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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:06,549 I... I can't hold them off, Rick! 2 00:00:06,631 --> 00:00:07,884 Th-There's too many! 3 00:00:11,220 --> 00:00:12,304 Richard! 4 00:00:12,387 --> 00:00:15,974 Your fortress is a salty waste of coral and clam. 5 00:00:16,057 --> 00:00:17,100 Relinquish it at once! 6 00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:18,518 Aah! 7 00:00:23,149 --> 00:00:24,942 Submit, you continental cunt. 8 00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:26,986 Aah! Got a better idea. 9 00:00:27,068 --> 00:00:30,280 Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit! 10 00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:31,783 Aah! 11 00:00:33,576 --> 00:00:34,159 Aah! 12 00:00:34,243 --> 00:00:35,953 Happy? Of course I'm happy. 13 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,996 You're acting like you won, 14 00:00:38,079 --> 00:00:39,664 but this is exactly what I wanted! 15 00:00:39,749 --> 00:00:41,667 I am Mr. Nimbus! 16 00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:44,337 Ugh, whatever. Come on, Morty. 17 00:00:44,420 --> 00:00:45,796 Man, that was intense. 18 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,840 Yeah nice work, buddy. 19 00:00:47,923 --> 00:00:49,841 Sorry I had to blow up your bunker. 20 00:00:49,926 --> 00:00:52,469 Not so fast, Sanchez. 21 00:00:52,552 --> 00:00:55,597 It is I, Cookie Magneto. 22 00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:56,515 What the fuck? 23 00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:58,600 I'm... I'm not engaging this guy. 24 00:00:58,683 --> 00:01:00,185 That's hardly up to you, Rick. 25 00:01:00,268 --> 00:01:02,979 I'm sorry, do you control things that people agree are cookies? 26 00:01:03,064 --> 00:01:05,733 Yes. Okay, but cookies aren't a substance. 27 00:01:05,817 --> 00:01:07,457 They're more of a name we... we give to... 28 00:01:07,527 --> 00:01:08,694 To the things I control. 29 00:01:08,778 --> 00:01:10,004 Do you control cookie ingredients? 30 00:01:10,028 --> 00:01:11,781 Because, y'know, t-that sounds dangerous. 31 00:01:11,864 --> 00:01:13,365 Y'know, everything has sugar in it. 32 00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:13,990 Fight me and find... 33 00:01:14,075 --> 00:01:16,368 Aah! 34 00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:18,162 Jesus, Rick! I'm sorry, Morty. 35 00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:19,555 I know you're gonna say it's punching down, 36 00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:21,500 but I can't fight another one of these '90s-style 37 00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:22,792 goofball super villains. 38 00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:24,043 I'm not the fucking Tick. 39 00:01:24,126 --> 00:01:26,504 I'm... I'm exhausted. Okay, but i-if you really 40 00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:27,814 have a lot of these guys gunning for you, 41 00:01:27,838 --> 00:01:29,882 maybe you should look into what you're doing to... 42 00:01:29,966 --> 00:01:31,466 Oh, don't start that crap, Morty. 43 00:01:31,551 --> 00:01:34,052 I don't do anything for these dip shits to seek me out. 44 00:01:34,135 --> 00:01:36,180 I am Mr. Calypso! 45 00:01:36,264 --> 00:01:41,561 Face me, you ugly, drunk, ugly piece of shit. 46 00:01:42,478 --> 00:01:44,063 Okay, I might look into it. 47 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:52,074 -== [ www.OpenSubtitles.org ] ==- 48 00:02:17,388 --> 00:02:20,015 Why don't you have a seat? 'Cause this isn't a therapy session. 49 00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:21,325 I-I'm just asking you what people in your racket 50 00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:24,853 say about handling this particular situation. 51 00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:27,397 First, we'd want you to define the situation. 52 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:29,168 I'm a walking target for a never-ending sea of angry nerds 53 00:02:29,192 --> 00:02:32,110 that think getting in a fight with me is some kind of... 54 00:02:32,194 --> 00:02:33,361 I don't know, platform? 55 00:02:33,445 --> 00:02:34,697 I mean, look at this guy. 56 00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:36,091 He shows up and calls me an "ugly drunk." 57 00:02:36,115 --> 00:02:37,592 Because of course that's the angle of attack 58 00:02:37,616 --> 00:02:38,783 that's gonna undo me, right? 59 00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:41,204 You don't shoot Batman in his fucking Batman logo. 60 00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:44,289 And you think locking this man in a chamber 61 00:02:44,372 --> 00:02:47,293 and milking him of cosmic fluid will somehow resolve this? 62 00:02:47,376 --> 00:02:49,103 I think it's the best I can do to profit from a situation 63 00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:51,171 and maybe set an example. 64 00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:53,090 But you've set this example many times 65 00:02:53,174 --> 00:02:54,634 and it's not changing your situation. 66 00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:57,111 Yeah, yeah, yeah, and now you're gonna tell me to ignore them. 67 00:02:57,135 --> 00:02:58,971 But guess what? They want that too. 68 00:02:59,055 --> 00:03:00,639 And why would they want to be ignored? 