Original subtitles

And I am your host on The Lost Dimension.

Now, tell me brave viewers, what scares you the most?

Ghosts, demons, UFOs?

Or you simply give yourself the heebie-jeebies?

Well, on tonight's episode, a visitor comes knocking.

Whether it'd be in human form?

Well, you're gonna have to hold your breath.

When I was a little boy, I got food poisoning at school one day,

and I received permission from one of my teachers to go home early.

And I come home...

then I start hearing strange noises coming from upstairs in my parent's room.

It scared me half to death, you know, I turned white.

I didn't know what to do, so...

I went and got a big knife.

Same knife my dad used to cut the Thanksgiving Day turkey.

And I could hear my mom's screams getting louder and louder,

and I knew she was in trouble.

It was like she was staring death in the face.

And so I opened the bedroom door...

then I saw a large man in his ski mask

fucking my mom.

So, I started stabbing this guy over and over and over.

But... it was a mistake.

A terrible mistake.

It turns out the man that I slaughtered was my own dad.

They were role playing.

Went home from food poisoning and end up murdering my own father.

It was all very embarrassing for me.

But isn't life just a one big embarrassment?

I'll be honest, your talent's more impressive than your resume.

Uh, thanks. Thank you.

- Really great. - Thank you.

- A little about the role. - Mmm.

This scene takes place in the character's childhood.

This is one of the things that led him down the path to demon studies.

Funnily enough, it's actually based on the very same demonologist

- that performed an exorcism on my wife.

He's a tortured, troubled man with a dark past.

I need an actor to rip their soul out and put it on screen,

not just get high and collect a paycheck.

Well, I don't smoke. So...

No. But, yeah, no, I can do that...

if you could cast me, or whatever, in this. Or...

Are we done? Okay. Thank you.

- Thank you. - Clayton!

Hey! Clayton! Oh, my gosh, you fucking--

- Donald! What's up, man? - Studly!

Doe-eyed motherfucker! How are you, buddy? Mm!

Life's good, dude. Just, yeah, yeah, existing. You?

- Existing? - Yeah.

Wow! The gratitude is just exploding out of you right now.

- Okay. - No, I'm good man.

- I'm fucking busy, dude. - Yeah?

Yeah. How are you though? You're looking pretty svelte.

You good? You malnourished? You gettin' all your vitamins?

- I'm worried. - Yeah. I'm good, dude. I'm good. Yeah.

- Yeah? - Donald, I'm good.

Just, just, you know, been auditioning a bunch.

- Uh-huh. - And then looking for...

looking for some new headshots, or something.

- I'm sure. - Do you have a phone call? Or--

- No, no. - What's going on?

I, you know, it's crazy.

I didn't know that you would--

I mean, they were going this way on this part.

I'm just-- I sincerely hope that at some point this year you do work.

- Thanks, Donald. It was good to see-- - No, no, no. No, no, no.

No, for real, for real.

This is just a side racket for me.

I make all my paper on this fucking thing right now.

And it is sad. I need it. I want it.

I have to do it. I fucking love it, too.

You know what I mean? But you're a real fucking--

You know, you're a real artist, Clayton.

- You are. You're a real artist. - Yeah.

I bet you fucking make yourself cry in the bedroom, don't you?

You do the bedroom break down.

Do you? Is that what you do?

Do you do the bedroom breakdown?

- Hey! - Hey! There she is.

Wow. Oh, my God! Looking tight as hell.

You're lucky you have a cute face.

You're lucky you have a boyfriend.

Hi, Clayton. It's Aunty Sherry.

Wanted to check in to see how you're doing.

Oh, wow!

I'm looking at photos of you and your mom right now.

Oh, this one is...

You are so adorable.

Such a little tiny pee-pee

in the bathtub with your mommy.

I visited your mom the other day.

Left some new flowers by her grave.

Remember that song she always used to sing to you?

Greensleeves? Remember that song? It was so fucking annoying.

But you loved it. It was sweet.

Anyway-- oh! Your NCSI episode, I watched it.

It was terrific. I am shocked how good it was.

And I can't believe that they cut you out of it entirely.

Okay, bye-bye.

