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Previously on The L Word: Generation Q
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[PULSING, ENERGETIC MUSIC]
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[DANI] How'd it go with Nat?
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Did she give us permission
to live together?
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She didn't say no.
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She just said she wants
to know you better.
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- Are you dating me or her?
- Oh, my. Daniela...
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I think I'm gonna go back to school.
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[SOPHIE] I mean, wow, that's incredible.
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[ANGIE] Are you breaking up with me?
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Worst first night of college ever.
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[KAYLA] I mean, you're
single and in L.A.
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Ooh.
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This could be, like, my ho phase.
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[SHANE] You and me, let's
open that second bar.
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I'll do anything with you.
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- Oh, no. You've got the itch.
- What itch?
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[ALICE] Things get too real,
you get restless,
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- and then you start to, like, wiggle.
- Please. I don't wiggle.
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I need to go.
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- [ALICE AND BETTE] Yes.
- [BETTE] I need to go! Oh, my God.
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[TINA] You're... you're
not thinking clearly.
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You love it here.
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- You love your friends and your job.
- [BETTE] That's true.
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That's all true, but I love you more.
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Please, may I come with you?
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No, they just have
something real, you know.
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That would be nice.
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[DANIELA] I'm sorry for reacting
the way I did earlier.
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- I love you.
- _
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♪ I don't find trouble, yeah ♪
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♪ Trouble finds me ♪
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[SIRENS WAILING]
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[HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING]
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[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]
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You look good,
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but we should bring
you in for observation.
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[GIGI] Okay. Thank you so much.
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[PARAMEDIC] White female, conscious,
presenting with head injuries...
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- Hi.
- Hey, you.
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[GENTLE MUSIC]
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- Whoa.
- That's my face.
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- Sorry.
- Mm.
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I think I might have just
pressed glass into your skin.
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You've always been good in crisis.
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- Yeah.
- [PARAMEDIC] Sorry, ma'am.
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[DANI] Hey, I'm looking
for my girlfriend.
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- [PARAMEDIC] Yeah, she's there.
- [DANI] Oh, thank you.
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Hey.
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Hey, I got here as fast as I could.
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Great.
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Oh, my God.
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- Are you okay?
- I am okay.
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[NAT] I'll just wait outside.
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- Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
- Sorry.
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I'll be right back, okay?
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Nat?
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[DANI SIGHS]
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Uh, thank you for getting here
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- as fast as you did.
- Oh.
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Yeah, I'm her emergency contact,
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so I had a head start.
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Oh, well, that's...
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Which we should change, you know?
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- It should be you.
- Right.
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- [PARAMEDIC] Only one of you can ride.
- Oh, that-that's me.
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Yeah.
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[NAT] Well, call me
if you need anything.
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I'll be around.
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["TROUBLE'S COMIN'" BY RAYELLE]
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♪ It's going down, down, down ♪
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♪ You can feel it all
around, round, round ♪
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♪ Ain't no way to
stop it now, now, now ♪
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♪ Better start running ♪
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♪ Running, running ♪
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[STAGE BELL RINGING]
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[ALICE] Can you believe
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they let me make this
show a hundred times?
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Yes. It's gonna be a great show.
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Oh, my God, the dating show segment?
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- Yeah.
- Genius.
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Thank you. The flowers look great.
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And all the contestants
have been vetted, right?
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- Yes.
- Okay, 'cause I'm looking for the one.
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Right. No cults, no
mixed martial arts and...
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[ASSISTANT] What do you think?
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- Yes.
- [ASSISTANT] You got it.
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No improvisers of any kind.
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Yeah, that last one's very important.
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- [SIGHS]
- What if this really works?
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I mean, what if I find my person?
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- Oh, my God! Yeah.
- Wouldn't it be amazing?
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- Soso and Allyce?
- That's us.
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I'm sorry if I'm butchering those.
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My coworker Kim here got bit
by a pig at her family reunion
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and her thumb hasn't been the same.
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- Oh, sorry about your thumb.
- [KIM] Thanks.
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- Right, well, I'll see you out there.
- Okay.
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Oh.
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- Oh! You. Alice.
- Uh, yeah, that's me. [CHUCKLES]
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[TAYLOR] Yeah, I mean,
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I guess I shouldn't be
surprised given where I am,
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I mean, physically...
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- Oh, in the...
- Here. Yeah.
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- Yeah. Lines up.
- Yeah.
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'Cause the show's called Alice...
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Hang on.
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I can add a little
something special here.
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Kim usually does the latte art,
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but I'll give it my best shot.
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Ta-da.
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- Oh, you made a, um...
- I can do a heart,
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but that just felt a little obvious,
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so I went with chaos.
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Or a little modern art.
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[CHUCKLING] It was nice to meet you.
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- Yeah, you, too.
- Good luck on the show.
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Oh, are you gonna stay and watch?
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[TAYLOR] No, no, no, no.
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Um, I'll have to
over-analyze this conversation
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- for like two hours, so...
- Why? It's going so well.
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- [LAUGHS]
- No, you should stay and watch.
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It's-it's nice to have
real fans in the audience
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and not just confused tourists who think
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they're here to see Ellen.
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- [CHUCKLING] Sold.
- Okay, great.
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[SLOW, WISTFUL MUSIC]
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_
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_
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[DOOR OPENS]
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[DOOR CLOSES]
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- Hey.
- Hey.
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Going to the new bar.
Want to break some shit?
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00:05:17,051 --> 00:05:18,882
- Uh... yeah.
- Yeah?
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00:05:18,907 --> 00:05:20,969
That actually sounds
like a dream come true.
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- [SHANE] Let's go.
- [FINLEY] Holy shit.
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- [SHANE] Let's have some fun.
- ["PONY" BY GINUWINE]
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♪ I'm just a bachelor ♪
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♪ I'm looking for a partner ♪
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♪ Someone who knows how to ride ♪
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♪ Without even falling off ♪
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♪ Got to be compatible ♪
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♪ Takes me to my limits ♪
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♪ Girl, when I break you off ♪
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♪ I promise that you won't wanna get off ♪
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♪ If you're horny ♪
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♪ Let's do it, ride it, my pony ♪
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♪ My saddle's waiting ♪
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♪ Come and jump on it ♪
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00:06:07,922 --> 00:06:10,350
♪ If you're horny, let's do it ♪
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♪ Ride it, my pony ♪
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♪ My saddle's waiting ♪
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♪ Come and jump on it ♪
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[GRUNTING]
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Hey.
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[PANTING]
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You think I'd be, like, good at school?
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[PANTING] What?
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You know, like, college.
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I don't know. Were you any good before?
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- No, not really.
- [DOOR OPENS]
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Yes, I love that place.
I'll meet you there. Um...
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Sorry, can you hold on just one second.
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Um, hi. What the hell do the
two of you think you're doing?
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We don't start demo until tomorrow.
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[SHANE] I know. I know, I know, I know,
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but we got a head start, and
look how much we got done.
168
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I mean, check that out.
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00:07:01,468 --> 00:07:03,779
Come on. Come on, have a whack.
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It's a maj stress
reliever. Have a whack.
171
00:07:06,348 --> 00:07:08,576
No, Finley, I don't
want to give it a whack.
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All right. Your loss.
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Oh, shit! Fuck!
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Okay.
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- I'm gonna stop the water.
- I got it! I got it!
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Finley, go around the corner.
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It's not a big deal, Tess.
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- Truly. Just calm down.
- You there?
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Yeah, actually, can you meet me here?
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Great, I'm gonna text
you the address right now.
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Okay, bye.
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This is exactly why
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you should not be
fucking around in here.
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- It's just...
- [TESS] I have got so much
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on my plate already and now, this.
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- Tess, it's just an accident.
- You're gonna have to tell Alice
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that I can't make it tonight
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because I'm gonna be here
waiting for a plumber.
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00:07:41,174 --> 00:07:42,443
[SHANE] Why? No, no, no.
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I can help with that.
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Your help is how this happened.
So thanks, but no thanks.
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[SHANE SIGHS]
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[PANTING] All right, then.
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I should just stay out of your way then.
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Hmm?
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00:07:57,813 --> 00:08:00,253
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I will.
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00:08:02,372 --> 00:08:04,016
[SIGHS] Oh, my God.
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00:08:04,197 --> 00:08:05,657
[SLOW, TRANQUIL MUSIC]
199
00:08:05,699 --> 00:08:08,127
[SOPHIE] Did you get
the chocolate fountain?
200
00:08:08,213 --> 00:08:11,288
[DANI] Yup. Whatever Alice
wants, I'll make it happen.
201
00:08:11,371 --> 00:08:12,640
It's her show. [CHUCKLES]
202
00:08:12,664 --> 00:08:14,642
- Oh, yeah.
- Okay, leaving now.
203
00:08:14,666 --> 00:08:17,085
- All right, see you there.
- Bye.
204
00:08:17,961 --> 00:08:19,171
Hi and bye.
205
00:08:19,412 --> 00:08:21,965
Have you seen my other
earring? Is it in the bathroom?
206
00:08:22,007 --> 00:08:23,550
I didn't see it.
207
00:08:23,633 --> 00:08:26,386
Mm. I'm sorry. [KISSES]
208
00:08:26,469 --> 00:08:27,572
Just borrow a pair of mine.
209
00:08:28,517 --> 00:08:30,348
Your car's gonna be here at 3:00.
210
00:08:30,373 --> 00:08:32,535
He's usually a little early, so...
211
00:08:32,559 --> 00:08:35,061
- [GIGI] Okay.
- [KNOCK ON DOOR]
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00:08:35,106 --> 00:08:36,274
Not that early.
213
00:08:36,708 --> 00:08:38,541
Oh, it's...
214
00:08:39,309 --> 00:08:40,102
Nat.
215
00:08:40,127 --> 00:08:42,697
- Hi.
- Hi.
216
00:08:43,171 --> 00:08:44,923
Um...
217
00:08:45,530 --> 00:08:47,800
Sorry, what are you...
what are you doing here?
218
00:08:47,824 --> 00:08:51,199
Oh, hi. Uh, Gigi just called me.
219
00:08:51,224 --> 00:08:52,095
Oh.
220
00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:55,683
I can't get ready on my own,
and I didn't want you to be late.
221
00:08:55,707 --> 00:08:57,310
Yeah. [CHUCKLES]
222
00:08:57,334 --> 00:08:58,585
Happy to help.
223
00:08:58,627 --> 00:08:59,770
- Right.
- Yeah.
224
00:08:59,794 --> 00:09:02,297
No. Sure, that's great.
225
00:09:02,322 --> 00:09:03,239
[CHUCKLES]
226
00:09:03,264 --> 00:09:05,162
Yeah. Um, I will...
227
00:09:05,187 --> 00:09:06,898
see you... both
228
00:09:07,302 --> 00:09:09,400
- at Alice's show later then?
- [NAT] Oh, yeah.
229
00:09:09,425 --> 00:09:10,444
I will be there.
230
00:09:10,485 --> 00:09:12,574
Margaret Cho is on my bucket list.
231
00:09:12,599 --> 00:09:14,702
- [CHUCKLES] Not to...
- Great.
232
00:09:14,726 --> 00:09:16,186
Fuck, just meet.
233
00:09:16,211 --> 00:09:18,755
- Sure. Right. Um...
- [CHUCKLES]
234
00:09:18,780 --> 00:09:21,265
- All right. I love you.
- Love you.
235
00:09:21,483 --> 00:09:22,984
Bye!
236
00:09:24,277 --> 00:09:25,070
[DOOR OPENS]
237
00:09:25,095 --> 00:09:26,338
- Hi!
- Hi.
238
00:09:26,363 --> 00:09:27,798
- How are you doing?
