All language subtitles for Irreverent s01e02.eng

- Yeah, relax, Benny.

Last month was an act of God.

No, that means
not very often, Benny.

God doesn't even know
where Clump is.

It was a freak accident.

Now, listen, your tobacco
is as safe as beer cans.

We run a tight ship,
and my boys operate

at the very highest level
of professionalism.

- How would you prefer to die?

Scenario numero one:
your hands are bound.

You're tied to a stake, or--

- Why?

- Why what?
- Why am I tied to a stake?

- It's a hyper-theoretical.

- I'm punting you mean
"hypothetical," but go on.

- What I said.
So your hands are bound.

Someone covers you in honey

and releases
a million fire ants.

- Where are they gonna get
a million fire ants from?

More to the point,

how will they keep 'em all
in the same spot?

- They're criminals.

- Yeah, but they're not
ant trainers, are they?

We--we are criminals.

What are you saying, like,
"Oi, Ma,

release the fire ants"?

What are you talking about?

- There's some sick people
out there, James.

- Luke, why do you bother me
with this stuff, mate?

- Life poses
difficult questions.

- Yeah, but this
isn't one of 'em.

- Oi!
Hey, what's going on here?

- What?

- What in the hell
have you done

with my damn chop-chop boxes?

- Oh, bugger me.

[bluesy rock music]

- Well, don't just stand there.
Go in and get 'em.

* *

[cheery vocal music]

* *

[birds chirping and squawking]

- [sighs]

[upbeat music]

* *

[sighs]

Perfect.

- Dickhead One,
this is Dickhead Two. Over.

Hey, Dickhead One,
this is Dickhead Two.

- Come in, Dickhead Two.

You woke me up. Over.

- Hey, where are you? Over.

- Paris. Mid-winter.

- Why aren't you at the manse?
Over.

- Hey, back in a sec,
Dickhead Two. Over.

* *

Daisy.

- You didn't sleep here
last night, did you?

- No, no. Just came for a swim.

- So you're still
at the manse, yeah?

- Yeah, of course I am.

- It's important you have
that address.

The court will take that
into account.

What's he like,
this new reverend?

- Yeah,
he's a really great guy.

- Good.

[phone ringing]

- Hi, Lew. Hang on
just a second, all right?

[groans]

Okay. I'm coming. I'm coming.

- He's at it again.
- [muffled] Hold on, buddy.

[normally] Hold on. Hold on.
- He's a busy man.

- All right. What have you got?

- Hello, Keegan, my friend.

- Mackenzie?

- Yeah,
calling from a new cell phone.

So if you need me,
you just call me here, okay?

Listen, I'm thinking,

we both can't go around
with the same name.

So you know
what I'm calling myself?

- I kind of like dead priest.

- Jeannie Tupps!

- You're calling to tell me...
- I'm coming. I'm coming.

- That you are calling yourself
Jeannie Tupps?

- No, no, no, no, no.
That's my new friend.

No, no. Are you ready?
Bryan Mills.

- Yeah.
- That's my name, from "Taken."

Liam Neeson's character.
We talked about this.

- Sure.
- Come on. Nothing?

Nothing at all? I thought
you would enjoy that more.

All right, listen, buddy.
Anyway, reason for the call.

You got a wedding
this weekend, okay?

And I wanna make sure
you don't make us look bad.

It is my name
at stake as well, right?

- Sure.
[whistle blows]

- Oh, hey, buddy, listen.
I'm gonna call you back, okay?

My hotel
runs a free Zumba class,

and I need 100% focus
on the body,

because this is about
to get savage. [laughs]

- Wait, wait.

Your hotel does that for you,
huh?

Free Zumba classes?

- Oh, are you kidding me?

It is an unbelievable
cardio workout.

I'm doing this every day
until I leave on Monday.

Man, I'm gonna miss
this place.

Hey, buddy, you know what?

I'll call you back later
with instructions.

Wait, better yet,
I have a great idea.

