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1
00:02:46,212 --> 00:02:47,736
Come on, boys!
2
00:02:48,581 --> 00:02:52,574
The way you're lollygagging around here
with them picks and them shovels,
3
00:02:53,019 --> 00:02:55,647
you'd think it was 120°...
4
00:02:56,255 --> 00:02:59,349
It can't be more than 114.
5
00:03:02,561 --> 00:03:05,928
Dock that Chink a day's pay
for napping on the job.
6
00:03:08,668 --> 00:03:13,367
Now, come on, boys, where's your spirit?
I don't hear no singing.
7
00:03:14,073 --> 00:03:17,406
When you were slaves, you sang like birds.
8
00:03:18,044 --> 00:03:20,604
Go on. How about a good old nigger work song?
9
00:03:29,488 --> 00:03:33,754
"I get no kick from champagne.
10
00:03:36,729 --> 00:03:41,428
"Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all.
11
00:03:43,302 --> 00:03:46,863
"So tell me why should it be true...
12
00:03:48,941 --> 00:03:52,934
"...that I get a belt out of you?
13
00:03:56,649 --> 00:04:00,312
"Some get a kick from cocaine."
14
00:04:04,156 --> 00:04:06,420
What the hell is that shit?
15
00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:12,028
I meant a song. A real song.
16
00:04:12,498 --> 00:04:13,658
Something like...
17
00:04:14,166 --> 00:04:18,796
"Swing low, sweet chariot..."
18
00:04:21,907 --> 00:04:23,738
Swing low? Sweet chariot?
19
00:04:24,110 --> 00:04:25,441
Don't know that one, huh?
20
00:04:27,313 --> 00:04:29,975
How about "De Camp Town Ladies"?
21
00:04:31,183 --> 00:04:33,674
"De Camp Town Ladies"?
22
00:04:37,022 --> 00:04:38,114
Ah, you know.
23
00:04:39,291 --> 00:04:43,921
"De Camp Town Ladies sing this song,
doo-dah, doo-dah.
24
00:04:44,697 --> 00:04:48,463
"De Camp Town race track five
miles long, all the doo-dah day!
25
00:04:49,034 --> 00:04:52,629
"Gonna run all night, gonna run all day.
26
00:04:52,938 --> 00:04:56,635
"Bet my money on the bobtailed nag,
somebody bet on the bay!"
27
00:05:06,318 --> 00:05:10,152
What in the wide, wide world
of sports is going on here?
28
00:05:10,422 --> 00:05:13,050
I hired you people to try to get a little track laid
29
00:05:13,392 --> 00:05:16,486
not to jump around like
a bunch of Kansas City faggots!
30
00:05:16,962 --> 00:05:19,658
Sorry, Mr. Taggart. I- I guess
we kind of got caught up.
31
00:05:19,965 --> 00:05:23,332
Dummy, the surveyors say they may
have run into some quicksand up ahead.
32
00:05:23,402 --> 00:05:24,664
Better check it out.
33
00:05:25,237 --> 00:05:28,070
Okay, I'll send down a team of
horses to check out the ground.
34
00:05:28,407 --> 00:05:33,071
Horses! We can't afford to lose
any horses, you dummy!
35
00:05:33,679 --> 00:05:35,237
Send over a couple of niggers.
36
00:05:39,185 --> 00:05:40,743
You and you.
37
00:05:43,189 --> 00:05:46,420
Sir, he specifically requested two niggers,
38
00:05:47,626 --> 00:05:51,722
but to tell a family secret,
my grandmother was Dutch.
39
00:05:52,264 --> 00:05:55,256
Get on that hand car and take it
down to the end of that line!
40
00:05:55,601 --> 00:05:57,068
Just trying to help you out.
41
00:05:59,305 --> 00:06:01,569
I didn't know your grandma was Dutch!
42
00:06:05,444 --> 00:06:10,108
"Oh, de Camp Town Ladies sing
this song, doo-dah, doo-dah.
43
00:06:10,950 --> 00:06:15,444
"Camp Town race track five
miles long, oh, doo-dah day.
44
00:06:16,121 --> 00:06:19,784
"Going to run all night, going to run all day.
45
00:06:20,125 --> 00:06:23,959
"I waged my money on the bobtail nag,
somebody bet on the bay!"
46
00:06:29,134 --> 00:06:30,123
Am I wrong...
47
00:06:31,503 --> 00:06:34,631
...or is the world rising?
48
00:06:34,940 --> 00:06:38,307
I don't know, but whatever it is, I hate it.
49
00:06:42,047 --> 00:06:43,241
Let me ask you something.
50
00:06:44,149 --> 00:06:48,813
What is it that's not exactly water,
and it's not exactly earth?
51
00:06:49,989 --> 00:06:51,354
Quicksand!
52
00:06:56,462 --> 00:06:59,431
Oh, shit, quicksand!
53
00:07:00,499 --> 00:07:02,057
Goddang, now we are in trouble!
54
00:07:02,801 --> 00:07:04,132
They're in trouble!
55
00:07:06,839 --> 00:07:08,204
Get your rope there. Get over there quick.
56
00:07:22,454 --> 00:07:23,978
Dang, that was lucky.
57
00:07:24,456 --> 00:07:27,448
Doggone near lost a $400 hand cart.
58
00:07:34,366 --> 00:07:38,996
Yeah, we can take it right off to the,
just a little bit to the left of that hill.
59
00:07:39,872 --> 00:07:42,864
But we're going to die, Bart.
They're going to leave us here to die!
60
00:07:43,709 --> 00:07:47,110
Take it easy, Charlie. My foot is on the rail.
61
00:07:53,218 --> 00:07:56,119
Then maybe down that canyon.
I think it's pretty level off there.
62
00:07:56,855 --> 00:07:59,824
We can't swing back to the right
'cause of that hill there.
63
00:08:00,125 --> 00:08:02,389
That looks like the way
we'll have to go from here.
64
00:08:03,329 --> 00:08:06,389
Yes, we'll put her right down
through there over that ridge.
65
00:08:11,737 --> 00:08:13,534
Well, boys, the break is over.
66
00:08:13,872 --> 00:08:16,136
Don't just lay there getting a suntan.
67
00:08:16,508 --> 00:08:18,499
Won't do you any good, anyhow!
68
00:08:20,579 --> 00:08:22,911
Take that shovel and put her to some good use!
69
00:08:31,690 --> 00:08:32,349
What?
70
00:08:32,524 --> 00:08:33,991
Don't do that now!
71
00:08:37,363 --> 00:08:38,295
I have to.
72
00:08:38,597 --> 00:08:42,431
Send a wire to the main office
and tell them I said... OW!
73
00:08:43,769 --> 00:08:48,433
Send wire, main office,
tell them I said, "Ow". Gotcha.
74
00:08:55,581 --> 00:08:59,017
And right here, Mr. Lamarr, is
where we ran into quicksand.
75
00:08:59,818 --> 00:09:01,376
Quicksand. Splendid.
76
00:09:02,454 --> 00:09:05,446
And so the railroad has got
to go through Rock Ridge.
77
00:09:05,791 --> 00:09:07,952
Rock Ridge. Rock Ridge. Splendid.
78
00:09:08,761 --> 00:09:09,955
Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
79
00:09:10,329 --> 00:09:12,388
Rock Ridge. Rock Ridge.
80
00:09:12,731 --> 00:09:14,198
Be still, Taggart. Be still.
81
00:09:15,134 --> 00:09:19,468
My mind is aglow with whirling,
transient nodes of thought
82
00:09:19,805 --> 00:09:22,968
careening through a cosmic vapor of invention.
83
00:09:23,308 --> 00:09:23,967
Ditto!
84
00:09:26,745 --> 00:09:30,738
Ditto? Ditto, you provincial putz!
85
00:09:31,583 --> 00:09:32,572
I'm sorry, sir.
86
00:09:33,318 --> 00:09:35,786
A plan. We need a plan.
87
00:09:36,789 --> 00:09:38,416
What in the hell was that?
88
00:09:46,365 --> 00:09:47,992
We can't hear ourselves think!
89
00:09:51,804 --> 00:09:56,468
Sorry, your Worship, but I've got
two men home sick with the flu
90
00:09:56,809 --> 00:09:59,107
and it's utter chaos down here.
91
00:09:59,178 --> 00:10:01,476
I'll try to keep it as quiet as possible.
92
00:10:02,181 --> 00:10:03,808
But as you can see...
93
00:10:06,685 --> 00:10:08,676
...this one is a doozey.
94
00:10:10,889 --> 00:10:14,256
Yes, the Doctor Gillespie killings.
Well, do your best.
95
00:10:19,331 --> 00:10:20,855
Now, let's see. Where were we?
96
00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:22,167
Rock Ridge.
97
00:10:24,103 --> 00:10:27,470
Yes, when that railroad goes
through Rock Ridge
98
00:10:27,806 --> 00:10:30,969
that land will be worth millions, and I want it!
99
00:10:31,844 --> 00:10:36,110
I want that land so badly, I can taste it.
100
00:10:38,884 --> 00:10:40,818
There must be a way.
101
00:10:42,955 --> 00:10:44,149
Clumsy fool!
102
00:10:45,257 --> 00:10:48,351
Wait a minute! There might be a legal precedent.
103
00:10:48,794 --> 00:10:53,231
Of course! Land-snatching!
104
00:10:53,265 --> 00:10:56,428
Land. La-land. "See 'Snatch'."
105
00:10:59,471 --> 00:11:03,430
Haley vs. United States.
Haley, seven. United States, nothing.
106
00:11:03,775 --> 00:11:06,505
You see, it can be done. It can be done.
107
00:11:07,279 --> 00:11:11,272
Unfortunately, there is one thing that
stands between me and that property.
108
00:11:11,617 --> 00:11:12,948
The rightful owners.
109
00:11:13,385 --> 00:11:16,616
There must be some way of scaring
them off, driving them out.
110
00:11:16,655 --> 00:11:19,215
Getting rid of every human being alive in that...
111
00:11:20,626 --> 00:11:22,116
It's down the hall and to the left.
112
00:11:23,862 --> 00:11:24,726
I've got it!
113
00:11:25,030 --> 00:11:25,792
What? What?
114
00:11:26,298 --> 00:11:29,028
I know how we can run
everybody out of Rock Ridge.
115
00:11:29,535 --> 00:11:32,971
We'll kill the first-born male
child in every household!
116
00:11:34,907 --> 00:11:36,238
Too Jewish.
117
00:11:41,547 --> 00:11:43,640
We'll work up a Number Six on them!
