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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:20,875 --> 00:00:24,750 It was Christmas Eve, babe 4 00:00:25,958 --> 00:00:29,416 In the drunk tank 5 00:00:29,750 --> 00:00:32,958 An old man said to me 6 00:00:33,708 --> 00:00:37,083 Won't see another one 7 00:00:38,083 --> 00:00:42,375 And then we sang a song 8 00:00:42,875 --> 00:00:46,750 The Rare Old Mountain's Dew 9 00:00:46,833 --> 00:00:50,000 I turned my face away 10 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:55,083 And dreamed about you... 11 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:04,083 Hey, this one looks good. 12 00:01:05,291 --> 00:01:08,625 What in the fires of Ogord y'all think you doing? 13 00:01:08,708 --> 00:01:12,000 Hey, Captain. We're just, uh... Have you ever heard of Christmas? 14 00:01:12,083 --> 00:01:13,083 What? 15 00:01:13,166 --> 00:01:16,208 Well, it's a celebration we have once a year on Earth, 16 00:01:16,916 --> 00:01:19,625 where everybody gets presents for each other. 17 00:01:20,458 --> 00:01:23,666 So, me and Kraglin made this tree and we got gifts for everyone. 18 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:25,000 It was Pete's idea. 19 00:01:25,458 --> 00:01:26,875 Eh... 20 00:01:26,958 --> 00:01:31,333 -And this one here's for you. -Don't come at me with no damn gifts. 21 00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:35,958 What a Ravager gets, he works for. We ain't about no damn handouts. 22 00:01:36,541 --> 00:01:41,166 -It's more like a sign of appreciation. -That sounds more like sentiment, boy. 23 00:01:41,250 --> 00:01:43,833 That may be okay for you mushy types on Terra, 24 00:01:44,125 --> 00:01:47,166 but out here in the cold rigors of space, it's what'll get you killed. 25 00:01:47,833 --> 00:01:50,375 And you, you ought to know better. 26 00:01:51,458 --> 00:01:54,708 Now, get this crap out of here. 27 00:01:54,833 --> 00:01:56,666 If it ain't out of here before I get back, 28 00:01:56,750 --> 00:02:00,708 you're both gonna be cleaning the latrines for the rest of the damn year. 29 00:02:00,958 --> 00:02:04,750 -But that's Gef's favorite job. -You talking back now, Kraglin? 30 00:02:04,833 --> 00:02:05,833 No. 31 00:02:10,333 --> 00:02:13,083 I hate Christmas! 32 00:02:18,250 --> 00:02:22,125 And that's how Yondu ruined Christmas forever. 33 00:02:22,333 --> 00:02:24,083 That is so sad. 34 00:02:25,958 --> 00:02:28,083 I like the part where Yondu kicked over the tree. 35 00:02:35,041 --> 00:02:37,000 Anyways, I just saw on the Multi-calendar 36 00:02:37,083 --> 00:02:40,166 that right now on Earth, it's almost Christmastime. 37 00:02:40,250 --> 00:02:43,291 So, yeah, it kind of brings back some memories. 38 00:02:43,375 --> 00:02:44,500 Yondu had a point. 39 00:02:44,625 --> 00:02:46,583 Ever since buying Knowhere from The Collector, 40 00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:49,666 we don't have time for trivialities like Christmas. 41 00:02:50,208 --> 00:02:53,083 This place needs a lot of fixing up before it's livable. 42 00:02:53,708 --> 00:02:56,541 -Yeah, I reckon we've got work to do. -Yeah. 43 00:03:00,833 --> 00:03:02,833 That was such a heartbreaking story. 44 00:03:03,125 --> 00:03:06,166 I know. I hate stories where everybody lives. 45 00:03:15,625 --> 00:03:16,875 -Thank you. -Yeah. 46 00:03:21,333 --> 00:03:24,541 Cosmo, what use is telekinesis if you can't even aim? 47 00:03:24,708 --> 00:03:26,666 You wanna do it? Do it. 48 00:03:27,375 --> 00:03:29,750 Just concentrate, you stupid mutt. 49 00:03:32,916 --> 00:03:33,916 What? 50 00:03:34,083 --> 00:03:36,541 I refuse to do any more work while you demean me. 51 00:03:36,666 --> 00:03:39,708 All right, all right. I'm sorry. Chill out. 52 00:03:39,833 --> 00:03:43,208 Also, I want one of those delicious treats in that bag. 53 00:03:51,916 --> 00:03:53,791 All right, that's it. Back to work. 54 00:03:57,583 --> 00:03:58,833 Here he comes. 55 00:04:00,500 --> 00:04:01,500 Hey, Peter. 56 00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:04,416 Oh. Hi, Bzermikitokolok. 57 00:04:04,583 --> 00:04:06,375 My bandmates and I have been mastering 58 00:04:06,458 --> 00:04:09,458 these old Earth instruments and working on a little ditty. 59 00:04:09,541 --> 00:04:11,333 And I thought you might be able to help us out 60 00:04:11,416 --> 00:04:13,625 as it's about one of your Earth traditions. 61 00:04:13,916 --> 00:04:15,416 -Oh? -Christmas. 62 00:04:15,708 --> 00:04:16,708 Oh. 63 00:04:16,791 --> 00:04:19,750 Everything I know about Christmas, I learned from Rocket, 64 00:04:19,833 --> 00:04:22,458 who learned from Cosmo, who learned from Kraglin, 65 00:04:22,583 --> 00:04:23,708 who learned from you. 66 00:04:23,791 --> 00:04:25,708 So I thought I might just take it back to the source 67 00:04:25,791 --> 00:04:28,333 and make sure I understand this all correctly. 