I will record
a service for you,

and you can just follow it,
all right?

- Sounds great.

- I'll tell you
right now, buddy.

A few more days of this,

Charmaine will regret
divorcing this maverick,

maverick, maverick,
maverick man, whoo!

- Hotel Zumba class in...
Surfers Paradise.

I got you. I got you.

Yes!

[line ringing]

- Hello.
- Lew? Lew.

- Lorenzo sent his pit bull
after you.

- Christ. Farah?

- Hell yeah.

- Lew, you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

That number you gave me
is dead.

- It doesn't matter anymore,
Lew.

I've got a lead on this guy.

He's staying in a hotel
in a place called

Surfers Paradise
for three more nights.

If I leave by tonight,
I can make it.

Look, Lew, I need an ID.

- Man, you need
a lot of things.

- I can get the money,

but without a decent ID,
I'm a sitting duck.

I can't even buy gas right now.

Forget about a hotel.
Forget about flights.

I can't move an inch, okay?
I need you to call Paige.

- Paige? Really?

You know
I'm out of that game now.

- Come on, Lew.

If I wasn't desperate,
I wouldn't ask.

Please.
- Okay, I'll call her.

But she's gonna
charge you extra,

'cause if Lorenzo finds out,

he's gonna kill her.

You're looking
at a lot of money, man.

- Yep.

Thanks, man.
I've got a window.

If I'm not out of here
by nightfall,

he's gone.

- Stay alive, man.

You be careful.

- Mm-hmm.

* *

- Morning, Reverend.

First morning,
all very exciting.

- Not now, Peter.

- Are we right to begin
the work of pastoral care?

There are some important
members of the community

waiting to meet you.

- Uh-huh.
- Very powerful people.

- Yeah, no, no, no, no.

I am very anxious to meet them,
but right now,

I have to go deal
with Satan himself.

So I need you to cover for me.
Yeah?

Just stall for a little bit,
and--and--

and I need you to tell me
where the internet is.

- I think just it's--
- No, no, no.

- No, no, no.
- Peter, the internet.

- Internet.
Lucy's at the beach bar.

- Great. Thanks.

* *

[engine puttering]

- Cam! Cam!

Come, come, come, come, come.
- What?

- Come.
[dog barks]

We're gonna be millionaires.

Look what washed up
on the beach.

- Oh, no, no, no.

No, you can't be caught
selling dope,

not with what
you've got coming up.

They'll throw away the key.

- It's not dope.
It's chop-chop.

Tobacco, like the stuff
they sell in the store.

- Yeah, but it's still--
it's illegal, ain't it?

- It's exactly the same stuff
they sell legally in packets.

Smokers don't care.
They just want it cheap.

It gives you the exact same
cancer as the legal stuff.

- [sighs] I don't know.

Daise, you know,
criminals grow this stuff.

- We didn't steal it,
and we didn't grow it.

I found it.

Oh, come on, Cam.

This is worth, like,
I don't know,

50 grand.

We sell it, we split it,
and I'm going down

the Canal Saint-Martin
and going to the Louvre.

- Why do you always
wanna leave?

- Why stay?
No one wants us here.

I'm a dropout,
and you're weird.

[bird squawking]

- Okay.
- Yeah? Yeah?

- Okay. Yeah. Okay.

Look, give me one box,

and I'll sell it
at the caravan park, yeah?

- Yeah.
- That's where the smokers are.

Everyone else is too healthy.

Be careful.

- Yep.

- Guinness, here, boy.

* *

- Hi.

Hi, I'm looking
for the internet café.

- Oh...[chuckles]

This way.

* *

- Okay.
[grunts]

* *

[engine puttering]

[computer blipping]

Okay. Let's go.

Zumba. Surfers Paradise.

[touch tones beeping]

[modem beeping]

[groans]

[breathes deeply]

Okay.

- Is it working?

- Hey, could I get

just a coffee
with oat milk, soy milk?