118
00:11:43,749 --> 00:11:45,444
I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that one.
119
00:11:45,551 --> 00:11:47,815
That's where we go riding into town
120
00:11:48,153 --> 00:11:49,984
and a-whapping and a-whooping
every living thing
121
00:11:50,088 --> 00:11:52,818
that moves within an inch of its life!
122
00:11:53,559 --> 00:11:54,992
Except the women folks, of course.
123
00:11:55,327 --> 00:11:56,316
You spare the women?
124
00:11:56,662 --> 00:12:00,655
No, we rape the shit out of them
at the Number Six dance later on!
125
00:12:00,999 --> 00:12:03,160
That's marvelous! That's so creative!
126
00:12:04,503 --> 00:12:06,061
Why, Taggart, you've been hurt!
127
00:12:06,405 --> 00:12:09,499
That uppity nigger hit me
on the head with a shovel.
128
00:12:11,043 --> 00:12:14,240
I'd sure appreciate it, sir,
if you could find it in your heart
129
00:12:14,580 --> 00:12:17,572
to hang him up by his neck until he was dead.
130
00:12:17,916 --> 00:12:19,406
Got him locked up downstairs.
131
00:12:19,751 --> 00:12:21,912
Consider it done, stout fellow.
132
00:12:30,529 --> 00:12:32,554
I've got a special. When can you work him in?
133
00:12:32,931 --> 00:12:37,265
I couldn't possibly fit him in
until Monday, sir. I'm booked solid.
134
00:12:37,603 --> 00:12:39,093
Monday. Splendid.
135
00:12:45,143 --> 00:12:47,805
Thank you, sir. And don't you worry.
136
00:12:48,213 --> 00:12:51,649
We'll make Rock Ridge think it's a chicken
137
00:12:51,817 --> 00:12:54,581
that got caught in a tractor's nuts!
138
00:12:59,391 --> 00:13:03,259
It's all right, Taggart. Just a man
and a horse being hung out there.
139
00:13:09,968 --> 00:13:13,062
"There was a peaceful town called Rock Ridge,
140
00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:17,404
"...where people lived in harmony.
141
00:13:19,411 --> 00:13:22,471
"They never had no kind of trouble.
142
00:13:24,249 --> 00:13:26,979
"There was no hint of misery.
143
00:13:33,325 --> 00:13:35,759
"The town saloon was always lively...
144
00:13:37,296 --> 00:13:39,764
"...but never nasty or obscene.
145
00:13:41,433 --> 00:13:43,765
"Behind the bar stood Anal Johnson.
146
00:13:45,337 --> 00:13:47,328
"He always kept things nice and clean!
147
00:13:50,776 --> 00:13:52,539
"And all at once the trouble started.
148
00:13:53,712 --> 00:13:55,703
"A pack of murderers and thieves...
149
00:13:56,848 --> 00:13:58,839
"...like swarms of locusts they descended...
150
00:13:59,985 --> 00:14:01,976
"...their aim to make the townsfolk flee."
151
00:14:30,849 --> 00:14:32,339
Well, that's the end of this suit!
152
00:14:40,826 --> 00:14:43,761
Have you ever seen such cruelty?
153
00:14:47,165 --> 00:14:51,158
"Now is a time of great decision.
154
00:14:53,839 --> 00:14:57,832
"Are we to stay or up and quit?
155
00:15:00,712 --> 00:15:04,705
"There's no avoiding this conclusion.
156
00:15:08,186 --> 00:15:12,179
"Our town is turning into shit!"
157
00:15:21,099 --> 00:15:23,090
Well, I don't have to tell you good folks
158
00:15:23,869 --> 00:15:26,702
what has been happening
here in our beloved town.
159
00:15:28,106 --> 00:15:31,872
Sheriff murdered, crops burned,
160
00:15:32,377 --> 00:15:35,904
stores looted, people stampeded,
161
00:15:36,281 --> 00:15:38,044
and cattle raped!
162
00:15:40,285 --> 00:15:44,949
Now the time has come to act. And act fast!
163
00:15:48,293 --> 00:15:49,385
I'm leaving.
164
00:15:50,061 --> 00:15:54,725
You get back here, you old
pious, candy-ass sidewinder!
165
00:15:55,467 --> 00:15:59,130
There ain't no way that nobody
is going to leave this town!
166
00:16:00,939 --> 00:16:04,568
Hell, I was born here and I was raised here
167
00:16:04,910 --> 00:16:07,174
and goddamn it, I'm going to die here!
168
00:16:07,512 --> 00:16:11,107
And no sidewinder, bushwhacking, hornswoggling,
169
00:16:11,450 --> 00:16:15,750
cracker croaker, is going to ruin my biscuit-cutter!
170
00:16:22,461 --> 00:16:24,361
Now who can argue with that?
171
00:16:27,966 --> 00:16:30,264
I think we're all indebted to Gabby Johnson
172
00:16:30,669 --> 00:16:33,502
for clearly stating what needed to be said.
173
00:16:34,439 --> 00:16:36,532
I'm particularly glad that these lovely children
174
00:16:36,708 --> 00:16:38,369
were here today to hear that speech.
175
00:16:39,010 --> 00:16:42,173
Not only was it authentic frontier gibberish,
176
00:16:42,948 --> 00:16:46,281
it expressed a courage
little seen in this day and age!
177
00:16:48,186 --> 00:16:49,619
What are we made of?
178
00:16:50,856 --> 00:16:53,154
Our fathers came across the prairie,
179
00:16:53,625 --> 00:16:57,288
fought Indians, fought drought,
fought locusts, fought Dix!
180
00:16:57,629 --> 00:17:01,292
Remember when Richard Dix came in here
and tried to take over this town?
181
00:17:02,300 --> 00:17:03,961
Well, we didn't give up then
182
00:17:04,369 --> 00:17:08,567
and by gum, we're not going to give up now!
183
00:17:14,312 --> 00:17:15,472
Olson Johnson is right!
184
00:17:16,381 --> 00:17:21,045
What kind of people are we, anyhow?
I say we stay and fight it out!
185
00:17:22,587 --> 00:17:26,853
Dr. Samuel Johnson is right about
Olson Johnson's being right.
186
00:17:27,192 --> 00:17:29,092
And I'm not giving up my ice cream parlor
187
00:17:29,194 --> 00:17:31,856
that I built with these two hands
for nothing or nobody!
188
00:17:33,532 --> 00:17:35,159
Howard Johnson is right!
189
00:17:38,870 --> 00:17:43,534
Well, if we're going to stay,
and I think it's a big mistake,
190
00:17:45,110 --> 00:17:49,012
we're going to need a new sheriff.
Now, who is it going to be?
191
00:17:50,081 --> 00:17:53,209
Why don't we wire the governor
to send us a sheriff?
192
00:17:53,552 --> 00:17:55,782
Why should we get our own men killed?
193
00:17:56,254 --> 00:17:59,690
Howard Johnson is right. We'll wire the governor.
194
00:18:01,126 --> 00:18:05,426
Then let us pray for the deliverance
of our new sheriff.
195
00:18:06,097 --> 00:18:08,463
Will the congregation please rise?
196
00:18:10,135 --> 00:18:14,799
I shall now read from the books
of Matthew, Mark, Luke...
197
00:18:17,375 --> 00:18:18,364
...and duck!
198
00:18:28,620 --> 00:18:30,611
We've got to do something at once!
199
00:18:33,625 --> 00:18:35,855
Governor, may I disturb you for a moment, sir?
200
00:18:36,428 --> 00:18:40,194
If you will just sign this, governor. Right here.
201
00:18:40,599 --> 00:18:41,930
Yes, what the hell is it?
202
00:18:42,267 --> 00:18:43,632
Well, under the provisions of this bill
203
00:18:43,702 --> 00:18:46,933
we would snatch 200,000 acres of Indian territory
204
00:18:47,339 --> 00:18:49,307
which we have deemed unsafe
for their use at this time.
205
00:18:49,374 --> 00:18:51,342
They're such children.
206
00:18:51,643 --> 00:18:54,203
200,000 acres!
200,000 acres!
207
00:18:54,279 --> 00:18:56,338
What will it cost, man?
What will it cost?
208
00:18:58,450 --> 00:19:00,111
A box of these.
209
00:19:00,585 --> 00:19:03,452
Are you crazy? They'll never go
for it, and then again they might.
210
00:19:03,788 --> 00:19:06,382
The little red devils, they love toys. May I try one?
211
00:19:09,628 --> 00:19:10,890
These things are defective.
212
00:19:14,466 --> 00:19:15,899
Right as usual, sir.
213
00:19:16,968 --> 00:19:17,900
Show-off!
214
00:19:18,236 --> 00:19:20,295
Just sign this, sir. Right here.
215
00:19:20,639 --> 00:19:22,106
Okay, give us a hand here.
216
00:19:23,241 --> 00:19:24,299
Work, work, work.
217
00:19:26,111 --> 00:19:28,477
Hello, boys, have a good night's rest?
I missed you.
218
00:19:28,813 --> 00:19:31,304
Just one more bill for you to sign, sir.
219
00:19:31,650 --> 00:19:32,639
What is this?
220
00:19:32,917 --> 00:19:35,317
This is the bill that will convert
the State Hospital for the Insane
221
00:19:35,654 --> 00:19:39,090
into the William J. Le Petomane
Memorial Gambling Casino for the Insane.
222
00:19:39,424 --> 00:19:40,254
Gentlemen, this...
223
00:19:40,592 --> 00:19:42,890
this bill will be a giant step forward
224
00:19:42,961 --> 00:19:45,259
in the treatment of the insane gambler.
225
00:19:45,764 --> 00:19:47,254
Yes, bravo! Beautiful.
226
00:19:50,535 --> 00:19:51,763
Thank you, Hedy. Thank you.
227
00:19:52,103 --> 00:19:55,095
It's not Hedy. It's Hedley. Hedley Lamarr.
228
00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:57,738
What the hell are you worried about?
229
00:19:57,809 --> 00:20:00,107
This is 1874. You'll be able to sue her.
230
00:20:11,990 --> 00:20:13,321
All right, help me in with this.
231
00:20:14,659 --> 00:20:15,990
Just, ah, think of your secretary.
232
00:20:16,494 --> 00:20:18,325
Ah, that was a very good suggestion.
233
00:20:19,698 --> 00:20:22,132
Okay, is that it? Anything else?
234
00:20:22,534 --> 00:20:24,695
Just this urgent telegram from Rock Ridge.
235
00:20:25,170 --> 00:20:26,296
It arrived last Friday.
236
00:20:27,739 --> 00:20:28,797
Read it, read it.
