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00:00:01,485 --> 00:00:04,670
-♪ Look up there ♪
-♪ What do you see? ♪
2
00:00:04,903 --> 00:00:06,160
♪ Nature and stuff ♪
3
00:00:06,161 --> 00:00:07,743
-♪ Like a rock ♪
-♪ And a tree ♪
4
00:00:07,744 --> 00:00:10,261
♪ Oh, the Great North ♪
5
00:00:10,359 --> 00:00:13,919
♪ Way up here,
you can breathe the air ♪
6
00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:15,188
♪ Catch some fish ♪
7
00:00:15,189 --> 00:00:16,706
♪ Or gaze at a bear ♪
8
00:00:16,859 --> 00:00:17,909
♪ Wow ♪
9
00:00:18,106 --> 00:00:21,215
♪ Oh, the Great North ♪
10
00:00:21,447 --> 00:00:22,947
♪ Here we live, oh, oh ♪
11
00:00:22,948 --> 00:00:24,454
♪ Here we'll stay, oh, whoo ♪
12
00:00:24,455 --> 00:00:26,050
♪ From longest night
to longest day ♪
13
00:00:26,051 --> 00:00:30,029
♪ In the Great North. ♪
14
00:00:31,733 --> 00:00:33,501
(cheering)
15
00:00:34,926 --> 00:00:37,818
Oh, my God. The vibe
in the cafeteria today
16
00:00:37,842 --> 00:00:39,158
is electric.
17
00:00:39,179 --> 00:00:42,164
I can't believe
the lower 48 exchange student
18
00:00:42,165 --> 00:00:43,783
from our sister city
of Long Grove, Illinois
19
00:00:43,784 --> 00:00:44,834
arrives next week.
20
00:00:44,835 --> 00:00:46,364
Oh, right.
You know, as someone
21
00:00:46,365 --> 00:00:48,186
who until this year
was homeschooled,
22
00:00:48,187 --> 00:00:50,354
I cannot wait
to taste that fresh meat.
23
00:00:50,355 --> 00:00:51,954
Sorry, I know
not to call her fresh meat,
24
00:00:51,955 --> 00:00:53,288
but it's just fun to say.
25
00:00:53,351 --> 00:00:55,161
-Fresh meat.
-And Long Grove is just
26
00:00:55,162 --> 00:00:57,059
an hour outside of Chicago,
so that meat
27
00:00:57,060 --> 00:00:58,731
is gonna be bringing
the sophistication
28
00:00:58,732 --> 00:00:59,972
in her meat pockets.
29
00:00:59,973 --> 00:01:01,907
Sorry, I know
I should also not say that.
30
00:01:01,908 --> 00:01:03,653
Remember how last
year's student-slash-meat had
31
00:01:03,654 --> 00:01:06,397
a fake ID and just casually
brought red wine
32
00:01:06,420 --> 00:01:08,830
to the Bon Voyage Bonfire
at the end of the week?
33
00:01:08,910 --> 00:01:11,744
It was so cool and also got
a lot of people suspended.
34
00:01:11,745 --> 00:01:13,972
It's so rad that my family won
the lottery to host.
35
00:01:13,973 --> 00:01:15,198
I know!
36
00:01:15,199 --> 00:01:17,857
Can you imagine rolling
into the Bon Voyage Bonfire
37
00:01:17,858 --> 00:01:20,381
with this incredible, big city
sophisticate on our arms
38
00:01:20,382 --> 00:01:23,038
after spending a week
becoming her closest friends?
39
00:01:23,039 --> 00:01:24,710
I don't want to get
ahead of ourselves,
40
00:01:24,711 --> 00:01:26,306
but it might make us
cool forever
41
00:01:26,307 --> 00:01:28,624
and finally get Stacy B.
to leave us alone.
42
00:01:28,625 --> 00:01:30,409
Look at my former best friend
over there
43
00:01:30,410 --> 00:01:33,245
with all her- pfft-
already popular friends.
44
00:01:33,401 --> 00:01:34,659
I bet she's furious that
45
00:01:34,660 --> 00:01:36,259
the exchange student will be
in our group.
46
00:01:36,260 --> 00:01:37,762
She'll have to stop
calling us the...
47
00:01:37,763 --> 00:01:39,267
-The Three Muska-weirds!
-(others gasp)
48
00:01:39,268 --> 00:01:40,661
What are you guys even doing?
49
00:01:40,662 --> 00:01:41,941
Probably something super weird.
50
00:01:41,942 --> 00:01:43,516
Eating a bowl of finger nails?
51
00:01:43,517 --> 00:01:45,341
That's what I heard
from when I told everyone that.
52
00:01:45,342 --> 00:01:46,842
Ugh, you know what we're doing.
53
00:01:46,843 --> 00:01:48,517
We're eating lunch,
which isn't weird.
54
00:01:48,518 --> 00:01:51,109
Yeah, everybody does it,
except maybe those who...
55
00:01:51,110 --> 00:01:52,302
had, like, a large breakfast.
56
00:01:52,303 --> 00:01:53,933
But most people,
they eat lunch.
57
00:01:53,956 --> 00:01:56,791
-Thanks for the lecture,
Dr. Lunch. -You're welcome.
58
00:01:56,792 --> 00:01:58,652
Uh, no, actually not.
You don't get to give me
59
00:01:58,653 --> 00:02:00,044
another stupid nickname,
60
00:02:00,045 --> 00:02:02,404
and also stop calling us
"The Three Muska-weirds."
61
00:02:02,405 --> 00:02:04,150
I bet you haven't even
read the book
62
00:02:04,151 --> 00:02:05,245
that you're basing
that insult on.
63
00:02:05,246 --> 00:02:06,996
What are you talking about,
Judy?
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00:02:07,010 --> 00:02:08,918
I based it on a candy bar.
Bye...
65
00:02:09,015 --> 00:02:10,330
Ugh, she's so mean.
66
00:02:10,331 --> 00:02:12,080
But pretty soon
there will be four of us,
67
00:02:12,081 --> 00:02:14,028
and she can't call us
The Four Muska-weirds.
68
00:02:14,029 --> 00:02:15,770
She absolutely can call us that.
69
00:02:15,925 --> 00:02:17,775
But overall
things are looking up.
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00:02:17,930 --> 00:02:19,279
HAM:
Did you get "A"
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00:02:19,435 --> 00:02:20,485
for number four?
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00:02:20,529 --> 00:02:22,863
Uh, because I'm also
feeling "B" and "C."
73
00:02:22,886 --> 00:02:27,037
-And honestly, "D" has a little
something going for her. -It's "C."
74
00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:29,956
And that's why you have
the highest GPA in our grade
75
00:02:29,980 --> 00:02:32,450
and get to go to Illinois
on the exchange program.
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00:02:32,451 --> 00:02:33,823
-Are you jazzed?
-Of course.
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00:02:33,824 --> 00:02:35,493
Who doesn't want to
see Long Grove,
78
00:02:35,494 --> 00:02:36,902
home of the longest grove?
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00:02:36,999 --> 00:02:38,090
Oop, before I forget.