68 00:04:28,458 --> 00:04:30,875 This is, after all, a historical document. 69 00:04:31,083 --> 00:04:32,250 -Okay. Yeah, sure. -Okay. 70 00:04:32,375 --> 00:04:34,958 Out on the third planet closest to the sun 71 00:04:35,041 --> 00:04:38,916 There's a special celebration And it sounds quite fun 72 00:04:39,041 --> 00:04:41,958 A jolly old fellow brings toys to everyone 73 00:04:42,041 --> 00:04:44,958 On a holiday they call Christmas 74 00:04:45,041 --> 00:04:46,791 That's perfect. Good. Bzer, good job. 75 00:04:46,875 --> 00:04:48,333 Now I'm not gonna lie 76 00:04:48,458 --> 00:04:49,458 Oh, there's more. 77 00:04:49,583 --> 00:04:50,833 It makes no sense to me 78 00:04:51,041 --> 00:04:56,333 But here's what I've discovered about this Christmas mystery 79 00:04:56,416 --> 00:04:58,875 I'm super busy. Is this a long song? 80 00:04:59,208 --> 00:05:00,416 One, two, three. 81 00:05:00,625 --> 00:05:05,958 Santa is a furry freak with epic superpowers 82 00:05:06,250 --> 00:05:12,000 He flies to every human home in under 14 hours 83 00:05:12,416 --> 00:05:14,583 He's a master burglar 84 00:05:14,666 --> 00:05:15,666 No. 85 00:05:15,750 --> 00:05:17,500 A pro at picking locks 86 00:05:17,583 --> 00:05:18,583 No. 87 00:05:18,666 --> 00:05:20,833 If you don't leave milk and cookies out 88 00:05:21,333 --> 00:05:24,458 He will put dung in your socks 89 00:05:24,541 --> 00:05:26,750 That is not part of the lore at all. 90 00:05:27,041 --> 00:05:29,750 If you act nicely through the night 91 00:05:29,875 --> 00:05:32,583 And don't jump on your bed 92 00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:38,458 Santa comes with sugar plums and hurls them at your head 93 00:05:38,958 --> 00:05:41,625 But if you're on his naughty list 94 00:05:41,708 --> 00:05:44,500 He shoots missiles at your toes 95 00:05:44,833 --> 00:05:47,208 He might just roast your chestnuts 96 00:05:47,291 --> 00:05:52,041 With his powerful flamethrower 97 00:05:52,125 --> 00:05:54,083 No, he doesn't have a flamethrower. 98 00:05:54,291 --> 00:05:55,833 Rein, rein, rein, rein, rein 99 00:05:55,916 --> 00:05:56,916 That's kinda cool. 100 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,208 Deer, deer, deer, deer, deer 101 00:05:59,708 --> 00:06:05,208 I don't know what Christmas is But Christmastime is here 102 00:06:07,250 --> 00:06:11,791 He's compelled his creepy elves to do his every wish 103 00:06:11,875 --> 00:06:12,916 Huh? 104 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:18,416 One sought to be a dentist Now he's sleeping with the fish 105 00:06:19,166 --> 00:06:24,541 Mrs. Claus, she works the pole Plans her man's demise 106 00:06:24,625 --> 00:06:25,625 No! 107 00:06:25,708 --> 00:06:27,583 Soon the elves will all rise up 108 00:06:27,666 --> 00:06:31,125 And stab out Santa's eyes 109 00:06:31,333 --> 00:06:32,791 I am Groot. 110 00:06:33,958 --> 00:06:36,125 Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho 111 00:06:36,875 --> 00:06:39,291 Earthlings are so weird 112 00:06:39,375 --> 00:06:40,416 That's true. 113 00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:45,083 I don't know what Christmas is But Christmastime is here 114 00:06:45,833 --> 00:06:48,083 Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho 115 00:06:48,750 --> 00:06:51,500 Earthlings are so weird 116 00:06:51,750 --> 00:06:57,333 I don't know what Christmas is But Christmastime is here 117 00:06:57,875 --> 00:07:00,916 What the heck's a turtledove? 118 00:07:01,750 --> 00:07:05,041 And who lit up that deer? 119 00:07:06,916 --> 00:07:12,708 I don't know what Christmas is But Christmastime is here 120 00:07:12,791 --> 00:07:18,333 I don't know what Christmas is But Christmastime is here 121 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:23,000 Or maybe it's there Or it's somewhere 122 00:07:23,666 --> 00:07:24,750 I don't know. 123 00:07:27,125 --> 00:07:30,166 -You just got these instruments? -Thank you, Knowhere. 124 00:07:33,250 --> 00:07:34,958 Have you ever seen a crowd more into it? 125 00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:39,750 He loved it, guys. 126 00:07:42,708 --> 00:07:45,000 It sounds like Christmas is a wonderful time, 127 00:07:45,125 --> 00:07:46,916 and Yondu ruined it for Peter. 128 00:07:47,666 --> 00:07:49,458 I feel like I should do something. 129 00:07:49,666 --> 00:07:54,000 -Why? -Because of, you know, my secret. 130 00:07:54,625 --> 00:07:56,083 The one only you know. 131 00:07:56,208 --> 00:07:58,541 That you ate the entire bowl of zarg-nuts in the commissary? 132 00:07:58,625 --> 00:08:00,833 -My other secret. -That you're Quill's sister? 