237
00:20:30,075 --> 00:20:34,239
"Sheriff murdered. Church meeting
bombed. Reign of terror must cease.
238
00:20:34,713 --> 00:20:36,180
"Send new sheriff immediately."
239
00:20:36,648 --> 00:20:37,979
Holy underwear!
240
00:20:38,883 --> 00:20:41,875
Sheriff murdered. Innocent women
and children blown to bits!
241
00:20:42,687 --> 00:20:44,678
We've got to protect our
phoney-baloney jobs, gentlemen.
242
00:20:44,723 --> 00:20:48,352
We must do something about this
immediately, immediately, immediately!
243
00:20:51,529 --> 00:20:52,894
I didn't get a "hrumph" out of that guy!
244
00:20:53,231 --> 00:20:54,391
Give the governor a "hrumph."
245
00:20:55,567 --> 00:20:56,659
You watch your ass.
246
00:20:57,268 --> 00:20:59,236
Gentlemen, please, rest your sphincters.
247
00:20:59,571 --> 00:21:00,401
Well put.
248
00:21:01,573 --> 00:21:03,734
As Attorney General, I can assure you
249
00:21:04,008 --> 00:21:07,535
that a suitable sheriff will be found
to restore the peace in Rock Ridge.
250
00:21:07,879 --> 00:21:09,210
Meeting is adjourned.
251
00:21:09,547 --> 00:21:12,914
Oh, I am sorry, sir. I didn't mean
to overstep my bounds. You say that.
252
00:21:13,251 --> 00:21:13,910
What?
253
00:21:14,252 --> 00:21:15,082
- Meeting is adjourned.
- It is?
254
00:21:15,787 --> 00:21:17,118
No. You say that, governor.
255
00:21:17,489 --> 00:21:18,786
- What?
- Meeting is adjourned.
256
00:21:18,857 --> 00:21:19,516
It is?
257
00:21:19,758 --> 00:21:22,750
Here, play around with this for a while.
They are sweeping the country.
258
00:21:24,262 --> 00:21:25,957
Why don't you give these out
to some of the boys
259
00:21:26,231 --> 00:21:27,994
in lieu of pay? Here you go.
260
00:21:30,401 --> 00:21:32,926
And one for Miss Stein, my beloved secretary.
261
00:21:33,271 --> 00:21:36,365
Play with these, boys, in lieu of the other things.
262
00:21:37,909 --> 00:21:39,433
This friggin' thing is warped.
263
00:21:41,513 --> 00:21:43,378
Why do I always get a warped one?
264
00:21:46,551 --> 00:21:50,954
A sheriff! But law and order
is the last thing I want.
265
00:21:52,724 --> 00:21:57,388
Wait a minute. Maybe I could
turn this thing to my advantage.
266
00:21:58,396 --> 00:22:03,060
If I could find a sheriff who so
offends the citizens of Rock Ridge
267
00:22:03,468 --> 00:22:06,460
that his very appearance
would drive them out of town.
268
00:22:09,174 --> 00:22:10,801
But where would I find such a man?
269
00:22:12,310 --> 00:22:13,470
Why am I asking you?
270
00:22:23,588 --> 00:22:27,285
Welcome to Hanging House. Not to worry.
271
00:22:27,826 --> 00:22:29,953
Everyone is equal in my eye.
272
00:22:48,012 --> 00:22:49,707
Oh, not my ear!
273
00:22:53,718 --> 00:22:54,650
Governor!
274
00:22:57,088 --> 00:22:58,282
Official business, sir.
275
00:22:58,656 --> 00:22:59,816
Is it important?
276
00:23:00,291 --> 00:23:01,622
It's very crucial.
277
00:23:02,961 --> 00:23:03,950
Be with you in a minute.
278
00:23:04,863 --> 00:23:06,854
Throw something on and stay in that position.
279
00:23:09,467 --> 00:23:13,460
Forgive me, I was just, ah, walking
the parapet, taking a look around.
280
00:23:13,805 --> 00:23:14,669
What can I do for you?
281
00:23:15,006 --> 00:23:16,337
Governor, as per your instructions,
282
00:23:16,441 --> 00:23:19,103
l'd like you to meet
the new sheriff of Rock Ridge.
283
00:23:19,811 --> 00:23:21,335
I'd be delighted... Wow!
284
00:23:22,747 --> 00:23:24,715
I've got to talk to you. Come here.
Have you gone berserk?
285
00:23:24,782 --> 00:23:27,444
Can't you see that man is a nig...
286
00:23:31,222 --> 00:23:34,020
Wrong person. Forgive me.
No offense intended.
287
00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:39,127
Have you gone berserk?
Can't you see that man is a nig?
288
00:23:39,631 --> 00:23:40,928
Don't worry, sir.
289
00:23:41,366 --> 00:23:43,527
Now, Hedley, I've always
trusted your judgment before,
290
00:23:43,601 --> 00:23:45,831
but haven't you taken a giant leap
away from your good senses?
291
00:23:45,937 --> 00:23:48,235
Please, don't fly off the handle, sir.
292
00:23:48,406 --> 00:23:50,738
I'm about to make you an historic figure.
293
00:23:51,709 --> 00:23:54,041
Maybe even get you a cabinet post.
294
00:23:54,379 --> 00:23:55,573
A cabinet post!
295
00:23:56,214 --> 00:23:57,078
Did you say that?
296
00:23:57,916 --> 00:23:58,746
Wonderful!
297
00:23:59,083 --> 00:24:03,281
Yes, the first man ever to appoint
a black sheriff! Just think, sir...
298
00:24:03,755 --> 00:24:04,949
...Washington, Jefferson...
299
00:24:05,256 --> 00:24:05,915
...Lincoln.
300
00:24:06,257 --> 00:24:07,349
Le Petomane!
301
00:24:08,459 --> 00:24:10,689
Sir, you have the seeds of greatness in you.
302
00:24:11,195 --> 00:24:14,096
Nurse them, caress them, pour water on them.
303
00:24:14,732 --> 00:24:16,791
Don't short-change yourself, sir.
304
00:24:17,535 --> 00:24:20,698
It will never work.
They'll kill him dead in one day!
305
00:24:21,039 --> 00:24:25,271
One day is all we'll need to secure your
name in the annals of Western history.
306
00:24:25,610 --> 00:24:28,170
And to get for you a nomination for, dare I say...?
307
00:24:28,613 --> 00:24:29,409
Dare, dare!
308
00:24:29,747 --> 00:24:30,771
The Presidency!
309
00:24:31,883 --> 00:24:34,249
Hail to the Chief!
Hail to the Chief!
310
00:24:43,061 --> 00:24:45,222
"Four score and seven years ago...
311
00:24:45,563 --> 00:24:48,691
"...our forefathers brought forth on this..."
312
00:24:49,133 --> 00:24:50,122
Are you coming back?
313
00:24:50,468 --> 00:24:51,298
In a moment, dear.
314
00:24:52,070 --> 00:24:56,734
Gentlemen, affairs of state must take
precedent over the affairs of state.
315
00:24:57,508 --> 00:24:58,975
Yes, of course, sir, we understand.
316
00:24:59,711 --> 00:25:00,803
Will you make all the arrangements?
317
00:25:01,145 --> 00:25:02,476
I will make all the arrangements.
318
00:25:02,747 --> 00:25:04,146
Especially the funeral.
319
00:25:06,017 --> 00:25:10,283
Good luck, good luck, boys.
Wonderful working with you. Good luck!
320
00:26:15,386 --> 00:26:18,549
Hurry up, get those flags up. He'll be here soon.
321
00:26:19,924 --> 00:26:22,358
I just got a telegram from the governor's office.
322
00:26:22,627 --> 00:26:24,288
The sheriff will be here at noon!
323
00:26:25,029 --> 00:26:28,521
Noon! I'd better rehearse my speech!
324
00:26:30,601 --> 00:26:33,934
"As Honorary Chairman of
the Welcoming Committee...
325
00:26:34,305 --> 00:26:38,935
"...it is my privilege to extend to you
a laurel and hearty handshake!"
326
00:26:40,945 --> 00:26:41,673
Wonderful!
327
00:26:42,013 --> 00:26:42,843
Excellent!
328
00:26:43,848 --> 00:26:45,179
Can you see him yet?
329
00:26:50,455 --> 00:26:51,444
The sheriff is coming!
330
00:26:52,924 --> 00:26:55,017
Ring out the church bell!
331
00:27:11,209 --> 00:27:14,042
Hey, the sheriff is a n...
332
00:27:15,246 --> 00:27:16,110
What did he say?
333
00:27:16,447 --> 00:27:17,914
The sheriff is near!
334
00:27:18,549 --> 00:27:22,986
No, no, dag blame it, gol darn it,
the sheriff is a n...
335
00:27:44,575 --> 00:27:47,373
As Chairman of the Welcoming Committee,
336
00:27:47,678 --> 00:27:52,377
it is my privilege to extend a laurel
and hearty handshake to our new...
337
00:27:56,754 --> 00:27:57,482
...nigger.
338
00:28:26,751 --> 00:28:29,242
Excuse me while I whip this out.
339
00:28:34,992 --> 00:28:37,654
"By the power vested in me by
340
00:28:37,929 --> 00:28:41,262
"...the Honorable William J. Le Petomane...
341
00:28:47,205 --> 00:28:48,433
"...I hereby assume the duties...
342
00:28:48,606 --> 00:28:51,871
"...of the Office of Sheriff in and
for the Township of Rock Ridge."
343
00:28:52,910 --> 00:28:55,538
Gentlemen, let us not allow anger to rule the day.
344
00:28:56,013 --> 00:28:58,504
As your spiritual leader, I implore you
345
00:28:58,849 --> 00:29:01,215
to pay heed to this good
book and what it has to say.
346
00:29:04,589 --> 00:29:07,387
Son, you're on your own!
347
00:29:12,363 --> 00:29:13,091
Hold it!
348
00:29:13,931 --> 00:29:16,593
The next man makes a move, the nigger gets it!
349
00:29:21,239 --> 00:29:23,901
Hold it, men. He's not bluffing.
350
00:29:24,242 --> 00:29:27,109
Listen to him, men.
He's just crazy enough to do it.
351
00:29:27,445 --> 00:29:30,812
Drop it! Or I swear I'll blow this
nigger's head all over this town!
352
00:29:32,483 --> 00:29:37,182
Oh, Lordy, Lord, he's desperate!
Do what he say! Do what he say!
353
00:29:54,405 --> 00:29:56,965
Isn't anybody going to help that poor man?