- [DOOR CLOSES]
239
00:09:27,822 --> 00:09:29,449
Uh, I feel like shit.
240
00:09:29,532 --> 00:09:31,969
- [CHUCKLES]
- But I'm on a lot of drugs.
241
00:09:31,993 --> 00:09:33,262
- Nice.
- No, I'm good.
242
00:09:33,286 --> 00:09:36,081
Honestly... [STAMMERS]
I've had five days off.
243
00:09:36,122 --> 00:09:38,392
I can't remember the last
time I had five days off.
244
00:09:38,416 --> 00:09:41,286
Oh. Well, I actually do remember.
245
00:09:41,311 --> 00:09:45,123
Yeah, it was when you got hand,
foot and mouth from the kids,
246
00:09:45,148 --> 00:09:49,319
and I don't think you went out
in public for, like, a week.
247
00:09:49,344 --> 00:09:50,345
Okay, fine.
248
00:09:50,428 --> 00:09:53,014
Last time was when I
had hand, foot and mouth.
249
00:09:53,039 --> 00:09:54,365
Yeah.
250
00:09:58,937 --> 00:10:00,419
Do you want to talk about...
251
00:10:01,815 --> 00:10:03,965
what happened the other night?
252
00:10:06,236 --> 00:10:07,237
No.
253
00:10:07,654 --> 00:10:10,501
- [LAUGHING]
- All right. [CHUCKLES]
254
00:10:10,526 --> 00:10:12,926
I mean, honestly, it was...
255
00:10:13,176 --> 00:10:14,494
it was nothing.
256
00:10:14,577 --> 00:10:16,097
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
257
00:10:16,121 --> 00:10:18,498
- Right?
- Mm. Yes.
258
00:10:18,523 --> 00:10:20,650
[SLOW, SOMBER MUSIC]
259
00:10:22,085 --> 00:10:24,563
Yeah, no, no. It's-it's
good, Mom, I swear.
260
00:10:24,587 --> 00:10:27,632
Jordi's just... having
trouble with boundaries
261
00:10:27,657 --> 00:10:29,367
and, like, texting me a lot.
262
00:10:29,392 --> 00:10:31,144
But I'm fine, you know?
263
00:10:31,303 --> 00:10:33,364
I'm-I'm excited for class, you know?
264
00:10:33,388 --> 00:10:35,056
I feel like it's, um...
265
00:10:35,081 --> 00:10:36,916
a fresh start, you know?
266
00:10:36,941 --> 00:10:38,567
Okay. I love you.
267
00:10:38,685 --> 00:10:41,354
Yes. Yes, yes, it's on my keychain.
268
00:10:41,396 --> 00:10:43,606
Okay. I love you. Bye.
269
00:10:44,232 --> 00:10:46,609
[SOFT CHATTER]
270
00:10:48,052 --> 00:10:52,198
Hey, y'all! Um, my
name is Samuel Hendrix.
271
00:10:52,223 --> 00:10:53,591
I am your professor.
272
00:10:53,616 --> 00:10:57,548
We're gonna investigate our
own individual creativity, 'kay?
273
00:10:57,573 --> 00:10:59,347
Um, I am a poet,
274
00:10:59,372 --> 00:11:01,892
a songwriter, a lousy piano player
275
00:11:01,916 --> 00:11:03,060
and I wrote a book once.
276
00:11:03,084 --> 00:11:04,461
That therefore qualifies me
277
00:11:04,486 --> 00:11:07,458
to be your Introduction to
Creative Writing instructor.
278
00:11:07,922 --> 00:11:10,151
- Welcome, y'all.
- [CHUCKLING]
279
00:11:10,175 --> 00:11:12,153
- Okay...
- [WHISPERS] Fuck me.
280
00:11:12,177 --> 00:11:15,722
So... we're gonna...
281
00:11:15,764 --> 00:11:18,058
we're gonna jump right in.
282
00:11:18,083 --> 00:11:20,201
- Hey!
- Hey!
283
00:11:20,226 --> 00:11:22,075
- Happy 100th.
- [GASPS]
284
00:11:22,100 --> 00:11:23,563
The chart.
285
00:11:23,646 --> 00:11:24,999
- Right?
- Oh!
286
00:11:25,023 --> 00:11:26,399
God, where it all began.
287
00:11:26,441 --> 00:11:28,127
Just a reminder of
your humble beginnings.
288
00:11:28,151 --> 00:11:29,391
I love it. Let's hang it.
289
00:11:29,444 --> 00:11:30,755
Take that down. I can't
stand this picture.
290
00:11:30,779 --> 00:11:32,006
I did your hair for that.
291
00:11:32,030 --> 00:11:34,028
Well, I like my hair. I just...
292
00:11:34,991 --> 00:11:36,618
This is better.
293
00:11:36,948 --> 00:11:39,180
- [SHANE] Right?
- [ALICE] Love it!
294
00:11:39,204 --> 00:11:41,307
- Ugh. Oh...
- Do you still talk to her?
295
00:11:41,331 --> 00:11:43,429
- No. No, no.
- She was really cute.
296
00:11:43,454 --> 00:11:44,685
Um, Bette and Tina got me
297
00:11:44,709 --> 00:11:45,978
- those flowers.
- That's nice.
298
00:11:46,002 --> 00:11:47,355
- Pretty.
- Glad they're making it work.
299
00:11:47,379 --> 00:11:49,273
Mm. Tom got me a basket of Bic pens.
300
00:11:49,297 --> 00:11:52,359
- That's odd.
- Well, you know, I turned down
301
00:11:52,384 --> 00:11:53,694
- the marriage proposal.
- Right.
302
00:11:53,718 --> 00:11:55,363
But he's still able to be a good friend.
303
00:11:55,675 --> 00:11:57,347
Or he's still hoping.
304
00:11:57,372 --> 00:11:58,206
[SIGHS]
305
00:11:58,231 --> 00:11:59,492
Honestly, either way is fine.
306
00:11:59,516 --> 00:12:00,636
Is this for me, too?
307
00:12:00,683 --> 00:12:02,119
- What? Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
- This one.
308
00:12:02,143 --> 00:12:03,954
That's just my old hair products.
309
00:12:03,978 --> 00:12:05,247
Oh. Yeah, I don't want that.
310
00:12:05,271 --> 00:12:07,107
I know you don't, but Ivy does.
311
00:12:07,190 --> 00:12:09,792
And I figured I'd give 'em to her, so...
312
00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:11,064
Okay.
313
00:12:11,089 --> 00:12:12,442
Do you know where I can find her?
314
00:12:12,562 --> 00:12:14,632
- Yeah. Over here.
- [CLEARS THROAT]
315
00:12:14,656 --> 00:12:16,967
You two really hit it
off the other night.
316
00:12:16,991 --> 00:12:18,995
- No, it was just work.
- Mm.
317
00:12:19,020 --> 00:12:20,480
Where's Tess?
318
00:12:20,745 --> 00:12:23,832
Unfortunately, she's
not able to make it.
319
00:12:24,332 --> 00:12:26,022
So she wanted me to send you her love.
320
00:12:26,292 --> 00:12:28,878
- Well, I'm sorry she's gonna miss it.
- Me, too.
321
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:30,755
Oh. Real quick...
322
00:12:30,839 --> 00:12:33,275
Don't sit in the front.
I don't want to give too much away,
323
00:12:33,299 --> 00:12:35,152
but there is a
lube slip-and-slide.
324
00:12:35,176 --> 00:12:36,362
It might get a little messy.
325
00:12:36,386 --> 00:12:38,866
How do you come up with this shit?
326
00:12:39,030 --> 00:12:41,182
Okay, so, VIPs are gonna hang
327
00:12:41,207 --> 00:12:42,517
- in the Alice lounge.
- Huh.
328
00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:44,537
I got this queer
winemaker to sponsor it.
329
00:12:44,561 --> 00:12:46,622
Um, the list is getting
pretty long though,
330
00:12:46,646 --> 00:12:48,707
so I'm thinking we do
overflow in the greenroom.
331
00:12:48,731 --> 00:12:50,400
All right, that sounds... good.
332
00:12:50,425 --> 00:12:51,485
I mean, that'll work.
333
00:12:51,510 --> 00:12:54,030
- Um...
- Oh, hey, how's Gigi?
334
00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:56,781
Uh, you know, ribs take a while to heal.
335
00:12:56,823 --> 00:12:58,050
But other than that, she's fine.
336
00:12:58,074 --> 00:13:00,554
Okay. Well, hey, um... [CLICKS TONGUE]
337
00:13:00,618 --> 00:13:03,694
when's she's feeling better, why
don't you guys come over for dinner?
338
00:13:03,719 --> 00:13:07,083
- With me and Finley.
- Uh... M-Maybe.
339
00:13:07,125 --> 00:13:09,753
- Ouch.
- I said maybe.
340
00:13:09,778 --> 00:13:11,564
- Come on.
- [SCOFFS]
341
00:13:11,588 --> 00:13:13,482
- This bitch.
- ♪ Didn't see that coming ♪
342
00:13:13,506 --> 00:13:15,925
♪ Didn't see that coming ♪
343
00:13:15,967 --> 00:13:18,647
There's also, I think,
like, a pipe or something
344
00:13:18,678 --> 00:13:20,354
- rattling in the ceiling.
- Okay.
345
00:13:20,379 --> 00:13:21,294
Could be animals.
346
00:13:21,556 --> 00:13:23,409
- Rats.
- [FINLEY] Uh-oh.
347
00:13:23,433 --> 00:13:24,726
I stopped feeding 'em.
348
00:13:24,767 --> 00:13:26,203
Okay, I'm gonna check everything out.
349
00:13:26,227 --> 00:13:28,956
Okay, great. Thank you. If you
need anything from me, just come
350
00:13:28,980 --> 00:13:30,124
and find me. I'll be here all day.
351
00:13:30,148 --> 00:13:31,333
- Sounds great.
- 'Kay.
352
00:13:31,357 --> 00:13:33,890
Tess, please don't stay here.
353
00:13:34,152 --> 00:13:36,093
I'm the one that broke the pipe.
354
00:13:36,118 --> 00:13:37,343
I know, but...
355
00:13:37,368 --> 00:13:39,300
Listen, you shouldn't have
to stay with the plumber.
356
00:13:39,324 --> 00:13:41,159
I-I want to. Really. Please?
357
00:13:41,242 --> 00:13:45,092
[STAMMERS] No, it's fine. My
sponsee's already on the way and...
358
00:13:45,121 --> 00:13:46,807
I got the highlighter. I got the book.
359
00:13:46,831 --> 00:13:48,809
- I know the AA deal.
- [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
360
00:13:48,833 --> 00:13:51,972
- I can't ask you to do that.
- No, you're not asking.
361
00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:54,431
Please? I want to.
362
00:13:54,456 --> 00:13:57,000
Let me make this right.
Come on. Go be with Shane.
363
00:13:59,468 --> 00:14:03,262
I was... way harsh on her earlier.
364
00:14:03,389 --> 00:14:06,017
[SOFT, SOMBER MUSIC]
365
00:14:08,937 --> 00:14:10,980
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
366
00:14:11,022 --> 00:14:12,958
[HENDRIX] Next week's gonna
be a deep dive into structure,
367
00:14:12,990 --> 00:14:14,158
so be ready for that.
368
00:14:14,183 --> 00:14:16,002
Also, if you want to
hear some great writing,
369
00:14:16,027 --> 00:14:18,589
my buddy is doing a reading
at the campus bookstore.
370
00:14:18,613 --> 00:14:20,633
Hi, excuse me. Will you
just wait one second?
371
00:14:20,657 --> 00:14:22,151
- Yeah.