133 00:08:02,375 --> 00:08:04,083 Why don't you just tell people the truth? 134 00:08:04,375 --> 00:08:09,291 Peter's father, our father, killed his mother and tried to kill him. 135 00:08:10,541 --> 00:08:13,583 I don't want him to be reminded of that every time he sees me. 136 00:08:13,666 --> 00:08:15,541 No, I meant about the zarg-nuts. 137 00:08:15,666 --> 00:08:18,166 Oh. I don't think anyone cares about that but you. 138 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:20,333 Maybe because I'm his sister, 139 00:08:20,416 --> 00:08:23,083 I feel like I should give Peter a happy Christmas. 140 00:08:23,375 --> 00:08:25,916 He's so sad about Gamora being gone. 141 00:08:27,083 --> 00:08:30,541 Maybe if we gave Peter a really wonderful Christmas gift, 142 00:08:30,708 --> 00:08:31,833 it would make him happy. 143 00:08:31,916 --> 00:08:34,666 Well, we could give him those zarg-nuts, except you ate them all. 144 00:08:34,875 --> 00:08:36,541 Get over the zarg-nuts! 145 00:08:39,166 --> 00:08:43,083 -What kind of present? -Something special he will never forget. 146 00:08:44,500 --> 00:08:48,041 -What about someone special? -What? 147 00:08:48,125 --> 00:08:51,041 Over the years, Quill has talked about one person more than any other. 148 00:08:51,291 --> 00:08:53,791 A legendary hero who has saved countless lives. 149 00:08:54,041 --> 00:08:56,458 We could give him to Quill as a present. 150 00:09:05,916 --> 00:09:07,541 Kyra, hey, honey. 151 00:09:07,625 --> 00:09:08,666 -Hey, baby. 152 00:09:08,750 --> 00:09:11,041 I can't wait for you guys to get back from New York. 153 00:09:11,125 --> 00:09:12,375 -Did you get the stuff? -Yep. 154 00:09:12,458 --> 00:09:13,833 Yeah, I got all the presents. 155 00:09:14,458 --> 00:09:18,166 Everything is set for the perfect family Christmas. 156 00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:28,041 I don't care what the neighbors say 157 00:09:28,250 --> 00:09:30,708 Christmastime is near 158 00:09:31,375 --> 00:09:34,208 I don't care what anyone says 159 00:09:34,291 --> 00:09:36,958 Christmas is full of cheer 160 00:09:37,041 --> 00:09:38,583 All I know is that Santa's... 161 00:09:38,666 --> 00:09:40,000 Wow! 162 00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:45,458 I wonder which one belongs to Kevin Bacon. 163 00:09:53,375 --> 00:09:56,166 Drax, why are they staring? 164 00:09:57,333 --> 00:10:00,375 You put the cloaking device on like you said you did, right? 165 00:10:00,458 --> 00:10:01,500 Yes. 166 00:10:06,250 --> 00:10:09,500 I can plainly see that you just did it right now in front of me. 167 00:10:09,625 --> 00:10:10,916 -No, I didn't. -Yes, you did. 168 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,000 No, I didn't. 169 00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:15,166 I wish I brought Groot. 170 00:10:16,708 --> 00:10:20,833 So, we'll go down into the city and ask people where Kevin Bacon is. 171 00:10:20,916 --> 00:10:23,000 Do you think Kevin Bacon is the leader of the world 172 00:10:23,083 --> 00:10:24,916 or just to most people? 173 00:10:25,541 --> 00:10:28,791 -I think everybody. -Oh! I'm so excited. 174 00:10:32,541 --> 00:10:36,750 I can hear the sleigh bells coming around the bend 175 00:10:36,833 --> 00:10:39,583 Here comes the darkest end 176 00:10:39,666 --> 00:10:41,583 Christmas is here 177 00:10:43,333 --> 00:10:44,833 Look. 178 00:10:58,208 --> 00:10:59,791 Steve! 179 00:11:03,958 --> 00:11:06,208 -Why is he running away? -I don't know. 180 00:11:09,958 --> 00:11:14,250 -Hey! -No! I'm sorry. GoBots killed his cousin. 181 00:11:14,333 --> 00:11:17,875 -I'll rip your head off! -Drax! Stop being a bigot. 182 00:11:21,708 --> 00:11:24,916 Oh. Hey, can we get a picture? Come on, guys. Come on. Ready? 183 00:11:27,500 --> 00:11:30,083 -Okay, amazing. Thank you so much. -Thank you. 184 00:11:30,166 --> 00:11:32,166 We got a picture with the God of War. 185 00:11:49,916 --> 00:11:52,375 My dear 186 00:11:52,541 --> 00:11:55,500 Is this Christmas? 187 00:11:55,583 --> 00:12:01,000 Whatever happened to that festive cheer? 188 00:12:17,708 --> 00:12:19,916 Could Kevin Bacon be in here? 189 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,375 Don't think I have the energy 190 00:12:22,625 --> 00:12:24,833 To add to my already mad rush 191 00:12:26,666 --> 00:12:28,500 The perfect gift for me would be 192 00:12:28,583 --> 00:12:30,541 Completions and connections left from 193 00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:32,791 Last year, ski shop 194 00:12:32,875 --> 00:12:34,875 Encounter, most interesting 195 00:12:34,958 --> 00:12:36,916 Had his number but never the time 196 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:38,666 Most of '81 passed along those lines 197 00:12:38,750 --> 00:12:41,208 So deck those halls Trim those trees 198 00:12:41,291 --> 00:12:43,208 Raise up cups of Christmas cheer 199 00:12:43,291 --> 00:12:45,666 I just need to catch my breath 200 00:12:45,750 --> 00:12:47,583 Give us your finest libations. 