354
00:29:57,441 --> 00:29:59,932
Hush, Harriet. That's a
sure way to get him killed.
355
00:30:01,712 --> 00:30:02,838
Help me, help me...
356
00:30:04,148 --> 00:30:05,513
...somebody help me!
357
00:30:08,185 --> 00:30:08,844
Shut up!
358
00:30:13,257 --> 00:30:17,751
Oh, baby, you are so talented.
359
00:30:18,296 --> 00:30:20,457
And they are so dumb!
360
00:30:28,973 --> 00:30:29,962
Goddamn it!
361
00:30:30,308 --> 00:30:31,536
I said, "Order"!
362
00:30:32,877 --> 00:30:37,541
You know, Nietzsche says,
"Out of chaos comes order".
363
00:30:38,149 --> 00:30:39,844
Oh, blow it out your ass, Howard!
364
00:30:42,787 --> 00:30:44,778
Now everyone be quiet,
365
00:30:45,656 --> 00:30:50,320
whilst we listen to Harriet van
Johnson, our esteemed schoolmarm,
366
00:30:52,163 --> 00:30:56,827
as she reads a telegram that she
herself has composed to the governor
367
00:30:58,469 --> 00:31:03,133
expressing our feelings about the new sheriff.
368
00:31:11,215 --> 00:31:13,206
"To the Honorable William J.
Le Petomane, Governor."
369
00:31:13,551 --> 00:31:15,041
Louder! Speak up! We can't hear you!
370
00:31:17,088 --> 00:31:18,919
I'm not used to public speaking.
371
00:31:21,225 --> 00:31:25,889
"We, the white, God-fearing
citizens of Rock Ridge...
372
00:31:27,231 --> 00:31:31,099
"...wish to express our extreme displeasure...
373
00:31:31,435 --> 00:31:33,426
"...with your choice of sheriff.
374
00:31:34,105 --> 00:31:37,040
"Please remove him immediately.
375
00:31:39,343 --> 00:31:42,676
"The fact that you have sent him here..."
376
00:31:43,514 --> 00:31:48,178
"...just goes to prove that you are
the leading asshole in the state."
377
00:32:12,443 --> 00:32:14,911
The drunk in number two must be awake.
378
00:32:20,651 --> 00:32:22,084
Are we awake?
379
00:32:26,624 --> 00:32:28,114
We're not sure.
380
00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:31,858
Are we black?
381
00:32:32,263 --> 00:32:33,252
Yes, we are.
382
00:32:35,299 --> 00:32:39,429
Then we're awake. But we're very puzzled.
383
00:32:41,439 --> 00:32:44,237
I think I better straighten myself out.
384
00:32:47,778 --> 00:32:48,870
Need any help?
385
00:32:52,183 --> 00:32:53,514
All I can get.
386
00:33:05,830 --> 00:33:07,923
That's okay. Sit down over here.
387
00:33:19,176 --> 00:33:21,167
Hey, maybe you should eat something first.
388
00:33:21,712 --> 00:33:24,510
No, thanks. Food makes me sick.
389
00:33:34,158 --> 00:33:38,424
A man drinks like that and doesn't eat,
he is going to die.
390
00:33:41,131 --> 00:33:41,927
When?
391
00:33:45,302 --> 00:33:46,166
What's your name?
392
00:33:46,737 --> 00:33:50,332
Well, my name is Jim,
but most people call me...
393
00:33:53,377 --> 00:33:54,139
...Jim.
394
00:33:56,814 --> 00:34:00,750
Okay, Jim, since you are my
guest and I am your host,
395
00:34:01,085 --> 00:34:03,849
what is your pleasure?
What do you like to do?
396
00:34:04,655 --> 00:34:07,317
Oh, I don't know. Play chess...
397
00:34:09,393 --> 00:34:10,451
...screw.
398
00:34:11,829 --> 00:34:13,160
Well, let's play chess.
399
00:34:17,201 --> 00:34:17,963
Checkmate.
400
00:34:21,105 --> 00:34:21,867
Checkmate.
401
00:34:22,540 --> 00:34:24,974
Why, you devious son-of-a-bitch!
402
00:34:25,843 --> 00:34:26,969
Happy days!
403
00:34:36,754 --> 00:34:38,517
Man, why do you do that to yourself?
404
00:34:39,857 --> 00:34:42,018
Oh, you don't really want to know that.
405
00:34:42,593 --> 00:34:43,491
I do, I do!
406
00:34:44,028 --> 00:34:45,620
Well, if you must pry.
407
00:34:45,996 --> 00:34:47,122
I must, I must!
408
00:34:48,732 --> 00:34:51,394
I don't know if you ever heard of me before, but...
409
00:34:52,303 --> 00:34:56,501
I used to be called the Waco Kid.
410
00:34:58,075 --> 00:35:01,806
The Waco Kid. He had the
fastest hands in the West!
411
00:35:03,581 --> 00:35:04,809
In the world!
412
00:35:05,916 --> 00:35:08,077
Well, if you're the Kid, then show me something.
413
00:35:09,820 --> 00:35:14,519
Maybe a couple of years ago I could
have shown you something, but today...
414
00:35:17,061 --> 00:35:18,153
...look at that.
415
00:35:18,529 --> 00:35:19,826
Steady as a rock.
416
00:35:20,431 --> 00:35:22,524
Yes, but I shoot with this hand.
417
00:35:23,567 --> 00:35:27,731
See, I knew you weren't the Waco Kid.
You were just pulling my lariat.
418
00:35:43,954 --> 00:35:44,852
See that king?
419
00:35:46,657 --> 00:35:48,557
Put your hands on both sides of it.
420
00:35:52,563 --> 00:35:56,055
Now when I say, "go", you try to grab it first.
421
00:35:56,934 --> 00:35:59,869
Man, that's no contest. You're a mile away.
422
00:36:04,074 --> 00:36:08,568
Anyway, when you hear the word "go",
you just try to grab it.
423
00:36:09,980 --> 00:36:10,639
Ready?
424
00:36:31,702 --> 00:36:33,033
You looking for this?
425
00:36:37,875 --> 00:36:42,175
Well, raise my rent! You are the Kid!
426
00:36:42,513 --> 00:36:45,539
Was. Yeah, I was the Kid.
427
00:36:48,485 --> 00:36:49,417
What happened?
428
00:36:50,854 --> 00:36:53,220
Well, it got so that every piss-ant prairie punk
429
00:36:53,290 --> 00:36:55,520
who thought he could shoot a gun
430
00:36:55,759 --> 00:36:58,626
would ride into town to try out the Waco Kid.
431
00:37:01,565 --> 00:37:04,864
I must have killed more men
than Cecil B. DeMille.
432
00:37:06,270 --> 00:37:07,532
It got pretty gritty.
433
00:37:08,405 --> 00:37:11,067
I started to hear the word "draw" in my sleep.
434
00:37:14,011 --> 00:37:15,069
Then one day...
435
00:37:16,046 --> 00:37:20,710
...I was just walking down the street
and I heard a voice behind me say...
436
00:37:22,753 --> 00:37:26,450
..."Reach for it, mister!"
I spun around.
437
00:37:29,026 --> 00:37:31,221
And there I was face to face...
438
00:37:33,697 --> 00:37:36,359
...with a 6-year-old kid!
439
00:37:40,804 --> 00:37:44,171
Well, I just threw my guns
down and walked away.
440
00:37:47,444 --> 00:37:50,277
The little bastard shot me in the ass!
441
00:37:53,183 --> 00:37:57,813
So I limped to the nearest saloon,
crawled inside a whiskey bottle...
442
00:38:00,424 --> 00:38:02,119
...and I've been there ever since.
443
00:38:06,764 --> 00:38:07,492
Have a drink.
444
00:38:14,671 --> 00:38:19,335
Anyway, that's all ancient history.
Now you tell me your story.
445
00:38:19,710 --> 00:38:23,976
What's a dazzling urbanite like you
doing in a rustic setting like this?
446
00:38:25,282 --> 00:38:26,613
If you really must pry.
447
00:38:27,618 --> 00:38:29,142
I must, I must!
448
00:38:33,991 --> 00:38:36,653
Well, back in '56...
449
00:38:37,127 --> 00:38:42,354
...my folks and I were part
of this long wagon train moving West.
450
00:38:55,846 --> 00:38:58,178
Well, not exactly part of it.
451
00:38:59,149 --> 00:39:03,245
You might say we were bringing up
the rear, when suddenly,
452
00:39:03,654 --> 00:39:07,215
from out of the West,
came the entire Sioux Nation!
453
00:39:07,558 --> 00:39:11,494
And let me tell you, baby,
they were open for business!
454
00:39:15,599 --> 00:39:19,399
Naturally, the white folks
didn't let us travel in their circle
455
00:39:19,870 --> 00:39:20,928
so we made our own.
456
00:39:57,574 --> 00:39:59,041
Shvartzes?
457
00:40:07,217 --> 00:40:09,981
Luzem gayen!
458
00:40:14,758 --> 00:40:16,589
Cop a walk. It's all right.
459
00:40:16,827 --> 00:40:17,657
Thank you.
460
00:40:19,763 --> 00:40:21,993
Abi gezunt. Take off.
461
00:40:30,574 --> 00:40:32,838
They're darker than us!
462
00:40:36,346 --> 00:40:38,610
And the rest is history.
463
00:40:40,450 --> 00:40:41,610
Impressed?
464
00:40:47,124 --> 00:40:49,991
Always like to keep my audience riveted.
465
00:41:43,914 --> 00:41:45,472
How about some more beans, Mr. Taggart?
466
00:41:45,816 --> 00:41:47,579
I'd say you've had enough!
467
00:41:51,555 --> 00:41:55,821
I understand there's a new sheriff
in town. Who wants to kill him?
468
00:42:02,499 --> 00:42:05,900
Why don't we give him to Mongo?
469
00:42:09,773 --> 00:42:11,764
Holy shit, that's too cruel!
470
00:42:12,876 --> 00:42:16,039
I'll be danged! That is a unique idea!
471
00:42:24,254 --> 00:42:26,688
Down, boy, down, boy, down, Mongo!
472
00:42:27,457 --> 00:42:28,617
Hey, it's me. Taggart.
473
00:42:29,593 --> 00:42:30,787
Here, smell. Smell.
474
00:42:34,731 --> 00:42:36,562
That's a good Mongo.
475
00:42:37,901 --> 00:42:41,962
Hey, how about it? How would you
like to mutilate that new sheriff?
476
00:42:47,477 --> 00:42:48,637
Have a cigar.