♪ Alas ♪

♪ My love you do me wrong ♪

♪ To cast me off ♪

♪ Discourteously ♪

♪ For I have loved you so long ♪

♪ Delighted in your... ♪

♪ Underneath Greensleeves ♪

♪ Was all my heart-- ♪

♪ Greensleeves was my delight ♪

♪ Greensleeves my heart of joy ♪

♪ And who but my lady ♪

♪ Greensleeves ♪

- You're happy. - I'm happy.

- You're happy. - I'm happy.

- You're funny. - I'm funny?

- You're funny. - I'm funny.

- You're funny. - I'm funny.

- You're funny. - You're hot.

Okay. Very good. Very good.

You guys, take your seats.

Okie-dokie.

I think the only one who hasn't gone is Clayton.

Do we have an odd number of students?

Don, my man, you wanna do repetition

one more time for Clayton's sake?

All right, gentlemen. Come right this way.

All right, Donald, you're going to kick us off.

First thing that comes to mind, don't think too hard about it.

And here we go.

You're stupid.

Really?

Come on, Clayton.

I'm stupid.

- You're stupid. - I'm stupid.

- You're stupid. - I'm stupid.

- You're stupid. - I'm stupid.

- You're stupid. - I'm--

- You're stupid. - I'm stupid.

You're stupid!

- Faster. - You're a dick.

Oh. You're dumb.

- You're a fucking dick. - You're dumb.

- You're fucking short. - You're dumb.

- You're a short dick. - Please repeat what he says.

- You're dumb. - You're dumb. I'm--

- You're dumb. - I'm dumb.

You're scared.

Repeat what he says, please! I'm not--

- You're scared! - I'm not scared.

- You're scared. - I'm not scared.

- You're scared. You're scared. - I'm not scared.

- You're scared. - I'm not scared.

- You're scared! - I am not scared!

Don... dude... ship.

You think maybe you could, uh, talk to your agent?

See if he'd be down to take a meeting with me?

Oh. I mean, that's gonna be a hard, Chippy.

He's fucking real cocksucker. You know that.

I mean, you know how hard it is for me to get him on the fucking phone.

I get it.

So maybe you ask him to come to my play next week, see me in action.

I mean, you gonna comp him a ticket?

What? No. He'd have to pay full price.

We have to pay to rent the theater.

You're coming at me right now...

it's like you're a baby seal trying to swim in a world full of sharks.

And you're about to get clubbed and get fucked raw.

You're like a fucking bottlenose dolphin here.

I mean, I'm embarrassed.

And I'm only telling you this because you are so talented.

But it's not about your talent.

It's about your height, your weight, your face, your temperament.

Other than that...

you are an amazing teacher.

You know what Don?

That kind of honesty...

is what makes you great.

- Oh, thank you. - Keep using it.

Hey, Clayton, buddy, it's your dad calling.

Hope you're doing all right.

Wanted to tell you Max and I watched your NCIS episode.

We didn't see you in it.

Are you sure this was the episode you were in?

Just wondering if they deleted your scene.

I know that happens sometimes.

You know, Max's son might be able to get you a job

as a junior broker at his company.

He said his company is the next JP Morgan.

No, it's Goldman Sachs.

Oh, sorry. Max has corrected me.

It's Goldman Sachs.

Hello?

Hey, Clayton.

I got Sean on the other line.

Okay. Uh, great.

Hey, Sean, you're on with Clayton.

Yo.

Yo. What's up, man? How are you doing?

I'm good. I'm good--

- Fuck! - You okay?

Nah, I just bent my knee. Fuck, that hurt.

Hey, so, I talked to the director from Psychic Highway.

- Okay. And? - And he really liked you, man.

Ah, dude, that's... that's great. That's great.

Yeah, I thought so, too.

Anyway, they want you back in

for a call back on Monday...

11:00 a.m.

You'll be there, yeah?

What are you nut--? Of course, yes. Of course, I'll be there.

Great, man. Look, this first one was good,

but this next one you gotta crush.

Dude, I will. I will.

Good. No pressure.

Peace!

All right. Thanks, man.

Yeah! Yes!

Ah... fuck.

Hello?

Hello.

Hello.

Who is this?

I saw your ad on the internet...

about the demonologist.

Clayton Walker.

