All language subtitles for Haul.Out.the.Holly.2022.HDTV.x264-OMiCRON

I grew up in a
very special place.

Every December, our
block was transformed

into a christmas wonderland.

And my parents started it all.

[gasp] it's christmas.

It's christmas!

Mom, dad, wake up!

Wake up.

Get up.

Where are they?

Fine, I guess I'm going to open
all the presents by myself.

Here, I come!

Oh, I hope santa came.

[gasp] he came!

Merry christmas, sweetie.

Merry christmas.

Merry christmas.

Can I open my presents?

Oh, not just now, honey.

We have to go.

We have a lot to do before
the carnival this afternoon.

Yeah, but what about christmas?

The christmas carnival
is christmas, sweetie.

We have put so much work
into it to make it special.

Yeah, but you've
done so much already.

But we have to salt the
sidewalk, light the lamps.

Check on the backup generator.

Good call.

Come on, sweetie.

Don't pout.

You know how important
the carnival is.

It's our responsibility.

Our duty.

Our duty.

Yes, our duty to
make it perfect.

Can I open at least one?

Of course.

Oh, I think I just the one.

Here.

Open this one.

[unwrapping]

wow.

A camera?

Maybe you'd like to take
pictures of everyone

in all the events
today to keep a record

of how happy everyone is.

You'll be our official
christmas photographer.

Like for fun or for my duty?

There's no reason it
can't be both, dear.

[laughs]

merry christmas, honey.

Merry christmas.

Let's go.

Ok.

Mmm.

[kiss]

get bundled up, dear.

Come on.

Meet us outside.

My parents tried their very
best to instill their christmas

spirit into me.

But when you're seven, you
have other things on your mind.

(singing) up on the
housetop, reindeer paws.

Out jumps good, old santa claus.

You'll never guess what
he brought me this year.

What?

I got the entire frank
gehry lego collection.

Who's frank harry?

It's ghery.

And he's only the greatest
architect of the 20th century.

Well, that's cool.

What's wrong?

Didn't he get anything good?

[sigh] just this.

A polaroid?

Cool.

Yeah, well, let's test it.

[shutter clicks]

[whirring]

that's so cool.

Yeah, except my
parents are going

to make me use it to take
pictures of everyone else

at the carnival.

That sounds awesome.

Can I help?

Um, sure.

[music playing]

can I have this?

Well, I guess.

Let's go.

I'll help you get
people together,

and you can take the picture.

It'll be fun.

Race you there.

Every year, I'm faced
with the same question.

Is christmas merely the
longest to-do list of all time?

Or is all that
work actually fun?

Maybe this year I'll find out.

[music - johnny mathis, "we need
a little christmas"] haul out

the holly.

Put up the tree before
my spirit falls again.

Fill up the stocking.

I may be rushing things, but
deck the halls again now!

For we need a little christmas
right this very minute.

Candles on the window.

Carols at the spinet.

Yes, we need a little christmas
right this very minute.

It hasn't snowed
a single flurry.

We got guys coming left.

Coming left.

You got to call
him out, you guys.

Come on.

They're breaking in!

Dan?

Left, you guys.

No, you got to call that out.

Dan, what are you doing here?

Um, I live here.

Well, I thought
you'd be at work.

No, I took a personal day.

Isn't this a busy season?

Yeah, that's why I get so
stressed during the holidays.

Well, don't look.

Don't look.

Hold on, guys.

No, no, no, no, no.

I said don't look.

That's like saying
don't think of tigers.

I mean, the first thing you're
going to do is think of tigers.

Oh, I wanted all this
to be a surprise.

Wait, this is for me?

Yeah.

Like all of it?

Yeah, I went a little crazy.

I know.

But don't feel obligated
to go crazy on me.

Ok.

[chuckles]

right.

[sigh] I mean, I
wouldn't be upset

if you got me something nice.

But-- [laughs]

truth be told, I'm not
that big in the presents.

Getting them or
just giving them?

Giving mostly.

You remember your birthday?

Oh, yeah, no, no, I remember.

I was very disappointed.

And I thought I made that point.

But it's clear we need to
have another discussion.

Well, we already did.

Remember?

You got really mad at me.

I said, I have no
idea what you like.

And you said I
should figure it out.

And then, I asked you
for a simple list.

I'm not making a list, dan.

I'm not seven.

You said that same
thing last time too.

And that didn't have
any impact on you?

Wait, wait, hold on.

Are we about to
have another fight?

Well, it depends.

Ok, can we just
skip it this time?

Because I'm really-- I'm not
that big into fights either.

Ok, I'm going to say it.

I'm-- yeah.

I'm going to-- I'm
just going to say it.

I have not been very happy in
this relationship lately, dan.

Ok.

And that doesn't
seem to bother you?

Oh, well, I don't
want to break up

or anything if that's
what you're saying.

Yeah, but you also don't
want to talk about it?

Not really, no.

Right, ok.

So then, yeah,
we're breaking up.

What?

Seriously?

Just like that?

Seriously.

I mean, what is there to
discuss if you won't even

talk about it?

Well, I choose not to break up.

What about you?

No, this just isn't working.

I mean, the first couple
of years were so great.

And I swear, it's like this
last year have literally

stopped trying.

Fine.

You know what?

I give up.

Case in point!

I can't believe this.

Well, it's your decision.

You used to be a lot nicer.

[laughs] sorry, that was
the craziest deja vu moment.

My ex used to say
that same thing.

It's weird.

Ok, that's it.

I think you should move out.

What?

No, no, no.

No, I'm going to stay.

What do you mean no?

No, I found this apartment.

I put the entire security
deposit down myself.

Technically, that's true.

But you remember
that family reunion

that you had last
summer that just--

I didn't want to go to?

Yeah, no, I'm still upset that
you bailed on me for that.

I mean, my aunt monica
doesn't even think you exist.

[snaps]

that's a fair complaint.

But my point is this.

You may recall that
it was the same week

we had to renew the lease.

And so technically, my
name is the only one

on any of that paperwork now.

You wouldn't.

I thought I was helping you out.

[sigh]

[keys jangle]

[door unlocks, opens]

[beep]

ok, guys, I'm back.

Sorry about that.

[door slams shut]

oh, honey, I am so sorry.

It's ok.

It was bound to happen
sooner or later.

Honestly, I don't even know why
I stayed with them this long.

Well, then I suppose
it's a good thing.

Yeah, except I have to move out.

Well, where will you go now?

I don't know.

I've been looking at listings.

But there isn't much available
until after the new year.

No, I mean for christmas.

I don't suppose
you're going to dan's.

Why don't you pack up
and just come home?

Mom, no offense.

But I really don't think I
can handle an evergreen lane

christmas right now.

I'm just going to use
my frequent flyer miles.

I'll go somewhere
warm and just relax.

No, no.

That can't-- no.

Darling, you can't.

You come on home.

You can relax with us.

Your father will be so happy.

He's not too busy remodeling
santa's workshop again?

Oh.

[laughs] no, not this year.

[laughs]

ok, that was your nervous laugh.

What are you hiding?

Oh.

[laughs] no, what are
you talking about, dear?

Mom, you just did it again.

Last time you laughed like
that I found out you got rid

of all my beanie babies.

Oh, no.

It's nothing like that, dear.

I'm just hoping that you're
doing ok with the breakup

and everything.

It's got to be hard.

Sure.

No, I'm ok.

You know what?

I think it's going to be good
to come home for a while.

Right now, I'm off
until new year's.

And I can just relax, and
eat a million cookies,

and get some tlc.

I couldn't agree more.

It's been a long
time since you've

come home for the holidays.

It'll be so wonderful for you.

Just do me one favor.

Please don't
pressure me too much

to do all the
christmas activities.

I really don't think I
have it in me right now.

Don't worry, dear.

Your father and I will
not be pressuring you

at all this year.

I promise.

All right, thanks, mom.

I'm just going to
finish packing.

And then, I can probably be
down there by dinnertime.

Oh.

No, no, no.

No, no.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow, darling.

Tomorrow.

Your father and I, we've got
plans with the engerbretson's

tonight.

So I think it would just
be better if you came down

in the morning.

Is that ok?

Yeah, no, it's totally fine.

I'll just lock the door and
make dan sleep on the couch.

Probably going to be
playing some virtual ogre

fighting thing.

I have no idea what
he does all night.

Oh, that's wonderful, dear.

Well, I'm going to
go tell your father.

He'll be so excited.

All right.

Bye, mom.

Bye.

Are you sure this
is a good idea?

This may be our only hope.

Oh.

Alpha niner to team kringle,
we have a code red and green.

I repeat, red and green.

All units assemble.

Over.

Ok, break it down.

It's a red and green?

Yes, it is.

Get the tree.

I've got the tree.

I've got the tree.

Can't you take a tree and
pillows at the same time?

I've got the tree.

[phone ringing]

you've reached jess' phone.

Leave a message.