201 00:12:48,541 --> 00:12:50,791 Have you seen Kevin Bacon anywhere? 202 00:12:50,875 --> 00:12:53,125 Why would I know where Kevin Bacon is located? 203 00:12:55,291 --> 00:12:57,375 Calendar picture, frozen landscape 204 00:12:57,458 --> 00:12:59,333 Chilled this room for 24 days 205 00:12:59,416 --> 00:13:01,791 Evergreens, sparkling snow 206 00:13:10,458 --> 00:13:11,916 Mmm. More. 207 00:13:22,291 --> 00:13:27,041 -Come out and dance with us. -Dancing is for people who are pathetic. 208 00:13:29,291 --> 00:13:31,125 -Well, how about a drink then? -Yes! 209 00:13:31,375 --> 00:13:33,041 Two shots of tequila, please. 210 00:13:52,625 --> 00:13:55,208 I can't believe not a single one 211 00:13:55,291 --> 00:13:59,791 of our new homies know where Kevin Bacon is. 212 00:14:00,208 --> 00:14:04,000 There are tens of thousands of people on this planet 213 00:14:04,875 --> 00:14:08,000 and we don't even know what Kevin Bacon looks like. 214 00:14:08,083 --> 00:14:09,541 Said it was like Christmas 215 00:14:09,625 --> 00:14:11,208 You wanna know where Kevin Bacon lives? 216 00:14:13,666 --> 00:14:14,708 Yes. 217 00:14:23,541 --> 00:14:24,791 That's 40 bucks. 218 00:14:28,125 --> 00:14:29,166 Uh-oh. 219 00:14:33,916 --> 00:14:36,125 I don't know where my money is. 220 00:14:37,875 --> 00:14:39,500 Give it to me for free. 221 00:14:39,583 --> 00:14:42,000 By the time we got to Oslo 222 00:14:43,708 --> 00:14:45,208 Give me all your money. 223 00:14:45,333 --> 00:14:46,958 The snow was gone 224 00:14:47,958 --> 00:14:50,250 Drax, move faster. 225 00:14:52,083 --> 00:14:55,083 It won't be exactly the same as the one you have on Earth, 226 00:14:55,166 --> 00:14:57,000 but I'm sure it will serve your purpose. 227 00:14:57,083 --> 00:15:00,250 Good. Good. Now I'd like to get going 228 00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:03,333 and have the toy shop operating full-blast 229 00:15:03,416 --> 00:15:06,250 so that I can return to Earth for Christmas. 230 00:15:06,333 --> 00:15:11,250 'Cause, you know, Mrs. Claus is a very good-natured woman. But... 231 00:15:11,333 --> 00:15:14,625 Santa Claus, you will never return to Earth. 232 00:15:14,708 --> 00:15:15,708 Wait. 233 00:15:24,541 --> 00:15:25,666 Yeah. Can I help you? 234 00:15:27,458 --> 00:15:31,125 Yes. We are looking for the legendary Kevin Bacon. 235 00:15:31,208 --> 00:15:33,666 We're looking for the legendary Kevin Bacon. 236 00:15:33,875 --> 00:15:34,916 I just said that, Drax. 237 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,291 Your voice is small and mousy. I think maybe he didn't hear you. 238 00:15:37,416 --> 00:15:40,416 He heard. He's Kevin Bacon. He's probably got great ears. 239 00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:43,083 I'm sorry, guys. I can't help you. 240 00:15:43,583 --> 00:15:44,916 But wait, wait, wait, wait. 241 00:15:46,750 --> 00:15:48,541 -Hello? 242 00:15:49,958 --> 00:15:50,958 -Hello? 243 00:15:52,333 --> 00:15:54,833 -Hello? Hello? Hello! 244 00:16:00,166 --> 00:16:03,625 He's gone. Look what you did. 245 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:07,541 You acted weird and you made him not want to talk to us. 246 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,000 Sorry. 247 00:16:13,958 --> 00:16:16,458 Do you think you can toss me over the gate if you... 248 00:16:19,791 --> 00:16:22,083 Ow! 249 00:16:22,666 --> 00:16:25,833 -What are you doing? -Tossing you over the gate. 250 00:16:26,583 --> 00:16:30,416 I didn't mean right that second. I meant after I was ready. 251 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:32,833 I wasn't even done talking. 252 00:16:32,916 --> 00:16:34,916 Toss you over the gate. Don't toss you over the gate. 253 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,041 Make up your mind. 254 00:16:49,458 --> 00:16:50,666 Whoa! 255 00:16:55,125 --> 00:16:58,791 -I want this funny man. -Don't just take stuff. 256 00:17:01,333 --> 00:17:02,333 Oh. 257 00:17:03,750 --> 00:17:06,083 But I guess that's what it's here for. 258 00:17:10,750 --> 00:17:12,666 Kevin Bacon! 259 00:17:14,708 --> 00:17:16,458 Kevin Bacon! 260 00:17:17,958 --> 00:17:19,750 Kevin Bacon! 261 00:17:24,333 --> 00:17:25,750 Kevin Bacon! 262 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,458 Kevin Bacon! 263 00:17:31,458 --> 00:17:34,166 -Kevin Bacon! 264 00:17:34,250 --> 00:17:39,083 Okay, guys, I don't know what you're thinking, but this is not cool. 265 00:17:39,166 --> 00:17:40,291 This is private property. 