69 00:03:00,723 --> 00:03:02,432 You really believe if I let a guy like this 70 00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:04,936 do whatever he wants, he gets bored and vanishes? 71 00:03:05,019 --> 00:03:07,854 Rick, would you be interested in proving me wrong? 72 00:03:07,938 --> 00:03:09,856 Yes! Then show me data. 73 00:03:09,941 --> 00:03:11,209 Ignore them for a week and see what happens. 74 00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:14,653 You're on, bitch. 75 00:03:14,736 --> 00:03:16,739 Is that man dead? 76 00:03:16,822 --> 00:03:18,574 Is everything in here confidential? 77 00:03:18,658 --> 00:03:19,658 Everything but murder. 78 00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:21,034 Then he's fine. 79 00:03:21,117 --> 00:03:23,746 I mean, I-I think it's pretty big, you know? 80 00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:25,288 Big step for the big cheese. 81 00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:26,623 Yeah, Dad, I'm impressed. 82 00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:27,582 Can we not make it a big deal? 83 00:03:27,667 --> 00:03:29,543 It's worth celebrating, Rick. 84 00:03:29,627 --> 00:03:30,896 You accepted the concept of therapy 85 00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:33,798 without turning yourself into a pickle or a housefly. 86 00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:35,758 Jerry, for fuck's sake, that was a regular fly 87 00:03:35,841 --> 00:03:36,509 in her office that day. 88 00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:39,427 What the hell? Riiick! 89 00:03:39,512 --> 00:03:40,721 How 'bout a little piss? 90 00:03:40,805 --> 00:03:44,349 Rick, why is there a man shooting piss on our front lawn? 91 00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:45,350 I'm sure he'll tell you. 92 00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:47,353 I am Pissmaster! 93 00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:52,024 Here to flush the toilet that is Rick Sanchez. 94 00:03:52,108 --> 00:03:53,651 He's spraying my lavender bush. 95 00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:55,694 My bees need that lavender! 96 00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:57,028 Remember five seconds ago 97 00:03:57,112 --> 00:03:58,590 when you guys were stoked about me changing 98 00:03:58,614 --> 00:04:00,282 because it made you feel superior? 99 00:04:00,366 --> 00:04:02,450 Ooh, whole family's here. 100 00:04:02,534 --> 00:04:03,995 Who's that redhead? 101 00:04:04,078 --> 00:04:05,764 Wouldn't mind spraying her with a golden shower. 102 00:04:05,788 --> 00:04:06,705 - Oh, my God, what? - Hey! 103 00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:07,872 Okay, that's it! 104 00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:09,197 Jerry, please think about this. 105 00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:10,936 If you fight this guy, I'm either an asshole 106 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:12,752 for not helping or an asshole for helping. 107 00:04:12,836 --> 00:04:15,006 My daughter just got spoken of in porno terms, 108 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,673 and I'll respond how I choose! 109 00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:17,300 - Wait, Dad, don't! - Honey! 110 00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:19,050 Hey. 111 00:04:19,134 --> 00:04:20,677 You want a piece of piss? 112 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,721 If that's your stupid rude way of saying 113 00:04:22,805 --> 00:04:24,305 I have to fight you, I will. 114 00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:25,725 Take your shot, pussy. 115 00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:27,726 Don't talk to me that way. Go away! 116 00:04:27,810 --> 00:04:29,269 Make me. Go away! 117 00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:32,814 Ow! 118 00:04:32,898 --> 00:04:34,733 Careful, honey! 119 00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:44,744 Just stay down. 120 00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:46,579 I... I don't even know you. 121 00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:47,829 Yeah, you don't know me. 122 00:04:47,913 --> 00:04:51,125 But I'm gonna know your whole ass, you son of a gun. 123 00:04:56,088 --> 00:04:57,673 Hey, none of that! Break it up, guys! 124 00:04:57,757 --> 00:04:58,757 Hey! Come on! 125 00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:06,389 Come on, you dirty motherfucker. 126 00:05:12,021 --> 00:05:13,021 No! No, no, no, no no! 127 00:05:17,860 --> 00:05:19,862 Stop! Aah! 128 00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:22,947 Uncle! Mercy! Mercy! 129 00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:24,283 Stop! I give up! 130 00:05:24,365 --> 00:05:26,451 Apologize to my daughter. 131 00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:28,161 For what? 132 00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:29,245 You know for what! 133 00:05:29,288 --> 00:05:30,956 I'm sorry! 134 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:33,875 I'm sorry I sexualized you! 135 00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:36,879 It came out wrong! 136 00:05:36,961 --> 00:05:39,632 That's my dad. That's my fucking dad! 137 00:05:42,218 --> 00:05:43,427 Honey, I'm so proud of you. 138 00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:45,303 Ow! 139 00:05:45,387 --> 00:05:46,846 Oh, sorry. 