- Um, yeah, that's it.
372
00:14:22,176 --> 00:14:23,493
Um, hi.
373
00:14:24,157 --> 00:14:26,798
Uh, I have a quick question for you.
374
00:14:27,564 --> 00:14:29,667
[QUIETLY] Um...
375
00:14:29,692 --> 00:14:31,505
it is you, right?
376
00:14:32,814 --> 00:14:35,755
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I
knew it was you. [LAUGHS]
377
00:14:35,797 --> 00:14:38,800
[LAUGHS] Hi! Um, yes, I just...
378
00:14:38,841 --> 00:14:41,821
I wanted to say I'm sorry about...
379
00:14:42,486 --> 00:14:45,581
like, kissing you the other night.
380
00:14:45,606 --> 00:14:50,103
Um, just please know that
won't, like, ever happen again.
381
00:14:50,144 --> 00:14:52,206
I had just broken up
with my first girlfriend
382
00:14:52,230 --> 00:14:54,416
who I was in love with,
and my moms are, like,
383
00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:56,085
getting back together, which
is, like, a whole thing.
384
00:14:56,109 --> 00:14:58,649
And it's my... It's my
first week of college.
385
00:14:59,263 --> 00:15:00,822
Anyway, I just want you to know
386
00:15:00,863 --> 00:15:04,200
if-if you want me to, like,
drop your class, I totally will.
387
00:15:05,810 --> 00:15:07,565
I'm happy you're in my class.
388
00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:11,661
Okay.
389
00:15:12,143 --> 00:15:13,561
Okay. Great.
390
00:15:13,644 --> 00:15:17,111
- I'll see you next week?
- See ya.
391
00:15:17,505 --> 00:15:20,633
[LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC]
392
00:15:28,933 --> 00:15:29,767
[CHUCKLES]
393
00:15:29,809 --> 00:15:31,203
[STAGE MANAGER] Give Alice five.
394
00:15:31,227 --> 00:15:32,871
[ASSISTANT] I thought
you gave Wardrobe ten.
395
00:15:32,895 --> 00:15:34,707
Yeah, but we got to give Alice
five so she gets here on time.
396
00:15:34,731 --> 00:15:36,843
- Oh, gotcha.
- [SHANE] No, no, it's yours.
397
00:15:37,150 --> 00:15:39,277
Thank you. Thank you, thank you.
398
00:15:39,319 --> 00:15:40,713
- You don't need to thank me.
- Five minutes.
399
00:15:40,737 --> 00:15:43,906
- That was collecting dust in my garage.
- What?
400
00:15:43,948 --> 00:15:46,743
This is literally liquid gold.
401
00:15:46,825 --> 00:15:48,803
Y'all hear that? Nobody touch my shit.
402
00:15:48,828 --> 00:15:50,723
- This is a no-fly zone.
- [HAIRDRESSER] Okay, okay.
403
00:15:50,747 --> 00:15:52,349
[ANNOUNCER] 15 minutes, everyone.
404
00:15:52,373 --> 00:15:54,083
15 minutes till showtime.
405
00:15:54,125 --> 00:15:55,917
All right, I'm gonna go get my seat.
406
00:15:56,377 --> 00:15:58,689
You don't want to hang back here?
407
00:15:58,713 --> 00:16:00,256
This is where all the fun is.
408
00:16:00,298 --> 00:16:01,507
["ALL DIAMONDS" BY NIGHTGAMES]
409
00:16:01,549 --> 00:16:03,384
♪ I'll find a place ♪
410
00:16:03,426 --> 00:16:04,636
♪ For myself... ♪
411
00:16:04,677 --> 00:16:06,572
[COMEDIAN] I feel lots
of love here, people.
412
00:16:06,596 --> 00:16:08,282
- [DANI] Okay.
- [COMEDIAN] Uh-huh.
413
00:16:08,306 --> 00:16:09,825
- You know what time it is.
- All right, can I get you
414
00:16:09,849 --> 00:16:11,910
any water or anything? You want some...
415
00:16:11,934 --> 00:16:13,686
Oh, I heard there was champagne.
416
00:16:13,728 --> 00:16:15,104
[AUDIENCE WHOOPING, LAUGHING]
417
00:16:15,146 --> 00:16:17,875
No, you're... I mean, you're
probably busy. I-I could get it.
418
00:16:17,899 --> 00:16:19,918
- [DANI] No, I-I can get it.
- You're so busy.
419
00:16:19,942 --> 00:16:20,777
I will get it.
420
00:16:20,802 --> 00:16:22,045
- You sure? Okay.
- Yeah.
421
00:16:22,070 --> 00:16:23,029
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
422
00:16:23,071 --> 00:16:23,946
How you feeling?
423
00:16:24,030 --> 00:16:25,049
- You okay?
- I'm fine.
424
00:16:25,073 --> 00:16:26,425
- Go do your thing.
- Okay.
425
00:16:26,449 --> 00:16:28,618
Well, the show starts in ten,
426
00:16:28,643 --> 00:16:30,082
if you need anything before then.
427
00:16:30,107 --> 00:16:31,363
[NAT] Oh! I do.
428
00:16:31,388 --> 00:16:34,016
Uh, these are for Alice.
429
00:16:34,415 --> 00:16:37,061
Yeah. I wanted to get her
flowers, but the lady by the side
430
00:16:37,085 --> 00:16:39,590
of the freeway only
had oranges today, so...
431
00:16:39,812 --> 00:16:42,090
- there you go.
- S-So you got oranges?
432
00:16:42,173 --> 00:16:43,192
[CHUCKLES] Okay.
433
00:16:43,216 --> 00:16:44,234
- Yep.
- Wonderful.
434
00:16:44,258 --> 00:16:46,219
I'll see she gets these.
435
00:16:46,244 --> 00:16:48,078
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
436
00:16:48,236 --> 00:16:50,405
Mm-hmm.
437
00:16:51,265 --> 00:16:53,535
I feel like she didn't
think that was funny.
438
00:16:53,559 --> 00:16:55,829
- I wouldn't take it personally.
- [CHUCKLES]
439
00:16:55,853 --> 00:16:57,092
'Kay.
440
00:16:57,563 --> 00:16:59,958
- You got some fluff in your hair.
- Oh.
441
00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:02,414
- Thanks.
- Mm-hmm.
442
00:17:02,439 --> 00:17:03,690
Got it?
443
00:17:04,179 --> 00:17:05,806
Hair's looking healthy.
444
00:17:06,147 --> 00:17:08,483
You finally using new products?
445
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:14,639
Yeah, actually. It's, uh,
called Grape Jelly by Eli.
446
00:17:15,053 --> 00:17:18,960
Yeah, it's applied by just
flinging it across the table.
447
00:17:19,001 --> 00:17:20,688
- [CHUCKLES]
- It's in high demand.
448
00:17:20,712 --> 00:17:23,131
- I'll try and get you his number.
- [SNORTS SOFTLY]
449
00:17:23,214 --> 00:17:25,383
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
450
00:17:28,294 --> 00:17:30,963
I saw you when I got hit.
451
00:17:32,127 --> 00:17:34,905
Yeah, I-I can't believe how
fast I was able to get there.
452
00:17:34,930 --> 00:17:36,077
No.
453
00:17:37,038 --> 00:17:40,311
The way they say your life
flashes before your eyes.
454
00:17:42,767 --> 00:17:44,577
I saw you and the kids.
455
00:17:47,251 --> 00:17:48,835
My family.
456
00:17:49,044 --> 00:17:51,797
[SOFT, SENTIMENTAL MUSIC]
457
00:17:52,127 --> 00:17:54,346
I'm sure it was just... the adrenaline.
458
00:17:54,370 --> 00:17:55,806
- You know? That's all.
- [DANI] Here you go.
459
00:17:55,830 --> 00:17:57,123
Oh, thank you.
460
00:17:57,148 --> 00:17:58,607
Yeah.
461
00:17:59,208 --> 00:18:01,878
[COMEDIAN] What are they? That's right.
462
00:18:01,903 --> 00:18:04,131
Um, she didn't bring you a glass.
463
00:18:04,156 --> 00:18:05,537
No. [LAUGHS]
464
00:18:06,883 --> 00:18:08,277
You know what? That's okay. Actually,
465
00:18:08,301 --> 00:18:10,946
I think I have a reusable straw in here.
466
00:18:10,970 --> 00:18:12,614
- [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
- Let's see.
467
00:18:12,638 --> 00:18:15,057
[UPBEAT, FUNKY MUSIC]
468
00:18:15,099 --> 00:18:17,059
♪ Na-na-na, na-na-na-na ♪
469
00:18:17,084 --> 00:18:20,163
♪ Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na ♪
470
00:18:20,188 --> 00:18:22,332
♪ Whoo! Let's take it from the top now ♪
471
00:18:22,356 --> 00:18:24,968
- ♪ Take it from the top... ♪
- Finley?
472
00:18:24,993 --> 00:18:26,304
- Hi!
- Hi.
473
00:18:26,329 --> 00:18:27,793
- Carrie, right?
- Yes, hi.
474
00:18:27,818 --> 00:18:29,145
- Hi, how are you?
- I'm good.
475
00:18:29,170 --> 00:18:30,257
- Nice to meet you.
- Thank you. You, too.
476
00:18:30,281 --> 00:18:32,259
You know, Tess described
you so perfectly.
477
00:18:32,283 --> 00:18:34,303
- Oh.
- She said, "Leonardo DiCaprio
478
00:18:34,327 --> 00:18:35,868
from Romeo + Juliet."
479
00:18:36,146 --> 00:18:37,809
And with the hair and
everything, I totally see it.
480
00:18:37,834 --> 00:18:40,708
Wow, that is weirdly the nicest
thing anybody's ever said to me.
481
00:18:41,189 --> 00:18:42,273
Wow.
482
00:18:42,508 --> 00:18:44,845
God, I must be on some
kind of gender journey, huh?
483
00:18:44,870 --> 00:18:47,349
Yeah. I wouldn't know
enough about that to say.
484
00:18:47,373 --> 00:18:48,936
- [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
- So what do we do?
485
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:49,928
Uh, yeah, sit down.
486
00:18:49,953 --> 00:18:51,357
- Right here?
- Yeah.
487
00:18:51,382 --> 00:18:52,299
Okay.
488
00:18:52,753 --> 00:18:54,880
Wait, so how do you know Tess?
489
00:18:54,905 --> 00:18:57,092
I hit rock bottom. I went on a bender.
490
00:18:57,117 --> 00:18:58,756
That's when Tess became my sponsor.
491
00:18:58,781 --> 00:19:00,506
So, I'm here
492
00:19:00,531 --> 00:19:03,728
to tell you about the
tsunami of depression that...
493
00:19:03,912 --> 00:19:08,125
kicked my ass after I found out
that my fiancée got back with her ex.
494
00:19:08,150 --> 00:19:09,878
- Shit. [INHALES SHARPLY]
- Yeah.
495
00:19:10,005 --> 00:19:12,799
Well, we got this puppy to guide us.
496
00:19:12,824 --> 00:19:14,553
- So, silver lining.
- Okay. Right.
497
00:19:14,578 --> 00:19:16,189
- Yeah, it can't hurt, right?
- Yeah.
498
00:19:16,214 --> 00:19:17,817
But, listen, I got
to hit the head first.
499
00:19:17,842 --> 00:19:20,595
I, like, pounded, like, a gallon
of iced tea on the way here.
500
00:19:20,620 --> 00:19:22,223
Course. Uh, the water's out in here,
501
00:19:22,248 --> 00:19:24,529
but right around the corner is Dana's.
502
00:19:24,554 --> 00:19:26,157
Pop in there, there's a bathroom.