477
00:43:29,519 --> 00:43:31,646
Oh, by the way, I got a note this morning.
478
00:43:32,022 --> 00:43:32,852
From who?
479
00:43:33,190 --> 00:43:37,354
Well, I'm not sure.
It was addressed to the Deputy Spade.
480
00:43:41,631 --> 00:43:44,464
Well, once I establish myself in this town,
481
00:43:44,801 --> 00:43:48,134
Deputy Spade might turn
out to be a groovy position.
482
00:43:58,281 --> 00:44:01,307
Listen, Bart, I want you to do me a favor.
483
00:44:02,552 --> 00:44:04,486
I don't want you going out there this morning.
484
00:44:04,855 --> 00:44:07,119
You can't win these people over,
no matter what you do.
485
00:44:07,491 --> 00:44:09,049
They're just not going to accept you.
486
00:44:19,736 --> 00:44:22,728
I'm glad those fingers ain't loaded!
487
00:44:26,409 --> 00:44:28,036
Just like old times.
488
00:44:32,349 --> 00:44:37,013
Like I told you, once you establish
yourself, they've got to accept you.
489
00:44:38,522 --> 00:44:39,511
Catch you later.
490
00:44:44,561 --> 00:44:45,255
Good luck.
491
00:44:53,904 --> 00:44:54,893
Ah, good morning, ma'am.
492
00:44:56,773 --> 00:44:58,764
And isn't it a lovely morning?
493
00:44:59,609 --> 00:45:01,042
Up yours, nigger!
494
00:45:05,715 --> 00:45:08,775
What did you expect? "Welcome, sonny."
495
00:45:10,053 --> 00:45:11,452
"Make yourself at home."
496
00:45:12,956 --> 00:45:17,620
"Marry my daughter." You've got to
remember these are just simple farmers.
497
00:45:18,962 --> 00:45:21,294
These are people of the land.
498
00:45:22,299 --> 00:45:25,530
The common clay of the new West.
499
00:45:27,270 --> 00:45:28,294
You know.
500
00:45:30,473 --> 00:45:31,462
Morons!
501
00:45:35,946 --> 00:45:37,277
What the hell is that?
502
00:45:52,662 --> 00:45:55,654
Mongo! Santa María!
503
00:45:58,068 --> 00:45:59,968
I believe in it. And if any one of you,
504
00:46:00,136 --> 00:46:01,728
friends and neighbors,
kind of gather around and...
505
00:46:02,339 --> 00:46:04,273
Holy shit!
506
00:46:09,446 --> 00:46:14,145
And they say that now in Paris,
France, even as we speak,
507
00:46:15,151 --> 00:46:18,484
Louis Pasteur has devised a new vaccine
508
00:46:18,655 --> 00:46:21,488
that will obliterate anthrax once and for all.
509
00:46:27,297 --> 00:46:29,663
Hey, you can't park that animal over there!
510
00:46:30,033 --> 00:46:31,125
It's illegal.
511
00:46:38,875 --> 00:46:43,369
Think of it, gentlemen. Hoof-and-
mouth disease a thing of the past!
512
00:46:44,180 --> 00:46:47,616
Never mind that shit, here comes Mongo!
513
00:46:53,890 --> 00:46:55,221
I don't know what it is.
514
00:47:02,365 --> 00:47:04,333
Sheriff, Mongo's back!
He's breaking up the whole town!
515
00:47:04,401 --> 00:47:06,301
You've got to help us, please!
516
00:47:06,369 --> 00:47:08,667
Did you hear that? Now it's "please".
517
00:47:09,005 --> 00:47:13,465
This morning I couldn't get the time
of day. Who is this Mongo, anyway?
518
00:47:13,810 --> 00:47:16,836
Well, Mongo ain't exactly a "who".
He's more of a "what".
519
00:47:17,314 --> 00:47:18,212
What he said.
520
00:47:18,548 --> 00:47:19,640
Well, I don't know...
521
00:47:20,216 --> 00:47:22,514
Oh, thank you very much!
522
00:47:24,754 --> 00:47:25,982
The fool's going to...
523
00:47:26,890 --> 00:47:28,824
I mean, the sheriff's going to do it.
524
00:47:34,831 --> 00:47:39,097
No, no, don't do that! If you shoot him,
you'll just make him mad.
525
00:47:50,547 --> 00:47:51,878
Candygram for Mongo!
526
00:48:05,195 --> 00:48:05,854
Me, Mongo.
527
00:48:06,296 --> 00:48:07,456
Sign, please.
528
00:48:18,408 --> 00:48:20,035
Mongo like candy.
529
00:48:27,217 --> 00:48:29,208
A little further down, to the right.
530
00:48:29,986 --> 00:48:32,546
I thought sure that Mongo would mash him up
531
00:48:32,622 --> 00:48:34,613
into little bitty sheriff meatballs.
532
00:48:35,325 --> 00:48:36,724
I just don't understand it.
533
00:48:37,060 --> 00:48:38,220
Be still, Taggart.
534
00:48:39,262 --> 00:48:41,890
My mind is a raging torrent
535
00:48:42,232 --> 00:48:44,132
flooded with rivulets of thought
536
00:48:44,234 --> 00:48:47,567
cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.
537
00:48:48,905 --> 00:48:50,998
Gol darn it, Mr. Lamarr,
538
00:48:51,374 --> 00:48:54,775
you use your tongue prettier than a $20 whore.
539
00:49:00,049 --> 00:49:02,711
Wait a minute, that's it!
540
00:49:04,854 --> 00:49:06,151
And it will work!
541
00:49:06,523 --> 00:49:09,014
You bet it will! What will work?
542
00:49:09,459 --> 00:49:10,949
Elementary, cactus-head!
543
00:49:11,294 --> 00:49:12,625
The beast has failed.
544
00:49:12,762 --> 00:49:15,629
And when the beast fails,
it's time to call in beauty.
545
00:49:17,934 --> 00:49:18,593
Beauty?
546
00:49:21,037 --> 00:49:24,268
She's never failed me before.
She'll turn him into jelly!
547
00:49:24,607 --> 00:49:26,598
She'll bring him to his knees!
548
00:49:29,145 --> 00:49:32,080
Where's my froggie?
Where's my froggie?
549
00:49:32,415 --> 00:49:34,542
I don't know. I didn't see it when I came in.
550
00:49:34,884 --> 00:49:36,408
Damn your eyes, look for it!
551
00:49:44,494 --> 00:49:45,426
Oh, there it is.
552
00:49:51,201 --> 00:49:55,900
That was a close one! Daddy loves
Froggie. Froggie love Daddy?
553
00:50:06,082 --> 00:50:07,640
I don't know how you did it.
554
00:50:08,151 --> 00:50:09,448
He was nothing.
555
00:50:09,786 --> 00:50:12,311
The bitch was inventing the candygram.
556
00:50:12,388 --> 00:50:14,879
They probably won't give me credit for it.
557
00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:25,667
Good evening, sheriff.
558
00:50:26,002 --> 00:50:28,436
Sorry about the "Up yours, nigger".
559
00:50:28,738 --> 00:50:32,504
I hope this apple pie will in some
small way say thank you for your
560
00:50:32,842 --> 00:50:36,505
ingenuity and courage in
defeating that horrible Mongo.
561
00:50:37,013 --> 00:50:39,504
Thank you. Much obliged. Good night.
562
00:50:49,692 --> 00:50:53,753
Of course, you'll have the good taste
not to mention that I spoke to you.
563
00:50:59,269 --> 00:51:03,706
I'm rapidly becoming a big
underground success in this town.
564
00:51:04,040 --> 00:51:07,874
See, in another 25 years you'll be able
to shake their hands in broad daylight.
565
00:51:08,244 --> 00:51:10,712
Well, I'm not going to hold my breath for it.
566
00:51:11,080 --> 00:51:15,483
Come on, I don't want to be late.
Lili von Shtupp is opening tonight.
567
00:51:16,219 --> 00:51:17,550
Lili von who?
568
00:51:32,402 --> 00:51:36,498
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome. Come on in.
569
00:51:41,578 --> 00:51:44,012
It's Hedley. For you, my dear.
570
00:51:45,448 --> 00:51:48,383
Oh, how ordinary.
571
00:51:52,221 --> 00:51:55,088
Oh, Lili, Lili, Lili, legs, Lili, Lili!
572
00:51:56,759 --> 00:51:59,751
I can't find the words to truly express my joy
573
00:51:59,963 --> 00:52:02,022
at the rekindling of our association.
574
00:52:02,799 --> 00:52:05,427
Bullshit, what's the job?
575
00:52:07,770 --> 00:52:09,431
I love it when you talk dirty.
576
00:52:22,051 --> 00:52:24,849
Come on, Lamarr, let's get down to bwass tacks.
577
00:52:24,988 --> 00:52:27,149
What do you want me to do?
578
00:52:28,758 --> 00:52:32,660
I want you to seduce and abandon
the sheriff of Rock Ridge.
579
00:52:33,262 --> 00:52:34,422
You think you can do it?
580
00:52:37,166 --> 00:52:38,633
Is Bismark a hewwing?
581
00:52:39,002 --> 00:52:42,130
Oh, Lili, you're magnificent! Kiss me!
582
00:52:54,384 --> 00:52:58,946
And now, folks, the gal
you've all been waiting for...
583
00:52:59,389 --> 00:53:04,088
the Bavarian Bombshell herself!
Let's hear it for Lili von Shtupp!
584
00:53:17,173 --> 00:53:20,506
"Here I stand, the goddess of desire...
585
00:53:21,177 --> 00:53:25,113
"...set men on fire. I have this power.
586
00:53:26,916 --> 00:53:30,374
"Morning, noon and night, it's drink and dancing...
587
00:53:30,887 --> 00:53:35,551
"...some quick romancing, and then a shower.
588
00:53:36,693 --> 00:53:40,185
"Stage door Johnnies constantly surround me...
589
00:53:40,530 --> 00:53:44,022
"...they always hound me with one request.
590
00:53:46,135 --> 00:53:49,229
"Who can satisfy their lustful habit?
591
00:53:50,139 --> 00:53:54,803
"I'm not a rabbit. I need some rest.
592
00:54:02,752 --> 00:54:04,344
"I'm tired...
593
00:54:05,822 --> 00:54:09,019
"...sick and tired of love...
594
00:54:10,727 --> 00:54:13,218
"I've had my fill of love...
595
00:54:15,098 --> 00:54:17,896
"...from below and above.
596
00:54:21,437 --> 00:54:26,101
"Tired, tired of being admired...
597
00:54:28,244 --> 00:54:31,236
"...tired of love uninspired.