80
00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:39,337
I wanted to leave you
with something
81
00:02:39,338 --> 00:02:40,934
to remember me by
while I'm gone,
82
00:02:40,935 --> 00:02:42,420
so I found
this handsome little devil
83
00:02:42,421 --> 00:02:44,518
at the garden center,
and I was wondering
84
00:02:44,519 --> 00:02:46,841
if you'd like to cactus-sit him
while I'm gone.
85
00:02:46,842 --> 00:02:50,453
Oh. He is... so cute
and sharp.
86
00:02:50,610 --> 00:02:53,019
I named him Robert.
Robert Plant-inson.
87
00:02:53,117 --> 00:02:55,543
You know I am very slightly
afraid of cactuses,
88
00:02:55,700 --> 00:02:57,641
but this one is so small,
89
00:02:57,872 --> 00:03:00,482
and I have always
thought about having kids,
90
00:03:00,605 --> 00:03:03,435
so cactus-sitting sounds
like an easy way to practice,
91
00:03:03,479 --> 00:03:05,980
especially if I have
a baby with thorns one day.
92
00:03:06,078 --> 00:03:09,153
Now, what are we thinking on
this next one? "A," maybe "C"?
93
00:03:09,253 --> 00:03:10,736
-It's "B."
-I knew it!
94
00:03:10,737 --> 00:03:13,355
Thanks again for letting us
sleep over all week, Esther.
95
00:03:13,356 --> 00:03:14,507
Of course, girls,
we've already got
96
00:03:14,508 --> 00:03:16,250
-Kima's cousin here.
-Nasty.
97
00:03:16,251 --> 00:03:18,093
Uh, you mispronounced
"extremely cool."
98
00:03:18,094 --> 00:03:20,370
Uh, you mispronounced
"My name is Dane,
99
00:03:20,371 --> 00:03:22,789
"and my farts smells like
gasoline-soaked Cheetos
100
00:03:22,790 --> 00:03:24,276
"that someone ate and then
threw up
101
00:03:24,277 --> 00:03:25,462
"and then someone
ate that barf
102
00:03:25,463 --> 00:03:27,059
and then farted
again after that."
103
00:03:27,060 --> 00:03:28,560
Kima, stop. Although, Dane,
104
00:03:28,561 --> 00:03:30,643
-your farts really are a mess.
-Thank you, Uncle Walt.
105
00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:32,465
So, you dweebs are
staying here all week
106
00:03:32,466 --> 00:03:34,227
just to hang out
with someone from-
107
00:03:34,228 --> 00:03:35,618
checks notes-
Illi-nerd?
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00:03:35,733 --> 00:03:38,400
(laughs) Why do I hate it
when Stacy makes fun of me,
109
00:03:38,401 --> 00:03:40,262
but I love it
when Dane makes fun of me?
110
00:03:40,263 --> 00:03:42,338
Because I'm like
the guys from Jackass,
111
00:03:42,494 --> 00:03:44,085
a little wild but a lot lovable.
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00:03:44,181 --> 00:03:45,513
Judy, no, Dane's gross.
113
00:03:45,514 --> 00:03:47,615
And he has a tattoo of Garfield
saying "no worries"
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00:03:47,616 --> 00:03:49,431
-on his calf.
-Roasted.
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00:03:49,432 --> 00:03:51,441
You know who else is
getting roasted pretty bad?
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00:03:51,442 --> 00:03:53,275
Only in not such a fun way?
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00:03:53,298 --> 00:03:54,522
BOTH:
Mother Earth.
118
00:03:54,542 --> 00:03:55,708
Dad, we all get it.
119
00:03:55,709 --> 00:03:57,049
You're a climate scientist,
120
00:03:57,050 --> 00:03:58,795
but also you're preaching
to the choir.
121
00:03:58,796 --> 00:04:00,542
We're the ones that
are gonna get broiled alive.
122
00:04:00,543 --> 00:04:01,876
It's a bummer.
123
00:04:01,896 --> 00:04:02,970
Oh, sorry.
124
00:04:02,971 --> 00:04:04,568
Is it a bummer
that at this pace,
125
00:04:04,569 --> 00:04:06,500
your mother and the other
Alaskan smoke jumpers up here
126
00:04:06,501 --> 00:04:08,505
are gonna be fighting wildfires
year-round?
127
00:04:08,506 --> 00:04:10,436
Is it a bummer
that whole pods of seals
128
00:04:10,437 --> 00:04:11,906
are dying because the sea ice
129
00:04:11,907 --> 00:04:13,242
off Biorka Island is
thinner than a...
130
00:04:13,243 --> 00:04:14,667
-Walt, cool it.
-Fine.
131
00:04:14,668 --> 00:04:16,601
But you know what's cooling
way too fast?
132
00:04:16,602 --> 00:04:18,106
-Oh, my God.
-Stop. -Let us eat, Walt.
133
00:04:18,107 --> 00:04:19,440
So guys, for real,
134
00:04:19,441 --> 00:04:20,705
what do we know
about the Illi-nerd?
135
00:04:20,706 --> 00:04:21,871
Esther! All we know is
136
00:04:21,872 --> 00:04:23,695
that she's probably
very sophisticated
137
00:04:23,696 --> 00:04:25,366
and her shine will get
all over us,
138
00:04:25,367 --> 00:04:27,873
and Stacy B. will stop calling
us The Three Musk-a-weirds.
139
00:04:27,874 --> 00:04:29,730
What is Stacy B.'s problem
with you three, anyway?
140
00:04:29,731 --> 00:04:32,139
It's not Stacy B.'s
problem with us three,
141
00:04:32,295 --> 00:04:33,811
it's really just... me.
142
00:04:33,812 --> 00:04:36,138
See, all through childhood, me
and Stacy B. were best friends.
143
00:04:36,139 --> 00:04:38,081
We even had
matching BFF toe rings.
144
00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:40,569
But then, as we got older,
things changed,
145
00:04:40,593 --> 00:04:42,909
and it all came to a head
one day at school.
146
00:04:42,910 --> 00:04:44,920
She had already disinvited me
from her birthday party,
147
00:04:44,921 --> 00:04:46,758
which was weird because
it was happening at my house.
148
00:04:46,759 --> 00:04:49,685
But then I made the fatal error
of coming to school
149
00:04:49,686 --> 00:04:51,437
in a very fun airbrushed T-shirt
150
00:04:51,438 --> 00:04:53,795
where the "U" in my name
was replaced by a rainbow.
151
00:04:53,796 --> 00:04:58,023
And out of nowhere, Stacy B.
turned to me and said...
152
00:04:58,048 --> 00:04:59,188
Are you wearing a shirt
153
00:04:59,369 --> 00:05:00,585
with your own name on it
154
00:05:00,586 --> 00:05:02,376
where the "U" is replaced
by a rainbow?
155
00:05:02,377 --> 00:05:03,634
(laughter)
156
00:05:03,635 --> 00:05:05,384
AMELIA: Oof. If there's
one thing I've learned
157
00:05:05,385 --> 00:05:06,585
from C.J. on The West Wing,
158
00:05:06,586 --> 00:05:08,743
it's that a well-timed
rhetorical question
159
00:05:08,744 --> 00:05:10,319
can cut very deep.