I was doing a little spring cleaning. I didn't hear that door knock.

- Please, come on in. - Thanks.

- Do you mind to take off your shoes? - Oh, yeah. Sure.

I'll just put this beast away.

Wow. Cool place.

Yes, it's been home to me for many, many years now.

Is it just... is it just you here?

Yes.

Did you draw these?

Oh, no, no.

Those are based on a 15th-century wood carving.

Well, you see demons come in many different shapes and forms.

They can be invisible.

Or they can be horrifying, beastly creatures that carry us away.

Have you seen any of these, the beasts?

Oh, yes. Quite a few.

Galvino... demon of desire.

Shall we?

Please, take a seat.

Would you like a cup of tea, Clayton?

I was just in the middle of making some.

Um, yeah, sure. Please. Thanks.

Nothing like a nice cup of tea after a long drive.

Yeah.

- Here you go. - Thank you.

Thank you so much. Appreciate it.

- Mmm. Mmm. - Oh.

No, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

- No, it's okay. - I didn't mean to.

- Don't apologize. - I'm sorry. I just--

- Here. Clayton, take mine. - Okay. Thank you.

I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to spill on your--

It's okay. It's okay. Everything is fine.

Yeah. No, I--

- Everything is just fine. - I'm just-- I'm really sorry.

Don't apologize, Clayton.

It's a sign of weakness.

Why don't we talk about your career?

How long have you been acting?

Uh, yeah, a while.

Quite a while, actually, almost 15 years.

Wow.

Well, I wish I'd seen some of your work,

but, unfortunately, I haven't seen a movie in years.

Yeah, well, even if you did, you wouldn't--

Yeah. Well, you wouldn't have, really,

seen me even if you did.

Oh. Why do you say that?

Because I haven't really been in much.

Well, I'm sure you've done a lot of... amazing work in the past 15 years.

Uh, yeah, yeah, sure. I guess.

All right, my love. Why don't we talk about your family?

Tell me about your father.

Tell me about your mother.

Is something wrong?

Uh, no. No, no, nothing's wrong.

It's just I feel like I should be the one asking the questions, you know?

Like, I'm here to learn what it's like to do what you do.

Oh. I see.

Well, for the work we're going to do today...

I need you to trust me.

I need to trust you.

There can be no lies.

There can be no mistrust in this house.

Or the ritual that we will perform will have very little chance of success.

Ritual, um...

I see that you experience a great deal of self-doubt...

Clayton Walker.

Sweetheart... it hasn't always been that way.

I sense...

I sense that something happened to you.

Something that made you extremely vulnerable.

But what I sense is that evil spirits have penetrated your soul.

And I know that you can feel this because as they've become more powerful,

you felt yourself become more and more powerless.

Now, they will continue to do this

until there is very little Clayton Walker left.

And then... what happens next?

Well, that's not going to happen

because the ritual that we will perform

is an expulsion of evil spirits.

Sweetheart, just think of it like a purification

of your body and your mind.

Uh, like, um... uh...

An exorcism.

On me?

Yes. That-that's correct.

Clayton, sweetheart, you're gonna leave here with a clear mind and a clear soul,

and a very, very real sense of the spirits that surround us.

Now, I can't think of a better way

to prepare to play the role of a demonologist.

No?

I'm just...

Can I-- Can I use your bathroom real quick, please?

Shall we get started?

Do you mind?

Yeah.

After you.

So, this is where we will perform the ritual...

when you're ready.

And when will that be?

I'll need a day to prepare you. So, tomorrow night?

Wow. Okay.

Uh... and what exactly do we do at this ritual?

Like, I know you said we'd be, like, extracting the evil spirits,

like you said. But--

Clayton, I've done this many, many times.

That's, uh... That's blood, right?

Yes, it is.

Human blood?

Yes.

And goat.

Right.

Well, what do we do now?

We eat.

The goat?

Yeah, I don't-- I don't really eat much good home cooking these days.

Well, a healthy diet

is a key component to a healthy mind.

I guess that's why my mind's always running me wild then, huh?

Or that and the demons.

Wait, no, I'm-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to....

I'm not sure this is going to work.

No. I was just trying to be funny, I guess. Okay? It's just--

Are you aware that there are many,

many people who want nothing more

than to ridicule and berate me for what I do?