598
00:54:33,216 --> 00:54:35,446
"Let's face it, I'm tired.
599
00:54:37,787 --> 00:54:42,451
"I've been with thousands
of men again and again.
600
00:54:43,626 --> 00:54:45,787
"They promise the moon.
601
00:54:46,696 --> 00:54:51,360
"They're always coming and
going and going and coming...
602
00:54:53,503 --> 00:54:55,494
"...and always too soon."
603
00:54:56,439 --> 00:54:57,770
Right, girls?
604
00:54:58,207 --> 00:55:02,871
"I'm tired. Tired of playing the game.
605
00:55:05,214 --> 00:55:08,513
"Ain't it a crying shame?
606
00:55:09,619 --> 00:55:12,611
"I'm so tired."
607
00:55:13,322 --> 00:55:15,620
Goddamn it, I'm exhausted!
608
00:55:17,894 --> 00:55:20,294
Hello, cowboy, what's your name?
609
00:55:21,430 --> 00:55:24,331
"Tex ma'am"? Tell me, Tex ma'am
610
00:55:24,667 --> 00:55:26,100
are you in show business?
611
00:55:26,435 --> 00:55:27,094
Nope.
612
00:55:27,336 --> 00:55:30,305
Well, then, why don't you get
your friggin' feet off the stage?
613
00:55:44,187 --> 00:55:48,851
Hello, handsome. Is that a 10-gallon
hat, or are you just enjoying the show?
614
00:55:57,834 --> 00:56:00,769
Oh, Miss Lili, oh, my lovely lady!
615
00:56:12,682 --> 00:56:15,583
"Tired of playing the game.
616
00:56:17,086 --> 00:56:20,681
"Ain't it a crying shame...
617
00:56:21,357 --> 00:56:23,348
"...l'm so tired.
618
00:56:31,701 --> 00:56:32,690
"She's tired.
619
00:56:33,569 --> 00:56:36,060
"Sick and tired of love. Give her a break.
620
00:56:36,405 --> 00:56:39,397
"She's had her fill of love.
She's not a snake!
621
00:56:39,709 --> 00:56:42,701
"From below and above.
Can't you see she's sick?
622
00:56:43,880 --> 00:56:44,869
"She's bushed.
623
00:56:45,214 --> 00:56:47,546
"Tired of being admired. Let her alone.
624
00:56:47,884 --> 00:56:49,545
"Tired of love uninspired.
625
00:56:52,521 --> 00:56:54,045
"Don't you know she's pooped?
626
00:56:54,390 --> 00:56:59,054
"I've been with thousands
of men again and again.
627
00:57:00,329 --> 00:57:02,388
"They sing the same tune!
628
00:57:03,399 --> 00:57:06,732
"They start with Byron and Shelley...
629
00:57:07,069 --> 00:57:11,233
"...then jump on your belly, and bust your balloon.
630
00:57:18,080 --> 00:57:20,742
"Tired of playing the game.
631
00:57:22,451 --> 00:57:25,113
"Ain't it a friggin' shame?
632
00:57:27,023 --> 00:57:28,354
"I'm so..."
633
00:57:29,158 --> 00:57:33,857
Let's face it. Everything below the waist is kaput!
634
00:58:09,131 --> 00:58:10,257
What does it say?
635
00:58:11,100 --> 00:58:15,560
"I must see you alone in my dwessing
woom right after the show."
636
00:58:30,720 --> 00:58:33,052
Wie gehts, meine schatzie?
637
00:58:34,023 --> 00:58:35,081
Faw out!
638
00:58:40,229 --> 00:58:43,562
A wed wose. How womantic!
639
00:58:45,001 --> 00:58:46,662
Have a seat, shewiff.
640
00:58:52,675 --> 00:58:54,233
Won't you excuse me for a moment,
641
00:58:54,410 --> 00:58:57,402
while I slip into something
a little bit more comfortable?
642
00:59:00,750 --> 00:59:02,183
Bitte, baby.
643
00:59:09,692 --> 00:59:12,752
Why don't you loosen your bullets?
644
00:59:19,068 --> 00:59:21,628
Ahh, I feel wefweshed!
645
00:59:22,571 --> 00:59:24,562
Isn't it bwight in here?
646
00:59:30,980 --> 00:59:33,881
There! Isn't that better?
647
00:59:36,218 --> 00:59:38,311
Pardon me, I'll be back in a moment.
648
00:59:42,391 --> 00:59:43,255
How is it going?
649
00:59:43,592 --> 00:59:47,995
He's like wet sauerkraut in my hands.
By morning he will be my slave.
650
00:59:48,330 --> 00:59:49,092
Splendid.
651
00:59:49,632 --> 00:59:51,122
Oh, just let me have a little feel.
652
00:59:52,568 --> 00:59:54,798
Where were we? Where are you?
653
00:59:56,906 --> 00:59:59,067
Let me sit down next to you.
654
01:00:01,577 --> 01:00:02,908
Tell me, schatzie...
655
01:00:03,813 --> 01:00:08,250
...is it, ah, twu what they say
about the way you people are gifted?
656
01:00:10,786 --> 01:00:13,949
Oh, it's twu, it's twu!
657
01:00:20,162 --> 01:00:22,255
Vill you care for another schnitzengruben?
658
01:00:22,598 --> 01:00:26,659
No, thank you. Fifteen is my
limit on schnitzengruben.
659
01:00:27,503 --> 01:00:30,097
Well, then, how about a little...?
660
01:00:33,609 --> 01:00:36,942
Baby, please, I am not from Havana.
661
01:00:37,880 --> 01:00:39,211
Excuse me, honey.
662
01:00:39,682 --> 01:00:43,448
Besides, I'm late for work.
I've got some heavy chores to do.
663
01:00:44,053 --> 01:00:46,715
Vill I, vill I see you later?
664
01:00:47,656 --> 01:00:51,990
That all depends on how much
Vitamin E I can get my hands on.
665
01:00:52,294 --> 01:00:53,522
Nein, nein, achtung!
666
01:00:54,296 --> 01:00:57,026
No, no, you mustn't go! I need you!
667
01:00:57,199 --> 01:01:00,191
I never met nobody like you!
I can't live without you!
668
01:01:03,038 --> 01:01:07,031
Please, you're making
a German spectacle of yourself.
669
01:01:09,545 --> 01:01:11,206
Auf wiedersehen, baby.
670
01:01:18,487 --> 01:01:20,546
Oh, what a nice guy.
671
01:01:28,731 --> 01:01:32,064
Oh, deary, dear. Look what the cat dragged in.
672
01:01:45,347 --> 01:01:47,178
What's happening in the clean world?
673
01:01:48,050 --> 01:01:49,017
Bad news.
674
01:01:49,718 --> 01:01:54,087
I've got a writ here for Mongo's
release signed by Hedley Lamarr himself.
675
01:01:58,994 --> 01:02:02,191
Why would a dude like
Hedley Lamarr care about Mongo?
676
01:02:05,267 --> 01:02:06,097
It's legal.
677
01:02:08,971 --> 01:02:12,372
Oh, those schnitzengrubens can wipe you out!
678
01:02:19,915 --> 01:02:21,246
Wake up time!
679
01:02:27,556 --> 01:02:30,218
Okay, Mongo. You're free to go.
680
01:02:31,927 --> 01:02:32,985
Mongo no go.
681
01:02:35,831 --> 01:02:39,323
Oh, come on, Mongo. You're a free man.
682
01:02:41,136 --> 01:02:45,800
Mongo stay with Sheriff Bart.
Sheriff first man ever whip Mongo.
683
01:02:47,610 --> 01:02:51,512
Mongo impressed, have deep
feelings for Sheriff Bart.
684
01:02:53,682 --> 01:02:55,843
Oh, you better watch out, big fella.
685
01:02:56,418 --> 01:02:59,148
I think Mongo's taken a little fancy to you.
686
01:03:03,626 --> 01:03:04,820
Mongo straight.
687
01:03:09,698 --> 01:03:11,996
Maybe you know why a high-roller
688
01:03:12,067 --> 01:03:14,365
like Hedley Lamarr is interested in Rock Ridge.
689
01:03:15,204 --> 01:03:19,436
Don't know. Got to do
with where choo-choo go.
690
01:03:22,945 --> 01:03:27,006
Mongo, why would Hedley Lamarr care
about where the choo-choo goes?
691
01:03:27,983 --> 01:03:29,109
Don't know.
692
01:03:31,020 --> 01:03:35,218
Mongo only pawn in game of life.
693
01:03:39,028 --> 01:03:40,518
I think this might be a good time to mosey out
694
01:03:40,696 --> 01:03:43,028
to where they're building the railroad
695
01:03:43,299 --> 01:03:44,960
and maybe do a little snooping.
696
01:04:24,606 --> 01:04:26,665
Damn, damn, damn!
697
01:04:33,282 --> 01:04:36,445
Hey, how are you doing Bart?
Get down off that horse!
698
01:04:42,558 --> 01:04:45,527
Oh, you shifty nigger!
They said you were hung!
699
01:04:45,861 --> 01:04:46,919
And they were right!
700
01:04:47,262 --> 01:04:50,197
Look at that star, hoo-ee! Civil service!
701
01:04:53,936 --> 01:04:55,426
Wait. Back off, scamp.
702
01:04:55,604 --> 01:04:58,596
You are addressing the duly
appointed sheriff of Rock Ridge.
703
01:04:59,541 --> 01:05:02,408
Rock Ridge? Hey, the railroad
is going through there!
704
01:05:18,427 --> 01:05:21,828
Back up off your brother!
Don't mess up your brother!
705
01:05:39,415 --> 01:05:41,246
Holy mother of pearl!
706
01:05:42,117 --> 01:05:45,143
It's that nigger that hit me
on the head with the shovel!
707
01:05:45,921 --> 01:05:49,322
Now what the hell do you think
you're doing with that tin star, boy?
708
01:05:49,658 --> 01:05:54,322
Watch that "boy" shit, redneck!
You're talking to the sheriff of Rock Ridge.
709
01:05:56,865 --> 01:05:58,457
Well, now if that don't beat all!
710
01:05:59,301 --> 01:06:01,599
Here we take the good time and trouble
711
01:06:01,670 --> 01:06:04,002
to slaughter every last Indian
in the West, and for what?
712
01:06:05,774 --> 01:06:09,938
So they can appoint a sheriff
that's blacker than any Indian!
713
01:06:11,113 --> 01:06:12,512
I am depressed.
714
01:06:12,981 --> 01:06:16,382
Excuse me, Mr. Taggart, sir,
but I sure do hate to see you like this.
