All language subtitles for The Guest Book - 02x05 - Two Steps Forward, One Step Back.TBS

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,134 --> 00:00:03,970 - Synced and corrected by medvidecek007 - - www.addic7ed.com - 2 00:00:10,151 --> 00:00:11,930 Hi. My name is Mike. 3 00:00:11,936 --> 00:00:14,020 And while your house is very nice, 4 00:00:14,022 --> 00:00:15,688 this isn't going to be a love letter 5 00:00:15,690 --> 00:00:17,890 thanking you for letting us stay here. 6 00:00:17,892 --> 00:00:19,959 We usually come to the beach twice a year... 7 00:00:19,961 --> 00:00:21,560 A week at the beginning of the summer 8 00:00:21,562 --> 00:00:23,036 and a week at the end. 9 00:00:23,042 --> 00:00:25,610 My wife's sister owns a place right on the water. 10 00:00:25,616 --> 00:00:27,148 Her husband is a lawyer. 11 00:00:28,423 --> 00:00:30,202 My family and I rent a condo 12 00:00:30,204 --> 00:00:31,837 on the other side of the freeway 13 00:00:31,839 --> 00:00:34,206 because I'm not a lawyer. 14 00:00:34,208 --> 00:00:35,708 Guys, you've got to pay attention. 15 00:00:35,710 --> 00:00:37,676 You're... You're dropping everything. 16 00:00:37,678 --> 00:00:40,346 How come Aunt Debbie gets to stay on the beach? 17 00:00:40,348 --> 00:00:42,081 Because Aunt Debbie married well. 18 00:00:42,083 --> 00:00:43,161 Shh! 19 00:00:43,167 --> 00:00:45,651 You want a dad who represents multi-national corporations 20 00:00:45,653 --> 00:00:47,153 in tort litigation? 21 00:00:47,155 --> 00:00:49,455 Huh? Does that seem like a fun dad to you? 22 00:01:14,102 --> 00:01:16,745 _ 23 00:01:19,420 --> 00:01:21,053 Getting a new credit card? 24 00:01:21,222 --> 00:01:23,389 Hopefully. Mine are maxed out. 25 00:01:23,391 --> 00:01:25,591 Last week, I hit the limit on my Target, 26 00:01:25,593 --> 00:01:26,944 and this morning, I used up my 27 00:01:26,950 --> 00:01:28,682 Chevron card buying groceries. 28 00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:30,596 Tommy tore my cards up. 29 00:01:30,598 --> 00:01:32,794 Apparently, we can't afford my obsession with shoes 30 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:34,191 now that we have to save up to get 31 00:01:34,197 --> 00:01:35,501 married because we have a kid. 32 00:01:35,503 --> 00:01:36,779 Yeah. 33 00:01:36,785 --> 00:01:39,271 Speaking of that, I'm totally available to babysit... 34 00:01:39,273 --> 00:01:40,806 If the baby's already asleep 35 00:01:40,808 --> 00:01:42,775 and you want to pay someone to watch TV. 36 00:01:47,281 --> 00:01:49,482 Hey. Something's wrong with my phone. 37 00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:52,151 Every time I call you, it goes straight to my own voicemail. 38 00:01:52,153 --> 00:01:53,486 Oh, no. That's right. 39 00:01:53,488 --> 00:01:55,287 After I dropped Clark at your sister's, 40 00:01:55,289 --> 00:01:57,443 I stopped at the phone store to see about reducing our bill, 41 00:01:57,449 --> 00:01:59,925 and after a brief, but spirited, discussion on roaming charges, 42 00:01:59,927 --> 00:02:01,393 I ended up canceling my phone 43 00:02:01,395 --> 00:02:03,594 and just had them forward all my calls to yours. 44 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:04,999 Oh, and I bought a churro. 45 00:02:05,005 --> 00:02:06,565 I'm telling you that 'cause I feel guilty 46 00:02:06,567 --> 00:02:07,925 about having a dessert when it's not the weekend. 47 00:02:07,931 --> 00:02:10,465 Wait, so, you're just not gonna have a phone anymore? 48 00:02:10,471 --> 00:02:12,671 Well, sure I will. We'll just share yours. 