266 00:17:40,416 --> 00:17:46,291 Now, kindly put down my elf and my candy cane and go. 267 00:17:46,625 --> 00:17:48,583 I'm calling the police right now. 268 00:17:53,583 --> 00:17:55,500 OPERATOR OVER PHONE: 911. What's your emergency? 269 00:17:55,708 --> 00:17:57,791 You're coming with us. As a Christmas present. 270 00:17:57,875 --> 00:18:01,208 911. Can I help you? Hello? Hello? 271 00:18:01,791 --> 00:18:04,708 There's two... I don't know what they are. People in costumes. 272 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:08,583 I want an alien for Christmas 273 00:18:08,666 --> 00:18:12,125 Bring me an alien this year 274 00:18:12,208 --> 00:18:15,708 I want a little green guy About three feet high... 275 00:18:18,375 --> 00:18:23,083 I want an alien for Christmas this year 276 00:18:42,750 --> 00:18:43,958 -Wait. -What? 277 00:18:44,041 --> 00:18:45,875 I left my little funny man back in the house. 278 00:18:46,083 --> 00:18:47,375 -What? -I wanna go back and get him. 279 00:18:47,458 --> 00:18:49,250 But Kevin Bacon is gonna get away. 280 00:18:49,333 --> 00:18:51,333 But you still have your swirly red and white curly man. 281 00:18:51,416 --> 00:18:54,125 How can you possibly think this is a man? 282 00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:57,958 -What is it? -I don't know. A shape? 283 00:18:58,083 --> 00:19:00,541 Well, how is it fair you get to keep it and I don't? 284 00:19:00,625 --> 00:19:03,250 Because I was responsible and held on to it. 285 00:19:05,083 --> 00:19:08,708 Drax, do you love Peter and want to save Christmas? 286 00:19:08,833 --> 00:19:10,625 Or do you want a little funny man? 287 00:19:11,833 --> 00:19:13,333 Uh... 288 00:19:18,166 --> 00:19:20,375 -A little funny man. -No! 289 00:19:44,041 --> 00:19:48,500 -Mr. Bacon. We got your 911 call. -You gotta get these things away from me. 290 00:19:50,458 --> 00:19:52,166 Hey, I'm a police officer. 291 00:19:52,250 --> 00:19:55,208 I don't know what's going on here, but you need to back up or I'll shoot. 292 00:19:55,500 --> 00:19:58,375 Raise your hands above your head! Stop! 293 00:20:04,166 --> 00:20:08,041 Stop. It tickles. Stop. I'm gonna pee my pants. 294 00:20:14,541 --> 00:20:16,791 -Sleep. -Hey! 295 00:20:20,125 --> 00:20:21,666 -Sleep. -Let him go! Let him go! Let him go! 296 00:20:21,750 --> 00:20:24,000 Freeze! Get on the ground! Get on the ground! 297 00:20:32,750 --> 00:20:33,750 Sleep. 298 00:20:46,708 --> 00:20:49,708 Drax! You can't just kill people. 299 00:20:49,791 --> 00:20:52,166 Well, how am I supposed to know the rules if no one tells me? 300 00:21:03,500 --> 00:21:04,666 Are you okay? 301 00:21:06,208 --> 00:21:08,083 We are not doing anything wrong. 302 00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:11,583 We are just taking the legendary hero Kevin Bacon, 303 00:21:11,666 --> 00:21:14,916 to give him as a present to a friend who is sad about Christmas. 304 00:21:15,166 --> 00:21:16,166 Okay. 305 00:21:19,125 --> 00:21:20,125 Here. 306 00:21:24,583 --> 00:21:28,541 I really wanted this, but we're even now, okay? 307 00:21:30,250 --> 00:21:31,250 Sure. 308 00:21:32,666 --> 00:21:35,708 That doesn't look like a man to you, does it? 309 00:21:35,833 --> 00:21:38,291 A man? No. 310 00:21:39,375 --> 00:21:42,875 Of course not. My friend is being an idiot. 311 00:21:51,083 --> 00:21:52,791 You would love to come with us. 312 00:21:54,250 --> 00:21:58,333 -Hey, where are we going? -First, there. 313 00:22:00,375 --> 00:22:01,500 Whoa! 314 00:22:01,583 --> 00:22:02,583 Coolness. 315 00:22:03,375 --> 00:22:04,791 Shoo bop, shoo bop 316 00:22:04,916 --> 00:22:06,625 Sha la la la la 317 00:22:07,250 --> 00:22:08,916 Shoo bop, shoo bop 318 00:22:09,166 --> 00:22:12,625 I ain't got no time for it now Oh, no, no 319 00:22:12,791 --> 00:22:15,875 I got to make this holiday glow 320 00:22:15,958 --> 00:22:16,958 CHORUS: Like a lightbulb 321 00:22:17,041 --> 00:22:18,791 Are you friends with the Fonz? 322 00:22:19,375 --> 00:22:21,166 -Who? -The Fonz. 323 00:22:21,541 --> 00:22:25,333 -Fonz. He's a hero, like you. -Have the two of you ever had a team-up? 324 00:22:25,416 --> 00:22:27,791 Oh. Well, the Fonz's real name is Henry Winkler. 325 00:22:27,875 --> 00:22:30,291 And, yeah, I do know him. He's a very nice guy. 326 00:22:30,458 --> 00:22:33,833 Would you consider grabbing dinner, like, one time a team-up? 327 00:22:33,916 --> 00:22:36,916 No. Eating together is not a team-up. 328 00:22:37,041 --> 00:22:39,250 Tell us, what was it like when you had to save a small town 329 00:22:39,333 --> 00:22:40,500 by dancing like an idiot? 330 00:22:40,916 --> 00:22:42,666 Oh. Well, that wasn't me. 331 00:22:42,750 --> 00:22:46,833 That was a character that I played, Ren McCormack, in the movie, Footloose. 