Hey, it's me.

So believe it or not, I am
driving down main street.

Yep, I'm home.

[sigh] listen, we have
so much to catch up on.

But just call me or come
by whenever you can.

All right, talk to you soon.

Come on, guys.

If you put your backs into
it, you won't feel the cold.

Well, they should have layered.

Guys, please, watch
the tulip beds, please.

They are very delicate.

Did you hear the lady?

[sigh] ah, perennials.

So finicky, yet so delightful.

What?

Ok.

All right, go.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Ok, sir.

[whistling] it's there.

Ok, thank you.

[chuckles] oh, hi.

Welcome home.

Proceed with phase two.

Repeat, phase two.

Over.

Oh, look, here comes emily.

Oh, right on schedule.

She hasn't been home for
the holidays in years.

She doesn't have
any idea, does she?

Not a clue.

Buckle up.

[music playing]

there she is.

There she is.

Hi.

Oh.

Oh.

What's with the get-ups?

[laughter]

you're moving to florida?

That's the plan.

But why?

Well, because it's warm there.

Uncle dino lives there.

And we can golf year round.

A bunch of my college
friends are still there.

Oh, I cannot believe this.

Oh, honey, it's not
like we're dying.

We're just moving to florida.

We're taking our
talents to south beach.

But when?

As soon as we find a place.

You mean like online or what?

[car horn beeps]

that must be our
cab to the airport.

Airport?

You're literally leaving today?

Yes, sweetie.

Our flight leaves
in three hours.

You know how your mother
needs to be early.

What's wrong with
being a little early?

Nothing, the airport is
40 minutes from here.

If there's no traffic.

When is there ever any traffic?

But, mom, mom, mom,
you didn't think

it was important to
mention to me that you

were moving to florida
when we spoke on the phone?

Honey, we weren't
talking about us.

We were focused on you.

And you said you wanted to
come home for the holidays.

Well, here you are.

No, I wanted to come
home to be with you guys.

Remember?

The cookies and the tlc.

We'll be back by new year's.

And in the meantime,
you can make cookies.

You can bake all the
cookies you want.

And the neighbors--

what?

--Will be so happy to see you.

You'll get so much tlc,
you won't know what to do.

You know what?

I'm already packed.

I'll come with you.

Honey, we want you to be here.

You need to decompress and
take some time to yourself

to get over the
breakup with david.

Dan.

Dan, right.

Now, what better way than to
do it right here at the home

that you grew up in?

Yeah, but this isn't
home without you two.

Sweetie, I know it's
hard, but you'll

have everything here you need.

What about the neighborhood?

The neighborhood needs you.

You guys created the hoa
rules for christmas after all.

You can't just move to florida
and leave everything behind.

That is ridiculous.

Your mother and I believe
that florida is the place that

needs us the most.

Some lucky hoa has a hurricane
of christmas coming their way.

They won't know what hit them.

[laughter]

well, that's for certain.

Oh, come on, honey.

Do it for us.

It would mean so much
to us if we knew you

were taking care of the house.

And we didn't want to
let the neighbors down.

She's right.

Just think of it as your
christmas present to us.

[sigh] fine.

Just promise me you'll
be back by new year's.

Oh, honey.

You have our word.

Oh.

Ok, come on.

Ok, try to enjoy one last
christmas in the neighborhood.

Oh, I thought I told you
that's exactly what I

was trying to avoid.

It'll be just what
the doctor ordered.

Really?

I think I'd like
a second opinion.

Hey, where are all
the decorations?

In the garage waiting for you.

Yeah, but why
aren't they up yet?

We got a late start.

Bye, honey.

Have fun.

Oh, almost forgot.

See you.

[sigh]

hey!

You want to ride the lightning?

[whirring]

no, I'm good.

Party pooper.

[whirs loudly]

[knock on door]

good evening, ma'am.

My name is jared farnsworth.

I'm looking for emily melrose.

Is she here?

I'm standing right here.

No.

Do you actually
not recognize me?

Well, see that's
impossible, because you do

have her unforgettable smile.

[chuckles]

but, I mean, the emily melrose
I knew would be about, hmm,

to be 5'7", 5'8" by now.

You know what?

It's really interesting,
because I recognize the freckles

and the steel blue eyes.

But the jared
farnsworth I remember

he had, oh, legs that were
as skinny as his arms.

So you clearly can't beat him.

You win.

Welcome home.

[laughs] it's good to see you.

You too.

Hey.

So how did you know I was here?

Well, that's the evergreen way.

See, all eyes have been
on you since you passed

the point of the mountain.

Wait, really?

I'll never tell.

[laughs]

oh, ok.

So are you here
visiting your mom?

I live here now,
just up the block.

Oh, you have got to
tell me the truth.

How do you do it?

How do I do what?

How do you deal with
everyone, including my parents

being so over the top of
the whole christmas thing?

Oh.

Everyone is just so gung
ho with the decorations

and the activities.

And the hoa is so strict.

To be honest, I love it.

And your dad has been
such a mentor to me

for my first year in office.

Wait, office?

And I promise I'm not going
to let it go to my head.

But as a newly elected
president of the hoa,

I want to formally
invite you to the kickoff

to the christmas countdown.

Is that the overly massive
tree lighting ceremony?

Really?

When's that?

Tonight.

Oh, it's a little
late in the season

to be lighting the
tree, isn't it?

Christmas is in a week.

Rest assured, I have my reasons.

Oh, scheduling this many
board members is no easy feat.

In fact, I still don't
know how your dad did it

with such [inhales]
perfect balance.

Well.

Anyway, can you come?

You know what?

I just remembered I have plans.

I'm seeing jess woolley.

You know her.

Oh.

She married kevin van orden.

And they have this
adorable little girl now.

Yeah, jess, '80s retro, always
wears a beanie, cool mom.

That's oddly specific.

Oh, and her daughter loves
that darla-do-good doll.

All right, you're scaring me.

How do you know all this?

I call it the santa sense.

That and they're
heading up the walkway.

Hi.

Hi.

Aunt emily.

You made it.

Hey there.

Come here.

Jared farnsworth.

Yeah.

What?

Oh.

Oh, hey.

Hi, darla.

Good to see you.

What is going on here?

Well, emily just
informed me that you guys

won't be able to attend the
christmas tree lighting.

I want to go.

Yeah, so do I.

Uh, ok, I guess we'll be
seeing you there after all.

I sense that was coming.

[chuckles] see you guys tonight.

Is that an invitation
to the tree lighting?

No, it's a notice for
insufficient christmas decor.

[chuckles]

what?

Oh, welcome back
to evergreen lane.

I still can't believe you
live on evergreen lane.

Well, I don't live here,
but I grew up here.

Hey, are you sure
you're ok staying here

by yourself? 'cause you
can always crash with us.

I'm fine.

Besides, my parents want me to
look after the house anyway.

And I think it'll be good to
spend some time by myself.

And try and figure out
why I spent the last three

years of my life with dan,
knowing that our relationship

had no future.

Because he was nice
at the beginning.

But honestly, I
think the jerk in him

was just waiting to come out.

I know.

You really dodged
a bullet there.

And yet, I still got wounded.

[sigh] you know what I need?

I need to just take
a bunch of hot baths.

I need to sleep until
10 o'clock every morning

and sit-in front of that
fireplace in my cozy pajamas

and watch christmas
movies on repeat.

Yes, that sounds perfect.

I think they're about to start.

You guys want to go?

Let's go.

Emily melrose?

[gasp] what a
wonderful surprise.

Hi, belinda, mary louise, bob.

You guys remember my
best friend, jess.

And this is her
daughter, nicole.

Hi.

We're so glad you could make it.

Well, jared invited us.

He's an architect.

And a darn good one.

And handsome too.

Uh-huh.

Oh, stop, you two.

The last thing emily needs
is a couple of matchmakers.

I thought she just got dumped
by that loser boyfriend of hers.

First of all, I dumped him, bob.

And second of all,
how did you hear that?

Belinda, of course.

She always spills the tea.

I'm so sorry.

Your mother made it seem
like it wasn't a secret.

Oh, that checks out.

You know what?

She's right.

I don't have anything to hide.

But I do want to just fly
a little under the radar

this christmas if
you know what I mean.

Good luck with that.

Oh, well, we'll see
you at the tree.

Mm-hmm.

[chuckles]

come on.

Let's go see that tree.

[cheers and applause]

ladies and gentlemen, welcome.

It is December.

And as you all know, we gather
to light the neighborhood tree.

And I am very sorry to say that
we're a little late this year.

A little?

Couple of weeks.

Stop it.

We talked about this, ned.

It was the best
time for everyone.

So thank you for that.

I've been free for
the last two weeks.

You've been free
since the '80s, ok?

Go ahead, jared, please.

Anyway, I want to
thank all of you

for your efforts,
your energy this year.

One announcement
that I have to make,

though, is it's the first time
in the history of the hoa's

30-year existence we will not
see gail and albert melrose.