49 00:02:16,844 --> 00:02:18,878 - Hello? - Is this Nikki Gooze? 50 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:20,412 - Who's calling? - Is it for me? 51 00:02:20,414 --> 00:02:22,314 If it's a survey, don't hang up. I actually enjoy those. 52 00:02:22,316 --> 00:02:23,516 Shh. 53 00:02:23,518 --> 00:02:25,342 This is Shyrell from Colton Laboratories. 54 00:02:25,348 --> 00:02:26,745 We received your DNA sample and your 55 00:02:26,751 --> 00:02:28,144 cash, but you didn't fill in your... 56 00:02:28,150 --> 00:02:30,022 Yeah, um, actually, we're not interested 57 00:02:30,024 --> 00:02:31,390 in a home renovation right now, 58 00:02:31,392 --> 00:02:34,059 so, um, thank you so much for calling, though. 59 00:02:38,933 --> 00:02:42,051 Oh, also, we only get 15 texts per month now, so... 60 00:02:42,277 --> 00:02:43,910 Make 'em count. 61 00:02:44,238 --> 00:02:48,440 So, guys, I have a little surprise for you. 62 00:02:48,442 --> 00:02:50,643 I was thinking, when we come back in a few months, 63 00:02:50,645 --> 00:02:52,250 maybe we can get a house 64 00:02:52,256 --> 00:02:54,926 on the beach, like Aunt Debbie. 65 00:02:57,051 --> 00:02:59,151 This place looks awesome. 66 00:02:59,153 --> 00:03:01,287 Honey, what are you doing? 67 00:03:01,289 --> 00:03:03,289 A place like that... that's gonna cost an arm and a leg. 68 00:03:03,291 --> 00:03:05,124 I'll figure it out. Don't worry. 69 00:03:05,126 --> 00:03:07,793 You married better than these kids think. 70 00:03:13,467 --> 00:03:15,267 Colton Laboratories. This is Shyrell. 71 00:03:15,269 --> 00:03:17,703 Hi. This is Nikki Gooze. You just called. 72 00:03:17,705 --> 00:03:19,238 Do you, um, have my DNA results? 73 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,273 Sweetheart, we just got your samples today. 74 00:03:21,275 --> 00:03:23,409 Results can take up to 12 weeks. 75 00:03:23,411 --> 00:03:26,478 I was calling you because you didn't fill in your address. 76 00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:28,180 Yeah, that's because I live with my fiancée, 77 00:03:28,182 --> 00:03:29,510 and he can't know I'm doing this. 78 00:03:29,516 --> 00:03:31,984 Okay, so, then, we should call you with your results. 79 00:03:32,220 --> 00:03:34,987 You need to quit it. 80 00:03:34,989 --> 00:03:36,188 Hold on a sec. 81 00:03:36,190 --> 00:03:37,623 Hello? 82 00:03:37,625 --> 00:03:38,891 Uh, is Tommy there? 83 00:03:38,893 --> 00:03:40,088 Can you call back in a few minutes? 84 00:03:40,094 --> 00:03:41,294 Okay, but I was... 85 00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:44,207 Okay, you can't call me. No. Yo... you ha... in fact, you need to 86 00:03:44,213 --> 00:03:46,832 take this number out of your system. Never call this number again. 87 00:03:46,834 --> 00:03:48,734 Okay, then, we will need an address. 88 00:03:48,736 --> 00:03:50,202 How about your work? 89 00:03:50,204 --> 00:03:53,239 Uh, work's no good. Let me think. 90 00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:57,943 I swear to God, I will come over there and punch your ass. 91 00:03:57,945 --> 00:03:59,378 That's right. Punch it. 92 00:03:59,380 --> 00:04:02,214 I'd kick it, but my arms are stronger than my legs. 93 00:04:02,216 --> 00:04:03,749 Oh, come on. You know I'm just playing. 94 00:04:03,751 --> 00:04:05,517 Hey. Put a stamp on this, would you? 95 00:04:05,519 --> 00:04:07,274 Vivian didn't have one, so I told her I'd 96 00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:08,988 mail it for a dollar. Doubled our money. 