332 00:22:47,083 --> 00:22:48,083 What? 333 00:22:48,291 --> 00:22:50,250 What about when you fought and defeated 334 00:22:50,333 --> 00:22:54,000 the super-strong masked killer Jason Voorhees in the woods? 335 00:22:54,166 --> 00:22:55,166 Yeah. 336 00:22:55,958 --> 00:22:58,458 Nope. Again, not me. Just a character I played. 337 00:22:58,791 --> 00:23:01,333 And he didn't actually kill Jason. 338 00:23:01,625 --> 00:23:05,083 He got stabbed through the neck with an arrow. 339 00:23:07,541 --> 00:23:08,541 Yeah. 340 00:23:12,291 --> 00:23:16,041 He's an actor! He's never actually saved anyone. 341 00:23:16,166 --> 00:23:18,583 -But actors are repugnant. -I know. 342 00:23:21,250 --> 00:23:24,000 They make me feel gross and creepy when they pretend to be someone else. 343 00:23:24,083 --> 00:23:26,875 No. Acting is a wonderful profession. 344 00:23:26,958 --> 00:23:29,000 I mean, you don't get to live just one life, 345 00:23:29,083 --> 00:23:30,500 you get to live so many lives... 346 00:23:30,583 --> 00:23:35,083 We got Quill the worst gift ever. A disgusting actor! 347 00:23:35,958 --> 00:23:40,916 -This is the worst day of my life! -We ruined Christmas worse than Yondu. 348 00:23:41,208 --> 00:23:45,083 Peter was a child when he left Earth. His memory is all screwed up. 349 00:23:45,375 --> 00:23:47,041 He doesn't remember things right. 350 00:23:49,875 --> 00:23:53,333 Kevin Bacon, you have to pretend you're an actual hero, 351 00:23:53,416 --> 00:23:55,666 or else Christmas is doomed. 352 00:23:57,541 --> 00:23:58,916 Blimey, mate. 353 00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:01,791 I can't wait to storm them Nazis on the beach. 354 00:24:02,416 --> 00:24:05,083 -What are you doing? -I'm a hero, ain't I then? 355 00:24:05,166 --> 00:24:08,250 I'm a private in the British Army during World War II. 356 00:24:08,333 --> 00:24:10,583 No. Just your regular voice. 357 00:24:10,666 --> 00:24:14,666 Oh. Okay. Yeah, sure, fine. Hello. I'm the Batman. 358 00:24:15,250 --> 00:24:19,000 -I mean, hello. I'm Bruce Wayne. -Who is Bruce Wayne? 359 00:24:19,125 --> 00:24:23,125 No! Don't be someone else. Be Kevin Bacon, but, like, if you didn't suck! 360 00:24:27,041 --> 00:24:28,208 That's something. 361 00:24:29,125 --> 00:24:33,500 How weird. 'Cause, like, normally, it would really piss me off, 362 00:24:33,583 --> 00:24:34,583 but I don't know. 363 00:24:34,791 --> 00:24:41,291 Right now, for some reason, I just feel really great about all of it. 364 00:24:42,208 --> 00:24:43,500 Hmm. 365 00:24:44,041 --> 00:24:45,083 We hate you. 366 00:24:58,833 --> 00:25:02,083 We watch the children playing 367 00:25:03,500 --> 00:25:06,333 Beside the Christmas tree 368 00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:13,000 Presents are wrapped up It's beautiful 369 00:25:13,541 --> 00:25:19,708 And secretly the gifts you hide 370 00:25:20,541 --> 00:25:26,458 The fun awaits for you inside 371 00:25:27,625 --> 00:25:30,958 Christmastime has come 372 00:25:32,125 --> 00:25:35,250 There'll be toys for everyone 373 00:25:36,875 --> 00:25:42,583 'Cause Christmastime has come for you 374 00:25:42,750 --> 00:25:45,083 I remember dreaming 375 00:25:46,250 --> 00:25:52,458 -Wishing, hoping, praying for this day 376 00:25:52,541 --> 00:25:54,125 Now I sit and watch them 377 00:25:55,250 --> 00:25:58,333 The little ones I love 378 00:25:59,666 --> 00:26:03,708 So excited by the way 379 00:26:05,125 --> 00:26:08,833 Christmastime has come 380 00:26:09,333 --> 00:26:12,875 There'll be toys for everyone 381 00:26:14,166 --> 00:26:20,250 'Cause Christmastime has come for you 382 00:26:30,166 --> 00:26:32,833 And now the word is given 383 00:26:34,250 --> 00:26:36,958 It's time to peer inside 384 00:26:39,708 --> 00:26:41,000 Are you kidding me? 385 00:26:41,833 --> 00:26:46,750 So anxious for your look of joy 386 00:26:47,041 --> 00:26:52,416 Merry Christmas, Peter. From me and Drax and, you know, 387 00:26:55,458 --> 00:26:56,625 all of us, really. 388 00:26:59,375 --> 00:27:01,750 Christmastime has come 389 00:27:02,500 --> 00:27:05,666 There'll be toys for everyone 390 00:27:07,750 --> 00:27:13,083 'Cause Christmastime has come 391 00:27:14,291 --> 00:27:16,125 For you 392 00:27:18,625 --> 00:27:20,791 Oh! You guys. 393 00:27:21,625 --> 00:27:25,083 There'll be toys for everyone 394 00:27:26,750 --> 00:27:27,875 What did you do? 395 00:27:27,958 --> 00:27:30,708 'Cause Christmastime has come 396 00:27:30,791 --> 00:27:33,083 For you 397 00:27:41,708 --> 00:27:44,750 Hey, uh, guys, I'm about to pass out. 398 00:27:44,833 --> 00:27:46,333 There's no air in here. 399 00:27:58,041 --> 00:27:59,125 Ta-da! 400 00:27:59,333 --> 00:28:02,500 You must be Pete. Merry Christmas! 