And I would love
a bagel with lox,

low-fat cream cheese.

No capers. Thank you.

- You been to the hardware?

- I'm all set for tools,
but thanks.

[modem beeping]

[upbeat music]

* *

- [groans]

* *

How you doing there, Pipe?

- Ah, welcome back
to the land of the living.

The drunken bachelor awakes.

- Major investigation?
- Yep.

- Status update?

- Well, how about I print out
a progress report for you?

You can give me your thoughts.

- Really? I'd love that.

They grow it
in the rain forests

and the sugar plantations,
you know.

Chop-chop trade
is worth millions.

- Thanks for your input,
Detective.

- You're welcome.

You can't really blame people.
We're all broke.

- Chad, you know I can
arrest you for real, right?

- [laughs]
Yeah. Yeah.

It's organic.

You know, fair trade?

It's like,
shop local, you know?

- Coffee's up.
Strong coffee for sis.

- Impeccable timing, Harry.

- And one cappuccino
for the drunken baby.

- Thank you, Harry.

Whoa.
That's a lot of chop-chop.

- Chad?
- Yeah.

- Don't you have
a wedding to plan?

- Oh, yes.

Yeah--yes.
Thanks for having me.

- You find him
a convincing baby?

- Yep.

- Yes.

All right.

[computer blips]

[printer whirring]

[power whirs down]

Oh, come on.

Hey, can you tell me
where the nearest landline is,

you know, one where I can
actually hold a conversation?

- Oh, the caravan park
has a pay phone.

Mobiles aren't great here.

- Great. I'm just printing
something off real quick.

- Oh, I'll restart
the generator.

* *

[engine turning over]

[sharp thud]

[engine revs]

[sighs]

[groans]

Piper!

[groans]

Ah, Daisy, Daisy.

How far away
is the caravan park?

- Five kilometers,
just down the beach.

- What's that in miles?
- What are miles?

- A masculine kilometer.
What's with the box?

- Wedding cake.

- A wedding cake
inside of a Styrofoam box

with--what is that--
a fish on top?

- Yep. Just keeping it
in the church fridge.

- Why not? All right, thanks.

* *

[bell dinging]

- Hey. Hey.

- I hear you have something

under the table
for sale to Georgian brother?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Oh!

- Maybe we should not

do this dodgy sale
in front of holy man.

- No, no.
Hey. Hey, Rev.

Peace.

Welcome
to the Clump Beach Resort.

How can I help you?
- I need some coins.

I need to use the pay phone.

- Yeah. Where are you calling?

- Surfers Paradise.

- Gold Coast. Okay, yeah.
- Yeah, great.

- You're gonna need ten
50-cent coins.

- Go figure. There you go.

- Thank you. Okay.

And that is ten.
That's ten 50-cent coins.

- I gave you a ten.
- Yeah, there's ten.

- That means I get 20
50-cent coins.

- No, we sell 50s
for a dollar here.

It's our small commission.

- Your small commission
is 100%.

- Roughly.

- [sighs] Where's the phone?

- Okay, if you take a right
and then a left,

so, like, a half right,
and then all the way out...

- I'll find it.
- And it's on the--

Oh, good luck, Rev.

* *

- Hi, I was wondering if,
by any chance,

your hotel offered
free Zumba classes.

No. Okay.

Zumba. Yeah.

- Oh, somebody got a new dress.
You look great, Mary.

- Z-U-M.

- Hey, Bill.
Hey, Michelle.

Ezra.

- No, no, I'm not interested
in badminton.

I'm just wondering

if your hotel
offers free Zumba classes.

- Yes, as it happens, we do.
- Really?

- With our resident
Zumba instructor,

Jeannie Tupps.

- Ah, Jeannie Tupps!

Yeah, I've heard about her.

A good friend of mine
has stayed at your hotel.

Actually, he might still
be there right now.

Could you tell me

if you still have
a guest there named...

Bryan, Bryan...Mills?

- Ooh, he just danced
his way out of here.

