rug,
97
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,093
and then you step in it?
98
00:03:23,262 --> 00:03:24,594
That's what the Twelve Pubs
of Christmas is like.
99
00:03:24,613 --> 00:03:26,930
Uh, I don't know,
the magazine said
100
00:03:26,949 --> 00:03:28,540
the pub crawl
makes a lot of money.
101
00:03:28,767 --> 00:03:31,859
But is business really
about making money, though?
102
00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:34,788
For me? No, I got in early
on Bitcoin.
103
00:03:34,940 --> 00:03:36,882
Really? Not married, no kids?
104
00:03:37,109 --> 00:03:40,702
You know, I love dogs.
105
00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:41,887
What are you doing?
106
00:03:42,114 --> 00:03:43,613
I'm sending a different message.
107
00:03:43,632 --> 00:03:45,039
Well,
108
00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:47,226
I came up with a...
pretty sick theme.
109
00:03:47,377 --> 00:03:49,877
Uh, I don't want
to toot my own horn,
110
00:03:49,972 --> 00:03:51,972
but "toot, toot."
111
00:03:52,048 --> 00:03:53,790
Toot, toot.
112
00:03:53,809 --> 00:03:55,125
Yeah, I will be
113
00:03:55,143 --> 00:03:57,753
converting Corks and Orcs
114
00:03:57,755 --> 00:03:59,554
into an interactive
115
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:03,242
science fiction
space Christmas adventure.
116
00:04:03,469 --> 00:04:04,392
Mm-hmm.
117
00:04:04,486 --> 00:04:05,635
Mm-hmm. See,
118
00:04:05,654 --> 00:04:07,153
you got a problem already.
119
00:04:07,248 --> 00:04:09,665
That's way too small for people.
120
00:04:10,900 --> 00:04:12,567
-This is a model.
-Oh. Oh, you know,
121
00:04:12,661 --> 00:04:15,645
some people said that
I should be a model.
122
00:04:15,664 --> 00:04:17,422
Oh, you want to see something
123
00:04:17,499 --> 00:04:19,332
extremely cool?
124
00:04:19,485 --> 00:04:21,260
Check this out.
125
00:04:21,487 --> 00:04:23,762
Space and holiday cheer.
126
00:04:23,989 --> 00:04:25,913
This is the voyage
127
00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:28,249
of the Twelve Pubs of Christmas.
128
00:04:28,269 --> 00:04:30,844
Insert cool space sound.
129
00:04:30,996 --> 00:04:32,104
Vroom.
130
00:04:32,331 --> 00:04:33,605
I'm George Takei,
131
00:04:33,832 --> 00:04:36,016
and welcome to Corks and Orcs.
132
00:04:36,168 --> 00:04:39,278
You know, I've got a catchphrase.
133
00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:40,520
Should I say it?
134
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:43,431
Oh, my.
135
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,342
I still have to edit
the final version,
136
00:04:45,435 --> 00:04:48,269
but, uh, yeah, Mr. Sulu himself
137
00:04:48,289 --> 00:04:49,437
is gonna be here
138
00:04:49,515 --> 00:04:51,790
playing Connect Four
with my customers.
139
00:04:51,941 --> 00:04:53,608
I hear,
after a few drinks,
140
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,535
he'll trash-talk Shatner.
141
00:04:55,687 --> 00:04:57,203
Oh, uh,
142
00:04:57,298 --> 00:04:58,188
excuse me.
143
00:04:58,206 --> 00:05:00,148
Oh, Zac, you are so hilarious.
144
00:05:00,208 --> 00:05:02,450
Let's laugh over dinner
sometime, your treat.
145
00:05:03,862 --> 00:05:05,620
Damn, all I was gonna do
was throw some brandy
146
00:05:05,714 --> 00:05:08,473
in some expired milk and
tell everybody it was eggnog.
147
00:05:08,625 --> 00:05:11,551
Yeah, babe,
your idea sucks so bad.
148
00:05:11,703 --> 00:05:14,704
-Are you putting on--
Can we go, please?
-Go?
149
00:05:14,798 --> 00:05:16,606
You ain't got no Bitcoin.
150
00:05:18,894 --> 00:05:20,635
Yeah, you're doing great.
151
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,136
Now, reach for the blue one.
152
00:05:22,305 --> 00:05:23,396
Which is the blue one?