401 00:28:03,791 --> 00:28:07,333 It's Kevin Bacon. He's not a loser. He's great. We don't hate him at all. 402 00:28:09,583 --> 00:28:10,583 What'd you do? 403 00:28:10,666 --> 00:28:12,291 -What? -What did you do? 404 00:28:12,458 --> 00:28:16,791 -We got you Kevin Bacon as a present. -You got me a human being as a present? 405 00:28:16,875 --> 00:28:18,958 What better gift for the guy who has everything 406 00:28:19,041 --> 00:28:21,583 than an actual human living person? 407 00:28:21,666 --> 00:28:25,625 This isn't a Christmas gift! This is human trafficking! 408 00:28:25,708 --> 00:28:28,333 -Yes! -It was mostly Drax's idea. 409 00:28:28,541 --> 00:28:29,541 It was. 410 00:28:29,625 --> 00:28:31,208 Hey, Pete, I got to stick up for these guys, 411 00:28:31,291 --> 00:28:33,166 because to tell you the truth, 412 00:28:33,250 --> 00:28:36,458 I am totally stoked about the whole thing, man. 413 00:28:38,625 --> 00:28:42,291 -You used your powers on him, didn't you? -Maybe. I can't remember. 414 00:28:42,375 --> 00:28:45,083 Get Kevin Bacon out of the trance now! 415 00:28:49,208 --> 00:28:50,833 Just be what you really are. 416 00:29:03,500 --> 00:29:05,875 Dude, calm down. We're not gonna hurt you. 417 00:29:06,375 --> 00:29:09,791 -That's a talking raccoon. -I'll kill you. Don't ever call me that! 418 00:29:09,875 --> 00:29:11,208 Whoa! 419 00:29:11,291 --> 00:29:13,125 Sir, sir, sir. Right here, right here. 420 00:29:13,583 --> 00:29:17,250 Kraglin, prepare The Bowie for his transport back to Earth. 421 00:29:17,333 --> 00:29:19,208 -Aye, Captain. -Mr. Bacon, I am so sorry. 422 00:29:19,375 --> 00:29:20,375 This is really embarrassing. 423 00:29:20,458 --> 00:29:23,083 I know you're worried sick and your family is, too. 424 00:29:23,166 --> 00:29:24,958 We're gonna get you back home immediately. 425 00:29:25,041 --> 00:29:26,166 I am Groot. 426 00:29:26,250 --> 00:29:28,833 Oh. Suddenly you thought it was a bad idea all along? 427 00:29:28,916 --> 00:29:29,916 I am Groot. 428 00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:32,500 Dude, I literally just saw you wheel him out in front of everybody. 429 00:29:35,250 --> 00:29:38,333 I'm gonna let you go, Kevin Bacon. Don't run. 430 00:29:38,958 --> 00:29:41,125 -You're not gonna run? -No, no. No, no, no. 431 00:29:44,875 --> 00:29:47,458 -Go get Kevin Bacon. -I've got it. 432 00:29:48,416 --> 00:29:51,500 -Don't kill him. -You can't outrun me, Bacon! 433 00:30:03,041 --> 00:30:04,666 Hey, that man was a plant. 434 00:30:04,750 --> 00:30:08,625 Oh, Groot? He's just a kid. Sorry about all this stuff. 435 00:30:09,166 --> 00:30:10,708 What's that on your head? 436 00:30:11,500 --> 00:30:14,958 That is a device for controlling a flying arrow. 437 00:30:15,041 --> 00:30:17,333 But I ain't quite got the hang of it yet. 438 00:30:19,083 --> 00:30:20,708 I know this must all be a shock to you, 439 00:30:20,791 --> 00:30:25,083 but it's only 'cause you mean a great deal to Pete that they've done it. 440 00:30:26,708 --> 00:30:28,291 Pete didn't have much to love growing up, 441 00:30:28,375 --> 00:30:32,041 but one thing he did love was telling us all stories about you. 442 00:30:32,333 --> 00:30:36,000 -Me? -You saved a town through dancing. 443 00:30:36,916 --> 00:30:41,708 And once, Pete saved the whole galaxy with dancing. For real. 444 00:30:42,250 --> 00:30:43,958 You taught him how to be a hero, 445 00:30:44,958 --> 00:30:47,250 and now he might just be the greatest hero alive. 446 00:30:52,250 --> 00:30:53,416 Mant and these dopes, 447 00:30:53,500 --> 00:30:58,625 they was just hoping you'd bring the joy of Christmas back into his heart, is all. 448 00:31:05,250 --> 00:31:06,416 Whoa! 449 00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:12,583 How on earth do you get reception up here? 450 00:31:14,250 --> 00:31:15,791 Couple of good satellite dishes out front 451 00:31:15,875 --> 00:31:18,541 will get you anything within about 400 million light-years. 452 00:31:18,625 --> 00:31:19,625 Hi, honey. 453 00:31:19,708 --> 00:31:20,750 Are you at the house? 454 00:31:20,833 --> 00:31:23,916 Yeah, no, I'm just with some friends. 455 00:31:24,458 --> 00:31:26,958 Oh, okay. Well, what time do you think you'll be home? 456 00:31:29,708 --> 00:31:33,708 Hey, would it be okay if I'm just a little bit late? 457 00:31:35,125 --> 00:31:39,958 I got some friends here that kind of need to learn about Christmas. 