Aww.

But their daughter emily has
come home for the holidays.

So everyone say hi to emily.

[cheers and applause]

oh, reminds me--
quick announcement,

there will be an hoa
meeting at 8:00 am.

Can you fill in for your folks?

What?

Me?

We'll call at 7:45.

Yeah.

Ok, yeah, yeah.

Perfect.

Emily melrose,
ladies and gentlemen.

Lovely.

So much for sleeping in.

All right, everybody.

[chuckles]

you know what this is.

[laughter]

without further
ado, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

Light her up.

Oh.

Oh.

Jared, come on.

No, no.

Is it broken?

Ned, you said this worked.

It worked when I did it.

Ok.

Ned, let it-- it's going
to be fine, everybody.

I'm sure it'll be fine.

It's not going to work.

Let's not--

come on.

[grunting]

you know, this
never happened when

your parents were in charge.

I don't want to
blame you but I am.

Give it.

Oh.

Ah.

Oh.

Yeah!

[cheers and applause]

evergreen lane,
I love christmas!

[cheers and applause]

whoo!

Yes.

Whoo.

[vocalizing]

[chainsaw whirring]

no one makes them fast as I can.

[vocalizing] first, the
head and then the shoulders.

[vocalizing]

[singing and whirring continues]

what?

Ugh.

Oh.

[music playing]

what?

Oh.

Hm.

Hi, 911, yes.

I'd like to report a very
strange man wandering

around my property.

Oh, I'm not strange.

And you're not on
the phone with 911.

No, but I will be if you don't
tell me what you're doing here.

I'm just checking
out some stuff.

What kind of stuff?

Hoa stuff?

Yeah, how'd you guess?

Because my dad used to
sneak around people's

houses looking for
violations too.

Such a legend.

What does the hoa think about
noise levels in the morning?

Actually, we have a
very strict policy,

nothing above 90
decibels before 9:00 am.

Ok, so it's 7:30.

Oh, every week except the
week before christmas.

Oh, well, that figures.

All right, so what'd you find?

Everything is very
detailed on that

notice I left you last night.

You mean the notice that
was intended for my parents

to handle?

They're out of town, so
everything falls on you.

Jared, are you serious?

By law 25.12, if
the owners are not

present or otherwise
incapacitated,

they may nominate a
surrogate or next of kin

to fulfill all
holiday obligations.

Read up on that, buttercup.

This one's for you.

Ok, now see, that's the thing.

I came here to get away from
any and all obligations.

That puts me in
quite the pickle.

[laughs] see, everyone
takes christmas very, very

seriously around here.

Maybe you can tell
them at the meeting,

because I told them you
would be there so, yeah.

Because I was pressured to say
yes in front of the whole town.

Not cool!

Emily, emily.

Emily, wait, I'm sorry.

You're right.

I shouldn't have done that.

Can we just talk about it?

What do you mean talk about it?

That thing that two
people do when they

want to solve a problem, right?

Ok.

You know what?

Great.

Let's talk about it.

I think christmas should
be about having fun.

I don't think it should be
about attending hoa meetings

or writing citations.

In fact, I think the
word bylaw itself

should be banned for the
entire month of December.

So can you please
just let me enjoy

the holiday in my own way?

[sigh] you're right.

You're right.

It's christmas time.

It's hardly the time to think
about the wants and needs

of others.

[sigh]

(singing) on the first
day of christmas,

my true love gave to me a
partridge in a pear tree.

Could you just go away?

There is no bylaw against
early caroling here

on evergreen lane.

In fact, it's encouraged.

Well, can you make
an exception, please?

(singing) on the second
day of christmas,

my true love gave to me two
turtle doves and a partridge

in a pear tree.

On the third day of
christmas, my true love

gave to me three french
hens, two turtle doves,

and a partridge in--

[thuds]

fine, you win.

I'll go to the
meeting if you promise

to not sing that song
for the rest of the week

or the rest of my life ever.

Ok.

[grunts] [sigh]

[sigh]

[music playing]

[sigh] so the word on the
street is you're an architect.

That's right.

What kind?

House remodels mostly.

Did you remodel your house?

I did for absolute
optimal holiday cheer.

You can put in an
extra wide fireplace.

Why extra wide?

Santa, of course.

[chuckles]

hm.

What do you do?

I am a freelance copy editor.

That makes sense.

You were always a great writer.

In fact, do you
remember in fifth grade?

You wrote a story about a little
girl who asked santa for it

to be christmas every day.

Wait, you remember that?

Pick up the pace,
you lollygaggers!

Come on.

T-minus 2 minutes and counting.

Let's do it.

Let's do it.

Let's do it.

Got to love his enthusiasm.

Yeah, his aim isn't bad either.

Let's just, um--

all right, team, listen up.

We have six days
until christmas.

And as you can see, lots
of fun still to have.

Now, I just want to make
sure our event managers are

up to speed on what
they need to do.

Now first off, let's see,
christmas cookie contest

this afternoon.

Check.

Check.

Thank you, mom.

Hot chocolate prepped
for the visitors.

You know this.

Mm.

Trophy for the winner.

Locked and loaded.

But I don't know why we don't
just give it to her now?

Don't be hasty, ned.

It's anyone's game.

Lastly, we have the illustrious
snowman tableau now, we

know that gail and albert
are down in florida.

So we may need someone
to fill-in for them.

Why don't we have emily do it?

That way it can
stay in the family.

Oh, now that's a wonderful idea.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Well, hold on.

Let's see what emily has to say.

Emily, what do you think?

I'm just a little confused.

It's an exhibition of
frozen humanity followed

by a no-rules snowball fight.

What's to explain?

No, I'm well aware of
what the event entails.

I still have slight hearing
loss from the time I took

a shot to the eardrum in 2012.

You said you forgave me.

Say it louder, ned.

That might be the ear.

You said you forgave me!

Right.

What I'm confused about is why
my parents didn't find someone

to cover this if they knew
they were going out of town?

Yeah, well, uh--

[clears throat]

why--

you know what?

I'm sure they could
walk you through it.

You have plenty of time.

How much?

36 hours.

Plenty of time?

That sounds like
slight hyperbole.

You do have to enter
the cookie contest.

And your house still need to
be decorated to code, so yeah.

Yeah, maybe you're right.

I actually don't have
to do any of this.

[laughs]

oh.

Ok.

Is it me or did it just
get really hot in here?

We don't want you to miss
out on any of the fun, emily.

Wait a minute.

Why don't pamela and
emily co-manage the event?

[laughs]

you know what?

I'll just do it by myself.

That'll be so much easier.

Oh, I'm totally fine with that.

That's a great idea.

Great.

No, then emily wouldn't have the
satisfaction of participating.

I think co-managers
is a great idea.

I feel like I finally know
what the fomo feels like.

Hah.

You guys are going
to have a blast.

You know what?

Can you define fomo?

Fear of making out.

Sorry about that, bob.

Oh, please let it
be the one where

she finds out her boyfriend
is actually a prince.

[phone ringing]

hi, mom.

Hi, sweetie.

Hi, sweetie.

Are you guys on a golf cart?

Your father's driving.

We're between holes.

Oh, who's winning?

I don't want to talk about it.

How are you?

I'm ok.

[sigh] but why didn't you
tell the hoa to have someone

else run the snowman tableau?

Uh.

No.

It must've slip mind.

Fell through the
cracks, I guess.

Uh-huh.

Well, they've assigned it to me.

And they also want me to
decorate the house and bake

cookies.

That sounds like a
perfect christmas.

Yeah, maybe in some
alternate universe

where I wasn't ditched by my
parents for the sunshine state.

Oh, come on, honey.

It sounds so harsh when
you say it like that.

Well, how do you think I feel?

I feel like I'm
in home alone 4--

stuck in the suburbs.

Don't be so dramatic.

I'm sorry about the decorating.

But you did say you
wanted to bake cookies.

No, I said I wanted to
eat cookies a lot of them.

Then make extra.

Please, emily, at least try to
get a baseline of decorations

up at the house.

Our family has a
reputation to uphold.

All right, fine.

I'll do it.

I'll do my best for you guys.

There's my girl.

All right, I'm just a
little worried that my best

is not going to be up to par.

Don't worry.

Neither is your
father's golf score.

Ooh.

I told you.

I will turn it around
on the back nine.

Sure you will.

That's what you said yesterday.

We agreed, no put down.

You guys, I need help.

Remember?

Me, help, please.

There's a checklist on my desk.

That should get
you right on track.

Have fun, honey.

Don't you dare go first.

Goodbye.

I am the wolf, still.

Wolf "schmolf."

come on.

[phone beeps]

oh, goodness.

[gasp] oh, it's
the one in vienna.

I love this guy.

[knock on door]

[whistling]

hold up.

Is this another warning?

No, absolutely not.

It's not a warning.

That's a full-on citation.

For what?

Violation of the
nutcracker code.