503
00:19:26,182 --> 00:19:29,560
Okay, great. And, listen, I got
a free sub with my punch card.
504
00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:31,044
If you want one, take it.
505
00:19:31,069 --> 00:19:32,737
Oh, sweet. Thanks.
506
00:19:32,762 --> 00:19:33,732
What-what is it?
507
00:19:33,757 --> 00:19:35,693
Uh, it's turkey and cheese, no dressing.
508
00:19:35,718 --> 00:19:37,595
I don't like wet bread.
509
00:19:38,056 --> 00:19:39,724
[DOOR OPENS]
510
00:19:41,577 --> 00:19:42,495
Copy that.
511
00:19:42,827 --> 00:19:43,827
[DOOR CLOSES]
512
00:19:43,907 --> 00:19:47,286
Kegel and hold. Kegel and hold.
513
00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:48,438
Don't sneeze.
514
00:19:48,463 --> 00:19:51,574
Oh, no. Don't sneeze. Okay.
515
00:19:51,599 --> 00:19:53,518
Almost there.
516
00:19:57,818 --> 00:19:59,028
Oh, occupied!
517
00:19:59,069 --> 00:20:00,412
- Oh, geez!
- Oh.
518
00:20:00,437 --> 00:20:01,956
- Oh, my, oh...
- Oh, my God.
519
00:20:02,112 --> 00:20:04,131
- Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
- No, no, no, no, no, oh, my God.
520
00:20:04,156 --> 00:20:05,467
Oh, my God, let me look at it.
521
00:20:05,492 --> 00:20:06,928
- Oh, it's really coming out.
- Is it? Oh, no.
522
00:20:06,953 --> 00:20:08,097
There's no, um, toilet paper.
523
00:20:08,122 --> 00:20:10,433
- [LAUGHS] You...
- Oh, my God.
524
00:20:10,458 --> 00:20:11,978
- Oh, it hurts when I laugh.
- Oh, my God.
525
00:20:12,003 --> 00:20:13,908
Oh, it's in my mouth. I taste the blood.
526
00:20:13,933 --> 00:20:15,327
- What do we do?
- Oh, I have an idea.
527
00:20:15,352 --> 00:20:16,704
- Come here, come over here.
- I need something.
528
00:20:16,729 --> 00:20:17,915
Come over here, come over here.
529
00:20:17,940 --> 00:20:19,264
[MISTY] Okay, it's working.
530
00:20:19,289 --> 00:20:20,350
It feels okay, actually.
531
00:20:20,375 --> 00:20:21,689
- It looks amazing.
- Thank you.
532
00:20:21,714 --> 00:20:23,088
[BOTH LAUGHING]
533
00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:24,766
Okay. Um, this one?
534
00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:26,060
- Yes?
- I'm going to take it out,
535
00:20:26,085 --> 00:20:28,240
because it was kind of really bleeding,
536
00:20:28,265 --> 00:20:29,934
so I'm gonna stick a new one in.
537
00:20:29,959 --> 00:20:31,186
- Okay. Right.
- Okay?
538
00:20:31,211 --> 00:20:32,268
Okay, here we go. You ready?
539
00:20:32,293 --> 00:20:33,312
- Go. Gentle.
- Okay.
540
00:20:33,337 --> 00:20:35,400
Don't freak out, don't freak out.
541
00:20:35,425 --> 00:20:36,615
[EXHALES] We did it.
542
00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:37,742
Oh, I can breathe again.
543
00:20:37,767 --> 00:20:39,203
- Not for long.
- You got it?
544
00:20:39,228 --> 00:20:41,623
- I'm going to jam it slowly...
- Oh? Yeah, that's nice.
545
00:20:41,648 --> 00:20:43,126
- You okay?
- Not too hard.
546
00:20:43,151 --> 00:20:44,420
- You good?
- That's good.
547
00:20:44,445 --> 00:20:45,807
- [CHUCKLES] Okay.
- Thank you.
548
00:20:45,831 --> 00:20:47,392
- Looks good.
- My name's Carrie.
549
00:20:47,416 --> 00:20:49,435
- I'm Misty.
- It's nice to meet you.
550
00:20:49,459 --> 00:20:50,377
Nice to meet you, yeah.
551
00:20:50,402 --> 00:20:51,779
You do well under pressure.
552
00:20:51,879 --> 00:20:54,566
It's a good thing I know so
much about leaky pipes, I guess.
553
00:20:54,590 --> 00:20:55,817
- Right.
- Yeah.
554
00:20:55,841 --> 00:20:58,088
Holy shit, what the hell happened?
555
00:20:58,113 --> 00:20:59,821
- It's a long story.
- Yes, it is.
556
00:20:59,845 --> 00:21:01,114
Yeah, we're all good, though.
557
00:21:01,138 --> 00:21:02,532
- Yeah, we're good. Yeah.
- Yeah. Don't worry.
558
00:21:02,556 --> 00:21:03,992
Oh, there's, like, no toilet paper
559
00:21:04,016 --> 00:21:05,851
in this whole entire bathroom.
560
00:21:05,893 --> 00:21:07,161
Oh, that's actually my fault.
561
00:21:07,192 --> 00:21:09,036
I, um, yeah, I was supposed to do that.
562
00:21:09,061 --> 00:21:10,497
- [MISTY] Okay.
- Are you sure you're good?
563
00:21:10,522 --> 00:21:11,875
- Yeah, yeah. We're good.
- We're good.
564
00:21:11,899 --> 00:21:13,376
- You're good.
- We're good.
565
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:16,278
[CLEARS THROAT] Okay...
566
00:21:16,303 --> 00:21:17,679
♪ Ooh, la, la... ♪
567
00:21:17,738 --> 00:21:19,299
[SOPHIE] All right,
contestants, are you ready?
568
00:21:19,323 --> 00:21:21,009
Here are your microphones, all right?
569
00:21:21,033 --> 00:21:22,510
You're gonna talk into them like this,
570
00:21:22,534 --> 00:21:23,845
- blah, blah, blah.
- [CLATTERING]
571
00:21:23,869 --> 00:21:25,805
- Wait a minute.
- Somebody cut her off.
572
00:21:25,829 --> 00:21:27,497
Where's contestant number three?
573
00:21:27,522 --> 00:21:29,083
[SLURRING] Are these Beyond Beef,
574
00:21:29,108 --> 00:21:30,434
or are these the real deal?
575
00:21:30,459 --> 00:21:33,139
[ASSISTANT] Guys, just be
aware of what's going on.
576
00:21:33,759 --> 00:21:36,757
[MUTTERING] Anybody... you don't know.
577
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:37,901
Mmm... [SLURPING]
578
00:21:37,925 --> 00:21:40,844
[GASPS SOFTLY] Fuck my life.
579
00:21:40,869 --> 00:21:41,995
[EXHALES]
580
00:21:42,020 --> 00:21:43,873
[ALICE] You know, I'm much
better with emotional ties.
581
00:21:43,972 --> 00:21:45,140
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
582
00:21:45,985 --> 00:21:48,143
This feels a little more literal.
583
00:21:48,185 --> 00:21:49,394
[LAUGHTER]
584
00:21:49,436 --> 00:21:53,023
But it does remind me a lot of
a relationship I was in once.
585
00:21:54,441 --> 00:21:55,609
Oh... !
586
00:21:55,651 --> 00:21:58,129
- [CHEERING]
- [ALICE] I did it!
587
00:21:58,153 --> 00:21:59,696
Thank you.
588
00:21:59,721 --> 00:22:02,091
[ANNOUNCER] Hang tight, everyone.
589
00:22:02,115 --> 00:22:03,635
15 minutes until the next segment.
590
00:22:03,659 --> 00:22:06,233
There's nothing suspicious
about anything you're doing.
591
00:22:06,258 --> 00:22:08,246
What, am I not being discrete?
592
00:22:08,288 --> 00:22:10,433
Uh, no. You'd be a terrible criminal.
593
00:22:10,457 --> 00:22:12,810
Oh, please. I could commit crimes.
594
00:22:12,834 --> 00:22:14,187
Yeah, and not get away with it.
595
00:22:14,956 --> 00:22:18,465
That's just mean. It's
mean and it's wrong.
596
00:22:18,507 --> 00:22:20,987
[QUIETLY] I could... kill.
597
00:22:22,799 --> 00:22:26,964
[CHUCKLING] Or maybe pillage something.
598
00:22:30,519 --> 00:22:33,605
- Can I tell you something?
- Mm-hmm.
599
00:22:34,211 --> 00:22:37,573
I keep trying to understand what
I was feeling in that moment.
600
00:22:38,652 --> 00:22:42,322
Like, what it means that I saw you.
601
00:22:46,745 --> 00:22:48,721
Do you think it means anything?
602
00:22:52,916 --> 00:22:55,961
- Are you smizing at me?
- Smizing?
603
00:22:56,003 --> 00:22:59,126
- Smizing? From Top Model?
- [CHUCKLING]
604
00:22:59,876 --> 00:23:00,984
Can you please stop making me laugh?
605
00:23:01,008 --> 00:23:02,694
- My ribs are bruised.
- What? What do you watch?
606
00:23:02,718 --> 00:23:04,386
My ribs are bruised.
607
00:23:04,428 --> 00:23:06,739
Well, stop saying ridiculous things.
608
00:23:07,118 --> 00:23:08,804
You're the one being ridiculous.
609
00:23:08,829 --> 00:23:12,210
Um, actually, you're the
one with a head injury.
610
00:23:12,235 --> 00:23:15,247
You were concussed and now
you're drinking on painkillers,
611
00:23:15,272 --> 00:23:18,165
so I'm pretty sure you're
not thinking straight.
612
00:23:19,796 --> 00:23:21,297
Safe to say.
613
00:23:24,361 --> 00:23:26,464
- We met at 18.
- I know.
614
00:23:26,699 --> 00:23:30,328
- Well, you were 19.
- No, you're older than me.
615
00:23:30,412 --> 00:23:31,764
- No, I'm not.
- Yes, you are.
616
00:23:31,788 --> 00:23:35,042
- I-I always mix that up.
- I know, I don't understand.
617
00:23:35,067 --> 00:23:36,547
- You were 18?
- Yes.
618
00:23:37,461 --> 00:23:39,004
[NAT CHUCKLES]
619
00:23:39,046 --> 00:23:41,465
[GENTLE MUSIC]
620
00:23:42,187 --> 00:23:43,980
[CHUCKLES]
621
00:23:46,219 --> 00:23:47,613
- Dani, Dani, Dani!
- Thank you so much.
622
00:23:47,637 --> 00:23:49,240
- Dani, I need a favor.
- Thank you.
623
00:23:49,688 --> 00:23:51,075
Why don't you carry your own tampons?
624
00:23:51,099 --> 00:23:52,785
- What? No. I...
- Hi.
625
00:23:52,809 --> 00:23:55,604
I-I lost a contestant
for the dating game,
626
00:23:55,687 --> 00:23:57,957
and I need someone.
Can you please do it for me?
627
00:23:57,981 --> 00:23:59,459
[STAMMERING] It's in six, six minutes.
628
00:23:59,483 --> 00:24:01,502
No. I have to go get Billie
Jean off the red carpet.
629
00:24:01,526 --> 00:24:02,795
She won't stop smiling for the cameras.
630
00:24:02,819 --> 00:24:06,262
- You do it. You got it. Go.
- God! Why are you the worst?
631
00:24:11,173 --> 00:24:14,343
[SLOW, DRAMATIC MUSIC]
632
00:24:17,959 --> 00:24:20,229
[ANNOUNCER] All right,
everyone in the audience,
633
00:24:20,253 --> 00:24:22,732
we are gonna start
in just a few minutes.