140 00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:47,930 Thank you, Rick. 141 00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:52,978 Damn, hashtag #FlamingoDad is everywhere! 142 00:05:53,062 --> 00:05:54,396 Buzzfeed made an odd numbered list 143 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:56,314 of other people's observations about you, 144 00:05:56,398 --> 00:05:58,483 and you're getting a lot of hand clap emojis 145 00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:01,069 on White Twitter's impression of Black Twitter. 146 00:06:01,153 --> 00:06:03,404 Jezebel's offering a cash reward for evidence 147 00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:04,572 that you're a bad person. 148 00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:06,074 That is their highest honor! 149 00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:07,535 So this is what it's like to trend. 150 00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:08,701 Feels good. Feels right. 151 00:06:08,786 --> 00:06:10,954 Just keep in mind, now a bunch more assholes 152 00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:12,307 are gonna know they can get a rise out of you. 153 00:06:12,331 --> 00:06:14,250 Both: Boooo! Rick, let a dog have one day. 154 00:06:14,333 --> 00:06:16,836 I'm letting! I'm letting! 155 00:06:19,088 --> 00:06:20,713 Whoa. Are those orbs? 156 00:06:20,798 --> 00:06:22,024 This is what I'm talking about. 157 00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:23,276 Some asshole saw that fight and, believe it not, 158 00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:26,345 they were jealous of Pissmaster. 159 00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:31,266 I am Blagnar the Eternal. 160 00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:33,685 We seek the earthling who beat up Pissmaster. 161 00:06:33,769 --> 00:06:35,437 That's my dad, Jerry Smith! 162 00:06:35,521 --> 00:06:36,814 Jerry Smith. 163 00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:38,858 Our Galactic Orbship thirsts for justice 164 00:06:38,941 --> 00:06:40,381 and those who deliver it. Wait, what? 165 00:06:40,442 --> 00:06:44,196 Our great council would like to offer you this silver orb 166 00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:46,197 and with it a place amongst us. 167 00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:47,992 Whoa. It... It... It's sticky. 168 00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:50,161 Yeah, that means it's found a pure heart 169 00:06:50,244 --> 00:06:51,327 it wants to bond with. 170 00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:52,930 Y-You guys saw my son-in-law on the news, 171 00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:54,206 now he gets a sticky orb. 172 00:06:54,290 --> 00:06:56,207 What's the catch? We're not rubes. 173 00:06:56,292 --> 00:06:58,019 Yeah, your power is well known in our jurisdiction, 174 00:06:58,043 --> 00:06:59,396 Rick Sanchez, and it should come as no surprise 175 00:06:59,420 --> 00:07:02,463 that our orbs are unsticky for you. 176 00:07:02,548 --> 00:07:05,216 Oh, no, first I get banned from the Next door app, 177 00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:06,509 now this. 178 00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:08,678 I'd be honored to join your organization. 179 00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:11,223 S-So what do I do? Rub the orb when I see crime? 180 00:07:11,307 --> 00:07:13,016 Or... Or eat the orb like spinach? 181 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,603 The orb is raw power. 182 00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:17,187 Trust your heart, Jerry. 183 00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:18,521 It will know what to do. 184 00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:25,904 Did you turn on the microwave? 185 00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:27,197 No? Maybe? 186 00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:28,481 I... I was trying to fly. I... 187 00:07:29,408 --> 00:07:31,367 What? I mean, come on, Rick. 188 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:34,495 Orbs and goblets, this is your thing. 189 00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:35,997 Orbs and goblets. 190 00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:37,933 I'm just saying, you're the orb guy in the family. 191 00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:39,375 Can you please help me? 192 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:42,004 Jerry, I give you raw power, you'll end up miserable like me. 193 00:07:42,086 --> 00:07:43,797 Trust me, I'm helping by not helping. 194 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:44,882 - Wow. - Seriously, Rick? 195 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,257 What the eff, Grandpa? 196 00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:48,319 Some creep tried to pee on my tits and you did nothing. 197 00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:50,262 Now you're gonna sit there and hold our dad back 198 00:07:50,346 --> 00:07:51,137 from being a hero? 199 00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:52,473 Are you seriously that petty? 