153
00:05:23,549 --> 00:05:25,473
The altitude
is blurring my vision.
154
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:27,217
Just imagine
you're raising your hand
155
00:05:27,310 --> 00:05:28,976
to volunteer for extra homework.
156
00:05:29,071 --> 00:05:30,236
Oh.
157
00:05:30,389 --> 00:05:31,721
- You got it. That's it.
- Now, one more.
158
00:05:31,740 --> 00:05:33,239
- Don't look down.
- Okay.
159
00:05:33,392 --> 00:05:34,666
I'm not looking down.
160
00:05:34,818 --> 00:05:36,001
Oh, I looked down.
161
00:05:36,228 --> 00:05:38,244
It's okay, all I saw
was my boobs.
162
00:05:38,339 --> 00:05:42,174
That's good. They motivate me,
let them motivate you.
163
00:05:45,829 --> 00:05:46,845
I can't believe it.
164
00:05:46,996 --> 00:05:50,256
I did it! Take that, gravity!
165
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:53,760
Excuse me,
166
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:55,687
can Kiera have a turn
on the kids' wall?
167
00:05:55,764 --> 00:05:58,565
Can Kiera have a turn
on the kids' wall?
168
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:07,774
Okay, I know
I'm gonna regret asking,
169
00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,259
but what are you doing?
170
00:06:09,277 --> 00:06:12,262
I'm strengthening my hands
for rock climbing.
171
00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:15,523
It'll also come in handy
if I ever need to milk a goat.
172
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:18,118
Strengthening your hands
will only accentuate
173
00:06:18,194 --> 00:06:19,193
the hair on them.
174
00:06:19,213 --> 00:06:21,880
Mother, it's not hair,
it's peach fuzz.
175
00:06:22,107 --> 00:06:24,941
Ooh, it's dark
and kind of thick peach fuzz.
176
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:28,887
I'm doing this so I can become a
better climbing partner for Max.
177
00:06:29,038 --> 00:06:31,114
Maybe some day
we'll summit Kilimanjaro,
178
00:06:31,116 --> 00:06:32,908
but today at 4:00,
I'm gonna show the kiddie wall
179
00:06:32,910 --> 00:06:34,893
what an advanced beginner
looks like.
180
00:06:35,078 --> 00:06:37,396
I'm back in the
Twelve Pubs of Christmas.
181
00:06:37,547 --> 00:06:39,806
-Oh!
-Oh, babe, that's amazing.
182
00:06:39,958 --> 00:06:41,141
Wait, is Corks and Orcs out?
183
00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:43,902
Is Zac okay? Do he
and his Bitcoin need to be held?
184
00:06:44,129 --> 00:06:46,053
No, everyone is still in.
185
00:06:46,222 --> 00:06:48,055
Oh, so there's
13 Pubs of Christmas?
186
00:06:48,224 --> 00:06:50,467
They're still gonna call it
the Twelve Pubs of Christmas.
187
00:06:50,469 --> 00:06:52,986
Mm, but that would be inaccurate
because there's 13.
188
00:06:53,138 --> 00:06:54,913
Does no one care about numbers?
189
00:06:55,140 --> 00:06:58,141
I do. You have
ten hairy fingers.
190
00:06:59,144 --> 00:07:00,735
Well, how did you get them
to change their minds?
191
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:02,069
Did you sleep with someone?
192
00:07:02,164 --> 00:07:04,739
I'll be mad,
but game recognize game.
193
00:07:04,833 --> 00:07:06,316
I went down
to Louisville Weekly,
194
00:07:06,334 --> 00:07:08,260
and I told them
I have a killer concept
195
00:07:08,411 --> 00:07:10,987
that's pure genius
and cannot be denied.
196
00:07:11,006 --> 00:07:13,990
Then they denied me,
so I said that's racist,
197
00:07:13,992 --> 00:07:16,676
and now I'm back in.
198
00:07:16,828 --> 00:07:19,104
Ooh, what's your concept?
Cats in Santa hats?
199
00:07:19,255 --> 00:07:21,331
Cats in antlers?
Cats in yarmulkes?
200
00:07:21,349 --> 00:07:23,833
I mean, those are all so good,
how would you pick?
201
00:07:23,927 --> 00:07:25,835
How about an ugly sweater party?