Now, I'm... I'm certain that you are who you say you are.

But I am not certain that you will be able to silence

the preconceived notions and doubts that obviously... concern you.

Look, I need this role.

Okay? I'm-I'm... I'm 35 years old.

I'm unemployed and I have 1,200 followers. It's shit.

Well...

Jesus Christ had only 12 followers

and he was nailed to the cross and beaten to death by the age of 33.

On the phone, you told me you already had this part.

Now, that... was a lie.

Uh, yes. Yes, it was.

It's okay, darling.

The lies are the work of the demons

and they convince us that we should disguise our insecurities.

But in reality, they are leading us

further and further from who we truly are.

Now, I don't need to tell you this

because I know that you can feel it in yourself.

Uh, yeah, I-I guess so.

I have a call back on Monday and I need to be--

I need to be great or else they're gonna give the role

to this dipshit social climber, Donald.

This Donald...

you're jealous of him.

Mmm.

Ah... jealous? Ah...

Okay, we share the same acting class.

And he's just one of those dudes that was blessed with good luck, you know?

He did this commercial when he was two years old, this antiabortion PSA.

And-and it aired on TV every Christmas for eight years.

Everyone has their own path.

Donald is on his,

and you will find yours.

I hope so.

Are you believing anything that I'm telling you, Clayton?

Or do you secretly think I've lost my mind?

What? No. Yeah, I-I-- listen, I totally believe you.

It's just all of this is so new to me. Okay?

So, it's just-- it just feels foreign and it's hard to take it all in.

Very difficult for us to challenge the things we think we know.

Very difficult for us to know anything these days when everything;

the media, science, social code,

everything is brought with

so much contradiction and insecurity.

I mean, there's a reason why I live out here, darling.

I rarely use the internet. I very rarely use the phone.

All of that... causes a great deal of psychic trauma.

And that is how the evil spirits take hold.

I would like to help you, Clayton...

both spiritually, and with your career ambitions.

But you are going to have to come a very long way

from where you are right now.

Yeah, I can do that.

Yeah, I will do that.

You know how much I love you guys, right?

No. You love me? I thought you fucking hated me, babe.

So much, I want to set your face on fire.

One year ago today, my mom died at 7:32 and my dad died at 7:48.

Can I ask you a question, Nik?

How did they die?

Donald, dude.

I don't want to talk about it, really.

Sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up.

Oh, okay. Okay.

Wow! I just-- I kind of feel like a fucking dick right now.

I mean, you did say your parents' respective death's, like, to the minute.

So, I thought it was kind of fair game, but, okay. You know what?

You know what we need right now? A little adrenaline!

It's getting little too modelin' in this bitch.

That means sad, Petra.

I'm sorry that me grieving my dead parents is so boring to you.

No, I-I understand it's a sensitive issue.

But you just can't get in your head right now. Okay?

It's gonna blow your high.

Wait...

Oh...

Interesting.

Do you girls believe in paranormal activity?

Spirits? The resurrection?

No, I don't.

Well, I do because I'm gonna be playing one.

A retarded ghost?

Shut the fuck up! A demonologist.

I got a callback for this movie Psychic Highway on Monday.

I mean, the role is, like, pretty much mine.

It's just a formality at this point.

I got a couple of, like, cocksuckers in my bullpen

that I gotta clear out.

But pretty much, I am in preparation mode.

How might you ask, is Donald gonna prepare for this part?

Well, I'll fucking tell you: an emotional purge.

Think of me as a demon therapist and you're my patient.

Who is your patient?

Come on, Nik.

It'll help loosen you up.

She's pretty loose as it is.

She's right. I'm a huge slut.

No, I know.

But I mean, listen, you hold everything inside.

That's why you're so stressed out all the time.

I need to prepare for this role.

You need to emotionally purge.

I mean, we're just gonna kill two birds with one stone.

And, artist to friend...

you're in a safe place... with me.

How safe?

Guys, we are about to embark on a spiritual experience

with the beautiful Ms. Nikki over here.

- Stop. I'm fine. - No.

I'm just regular pretty.

That's right. And she's agreed to be the guinea pig

in a little research experiment of mine.

What kind of research, you ask?

