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1
00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:44,904
Oh, that's a big fella.
2
00:02:45,082 --> 00:02:46,743
Whoal
3
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,354
- Looks great.
- Thank you.
4
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,565
- Happy vacation, honey.
- Ooh_
5
00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:21,777
Manchurian tung oil.
Where did you get this?
6
00:03:21,952 --> 00:03:23,613
Helen got it for me in Oslo.
7
00:03:24,079 --> 00:03:28,448
Well, there's enough here
to do the whole table and the bureau.
8
00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:29,740
Hmm.
9
00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:31,658
I wonder what this could be.
10
00:03:31,837 --> 00:03:36,581
- Oh, honey, you got it. Thank you.
- Enough there to do the entire guest room.
11
00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:39,044
I'm so glad we're spending
our vacation at home.
12
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:42,006
- I'm gonna get started right away.
- Well, hey, where are you going?
13
00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:48,141
- I'll get it.
- Be my guest.
14
00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:49,517
I'll just get the...
15
00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,256
- Maybe you should get it.
- I'll go.
16
00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:55,727
Okay. No!
17
00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:02,773
Oh, no.
18
00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:10,535
Ugh, Jane.
19
00:04:11,877 --> 00:04:13,833
It's your turn, honey.
20
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,932
Good luck. Thanks.
21
00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:31,889
Hi, Barbara. “Hi
22
00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:33,894
glad I caught you.
Heard you were on vacation.
23
00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:35,521
That's right. Complete vacation.
24
00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:39,526
- Honey, today I'm $260,000.
- No, Jane.
25
00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:42,563
- It's 6:45 in the morning.
- This offer is real.
26
00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:46,029
From a man in New York City
who only saw a photograph.
27
00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:48,865
Jane, don't send people
photos of our house.
28
00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:53,282
He wants to bring the wife and family
up here for some peace and quiet.
29
00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:55,166
That's exactly what we're looking for.
30
00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:57,168
But, Barbara, this house
is too big for you.
31
00:04:57,339 --> 00:04:59,830
It really ought to be
for a couple with a family, you know...?
32
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,960
Oh, pumpkin, I didn't mean anything.
It's just that this house is too big.
33
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,174
- I'll see you in a few weeks. Okay?
- Okay.
34
00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:08,509
- All right.
- Think about it.
35
00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:09,718
Barbara: Take care.
36
00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:21,730
Boo!
37
00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:25,072
- I was just telling Barbara about this offer...
- No, Jane.
38
00:05:25,242 --> 00:05:26,982
Adam.
39
00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:36,200
Barbara, come with me
down to the store.
40
00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:39,245
- What for?
- I need a new brush for this tung oil.
41
00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:43,085
- And I want to get a part for the model.
- Well, you just run in, okay?
42
00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:05,020
Adam: Two weeks at home.
The perfect vacation.
43
00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:08,281
Barbara: Jane says we should
sell the house to someone with a family.
44
00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:11,989
Well, I don't think that
it's any of Jane's business.
45
00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:15,326
Besides, we could try again
on this vacation, you know.
46
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:18,116
Oh, really”? What are you saying?
47
00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:38,015
Adam: How are you doing, Ernie?
Ernie: Hi, how are you?
48
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,320
Morning, Adam.
49
00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:50,823
- Need a haircut before your vacation?
- No, thanks, bill.
50
00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:52,700
- How's the model coming?
- Oh, it's great.
51
00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:58,457
You know, you said bozman built that
foundation in 1835. But his grandson...
52
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:10,757
He got hair right down
to his goddamn shoulders.
53
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:14,048
He says to me, "just trim it a little.”
54
00:07:14,225 --> 00:07:17,558
- I took the scissors to him so fast...
- See you later, huh, bill?
55
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,604
Bill: Right.
56
00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:32,569
This is gonna be great.
57
00:07:32,744 --> 00:07:35,861
Are you sure you wouldn't rather go
to Jamaica or someplace like that?
58
00:07:36,039 --> 00:07:38,639
- No way. There's no place like home.
- Hey, look out for that...!
59
00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:26,586
Barbara:
Perfect start to our vacation.
60
00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:29,668
Well, you'll feel better
when you're dry, honey.
61
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:34,253
Barbara:
That fire wasn't burning when we left.
62
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:38,799
- How's your arm?
- I don't know. It feels frozen.
63
00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:58,531
I'll make some coffee
and you get wood for the fire.
64
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:01,447
Maybe we should just take things
extra slow.
65
00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:04,582
Do you remember how
we got back up here?
66
00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:09,917
I'm gonna go back down to the bridge
and retrace our steps.
67
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,221
You saved my... two hours.
68
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:29,983
- Barbara, you are not gonna believe... what?
- That's how long you were gone.
69
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:34,070
- What is going on?
- I have to show you something.
70
00:09:35,617 --> 00:09:36,777
I ook.
71
00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:46,241
There's that
72
00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:48,459
and there's that
73
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:59,338
- "Handbook for the recently diseased.”
- Deceased.
74
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,300
"Deceased ”
75
00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:07,141
I don't know where it came from.
Look at the publisher.
76
00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:14,360
"Handbook for
the recently deceased press."
77
00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:18,444
You know what?
I don't think we survived the crash.
78
00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:23,862
I hate this.
79
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:26,952
Just... can you give me the basics?
80
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:29,914
Well, this book isn't arranged that way.
What do you wanna know?
81
00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:33,546
Well, why did you disappear
when you stepped off the porch?
82
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:36,173
Are we halfway to heaven,
are we halfway to hell?
83
00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:38,335
And how long is this gonna last?
84
00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:40,549
I don't see anything about heaven or hell.
85
00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:43,556
This book reads like stereo instructions.
Listen to this:
86
00:10:43,726 --> 00:10:45,591
"Geographical and temporal perimeters.
87
00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:49,388
Functional perimeters vary from
manifestation to manifestation.”
88
00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:52,728
Oh, this is gonna take some time, honey.
89
00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:19,463
Damn sandworms. Thirteen percent, huh?
90
00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:23,095
Well, I better find a job.
I et's see. Business section.
91
00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:28,847
Ooh-la-la.
92
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,604
What do we got here?
The maitlands, huh?
93
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:37,102
Cute couple. Look nice and stupid too.
94
00:11:43,912 --> 00:11:46,699
I wish I had a better view
of the cemetery from here.
95
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:49,785
I can't tell which is
the best placement for us.
96
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,788
Cabin fever, hon?
97
00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:58,581
Well, I can't clean anything properly.
98
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:01,718
The vacuum"s out in the garage
and we can't leave the house.
99
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:04,971
Why don't they tell us something?
Where are all the other dead people?
100
00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:07,132
Why is it just you and me?
101
00:12:08,269 --> 00:12:09,475
Maybe this is heaven.
102
00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:12,974
In heaven there wouldn't be dust
on everything.
103
00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:23,488
Adam: It's Jane.
104
00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:32,241
Barbara: God, what's she doing here?
- I don't know. Hey, Jane, up here. Jane.
105
00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:40,582
- Can't see you, right?
- Uh-uh.
106
00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:45,508
In the book, rule number two:
"The living usually won't see the dead."
107
00:12:47,809 --> 00:12:50,221
- Won't or can't?
- It just says "won't."
108
00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:54,388
God, this book is so stupid.
I can't understand anything in there.
109
00:12:55,858 --> 00:12:57,439
Barb, honey...
110
00:12:58,027 --> 00:12:59,688
We're dead.
111
00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:03,320
I don't think we have very much
to worry about anymore.
112
00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:28,888
Barbara: Aah!
113
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:39,562
Man 1: Ah, this is great.
This is just what the doctor ordered.
114
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:46,819
Sorry, ma'am.
115
00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:52,237
Delia deetz, welcome home.
116
00:13:52,415 --> 00:13:53,780
Charles.
117
00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:56,578
It's okay, there's no damage.
Look, see? It's okay.
118
00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:59,085
Good, sturdy, country craftsmanship.
119
00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:00,916
And look at that kitchen.
120
00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:03,923
You're finally gonna be able
to cook a decent meal
121
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:08,135
come and have a look.
122
00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:21,228
A little gasoline. Blowtorch. No problem.
123
00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:23,734
Excuse me. Down we go.
124
00:14:34,957 --> 00:14:36,948
Charles:
We'll have to rip out all the plumbing.
125
00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:40,243
But other than that, it's perfect.
Just perfect.
126
00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:44,255
What do you think, honey?
Delia hates it.
127
00:14:47,929 --> 00:14:49,089
I could live here.
128
00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:51,095
Careful. That's my sculpture.
129
00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:55,349
I don't mean "my" as in "I bought it."
I mean I made it. It's my sculpture.
130
00:14:56,479 --> 00:14:58,470
Put it on the table.
131
00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:09,898
Ten minutes.
I'm already perfectly at ease.
132
00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:11,570
It's perfect.
133
00:15:12,954 --> 00:15:15,787
Man 2: Help! - It's otho
134
00:15:16,207 --> 00:15:19,074
Charles: Otho, why don't you just
come in the front?
135
00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:20,996
It's bad luck.
136
00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:24,082
Otho, you left the city for me.
I am so happy.
137
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:26,213
Of course you are.
138
00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:28,757
- Delia.
- You're right.
139
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:30,839
- Let's get one thing straight.
- You're right.
140
00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:33,129
- We're here to enjoy the country setting...
- Mm-hm_
141
00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:35,013
- Not to trash the place.
- You're right.
142
00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:37,766
Otho: Charles, you're lucky
the yuppies are buying condos...
143
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:41,350
So you can afford what I'm going
to have to do to this place.
144
00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:46,609
Otho, I'm here to relax and clip coupons,
and, damn it, I mean to do it.
145
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:49,361
Then go do it quietly, dear,
and let otho and I think.
146
00:15:49,532 --> 00:15:51,614
Otho:
Is the rest of the house as bad as this?
147
00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:54,650
Is this a punishment or something?
148
00:15:54,829 --> 00:15:56,194
What are we gonna do?
149
00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:59,702
We're not completely helpless, Barbara.
150
00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:03,835
I've been reading that book and there's
a word for people in our situation.
151
00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:06,162
(Hosts.
152
00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:10,334
Otho:
Delia, let's get this show on the road.
153
00:16:13,097 --> 00:16:15,258
We're dealing with
negative entertainment potential.
154
00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:18,140
I mean, there's absolutely
no organic flow-through.
155
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:21,929
I noticed that too.
It's like a giant ant farm.
156
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,016
- What?
- I thought I saw something.
157
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,864
Otho: You've read my mind.
158
00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:43,875
- I did?
- So few clients are able to read my mind.
159
00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:46,582
They're just not open to the experience.
160
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,337
Hmm.
161
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:56,383
My god.
162
00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:59,970
We just have to pray the other closets
are bigger than this one.
163
00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:02,305
Ooh, look.
164
00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:05,225
Ozzie and Harriet.
165
00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:06,730
Ugh.
166
00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:09,357
- What happened to these people?
- They died.
167
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:11,565
Oh, look, an indoor outhouse.
168
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:17,692
Otho. Viridian.
169
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,282
Viridian. Now, why do I know that name?
170
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:22,287
Blue-green.
171
00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:24,790
Hydrated chromic oxide.