160
00:05:10,398 --> 00:05:13,566
All she did was point out
a fact, but a line was drawn.
161
00:05:13,665 --> 00:05:16,075
Stacy left me behind,
and I never understood it.
162
00:05:16,081 --> 00:05:19,173
And I couldn't even bring myself
to take my BFF toe ring off,
163
00:05:19,198 --> 00:05:21,773
and it really hurts,
because it got very tight.
164
00:05:21,774 --> 00:05:23,207
And also,
it hurts emotionally
165
00:05:23,208 --> 00:05:24,953
because she didn't want to be
my friend anymore.
166
00:05:24,954 --> 00:05:26,107
Both things are unpleasant!
167
00:05:26,108 --> 00:05:27,702
Well,
when Chicago Jill gets here,
168
00:05:27,703 --> 00:05:29,784
she's gonna take us
from The Three Muska-weirds
169
00:05:29,785 --> 00:05:32,795
to the four muska-cool-girls
you respect too much to bully.
170
00:05:32,796 --> 00:05:35,298
Just like Dane's calf-Garfield
says: "No worries."
171
00:05:35,299 --> 00:05:36,649
-(grunts)
-Ah. Ah.
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00:05:36,804 --> 00:05:38,987
GIBBONS:
Attention, let's kick off
173
00:05:39,144 --> 00:05:40,894
this full week of
out-of-town fun
174
00:05:40,906 --> 00:05:44,574
from today Meet-Ya-Monday
to Friday's Bon Voyage Bonfire.
175
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:47,267
It's my honor to present
Lone Moose's annual
176
00:05:47,499 --> 00:05:49,590
"Lower 48 Exchange Student."
177
00:05:49,614 --> 00:05:51,839
And now,
without further ado...
178
00:05:51,861 --> 00:05:53,344
This is further ado.
179
00:05:53,365 --> 00:05:56,124
What you're doing right now
is textbook further ado.
180
00:05:56,281 --> 00:05:59,874
-Oh, well, ado apologize.
-Mm-mm. Yuck.
181
00:05:59,976 --> 00:06:03,143
Well, I liked it. Anyway,
here's Jill Gerbert-Erble.
182
00:06:03,300 --> 00:06:07,302
Oh, man. Here she comes
in her leather jacket and heels.
183
00:06:07,403 --> 00:06:09,144
Uh... Jill? Huh.
184
00:06:09,145 --> 00:06:10,745
She told me she wanted to
make a big entran-
185
00:06:10,746 --> 00:06:12,233
-(upbeat music plays)
-Oh, here we go.
186
00:06:12,234 --> 00:06:13,491
(imitates fanfare)
187
00:06:13,661 --> 00:06:16,680
Rub your antennas together
for the Queen Bee!
188
00:06:16,681 --> 00:06:19,084
Thank you, sir, however,
I am not, nor will I ever be,
189
00:06:19,085 --> 00:06:20,513
comfortable sharing the stage.
190
00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:21,679
Please step back.
191
00:06:21,701 --> 00:06:23,759
Now, who's ready
to take a Jill Pill?
192
00:06:23,781 --> 00:06:27,099
Side effects include:
diah-respect for bees.
193
00:06:27,198 --> 00:06:28,248
Oh, no.
194
00:06:28,249 --> 00:06:29,537
You're probably wondering
195
00:06:29,538 --> 00:06:30,950
what my life is like
back home,
196
00:06:30,951 --> 00:06:32,621
on the Gerbert-Erble Family
Bee Farm.
197
00:06:32,622 --> 00:06:34,472
So let me tell you: amazing.
198
00:06:34,627 --> 00:06:36,294
Um, what is happening?
199
00:06:36,295 --> 00:06:38,895
The Gerbert-Erble Family
Bee Farm is located 45 minutes
200
00:06:38,896 --> 00:06:40,154
outside of Long Grove,
201
00:06:40,155 --> 00:06:42,314
in an unincorporated hamlet
called Beesville.
202
00:06:42,315 --> 00:06:44,486
My school is in Long Grove,
my online school.
203
00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:45,927
I go twice a year to take exams.
204
00:06:45,992 --> 00:06:47,992
Have you ever
even been to Chicago?
205
00:06:47,993 --> 00:06:50,185
(scoffs) Why?
So I can get trampled to death
206
00:06:50,186 --> 00:06:52,600
by all the improv actors
sprinting to get in line
207
00:06:52,601 --> 00:06:54,196
for deep dish pizzas?
No, thank you.
208
00:06:54,197 --> 00:06:56,461
Of course,
this absolute bizarro is staying
209
00:06:56,462 --> 00:06:57,902
with The Three Muska-weirds.
210
00:06:57,903 --> 00:06:59,377
I bet they're gonna spend
the whole week
211
00:06:59,378 --> 00:07:00,547
holding hands on the toilet.
212
00:07:00,548 --> 00:07:01,622
(laughs) Freaks.
213
00:07:01,718 --> 00:07:03,959
It's like my rainbow T-shirt
came to life
214
00:07:03,983 --> 00:07:05,858
and lives on a bee farm.
215
00:07:07,351 --> 00:07:11,911
So, you guys are staying here
all week just to be with moi?
216
00:07:11,912 --> 00:07:13,399
It's like a little hive
and I'm the queen.
217
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:14,826
Oh, okay, so,
the bee thing is like...
218
00:07:14,827 --> 00:07:16,573
this is, like,
your whole personality?
219
00:07:16,574 --> 00:07:18,504
-Cool.
-Now, Mrs. Esther and Mr. Walter,
220
00:07:18,505 --> 00:07:20,192
where do you keep
your honey carafe?
221
00:07:20,193 --> 00:07:22,918
-Oh, for... what?
-(laughs): Okay, Walt.
222
00:07:23,092 --> 00:07:25,382
Like we were gonna have tacos
without honey?
223
00:07:25,448 --> 00:07:26,764
-You big clown.
-What?
224
00:07:26,786 --> 00:07:29,695
Dad, Jill, um,
loves honey and bees,
225
00:07:29,696 --> 00:07:31,798
and actually has
a super interesting life
226
00:07:31,799 --> 00:07:34,132
back on her family's bee farm,
so...
227
00:07:34,290 --> 00:07:35,547
Wait a second. A farm?
228
00:07:35,548 --> 00:07:38,132
Not Chicago? I thought
you were a big-city big shot?
229
00:07:38,133 --> 00:07:39,574
I am something of a big shot.
230
00:07:39,729 --> 00:07:41,239
Not to buzz
my own hind wings,
231
00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:43,981
but I'm, uh, in charge of
a whole section of the apiary.
232
00:07:43,982 --> 00:07:46,907
Ooh. Oh, no. Mrs. Esther,
where is the nearest toilet?
233
00:07:46,908 --> 00:07:48,418
Just down that hallway
on the left.
234
00:07:48,419 --> 00:07:50,015
Please do not wait for me
to eat the tacos.