715
01:06:16,718 --> 01:06:19,346
What if me and the boys were
to shoot that nigger dead?
716
01:06:19,421 --> 01:06:21,514
Would that pep you up some?
717
01:06:21,557 --> 01:06:22,649
Well, it might help.
718
01:06:23,058 --> 01:06:25,720
All right, boys. On the count of three.
719
01:06:26,462 --> 01:06:28,794
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
720
01:06:29,698 --> 01:06:31,359
Don't pay no attention to that alky.
721
01:06:31,533 --> 01:06:33,865
He can't even hold a gun, much less shoot it.
722
01:06:37,039 --> 01:06:38,802
Like I said. On the count of three.
723
01:06:41,210 --> 01:06:41,869
One...
724
01:06:44,179 --> 01:06:44,838
...two...
725
01:06:45,714 --> 01:06:46,373
...three!
726
01:06:58,160 --> 01:07:02,824
Well, just don't sit there looking stupid,
grasping your hands in pain.
727
01:07:03,665 --> 01:07:07,226
How about a little applause for the Waco Kid?
728
01:07:18,347 --> 01:07:21,111
All right, I'm through being Mr. Goodbar!
729
01:07:21,183 --> 01:07:23,981
The time has come to act and act quickly!
730
01:07:24,119 --> 01:07:25,450
All my plans have backfired!
731
01:07:25,554 --> 01:07:27,886
Instead of the people leaving,
they're staying in droves!
732
01:07:28,223 --> 01:07:32,250
Vhy don't you admit it?
He's too much of man for you. I know.
733
01:07:32,628 --> 01:07:34,459
You going to need an army to beat him!
734
01:07:35,030 --> 01:07:36,520
You're finished.
735
01:07:36,865 --> 01:07:41,529
Fertig! Fahrblunged! Fahrcocked!
736
01:07:48,010 --> 01:07:50,672
Shut up! You Teutonic twat!
737
01:07:52,080 --> 01:07:53,775
I must think.
738
01:08:02,357 --> 01:08:06,657
Wait a minute. She said army. Of course!
739
01:08:07,262 --> 01:08:11,926
An army of the worst dregs ever
to soil the face of the West!
740
01:08:15,604 --> 01:08:19,938
I've decided to launch an attack
that will reduce Rock Ridge to ashes!
741
01:08:20,609 --> 01:08:21,940
What do you want me to do, sir?
742
01:08:22,377 --> 01:08:25,710
I want you to round up every vicious
criminal and gunslinger in the West.
743
01:08:25,814 --> 01:08:26,803
Take this down.
744
01:08:28,016 --> 01:08:32,419
I want rustlers, cutthroats,
murderers, bounty hunters,
745
01:08:32,754 --> 01:08:37,020
desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs,
nitwits, half-wits, dimwits,
746
01:08:37,326 --> 01:08:41,922
vipers, snipers, con men,
Indian agents, Mexican bandits,
747
01:08:42,264 --> 01:08:45,529
muggers, buggerers,
bushwackers, hornswagglers,
748
01:08:45,834 --> 01:08:49,702
horse thieves, bull dykes, train
robbers, bank robbers, ass kickers,
749
01:08:49,838 --> 01:08:52,238
shit kickers and Methodists!
750
01:08:54,810 --> 01:08:56,641
Could you repeat that, sir?
751
01:09:06,455 --> 01:09:07,786
Where's everybody going?
752
01:09:09,791 --> 01:09:10,553
Read this.
753
01:09:21,269 --> 01:09:24,830
Well, can't you see that's the
last act of a desperate man?
754
01:09:25,474 --> 01:09:30,138
We don't care if it's the First Act
of Henry the Fifth! We're leaving!
755
01:09:31,246 --> 01:09:34,807
Now, wait a minute!
Wait just one doggoned minute!
756
01:09:36,084 --> 01:09:40,748
Just give me 24 hours to come up
with a brilliant idea to save our town.
757
01:09:41,323 --> 01:09:44,190
Just 24 hours, that's all I ask.
758
01:09:44,693 --> 01:09:45,785
No!
759
01:09:46,862 --> 01:09:48,796
You'd do it for Randolph Scott.
760
01:09:54,503 --> 01:09:57,404
All right, sheriff. 24 hours.
761
01:10:57,966 --> 01:10:58,660
Next!
762
01:11:00,202 --> 01:11:01,169
Qualifications?
763
01:11:01,703 --> 01:11:03,967
Rape, murder, arson and rape.
764
01:11:04,673 --> 01:11:05,970
You said rape twice.
765
01:11:06,908 --> 01:11:07,897
I like rape.
766
01:11:10,679 --> 01:11:13,079
Charming. Sign right here.
767
01:11:14,549 --> 01:11:15,880
Take that badge.
768
01:11:19,988 --> 01:11:20,920
Qualifications?
769
01:11:21,623 --> 01:11:24,751
Arson, armed robbery, mayhem.
770
01:11:25,127 --> 01:11:28,619
Wait a moment.
What have you got in your mouth?
771
01:11:31,733 --> 01:11:33,928
Nothing, eh? Lyle.
772
01:11:37,205 --> 01:11:37,967
Gum!
773
01:11:38,707 --> 01:11:41,267
Chewing gum on line, eh?
774
01:11:41,710 --> 01:11:44,508
I hope you brought enough for everybody.
775
01:11:46,414 --> 01:11:48,245
I didn't know there was going to be so many.
776
01:11:53,789 --> 01:11:55,780
Boy, is he strict!
777
01:11:56,291 --> 01:11:59,021
We've got to get in there close
and find out what's happening.
778
01:12:00,896 --> 01:12:02,022
There's our ticket!
779
01:12:09,304 --> 01:12:10,396
Hey, boys!
780
01:12:12,040 --> 01:12:13,473
Look what I've got there!
781
01:12:15,644 --> 01:12:17,441
Hey, where are the white women at?
782
01:12:32,027 --> 01:12:33,790
Man, that was pretty! I liked that.
783
01:12:34,963 --> 01:12:38,763
Be ready to attack Rock Ridge
at noon tomorrow. Here's your badge.
784
01:12:42,571 --> 01:12:45,369
We don't need no stinkin' badges!
785
01:12:47,509 --> 01:12:48,168
Next!
786
01:12:48,844 --> 01:12:49,674
Qualifications?
787
01:12:50,445 --> 01:12:51,844
Stampeding cattle.
788
01:12:52,314 --> 01:12:53,804
That's not much of a crime.
789
01:12:54,149 --> 01:12:55,480
Through the Vatican!
790
01:12:55,984 --> 01:12:56,973
Kinky!
791
01:13:00,355 --> 01:13:02,653
Why, Rhett, how many times have I told you
792
01:13:02,724 --> 01:13:05,022
to wash up after weekly cross-burning?
793
01:13:05,660 --> 01:13:06,786
See, it's coming off.
794
01:13:09,464 --> 01:13:12,956
And now, for my next impression, Jesse Owens!
795
01:13:14,736 --> 01:13:15,998
Catch them!
796
01:13:16,972 --> 01:13:21,375
Hold up, men, we'll head them off at the pass!
797
01:13:22,677 --> 01:13:27,011
Head them off at the pass? I hate that cliche!
798
01:13:45,500 --> 01:13:46,558
Say, "hello".
799
01:13:47,068 --> 01:13:47,830
Hello.
800
01:13:48,904 --> 01:13:50,804
Listen to me, and listen to me good.
801
01:13:50,939 --> 01:13:53,271
I want you to get all the brothers together
802
01:13:53,608 --> 01:13:57,567
round up all the lumber, canvas, paint
and nails you can lay your hands on
803
01:13:57,913 --> 01:14:02,577
and meet me tonight 3 miles
due east of Rock Ridge at midnight.
804
01:14:03,385 --> 01:14:04,147
You understand?
805
01:14:04,853 --> 01:14:05,717
Say, "goodbye".
806
01:14:07,522 --> 01:14:08,716
Thanks a lot, brother.
807
01:14:37,752 --> 01:14:40,846
All right, folks, I know you're a bit
confused wondering what you're doing
808
01:14:40,922 --> 01:14:43,152
out in the middle of the prairie
in the middle of the night.
809
01:14:43,291 --> 01:14:44,417
You bet your ass!
810
01:14:45,660 --> 01:14:46,627
I'm hip.
811
01:14:47,295 --> 01:14:48,887
Now, before the sun comes up,
812
01:14:49,197 --> 01:14:54,965
we're going to build on this sight an
exact replica of the town of Rock Ridge.
813
01:14:57,973 --> 01:15:01,465
Every building, every storefront,
every rock and every tree
814
01:15:01,810 --> 01:15:05,211
right down to the orange roof
on Howard Johnson's outhouse.
815
01:15:06,815 --> 01:15:07,804
I get it!
816
01:15:08,149 --> 01:15:10,879
And tomorrow when Hedley Lamarr
and his men come riding in
817
01:15:11,019 --> 01:15:12,213
to destroy the real Rock Ridge
818
01:15:12,354 --> 01:15:14,345
they'll actually be destroying
the fake Rock Ridge!
819
01:15:14,422 --> 01:15:16,856
But they'll think it's the real Rock Ridge!
820
01:15:16,925 --> 01:15:18,825
But we'll know it's the fake Rock Ridge!
821
01:15:19,160 --> 01:15:22,493
How're we going to do it?
We don't have the time nor the people.
822
01:15:22,831 --> 01:15:25,095
Wrong! There's why.
823
01:15:27,969 --> 01:15:29,869
Who the hell are they?
824
01:15:33,742 --> 01:15:38,441
Railroad workers. They've agreed
to help us make our dream come true.
825
01:15:38,947 --> 01:15:41,415
And all they ask in return is a little plot of land
826
01:15:41,549 --> 01:15:43,540
they can call their own to homestead.
827
01:15:43,885 --> 01:15:45,011
What do you say?
828
01:15:52,460 --> 01:15:55,987
We'll give some land to the niggers
and the chinks,
829
01:15:56,631 --> 01:15:58,826
but we don't want the Irish!
830
01:16:04,272 --> 01:16:05,364
No deal.
831
01:16:06,408 --> 01:16:09,969
Ah, prairie shit! Everybody!
832
01:16:14,783 --> 01:16:15,750
Oh, Lord...
833
01:16:16,985 --> 01:16:21,649
Do we have the strength to carry on
this mighty task in one night?
834
01:16:24,392 --> 01:16:26,724
Or are we just jerking off?
835
01:16:37,472 --> 01:16:42,136
Okay, okay, we have done it.