97 00:04:08,990 --> 00:04:10,573 Told you buying those forever stamps 98 00:04:10,579 --> 00:04:12,162 10 years ago was going to pay off. 99 00:04:14,359 --> 00:04:16,033 You know what? 100 00:04:16,039 --> 00:04:19,267 Send it to 638 Carp Lane. 101 00:04:21,802 --> 00:04:23,535 Hiiii. 102 00:04:23,537 --> 00:04:25,237 If you're tired of living in a tent, 103 00:04:25,239 --> 00:04:27,473 you can totally stay at my apartment. 104 00:04:27,475 --> 00:04:29,675 Ah, thanks, but the tent's not that bad. 105 00:04:29,677 --> 00:04:30,992 And somebody keeps dropping off food 106 00:04:30,998 --> 00:04:32,344 in the morning, so, I mean, it's... 107 00:04:32,346 --> 00:04:34,480 Well, I have those pillows that memorize your head 108 00:04:34,482 --> 00:04:36,982 and a vegetable crisper full of Red Bull. 109 00:04:40,174 --> 00:04:42,174 - I'm in. - Okay. 110 00:04:42,897 --> 00:04:44,685 It's for you. 111 00:04:45,077 --> 00:04:46,476 Hello? 112 00:04:46,482 --> 00:04:48,627 Yes, I was calling about the house for rent. 113 00:04:48,629 --> 00:04:50,996 I was wondering if it's available the week of, uh... 114 00:04:50,998 --> 00:04:53,432 I'm sorry. One second. I'm getting a bad connection. 115 00:04:53,434 --> 00:04:55,245 I've got an echo. I'm going to head outside. 116 00:04:55,251 --> 00:04:56,435 Okay. 117 00:04:56,441 --> 00:04:58,934 He's gonna head outside. He's getting a bad echo. 118 00:05:03,402 --> 00:05:04,902 As luck would have it, 119 00:05:04,908 --> 00:05:08,042 your house was available the week we needed it. 120 00:05:08,127 --> 00:05:11,395 I just had to figure out a way to pay for it, 121 00:05:11,413 --> 00:05:13,346 which meant pulling double shifts at work 122 00:05:13,352 --> 00:05:14,819 for the next two months. 123 00:05:14,825 --> 00:05:16,955 And the plan was going pretty smooth until one night, 124 00:05:16,957 --> 00:05:19,892 during the tail end of a double shift, I was really tired, 125 00:05:19,894 --> 00:05:21,927 and I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking... 126 00:05:23,243 --> 00:05:25,343 Whoa! 127 00:05:26,467 --> 00:05:29,068 ... which led to a bit of an accident. 128 00:05:33,054 --> 00:05:35,570 Turns out, my wife was wrong about your house. 129 00:05:35,576 --> 00:05:38,277 It didn't cost me an arm and a leg. 130 00:05:40,824 --> 00:05:42,290 Just a leg. 131 00:05:46,668 --> 00:05:49,491 You learn a lot of things when you lose a limb. 132 00:05:49,497 --> 00:05:51,197 For one, you learn you don't just 133 00:05:51,203 --> 00:05:53,052 buy a prosthetic leg off the rack. 134 00:05:53,058 --> 00:05:54,520 They have to fit you for it, and 135 00:05:54,526 --> 00:05:56,169 it takes a few months to get made. 136 00:06:02,877 --> 00:06:05,443 You also learn that children get pretty 137 00:06:05,449 --> 00:06:07,680 freaked out by a missing limb... 138 00:06:08,211 --> 00:06:11,751 no matter how hard your wife tries to make it fun for them. 139 00:06:11,757 --> 00:06:13,090 All right, kids. 140 00:06:13,096 --> 00:06:16,865 Who wants to meet Daddy's new friend, Mr. Whiskers? 141 00:06:19,327 --> 00:06:20,893 You go. 142 00:06:20,895 --> 00:06:22,095 Go. 143 00:06:31,409 --> 00:06:33,919 And while they prescribe anti-bacterial soap 144 00:06:33,925 --> 00:06:36,809 to help protect you from infection... 145 00:06:37,072 --> 00:06:38,497 You learn they don't prescribe 146 00:06:38,503 --> 00:06:40,207 anything to protect your feelings. 147 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:43,747 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 148 00:06:43,753 --> 00:06:46,173 It's the first time that I've seen it naked. 