Well, when you see me

on the cover of Deadline, you'll find out.

And then the only research you'll be doing is Googling

how to suck Don Don's big old nutsack.

Don't be gross. Don't be gross in the video.

Do you have everything you need, Clayton?

Mmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

What's that?

A phone.

Mmm.

A device is more treacherous than a breast ripper.

It's a distraction.

It feels nothing but jealousy and despair.

Okay, I-I can turn it off if you...

If only it were that simple.

Re-- Really?

Okay.

Ha! Feel better already.

Yep.

Good night.

You're in my driveway. Get out of my fuckin' driveway!

You want some?

You want some?

Hi, I'm Eliza.

Hi. I'm your host, Eliza Atwood.

Welcome to an episode of the Lost Dimension.

Now tell me, brave viewers. What scares you the most?

Ghosts, demons, UFOs?

Hi.

Or do you simply give yourself the heebie-jeebies?

Are you an emotion masochist?

Do you sabotage your own opportunities?

Do you fear for the future?

Well, on tonight's episode,

we're gonna follow an innocent man who lives in upstate New York.

But one night, a visitor comes knocking. Whether it'd be in human form?

Well, you're gonna have to hold your breath to find out.

David Mamet says actors should just say their lines.

Forget about their motivation and their subtext.

Just say their lines plainly and simply.

I agree.

I hate all that pretentious preparation horse shit.

No, you've got to go with instinct.

Be in the moment, you know?

You feel something,

find an energy, key into that energy,

and then just let it rip.

Who's David Mamet?

Who's David Mamet?

What's your point, Don?

I'm going to ask you a series of questions.

I don't want you to over think the answers.

I just want you to say the first thing that comes to your head.

Remember, over thinking is the enemy. Okay? Remember that.

What kinds of questions you gonna ask me?

Okay. So, you just did it right there. That was a question.

Only answers.

Okay, well, what does this have to do with playing a demon?

Demonologist. Also, Petra, that's a fucking question. Okay?

What do you want me to do, Don?

Okay, just close your eyes. Deep breath.

You guys should take some shots

'cause you're being a fucking asshole right now.

And I just feel like it'll be more fun for me.

That's actually-- that's actually a really good idea.

- Thank God. Yes. - Okay.

- Oh, my gosh. - You first.

Here you go.

Whoo.

I say that after every question answered,

we both take a shot.

Okay. But you realize that I'm old, right?

You're gonna give me fucking alcohol poisoning.

Maybe. Just keep the questions to a minimum,

and then Petra won't have to pump our stomachs.

All right.

- Okay. First official question. - Mmm.

Why am I such a great actor?

- Because you were born with it. - God. Very good. Wow.

Yeah. Mmm.

You guys are gonna get fucked up.

Yeah. She's right.

Do you believe in demonic possession?

Answer.

No, I don't.

Do you feel guilty about your dog, Riley?

What?

His intestines exploded out of his ass under the wheels.

- Donald, what the fuck, man. - Petra, please.

No. I don't feel guilty about it, asshole.

I let him out by accident.

I was literally ten years old, and he was a shit dog.

Mmm. Wow.

Can you continue with this Spanish Inquisition, please?

- You know, maybe we should-- - Petra, please!

No, seriously, this is fucking stupid.

This is not fucking stupid, Petra! Okay?

It's not fucking stupid! I'm getting into character. She needs this. I need this.

The only person that doesn't need to...

- Fuck you, Donny! - ...fucking be here right now is you!

You are providing no fucking service of any kind. Okay?

Just shut the fuck up!

Sorry about that. Okay.

Did your parents love each other?

Yes. Next question.

- Are you sure? - Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Next question, please.

Now...

What really happened to your parents, Nik?

You gotta be honest with me. I mean, it's gonna make you feel better.

- Why are you asking me this? - A lot better. Because it's...

- Why the fuck are you asking me this? - ...my craft.

Your dad shot your mom.

- What are you doing? - Your dad--

- You don't know anything. - No, your dad shot your mom,

- and then he hung himself. - Knock it off, dude!

You know what-- Was he possessed?

Did a supernatural force make him do it?

I mean, you said yourself they're happily married for 25 years.

- What the fuck are you talking about? - Happy marriage for 25 years.