It's in your handbook,
section 1-5904.

Oh, yeah.

I must have skimmed that part.

Every front porch
must have a nutcracker

by December 19th,
which was yesterday.

And I'm giving you a
bit of wiggle room here.

And I don't want to say
it's getting ridiculous.

Ok, I didn't even know
about the nutcracker code.

It's in your handbook.

One second.

I'll wait.

Yeah, just a sec.

Are we good?

[scoffs] it is illegal
to rip up a citation.

Also, your nutcracker needs
to be 36 inches from shoe

to chapeau.

Oh, from shoe to chapeau.

Is that in the handbook too?

No, it's my own little flourish.

Ok.

So what is the penalty
for these citations?

That's up to the hoa
president. (whispers) me.

And should be proportional
to the offense.

So what do I get
for no nutcracker?

Well, that's known
as a fix-it ticket.

And you get a taller nutcracker,
and I will personally

tear that up.

And what about the
one that I ripped up?

About two hours
community service.

You can start by helping mary
louise and bob with their lawn

display.

Hey there, bob.

Ok.

All righty then.

[music playing]

so what was wrong with this
spot for dasher and dancer?

Oh, nothing.

I just wanted a second opinion.

Oh, ok.

Well, would it be
all right if I maybe

take down the rest of the
reindeer in the meantime?

Well, if dasher and dancer move,
everything's going to change.

Oh, excellent point.

Well--

ok.

--The cookies are in the oven.

And where were we, bob?

Oh, dasher and dancer.

[laughs]

oh, ok, honey, a
little to the right.

Ok.

Ok, and a little forward.

Yeah, and then a
little to the right.

Yeah.

And now to the left.

Ok.

To the left, to the left.

[gasp] oh, boy.

To the left.

Sorry, just a sec.

Whoa.

What do you think, bob?

About what?

Pfft, pfft.

[sigh] well, what do you think?

Oh, it's perfect.

Thank you.

Aww, happy to help.

Really?

Oh, I thought jared cited
you with community service.

True but you know what?

It was a pleasure.

We'll thank jared later.

He's an architect, you know.

That has been mentioned, yes.

Mm-hmm.

And you let us know if you need
any help with your decorations.

Do you know what?

I have a question.

Did my parents were really
not put up any decorations?

Well, as a matter of fact--

bob doesn't remember,
do you, bob?

Um, yeah, she's right.

I don't remember.

Neither of us do.

Ok, all right.

Well, I got to go
bake some cookies.

So see you later.

[exhales]

stop mentioning jared.

You're going to jinx it.

I can't believe we have less
than two hours to finish these.

I should have started this
before you guys came over.

[door bell]

oh, what is it now?

Go on.

We can mix the batter.

Ok.

The sugar is right there
in the medium canister.

Got it.

Ready to make some cookies?

Yep.

[chuckles]

pamela, what's up?

I was wondering when
you'd like to meet

to plan the snowman parade.

Right.

How about later tonight?

No, no.

I never plan anything
after the cookie contest.

Oh, ok.

Why not?

If I lose, I will be in no
condition to do anything.

Good for you for being honest.

But I've never lost.

Right, no, of course.

Ok, so if you win--

if.

If I win?

Sorry, sorry, sorry, no.

I mean, when--

ok, don't jinx me.

Right.

Shh.

Just-- but I--

please.

I was just going to--

mmm.

How about when the
whole thing's over?

We'll just check in
with each other, right?

And we'll see if you're
in a happy place.

And if you are,
then we can meet up.

How does that sound?

That's fine.

Ok, whoo, good.

Ok, I'll see you there.

Great.

Your nutcracker's too short!

I'm aware.

So what are you going
to do after the holiday?

I don't know.

I'll probably just camp out
here until I find a place.

I'm sure my parents would
love having me around.

Mm, well, so would a
certain hoa president.

What?

Oh, give me a break.

What?

I saw the way he was looking
at you at the tree lighting.

What?

Come on.

Like you were the only
woman on evergreen lane.

She's right.

[laughs]

I noticed it too.

Well, I didn't even
know you were listening.

(whispering) she is
always listening.

[chatter]

[music playing]

I'm out of my league.

How could it was going to be
"the great british bake off"?

It's always this crazy.

These folks don't understand
the meaning of the word amateur.

Well, don't feel bad.

I am sure that these hold up.

Yuck.

Nicole.

I'm sure that it's fine.

Mm.

Are you sure it was sugar
from the medium cannister?

[coughs] my mom
doesn't label the jars.

Is that a salt lake specialty?

[laughs]

aha.

[coughs]

the classic.

Did you know that
english shortbread

is the forerunner of the
modern american sugar cookie?

Yeah, there's
another school that

says it goes back to
mesopotamia, 2000 years ago.

But I am not of that school.

This was originally
formulated in sussex

by the chef de cuisine
of the archduke of--

sorry, are you allergic to nuts?

No.

Milk?

No.

Shellfish?

No.

What are you allergic to?

Sulfites.

[gasp] bummer.

Sulfites were the
secret ingredient.

And a lot of salt.

[clears throat] nicole.

Oh.

Mom, can I have a real cookie?

Yes, please do.

You should.

Mm, divine.

Can I have a bite?

Thank you.

It looks really good.

Sorry.

It's ok.

[cheers and applause]

ok, you've all brought your
a-game, but the votes are in.

And I know it was hard to
choose a favorite from among so

many glorious recipes.

But we do have to crown a
winner for this year's christmas

cookie contest.

Ring-a-ding-ding, baby.

It's game time.

Third place goes
to ned broadhead.

Yeah, me!

[cheers and applause]

oh, me!

Oh!

[laughs] I did it.

Yes.

I did it.

The third place,
that seems right.

Third.

Spicy gingersnaps
were a first for me.

What was the secret ingredient?

Nepalese ghost peppers, baby.

That'd do it.

All right, second place.

We never want second.

Missy cartwright-- [laughs]

[cheers and applause]

--for her sumptuous and
rich egg nog truffles.

But the winner, first
place, once again

for her perfect pecan
stockings is pamela bevans.

Oh, thank you.

[gasp] oh, my god.

Oh.

Would you like to
say a few words?

Me-- I-- [stammering]

oh.

Let's keep hydrated, shall we?

Ok, thanks for coming, everyone.

I hope you saved some
christmas cookies for santa,

because he'll be
here in six days!

Yes.

[cheers and applause]

sorry.

Ah!

[laughs]

never see anything like that.

[laughs]

oh, you should look.

Oh, wow.

Oh, wow.

I never stood a chance, did I?

No.

Whoa, hi-- pamela, hi.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

I am now prepared to
confirm our planning

meeting for later today.

Oh, good.

Are you sure you're
ok though, because you

seemed kind of emotional.

I have no idea what
you're talking about.

Besides, victory
gives me purpose.

Ok, then.

All right, how about--

I don't know.

What time works for
you this evening.

Well, I feel it's best to
take advantage of the daylight

hours.

We don't want to
appear like a couple

of lackadaisical leslies, do we?

Oh, quite the contrary.

You know, I had some
christmas stuff,

that I was going to do
christmas activities.

But why don't we
say around 4:00?

Ok, I'll put around
4:00 in my calendar.

Helen, we're leaving.

Yes, mom.

No, mommy's got to be
somewhere around 4:00.

Why does she make me so nervous?

Because she's a
bona fide ice queen.

Elsa's got nothing on her.

[laughter]

hey, em.

I was wondering if I could
talk to you in private.

Sure.

Yeah, I'll go find nicole.

Oh, boy.

[laughs]

oh, no.

I'm not really sure
how to tell you this,

but it seems like you've
caused quite a scuttlebutt.

A scuttlebutt.

Mm-hmm.

What kind of scuttlebutt?

A little scuttlebutt.

You see, the thing is-- it's
like after the christmas tree

lighting and then the cookie
contest, visitors that

are outside the lane, they've
been a little disappointed

at your lack of decorations.

Outside the lane?

Mm.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

[sigh] fine.

You know what?

I don't want to be a sore thumb.

Mm-mm.

And I promised my parents
I would do the minimum.

So when can you start?

As soon as I can get the bins
off the shelves in the garage.

That's all it takes?

Yeah.

Attention, all available units.

Rendezvous at
melrose manor, stat.

Operation deck
the halls is a go.

Over.

What is happening?

[music - crain, "deck the
halls"]

(singing) hey, hey, hey.

Ho, ho, ho.

Deck the halls with
boughs of holly.

Fa-la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.

'tis the season to be jolly.

Light them up.

(singing) fa-la-la-la-la-la,
la-la-la-la.

Don we now our gay apparel.

Snow flakes, they're heavy.

The bells [chuckles]
are ringing.

I don't see any smiles here.

We're working, but
we're having fun.

What is going on here?

This is classic
storage configuration.

We'll have you sorted
out in no time.

Nice.

Last one.

Great job.

I got it.