Did you want me
to call him back?

- No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.

Absolutely not.
I kind of wanna surprise him.

- Such a fun guy.

Very generous tipper.

- Okay.
I'll be seeing you guys soon.

Bye-bye.

Yes!

- Boss, I'm heading out
to the Jovics'.

- Piper, you don't have
a warrant.

Do not touch anything.

- Copy that.

[upbeat music]

* *

There has to be 30 boxes
stacked up outside.

- They're probably
full of fish or empty ones.

It's their business.

- The boxes are sealed
and sitting outside

in full sunshine,
and they smell of tobacco.

Rahane, we're gonna have
to wrap this up.

- Just give me the headline,
Pipe.

- Best time to hit the Jovics
would be tomorrow.

Big weddings close small towns.
They won't be expecting us.

- All right, fine.
I'll get a warrant, all right?

Just keep me posted.

- Copy. Great.

- Hey, Officer,

I feel as though we got off
on the wrong foot.

- From memory, I don't think
you had any footing.

- [laughs]

And that is totally fair.

I'm just hoping that, you know,

maybe we could find
the reset button.

- Can you hold this flashlight
for me?

- Yeah, sure.

- Reset what?
- You booted my hearse.

- Booted?

- Yeah, you put that thing
on the wheel.

- Oh, that would be a clamp.

- Well, "to-may-to,"
"to-mah-to."

- Why don't you ride a bike?

Great exercise.
Get you back in shape.

- [scoffs] No, I am in--

I'm in great shape, thanks.

- Have you thought
to ask yourself

why you're holding
the flashlight?

- Power outage.

- Caused by one
perfectly contoured athlete

who wiped out
our electricity supply.

Yeah.

Get me a copy of your license.

- Piper, all I'm trying to do
is my job.

I need to get around
and tend to my flock.

- Boot stays.

"To-may-to," "to-mah-to."

* *

- Reverend Mackenzie.
- Oh, God, what now?

- Today's rounds are now
fully compromised.

We are beyond tight.

I've moved the wedding
preparations to 5:00,

but we need more time.

- Yeah, no, cancel it, Peter.
- What?

- No.

- I thought you were desperate
to do your rounds.

Here you have a vehicle
and a licensed driver.

- My God, you're right.

[laughs]

Look, if you think
that we have enough time,

let's meet some parishioners.

- This is
Reverend Mackenzie Boyd.

Reverend, this is Flo.

- Would you like some tea?
- Oh, yes.

- Lamington?
- How could I say no?

- Perhaps a little tune?

[slow piano music playing]

[upbeat music]

- Lamington?

[mugs clink]

[fly buzzing]

- Lamington.

* *

- You, where'd you get
your tobacco from?

- You, take long walk
off big cliff.

Ay!

- [sniffs]

It's ours.

- Where'd you get
your tobacco from?

- Little shop in Tbilisi.
What is to you?

- Oi, Rasputin, I'll give you
one more chance.

Where'd you get
your tobacco from?

- You think you frighten me?

Pfft! Please.
I'm Georgian.

We survive winter so cold,
we have to eat our own shoes.

I spit on your threat.

Nothing you do
will make me talk.

Hey!
- Don't break him.

- Is Cameron Nettlebeck,
caravan 42.

Come, come, I show you.
This place is labyrinth.

- Peter, I swear to you,
if I have one more lamingtons,

I'm gonna go
into diabetic shock.

And if I puke,
which is very possible,

you're gonna be cleaning up
the coconut bits.

I'm done.
Take me home right now.

- Delaine won't feed you.
She's widowed, and she's blind.

And it's "lamington."

- Not when you've had 47.

Come on, Peter, I really need
to be getting back.

- Well, this will be the last,

and remember the wedding
rehearsal this afternoon.

- What's--what's up
with the little hot rod?

Is that Delaine's?

- It's her late husband's
illegally modified Torana.

He used to fix them.

- Really?