172
00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:28,374
Remember, I'm schooled in chemistry.
I was a hair analyst.
173
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,834
- What?
- Briefly.
174
00:17:35,346 --> 00:17:38,634
Yuck. Deliver me from l.L bean.
175
00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:40,590
Boo! Aah!
176
00:17:40,768 --> 00:17:43,510
I know what you two are up to
and you're not gonna get away with it.
177
00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:45,804
Oh, honey, this is not working out at all.
178
00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:49,645
Charles, I will not stop living and breathing
art just because you need to relax.
179
00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:50,854
Ha
180
00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:53,394
Delia: I'm here.
I will live with you in this hellhole.
181
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:57,532
But I must express myself.
If you don't let me gut out this house...
182
00:17:57,702 --> 00:18:02,412
And make it my own, I will go insane
and I will take you with me!
183
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:07,666
Yeah. Well, you know, maybe the house
could use a little remodeling.
184
00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:11,750
Uh, but why don't you just leave
this room alone, okay?
185
00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:13,547
Okay.
186
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:20,797
I'm gonna get her.
187
00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:22,385
So?
188
00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:25,347
Once you cover up the wallpaper,
knock down a few walls
189
00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:27,057
this place might just be livable.
190
00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:30,143
- What's on the third floor?
- Attic space.
191
00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:32,400
Oh, I forgot to lock the attic door.
192
00:18:40,703 --> 00:18:42,364
Did you feel something? “When?
193
00:18:51,714 --> 00:18:54,672
- You don't have a key?
- Maybe Charles does.
194
00:18:54,842 --> 00:18:58,881
I have a feeling there's something
very interesting behind this door.
195
00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:02,843
Yeah, ghosts of the people who died in
this house, and they want us out of here.
196
00:19:03,017 --> 00:19:05,224
So let's do them a favor.
197
00:19:22,036 --> 00:19:24,743
My god, that was close.
198
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:28,243
Barbara: I cannot watch this.
199
00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:31,329
What's the good of being a ghost
if you can't frighten people away?
200
00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:34,337
- Honey.
- No, I'm not putting up with this.
201
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:47,016
- Barbara, you don't know what's out there.
- I don't care.
202
00:19:48,312 --> 00:19:50,268
Adam: Barbara!
203
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:54,899
Barbara: Adam.
204
00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:57,685
- Adam?
- Barbara.
205
00:19:57,863 --> 00:19:59,774
Barbara: Adam!
206
00:20:00,574 --> 00:20:02,280
- Adam. Oh, help.
- Barbara.
207
00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:03,941
Help, I'm getting all yellow.
208
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:34,063
Adam!
209
00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:43,113
Oh, Adam.
210
00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:46,946
We're trapped in this house
with those people.
211
00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:54,993
I can't believe we're eating cantonese.
Is there no sichuan up here?
212
00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:59,498
Plan to have a stroke from the amount
of msg that's in this food.
213
00:21:00,217 --> 00:21:01,878
This 1s our first meal in this house.
214
00:21:02,052 --> 00:21:05,590
So why don't we all do our little
private parts to make it a pleasant one?
215
00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:07,881
Don't bait your mother, pumpkin.
216
00:21:08,058 --> 00:21:12,017
Soon as we get settled, we'll build you
a darkroom in the basement, okay?
217
00:21:12,188 --> 00:21:14,349
My whole life is a darkroom.
218
00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:18,645
One big dark room.
219
00:21:18,819 --> 00:21:20,480
So you were miserable
in New York City...
220
00:21:20,654 --> 00:21:23,361
And now you're going to be miserable
out here in the sticks.
221
00:21:23,532 --> 00:21:25,523
At least someone's life
hasn't been upheaved.
222
00:21:25,701 --> 00:21:28,033
I'm perfectly happy here.
Those people in New York...
223
00:21:28,204 --> 00:21:30,195
They just don't know
what they're missing.
224
00:21:34,668 --> 00:21:37,159
You know, we could become
the summer art center of New York.
225
00:21:37,338 --> 00:21:40,330
I could start sculpting again.
I'm only truly happy when I'm sculpting.
226
00:21:40,508 --> 00:21:44,376
That's a very good idea.
That'll be, um, ahem, very time-consuming.
227
00:21:44,553 --> 00:21:46,965
First the house.
Otho and I have some great plans.
228
00:21:47,139 --> 00:21:49,050
I think we should keep it the way it is.
229
00:21:49,225 --> 00:21:51,136
(Ood idea.
230
00:21:55,731 --> 00:21:59,064
Furniture truck is coming. We're gonna
have to decide what goes and what stays.
231
00:21:59,235 --> 00:22:01,647
Everything goes,
along with whatever's in the attic.
232
00:22:17,169 --> 00:22:19,581
Put it up. Come on.
233
00:22:19,755 --> 00:22:21,245
Careful.
234
00:22:21,423 --> 00:22:25,086
You see, if you tell me what you do
I'll tell you why my husband will fire you.
235
00:22:26,387 --> 00:22:29,174
- Isn't there an index or something?
- No, nothing.
236
00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:30,554
All right, now.
237
00:22:31,267 --> 00:22:32,848
What's this?
238
00:22:36,605 --> 00:22:38,721
Delia: No, no, I'm sorry.
That does not go there.
239
00:22:38,899 --> 00:22:41,606
Do you know where that's going?
Did anyone tell you where to...?
240
00:22:41,777 --> 00:22:44,769
Why are there only three sculptures?
There were four sculptures here.
241
00:22:44,947 --> 00:22:46,858
Where's the fourth sculpture? No!
242
00:22:47,408 --> 00:22:49,023
No, what are you doing?
243
00:22:49,201 --> 00:22:51,362
Efxcuse me. Put it down.
244
00:22:53,998 --> 00:22:57,456
"Betelgeuse, the bio-exorcist.
Troubled by the living?
245
00:22:57,626 --> 00:23:00,288
Is death a problem and not the solution?
Unhappy with eternity?
246
00:23:00,462 --> 00:23:03,295
Having difficulty adjusting?
Call betelgeuse."
247
00:23:04,967 --> 00:23:06,607
Delia: Put it down.
- Betelgeu... betel...
248
00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:08,796
That's it?
There's no number or instructions?
249
00:23:08,971 --> 00:23:11,462
Nothing. The "bio-exorcist."
I don't get it.
250
00:23:15,561 --> 00:23:17,441
Delia: Would you put that down?
- Straight back.
251
00:23:17,605 --> 00:23:19,141
Delia:
Why is that still up there?
252
00:23:20,232 --> 00:23:22,814
Why don't you guys take a break
for about half an hour, okay?
253
00:23:22,985 --> 00:23:24,316
Man: Uh-huh.
254
00:23:42,212 --> 00:23:43,452
Jesus Christ!
255
00:23:43,631 --> 00:23:45,371
Delia:
What are you doing? Put that down.
256
00:23:45,549 --> 00:23:47,631
What the hell are you doing out there?
257
00:23:47,801 --> 00:23:50,167
Delia: Listen to me. No! Jesus.
258
00:23:51,180 --> 00:23:54,764
Why are you doing this to me?
This is my art and it is dangerous.
259
00:23:54,934 --> 00:23:56,799
Do you think I want to die like this?
260
00:24:10,866 --> 00:24:13,858
- No, no.
- Hi. How are you?
261
00:24:22,211 --> 00:24:24,372
That little girl saw us.
262
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:27,622
- Honey, nobody can see us.
- But she did.
263
00:24:29,843 --> 00:24:32,425
- What happened to the previous owners?
- They drowned.
264
00:24:32,596 --> 00:24:35,554
Yes, they were family. I was devastated.
265
00:24:35,724 --> 00:24:38,010
- Here, take that.
- Is this the key to the attic?
266
00:24:38,185 --> 00:24:41,222
That's a skeleton key.
That key will open any door in the house.
267
00:24:41,397 --> 00:24:42,637
Give that to your father.
268
00:24:42,815 --> 00:24:45,978
And you might mention that I
single-handedly decorated that house.
269
00:24:46,151 --> 00:24:50,360
In case he needs any advice in that arena,
have him come see me.
270
00:25:11,010 --> 00:25:12,546
Don't worry. I locked the door.
271
00:25:30,738 --> 00:25:34,276
Having trouble with the living?
You tired of having your home violated?
272
00:25:34,450 --> 00:25:36,691
You want to get rid of them
pesky living critters?
273
00:25:36,869 --> 00:25:40,782
Well, come on down and see me, folks,
I'm the afterlife's leading bio-exorcist.
274
00:25:40,956 --> 00:25:45,040
Yes, sirree. Come on down here
and I want to tell you, I'll do anything.
275
00:25:47,296 --> 00:25:51,414
I'll scare them real bad. The point is, folks,
I'm gonna do anything to get your business.
276
00:25:51,592 --> 00:25:53,799
Hell, I'll possess myself if I gotta.
277
00:25:53,969 --> 00:25:57,132
Wow! Yo, I got demons
running all through me.
278
00:25:57,306 --> 00:25:59,513
All through me.
Come on down here and see it
279
00:25:59,683 --> 00:26:03,471
and hey, if you act now, you get a free
demon possession with every exorcism.
280
00:26:03,645 --> 00:26:05,135
You can't beat that, can you?
281
00:26:05,314 --> 00:26:06,645
And bring the little pards down.
282
00:26:06,815 --> 00:26:10,933
Hell, we got plenty of snakes and lizards
for them to play with. No problem at all.
283
00:26:11,111 --> 00:26:14,979
So say it once, say it twice,
third time's the charm. And remember:
284
00:26:15,157 --> 00:26:18,649
I'll eat anything you want me to eat
swallow anything you want me to swallow
285
00:26:18,827 --> 00:26:21,819
so come on down, I'll chew on the dog
286
00:26:49,900 --> 00:26:54,815
We need some help. I read something in
this book this morning about emergencies.
287
00:26:54,988 --> 00:26:59,197
All right, here it is.
"In case of emergency, draw a door."
288
00:27:03,288 --> 00:27:06,530
"Draw a door"? I don't know why
we keep looking in that stupid book.
289
00:27:10,003 --> 00:27:12,585
Hey, maybe we should try
that "beetle" guy.
290
00:27:15,259 --> 00:27:16,590
Oh.
291
00:27:28,021 --> 00:27:30,683
You didn't actually think
that was gonna work, did you?
292
00:27:31,150 --> 00:27:32,481
Ahal
293
00:27:33,819 --> 00:27:35,559
"knock three times."
294
00:28:16,278 --> 00:28:18,269
Blugh.
295
00:28:37,758 --> 00:28:39,168
Birdies.
296
00:28:48,101 --> 00:28:49,216
Gget it.
297
00:28:49,895 --> 00:28:51,351
Lydia: Dad.
298
00:28:51,521 --> 00:28:54,638
- Can't you see I'm relaxing in here?
- Well, I wanna tell you what I saw.
299
00:28:54,816 --> 00:28:58,400
What is the point of my coming up here
if you people won't let me relax?
300
00:28:58,570 --> 00:29:00,606
Pumpkin, sweetheart...
301
00:29:01,740 --> 00:29:03,571
Go help your mother.
302
00:29:03,742 --> 00:29:06,449
Maybe you can relax in a haunted house,
but I can't
303
00:29:12,042 --> 00:29:13,077
Hmm.