I got it.

Oh.

It's the nutcracker.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Thank you.

Oh.

One of the best in
the neighborhood.

Oh.

He's coming with me.

(singing) la-la-la-la.

That looks great.

Thank you so much.

That looks beautiful.

(singing) hey, hey, hey.

Ho, ho, ho.

Hey, hey, hey.

[clears throat]

(singing) ho, ho, ho.

I think this should
bring me up to code.

We'll see about that.

Go ahead.

42 inches.

Someone's been reading
their handbook.

Well, not exactly.

But it does make
a good doorstop.

Care to do the honors?

[exhales]

[applause]

[chuckles] nice work.

You too.

You three.

[chuckles] this was amazing.

Thank you so much, everyone.

Now all you need
is a lawn display.

You know, I have an
extremely rare taxidermy set

of nine adult reindeer.

They're beautiful.

You just say the word, and I
will just wrangle those puppies

out of that parking
garage a-s-a-p.

Well, as lovely
as that sounds, I

think you've really
done enough already.

What?

Oh, no, no, no.

I am so grateful for your
help, really so grateful.

It's just I kind of
need to decompress.

That was a lot.

You sure?

Second wind here.

No.

[laughs] I'm totally sure.

You know how to find us.

Yes, I do.

This is just incredible, really.

You know, it just reminds
me of exactly what it

looked like when I was little.

You know what?

I'd love to have you
all inside, and I

can make you a cup of cocoa
as a token of I appreciation.

What just happened?

I think it's a
christmas miracle.

I'll take you up on that cocoa.

But the people just--

looks great.

Kind of strange.

Santa, I am your father.

Got the hot cocoa.

[toys thud]

[clears throat] oh, great.

Hey, that was really fun.

Thank you for getting
everyone to help out.

Oh, yeah.

Are you kidding me?

They wanted to do this.

Yeah, I got to chill out there.

Yeah, yeah.

It sure is freezing.

I'm going to come join you.

[chuckles]

oh, man.

Oh.

You know, I always thought my
parents were just so pushy,

making everyone follow
all of these rules

and do all of these activities.

But I'm starting to realize I
think people always wanted to.

They live for this.

Like, think about how
many lives your parents

changed by giving them
these amazing memories all

these years.

Yeah.

Speaking of which,
do you still have

those old polaroids
from me and you together

at the christmas carnival?

Oh, they have to
be here somewhere.

My parents threw
everything out that

was old unless it was
christmas-related.

Right.

But I bet they're
stored away somewhere.

Ok.

I'll have to look for them.

[laughs]

yeah.

[laughs]

I've gotten pretty
close with your parents

since I moved back here.

And you know what they talk
about more than anything else?

Easy, christmas.

No, it's-- it's you.

Every time I see them it's--

oh, did you see that new
article that emily edited

for that amazing magazine.

Or, oh, emily took us
this fantastic restaurant.

Or she's taking kickboxing now.

And she's a blue belt--

purple belt. Purple belt.

Hm?

And they really shouldn't
have told you that.

That is my secret superpower.

Mm.

Well, that's just the angel
on top of the christmas tree.

I know all the dirt.

Really?

For instance, your
favorite sandwich

is a frozen peanut
butter and jelly.

That's gross.

You have to try it.

No, you are afraid of
basements but not attics.

I have my reasons.

Ok.

You are shamelessly,
unapologetically

in love with nickelback.

Chad kroeger was my everything.

I mean, that hair.

Oh, you good?

Yeah.

Did I lose you?

No, I'm good.

But this has gotten
a little strange.

Yeah, a little bit.

You kind of know a lot about me.

Well, your parents go on and
on and on and on about you.

So--

honestly, they go
on and on about you,

the whole neighborhood does.

Well, that's nice, yeah.

When I moved here, they did
welcome me with arms wide open.

That's creed.

You would know.

[laughter]

oh.

Oh.

Oh, no.

I can't stay here.

Yeah, I'm on fire, so--

no, no.

I have to go.

I totally forgot about
my meeting with pamela.

Oh, oh, go.

I'll let myself out.

Really?

Are you sure?

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

But I'll see you soon, right?

Absolutely.

Well, hope so.

Great then.

Yeah, soon, soon.

[exhales] ooh, sorry about that.

Pamela, hi.

I am so sorry.

I was decorating the house
with santa's helpers.

And I just lost track of time.

Hm, I'll say.

It's 5:23.

I know.

I'm sorry.

We agreed on 4:00.

We did say around 4:00.

Is 5:23 around 4:00?

Well, it's better
than 6:23, isn't it?

Is this the lady that made
you fill up the swear jar?

Oh.

You know what, sweetie?

Why don't you just go on inside
and play with your dolls, ok?

I brought my dad's checklist.

He used this checklist
for the event for years.

Then you already have a roadmap.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's just that--

I don't know if you
could see this part.

It's 3 feet long.

Yeah.

But I really think
we could do it all

if we just like divvy it
up and do this together.

You know what?

That is a great idea.

How about you do everything
on the list, and then you

tell me when you're done?

[sigh] ok.

You're still mad.

I can tell.

I am so, so sorry.

But the entire neighborhood,
they all came out.

The neighborhood
came out to help me,

and I just got carried away.

I was carried away with the
christmas spirit, you know?

Ok, nice try.

But-- I'll make it up to you.

How?

I don't know.

Do you have any ideas?

Actually, yes.

You've got tiny,
dexterous hands.

Come on in.

I need you with your
cute, little, baby

hands to thread popcorn.

Oh, my-- that's
a lot of popcorn.

[chuckles]

yeah, I need the hot glue
stockings for my daughter's

girl scout troop.

We can go over the list while
you thread all that popcorn.

Don't move a muscle.

I'll be right back
with my hot glue gun.

Don't eat it!

Ok, you know, if I'm
being completely honest,

I've always wanted to take
a crack at your dad's list.

I've just always admired
his organizational skills.

Look at this.

Ok, "get required
permit from hoa."

we can do that.

You know what?

I'm going to talk to oscar
parcell about the parking.

He likes to be
courted, you know?

Oh, ok.

I'll bring over my cookies.

He'll be great.

Ok, "pick up extra gloves from
community donation center."

we can do that.

Ow!

Stop.

Don't.

Stop.

Go through it.

Push through the pain.

Sorry.

[music playing]

good morning.

Look who's right on time.

How are you feeling?

You know what?

I woke up with a bit
of a crick in my neck.

I think I must have
slept wrong or something.

I think it's the way
you were stringing

the popcorn last night.

Really?

What do you mean?

Correct posture and regular
chiropractic adjustments

are a must.

I wrote my dissertation on it.

Wait, you have a phd?

Wow, in what?

Arts and crafts.

Hm.

With a minor in scrapbooking!

Wow.

Easy.

Now, don't you break on me.

I mean it.

There you go.

Ah.

Oh, that is amazing.

And a few days late.

Perfection is
worth the citation.

Ok.

Good morning, ned.

Good morning.

We're just going around
the neighborhood,

trying to get donations
for the snowman tableau.

Of course, of course.

Ah, what do you need?

Really anything.

Buttons, carrots,
beanies, old clothing,

anything you can think of.

Oh, oh.

I've got 12 hazmat suits.

You can make a post-apocalyptic
gang of snow people.

Ok, you know what?

Just get us a few carrots
and an old beanie net, ok?

Your loss.

You don't know what
you're missing.

Yeah, I do.

Ok, you know what?

That's just dangerous.

How?

Well, some poor kid is going to
get his tongue stuck on that.

Why would he be licking it?

I don't know what--

I don't know how kids think.

They like to lick stuff and
eat stuff off the floor.

Is that coal?

Yep.

Do you actually burn it?

No, I'm more of a
green energy guy.

Then why do you have coal?

Stocking stuffers.

You mean like for
the naughty kids.

Yeah, but I don't have
the heart to put them

in anyone's stocking.

So I'm mainly just use
them as snowman eyes.

And we wonder why we're single.

Bzzz.

Ok, don't.

You know what?

(robotic voice) have you
been on the naughty list?

No, I've never been on
a naughty list ever.

Santa says otherwise.

He would never say--

(robotic voice) are you sure?

Ok, stop it.

Not you.

She seems frustrated.

[laughs]

all right, you know what?

Fine.

We'll take it.

Just put it in the wagon!

Why is she yelling at me?

Stop that!

Bzzz.

She does a lot.

Don't do that!

[laughs]

so how long have you lived here?

Five years in November.

Where did you live before?

In highland.

I would bring my daughter
here every christmas season.

It's her favorite thing to do.

My husband, he travels a
lot for work and sometimes

during the holidays.

So we would come here to
be part of a community.

I told ned to cut these.

That's really sweet.

Is he traveling
this holiday season?

Yes and no.

What do you mean?

He had unexpected trip come up.

And before he could figure
out his work schedule,

all the flights back to
salt lake were booked solid.