202
00:07:25,929 --> 00:07:27,020
The pub can crawl
203
00:07:27,189 --> 00:07:29,114
right through
Katharine's closet.
204
00:07:29,265 --> 00:07:31,283
I'm doing an ice bar.
205
00:07:31,434 --> 00:07:34,344
Everything in The Middle C,
from the furniture to the bar,
206
00:07:34,362 --> 00:07:35,770
will be made out of ice.
207
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:38,682
And Darren said he's got a guy
who can get me a penguin.
208
00:07:38,700 --> 00:07:40,016
Ice?
209
00:07:40,109 --> 00:07:41,701
Yeah, that's gonna be too cold
for the cats.
210
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:44,296
There will be no cats.
211
00:07:50,529 --> 00:07:51,470
All right, now,
212
00:07:51,697 --> 00:07:53,880
according to the
Boulder Bros on YouTube,
213
00:07:54,032 --> 00:07:55,699
it's very important
to warm up the hands
214
00:07:55,717 --> 00:07:59,035
before we climb the snot
out of this janky-ass pitch.
215
00:07:59,054 --> 00:08:01,554
It's a very bro-centric channel.
216
00:08:01,707 --> 00:08:03,297
My hands are warm.
217
00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:05,967
Barry made me blow-dry his back.
218
00:08:06,061 --> 00:08:07,819
My hands are wet,
my hands are dry.
219
00:08:07,971 --> 00:08:09,546
My hands are wet,
my hands are dry. Come on.
220
00:08:09,548 --> 00:08:11,898
-I'm squeezing your boobs.
I'm having fun.
-Oh...
221
00:08:12,067 --> 00:08:13,383
I'm squeezing your boobs.
I'm having fun.
222
00:08:13,476 --> 00:08:16,219
Hey, you know, we should have
a YouTube channel.
223
00:08:16,312 --> 00:08:17,829
We could call it, uh...
224
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,647
"Kat to the Max."
225
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:22,225
Ooh, is this what
climber's high feels like?
226
00:08:22,318 --> 00:08:24,561
No, for that, we actually
have to climb, so...
227
00:08:24,654 --> 00:08:26,004
I'll go first.
228
00:08:26,155 --> 00:08:27,506
You stay here.
229
00:08:27,733 --> 00:08:30,091
Nice and quiet.
230
00:08:31,570 --> 00:08:33,069
Right. You got this.
231
00:08:33,162 --> 00:08:35,847
Okay, reach.
Yeah, stick that jug.
232
00:08:35,924 --> 00:08:37,164
You got a pretty spicy pinch
coming up.
233
00:08:37,333 --> 00:08:40,076
Maybe do a knee-bar,
give your hands a rest.
234
00:08:40,169 --> 00:08:41,094
Great tip.
235
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:43,580
Really helps me
clear my mind.
236
00:08:43,598 --> 00:08:44,931
Hey, before you get
to that undercling,
237
00:08:45,083 --> 00:08:46,416
you've got a little,
uh, undercling
238
00:08:46,434 --> 00:08:47,859
going on in your shorts.
239
00:08:48,086 --> 00:08:49,844
You are literally
driving me up this wall.
240
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:50,920
Okay, I'm sorry.
241
00:08:50,939 --> 00:08:52,422
It's just you and the rock.
242
00:08:52,515 --> 00:08:53,180
I'm not even here.
243
00:08:53,275 --> 00:08:55,425
Go to your happy place.
244
00:08:55,518 --> 00:08:57,184
Kat to the Max.
245
00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:59,871
Damn, I wish I had a beer
right now...
246
00:09:00,023 --> 00:09:01,873
so I could drop it on her.
247
00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:04,125
That's my boyfriend.
248
00:09:05,028 --> 00:09:07,170
We got a YouTube channel.
249
00:09:13,795 --> 00:09:16,780
Whew, it's colder
than my ex in here.
250
00:09:16,798 --> 00:09:18,114
Would you quit your whining.
251
00:09:18,133 --> 00:09:20,725
We're creating a magical
holiday wonderland.
252
00:09:20,952 --> 00:09:22,710
And Tasha wasn't cold,
253
00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:25,212
she just had standards.
254
00:09:25,381 --> 00:09:27,048
Aw...
255
00:09:27,216 --> 00:09:28,567
Come on, man.