304
00:29:13,252 --> 00:29:17,621
Nice building. Bad roof. Good parking.
305
00:29:47,911 --> 00:29:50,072
- Adam?
- This way, honey.
306
00:30:02,426 --> 00:30:04,382
You don't have an appointment, do you?
307
00:30:04,553 --> 00:30:06,033
Well, we didn't know how to make one.
308
00:30:06,179 --> 00:30:07,885
- Appointment for what?
- What do you want?
309
00:30:08,056 --> 00:30:10,047
- We need some help.
- Ha! Already?
310
00:30:10,225 --> 00:30:12,807
You just bit the big one two months ago
and you want help.
311
00:30:13,312 --> 00:30:15,143
What does that have
to do with anything?
312
00:30:15,314 --> 00:30:19,023
You're gonna use up
all your help vouchers: D-90s.
313
00:30:19,192 --> 00:30:22,559
You spend 125 years on earth
actually in that house...
314
00:30:22,738 --> 00:30:26,902
During which you get only three
class-one d-90 intercessions with juno.
315
00:30:27,075 --> 00:30:30,033
You probably haven't even read through
the manual completely yet.
316
00:30:30,203 --> 00:30:33,036
You'll have to wait if you don't have
an appointment.
317
00:30:33,206 --> 00:30:37,916
- An appointment with whom?
- For juno, your caseworker.
318
00:30:40,297 --> 00:30:44,256
Number 54,000,601. Ferndock.
319
00:31:49,950 --> 00:31:52,532
- Want a cigarette?
- Uh, no, thank you.
320
00:31:53,745 --> 00:31:56,111
Trying to cut down myself.
321
00:32:13,098 --> 00:32:16,841
Adam, is this what happens
when you die?
322
00:32:17,018 --> 00:32:18,679
This 1s what happens when you die.
323
00:32:18,854 --> 00:32:22,688
That is what happens when he dies.
And that is what happens when they die.
324
00:32:22,858 --> 00:32:25,691
It's all very personal.
And I'll tell you something.
325
00:32:25,861 --> 00:32:30,025
If I knew then what I know now,
I wouldn't have had my little accident.
326
00:32:35,704 --> 00:32:37,535
Maitland. Party of two.
327
00:32:37,706 --> 00:32:40,322
Take the handbook
and go to the sixth door.
328
00:32:40,792 --> 00:32:43,454
Oh, we forgot our handbook.
329
00:32:47,007 --> 00:32:48,463
Come on.
330
00:32:53,722 --> 00:32:57,340
Woman: All new arrivals,
report to waiting room number 8.
331
00:32:59,895 --> 00:33:03,387
Flight 409 is arriving at gate 3.
332
00:33:03,565 --> 00:33:06,102
How do I look?
There are no mirrors on this side
333
00:33:06,276 --> 00:33:07,857
fine. You look fine. Yeah?
334
00:33:08,028 --> 00:33:09,988
- Fine.
- Thanks. I've been feeling a little flat.
335
00:33:15,785 --> 00:33:18,948
Woman: Will the Peterson party
report to door number 9?
336
00:33:20,415 --> 00:33:23,999
Peterson party,
please report to door number 9.
337
00:33:24,836 --> 00:33:28,203
All new arrivals,
report to waiting room number 8.
338
00:33:34,721 --> 00:33:37,758
A hundred and 25 years.
I can't believe this
339
00:33:37,933 --> 00:33:40,174
I can't believe they didn't tell us.
340
00:33:43,104 --> 00:33:45,516
Oh, Adam, what is this?
341
00:33:49,319 --> 00:33:52,106
That's the lost souls' room.
342
00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:55,022
A room for ghosts
that have been exorcised.
343
00:33:56,117 --> 00:33:57,732
Poor devils.
344
00:33:57,911 --> 00:34:00,027
That's death for the dead.
345
00:34:01,248 --> 00:34:03,330
It's all in the handbook.
346
00:34:03,542 --> 00:34:05,032
Keep moving.
347
00:34:10,131 --> 00:34:11,462
Five
348
00:34:12,467 --> 00:34:14,549
this is the sixth door.
349
00:34:21,309 --> 00:34:24,551
Boy, oh, boy, this place just gets weirder
and weirder.
350
00:34:30,902 --> 00:34:32,563
Barbara.
351
00:34:35,490 --> 00:34:37,071
We're home.
352
00:34:37,993 --> 00:34:41,827
Look at this place. Everything's different.
353
00:34:42,872 --> 00:34:45,079
All our furniture's gone.
354
00:34:45,667 --> 00:34:48,283
How long do you suppose
we were waiting there?
355
00:34:48,461 --> 00:34:49,951
Three months.
356
00:34:51,131 --> 00:34:53,998
I'd almost given up on you.
I was about to leave.
357
00:34:54,175 --> 00:34:56,461
I do have other clients.
358
00:34:56,636 --> 00:34:59,218
Are you juno, our caseworker?
Yes.
359
00:34:59,389 --> 00:35:02,552
I evaluate individual cases
and determine
360
00:35:02,726 --> 00:35:05,934
if help is needed,
deserved and available
361
00:35:06,104 --> 00:35:07,844
- are you available?
- No_
362
00:35:09,316 --> 00:35:12,524
- What's wrong?
- We're very unhappy.
363
00:35:12,694 --> 00:35:14,480
What did you expect? You're dead.
364
00:35:14,654 --> 00:35:16,690
We want to get rid of the people
who moved in here.
365
00:35:16,865 --> 00:35:19,277
Barbara and I worked very hard
on this house.
366
00:35:19,451 --> 00:35:22,534
We probably wouldn't mind sharing
the house with people who were...
367
00:35:22,704 --> 00:35:24,945
More like you used to be. Yes.
368
00:35:25,123 --> 00:35:26,704
But these people...
369
00:35:28,668 --> 00:35:30,829
Things seem pretty quiet here.
370
00:35:31,838 --> 00:35:35,046
You should thank god
you didn't die in Italy.
371
00:35:35,508 --> 00:35:36,793
The deetzes.
372
00:35:36,968 --> 00:35:40,881
- Okay, have you been studying the manual?
- Well, we tried.
373
00:35:41,056 --> 00:35:44,890
The intermediate interface chapter
on haunting says it all.
374
00:35:45,060 --> 00:35:48,143
Get them out yourselves. It's your house.
375
00:35:49,314 --> 00:35:51,896
Haunted houses aren't easy to come by.
376
00:35:52,067 --> 00:35:54,399
- Well, we don't quite get it.
- I heard.
377
00:35:54,569 --> 00:35:56,400
Tore your faces right off.
378
00:35:56,571 --> 00:35:59,529
It doesn't do any good to pull your
heads off in front of people...
379
00:35:59,699 --> 00:36:00,905
If they can't see you.
380
00:36:01,076 --> 00:36:03,237
- We should start more simply?
- Start simply.
381
00:36:03,411 --> 00:36:06,198
Do what you know.
Use your talents. Practice.
382
00:36:07,999 --> 00:36:11,867
You should have been studying
those lessons since day one.
383
00:36:14,005 --> 00:36:18,089
- Ooh. I've got to go.
- What about that guy in the flyer, betel...?
384
00:36:18,259 --> 00:36:19,294
Shh!
385
00:36:19,469 --> 00:36:22,711
Don't even say his name.
You don't want his help.
386
00:36:23,264 --> 00:36:24,754
- Well...
- We might.
387
00:36:24,933 --> 00:36:28,596
No, you don't.
He does not work well with others.
388
00:36:29,729 --> 00:36:31,469
What do you mean?
389
00:36:35,652 --> 00:36:37,438
I didn't want to bring it up.
390
00:36:37,612 --> 00:36:42,197
But rather than have you stumble onto it
and make another mistake, I'll tell you.
391
00:36:42,784 --> 00:36:44,695
He was my assistant.
392
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:48,203
But he was a troublemaker.
He went out on his own
393
00:36:48,373 --> 00:36:51,456
gs a freelance bio-exorcist.
394
00:36:51,626 --> 00:36:55,619
Claimed he could get rid of the living.
Got into more trouble.
395
00:36:59,676 --> 00:37:03,669
In fact, I believe he's been
sleazing around your cemetery lately.
396
00:37:05,223 --> 00:37:07,965
The only way he can be brought back...
397
00:37:08,143 --> 00:37:11,260
Is by calling his name three times.
398
00:37:12,063 --> 00:37:14,270
But I strongly suggest...
399
00:37:14,441 --> 00:37:17,308
That you remove
the deetzes yourselves.
400
00:37:18,111 --> 00:37:21,023
Well, how do we contact you
if we need you again?
401
00:37:31,291 --> 00:37:34,533
Oh, Adam, that guy's in our cemetery.
402
00:37:34,711 --> 00:37:38,329
She's right, honey. We just have to
keep this simple. We can do this. Come on.
403
00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:04,987
Betelgeuse:
Hey, you. Hey, come here.
404
00:38:05,408 --> 00:38:06,989
Hungry?
405
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:09,151
Come on. Hey, come here.
406
00:38:10,538 --> 00:38:13,371
I got something good for you.
Come on. Come on over.
407
00:38:13,541 --> 00:38:16,328
We'll have a little bite,
you'll have something to nosh.
408
00:38:17,796 --> 00:38:22,381
- Come here.
Fly: Help me. Help me. Help me.
409
00:38:24,636 --> 00:38:28,720
Maxie, have I not always made you money?
I think that's the only real question here.
410
00:38:28,890 --> 00:38:31,381
Well, Charles,
nobody made me money like you.
411
00:38:31,559 --> 00:38:33,720
I mean, before your nerves went,
you were a demon.
412
00:38:34,229 --> 00:38:39,349
It's just that winter river, Connecticut
is, if you'll forgive me, nowhere.
413
00:38:39,526 --> 00:38:42,734
Why would I wanna invest
that kind of money in an old building...
414
00:38:42,904 --> 00:38:46,362
- Way the hell up there?
- It's not a building. That's the beauty of it.
415
00:38:46,533 --> 00:38:50,526
These people don't know the value of
their property. I can buy the whole town.
416
00:38:50,703 --> 00:38:53,285
Oh, then we own a whole town
in the middle of nowhere
417
00:38:53,456 --> 00:38:55,492
Max, you've got to come up here
and see.
418
00:38:55,667 --> 00:38:57,828
Charles: And, uh, bring Sarah.
419
00:38:58,002 --> 00:39:01,586
Yeah, all right, Charles.
It's just that I am kind of busy here.
420
00:39:02,966 --> 00:39:04,331
Uh, just a minute, maxie.
421
00:39:04,509 --> 00:39:07,672
Now, listen. Enough of this talk
about visiting, okay? I gotta go.
422
00:39:07,846 --> 00:39:10,383
Maxie:
You take it easy up there, big fellow.
423
00:39:10,557 --> 00:39:13,264
- Goodbye.
- Uh, Max, wait, wait, wait.
424
00:39:17,355 --> 00:39:18,390
Putz.
425
00:39:39,252 --> 00:39:43,461
Jeez, Lydia, is Connecticut so boring?
I had maxie Dean on the phone, honey.
426
00:39:43,631 --> 00:39:47,374
Dad's found a way of making some money
while I relax, so would you scram?