Say, Peter, you know, sometimes
these things go a little better

when it's just one-on-one,
you know what I mean?

So why don't I go in by myself

and, you know,
I'll provide comfort?

- Good. She can be prickly.
We never really jelled.

- Can't imagine why.

- Maybe read her something
from the good book.

- All right, man.
I'll see you later.

- Good one.

One hour, to be exact,
for the rehearsal.

Don't be late, Reverend.

[horn honks]

- Delaine?

Hope you don't mind.
Your door was unlocked.

I'm Reverend Mack,
the new minister in town.

- Oh, is that clown Peter
with you?

- Nope, just me.

- Oh, thank God
for small mercies.

Now, if you're expecting tea
and lamingtons,

you can piss off.

- You have no idea how happy
I am to hear you say that.

- Hmm.

Well, have you got
anything to say?

Oh, that's great.
I'm blind, and you're mute.

[laughs]
Gonna be a cracker of a day.

- Would you...

like me to read you a passage
from the Bible?

- Tell you what.

Why don't we talk
about you leaving?

You're worse
than your predecessor.

God, man.

- Okay, well, it was very nice
to meet you, Delaine.

- Well, it certainly
made my day.

* *

[engine grinding]

Hey!

You're trying
to nick my car,

there's something
you should know. [laughs]

That battery's been dead
for two years,

and I'm not gonna
give you a push start.

Well, must say
I suddenly find you

a whole lot more interesting.

* *

- Don't move.
- Sorry. Sorry.

- No chop-chop.

All right.

Let me pose a hyper-theoretical
for you, mate.

- What?

- Hyper-theoretical
numero uno one:

we break both your arms.

- Why?

- Hyper-theoretical
numero uno two:

we break both your legs.
[dog whimpers]

Hyper-theoretical--

- Shut up.

Shut up, would ya?

They're not
hypothetical questions, mate.

And "uno" means one,
you gibbon.

Actually, define "hypothetical"
for me please, Luke.

- Well...

it's kind of like
a question posed

with a philosophy at its core.

- Okay, well, that's--
[clears throat]

You got a bit closer there
than I thought you might.

That's fine, okay,
but what we're doing here

is, we're making actual
physical threats.

No philosophy necessary.

So unless he tells us
where the rest of it is,

we're gonna break every bone
in his body one by one.

No!

[keys rattle]

[upbeat music]

* *

- You drive.

- Oh, now it's a hypothetical,
isn't it?

How are we gonna get the car
on the beach?

Get him!

Dropkick.

* *

- Oh, jeez.

- You found my spot.

- Huh?

- I'm Amy.

- Hi, Amy.

- I offered to give you
mouth-to-mouth

when you descended Clump
into darkness.

- I--thank you for that.
Yeah.

- Didn't take you long to
piss off the only cop in town.

- Piper, right?
- Ooh. First-name basis.

- Are you guys friends
or something?

- I'm her best friend, and she
hates me most of the time.

- Why is that?

- She went away for a few years
to the city to become a cop,

and when she came back,
it was just...

crap.

Jump in.

- Yeah.

Thank you.

- She used to be wild.

[bluesy rock music]

[static crackling]

- Hey, Dickhead Two.
This is Dickhead One.

Is that you? Over.

Come in, Dickhead Two.

* *

Dickhead Two,
how much josh have we made?

Have you sold it all yet? Over.

- Well, I hope for both
of your sakes that he hasn't.

- [gasps]

And you can tell
your weedy little friend

that I'm gonna turn both him
and you into fish food

pretty soon if you don't
sort something out.

Over.

* *

- Where in God's name
have you been?

- Hey, Peter.

- Waiting.

- Hey, folks. How are you?
I'm so sorry that I'm late.

- It's been an hour.
- I know.

I was just--you know what?
I'm here,

so let's just get on with it,
yeah?

I mean, you know what they say.

A quick rehearsal
is a good rehearsal.

- Yeah, no.

A thorough rehearsal
is a good rehearsal.