And all of a sudden, he just fucking shoots your mom?

- Why are you asking me this? - Why the hell would he do that?

- Why would your dad-- - Shut up! Shut up!

Why would your dad-- shot your mom!

I told you that in confidence, you asshole!

Why would your father shoot your mother?

- Why do you give a shit? - And then fucking hang himself?

No, stop! I'm asking you to stop!

I'm literally asking you to stop!

- He shot your mom! - Stop it!

- Why would he possibly do it? - I don't know!

There's no possible reason why a man would do that to his wife!

This is my house! Get the fuck out of my house!

- Get out of my house! - It doesn't make any sense here. Why?

Why would your father shoot your mother...

- Why do you give a shit? - ...and then fucking hang himself?

Why do you fucking care?

It has nothing to fucking do with you, you piece of shit!

He loved her! Nikki, why would he do it?

Fuck you! Stop it!

Your dad shot your mom

- and then he hung himself! - Stop it! Stop it!

Nikki, we're not done yet! Nikki!

Nikki, we're not done yet.

- Nikki! Nikki! - Fuck you, asshole!

- Please! Are you fucking insane? - You wanna get fucked?!

Shut your fucking mouth, you fucking cunt!

Shut the fuck up!

You want to it pry into my soul for your dumb fucking movie

that no one's ever gonna fucking see

because it's a dumb fucking movie,

and you think it's so fucking good?

You're not even gonna book the part,

you fucking asshole!

You want to interrogate me,

my father murdered my mother because she fucking cheated him.

And then he killed himself...

- You're fucking right! - I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Nikki.

I'm just acting. I'm just acting!

- I'm an actor, too! - I'm an actor, please!

I'm an actor, too.

I'm an actor-- I'm acting.

I'm acting.

So funny!

I like that.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

I am going to give...

such a nuanced performance.

What?

What?

What?

Well, I was just, um...

I was just wondering when we were gonna talk about your TV career.

In the year 2000,

I hosted one of the first female-led

ghost hunting reality TV shows on network television.

It lasted half a season. Got a bunch of negative reviews.

And that was that.

Wait, so... so you're an actor.

Why did you give it up?

I found my true calling.

Hmm.

Do you ever have, like, an itch to get back to it?

No!

Okay.

The Mallam Extractum.

This is the preeminent text for summoning and extracting spirits.

And this is an original manuscript.

Great.

I use it as a guiding force for my practices.

And the work begins now.

So, is this like-- is it training then?

Oh, this is more than training, Clayton.

This is evolution. Here we go!

You are a worthy being.

I am a worthy being!

You are your own being.

I am my own being!

You are free of thought and free of mind.

I am free of thought and free of mind!

You are your best self!

I am my best self.

I am my best self! I am my best self!

- Say it! - I am my best self!

- Louder! - I am my best self!

All right. Close your eyes.

I want you to think about your life.

Think about your family,

think about your friends...

boyfriends, girlfriends.

Now, tell me about the worst day of your life.

There are plenty.

Pick one.

I called my mom a bitch once.

Where's your mother now?

She left me.

And your father?

Off in Miami messing around with his boy toy, Max.

I see.

Are they happy?

Yeah.

Clayton...

Yes.

Are you telling me the truth about your mother?

I killed her.

I crashed my car, and I killed her.

She was my best friend.

It's okay.

It's okay.

It is now time...

to perform the ritual.

Okay.

One last thing...

blood magic is essential in luring a demon.

Yeah, how much blood do we need?

Oh, not your blood, sweetie.

Come here.

Think of your mother, think of Donald.

Think of all your past failures.

Let them go.

At this point,

it is imperative that your eyes remain closed.

But if my eyes are closed, how am I gonna see the spirits?

Well, let's just say you're gonna feel them.

Okay.

All right. Great.

So, once we begin the ritual,

it's very important that neither of us leave the house.

Because, you see...

if the spirits escape whilst we're in the process of summoning them,

we have no idea what havoc they will create.

Clayton Walker...

your mind has been possessed by evil spirits.

As I stand here before you,

I address the spirits that have corrupted your every thought and desire.

Clayton Walker, do you hear me?

Yes.

Spirits inside of Clayton Walker, do you hear me?