200 00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:53,932 Okay, you know what? Fine! 201 00:07:54,016 --> 00:07:55,350 Here. Here's your goddamn suit. 202 00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:58,519 I hard-wired the orb's infinite energy right into it. 203 00:07:58,603 --> 00:08:00,021 This shooty-thing looks cool. 204 00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:01,458 That "shooty thing" is a nuclear disruptor 205 00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:04,192 that can blow up planets. Whoa. 206 00:08:04,276 --> 00:08:05,360 So tight. Kinda hot. 207 00:08:05,444 --> 00:08:07,112 Okay, show me, uh... 208 00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:10,031 acts of evil happening around the galaxy. 209 00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:11,533 Whoa, Space Hitlers? 210 00:08:11,617 --> 00:08:15,120 "Space Hitlers are convening on Zeplar Prime." 211 00:08:15,204 --> 00:08:17,413 My God, each one of them is their own type of Hitler. 212 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,351 Yeah, th-that's a problem. Oh, shit, do that one. 213 00:08:19,375 --> 00:08:21,502 Aw, you guys. That's my parents. 214 00:08:22,877 --> 00:08:23,795 Wow. 215 00:08:23,879 --> 00:08:24,754 Well, family, 216 00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:25,964 looks like Jerry Smith 217 00:08:26,048 --> 00:08:27,632 has his first orb mission. 218 00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:29,343 Lawn Flaming-Ho! 219 00:08:31,345 --> 00:08:34,097 Just a reminder, you guys asked for this. 220 00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:35,390 Soon, our legion of Hitlers 221 00:08:35,474 --> 00:08:38,434 will bring about a new galactic order. 222 00:08:38,519 --> 00:08:39,727 A reich, if you will. 223 00:08:39,812 --> 00:08:41,312 Riddle Hitler me this... 224 00:08:41,397 --> 00:08:44,232 I'm sorry, are we just letting in all Hitlers now? 225 00:08:44,316 --> 00:08:46,985 Auf wiedersehen, bad guys! 226 00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:48,736 Exterminate him! 227 00:08:48,821 --> 00:08:50,489 Ow! Shit! Oh, Jesus. 228 00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:51,907 One at a time! 229 00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:54,493 Ah, oh, my God! 230 00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:03,168 Uh, hope there weren't other people on that planet. 231 00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:04,645 And there were no other people on the planet! 232 00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:06,587 Only Hitlers! 233 00:09:06,672 --> 00:09:08,841 Each one ready to start their own holocaust, 234 00:09:08,923 --> 00:09:10,967 meaning an estimated 30 billion lives 235 00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,510 were saved by a single blast. 236 00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:15,596 And the galaxy owes it all to Jerry Smith. 237 00:09:15,681 --> 00:09:17,307 Hashtag #FlamingoDad. 238 00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:18,308 You gotta be fucking kidding me. 239 00:09:18,392 --> 00:09:20,601 Up next... Oh, actually nothing. 240 00:09:20,686 --> 00:09:22,967 I guess we're just gonna talk about Jerry Smith some more. 241 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:27,067 I dunno, therapy is starting to feel hopeless. 242 00:09:27,817 --> 00:09:29,320 I've got so many issues! 243 00:09:29,403 --> 00:09:30,111 Aah! 244 00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:31,196 We need to talk. 245 00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:32,447 Hey. No. 246 00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:35,116 I will not speak with you if you refuse to treat me 247 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:36,994 and my patients with respect. 248 00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:40,538 Oh, Lord. I was a fly! 249 00:09:40,621 --> 00:09:44,084 So unburdened, so free of shame! 250 00:09:44,168 --> 00:09:45,878 Welp, I'm officially cured! 251 00:09:45,961 --> 00:09:47,004 Here. Here's your data. 252 00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:48,629 Hard proof that God hates me. 253 00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:50,594 I ignored a troll, and Jerry beat the guy's ass. 254 00:09:50,673 --> 00:09:52,634 Now he's got this orb and he's using the power 255 00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:55,178 which I gave him to annihilate planets of Hitlers, 256 00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:56,889 and everyone's popping champagne. 257 00:09:56,971 --> 00:09:59,557 Rick, you came here because you wanted things to change, 258 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:00,558 and they're changing. 259 00:10:00,642 --> 00:10:01,894 It's working. 260 00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:03,538 Oh, so if my bumbling moron of a son-in-law 261 00:10:03,562 --> 00:10:05,230 beats up people, it's "working." 262 00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:06,624 But if I do it, it's a cosmic abuse of power? 263 00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:08,817 Rick, listen to yourself. 264 00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:10,903 You're complaining about how you have to be careful 265 00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:12,321 with your immense power 266 00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:13,905 and that Hitlers are dead. 267 00:10:13,989 --> 00:10:16,950 Everything you're describing is positive. 268 00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:18,911 Oh, shit. Not reacting. 