458 00:31:55,958 --> 00:31:59,583 When we are born We are swaddled and snuggled 459 00:31:59,708 --> 00:32:03,333 Whispered to, fussed over Tickled and cuddled 460 00:32:03,500 --> 00:32:07,166 When we grow up things get muddled 461 00:32:07,333 --> 00:32:09,958 And here it is Christmastime 462 00:32:11,250 --> 00:32:15,666 Will you stop by for a piece of delicious peach pie? 463 00:32:15,750 --> 00:32:18,666 While I tell you my yuletide wishes 464 00:32:18,875 --> 00:32:22,333 You can help me do the dishes 465 00:32:22,416 --> 00:32:25,291 'Cause here it is Christmastime 466 00:32:25,416 --> 00:32:27,458 And we all want someone 467 00:32:28,750 --> 00:32:31,250 Who will love us and hold us 468 00:32:32,958 --> 00:32:35,625 To curl up alongside 469 00:32:36,708 --> 00:32:39,375 When nights are the coldest 470 00:32:40,750 --> 00:32:43,041 And we all want someone 471 00:32:43,958 --> 00:32:46,625 Who will hug us and kiss us 472 00:32:49,625 --> 00:32:53,125 All I want is you for Christmas 473 00:32:55,166 --> 00:32:58,625 Let us examine the holiday spirit 474 00:32:58,750 --> 00:33:02,500 Let the small kids sing so we can all hear it 475 00:33:02,583 --> 00:33:06,166 Light up a fire and pull the chair near it 476 00:33:06,291 --> 00:33:08,250 'Cause here it is Christmastime 477 00:33:08,375 --> 00:33:09,708 Bucky's arm? 478 00:33:09,791 --> 00:33:11,333 We all want someone 479 00:33:12,208 --> 00:33:13,208 Merry Christmas. 480 00:33:13,291 --> 00:33:15,291 Who will love us and hold us 481 00:33:16,916 --> 00:33:19,250 To curl up alongside 482 00:33:20,541 --> 00:33:22,666 When nights are the coldest 483 00:33:24,375 --> 00:33:26,416 And we all want someone 484 00:33:27,833 --> 00:33:30,416 Who will hug us and kiss us 485 00:33:33,500 --> 00:33:36,875 All I want is you for Christmas 486 00:34:09,208 --> 00:34:12,875 When we are born we are swaddled and snuggled 487 00:34:13,083 --> 00:34:16,750 Whispered to, fussed over Tickled and cuddled 488 00:34:16,833 --> 00:34:20,500 And when we grow up things get muddled 489 00:34:20,583 --> 00:34:23,375 And here it is Christmastime 490 00:34:23,458 --> 00:34:25,791 And we all want someone 491 00:34:26,750 --> 00:34:29,625 Who will love us and hold us 492 00:34:31,125 --> 00:34:33,708 To curl up alongside 493 00:34:34,833 --> 00:34:37,333 When nights are the coldest 494 00:34:38,666 --> 00:34:41,250 And we all want someone 495 00:34:41,958 --> 00:34:44,875 Who will hug us and kiss us 496 00:34:47,583 --> 00:34:51,208 All I want is you for Christmas 497 00:34:51,291 --> 00:34:54,791 -All I want is you for Christmas 498 00:34:54,875 --> 00:34:58,958 All I want is you for Christmas 499 00:35:18,083 --> 00:35:20,416 -The best Christmas ever. -Oh, come on. Bring it in. 500 00:35:21,875 --> 00:35:23,208 Okay. All right. 501 00:35:23,958 --> 00:35:26,500 -Love you, guys. -We love you, Kevin Bacon. 502 00:35:26,625 --> 00:35:28,625 Bye, Kevin Bacon. 503 00:35:28,708 --> 00:35:30,791 See you, Kevin Bacon. 504 00:35:30,916 --> 00:35:33,458 -We love you, Kevin Bacon. -Hey, I'll see you at Easter. 505 00:35:35,875 --> 00:35:39,833 Wow. I guess all actors aren't complete pieces of shit. 506 00:35:46,250 --> 00:35:50,791 I can't believe you guys did all of that for me. I mean, why? 507 00:35:51,541 --> 00:35:52,541 Why what? 508 00:35:52,625 --> 00:35:56,000 Why would you go to the trouble of going all the way to Earth 509 00:35:56,083 --> 00:35:59,208 to abduct Kevin Bacon? 510 00:36:01,125 --> 00:36:04,750 Kraglin told us the story about how Yondu ruined Christmas. 511 00:36:05,416 --> 00:36:07,291 So we wanted to save it for you. 512 00:36:11,291 --> 00:36:13,625 I'm not sure Kraglin knows how that story ended. 513 00:37:01,500 --> 00:37:03,000 That is so sweet. 514 00:37:05,500 --> 00:37:06,500 That's Yondu. 515 00:37:08,125 --> 00:37:13,625 I guess I just wanted to do something special for you, because, well... 516 00:37:17,416 --> 00:37:20,250 -What? -Your father, Peter. 517 00:37:22,166 --> 00:37:26,166 -He might be... -Ego? He might be what? 518 00:37:26,458 --> 00:37:27,750 He might be... 519 00:37:28,541 --> 00:37:32,791 He is my father, too. 520 00:37:36,916 --> 00:37:38,750 Wait. So does that make you my sister? 521 00:37:44,166 --> 00:37:49,291 Mantis, that's the greatest Christmas gift I could ever get. 522 00:38:00,583 --> 00:38:03,875 -Merry Christmas, Mantis. -Merry Christmas, Peter. 523 00:38:24,666 --> 00:38:27,083 I could have been someone 524 00:38:27,916 --> 00:38:30,583 Well, so could anyone 525 00:38:30,666 --> 00:38:36,708 You took my dreams from me when I first found you 526 00:38:36,791 --> 00:38:39,666 I kept them with me, babe 527 00:38:39,750 --> 00:38:42,500 I put them with my own 528 00:38:43,666 --> 00:38:45,541 Can't make it all alone 529 00:38:45,625 --> 00:38:49,166 I've built my dreams around you 530 00:38:51,041 --> 00:38:53,750 The boys of the NYPD choir 531 00:38:53,833 --> 00:38:56,333 Still singing Galway Bay 532 00:38:56,458 --> 00:38:59,166 And the bells are ringing out 533 00:38:59,250 --> 00:39:01,791 For Christmas Day 534 00:41:41,375 --> 00:41:45,750 -Oh, come on, Groot! -Groot ruined Christmas again. 535 00:41:46,541 --> 00:41:48,166 Now we got to have another special. 39321

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