- Yeah, 'cause we don't know
where we're standing,

we don't know
what we have to say,

and we have all of our friends
and family coming tomorrow.

We'll look ridiculous.

- No.
- Our last wedding video

has a crocodile
gnawing on your predecessor.

- You got that on tape?
- Yeah.

- Look, you're inside now,
right?

So we're gonna work with that.

I'm gonna be standing up here,

and, Chad,
you and your party,

you'll be standing on my right.

- I think it's the left.
- Left.

- Left.

- Well, yeah,
traditional wedding.

I mean, sure, if that's the way
you wanna go, then yeah,

you'll be standing on my left.

And then picture this.

We've got the beautiful bride
coming on down the aisle,

strutting her stuff.

Cue Peter on the organ.

[bright organ music]

- Gwenda is singing them in.
It's in the notes.

- Oh, I just assumed
you'd be accompanying her.

- Sweet Jesus,
don't wish that on us.

No offense, Peter.

You sent us the notes.

You promised
we were in safe hands.

- Oh, this is gonna be
a complete cock-up.

- [sobbing] Oh, no!

- It's okay.
- Oh, oh, oh.

- Darling, darling, come on.

- No, no, no.

We need to rehearse.

There are no crocs.

Crocodiles.
Please!

- What's the matter
with crocodiles?

- [sobbing] No!

- You are not getting married
up here.

We are going to Surfers.

- I have been waiting for--

[light music]

* *

- Out you come.

- Hello.

- Pretty safe to assume
this has something to do

with the stolen tobacco?

- Yeah--yeah, no,
but we didn't steal it.

- Hmm?

Oh, so it just magically
appeared in your office?

- Yeah.
- Tell me about that.

- Well, Daisy found two boxes
that washed up on the beach.

Look, these blokes
who lost the boxes,

Rev, they're dangerous.

They're gonna kill us.
The Jovics, they're bogans.

- Okay, great.

Whatever a bogan Jovic is,

they're clearly involved in
things that you shouldn't be.

So give it back.

- Yeah, like that's gonna work.

These bogans,
they really hurt people.

Like, badly.

- Don't know what you want me
to do about it.

Maybe it's time for you
to get on that plane to Paris.

- You got a spare passport

hidden somewhere
that I can borrow?

* *

Come on, Cam.

* *

- All right.

Here's what you're gonna do.

Whatever tobacco you have,
you're gonna take it back,

but you're gonna
do it secretly, yeah?

Safely, so they get it,
and they never see you.

Because you are staying
out of their way.

You understand?

- Yep.
- Yep.

- Good. Get out of here.

[dramatic music]

* *

- Oh, why is everything
in this place so far apart?

* *

[engine grinding]

[engine revving]

[tires squealing]

- [laughs]

* *

[car door slams]

[line ringing]

- Hello.
- Lew.

Did you get ahold of Paige?

- 100K.

- Oh, come on, man.
100 grand?

Are you kidding me?
- It's a full identity, man.

Doesn't come cheap.
- Jesus.

- We're talking passport
that will pass airports,

birth certificate,

bank accounts
that actually work.

- All right, I'll get it
for you in two days, okay?

I know
where this is asshole is.

I got a car that finally works.
I'm headed to the Gold Coast.

- No, you're not.
- I--no, I am, all right?

It's 20 hours straight through.

I can finally get this prick.

- Turn around.

- Did you not hear
what I just said, Lew?

I can get to him
and get the money.

- And then what?

The documents will take
at least a week.

- So I'll go to ground.

- Listen to me.
You are being hunted.

Lorenzo has people everywhere.

The whole world
is connected now:

cameras everywhere,
facial recognition.

Even your refrigerator
listens in.

Everyone is watching you
wherever you are.

- Tell that to the town
that I just left.

They're stuck in 1982.

- Then turn the hell around
and go back.

Stay in 1982.

- Lew, how am I supposed
to pay 100 grand

if I can't go and get it?