235
00:07:50,016 --> 00:07:52,591
The TSA seized my water bottle
full of honey,
236
00:07:52,614 --> 00:07:54,096
and, without my daily dose,
237
00:07:54,193 --> 00:07:56,603
oof, my bowels have been thrown
for quite a loop.
238
00:07:56,683 --> 00:07:58,517
Okay, go ahead.
You can say it.
239
00:07:58,538 --> 00:08:00,855
We're The Four Muska-weirds now.
This blows.
240
00:08:00,856 --> 00:08:02,791
Come on, Judy,
she's definitely odd,
241
00:08:02,792 --> 00:08:04,550
but she's only here five days.
242
00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:06,208
And we shouldn't
make her feel weird.
243
00:08:06,209 --> 00:08:07,769
Yeah, maybe we'll turn her cool.
244
00:08:07,897 --> 00:08:09,730
-You guys?
-Dane, I will ground you.
245
00:08:09,886 --> 00:08:11,052
I'm in college.
246
00:08:11,053 --> 00:08:13,169
I mean, she certainly
can't get less normal,
247
00:08:13,170 --> 00:08:14,410
so I don't see a downside.
248
00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:15,992
JILL:
False alarm, that was actually
249
00:08:15,993 --> 00:08:18,178
just a very significant
gas event.
250
00:08:18,179 --> 00:08:20,079
The candle you had lit in there
blew right out, ma'am.
251
00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:23,415
(laughs) Now, where are we
on that honey carafe?
252
00:08:23,416 --> 00:08:26,538
All right, Robert. I'm just
gonna get my homework done,
253
00:08:26,539 --> 00:08:28,614
and you... do that.
254
00:08:28,770 --> 00:08:30,045
Ouch! Ow!
255
00:08:30,275 --> 00:08:34,869
Okay. Just gonna drape this
over you carefully and- Ow!
256
00:08:34,870 --> 00:08:36,716
Okay, now you're
being unreasonable.
257
00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:37,794
That's enough, young man.
258
00:08:37,795 --> 00:08:38,888
All right, while I have dinner,
259
00:08:38,889 --> 00:08:40,814
you sit in your little book jail
260
00:08:40,912 --> 00:08:43,538
and think about
what you've done, Robert.
261
00:08:45,499 --> 00:08:47,866
(snoring)
262
00:08:48,022 --> 00:08:49,322
(gasps)
263
00:08:49,323 --> 00:08:51,440
-Were you watching me sleep?
-(singsongy): Only since dawn.
264
00:08:51,441 --> 00:08:54,108
I sleep bee hours,
11:00 p.m. to 4:00 a.m.
265
00:08:54,264 --> 00:08:56,854
Are you ready for a wacky
Waco weekend girls' trip?
266
00:08:56,855 --> 00:08:58,200
I read that
in my in-flight magazine.
267
00:08:58,201 --> 00:08:59,581
I have no idea what it means,
268
00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:01,041
but I really enjoyed saying it.
269
00:09:01,042 --> 00:09:02,895
Anyway, what do we have planned
for after school?
270
00:09:02,896 --> 00:09:05,486
Anything is fine with me,
such as and for instance,
271
00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:07,678
there is a very exciting
indoor bee farm
272
00:09:07,801 --> 00:09:09,300
in Fairbanks
I'd love to see.
273
00:09:09,301 --> 00:09:12,070
It's only a nine-hour drive,
but I get sick if the car goes
274
00:09:12,071 --> 00:09:14,404
over 30 miles an hour,
so it will take us 18.
275
00:09:14,405 --> 00:09:16,582
Or what if instead
we take you to the mall
276
00:09:16,583 --> 00:09:20,085
for new clothes and new hair,
and just, like...
277
00:09:20,086 --> 00:09:22,190
-change everything about you.
-Oh. -Judy!
278
00:09:22,191 --> 00:09:24,416
(groans) What Judy is
trying to say is, uh,
279
00:09:24,417 --> 00:09:26,535
on Friday,
there's this event at school,
280
00:09:26,536 --> 00:09:28,035
the Bon Voyage Bonfire,
281
00:09:28,036 --> 00:09:29,935
and there's this fun tradition
where you toss things
282
00:09:29,936 --> 00:09:31,565
in the fire
you want to let go of,
283
00:09:31,566 --> 00:09:34,130
and maybe you'd like to get a
new outfit for it or something.
284
00:09:34,131 --> 00:09:37,449
Wait, are you offering me
a human teen makeover?
285
00:09:37,450 --> 00:09:39,236
Offering, suggesting,
demanding,
286
00:09:39,237 --> 00:09:40,628
whatever you want to call it.
287
00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:43,075
-We're offering.
-And if you happen to say...
288
00:09:43,076 --> 00:09:44,734
turn heads at school,
and people wonder,
289
00:09:44,735 --> 00:09:46,163
"Wait, who is
that exchange student,
290
00:09:46,164 --> 00:09:47,667
and look at her normal
and not weird friends!"
291
00:09:47,668 --> 00:09:50,428
Well, pfft, I don't know,
that would be neat.
292
00:09:50,584 --> 00:09:51,750
Oh, my God! I accept!
293
00:09:51,846 --> 00:09:53,512
It'll "bee"
my greatest honor.
294
00:09:53,513 --> 00:09:56,115
-You know, like a bee.
-Yeah. we got it! We get it. We-we got it.
295
00:09:56,116 --> 00:09:57,861
All right, after school,
we'll have
296
00:09:57,862 --> 00:10:00,179
a Lone Moose
Makeover Extravaganza.
297
00:10:00,352 --> 00:10:04,204
♪ You should be your,
you should be yourself ♪
298
00:10:04,363 --> 00:10:06,363
♪ Unless you're acting
like a bee ♪
299
00:10:06,364 --> 00:10:08,908
♪ Then you should definitely be
somebody else ♪
300
00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:11,381
Did you know there's a hairstyle
named after beehives?
301
00:10:11,382 --> 00:10:14,307
-Jill, no.
-♪ Ooh, be yourself ♪
302
00:10:14,332 --> 00:10:16,815
♪ Unless other people
don't like it ♪
303
00:10:16,839 --> 00:10:19,840
♪ Ooh, be yourself. ♪
304
00:10:19,997 --> 00:10:21,739
Okay, two words: the dump.
305
00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:23,243
Yes. (giggles) The dump.
306
00:10:23,244 --> 00:10:24,859
Have I told you
they've reinstated
307
00:10:24,860 --> 00:10:26,180
their early evening hours?
308
00:10:26,181 --> 00:10:27,531
Yes, Dad. Many times.
309
00:10:27,532 --> 00:10:30,283
They haven't had evening hours
since I worked there in my 20s.
310
00:10:30,284 --> 00:10:32,525
I did our trash run
a whole two days early.
311
00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:34,549
-Your turn, Ham.
-Oh, uh, sorry, one sec.
312
00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:36,559
I'm texting Crispin.
"How's Robert?"
313
00:10:36,560 --> 00:10:38,451
Who's Robert?