It's the busiest time
of the year, you know,

holidays and ski season.

So the earliest
you can get back is

the afternoon of christmas day.

Oh, my goodness.

I'm so sorry.

Well, it is what it is.

And at least we've
got evergreen lane.

Hey, but-- no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

What are you doing?

Is that another citation?

No, no.

No citation.

Invitation.

It's my annual white
elephant party.

Be warned.

It can get pretty competitive.

A couple of years ago, the
police had to come break it up.

Yeah, if ned's there, just
don't bring power tools.

It still gives me night terrors.

How are you doing?

Comes and goes.

You guys did great
on the donations.

Yeah, people were
really happy to help.

Yeah.

And it was nice.

Pamela and I had some really
nice quality neighbor time.

Oh, actually, we're
not neighbors.

It's your parents' house.

Oh, true.

Yeah.

But you know what?

I didn't hate it.

Oh, that's good, yeah.

So I'll just go
through all the stuff

and organize it in the bins.

That way you can go
be home with helen.

That's really nice.

Ok.

Please keep the carrots away
from the hats and the mittens.

Absolutely.

That's a vegetable.

They're fabric.

Oh, yes.

Ok.

100%.

Oh.

Got it.

Great.

Ok.

What a 180, huh?

Yeah, please don't jinx it.

Oh, no.

I didn't want to say
this when she was around,

but there's your citation.

For what?

No lawn display.

I don't know if you noticed,
but I was kind of busy

fulfilling my
obligation to the hoa

by collecting things
for the snowman tableau.

Actually, I did notice.

That's why the penalty's been
reduced to mandatory attendance

to my white elephant party.

Oh, ok.

So it's a party I
literally can't miss.

That's an excellent
way of putting it.

Yes.

[music playing]

[chuckles]

I'll help you.

Ok.

Oh, honey, no, we
don't have any.

If we kept all the lawn
displays from every year,

we wouldn't have any room
in the house for furniture.

So what did you do with them?

Your father donated
them to charity.

And you bought new
ones every year?

Yep, and we always had
the best ones, didn't we?

[chuckles]

remember that
10-foot-tall polar bear?

Do I remember it?

That thing still
gives me nightmares.

It was a classic.

Is that jared?

Uh, yeah.

He's helping me out today.

Hey, mr. And mrs. Melrose.

Ooh, hi, jared.

Hey, jared.

Oh, honey, they're
hanging out together.

Yes.

Isn't that wonderful?

Lovely, just lovely.

Oh, albert.

Ok, thank you.

Thank you anyway.

We're going to go now.

Bye, sweetie.

Bye.

[kiss]

have fun.

Ok, turn it off.

It's off.

No, all the way off, albert.

It is off.

It's still green.

Green is off.

Oh, honey, are you sure?

What if they can hear us? 'cause
last time they could hear us.

They can't hear us,
because it's off.

Is that the teakettle boiling?

Did I make tea?

You did.

Emily, I still have
all the lawn displays.

What?

Are you kidding me?

I can't part with those.

They're my most
prized possessions.

So where are they?

In a storage locker
just outside of town.

I'll text you the information.

The key is an empty
shoe polish can

in the top drawer of my desk.

But whatever you do,
don't tell your mother.

Ok, no, no.

Don't worry.

You're very sweet and partially
insane secret is safe with us.

Taking it to my grave, sir.

Ok.

Take anything you want.

And if anyone asks, you found
them at the salvation army.

Got it.

Who are you talking to?

[phone beeps]

oh, and those are my parents.

Legends.

It's like an episode of
"hoarders," holiday edition.

It's like a dream.

You know, my dad said the lawn
display was the crowning piece

of decoration.

It's got to be just right.

Anything inspire you?

Yeah, you know what?

Yes.

So this guy is ned, obviously.

Of course.

And here we have
mary louise and bob.

Adorable.

And the elf is pamela,
always hard at work

and a little intense.

And then, here, I'm
rudolph, the new kid

on the block who's trying
to figure everything out.

And where am I?

Give me that citation pad.

[gasp] (whispering) I'm santa?

Of course, you are.

Who else would you be?

Do you know, when
I was a little kid,

I actually wanted to be
santa claus when I grew up?

Aww.

Were you just heartbroken
when you found out

that wasn't possible?

No, I have studied and research
the santa claus 1, 2, and 3.

I am convinced it
is still possible.

[laughs]

ho, ho, ho, everybody.

What happened here?

Did a christmas comet
land on your house?

Well, I guess you could say
I got into the spirit a bit.

Yeah, this is clark
griswold level decoration.

Did you do this all by yourself?

Mm-hmm.

Jared helped.

Are you her boyfriend now?

Oh, um, no.

Do you want to be?

Nicole, we're just friends.

Yeah, friends.

That's what hannah said when I
asked her if she liked jaden.

Then, braxton saw them holding
hands under the lunch table.

Have you guys held hands yet?

Nope.

Mm-mm.

Nope.

Mm-mm.

Don't let her make you
feel uncomfortable.

We encourage her
to speak her mind.

You see something,
you say something.

Ok, well, this isn't
the airport, kevin.

[laughter]

I'm sorry.

You don't have to answer
that if you don't want to.

We made you cookies.

We used sugar this time.

I hope you don't mind.

Oh, nice.

Good call.

Well, we should head inside.

Do you want to join us?

Oh, yes, it's-- see, it's
against the hoa rules for me

to say no to cookies
so [chuckles] yes.

Ok.

Hello.

You know, dasher
and dancer and--

comet.

Prancer.

You're skipping
literally the only one.

Dancer.

Gosh, I should've gotten that.

How did you did that?

All right, big guy,
let's see what you got.

Ok, uh--

exhausting.

Oh, the christmas carlton!

[laughter]

my turn, finally.

Guys, ready for this?

Do you want the moon?

Just say the word.

I'll throw a lasso around
it, and I'll pull it down.

Oh, oh, bing crosby.

Are you kidding?

Ok, everyone.

Welcome to the annual
snowman tableau.

[cheers and applause]

yeah!

[applause]

pamela and I are so excited
you could all make it.

And we cannot wait to see what
awesome snow people you make.

So listen up, we have some
carrot for noses, hats,

scarves, clothes, buttons.

Coal for eyes.

What kind of coal is it?

Uh, kind that comes
from the ground?

No need to be childish.

All coal comes from the ground.

Is that anthracite
or bituminous?

It's for snowman eyes, ned.

Does it make a difference?

Well, maybe not to you.

Anywho, does anyone
else have any questions?

No.

Yes, ned.

Can we use rebar to ensure
structural integrity?

Rebar?

Yeah.

Currently it is 41
degrees fahrenheit,

5 degrees centigrade.

Without adequate
internal support,

my design will not be able to--

you know what?

Go nuts.

All right, everybody,
let the fun begin!

Yeah!

[cheers and applause]

[music - joss stone, "what
christmas means to me"]

(singing) candles burning low.

Hanging mistletoe.

Lots of snow and ice
everywhere we go.

Choir singing carols
right outside my door.

All these things and more.

All these things and more.

That's what christmas
means to me, my love.

That's what christmas
means to me, my love.

Oh, about tonight's party,
there is a dress code.

Oh, I brought everything
I own when I moved out,

so I should be covered.

Is it formal or semi-formal
or christmas casual?

Ugly sweater.

Oh, nice, classy.

Your parents always had
the most hideous sweaters.

I have no idea
where they got them.

Yeah, those were just
their regular sweaters.

[gasp]

do you know what this means?

What?

Snowball fight.

Snowball fight?

Every man for himself.

No rules.

No mercy oh.

Mm.

Fall back!

Fall back.

Regroup.

Fall back.

You will live to regret that!

Ned, I've been waiting
all year for this.

I'm coming for you, sister.

[music playing]

cheap shot.

Cheap shot.

Bob, return my tupperware!

Come on.

Don't surrender.

Don't retreat.

I got one with your name on it.

This one's for you, farnsworth.

Yeah!

That'll hurt in the morning.

I've got cat-like reflexes.

Hey, hey, hey.

Come here.

[yelling]

I came prepared.

[music playing]

aww, I remember that one.

A little much.

Ah, let's see.

Oh, just right.

Mm-hmm.

[music playing]

[laughs] hm.

Pamela?

[music playing]

[door bell]

ho, ho, ho, ho.

Merry christmas.

[laughter]

here.

Oh, thank you.

Watch this guy.

Hey, I only had two.

Is that what I think it is?

I have no idea how
I found it but yes.

[laughs]

oh, oh, this is very impressive.

This whole thing?

The internet's is
a wonderful place.

I see you found
your parents' stash.

Yes, it's a 1987
classic, I believe.

'87, a fine year indeed.

And this is for you.

This is amazing.

But what we really
need to do is this.

Come here.

Ready?

Ok, 1, 2, santa.

[laughs]

[shutter clicks]

[whirring]

all right, this will
go perfectly right next

to the other one.