256
00:09:28,794 --> 00:09:30,310
What? It's ice, it's slippery.
257
00:09:30,462 --> 00:09:31,961
Plus, I just lotioned up.
258
00:09:31,980 --> 00:09:33,572
-Sweet Pea Vanilla, baby.
-Man...
259
00:09:33,723 --> 00:09:34,906
Just be more careful.
260
00:09:35,133 --> 00:09:37,075
Look, I got a lot
riding on this.
261
00:09:37,226 --> 00:09:39,819
Now, did you talk
to your penguin guy or not?
262
00:09:39,971 --> 00:09:41,154
Oh, it's all set up.
263
00:09:41,323 --> 00:09:45,166
We got tickets to the zoo,
duct tape, and a backpack.
264
00:09:48,330 --> 00:09:50,571
Does this look like a glass?
265
00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:53,741
Oh, honey, you're so handsome.
266
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,501
Here, check mine out.
267
00:09:55,629 --> 00:09:57,837
Oh, my God, that is amazing.
268
00:09:57,989 --> 00:10:00,006
I hate you so much.
269
00:10:00,158 --> 00:10:01,841
Hey, I was thinking,
before climbing tomorrow,
270
00:10:01,993 --> 00:10:03,009
maybe we could stop
by McDonald's,
271
00:10:03,178 --> 00:10:04,936
climb the PlayPlace wall
as a warmup.
272
00:10:05,088 --> 00:10:07,513
Show those losers
in the ball pit how it's done.
273
00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:09,641
Uh, I can't tomorrow.
I have a song to work on.
274
00:10:09,793 --> 00:10:11,258
And the manager was pretty clear
275
00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:13,695
about us never coming back
to that McDonald's.
276
00:10:14,764 --> 00:10:16,189
Hey, everybody...
277
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:17,190
Shut the damn door!
278
00:10:17,342 --> 00:10:18,858
Shut your damn mouth.
279
00:10:19,010 --> 00:10:21,435
The pub crawl is tomorrow,
and it's
280
00:10:21,529 --> 00:10:23,771
costing me $200 an hour
to run these stupid freezers.
281
00:10:23,865 --> 00:10:26,774
It's so cold in here,
I might have to put on a hat.
282
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:28,109
A hat, Randi.
283
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,353
Come on, babe,
it's gonna be great.
284
00:10:30,522 --> 00:10:33,690
I don't need it to be great,
I need it to be perfect.
285
00:10:33,708 --> 00:10:35,467
Corks and Orcs has George Takei.
286
00:10:35,694 --> 00:10:38,261
I got... Darren.
287
00:10:39,789 --> 00:10:41,264
Thank you.
288
00:10:42,476 --> 00:10:44,476
Carter, are you, uh,
289
00:10:44,552 --> 00:10:46,870
interested in someone
from Star Trek?
290
00:10:46,888 --> 00:10:47,812
I've got an in.
291
00:10:48,039 --> 00:10:49,981
-Really?
-Wait a minute,
292
00:10:50,208 --> 00:10:51,374
is it a cat?
293
00:10:51,393 --> 00:10:52,876
Maybe.
294
00:10:52,894 --> 00:10:55,228
Is it William Cat-ner?
295
00:10:55,380 --> 00:10:57,447
Yes.
296
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:04,554
All right, I'm down.
297
00:11:04,647 --> 00:11:06,222
You're not Max.
298
00:11:06,241 --> 00:11:07,982
And you're not
my Kung Pao chicken.
299
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,001
Oh, cute little gingerbread men.
300
00:11:10,228 --> 00:11:11,911
Ooh, not just men. Women, too.
301
00:11:12,063 --> 00:11:14,080
Down with the
gingerbread patriarchy.
302
00:11:14,232 --> 00:11:16,007
-What's going on with that one?
-Oh,
303
00:11:16,234 --> 00:11:19,752
he's non-binary.
Uh, I mean, they are. Damn it.
304
00:11:19,905 --> 00:11:22,180
-Anyway, Max isn't here.
-What?
305
00:11:22,407 --> 00:11:23,923
We were just texting,
like, 20 minutes ago.
306
00:11:24,075 --> 00:11:25,499
I asked how the song is going,
307
00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:27,410
and he said, "Not great.
I need a few more hours."