You know I like to meet
314
00:10:38,452 --> 00:10:40,795
all your new friends,
so I can also befriend them.
315
00:10:40,796 --> 00:10:42,812
Oh, crap, I forgot
I'm cactus-sitting.
316
00:10:42,909 --> 00:10:45,319
Skip my turn, I'm gonna go
snap a pic for Crispin.
317
00:10:45,475 --> 00:10:46,975
I'm up.
All right, babe.
318
00:10:46,995 --> 00:10:49,070
Movie marriage mind meld,
here we go.
319
00:10:49,071 --> 00:10:52,343
-Okay, you're eating,
a-and it's family style. -Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
320
00:10:52,344 --> 00:10:54,454
-Family is very important
to you. -Mm-hmm.
321
00:10:54,455 --> 00:10:55,760
In fact,
your car robbing group is
322
00:10:55,761 --> 00:10:57,448
-an awful lot like a family.
-Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
323
00:10:57,449 --> 00:10:59,282
-Fast and Furious 7!
-Woo-hoo!
324
00:11:00,516 --> 00:11:02,416
Robert?
325
00:11:04,117 --> 00:11:05,525
Robert!
326
00:11:05,526 --> 00:11:08,311
-Dad, did you really go
to the dump already? -Why, yes.
327
00:11:08,312 --> 00:11:10,722
They reinstated
their early evening hours, so...
328
00:11:10,726 --> 00:11:11,818
How could you?!
329
00:11:11,971 --> 00:11:13,637
Hey, bud. Calm down.
What's up?
330
00:11:13,734 --> 00:11:14,975
Oh, I don't know,
331
00:11:14,976 --> 00:11:16,391
my own dad dropped
my boyfriend's cactus
332
00:11:16,392 --> 00:11:18,682
that I promised I'd keep
an eye on at the dump,
333
00:11:18,899 --> 00:11:20,219
and now it's lost forever!
334
00:11:20,253 --> 00:11:23,179
-How could you do this, Father?!
-Ham, don't panic.
335
00:11:23,353 --> 00:11:25,643
The dump's closed
for the next couple of days.
336
00:11:25,644 --> 00:11:27,605
Paulie's taking Wednesday
and Thursday off
337
00:11:27,606 --> 00:11:30,866
to work on his novel:
Jeremy Can, Garbage Detective.
338
00:11:30,867 --> 00:11:33,605
But we can go on Friday
and ask to have our trash back.
339
00:11:33,606 --> 00:11:36,290
And in the meantime,
maybe send Crispin an emoji.
340
00:11:36,388 --> 00:11:37,588
I think teens love those.
341
00:11:37,708 --> 00:11:39,875
Ooh, try shrimp
or the eggplant.
342
00:11:39,898 --> 00:11:41,230
No, Dad, the eggplant is...
343
00:11:41,385 --> 00:11:43,855
Actually, you know what,
I will send him that one.
344
00:11:44,819 --> 00:11:46,244
Hello, everyone.
345
00:11:46,398 --> 00:11:49,824
Read us and weep.
It's us, The Oresome Foursome.
346
00:11:49,825 --> 00:11:52,339
That's like "awesome"
but better, and it rhymes, so...
347
00:11:52,340 --> 00:11:55,174
It does rhyme,
but I don't like it.
348
00:11:55,331 --> 00:11:58,107
Hello, Quay,
a cool boy in our grade.
349
00:11:58,264 --> 00:12:00,782
Oh, hey, Judy. Kima.
Amelia. Bee girl.
350
00:12:01,014 --> 00:12:03,347
Uh, okay, take another look.
Not a bee girl.
351
00:12:03,370 --> 00:12:05,111
She's just a regular,
human girl
352
00:12:05,208 --> 00:12:07,859
who is friends with us.
Oh, hi, Stacy.
353
00:12:07,860 --> 00:12:10,053
-I didn't even see you there.
-Oh, hey, Judy.
354
00:12:10,054 --> 00:12:11,462
Hey, Jill.
You look nice.
355
00:12:11,484 --> 00:12:12,924
Yeah, that's right, she does.
356
00:12:13,046 --> 00:12:16,063
You might even say she looks,
uh, Muska-fierce.
357
00:12:16,238 --> 00:12:17,571
Mm-mm. No. Don't say that.
358
00:12:17,725 --> 00:12:19,483
Uh, excuse us! Excuse us!
359
00:12:19,505 --> 00:12:22,914
(laughs) Lower 48 cool girl
and her besties coming through.
360
00:12:23,015 --> 00:12:24,589
-Choo choo.
-Or her best bees.
361
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:25,852
Jill, no. No, no.
362
00:12:26,082 --> 00:12:29,275
And to think, I knew them
when they were weird.
363
00:12:30,922 --> 00:12:35,773
♪ You should be your,
you should be yourself ♪
364
00:12:35,774 --> 00:12:37,628
♪ Unless you're acting
like a bee ♪
365
00:12:37,629 --> 00:12:40,947
♪ Then you should definitely be
somebody else. ♪
366
00:12:40,971 --> 00:12:43,713
See you later, Jude,
and all Jude's dudes.
367
00:12:43,714 --> 00:12:45,724
I cannot believe
the week we're having.
368
00:12:45,725 --> 00:12:47,564
Stacy B. hasn't called me
a muska-weird even once
369
00:12:47,565 --> 00:12:49,990
since Jill's makeover,
and our lunch table is
370
00:12:50,147 --> 00:12:51,479
absolutely popping off.
371
00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:53,170
Do you guys think
we should sell tickets?
372
00:12:53,171 --> 00:12:54,767
To sit with us? No,
you're right, not yet, not yet.
373
00:12:54,768 --> 00:12:57,499
Can you even imagine rolling
into The Bon Voyage Bonfire
374
00:12:57,500 --> 00:12:59,856
-tonight with this momentum?
-I'm gonna go see about getting
375
00:12:59,857 --> 00:13:01,786
more honey packets
from the lunch lady.
376
00:13:01,787 --> 00:13:03,178
Buzz right back.
377
00:13:03,198 --> 00:13:06,441
Hey, Jill, big news,
you're sitting with us today.
378
00:13:06,524 --> 00:13:08,691
Okay, but I won't share
my honey packets.
379
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,213
No, no, no, no, no, no!
380
00:13:10,293 --> 00:13:13,203
Did Stacy B. really just steal
Jill away to sit with her?
381
00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:15,059
Well, Jill does love bees,
382
00:13:15,060 --> 00:13:16,492
so this works on
a lot of levels.
383
00:13:16,493 --> 00:13:20,069
No, no. She can't have Jill,
too. I can fix this.
384
00:13:20,171 --> 00:13:22,153
-I have to.
-Let it go, Jude.
385
00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:23,416
-Judy!
-Oh, no.
386
00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:26,087
(clears throat) Hello,
it's me, Judy Tobin.
387
00:13:26,245 --> 00:13:27,935
-Jill's friend.
-Jill's friend?
388
00:13:27,936 --> 00:13:31,090
(chuckles): Anyway, I just wanted
to address the elephant in the room.
389
00:13:31,091 --> 00:13:32,348
Yes, the rumors are true.