427
00:39:49,804 --> 00:39:53,296
Your mother's gonna kill you when she sees
you cut holes in her $300 sheets.
428
00:39:56,185 --> 00:39:59,803
This is so corny. Is this what
we've been reduced to? Sheets?
429
00:39:59,981 --> 00:40:01,642
Adam:
Think of them as death shrouds.
430
00:40:01,816 --> 00:40:04,307
And the moaning is important.
Really moan.
431
00:40:22,837 --> 00:40:25,294
God, how can he stand that woman?
432
00:40:31,888 --> 00:40:35,472
Cut it out. I'm a child, for god's sakes.
433
00:40:43,399 --> 00:40:47,187
Barbara: I feel so stupid.
Adam: It's not stupid. We're ghosts.
434
00:40:47,362 --> 00:40:50,399
Do you want to spend the next 125 years
having breakfast with this woman?
435
00:40:50,573 --> 00:40:52,109
Moan louder.
436
00:41:00,541 --> 00:41:02,156
Adam: Oh, god.
437
00:41:09,968 --> 00:41:12,004
Sick. Sexual perversion.
438
00:41:12,178 --> 00:41:15,887
If you guys are gonna do that weird
sexual stuff, do it in your own bedroom.
439
00:41:22,814 --> 00:41:23,849
No feet.
440
00:41:35,243 --> 00:41:37,450
Are you the guys hiding out in the attic?
441
00:41:37,620 --> 00:41:39,906
Adam: We're ghosts.
442
00:41:40,081 --> 00:41:41,116
Barbara: Whoo!
443
00:41:41,290 --> 00:41:43,906
- What do you look like under there?
Adam: Aren't you scared?
444
00:41:44,085 --> 00:41:47,122
I'm not scared of sheets.
Are you gross under there?
445
00:41:47,296 --> 00:41:49,833
Are you night of the living dead
under there?
446
00:41:50,008 --> 00:41:52,420
Like all bloody veins and pus?
447
00:41:52,593 --> 00:41:55,255
- Night of the what?
- Living dead. It's a movie.
448
00:41:55,430 --> 00:41:58,888
If I had seen a ghost at your age,
I would have been scared out of my wits.
449
00:41:59,559 --> 00:42:02,676
You're not gross.
Why are you wearing sheets?
450
00:42:02,854 --> 00:42:04,185
We're practicing.
451
00:42:04,355 --> 00:42:07,939
- You can see us without the sheets?
- Of course I can see you.
452
00:42:08,109 --> 00:42:10,521
Well, how is it that you see us
and nobody else can?
453
00:42:11,988 --> 00:42:15,606
Well, I read through that
handbook for the recently deceased.
454
00:42:15,783 --> 00:42:20,447
It says, "live people ignore
the strange and unusual."
455
00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:25,289
I myself am strange and unusual.
456
00:42:25,960 --> 00:42:28,372
You look like a regular girl to me.
457
00:42:28,546 --> 00:42:30,787
Adam: You read our book? Yeah
458
00:42:30,965 --> 00:42:33,798
- you could follow it?
- Yeah. Why were you in Delia's bedroom?
459
00:42:33,968 --> 00:42:36,926
- We were trying to scare your mother.
- Stepmother.
460
00:42:37,096 --> 00:42:40,554
Anyway, you can't scare her.
She's sleeping with prince valium tonight.
461
00:42:43,978 --> 00:42:47,596
You did this? You carved all these
little houses and things?
462
00:42:47,774 --> 00:42:48,980
Mm-hm.
463
00:42:49,150 --> 00:42:51,015
And this used to be your house.
464
00:42:51,986 --> 00:42:54,272
Why do you want to scare everybody?
465
00:42:54,447 --> 00:42:57,280
Well, we wanted to frighten you
so you would move out.
466
00:42:59,202 --> 00:43:01,033
You don't know the deetzes very well.
467
00:43:01,204 --> 00:43:04,867
My father bought this place.
He never walks away from equity.
468
00:43:05,249 --> 00:43:07,205
Why don't you leave? “We can't
469
00:43:07,376 --> 00:43:09,287
we haven't left the house
since the funeral
470
00:43:10,338 --> 00:43:11,999
funeral
471
00:43:12,173 --> 00:43:14,835
god. You guys really are dead.
472
00:43:17,261 --> 00:43:18,501
This is amazing.
473
00:43:19,138 --> 00:43:20,753
Charles: Lydia.
474
00:43:20,932 --> 00:43:22,593
I better go. “Wait.
475
00:43:22,767 --> 00:43:27,352
- Don't tell your parents that we're up here.
- Unless you think it'll frighten them away.
476
00:43:28,022 --> 00:43:29,762
You tell them that we are horrible.
477
00:43:29,941 --> 00:43:34,355
Desperate, ghoulish creatures who will
stop at nothing to get our house back.
478
00:43:36,656 --> 00:43:40,865
What if this is a dream? Can you guys do
any tricks to prove I'm not dreaming?
479
00:43:44,872 --> 00:43:49,707
Well, if you are real ghosts, you guys better
get another routine because those sheets...
480
00:43:49,877 --> 00:43:51,868
They don't work.
481
00:44:01,347 --> 00:44:02,553
Delia: Ghosts.
482
00:44:02,723 --> 00:44:05,009
You're telling me we have ghosts
in this house
483
00:44:05,184 --> 00:44:07,721
those pictures are of ghosts. Are they?
484
00:44:07,895 --> 00:44:09,135
(Hosts.
485
00:44:10,273 --> 00:44:13,265
Lydia, I am giving a dinner party
tonight for seven people.
486
00:44:13,442 --> 00:44:16,980
My agent, Bernard, is bringing a woman
who writes for art in America.
487
00:44:17,155 --> 00:44:21,398
In fact, no one dining here this evening
has not been in vanity fair except you.
488
00:44:21,576 --> 00:44:23,567
I told them you were too mean
to be afraid.
489
00:44:23,744 --> 00:44:25,575
Don't you dare speak to others about me.
490
00:44:25,746 --> 00:44:29,739
Being embarrassed in front of the few
people who will set foot in here scares me.
491
00:44:29,917 --> 00:44:32,374
So let's play family just for tonight, hmm?
492
00:44:38,259 --> 00:44:40,250
Lydia's trying, but they don't believe her.
493
00:44:40,428 --> 00:44:42,510
She's got photos, Barbara.
494
00:44:42,680 --> 00:44:45,422
Adam, you had a photo of bigfoot.
495
00:44:46,100 --> 00:44:49,092
My photo of bigfoot is a different story.
496
00:44:49,270 --> 00:44:50,931
Anyhow, we've gotta get some help here.
497
00:44:51,105 --> 00:44:53,767
We've gotta contact this guy, betelmeyer,
or something.
498
00:45:01,324 --> 00:45:02,905
Adam.
499
00:45:07,246 --> 00:45:08,281
I ook.
500
00:45:13,127 --> 00:45:14,958
It's him. Betelgeuse.
501
00:45:16,756 --> 00:45:18,246
Betelgeuse.
502
00:45:20,009 --> 00:45:22,250
Go ahead, Barbara, say it.
503
00:45:23,095 --> 00:45:24,801
Betelgeuse.
504
00:45:28,768 --> 00:45:30,474
What happened?
505
00:45:31,604 --> 00:45:33,765
I think we're in the model.
506
00:45:37,151 --> 00:45:38,482
Hey, look at that.
507
00:46:02,176 --> 00:46:03,791
Well, where is he? What do we do?
508
00:46:07,848 --> 00:46:09,133
Looks like we dig, Barbara.
509
00:46:40,214 --> 00:46:42,000
Oh, it's about time.
510
00:46:50,433 --> 00:46:53,300
- I say we open it.
- Maybe we should knock first.
511
00:47:03,738 --> 00:47:05,069
Yeah.
512
00:47:11,829 --> 00:47:14,366
Adam. Babs.
513
00:47:21,380 --> 00:47:25,248
Boy, do you know how to pick them. Is this
relationship solid? Do I have a shot at her?
514
00:47:25,426 --> 00:47:27,587
- Excuse me.
- Sure. Am I overstepping my bounds?
515
00:47:27,762 --> 00:47:30,424
Just tell me. Come on.
Know what's beautiful about this?
516
00:47:30,598 --> 00:47:33,214
You two kids picked me.
You didn't have to, but you picked me.
517
00:47:33,392 --> 00:47:36,008
It makes me want to kiss you guys.
Come on, give me one.
518
00:47:36,187 --> 00:47:38,178
- Nol!
- L1 beg your pardon.
519
00:47:38,356 --> 00:47:40,096
All right, let's get down to business.
520
00:47:40,274 --> 00:47:43,232
I've got a card here somewhere.
Here who do I have to kill?
521
00:47:43,402 --> 00:47:45,313
Here, hold that for me, will you?
522
00:47:46,697 --> 00:47:48,904
- There you go.
- You don't have to kill anybody.
523
00:47:49,075 --> 00:47:50,281
Ah, possession. Good.
524
00:47:50,451 --> 00:47:53,614
Betelgeuse: Learn to throw your voice.
Fool your friends. Fun at parties.
525
00:47:53,788 --> 00:47:56,825
No. We just wanna
get some people out of our house.
526
00:47:56,999 --> 00:48:01,584
I understand. Well, look, in order to do that,
I'm gonna have to get to know you guys.
527
00:48:01,754 --> 00:48:04,245
We've got to get closer.
Move in with you for a while.
528
00:48:04,423 --> 00:48:06,755
Get to be real pals.
You know what I'm saying? In...
529
00:48:08,427 --> 00:48:09,792
Save that guy for later, huh?
530
00:48:09,970 --> 00:48:12,131
My wife and I would like to ask
a couple of questions.
531
00:48:12,306 --> 00:48:16,595
- Sure, sure, sure. Go ahead. Shoot.
- For instance, what are your qualifications?
532
00:48:16,769 --> 00:48:18,976
Ah. Well, I attended Juilliard.
533
00:48:19,146 --> 00:48:21,182
I'm a graduate of
the Harvard business school
534
00:48:21,357 --> 00:48:24,349
I lived through the black plague.
And I had a pretty good time during that.
535
00:48:24,527 --> 00:48:27,064
I've seen the exorcist about 167 times
536
00:48:27,238 --> 00:48:30,856
and it keeps getting funnier
every single time I see it.
537
00:48:31,033 --> 00:48:33,740
Not to mention the fact
that you're talking to a dead guy.
538
00:48:33,911 --> 00:48:36,994
Now, what do you think?
You think I'm qualified?
539
00:48:38,124 --> 00:48:39,989
What I mean is, can you be scary?
540
00:48:40,167 --> 00:48:41,167
Oh! Oh.
541
00:48:41,335 --> 00:48:44,168
I know what you're asking me.
Can I be scary?
542
00:48:45,089 --> 00:48:46,625
What do you think of this?
543
00:48:48,008 --> 00:48:49,418
You like it?
544
00:48:50,511 --> 00:48:53,969
- Will you excuse us, please?
- Sure. Talk amongst yourself.
545
00:48:54,140 --> 00:48:57,348
- Adam, let's go.
- I know, but I think he can be useful later.