269 00:10:18,994 --> 00:10:20,370 That really is the kill move? 270 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,806 I don't know if you need to think about it 271 00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:24,917 in terms of murder, but, yes, just stay the course. 272 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,000 Okay, good... good talk. 273 00:10:26,085 --> 00:10:28,086 Well, what you're describing is therapy, 274 00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:29,690 and if you'd like to keep receiving it, 275 00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:32,591 start scheduling your visits with Judy up front. 276 00:10:32,673 --> 00:10:35,469 Thank you, thank you, Flamingo Fam. 277 00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:36,987 Uh, you know, when they asked me if I wanted 278 00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:39,556 to be the first human to drive a Mitsubishi Space Lancer, 279 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:42,225 I thought, "Well, I don't know. 280 00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:44,687 I got this cool orb suit that goes really fast." 281 00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:47,438 But you know what sold me? 282 00:10:47,523 --> 00:10:49,649 The Council said I could pick my own bridge crew. 283 00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,610 Morty, Summer, Beth, what do you say? 284 00:10:51,692 --> 00:10:53,486 What? Are you serious? 285 00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:56,365 Oh, shit, yeah, I love Mitsubishi! 286 00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:58,301 Me too! I-I've heard of them! This is so exciting! 287 00:10:58,325 --> 00:10:59,868 Oh, my God! This is so cool! 288 00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:01,577 Alright gang, orbs away! 289 00:11:09,128 --> 00:11:11,212 O me o' my, can it be? 290 00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:12,630 A giant piece of shit I see? 291 00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:17,677 I am Mr. String bean! 292 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,721 No one resists my rhyming scheme! 293 00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:22,640 Hey, douche bag, why don't you chill out? 294 00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:23,767 Who's this asshole? 295 00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,269 I am Doctor Buckles! 296 00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:27,729 Here to tighten the belt on your opinions! 297 00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:30,731 Oh, you wanna see the Bean get mean? 298 00:11:30,816 --> 00:11:31,816 Aah! 299 00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:35,653 I'll be damned. I'm out. 300 00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:39,158 I'm out. 301 00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:43,453 I'm... I'm out. 302 00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:45,746 Oh, my God, this Piss Guy is getting wailed on. 303 00:11:45,831 --> 00:11:48,625 Oh! Look at him, he tried to crawl under the car! 304 00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:51,919 What a loser. Hey you watching the Pissmaster video? 305 00:11:52,004 --> 00:11:55,506 Yeah. He has to be the biggest piece of shit in the galaxy, right? 306 00:11:55,591 --> 00:11:56,924 Oh-ho, without a doubt. 307 00:11:57,009 --> 00:11:58,735 Who could relate, being that much of a piece of shit? 308 00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:36,631 God damn it. 309 00:12:36,715 --> 00:12:39,384 Fuck, shit, come on, man. 310 00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:41,345 Fuck, come on, where is it? 311 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:42,721 Shit, shit. 312 00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:46,557 Ugh! Fuck! 313 00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:49,720 Come on, Pissmaster, come on. 314 00:12:52,648 --> 00:12:53,690 Aah! 315 00:12:57,068 --> 00:12:58,070 Damn it. 316 00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:07,412 It's me. 317 00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:09,831 Please, please just open up. Dad? 318 00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:12,875 Mom told me you weren't responding to her calls 319 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,544 and I'm worried, okay? 320 00:13:14,628 --> 00:13:16,730 I know I said terrible things about you on my podcast. 321 00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:18,715 It's just... I've been so frustrated with you. 322 00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:21,384 Look, if you were to ever do something, 323 00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:23,095 I'd never stop blaming myself. 324 00:13:23,177 --> 00:13:24,822 Just, please. Please let me know you're okay. 325 00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:27,599 God damn it. 326 00:13:29,684 --> 00:13:31,186 I'm okay, honey. We're good. 327 00:13:31,269 --> 00:13:32,669 I thought something happened to you. 328 00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:35,065 I can tell you for sure... If anything happens to me, 329 00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,524 it's 100% not on you. 330 00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:38,360 It's my own choice. 