390
00:13:32,349 --> 00:13:33,931
Jill just sat down
with Stacy B.
391
00:13:33,932 --> 00:13:35,360
I can't believe
this is happening
392
00:13:35,361 --> 00:13:36,547
during my birthday month.
393
00:13:36,548 --> 00:13:39,532
-What a gift.
-But Jill is still our friend.
394
00:13:39,631 --> 00:13:41,948
She's not leaving us
for Stacy B. or whatever.
395
00:13:41,949 --> 00:13:43,733
She will be back
with us very soon,
396
00:13:43,734 --> 00:13:45,404
and a thank you,
and, um, and drive safe.
397
00:13:45,405 --> 00:13:48,298
And, uh, come on back, Jill.
398
00:13:48,299 --> 00:13:49,732
(scoffs) Let's get
out of here, Jill.
399
00:13:49,733 --> 00:13:51,254
I have a piece of toast
in my locker
400
00:13:51,255 --> 00:13:53,166
that looks exactly
like Shawn Mendes.
401
00:13:53,167 --> 00:13:54,411
It's gonna blow your mind.
402
00:13:54,412 --> 00:13:55,766
Okay. Well,
she's just gonna go,
403
00:13:55,767 --> 00:13:58,164
and then we'll go, and then
we'll all see her later.
404
00:13:58,165 --> 00:13:59,831
(laughs nervously)
405
00:13:59,853 --> 00:14:02,670
-Well, that was
probably fine, right? -Judy, no.
406
00:14:02,844 --> 00:14:05,014
It wasn't fine.
It was embarrassing and bad.
407
00:14:05,017 --> 00:14:06,959
Yeah, seriously, Judy,
let it go.
408
00:14:07,189 --> 00:14:08,355
I'm sorry, but no!
409
00:14:08,356 --> 00:14:10,364
The days of Stacy B.
treating me like garbage
410
00:14:10,365 --> 00:14:11,415
have to be over.
411
00:14:11,416 --> 00:14:13,296
I know where she hangs out
after school.
412
00:14:13,297 --> 00:14:14,892
Let's just please go there
later and get Jill back
413
00:14:14,893 --> 00:14:16,471
in time for
the Bon Voyage Bonfire.
414
00:14:16,472 --> 00:14:18,172
We're finally getting cool.
415
00:14:18,177 --> 00:14:19,976
-Please?
-Geez, Judy, fine.
416
00:14:19,977 --> 00:14:22,245
Okay, I'll go physically,
but mentally I'm gonna be
417
00:14:22,246 --> 00:14:24,903
at my favorite place: the bulk
bins in the grocery store,
418
00:14:24,904 --> 00:14:28,348
sticking my hands in the malt
balls because it feels great.
419
00:14:28,505 --> 00:14:30,839
Hello, Paulie,
how are you today?
420
00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:33,092
In the middle of
a particularly riveting episode
421
00:14:33,093 --> 00:14:34,780
of Pretty Little Liars,
that's how I am.
422
00:14:34,781 --> 00:14:36,860
-Now, can I help you
with something? -I hope so.
423
00:14:36,861 --> 00:14:38,698
I accidentally
threw away a cactus, and...
424
00:14:38,699 --> 00:14:41,289
-(gasps) I can't believe it.
-Yeah, it's stressful.
425
00:14:41,290 --> 00:14:44,122
One of the Pretty Little Liars
just dropped a huge truth bomb.
426
00:14:44,123 --> 00:14:45,885
Don't see that every day.
Now, what's going on?
427
00:14:45,886 --> 00:14:48,968
Paulie, we just need to get back
some of the trash I dropped off,
428
00:14:48,969 --> 00:14:53,138
-to retrieve
something important. -A.D.A.F., bud.
429
00:14:53,238 --> 00:14:54,813
Oh, man. Oh, man.
430
00:14:54,835 --> 00:14:56,334
Hmm. We're not beaten yet.
431
00:14:56,506 --> 00:14:58,247
I happen to know
a secret way in.
432
00:14:58,344 --> 00:14:59,769
Let's get that cac back.
433
00:14:59,770 --> 00:15:02,596
You know, bees actually have
big hearts, emotionally,
434
00:15:02,597 --> 00:15:04,026
but tiny hearts, physically,
435
00:15:04,027 --> 00:15:05,956
which often explode
during times of stress.
436
00:15:05,957 --> 00:15:08,699
Ugh! Like, take a Xanax
and get in the hot tub, bees.
437
00:15:08,856 --> 00:15:11,206
Uh, if you ever put a bee
in a hot tub, miss lady,
438
00:15:11,207 --> 00:15:13,218
I'll rip your wings off
and feed you your own stinger.
439
00:15:13,219 --> 00:15:15,719
Ugh! Stacy B.'s just doing this
to get back at me!
440
00:15:15,817 --> 00:15:18,047
She doesn't even like bees!
It makes me sick.
441
00:15:18,048 --> 00:15:19,827
You know what
makes me sick, Judy?
442
00:15:19,828 --> 00:15:22,408
The thought of missing Kima's
mom's tater tot casserole.
443
00:15:22,409 --> 00:15:24,243
So, what exactly
is the plan here?
444
00:15:24,244 --> 00:15:26,921
-Well, I'm gonna go out
there and tell Jill- -STACY B.: Oh, my God.
445
00:15:26,922 --> 00:15:28,680
Is that The Three Muska-weirds?
446
00:15:28,911 --> 00:15:31,503
Did you follow us here?
That is beyond.
447
00:15:31,504 --> 00:15:33,179
Actually, uh, no,
we didn't follow you here.
448
00:15:33,180 --> 00:15:34,868
We came here independently
to check on...
449
00:15:34,869 --> 00:15:37,261
the wind, and
it sure is blowing, so okay.
450
00:15:37,262 --> 00:15:39,439
Anyway, while we're here,
Jill, you should know
451
00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:41,887
that Stacy is only hanging out
with you to get back at me.
452
00:15:41,888 --> 00:15:43,559
She's trying to make sure
I go back
453
00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:45,618
to being a loser
who gets called names
454
00:15:45,639 --> 00:15:47,306
and doesn't have friends, so...
455
00:15:47,403 --> 00:15:49,385
Wait, "doesn't have friends"?
456
00:15:49,386 --> 00:15:51,487
Yeah, I thought we were
humiliating ourselves
457
00:15:51,488 --> 00:15:52,750
on this freezing cold dock
458
00:15:52,751 --> 00:15:54,993
so our friend could prove
some dumb point.
459
00:15:54,994 --> 00:15:56,576
-I guess not.
-Wait, no. Come on.
460
00:15:56,577 --> 00:15:58,173
-That's not fair.
-Save it, Judy.
461
00:15:58,174 --> 00:15:59,984
We're supposed to be
three queens,
462
00:16:00,012 --> 00:16:02,496
but you just treated us
like worker drones.
463
00:16:02,497 --> 00:16:04,005
Ugh, I can't believe
I accidentally
464
00:16:04,006 --> 00:16:06,340
learned this much about bees!
Let's go, Kima.