546
00:48:57,518 --> 00:49:00,009
Barbara: We can work something out.
- Oh, yeah.
547
00:49:00,187 --> 00:49:01,848
Barbara: Hey, hey, hey.
Adam: Excuse me.
548
00:49:02,022 --> 00:49:05,185
- What?
- Excuse me. We are leaving now.
549
00:49:05,359 --> 00:49:07,350
Oh, come on. Don't go yet.
550
00:49:07,528 --> 00:49:09,860
Hey, guy, come on. We're simpatico here.
551
00:49:10,030 --> 00:49:12,112
Look at us, huh?
We even shop at the same store.
552
00:49:12,283 --> 00:49:13,944
Hey, hermano.
553
00:49:14,118 --> 00:49:15,733
Yeah, there you go.
554
00:49:16,954 --> 00:49:20,242
Hey, come on. We're like peas in a pod,
the three of us. Let's face it
555
00:49:20,416 --> 00:49:24,625
you want somebody out of the house.
I want to get somebody out of your house.
556
00:49:24,795 --> 00:49:28,208
Look. We've been to saturn.
Hey, I've been to saturn.
557
00:49:28,382 --> 00:49:30,794
Whoa. Sandworms.
558
00:49:30,968 --> 00:49:34,131
You hate them, right?
I hate them myself.
559
00:49:34,305 --> 00:49:38,014
Come on, kids, what do I have to do
to strike a deal with you two, huh?
560
00:49:45,274 --> 00:49:47,481
- Don't you hate it when that happens?
- Let's go.
561
00:49:47,651 --> 00:49:51,735
Wait a minute. Just come up for a while.
We'll talk inside. Come on. Come on.
562
00:49:51,906 --> 00:49:54,238
Barbara: I'm not staying here.
- The place is a mess.
563
00:49:54,408 --> 00:49:56,990
- We have to get out of here.
- I'll fix you something to eat.
564
00:49:57,161 --> 00:49:58,526
Home. Home home.
565
00:50:00,331 --> 00:50:03,744
- Barbara, how did you do that?
- Hope you like Italian.
566
00:50:03,918 --> 00:50:07,126
Where'd you go? Hey, come on.
Hey, where'd you go?
567
00:50:07,296 --> 00:50:09,412
Hey. Come on.
You've got to work with me here.
568
00:50:09,590 --> 00:50:12,252
I'm just trying to cut a deal.
What do you want me to do?
569
00:50:12,426 --> 00:50:13,757
Where are you?
570
00:50:13,928 --> 00:50:16,260
You bunch of losers!
571
00:50:16,430 --> 00:50:19,263
You're working with a professional here.
572
00:50:23,646 --> 00:50:24,726
Nice fucking model.
573
00:50:26,106 --> 00:50:28,472
Barbara:
See, we can do this stuff on our own.
574
00:50:28,651 --> 00:50:31,688
Besides, I'm not exposing that little
girl to that pervert down there.
575
00:50:31,862 --> 00:50:34,729
Barbara, we did call him,
and he seemed awfully pissed off.
576
00:50:34,907 --> 00:50:36,443
I don't care. I've changed my mind.
577
00:50:36,617 --> 00:50:40,155
Listen, I think we can scare them off
ourselves, tonight.
578
00:50:40,329 --> 00:50:41,819
I have an idea.
579
00:50:49,463 --> 00:50:51,454
I think what you did with the place
is wonderful
580
00:50:51,632 --> 00:50:53,623
not me. Them.
581
00:50:54,635 --> 00:50:56,717
S07? Oh um
582
00:50:58,806 --> 00:51:00,137
uh
583
00:51:00,683 --> 00:51:02,389
You like them
584
00:51:03,477 --> 00:51:06,969
I just hope it wasn't yet another
of your dreary suicide attempts.
585
00:51:07,147 --> 00:51:09,809
You know what they say about people
who commit suicide?
586
00:51:09,984 --> 00:51:12,771
In the afterlife,
they become civil servants.
587
00:51:15,406 --> 00:51:18,148
Otho, I didn't realize
you were into the supernatural.
588
00:51:18,325 --> 00:51:20,316
Well, of course. You remember.
589
00:51:20,494 --> 00:51:23,236
After my stint with the living theatre...
590
00:51:23,581 --> 00:51:26,914
I was one of New York City's
leading paranormal researchers...
591
00:51:27,084 --> 00:51:28,915
Until the bottom dropped out in "72.
592
00:51:29,086 --> 00:51:32,624
Paranormal? Is that what
they're calling your kind these days?
593
00:51:32,881 --> 00:51:37,500
Don't mind her. She's still upset because
somebody dropped a house on her sister.
594
00:51:40,806 --> 00:51:43,343
Well, this looks really good.
595
00:51:44,727 --> 00:51:46,092
I saw some ghosts.
596
00:51:52,735 --> 00:51:56,273
- It's a little private joke Lydia and I share.
- It's not a joke.
597
00:51:56,447 --> 00:52:00,690
Yes, it is. Just today she tried
to convince me that this house is haunted.
598
00:52:02,953 --> 00:52:05,490
Kids. You know, I love them.
599
00:52:06,874 --> 00:52:10,082
- By ghosts?
- In designer sheets, no less.
600
00:52:11,128 --> 00:52:13,995
I'd like to propose a toast
to our intrepid friends...
601
00:52:14,173 --> 00:52:17,381
Who braved the expressway
and two dozen tollbooths to be with us.
602
00:52:17,551 --> 00:52:19,212
May your buildings go condo.
603
00:52:20,846 --> 00:52:23,838
Now, Lydia, favor us about your ghosts.
604
00:52:24,016 --> 00:52:26,382
No. I am sick of that subject.
605
00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:28,721
Oh, Delia, lighten up.
606
00:52:28,896 --> 00:52:31,103
I would rather talk about...
607
00:52:46,205 --> 00:52:47,911
That's cute, Delia.
608
00:53:00,344 --> 00:53:02,426
Otho, are you doing this?
609
00:54:30,100 --> 00:54:31,465
We did it.
610
00:54:33,103 --> 00:54:34,843
I et's watch them scatter.
611
00:54:35,022 --> 00:54:38,514
Any minute now they're gonna come
running out of that door screaming.
612
00:54:41,904 --> 00:54:43,394
Any minute now.
613
00:54:50,496 --> 00:54:52,202
Lydia: It's me, Lydia.
614
00:54:55,584 --> 00:54:57,370
They want you to come downstairs.
615
00:54:57,878 --> 00:55:01,041
Delia says you can wear
any sheets you want.
616
00:55:01,924 --> 00:55:04,381
It was like being in an amusement park.
617
00:55:04,551 --> 00:55:05,711
Wham!
618
00:55:05,886 --> 00:55:09,720
I didn't even know I could do the
calypso. “Who has more fun than us?
619
00:55:09,890 --> 00:55:12,552
We're dealing with
Tracy and hepburn here.
620
00:55:12,726 --> 00:55:16,344
A very sophisticated pair.
I mean, they even appear in sheets.
621
00:55:17,898 --> 00:55:21,732
Charles, what I wanna know is
why didn't you tell us about this before?
622
00:55:21,902 --> 00:55:24,063
Well, we're not even sure
we want our secret out.
623
00:55:24,238 --> 00:55:27,230
I mean, everyone's gonna want them
for their parties, ha, ha.
624
00:55:27,407 --> 00:55:29,087
People will pay big money for this, grace.
625
00:55:29,743 --> 00:55:33,235
The enquirer is offering $50,000
for proof of life after death.
626
00:55:33,413 --> 00:55:34,903
Delia: Fifty thousand?
627
00:55:35,082 --> 00:55:38,074
This is it, Charles.
You can get maxie Dean up here now.
628
00:55:38,502 --> 00:55:41,790
- You think so?
- Sarah loves the supernatural.
629
00:55:41,964 --> 00:55:44,296
She'll have him sprint up here
in his helicopter...
630
00:55:44,466 --> 00:55:46,457
If you can produce ghosts for her.
631
00:55:48,428 --> 00:55:49,588
Oh, Charles.
632
00:55:50,514 --> 00:55:53,176
I should remind you all
that I am Delia's agent.
633
00:55:53,350 --> 00:55:55,932
I have consistently lost money
on her work for years.
634
00:55:56,103 --> 00:55:58,594
If anything actually happened here,
I shall handle it.
635
00:55:58,772 --> 00:56:01,058
But not until I've seen some real proof.
636
00:56:01,233 --> 00:56:05,067
- But, Bernard, what about this table?
- What just happened, what was that?
637
00:56:05,237 --> 00:56:07,102
And what money?
Don't you believe in my work?
638
00:56:07,281 --> 00:56:08,521
Charles: Uh-uh-uh!
639
00:56:08,699 --> 00:56:10,235
Here's Lydia.
640
00:56:11,034 --> 00:56:13,946
- Well?
- They don't want to come down.
641
00:56:15,163 --> 00:56:16,869
Delia: Charles.
642
00:56:21,295 --> 00:56:23,126
Why not?
643
00:56:23,922 --> 00:56:28,541
I think the reason is that they were trying
to scare you away, and you didn't get scared.
644
00:56:29,219 --> 00:56:32,382
Please, they're dead.
It's 3 little late to be neurotic.
645
00:56:35,809 --> 00:56:37,174
All right.
646
00:56:43,191 --> 00:56:47,275
This was not a hallucination.
This was real
647
00:56:47,446 --> 00:56:52,566
we all just experienced a very super-powerful
paranormal experience and it was real.
648
00:56:52,743 --> 00:56:56,782
Delia, you are a flake.
You have always been a flake.
649
00:56:56,955 --> 00:57:00,618
If you insist on frightening people,
do it with your sculpture.
650
00:57:02,544 --> 00:57:03,909
Charles: Drive carefully.
651
00:57:04,087 --> 00:57:05,998
- I'm dead.
- Where do they hide out?
652
00:57:06,590 --> 00:57:09,252
- The attic.
- The attic's locked.
653
00:57:09,718 --> 00:57:11,925
They're ghosts, dad.
They can do what they want.
654
00:57:12,095 --> 00:57:15,758
Yeah, they do whatever they want.
Lydia, you take us up there right now.
655
00:57:21,521 --> 00:57:24,854
Fabulous. Otho fenlock's
"I ocked door ghosts"
656
00:57:25,025 --> 00:57:26,606
probably committed suicide up there.
657
00:57:26,777 --> 00:57:28,938
- I'm totally enchanted.
Delia: They're in there?
658
00:57:29,112 --> 00:57:32,024
- They must live like animals.
- It's locked. How did they get in?
659
00:57:32,199 --> 00:57:34,986
Open this door, you dead people,
or we'll bust it down.
660
00:57:35,160 --> 00:57:37,822
And drag you out by the ropes
you hanged yourself with.
661
00:57:37,996 --> 00:57:40,203
- They didn't commit suicide.
- It doesn't matter.
662
00:57:40,374 --> 00:57:43,787
I have a chance to teach you something.
Take the upper hand in all situations...
663
00:57:43,961 --> 00:57:46,623
Or people, whether dead or alive,
will walk all over you.
664
00:57:46,797 --> 00:57:48,788
Open up!
665
00:58:00,519 --> 00:58:02,100
So where are they?