634
00:24:22,756 --> 00:24:25,467
- Please take your seats.
- [APPLAUSE]
635
00:24:25,550 --> 00:24:27,636
[INTRIGUING MUSIC]
636
00:24:36,507 --> 00:24:39,289
You know, your timing could not
have been more perfect, really.
637
00:24:39,792 --> 00:24:42,049
Well, I'm just glad it's
getting put to some good use.
638
00:24:42,074 --> 00:24:44,709
[IVY] You know, I think I need, like,
a little bit of a revamp.
639
00:24:44,734 --> 00:24:48,247
I've just been on those dating
apps. Like, they're terrible.
640
00:24:48,389 --> 00:24:51,058
- Oh, those dating apps... yeah.
- Absolutely terrifying.
641
00:24:51,083 --> 00:24:53,632
Yeah. And I've been out the
game for like... two years.
642
00:24:53,657 --> 00:24:54,885
- Two years, huh?
- Yeah.
643
00:24:54,918 --> 00:24:57,253
- I had a kid.
- I know you had a kid.
644
00:24:57,278 --> 00:24:59,298
You mentioned that when I met you.
645
00:24:59,323 --> 00:25:01,426
You don't seem like the type
that wants to see pictures
646
00:25:01,451 --> 00:25:03,066
so I'm not gonna show you.
647
00:25:03,091 --> 00:25:05,113
I'd see, I'd see it if
you'd like to show it to me.
648
00:25:05,138 --> 00:25:06,666
- Oh, yeah?
- I'm not against it.
649
00:25:06,691 --> 00:25:09,685
Okay. [CHUCKLES] She is... everything
650
00:25:09,710 --> 00:25:11,712
and she has also sucked me dry.
651
00:25:12,378 --> 00:25:15,472
I just don't feel like
myself all the way, you know?
652
00:25:17,401 --> 00:25:19,111
Yeah.
653
00:25:19,530 --> 00:25:21,904
Yeah. [CLEARS THROAT]
I can relate to that.
654
00:25:21,929 --> 00:25:24,443
I think I need to get back on the horse.
655
00:25:24,468 --> 00:25:26,888
I think you're gonna do just fine.
656
00:25:29,570 --> 00:25:32,412
Hi, guys. I need a favor. Um...
657
00:25:32,437 --> 00:25:34,581
Can you get her ready
in, like, four minutes?
658
00:25:34,819 --> 00:25:37,295
- She's not talking to me.
- We'll do it.
659
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:38,982
- Yeah.
- Oh, my God, amazing.
660
00:25:39,006 --> 00:25:40,192
- Okay, sit down.
- Hi.
661
00:25:40,216 --> 00:25:41,526
- Hi.
- What's your name?
662
00:25:41,550 --> 00:25:44,505
- Taylor.
- Hi, Taylor. I'm Ivy, this is Shane.
663
00:25:45,685 --> 00:25:46,954
- Hey, Taylor.
- Hey.
664
00:25:46,979 --> 00:25:48,874
Yeah, we're gonna take
really good care of you.
665
00:25:49,509 --> 00:25:52,677
- Do you have any do's, any don'ts?
- Uh, just no red lipstick.
666
00:25:52,702 --> 00:25:55,255
My mom subjected me to
pageants as a toddler,
667
00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:56,615
so it's very triggering.
668
00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:59,101
Okay. Take it away. Do your thing.
669
00:26:02,032 --> 00:26:02,908
Taylor.
670
00:26:02,933 --> 00:26:05,310
- [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
- May I?
671
00:26:05,385 --> 00:26:06,803
Yeah.
672
00:26:06,868 --> 00:26:08,596
[PRODUCER] And we're rolling.
673
00:26:08,621 --> 00:26:10,998
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
674
00:26:11,023 --> 00:26:14,819
[ALICE] Welcome back
to my 100th episode.
675
00:26:15,139 --> 00:26:17,572
As many of you know,
I'm currently single,
676
00:26:17,597 --> 00:26:20,111
so I figured what better
way to meet someone,
677
00:26:20,136 --> 00:26:22,896
than on TV in front
of a studio audience?
678
00:26:22,921 --> 00:26:25,673
- [LAUGHTER]
- So to help me out today,
679
00:26:25,698 --> 00:26:29,452
we've brought the original
bisexual comedienne,
680
00:26:29,477 --> 00:26:32,564
a woman who has paved
the way for so many of us,
681
00:26:32,589 --> 00:26:37,386
my first crush, my friend, Margaret Cho!
682
00:26:37,411 --> 00:26:38,912
[CHEERING]
683
00:26:38,937 --> 00:26:41,482
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
684
00:26:41,507 --> 00:26:42,925
Hey!
685
00:26:44,814 --> 00:26:46,024
Thank you!
686
00:26:46,049 --> 00:26:47,857
Oh, this is so exciting.
687
00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:51,887
So, you know how this works,
we have some contestants,
688
00:26:51,912 --> 00:26:53,295
we're gonna ask them some questions.
689
00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:54,755
Alice is gonna decide
690
00:26:54,780 --> 00:26:57,268
amongst three candidates
who's best, right?
691
00:26:57,293 --> 00:26:58,770
Yes, well, you're going to help me.
692
00:26:58,794 --> 00:27:01,273
[MARGARET] I'm gonna be
making some snide commentary
693
00:27:01,297 --> 00:27:03,084
- from over here...
- [LAUGHTER]
694
00:27:03,109 --> 00:27:04,253
It's gonna be so fabulous.
695
00:27:04,278 --> 00:27:05,595
- I'm so excited.
- Sounds dreamy.
696
00:27:05,620 --> 00:27:07,097
- Let's start. Okay.
- I love it.
697
00:27:07,122 --> 00:27:10,209
[CHEERING]
698
00:27:10,234 --> 00:27:11,588
Okay.
699
00:27:11,611 --> 00:27:13,764
Contestant number one,
tell me about yourself.
700
00:27:13,788 --> 00:27:15,474
- Hi, Alice.
- Oh.
701
00:27:15,498 --> 00:27:18,667
- Ooh, that is a deep baritone.
- Okay.
702
00:27:18,751 --> 00:27:21,129
- I'm into it.
- I'm from a small town in Montana,
703
00:27:21,154 --> 00:27:23,714
where rush hour is a moose in the road.
704
00:27:23,839 --> 00:27:25,361
Oh, this is gonna be simple.
705
00:27:25,386 --> 00:27:26,720
Um, Ivy, can you grab me
706
00:27:26,745 --> 00:27:28,459
that product in your bag?
707
00:27:28,484 --> 00:27:31,153
Yeah, I just want to see what it is.
708
00:27:32,365 --> 00:27:33,449
No.
709
00:27:33,474 --> 00:27:35,494
Uh, just find a nice
backdrop outside or something.
710
00:27:35,518 --> 00:27:38,813
Get singles, get groups. I need options.
711
00:27:38,854 --> 00:27:40,106
Thank you. Hi.
712
00:27:40,189 --> 00:27:43,984
- Everything looks so good.
- Thank you.
713
00:27:44,033 --> 00:27:49,156
- I'm gonna go home.
- Oh, it's early. Are you feeling okay?
714
00:27:49,198 --> 00:27:52,368
Yes, but I just really want to get back.
715
00:27:52,451 --> 00:27:56,723
- Okay, okay. I'll call you a car.
- No, no, no. Don't worry about it.
716
00:27:56,747 --> 00:27:59,041
Nat's going to take me.
717
00:28:00,251 --> 00:28:01,836
[SIGHS HEAVILY]
718
00:28:01,877 --> 00:28:04,667
- What's going on?
- What do you mean?
719
00:28:04,713 --> 00:28:06,983
I mean, what's going
on with you and Nat?
720
00:28:07,382 --> 00:28:10,511
- Nothing is going on.
- Okay.
721
00:28:11,220 --> 00:28:14,265
- We can talk more later.
- No. I'd like to talk about it now.
722
00:28:14,306 --> 00:28:16,773
[ALICE] Contestant number one,
723
00:28:16,798 --> 00:28:19,186
why don't you tell me
how you spend your days?
724
00:28:19,228 --> 00:28:20,914
I'm a veterinarian for a nonprofit
725
00:28:20,938 --> 00:28:23,375
that rescues animals
from natural disasters.
726
00:28:23,399 --> 00:28:24,668
[AUDIENCE] Aww.
727
00:28:24,692 --> 00:28:27,488
[LAUGHS] He's perfect.
728
00:28:27,513 --> 00:28:29,530
Definitely a serial killer.
729
00:28:29,572 --> 00:28:31,591
[LAUGHING] Agreed.
730
00:28:31,970 --> 00:28:34,652
Okay, let's move on to
contestant number two.
731
00:28:34,677 --> 00:28:38,492
Can you beat the butt-dialing
rescue vet from Montana?
732
00:28:38,904 --> 00:28:40,320
- I'll try.
- [GASPS]
733
00:28:40,345 --> 00:28:43,957
Um, I was born in India,
raised in New York.
734
00:28:43,982 --> 00:28:47,548
Uh, I run a cold storage
start-up for NFTs.
735
00:28:47,590 --> 00:28:48,859
[MARGARET] Oh.
736
00:28:48,883 --> 00:28:51,844
- Cold storage for NFTs?
- I have no idea what that means.
737
00:28:51,927 --> 00:28:53,446
- [LAUGHTER]
- [MARGARET] Number two,
738
00:28:53,470 --> 00:28:55,240
what is the most embarrassing thing
739
00:28:55,264 --> 00:28:56,599
that's ever happened to you?
740
00:28:56,740 --> 00:28:58,075
The most embarrassing thing
741
00:28:58,100 --> 00:29:04,277
that's happened to me was
I threw up in the front car
742
00:29:04,302 --> 00:29:07,231
of a roller coaster, on a first date.
743
00:29:07,256 --> 00:29:09,736
- [AUDIENCE] Ooh...
- [MARGARET] Wow.
744
00:29:10,112 --> 00:29:12,424
- [SHANE] Looks great.
- [TAYLOR] I don't know why
745
00:29:12,448 --> 00:29:13,967
I have to be on TV right now, but...
746
00:29:13,991 --> 00:29:15,927
All right, we're done. Let's
go, we got to go, we got to go.
747
00:29:15,951 --> 00:29:17,345
- Come on.
- Okay, okay.
748
00:29:17,369 --> 00:29:19,496
Oh, wait, don't forget this.
749
00:29:20,408 --> 00:29:23,417
You want a girl that can
just, you know, really go up...
750
00:29:23,500 --> 00:29:24,603
- And down. Yeah.
- And go down.
751
00:29:24,627 --> 00:29:27,254
- [LAUGHTER]
- We like that...
752
00:29:27,279 --> 00:29:30,079
[SHANE] All right, good luck, have fun.
753
00:29:31,050 --> 00:29:33,403
- She looks great.
- She does, yeah.
754
00:29:33,427 --> 00:29:35,322
ALICE: Okay, contestant number three.
755
00:29:35,346 --> 00:29:37,181
Same question.
756
00:29:37,264 --> 00:29:39,063
- Number three?
- Don't be shy.
757
00:29:39,088 --> 00:29:40,535
[MARGARET] Don't be shy, number three.
758
00:29:40,559 --> 00:29:42,537
- Okay, go answer the question.
- [MARGARET] Number three?
759
00:29:42,561 --> 00:29:43,872
Okay, okay. What's the question?
760
00:29:43,896 --> 00:29:45,719
Say something funny about yourself.
761
00:29:45,744 --> 00:29:49,210
Um. Something, um... I'm, uh...
762
00:29:49,235 --> 00:29:51,570
Something funny about me?
I'm from Normal, Illinois.