465
00:16:06,437 --> 00:16:09,027
Uh, there would never be
three queen bees, Amelia!
466
00:16:09,028 --> 00:16:10,690
The hatched queen would kill
the other two
467
00:16:10,691 --> 00:16:12,540
by stinging them.
(burps) Ooh.
468
00:16:12,697 --> 00:16:15,306
This hot chocolate
makes me burp.
469
00:16:15,307 --> 00:16:17,241
Aha! Bingo.
470
00:16:17,242 --> 00:16:19,318
I cut this slit
in December 1999,
471
00:16:19,549 --> 00:16:20,731
after I lost my keys
472
00:16:20,886 --> 00:16:23,720
at a particularly wild
Dump-2-K party.
473
00:16:23,818 --> 00:16:25,818
Crushed a lot of
computers that night.
474
00:16:25,899 --> 00:16:26,949
And a lot of Zimas.
475
00:16:26,950 --> 00:16:28,422
(chuckles):
We felt so free.
476
00:16:28,423 --> 00:16:30,577
Kind of cool to be
at the dump at night, huh?
477
00:16:30,578 --> 00:16:32,858
I wish I had fewer cockroaches
in my pant legs,
478
00:16:32,859 --> 00:16:34,341
but overall, not bad.
479
00:16:34,439 --> 00:16:35,604
Put her in park, son.
480
00:16:35,605 --> 00:16:37,688
This is where they dump
the newest trash.
481
00:16:37,689 --> 00:16:39,781
Dad, look,
that's got to be our stuff!
482
00:16:39,938 --> 00:16:42,788
Yup, glad I bought those
hot pink trash bags on sale.
483
00:16:42,789 --> 00:16:44,783
I was a little afraid
they would make our garbage
484
00:16:44,784 --> 00:16:47,301
look too flirty
but sure paying off.
485
00:16:47,457 --> 00:16:49,140
Robert? Dad, I found Robert!
486
00:16:49,141 --> 00:16:51,058
-Oh, no, he's...
-PAULIE: Hey, stop right there!
487
00:16:51,059 --> 00:16:52,487
I'm putting you in dump jail!
488
00:16:52,488 --> 00:16:54,729
Ham, run.
Dump jail is awful.
489
00:16:54,827 --> 00:16:56,811
I got an update
on the salmon count,
490
00:16:56,812 --> 00:16:58,929
-if anybody is interested.
-No, Walt. -No, Dad.
491
00:16:58,930 --> 00:17:00,509
(clears throat)
Don't mind me, um, uh,
492
00:17:00,510 --> 00:17:03,252
just gonna grab my stuff
for the bonfire and go.
493
00:17:03,276 --> 00:17:04,500
Yeah, good, go.
494
00:17:04,501 --> 00:17:05,948
Okay, I know a fight
when I see one.
495
00:17:05,949 --> 00:17:08,029
What's going on here?
And where's bee girl?
496
00:17:08,030 --> 00:17:11,773
(crying):
We did have a fight, and we lost the bee girl!
497
00:17:11,799 --> 00:17:13,540
Uh-oh,
should I call Chief Edna?
498
00:17:13,696 --> 00:17:15,620
We didn't literally lose her.
499
00:17:15,643 --> 00:17:17,217
We lost her to Stacy B.
500
00:17:17,372 --> 00:17:20,373
And then I lost
two other friends,
501
00:17:20,397 --> 00:17:21,896
because I, Judy Tobin,
502
00:17:21,993 --> 00:17:25,662
am just in general
terrible at friends!
503
00:17:25,819 --> 00:17:27,411
(crying)
504
00:17:27,412 --> 00:17:29,011
Uh, sorry you suck
at being a teen girl
505
00:17:29,012 --> 00:17:31,182
and everything,
but shotgun on those tots.
506
00:17:35,346 --> 00:17:37,938
-(sobbing)
-What in the hell is going on?
507
00:17:38,036 --> 00:17:40,353
What's going on is
that Judy is so obsessed
508
00:17:40,354 --> 00:17:42,289
with proving some dumb point
to Stacy B.
509
00:17:42,290 --> 00:17:43,776
that she basically forgot
we existed
510
00:17:43,777 --> 00:17:45,217
and said she had "no friends."
511
00:17:45,298 --> 00:17:47,373
I did not!
I mean, I did, but...
512
00:17:47,374 --> 00:17:49,475
Judy, these two girls would do
anything for you
513
00:17:49,476 --> 00:17:50,886
and to take them for granted
like that,
514
00:17:50,887 --> 00:17:52,577
well, you're being
a real douche.
515
00:17:52,726 --> 00:17:54,726
-Thank you.
-Not so fast. You two?
516
00:17:54,749 --> 00:17:57,459
-Also being douches.
-Yeah, Kima, stop being a douche.
517
00:17:57,460 --> 00:17:59,762
-Dane, go to your room.
-Are you kidding me? I'm 19.
518
00:17:59,763 --> 00:18:01,504
-Room.
-(scoffs) Fine.
519
00:18:01,505 --> 00:18:03,922
As I was saying, Judy here
is going through some biz,
520
00:18:03,923 --> 00:18:05,853
and when your friends
go through biz,
521
00:18:06,004 --> 00:18:07,670
you don't ice them out
like this.
522
00:18:07,671 --> 00:18:09,287
Understood?
When you have a husband
523
00:18:09,288 --> 00:18:11,292
who pretty much
only likes to talk about
524
00:18:11,293 --> 00:18:13,368
-how the world's about to end...
-It is.
525
00:18:13,466 --> 00:18:15,396
...you realize one thing:
life is short,
526
00:18:15,530 --> 00:18:17,955
and you got to hang on
to your real friends.
527
00:18:17,956 --> 00:18:20,041
What matters is something
you girls already have,
528
00:18:20,042 --> 00:18:22,709
-and it's right here
in front of you. -I'm sorry.
529
00:18:22,733 --> 00:18:24,474
-Me, too.
-Me three.
530
00:18:24,571 --> 00:18:26,071
I just don't understand, Judy.
531
00:18:26,150 --> 00:18:28,743
We usually don't care
about being popular or cool,
532
00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:31,083
but suddenly
it's all you can talk about.
533
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:33,573
Ugh! Stacy B. brings that
out in me!
534
00:18:33,670 --> 00:18:35,003
She's my Achilles' heel.
535
00:18:35,004 --> 00:18:36,528
Or maybe my Achilles' toe,
because that's
536
00:18:36,529 --> 00:18:38,845
where that stupid
BFF toe ring still is.
537
00:18:38,943 --> 00:18:41,185
Judy, Stacy B.
is a nonsense person.
538
00:18:41,186 --> 00:18:42,586
Let her have her popularity.
539
00:18:42,587 --> 00:18:44,717
For someone like her,
high school is their time.
540
00:18:44,718 --> 00:18:47,223
After high school, you know
what's waiting for her?
541
00:18:47,224 --> 00:18:49,563
Nothing. She's peaked.
It's all downhill after that.
542
00:18:49,564 --> 00:18:51,293
You know who else
it's all downhill for?