666
00:58:02,270 --> 00:58:04,807
Listen, you guys, these ghosts
are really nice people.
667
00:58:04,982 --> 00:58:08,315
I think we scared them away,
so let's just leave them alone, all right?
668
00:58:08,610 --> 00:58:12,023
It's the whole damn town.
669
00:58:12,781 --> 00:58:17,400
I have never been so embarrassed.
They haven't gone for good, have they?
670
00:58:18,245 --> 00:58:19,906
Hmm.
671
00:58:23,834 --> 00:58:28,077
Charles: Beep, beep.
- Dad, don't. Mom, let's just go.
672
00:58:39,933 --> 00:58:41,514
No ghosts here.
673
00:58:44,312 --> 00:58:47,224
Come on. If they are in here,
I don't want to scare them away.
674
00:58:49,776 --> 00:58:52,813
Well, we're leaving now.
You can go about your business.
675
00:58:55,198 --> 00:58:58,031
Charles: What are we doing?
Delia: Quick, quick, quick.
676
00:59:05,375 --> 00:59:09,209
Oh, boy. You guys are really a couple of
spooksters, aren't you?
677
00:59:09,379 --> 00:59:13,042
Now, let's turn on the juice
and see what shakes loose.
678
00:59:15,802 --> 00:59:19,260
Otho, you get maxie on the phone.
We've really got something here.
679
00:59:19,431 --> 00:59:23,549
We can turn this place into the world's
leading supernatural research center.
680
00:59:23,727 --> 00:59:26,890
An amusement park. I'll do a presentation.
Lydia will bring the ghosts.
681
00:59:27,064 --> 00:59:29,851
I can't bring the ghosts, dad.
They're not here.
682
00:59:30,025 --> 00:59:34,439
- Otho, can't you do something?
- Perhaps. If I'm properly motivated.
683
00:59:36,490 --> 00:59:39,232
Just what type of motivation
do you require, otho?
684
00:59:39,409 --> 00:59:42,993
Lydia: Why don't you leave them alone?
They didn't do anything to you.
685
00:59:53,507 --> 00:59:55,122
Hi
686
01:00:11,108 --> 01:00:12,769
Whoal
687
01:00:30,961 --> 01:00:33,168
We've come for your daughter, Chuck.
688
01:00:34,339 --> 01:00:35,670
Stop. Stop.
689
01:00:40,887 --> 01:00:42,047
Yeah.
690
01:00:47,394 --> 01:00:50,181
- Betelgeuse, betelgeuse, betelgeuse.
- Oh, no.
691
01:00:52,941 --> 01:00:54,522
Why are you doing this?
692
01:00:55,735 --> 01:00:57,976
Leave me alone, all of you.
693
01:01:01,867 --> 01:01:04,324
Great choice we got here.
We spend the next century...
694
01:01:04,494 --> 01:01:06,951
Either hanging out the window
or doing parlor tricks.
695
01:01:07,122 --> 01:01:09,738
Maybe they'll leave now.
That snake was a nasty customer.
696
01:01:09,916 --> 01:01:11,916
- Well, he could've hurt somebody.
- But he didn't.
697
01:01:12,085 --> 01:01:14,542
We've got them
right where we want them.
698
01:01:18,633 --> 01:01:22,672
You bunch of losers. How dare you interrupt
a professional while he's working.
699
01:01:22,846 --> 01:01:25,428
I'm not fond of Charles deetz,
but you could've killed him.
700
01:01:25,599 --> 01:01:28,762
Hey, I'm just doing my job.
Besides, I thought we had a deal.
701
01:01:29,603 --> 01:01:32,060
Hey, it's okay. You know why?
702
01:01:32,230 --> 01:01:35,814
I don't wanna do business
with you deadbeats anyway, thank you.
703
01:01:35,984 --> 01:01:39,772
The only one I think I can deal with
is Edgar Allan poe's daughter.
704
01:01:39,946 --> 01:01:42,278
- I think she understands me.
- You leave her alone, you...
705
01:01:43,283 --> 01:01:44,773
Ow!
706
01:01:54,669 --> 01:01:56,955
Go ahead, make my millennium.
707
01:02:02,969 --> 01:02:04,334
Yeah.
708
01:02:04,512 --> 01:02:08,425
I'm feeling a little, uh, ooh, anxious,
if you know what I mean.
709
01:02:08,600 --> 01:02:10,966
It's been about 600 years, after all.
710
01:02:11,144 --> 01:02:14,807
I wonder where a guy,
an everyday Joe like myself...
711
01:02:14,981 --> 01:02:16,972
Can find a little action.
712
01:02:17,150 --> 01:02:18,481
Woman: Hi
713
01:02:19,361 --> 01:02:20,817
yeah.
714
01:02:24,866 --> 01:02:26,652
Woman: Come on. Come on in.
715
01:02:34,042 --> 01:02:36,158
Oh, yeah. Here I come, baby.
716
01:02:39,839 --> 01:02:42,501
Oh, yeah. Hey, Adam, nice move.
717
01:02:43,927 --> 01:02:46,464
- Adam, why did you build that?
- I didn't.
718
01:02:52,269 --> 01:02:55,602
Woman: All new arrivals report
to waiting room number 8.
719
01:02:56,606 --> 01:02:59,018
Will you guys shut up
and leave me alone?
720
01:02:59,192 --> 01:03:01,353
I've got all this paperwork to do.
721
01:03:03,822 --> 01:03:05,778
You two, come in here. Sit down.
722
01:03:05,949 --> 01:03:07,860
Get in here, both of you.
723
01:03:11,496 --> 01:03:16,035
The whorehouse was my idea.
I want betelgeuse out of the picture.
724
01:03:16,793 --> 01:03:19,330
You two have really screwed up.
725
01:03:19,504 --> 01:03:22,371
I received word you allowed yourselves
to be photographed.
726
01:03:22,549 --> 01:03:25,382
And you let betelgeuse out
and didn't put him back.
727
01:03:25,552 --> 01:03:27,838
And you let otho
get hold of the handbook.
728
01:03:28,013 --> 01:03:29,298
The handbook? When?
729
01:03:30,307 --> 01:03:32,798
Never trust the living.
730
01:03:32,976 --> 01:03:35,638
We cannot have
a routine haunting like yours...
731
01:03:35,812 --> 01:03:39,896
Provide proof that there is existence
beyond death.
732
01:03:40,066 --> 01:03:43,433
- Coach. Coach, where's the men's room?
Football player: Yeah
733
01:03:43,611 --> 01:03:46,227
I'm not your coach. He survived.
734
01:03:46,406 --> 01:03:49,022
Football player:
Wait, coach, let me get something straight.
735
01:03:49,200 --> 01:03:52,067
- What's our curfew around here?
- Will you get out of here?
736
01:03:52,996 --> 01:03:55,237
Go on, get downstairs. "Men's room."
737
01:03:55,415 --> 01:03:57,906
Are you kidding? Can't you read signs?
738
01:03:58,335 --> 01:04:00,075
I'll be right back.
739
01:04:00,587 --> 01:04:02,623
Football player:
Come on. Get out of my way.
740
01:04:11,973 --> 01:04:14,214
Maybe this was all a bad idea.
741
01:04:14,392 --> 01:04:16,383
I didn't say anything.
742
01:04:18,355 --> 01:04:21,392
Oh, who are we kidding, Charles”
you've never had a bad idea.
743
01:04:21,566 --> 01:04:22,726
Yeah?
744
01:04:24,986 --> 01:04:27,147
Yeah, this could all work out.
745
01:04:28,782 --> 01:04:30,067
Home.
746
01:04:31,659 --> 01:04:32,774
Though...
747
01:04:33,536 --> 01:04:36,198
I'm not sure that this is
the right environment for Lydia.
748
01:04:36,373 --> 01:04:38,910
- Snakes. Ghosts.
- Shrimp.
749
01:04:40,126 --> 01:04:41,707
You family types.
750
01:04:41,878 --> 01:04:45,666
You've got other things to worry about.
Maxie Dean's coming up here tonight.
751
01:04:45,840 --> 01:04:49,628
You've got to figure out a way to sell
these ghosts. I can only do so much.
752
01:04:49,803 --> 01:04:52,920
What are you gonna do, otho?
Viciously rearrange their environment?
753
01:04:53,098 --> 01:04:57,432
I know just as much about the supernatural
as I do about interior design.
754
01:05:05,110 --> 01:05:06,646
"Am.
755
01:05:06,820 --> 01:05:08,526
Alone."
756
01:05:18,498 --> 01:05:20,363
"Am.
757
01:05:20,542 --> 01:05:22,282
Utterly...
758
01:05:22,460 --> 01:05:23,666
Alone.
759
01:05:25,130 --> 01:05:27,166
By the time...
760
01:05:28,508 --> 01:05:29,623
You read this...
761
01:05:30,760 --> 01:05:32,500
Will.
762
01:05:32,679 --> 01:05:34,510
Be gone...
763
01:05:35,515 --> 01:05:38,302
Having jumped...
764
01:05:39,561 --> 01:05:43,019
Having plummeted...
765
01:05:43,189 --> 01:05:45,100
Off
766
01:05:45,275 --> 01:05:49,769
the winter river bridge."
767
01:05:49,946 --> 01:05:52,608
So I don't care what it takes.
768
01:05:52,782 --> 01:05:55,444
You get the deetzes out of there now.
769
01:05:55,618 --> 01:05:58,860
Woman: Flight 409 arriving.
- Whoa, wait a minute.
770
01:05:59,456 --> 01:06:02,136
Woman: Flight 409 is arriving.
- What are you going to do?
771
01:06:02,709 --> 01:06:04,495
To scare them.
772
01:06:04,669 --> 01:06:07,456
I want to make sure
it's not some silly parlor trick.
773
01:06:08,756 --> 01:06:09,791
I'll go first, honey.
774
01:06:32,572 --> 01:06:35,735
Not bad. Not bad. Now you.
775
01:06:36,910 --> 01:06:38,241
(50 ahead.
776
01:06:51,966 --> 01:06:54,673
Okay, you look great.
777
01:06:54,844 --> 01:07:00,305
Now, go clean house and don't forget
the photographs and the damned handbook.
778
01:07:00,558 --> 01:07:03,220
Woman.
Please report to door number 9.
779
01:07:03,645 --> 01:07:07,229
All new arrivals,
report to waiting room number 8.
780
01:07:08,441 --> 01:07:11,353
Coach? Juno: What?
781
01:07:11,528 --> 01:07:13,894
I don't think we survived that crash.
782
01:07:14,322 --> 01:07:15,858
How did you guess”?
783
01:07:19,202 --> 01:07:21,113
Mr. and Mrs. maitland?
784
01:07:25,875 --> 01:07:27,490
Hello?
785
01:07:28,253 --> 01:07:31,120
- Where are you?
Betelgeuse: Dead.
786
01:07:31,798 --> 01:07:34,005
Dead, dead, deadski.
787
01:07:35,093 --> 01:07:37,049
Of course they're dead. They're ghosts.
788
01:07:37,220 --> 01:07:41,634
No, I mean they're gone. Split.
Out of here. Afterlife kids.
789
01:07:41,808 --> 01:07:45,141
- Deceased.
- Are you a ghost too?
790
01:07:46,062 --> 01:07:48,599
I'm the ghost with the most, babe.