149 00:06:46,855 --> 00:06:48,287 It's not that bad. 150 00:06:53,203 --> 00:06:55,002 The next thing you learn is that you don't 151 00:06:55,008 --> 00:06:56,375 get to pick your home nurse. 152 00:06:56,381 --> 00:06:58,277 That's good. That's good. Okay. 153 00:06:58,283 --> 00:06:59,382 Oh! 154 00:06:59,384 --> 00:07:02,020 Relax. Relax. Let me steer. 155 00:07:02,980 --> 00:07:05,030 I am the captain now. 156 00:07:07,892 --> 00:07:09,859 That was from a movie with Tommy Hanks. 157 00:07:09,861 --> 00:07:11,627 "I am the captain now." 158 00:07:11,629 --> 00:07:12,928 You see, there was a gentleman 159 00:07:12,930 --> 00:07:14,864 who sounded like me who was a pirate, 160 00:07:14,866 --> 00:07:17,433 and when he took charge of Tommy Hanks' boat, 161 00:07:17,435 --> 00:07:18,868 he looked at him and he said... 162 00:07:18,870 --> 00:07:21,170 "I am the captain now." Yeah. I saw the movie. 163 00:07:21,172 --> 00:07:22,805 Yeah, we saw it. 164 00:07:22,807 --> 00:07:24,776 Then, you learn you can't even 165 00:07:24,782 --> 00:07:26,876 sleep in your own bed anymore. 166 00:07:26,878 --> 00:07:28,811 Oh, Mike! 167 00:07:28,813 --> 00:07:31,080 Oh, it touched me again. 168 00:07:31,082 --> 00:07:32,581 The stump... It poked through 169 00:07:32,583 --> 00:07:33,825 the pillow barrier, and it touched me. 170 00:07:33,831 --> 00:07:35,342 What the hell do you want me to do?! 171 00:07:35,348 --> 00:07:36,462 I thought you were gonna wear 172 00:07:36,468 --> 00:07:37,820 the kitty-cat cozy that I made for you. 173 00:07:37,822 --> 00:07:40,623 When I wear Mr. Whiskers, my stump gets hot, it sweats, 174 00:07:40,625 --> 00:07:42,625 and you complain it smells like old mayonnaise. 175 00:07:42,627 --> 00:07:45,261 Pick your poison, Lisa. Pick your poison! 176 00:07:46,697 --> 00:07:48,130 Mayonnaise. 177 00:07:50,067 --> 00:07:52,034 But the worst thing was the boredom. 178 00:07:52,036 --> 00:07:53,620 The days turned into weeks, 179 00:07:53,626 --> 00:07:55,438 the weeks turned into months, 180 00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:56,832 and before you know it, 181 00:07:56,838 --> 00:07:58,532 we lose all track of time. 182 00:08:00,003 --> 00:08:01,435 Lisa! 183 00:08:04,542 --> 00:08:06,976 Why are you yelling? 184 00:08:06,982 --> 00:08:08,748 Why aren't we at the beach? 185 00:08:08,754 --> 00:08:10,772 We were supposed to start using the house three days ago. 186 00:08:10,778 --> 00:08:13,155 I just figured with everything going on... 187 00:08:13,157 --> 00:08:15,258 Mike, I mean, you haven't left the house all summer. 188 00:08:15,264 --> 00:08:18,461 I lost 9 inches of my leg for a week in that house, Lisa! 189 00:08:18,463 --> 00:08:21,497 Every day we don't use it is 1.3 inches of flesh 190 00:08:21,499 --> 00:08:22,765 I lost for nothing. 191 00:08:22,767 --> 00:08:24,974 I lost an ankle for nothing! 192 00:08:25,903 --> 00:08:27,670 Kids, pack your shit! 193 00:08:27,672 --> 00:08:29,071 We're going to the beach! 194 00:08:30,174 --> 00:08:33,309 Good morning. Oh, wonderful. You're off the chair. 195 00:08:33,311 --> 00:08:35,845 I'll take this opportunity to Febreze the cushions. 196 00:08:35,847 --> 00:08:37,179 We're going to the beach! 197 00:08:37,181 --> 00:08:38,573 Splendid. The salt water is 198 00:08:38,579 --> 00:08:40,378 actually good for healing wounds. 199 00:08:40,384 --> 00:08:43,385 You hear that, Lisa? Maybe my leg will grow back! 200 00:08:43,387 --> 00:08:45,002 Perhaps it will! 201 00:08:46,290 --> 00:08:47,957 That will never happen. 