Come see.

I don't really share
this with anyone,

but I've been thinking about
installing a retractable roof

on my house.

Why?

So I could plant a 60-foot old
growth tree in my living room.

Ned, have you ever
thought about therapy?

I've been in therapy for years.

Have you ever thought about
getting a different therapist?

Look what I found.

There.

Almost a perfect recreation.

You still have it.

Yeah, I love that photo.

Ooh, it's almost singing time.

[music playing]

(singing) ho, ho,
ho, who wouldn't go?

Ho, ho, ho, who would go?

Oh, up on the housetop,
click, click, click.

Down to the chimney
with good st. Nick.

(singing) fall on your knees.

Oh, hear the angel's voices.

(singing) oh, jingle
bells, jingle bells,

jingle all the way.

Oh, what fun it is to ride
in a one horse open sleigh.

Hey.

[cheers and applause]

whoo-hoo!

Whoa, come on.

I'm so glad you found these.

That's you, pam, right?

Yeah, that was during
my poncho phase.

[laughs]

whoo, you look on that one.

Oh.

[laughter]

you'd never know it, but jared's
actually very stressed out.

About what?

The christmas carnival.

The santa he booked
had to cancel.

Apparently, he sprained his lap.

Oh, no.

Can he find a replacement?

No, it's three days
until christmas.

Everybody's booked.

He's already so busy
with everything else.

I'm worried he's not
going to find anyone.

Maybe I could help find someone.

That would be wonderful.

I'll tell him you'll
take it off his plate.

He'll be so relieved.

Maybe ned could do it.

My record is 2 minutes
and 13 seconds.

Pain is all in the mind.

[panting]

keep thinking.

Ned, stop it.

Ooh.

All right, everyone.

It's time.

Oh, yes.

It is time.

[applause]

it's time.

On your turn, you can either
take a wrapped present.

Or you can steal
from someone else.

But there's a twist.

Pay attention, ned.

The lightning round, you have
10 seconds for one final swap.

Ready?

Who has number one?

I do.

Take it away, mom.

Ok.

I didn't want that one anyway.

Drum roll.

[laughter]

what is it?

It's a top-of-the-line
condensation monitor.

Well, sorry, belinda.

No one's trading you.

What's wrong with you people?

[music - "jingle bells"]

(singing) jingle bells, jingle
bells, jingle all the way.

[gasp]

oh.

Ok, don't get too attached.

Don't anybody think
about trading this.

(singing) oh, how fun it
is to ride on a one horse

open sleigh.

Hey!

Jingle bells, jingle
bells, jingle all the way.

Oh, what fun it is to ride
on a one horse open sleigh.

Oh, yeah!

[music playing]

(singing) oh, what fun it
is to ride on a one horse

open sleigh!

Hey.

Hello.

How's checklist coming?

Hey.

Well, other than about a dozen
boxes being empty, it's great.

Well, you can check the santa
box, because I found someone

to do it.

What?

Yeah, your mom said you
were so stressed and asked

if I could help.

Why would do-- she did?

Yeah.

So it took a few
hours, but I think I've

convinced kevin to volunteer.

Who's kevin?

Hello, jessica's husband.

Now, I don't have a santa suit.

But I'm thinking
that pam can help us.

The woman has a phd
in arts and crafts.

She can probably whip something
up in an afternoon blindfolded.

She sure could for, yeah, kevin.

Oh, I'll hold for applause.

Do you have any idea how hard it
is to find a santa on christmas

eve-eve?

Yeah.

[clears throat] yeah.

It's like finding
the actual santa.

Yeah, thank you.

Thank you.

Well, you don't look happy.

I thought you'd be happy.

[laughs] yeah, I'm happy.

Don't I look happy?

No, you look like I put
coal in your stocking.

Oh, oh, it's christmas time.

Of course, I'm happy.

I'm just a little
stressed right now.

My mom's right.

I have a lot on my plate.

But good luck with
kevin or pam or kevin.

Good luck.

[chuckles]

[music playing]

are you sure about this?

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

I can make a santa
suit with my eyes shut.

See, I had a hunch
you would say that.

Just get me his
measurements, stem to stern.

In about 60 to 90 minutes,
I'll have him looking exactly

like "miracle on 34th street."

oh, you are a magician.

Thank you so much.

It's an advanced
degree, not magic.

Right.

It sounds like you're
having a wonderful time.

Honestly, I am.

Everyone's working so
hard, but this time it

doesn't feel like work.

It's kind of magical.

I think I finally understand
why you and dad made service

such a priority
over the holidays.

Your father will be
so glad to hear it.

He's in a thai
massage right now.

But he'll be so
pleased to hear that.

Tell me, how's it
going with jared?

I don't know, mom.

I mean, he's such
a special guy even

though he's [laughs] extremely
quirky and downright goofy

sometimes.

He's just so sweet.

He's so charming.

I meant how's it going with
his hoa duties but go on.

Oh, oh, right.

No, no, no.

He's an excellent president,
very good president.

Everyone is really
happy with him.

I just wish he
wasn't so stressed.

Uh-oh, what's he worried about?

Well, the santa he hired
canceled last minute,

and he was too busy
to deal with it.

So I took over.

And I don't think he
really appreciated that.

Why not?

Well, when I told him I
found someone to do it,

he acted kind of cold.

It's like I offended
him or something.

Maybe because you
did offend him.

What?

By trying to help?

By not asking the one person
it would mean the most to,

sweetie.

[gasp] right, of course.

How did I not
think of that, mom?

I guess I've still got some of
those mom skills lying around.

Mad mom skills.

All right, I got to go.

I have to go fix this.

Merry christmas.

Merry christmas.

Cannonball!

Oh.

Oh!

[phone beeps]

[sigh]

[music playing]

[door bell]

hello.

No more "ho ho ho" chime?

I disconnected it.

How come?

Just wasn't feeling it.

Well, maybe this will help
put you back in the spirit.

What's that?

It's a little nutcracker.

Still too small.

I know.

It's too small for your porch.

But it's not too
small for your mantel.

And that right there
has sentimental value.

Him?

Yes.

Mm.

That right there
is the beginning

of how you got me into
the christmas spirit

on evergreen lane.

Really?

Yes, and since then, I
have had the best week.

And that's because of you.

You're so devoted to making
everyone happy that I foolishly

assumed you were
too busy to fulfill

your true calling this year.

What are you saying
to me right now?

That I think you would
make the best santa ever.

And I am so sorry I
didn't ask before.

But I'm here now.

Just a girl standing
in front of a boy,

asking him to be the
most perfect santa claus.

I thought you'd never ask.

So happy you're happy.

Thank you.

So we actually
have to get to pam,

so that we can give
her your sizes.

Ok.

Ok.

Yay.

[grunts]

kevin has short
arms and tiny hands.

Well, it's not my
fault. The suit

was constructed on the
measurements I was given.

I know.

I am so sorry, pamela.

We rushed over as
soon as we could.

I didn't think you'd
finish it so fast.

Hey, what can I say?

I was in the zone.

Well, do you think you
could let it out a little?

Oh, sure.

It is a santa suit after all.

I'll just magically
add fabric to it!

No, no, no, no, sorry, sorry.

I was just brainstorming.

Ned has a spare santa suit.

What'd you guys think?

Hey, it's no threat
out of my bobbin.

Go.

Go!

Oh, sorry.

I have several actually.

You never know when
one will come in handy.

Ah.

Yeah, here is the
barry manilow santa.

Beautiful.

This is the traditional
norwegian laplander santa.

Darth vader santa, very popular.

Ok, what about just
a classic mall santa?

[sigh] if you must.

Ah, here we are.

Yes, yes.

You, sir, are a lifesaver.

Right.

Sign here and
return in 48 hours.

I live across the street, ned.

Right.

That's why I'm
waiving the deposit.

How kind of you.

Sign for the boots as well.

Separate entry.

Here.

Grazie.

Oh.

[chuckles]

is it time?

It's time.

Time for what?

I hereby nominate emily
melrose to be officially named

to team kringle as one
of santa's helpers.

I second the nomination.

Put the motion to a vote.

All in favor say aye.

Aye.

Aye.

The motion has passed.

It is with great
pride that I bestow

upon you, emily melrose,
the great honor--

and responsibility.

--And responsibility
of officially becoming

one of santa's helpers.

Huzzah!

Huzzah!

Huzzah!

This is not a toy.

You have a lot of ground
to cover out there.

Keep in constant
communicado, capiche?

Capiche.

Never leave a helper
without a hand.

Congratulations.

Congratulations.

Attention, team
kringle, mount up!

Yeah!

Let's move, move, move.

Watch out with the
steps we sneak up on.

Yeah, let's go.

Let's go!

Let's go!

Get the lead out.

North pole.

Christmas tree.

Move, move, move, move, move.

I'll take cinnamon buns.

Let's go!

[chatter]

are you ok?

Got it.

Sure you got it.