308
00:11:27,429 --> 00:11:29,187
So, I asked if he wanted me
to bring him some food,
309
00:11:29,338 --> 00:11:31,523
but stupid autocorrect
changed it to "good."
310
00:11:31,674 --> 00:11:32,916
So, then I sent, "No, good.
311
00:11:32,934 --> 00:11:36,085
Good. Good. Duck." Here I am.
312
00:11:36,104 --> 00:11:39,013
Okay, that was a ducking
journey to nowhere.
313
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:42,759
He's really not here?
That's so weird.
314
00:11:42,777 --> 00:11:44,427
Wait, Find My Friends?
315
00:11:44,446 --> 00:11:47,096
Max agreed to let you
track his phone?
316
00:11:47,098 --> 00:11:48,856
Uh, I assume so.
317
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,357
He let me watch him
put in his password
318
00:11:50,452 --> 00:11:53,269
over his shoulder, and then
he went and took a shower.
319
00:11:53,288 --> 00:11:55,529
Aw, you really do love him.
320
00:11:55,549 --> 00:11:58,883
Just the drinking thing
kind of freaked me out.
321
00:11:59,035 --> 00:11:59,867
Oh, no.
322
00:11:59,961 --> 00:12:01,035
What, is he at a bar?
323
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:03,629
Worse, the rock climbing gym.
324
00:12:03,782 --> 00:12:04,889
Oh, hell yeah.
325
00:12:05,041 --> 00:12:07,308
-What?
-My Kung Pao chicken.
326
00:12:13,475 --> 00:12:15,458
Well...
327
00:12:15,477 --> 00:12:17,627
well...
328
00:12:17,645 --> 00:12:20,405
Give me a sec.
329
00:12:20,556 --> 00:12:22,115
Well...
330
00:12:28,656 --> 00:12:30,974
How did you know I was here?
I didn't tell anyone.
331
00:12:30,992 --> 00:12:34,068
I followed the pungent scent
of your deceit.
332
00:12:34,145 --> 00:12:36,646
Wait, have you been
tracking my phone?
333
00:12:36,664 --> 00:12:39,758
One major relationship breach
of trust at a time.
334
00:12:39,834 --> 00:12:40,984
What are you doing here
without me?
335
00:12:41,002 --> 00:12:42,910
This is the one thing
keeping me sane,
336
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:44,578
and you're driving me
freaking crazy.
337
00:12:44,672 --> 00:12:46,914
Hey, you're not getting away
form me that easily.
338
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:50,101
I have mastered the toe-smear
into a reverse bicycle.
339
00:12:50,253 --> 00:12:52,178
See? That right there.
Don't do that.
340
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:55,164
You're just putting random words
together you heard on YouTube.
341
00:12:55,183 --> 00:12:59,002
Watch, everyone, I'm doing
a Cincinnati Moon Pie squeeze.
342
00:12:59,095 --> 00:13:02,188
Hey, you know, I took up
rock climbing to support you.
343
00:13:02,265 --> 00:13:04,340
Maybe if Gisele had shown
more of an interest in football,
344
00:13:04,433 --> 00:13:05,766
she and Tom
would still be married.
345
00:13:05,860 --> 00:13:07,434
Well, maybe Gisele did take
an interest in football,
346
00:13:07,529 --> 00:13:09,103
then watched a bunch
of stupid YouTube videos
347
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:11,180
and acted like she knew
more about it than he did,
348
00:13:11,274 --> 00:13:12,457
and then she tracked his phone.
349
00:13:12,608 --> 00:13:14,441
Oh, maybe Gisele
had to track Tom's phone
350
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,035
because she isn't sure
he has a handle
351
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,870
on his somewhat complicated
relationship with alcohol.
352
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:21,040
Well, guess what,
being here by myself
353
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:22,467
really helps me with that.
354
00:13:22,652 --> 00:13:24,302
And you know
what doesn't help me?
355
00:13:24,529 --> 00:13:26,554
Kat to the Max!
356
00:13:27,382 --> 00:13:28,622
Don't you climb away from me.
357
00:13:28,642 --> 00:13:30,216
Oh, oh. Ah.
358
00:13:30,368 --> 00:13:32,477
-Oh, no. Oh, oh.
-What're you doing?
359
00:13:32,628 --> 00:13:35,038
I don't know, I think
I've made that pretty clear.