763
00:29:51,612 --> 00:29:53,965
[ALICE] That's more
of a fact than a joke,
764
00:29:53,989 --> 00:29:56,369
but, okay, I'll play.
765
00:29:56,394 --> 00:29:58,104
What's so normal about it?
766
00:29:58,146 --> 00:29:59,540
[MARGARET] And would I fit in?
767
00:29:59,564 --> 00:30:04,861
Um, uh, the people, I-I
guess, make it normal, um...
768
00:30:04,903 --> 00:30:07,030
That voice sounds so familiar.
769
00:30:07,129 --> 00:30:10,550
So, number three, what's
the most embarrassing thing
770
00:30:10,575 --> 00:30:12,619
that's ever happened to you?
771
00:30:12,644 --> 00:30:14,271
I mean, well, this moment
772
00:30:14,296 --> 00:30:16,316
- would have to be up there.
- [LAUGHTER]
773
00:30:16,473 --> 00:30:18,183
And, number three,
774
00:30:18,208 --> 00:30:20,835
who is your hero, and why?
775
00:30:21,643 --> 00:30:25,788
Oh, gosh, um... was it animal or human?
776
00:30:25,840 --> 00:30:28,468
- [LAUGHTER]
- Aw, that's so cute.
777
00:30:28,551 --> 00:30:29,844
[UPBEAT, ENERGETIC MUSIC]
778
00:30:29,869 --> 00:30:31,863
- All right, I got one for you.
- What's that?
779
00:30:32,109 --> 00:30:35,544
One time, after a bottle of
Goldschläger, remember that?
780
00:30:36,935 --> 00:30:39,288
One-way bus ticket, Kansas City to L.A.
781
00:30:39,312 --> 00:30:42,267
- Just picked up everything and moved.
- God, I hate moving.
782
00:30:42,292 --> 00:30:44,103
It's like the worst
thing in the world to me.
783
00:30:44,128 --> 00:30:46,148
Yeah, but at least I used to do stuff.
784
00:30:46,194 --> 00:30:47,403
It's like, being sober
785
00:30:47,445 --> 00:30:49,215
makes it harder to make
those moves, you know?
786
00:30:49,239 --> 00:30:50,099
Mm-hmm.
787
00:30:50,124 --> 00:30:53,138
Like, I've got a whole list
of shit I just haven't done.
788
00:30:53,163 --> 00:30:54,956
Really, like what?
789
00:30:56,496 --> 00:30:58,182
I mean, I got this college application.
790
00:30:58,206 --> 00:31:00,434
It's been saved on
my desktop for months.
791
00:31:00,458 --> 00:31:01,602
It's due at midnight,
792
00:31:01,633 --> 00:31:03,405
and I just, like, I
can't pull the trigger.
793
00:31:03,430 --> 00:31:05,523
[CARRIE] Well, you got to do that
or you're gonna regret it
794
00:31:05,547 --> 00:31:08,866
- your whole life, you know?
- [MISTY] Okay. So everything's done.
795
00:31:08,891 --> 00:31:11,560
Um, if you have any problems,
your boss has my info.
796
00:31:12,004 --> 00:31:14,502
Again, I'm-I'm really
sorry about everything.
797
00:31:14,527 --> 00:31:16,325
- Yeah.
- Really, the nose and, you know.
798
00:31:16,349 --> 00:31:19,030
But the tampons worked.
Your nose looks perfect.
799
00:31:19,055 --> 00:31:20,711
[CARRIE] I think it looks
better than when I came in.
800
00:31:20,736 --> 00:31:22,957
- [LAUGHS] It was fun, so...
- Yeah.
801
00:31:22,981 --> 00:31:25,390
You know, it was... It wasn't good,
but it was good, you know?
802
00:31:25,415 --> 00:31:26,642
- Right. Okay.
- All right.
803
00:31:26,667 --> 00:31:28,103
- Bye. It's, um...
- [MISTY] Yeah, sorry.
804
00:31:28,278 --> 00:31:31,764
- Good night.
- You like her.
805
00:31:31,864 --> 00:31:35,010
- I don't know her.
- You ask her out, I'll send in
806
00:31:35,034 --> 00:31:37,495
- my college application.
- [DOOR CLOSES]
807
00:31:38,413 --> 00:31:39,414
Deal.
808
00:31:39,455 --> 00:31:40,683
- Wait, what?
- Deal.
809
00:31:40,707 --> 00:31:41,892
No, I was fucking around!
810
00:31:41,916 --> 00:31:44,752
- No, you send that shit.
- Fuck.
811
00:31:44,777 --> 00:31:47,154
Wow, she's doing it. Okay.
812
00:31:48,423 --> 00:31:50,216
[SPUTTERS]
813
00:31:50,300 --> 00:31:53,177
[UPBEAT, ENERGETIC MUSIC]
814
00:31:53,219 --> 00:31:57,265
Okay. [SIGHS]
815
00:31:59,278 --> 00:32:01,196
Holy shit, I did it.
816
00:32:02,103 --> 00:32:03,998
- I did it. Did you do it?
- I did it.
817
00:32:04,022 --> 00:32:05,249
- [SCREAMS]
- I did it!
818
00:32:05,273 --> 00:32:06,917
- [LAUGHING]
- Can you believe it?
819
00:32:06,941 --> 00:32:08,053
- No!
- Thursday night.
820
00:32:08,078 --> 00:32:09,545
- You got a date.
- Well, no.
821
00:32:09,569 --> 00:32:11,088
- It's not actually a date.
- What is it?
822
00:32:11,112 --> 00:32:13,257
I sort of joined her bowling league.
823
00:32:13,281 --> 00:32:16,969
I'm the newest member of
"I Can't Believe It's Not Gutter."
824
00:32:16,993 --> 00:32:19,430
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY] You know what?
825
00:32:19,454 --> 00:32:21,265
Playing the long game. I'll take it.
826
00:32:23,416 --> 00:32:24,709
[RADIO PLAYING]
827
00:32:24,751 --> 00:32:25,835
Okay.
828
00:32:25,877 --> 00:32:28,171
Mama, Gloria,
829
00:32:28,254 --> 00:32:29,505
I'm heading out now.
830
00:32:29,530 --> 00:32:32,700
Don't be late, Deb,
I've got a shift at 8:00.
831
00:32:33,534 --> 00:32:35,069
Mama, it's me.
832
00:32:35,094 --> 00:32:37,972
Remember, your sister Deb is in Florida.
833
00:32:38,014 --> 00:32:39,474
Oh, right.
834
00:32:40,210 --> 00:32:41,601
You never should've married him.
835
00:32:41,684 --> 00:32:43,329
[RADIO ANNOUNCER] Speaking
of songs of yesterday,
836
00:32:43,353 --> 00:32:46,856
here's Carly Simon with
her hit, "You Belong to Me."
837
00:32:46,898 --> 00:32:48,667
["YOU BELONG TO ME"
BY CARLY SIMON PLAYING]
838
00:32:48,691 --> 00:32:51,277
[PATTY] This is my song.
839
00:32:55,657 --> 00:32:57,325
Oh, my God.
840
00:32:59,786 --> 00:33:04,815
[LAUGHS] She used to blast this song
841
00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:07,935
in the car when she
would drive me to school.
842
00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:09,688
♪ Were you looking for my reaction? ♪
843
00:33:09,712 --> 00:33:12,382
Like, lean out the
window smoking cigarettes.
844
00:33:12,423 --> 00:33:17,011
It would piss all the
other moms off so much.
845
00:33:17,053 --> 00:33:18,680
I believe it.
846
00:33:20,079 --> 00:33:23,434
Carly Simon once bummed
a cigarette from me.
847
00:33:24,278 --> 00:33:27,413
You never told me that. That is so cool!
848
00:33:27,438 --> 00:33:31,275
There's certain things a mother
should never tell her daughter.
849
00:33:31,300 --> 00:33:33,135
[BOTH LAUGHING]
850
00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:34,912
Come dance with me, come on.
851
00:33:35,453 --> 00:33:37,169
I would love to.
852
00:33:39,992 --> 00:33:41,744
♪ You belong to me ♪
853
00:33:41,828 --> 00:33:44,390
♪ Tell her, tell her you were fooling ♪
854
00:33:44,414 --> 00:33:46,290
♪ You belong to me ♪
855
00:33:46,374 --> 00:33:48,543
♪ You don't even know her ♪
856
00:33:48,626 --> 00:33:50,378
♪ You belong to me ♪
857
00:33:50,461 --> 00:33:53,005
♪ Tell her that I love you ♪
858
00:33:53,089 --> 00:33:56,384
♪ You belong to me ♪
859
00:33:56,409 --> 00:33:58,721
[SHANE] So you've been
working here how long?
860
00:33:58,746 --> 00:34:01,999
Like six, seven months... ish?
861
00:34:02,024 --> 00:34:03,293
- Really?
- Yeah.
862
00:34:03,450 --> 00:34:07,245
- Surprised I hadn't met you.
- Well, you didn't look.
863
00:34:07,270 --> 00:34:09,119
- I didn't know.
- Oh, okay.
864
00:34:09,144 --> 00:34:10,646
[CHUCKLES]
865
00:34:10,999 --> 00:34:13,835
You know, it didn't take
you that long to, like,
866
00:34:13,860 --> 00:34:15,027
jump right back in.
867
00:34:15,052 --> 00:34:16,863
- And you did that, so...
- No, no, no, no, don't...
868
00:34:16,946 --> 00:34:18,382
You can't give me that kind of credit.
869
00:34:18,406 --> 00:34:20,992
I was... I was following your lead.
870
00:34:21,017 --> 00:34:22,686
Mm.
871
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:30,835
["BAD" BY AZURE]
872
00:34:30,877 --> 00:34:32,754
Come with me.
873
00:34:38,134 --> 00:34:39,629
[DOOR CLOSES]
874
00:34:41,071 --> 00:34:46,576
♪ Red wine stained keys, a melody ♪
875
00:34:46,601 --> 00:34:51,522
♪ Suffocation of a broken heart ♪
876
00:34:52,231 --> 00:34:57,945
♪ Violently sweet, till I bleed ♪
877
00:34:57,987 --> 00:35:01,949
♪ Your cigarettes, they
linger on my mouth ♪
878
00:35:01,991 --> 00:35:05,536
♪ Oh, I never should have
let you call me baby ♪
879
00:35:05,578 --> 00:35:09,081
♪ It burns every time I hear it lately ♪
880
00:35:09,165 --> 00:35:12,418
♪ I've come undone ♪
881
00:35:13,454 --> 00:35:16,856
♪ Oh, I never thought I'd
drown in your ocean eyes ♪
882
00:35:16,881 --> 00:35:20,927
♪ A part of me lives on your bedside ♪
883
00:35:21,928 --> 00:35:27,058
♪ I don't know why I want you so bad ♪
884
00:35:27,099 --> 00:35:29,352
♪ Can't get you out of my head ♪
885
00:35:29,393 --> 00:35:34,023
♪ Maybe I'm crazy 'cause I
don't care if you hate me ♪
886
00:35:34,106 --> 00:35:38,069
♪ I don't know why I want you so bad ♪
887
00:35:38,110 --> 00:35:40,780
♪ Can't get you out of my head ♪
888
00:35:40,822 --> 00:35:45,368
♪ Maybe I'm crazy 'cause I
don't care if you hate me ♪
889
00:35:45,451 --> 00:35:50,498
♪ I don't know why I want you so bad ♪
890
00:35:52,250 --> 00:35:56,796
♪ Don't know why I want you so bad ♪
891
00:35:57,797 --> 00:36:00,758
So, what-what is going
on between you two?
892
00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:03,870
- Nothing.