202 00:08:47,959 --> 00:08:49,358 But they told us in nursing school 203 00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:51,550 that optimism has been clinically proven 204 00:08:51,556 --> 00:08:54,143 aster get a patient back on their feet... foot. 205 00:08:55,984 --> 00:08:57,483 Every second I wasn't 206 00:08:57,489 --> 00:08:59,189 in your rental house, I was losing money. 207 00:08:59,195 --> 00:09:01,884 So we packed up the wagon and hauled ass to the beach. 208 00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:20,091 Yes! 209 00:09:24,023 --> 00:09:25,297 Vivian? 210 00:09:26,340 --> 00:09:28,100 Vivian? 211 00:09:28,608 --> 00:09:29,907 Yeah? 212 00:09:29,913 --> 00:09:31,780 Look what I found in the bathroom. 213 00:09:32,547 --> 00:09:33,879 What is that?! 214 00:09:33,885 --> 00:09:36,419 It's a camera in a tissue box. 215 00:09:52,103 --> 00:09:54,466 Where did you get this tissue box? 216 00:09:55,045 --> 00:09:57,387 Um, I... I think that I got it 217 00:09:57,393 --> 00:10:00,042 at the drug store over on Maple. 218 00:10:00,044 --> 00:10:01,912 Some creep at the drug store 219 00:10:01,918 --> 00:10:03,984 must be putting cameras in tissue boxes 220 00:10:03,986 --> 00:10:06,387 so he can watch women shower from his computer. 221 00:10:06,389 --> 00:10:07,922 - What? - Yeah. 222 00:10:07,924 --> 00:10:09,757 We should go down to that drug store 223 00:10:09,759 --> 00:10:12,822 and buy all the tissue boxes so that no other women have to... 224 00:10:12,828 --> 00:10:14,228 Do I smell Hot Pockets? 225 00:10:14,234 --> 00:10:15,329 Oh. Yeah. 226 00:10:15,518 --> 00:10:17,451 Bacon and cheddar... Your favorite. 227 00:10:17,457 --> 00:10:19,858 I'm cooking them in the oven because you said the microwave 228 00:10:19,864 --> 00:10:21,563 doesn't crust them up like you like. 229 00:10:21,569 --> 00:10:22,835 And... and if that doesn't work, 230 00:10:22,837 --> 00:10:24,737 I can start experimenting with basting. 231 00:10:24,739 --> 00:10:28,141 - Wow. Vivian, you're the best. - Oh. 232 00:10:28,143 --> 00:10:29,335 I don't know how I'm ever gonna 233 00:10:29,341 --> 00:10:30,762 repay you for letting me stay here. 234 00:10:30,768 --> 00:10:34,654 Well, I'm sure we'll think of something. 235 00:10:34,660 --> 00:10:36,871 In the meantime, why don't you give me this camera, 236 00:10:36,877 --> 00:10:39,752 and I'm gonna make a formal complaint. 237 00:10:39,754 --> 00:10:41,854 You know what? I've got a better idea. 238 00:10:41,856 --> 00:10:43,356 I'm going to put this back in the bathroom, 239 00:10:43,358 --> 00:10:46,359 stand right in front of it, and jerk off. Yeah. 240 00:10:46,361 --> 00:10:47,860 Let's give that drug-store creep 241 00:10:47,862 --> 00:10:49,796 a whole lot more than he bargained for. 242 00:10:58,473 --> 00:11:00,306 Oh, yeah. 243 00:11:04,312 --> 00:11:06,946 Hey. Hey! There's lotion under the sink! 244 00:11:11,453 --> 00:11:13,579 Anyway, my point in writing all of this is that 245 00:11:13,585 --> 00:11:15,528 you should think about lowering your rental 246 00:11:15,534 --> 00:11:17,435 price, so an average family of four can go 247 00:11:17,441 --> 00:11:19,292 on a nice vacation without losing a limb. 248 00:11:19,294 --> 00:11:21,678 That's right. I blame you. 249 00:11:21,837 --> 00:11:23,003 Mike. 250 00:11:29,037 --> 00:11:31,337 That's not funny! 251 00:11:31,339 --> 00:11:34,307 Oh, come on. They're just having fun. 252 00:11:34,309 --> 00:11:36,342 Look at the little seashells they used as toenails. 