543
00:18:51,294 --> 00:18:53,299
-Mother Earth.
-Absolutely not, Walter.
544
00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:54,649
-Understood.
-Now eat up.
545
00:18:54,650 --> 00:18:56,139
And if you go to
that party later,
546
00:18:56,140 --> 00:18:57,643
please make sure
the bee girl's all right.
547
00:18:57,644 --> 00:18:59,148
I saw her try
to sting the neighbor.
548
00:18:59,149 --> 00:19:00,928
She chased him
for a good five minutes.
549
00:19:00,929 --> 00:19:02,595
She shouldn't be unsupervised.
550
00:19:02,596 --> 00:19:05,180
(giggles) That's gonna make
dropping off our trash
551
00:19:05,181 --> 00:19:07,665
a little awkward
but sure was worth it.
552
00:19:07,839 --> 00:19:09,219
Ham? Everything okay, son?
553
00:19:09,284 --> 00:19:11,267
No, I killed Crispin's cactus.
554
00:19:11,365 --> 00:19:14,625
Oh, no, son, are you worried
that Crispin will be mad at you?
555
00:19:14,781 --> 00:19:17,967
I mean, yeah, he might be
a little for a minute,
556
00:19:18,124 --> 00:19:20,142
but our relationship
is super strong.
557
00:19:20,373 --> 00:19:23,465
I'll say I'm sorry,
and he'll be okay.
558
00:19:23,489 --> 00:19:26,139
So then,
what are you worried about?
559
00:19:26,238 --> 00:19:28,647
I'm worried about this guy, Dad.
560
00:19:28,670 --> 00:19:30,503
Me, your son, Ham.
561
00:19:30,659 --> 00:19:32,829
I know I'm only 16,
and it's a little weird,
562
00:19:32,830 --> 00:19:34,410
but I think about wanting kids
someday,
563
00:19:34,411 --> 00:19:35,834
as, like,
a life goal, but...
564
00:19:35,835 --> 00:19:37,193
but remember
when I won that goldfish
565
00:19:37,194 --> 00:19:39,527
at the fish toss
and forgot to feed it?
566
00:19:39,528 --> 00:19:41,019
-You were eight.
-Uh-huh.
567
00:19:41,020 --> 00:19:42,460
How that time I watched Moon,
568
00:19:42,524 --> 00:19:44,157
and he ate, like, a whole pie.
569
00:19:44,271 --> 00:19:46,120
He's an unstoppable
dessert hole,
570
00:19:46,218 --> 00:19:48,960
-consuming
all that surrounds him. -Yeah, but...
571
00:19:49,059 --> 00:19:50,633
those things,
and now this.
572
00:19:50,634 --> 00:19:52,960
If I'm not responsible enough
to keep a cactus alive,
573
00:19:52,961 --> 00:19:55,149
there's no way I should have
an actual human baby.
574
00:19:55,150 --> 00:19:57,576
Oh, Ham,
just because you killed a cactus
575
00:19:57,577 --> 00:19:59,812
doesn't mean you won't be
a good dad someday.
576
00:19:59,813 --> 00:20:02,664
Look at me. I used to lose
my keys and use cable cutters
577
00:20:02,763 --> 00:20:04,154
to break into my own job.
578
00:20:04,174 --> 00:20:05,933
But then,
eventually I grew up.
579
00:20:06,164 --> 00:20:09,256
And then one day, I was ready
to take care of you kids.
580
00:20:09,281 --> 00:20:11,114
I mean, I wasn't,
but I had to.
581
00:20:11,268 --> 00:20:13,619
And then I was.
That'll happen to you, too, Ham.
582
00:20:13,734 --> 00:20:16,443
-Just give it time.
-Thanks, Dad. I love you.
583
00:20:16,542 --> 00:20:18,542
I guess I ought to text Crispin.
584
00:20:18,543 --> 00:20:19,716
"Hi, Crispin.
585
00:20:19,717 --> 00:20:21,884
"I'm sorry to tell you
that Robert went
586
00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:23,420
to the big desert in the sky."
587
00:20:23,545 --> 00:20:27,989
Cactus emoji, ghost emoji,
shrug emoji, heart emoji.
588
00:20:27,990 --> 00:20:29,167
And an eggplant.
589
00:20:29,168 --> 00:20:31,059
You know, just to keep it fun.
Send.
590
00:20:31,081 --> 00:20:34,323
See you in hell,
Roger the Friendly Starfish.
591
00:20:34,423 --> 00:20:36,240
Bon voyage, birth certificate.
592
00:20:36,261 --> 00:20:38,491
This will definitely
stir things up at home.
593
00:20:38,509 --> 00:20:40,601
-Whose son even am I?
-Is that...?
594
00:20:40,757 --> 00:20:43,107
My best friends forever toe ring
from Stacy B.?
595
00:20:43,264 --> 00:20:45,355
You bet it is.
It took a lot of baby oil,
596
00:20:45,356 --> 00:20:47,365
but I wrestled it off
in Kima's bathroom after dinner.
597
00:20:47,366 --> 00:20:49,108
Bon voyage, Stacy B.
598
00:20:49,130 --> 00:20:51,389
Yeah, bon voyage, dumbass.
599
00:20:51,545 --> 00:20:53,287
Bon voyage, Stacy's phone.
600
00:20:53,383 --> 00:20:54,641
What the...? What?
601
00:20:54,642 --> 00:20:56,055
You said you were getting
too many texts.
602
00:20:56,056 --> 00:20:57,560
-I was helping you.
-(screams)
603
00:20:57,561 --> 00:21:00,729
All right, let's be
good friends and go save Jill.
604
00:21:00,730 --> 00:21:02,816
♪ They don't want us
to be together ♪
605
00:21:02,817 --> 00:21:05,006
♪ They say we don't work,
like wet weather and leather ♪
606
00:21:05,007 --> 00:21:06,268
♪ But when I stick my hands in ♪
607
00:21:06,269 --> 00:21:07,939
♪ I feel a joy that's all mine ♪
608
00:21:07,940 --> 00:21:09,276
♪ The soothing movin' rhythm
of malt balls ♪
609
00:21:09,277 --> 00:21:11,168
♪ Makes me freeze in time ♪
610
00:21:11,190 --> 00:21:12,781
♪ It may be unsanitary ♪
611
00:21:12,936 --> 00:21:15,436
♪ And it may
technically be a crime ♪
612
00:21:15,461 --> 00:21:17,961
♪ Oh, a dip
in the mothball bin ♪
613
00:21:18,116 --> 00:21:20,468
♪ Sounds absolutely divine ♪
614
00:21:20,469 --> 00:21:22,461
♪ A perfect match
like Alice Toklas ♪
615
00:21:22,462 --> 00:21:24,484
♪ And her sweetie pie
Gertrude Stein ♪
616
00:21:24,485 --> 00:21:26,698
♪ I feel like I've died
and gone to heaven ♪
617
00:21:26,699 --> 00:21:30,659
♪ 'Cause, baby, my hands are
in the bulk bin. ♪
618
00:21:30,709 --> 00:21:35,259
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