791
01:07:50,942 --> 01:07:54,434
You know, you look like somebody
I can relate to.
792
01:07:55,488 --> 01:07:58,651
Maybe you could help me get out of here,
you know, because...
793
01:07:58,825 --> 01:08:01,487
I gotta tell you,
this, uh, death thing...
794
01:08:04,956 --> 01:08:06,116
It's just too creepy.
795
01:08:06,541 --> 01:08:08,327
See, here's my problem.
796
01:08:08,501 --> 01:08:11,413
I got these friends on the outside
that I said I'd meet.
797
01:08:11,588 --> 01:08:13,874
You know, I have to be there
in person, you know.
798
01:08:14,048 --> 01:08:17,336
So I was just wondering,
could you help me get out of here?
799
01:08:17,760 --> 01:08:18,795
I wanna get in.
800
01:08:20,638 --> 01:08:21,673
Why?
801
01:08:22,223 --> 01:08:23,258
Well, you know...
802
01:08:23,433 --> 01:08:26,971
Hey, you've probably got your reasons,
but I can't do anything from over here.
803
01:08:27,145 --> 01:08:31,855
If you could get me out, over there,
then maybe we could talk or something.
804
01:08:32,025 --> 01:08:35,688
But, you know, in order to do that
you've gotta say my name three times.
805
01:08:35,862 --> 01:08:37,727
What's your name?
806
01:08:37,905 --> 01:08:41,193
- Well, uh, I can't tell you.
- Why not?
807
01:08:41,367 --> 01:08:45,827
Because if I tell you, you'll tell your friends,
they're calling me on the horn all the time.
808
01:08:45,997 --> 01:08:49,706
I've gotta show up at shopping centers for
openings, sign autographs, shit like that.
809
01:08:49,876 --> 01:08:53,368
And it makes my life a hell, okay?
A living hell.
810
01:08:53,546 --> 01:08:58,210
But maybe if you have a pen, maybe
we can... I know. You ever play charades?
811
01:08:58,384 --> 01:09:00,170
- Yeah.
- Good. Good.
812
01:09:00,345 --> 01:09:01,960
Ahh, here we go then. Ready?
813
01:09:02,305 --> 01:09:05,797
- Um, two words.
- Right.
814
01:09:07,393 --> 01:09:09,759
First word, two syllables.
815
01:09:10,021 --> 01:09:11,807
I ook.
816
01:09:11,981 --> 01:09:14,222
You know, just turn around.
817
01:09:15,193 --> 01:09:16,899
I don't know what your signal means.
818
01:09:17,070 --> 01:09:18,856
Turn around and look behind you.
819
01:09:20,114 --> 01:09:21,729
Hi. How are you?
820
01:09:22,575 --> 01:09:25,317
- Beetle.
- Got it. Okay, now, two.
821
01:09:28,581 --> 01:09:30,913
Breakfast”? Orange”? Orange beetle?
822
01:09:31,084 --> 01:09:32,915
Beetle fruit?
823
01:09:33,586 --> 01:09:34,917
Beetle breakfast?
824
01:09:35,713 --> 01:09:37,078
Beetle drink?
825
01:09:37,924 --> 01:09:39,164
Beetle...
826
01:09:39,926 --> 01:09:41,541
Beetle juice?
827
01:09:41,719 --> 01:09:44,210
- Yes. That's it.
- Your name's betelgeuse?
828
01:09:44,389 --> 01:09:47,222
You said it twice.
Just say it once more. Come on.
829
01:09:47,392 --> 01:09:49,098
It was you, wasn't it?
830
01:09:49,268 --> 01:09:51,054
- Wha... 7? Me”?
- The snake.
831
01:09:51,229 --> 01:09:54,062
No, what snake?
You kids and your imagination.
832
01:09:54,232 --> 01:09:55,688
Just say it.
833
01:09:56,109 --> 01:09:57,394
No
834
01:09:58,444 --> 01:09:59,775
I want to talk to Barbara.
835
01:09:59,946 --> 01:10:03,438
No, you don't need to talk to Barbara.
Just say it.
836
01:10:06,953 --> 01:10:10,571
Oh, Adam, I can't go through with it.
I like that little girl.
837
01:10:10,748 --> 01:10:14,286
But, Barbara, honey, it's too late.
We have to go through with this.
838
01:10:14,460 --> 01:10:18,453
No, we don't.
I mean, can't we rebel or something?
839
01:10:21,134 --> 01:10:22,920
Barbara.
840
01:10:23,803 --> 01:10:26,089
Adam, I want to be with Lydia.
841
01:10:36,983 --> 01:10:39,565
Come on. Just say it.
842
01:10:40,486 --> 01:10:42,818
Adam: No!
Barbara: No! Lydia, don't say it.
843
01:10:42,989 --> 01:10:45,822
You. Say it.
844
01:10:45,992 --> 01:10:48,859
It's okay. It's okay. It's us.
What's going on?
845
01:10:49,996 --> 01:10:51,486
- Betel...
- Shh!
846
01:10:51,664 --> 01:10:55,407
He told me that if I let him out he would
take me to the other side to find you.
847
01:10:55,960 --> 01:10:58,793
No, Lydia, we're dead.
848
01:10:59,881 --> 01:11:02,873
- I wanna be dead too.
- No_
849
01:11:04,302 --> 01:11:05,917
Lydia...
850
01:11:10,516 --> 01:11:13,508
Being dead really doesn't
make things any easier.
851
01:11:13,978 --> 01:11:18,517
Listen to her on this, Lydia.
This is something we know a lot about.
852
01:11:18,691 --> 01:11:22,183
And you can come up here
and visit us anytime you want.
853
01:11:22,904 --> 01:11:26,237
I have a feeling things are going to be
7 little better around here from now on.
854
01:11:28,284 --> 01:11:29,945
What do you mean, better?
855
01:11:30,119 --> 01:11:34,909
Well, we've decided that we're going to
invite you and your family to stay.
856
01:11:35,708 --> 01:11:36,708
That's right, Lydia.
857
01:11:42,131 --> 01:11:45,544
Otho: Why can't we bring maxie up here?
- You've got a stake in this too.
858
01:11:45,718 --> 01:11:50,212
This is a presentation. It requires
a sense of occasion, a sense of style.
859
01:11:50,389 --> 01:11:52,880
- It's so big. How will we get it out?
- It's sectional
860
01:11:53,059 --> 01:11:54,674
- wait, there are plugs.
- Careful.
861
01:11:54,852 --> 01:11:56,308
Okay, go.
862
01:11:58,231 --> 01:12:01,223
- What's going on?
- I don't know. I'll go find out.
863
01:12:01,400 --> 01:12:03,231
Be careful
864
01:12:04,362 --> 01:12:06,569
we've got ed cornwall
to head the wax museum.
865
01:12:06,739 --> 01:12:10,857
Dedicated to 50 great moments of the
paranormal here in Thanksgiving park.
866
01:12:11,035 --> 01:12:13,697
Now, you must remember ed, maxie.
867
01:12:14,121 --> 01:12:18,455
He's the genius who gave us the talking
Marcel marceau statue it was a sensation.
868
01:12:19,168 --> 01:12:23,787
And d-con is on its knees
to sponsor the insect zoo...
869
01:12:23,965 --> 01:12:26,581
Here in the old hardware store.
870
01:12:26,759 --> 01:12:28,090
We can't lose.
871
01:12:34,308 --> 01:12:36,344
Lydia, you finally decided to join us.
872
01:12:36,519 --> 01:12:38,680
Honey, I just, uh, finished
the initial presentation.
873
01:12:38,855 --> 01:12:41,688
And now I think it's time
to have a stretch
874
01:12:41,858 --> 01:12:45,442
and to invite our friends
to meet your friends, okay?
875
01:12:46,445 --> 01:12:47,935
Are they here yet?
876
01:12:48,614 --> 01:12:51,856
Charles, we're here to see some ghosts.
877
01:12:52,827 --> 01:12:55,193
They're not here anymore.
878
01:12:59,417 --> 01:13:01,783
Every time she says that,
the paint peels...
879
01:13:01,961 --> 01:13:04,953
And, uh, some wild creature
tries to kill us.
880
01:13:06,507 --> 01:13:08,748
But we have these pictures, Lydia.
881
01:13:08,926 --> 01:13:11,963
No, really. They said they might come back
and we could all live here
882
01:13:12,138 --> 01:13:16,723
if you agreed not to tease them
or make them do stupid tricks.
883
01:13:17,602 --> 01:13:19,968
She has such a tendency to overreact.
884
01:13:20,146 --> 01:13:24,810
Don't worry, we're not relying on her.
We have otho.
885
01:13:27,153 --> 01:13:30,316
- Are they still here, otho?
- Otho, are they still here?
886
01:13:30,489 --> 01:13:34,152
Oh, they're still here.
They're just hiding out.
887
01:13:34,994 --> 01:13:36,905
Probably feel guilty
about what they did to me.
888
01:13:37,079 --> 01:13:38,694
They're sorry they didn't kill you.
889
01:13:38,873 --> 01:13:42,240
Well, I don't know from quilt.
I just wanna see them.
890
01:13:43,127 --> 01:13:44,867
Otho, can you do it?
891
01:13:45,046 --> 01:13:48,959
- It'll be tricky, but I think I can handle it.
- No_
892
01:13:53,095 --> 01:13:56,587
Wait. What am I worried about?
Otho, you can't even change a tire.
893
01:13:59,477 --> 01:14:02,310
I'll be needing
something personal of theirs.
894
01:14:02,480 --> 01:14:04,471
You'll have to go to the goodwill.
895
01:14:07,693 --> 01:14:08,853
Fxcuse me.
896
01:14:21,248 --> 01:14:23,079
The wedding clothes.
897
01:14:24,752 --> 01:14:26,117
The words:
898
01:14:34,428 --> 01:14:36,089
Hands vermilion
899
01:14:36,555 --> 01:14:38,841
start of five
900
01:14:39,016 --> 01:14:40,552
bright cotillion
901
01:14:41,644 --> 01:14:43,930
raven's dive
902
01:14:44,105 --> 01:14:45,720
nightshade's promise
903
01:14:46,482 --> 01:14:49,189
spirits strive
904
01:14:49,360 --> 01:14:54,605
to the living
I et now the dead come alive
905
01:15:07,503 --> 01:15:08,913
Barbara?
906
01:15:09,755 --> 01:15:10,870
Barbara?
907
01:15:11,048 --> 01:15:14,256
As sudden thunder pierces night
908
01:15:14,427 --> 01:15:17,214
as magic wonder mad affright
909
01:15:17,555 --> 01:15:20,592
rives asunder man's delight
910
01:15:20,766 --> 01:15:23,803
our ghost, our corpse
911
01:15:23,978 --> 01:15:25,764
and we rise fo be
912
01:15:29,025 --> 01:15:30,231
oh, no.
913
01:15:35,948 --> 01:15:37,108
Help.
914
01:15:37,283 --> 01:15:38,819
Barbara?
915
01:15:45,624 --> 01:15:47,364
Stop it. Shh!
916
01:15:48,294 --> 01:15:49,329
Lydia: No.