331 00:13:38,442 --> 00:13:41,572 You still sound like you're gonna do something bad. 332 00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:44,408 Just promise you won't, okay? 333 00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:45,783 Okay, yeah. 334 00:13:45,866 --> 00:13:46,784 Promise. 335 00:13:46,868 --> 00:13:47,868 Love you, Dad. 336 00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:53,457 Fuck. 337 00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:03,467 Pissmaster: Well, this is it. 338 00:14:03,552 --> 00:14:06,388 I'm killing myself because of Jerry Smith. 339 00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:07,764 The Earth man. FlamingoDad. 340 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,975 Seeing them all cheer as I got my ass whipped 341 00:14:11,058 --> 00:14:14,645 made me realize... People just wanna see me fail. 342 00:14:14,730 --> 00:14:18,774 All I've ever wanted to do is prove them wrong. 343 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:36,500 Help! 344 00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,463 Wait! Who are you? 345 00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:42,006 Pissmaster. 346 00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:43,900 M-Make, make sure you tell everybody Pissmaster saved you. 347 00:14:43,924 --> 00:14:46,552 Those were heat-seeking pissiles by the way. 348 00:14:46,636 --> 00:14:47,636 Not just missiles. 349 00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:49,389 Oh, ugh, okay. 350 00:14:49,472 --> 00:14:51,390 ♪ Y'all ready for piss? ♪ 351 00:14:51,475 --> 00:14:52,850 Yo! Pissmaster! 352 00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:53,995 You saving that cat to make people forget you suck? 353 00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:56,980 Nope, just saving it to save it. 354 00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:58,063 Okay, we got nothing. 355 00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:05,864 ♪ Piss ♪ 356 00:15:05,947 --> 00:15:07,783 ♪ Pee ♪ 357 00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:09,533 ♪ Urine ♪ 358 00:15:09,618 --> 00:15:10,910 ♪ Number one ♪ 359 00:15:10,994 --> 00:15:11,994 ♪ Pee pee ♪ 360 00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:14,538 ♪ Piss ♪ 361 00:15:14,623 --> 00:15:17,375 ♪ Pee ♪ Look, it's Pissmaster! 362 00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:21,296 Dr. Wong, what's up? 363 00:15:21,379 --> 00:15:22,606 Rick, you're late for your session. 364 00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:25,049 Cancel it. Bill me. I'm good. You're good? 365 00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:27,177 Rick: Yeah, see, I put on the suit of my enemy 366 00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:28,552 and I fucking love it. 367 00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:30,721 Now I'm gonna make a giant bomb, plant it in a city, 368 00:15:30,806 --> 00:15:32,283 and then have his suit auto-pilot the bomb into space. 369 00:15:32,307 --> 00:15:34,893 Boom. Everyone will think Pissmaster sacrificed himself. 370 00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:37,812 He dies a hero, I get a win I'd otherwise 371 00:15:37,895 --> 00:15:40,399 never get myself, nice wet bow on top. 372 00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:42,234 I'm tempted to second guess a lot of that, 373 00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:43,818 but I think you might be nailing it. 374 00:15:43,902 --> 00:15:47,322 What? If it's free and fun, do it. 375 00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:48,572 It sounds healthy. 376 00:15:48,657 --> 00:15:49,700 Oh, that wasn't my goal, 377 00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:50,783 but good to know. 378 00:15:50,826 --> 00:15:51,909 Shit, gotta go. 379 00:16:02,671 --> 00:16:03,980 No, exactly. And the slave planet thing, 380 00:16:04,004 --> 00:16:07,884 I hear he broke their chains with pure urine, so... 381 00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:12,931 Hey, guys, sorry I'm late, lot of traffic on the orbway. 382 00:16:13,014 --> 00:16:14,390 Take a seat, Jerry. 383 00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:17,686 We were just discussing Pissmaster's honorable rise. 384 00:16:17,769 --> 00:16:18,812 I mean, who cares, right? 385 00:16:18,894 --> 00:16:20,563 Uh, people are talking about him. 386 00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:21,105 He's becoming likable. 387 00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:21,856 Good, even. 388 00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:24,442 But... he's Pissmaster. 389 00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:25,735 People change, Jerry. 390 00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,738 Everyone loves a comeback story. 391 00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:29,447 All in favor of 392 00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:32,116 offering orbship to Eugene Michael Piss, 393 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:33,784 aka Pissmaster? 394 00:16:33,869 --> 00:16:35,120 Together: Orb-yes. 395 00:16:35,202 --> 00:16:36,202 All those opposed? 396 00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:37,788 Obviously orb-no. 397 00:16:37,873 --> 00:16:39,415 The orbship has spoken. 398 00:16:41,209 --> 00:16:43,879 You know what, Jerry? I think this is a good test for you. 399 00:16:43,961 --> 00:16:45,355 If you can't let go of your pettiness enough 400 00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:49,967 to recruit Pissmaster, maybe you don't deserve your orb. 401 00:16:50,051 --> 00:16:50,844 And, Jerry... 