253 00:11:36,344 --> 00:11:37,877 Tell me that doesn't make you smile. 254 00:11:39,481 --> 00:11:40,780 You think this is funny?! 255 00:11:40,782 --> 00:11:42,048 I'm crippled! 256 00:11:42,050 --> 00:11:43,416 Why don't you go tell your parents 257 00:11:43,418 --> 00:11:44,784 you made fun of a cripple, you little pricks?! 258 00:11:44,786 --> 00:11:46,486 Go on! Get! 259 00:11:50,859 --> 00:11:55,346 Hot. Hot. Hot. Hot. Hot. Hot. Hot. Hot! Hot! Hot! 260 00:11:55,352 --> 00:11:57,396 Maybe the kids can all sleep over at my place tonight. 261 00:11:57,398 --> 00:12:01,082 Mike seems like he could use a break... or a blowjob. 262 00:12:01,603 --> 00:12:03,035 Thanks. 263 00:12:07,375 --> 00:12:08,808 Mike? 264 00:12:14,015 --> 00:12:15,882 Mike?! Where are you going?! 265 00:12:15,884 --> 00:12:17,650 I'm going home. The sand is too hot. 266 00:12:17,652 --> 00:12:21,220 People keep staring at me. This was a stupid idea. 267 00:12:21,222 --> 00:12:23,089 Wait, you're just gonna leave us here? 268 00:12:23,091 --> 00:12:25,258 You're acting insane! 269 00:12:25,260 --> 00:12:28,528 Insane?! I'm acting like a guy who lost his leg, Lisa! 270 00:12:28,530 --> 00:12:31,247 Trust me. You have no idea 271 00:12:31,253 --> 00:12:34,805 what it's like to be in my shoe! 272 00:12:37,171 --> 00:12:38,779 The second we get back to the house, 273 00:12:38,785 --> 00:12:40,373 I'm checking these things for cameras. 274 00:12:40,375 --> 00:12:41,841 Good idea. 275 00:12:41,843 --> 00:12:43,376 You know, we should probably 276 00:12:43,378 --> 00:12:45,344 also check each other for cameras. 277 00:12:45,346 --> 00:12:47,613 You know, kind of like how, after you go hiking, 278 00:12:47,615 --> 00:12:49,048 you check for ticks. 279 00:12:51,411 --> 00:12:52,556 Eddie?! 280 00:12:53,207 --> 00:12:54,350 I got to go. 281 00:12:55,356 --> 00:12:57,590 Buddy. Where have you been? 282 00:12:57,592 --> 00:13:00,192 If you've been hiding, you don't have to. 283 00:13:00,194 --> 00:13:03,362 I'm not pissed that you burned down my van/home. 284 00:13:03,364 --> 00:13:04,964 I know it was an accident. 285 00:13:04,966 --> 00:13:07,099 I'm not gonna kick your ass. 286 00:13:07,101 --> 00:13:09,135 Okay, uh, first of all, I'm pretty sure 287 00:13:09,137 --> 00:13:10,536 I could beat the shit out of you, 288 00:13:10,538 --> 00:13:12,438 but let's put a pin in that for the moment. 289 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:15,074 I was hoping the next time I saw you, I would be finished. 290 00:13:15,076 --> 00:13:16,509 Finished with what? 291 00:13:19,914 --> 00:13:22,682 I got it from a yard sale of sorts. 292 00:13:22,684 --> 00:13:24,684 Basically, I saw it sitting in someone's yard 293 00:13:24,686 --> 00:13:26,319 and I asked if it was for sale. 294 00:13:30,358 --> 00:13:33,359 I tried to replace all the stuff that was inside. 295 00:13:33,361 --> 00:13:35,561 Here's a new action figure. 296 00:13:35,563 --> 00:13:36,996 Handsome Man. 297 00:13:36,998 --> 00:13:38,497 I made his gi flame-retardant, 298 00:13:38,499 --> 00:13:41,925 so, God forbid, he doesn't die the same way twice. 299 00:13:43,204 --> 00:13:45,171 I don't know what to say. 300 00:13:45,173 --> 00:13:47,406 I can't believe you did this. 301 00:13:47,408 --> 00:13:48,808 Well, I had to, man. 302 00:13:48,810 --> 00:13:50,543 My substandard joint extinguishment 303 00:13:50,545 --> 00:13:52,178 destroyed your van/home. 304 00:13:52,180 --> 00:13:53,980 I would never blame you for that! 305 00:13:53,982 --> 00:13:56,952 Well, I know. That's why I had to do it. 306 00:14:01,856 --> 00:14:03,789 Were you the one who was leaving the food 307 00:14:03,791 --> 00:14:05,992 outside my tent on the beach? 