360
00:13:37,892 --> 00:13:40,193
What the hell are the ropes for?
361
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:44,380
Damn it,
it's 31 degrees in here.
362
00:13:44,399 --> 00:13:46,491
We real close to melting.
Darren,
363
00:13:46,642 --> 00:13:47,567
are you breathing again?
364
00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:49,068
Yeah, but I got to...
365
00:13:49,220 --> 00:13:52,205
I told you, slow and shallow,
like the girls you date.
366
00:13:54,242 --> 00:13:55,892
Whoa, you saw that, too, right?
367
00:13:55,985 --> 00:13:58,152
Or am I just lightheaded from
not being allowed to breathe?
368
00:13:58,246 --> 00:14:01,256
It's the freezers.
They're pulling too much power.
369
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:05,159
Oh, this is all
your fault, Ice Carter.
370
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:07,262
I don't know why
you had such a stupid idea.
371
00:14:08,664 --> 00:14:12,058
Look at that smile.
I can't stay mad at you.
372
00:14:15,872 --> 00:14:18,264
-Oh, good, you're still here.
-Hey, I was just heading over.
373
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:19,691
-You like my new coat?
-Uh, it's fine.
374
00:14:19,918 --> 00:14:21,767
-Now, let me in the café.
-Well, Kat said it was neat,
375
00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:23,086
so now I think I hate it.
376
00:14:23,104 --> 00:14:24,696
I don't care,
just unlock the door.
377
00:14:24,847 --> 00:14:25,864
What the hell is with you?
378
00:14:26,091 --> 00:14:27,532
You've been snapping at me
all week.
379
00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:29,183
Because I am $10,000 in debt,
380
00:14:29,277 --> 00:14:31,369
and Ice Carter is about to have
slush for brains.
381
00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:32,778
Now, would you please
open the door,
382
00:14:32,873 --> 00:14:34,188
so I can steal some power.
383
00:14:34,282 --> 00:14:35,689
You can't plug into the café.
384
00:14:35,783 --> 00:14:38,543
The wiring's so old, it's
segregated by color.
385
00:14:38,694 --> 00:14:41,028
Would you stop being sassy
and help me.
386
00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:42,363
Don't talk to me like that.
387
00:14:42,457 --> 00:14:43,864
And I can't help being sassy.
388
00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:46,292
I'm third-generation bad bitch.
389
00:14:46,444 --> 00:14:49,345
Calling me sassy.
You lost your damn mind.
390
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:55,727
I don't know if you
really hear prayers,
391
00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:59,480
but if you do,
please help me, Santa.
392
00:15:06,798 --> 00:15:09,649
I'm sorry
I pulled you off the wall.
393
00:15:09,801 --> 00:15:11,910
Don't worry about it.
394
00:15:12,061 --> 00:15:14,203
Your face broke my fall.
395
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:17,731
You feeling okay?
396
00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:18,899
A little sore.
397
00:15:18,919 --> 00:15:21,419
Will you let me know
if I start drooling?
398
00:15:21,646 --> 00:15:23,479
Yes.
399
00:15:23,498 --> 00:15:25,906
Five minutes ago,
you started drooling.
400
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:27,817
Oh...
401
00:15:27,910 --> 00:15:29,410
I'm sorry that I lied to you.
402
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:31,912
I should've just told you
that I needed some space.
403
00:15:32,081 --> 00:15:34,432
Space? From me?
404
00:15:34,509 --> 00:15:36,476
Inconceivable.
405
00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:40,254
I'm sorry I snooped on you.
406
00:15:40,348 --> 00:15:41,272
I just...
407
00:15:41,499 --> 00:15:43,090
I'm worried about you drinking.
408
00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:45,334
I haven't had a drink
in three weeks.
409
00:15:45,353 --> 00:15:48,095
I know, and that's great.
410
00:15:48,189 --> 00:15:49,596
And I...
411
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:53,201
guarantee you that I worry
about myself twice as much.
412
00:15:55,697 --> 00:15:57,847
I don't know if I have
a drinking problem,
413
00:15:57,865 --> 00:15:59,532
but I know my dad did.
414
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,626
What?
415
00:16:01,777 --> 00:16:04,020
You don't notice it as a kid,
416
00:16:04,038 --> 00:16:05,521
but looking back,
417
00:16:05,523 --> 00:16:07,966
I mean, he was drunk
all the time.