Whoa! Whoa! What the fuck!

What are you doing? You've ruined it!

Ruined what? You just started to fucking stab me.

Oh, stop being neurotic. I'm performing an ancient ritual.

Fuck this and fuck the ritual!

Oh, Clayton.

Honey, slow down. Clayton.

Trusting that fucking psycho!

God--

So, that's it? You're giving up?

Well, I guess that's why you don't get any of the roles you want.

Are you out of your mind? You just tried to stab me.

Oh, come on. It's an ancient ritual.

That was just an act of intimidation designed to lure out the evil spirits.

It's just part of the process.

Yeah, well, I didn't see or feel any evil spirits, did you?

Well, you did open your eyes and run off, silly.

Yeah, I tend to do that when I see someone raise a knife on me, Eliza!

- What? You think I'm going to-- - What?! What do you want?

You think I'm going to flip a switch and extract a demon?

Well, you're going to flip a switch and become a star.

I mean, let's get real.

After all of your years as a failed actor,

I would expect you to understand that anything that's worth having

takes patience, darling, takes tenacity.

Oh, tenacity? Okay.

Well, I don't think I'm prepared to wait out my whole life

for some evil spirits that may or may not blow on my neck,

or do whatever the fuck they do, Eliza.

♪ And I have loved you for so long ♪

♪ Delighting in your company ♪

You were doing so well.

Why were you singing that song?

I know deep down you believe, Clayton.

I can feel it in your soul.

Why don't I make us some tea?

You could take a bath,

take a little time to yourself.

Please, don't leave.

♪ Greensleeves are my delight ♪

♪ Greensleeves are my delight ♪

Tea is ready.

Okay.

Ahh.

You have a nice cock, darling.

Not too big, not too small. Just perfect.

I don't see you returning to your old life after all this.

I mean, let's face it, it was pretty empty...

emotionally.

Boring.

What excites you, Clayton?

I don't know.

You know what excites me?

Death.

Okay.

- Then why haven't-- - Why haven't I killed myself?

Yeah.

I've been planning my exit into hell for a very long time.

Last thing I want to do is waste it on a simple suicide.

Your turn.

I wanna be a movie star.

Why do you want to be a movie star, Clayton?

Because it's... it's validation,

proof I was right.

Can't you prove that to yourself?

I mean, why do you need some producer to prove that for you?

- No, it's not the same. - Why?

Just because.

That's not an answer.

Because it's-it's obvious, Eliza.

Is it?

You land a big role and then...

and then you deliver in that role and you prove that you can do it.

I just-- I don't see the joy in that.

I mean, if I want to prove something to myself,

I just... prove it to myself.

Okay, well, then it's not-- It's not just for myself.

- Well, then, who is it for, Clayton? - It's for everyone. Okay?

Everyone will know they were wrong about me.

Everyone who thought-- who thought I was a fool

for pursuing this life, every other actor who--

who thought they were better than me.

I want to see them standing...

...on their miserable feet,

clapping for me. Clayton!

- Okay. - Yeah.

Like this. Okay.

I could do that for you right now, Clayton.

That's it.

Why don't you take a bow?

Take a bow, Clayton. Take a bow.

Come on, sweetie. Take a bow.

Where are you gonna be, sweetie? Maybe up in the sky

- looking down at them? - It doesn't fucking matter.

It does not matter to me.

Just knowing that it's happening, that's all that I need.

Okay. But who cares? I mean, really.

I mean, you don't care about them. They don't care about you.

You just told me how miserable they all are.

I mean who cares? Who cares?!

I do.

It makes you want to punch Donald in the face

every time you see him, don't you, darling?

Go on.

You tell me what you want to do to him.

I want to cut his head off with a buzz saw and put it in the dumpster.

You see, if you let go of all that,

Donald doesn't matter...

none of it matters.

Only you matter, sweetie.

Only you.

I told my mom I would make it.

She believed I would make it.

I'm gonna make it.

Yes.

Oh, yes, darling. Oh, yes.

Come here. Come here.

- Ooh. - Let it go.

Clayton, honey.

What the fuck?!

I just--

I just heard my-- I just heard my mom.

Yeah.

She's here.

Clayton, honey.

What the fuck?

Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

Come on! How do I get out of here?

You don't.

Oh, yeah?

- Fuck! - Clayton.

What's so funny?

You.

Why won't the window break?

Maybe you're not supposed to leave here, Clayton.

Yeah, you wanna fuck with me?

Kill me. Come on. Come on.

Do it.

Come on. Kill me. Kill me.

Where is my mom?

Oh...

She's right in here.

Shh...

What do you want from me?

You see, I've been thinking about what you said.

And I did want more out of life.

I always... wanted a family.

I-I actually wanted a son.

Let's see...

You do seem a little confused.

Perhaps this shall help clear your mind.

Aah.

It was a trap.

My boy... we have a higher calling to attend to.

Now, repeat after me.

Clayton, repeat!

Now, come to me.

Come to me, my son.

You're stupid! You're dumb! Stupid! Dumb!

The green tea has finally paralyzed your body.

Now, we can be together...

forever.

All I've ever wanted is a child...

to feed... to bathe... to love.

Clayton, I've been waiting for you my whole life.

I'd really love it if you would call me mom.

Mom.

Oh, it's so nice.

Yeah, it tickles me a little.

Mom.

Oh, no.

Mommy's right here.

Ooh, she's right here.

Where are you going?

♪ Sometimes I feel like ♪

I'm not normal.

What is normal, anyway?

Right? I guess... like everyone else.

I get stupid thoughts sometimes.

I keep them to myself because I don't want anyone thinking I'm a weirdo.

I wonder if everyone get strange thoughts but just don't want to admit it.

I think we all get strange thoughts.

You wanna know what kind of thoughts I get?

Well... I can't tell you

because it's too embarrassing.

That was great. Really, really great.

- Thank you. - Really great, Donald.

Okay. Where do you guys-- where do you guys shoot this one?

- We'll give you a call. - Yeah? Okay, yeah.

The financing and all that kinda... stuff.

Well, just give me a text, call, email, DM.

I do it all.

Thank you. Thank you. All right, bye, guys.

Crushed it!

Christ, he was awful.

Terrible. High school acting.

He gets jobs?

Commercials mostly.

All right, who's next?

Ah, well, it was supposed to be Clayton Walker.

He was supposed to be here before Donald, but he didn't show.

I followed up with his agent, but--

- You're kidding. - I liked that guy.

- He-he was good. - He was. Wasn't he?

He really had something special.

♪ Alas, my love ♪

♪ You do me wrong ♪

♪ To cast me off discourteously ♪

♪ For I have loved you for so long ♪

♪ Delighting in your company ♪

♪ Greensleeves was all my joy ♪

♪ Greensleeves was my delight ♪

♪ Greensleeves my heart of gold ♪

♪ And who but my Lady Greensleeves ♪

Yo, yo.

♪ Standing on the highway doin' it my way ♪

♪ I like to spray all kinda words ♪

♪ I'm so disturbed ♪

♪ Bustin' a nut all over you herbs ♪

♪ That's how I do it, yeah ♪

♪ Read the blurbs ♪

♪ Rollin' up through the suburbs ♪

♪ Rub-a-dub-dub ♪

♪ Slashin' all your throats and drinkin' up your blood ♪

♪ Leavin' you face down ♪

♪ Breathin' in the mud ♪

♪ Ha-ha-ha fuckin' Elmer Fudd ♪

♪ That's how I got it ♪

♪ I don't stop ♪

♪ I be blowin' up this bitch on this tic and this tok ♪

♪ And you be suckin' on this dick aka'in my cock ♪

♪ I'm keepin' that shit for your mom and it's hard as a rock ♪

♪ When I do my dirty business I keep on my spark ♪

♪ And I do it shit cold call me Spock ♪

That was tight.

And... what is up, everybody?

Friday the 18th.

Fucking livestreaming demonic-- it is gonna be insane.

Gaming, fun. If you don't come, you're fucking dead to me.

Seven PM eastern time, 18th, Friday.

Be there!

Yeah, so, was sitting on this bench.

Yeah, my ass on the bench.

And over here it was just... a plant.

So I see this fuckin' plant,

and I decided I'm gonna put it up my ass.

Because it's that kind of ass plant.

Planted in my ass.

I want it.