917
01:15:49,503 --> 01:15:51,243
Otho: As flies the lizard
918
01:15:51,422 --> 01:15:52,958
serpent fell
919
01:15:53,132 --> 01:15:56,624
as goblin vizard at the spell
920
01:15:56,802 --> 01:16:00,841
the buried, dead and slain rise again
921
01:16:32,713 --> 01:16:34,704
Barbara?
922
01:16:47,311 --> 01:16:48,517
What's happening to them?
923
01:16:49,980 --> 01:16:51,595
I don't know.
924
01:16:53,025 --> 01:16:54,060
They're dying.
925
01:16:54,235 --> 01:16:57,147
No, they're not. They're already dead.
They can't feel a thing.
926
01:16:58,239 --> 01:17:01,276
- That's not true. Look at them.
Charles: All right, that's enough now.
927
01:17:01,659 --> 01:17:03,445
Can you stop this?
928
01:17:04,537 --> 01:17:05,617
Otho.
929
01:17:05,788 --> 01:17:08,120
It's too late, Charles. I'm sorry.
930
01:17:15,464 --> 01:17:19,332
Where are you? Help them, please.
931
01:17:22,138 --> 01:17:25,551
Sure, I can help them.
But you've gotta help me.
932
01:17:25,724 --> 01:17:28,682
- What?
- Look, I'm what you call an illegal alien.
933
01:17:29,019 --> 01:17:33,228
I want out for good. In order for me
to do that, hey, I gotta get married.
934
01:17:34,191 --> 01:17:37,934
Hey, these aren't my rules. Come to
think of it, I don't have any rules.
935
01:17:39,864 --> 01:17:41,229
Come on. Come on.
936
01:17:41,407 --> 01:17:45,070
Think of it as a marriage of inconvenience.
Okay? We both get something. I get out.
937
01:17:45,244 --> 01:17:48,657
You get to say you're hitched with
the most eligible bachelor since Valentino.
938
01:17:48,831 --> 01:17:52,164
- We're even, babe.
- Okay, just help them.
939
01:17:54,420 --> 01:17:55,956
Sure.
940
01:18:06,265 --> 01:18:07,265
Betelgeuse.
941
01:18:09,226 --> 01:18:10,386
Betelgeuse.
942
01:18:14,023 --> 01:18:15,058
Betelgeuse.
943
01:18:15,941 --> 01:18:17,522
It's showtime.
944
01:18:35,419 --> 01:18:37,250
Attention, kmart shoppers.
945
01:18:48,224 --> 01:18:53,093
Well, I'm back. I feel real good about
myself. You know what I mean? So...
946
01:18:53,270 --> 01:18:54,931
Without further delay...
947
01:18:56,315 --> 01:19:00,649
Welcome to winter river
museum of natural greed.
948
01:19:00,819 --> 01:19:02,730
A monument to the bored businessman.
949
01:19:02,905 --> 01:19:07,069
Come on, a little closer.
Step right up. Test your strength.
950
01:19:28,806 --> 01:19:30,342
Betelgeuse: Thank you.
951
01:19:30,516 --> 01:19:32,006
Thank you.
952
01:19:33,602 --> 01:19:37,345
That is why I won't do
two shows a night anymore, babe.
953
01:19:37,523 --> 01:19:39,013
I won't I won't do them.
954
01:19:39,191 --> 01:19:43,309
Well, what have we
got here tonight, kids?
955
01:19:44,947 --> 01:19:47,233
Well, we've got the, uh, maitlands.
956
01:19:47,408 --> 01:19:50,195
I think they've had enough exercise
for tonight.
957
01:19:57,459 --> 01:20:00,417
Not so fast, round boy.
We're gonna have some laughs.
958
01:20:04,216 --> 01:20:05,706
Otho.
959
01:20:16,562 --> 01:20:18,518
Come on, come on, come on.
960
01:20:18,939 --> 01:20:20,270
Yeah.
961
01:20:21,233 --> 01:20:22,973
Mom, dad:
962
01:20:25,362 --> 01:20:28,195
I just want you two to know
you're welcome in our house...
963
01:20:28,365 --> 01:20:30,572
Anytime you want to come over.
964
01:20:30,743 --> 01:20:34,406
In the meantime,
the dowry's on me, dad.
965
01:20:36,915 --> 01:20:39,702
Well, the maitlands are taken care of.
966
01:20:39,877 --> 01:20:43,040
Everything seems to be
pretty much back to normal, I think.
967
01:20:47,760 --> 01:20:49,045
Shall we?
968
01:20:59,146 --> 01:21:01,728
Called the caterer. He's got a great band.
969
01:21:01,899 --> 01:21:05,141
We're gonna need witnesses. Would you?
970
01:21:55,119 --> 01:21:57,155
Come on. Let's go.
Let's get on with the ceremony.
971
01:21:57,329 --> 01:21:58,910
Do you, betel...
972
01:21:59,081 --> 01:22:00,321
Aah! Uh-uh!
973
01:22:00,499 --> 01:22:04,583
- Nobody says the "b" word. Come on.
Preacher: Do you take this woman...
974
01:22:04,753 --> 01:22:07,210
To be your wedded wife?
975
01:22:07,381 --> 01:22:09,997
Oh, jeez, I don't know.
I mean, it's kind of a big decision.
976
01:22:10,175 --> 01:22:14,043
I always said if I ever did it,
I was gonna do it once and that was it.
977
01:22:15,264 --> 01:22:16,595
Sure. Yeah go ahead.
978
01:22:16,765 --> 01:22:19,802
And you, do you, Lydia, take this man...
979
01:22:19,977 --> 01:22:21,183
No betel...
980
01:22:22,938 --> 01:22:26,430
She's a little bit nervous.
Uh, maybe I should answer for her, okay?
981
01:22:26,608 --> 01:22:28,769
I'm Lydia and I'm of sound mind.
982
01:22:28,944 --> 01:22:32,152
The man next to me is the one I want.
You asked me. I'm answering.
983
01:22:32,322 --> 01:22:34,654
Yes, I love that man of mine.
984
01:22:34,825 --> 01:22:36,905
- Come on.
Preacher: Then by the...
985
01:22:37,035 --> 01:22:38,866
Betel...
986
01:22:40,456 --> 01:22:42,617
Come on. Come on.
987
01:22:42,833 --> 01:22:44,243
Betelgeu...
988
01:22:45,294 --> 01:22:47,876
Hey. Hey. Hey.
989
01:22:49,882 --> 01:22:51,122
Scram.
990
01:22:52,926 --> 01:22:54,166
Come on.
991
01:22:56,054 --> 01:22:57,885
Take a hike.
992
01:23:00,684 --> 01:23:03,391
Preacher:
May we continue with the ceremony?
993
01:23:05,189 --> 01:23:07,225
- Then by...
- Betelgeuse.
994
01:23:11,904 --> 01:23:14,941
- Betelgeuse.
- Oh, gee.
995
01:23:17,326 --> 01:23:18,566
Strike.
996
01:23:21,747 --> 01:23:23,237
Come on, let's get rolling now, rev.
997
01:23:23,415 --> 01:23:26,407
Then by the authority vested in me...
998
01:23:26,585 --> 01:23:29,247
- The ring, please.
- The ring. Oh, no.
999
01:23:32,508 --> 01:23:34,590
Jewelry store. Here.
1000
01:23:34,760 --> 01:23:35,920
That's not it.
1001
01:23:37,429 --> 01:23:39,294
You know I got it, honey.
1002
01:23:55,072 --> 01:23:57,688
Here it is. Here you go.
1003
01:23:57,866 --> 01:24:01,700
I'm telling you, honey, she meant
nothing to me. Nothing at all.
1004
01:24:07,376 --> 01:24:09,583
- I now pronounce you...
- Yeah, yeah, come on.
1005
01:24:11,338 --> 01:24:12,794
Man and...
1006
01:24:12,965 --> 01:24:14,626
Ow!
1007
01:25:01,179 --> 01:25:03,670
Girl: Bye. Lydia: Bye.
1008
01:25:03,849 --> 01:25:05,680
Bye.
1009
01:25:05,851 --> 01:25:07,967
- Bye, you guys.
- Bye.
1010
01:25:12,316 --> 01:25:15,854
- What time is it, honey?
- It's about 3:30, I guess.
1011
01:25:16,028 --> 01:25:17,814
Give or take a year.
1012
01:25:20,240 --> 01:25:21,355
Hello?
1013
01:25:24,786 --> 01:25:26,151
Well?
1014
01:25:26,830 --> 01:25:27,865
Did you get the paints?
1015
01:25:28,040 --> 01:25:31,703
Yes. And I took pictures
of the new town hall for you too.
1016
01:25:31,877 --> 01:25:33,557
Barbara:
How'd you do on that science test?
1017
01:25:33,712 --> 01:25:36,624
It was gross.
They wanted me to dissect a frog.
1018
01:25:36,798 --> 01:25:40,336
I told them no way. I said it was
against my religion. So I got a c.
1019
01:25:41,094 --> 01:25:42,334
And how about the math test?
1020
01:25:43,972 --> 01:25:48,215
You have got to be kidding me. We spent
the whole week studying for that test.
1021
01:25:48,393 --> 01:25:50,054
I got an a.
1022
01:25:50,228 --> 01:25:52,184
So can I?
1023
01:25:52,731 --> 01:25:55,894
Well, I don't know.
Got a c on the science test.
1024
01:25:56,902 --> 01:25:59,484
Adam, don't tease her.
You never got on a in science...
1025
01:26:04,701 --> 01:26:05,907
Come on.
1026
01:26:07,496 --> 01:26:09,202
Well
1027
01:26:10,082 --> 01:26:11,367
I suppose.
1028
01:26:27,307 --> 01:26:29,798
This thing reads like stereo instructions.
1029
01:26:29,976 --> 01:26:33,093
Sounds like Lydia got an a
on the math test jeez!
1030
01:26:35,107 --> 01:26:36,938
He likes it.
1031
01:27:14,855 --> 01:27:16,186
Hey!
1032
01:27:17,190 --> 01:27:19,522
Sorry. Didn't see you sitting there.
1033
01:27:22,112 --> 01:27:23,648
Women.
1034
01:27:23,822 --> 01:27:26,188
I don't know what her problem is.
1035
01:27:26,992 --> 01:27:28,402
Normally, chicks...
1036
01:27:43,049 --> 01:27:45,131
Pardon me. Did you do that?
1037
01:27:45,677 --> 01:27:48,840
That's very nice work. Let me ask,
how do you get them so sm...?
1038
01:27:49,014 --> 01:27:50,925
Hey, there goes Elvis. Yo, king.
1039
01:27:53,393 --> 01:27:56,977
Well, looks like I'm next.
1040
01:27:57,939 --> 01:28:03,354
Good thing too. I gotta do a photo shoot
for gq in about an hour and a half.
1041
01:28:03,528 --> 01:28:07,362
They've been after me for months. Doing some
kind of underwear deal, I don't know...
1042
01:28:08,950 --> 01:28:11,862
Hey, what are you doing? Stop it.
You're messing up my hair.
1043
01:28:12,037 --> 01:28:14,870
Come on! Whoa! Whoa! Stop it!
1044
01:28:15,040 --> 01:28:17,622
Whoal
1045
01:28:17,793 --> 01:28:20,535
hey, this might be a good look for me.
79026
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