418
00:16:08,193 --> 00:16:10,042
Oh... Max.
419
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:12,637
I don't know if he left
or my mom kicked him out
420
00:16:12,788 --> 00:16:14,730
or...
421
00:16:14,790 --> 00:16:18,726
Either way,
it wrecked my family.
422
00:16:19,795 --> 00:16:21,312
That's awful.
423
00:16:21,464 --> 00:16:24,232
I just don't want
to turn out like him.
424
00:16:26,844 --> 00:16:28,894
You are not your dad.
425
00:16:29,047 --> 00:16:30,488
Yeah, I hope not.
426
00:16:30,715 --> 00:16:32,615
You're not.
427
00:16:35,069 --> 00:16:37,495
Thank you.
428
00:16:37,722 --> 00:16:40,707
I'm glad you told me.
429
00:16:41,576 --> 00:16:43,042
Me, too.
430
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,245
But I am changing
my phone password
431
00:16:46,397 --> 00:16:48,581
and finding a climbing gym that
you don't know anything about.
432
00:16:48,657 --> 00:16:51,600
Reasonable. I overstepped.
433
00:16:51,602 --> 00:16:52,993
I'm sorry.
434
00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:54,587
Kiss?
435
00:16:54,739 --> 00:16:55,847
Oh, I'm still drooling?
436
00:16:56,074 --> 00:16:58,241
-Yeah, you never stopped.
-Oh...
437
00:16:58,259 --> 00:17:00,059
-Come here.
-Oh.
438
00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:11,921
It is like
a winter wonderland in here.
439
00:17:11,939 --> 00:17:13,865
It's best to just nod and smile.
440
00:17:14,092 --> 00:17:16,200
I've been doing that
her whole life.
441
00:17:17,945 --> 00:17:19,186
Whoo!
442
00:17:19,355 --> 00:17:22,523
Oh, wow. That looks fun.
443
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:25,618
And only $15!
444
00:17:25,770 --> 00:17:28,046
-What is that?
-An ice luge.
445
00:17:28,197 --> 00:17:29,380
You do shots out of it.
446
00:17:29,607 --> 00:17:32,124
Good God, didn't you learn
anything in high school?
447
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:35,386
I was valedictorian.
I learned everything.
448
00:17:35,463 --> 00:17:38,114
Darren, set me up.
449
00:17:38,132 --> 00:17:40,058
I was a gold medalist
450
00:17:40,209 --> 00:17:42,727
in ice luge at Margaritaville.
451
00:17:47,141 --> 00:17:50,293
Oh, my God.
George Takei.
452
00:17:50,311 --> 00:17:51,736
What're you doing here?
453
00:17:51,887 --> 00:17:53,963
Well, I'd stomached
as much nerd talk
454
00:17:53,981 --> 00:17:56,741
as I could at Corks and Dorks.
455
00:17:58,244 --> 00:17:59,485
I needed to cleanse my palate
456
00:17:59,637 --> 00:18:02,622
with a good
old-fashioned gay bar.
457
00:18:03,658 --> 00:18:04,990
What?
458
00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:08,235
Dueling pianos, right?
459
00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:12,131
Uh... Okay.
Uh, yeah, come on in.
460
00:18:13,668 --> 00:18:15,334
Sheila Silver.
461
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:16,743
George?
462
00:18:16,838 --> 00:18:19,655
I almost didn't recognize you
with your pants on.
463
00:18:19,748 --> 00:18:22,433
Uh... you two know each other?
464
00:18:22,660 --> 00:18:26,437
Oh, we met at Leonard Nimoy's
bicentennial fondue party.
465
00:18:26,589 --> 00:18:27,680
Oh.
466
00:18:27,832 --> 00:18:30,666
So, uh, you've seen his phaser?
467
00:18:30,759 --> 00:18:33,736
Yes, and it was set to stun.
468
00:18:35,006 --> 00:18:37,448
Mr. Takei, I, uh-- huge fan.
469
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:40,451
Oh, my.
470
00:18:40,603 --> 00:18:42,769
Merry Christmas to me.
471
00:18:43,939 --> 00:18:45,623
I see you still
talk to yourself.
472
00:18:45,774 --> 00:18:48,351
I talk to whomever I want to.