- I can feel it, okay?
893
00:36:04,011 --> 00:36:06,848
On the ambulance, our lips touched.
894
00:36:06,889 --> 00:36:08,242
[STAMMERS] It was nothing.
895
00:36:08,266 --> 00:36:10,619
- It was an accident.
- Are you trying to hurt me?
896
00:36:10,643 --> 00:36:12,079
Of course I'm not trying to hurt you.
897
00:36:12,103 --> 00:36:14,248
Okay, then, what we have is good.
898
00:36:14,645 --> 00:36:17,275
- Why are you doing this?
- We have a good thing.
899
00:36:17,300 --> 00:36:19,010
I'm just...
900
00:36:19,825 --> 00:36:23,239
- I'm confused.
- You're confused?
901
00:36:23,264 --> 00:36:25,544
When I... got hit...
902
00:36:26,891 --> 00:36:29,143
I saw Nat and the kids.
903
00:36:31,096 --> 00:36:32,306
And not me.
904
00:36:32,548 --> 00:36:34,893
I don't know what it means.
That's why I'm telling you.
905
00:36:34,917 --> 00:36:37,277
What are you saying to me right now?
906
00:36:40,840 --> 00:36:43,890
[SIGHS] I don't know, I need time.
907
00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:48,874
Okay. You take your time.
908
00:36:49,310 --> 00:36:50,769
I'm done.
909
00:36:55,563 --> 00:36:57,624
[TAYLOR] And this all
happened in the backseat
910
00:36:57,648 --> 00:36:58,983
of the family Astro van.
911
00:36:59,008 --> 00:37:01,511
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
912
00:37:01,536 --> 00:37:04,037
Oh, shit. Um, you know what?
913
00:37:04,062 --> 00:37:07,366
Uh, Miss Cho, could you
actually just forget I said that?
914
00:37:07,408 --> 00:37:11,787
Oh, contestant three, I don't
think I can unring that bell.
915
00:37:11,929 --> 00:37:14,682
There's no shame in masturbating
in the back of your family's car
916
00:37:14,707 --> 00:37:16,435
as long as your family's not there.
917
00:37:16,459 --> 00:37:19,795
[MARGARET] No shame at
all, three. No shame.
918
00:37:19,879 --> 00:37:22,548
- For me there is a little.
- [BELL TINKLING]
919
00:37:22,590 --> 00:37:23,942
Oh, you know what that bell means,
920
00:37:23,966 --> 00:37:27,013
we have time for one last question.
921
00:37:27,038 --> 00:37:29,488
- What do you think, Alice?
- I think I'm ready.
922
00:37:29,513 --> 00:37:31,491
- Okay.
- It's very simple.
923
00:37:31,515 --> 00:37:34,727
- [MARGARET] Yes.
- Why do you want to date me?
924
00:37:35,261 --> 00:37:36,896
What's not to love?
925
00:37:36,979 --> 00:37:38,189
Aww!
926
00:37:39,109 --> 00:37:42,043
Smart, sexy and beautiful.
The full package.
927
00:37:42,068 --> 00:37:43,429
[AUDIENCE MURMURING]
928
00:37:43,454 --> 00:37:45,255
We should do this every episode.
929
00:37:45,279 --> 00:37:47,114
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
930
00:37:47,156 --> 00:37:50,719
Uh, well, they promised me
a coffee mug if I did the show, so...
931
00:37:50,743 --> 00:37:53,537
- [LOUD LAUGHTER]
- The free mug?
932
00:37:53,621 --> 00:37:57,041
[LAUGHING] Wow. What do you say, Alice?
933
00:37:57,140 --> 00:37:59,810
Loveable, full package, free mug.
934
00:37:59,991 --> 00:38:03,756
And unlike women's
reproductive rights in America,
935
00:38:03,781 --> 00:38:05,670
this choice is entirely yours.
936
00:38:05,695 --> 00:38:07,903
- [MURMURED AGREEMENTS]
- [ALICE SIGHS]
937
00:38:07,927 --> 00:38:10,312
I don't know, Margaret.
They're all so dateable.
938
00:38:10,337 --> 00:38:13,466
[AUDIENCE YELLING NUMBERS]
939
00:38:18,064 --> 00:38:20,564
Mm... There's one person
940
00:38:20,606 --> 00:38:22,970
that I would like to get to know better.
941
00:38:23,439 --> 00:38:26,128
Contestant three, I choose you!
942
00:38:26,153 --> 00:38:29,198
- [CONFETTI POPPING]
- [CHEERING]
943
00:38:29,240 --> 00:38:31,760
[MARGARET] Contestant
three, come on down.
944
00:38:31,784 --> 00:38:34,763
Two and one, uh, meet
me in my dressing room.
945
00:38:34,787 --> 00:38:37,206
- You.
- It's me.
946
00:38:37,231 --> 00:38:39,052
- [LAUGHS]
- The coffee stand.
947
00:38:39,077 --> 00:38:40,537
Yeah.
948
00:38:41,060 --> 00:38:44,231
- You're funny.
- [CHUCKLES] For a regular gal. Yeah.
949
00:38:44,255 --> 00:38:49,218
[MARGARET] All right.
We're here, we're queer!
950
00:38:49,243 --> 00:38:51,320
And we have love.
951
00:38:51,345 --> 00:38:53,031
- Love is love is love!
- Love it.
952
00:38:53,055 --> 00:38:56,726
Until the Supreme Court
takes that away from us, too.
953
00:38:56,809 --> 00:38:58,102
[LAUGHTER, CHEERING]
954
00:38:58,144 --> 00:39:01,517
And pee after sex,
everyone, don't forget!
955
00:39:01,542 --> 00:39:05,317
Thank you so much for
having me, Alice, thank you.
956
00:39:05,342 --> 00:39:08,137
Good night, everyone!
957
00:39:11,065 --> 00:39:12,650
Are you okay?
958
00:39:15,917 --> 00:39:16,968
No.
959
00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:23,158
You can sleep on my couch, if you want.
960
00:39:23,183 --> 00:39:24,962
No, I'm fine on my own.
961
00:39:25,004 --> 00:39:28,466
[SIGHS] But you should
really let me drive.
962
00:39:29,140 --> 00:39:31,886
Oh, don't worry, I
only had a couple sips.
963
00:39:33,086 --> 00:39:34,405
I just mean you're a really bad driver.
964
00:39:34,430 --> 00:39:36,491
[DANI] Fuck you! Fuck you!
965
00:39:36,515 --> 00:39:38,618
- [NAT] Whoa!
- [GIGI] Jesus, what is...
966
00:39:38,642 --> 00:39:39,727
What is that?
967
00:39:39,810 --> 00:39:41,079
- [GIGI] Can you please drive?
- Fuck you!
968
00:39:41,103 --> 00:39:42,581
- They're my oranges!
- Yeah, go!
969
00:39:42,605 --> 00:39:44,332
- [GIGI] Can you please drive?
- [NAT] Those are a gift!
970
00:39:44,356 --> 00:39:46,168
- Nat, could you please drive?
- [NAT] I spent $20 on them.
971
00:39:46,192 --> 00:39:47,544
I understand, could you please... ?
972
00:39:47,568 --> 00:39:49,421
- That was for my ex! Our ex.
- Jesus.
973
00:39:49,445 --> 00:39:51,864
[TIRES SCREECHING]
974
00:39:52,649 --> 00:39:53,775
[GROANS]
975
00:39:53,975 --> 00:39:55,644
[PANTS]
976
00:39:55,826 --> 00:39:57,953
[SLOW, DRAMATIC MUSIC]
977
00:39:59,412 --> 00:40:01,540
[SLOW, FUNKY MUSIC]
978
00:40:06,170 --> 00:40:07,355
[SOPHIE] so much.
979
00:40:07,379 --> 00:40:10,091
I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Good job.
980
00:40:10,966 --> 00:40:15,054
- [SIGHS]
- ♪ Been feeling defeated ♪
981
00:40:15,096 --> 00:40:17,848
♪ Oh, no... ♪
982
00:40:17,873 --> 00:40:21,776
Hey. What the hell happened to you?
983
00:40:24,105 --> 00:40:25,397
This is the second time
984
00:40:25,439 --> 00:40:27,787
that the person I wanted to
marry ran off with someone else.
985
00:40:27,812 --> 00:40:29,365
Ha ha.
986
00:40:31,959 --> 00:40:34,573
Oh... orange?
987
00:40:34,598 --> 00:40:37,459
- Yeah. Thanks.
- Mm-hmm.
988
00:40:38,469 --> 00:40:39,637
[GRUNTS]
989
00:40:39,662 --> 00:40:42,665
♪ Don't fall down, baby, don't fall down ♪
990
00:40:42,706 --> 00:40:44,583
♪ Don't fall, just... ♪
991
00:40:44,667 --> 00:40:47,920
- Hey, you're gonna be okay.
- Mm.
992
00:40:47,962 --> 00:40:50,023
You got this. You'll bounce back.
993
00:40:50,047 --> 00:40:51,233
You... [CHUCKLES]
994
00:40:51,257 --> 00:40:53,360
You're the most together person I know.
995
00:40:53,384 --> 00:40:56,387
[SCOFFS] Not anymore.
996
00:40:57,263 --> 00:41:00,599
- Turns out, that's you.
- [LAUGHS]
997
00:41:00,624 --> 00:41:03,799
I don't... mm, I don't know about that.
998
00:41:04,048 --> 00:41:06,175
You're crushing at work.
999
00:41:06,772 --> 00:41:08,625
Made it through rehab with Finley.
1000
00:41:08,649 --> 00:41:12,278
♪ Been going through changes ♪
1001
00:41:12,303 --> 00:41:13,909
♪ Oh... ♪
1002
00:41:14,050 --> 00:41:15,176
Hey, um,
1003
00:41:15,562 --> 00:41:19,232
I was just gonna grab my
stuff and go home. [CHUCKLES]
1004
00:41:19,759 --> 00:41:22,805
- Yeah. Me, too.
- [CLEARS THROAT]
1005
00:41:22,830 --> 00:41:24,957
♪ Threw it all away ♪
1006
00:41:25,040 --> 00:41:28,419
♪ Everyone makes mistakes, yeah ♪
1007
00:41:28,460 --> 00:41:32,214
♪ Oh, no, don't fall down... ♪
1008
00:41:32,256 --> 00:41:33,635
Hey, uh...
1009
00:41:34,606 --> 00:41:36,191
You want to come over?
1010
00:41:36,552 --> 00:41:39,889
♪ Don't fall down, baby,
don't fall down... ♪
1011
00:41:39,914 --> 00:41:41,457
Um... Are you... ?
1012
00:41:41,557 --> 00:41:43,493
Are you trying to get back
together with me right now?
1013
00:41:43,517 --> 00:41:44,953
- [LAUGHING]
- Because, um...
1014
00:41:44,977 --> 00:41:48,439
No. No, no.
1015
00:41:48,605 --> 00:41:50,733
Not a fucking chance.
1016
00:41:51,108 --> 00:41:53,628
Yeah. I'll see you at the house then.
1017
00:41:53,652 --> 00:41:55,297
- Okay.
- Yeah.
1018
00:41:55,321 --> 00:41:56,280
See you later.
1019
00:41:56,322 --> 00:42:00,326
♪ Things are gonna get better ♪
1020
00:42:01,660 --> 00:42:05,706
♪ Things are gonna get better ♪
1021
00:42:07,314 --> 00:42:09,603
I was, like, this close to falling.
1022
00:42:09,627 --> 00:42:10,771
[LAUGHING] I was like...
1023
00:42:10,796 --> 00:42:13,648
- Hey! We did it!