402 00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:54,306 don't come back without him. 403 00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:55,724 Reporter: Absolute chaos! 404 00:16:55,807 --> 00:16:57,308 No one knows who planted the bomb, 405 00:16:57,392 --> 00:16:58,643 but one thing is clear: 406 00:16:58,726 --> 00:17:02,105 Orphan Island, a city populated entirely by orphans, 407 00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:03,440 now sits on the brink of doom. 408 00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:06,526 The Orphan Island bomb squad is trying to dismantle 409 00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:08,819 it as we speak. 410 00:17:08,903 --> 00:17:10,821 I can't stress enough, I'm eight years old, 411 00:17:10,905 --> 00:17:12,824 I have no idea what I'm doing! 412 00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:14,910 Look! It's Pissmaster! 413 00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:16,052 Oh, no! There's no time to dismantle it! 414 00:17:16,076 --> 00:17:18,497 Come on, it's not safe here. 415 00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:19,330 Whoa, oh, oh! Whoo-hoo! 416 00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:22,125 Pisspop? Pisspop? Pisspop? 417 00:17:23,335 --> 00:17:25,015 Pissmaster. Jerry, what are you doing here? 418 00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:26,922 Eugene Michael Piss, 419 00:17:27,005 --> 00:17:29,758 by decree of the Andromeda strain, 420 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,759 our great council presents you with this orb, 421 00:17:31,843 --> 00:17:33,260 which you have to take. 422 00:17:33,345 --> 00:17:35,846 Fuck off, Jerry, I'm in the middle of something. Excuse me? 423 00:17:35,931 --> 00:17:38,075 Hey, this is the greatest honor you could ever be given. 424 00:17:38,099 --> 00:17:40,644 I don't want it! Well, you have to take it. 425 00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:42,354 Jesus Christ, get the fuck out of here! 426 00:17:44,271 --> 00:17:45,065 He's flying it into space! 427 00:17:45,147 --> 00:17:47,025 He's gonna sacrifice himself! 428 00:17:49,027 --> 00:17:51,613 Get back here, you ungrateful shit! 429 00:17:51,695 --> 00:17:54,135 What is your problem?! You're screwing up my hero death! Good! 430 00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:57,118 FlamingoDad wants us to blow up?! 431 00:17:57,201 --> 00:17:59,119 When did he become a shitheel? 432 00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:00,704 Life comes at you fast. 433 00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:02,540 Jesus, Dad! People are filming! 434 00:18:02,624 --> 00:18:03,959 Yeah, maybe dial it back? 435 00:18:11,298 --> 00:18:12,884 Rick? 436 00:18:12,968 --> 00:18:14,344 PissSuit! Auto-pilot the payload! 437 00:18:14,426 --> 00:18:15,426 Piss A.I.: Confirmed. 438 00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:30,317 That's my fucking dad. 439 00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:36,907 Jerry?! Dad?! Are you okay? 440 00:18:36,991 --> 00:18:39,827 Your father is the fucking Pissmaster! 441 00:18:39,911 --> 00:18:41,788 Um... Grandpa? What the hell? 442 00:18:43,498 --> 00:18:44,708 Jerry, what is this? 443 00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:46,270 People are saying you turned shitheel? 444 00:18:46,334 --> 00:18:48,920 Well, apparently my father-in-law is Pissmaster, 445 00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:50,171 so why don't you ask him? 446 00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:53,549 What the...? Rick Sanchez the Pissmaster? 447 00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:54,884 Okay, this is not a good look. 448 00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:56,595 This family, man. 449 00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:58,262 Look, I don't know what kinda weird shit 450 00:18:58,346 --> 00:19:00,116 you two are pulling, but it's completely unstickworthy. 451 00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:03,268 We're done here. But I didn't know! 452 00:19:03,351 --> 00:19:06,770 I-I'm a good guy. I... I made you all famous! 453 00:19:06,855 --> 00:19:08,230 I'm 1,000 years old. 454 00:19:08,315 --> 00:19:11,192 You know how many "Flamingo Dads" I've seen? 455 00:19:11,276 --> 00:19:12,652 Don't orb us. 456 00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:15,779 I don't get it. 457 00:19:15,864 --> 00:19:18,115 You... You were Pissmaster the whole time? 458 00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:19,284 Obviously not, Jerry. 459 00:19:19,366 --> 00:19:21,118 I put the suit on once Pissmaster kill... 460 00:19:21,201 --> 00:19:24,079 Uh, when... when you made him... 461 00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:27,083 Uh, yeah. I-I've always been Pissmaster. 462 00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:30,086 But that would mean you let my dad beat you up 463 00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:33,256 just so he could, like, feel more confident? 464 00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:34,548 Wow. Damn, Rick. 465 00:19:34,633 --> 00:19:36,134 Yeah, that's amazing. Hold on, Wh... 466 00:19:36,217 --> 00:19:38,260 Everyone's just accepting this? 467 00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:40,262 Wait. Wasn't Pissmaster an alien? 