473
00:18:48,369 --> 00:18:51,629
I'm George Takei.
474
00:19:07,963 --> 00:19:10,039
♪ Silent... ♪
475
00:19:10,057 --> 00:19:13,300
Hey. Thanks for coming down.
476
00:19:13,394 --> 00:19:14,894
Mm-hmm.
477
00:19:15,046 --> 00:19:17,546
I'm really sorry about earlier.
478
00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:20,366
Guess I put the "ass"
in Christm-ass.
479
00:19:21,810 --> 00:19:23,494
Just been so stressed
about money.
480
00:19:23,646 --> 00:19:25,812
Why do you need
a fancy beer tap anyway?
481
00:19:25,907 --> 00:19:29,125
Zac and I were texting,
and he said they're overrated.
482
00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:31,652
Actually...
483
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,654
I bought something else.
484
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:35,965
Whoa.
485
00:19:37,493 --> 00:19:38,734
What are you doing?
486
00:19:38,827 --> 00:19:40,920
Miranda Elizabeth Hamilton...
487
00:19:41,072 --> 00:19:43,014
Oh, my God, my government name.
488
00:19:43,165 --> 00:19:45,016
You're the most
489
00:19:45,092 --> 00:19:47,092
amazing person I've ever met.
490
00:19:47,245 --> 00:19:49,020
You're brilliant,
491
00:19:49,171 --> 00:19:52,732
kind, and damn,
you're beautiful.
492
00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:56,510
I've love you since day one.
493
00:19:56,571 --> 00:19:58,512
Aw, Carter.
494
00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:01,199
Wait, day one of what?
Dating or when we first met?
495
00:20:01,426 --> 00:20:02,683
What's the difference?
496
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:04,276
I mean, I'm on my knee,
and it's freezing out here.
497
00:20:04,429 --> 00:20:06,370
Well, I didn't tell you to do it
outside in December.
498
00:20:06,447 --> 00:20:08,021
Last week,
we were at Ruth's Chris.
499
00:20:08,115 --> 00:20:09,874
You drop a roll on the floor,
you're on one knee,
500
00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:12,859
boom, everybody cheers,
we get a free dessert.
501
00:20:13,696 --> 00:20:17,256
I just wanted it
to be perfect, like you.
502
00:20:18,626 --> 00:20:20,200
Oh, it is perfect.
503
00:20:20,278 --> 00:20:22,887
Will you marry me?
504
00:20:23,706 --> 00:20:25,973
Of course I'll marry you.
505
00:20:28,786 --> 00:20:30,043
I love you.
506
00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:31,395
I love you, too.
507
00:20:33,382 --> 00:20:36,150
But this better not be
my Christmas present.
508
00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:39,737
-Yay! I'm so happy for you!
-Congratulations.
509
00:20:41,482 --> 00:20:44,483
-Ugh, you can wear
my wedding dress.
-Oh.
510
00:20:44,635 --> 00:20:46,302
-Mother.
-Oh, honey,
511
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:49,914
your mannish shoulders would
tear right through that lace.
512
00:20:50,141 --> 00:20:51,140
Hey, check it out.
513
00:20:51,233 --> 00:20:53,142
Not only did
I get you a penguin,
514
00:20:53,235 --> 00:20:55,711
but I got you two penguins.
515
00:20:58,816 --> 00:21:01,592
Uh-oh. Darren Jr.?
516
00:21:07,325 --> 00:21:10,309
♪ I can't believe that it's Christmas ♪
517
00:21:10,495 --> 00:21:13,938
♪ The best time of the year, oh ♪
518
00:21:14,089 --> 00:21:17,608
♪ I can't believe that it's Christmas ♪
519
00:21:17,835 --> 00:21:20,945
♪ And Santa will soon be here ♪
520
00:21:21,096 --> 00:21:24,840
♪ I can't believe that it's Christmas ♪
521
00:21:24,859 --> 00:21:27,510
♪ The best time of the year ♪
522
00:21:27,528 --> 00:21:30,821
♪ I can't believe that it's Christmas ♪
523
00:21:31,048 --> 00:21:33,774
♪ And Santa will soon be here. ♪
524
00:21:33,793 --> 00:21:35,701
Captioning sponsored by
WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
525
00:21:35,853 --> 00:21:38,337
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
42084
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