- Forget Lorenzo's money.
It was never yours.

Paulo, you are the most
resourceful man I've ever met.

You could find a way to get
100K out of a lemonade stand.

- So I'm supposed to--

- And you're telling me
you have a whole town.

You know I'm right.

Go back. Stay safe.

Don't call me again

until you find another way
to get the money.

[line clicks]

* *

- Lewis.

It's been a long, long time,
my friend.

- Lorenzo.

I thought you might come by.

- Farah says that you're still
Paulo's cornerman.

I asked him
to give us a moment,

see if we can't work this out,

just you and me...

for old times' sake.

- For old times' sake?

Might as well bring him in now.

* *

[engine turning over]

- Lester, I'm not wearing
a suit and tie to the wedding.

I've never worn a tie.

You know that better
than anyone.

- You look so handsome
in a suit.

- Then bury me in a suit
if you like,

but even then, no tie.

[fly buzzing]
- [coughing]

Oh.

Lester, Victor,

something's rotten
in the state of Queensland.

- Do you want the good news

or the slightly less
than ideal news?

both: The bad news.

- Let's lead with the good.

You have a young couple
very much in love,

and no one is dead.

- The bad news, Lester.

- The wedding food is ruined.

- What'd he say?

- Well, the power failure
killed the fridge.

The seafood is...

tangy.

both: Tangy?

- Well, more salmonella
than salmon.

- The silver lining is,
we still have party pies

and some crisps.

And red wine
doesn't need refrigeration.

- It's 32 bloody degrees.

No one will be drinking
red wine!

- Well, it's not
Lester's fault.

It's the new reverend
taking out power.

- I'll kill him...

right after he marries them.

- And then I'll kill him again!

- This has to be the worst idea
you've ever had.

- No, we need
to finish this now.

- The Jovics will be here soon,
and they'll finish us, Cam.

- No, just--let's give back
what we have,

and then we'll--we can
pay off the rest, right?

- No, we follow
the rev's advice.

We drop it off,
we stay in the manse,

and we just--
[car door slams]

* *

- All right, get out of here,
both of you.

- You came back.

- I said get out.

- Why would you do that?

- I seriously have no idea.

So you two need to leave
before I change my mind.

- Yep. Yep.
- Now.

- Yep.

- Thanks. Thanks, boss.

* *

[bluesy rock music]

* *

[knock at door]
- Hey, thanks for knocking.

Come on in.

You must be the two apostles.

It's Luke and James, right?

Which one's which?

Don't care.

Please, have a seat.

- Don't sit down, idiot.

Priest, mate, look,
probably wanna clear off,

if you know
what's good for you.

- Man, I really wish
that I did,

but I can't have you guys

hurting a couple of kids
over some cancer sticks.

Bad for business, so...

this can go one of two ways.

- Like a hyper-theoretical?

- Option A is that we all
reach an agreement

and everybody walks away
happy--well, ish--

but, most importantly,
healthy, yeah?

- All right,
and what's option B?

- [clicks tongue]

I'd stick to option A.

- Really?
What about option C, mate?

[bluesy rock music]

- You need those to beat up
a couple of teenagers, huh?

- Don't need them.

Just actually like the way
they cut through flesh.

[shouts]

[objects clattering,
people grunting]

- [exhales sharply] Daise.
- They're killing him.

- Daisy. Daisy. Daisy.

- Come on. Come on.

- No.
- Come on!

[clattering and grunting
continue]

* *

- Daisy.

- Sorry about the mess, Cam.

- [groaning]

- Oh, hey,
I got a wedding to do.

- The wedding party
wanna kill you.

- Well, that just fits with the
theme around here, doesn't it?

- You know the blackout
spoiled the food.

- Hey, fellas,

before you go anywhere

and now that we've got the
unpleasantries out of the way,

I have a favor to ask of you.

And in exchange,
I have some information

that you can pass on
to your mom.

* *

[gate creaks]

[whistles]

* *

- G'day, handsome.