308 00:14:05,994 --> 00:14:08,661 I didn't want you to be hungry. 309 00:14:08,663 --> 00:14:10,196 Thanks. 310 00:14:10,198 --> 00:14:11,754 But for the record, 311 00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:15,199 I like my peanut butter smooth, not crunchy. 312 00:14:15,436 --> 00:14:17,703 I wish I would have known that! 313 00:14:35,089 --> 00:14:36,609 God damn it! 314 00:14:36,615 --> 00:14:39,458 I left my credit card at the beach. 315 00:14:39,460 --> 00:14:40,893 Let's go. 316 00:14:46,434 --> 00:14:49,446 Keep it running? Yeah. 317 00:14:58,391 --> 00:15:00,825 Lisa! 318 00:15:00,982 --> 00:15:03,916 Shit. Mike! This is nothing! 319 00:15:03,918 --> 00:15:07,453 I had too many beers, and he let me cry on his shoulder. 320 00:15:07,455 --> 00:15:10,122 And then, we just... We smoked a little hash, 321 00:15:10,124 --> 00:15:13,092 and we watched a little porn on his phone, 322 00:15:13,094 --> 00:15:15,294 and then, this just happened! 323 00:15:17,165 --> 00:15:19,500 Mike! Mike! 324 00:15:19,506 --> 00:15:21,167 Mike, wait! 325 00:15:21,169 --> 00:15:23,729 Oh, my God. What did I do? 326 00:15:23,735 --> 00:15:25,304 What did I do? 327 00:15:25,306 --> 00:15:28,441 This is not your fault. I am to blame. 328 00:15:28,443 --> 00:15:31,243 Sometimes, I can't control my desire to comfort. 329 00:15:31,245 --> 00:15:32,978 No, you need to leave. 330 00:15:32,980 --> 00:15:34,346 Are you sure? 331 00:15:34,348 --> 00:15:36,115 Because I believe the orgasm count 332 00:15:36,117 --> 00:15:38,340 is Lisa: 1, Kwame: 0. 333 00:15:38,346 --> 00:15:40,318 Don't we think should even things out... 334 00:15:40,324 --> 00:15:41,371 No. 335 00:15:41,377 --> 00:15:43,177 - Huh? - No. 336 00:16:55,522 --> 00:16:58,456 Perspective is an interesting thing. 337 00:16:58,458 --> 00:17:00,134 And sometimes, to truly understand 338 00:17:00,140 --> 00:17:02,535 why someone does the things they do, 339 00:17:02,541 --> 00:17:04,564 you need to imagine what would have happened 340 00:17:04,570 --> 00:17:06,885 if the shoe wasn't on the other foot. 341 00:17:16,364 --> 00:17:18,998 Instead of being wrapped up in your own problems, 342 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:20,733 you need to consider what other people 343 00:17:20,735 --> 00:17:22,067 might be going through... 344 00:17:25,773 --> 00:17:27,606 ...the things they're having to deal with... 345 00:17:27,608 --> 00:17:29,675 Sorry. 346 00:17:29,677 --> 00:17:32,177 ... and how you might not be the only person 347 00:17:32,179 --> 00:17:34,842 trying to cope with a shitty situation. 348 00:17:38,419 --> 00:17:41,053 Ooh! Lisa! No, your stump touched me again! 349 00:17:41,055 --> 00:17:42,955 You're gonna have to pick your poison, Mike! 350 00:17:42,957 --> 00:17:44,723 Pants? 351 00:17:44,725 --> 00:17:47,693 I lost 9 inches of my leg for that beach house, Mike. 352 00:17:49,997 --> 00:17:52,064 Pack your shit! We're going to the beach! 353 00:17:55,336 --> 00:17:57,002 Hey, that's not funny. 354 00:17:57,004 --> 00:17:59,471 I'm acting like a woman who lost her leg, Mike! 355 00:18:00,642 --> 00:18:03,108 You have no idea what it's like to be in my shoe! 356 00:18:04,745 --> 00:18:07,980 And when we're hurting, stressed, and vulnerable, 357 00:18:07,982 --> 00:18:10,215 we're all capable of making decisions 358 00:18:10,217 --> 00:18:11,656 that we might later regret. 