- [CHEERING]
1024
00:42:13,672 --> 00:42:14,965
[WHOOPING]
1025
00:42:15,049 --> 00:42:17,927
Great job, everybody. Great job.
1026
00:42:17,952 --> 00:42:20,037
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
1027
00:42:23,641 --> 00:42:24,516
Hey!
1028
00:42:24,617 --> 00:42:27,996
Are you-are you leaving?
The party's just getting started.
1029
00:42:28,020 --> 00:42:30,198
Yeah, yeah, I'm just gonna head home.
1030
00:42:31,602 --> 00:42:34,354
You don't want to cash
in on that big date?
1031
00:42:34,379 --> 00:42:35,753
[LAUGHS]
1032
00:42:35,778 --> 00:42:38,006
- Really, no, it's-it's okay.
- Oh.
1033
00:42:38,030 --> 00:42:40,217
I mean, hey, I-I got the free mug.
1034
00:42:40,241 --> 00:42:42,921
They threw in two extra T-shirts, so...
1035
00:42:42,952 --> 00:42:44,179
- Nice.
- I'm good.
1036
00:42:44,203 --> 00:42:45,913
Yeah, that's enough.
1037
00:42:45,955 --> 00:42:47,224
- Hey, listen...
- Yeah?
1038
00:42:47,248 --> 00:42:49,750
Really, congratulations on everything.
1039
00:42:49,892 --> 00:42:53,354
I mean, you should be
really proud of all of it.
1040
00:42:53,684 --> 00:42:57,258
Big chef's kiss for
you and your big night.
1041
00:43:04,718 --> 00:43:06,747
Um, you're not regular.
1042
00:43:07,791 --> 00:43:10,151
Yes, I am. [CHUCKLES]
1043
00:43:10,562 --> 00:43:11,647
Well, so am I.
1044
00:43:12,431 --> 00:43:16,193
There's a 45-foot
picture of you outside.
1045
00:43:17,697 --> 00:43:19,113
Okay, I've been you.
1046
00:43:19,196 --> 00:43:21,132
A long time ago, I dated someone famous
1047
00:43:21,156 --> 00:43:23,260
when I wasn't, so I know it's different.
1048
00:43:23,776 --> 00:43:25,353
But I'm just a person.
1049
00:43:27,204 --> 00:43:29,349
And I like your weird sense of humor.
1050
00:43:29,373 --> 00:43:31,351
You know, that's,
that's not the compliment
1051
00:43:31,375 --> 00:43:33,335
I think you think it is.
1052
00:43:33,436 --> 00:43:34,645
And you're cute.
1053
00:43:34,833 --> 00:43:38,424
Well, you know, I can't speak
to that one so much, so...
1054
00:43:38,685 --> 00:43:41,593
Come on, one date. One regular date.
1055
00:43:41,618 --> 00:43:43,501
What do you say? Just...
1056
00:43:45,006 --> 00:43:46,340
You can keep the T-shirts.
1057
00:43:46,390 --> 00:43:47,641
[CHUCKLES]
1058
00:43:47,725 --> 00:43:50,894
- I don't know about the mug.
- [LAUGHING]
1059
00:43:50,936 --> 00:43:55,691
I cannot believe I missed
Alice in a straitjacket.
1060
00:43:55,733 --> 00:43:58,378
- [LAUGHING]
- I know, and that Velcro target?
1061
00:43:58,402 --> 00:43:59,629
Oh, my God, that was a hit.
1062
00:43:59,653 --> 00:44:01,298
- It was so good.
- [SHRIEKS] I'm sure.
1063
00:44:01,322 --> 00:44:03,425
- [LAUGHS]
- Oh.
1064
00:44:03,449 --> 00:44:06,368
[SOPHIE] Well, um, yeah, I think
1065
00:44:06,393 --> 00:44:08,579
- Shane's backstage somewhere...
- Hey, Tess.
1066
00:44:08,604 --> 00:44:09,772
You showed up.
1067
00:44:09,797 --> 00:44:12,216
- Hi.
- Hi.
1068
00:44:12,241 --> 00:44:13,892
Yeah. [KISSES]
1069
00:44:13,917 --> 00:44:16,170
- I'm sorry I'm late.
- Oh.
1070
00:44:16,211 --> 00:44:19,190
I would have been here sooner,
it's just my mom was having this, like,
1071
00:44:19,214 --> 00:44:21,484
- really amazing moment...
- It's okay, it's okay.
1072
00:44:21,508 --> 00:44:23,259
- Yeah, it's okay.
- Okay.
1073
00:44:23,284 --> 00:44:24,535
Um...
1074
00:44:25,830 --> 00:44:29,375
I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier.
1075
00:44:30,601 --> 00:44:31,889
All is forgiven.
1076
00:44:31,914 --> 00:44:32,956
Yeah.
1077
00:44:32,981 --> 00:44:35,332
But I think they wrapped,
didn't they, Sophie?
1078
00:44:35,356 --> 00:44:36,666
- [TESS] Oh.
- Yeah, we wrapped.
1079
00:44:36,690 --> 00:44:38,251
- [SHANE] Yeah.
- Yeah, but there's...
1080
00:44:38,275 --> 00:44:39,651
there's a party.
1081
00:44:39,693 --> 00:44:41,362
I know, but I'm exhausted.
1082
00:44:41,445 --> 00:44:42,881
- Okay.
- Is that okay?
1083
00:44:42,905 --> 00:44:44,031
Can we just go home?
1084
00:44:44,056 --> 00:44:45,158
That's okay, let's go home.
1085
00:44:45,183 --> 00:44:46,536
- You sure?
- Yeah, let's go home.
1086
00:44:46,617 --> 00:44:48,136
I'm sorry you drove
all the way over here,
1087
00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:49,036
- but is that all right?
- No, it's fine.
1088
00:44:49,078 --> 00:44:50,454
Okay.
1089
00:44:50,496 --> 00:44:51,663
Thank you, Sophie.
1090
00:44:51,747 --> 00:44:53,141
[SOPHIE] Bye, guys, have a good night.
1091
00:44:53,165 --> 00:44:54,517
- Bye.
- Bye, Soph.
1092
00:44:54,541 --> 00:44:55,737
Bye.
1093
00:44:58,095 --> 00:45:00,514
Great show.
1094
00:45:00,720 --> 00:45:01,971
Uh...
1095
00:45:02,341 --> 00:45:04,426
Uh, same-same to you.
1096
00:45:04,468 --> 00:45:06,196
♪ 'Cause I'd really, really miss ya ♪
1097
00:45:06,220 --> 00:45:08,656
♪ So cool, cool, cool, baby, shake that ♪
1098
00:45:08,680 --> 00:45:10,992
♪ You're the best in the
room, you don't have to try ♪
1099
00:45:11,016 --> 00:45:13,203
♪ Show no fear when you cross the line ♪
1100
00:45:13,227 --> 00:45:15,121
♪ Even when it rains,
you bring the shine... ♪
1101
00:45:15,145 --> 00:45:17,957
- [MICAH] Hey.
- [FINLEY] What... ? What'd I say?
1102
00:45:17,981 --> 00:45:21,068
Relax, I'm just going to get
something to drink, go to my room,
1103
00:45:21,093 --> 00:45:22,711
and you can have your
special night with Sophie.
1104
00:45:22,736 --> 00:45:24,130
- You'll be fine.
- Thank you.
1105
00:45:24,154 --> 00:45:26,091
- I love you.
- Yeah. You, too. Hey.
1106
00:45:26,115 --> 00:45:29,549
Hey, you know, if there's any
leftovers, that steak looks amazing.
1107
00:45:30,401 --> 00:45:32,371
It's chicken.
1108
00:45:32,396 --> 00:45:34,707
- Oh.
- [DOOR OPENS]
1109
00:45:34,748 --> 00:45:37,126
- Hey.
- Hey!
1110
00:45:37,209 --> 00:45:40,170
- [CHUCKLES] What is this?
- We're celebrating.
1111
00:45:40,195 --> 00:45:42,048
- We are?
- Yeah.
1112
00:45:42,131 --> 00:45:45,259
- Your 100th episode.
- Aww.
1113
00:45:45,284 --> 00:45:47,262
And... [KISSES]
1114
00:45:47,287 --> 00:45:49,981
- I applied to college.
- Stop.
1115
00:45:50,006 --> 00:45:51,608
- What? [LAUGHS]
- I know.
1116
00:45:51,633 --> 00:45:52,718
That's amazing.
1117
00:45:52,743 --> 00:45:54,618
- I know.
- I'm so excited for you.
1118
00:45:54,643 --> 00:45:57,479
So I thought we could,
you know, celebrate us,
1119
00:45:57,521 --> 00:46:01,650
and have a little
romantic dinner, and then,
1120
00:46:01,692 --> 00:46:05,571
- you know, maybe after...
- Oh, okay.
1121
00:46:05,596 --> 00:46:06,338
Oh.
1122
00:46:06,363 --> 00:46:08,174
- Hi.
- Hi. [LAUGHS]
1123
00:46:08,198 --> 00:46:09,717
- Hi.
- Hey. Sorry.
1124
00:46:09,741 --> 00:46:13,704
[QUIETLY] I tried to call
you. Gigi broke up with her.
1125
00:46:15,045 --> 00:46:16,850
Figured I'd come piss in
your hallway for a change.
1126
00:46:16,874 --> 00:46:17,990
[FINLEY] Oh.
1127
00:46:18,015 --> 00:46:21,545
I mean, if that'd be helpful,
by all means, please do.
1128
00:46:23,277 --> 00:46:25,112
Truce?
1129
00:46:26,611 --> 00:46:29,303
Now what I really want to do
is pull you into a big old hug.
1130
00:46:29,328 --> 00:46:31,576
- You shouldn't do that. Yeah.
- And I won't.
1131
00:46:32,014 --> 00:46:33,771
[GASPS] Is that cake?
1132
00:46:33,796 --> 00:46:35,452
- Yes, it is.
- [MICAH] I heard Dani.
1133
00:46:35,476 --> 00:46:36,870
Which means it's not a date night.
1134
00:46:36,894 --> 00:46:38,413
- Not anymore.
- I want some of that cake.
1135
00:46:38,437 --> 00:46:40,748
- Wait, you made cake?
- [LAUGHING] No.
1136
00:46:40,772 --> 00:46:42,709
I was with the, uh, plumber all day.
1137
00:46:42,733 --> 00:46:44,985
But I picked up tres leches,
1138
00:46:45,068 --> 00:46:48,822
and I also found out what
the tres leches were today.
1139
00:46:48,847 --> 00:46:51,433
Uh, what did you think they were before?
1140
00:46:51,458 --> 00:46:52,584
Mmm.
1141
00:46:52,609 --> 00:46:54,861
Cow, goat and breast.
1142
00:46:54,995 --> 00:46:56,931
- Wow.
- No.
1143
00:46:56,955 --> 00:46:57,956
[LAUGHING]
1144
00:46:57,998 --> 00:46:59,435
So, you thought they put breast milk... ?
1145
00:46:59,449 --> 00:47:01,449
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
1146
00:47:01,474 --> 00:47:04,546
♪ Ooh, there's got to be ♪
♪ Something more out there for me ♪
1147
00:47:04,630 --> 00:47:08,300
♪ Ooh, I've got to keep my head up ♪
1148
00:47:08,383 --> 00:47:10,093
♪ Keep my head up ♪
1149
00:47:10,135 --> 00:47:12,346
♪ Ooh, there's nothing like ♪
1150
00:47:12,387 --> 00:47:14,890
♪ Rising up after the fight ♪
1151
00:47:14,973 --> 00:47:19,019
♪ Ooh, I've got to keep my head up ♪
83961
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