All right.

I'm dasher.

I'm dancer.

Everything looks great.

[sigh] looks so great.

Want to take it for a test spin?

Oh, come on.

It's just a chair.

It's not just a chair.

This is where reality is
suspended, where children still

believe in magic.

Mm, then it's really special.

Yeah.

Let's give it a try.

Yeah.

You were made for this.

I hope I do it justice.

I'm sure you will.

Well, it's just beautiful.

Couldn't agree more.

[laughs] all right, we
have a busy day tomorrow.

So I should head home.

Oh, I caught that.

Caught what?

That right there
was the first time

since you've been back that you
refer to your parent's place

as home.

Huh, I guess I did.

Night.

Goodnight.

[clears throat]

[music playing]

[gasp] oh, pamela.

I am so sorry about the
whole santa suit debacle.

Are you ok?

[crying] no.

So I just got off
the phone with alan.

Looks like there's a
winter storm system moving

into the east coast.

And it's supposed
to hit on the 25th.

Good news is my
nana in pittsburgh

will have a white christmas.

Bad news is that his flight will
most definitely be canceled.

And I have to tell helen
again that she's not going

to see her father on christmas.

I'm so sorry.

It's fine.

That's why we have
evergreen lane.

Please don't tell the others.

Last thing I want to do
is dampen their spirits.

I won't say a word.

I really didn't want to
be alone this christmas.

[music playing]

usually someone
hugs you, hug them.

It's ok.

[phone ringing]

hey.

Dan, hi.

Hi, hi, hi, it's me.

Listen, we need to talk.

[chatter]

here you go, sweetheart.

Extra marshmallows.

Thank you.

What time should
I take over, mary?

1 o'clock.

Ok, I'll be back then.

Can we go see santa now?

Yes, of course, honey.

Ooh, you know what?

Let's go now.

We'll beat the line.

Santa, we're coming for you!

[laughter]

well, you really seem to
be fitting in around here.

You know what?

As strange as it seems,
I think you're right.

I'm glad to hear it.

Does that mean you're
thinking of moving back?

Oh, I don't know.

But if you hear of a place for
rent, I'd take a look at it.

Ooh, I'll keep my
ear to the ground.

I know one girl who'll be
very happy to have you back.

It's so nice to be
close to nicole again.

I meant me.

Oh.

[laughs]

(santa claus voice)
thank you, london.

Merry christmas to you.

Merry christmas.

[laughs] ok, trixie.

Who do we have next?

Well, santa, you
remember nicole.

Nicole, of course,
merry christmas to you.

Do you want to sit
in santa's lap?

No, thank you.

Oh.

[chuckles]

oh, ok.

A little girl who knows what
she wants, santa loves that.

Why do you refer to yourself
in the third person?

That's a great question.

Oh, a more important
question is, have you

been naughty or nice?

A little bit of both.

Like everyone, right?

I suppose.

Look, I know you're
not the real santa.

It's ok.

We should pretend for
all the grown-ups sake.

(normal voice) I'm picking
up what you put down.

Ok, what do you
want for christmas?

Two things.

Hit me.

I'd like some new furniture for
my doll house, ideally bauhuas

or danish modern.

What else?

I'd like that handsome
architect to take my aunt

emily on a date.

I told you.

She's always listening.

See?

That is what I call highly
effective communication.

Uh-huh.

[laughs]

what makes you think
you're aunt emily wants

that handsome architect
to take her out on a date?

Well, she said she
didn't like him,

but you know what that means.

Thanks for the tip, kiddo.

Merry christmas.

You too.

(santa claus voice) [laughs]
oh, trixie, who do we have next?

Trixie doesn't care.

[music playing]

alan!

Pamela.

[music playing]

the storm.

How did you get here?

None of that matters now.

We're together.

That's all that's important.

What's the story there?

Christmas miracle.

Don't stay out
too late, you too.

We're waiting up for santa.

I'm looking at my favorite star.

Oh.

[laughs]

[shutter clicks]

[whirring]

mom says I'm the official
photographer this year.

And you are doing
an excellent job.

Thanks, emily.

[music playing]

(singing) glory to
the newborn king.

[shutter clicks]

[whirring]

[sigh]

you're a true melrose, emily.

Your parents would be proud.

Merry christmas.

How did you do it?

Do what?

There are no secrets from santa.

How did you get alan home
in time for christmas?

My ex-boyfriend happens
to work for an airline.

So I called in a huge favor
and got him on the last flight

before the storm hit.

Your ex?

Thought you said
that guy was a jerk.

Oh, he is, totally.

Oh.

But even the biggest jerk is no
match for the christmas spirit.

[exhales] that
give me goosebumps.

Is that strange?

Coming from you?

No.

[laughter]

so how was it?

Greatest night of my life.

Aww.

And it's not over.

I have a lot of
presents to deliver.

So in fact, do you know
where I can pick up some--

it's bauhaus doll furniture.

I feel like the elves could
help with that probably.

[clicks tongue]
that's a good idea.

I do have one more
request though.

Yeah, what's that?

How would you feel about going
on a date with an architect?

Oh, it depends.

Hm.

Is he handsome?

I know someone who has
a framed photo of him.

I can show you tomorrow
and you decide.

All right.

Walk me home?

I got to get back to the sleigh.

Reindeer are a handful
this time of night.

[laughs]

[music playing]

it's christmas.

[music playing]

merry christmas, honey!

Surprise!

[laughs]

mom?

[laughs]

what are you doing here?

Well, florida was fun,
but we couldn't be away

for the big day.

Oh, I am so happy
to see both of you.

Oh.

The house looks terrific.

You did a great job outside.

Yes, the lawn display
is very eclectic.

Thank you.

That's exactly what
I was going for.

It's all very familiar somehow.

Really?

Hm?

I don't know.

Like father like
daughter, I guess.

Did you remember to put
the key to the storage

unit back in the
shoe polish tin?

Wait, you knew?

[laughs] I think it's funny
how after all these years

you still think you can
keep a secret from me.

Pfft.

How was your week, honey?

You know what?

It was exactly what I needed.

Really?

How so?

I just realized how amazing it
is what you guys started here.

And I was so proud to be
a part of it for one more

year, even if it was the last.

Is that it?

You're heading back?

I haven't decided yet.

But I am thinking about
looking for a place in town.

I can work from anywhere,
and I miss home.

That's the best news we've
heard in a long time.

Indeed.

[chuckles] how about you guys?

Did you find a place in florida?

The good news is we
found a condo right next

to my brother's.

The bad news is their
hoa holiday regulations

are a total mess.

Oh.

But don't you worry.

Your father and I are
already drafting amendments.

Mm.

Gail and albert
melrose, just saving

christmas one suburb at a time.

Mm-hmm.

[laughs]

mm.

And thank you so much for
looking out for the place.

That was the best christmas gift
you could have ever given us.

And now we want to give you
the best gift we can think of.

[chuckles] it's your keychain.

I don't get it.

Those are the keys to your
new home on evergreen lane.

Oh, are you serious?

If you want the
house, it's yours.

We can't imagine
it any other way.

I-- I mean, yes.

I mean, yes!

Oh.

[laughs]

oh, I love you guys so much.

Merry christmas, honey.

Merry christmas, honey.

I love--

(singing) joy to the
world, the lord has come.

Right on cue.

Let earth receive her king.

Let every heart
prepare him room.

And heaven and nature sing.

Heaven and nature.

And heaven and naure sing.

And heaven and nature.

And heaven and heaven
and nature sing.

Merry christmas, everyone!

[cheering]

merry christmas.

We've got a big day ahead of us.

But come on in for some cocoa.

(singing) we wish you
a merry christmas.

We wish you a merry christmas.

Merry christmas.

We wish you a merry christmas
and a happy new year.

Hi, bob.

Oh, I'm not singing.

Ok, you stopped me.

[music playing]

[door closes, locks]

barely 36.

Well, merry
christmas to you too.

So you thinking about
taking their offer?

Well, I mean, the
house is amazing.

But kind of on the fence
about the neighborhood.

Yeah, yes, a lot of characters.

Yeah, the hoa is very strict.

Well, if you get in good
with their president,

he might cut you some slack.

I highly doubt that.

I took an oath to protect
this neighborhood.

And I'm going to honor it.

That just gave me goosebumps.

Is that strange?

Not at all.

[chuckles]

you got a pen?

Always.

[sigh] I have a citation
for you, mr. President.

I'm sorry.

Is there some rule I
broke that I'm unaware of?

It's my own little flourish.

That's not how that works.

Punishment isn't too bad.

I'll be the judge of that.

[clears throat] this,
I think I can handle.

[music playing]

merry christmas.

Merry christmas.

[laughs]

so in the end,
christmas didn't quite

turn out like I thought
it would it was better.

And I know one new resident who
has some ideas for next year's

celebration.

The countdown is on.

[music playing] it's
christmas time, my dear.

You could feel it in the air.