468 00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,057 He obviously avatar'd it. Probably a robot. 469 00:19:42,140 --> 00:19:44,142 But why? Why would Rick even prop me up like that? 470 00:19:44,224 --> 00:19:46,203 Jesus, Jerry. Rick did something nice for once, okay? 471 00:19:46,227 --> 00:19:49,189 He's obviously trying to change. 472 00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:54,068 Mitsubishi Ship: You are no longer worthy of Mitsubishi. 473 00:19:56,237 --> 00:19:57,364 Proud of you, Dad. 474 00:19:57,447 --> 00:19:59,865 Or should I say: Pissmaster. 475 00:19:59,950 --> 00:20:02,035 Yeah, Grandpa, sorry I yelled at you. 476 00:20:02,117 --> 00:20:04,828 And I guess I'm sorry for trying to stop you 477 00:20:04,913 --> 00:20:06,623 from killing yourself with a nuclear bomb. 478 00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:09,459 I just... really liked having an orb. 479 00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:10,751 Eh. Don't sweat it, Jer. 480 00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:12,045 Piss under the bridge. 481 00:20:12,127 --> 00:20:14,631 Man, I guess the therapy worked, huh? 482 00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:17,509 Opening up, doing all that just to make my dad feel good. 483 00:20:17,592 --> 00:20:18,926 That's pretty great of you, Rick. 484 00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:20,636 Yeah... that's right, Morty. 485 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:21,738 That's right. Wait, Morty. 486 00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:23,282 You have to promise not to tell anyone, 487 00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:24,265 but your dad made Pissmaster kill himself. 488 00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:26,809 Oh, man, what?! Yeah, I mean, 489 00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:28,370 I found him dead and I... I put on his suit, 490 00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:30,246 but look at this... He literally blames your dad. 491 00:20:30,270 --> 00:20:34,442 Holy shit. Wait, you kept the suicide note? 492 00:20:34,526 --> 00:20:37,695 That's so messed up! I know, I mean, I had to tell someone, Morty. 493 00:20:37,778 --> 00:20:39,674 I couldn't just sit on that. And you expect me to? 494 00:20:39,698 --> 00:20:41,199 Morty, no! What are you doing?! 495 00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:43,951 Aah! What the hell?! He killed himself? 496 00:20:44,035 --> 00:20:45,953 Jesus, Dad, you should've told us! 497 00:20:46,037 --> 00:20:47,098 Especially if Jerry murdered him! 498 00:20:47,122 --> 00:20:48,724 Wait, don't say that, I... I didn't murder! 499 00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:50,458 Hey, I... I thought it was pretty cool 500 00:20:50,541 --> 00:20:52,645 that I withheld that information. But you didn't withhold it! 501 00:20:52,669 --> 00:20:54,354 You're walking around with the note! Yeah, Grandpa, 502 00:20:54,378 --> 00:20:56,357 you gotta, like, keep it in your heart as a great sacrifice. 503 00:20:56,381 --> 00:20:58,633 That's the cool move. I mean, how am I the bad guy? 504 00:20:58,717 --> 00:21:02,053 He sprayed piss on us! You... You all cheered me on! Don't drag us into this. 505 00:21:02,136 --> 00:21:03,697 A man is dead, Dad. Again, wasn't gonna say it, 506 00:21:03,721 --> 00:21:04,907 but I told you this would happen. 507 00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:06,117 Get off your high horse. Boooo! 508 00:21:06,141 --> 00:21:07,409 Dr. Wong would be so proud. Go ahead and boo. 509 00:21:07,433 --> 00:21:08,869 I was breathing piss, you think I care? 510 00:21:08,893 --> 00:21:10,036 Is this what it's like to trend? 511 00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:11,186 This is a nightmare! 512 00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:13,647 I should've just let him pee on my daughter! 513 00:21:13,731 --> 00:21:15,400 Ew! What the hell, Dad? 514 00:21:46,346 --> 00:21:50,684 How about Jack Miller, aka Car Jack? 515 00:21:50,769 --> 00:21:52,009 He lifted a car off a stranger. 516 00:21:52,061 --> 00:21:53,438 - Eh. - I guess. 517 00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:54,689 - Next. - Orb-no. 518 00:21:54,772 --> 00:21:56,124 We're fresh off a dad and a piss guy. 519 00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:57,418 Maybe we add someone that's already powerful? 520 00:21:57,442 --> 00:22:00,236 We have to be realistic about who we can get. 521 00:22:00,319 --> 00:22:03,198 I have a pitch. We're not gonna add Scarlett Johansson. 522 00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:07,868 Next up: Mr. Nimbus, lord of the oceans. 523 00:22:07,951 --> 00:22:09,621 Oh, I hear he controls the police. 524 00:22:09,703 --> 00:22:10,622 - Wow. - The police? 525 00:22:10,704 --> 00:22:11,914 - Orb-yes. - Ohhh. 526 00:22:11,998 --> 00:22:13,040 Guys, I already checked. 527 00:22:13,124 --> 00:22:15,085 His reps say he's really busy right now. 528 00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:15,960 - He just doesn't wanna do it. - Everyone says that. 529 00:22:16,044 --> 00:22:18,128 Oh, and we're not busy? 530 00:22:19,506 --> 00:22:21,007 Did you get any of that? 530 00:22:22,305 --> 00:23:22,154 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/azrew Help other users to choose the best subtitles 38612

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