359 00:18:13,354 --> 00:18:14,687 Mike? 360 00:18:14,689 --> 00:18:15,955 Oh, shit. No, no, no, no. 361 00:18:15,957 --> 00:18:17,790 This isn't what it looks like. 362 00:18:22,964 --> 00:18:24,797 So, I'm sure you have a good reason 363 00:18:24,799 --> 00:18:26,332 why you charge the rent you charge 364 00:18:26,334 --> 00:18:27,680 for your beach house. 365 00:18:27,686 --> 00:18:29,453 And if I was in your situation, 366 00:18:29,459 --> 00:18:30,992 I might do the same. 367 00:18:31,238 --> 00:18:33,581 I apologize for what I wrote earlier... 368 00:18:33,798 --> 00:18:35,836 Your pal, Mike. 369 00:18:37,178 --> 00:18:38,544 Mike. 370 00:18:38,546 --> 00:18:40,446 Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. 371 00:18:40,448 --> 00:18:42,114 I understand. 372 00:18:42,116 --> 00:18:43,983 - You do? - Yes. 373 00:18:46,587 --> 00:18:49,621 I've been so focused on what I was going through, 374 00:18:49,623 --> 00:18:52,558 I didn't realize what you were going through. 375 00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:55,150 I know this hasn't been easy on you, either. 376 00:18:56,639 --> 00:18:58,190 I forgive you. 377 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:02,126 Oh. I... I should brush my teeth first. 378 00:19:02,771 --> 00:19:04,437 I think I blew Kwame. 379 00:19:04,638 --> 00:19:05,871 I appreciate that. 380 00:19:08,342 --> 00:19:10,109 ♪ Walk a mile in my shoe ♪ 381 00:19:10,111 --> 00:19:12,378 Hey! 382 00:19:12,380 --> 00:19:16,782 ♪ Walk a mile in my sho-o-oe ♪ 383 00:19:16,784 --> 00:19:20,652 ♪ Before you abuse, criticize, and accuse ♪ 384 00:19:20,654 --> 00:19:24,433 ♪ Walk a mile in my shoe ♪ 385 00:19:25,793 --> 00:19:29,528 ♪ Now, your whole world you see around you ♪ 386 00:19:29,530 --> 00:19:32,743 ♪ Is just a reflection ♪ 387 00:19:34,135 --> 00:19:35,968 ♪ And the law of karma ♪ 388 00:19:35,970 --> 00:19:40,648 ♪ Says you're gonna reap just what you sow ♪ 389 00:19:42,267 --> 00:19:45,811 - ♪ So, unless you've lived a life ♪ - Hey! 390 00:19:45,813 --> 00:19:48,881 ♪ Of total perfection ♪ 391 00:19:48,883 --> 00:19:50,783 She's stealing my mail! 392 00:19:50,785 --> 00:19:52,851 ♪ You'd better be careful ♪ 393 00:19:52,853 --> 00:19:57,101 ♪ Of every stone that you should throw ♪ 394 00:19:59,026 --> 00:20:00,993 ♪ And yet we spend the day ♪ 395 00:20:00,995 --> 00:20:05,174 ♪ Throwing stones at one another ♪ 396 00:20:07,234 --> 00:20:10,042 ♪ 'Cause I don't think or wear ♪ 397 00:20:10,048 --> 00:20:14,344 ♪ my hair the same way you do ♪ 398 00:20:15,709 --> 00:20:19,578 ♪ Yeah, well, I may be common people ♪ 399 00:20:19,580 --> 00:20:21,914 ♪ But I'm still your sister ♪ 400 00:20:24,018 --> 00:20:28,087 ♪ When you strike out and try to hurt me ♪ 401 00:20:28,089 --> 00:20:31,523 ♪ It's hurting you ♪ 402 00:20:31,525 --> 00:20:35,694 ♪ Walk a mile in my shoes ♪ 403 00:20:35,696 --> 00:20:40,199 ♪ Walk a mile in my shoes ♪ 404 00:20:40,201 --> 00:20:44,269 ♪ Before you abuse, criticize, and accuse ♪ 405 00:20:44,271 --> 00:20:48,006 ♪ Walk a mile in my shoes ♪ 406 00:20:48,008 --> 00:20:49,708 Woman: Hey, Clem. It's me. 407 00:20:49,710 --> 00:20:51,310 We're renting a beach house this weekend, 408 00:20:51,312 --> 00:20:52,945 and we'd love to see you. 409 00:20:52,947 --> 00:20:55,481 Maybe you can bring that girl we've heard about. 410 00:20:55,487 --> 00:21:00,513 _ 411 00:21:01,931 --> 00:21:06,502 - Synced and corrected by medvidecek007 - - www.addic7ed.com - 29992

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