Now, let's see what we have done.
836
01:17:22,417 --> 01:17:27,081
Men, you are about to embark
on a great crusade
837
01:17:28,089 --> 01:17:30,580
to stamp out runaway decency in the West.
838
01:17:31,292 --> 01:17:33,522
Now you will only be risking your lives,
839
01:17:33,962 --> 01:17:38,524
whilst I will be risking an almost
certain Academy Award nomination
840
01:17:39,701 --> 01:17:41,134
for Best Supporting Actor.
841
01:17:42,036 --> 01:17:44,027
Now raise your right hand for the pledge.
842
01:17:46,474 --> 01:17:47,372
Right!
843
01:17:49,210 --> 01:17:51,974
And repeat after me. I...
844
01:17:53,581 --> 01:17:54,548
...your name...
845
01:17:54,916 --> 01:17:56,213
...your name...
846
01:17:56,551 --> 01:17:59,611
Schmucks!
...pledge allegiance...
847
01:17:59,954 --> 01:18:01,285
...pledge allegiance...
848
01:18:01,656 --> 01:18:03,214
...to Hedley Lamarr...
849
01:18:03,558 --> 01:18:05,116
...to Hedy Lamarr...
850
01:18:05,460 --> 01:18:06,449
That's Hedley!
851
01:18:06,794 --> 01:18:07,988
...that's Hedley...
852
01:18:08,429 --> 01:18:10,056
...and to the evil...
853
01:18:10,398 --> 01:18:11,888
...and to the evil...
854
01:18:12,233 --> 01:18:13,894
...for which he stands!
855
01:18:14,235 --> 01:18:15,634
...for which he stands!
856
01:18:16,004 --> 01:18:20,668
Now go do that voodoo that you do so well!
857
01:18:33,788 --> 01:18:36,586
Hold the happiness. We are in trouble.
858
01:18:37,992 --> 01:18:40,460
Yep! We forgot one little detail.
859
01:18:40,695 --> 01:18:44,426
Nothing is missing. Everything is here,
down to the last hitching post.
860
01:18:44,999 --> 01:18:47,160
People. There are no people.
861
01:18:47,502 --> 01:18:49,936
Now don't panic. Don't panic.
862
01:18:50,705 --> 01:18:53,503
We just made a perfect copy of Rock Ridge.
863
01:18:53,808 --> 01:18:57,266
Now all we've got to do is make
perfect copies of ourselves.
864
01:18:58,613 --> 01:19:00,774
But they'll be here in half an hour.
865
01:19:01,115 --> 01:19:03,276
Right, so we've got to start working fast.
866
01:19:03,651 --> 01:19:07,382
You men start working on the dummies.
Jim and Mongo, come with me.
867
01:19:07,956 --> 01:19:11,619
I've got an idea that will
slow them down to a crawl.
868
01:19:11,960 --> 01:19:12,858
All right, let's go!
869
01:19:21,069 --> 01:19:23,060
Yeah, that's nice.
870
01:19:45,226 --> 01:19:49,890
Le Petomane Thruway! Now what
will that asshole think of next?
871
01:19:52,500 --> 01:19:54,491
Has anybody got a dime?
872
01:19:56,204 --> 01:19:59,367
Somebody's got to go back
and get a shit-load of dimes.
873
01:20:08,583 --> 01:20:12,519
Hurry up. Speed it up or we're
never going to get to Rock Ridge!
874
01:20:13,087 --> 01:20:15,851
Come on, move them through!
875
01:20:22,096 --> 01:20:24,030
Well, they're through the tollbooth.
876
01:20:26,534 --> 01:20:29,025
Look at this, they're buying it!
877
01:20:39,380 --> 01:20:42,816
All right, here we go. Hold your ears, folks!
878
01:20:43,284 --> 01:20:44,876
It's show time!
879
01:20:49,624 --> 01:20:50,454
Nothing!
880
01:20:50,792 --> 01:20:52,054
What are we going to do?
881
01:20:52,493 --> 01:20:55,792
Any minute now they're going to discover
the town is fake and pull out!
882
01:20:58,299 --> 01:21:00,824
You think you could squeeze off
a little shot from here
883
01:21:00,902 --> 01:21:02,893
and set off the dynamite down there?
884
01:21:04,005 --> 01:21:05,336
I'll give it a try.
885
01:21:15,983 --> 01:21:19,316
Oh, Lord, keep this man's eye keen
886
01:21:19,587 --> 01:21:21,578
and may God grant...
887
01:21:33,768 --> 01:21:34,996
It's a fake!
888
01:21:35,336 --> 01:21:36,928
We've been suckered in!
889
01:21:54,122 --> 01:21:57,558
Okay, folks, let's wipe them out!
890
01:22:22,150 --> 01:22:23,583
Forgive me, Lord!
891
01:23:26,747 --> 01:23:28,738
"Throw out your hands, stick out your tush.
892
01:23:28,816 --> 01:23:30,807
"Hands on your hips, give them a push.
893
01:23:31,118 --> 01:23:34,451
"You'll be surprised, you're doing
the French Mistake. Voila!"
894
01:23:37,124 --> 01:23:38,455
All right, cut!
895
01:23:43,564 --> 01:23:44,553
Wrong!
896
01:23:47,768 --> 01:23:51,226
Just watch me. It's so simple!
897
01:23:51,572 --> 01:23:52,903
You sissy Marys!
898
01:23:53,574 --> 01:23:57,943
Give me the playback. And watch me, faggots!
899
01:24:11,325 --> 01:24:12,257
Have you got it?
900
01:24:12,593 --> 01:24:13,821
Yessssssss.
901
01:24:14,795 --> 01:24:16,490
Sounds like steam escaping!
902
01:24:17,031 --> 01:24:20,194
Action! Okay, wait until I get out.
903
01:24:50,965 --> 01:24:54,901
Cut! What in the hell
do you think you're doing here?
904
01:24:55,236 --> 01:24:57,136
This is a closed set!
905
01:24:58,205 --> 01:25:00,867
Piss on you! I'm working for Mel Brooks.
906
01:25:01,208 --> 01:25:03,142
Not in the face!
907
01:25:05,079 --> 01:25:06,011
Thank you.
908
01:25:06,547 --> 01:25:09,516
They've hit Buddy! Come on, girls!
909
01:25:19,226 --> 01:25:20,887
You vulgar shit!
910
01:25:21,329 --> 01:25:23,991
Why, you miserable pansy!
911
01:25:28,703 --> 01:25:30,330
I'm parked over by the commissary.
912
01:25:35,209 --> 01:25:38,701
You brute, you brute, you vicious brute!
913
01:25:40,448 --> 01:25:42,439
All right, all right...
914
01:25:57,398 --> 01:25:59,059
How many days do you have left, Joey?
915
01:25:59,433 --> 01:26:01,901
They lose me right after the bunker scene.
916
01:26:04,472 --> 01:26:05,564
What the hell is that?
917
01:26:11,345 --> 01:26:14,246
Get your pies for the great pie fight!
918
01:26:18,486 --> 01:26:21,387
This is our Studio commissary
where some Hollywood stars
919
01:26:21,455 --> 01:26:23,150
come to eat. Keep in line.
920
01:26:30,665 --> 01:26:33,259
And now we'll go to the
Special Effects Department.
921
01:26:38,172 --> 01:26:41,369
Yankee bean soup, cole slaw and tuna surprise.
922
01:27:21,816 --> 01:27:22,805
Taxi!
923
01:27:28,255 --> 01:27:29,813
Drive me off this picture!
924
01:27:59,253 --> 01:28:00,345
You dropped your beads.
925
01:28:00,688 --> 01:28:01,677
One, please.
926
01:28:03,524 --> 01:28:04,855
Uh, student.
927
01:28:05,359 --> 01:28:06,348
Are you kidding?
928
01:28:08,929 --> 01:28:10,089
Pain in the ass.
929
01:28:10,731 --> 01:28:13,063
Look, Herman, I'm in Hedy Lamarr's shoes!
930
01:28:13,367 --> 01:28:14,197
Hedley!
931
01:28:43,297 --> 01:28:44,127
Freeze it!
932
01:28:45,132 --> 01:28:47,396
Okay, Lamarr, go for your gun.
933
01:28:47,735 --> 01:28:50,795
Wait, wait, I'm unarmed.
934
01:28:51,305 --> 01:28:54,240
All right, we'll settle it like men.
935
01:28:55,810 --> 01:28:56,777
With our fists.
936
01:28:58,145 --> 01:29:01,945
Sorry, I just remembered. I am armed.
937
01:29:09,523 --> 01:29:14,187
How did he do such fantastic stunts
with such little feet?
938
01:29:20,167 --> 01:29:21,828
You shot the bad guy!
939
01:29:24,371 --> 01:29:25,838
Well, what do you want to do now?
940
01:29:26,540 --> 01:29:28,872
Come on, let's check out the end of the flick.
941
01:29:29,777 --> 01:29:32,541
I sure hope there's a happy ending.
I love a happy ending.
942
01:29:38,118 --> 01:29:41,178
Sheriff, you can't go now. We need you.
943
01:29:41,889 --> 01:29:45,450
My work here is done.
I'm needed elsewhere now.
944
01:29:46,227 --> 01:29:49,196
I'm needed wherever outlaws rule the West.
945
01:29:49,530 --> 01:29:53,523
Wherever innocent women and children
are afraid to walk the streets.
946
01:29:54,201 --> 01:29:56,965
Wherever a man cannot live in simple dignity.
947
01:29:57,304 --> 01:30:01,035
Wherever people cry out for justice.
948
01:30:01,876 --> 01:30:03,207
Bullshit!
949
01:30:06,013 --> 01:30:07,344
All right, you caught me.
950
01:30:07,448 --> 01:30:10,679
To speak the plain truth, it's getting
pretty damn dull around here.
951
01:30:11,418 --> 01:30:14,649
Good luck, Bart, and God bless you.
952
01:30:19,894 --> 01:30:21,225
'Bye, baby brother.
953
01:30:23,364 --> 01:30:25,059
Keep the faith, brothers!
954
01:30:41,548 --> 01:30:43,038
Where are you headed, cowboy?
955
01:30:44,518 --> 01:30:45,678
Nowhere special.
956
01:30:48,689 --> 01:30:53,353
Nowhere special. I always wanted to go there.
957
01:30:55,362 --> 01:30:56,124
Come on!
958
01:31:27,461 --> 01:31:31,227
"He conquered fear and he conquered hate."
959
01:31:31,565 --> 01:31:34,898
"He turned our night into day."
69053
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