So where do you want it,
Priest?

Do you want it in the brains

or the balls, eh?

You see, I'm the only one
who gets to beat up on my boys.

- Oh, I was thinking sister,
but you must be their mother.

It's Agnes, right?
- [laughs]

Now, don't try
and sweet-talk me, Yankee boy.

Those days are gone.

Now, they're good boys,
and you beat up on 'em bad.

- No, they're assholes,
and they're bullies.

And if they come near me

or threaten one of the kids
again...

They shouldn't.

- I'm sick of your
flapping gums, Padre.

Don't think that collar's
gonna stop me.

[gun cocking]

- Agnes, I've got
a business proposition for you.

- [exhales heavily]

[phone beeps]

Marriage:

it is a serious undertaking
made before God

and the witnesses
here assembled.

It's a sacrament of love
and commitment to--

- Are we ready?
- Oh, hot, sweaty, lathered up,

and ready to play.

Sorry about that, Paulo.

My Zumba class
is about to start.

Just copy everything I say.
You're gonna be great, okay?

Love is patient.
Love is kind.

Well, not really in my case.
Oh, I'm loving the vibe here.

Am I gonna sing this
with a little remix?

I think so.
Here we go, baby, yeah.

* It does not envy,
it does not boast *

* It is not proud *

* It is not rude *

- It is not rude.

It is not self-seeking.

It is not easily angered.

It keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil

but rejoices in the truth.

It always protects,

always trusts,

always hopes,

always perseveres.

- * Love never fails *

- Love never fails.

- What are we doing, ladies?

all: Zumba!

- What was that?

- Did he say Zumba?

- Chad...

Tassos...

Agathangelou...

[light music]

Do you take Charlotte...

Jennifer...

Roebuck...

to be your lawfully wedded wife

from this day forward
so long as you both shall live?

- Hell yes.

Sorry, Rev.
Yeah, big-time.

[dramatic music]

* *

- Cover, you guys.

Check that lot.

What have we got?

Two pairs.
Lift that up.

- Sarge, this one.
- Just here.

Take that tape.

[sighs]

You're kidding me.

Fish.

- Fish.
- Oh, great.

[radio blips]
- Talk to me, Piper.

Are you there?

- Yeah, boss.

- And?

- And someone tipped 'em off.

* *

[upbeat music]

* *

- Don't mind if I do.

Hey, brother.
- Hey, sis.

- Everything else, as usual.

- There's nothing to do.
- No.

- Have a drink.

* *

- Hey, bub.

- How was the raid?

- A disaster.

They knew I was coming.

How was the wedding?

- Ah, typical. Usual.
Now no food.

- Hey, everybody,
I was just wondering

if I could get your attention
just for a minute.

- I'd piss off now, Reverend,

if you know
what's good for you.

- Hey, look,

I really feel terrible
about ruining the food,

and I was hoping that I could

remedy the situation
before the reception.

- Bit late.

If you haven't noticed,
we're all here.

- Yeah, I know,

and that's why I brought
these guys along.

- What the hell did I miss?

- We have got some lobsters.

We've got oysters.

We've got eight barra...
- Fish.

- Barra-fish.

And I hear a little rumor

that people around here
like their beer cold.

[cheers and applause]

- So let's get out there, boys.
Come on. Chop-chop.

- Light up the barbie, Harry.

- Already onto it!

* *

- Yay! Oh!

Come on through.
Beer's in the back.

[light music]

* *

- You know you could be
drinking champagne

on the Rue du Faubourg,
cruising down la Seine.

- Oh, yeah, I know.

And for some reason, here I am
at the end of the world,

sweating my balls off,
slapping mosquitoes,

and fighting off--

what'd you call 'em, bogans?

- Yeah, bogans.

Still, get to talk to me.

- Supposed to make me
feel better?

Anyway, you can keep the room.

- I already unpacked.

- [chuckles]

Course you did.

Don't get too comfortable, kid.

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